When you "abandon" the narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
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To the narcissist it’s called Abandonment, to the victim it’s called LEAVING…You abandon a child, a dog because you are responsible for them. You are not responsible for an adult who is abusing you
Mine has been walking out on me &my son for the last 4 years ... I keep taking him back I get a silent treatment every time first one was 2 weeks ... then 4 weeks the longest one was 6 months this time it’s been 3 months I can’t take it anymore he is messaging me today telling me he loves me .....I sent him a recording of himself having his last rage at me which was horrid .... I said I can’t imagine my life without you but I can’t imagine being spoken to like that for the rest of my life either....he has other women he goes out with tells me how much fun they are while I’m at home feeling like Im Going to die of grief I suppose ..... he is pilled up at a rave with a woman half his age .... so I told him To call her & leave me alone ..... I’m so upset 😭
Best statement regarding narcissism I've ever seen. 1000%
Tell that to the divorce attorney.
@@ellesmith4077 I was in a marriage 35 years my son is 30 I stay in the marriage so he could have a father in his life.Well nothing has changed only that my son is a adult and ghosted him all his life and caught him cheating his Father still denies it .Do what is best for you and your sons sanity his Father is not going to change your son Wil only be damaged by him seeing his mom being abused.His father will be a poor example to his Son if you take him back your son will become like his Father abusing and using women try to find men who who can be a good role model like church men but be careful their to there are wolves their to, pray and ask the LORD to help you he will guide you.Adventist church are very FAMILY orientated. I will pray for you.
So well said 👍
For years I heard, “If you leave me I’ll kill myself.” I left 25 years ago. He’s still alive. Huh.....
Hahahahahaaha
😕
Unreal, that such people exist 😕
theyre fake. thats all.
Lolol
I left a narcissist 5 days ago...went no contact and I'm so proud of myself 😁❤️😁❤️
I’m proud of you got my apartment for August 30 I’m counting down 😳
I need to go non contact…I left mines in June.
How is it going? Could you manage to keep it longer?
I am now 2 weeks no-contact and last night I dreamt of her, yet there will remain no space in my life for her.
@@lesliesexton7555 ohh i thought you are a woman and u left your man, it is other way around. Never met narcissist women, but met a lot of men🤷♀️ i sm proud of you. God will replace with someone much better.
I think a narcissist is condemned to be forever alone, because everyone will be driven off by their unacceptable behaviour.
Thiss
This honestly jus made me so much more comfortable about getting out of my fucked up ass relationship. Thanks for putting it that way ❤
I don't think so.
She had me for a while.
@@redpilljesus only for a while though. Eventually everyone sees through their shit
Ha ha.. My ex has had 4 wives since me *that I know about*. An empty well can never be filled.
Nothing crazier than an adult having a tantrum.
Isn’t it called ‘rage’?
Maybe it is for them. I have an older sibling who caused so many problems that I went no contact...though I did not realize that was the name for it. Years ago I witnessed her( an adult mind you) balling her fists screaming(meanness absolutely with a red face) screaming in our mother's face AND ACTUALLY STAMPING HER FEET(!) Like a little kid throwing a fit. These fits and love bombing over the years finally I could not stand such abuse or stand witnessing it...I walked. It took my grandkids as flying monkeys. And others. I am just glad it is done.though I got a hoover via someone else...So about your question....rage?/ tantrum?/both?.
A fist might make a difference too...however as I told this "sibling" She was an abuser. And I know abuse when I see it....she said "I never got anybody!"
Bruises hurt.Yes. But the sick pain a narc who is not physically abusive hurt and damage maybe more.
She said"I never "hit" anyone. (Typo)
I've seen it so many times with my mother, it's embarrassing or would be if she could self reflect.
Shit drives me nuts MAN! Just like a 5 year old child. I'm tired planning my get away now.
Being single and happy is better than being in a miserable relationship 😌
TRUE!
Amen to that!☺
I have been feeling this way lately. I’d rather be broke and happy than to be miserable with financial security.
@@rafinalucas4823 if you have to depend on someone else financially that means you are not financial stable.
I totally understand making money is not easy, but you can do it
After cutting the toxic people out of my life, I continued to be Depressed for several years. Even when I felt suicidal, I was able to remind myself that life was actually, objectively better without them. That realisation helped me get through it.
"The more you try the worse they behave." So truly said
The Bible says when u let the demon back in they comeback with 7 more...making them stronger...in your caseu never left so that demon got stronger!
#truth
!!!!!!!
So real. And my roommate narcissist is a hoarder. The more I cleaned, the less he did and the more expectant he gets. He is BIG MAD I am not cleaning or responding to him.
What they call abandonment, I call self-respect, care, and protection. It just gets old.
They never realize that their act gets old and a bit boring.
Real. When you get past the confusion and anxiety, it’s just “oh here we go again.. “ all of it just for whatttt… why you mad? Why you yelling? Be so for real 🙄🙄🙄
They're sensitive to abandonment yet they don't have a problem discarding you like trash when you're no longer interesting or convenient. The twisted world of a narcissist.
A lot of the things they do and say are hypocritical. I see this happening on a regular basis.
So true . Mine discarded me like trash but couldn’t take it when I called him out on it .
Most horrible time of my life.
It is called selfishness to an extreme degree.
Yes
@@nateiverson6949 They force others to be insincere, once you know who they are to avoid the rage and revenge they will show when they are confronted with the truth. It is a horrible horrible thing to experience. My ex husband did all of this and worse underhanded tactics and I have family members who support him in staff of their own siblings. By the way, I believe most of my siblings 7 of them are narcissistic also.
When you abondoned the narcissist, life starts to blossom in profound ways.
Oh it does. Nicely said.
