@@MegaRockstar48 same, mine would go from shaking crying victim to raging bully in about 0.2 seconds! Sad really, but they're so toxic, literally creating toxins in your body 😪
@@lrose7833whaaat? Not my ex.. I exposed him badly.. he tried in the first year of our separation and it’s been 15 years.. he’ll never ever come back 😂
Cognitive dissonance was his m.o. until I called him out and was then discarded. I now struggle between thinking “Good riddance!” and the thought that he may show up some day and be the man I hoped he would be. Still working to get “unstuck”. Thanks, Ben.
Honestly even if he does sometimes they just changed a little out just lie about it. Mine came back after having changed and apologized just like I hoped but it turned out he was still controlling and abusive afterwards. And it made me self doubt again. So I know that every person and every story is different but even he or she comes back as a different person be careful. But you do whatever you want
Every time you think about him, think about all the hurt and pain you went through. Do you want to repeat this? Move on and hopefully you'll find someone better now that you know about Narcs
My main problem is my Cognitive Dissonance. My mind is fighting a battle between what I want to do against what I SHOULD do. I want him, but I know its better for me to not have him. 🍒
What I’ve learned to do is to say everyday to myself that I deserve more than that. I’m better than that. You literally have to put away your pride, make an ick list, take what self respect that you have left and boss up. Remember that you lived just fine before them and you’ll be so much better without them. Stop wasting you life for someone who can look you in the eyes and lie to you. Stop staying because you’re afraid to loose them. You’re not! They are loosing you. What they do and how they treat you is not love period. It hurts, it sucks, but it’s worth fighting for your life back.
That’s crazy!! I have said many times when I was with that Malignant that I felt paralyzed. I always felt like I was just frozen. Totally paralyzed and unable to make a decision or know how to get out. I was stuck for a long time. But when you finally see these Demons for what they truly are… that’s when you take your power back. That clown will NEVER have access to me again. NO CONTACT FOREVER.
@@yellowdayz1800 there is always the chance of him coming back. This is why the healing and growth are the most important. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough
It’s crazy because why do you want someone who doesn’t love you. It’s sad because you really don’t love or care enough for yourself to leave. It’s a lot. But once you get out of the entrapment you’re forever transformed.
I’ve read so many articles where people say they are not addicted to us as well, but I am 100% on board with you. I believe they have a addiction to us as well.
There are some who are just your run of the mill joeblogs,playing the field. Don't give a damn...in contrast to that, some get a fix on you almost like obsession...both in the relationship play a part. My advice don't waste another day.
I got told about women he found attractive the whole time. Basically need to make us jealous because deep down they know we have the power to crush. Authentic people possess that super power. I see it as a compliment now. The heavier the abuse the more of a threat i obviously was
The breakthrough for me was when I realize I was being a hypocrite to myself. I was self sabotaging and gaslighting myself into thinking that they will change. They would come back to me with a smile and act like they did nothing wrong to me. I became their flying monkey and invalidated my entire experience with them. No More. I really couldn’t care less when it was over for them because it was over for me. Once you stop wondering what they’ll do and start paying attention to what you do, you experience a sense of freedom and joy that is addictive. This is how I was able to cut my mother and siblings off. It feels liberating🎉!!
Doing that he is awful husband and father. Outside the home best thing since slice pan. 2 different people. Ignore and ignore him. 3 months now and still no change.
Yes, you need to make a move. Walking away is your bet. Block him or her on all platforms and be serious about it. Eventually you will get the narcissistic out of your mind. After 10 months of his lying, that was enough for me.
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The hardest part for a Narc survivor is that we are trying to frame what happened from our worldview and how our minds work. The problem is that the Narc is psychopathic and does not think the way a regular person thinks. It's so hard to understand intellectually how someone can be this way, think this way and have zero empathy for another human being. You will never understand, and you will never get closure on it. You have to create your own closure and understand that these people just do not think like normal people. Also, I always hate when they use only "he" when talking about the narc-I know a lot of men who have been abused by Narcs also, me being one of them.
The use of ‘he’ is so damaging. Narcissism has nothing to do with gender, and there is way too much content out there referring to men as the narcissist. Much of it written by women. At least there is an exception in this case.
I’ve just come out of two years with a female narcissist. Was the most brain frazzling time in my life. I have to come to terms with the reality that the relationship was not real. It seemed real to me like walking through a film set, but you quickly realise it’s just a facade
It’s rooted in childhood. You attempt to attain the approval and love that you couldn’t receive from a parent, a caregiver or a sibling. You will seek out “familiar” dynamics and attempt to heal that very deep and painful wound rooted during your developmental years. I’ve come to realize every guy that I’ve gotten stuck on was just a representation of my sister. The only way to heal is to understand and accept what occurred. To come to the acceptance that it’s not about that romantic partner. It’s about someone who was a narcissist during your childhood and you’re doing nothing but a reenactment to try and receive that love from the romantic partner narcissist that you couldn’t get from a family member. You’re trying to heal that pain. It won’t work. You will be stuck in futile, painful dynamics-much like a hamster on a hamster wheel. Break the chains. ♥️⛓♥️
This video is the best! I thought I was healing and very close to healed saw my ex narc and it’s been a long while we have a child together it’s been close to a year and I do regret going off on him , that shows me that I am not but after hearing this I feel much stronger in my decision to not allow him to trigger me because I know my worth . I wanted HIM to understand my worth and he will never, after watching this I’m more at peace 🕊️ I’m a believer as well
I'm experiencing the withdraw. And yes, I don't want this again. It was horrible every day. I don't forget how bad it was. I know this is a chemical issue. I am also on guard about the hoover because I want to be ready if I bump in to him. I have seen him driving by when I was out just two days ago. We live in a big town. I think he is lingering nearby just to look for me.
