Preparing to go NO CONTACT with the narcissist
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
When you go no contact, it’s like you’ve finally unsubscribed from the narcissist. Now, if only life had a spam filter for emotional baggage.
It gets better. Start making new memories with others. Alanon helped me immensely.
“Unsubscribed”. Very well put!
You physically feel free.
It takes time and some serious thinking like Dr Ramani said, it's not a one way fits all situations.
I haven’t seen my grandsons in three years my daughter, her narcissistic husband and his best friend copycat both military men are abusing my grandchildren, and the whole family knows it and will do that❤❤
Some people think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t believe in that. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing. Removing bad people is the only way to invite good people into your life.
Yes! This is so true. I'm so lonely around the narcs in my life and lonely around people who don't understand the narc abuse or who don't get me. I thrive in my alone time and enjoy it. I never feel lonely when alone.
I'm struggling with what path to choose because I don't want to hurt others smh but I want to do what makes me happy even though I'm being pulled in different directions it's confusing & exhausting especially when I just want the truth
@@kimberlychristine9284I agree but I started to slip out of that when I was being pulled in different directions by different people expecting me to choose them over the other & I ended up getting angry because they wouldn't leave me alone so I acted out to push them away out of fear/trauma/pain defending myself.
@@coka_lfg2974 Being unable to assertively decline someone is a childhood trauma. It's crucial to be at ease with solitude, as it enables you to select suitable companions. “Never shop on an empty stomach; you'll make poor choices." Similarly, never allow others to pressure you into relationships; feeling compelled to comply or feeling distressed about refusing is also rooted in childhood wound.
@@bratbalal9042 ty
When you have that a-ha moment where you realize they are too far gone, no-contact is the only answer. I lost my whole family but I gained myself.
I gave up my sister easily after the A-ha but I have been reconnecting with a bf over the past year.... once again he called me a lying sack of shit. He apologized this time for the sack of shit part.
Wtf am I afraid of? He will not change. He will always blame my past trauma ..
@@eadler5929 He's bad news.
@daynapeterson9033 You are so right! I have had that A-ha moment, and I can never unsee it! Never looking back!! So happy 😊 for you!! Stay strong ✨️ 💪🏻
The exhaustion you feel after dealing with these people is something else. Because of the trauma, I isolate myself from the world. I am too tired to deal.
I hear that and feel the same!
Don't deal. Take you time to heal to actually offer a better version of yourself for the people who deserve it, not a version that's too wounded and sad to even interact properly.
It is incredibly exhausting. :(
Same Here 😢
After going no contact we're so used with their invalidation that we don't know how to act if someone is nice to us. We undermine ourselves.
I have found myself undermining myself after divorcing husband (Borderline Personality Disorder) and going ni contact my Narc sister. I am learning to be kind to myself, give myself grace plus leaning on Jesus Christ and the safe people in my life.
I guess be cautious until you really know the person
I ended up joining a church, going to psych, and being involved in various groups every day. That way, I had something to do.
I would think that after being with a Narc that any man who paid me a compliment had an ulterior motive.
So true ❤ end up having to apologize bc I see a happy person as a literal psychopath. Like. What are they scheming. Then I realize they are just normal person with stability and clarity of happiness…or was I onto something…Dr Ramani says we want to become our own Island. It’s tempting but it’s also a recipe for a dismal end.
Be VERY careful when you go no contact with a narcissist. It’s like a life or death situation to them. You were their oxygen, so without you it’s like they can’t breathe.
yup prepare for them to ruin your life with all the secrets you told them
Many replace you quickly trust me. Move on fast often.
It became a life or death situation for me who tries to escape from the narcissistic family
I feel it👍
@@KoolTif you were the main supply, they gonna have hard time. Don’t believe their show off drama with others
How to move on, drop the L from Lover and realize it's over and don't tell them your plans.
Luv that song!!
I went NC with my narc sister six years ago, and my mom has been on me about it since. I’m an outcast in my family, but it’s still better than the explosive, abusive meltdowns, the “jokes” at my expense, the emotional manipulation, and so, so much more. My sister has lied and played the victim to all of the family, and continues to do so, but she’s always done that. I’ve had to disconnect from it. I have amazing long term friendships that have helped me through. My sister tried to trash a couple of those, but was completely unsuccessful and soundly put in her place. She’s a therapist, so her ability to manipulate people and situations is notable. I am SO GLAD I went NC. I grieved hard, but I’m okay now.