Oh good God!! Such a fucking baby!! Thank God I've been no contact for a month, and has a 2nd degree battery charge on me. Yes, I'm pressing charges. No one is going to give me a fat bleeding lip, cut above my eye, and tried to strangle me, and get away with it!! I'm finally standing up for myself . Biggest a****** ever met. He deserves everything he's going to get for this oh, he ain't smirking now is he? Dumb f*** that he is
Most women cant and wont even if they could.
Free at last 💚
I am find it very hard but it definitely feels good.
It's not that they fear abandonment, they want to imprison you and have total control over you. They fear that their prisoner might escape.
I agree
Reminds me of powering the exit gates in a game I play called Dead by daylight! Lol 😂 As soon as the killer knows you’re opening a gate they immediately try everything to stop you from even powering the escape.
Yup! And then, they'll have to find another scapegoat and if not the family turns on each other one-by-one.
My narc mother says she wants me to pack my bags and get out 😂 she just bluffing ?
Yep cuz it does feel like prison that's exactly what it is and they are the warden!
I'm not "abandoning," I'm cleansing my life
You've found the key to the prison cell they put you in.
Yesss❤
After you've been tortured in a narcissistic relationship, you'll be able to recognize that sick feeling in your gut when you meet another narcissistic psycho almost immediately. RUN FAST!!!
I hope! Never again do I want experience this again! 😁
@@findpurpose6300 You won't if you leave at the absolute beginning of any abuse. If you want to help them, tell them to see a shrink because they're psychotic. They won't, but they'll definitely be aware that you're too smart for them to manipulate.
@@ezwalker Yes, I learned a lot from this. We need be careful who we let into our life's. Stay safe and stay narcissist free! 🤣
🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️
I hope !!
Because thats the only kind of people i fall for
I don't understand how :3
When you stay in a toxic relationship, you essentially block your blessings
Hmm interesting... elaborate ppl...I am going thru this now
@@wicomms as soon as you completely let go(and you can’t fake this, because the universe knows your heart) your blessings will flow in such abundance that everything spiritual will make sense . DOORS WILL OPEN THAT YOU NEVER IMAGINED POSSIBLE WHEN YOU LISTEN TO WHATS GOOD FOR YOUR HEART ABD FOLLOW THAT PATH
@@tessamyers4457 thanks Tessa ..I don't know how to do it ..she divorced me but still stays with me and the 2 kids...she wants me to leave. I want to stay for the kids... All the narc video prove to me that she is a narc to the T, but I don't know what to do...
@@melaniescott8204 I don’t go to church . I listen to my higher power and I follow my intuition . Why would “God,” want you to continue to be abused . The God that I follow which is “love,” only wants the best for me and wants me to live in alignment with love and light .
@@melaniescott8204 never said I was a Christian and I live a very faithful, commuted life.
That’s what my husband keeps saying to me now that I am abandoning our marriage and giving up on us and our vows. Meanwhile it’s been over 26 years of emotional abuse so I think I kind of have a right to leave and be happy within my life.
My ex husband said the EXACT same thing…. I told naw bro, you got it mixed up!! YOU gave up on us a longggggg time ago, I just had the courage to leave. BEST decision I ever made 💯
I’m getting ready to leave my Narc after 26 yrs, I’m so ready 😭
@@jaimescirica1663 I hope you become the happiest person you’ve ever been and all joys of life flow freely to you! I will eventually get out but finances and children prevent me from outright leaving but I’m not falling for the gaslighting or being sucked in to arguments anymore and that alone is making a difference. Freedom is coming!
go heal yourself... try EMDR therapy to help release this trauma bond. I wish you the very best --- you only have wonderful things to come, now that you've cut the cord of narc abuse.
Was it reactionary abuse?
They dont really care if you abondon them. Though they'll give you the guilt trip. Its not like you can hurt their feelings. They have none. They wont miss you, they'll immediately move onto their next victim and forget you exist.
They have feelings, deep feelings, but their ego rides over everything else. They supress their feelings and in their own mind, tag themselves as victim of abandonment. I think it starts early in childhood. They feel abandonment much more than average people but they have learnt to live with it, to not let it show.
Guilt tripping at the highest.
Thats not true. If you are hurt thats what you believe because they dont hoover you or try to get you back. If they wouldnt care they wouldnt have to treat you with silence or keep punishing you after you left. trust me they do care when they loose regardless if its a human or material things.
I'm constantly battling between hating them and feeling sorry for them.
Someone who makes you hate yourself for loving them doesn't even deserve your hatred let alone your sympathy.
I get that. In fact just the other day I had to journal my hate to bring me back to why they do what they do. 🤔
This probably happens because they are intermittently good when they have to get their work done by you.
Don't feel bad for them.
I "feel sorry" for them, but not in the way they want me to "feel sorry" for them. "The unexamined life is not worth living". Some great philosopher said this. I'm SO GRATEFUL for Dr Ramani mentioning self-compassion, self-awareness, self-reflection. My narc family is not available for this "work". I can't "do" superficial. Realizing that my life has been one long gaslight / neglect by my mother was a bit painful, but empowering. Having the words to describe this abuse definitely helps with the understanding and acceptance. SO MUCH GRATITUDE TO YOU, Dr Ramani and those hear who share stories. Sorrow shared is lifted. Joy shared is multiplied. Blessings to ALL.
I left a narcissist recently and I am so proud of myself.
I'm proud of you too!
Congrats Kaylie, I am proud of you too, I also just left a narcissist after 20 years so I know how hard it can be.I hope you can move forward and live your best life.Sending you love and light ❤
Me too narcissist manager and leaving job at end of month, can't wait!
I am immensely proud of you!! Live peacefully without them ❤️
You are a strong courageous warrior.
The amazing part when you decide to leave... Is how you suddenly start to SEE clearer. You even see that what you thought was normal was actually toxic all along. The anxiety and stress starts to lessen.
I filed for divorce last year July, it's been a year and a month and still he's giving me a hard time about it.
Yes!
