When narcissism meets authenticity
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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I wonder how many narcissists are watching this thinking they are the authentic person.
I have to giggle at what you just said.
😂😂😂😂😂
That’s right, narcissists are now learning all the jargon to keep pushing to not be exposed, pay attention to the difference between what they say after ‘I am…’ and what they actually do, that’ll give you clues of the reality of who they are.
I wonder how many of you are diagnosing normal people as narcissists.
😂🤣🤣all of them
Narcissistic parents will throw their child to the wolves...Then stand back and criticize what the child does to stay alive.
sounds too familiar than I would like it to be
"I was raised by wolves and educated by boy scouts." Is something I have said for decades
i raised myself on the internet
😅😅😅 oh, no *rewind my history* *laughs* So true!
Sad but true
My aunt once told me "You are the truth teller. That's why they alienated you."
This is me, but I only just realized that it a gift and not a curse. I’m a leader of the new world, never meant to fit in, never meant to follow anyone.
I’m here to help people heal and see the beauty of life and find the magic in everyday existence
this made me cry bruh
My grandpa was the only one who didn't alienated me, and said the same thing to me.
Fascinating. Does she wear Kaftans?
This is me too. I felt like a ghost when I was a kid.
My husband qualifies as authentic. Calm, rational, thoughtful…in twelve years I only heard him raise his voice once and it was in deference of me. What gift of a husband.
Wow. You're truly blessed
Show this love to him instead of TH-cam comment section
I’m sure she does she’s just letting the world know she’s blessed and that theres hope for everyone🤷🏽♀️💜
I treat him like a king as he deserves .@@islixxn
Those traits don’t necessarily mean “authentic.” Authentic means direct honesty, zero bullshit and lies, and only speaks the truth. Also they don’t pretend to be something they’re not. Thats authentic.
“DO NOT CORRECT A FOOL, OR HE WILL HATE YOU; CORRECT A WISE MAN, AND HE WILL APPRECIATE YOU.”
Unfortunately my adult son is a fool (as the Bible states it). He can’t stand being corrected. Sad truth! He will then turn around and start blaming me 🤦♀️
@@infinitybless7132 There's a saying - " A fool who proceeds with his folly will become wise" *** Embracing the fool archetype may contradictorally be the path 'through' and out of foolishness .. because I think only 'You' can personally make the right decisions for 'yourself' , and that includes decisions of what to 'learn' or what lessons to take on board and live by ... I guess it's like , you NEED to be able to see the folly inherent in yourself and your decisions , completely and without being able to redirect blame to any other person or thing >>> I'm not a parent by the way , so there's that haha
@@infinitybless7132 tell him to stop bitching
Explains why the left censors rational discourse and individual expression
from the book of psalms in the bible
My perception is that narcissistic people are jealous of authentic people, especially if the authentic person is intelligent or interesting or possesses positive traits of any kind.
And my experience is narcissists then become resentful of authentic people.
my mother views my character as weakness because of how she was raised. it scares the shit out of her cos all she knows is defensiveness.
My mom gets upset when my husband is nice to me because “why can’t I get the same from your father!” Like what?!
Exactly!
Not necessarily authentic people. It's everyone in general. They feel a deep sense of shame whenever they see positive traits in anyone. So they feel the need to be critical or begin to copy the individual
My husband with a lot of ASD characteristics is like this and deeply authentic. Watching him interact with a narcissist in our family is so interesting. He is never rude or disrespectful but all the attempts to manipulate and even love bomb my husband do not work which makes the narcissist visibly uncomfortable
Its amazing isn't it! I had narcs all my life and learning to deal with my trauma and to now having to be contempt with myself its so easy to identify a narc and throw them off their shits and then why they try to make everyone hate me they end up exposing themselves because when people know your true authenticity not everyone can make up rumors about you because your real and everyones know your heart! The same can't be said about narcs 😂
I am ASD and my narcissistic (aspd) estranged husband would try to manipulate and emotionally abuse me, and I just absolutely annihilated him with pure logic every time, he couldn’t stand it😂😄
Same
My little daughter is also on the spectrum of ASD. She's very authentic, and only shows affection to some people. She has a level of awareness that's very clear to me and my wife. When we go out with our daughter, she will very quickly identify someone she doesn't like. I know by her display of discomfort and facial expression.
