That abuse is horrendous … it is rape of the soul .. literally after such a one sided entanglement you are searching for the person you were … a new identity within you comes to be … once you heal you will find that you won’t deal with such delusional toxic sub human people you will develop safe boundaries .. self love .. and you will embrace your alone time ..
that's exactly how i felt ... raped ... there is no difference between a pedophile and my narcissistic friend ... both take advantage of nativity and good intentions to make you a monster in your own mirror ..... it is sub human indeed
The constant seeking of attention from other females and talking about his exes, was the tipping point for me to pursue my freedom and happiness from the insanity.
Yes I had that too. Seemed to be this trail of exes hanging around on his social media. And it’s like they enjoy mentioning them or allowing you to see them like their posts etc to torment you (triangulation). Horrendous. A real man who truly loves you would not do this.
My ex used to constantly talk about his ex wife , ex girlfriend, triangulation with the neighbour, with any female , would make me jealous all the time … took me a long time to see through it. Still went back … finally blocked and deleted 3 weeks ago … healing is a long process:(
@@daisy8187 same - and i said all you care about is your exes then i got how dare you bring up my past well you kept bringing it up im saying stop - then i got treated like dirt since
@@Hoops590 did he tell you all his ex’s were crazy and called the police on him etc .. I was an idiot and listened… waiting for him to say something nice about me … went to a birthday do, ended up being one of his bits on the side , she was screaming at him ‘How could you do this to me’ meaning me .. wth , still spent the weekend with him :( Hopefully out of my life now. Yours ?
He definitely forced me out, I knew something was underlying because it got worse in the last month I was with him. The digs about my kids, I didn’t do enough, and his false accusations of me with other men. There was so much more but the stress and pressure was just too much. He is still playing the victim.
I’ve been experiencing the same thing for the past year. I felt sure that he was deliberately causing stress and continuing his addiction to get me to leave so that I’m the one that broke the covenant and not him. Of course he tells me that I’m crazy for thinking that. The reactive abuse hit an all time high and I felt so bad about myself that I decided to do research to figure out if I was a narcissist. That’s where the story all started unfolding. Here I am… still separated. He’s in my house. He’s come off drugs. He’s doing so the right things for his recovery. I told him last night I might need to come home because I fell out with my family. He worked hard to convince me that everything would blow over and all be ok. Many would see this as normal loving reassurance but when you put the pieces together this one has its place. It’s so hard to pull away.
@@escapinghim9889 It blows over but always blows back and gets swept under the rug, repeatedly. Cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding are Real. You can recover 💥 you can Heal
got to say it's very odd so many people are dealing with this same issue telling almost the same story this has to be a spiritual entity we are dealing with. this is a demonic spirit we all have encountered.
I used to be an atheist until a few years ago. And even if it wasn't spiritual, either way you have to go NO CONTACT. I'm afraid I agree that it is a demonic thing. But it's nothing that we nor Jesus can't overcome!
This is all so accurate. My ex either felt smothered or abandoned. Anytime the relationship progressed toward healthy, loving, and calm she had to ruin it by sabotaging. At one point, we were booking a trip together and after I paid for it she looked at me and said “I afraid I’m going to push you away.” This is when I began to suspect her of cheating, most likely because she felt out of control in a stable relationship. Regardless, Narcissists know right from wrong and just don’t care who they hurt in the process of getting their emotional needs met. It’s extremely difficult for a neurotypical person to comprehend the mindset of someone so mentally ill.
That last moment with my ex husband was him looking hopeful and saying maybe we COULD work it out after all. I'd been telling him we could work it out for years, gave him plenty of chances, but it would require effort on his part. That was just too much to care about me. After ten years of neglect and abuse and pushing the limits of what I would tolerate, giving me the benefit of the doubt and trusting me was still too fucking much for him. He tried to manipulate me even as I was walking out the door with kisses and sweet words. "Don't look back. Just don't look back when you get outside. Don't look back." He wouldn't even walk me outside to my dad and stepmom waiting with the Uhaul to take me away from my dead life with him. That's how much he cared about me -- he couldn't even show his face to my parents who he hates for five seconds. Threw me out and watched me from the window. He stood there in the dim morning light in our apartment, looking like hell, but I know secretly thrilled to death that me -- his wife, his problem, his forced adversary, his shame, his reminder -- was no longer going to be a source of unpleasantness for him anymore. He got everything he wanted from me, and when there was nothing left after he'd drained me dry, he won. He had accomplished his goal of breaking me and ruining me. I am the bad person because I wanted too much that he wouldn't give. I am the bad person he couldn't please because he didn't bother trying. I am the bad person who left him. I am the bad person who divorced him. I am the bad person. I am the bad person. All games. All manipulation. All lies. But at least I know it and understand it now. Thank you, Ben. I'm happy to be free. Also, I never looked back. I know how this story ends. I didn't look back because I was leaving nothing of value behind. God bless you all.
That sounds so painful but I know that you are going to draw strength from making that hard choice. I recently left my narc wife and totally an accountability thing. Namely for her cussing out her own daughter for knocking over a plant on accident. For 5 minutes. It was brutal to listen to in the next room as her and I were trying to conceive. Not to mention she did not help around the house despite us deciding for her to be a stay at home mom for the past 15 months. She just stayed in her phone all day and ignored the kids as much as possible. This was my 4th and thankfully final attempt at leaving her as we have only been married 2 years. She refused psychiatric help rather just blamed me that she was depressed. I have talked to her about getting help for the past year and she says that she doesn't need it - and my response is how can I buy a bigger house for us when you don't help now? I don't expect perfection as her two young children age 3 and 7 are still learning how to help but there is minimal effort on her part and she spends zero time teaching the to put things away. And worse how can I bring another child in to the world with her when she ignores the two (I have been eye witness to it as I work from home) and does nothing for their development now? And then to go through and verbally abuse them in the process? I literally prepared about 85% of the meals while working full time. When I would take my morning break the kids would attack me because they hadn't been fed or wanted some water. She would say "they never asked me," while her head stayed buried in her phone playing games. I was beyond ready to leave, and hearing her just berate her daughter for 5 straight minutes was the point where I had to give her one last chance to get help. I brought it up to her that night and silent treatment. The next day I brought it up again and she refused so I packed a few things and left. My love for her will fade and if she even said she would get help now I wouldn't know what I would do. Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your story. It's hard but I thought I would share mine as it's been 27 days bit each day we get a little bit stronger.
@@antonioortega2588 Dang, Antonio. There is NOTHING good going to come from that situation, least of all getting her pregnant. She's NOT going to change and there's nothing you're going to be able to do to make her change. She won't get help, and if she does, it'll be temporary to placate you and make you think she's serious. Then a little bit of time will pass and everything will be right back to the way they were, and you'll be in that much deeper with more problems. Congratulations for making it almost a month. Stick to your guns. Your principles. Stick to yourself. Trust yourself. Do the right thing for you. It hurts like hell, as you know, but the pain fades and becomes less over time. I feel sorry for those poor children who have to put up with such a deadbeat mom. You can make it another day, and another and another. You can do it!
@@spacegirl226 there's something you don't hear every day...deadbeat mom. But it's accurate. Thankful that I was able to get out just 3 months shy of our 2 year anniversary. Appreciate the comment as the energy is just so light without her here and each day is a lot easier than the one b4.
@@antonioortega2588 I know of too many deadbeat moms. They aren't rare. As our society becomes more narcissistic and self centered, these women become more prevalent in the world. The damage they do to their children is irreparable. It's not fair to those children at all. Deadbeats can be either sex, but lord have mercy a deadbeat mother is evil incarnate.
@@spacegirl226 I have never seen or witnessed anything like this. I have 3 of my own children and when my 1st was born, it just changed something inside of me. I was a different young man at 22 and I just assumed all women were born with those parental instincts. The disorders are definitely evil and mess up the hard wiring. This is going to take a lot of work for her to begin to repair, her kids deserve something better. No parent is perfect, but just the daily neglect was a living nightmare.
This is what happened to me however, I fell In the trap of reactive abuse. The more he hurt me the more I became angry because I would spill my guts out to him and he would look at me like I was nothing to him. I’m sure this devil has lied to his family about me. He had two failed marriages and other failed relationships hopefully his family people is smart enough to see through the smoking mirrors. This is worst thing I have ever been through next to loosing my Mother. Most people are not capable of understanding the impact that it does to your psyche.