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I can relate to many things in this video, unfortunately in my case, the narcissist is my adult son. Not at all easy to let go of, really heart breaking.
@@RawMotivations It is a tough situation, hopefully videos such as yours will help others with NPD to become aware,. I would certainly wish such awareness for my son, but it's up to him.
My soon to be ex wife cheated on me with many people, got pregnant by a drug dealer, and is talking about me like she was my maid, servant, and prisoner. I did EVERYTHING for her. She didn’t work a day with me for over 8 years. She was always on the phone with her mom receiving instructions. We have a son together and everything. Now she is knocked up by a stranger she’s known for 6 months and is triangulating. I filed for divorce but I am distraught. She did this after my dad passed away. I cannot believe a human could be that reprehensible. She keeps saying how horrible and abusive I was. I did NONE of that. Was always telling her how much I loved her. To say I am traumatized is an understatement.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve been through similar experiences. Just take it day by day, make your kid the top priority always, and never, ever get caught up with another narc. You’re going through warrior training right now- you got this.
Cognitive dissonance is when they give you just enough reward to keep you trying and just enough abuse to keep you walking on eggshells . It confuses the brain and inactivates you. It is hell! It feels like being in a foggy daze. My Narc was the one who decided he wanted a divorce , but never would file. I finally had to just decide that my mental health was more important than the trauma bond and walk away and decide that no matter what I will never go back. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm still on my own and working on healing.
People sometimes tamper with the evidence that they are seeing. They charge it into what they want to see in that person. You stay in abusive relationship longer than you should.
I get it now. Your words clicked with me about cognizant dissonance. With my terrible relationship experience, it started out by being love bombed. He went out of his way to convince me he loved me and was going to marry me. Then the terrible treatment happened toward me. He was very suffocating and was attempting to remove my independence. He wanted me to depend on him and give up my own power and money. He then started cheating on me. In short, you can either believe the nice things he tells you that will happen together, Or you can believe the truth from your heart which is the reality of it all, that you are unhappy in the relationship and deserve to be treated better. This is when you need to take your own power back, love yourself, and believe the truth of how they make you feel, instead of believing and hoping it will get better when it definitely won’t.
I’m about to go 6 months no contact with my husband. He completely left us and left the country, quit his job, became unemployed and continues to blame me and insult me to others. I dealt with a lot of guilt before researching, guilt that I’ve been carrying our whole relationship. I’m doubting everything about myself, how could he stop talking to his own children? How could he harm not only us but himself like this? Is he really a narcissist? He refuses to do any work and the second I put up boundaries he left! I never expected this.
It takes strength and wisdom to fight and leave the narc. A lot of mind- think and stabs of reality. In the end, i think it's a case of personal crusade that lasts until the enemy is totally crushed which may last an entire lifetime. No surrender, no lost hope, no wavering in battles. Forward to victory.
You are describing what i am going through at the moment. I feel ashamed. Because i miss the person i fell in love with, whom i know now does not really exist. Sixteen years and he is divorcing me. I should be happy that we are not together but it is easier said than done. He accused me of ruining his life !!!karma will visit him i am sure. Its always some one elses fault not his. A friend told me recently "as long as i have known him he has always played the victim". I will heal. My husband is divorcing me. He has to be in control but when things go wrong he never accepts responsibility.
I just received a Hoover after two years I’ve recovered from the abuse so i am in concrete about not wanting to return It’s true the only person that can truly end it is you
Guess what. It’s not about them and what they’re doing or not doing. It’s about you. Are you anxious all the time? Choose you. Get out and get peace back into your life.
omg. You are so spot on can’t believe the traits are in all narcissist and how can that be a lot of the things you’re speaking about are exactly what most narcissist do.
I was "stuck in the middle" for 3yrs and just made my choice 3wks ago and on the day she was due back from visiting family in Phoenix I was gone, no contact! I do not know if she is dead or alive but after 3yrs of not knowing wether or not I was dead or alive and then finding out after making my decision that I am very much alive I really have no intention of allowing myself to be disrespected by "Princeless" Diana
Well, happened to me. And happened so hard, that even after 2,5 years after breakup, knowing what she did and what she was conciously doing, still I'm wondering how she is, how it could be, although I'M 100% CERTAIN THAT WHAT HAPPENDED WAS GOOD FOR ME. I'm way, way better without her. And yet, way more often than not, I'm wondering about her. Wish it could already pass.
2years after she threw my bags and kicked me out (I became depressed) I’ve Spent the last two years like a yo-yo being invited on walks, cooking for me, then telling me I’m a narc etc etc. I finally realise I need to collect my things for good, and after several attempts finally managed to get 1 van load. we arrange to get the rest after new year, and on 2nd Jan she calls to ask when is a good time to speak but asks to meet, only to then tell me she’s met someone else, and continues to annihilate my character. She called later to say sorry and didn’t want me to think she was being cruel or nasty. After 14 years it’s hard to stop loving her. But she outright refuses to acknowledge any part in our issues and blames me entirely, and started accusing me of being autistic, and a narc about 2 years ago. I too wish I could be stronger, and for it to pass. Good luck
Yea actions speak louder than words. Took me a long time to realize the reality of all the lying, cheating, and emotional abuse was who he was. When he started his affair with the married Woman down the street and was discarding me. I finally said I was done and left. Filed for divorce and I realize now that his rejection was Gods protection. He is not who I thought he was. He is a total fake. I’m free!!!🥳🎈❤️🙏✝️Hooray.