@@vitormonteiro7313 people on the spectrum truly are the most authentic humans you can meet and good judges of character. Charisma doesn’t work for them and they can see right through it into genuine intentions. It’s very cool and I aspire to be more like that!!!
Excellent topic. I'm 74 and have been learning about narcissism for 2 years. As the big picture began to clear away the fog my narcissist husband created, I began to discover my forgotten self. Not surprisingly, he upped the abuse. I didn't leave him - but only because he ordered me out of the house and to take nothing because it was all HIS. These people are baffling in their attitudes. I still shake my head and ask how on earth did they become like this? I'm looking forward, at 74, to living my own life finally. It will be tough financially, but I don’t need much and friends have stepped up to help furnish my new little place. Finally, I'm at peace with who I am.
did you have kids together? I've been 13 years with my bf... deep down I still love him. I just can't believe how he goes from being the best bf in the world, to 10 mins later transform into the cruelest monster out there and don't show a minimum of respect for me... like he never loved me. It's like an intense hate in his eyes. It's truly hard to believe... And the reason of his "transformation" might be something as stupid as I didn't wash a single glass of water immediately after he used it... it's like what these videos say: you will never be good enough for them, they will always find something that hurts you to tear you down... life is so hard with him when he's like this... and I did think about having kids with him... because I love him... but then I think about how many times *harder* it would get with kids... I don't think I could bare that... I went from having an extremely hard life living 26 years with my borderline sister (you wouldn't believe the things she did...) to live with my bf that happens to have a narcissistic personality 😔 what is life trying to tell me? lol
@@Nebulousss Wow. Just wow.
WE GOT THIS 💪🏽💪🏽 rooting for you 🫶🏽💯
Best of luck to you!!!
@@Nebuloussslife do you even HEAR yourself? Please, for the sake of possible unborn children, do not have children with this individual.
Sounds like authentic people are the embodiment of "Do no harm but take no shit".
100%
Exactly you said it right 🤙🏽
"Be water my friend." Bruce Lee
Amen
Cringe lmao
After growing up with a narc mom and working my whole life to heal the trauma, my motto is “what you think of me is none of my business.”
Omg I say the exact same thing now
@@tessarae9127 Your mom probably uses that to say she's not responsible for your feelings so she's not held accountable for her actions.
I've got to use that.
@@heal-thee9109 HEAL
Narc parents are so damaging
Narcissists have an uncanny knack of finding and targeting those that are vulnerable and easily manipulated. They also have the ability to appear (normal) until you are deeply invested in a relationship with them, then all the ugly surfaces!
yes, reminds me of these romance scammers
No fuckin doubt
One must never be afraid to walk. Abuse is a no no be be at 10 days mark, 10 weeks, 10 months or 10 years. I'll Invest, sure, but also monitor the stock market regularly. If the return on investment is too low, it's time to go.
That’s what happened to my daughter…
But she’s in the process of breaking free now
Their mask drops off!!!
Its called being grounded and knowing exactly who you are. You are not influenced by other people very easily. Thats how i am.
😂😂😂
Me too. Who I project myself outwardly "as" though, sometimes does change, depending on my mood, the time of the month and whether I have dark chocolate. I'm ok with that. :o)
@@iamcimos3567right!😂 if I’m caffeinated enough I’m so authentic …haha
When narc’s encounter a genuine person, they seem to feel threatened.
I noticed the same thing
It's because WE are something that they will never be.....REAL🌟⚘
I guess they loose their ground. Rsrsrsr. It is funny to see them shut up.
Yes ...