I completely agree with this - the narc does things that they know will trigger you to get a reaction out of you. In my case one of the scenario was about sharing their plans, their whereabouts and availability everyday. They did it so often, over a period of 3-4 years, and one day suddenly started withholding all information. On confronting about the change in patterns, there was a counter question about why do you need to know my availability? I had been so accustomed to their sharing of smaller things about themselves and looked at that as a piece of affection or moreover a way to stay on the same page or even contributing to their life. My confrontation was taken as some form of controlling or mandating behavior and I was made out to be the bad person in the end, to add to their story of victimization.
I went back to my narc after a very bad fight and separation. When we reconnected... i initially felt really good about it, because he was love bombing me. Once he took his mask off again, which took literally maybe 2 days, the feeling of dread that came over me was so so heavy. I have never in my life hated someone that i loved so much. I didn't realize this was even a form of abuse or that it had a name. But this is 100% what i went through for years. I was never an angry person, never had anger issues until i started dating him. Even i was astounded by the level of rage he was able to drum up in me. He knew all the buttons to push, and loved to "talk things through." I would try to end an argument, and tell him i wasn't in a sound mind to continue talking. and he would push and push and make me keep raging. watching this and thinking about my experiences really shows me how deeply twisted a person he was. He was literally getting joy out of seeing me lose my mind.
My ex was exactly to opposite. NONE of our issues were resolved during our 23 years. He refused to discuss anything the point of finding a resolution. He would walk away, drive away, close a door, change the topic, rage about something unrelated, or blame me for everything. Nothing ever discussed or talked through to a resolution. Needless to say it mounted up.
I realised that my ex destroyed my image so that his family would think poorly of me. That I was aggressive, argumentative, and a gold digger. His family were mostly also NPD and ASPD.
My ex did the same with his family. His parents hate me now. I didn't do anything to warrant that hate. All I did was love their damaged child and try to make him happy. He turned them against me. In hindsight that's fine because they are shitty people, just like their son who they made, neglected, and abused.
If you choose to leave the narcissist, be prepared for the worst because they will launch the worst attack on you that you’ve ever experienced. I just divorced my husband of 25 years and his revenge on me through out the divorce was unbelievable. He purposely prolonged it for a little over two years with huge attorney fees and really nothing left. But guess what? I made it and I am rid of him. It was all worth it, but it was definitely not easy at all. Good luck to those who decide to leave. God be with you🙏
Mine served me w divorce .it's been 4 years living in same home w him.marrued 45 yrs,can't go till over have physical challenges. Lots of attorney fees .Judge had to order information that he refused..Needless to say looking forward to peace and healing.
Very confusing moment, yes. They pushed me out, 12 years marriage with two kids, no closure, no working on it... then called back after the separation and said they missed me. When they couldn't come up with a single thing they missed about me, I shut the door forever.
Yeah, same but without the children. No working on it ever even though I was required to be in it and participate while he did absolutely nothing to help or improve it. Always my fault for everything that went wrong. And I took that blame because I believed I was at fault. No closure, not even a shred of it. It's over now, and we can move on. Best wishes on your healing journey.
I learn to count my blessings, I still have two hands, legs, a head, etc....some victims lost their limbs, their lives, or worse, the lives of those they love.
Oh wow. Good on you for asking what they miss about you. They don't know how to take accountability for their emotions. It's not the connection they miss. They don't know how to connect. It's the control and power Glad you're out
The ex narc made me leave, then immediately changed the lock on the doors. I took that as though we were done, then I received an email from them trying to hoover me back. Totally ignored it and moved on.
Yep!!! I wasted 2.5 years total of 5! Because I gave him time to work on the problems and NOTHING CHANGED!!! GET OUT OF the relationship!!! Don't waste your time on Narcissists!!!! I didn't know he was until after I broke up. That's my 2nd bad Narcissist relationship. Been single two years and never been happier!!!! I manifested my dream person and first time I have ever been treated like a real person!
WOW!!! I over heard my ex speaking to himself and he said “why don’t you just leave so I don’t look like the bad guy?” When I asked him later who he was talking about, he called me crazy and denied saying that.
I heard my ex talking to himself in the bathroom one day - he said “ ruin the weekend” I asked him what he said and he said, he was just talking to himself. Lol Bloody demons!
Maddening. The worst is that my teens were convinced by his manipulation. Without support and validation like this video, I may just be in the mad house. Blessings
You are so comforting: I know I did not jump. I was pushed out of the marriage. Manupilation, gaslighting, driving me to react: it all happened. Yesterday I was so angry at myself even though the bustup happened in the 1980s (I'm old). Today, you came up in my feed. You have described what happened to me. I have often said: he does not want to look like the bad guy, to myself, in my own mind, knowing it sounds far fetched. Now you have said this and for those of us who have experienced it can at least understand that particular part of our wounded psyches. Their desperation to look like the good guy is extreme and in my case i was dealing with narcissistic and psychopathic behaviours. I believe I was in danger from one of his women. I believe she tampered with my brakes. Or maybe he did. When I did not crash, and when the car was back in our driveway, he insisted on doing the repair. He is an ace when it comes to 'fixing' cars. THe is also a great actor: crying and slumping over in my mother's kitchen, pretending he missed me. No. He missed being able to leave the children and household duties in my hands, while he played the bachelor, bedhopping around. I also know he had women in the bed we shared, so it was never a place i could call my own. Not even the bed we shared.
I’m glad you posted this for 2 reasons. One, bc it sounds so similar to my situation and I can totally relate and two, for saying this came up in your feed. I didn’t think hitting the like button did anything but maybe it might! It reached someone who needed to see it and that’s amazing!
It was so toxic, and the silent treatment was so painful. He wanted me to discard him. That's what I did. During this time, he had already received money from a settlement. That's why he left. Everything you said, he did it.
Yes. I couldnt quit trying with him and he went out of his way to get me to leave. He made me crazy and then pointed out to the new supply- that had been there for a year it turned out. Took me 6 mths to get over it and function. Now he wants to meet and i wont. Told him he can say it over the phone, i cannot risk seeing him in person.
@@Indiana_Blue I saw myself in you there for a second! I unfortunately did get trapped 2 times and it was something I couldn't get out of for two more years! Glad to hear you're aware! ❤️
@@yaileenmaldonadomendez6382 i knew from day 1. But was stupid and thought i could heal him. He cheated the whole way through with god knows how many and strung me along and badly emotionally abused me the last 2 yrs. Treated me like scum and smeared me. Im sorry you got caught up again - but glad you are free now 🙏🏼💫
So true! I went through all those things until I KNEW I did everything I could possibly do for the narc I loved ...until I finally realized the problem wasn’t me at all. I can’t help but feel that my husband treated me badly in order to make me leave on purpose , although he completely denies it. my husband is an amazing person to everyone else...EXEPT the wife who gave, loved him & honestly had his best interests at heart. I don’t know the thoughtful ,helpful , kind man who others describe to me as my husband! these people do not know him at all! And it makes me angry! you know , marriage to a narcissist is really an impossible task to go through and no one understands how awful it really is until they have been in a relationship with someone like this, and pastors who instruct wives to stay with these abusers need to study those scriptures quite a bit more because many are void of understanding about marriage and divorce to these demons!
Yep. As I was packing my bags he actually walked over them as if I didn’t exist. The ultimate invalidation. It hurt, but it validated everything I knew to be true; he simply doesn’t care. Silence speaks volumes.
Which is actually a good example of another power Play of theirs. I used to think that it could be an isolated incident. Nah, it's just part of the sweet/mean cycle. All I could do was get off and stay off of the crazy train FOR GOOD once and for all
Nailed it to a tee. Undeniable these were the daily executable tactics. Drama case study over here 🙋♀️ saying Amen lol. Exactly what my ex did and it was UGLY SMUGLY. He’s such a “good guy” eye roll snark.
This is exactly what happened to me in the fall of last year. I couldn't get rid of this guy! Needed constant attention from other females including exes and talked about exes constantly, constantly. This one's body, this one that one etc. He told me once he did it to punish me. Then fake tears, fake crying, saying he'll change, go to therapy. Everything you're saying. Until the end when he cheated on me! Thank goodness he moved on.
You keep trying to work it out. You stay for the kids. In the end they DRIVE you away. It's the most pain, shock, stress you can imagine. They act out, you are the only real part of this relationship. Don't waste long years or half your life or more. Don't get sick over them. We are too kind. They have a true mental illness. You can't change them. One narcissist creates plenty of trouble all around them. Everyone else but them seeks therapy. They are destructive people.