Thank you for this. I've been NC with my only sibling, a sister. It's been nonstop manipulation and lies many years in the making.
Finally, I'm done. The future faking hurt the most, but getting older "alone" as long as have my peace of mind is hella better than going to my grave with her dancing on it!
It was really tough. I grieved hard, but it really was worth it and I’m okay now. I almost didn’t realize what a toll the abuse took on me until I got away from it. I wish you the best, and hope you find peace too ❤️
I just had, what I think will be, the last visit from my sister this weekend. I know I have to do it and nobody will understand why I’m doing it but she left Sunday and it’s almost Friday and I’m still so exhausted. She was only here one full day!
"my mom has been on me about it since".
Unfortunately, your narc sister has exploited your mom into unconsciously being her emotional caretaker, who can then advocate for your sister -- in this case, being a middleman to convey something that will hopefully cause you to lower that no contact barrier, allowing the opportunity for your sister get her manipulative words into you head, to regain you as her emotional slave who will cater to her feelings.. Narcs know, through trial and error, what particular tactics work to exploit each of us.
It's very sad that some people are under the emotional burden of catering to a narc. We cannot change that.
But thankfully, WE can change, and free ourselves from emotional enslavement.
Going no contact sometimes isn't a choice but an outcome. A sad outcome but a necessary one.
Once in no contact I engaged in therapy, joined a women’s wellness group, took classes that built my confidence, and took art and yoga. All of this was so foreign to me. I cried a lot. It felt like a great purge. On the other side now and so grateful. I feel truly that the hardest step was leaving and the first years afterwards. It was like a death happened. There was no TH-cam or social media. At times I felt crazy. At the time it felt like the most selfish thing ever, which was to leave and go no contact. That meant leaving a huge chunk of my past and people behind. Talk about many nights screaming into my pillow and facing inner demons! For all of you out there in whatever state you’re in I sincerely am wishing you strength and can say hang in there you are worth it.
Yeah, it's like a death happened..
Thank you
It’s not loneliness - it is freedom.
1:29 do we really want this so-called-family around us? NO 💃🏽 I’ll take my chances solo with The Most High ✨
Just remember friendships don't last forever and going no contact definitely has its ups and downs but remember why you went no contact!
Strategize quietly before going no contact. If you share your plan (for support) make sure they are clearly not in contact with the narc. Enablers will screw it up.
Thank you for this one. These are really important points. I went no contact for my life without preparing. It’s tough to prepare when abuse means hypervigilant states have taken over too. Regardless of it being a narcissistic family system, going no contact still brings grief and loss. There needs to be a safe place to land. In time, feelings can settle like dust. You wonder where the heck did they come from? It all requires processing, self love, patience, and lots of support and proper guidance. Thank you again❤
When I finally made the decision to go no contact with family members I knew that I would not be able to even think of myself in relation to them anymore. It as if I have always been an orphan but just didn't realize it at the time. The grief I had to endure was acceptance of the fact that my mother (and other family members) never really loved me and that it wasn't because of me; It was because they were not capable of love. For themselves or anyone else. My harsh treatment was never about me and my actions, it was about their dysfunction and my being caught up in it, because I was a child and was psychologically dependent and being connected to unhealthy people, who happened to be my family. Many of my narcissistic relationships came about because I fell into believing that their treatment of me was a justification of what I was brought up to believe about myself. Separating myself psychologically from my narcissistic family was like waking up out of a coma after 30+ yrs. Life is beginning again and it is very different in how I can view myself today. It took lots of pain and hard work, but it definitely is worth the freedom that it brings.
Well said! Thank you for sharing.
Your story is so similar to mine. A quote comes to mind reading your comment:”whatever breaks you down only makes you stronger “. You were made to feel weak/insignificant & look at you now! Yes, it’s been a long road for you, but it sounds like you can see light at the end of the tunnel 😊. Don’t stop posting comments because,like me & so many others I’m sure, your experience gives us hope & encourages us to keep working on having a life of peace.
I think of the phrase never throw pearls before swine is appropriate in this context.
I am 8 years 2 months and 11 days of No Contact. (Courtesy of Count Up Timer app) That said, be ready if you go no contact as others might go with them.