That's because they are!
Narcissists are everywhere. When you run into one, just tip your hat and keep it moving. They are a literal waste of thought, effort, and time.
Well said!
that seems so de-humanising
I couldn't agree more.
My ex with bpd is dating a narcissist and they both play each other
Absolutely! When faced with narcs, it’s best to just keep moving forward like you say. There’s no need to entertain their hateful, aggressive nonsense, as they don’t even deserve the negative supply that they crave.
This was so helpful. And this also explains why (generally) I repel narcissists. I’m not up for that anymore. I don’t care what anyone thinks. You think I’m great? That’s kind. You think I’m awful? That’s expected. I have to speak truth, and be consistent with my beliefs. I will compromise a great many things in life, but my integrity is not one of them.
I’ve been going back and forth with my narc. Ex about this. Like I know my truth but he swears it’s the opposite and will just stand and stomp his ground and say “ yea okay.. and we’ll you did this and that, got that you were not honest “… avoiding the fact that he was “ happy” and loved me.. we hapy😮 with me, yet I was not giving him my all… total confusion and contradiction.. then he becomes so delusional and swears I’ve told his deep secrets to my friend.. n when I say “ I did not” .. he just believes the facts that he knows can be true.. n didn’t believe me.. this is what made me finally say “ this is enough.. peace out”
@@stephaniecespedes5959 Sorry to hear about your experience. Sounds like you made the right call by moving on.
@@stephaniecespedes5959If you're going "back and forth", you're already giving your power away love. It sounds like you may still be seeking his validation of your truth.
Mind you, i know firsthand how painful AND DIFFICULT it is to watch an adult you love deny obvious fact and history, especially after they've trained you to seek their approval or validation for years. Narcissists are incredibly gifted at this- they'll seem like the most "in the know" person in the room, requiring things to be proven to their standard to be considered valid, and they will use that against you in a fight. They'll catch you off guard by denying obvious truth, which will make you want to prove it and show them the absurdity of their denial. In doing this, you make them the authority on it, whether they are or not.
This is where the authentic person wins- they won't entertain the argument bc they ARE their own final authority and won't entertain anyone denying the truth, no matter how absurdly. Knowing it is enough bc their faith and trust in themselves as that final authority is enough for them, whether the narc agrees or not. Be enough for yourself. F*ck whether he agrees or not. Best of luck ❤
There is nothing authentic about self diagnosing as authentic in a youtube comment section about narcissists.
Sick burn. You got me. I've been made. Why would a group of people who've suffered with narcissists want to share their experiences or outlooks with each other? To help each other grow, and to support each other. To show that they aren't alone. To realize that there are other people going through the same things. To have the people ahead of us share how they've been met successfully. This is a supportive group of people. We aren't here to tear anybody down. There's nothing helpful about ad hominem attacks on the internet. Unbelievable. @@Sleetstorm
Authentic people are honest, transparent and don't envy flashy things.
Why? Because you like those traits?
Ik, I don't envy but I def love flashy things
I've noticed that authenticity is often painted as narcissistic, usually by narcissist.
Or it's devalued like no authenticity is overrated or not really Authentic 🤷🙄
@@annatevesbanzon1359 Yup. Been told, "Only concerned about yourself." And this because I just went over to get the rent, and declined to take him to the store or loan him money.
Me too & questions oneself after suffering narcissistic abuse!
I always feel that most people that are accusing others of narcissism are quite judgmental and narcissistic. I’ve never felt that I’ve met a narcissist or have had issues with the topic, but I’m very authentic and straight forward so perhaps narcissists aren’t attracted to me or I don’t see them.
@@Lyndsay.King1111 you will know when you meet one.
They are usually diabolical.
If you have healthy parents you may be protected from the realm of narcs because they have protected you in a way that narc parents do not protect their children.
When narcissists meet people who are honest about their thoughts and feelings, they have to make the authentic person think they are overreacting to their abuse.