When I left my Narcissist he'd fetched up the fact that "I'm only ever with him when I'm skint or nearly skint" he said. This was after I had told him what money (which was enough to keep ME and MY OWN HOUSE going only). After I'd spent a good week at HIS paying for Electric I used etc, food for us, taking HIM out TWICE and giving HIM money to gamble on the bandits and paying for a takeaway on the way home! He KNEW that I'd defend myself. And when I told him HIS real reasons for his accusations (I told him I k ew he was seeing someone else), he hung up on me. He didn't defend himself because he knew I KNEW the TRUTH. We both knew that I would NOT take his shite, hence I blocked him. THIS IS HOW HE GOT ME TO LEAVE. (I got my power dynamics back though by not even telling him I'd blocked him. By ignoring and destroying the hoovering note he posted through my letterbox. 🍒
Good morning Ben thank you so much every video just confirms what I have experienced and it is very affirming to know I am not crazy that it really is him and all he does in secret. Your 3 glass video was eye opening too!! Continue on your journey and remember always “the truth sets you free” from the bondage of the lies. Have a blessed day!
What you speak of I found to be true. Making the same "errors" over and over using the exact tactics over and over until I finally had enough and walked (ran)away and made him stop. It was the only way to make him stop...by leaving the situationship
Ben, I know this sounds dramatic but its true; you have saved my life and my sanity. I am forever grateful, please keep doing the awesome work that you do!
Thanks so much, Ben, for your great self-awareness and insight that helped me avoid engaging in an abusive relationship with a toxic covert. The physical attraction I felt for him was extremely blinding and I was able to stop blaming myself and accept reality
You nailed it,,,25 yrs with her,,tried leaving twice and came back,,well the third time,,yes I left,and never looked back,,it's been 3yrs now,,and feeling the best I ever have ,I didn't realize how powerful freedom was.for now it's just ,me ,myself, and I..
Omg this is exactly what my soon to be ex husband did. I think, our whole marriage he never loved me, and would withhold all affection and intimacy (its a miracle we managed to create two children!!!) towards the end, he was clearly becoming nastier and nastier to me and the kids, every day in was like he was recklessly horrible, and I believe he was trying to push me out the door so he could look like the good guy and then I'd be painted as the "terrible wife and mother who abandoned her family" . Well I short-circuited his game plan and reported him to the police...they arrested him and removed him from the property. Hahaha. That was 2 months ago. I qas waiting for "the hoover" but instead he served divorce papers which goes to show he wanted out all along!!!
@@escapinghim9889 Yes the police did take it seriously. Luckily I had kept a diary of the last year of the relationship so I had times, dates, specific info that otherwise I'd have forgotten. I also had some secret audio recordings of him being abusive and in rages. I actually got him arrested for coercive control and common assault and removed from the family home. He was bailed to his parents for a month while the police investigation decided whether to charge him. In the end he wasn't charged but by that point he wasn't likely to return home and the police put me in touch with a legal aid domestic abuse charity so I got the non molestation order via legal aid.
Thank you, SO MUCH, for confirming what happened from my parents and from a few ex-girlfriends...I of all people, who used to think I was a realist, really needed to hear this. (I might accept your twist on the fake reality they presented instead of subconsciously BLAMING MYSELF yet, again!)
Thank you for your insight! This is exactly what happened to me. He pushed me too far and I broke it off. He knew he couldn’t have the control he desired anymore. Im sure his new victim was already lined up. Now he can say “she broke up with me”. Yet, he still kept trying to leave the door open and come back. Nope, I left because I wanted more commitment. I will never be back burner supply or one of his recyclables. He really tried to turn me toxic in the end so he could make himself look better but I walked away gracefully with my dignity. I love what you said, “you made up your mind to choose your health and freedom over your abuse and lack of sanity”. There’s just no turning back once you make the decision and see them for who they really are. You cannot unsee the mask slip. 2 1/2 weeks no contact from him and all the flying monkeys. The fog is lifted and I am finally getting my energy back. And you’re right, usually only one person can change so my success will speak for me! Thank you for all that you do. You are very courageous for opening up Pandora’s box.🙏🏼🙏🏼🕊
The story with the tears at the end - jerked my emotions for a minute, then I doubted the truth in it.. he failed at counseling , our pastor saw the issue, now I’m healing. Working on echoism now.
Yes they push you to break up with them.. my ex acted weird , cold , unemotional for a couple months before the breakup… I confronted him but he would always deny. Until I broke up with him and three weeks later he was in a relationship … go figure . :/
My story 💯 He plays the victim and me the terrible one who abandoned him. He was cheating and is still with her. He recently admitted to his daughter that he started this new relationship before he ended things with me. And he wonders why she doesn’t respect or want a relationship with this woman who knew about me. 😮
Thank you sir! I’ll be getting ahold of you in about 30 days! I’m going to get my mind right after the hell that Marc put me thru lol his name is Marc too I meant narc
I was completely forced out of my home when I was living across the country with my ex narc bf. I had no choice but to leave when he took me to a concert and tried to get with another woman in front of me, screamed at me when i wouldn't wait in the car for him to talk to her alone. And screamed at me the whole way home about how i was a cockblock and interfered with his destiny..(this was after years of abuse) i couldn't imagine another day by his side after such a betrayal and humiliation. I was forced to leave my apartment to be homeless and sleeping on my friends couch. He told me and everyone else that it was my decision just to leave him, he told all his coworkers, his family, everyone about how I abused him and how much of a victim he was. He still refuses to speak to me at all. He told me he doesn't feel bad about what happened. He wanted me gone. He always kicked me out of my home, and i had no family and 2 friends in this state. The last he spoke to me was months ago telling me he was going to block me again and call the police if i came back to my apartment for my things, after lying about changing the locks and making a new lease with my landlord. it was his final act of control. I will never forget how horrible he was to me. And having to flee my home in the middle of the night in terror. No closure. No empathy, no remorse.
@@qq84 there was little point in bringing the authorities into our situation. He actually used the fact that i wanted to call the police on him before against me. He only ever made threats and lies so when i grabbed my last of my things nothing happened. Sometimes i wish i would have gotten the police involved
@@methoxyll *Never* warn someone before you call the police, otherwise they get the opportunity to call first and smear you. If you want to call the police, you have to do it *always before* telling the problem about it.
He pushed me into a threesomes when he was under the influence of a drug, said I kept ruining things/opportunities for him. I think I've hated him ever since that and was slowly chipping away.
I’m so happy you are making yourself better. It’s amazing! Keep it up. You are calling the kettle black. Thank you! You rock!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 You have no idea how much your information means to me. Thank you and bless yourself.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Usually it’s a karmic relationship. A soul contract agreed soon before arriving here. All people u meet are soul mates one way or another. The karmic however, is agreed apon by u both in soul form to teach u your biggest lesson in life. If u don’t learn from it, u will get the same experience but with different people. If u learn, ur done. So the connection is deep feeling because it is deep. Albeit not healthy, but we only learn when it comes from a place of soul recognition.. I think.. 🤷🏼♀️ idk.. that’s what I have come up with in the last 8 months out of a relationship with Narc type person. All of my relationships have been like this. But it finally clicked with this one. Do ur shadow work and that fuckin person will never be able to drown u in it again 💗
Why are they so bothered what other people think of them? It is like they spend all their energy to make sure other people view them in the light they want. Why is that? How can you live your entire life based on what the others think of you?
Mommy only loved and praised them when they did something that made her look good. The shallowness gets inherited. It’s a learned trait from being spoiled and then ignored. They do it because that’s what was done to them.
Because they're weaklings with NO SOUL. (Unless they become a bit more self-aware like this guy at least is doing the video.. this helps keep me safe from giving into myself and giving them another chance next time they just try to invite themselves back into my life)
One more thing, I found it best not to dwell too much on the flying monkeys and enablers who buy into their tall tale. IF THAT'S ALL IT TOOK for someone to lose respect for you without hearing your side of the story, then good riddance to that bad garbage too!
I’m glad I found this video. Image/Control- it’s real obvious those are prominent features but I never thought about Shame being just as prominent with this disorder.
He was most horrid in trying to get me to move out. I am his wife and a Narc survivor, waiting for him to divorce me but he is too cowardly too. I told him, this is my home and where I live. I am your wife until I am not your wife. My solicitor told me, do not leave your home a wife. People around him can see him chatting to other women knowing he has a wife. He’s getting a reputation. I remain a dignified silence and sit on the fence, enjoying my life friends hobbies and activities.
It's like you were there, everything you said l went through, felt like l was about to loose my mind and l left. It's sad how people look at you like the weak one or villain for leaving though.