Going no contact was easily the hardest and healthiest thing I have ever done. I didn't have a massive support system at the time, so it sucked. But feeling safe for the first time in years was absolutely worth it. It took a long time to allow myself to feel safe, though
The biggest thing for me was when my dad passed and then my narcissistic mother died, I came to the realization that I have no one. Never married or had children...scared of passing on the pathology. I am alone. No one to help me and no one to talk to, but my therapist. I offend wonder, "How did I let this happen?"
Yes, as I have OBSERVED, and now am experiencing for myself FIRST HAND, deaths in the family often bring out ugliness in others** BEYOND that of the ACTUAL death....
But hey...!!!...Before you think THAT is bad, try THIS negativity on for size:
Having a suspicion that the person who died probably did NOT love or care for you as much as you may have thought?? (Or that you were a disappointment to them??)
But do NOT dwell on those LAST thoughts too long, because if you're tolerance to "darkness" is NOT as high as mine, that could be very dangerous for you??? 😶
Good luck to you never the less. 🙂🫡
** I suppose I myself could have been a better "Boy Scout", but I dunno.... I think the way I have been handling things SO far is worth a "Skill Award" if not a "Merit Badge?? 🙄😶
@mday3821, This is also my story. You're not alone. If you can, take a class or join a club. That's my next move. I'm hoping to meet some new people.
@@notagain779 Wow, did YOU pull my original comment??? 😳🙄😳🙄
@@JebidiahKrackedyetagain-xv9hc , I don't understand what you're asking me.
@@notagain779 Not asking YOU anything, (as far as I know), but whoever decided to pull my original comment and WHY (BESIDES that lame response of "violating community standards".... Getting a little tired of that.
I had another comment on here responding to "@mday" ^^^ above. I no longer see it, am curious as to WHY that is.
One thing that I am trying to get over is the feeling of being invisible. Even in a crowd, people will walk directly at me, as if they can't see me. I have been in a crowd, and people will literally lean on me as if I am not even there. I am trying to get over this feeling and take up my rightful space in this world 🌎
Here's to healing ✨️ 💕 and loving one's self ❤
I was and still in the cold. I became depressed and still suffer depressions. The days feel foggy and dreary. For me its almost like jumping out the pan and into a heavy fog.
I was there too..... but even though it's raining you can see in the distance the sun coming out. You always will carry this BUT you don't have to let it burden you. Christ carries all our burdens..... and brings good people to you. You will laugh at them after you heal.
Nah, it's better, you just don't have the nonstop abuse being thrown at you + burnout. Seriously, think back if it's just the constant finger snapping of the narcissist that's different. Good luck 🍀
No contact isn't possible! We share children and grandgirls! Not showing up sends them a signal that the ex doesn't care enough for them to come, and I will encourage his participation to mt children. I enjoyed last Thanksgiving, arriving in a good mood not having deal with him (ignored him). I can be on my own because my personality is already quiet, reserved (even before I met the ex).
AND you need to prepare yourself for them contacting you. Postal service, emails, through other people-blocking their number isn’t a sure way to protect yourself from them. AND what to do if and when they contact you. You have to be strong to ignore it.
No contact made me have hardly any family..still its better than the alternative
I went no contact with my entire family in 2016 and I don't regret it, their behavior post-no contact confirmed they were toxic. I am currently in the process of going no contact with my narcissistic ex-wife, she's been toxic for me ever since we split up. I am close to the definition of sigma male, so being alone doesn't bother me, I don't really need to replace these people.
Similar here, I don't mind being alone if it's the price of any more chapters. Being adopted would explain why I am so different from them. Sigma, true teller, INFJ,.. whatever, never again.
My mother died in deplorable conditions for the assets she had, I couldn't get her to leave my psychopath father, and they decreed nothing happened here. I don't buy it, I exile myself not by decision, I would be unable to continue relating to them.
I have seen monsters behind the social facade of success, surely you have not seen your ex without a mask of sanity continuously or it would not cost you anything to cut contact. Only when they see you in a vulnerable situation do we get to see what they are capable of.
My best wishes from Spain Mr.Sigma!! 😊
@@user-qy2kd8os1y Muy bien amigo, glad to hear from you!