Well, my narcissistic mother is dead. Still, as narcissistic parents are well known to leave a lot of trouble in their wake and she certainly did, there was no funeral and she didn’t get buried, nor embalmed, like she wanted. Instead, she was embalmed and cremated. Might want to have her re-cremated, just to make certain she doesn’t return.
Thank you! I needed to hear this. At times, I feel I'm weak because I want to see the good. However, that's a blessing because I'm a positive person. I have learned to follow actions! You'll know them by what they do!
I’ve been stuck for 3 months now , but as of the last 4 days I’ve been no contact. I’m not going to lie , my feelings of loving this woman makes it really hard , but this time I’m choosing self love before anything else. I know I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I should had been done a long time ago. So now whenever I start missing her or feeling lonely , I jump in here and watch these videos , and educate myself a lot more of those evil disorder.
why do they say the most messed up things to hurt u.. then come bk he told me im ugly with no makeup n im nasty n he dont love me im a nag n im a pos n he never loved me n he hates me
I understand. He would say and do the most horrible things to me trying to get revenge (things that effected our children) when we separated and turn around just a few hours later and call to chit chat and tell me about random things that happened to him as if he didn’t JUST do me dirty. Very bizarre.
Because he was trying to hurt you. He actually meant the opposite. You’re probably stunning with no make up and he gets jealous and insecure so has to lie and put u down. Their words are not facts. If you were ugly with no make up he wouldn’t even have gone out with you. They can’t see unattractive people as they have no use for them. The more the insults, the more of a threat we were. So turn it into a compliment. And let’s move on from them. They will only suck our time and life
So sorry. Yes. My ex told me I was ugly without makeup. Mind you, he is not a good looking guy. I think they like masks because they always have to wear one.
I would have to say I finally ended things and I feel like for the first time I'm never going to hear from him again. It took eight years but honestly what helped was the past year I really strived to improve my life. I worked on myself without him knowing. But I definitely struggled iwth cognitive dissonance. I even told him I stopped relying on his words and relied on his actions.
I was married for 27 years 3 kids money all hidden in a family trust so when we went to lawyers I owed him he was very gracious in not taking alimony lol. He recently told me I was reason he wasn’t successful
Cognitive dissonance causes difficulty…I didn’t want to deal with the past person but because it involved children it caused me to try coparenting which would cause and contribute to trauma in everything we experience when he was aware I didn’t want to deal with him…I feel guilty for it…To top it off, I talked to my family about everything I experienced and it as if they encouraged the experience so I shutdown and seemed stuck…Im mad with myself…Im still struggling with why my circumstances seemed so complicated when it was coparenting…As I recollect and I realize, it’s as if I was there and I wasn’t there…Down and in a daze those days…I guess I was in survival mode, struggling and suffering through the days and didn’t know I was as down as I was…Its hard and it hurts, it’s changed us completely…I wanted us happy and healthy and trying to tolerate the narcissist definitely did the opposite of that…I’m empty inside, emotionally exhausted, not myself…Narcissism is way worse if involving children, their way to control and continue contacting you…A entitled and selfish individual acting intentionally and manipulating to deliberately damage you and your mind…I wish I would’ve seen these type of videos on TH-cam 2-3 years ago
Oh yes I can recall all the opposing views and opposing actions. I would look at him and see how badly he was doing this. How much he was suffering from this crazy life.
I have a bachelors degree but preload at UPS just so I can have PPO insurance and pee existing so I can see therapists and also have EMDR. You need to understand in order to get better. A pay cut it’s a big deal, I have a bachelors degree but I’d my mind isn’t back to the old me as much as I can go back to that then I won’t be what I’m attended to be. I was suppose to wake up 6 months later retarded from a coma. I woke up 11 days later and I’m not retarded, but in general come into the facts. You may never be the old you. Who says that’s bad? Maybe god had better things and a plan. I think he did for me.❤️🙏🏻❤️
Can someone please explain to me why my toxic ex refuses to visit with his children, refuses to pay any child support, or wish his children happy birthday but then wishes me happy birthday on the day... with months of ignoring his babies, I just don't get it.
My experience is they pretend, do things to make you feel better and what they think you want, but in reality they don’t really like children nor want to care for them. I was surprised when I asked my ex who seemed to like children and he told me he doesn’t want any but would give them to me so I have something to do with myself when he goes out.
It's to get a reaction from you so that they can get supply from your reaction. Ignore and ignore him. Whatever he does DO NOT REACT I REPEAT DO NOT REACT . THE WILL KILL THEM FOR SURE . THEY HATE IT WHEN YOU IGNORE THEM.
Holy fuck so true sometimes i am stuck mentally not getting my things done and not knowing why because of the mental fog or feeling stuck sometimes even in bed wtf?
I know he isn’t coming back for at least a year.. protective order in place. I’m using the time to heal and break the bad habits of hope and forgiveness to him.
I know who they are and I know that I don’t want them back but why do I still want to know what is happening in their life? I don’t speak or see him. We exchange straight forward emails about our children.