Right. When I used to point out my ex's mistakes then he used to say that it's normal in every relationship & that he abuses me bcz he loves me alot & misses me. Now when I left him & started talking to my frnds again & discussed these things with them then their reply was also the same. They also said that such kinda behaviour isn't normal. Now I realise that what I used to think was right. He was manipulating me into believing that abuses are ok
@dipshikhachandra3439 Same, he had me believing what he did, he did because of love. "All in my head".
i was lucky at least in that I recognized it twas not normal and was out in a jif, still they're colonized in your mind, on and on.
tell me about it. Its been more than 2 years and he's still blaming me for not taking his shit for life.
It’s funny how in that moment everyone thinks you’re crazy and then you listen to this and everything makes sense! Thankful for clarity!
bingo!💯🎯
I tell you i am currently in this situation n now it makes perfect sense
❤
Unbelievable how easy it is to feel like the crazy one when youre outnumbered by narrsasist and enablers
Everyone thinks you are crazy..... but if they spent 1 week with a narcissistic person in full narc mode, they would understand. Wear your scars with pride, people will judge you for being happy and not know why
When you just DONT CARE anymore, the trash will take itself out.
🤔🤣👌🇬🇧
CHECKMATE
Its interesting because they feel the same way. They feel we (the empath or the victim) is the trash and tell everyone “it” took itself out! Never accepting they pushed “them” out. They also push others to suicide attempts yet tell everyone in their circle, the victim is the narcissist and they didnt follow thru. Its really so twisted. The first thing he said to me after my attempt was, I cant be with you being so unstable and in that state! He never apologizes or hoovers! Ever, so others believe the story that the pattern of the victim trying to talk when things cool down or trying to fix things makes the victim, indeed, into the narcissist!
@@am4221 So true. But always remember it was never about you but about their own insecurities etc. It is a lesson to learn and i am thankful it happened sooner than later. My motto now with the narc ... i dont talk cheese to a rat ...dont make moves on a snake ...you are important to many people and most of all to God who created you with much love and being unigue. Dont let sick people live rent free in your head. Its all about YOU now. Its ok. Go for it. Follow your gut instinct. After a narc experience, trust me, you gut always spot on. You are on my prayers list for healing, blessings and happiness.
@@melanieknowles7002 thank you. Its so intense. Not a care in the world from them. How smoothly they go on about life. As if you were already dead. I appreciate you.
Unfortunately, narcissists prey on compassion and empathy. They need good people in order to manipulate them
Also people without solid boundaries.
@@steffaely yes, super important to develop those!
Straight demons I've never been happier since cutting out the insanely toxic "humans" in my life.
@@steffaely and that where they fucked up. First time the narc tried to cross my boundaries he were fucked up.
my ex has a gf i didnt know about and she is narc also like him, hahahahahahahhaahahahaha imagine they slashing themselves with knives bahahahahaha
I call it an escape. Someone in the comment said, " I call it RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE." 😂😂😂😂 That is so exact 💯
I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissist..& it’s been 1year since I’ve broken up with him. He’s been persistent in trying to get me back and I have been equally persistent in staying done. Not easy, but the peace and rest I have gained is so worth it.
Never go back to where you’ve been😎 your too cool for that💕
@@amisedai942 thank you so much ❤️🥰
I was in a relationship with a narcissistic for 10 years. It's been 2 years since I'm free. Stay strong and glow
@@khyatichauhan30 I sure will, you do the same. 💪🏽☺️
Stronger by the day. Stick with it love. You're worth it and owe it to yourself.
They abandon people via emotional abuse/neglect then wonder why someone would physically abandon them. 😂
They are evil and delusional.
This how they one did me he’s the first narcissist I known. But they will Reap what they sowed
EXACTLY!! LOL I GET IT KNOW HAHAAAA 😂 LOL
Because they deserve it.
Yes, I was told that I "abandoned " them and that apparently I was "never actually in love or committed to them " and that I "gave up on us". I stayed for 2.5 years in that relationship. At first I always stood my ground, which resulted in sooo many arguments, then I started to feel bad and guilty and allowed myself to stay with them because it was "my fault " and "I was the problem " and deserved the insults apparently.
Slow claps for all those who chose themselves instead of their toxic partners!!! I’m with you fam!
Thank you I left him and feel great self respect
❤❤❤
Thank you 💖🙂
@@nicolebavlnka7503 Amazing feeling right!?! 💜
@@aprilbennett4322 my god YES IT IS did not know how light life is when you lose 169 pounds of a man 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💙💜💜💙👊knuckle bump
“Losing the conveniences you brought to their life” - it’s so sad when you realise this is all they ever cared about. It’s such a sickening shock when you learn that you were never cared for. It’s a cold wake up! You didn’t love me you loved my services.
Yes exactly, feeling horrible to have left somebody make me become a servant. Now to find back my dignity...
Blocked the narcissist and i feel so much better.
based, but trying to decolonize them from your mind is the second major battle, as I type this she's still in there from three years back only a brief meeting
"No one will ever love you like I did!"
Answer: "Not true, I love myself more than you ever loved me!"
Omg! Mine just sent an sms with this line yesterday. Its been over 2 months but his fragile ego still cannot believe I finally abandoned him.
@@msdemeanour Congragulations! I wish you life´s best on your journey.
Good, that's what I'm counting on bitch!
@@Kiriza22 Thank you 💌
Or perhaps.."you're cutting your nose off to spite your face"?
When you leave them, they will see it as though you’re abandoning them. They will forget everything they did to push you away and just focus on you leaving. They will see it as though you did them wrong.
Exactly
Yes :( this is so true
Exactly and they can’t even fathom why we left them - they literally don’t even know what they did was wrong which is concerning
Exactly my point
@@drivynsonnet7040 I think mine did, and I say this because she tried to gaslight me the very next day on why I left her. In a nutshell she tried to say her action in a given situation was "professional" when it was purely "personal". When I confronted her on it I saw more of the puzzle (I didn't know about NPD at the time, about ten days later I would stumble across it when trying to figure out what happened); the word salad, the gaslighting, the blank stare, trying to act like I was losing the best thing ever... when in reality I basically just dodged a bullet and got my life back. I had told her what she was doing and she acted like it was nothing, and even tried to turn it back on me.