This is really KEY. I tried very hard to employ other techniques before going full no contact, but the behaviour of my narc brother actually became worse when he lost control of the narrative. I took my time trying to decide what to do next. I sought counselling and put into place supports because I knew how life changing this would be. I didn’t react I took my time to respond in a way that would try to mitigate the damage as much as possible. It still hasn’t been easy but it was definitely worth it because even minimal contact or grey rock was horrible. It is startlingly just how much one person’s poor behaviour can bring a situation and people down. The sad part: my narc brother doesn’t have a clue how toxic his behaviour is and if he does: he just doesn’t care.
Hey Doc😊😊 Again, Your videos save my life. 😊. .THANK YOU! Yes it's so hard goin no contact with them, breaking up with them .My God so detrimental. But now marks 1 year of being free from my Narcissistic Ex. To Sum up all -NARC's TEACHES US TO LOVE OUR SELVES EVEN MORE. And that's true. And for those who's still on process distancing them selves on that Evil toxic relationship ,Pray to Overcome that situation , He Listens and when the time is right He'll Give you answers and Peace. and yeah It is hard but please don't give up there is always a bright future waiting on the other side. Stay Safe Everyone ☝🏻🥰🙂
I agree with you 110%. Prayer is the key. I speak from experience. MountainAngel
For me, it actually felt really good. Peace and quiet. No tiptoeing around on eggshells.
I went no contact with a narcissist via text message- the narcissist texted ok
Ever since I’ve had peace and quiet
But I’ll wait for any hoovering or smear campaigns behind my back months later
For narcs, ghosting is quite effective. Sending a message about going no contact seems like an oxymoron to me.
Currently goong low contact with my narc mother and enabler grandma. It hurts because i love my grandma a lot but she keeps enabling moms awful behavior. My heart is aching every day. Its just the 3rd day, though. Im completely alone
I recently went no contact with my Mom.
I went no contact with my overt narcissist daughter 17 months ago. I didn’t prepare for the fallout of basically losing my family. So now I’m playing catch-up. Thank you Dr. Ramani for these wonderful videos.
I made the decision to go NC for a little while before I formally did it. Just to emotionally try it on so to speak. I worked through 'what if she does change or apologises?' (I knew the answer was that hell would freeze over before that happens).' What if she becomes vicious and goes into a smear campaign?' (Which she totally did and still does). It was like a mental dry run so when I did it, I wasn't shocked and it really helped
Going No Contact with your mother when you are 25 means grief every Mother's Day for life. You don't even have memories or at least not any good ones. Your childhood was stolen and there are always questions/comments from well intentioned people that cannot understand why you would do such a terrible thing. Maybe it's easier now, what with the proliferation of information, but when I did it in the 80's, people were horrified. It also meant that, for the rest of my life, I was shut out of the family. Even though I was married, I had no idea how to be a normal person. It was like I was raised by wolves. And I was SO angry. A lot. People thought I was just "mean". So I never bonded with my in-laws. In fact, most hated me and I was shunned from that family as well.
All of that and I was still better off going No Contact. As the song goes "don't ask me how I did it, I just did it. It was HARD."
Mother's day is the worst. I've gone no-contact with my mother also. My sister convinced me to call her on Mother's day, that was a mistake I won't do again. I received a lecture . She doesn't want a relationship with me. I'm done. We need to focus on the people or pets who love us. Hugs to you.
Wish I saw this video before I went no contact.Leaving bad relationship is one thing but leaving bad relationship without anyone in this world to understand and support you through it is a whole other level of pain.
It’s been a difficult painful process to go no contact with a couple of family members as they became severely emotionally abusive to me. I had to go no contact in order to protect my health and safety. There is sadness and loneliness with it for sure. Leaning on my safe supports and chosen family. Keeping boundaries with the enablers. It’s difficult but necessary for my well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Practice independence first before going cold turkey...it takes the edge off the shock and also you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel a loss...it does get better...🌹
Past few years seems like a narc epidemic,
I belive this dynamic to be biblical....
The hearts of many will wax colder and colder and men will become lovers of self.
You are correct
Matthew 24: many will betray one another, hate one another
No contact took me a long time to finally get too as nothing else worked with the narcissistic parent and after years and years of trying to make it different and trying to get my "closure" my "accountability", it finally occurred to me I am never going to get these things and the only thing left to me was to stop wanting those things and let the injustices go and just go no contact ... It was so painful to do knowing that doing this would mean I would have no family but after three years I am finally in a place of strength and power that has taken me a lifetime to achieve and it took going no contact to get to that place .