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I had told the narc I wasn't in love with him many years ago. An wanted it to end 2006 to be exact refused to allow me to leave always drama an I had finally Said no more an thought I need to put thibgs into action to show him I'm serious I have no regrets. At all
we used to break up all the time and get back together then the last time i told her friends now they don't want to know her at all. Now she truly hates me and wants nothing to do with me/ She says I betrayed her trust
I have learned that underlying cognitive dissonance is addiction to the fantasy you can't come to terms with being non-reality. That's why you MUST do everything to bring yourself to the point of greater RADICAL ACCEPTANCE and, finally confront fighting the last battle - the battle which is in the mind, because (ultimately) the addiction takes refuge in the mind i.e., once FULL/TOTAL NO CONTACT has been established through other battles you have got past. For example, one battle is: have you changed your phone number and deleted the narcissist's number? Why not? Are you making excuses as to why you haven't done this yet? Yes, this is psychologically difficult for any target to do of course, but (REALITY CHECK) you are not ready to do battle with yourself being the priority until you shut down every arena of interaction with the narcissist. You MUST decide to WAR with this and actually 'do battle', until then you will not be effective. You will remain 'stuck' or trapped.
I have him blocked he hasnt returned in a few weeks...you never know if its truly done and so yeah my brain keeps hoping but I shut it down like its not real lady...stop it.
I actually BOUGHT his verbal abuse. If I just made more money, he'd love me. I thought the verbal abuse would stop. Nope. I never made enough money for him. I left. No contact.
I don't believe either words nor actions I stopped paying attention an mentally ignoring now if I want to listen to a song I do I don't worry if he slipped something into it to confuse Me for over 20 years was always judged an given third degree for I liked a song who you thinking of why no way to live
Hey Ben, you kinda made cognitive dissonance sound like it was just that you couldnt make a decision between two options. When really it is an uncomfortable feeling that you cant shake because the evidence does not reflect your beliefs. I believe its your bodys warning system. You believe he loves you but his actions are showing he doesnt. Your mind and body will make this uncomfortable until your beliefs match up with the evidence . So you can change your definition of love or admit he doesnt love you.
I want to know how I can protect his next victims. Its not an official crime to hurt people emotionally I guess. But I really want this guy to be unmasked. Because hurting ppl like he is doing should be illegal. :/
@@RawMotivations That's good. Don't turn it on, when you feel the burning desire to. There's a judgement that comes at the end of each person's life. Whether a person believes that or not, that's what it is. Only receiving Jesus as one's Lord and Savior, saves people (including me) from the penalty of their sins. Again, This is true whether you believe it or not.
Ex Gerald went so far had another guy cone in an repeat everything I can not stand in tge bedroom to hace him do it to abuse an hurt me emotionally to keep my head stuck in past instead of allowing me to move on an tried to. Make me think it was my oroblen with another man I knew better immediately
I'm not fearful of saying no any longer I've been abused for so long with devaluing an love bombing I feel as if I live my life on alter always.i can't tell u last tine I could truelly relax an know ex Gerald wasn't lerking or videos with sex to feel safe
You're basically dealing with a two headed person who operates out of a shadow self because they know if you knew the real self you'd leave.
Right!
Yes!
True!👍and I also tell people this it’s why they’re called mask wearers
Mine would change like the flick of a switch.
@@MegaRockstar48 same, mine would go from shaking crying victim to raging bully in about 0.2 seconds! Sad really, but they're so toxic, literally creating toxins in your body 😪
when you unmask them and shame them they'll never come back.
That's why it's been 2 months already since I broke up with him, and he has not try to contact me yet at all.. because I know the true him.
I really hope so.
Mines stalking me
Not true unfortunately. They eventually come back, even after years of no contact
@@lrose7833whaaat? Not my ex.. I exposed him badly.. he tried in the first year of our separation and it’s been 15 years.. he’ll never ever come back 😂
Cognitive dissonance was his m.o. until I called him out and was then discarded. I now struggle between thinking “Good riddance!” and the thought that he may show up some day and be the man I hoped he would be. Still working to get “unstuck”. Thanks, Ben.
Honestly even if he does sometimes they just changed a little out just lie about it. Mine came back after having changed and apologized just like I hoped but it turned out he was still controlling and abusive afterwards. And it made me self doubt again. So I know that every person and every story is different but even he or she comes back as a different person be careful. But you do whatever you want
@@kosuzumotoori I doubt he will change; most of them don’t, or as you said, they only change a little. Sorry you had to deal with that.
You can do it!
Every time you think about him, think about all the hurt and pain you went through.
Do you want to repeat this?
Move on and hopefully you'll find someone better now that you know about Narcs
Fastest way we offer you to get unstuck is the 45 day clarity challenge to rediscover you and break the trauma bond. claritychallenge.net
My main problem is my Cognitive Dissonance. My mind is fighting a battle between what I want to do against what I SHOULD do. I want him, but I know its better for me to not have him. 🍒
I'm with you
Same thing with me, but getting better
You are a warrior and a survivor.
What I’ve learned to do is to say everyday to myself that I deserve more than that. I’m better than that. You literally have to put away your pride, make an ick list, take what self respect that you have left and boss up. Remember that you lived just fine before them and you’ll be so much better without them. Stop wasting you life for someone who can look you in the eyes and lie to you. Stop staying because you’re afraid to loose them. You’re not! They are loosing you. What they do and how they treat you is not love period. It hurts, it sucks, but it’s worth fighting for your life back.
NO CONTACT and stay there. Trust me.
That’s crazy!! I have said many times when I was with that Malignant that I felt paralyzed. I always felt like I was just frozen. Totally paralyzed and unable to make a decision or know how to get out. I was stuck for a long time. But when you finally see these Demons for what they truly are… that’s when you take your power back. That clown will NEVER have access to me again. NO CONTACT FOREVER.
You are capable of healing and growing beyond your past. Sending you love and support on your journey.
Amen!
@@RawMotivationscan I know if I am safe after a discard?