The bottom line: they really hate when people "discard" them, imo because its a wound to the ego, their sense of self-importance and "specialness". They may fear abandonment, but only so far as it impacts them financially or leaves them in an unstable situation. (I'd go on but gotta run. ;}
I’m left my narcissist and my anxiety levels are much normal now and my mental health is better my money is going back up I’m getting better luck 🍀 now with anything I do ❤
Smh that's what I'm trying to do now 😢Everything u just said
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
They could’ve just been asexual-doesn’t mean they were a narcissist specifically
I had the same exact experiences with my narcissist. Who is clinically diagnosed!
Cheat.
Pencil dik can’t even satisfy you
Not shocked
I left a narcissist a year ago. I became homeless with two babies (1 & 3 yo) it was extremely hard, and now I can say that I'm so proud of myself.
Noice!
you really should be. i am proud of you too Cristina ❤🩹
Proud of you, as I did the same seven years ago xx
Good for you! Super proud of you 👏
Stay strong you've won already and the universe will come together to give you back all the joy you deserve ❤
Abandoning a narcissist who is constantly gaslighting and emotionally crippling you...is the best thing you could ever have done for yourself!
🙌
I did and it cost me $500,000!!😞
It’s so sad… I hope I never find another one
@@ludicrous7044 what a man/women prophet if he gains the world but loose his soul. 500,000 was a bargain. Congratulations.
Or cheating on you. I found out yesterday he was cheating on me with multiple girls and one of them was his co-worker who knew about me.
They take everything deeply personally. If you don't agree with them you have, in effect, left them and how dare you abandon them?! You must agree with everything they say. You must be 100% under their control. If you step out of line you will be punished. You do not "leave" ie show any independent thought. They will tie you up if they can. They want to imprison you. They are jailors.
If you do not agree with them, it is just because you dont Understand(TM), duh.
Bc if you Understood(TM) them, you would never Abandon(TM) them.
People are ABSOLUTELY leaving these parasites! Thank God!
There is SOO much exposure now, i believe due to social media. I'm so grateful the education. Thank you for all that you do. 2023 🎉❤
I left my own mother. I'm still scared to death... but now my life belongs to ME. People with narcissistic mothers will understand.
Hugs
I'm getting ready to just do that with my narc mother. It's scary and the thought has made me sick even though I know getting out of here will be so much better.
Hopefully you're living your best life now (and if not, I hope things get better!) and hopefully my life will be better too at some point soon.
💙🙏💎
Hey, how are you doing nowadays?
I have forgiven my mother many times to my own demise. Moved far away for years. We're now 7 minutes away. She started her garbage when I was there with my granddaughter. I picked her up with a big smile and walked out. 3 years ago and I have no regrets. They don't change. In fact she is dangerous.
I left a narcissist a few weeks ago. Best decision I ever made.
Me too sister. All the healing and love to ya.
Me a month ago
Make sure you don't go back to the narcissist.
I am very pleased for you. Your future will be much happier and safer without them in your life. Wishing you all the best xxoo
Congratulations/
Walking away helped me heal. Its one of the few things I've ever done in my life that's brought me great pride.
My dad kept telling my mom “the day we divorce” until my mom told him “you got one month to get your stuff together and leave. I won’t ruin my daughters’ Christmas but you leave right after.” He was flabbergasted! He couldn’t believe she told him to get out!
I dont call it abandonment I call it RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE😊
Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide from my 42yr old narc son. I'd have to give up everything and go wondering alone in to the unknown. Unfortunately, he cannot take care of himself; he'd be homeless, return to using drugs, and die alone. What can a mother do? If things do not change, I will need to move somewhere to avoid serious abuse in my later age. Sad and stressful situation. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
@@nmarchesano 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@jamilia9169 thank you! 🙏
But he has free will and so do you, it is the image of God. It isn't true that he has no one, that is a guilt trip he uses to keep you trauma bonded. It is one thing to help someone who accepts your help and is grateful for it. It is another to try to help a person who is actively abusing you. It is either him or you, that is how your son thinks. He is trying to drag you down with him. This is evil and when something is evil, you HAVE to walk away. He has God as God is waiting to be there for everyone. No one is alone as God waits for everyone. As long as you are his crutch and punch bag, you are preventing him from hitting rock bottom and it is literally his only chance to change. I know what I am talking about, I had to hit rock bottom before I could change too. I had self destructive and addictive behaviours too (though I wasn't being abusive). I hit rock bottom and though I felt alone, I knew God was there and I cried out to Him. That was 6 years ago and now I am born again and have a completely different life. Some of my addictions went overnight. Jesus Christ saves.
Exactly 😂😂😂😂
They drive you away, leaving you with no other choice.
Yes... they drive you away and then they blame you!
@@tiddlywinks8299 Exactly !🤢
THIS
They always make it your fault. Well at least manufacture that way. They use family friends and anyone else they have ties with that you know to gaslight you into thinking you're the one that's wrong, despite all the rage and abuse heaped your way over the years by them.
"You know how he/she is, they don't really mean it." They are very good at what they do. They've only been at it since they seen it work and get rewarded early on.
Soooo true. I worked with a partner that made me feel comfortable with opening myself with her at the beginning of our work relationship. I thought she was a friend, but that wasn’t the case. She was dark and did some really shady things to me that I couldn’t believe. I fell into a very deep depression. I would get nauseous when I arrived in the parking lot at work. The anxious feelings were overwhelming. I finally got the courage to quit my job and it was the most freeing feeling ever.
I find a narcissist is very, very insecure, of course they deny this, but that is their problem and they are usually jealous too.