So true
Facts!!!
I love that “why are you yelling?” Or “why are you so angry?” As a means to try to emotionally control you!!! My authentic ass will keep flashing that mirror of truth on them.
Yep.. That's exactly what mine did.. She couldn't handle me being nice. She labeled me as a "beta male "
Absolutely. I dealt with this for 3 years and it was always "me." I was overacting, overthinking, too needy.
Sadly very true
After two years of being "in love" with a narcissist I was only one step away from committing suicide. It was like he took me, threw me to the ground and shattered everything I was into millions of pieces - and then left. Now, two years later, I am grateful for this episode of my life, as it granted me the chance of becoming whole and true. I was destroyed and had to build myself new from the beginning - and while I was doing that, I finally learned to see and feel this "self", which was very different than the one I thought I was. In fact, he didn't shatter -me-, but the shell I was, build up from old wounds, old fears and old ideas. I am thankful for this experience and for the incredible opportunity to heal - not only from the wounds the narcissist did to me, but from the deep wound of being lost and disconnected from myself.
I was a helpless, frightened child, full of fears and desperate to find someone who could save me.... now I am saved by myself. Finding this connection will lead to authenticity and nothing feels more comfortable than that. Finally, there's peace.
Said very well and by someone who knows how to make beauty from ashes and learn from experiences . 🤍🕊️
God bless u
Thank You Jesus for helping her. Please continue to draw her to You Lord. To seek the Kingdom of Heaven first, then other things shall be added
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm glad you have realized your strength through a painful experience. I have come to the same realization after my very similar experience.
I felt the same. We should be grateful to God for helping us to leave them.
After surviving narcissistic abuses, and still healing, I look forward to this new goal - authenticity 😉
Lol Right?! Although really it should be repenting to Jesus Christ. Seeking the Kingdom of Heaven first, then other things shall be added to you
Funny fact is, when you set boundaries with a narcissist, they will usually claim that you are only seeing your side in the situation, as if you are the narcissistic. Best thing to do is to leave in silence.
Yup. Better to not engage with them anymore. Let them win whatever they want just don't give them the fight.
Yes very true.. becos they don't see themselves from a 3rd party perspective.. they only see themselves as the most victimized person ever and when we set boundaries, we get added to their list of people who victimize them, because we stopped the supply..
Idc. He will NOT commandeer MY PORCH!
"Like a good neighbor, STAY OVER THERE!" 😂
I refuse to say a word to him or acknowledge him or his kids!... but i rest assured that porch has a cam on it!
The nerve! Lol
Exactly!!! Narcissist literally see boundaries as abusive because they feel they're entitled to do whatever they want to you..
totally - no nned to go down to their level = they are the expert there and you will get stung
When you stop explaining / defending yourself to wounded people, the journey to authenticity begins.
and the journey to Compassion ends
@@alangardiner872 I’ve lived with a true narcissist for over 20 years, I did plenty of compassion and once you allow them in, that is when they get their supply and you feel horrible and confused and mistreated. It’s a real illness and mine also had passive aggressive and stonewalling. It was hell, and I finally left and I have moments of authenticity but after so many years of that, working on it and climbing out of that hell isn’t easy. And there was true gaslighting. You are told lies that you know he said. And just when you think it’s safe, he acts out. It doesn’t end and they cannot say sorry. It’s a danger to my health if I have compassion for him. He’s in my life still bc he has to be for another year. He sucks me in and spits me back. I don’t wish this treatment on anyone.
@@alangardiner872 compassion towards a narcissist is suicide. Sorry but I’ve lived that truth and hold it to be self-evident. ❤️
It’s my number one lesson I’ve learned from social media: don’t justify yourself, and especially don’t justify your personhood
True, true. I often find it's better to bulldoze than justify myself too.
Authentic people are the mirror to narcissistic people.