My heart goes out to every single person who has had to go no contact with a parent or other family members , it is one of the hardest things to do but oh my since doing it so many of my health conditions have gone away , improved... It shows what stresses being around narcissistic people actually can do to your body and that they do not just infect your mind they infect your body ..
Wow, 3 years. That's strong. I'm only 3 days of low contact with my family and it hurts a lot, like someone I love died
❤
👉❤When it comes to narcissists- they are one of the big reasons He is stepping in right now!🔥💪♥ He is coming to avenge!
👉Innocent go first- all the children of the world will disappear first then the adult believers.🥰 Jesus is coming back to pick up all those who accepted His free gift of His death for their sins. Yes, after 2 000 years He is coming back with promised salvation!🙌♥🥳
As He speaks through the prophets He is sickened by the world: lies, abuse amd manipulations.
Before He comes we will see Alaska's back to back earthquakes 7.6 and 7.3, we will also see Germany and Russia exchanging missiles. Jesus spoke of it all through his prophets! 🙌❤😊
Jesus removes His believers and then Apocalypse starts, do not be left for that! 🥹❤You can still call out to Him when kids are gone! Make sure you make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤He loves you like crazy! He sees you, ♥
😍
Trust in what He did on the cross for you! He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later!
!🙌❤🥹
I prepared myself for going no contact by grey rocking, indifference rhen radical acceptance. 🍒
Dr. Ramani I'd love to see your take on narcissism in the workplace, friends and housemates.
She just did a video on this topic. A few days ago.
I think this is the ideal model but maybe not always realistic. When I made the decision to go No Contact with my immediate family I did not have any support system. Even having a good idea of the loneliness I would face I knew I had to completely withdraw from them sooner rather than later.
The emotional pain has been excrutiating it's true but every time I contemplated if I'd made the right decision I knew that I had. It's been almost 3 years and with baby steps and a new awareness of my own potential, of not being dragged down by my family and other toxic people, I have been able to climb my way out of the darkness. It was absolutely worth it.
I'll add supportive videos like these have been extremely helpful to gain much needed knowledge and insight into my particular situation.
My no contact scenario played out very differently. I was 11 months postpartum living in my mother’s house while my newly purchased house was being renovated. She knew the end of her daily control and mental abuse was coming to an end, especially as I have a very devoted and supportive husband. She also knew the cost of the renovation was very high so had the upper hand because she thought we had no choice but to stay with her until the end of the renovation.
Every single day was a different battle, nothing like I had imagined before I gave birth…my mother had always been a covert narcissist (as I now know). But I thought when she becomes a grandmother she will be happy and in love with my baby and change her ways, I was sadly mistaken 😢 she got worse the mental and emotional games got out of hand.
Finally it came to a head, one day after handing her my daughter she stood holding my 11 month old baby while absolutely annihilating me. She said I’m evil and cursed, it was beyond shocking that she had the nerve to say this while she was holding my newborn in her arms……I lost all sense of victimisation and leaped into what felt like a tiger-mother, it was in that moment I realised she was pure evil and nothing I could do would change her.
I left the house and went to stay in Amsterdam with my husband where he was working at the time. I blocked her and was planning on going back to get my belongings and rent an apartment. She had called my in laws and asked them to evict me from her house and had changed the keys, because they were so traumatised by her behaviour they didn’t say anything to me until I got off the plane going back home.…my in laws love their son so they wouldn’t do or say anything to make situations worse, they were as supportive as can be given the circumstances.
At the time the shock numbed me but the love I have for my daughter drove me to reset our life in a new home. I’ve never been happier, more at peace, calm and content. I only wish I moved out before I had a baby because my mother stole from me beautiful moments of being a first time mum with my beautiful newborn.
It’s been 6 months no contact and I wouldn’t change it for the world, we’re expecting another baby in September 🤗 my husband has been wonderful and supportive I’m eternally grateful that I have him.
….its a lonely road going no contact with your immediate family (I also don’t have any contact with my sister) but it’s even lonelier and mentally, emotionally, spiritually draining staying with people you feel so disconnected from.
I’m sending you all love, strength and support ❤
Thank you Dr Ramani... you've saved my life and my sanity, and I totally agree that there's no forgiveness for the narcissists' cruelty and hijacking my life and my innocence.
And I also agree that the loneliness in going no contact with a narcissistic family is really, really hard, but it is so much harder to endure them in my life lol
Life is too short to put up with narcissistic people, especially a family member who only sees you as a means to an end or an atm, but doesn't think of you as family when you're the one in need.