I just removed two narcissists from my life. And my world is now a much brighter place.
Loving narcissist is like hugging a cactus. 🌵🌵🌵
And that’s the truth!!!!!
Great analogy
I'd rather hug a cactus any day 🌵
At least I'll only have physical scars instead of being mentally fukd up like I am now ❤️🩹💩😇
I felt that tooooo sad.
@@sarangtokki2045 exactly. He knows how pissed I am, without even talking to me. He's giving me his perfect silent treatment. Knowing I'm disabled and can't complete my reno I started, and he was helping me, especially after hurricane Ian hit. He quit soon after. Never came back except to anger me. He stopped now, knowing that silent treatment is making me crazy without telling him. They are so cruel.
“After everything I’ve done for you.”
😂 word. Done shyt but take away and never give !
‘I gave my all for you’ - erm not really you just wanted everything your way and only your needs was relevant
Yes I heard that earlier this year when I went no contact with my Dad. He said “I don’t know what I could have done to make you angry. Maybe some gratitude for all I’ve done for you will offset your anger.” He has been the one acting angry towards me all year though. I walked away just to get my peace of mind back.
The guilt shame trip yup
LOOOOOOOL mine said that
I left my narcissist girlfriend and believe you me it was so hard to do. I was so run down after a time of abuse and it left me totally shattered.
Me too man. It really sucks. It went from ignoring me, to begging for me back, to insulting me, to back to begging, to insulting me, to manipulating me for money, to calling me a thief, to insulting me, to finally stopping contact for now.....
I hear you buddy same
That is why narcissists turn to violence in fear of their lack of power & fuel 4their self esteem.
Narc's loves to break up with you just to devalue you and actually anticipate you begging them to come back. Don't go back.
DARLENE, We don't do DO Overs. They need Rot Away. They need there KARMA.
@@davidcoppotelli3957 yeah it’s a bit tiresome. Lonely. But hang in there so you get the best.
th-cam.com/video/By4hLJ7wbgE/w-d-xo.html
That's fine tell everyone you broke up with me..just GO
Yes you should stay gone.
Who clicked without even watching 👀....... i love this woman she changed my view of me. Thought I was broken but im not ......
You though you where the problem ?
Me too! I grew up in a dysfunctional family, it can be hard to get any perspective of what is "normal" in a toxic environment.
Me too. Finally 43 years later I learn I am a Parentified CoDependent who married a Covert Narcissisy 9 years ago, I was finally disconnected 11 months ago by my now former wife. And realized at the same tire who I am in regards to my family- the Scapegoat. Financially destroyed...and so confused its not even funny. Thank God for Dr Ramani.❤😊
@@harleyhearse Good to hear you got out❤ It's not easy being the scapegoat, it's hard to break free. I realised after my dad died five years ago how toxic the family dynamic was. I feel quite angry for him not leaving the marriage sooner, but I don't think a divorce would have been easy either... He died after four months of cancer. Although it's awful to have lost him, I'm happy he is free now🕊
😌🙏🏻❤✨ She saved me😭😭
The narcissists I’ve had in my life do not know what love is, only convenience.
Its crazy how much chaos narcissists create in this world! Run baby, run!
I left my Narc 3 weeks ago... the fog is only just starting to clear. I'm starting to see how crazy and abusive the relationship was. My nervous system and anxiety are starting to calm. Some days are harder than others...but I'm really proud of myself.
Good luck you can do this!
You should be proud way to go
Its like they hypnotise you have you under some kind of spell. But after a while the pattern recognition becomes to much to ignore. I lost 18 kilos in weight and I wasnt even over weight. He said I was to fat then he didnt find me attractive anymore because I went so thin because of him. Nervous system was all over the place. And the 3 lots of anti biotics because of Stds he had given me. I finally snapped and had enough last week. When he asked me for the third time to be friends. I left I said I dont remain friends with serial womanising bullying narcissistic cheaters. Ive blocked him on everything. I never eant to lay eyes on him ever ever again. 🆘🙏❤️
It's so strange how clear it is how abusive it was once that fog clears.
When you realize what they did, you have a mental breakdown and everything is foggy and love transforms into rage, hatred, trying to get revenge then you just realize how pathetic they are inside and you move on because you’re worth more than that.
The energy and peace they drain from you...
They are awful
Draining for sure
Is too much.😔
Absolutely. It's terrifying.
Thank you for saying, "the incapacity for intimacy". It's validating my experience.
Its true let's not abandon the abuser ,I left so that he wouldn't leave. He promised me everything would change,They lie nothing will change.
Falling in love with narcissistic people: a very bad emotional investment.
Amen. I left my nars two days ago. I feel so relieved
💔
That's so true. Ive learned my lesson. When you notice the redflags from the start, run!
When you abandon/leave a narcissist, you heal over time & you become a happier person 🙂✨
They don't take any responsibility
May the LORD heal all of our damaged souls and guide the world to a good place with no more hate and negativity as we live and stay alive...
Been 2 years after 26 year marriage. He was a lot more wrong with him other than narcissism I'm so glad I did it. He was a evil wretched man capable of anything. Only I know but to the world butter wouldn't melt.
So true!
I hate her, i wanna leave, annoying at best....
I am filing for a divorce from my 15 year Narcissistic husband. We have 4 young kids and 2 have Autism and special needs. I am so utterly heartbroken, but this has to be done. I cannot live this way anymore. This video is such an inspiration. Exactly how he is. And honestly, he was not always this way. He got his way about 10 years ago, worse and worse and angry.
I learned about 1.5 years prior to my wife leaving me. I studied hard and desperately searching for when the true narcissistic behavior started in her. She was the one that gave me the awnser!
She had said, "You haven't been the same since mom died "(her mom,5 years prior.)