@@yellowdayz1800 there is always the chance of him coming back. This is why the healing and growth are the most important. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough
It’s crazy because why do you want someone who doesn’t love you. It’s sad because you really don’t love or care enough for yourself to leave. It’s a lot. But once you get out of the entrapment you’re forever transformed.
They are addicted to you just as much as you are with them..every relationship is different. The non abbuser if you will has to pull the plug.
I’ve read so many articles where people say they are not addicted to us as well, but I am 100% on board with you. I believe they have a addiction to us as well.
@@AlwaysHope2019 they are
I totally agree with you. They have detachment issue even they discard you.
There are some who are just your run of the mill joeblogs,playing the field. Don't give a damn...in contrast to that, some get a fix on you almost like obsession...both in the relationship play a part. My advice don't waste another day.
@tonyconnor5691 yes.
When they know they have finally met someone that out smarts them - they won’t be back !
I got told about women he found attractive the whole time. Basically need to make us jealous because deep down they know we have the power to crush. Authentic people possess that super power. I see it as a compliment now. The heavier the abuse the more of a threat i obviously was
You got all the power!
Same. The guy i wanted, did the same. He was saying he wants to get to know other women too. Its torture. I ve stopped chasing him🥲
his actions showed he cared, but his words weren't
The breakthrough for me was when I realize I was being a hypocrite to myself. I was self sabotaging and gaslighting myself into thinking that they will change. They would come back to me with a smile and act like they did nothing wrong to me. I became their flying monkey and invalidated my entire experience with them.
No More. I really couldn’t care less when it was over for them because it was over for me. Once you stop wondering what they’ll do and start paying attention to what you do, you experience a sense of freedom and joy that is addictive. This is how I was able to cut my mother and siblings off. It feels liberating🎉!!
Exactly!!! I am dying right now. Trauma bonded is so terrible. 😢. Going to grow out. I am def struggling w cognitive dissonance!!!
When you start treating them the way they treat you, that’s it they will leave !
Doing that he is awful husband and father.
Outside the home best thing since slice pan.
2 different people.
Ignore and ignore him.
3 months now and still no change.
Yes, you need to make a move. Walking away is your bet. Block him or her on all platforms and be serious about it. Eventually you will get the narcissistic out of your mind. After 10 months of his lying, that was enough for me.
It took me 3 years to finally understand and break myself free from it.
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Exactly right! Focus on the facts, stop creating an alternate reality
Yes
The hardest part for a Narc survivor is that we are trying to frame what happened from our worldview and how our minds work. The problem is that the Narc is psychopathic and does not think the way a regular person thinks. It's so hard to understand intellectually how someone can be this way, think this way and have zero empathy for another human being. You will never understand, and you will never get closure on it. You have to create your own closure and understand that these people just do not think like normal people. Also, I always hate when they use only "he" when talking about the narc-I know a lot of men who have been abused by Narcs also, me being one of them.
The use of ‘he’ is so damaging. Narcissism has nothing to do with gender, and there is way too much content out there referring to men as the narcissist. Much of it written by women. At least there is an exception in this case.
I’ve just come out of two years with a female narcissist. Was the most brain frazzling time in my life. I have to come to terms with the reality that the relationship was not real. It seemed real to me like walking through a film set, but you quickly realise it’s just a facade
It’s rooted in childhood. You attempt to attain the approval and love that you couldn’t receive from a parent, a caregiver or a sibling. You will seek out “familiar” dynamics and attempt to heal that very deep and painful wound rooted during your developmental years. I’ve come to realize every guy that I’ve gotten stuck on was just a representation of my sister. The only way to heal is to understand and accept what occurred. To come to the acceptance that it’s not about that romantic partner. It’s about someone who was a narcissist during your childhood and you’re doing nothing but a reenactment to try and receive that love from the romantic partner narcissist that you couldn’t get from a family member. You’re trying to heal that pain. It won’t work. You will be stuck in futile, painful dynamics-much like a hamster on a hamster wheel. Break the chains. ♥️⛓♥️
As accurate as it gets.
You're telling the Truth.
It took me four years to overcome my trauma bond.
They hoover all the time and they are always watching their harem.
Actions not matching words.....100% of the time.
This video is the best! I thought I was healing and very close to healed saw my ex narc and it’s been a long while we have a child together it’s been close to a year and I do regret going off on him , that shows me that I am not but after hearing this I feel much stronger in my decision to not allow him to trigger me because I know my worth . I wanted HIM to understand my worth and he will never, after watching this I’m more at peace 🕊️ I’m a believer as well
Another eye opening video for me. He says something , I believe it, then when it doesn't happen he has an excuse all the time.
I don't know what your profession is, but you would be a great teacher. Thanks for your work.
I’m a high school teacher and I agree 100%. Ben commands a presence and is a very gifted orator. Especially on his feet.
Thank you Denise!
I'm experiencing the withdraw. And yes, I don't want this again. It was horrible every day. I don't forget how bad it was. I know this is a chemical issue. I am also on guard about the hoover because I want to be ready if I bump in to him. I have seen him driving by when I was out just two days ago. We live in a big town. I think he is lingering nearby just to look for me.
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I can relate to many things in this video, unfortunately in my case, the narcissist is my adult son. Not at all easy to let go of, really heart breaking.
Hope you are well , That is a tough situation you are in.
@@RawMotivations It is a tough situation, hopefully videos such as yours will help others with NPD to become aware,. I would certainly wish such awareness for my son, but it's up to him.
I have narc daughters. I didn't have a choice. They let go of me. But, looking at their lives, I'm glad I'm not in them now.
@@seameology I'm sorry that you had to reach such a sad conclusion, I may be on the sane journey, Blessings to you, I know it's painful!