Yes. The final straw was finding out about another gf, the third. This time he got lucky and it became physical…after he denied me a physical relationship for all our married life. We were married for 22 years, two daughters…he flew into a rage when i asked for my financial resources to be returned; I needed to stop work as I was cracking up. He said no…then the gf crawled out of the woodwork. He was surprised that I was strong enough to leave…he didn’t think I’d proceed as I’d threatened it before. He was a coward. Today is the first day of my new life…my decree absolute was declared today.
What a great video, watched a lot over the years, dealing with two of these crazies, one a gf one my non related niece… This is perfect information Thank you
my ex narc waited until he stole half of my retirement.. then I found out.. he turned into the devil…. I left! He would never get real help.. Buh bye evil.
This Narsciciss I Have Not Been With For Some Years But He Continues To Stalk Me Track My Phone Got Spyware On My House With His Narc Girlfriend This Sickoo Been Stalking Me For Years
Triangulation was a big thing. Mentioning their past sex life with this one and that one. During my final discard, we got into big fights. It’s like they create conflict over something simple to get you angry and if you react, they “win” and have the opportunity to say everything’s your fault. To Discard. My discard involved hoovering me back by promising change for us with couples therapy and church. We went to one session only and day after the fight happened and bam I’m kicked out because she made me angry.
I had no idea I was being abused up until this past year..or two..when all the darkness came to the light..I still can't seem to forgive myself for not knowing or identifying that it was abuse..I put myself and my children threw this..it was never physical ...like my other relationships..that I broke free from..but this subtle abuse is by far more damaging ...after knowing I wasted over 10 plus years..I think my biggest hang up is we are co parenting in two different households and I'm still very much in love with him..but I know he isn't in no state of mind of giving me what I deserve...I'm stuck..I can't see my life without him..I guess I see a glimpse of the person that I love if only he can follow threw ..his family and friends hate me..cuz he has slandered my name after I kicked him out my house ..because he told me he wasn't wanting to settle down and be responsible..this is after I gave birth to our son..I found out later he had a whole other relationship..while he was with me ..while guess he played house ..making himself look good to his family and friends while I was considered the crazy unstable baby mama.. nobody knew the lies he lived..but they were so quick to ask why it could never work out...between us...I got smart and never gave them any type of reaction..this was July of 2017 3 years went by ..that he changed his number never contacted his son ..and in the long run ...he has his his son from his new life in another state..he made the initiative to reach out to me... I was feeling like he really cared and loved me finally saying it and showing it ...and wanting me to move in with him...only to realize he had a motive ..to torture me and punish me for ending it between us..in 2017 ..I don't think he thought I had strength like that to leave him...out of nowhere..I had definitely triggered him... But he didn't go away quietly after I told him to leave that's when he started the smear campaign.. he also didn't think I could leave him from his house in 2019 to get my own place that was a shock to him too but he would tell everybody that I left him when really he's the one that in my mind ended it because he was just merely doing it to get back at me from the first time that I departed from him So I've tired twice on my own to leave this ..
When it is a neighborhood problem do you sell your home? When it is a job, do you quit in spite of needing the money and growing your career. It appears that there is always a narcissistic individual.
@@RawMotivations sometimes at work, it is difficult to set a boundary. Tough and tricky negotiation can manage the situation temporarily but there are many sleepless nights.
Wow they love taking people to court, The narassist told me that he's going to take me to court so I have all my text messages where he called me a bitch and calling my cell during the night. He was so abusive 😔
15 years of that you described I'm divorcing now I've lost everything and everyone he's been dating for years but I am the bad guy cause I hurt him .He said I was dead inside this happen 2 weeks ago and I can't wrap my head around it.
Oyes it os me and I linda figured out not too long ago because I believed I could ve wrong but days pass by and I can see the same behavior towards me and even worst ... I can almost guess what the intentions are when Im about to leave and then stay because I was asked not to and the next day back to the same story. Thanks for your words this video changed my life for a new beginning I can't stay living in misery and passing it over to my poor child who doesn't deserve to be exposed to this situation..Thank you so much for reassuring and clearing out my doubts.
I want to take a poll as I decide what I’m about to do. I know I am leaving but I’ve never been discarded before. Both times I have left I’ve snuck out. I’ve only come back because it’s been hard not having a place with a baby. Im leaving again. I can’t handle the way he will try to crush my soul if he is aware I am leaving. Would people who have had a nasty discard advice me to just leave in the middle of the night to protect my mind from a terrible discard since I’ll have my baby? My dignity is hurting at the thought of sneaking out again but is trying to leave in his awareness to risky?
Leave, just leave. You mean no more than their sofa or table to them. You are only good as long as you're useful, and if you have feelings or emotions it only irritates them. You are not expected to be human with human needs. You exist only for them to abuse in order to gain or feel better about themselves, that's all you're good for. Most of us don't understand what we're dealing with.
I do. I have the best child, a supportive family, and I’m so happy now. These videos just remind me that I overcame someone who tried to destroy me. He is horrendous, but I was stronger than he (and I) ever imagined.
That abuse is horrendous … it is rape of the soul .. literally after such a one sided entanglement you are searching for the person you were … a new identity within you comes to be … once you heal you will find that you won’t deal with such delusional toxic sub human people you will develop safe boundaries .. self love .. and you will embrace your alone time ..
that's exactly how i felt ... raped ... there is no difference between a pedophile and my narcissistic friend ... both take advantage of nativity and good intentions to make you a monster in your own mirror ..... it is sub human indeed
Stay strong
🙌🏽🙏🏽 indeed!
Speaking truth
Perfectly said! The journey of healing yourself is well worth it! I love it I learned so much!
The constant seeking of attention from other females and talking about his exes, was the tipping point for me to pursue my freedom and happiness from the insanity.
Yes I had that too. Seemed to be this trail of exes hanging around on his social media. And it’s like they enjoy mentioning them or allowing you to see them like their posts etc to torment you (triangulation). Horrendous. A real man who truly loves you would not do this.
My ex used to constantly talk about his ex wife , ex girlfriend, triangulation with the neighbour, with any female , would make me jealous all the time … took me a long time to see through it. Still went back … finally blocked and deleted 3 weeks ago … healing is a long process:(
@@daisy8187 same - and i said all you care about is your exes then i got how dare you bring up my past
well you kept bringing it up im saying stop - then i got treated like dirt since
@@Hoops590 did he tell you all his ex’s were crazy and called the police on him etc ..
I was an idiot and listened… waiting for him to say something nice about me … went to a birthday do, ended up being one of his bits on the side , she was screaming at him ‘How could you do this to me’ meaning me .. wth , still spent the weekend with him :(
Hopefully out of my life now.
Yours ?
The same thing with the guy I was dealing with. Constantly talking about other women or his ex’s just got tired of it..
The biggest lie mine has said is, "I've been nothing but real with you the whole time."
Smh
Same here...
He definitely forced me out, I knew something was underlying because it got worse in the last month I was with him. The digs about my kids, I didn’t do enough, and his false accusations of me with other men. There was so much more but the stress and pressure was just too much. He is still playing the victim.
Omg i you just don't no how much this helped me I feel like iam going crazy
They pick fights to make you leave so they can cry wolf
I’ve been experiencing the same thing for the past year. I felt sure that he was deliberately causing stress and continuing his addiction to get me to leave so that I’m the one that broke the covenant and not him. Of course he tells me that I’m crazy for thinking that. The reactive abuse hit an all time high and I felt so bad about myself that I decided to do research to figure out if I was a narcissist. That’s where the story all started unfolding. Here I am… still separated. He’s in my house. He’s come off drugs. He’s doing so the right things for his recovery. I told him last night I might need to come home because I fell out with my family. He worked hard to convince me that everything would blow over and all be ok. Many would see this as normal loving reassurance but when you put the pieces together this one has its place. It’s so hard to pull away.
@@escapinghim9889 It blows over but always blows back and gets swept under the rug, repeatedly. Cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding are Real. You can recover 💥 you can Heal
Constant targeting, gaslighting, stonewalling, future-faking, lying, deception, betrayal, and blame-shifting exactly as you've experienced.
I stayed a very, very long time. Towards the end I felt so invisible to others, that I had to leave before I became invisible to myself.
I stayed too long and lost myself. Sucks when you have kids you love
@@hassanchop3622 sorry to hear this. I hope you are on the journey to reclaiming a wiser version of yourself.
@@wendy5290 well on my way. Hope you are finding yourself also.
I am transparent, but safe and fairly comfortable. This will have to be enough. Better than hearing only my footsteps echoing through the house.