Now I see ,I haven't been the same in her eyes since then. I believe her mother,talking on a daily basis, was my wife's narcissistic regulation therapy. Helping to guide her through her overthinking and negativity. The small hurtful things that she would laugh off have always been there. The 20 years together. It was until her mom died that she really started getting out of control and gaslighting me, going silent, doing whatever she wanted. I questioned her about why she would tell people that I was a bad father and husband ,but it was all denied, and she would change the subject, and/or turn it into a screaming match. Only good thing to come out of that was our son recalling her project something she had done onto me.
His eyes were opened to her evil narcissistic behavior. I don't know how I would have made it these past 2 years without him by my side,understanding what truly is going on.
She worked for years on her smear campaign. Has everyone believing I am the one to blame.😢
Well, I'm better off without friends who don't look into false accusations!
Better off without a narcissist too.
Took 5 days to realize how much stress and anxiety she had put on me, and then I knew... No More! I don't want her back, even if she goes to therapy. I love her ,and wish her the best.
The mental and emotional tolls are not worth the part-time,conditional love she would give.💔
I hope your doing fine i know how you feel i left my husband 2 years ago we have 1 Child but the Drama does not stop because of the child... i hope your not dealing with the same!
You are so right! My husband threatened divorce twice and told me i can get out one too many times. I finally got fed up with it and told him when you say this it makes me think you’re right. Boy, did he backtrack his statement but it’s too late.
If you discard a narcissist, they will be thinking about you for the rest of their life. They will be overwhelmingly obsessed with you.
Good to know-
I said see ya on Christmas Day and he went from rage to desperate-
I was just a prop in his life until o had on opinion or questioned him...he ignored me and gaslighted me and I said...no more
Facts.
Holy!!!!
Sad. I also heard that they go looking for another prey. They need new supply.
I dunno about that my ex narc is engaged and moving to the states I dont think he gave me a second thought .... Still as long as hes HAPPY
I left my Narcissist on Christmas Eve, and I have 0 regrets.
sounds like a good christmas present
I left mine on Boxing Day.
Good on you
I left mine November 8. Blocked him he has tried twice knocking on my flat door i ignored him. Im never going back im happier on my own.
@@susanpollitt513 proud of u girl!!!!
Signing my divorce papers tomorrow. I am so relieved to be out of the abuse. I’m only just becoming aware at what level the behavior was.
He is treating me like all this was HIS idea. I made him pack, changed all my beneficiaries,got the mediator,changed key codes etc.
He is now pushing the mediator to hurry up. My mental health is so improved & clear . I have been working very hard on goals for myself,
giving myself time to heal,therapy,trauma based yoga. I am less affected by anything he replies to.👍🏻😉
I left my narc almost 3 years ago after 2 years of abuse. Best thing I could have ever done! ❤
“Threatening divorce and not doing it is a form of gaslighting to keep you in line.”
Same with threatening suicide.
Wow, Thanks for putting those together......Clarity I wish I had 15 years ago....
In I would go on and sign the papers cause the longer u stay the longer they abuse u and it get worse over time and worse when u leave these people are very evil vile and wicked trust me when I tell u I regret the day I ever met one of these monsters!! They will make your life a living hell!!
He threatened me of divorce. I started the divorce
I never understood why my lying, cheating narcissist never threatened divorce. Now I can see it was his fear of abandonment and the fact he was not capable of loving anyone, so he was never going to have a healthy relationship with me or anyone else, so why leave?
Everyday I go through this
I left a narc 6 months ago my life has Blossoming ever since!! New job, new place, more income/ savings and Love. If you are reading this: You are making the right decision! As hard as it was it was needed for me to grow!
PRAY FOR ME! I don’t want to go back.
Same! I left my Narc mom about 8 months ago now and I realized I felt happy for the first time! I got a great job, making more money, living with a best friend and we do a lot of fun things together. :< Then Narc mom started the blame, shame, lies game to try to pull me back. On No contact now. MUCH happier apart and I've lived with no contact before (Mom's decision) so it's nothing new. I love and miss her, but I have a life to live!
@@cttofl8822 don’t go back, it’s not worth holding on to someone who treats you badly. Make room for the person who will treat you better
@@raemarie6720 thanks I love you for that… rlly I needed that Rae
@@cttofl8822 You’re welcome! Remember to take one day at a time. It gets easier each day. Write a list of all the bad things you felt or experienced and look at that list when you’re tempted to go back. I’m rooting for you 💕
I like how she sometimes refers to the narcissist as “it” but I’m only finding humor because the narcissist is mean and hurtful and scary so it’s nice to find a little humor against them.
Just left a narcissist friend and I feel so much relief! I had no idea I could be sucked into a friendship with such a person it was very weird to me !!!
This same thing is happening to me now.
@@jessicadrake652 just leave! Ghost and block them on everything! I am absolutely finished and over it 😂 feels great 😊
" You will never find another man like " THATS THE POINT !
When i was dumped by my gf i remember saying to her that ” i will never find someone like you 😔”.... she really was the best.
”Time will decide who you meet in life
The Heart decides who you want in your life
BUT
Your behaviour decides who will stay with you ”
💔 lesson to be learned.
Hooo that’s a blessing
Yep,when he said that to me my reply was why the fucknwould I want to find someone else like you? That was said like a true narcissist. He got so pissed and started yelling at me "your evil your evil !"
That is exactly what mine said to me when I dumped him. And I said to him THAT'S MY PLAN TO NEVER MEET ANYONE LIKE YOU 😂
Works both ways hun
You’re not allowed to leave a narcissist. They call the shots. They spent a lot of time hoovering you into submission. They learned how to emulate your strong qualities because they’re incapable of having strong qualities on their own. So, yes, they get mad when you leave. But not because they’ll miss you or they’re hurt. It’s because now they have to put that work into someone else all over again.
And all that while living their miserable ordinary lives. (Mine's a covert narc who finally has to go to work for their own living.)
Enjoy your freedom! Wish you the very best!