I recently had to work with a narcissistic person and she loved and hated me to death at the same time. It was wild. It was like as if she didn’t know what to do with me, as if I was this kind of alien creature she wasn’t able to grasp. She treated me like sh…, next time she saw me she was like „you are the greatest person on earth“. Weird experience.
I've experienced that several times. I think part of it is a "want what you can't have" kind of thing. I also think part of it is because of the fact that narcissists at the end of the day are people who are really badly hurt & usually experienced narcissistic abuse themself, & this causes almost two simultaneous parts to their personality. One side that is the hurt, abused child, & the other side that is the narcissistic coping mechanism that they developed in response. I think the hurt part of them gets really drawn to the authentic person & craves being around them, but the narcissistic side of them that has convinced themself that behaving that way is the only way to succeed in life hates the authentic person, because it shines light on their toxic behavior & bullshit, so to speak.
@@WalkingConundrumwow, that makes a lot of sense!
@@WalkingConundrum sounds pretty much like the person I have talked about 👍🙏
That is the same situation I am in now. The person hugged me @ church after I hugged someone else & began to cry & apologize in front of the other person. I told her I just ignored what she did & didn't think much about it, b/c that was true. I considered the source & will continue!
Sounds like borderline.
Older people-smart ones-realize they have a limited time left on this planet, and don’t want to waste any of that time on drama.
Oh so true!
@@nancyn891 Older people
At around age 60, I realized the time I had left was too precious to waste on dishonest game players. Even if they were family.
Black sheep aren't so concerned with herd mentality either. 🖤
The thing is though, death can come to anyone at any age. A 2oyearold may depart today whilst a 60yearold lives for another 20years!
We can all work towards being/living authentic now, both younger & older.
The narc will try and exclude the authentic person from the group.
that explains stepsons 21st
This 🙌🏼
I got pushed out of a job by a narcissist because of my authenticity bombs
@@xylemnilsen8944 ha ha, I've been there too. I don't treat them to all of my authenticity now! :-)
I was exiled from an entire group of friends who called me “family” by a narcissist in the group who became jealous of my connection with the rest.
I became “Aware, Authentic” after I finally learned to heal and love myself.
After being in a narcissist, emotionally abusive relationship for decades a huge lightbulb went off! And I found the missing piece to the puzzle! I could see things/him so clearly. I was so dissociated , depressed, unhealthy throughout all the years. Very hard. But now I can see my healthy future. 💪🏻🙏🏻🧘🏻♀️❤
as an authentic autistic who knew no other way of being i found myself in the damage of repeated patterns of these relationships again and again. only learning about (late diagnosed and untreated) autism (and also narcissism) helped me. i could never understand why my honesty and vulnerability could threaten others so much.i thought i was the vulnerable one, i was told by society that i was the “weak” one. but i always stood my ground with others in various relationships, no matter how crazy they made me feel. i was unable to lose my core self somehow. and for this, they seemed angry as hell.
I am not autistic as far as I know although I may be on the spectrum, I’m 64 & never been tested. I am an empath & super sensitive, but held onto my true self through it all, until the final discard. And there were times when it nearly killed me. My ex would say to me “You’re an enigma to me, no matter what I throw at you you’re always happy.”
I realise now I was what he wanted to be, not what he wanted.
My best friend is an authentic girl. As a matter of fact, the narcissist guy called her dismissive to her face and she said “oh okay. Well, I hope you find what you are looking for.” And she is so very calm when she said it. And he said that he will block her number. And she said “okay, take care. Goodbye.” All calm and collected. I need to learn that skill
Self love will take you down that road.
I've found that practicing this in online interactions first is easier and helps a lot.
Normally I don't engage with online arguments but I'm not friendly either.
One time I got a really negative reply on an innocent commemt and it felt so ridiculous that I asked the person if they were having a bad day and why they were so angry.l, and they actually apologized and said they were going through something, first time that I had a person online do a 180° like that, snd it felt so much better than winning an argument, it was actually really wholesome.