@@Misses-Hippyso sad, I get lonely sometimes but it was much harder being alone in a relationship.
got to say it's very odd so many people are dealing with this same issue telling almost the same story this has to be a spiritual entity we are dealing with. this is a demonic spirit we all have encountered.
I used to be an atheist until a few years ago. And even if it wasn't spiritual, either way you have to go NO CONTACT. I'm afraid I agree that it is a demonic thing. But it's nothing that we nor Jesus can't overcome!
In the last days they'll be a lack of love people will be lovers of self
An extremely stunted unevolved soul. These people are nothing more than sleep walkers!
They make you leave and then blame you for it.
This is all so accurate. My ex either felt smothered or abandoned. Anytime the relationship progressed toward healthy, loving, and calm she had to ruin it by sabotaging. At one point, we were booking a trip together and after I paid for it she looked at me and said “I afraid I’m going to push you away.” This is when I began to suspect her of cheating, most likely because she felt out of control in a stable relationship. Regardless, Narcissists know right from wrong and just don’t care who they hurt in the process of getting their emotional needs met. It’s extremely difficult for a neurotypical person to comprehend the mindset of someone so mentally ill.
That last moment with my ex husband was him looking hopeful and saying maybe we COULD work it out after all. I'd been telling him we could work it out for years, gave him plenty of chances, but it would require effort on his part. That was just too much to care about me. After ten years of neglect and abuse and pushing the limits of what I would tolerate, giving me the benefit of the doubt and trusting me was still too fucking much for him.
He tried to manipulate me even as I was walking out the door with kisses and sweet words. "Don't look back. Just don't look back when you get outside. Don't look back."
He wouldn't even walk me outside to my dad and stepmom waiting with the Uhaul to take me away from my dead life with him. That's how much he cared about me -- he couldn't even show his face to my parents who he hates for five seconds. Threw me out and watched me from the window. He stood there in the dim morning light in our apartment, looking like hell, but I know secretly thrilled to death that me -- his wife, his problem, his forced adversary, his shame, his reminder -- was no longer going to be a source of unpleasantness for him anymore. He got everything he wanted from me, and when there was nothing left after he'd drained me dry, he won. He had accomplished his goal of breaking me and ruining me. I am the bad person because I wanted too much that he wouldn't give. I am the bad person he couldn't please because he didn't bother trying. I am the bad person who left him. I am the bad person who divorced him. I am the bad person. I am the bad person.
All games. All manipulation. All lies. But at least I know it and understand it now. Thank you, Ben.
I'm happy to be free. Also, I never looked back. I know how this story ends. I didn't look back because I was leaving nothing of value behind.
God bless you all.
That sounds so painful but I know that you are going to draw strength from making that hard choice. I recently left my narc wife and totally an accountability thing. Namely for her cussing out her own daughter for knocking over a plant on accident. For 5 minutes. It was brutal to listen to in the next room as her and I were trying to conceive. Not to mention she did not help around the house despite us deciding for her to be a stay at home mom for the past 15 months. She just stayed in her phone all day and ignored the kids as much as possible. This was my 4th and thankfully final attempt at leaving her as we have only been married 2 years. She refused psychiatric help rather just blamed me that she was depressed. I have talked to her about getting help for the past year and she says that she doesn't need it - and my response is how can I buy a bigger house for us when you don't help now? I don't expect perfection as her two young children age 3 and 7 are still learning how to help but there is minimal effort on her part and she spends zero time teaching the to put things away. And worse how can I bring another child in to the world with her when she ignores the two (I have been eye witness to it as I work from home) and does nothing for their development now? And then to go through and verbally abuse them in the process?
I literally prepared about 85% of the meals while working full time. When I would take my morning break the kids would attack me because they hadn't been fed or wanted some water. She would say "they never asked me," while her head stayed buried in her phone playing games. I was beyond ready to leave, and hearing her just berate her daughter for 5 straight minutes was the point where I had to give her one last chance to get help. I brought it up to her that night and silent treatment. The next day I brought it up again and she refused so I packed a few things and left. My love for her will fade and if she even said she would get help now I wouldn't know what I would do. Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your story. It's hard but I thought I would share mine as it's been 27 days bit each day we get a little bit stronger.
@@antonioortega2588 Dang, Antonio. There is NOTHING good going to come from that situation, least of all getting her pregnant. She's NOT going to change and there's nothing you're going to be able to do to make her change. She won't get help, and if she does, it'll be temporary to placate you and make you think she's serious. Then a little bit of time will pass and everything will be right back to the way they were, and you'll be in that much deeper with more problems.
Congratulations for making it almost a month. Stick to your guns. Your principles. Stick to yourself. Trust yourself. Do the right thing for you. It hurts like hell, as you know, but the pain fades and becomes less over time. I feel sorry for those poor children who have to put up with such a deadbeat mom.
You can make it another day, and another and another. You can do it!
@@spacegirl226 there's something you don't hear every day...deadbeat mom. But it's accurate. Thankful that I was able to get out just 3 months shy of our 2 year anniversary. Appreciate the comment as the energy is just so light without her here and each day is a lot easier than the one b4.
@@antonioortega2588 I know of too many deadbeat moms. They aren't rare. As our society becomes more narcissistic and self centered, these women become more prevalent in the world. The damage they do to their children is irreparable. It's not fair to those children at all.
Deadbeats can be either sex, but lord have mercy a deadbeat mother is evil incarnate.
@@spacegirl226 I have never seen or witnessed anything like this. I have 3 of my own children and when my 1st was born, it just changed something inside of me. I was a different young man at 22 and I just assumed all women were born with those parental instincts. The disorders are definitely evil and mess up the hard wiring. This is going to take a lot of work for her to begin to repair, her kids deserve something better. No parent is perfect, but just the daily neglect was a living nightmare.
This is what happened to me however, I fell
In the trap of reactive abuse. The more he hurt me the more I became angry because I would spill my guts out to him and he would look at me like I was nothing to him. I’m sure this devil has lied to his family about me. He had two failed marriages and other failed relationships hopefully his family people is smart enough to see through the smoking mirrors. This is worst thing I have ever been through next to loosing my Mother. Most people are not capable of understanding the impact that it does to your psyche.
I completely agree with this - the narc does things that they know will trigger you to get a reaction out of you. In my case one of the scenario was about sharing their plans, their whereabouts and availability everyday. They did it so often, over a period of 3-4 years, and one day suddenly started withholding all information. On confronting about the change in patterns, there was a counter question about why do you need to know my availability? I had been so accustomed to their sharing of smaller things about themselves and looked at that as a piece of affection or moreover a way to stay on the same page or even contributing to their life. My confrontation was taken as some form of controlling or mandating behavior and I was made out to be the bad person in the end, to add to their story of victimization.
Most narcissist are unaware and they cannot change.
Correct
It’s the same feeling as an alcoholic
It’s and addiction, you have to break the addiction
Very true
You nailed it. It's hard to get away from these monsters if you end up living with one however
I went back to my narc after a very bad fight and separation. When we reconnected... i initially felt really good about it, because he was love bombing me. Once he took his mask off again, which took literally maybe 2 days, the feeling of dread that came over me was so so heavy. I have never in my life hated someone that i loved so much. I didn't realize this was even a form of abuse or that it had a name. But this is 100% what i went through for years. I was never an angry person, never had anger issues until i started dating him. Even i was astounded by the level of rage he was able to drum up in me. He knew all the buttons to push, and loved to "talk things through." I would try to end an argument, and tell him i wasn't in a sound mind to continue talking. and he would push and push and make me keep raging. watching this and thinking about my experiences really shows me how deeply twisted a person he was. He was literally getting joy out of seeing me lose my mind.
I remember literally putting my hands in my ears like a kid to drown out his arguing at me...he just wouldn't stop.
Them and their freaking MASKS! They wear masks, mask the truth..it's an existence of masks. Masks & Mirrors!
Wow that's Right
My ex was exactly to opposite. NONE of our issues were resolved during our 23 years. He refused to discuss anything the point of finding a resolution. He would walk away, drive away, close a door, change the topic, rage about something unrelated, or blame me for everything. Nothing ever discussed or talked through to a resolution. Needless to say it mounted up.
I realised that my ex destroyed my image so that his family would think poorly of me. That I was aggressive, argumentative, and a gold digger. His family were mostly also NPD and ASPD.
My ex did the same with his family. His parents hate me now. I didn't do anything to warrant that hate. All I did was love their damaged child and try to make him happy. He turned them against me. In hindsight that's fine because they are shitty people, just like their son who they made, neglected, and abused.