I agree. I think “hoovering” is less the fear of abandonment and more the reality that they have to put effort into another person.
Yup!!! My ex threw the word "divorce" around years ago and even told me to go stay with my mother. She literally kicked me out twice but I failed to realize that I was her yo-yo. She called both times after a week telling me my son was missing me ( my weakness) both times. The third time she said it again years later this time I was done being her yo-yo and it was the best decision ever. I had to get the strength to overcome my weakness. I knew there was a high chance of my son not wanting to see me again. Sadly that was the outcome and I pray he reflects when he is older. I love him dearly.
Indeed. They COULD also put that work into developing their own sense of self and personal power... but the odds are not good. Most narcissists are not prepared to do what it actually takes to recover and develop a healthy adult self.
@@mayalibre I concur! They are impaired and do not have the tools to do that.
I left the narcissist at the end of August, Reported him to the police, everything is still ongoing,he's since been arrested, and it's hard, the split between loving and hating him is confusing, but generally I can understand the "love" I feel, is only the love I gave him, mirrored back at me, and I direct the love to myself. Exhaustion and PTSD have been the worst part, but if I can be with him for 2 and a half years, I can handle this
I’ve lived this exact garbage. It sickens me that this is not isolated, but rather common tactics. I spent years and years believing it was my fault and equally am sickened that he had people knowingly support his bad behavior. I thank God I survived this and his multitude of other abuses. Thank you Dr. Ramani, I’ve become so much stronger from your lessons and explanations, I am forever greatful❤️
I'm getting ready to leave a narcissist relationship. When I started realizing that my mood was better when I was by myself, that's when I knew there was a problem. If I feel worse off when you're around vs when you're not around, it's time for me to go.
Same here and I felt better off without my mother (narcissistic mother)
I feel u! But it's weird because part of me is scared. Not that he's taking care of me (I take care of him, lol). I think I'm scared of the change.
@@dejachhun338 Courage is being scared but doing what's best, anyway😁👍
@@patriciaque197
🥰
Im in the same situation. Good luck to u!
ive never seen a comment section so supportive, it helps, and it helps a lot.
I agree. It’s almost like a online support group😊
Coz people here are the one who are beautiful soul
Yes! I want us to kinda have a meet up lol
We are in this moment 😂
Agree! This channel and the wonderful people commenting have seriously improved my life. Best to you all ❤️
The narc in my life used to get so extreme that she would order me to leave, and then accuse me of abandonment when I tried to go
I literally had a therapist ask me " did you promise them you'd never abandon them?" And THAT'S why I felt guilty after leaving. I needed to work on that, on breaking the promise.
This. It's hard to get over the fantasy version of what the narcissist portrayed themselves at during the inception of the relationship also. But I've learned that was never really her, jus her mirroring what she thought I wanted and needed. Which sadly was right on the money at the time. I'm not wasting another year tho 🎉
Yeah, they trauma bond and love bomb you and get you make all these ridiculous promises. If you think about it, the person you promised that too never existed, and was made under pretense so your promise is not even valid. I say Not guilty ☝️🙄
Take that weight off of your shoulders my dear. It’s not yours to carry. ❤
@@amisedai942 thank you so much darling ❤️
I’ve never felt so much disgust for a person and feel bad for them at the same time. I don’t want to have hate in my heart for this person, but I also don’t want to have compassion for them anymore they don’t deserve it they’re weird
Thats exactly how I feel. I dont like to hate, but my God, I have never been treated worse in my life or disrespected like I was. It kills me!
I completely empathize with y’all on this. Wow.
Him tormenting himself is his own karma
Right ... agreed.
Yep
When people can't cope with reality, they make their own.
All they care about is controlling the narrative and they carefully "edit" the narrative so that they can remain grandiose, special, holier than thou, politically correct, virtuous, intelligent, faithful, innovative/entrepreneurial, like a hero/social justice warrior/generous benefactor....or whatever "starring role" it is they've cast themselves in so that they are in the strongest position to be admired by others.
Above all, they are admiration-seekers, and that can show up a million different ways, depending on the values of the culture around them (and that can also shift depending on who is around at any time).
Yes! One person comes to mind who can’t cope with reality and that is Donald Trump.
@@nthomson3575 Yeah, anyone who needs to plaster their name all over every business they've ever opened is pretty desperate for admiration from others.
Well said
Who ever said that said it best. When people can’t cope with, reality they make up their own.funny hun.😂and at the same time sad.
I left one recently in the early part of the relationship. The manipulation, games, and self-centered behaviors weren't going to change and weren't going to work for/with me.✌🏾 This video was extremely accurate!
🤗 im proud of u
I’ve heard them say ‘you can’t make anyone feel anything’ and I’m like of course someone who lacks accountability would reject their impact on others. Empathy is needed for that too lol
While they're playing you, they're playing themselves.
Sounds like a line from a rap song. 😆
Amen!!
That’s what the singer Prince once said. “When you try to play me, you play yourself.” 💜
facts
@Beach House Prince said this in an interview with Tavis Smiley. He had on a purple top. It’s here on TH-cam. 😊
I left after FIFTY YEARS (ya, slow learner am I) and now I’m free, I’m content, I’m happy!
No one can throw a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who’s losing control of someone else!!!!
Congratulations on putting you first. It took me twenty years the first time and sixteen years the second time. I thought my love could fix them.
You finally found sanity
proud of you!
Took me 30 yrs, 1 month and 10days of being miserably, emotionally, and verbally abused to find freedom and peace again! I did it for my daughter and parents and received peace and relief for myself as an added benefit. I feel sorry for him and would help him if he was capable of truly listening/hearing my heart and prayers for both of our families
It was YOU Dr. Ramani, who gave me all the answers for my ex-husband’s behaviour. I’d scream and yell like an idiot out of frustration when he kept changing the goal posts, his lies, cheating but trying to drag my name through the mud. The behaviour that was especially damaging to me was his projection and the gaslighting. It got to the stage where I was secretly keeping lists of the gaslighting incidents and of course they were plenty. After watching so many of your discussions here, I realised that I wasn’t confused or going insane. He was playing mind phuck with my head!