We all tried to glean something from TV families growing up, but dismissed what we saw as unrealistic. Now we wonder how much of it really was unrealistic, now that we have realized that our families were lemons.
If I have a wish, the wish is that in my next life, I don't want to be ever born into a narcissistic family. NEVER!
Thank you so much for your Great gift Dr.Ramani ❤
thank you so much for this one. dealing with this now and soooo much of the content out there on recovering from narcissistic abuse focuses on romantic relationships but when it's your family it's a whole other bear to tangle with. but a lot of people seem to think narcissists raise narcissists so we must be narcissists too. not all of us.
I think I'd prepared in my mind so long, and failed so much every time I tried, and was so tired of living in between, that when I did, I was completely resolved to it. The hardest part was not so much the hoover...because he couldn't get to me directly, but that he contacted my DAUGHTER (he and I were not married or living together) and had the audacity to use her to try and bait me. And the people who still think he's a good guy that I hurt!!!!! I'll never talk to him again or his enablers, and I wish the justice would come sooner. I hope he gets into another relationship with someone smarter than me who leaves a lot sooner.
I have been struggling with this exact thing since august
Obviously there will be consequences of going no contact with the family. However, I think that almost any inconveniences are better than a toxic family system with narcissists that will poison your life so that you regret you were ever born.
I've had to go no contact at 31ish and have no safety nets to fall on... you're definitely right on the crushing lonelliness... but it's better than feeling like I'm nowhere and alone among a group of people, and not getting abused where I'm the bad guy and they can do no wrong as they hurt me
First I got No Contact with my narci parents and sibilings 5 years ago. It's was a hell..
Now I got No Contact with the people in this small toxic town and we moved out, BUT I scared what consecuences will ..
Like smear compaing to prevent me for a get a job. I allways experienced PUNISHMENT😮
When I was done…I was DONE!
Speaking as a survivor, there is probably more people than we know that are too exhausted and worn down to have the energy to socialize and give. They are probably all give out. Pun intended. They are busy fighting off problems in their own lives as it is to take care of their-self.
Grief at loss of the relationship
Years ago I went no contact with a narcissistic "friend" of mine. The only loss I had to endure was the loss of a few mutual acquaintances. Much easier to do than going no contact with a family member! 🤔
I am guessing my narc friend painted ME as the wrong doer... But I still think it was worth it. Now that I have thankfully received some free psychotherapy I am starting to recover bit by bit!! 😊👍
Been strict zero dark :30 no contact with my covert narky ex GF for past 5mos. She text discarded me bout 6mos ago for some simp loser supply, grass is greener, truest love ever, guy she monkeybranched to after ending our 8.5 yr relationship. Its been a life saver. No hover yet and i doubt she will with her cowardly ways. Plus in too strong, healthy, & beyond her now.
Dr. Ramani, I have been ill and I have a horrible feeling that he is preparing to take charge of my care. He already crashed my Mum's hospice and care.
@@maggamoosie801 I'm a 45 year old British Columbian with cancer. 100% Canadian.
I like non-judgemental mixed groups of cool people. I found this with the casual (free - no membership) cold water outdoor swimming people. Inclusive, varied, unconventional, often singles. Smart people who find interesting ways to recover.
Track, cell phones allows people to be with us, in our purse, pockets and able to appear at any time. Thought about getting a home phone, answer machine for some folks; sharing my cell number only with safer people. I feel terrible but safe. I feel sad, but- surviving. Loving from a distance.
YOU… be careful with them Shetty Shady people. Vet a potential threat before …
I am on day 1. I also have BPD so this is really sad for me but he is actively trying to destroy my life.
I'd rather be out in the cold rather than be a part of her psychotic, manipulative and sadistic world for another second. 1 year no contact. She just started driving by my house. I'm on a farm and my driveway goes around my house. Twice in the last week. It confused my kids and obviously gave me anxiety. How do I handle this? Ask a family member for her to not do that? Ugh
April 1 2024,i escaped & went no contact.it literally felt as though i could not breath in the house we lived in anymore,your totally correct,you must prepare & do not communicate your plans unless your speaking to a person you know for sure you can trust. We were already not speaking in the home for a couple of months,i hv been grey rocking for months & i was disconnected,thank God i had a safe place to go to rest & heal,thats where im at now,taking one day @ a time,taking in Dr ramani's videos everyday,reading,journalling,starting therapy & tho i had to hit rock bottom to finally see the aduser for what he is,i now can start loving myself,finally feel free.