I could have written that
If you choose to leave the narcissist, be prepared for the worst because they will launch the worst attack on you that you’ve ever experienced. I just divorced my husband of 25 years and his revenge on me through out the divorce was unbelievable. He purposely prolonged it for a little over two years with huge attorney fees and really nothing left. But guess what? I made it and I am rid of him. It was all worth it, but it was definitely not easy at all. Good luck to those who decide to leave. God be with you🙏
Mine served me w divorce .it's been 4 years living in same home w him.marrued 45 yrs,can't go till over have physical challenges. Lots of attorney fees .Judge had to order information that he refused..Needless to say looking forward to peace and healing.
If they realize you KNOW who they really are, they can’t have you around warning the new supply, ruining their image.
Or also simply because they just don't get their sneaky controlling way that they spring up on their victims anymore that easily as well
You reminded me of so many horrible things that I forced myself to forget or minimize. I don’t feel as crazy anymore, thank you.
Very confusing moment, yes. They pushed me out, 12 years marriage with two kids, no closure, no working on it... then called back after the separation and said they missed me. When they couldn't come up with a single thing they missed about me, I shut the door forever.
Yeah, same but without the children. No working on it ever even though I was required to be in it and participate while he did absolutely nothing to help or improve it. Always my fault for everything that went wrong. And I took that blame because I believed I was at fault. No closure, not even a shred of it.
It's over now, and we can move on. Best wishes on your healing journey.
I learn to count my blessings, I still have two hands, legs, a head, etc....some victims lost their limbs, their lives, or worse, the lives of those they love.
Oh wow. Good on you for asking what they miss about you. They don't know how to take accountability for their emotions. It's not the connection they miss. They don't know how to connect. It's the control and power
Glad you're out
@@Beanp2025 Really ? Many loose themselves and become emotionally or psychologically unbalanced BUT IT'S MOSTLY FIXABLE IF REALIZED AND EARLY ENOUGH.
More power and wisdom from God...I can relate...
The ex narc made me leave, then immediately changed the lock on the doors. I took that as though we were done, then I received an email from them trying to hoover me back. Totally ignored it and moved on.
Oh my that is what happened to me.
Happened to me. I was hoovered almost 3 years later
@@HVogue17oh I'm not going to answer a hoover.. it's gonna be over. I've been dealing with one for 4 years
Yep!!! I wasted 2.5 years total of 5! Because I gave him time to work on the problems and NOTHING CHANGED!!! GET OUT OF the relationship!!! Don't waste your time on Narcissists!!!! I didn't know he was until after I broke up. That's my 2nd bad Narcissist relationship. Been single two years and never been happier!!!! I manifested my dream person and first time I have ever been treated like a real person!
That slight acknowledgment just keeps you on the hook which buys them time to continue on ...it’s part of the trauma bonding
Yeah and the breadcrumbing and future faking is also terrible. But the abuse is the worst
Ex did all of this then came back after years of no contact to tell me about the new replacement then ghosted me. Truly sick.
Im out as soon as I have a place to run to and a little cash to survive on.
Thank you. It’s great of you to come out and tell us what’s going on inside a narcissists head. You are helping people and that’s wonderful of you.
Appreciate this :) I wish you the best on your healing
WOW!!! I over heard my ex speaking to himself and he said “why don’t you just leave so I don’t look like the bad guy?”
When I asked him later who he was talking about, he called me crazy and denied saying that.
exactly, thanks for sharing!
I heard my ex talking to himself in the bathroom one day - he said “ ruin the weekend” I asked him what he said and he said, he was just talking to himself. Lol
Bloody demons!
Oh gosh these are the things that happened to me.
WOWWWWWW
I relate 🙏🏽
Maddening.
The worst is that my teens were convinced by his manipulation.
Without support and validation like this video, I may just be in the mad house.
Blessings
Such vile and dirty craziness
You are so comforting: I know I did not jump. I was pushed out of the marriage. Manupilation, gaslighting, driving me to react: it all happened. Yesterday I was so angry at myself even though the bustup happened in the 1980s (I'm old). Today, you came up in my feed. You have described what happened to me. I have often said: he does not want to look like the bad guy, to myself, in my own mind, knowing it sounds far fetched. Now you have said this and for those of us who have experienced it can at least understand that particular part of our wounded psyches. Their desperation to look like the good guy is extreme and in my case i was dealing with narcissistic and psychopathic behaviours. I believe I was in danger from one of his women. I believe she tampered with my brakes. Or maybe he did. When I did not crash, and when the car was back in our driveway, he insisted on doing the repair. He is an ace when it comes to 'fixing' cars. THe is also a great actor: crying and slumping over in my mother's kitchen, pretending he missed me. No. He missed being able to leave the children and household duties in my hands, while he played the bachelor, bedhopping around. I also know he had women in the bed we shared, so it was never a place i could call my own. Not even the bed we shared.
I’m glad you posted this for 2 reasons. One, bc it sounds so similar to my situation and I can totally relate and two, for saying this came up in your feed. I didn’t think hitting the like button did anything but maybe it might! It reached someone who needed to see it and that’s amazing!
It was so toxic, and the silent treatment was so painful. He wanted me to discard him. That's what I did. During this time, he had already received money from a settlement. That's why he left. Everything you said, he did it.
Yes. I couldnt quit trying with him and he went out of his way to get me to leave. He made me crazy and then pointed out to the new supply- that had been there for a year it turned out. Took me 6 mths to get over it and function. Now he wants to meet and i wont. Told him he can say it over the phone, i cannot risk seeing him in person.
Don't see him again, it's a TRAP. That's how the trap you!
@@yaileenmaldonadomendez6382 yes i know. I have no intention. I had yrs of him doing that and i wont do it again .
@@Indiana_Blue I saw myself in you there for a second! I unfortunately did get trapped 2 times and it was something I couldn't get out of for two more years! Glad to hear you're aware! ❤️
@@yaileenmaldonadomendez6382 i knew from day 1. But was stupid and thought i could heal him. He cheated the whole way through with god knows how many and strung me along and badly emotionally abused me the last 2 yrs. Treated me like scum and smeared me. Im sorry you got caught up again - but glad you are free now 🙏🏼💫
My ex person always try’s to get me to talk over the phone. Don’t do it
So true!
I went through all those things until I KNEW I did everything I could possibly do for the narc I loved ...until I finally realized the problem wasn’t me at all.
I can’t help but feel that my husband treated me badly in order to make me leave on purpose , although he completely denies it.
my husband is an amazing person to everyone else...EXEPT the wife who gave, loved him & honestly had his best interests at heart.
I don’t know the thoughtful ,helpful , kind man who others describe to me as my husband! these people do not know him at all! And it makes me angry!
you know , marriage to a narcissist is really an impossible task to go through and no one understands how awful it really is until they have been in a relationship with someone like this, and pastors who instruct wives to stay with these abusers need to study those scriptures quite a bit more because many are void of understanding about marriage and divorce to these demons!
Ps If they had really wanted to try and make it work, they wouldn't have watched you pack your bags and get as far as the door.
🙌
Yep. As I was packing my bags he actually walked over them as if I didn’t exist. The ultimate invalidation. It hurt, but it validated everything I knew to be true; he simply doesn’t care. Silence speaks volumes.
@@rubyredfrog they are literally crazy
Which is actually a good example of another power Play of theirs. I used to think that it could be an isolated incident. Nah, it's just part of the sweet/mean cycle. All I could do was get off and stay off of the crazy train FOR GOOD once and for all
Nailed it to a tee. Undeniable these were the daily executable tactics. Drama case study over here 🙋♀️ saying Amen lol. Exactly what my ex did and it was UGLY SMUGLY. He’s such a “good guy” eye roll snark.
This is exactly what happened to me in the fall of last year. I couldn't get rid of this guy! Needed constant attention from other females including exes and talked about exes constantly, constantly. This one's body, this one that one etc. He told me once he did it to punish me. Then fake tears, fake crying, saying he'll change, go to therapy. Everything you're saying. Until the end when he cheated on me! Thank goodness he moved on.
You keep trying to work it out. You stay for the kids. In the end they DRIVE you away. It's the most pain, shock, stress you can imagine. They act out, you are the only real part of this relationship. Don't waste long years or half your life or more. Don't get sick over them. We are too kind. They have a true mental illness. You can't change them. One narcissist creates plenty of trouble all around them. Everyone else but them seeks therapy. They are destructive people.