My soon to be ex wife cheated on me with many people, got pregnant by a drug dealer, and is talking about me like she was my maid, servant, and prisoner. I did EVERYTHING for her. She didn’t work a day with me for over 8 years. She was always on the phone with her mom receiving instructions. We have a son together and everything. Now she is knocked up by a stranger she’s known for 6 months and is triangulating. I filed for divorce but I am distraught. She did this after my dad passed away. I cannot believe a human could be that reprehensible. She keeps saying how horrible and abusive I was. I did NONE of that. Was always telling her how much I loved her. To say I am traumatized is an understatement.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve been through similar experiences. Just take it day by day, make your kid the top priority always, and never, ever get caught up with another narc. You’re going through warrior training right now- you got this.
The same here.. i did everything for him!! And was tortured for that. They are real sick entities 🤮
Cognitive dissonance is when they give you just enough reward to keep you trying and just enough abuse to keep you walking on eggshells . It confuses the brain and inactivates you. It is hell! It feels like being in a foggy daze. My Narc was the one who decided he wanted a divorce , but never would file. I finally had to just decide that my mental health was more important than the trauma bond and walk away and decide that no matter what I will never go back. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm still on my own and working on healing.
He blocked me from all social media and he left me really aggressive and yearning for him
He was really bad.
People sometimes tamper with the evidence that they are seeing. They charge it into what they want to see in that person. You stay in abusive relationship longer than you should.
Hope everyone gets the love they deserve
I agree and all they are doing is prolonging the inevitable watch the actions not words always with these tricksters
I get it now. Your words clicked with me about cognizant dissonance.
With my terrible relationship experience, it started out by being love bombed. He went out of his way to convince me he loved me and was going to marry me.
Then the terrible treatment happened toward me. He was very suffocating and was attempting to remove my independence. He wanted me to depend on him and give up my own power and money.
He then started cheating on me.
In short, you can either believe the nice things he tells you that will happen together,
Or you can believe the truth from your heart which is the reality of it all, that you are unhappy in the relationship and deserve to be treated better.
This is when you need to take your own power back, love yourself, and believe the truth of how they make you feel, instead of believing and hoping it will get better when it definitely won’t.
Wishing the best on your healing!
This is exactly what im going thru!!I'm stuck..😢
Try joining the 7 day challenge!
I’m about to go 6 months no contact with my husband. He completely left us and left the country, quit his job, became unemployed and continues to blame me and insult me to others. I dealt with a lot of guilt before researching, guilt that I’ve been carrying our whole relationship. I’m doubting everything about myself, how could he stop talking to his own children? How could he harm not only us but himself like this? Is he really a narcissist? He refuses to do any work and the second I put up boundaries he left! I never expected this.
You only describe the present situation,tell about your past significance also.
Is your husband the only guy in your life or not?
@@arrowmax6189 Yes he is. We moved far away from family for his work 10 years ago and have been isolated since.
Hard to tell, but how are you holding up? Hope you and your family is well
Sounds like a narcissist for sure! @I Al
My ex husband 😢
It takes strength and wisdom to fight and leave the narc. A lot of mind- think and stabs of reality. In the end, i think it's a case of personal crusade that lasts until the enemy is totally crushed which may last an entire lifetime. No surrender, no lost hope, no wavering in battles. Forward to victory.
Absolutely. I can cut him off easily. Unfortunately his ex before me can't, her choice. I'd tell him to f#%k off.
You are describing what i am going through at the moment. I feel ashamed. Because i miss the person i fell in love with, whom i know now does not really exist. Sixteen years and he is divorcing me. I should be happy that we are not together but it is easier said than done. He accused me of ruining his life !!!karma will visit him i am sure. Its always some one elses fault not his. A friend told me recently "as long as i have known him he has always played the victim". I will heal. My husband is divorcing me. He has to be in control but when things go wrong he never accepts responsibility.
I just received a Hoover after two years
I’ve recovered from the abuse so i am in concrete about not wanting to return
It’s true the only person that can truly end it is you
Guess what. It’s not about them and what they’re doing or not doing. It’s about you. Are you anxious all the time? Choose you. Get out and get peace back into your life.
omg. You are so spot on can’t believe the traits are in all narcissist and how can that be a lot of the things you’re speaking about are exactly what most narcissist do.
I was "stuck in the middle" for 3yrs and just made my choice 3wks ago and on the day she was due back from visiting family in Phoenix I was gone, no contact!
I do not know if she is dead or alive but after 3yrs of not knowing wether or not I was dead or alive and then finding out after making my decision that I am very much alive I really have no intention of allowing myself to be disrespected by
"Princeless" Diana
Well, happened to me. And happened so hard, that even after 2,5 years after breakup, knowing what she did and what she was conciously doing, still I'm wondering how she is, how it could be, although I'M 100% CERTAIN THAT WHAT HAPPENDED WAS GOOD FOR ME. I'm way, way better without her. And yet, way more often than not, I'm wondering about her. Wish it could already pass.
2years after she threw my bags and kicked me out (I became depressed) I’ve Spent the last two years like a yo-yo being invited on walks, cooking for me, then telling me I’m a narc etc etc. I finally realise I need to collect my things for good, and after several attempts finally managed to get 1 van load. we arrange to get the rest after new year, and on 2nd Jan she calls to ask when is a good time to speak but asks to meet, only to then tell me she’s met someone else, and continues to annihilate my character. She called later to say sorry and didn’t want me to think she was being cruel or nasty. After 14 years it’s hard to stop loving her. But she outright refuses to acknowledge any part in our issues and blames me entirely, and started accusing me of being autistic, and a narc about 2 years ago. I too wish I could be stronger, and for it to pass. Good luck
Hope is a whore when dealing w a narc. Narcs use hope as a weapon.
if source supply ends then the narcissist would have to go to the next
Yea actions speak louder than words. Took me a long time to realize the reality of all the lying, cheating, and emotional abuse was who he was. When he started his affair with the married Woman down the street and was discarding me. I finally said I was done and left. Filed for divorce and I realize now that his rejection was Gods protection. He is not who I thought he was. He is a total fake. I’m free!!!🥳🎈❤️🙏✝️Hooray.