So since than I've tried to be less confrontational and reactive when someone says an extreme thing to me because I hope to have that good feeling of making a bad interaction a good or neutral one, it makes me feel way more peaceful inside, even if I do have an argument I feel comfortable leaving it when the other person is being unreasonable and I'll feel proud thst I did that.
I think this sort of practice will make a person resistant to toxic behaviour and not he effected by negativity.
@Autumn Leaves that’s not true for everyone. I’ve been with a narcissistic alcoholic for 15 years. I still love him with all my heart. I’ve learned through al anon to detach with love. It works for me.
bingo Maggie , your friend sounds awesome. She sa it a calm voice that what triggers the narcissist to rage . Cuz your is not falling for the bait !!
Amazing 😊Someone who is very comfortable in their own skin and I am sure a wonderful friend to have 👍😊
This term you use "authentic" really seems to be an honest person who has healed enough from trauam to resist being triggered.
Yes or someone who is and has not been involved with a narcissist or more specifically THAT narcissist. If it were a random rude person talking over everyone and being a jerk it would be easy to walk away. When it's the narc stalking me, coming to my table of friends and interrupting EVERY time any of us speaks and trying to take over like heck am I going to continue calmly trying to move the conversation back or go home. I'm out with MY friends, he found out I was in pub X, he comes to whatever place I've been spotted in by his flying monkeys, tries to 'join us' without invitation and take over the conversation and night...yep we're all trying to avoid the drama and scene he will cause if we ask him to leave us alone, but damn, we're not going to accept him or leave either.
We've got the point where girlie nights had to always be at my flat to avoid his BS. Since covid and lockdown that is changing, we are reclaiming our right to go out and not be harassed. When he starts that crap again we won't be making a quiet exit to my flat, we're standing our ground and getting him removed from bothering us. I don't think standing your ground or being assertive is not authentic. The person described in the video seems to be dealing with a narc who is nothing to do with them and part of that circle of people. A common situation and great advise for avoiding letting them in etc but not even possible when it's the uninvited narc who you've escaped!
Or is kind enough to themselves to honor triggers when they arise, and step away from the source of the trigger.
The best explanation!! Bravo!!
@@jessicataylor7174 women out together and a known narcissist tries to join the group? Yeah right. Been there. Put socialised niceties aside and as a collective firmly state he wasn't invited along and he should leave you alone. If he refuses quietly walk over to security and explain it. At that point, he has moved from over friendly to harassment. If he argues with security over staying away from your group there's a good chance he will be ejected. A group of women usually spend more than one man. Other men usually spend more on women they like. Your group is an asset to the business. Just keep it polite to hold the high ground. And thank the staff so they'll look after you in future.
I've healed myself and my NPD sister hates the grey rock treatment, she get's such a confused look on her face I LOVE IT!
Most of the people describe me as "genuine". And there was one manager who particularly used this sintagma of "authentic person". When I asked what does it mean (as English is not my native language) he explained that I am able to "leave" my body and judge my own actions as it was someone else, to distance myself from situation and make objective decission - which makes it much easier for me to learn and much easier for him to make me a great leader. I was so flattered.
I am a 25 year old recovering narcissist with parents who deny their narcissism, who have found a relationship with a 28 year old authentic person. Being in this relationship has opened my eyes to who deserves my time and space, and who has made me realize that I can take a different path. I can choose to not step into the footsteps of a narcissistic generation. When you said authentic people are found in elders, i can tell you from my POV, the youth are preceding as authentic, and that to me is incredible. As a person coming from a narcissistic background building myself to change as an authentic person, who chooses to be a better person and make better decisions, not just for other people, but because i want to be a better person. So i want to thank you Dr. Ramani for your personal input. I will look forward to checking out your podcast.