Your videos are amazing, incredibly educational. You opened my eyes and mind and provided me with a name for the snake I was married to.
I can’t thank you enough. Your advice and knowledge are precious and you are so committed and compassionate to spend many hours discussing the narcissist mind. 💕💕💕
I feel terrible for leaving him, despite his emotional abuse. I promised him I would if he attacked and threatened me emotionally again. I so wanted to heal that fear of abandonment in him, but I know I can’t and I can’t take this roller coaster anymore.
At some point empaths sense the underlying vulnerability of the narcissist and this can cause guilt while trying to escape the toxic effects of the relationship
Yes, it is exactly that guilt that kept me in the relationship long after I knew it had to end.
Meeee tooooo. Wasted a lot of years that way. My advice is DO NOT feel sorry for them. They feel nothing for you. Also, the situation hurts everyone who loves you. And think of all the time and energy NPDs suck up that you could be spending on good people, good causes.
This is so true. But in the bigger picture, I think this gives the narcissist a chance to change. They are shown true love, understanding & care. Will they accept it & change? I believe everyone is given a chance to change, by God. It’s up to them whether they take it x
- it’s up to us whether we take it.. I think there are different degrees of narcissism.. it’s in all of us to a certain degree
You said a mouthful there Chad!
I kicked my narcissist BF out of my house a few hours ago,Not tolerating any more putdowns,it feels like pounds of pressure was released from my chest.So now I am binging on videos on the topic to help me understand and heal.Love should feel good.
You deserve better
God bless you fuck narcissists they are demons
Don’t go back it only gets worse! Best of luck to you.
Ahhh good for you. Stay strong, heal, and be happy you are worth it.
Good job!!!
My ex narcissist jumped straight to another 😂😂
Whatever you allow, will continue.
No time for Narc’s it’s 2021 let’s rise up!
Great idea!!!
And rise we shall!
Rise up no more down with the Narcissist
💯💯💯👍
Amen! 🙏🏼👍🏼👍🏼
It's not about love its about a need to control.
This is what it's all about.
Yes! It’s like his “love” for me puts me in an automatic debt to him that I can’t repay but he’ll demand whenever he wants. This is not love, it’s a means of control.
Bingo
A narcissist can twist ANYTHING into abandonment. Who would want to live with that? Go no-contact, it’s so much better!!!
I reiterate, DO NOT respond. If they feel rejected, they brought it on themselves. Stand strong, guys. Don't cave.
I agree with you and im a 'weeks' too. We are wise!! Haha have a great day!
I agree!! I’ve had to learn the lesson a trillion times with ‘family’ that ANY response, of any kind will be used against you! So will no response at all, especially when they send out their flying monkeys, and they don’t deserve a response either!
Thank you for this comment. I left mine today and hours later I felt guilty, but I knew deep down it is wrong to go back so I’m standing strong.
I am going to leave my husband, I am so scared as he had threatened me with suicide if I ever left him, or he would become an alcoholic or he will leave his job. He says he loves me so much but his actions doesn't match. This is physically making me sick.
Best decision was not to respond. She was out of control, but I had her blocked so she couldn’t reach me. This malignant narcissist stole my son’s brand new Go-Pro, my Hey Dude’s shoes (brand new); and my “Where the Crawdads Sing.”
I’d rather stay alone than be surrounded by anyone who makes me feel like a goddess one day by love bombing me and receiving negative energies and guilttripping me for not giving into their egoistic remarks. From now on, anyone who makes me feel like a villain for whatever reason needs to go. I’m not playing mind games with anyone because that’s too immature.
I am proud of you! Believe it or not, my previous BF did the exact same thing.
Isn't it rather annoying or uncomfortable to be shined upon with a spotlight, instead of just the normal calm, neutrally warm interaction without any fuss?
Yesss!
That’s borderline PD; it overlaps as it’s all cluster B...
1
Narcissist, whatever they are, a partner, a spouse, a sibling, a child, a parent or a friend;
the more you try to keep them, to keep the relationship; the more abusive they become.
The most important thing to understand about narcissists is to leave, just get out.
they crave for your attention to be 100% on them and for you to physically be around them all the time, but when you are around they don't care about your need, they don't listen or hear you, and they constantly insult and humiliate you for no reason. I don't understand what pleasure they get out of putting good people into misery.
this!
They want to break your spirits so you won't leave them, not because they love you but because THEY actually NEED YOU. That's why they want to convince their partners of it being the other way around, by hurting them into lowering their self esteem.
You got it... just like the human traffickers!
You can't "abandon" someone who was never "in" the relationship in the first place. People are nothing more than a pit-stop for narcissists: a place to momentarily refuel before they are off to the next shiny object that captures their attention.
I hate this about them
Well said
@@anumgilani8277 Thank you, and Happy New Year~
@@shaniecegullison Depending on how far down the narcissistic spectrum they are (and how close to the sociopathic end of the spectrum), there can be a lot to hate about narcissists.
I'm also really grateful I'm not one of them. I can't imagine being so desperately needy for admiration from others.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It's been two full weeks of choosing myself and I'm riding on a freeway of self love
The interesting thing is that when you, the sane one, express feelings of longing and tell them that you will miss them etc... they use it against you. They disappear, act shady when they're away. But now I realize that in the very beginning he was more scared than I was of losing. He was saying that what scared him the most was losing me and he would feel sad when I went away, as if I wasn't going to return, although I never gave him any reason to feel concerned. He was gradually "protecting" himself from feeling abandoned and eventually his disgusting behavior was a self fulfilling prophecy
That’s why they cowardly discard you first.
Absolutely!
😡😡