Well, my narcissistic mother is dead. Still, as narcissistic parents are well known to leave a lot of trouble in their wake and she certainly did, there was no funeral and she didn’t get buried, nor embalmed, like she wanted. Instead, she was embalmed and cremated. Might want to have her re-cremated, just to make certain she doesn’t return.
I left him 5 months ago because I no longer believed his words or actions.
Thank you! I needed to hear this. At times, I feel I'm weak because I want to see the good. However, that's a blessing because I'm a positive person. I have learned to follow actions! You'll know them by what they do!
This is making so much sense and helping.
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
Took more than 10 years to walk away. He had actions but no words
True brother , cognitive dissonance i understand 👌
I’ve been stuck for 3 months now , but as of the last 4 days I’ve been no contact. I’m not going to lie , my feelings of loving this woman makes it really hard , but this time I’m choosing self love before anything else. I know I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I should had been done a long time ago. So now whenever I start missing her or feeling lonely , I jump in here and watch these videos , and educate myself a lot more of those evil disorder.
Yes. All the time. Words and actions never aligned.
why do they say the most messed up things to hurt u.. then come bk he told me im ugly with no makeup n im nasty n he dont love me im a nag n im a pos n he never loved me n he hates me
I understand. He would say and do the most horrible things to me trying to get revenge (things that effected our children) when we separated and turn around just a few hours later and call to chit chat and tell me about random things that happened to him as if he didn’t JUST do me dirty. Very bizarre.
Because he was trying to hurt you. He actually meant the opposite. You’re probably stunning with no make up and he gets jealous and insecure so has to lie and put u down. Their words are not facts. If you were ugly with no make up he wouldn’t even have gone out with you. They can’t see unattractive people as they have no use for them. The more the insults, the more of a threat we were. So turn it into a compliment. And let’s move on from them. They will only suck our time and life
So sorry. Yes. My ex told me I was ugly without makeup. Mind you, he is not a good looking guy.
I think they like masks because they always have to wear one.
Most of the suspected narcs in my life have been female.
I would have to say I finally ended things and I feel like for the first time I'm never going to hear from him again. It took eight years but honestly what helped was the past year I really strived to improve my life. I worked on myself without him knowing. But I definitely struggled iwth cognitive dissonance. I even told him I stopped relying on his words and relied on his actions.
This is so hard to hear, but is 100% right.
I was married for 27 years 3 kids money all hidden in a family trust so when we went to lawyers I owed him he was very gracious in not taking alimony lol. He recently told me I was reason he wasn’t successful
It's always your fault.
Their words don’t align with their actions
Cognitive dissonance causes difficulty…I didn’t want to deal with the past person but because it involved children it caused me to try coparenting which would cause and contribute to trauma in everything we experience when he was aware I didn’t want to deal with him…I feel guilty for it…To top it off, I talked to my family about everything I experienced and it as if they encouraged the experience so I shutdown and seemed stuck…Im mad with myself…Im still struggling with why my circumstances seemed so complicated when it was coparenting…As I recollect and I realize, it’s as if I was there and I wasn’t there…Down and in a daze those days…I guess I was in survival mode, struggling and suffering through the days and didn’t know I was as down as I was…Its hard and it hurts, it’s changed us completely…I wanted us happy and healthy and trying to tolerate the narcissist definitely did the opposite of that…I’m empty inside, emotionally exhausted, not myself…Narcissism is way worse if involving children, their way to control and continue contacting you…A entitled and selfish individual acting intentionally and manipulating to deliberately damage you and your mind…I wish I would’ve seen these type of videos on TH-cam 2-3 years ago
Oh yes I can recall all the opposing views and opposing actions. I would look at him and see how badly he was doing this. How much he was suffering from this crazy life.
I have a bachelors degree but preload at UPS just so I can have PPO insurance and pee existing so I can see therapists and also have EMDR. You need to understand in order to get better. A pay cut it’s a big deal, I have a bachelors degree but I’d my mind isn’t back to the old me as much as I can go back to that then I won’t be what I’m attended to be. I was suppose to wake up 6 months later retarded from a coma. I woke up 11 days later and I’m not retarded, but in general come into the facts. You may never be the old you. Who says that’s bad? Maybe god had better things and a plan. I think he did for me.❤️🙏🏻❤️
Can someone please explain to me why my toxic ex refuses to visit with his children, refuses to pay any child support, or wish his children happy birthday but then wishes me happy birthday on the day... with months of ignoring his babies, I just don't get it.
Because he knows that hurts you! It’s a revenge tactic on you!
My experience is they pretend, do things to make you feel better and what they think you want, but in reality they don’t really like children nor want to care for them. I was surprised when I asked my ex who seemed to like children and he told me he doesn’t want any but would give them to me so I have something to do with myself when he goes out.
Maybe he thinks they're not his.
th-cam.com/video/Bp43ccJ0FqE/w-d-xo.html hope this helps
It's to get a reaction from you so that they can get supply from your reaction.
Ignore and ignore him.