When I left my Narcissist he'd fetched up the fact that "I'm only ever with him when I'm skint or nearly skint" he said. This was after I had told him what money (which was enough to keep ME and MY OWN HOUSE going only). After I'd spent a good week at HIS paying for Electric I used etc, food for us, taking HIM out TWICE and giving HIM money to gamble on the bandits and paying for a takeaway on the way home! He KNEW that I'd defend myself. And when I told him HIS real reasons for his accusations (I told him I k ew he was seeing someone else), he hung up on me. He didn't defend himself because he knew I KNEW the TRUTH. We both knew that I would NOT take his shite, hence I blocked him. THIS IS HOW HE GOT ME TO LEAVE. (I got my power dynamics back though by not even telling him I'd blocked him. By ignoring and destroying the hoovering note he posted through my letterbox. 🍒
I cannot believe you were so correct! I had my plane ticket in my hand when he began to cry and say I never meant for this to happen.
Good morning Ben thank you so much every video just confirms what I have experienced and it is very affirming to know I am not crazy that it really is him and all he does in secret. Your 3 glass video was eye opening too!! Continue on your journey and remember always “the truth sets you free” from the bondage of the lies. Have a blessed day!
Your so right he did me and my children children wrong. I can’t help what he did but we need healing please pray for us , my kids and me .
Your honesty is comendable. Thank you for being that kind of human being 🙏🏽
What you speak of I found to be true. Making the same "errors" over and over using the exact tactics over and over until I finally had enough and walked (ran)away and made him stop. It was the only way to make him stop...by leaving the situationship
OMG it's so my life I just sat here and cried I've tried over and over making him leave thank you
Ben, I know this sounds dramatic but its true; you have saved my life and my sanity. I am forever grateful, please keep doing the awesome work that you do!
Happy to help! This comment inspires me more to continue raising awareness! I Appreciate you
Thanks so much, Ben, for your great self-awareness and insight that helped me avoid engaging in an abusive relationship with a toxic covert. The physical attraction I felt for him was extremely blinding and I was able to stop blaming myself and accept reality
You nailed it,,,25 yrs with her,,tried leaving twice and came back,,well the third time,,yes I left,and never looked back,,it's been 3yrs now,,and feeling the best I ever have ,I didn't realize how powerful freedom was.for now it's just ,me ,myself, and I..
This is 10000000% true. ❤
Omg this is exactly what my soon to be ex husband did. I think, our whole marriage he never loved me, and would withhold all affection and intimacy (its a miracle we managed to create two children!!!) towards the end, he was clearly becoming nastier and nastier to me and the kids, every day in was like he was recklessly horrible, and I believe he was trying to push me out the door so he could look like the good guy and then I'd be painted as the "terrible wife and mother who abandoned her family" . Well I short-circuited his game plan and reported him to the police...they arrested him and removed him from the property. Hahaha. That was 2 months ago. I qas waiting for "the hoover" but instead he served divorce papers which goes to show he wanted out all along!!!
The police take it seriously? What if there is no evidence?
@@escapinghim9889 Yes the police did take it seriously. Luckily I had kept a diary of the last year of the relationship so I had times, dates, specific info that otherwise I'd have forgotten. I also had some secret audio recordings of him being abusive and in rages. I actually got him arrested for coercive control and common assault and removed from the family home. He was bailed to his parents for a month while the police investigation decided whether to charge him. In the end he wasn't charged but by that point he wasn't likely to return home and the police put me in touch with a legal aid domestic abuse charity so I got the non molestation order via legal aid.
Same here 20 years of lies
Thank you, SO MUCH, for confirming what happened from my parents and from a few ex-girlfriends...I of all people, who used to think I was a realist, really needed to hear this. (I might accept your twist on the fake reality they presented instead of subconsciously BLAMING MYSELF yet, again!)
Thank you for your insight! This is exactly what happened to me. He pushed me too far and I broke it off. He knew he couldn’t have the control he desired anymore. Im sure his new victim was already lined up. Now he can say “she broke up with me”. Yet, he still kept trying to leave the door open and come back. Nope, I left because I wanted more commitment. I will never be back burner supply or one of his recyclables. He really tried to turn me toxic in the end so he could make himself look better but I walked away gracefully with my dignity. I love what you said, “you made up your mind to choose your health and freedom over your abuse and lack of sanity”. There’s just no turning back once you make the decision and see them for who they really are. You cannot unsee the mask slip. 2 1/2 weeks no contact from him and all the flying monkeys. The fog is lifted and I am finally getting my energy back. And you’re right, usually only one person can change so my success will speak for me! Thank you for all that you do. You are very courageous for opening up Pandora’s box.🙏🏼🙏🏼🕊
The story with the tears at the end - jerked my emotions for a minute, then I doubted the truth in it.. he failed at counseling , our pastor saw the issue, now I’m healing. Working on echoism now.
Yes they push you to break up with them.. my ex acted weird , cold , unemotional for a couple months before the breakup… I confronted him but he would always deny. Until I broke up with him and three weeks later he was in a relationship … go figure . :/
My story 💯 He plays the victim and me the terrible one who abandoned him. He was cheating and is still with her. He recently admitted to his daughter that he started this new relationship before he ended things with me. And he wonders why she doesn’t respect or want a relationship with this woman who knew about me. 😮
Thank you so much!!! I can’t take it anymore it’s crazy!!
You got this! THank you for watching
Thank you sir! I’ll be getting ahold of you in about 30 days! I’m going to get my mind right after the hell that Marc put me thru lol his name is Marc too I meant narc
I was completely forced out of my home when I was living across the country with my ex narc bf. I had no choice but to leave when he took me to a concert and tried to get with another woman in front of me, screamed at me when i wouldn't wait in the car for him to talk to her alone. And screamed at me the whole way home about how i was a cockblock and interfered with his destiny..(this was after years of abuse) i couldn't imagine another day by his side after such a betrayal and humiliation.
I was forced to leave my apartment to be homeless and sleeping on my friends couch. He told me and everyone else that it was my decision just to leave him, he told all his coworkers, his family, everyone about how I abused him and how much of a victim he was. He still refuses to speak to me at all. He told me he doesn't feel bad about what happened. He wanted me gone. He always kicked me out of my home, and i had no family and 2 friends in this state.
The last he spoke to me was months ago telling me he was going to block me again and call the police if i came back to my apartment for my things, after lying about changing the locks and making a new lease with my landlord. it was his final act of control. I will never forget how horrible he was to me. And having to flee my home in the middle of the night in terror. No closure. No empathy, no remorse.
What a nightmare. So glad you got out.
Why weren't you using the domestic abuse laws on him?
@@qq84 there was little point in bringing the authorities into our situation. He actually used the fact that i wanted to call the police on him before against me. He only ever made threats and lies so when i grabbed my last of my things nothing happened. Sometimes i wish i would have gotten the police involved
@@methoxyll *Never* warn someone before you call the police, otherwise they get the opportunity to call first and smear you. If you want to call the police, you have to do it *always before* telling the problem about it.
He pushed me into a threesomes when he was under the influence of a drug, said I kept ruining things/opportunities for him. I think I've hated him ever since that and was slowly chipping away.
I’m so happy you are making yourself better. It’s amazing! Keep it up. You are calling the kettle black. Thank you! You rock!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
You have no idea how much your information means to me. Thank you and bless yourself.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you
Why do we all feel like they were our soul mate? A connection like no other? My best friend? Who teaches you how to do this?
Video coming in this
Looking forward to this video TY!🙏
Usually it’s a karmic relationship. A soul contract agreed soon before arriving here. All people u meet are soul mates one way or another. The karmic however, is agreed apon by u both in soul form to teach u your biggest lesson in life. If u don’t learn from it, u will get the same experience but with different people. If u learn, ur done. So the connection is deep feeling because it is deep. Albeit not healthy, but we only learn when it comes from a place of soul recognition.. I think.. 🤷🏼♀️ idk.. that’s what I have come up with in the last 8 months out of a relationship with Narc type person. All of my relationships have been like this. But it finally clicked with this one. Do ur shadow work and that fuckin person will never be able to drown u in it again 💗
@@ARavenSpeaks thank uu
Why are they so bothered what other people think of them? It is like they spend all their energy to make sure other people view them in the light they want. Why is that? How can you live your entire life based on what the others think of you?
Mommy only loved and praised them when they did something that made her look good. The shallowness gets inherited. It’s a learned trait from being spoiled and then ignored. They do it because that’s what was done to them.
I guess that’s why this smear campaign is a thing.
To be fair, BPDs act similarly but come from a diff angle.