I'm glad you had a safe place to heal! That's very helpful. I find it interesting that we all use the word "escape". That's not the word people use when leaving a safe relationship that's just not working.
Take the year that Dr. R suggests!! That concept is huge. You need the time to recover. Be sure to write your "ick" list that Dr. R talks about. I found myself going back to it and just reading through it once quickly, to remind myself of why I was doing the hard work that felt overwhelming at times.
Blessings and hugs on your journey.
Right on time
Almost never had it
Looking back I think those people were still healthy, still almost no one in their families needed shrink, or serious psychiatric help yet. At very best they where able to understand me. No one yet got divorced, or hospitalised. But part of them were just able to understand what I'm going throu. And none of them knew of narcissism nothing. It was 40, and 30, and 20 years ago.
Pitty that I'm starting so late, at age 64. Not sorry though. I and my children weathed it throu. We are alive, and most of us are healthy. I wish we also thrive in the end.
Thank you, doctor
Yes. Seen and being seen. What I yearned for.
Hi Dr Ramani I came across your videos in the hopes i can get guidance in cutting off my parent in my life. You helped a lot and thank you for your videos. I have officially NC a parent in my life. The conversation was tough because she still sounded convincing even though its all lies.
I may have prepared by years of limited contact, recently, they went after my kid. Now I have no family as she controls everybody. But now a month out I feel free. I know the last insult now, there will be no more. How, so quickly? It is trauma informed breathwork, working on releasing trauma from my body, feeling safe, and becoming myself. Make your new family a little bit at a time, just like you heal. One little piece at a time. I still have more to do, but I feel ease now.
This wasn't what i expected at all. I thought it was going to about being prepared for all the mindgames the narc family would pull to lure you back in and how to withstand such tugs on the heartstrings.
I had no support and very little support to this day. I made friends with people on social media but that failed in the end because they all started ignoring me. It doesn't help that people in my city are not friendly with anyone they don't know through school. Not to mention that i don't have any friend, then it has to be "a red flag" because there "must be something wrong with me!?!" People say just move to a more friendly place, but i can't afford it. I'm financially stuck in this 'boring backwater', the 'city of churches' of clique snobs, Adelaide!
I went no contact and now don't have anyone I can use as an emergency contact. I'm completely alone. I only have my 3 kids. My 12 yo has his friends at school but my 2yo and new baby only have me right now. I feel like I've made a mistake. But the abuse and gaslighting is too much for me. Maybe I'm just weak. But I cant see myself going back because I know I don't deserve to be treated or talked to or made to feel that way.
None of that sounds weak. Its a terrifying situation. Whoever you left likely wasnt a good emergency contact anyway.
You are not weak you are strong everyday it Will be better❤
Brilliant, powerful.
My ex narc is very much afraid of the justice now, but still, for the last 6 years still tried to contact or to hoover me (Not to insult me, but to manifest he wants me back) using methods that he knows won't be possible to use as a proof in justice.... Even though on our last encounter at the police he was very much afraid of potential consequences for him. He just learnt how to do it covertly, to avoid repercussions. This is how sick they are.... You can try to block rhem but they will always find ways to contact you anyway. So of course no contact is important at the beginning, but it's the first step of recovery. Tje next step is to workeon yourself so that you keep your decision to never come back, abd yo work hard so that their attempts don't trigger you anymore on any level.
Thank you Dr. Ramni 🙏🏻 you have helped my tremendously 🙏🏻✨🥹
I am just not able to handle physical abuse in front of my child
Dr. Ramin I love your hair style in this video ❤
thankyou for addressing this! it’s an on going life challenge- even after 8 years- 1 year -6 with another family member - no more cruelty but landing soft - consistently is still a challenge but life is so so much better so much💕
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Lots of love from Mauritius.
Dr. Ramani is a light bearer. She will clear ur path from darkness
Thank you so much for sharing your compassion and wisdom dr Ramani ❤ I really needed to hear it today. I have gone no contact with my narcisistic family because of a betrayal trauma I have been left with. I fear meeting them and any kind of contact from their side makes my stomach clench. I have been isolated by the big boss narcissist and betrayed by almost everyone I have known. It’s an extremely difficult and painful situation, but I just had no other choice but also go no contact or minimal contact with the other people who were not that close. I couldn’t manage the whole ordeal any other way.