Authenticity comes from being comfortable with and valuing yourself. The narcissist is terrified of hearing truths.
couldnt agree more...i think i have always been authentic, being child of both narc parents i can say that, thats wat saved me(being authentic)...no doubt that my wisdom is increasing with age but the authenticity was always there to begin with...its not something i caught on at a particular age
@@spdadventurer1754 seems like kids who come from narc parents go in one of two ways: either, they become JUST like their narc parents OR they become super empathic. Might have to do with high emotional quotient (EQ).
@@starryeyednomad3519 yes!
@@alex2b450 which means no one did a very good job at showing any of it? and if that is the case, who can blame them for not seeing! when it's the blind leading the blind, isn't it just par for the course! the way for all who have yet to truly lift the veil of the old matrix!? or "system"?! which makes all kinds of room for the real teachers to finally come out of the shadows... who knows? where it might lead? if we just tried, to be, better! and I do see wonderfully inspired comments around, these days! as more and more choose to get out of the system that blinded them one time too many! Trust is all but gone and love, wisdom and accurate knowledge, hopefully, will save us all! Psalm 91 alone, is wowing me daily! and notebooks filled with others, that keep me, in heaven on EARTH, in my own HEART!
Couldn't you just be comfortable with and valuing yourself but not comfortable with other people? Idk, I don't feel like I mask because I don't value myself, but because I think that the world is scary.
My oldest daughter is a very authentic person. I find that she is one of the only people that I feel safe with. Even her criticisms are done with love. I leave a conversation with her feeling happy, at peace, not confused, etc. She can make everyone feel special without lying or being fake. I never could figure out how she does it. She was born this way! I wish I was!
How very special!!
I have these traits if you are my friend. 😁 Not Enemy though.
She is your daughter and therefore a product of you the ability for you to reckoning those traits in her says a lot of good about you and her ability to be the way she is.
Rob H
💞
@kathy E
💞
This is absolutely what I aspire to be. I used to attract narcissists like flies and they always tried to "recruit" me. But since I first learned what narcissism was and learned to spot these people, I get a very different reaction. One definitely tried to sabotage me and (I suspect) badmouth me to bosses. Another literally can't look me in the eye. I don't feel like I'm a serene person yet, but at my age I now have the "suffer no fools" down pat.
Out of ALL of the many, many videos I have watched in my attempts to heal from narcissist abuse, THIS was the video that I needed the most.
Authenticity = Freedom. ✨
Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙏
I believe the same way; this video put the icing on the cake for me and provided the missing piece of a god-awful puzzle I've been trying to put together for over 60 years. Move over narcissistic family...authenticity coming through!
@@estherann7407 Love that! ❤️
Authentic people sound a lot like they’re just emotionally mature and self-aware.
They sure are! and rare too! but, since the covid, there seems to be more coming out of the shadows! And your name means? "Harvester"! (mine too)
@@theresefournier3269 That’s really incredible that you brought that up today. I meditated on “I am a conduit to connect resources” and a harvester can be a person who collects resources for future use! What an incredible synchronicity from the Universe!
@@pesamesagisum It's called "synchronicity"! which is something that you will find yourself experiencing exponentially! (you are "blessed", as well).
@@pesamesagisum Oh my! I hadn't even seen this last part of your comment until after I wrote mine! which is when i realized that, of course, and not surprisingly, you already knew! and yes, we are incredibly blessed my spiritual sister! and wise harvester!
Thank you
“Narcissists waste lots of time winning others over because they are soooo insecure and need the supply”
Thank you, Dr. Ramani❤
Authenticity is really about self-mastery; knowing who you are, knowing your values and doing EVERYTHING in alignment with those set values and your true self!
As a Catholic I think this wisdom has been available for 2000 years, but still good. Thanks Dr.Ramani 🙏
Yes, but it is helpful as some of us need to hear it over and over in different ways before it finally sinks in! God bless you brother-in-Christ 🙏
To me authenticity is when your thoughts, words and actions align.
Right!!!!!
Lol 😂 that took Confucius to 70 year’s old before he achieved that. I thought I could outperform him and I was wrong.
Good luck 🍀 .