Because they're weaklings with NO SOUL. (Unless they become a bit more self-aware like this guy at least is doing the video.. this helps keep me safe from giving into myself and giving them another chance next time they just try to invite themselves back into my life)
One more thing, I found it best not to dwell too much on the flying monkeys and enablers who buy into their tall tale. IF THAT'S ALL IT TOOK for someone to lose respect for you without hearing your side of the story, then good riddance to that bad garbage too!
I’m glad I found this video. Image/Control- it’s real obvious those are prominent features but I never thought about Shame being just as prominent with this disorder.
Thank you for this video. This helps more than I can explain in words rn. 🙏🏻
He was most horrid in trying to get me to move out.
I am his wife and a Narc survivor, waiting for him to divorce me but he is too cowardly too. I told him, this is my home and where I live. I am your wife until I am not your wife. My solicitor told me, do not leave your home a wife. People around him can see him chatting to other women knowing he has a wife. He’s getting a reputation. I remain a dignified silence and sit on the fence, enjoying my life friends hobbies and activities.
Man you explain this soooo welll. Crazy❤
I literally have seen everything you talk about. It’s real talk!
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This is exactly the experience I went through. Thank you for your insight.
Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate your contribution to this subject matter.
You just said everything he did!! On point!
It's like you were there, everything you said l went through, felt like l was about to loose my mind and l left. It's sad how people look at you like the weak one or villain for leaving though.
You couldn't imagine where I am. I just want to say thankyou for this x
I am glad it helps
Inside information needed! (Your GUT IS ALSO being CONFIRMED here!)
Boom!
My ex did that to me . Pushed me to the limit I had to leave i was going crazy . Now Im the abuser Im the narc in his eyes .
They will turn the tables around, blame gaslight and make you feel crazy all at the same time. Hope you are recovering and healing from all that!
Spot on man
Yes. The final straw was finding out about another gf, the third. This time he got lucky and it became physical…after he denied me a physical relationship for all our married life. We were married for 22 years, two daughters…he flew into a rage when i asked for my financial resources to be returned; I needed to stop work as I was cracking up. He said no…then the gf crawled out of the woodwork. He was surprised that I was strong enough to leave…he didn’t think I’d proceed as I’d threatened it before. He was a coward. Today is the first day of my new life…my decree absolute was declared today.
TY ❤
This is my story. Almost everyone in my life fell for it. 😞
I’m /I was an exactly the relationship with my BF
My BF is also alcoholic, PTSD, and narcissistic 😢
What a great video, watched a lot over the years, dealing with two of these crazies, one a gf one my non related niece…
This is perfect information
Thank you
Yes I do. They don’t see what IVE Been thru. They’re all on his side. I’m the bad guy. When I been thru he’ll back n forth.
"One xan change"......🤯 boom!!! Thanks!!!💗 you are doing a great service!
Ben you hit the nail on the head!!! Your videos are soo great!!! Thank you!!!
my ex narc waited until he stole half of my retirement.. then I found out.. he turned into the devil…. I left! He would never get real help.. Buh bye evil.
Thanks for the works of knowledge! Can you do a video on narcissist refusing to leave your land ? Thanks 😊
This Narsciciss I Have Not Been With For Some Years But He Continues To Stalk Me Track My Phone Got Spyware On My House With His Narc Girlfriend This Sickoo Been Stalking Me For Years
They Follow Me And Make Threats
Thx!! I needed this 🙏🏻
you just read my life
Triangulation was a big thing. Mentioning their past sex life with this one and that one. During my final discard, we got into big fights. It’s like they create conflict over something simple to get you angry and if you react, they “win” and have the opportunity to say everything’s your fault. To Discard. My discard involved hoovering me back by promising change for us with couples therapy and church. We went to one session only and day after the fight happened and bam I’m kicked out because she made me angry.
This Is Definitely What These Sick Demons Do
Same same. Started after week one. Then I head the gamut being compared to every other ex sexually. How they were better and on and on
I had no idea I was being abused up until this past year..or two..when all the darkness came to the light..I still can't seem to forgive myself for not knowing or identifying that it was abuse..I put myself and my children threw this..it was never physical ...like my other relationships..that I broke free from..but this subtle abuse is by far more damaging ...after knowing I wasted over 10 plus years..I think my biggest hang up is we are co parenting in two different households and I'm still very much in love with him..but I know he isn't in no state of mind of giving me what I deserve...I'm stuck..I can't see my life without him..I guess I see a glimpse of the person that I love if only he can follow threw ..his family and friends hate me..cuz he has slandered my name after I kicked him out my house ..because he told me he wasn't wanting to settle down and be responsible..this is after I gave birth to our son..I found out later he had a whole other relationship..while he was with me ..while guess he played house ..making himself look good to his family and friends while I was considered the crazy unstable baby mama.. nobody knew the lies he lived..but they were so quick to ask why it could never work out...between us...I got smart and never gave them any type of reaction..this was July of 2017 3 years went by ..that he changed his number never contacted his son ..and in the long run ...he has his his son from his new life in another state..he made the initiative to reach out to me... I was feeling like he really cared and loved me finally saying it and showing it ...and wanting me to move in with him...only to realize he had a motive ..to torture me and punish me for ending it between us..in 2017 ..I don't think he thought I had strength like that to leave him...out of nowhere..I had definitely triggered him... But he didn't go away quietly after I told him to leave that's when he started the smear campaign.. he also didn't think I could leave him from his house in 2019 to get my own place that was a shock to him too but he would tell everybody that I left him when really he's the one that in my mind ended it because he was just merely doing it to get back at me from the first time that I departed from him
So I've tired twice on my own to leave this ..
When it is a neighborhood problem do you sell your home? When it is a job, do you quit in spite of needing the money and growing your career. It appears that there is always a narcissistic individual.
Boundaries first and formost
@@RawMotivations sometimes at work, it is difficult to set a boundary. Tough and tricky negotiation can manage the situation temporarily but there are many sleepless nights.
Make no since to be a cruel person and behave poorly but want to be seen as a good person. A person's value is in the behavior.
That was a really good one. Thank you ❤
Yes...it was.
Exactly what happened then blamed me and lied in court
Wow they love taking people to court, The narassist told me that he's going to take me to court so I have all my text messages where he called me a bitch and calling my cell during the night. He was so abusive 😔
Yes, they do. Thank my lucky stars for that!
Thankfully
I find in attachment theory anxious preoccupieds tend to be codependants and dismissive avoidants narcissists.
15 years of that you described I'm divorcing now I've lost everything and everyone he's been dating for years but I am the bad guy cause I hurt him .He said I was dead inside this happen 2 weeks ago and I can't wrap my head around it.
Don't worry, he'll do the same thing to her too!
Thank you Ben.
Thank you mate! your ace!!x
Happy to help
Oyes it os me and I linda figured out not too long ago because I believed I could ve wrong but days pass by and I can see the same behavior towards me and even worst ... I can almost guess what the intentions are when Im about to leave and then stay because I was asked not to and the next day back to the same story. Thanks for your words this video changed my life for a new beginning I can't stay living in misery and passing it over to my poor child who doesn't deserve to be exposed to this situation..Thank you so much for reassuring and clearing out my doubts.
U ARE SO SINCERELY SPEAKING! It’s nice to listen to your videos
Thank you so much 🙂
Ppl spend too much time worried abt what ppl will think. Glad I don’t.
Thank you! Words of wisdom
Thank you for watching!
I want to take a poll as I decide what I’m about to do. I know I am leaving but I’ve never been discarded before. Both times I have left I’ve snuck out. I’ve only come back because it’s been hard not having a place with a baby. Im leaving again. I can’t handle the way he will try to crush my soul if he is aware I am leaving. Would people who have had a nasty discard advice me to just leave in the middle of the night to protect my mind from a terrible discard since I’ll have my baby? My dignity is hurting at the thought of sneaking out again but is trying to leave in his awareness to risky?
Leave, just leave. You mean no more than their sofa or table to them. You are only good as long as you're useful, and if you have feelings or emotions it only irritates them. You are not expected to be human with human needs. You exist only for them to abuse in order to gain or feel better about themselves, that's all you're good for. Most of us don't understand what we're dealing with.
Oh yeah the narcissm full on abuse stared 8 years ag. .im trying to get free again now. Wish me luck
God bless thank you. I was married to this I walked off and never responded to him
Yup. He literally said he didn’t want it to look like he got me pregnant and just left me… but he repeatedly cheated on me and abused me.
I'm so sorry ♥️
I hope you have the support you need. You deserve to be loved
I do. I have the best child, a supportive family, and I’m so happy now. These videos just remind me that I overcame someone who tried to destroy me. He is horrendous, but I was stronger than he (and I) ever imagined.
And thank you by the way💗