Thank you
I'm in the process right now!
At the moment I'm living with my covert narcissit husband and we are on silent treatment. After i psid the yearly rent last february he told me we are seperated ,no papers no lawyers he went silent on me and i definetly enjoy it..thank you for your videos.
I’ve been trying to go no contact for months. I am severely codependent and he is the oxygen to my lungs. I can’t tolerate the grief more then a day
💕 Thank you
Already used to feeling like an orphan, now is a relative relief because there's no supposed 'family' sucking off supply. The sad part is my daughter got sucked into the narc-narrative, and cut Me off as the truth-teller... :/
After decades of nonsense from my narcissist father and super enabler mother I went no contact a few weeks ago. My mothers response was ....."oh well ...we will always love and miss you"
I had to go no contact 3 days later and then another week later so now Ive blocked them. Its all so miserable.
Not easy to trust people, or believe one will actually be seen and supported, after a lifetime of Nic bosses and family members. Could only really feel close to late husband, and children. Unfortunately there is safety in closing off the larger world.
It's good money after bad...
It's almost three months to my no go contact with him, I made sure I blocked him everywhere, it was easier for me because I learnt to stay a very long time without calling him because he doesn't call or take call even when I was pregnant and when I newly gave birth. He finally discarded me almost three months ago after he got a good job relocated to another town and went back to his old girlfriend who's a single mother, he said if I can't accommodate her as second wife that I should leave with my 10 months old baby. This Man has mentally dealt with me for more than 8 years😢. He's such a monster, I will forever curse the day I met him. It not being easy but I am taking it one day at a time.
And for the girl, it will never be well with both of them.
I’ve yet to watch this video, but can I just ask Dr RAMANI, you said in one of your videos is might be best to describe our narcassist as antagonistic instead especially as other people might not understand due to the narc word being overused nowadays. My narc husband I’m sure is a covert narc as he fits many traits so does antagonistic sum up the covert type or the overt type? I’ve described to my mum in an email, that he is antagonistic although I wish I could comfortably use the exact word he is and that’s narcassist 🙏🏻💜
The turd of the husband used the courts to force me to have contact with him. Ugh this is so frustrating
Sadly the oly way I can go no contact will be winning th lottery or when one of us die
Cool. There are disadvantages of decentralization, but hey! autonomy is worth it. Plus the other benefits.
My family neglected me. So I have been pretty much on my own they have never provided any support. I do have good support network via my American Legion and VFW Chapters.
Dr. Ramani, can you please talk about what it is like to be blocked from the narc? When they go no contact with you? It has been a horrifying experience for me. When youre left with the feeling that someone dies on you and you cannot reach them anymore. I think it has affected me in a really bad way.
I am in the midst of no contact with a granddaughter, I will call her KD. After 3 years of counseling, I find I am an empath. KD is a recovering addict, she is a liar, she is conviving, manipulating, and has many traits of a narcissistic. She has used me for over 17 years as an ATM. Every time I try to get out of her grasp
she can outdo me in word fighting. In the end, I feel guilty, hard hearted, and just plain mean to her, so I end up a hot .
mess of sobbing tears After 17 years of horrible treatment from her at 70 I realize I have given her my best years, over 75 thousand dollars and my poor heath to her, I have 5 autoimmune disorders. My Lupus has been one issue for me finally drawing my boundaries. On April 15th, 2023. I told her never again would I engage with her or support her with a home or cash. That's the easiest part, saying it out loud, hardest part is living it.
How to protect my toddler. I can't leave or. Have no confact
At least half the people in the comments are the narcissist and have no idea/delusional
I left their whole spectrum.In 1999 and from 2011 until 2018.And after covid once more the whole process.They are not soulmates.
There are so many cool waves,
flows,people on other spectrums.😂
I went (or tried to and failed) go no contact for a few months. Immediately the narcissistic father went on the offensive, and tried to get to me through the mom. Coercing her to get me to come back. Making her life miserable until I reopened the comms channel. Of course, feeling sorry for her, yet another victim, I decided to give him, one final chance... And here we are today, again, stuck in this very familiar cycle of abuse. Was I weak? Or did I do this for my mom? I hate the result regardless...