Whatever he does DO NOT REACT I REPEAT DO NOT REACT .
THE WILL KILL THEM FOR SURE .
THEY HATE IT WHEN YOU IGNORE THEM.
Holy fuck so true sometimes i am stuck mentally not getting my things done and not knowing why because of the mental fog or feeling stuck sometimes even in bed wtf?
Are there narcissists that will deny to their death that they Never cheated in any way even though they have?
100%
Yes. My dying ex narc didn't confess some things. But, still lying.
I know he isn’t coming back for at least a year.. protective order in place. I’m using the time to heal and break the bad habits of hope and forgiveness to him.
I know who they are and I know that I don’t want them back but why do I still want to know what is happening in their life? I don’t speak or see him. We exchange straight forward emails about our children.
th-cam.com/users/shortsJjutRgelFRE?feature=share hope this video helps
So true. Sound like my life
Dismantle your negative core beliefs that keep you locked in Disneyland! Although, it is not a fun ride!
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I had told the narc I wasn't in love with him many years ago. An wanted it to end 2006 to be exact refused to allow me to leave always drama an I had finally Said no more an thought I need to put thibgs into action to show him I'm serious I have no regrets. At all
we used to break up all the time and get back together then the last time i told her friends now they don't want to know her at all. Now she truly hates me and wants nothing to do with me/ She says I betrayed her trust
Cognitive dissonance. Wow.
This was such an awesome video, thank you!!
Glad you enjoyed it!
I had no problem deciding what to do. I divorced him when I found out he had been cheating on me.
I have learned that underlying cognitive dissonance is addiction to the fantasy you can't come to terms with being non-reality.
That's why you MUST do everything to bring yourself to the point of greater RADICAL ACCEPTANCE and, finally confront fighting the last battle - the battle which is in the mind, because (ultimately) the addiction takes refuge in the mind i.e., once FULL/TOTAL NO CONTACT has been established through other battles you have got past.
For example, one battle is: have you changed your phone number and deleted the narcissist's number? Why not? Are you making excuses as to why you haven't done this yet? Yes, this is psychologically difficult for any target to do of course, but (REALITY CHECK) you are not ready to do battle with yourself being the priority until you shut down every arena of interaction with the narcissist.
You MUST decide to WAR with this and actually 'do battle', until then you will not be effective. You will remain 'stuck' or trapped.
When will a judge finally stop playing his games and punish for not following his court order?! It’s been two years!
Yes
EVERY SINGLE DAY
You never said how you know they're never coming back!!
In it right now...its the worst
I have him blocked he hasnt returned in a few weeks...you never know if its truly done and so yeah my brain keeps hoping but I shut it down like its not real lady...stop it.
The person seems to have several people all in one. And you never know which person you are dealing with?? Sounds crazy…
Users and abusers in every way possible
I actually BOUGHT his verbal abuse. If I just made more money, he'd love me. I thought the verbal abuse would stop. Nope. I never made enough money for him. I left. No contact.
Yep
I don't believe either words nor actions I stopped paying attention an mentally ignoring now if I want to listen to a song I do I don't worry if he slipped something into it to confuse Me for over 20 years was always judged an given third degree for I liked a song who you thinking of why no way to live
I got that too. More like themselves doing it. We all got a dedicated song off him as well. Odd.
Hey Ben, you kinda made cognitive dissonance sound like it was just that you couldnt make a decision between two options. When really it is an uncomfortable feeling that you cant shake because the evidence does not reflect your beliefs. I believe its your bodys warning system. You believe he loves you but his actions are showing he doesnt.
Your mind and body will make this uncomfortable until your beliefs match up with the evidence . So you can change your definition of love or admit he doesnt love you.
That is correct. There are many facets to it
Give up hope
100%
I want to know how I can protect his next victims. Its not an official crime to hurt people emotionally I guess. But I really want this guy to be unmasked. Because hurting ppl like he is doing should be illegal. :/
You can't. They'll find out the hard way like we did. Look after yourself, you've learnt from it.
They will never believe you and it will make them like the narc more because they will believe that you are the crazy one.
Can anyone tell me if this is why I felt he had a split personality? Is that a Narcissistic trait ?
Not necessarily
Tried signing up for the 7 day, and the site won't advance to the next section of the order, in order to go to payment. Very frustrated.
I’m so sorry about that issue on the website. Try here. rawmotivations.podia.com/breaking-free-from-toxicity-7-day-challenge
Do you guys realize, you are all speaking to an active narcissist? Self-aware doesn't mean healed.
Don’t claim to be fixed but I am changing how I show up and no longer abusing people. Instead trying to help shed light on it.
@@RawMotivations That's good. Don't turn it on, when you feel the burning desire to. There's a judgement that comes at the end of each person's life. Whether a person believes that or not, that's what it is. Only receiving Jesus as one's Lord and Savior, saves people (including me) from the penalty of their sins. Again, This is true whether you believe it or not.
Ex Gerald went so far had another guy cone in an repeat everything I can not stand in tge bedroom to hace him do it to abuse an hurt me emotionally to keep my head stuck in past instead of allowing me to move on an tried to. Make me think it was my oroblen with another man I knew better immediately
When they are deceased
Answer the question...... are they coming back...... not me.
The only time they’ll never come back is when each of them are Stone Cold Dead!
Damn.
@@debimary6812 refer to “Sound of Freedom”, well worth watching.
I'm not fearful of saying no any longer I've been abused for so long with devaluing an love bombing I feel as if I live my life on alter always.i can't tell u last tine I could truelly relax an know ex Gerald wasn't lerking or videos with sex to feel safe
WHO CARES???😂😂😂