But I’m sure you line works well for likes 👍.Humility isn’t popular nor is highlighting ones failures, however... errors well digested lead to profoundly solid transformations.
@@karamlevi "we don't depend on luck, we use alchemy"
I think authentic people are always trying to figure out what is best and true, and they try hard to hold themselves to that standard. My husband is narcissistic, but not evil. I see him for what he is. I pray for him, redirect him, and praise him when I see proper actions. He was poorly socialized. He was mistreated as a child and retreated to a world of books. Fortunately, he was attracted to hero characters who always saved people, so I know that is his heart's desire, to be a savior. But he loves attention and praise and always turns every conversation back to himself. I get embarrassed by this and by his boastfulness. And it is super annoying how he loves to tell us about other people's faults and weaknesses, like it's fun to point out other people's stupidity or addictions. Then he tries to keep his own weaknesses hidden. He is an incredibly hard worker though, and he works very long hours in super uncomfortable conditions so I can stay home with the children. He is very skilled at fixing almost anything mechanical. He is a very good problem solver. He's a good leader at work, never asks his men to do anything he wouldn't. Sometimes he behaves emotionally immaturely, but other times he doesn't. It really seems to be strongly related to what "news" he reads and watches or what online social media he is interacting with. I do believe we are strongly influenced by what we read and watch and listen to. I think people are complex with all sorts of problems. I will always love him. And I will always pray for him. And I will never give up on him because he is mine to love forever.
We become our thoughts, habits, food, what we listen to, what we pay most attention to etc. We are simultaneously the product and creator of our environment 💜✨ your husband sounds like a wonderful man who will continue to progress, and you being there to guide and love him despite his short comings is definitely an incredible gift that I'm sure has and will continue to benefit y'all's individual and connected growth as well as the collective.
The older I get, the more comfortable I am with being the "weird" person in the room. In fact, it's become a beacon for me and helps me better figure out who is toxic, dangerous or who to avoid.
Narcissists definitely rely on social convention and "normalcy" to shame and control people. Most people kind of chuckle or raise an eyebrow at my odd behaviors, but the minute someone resorts to shaming me for benign but unconventional behaviors, I know exactly who I'm dealing with.
Amen!
real rap
Mic drop
Yes… good for you. I feel the same . Protect yourself.
Wow This was incredible. Thank you for helping me understand the 44 year relationship I have had with my mother-in-law. She has always tried to bait me and put me down because I did not fit the standard she had for her son. She absolutely hates me because she learned early on that I do not care what she or anyone else thinks of me. I learned a long time ago that we need to set boundaries without being mean spirited.
Yes Skee ... I experienced the same with my late M-I-L. When she went into Assisted Living & started taking a mood stabilizer, things improved a fair amount.
I feel like authenticity is the ultimate goal in life. I don’t think anyone is born this way, you either become super in tune with yourself and grow into your authentic self. However to be authentic you must possess emotional intelligence, which for myself is something I have gained through life experiences. I feel like narcissistic relationships bring out your authenticity when you finally start to heal. You reflect and in hindsight realize just how different you would respond to many situations now. The wisdom gained through life shapes you becoming more and more authentic each day.
Very well put. It’s true that with age most of us healthy thinkers move toward authenticity.
I kinda agree but then not really because I think children are generally authentic, even their tantrums are an authentic expression of what they feel (so I guess, I would disagree with Dr. Ramani's definition...she probably more means 'individuated' or as close to that as one can humanly be, which children aren't in a conscious sense. This is a semantic issue so kind of irrelevant I guess). Trauma changes them, some will become narcissists, others wounded but can heal later if they do the work and become authentic again but in a grown up way, with a pattern of emotional regulation and not reacting on 'cue' due to triggers. That's what I aim for myself.
As Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living.
Sounds like authentic people live in alignment with their moral philosophy.
Their moral philosophy are generally warp.
A moral philosophy that is grounded in emotional realism (that we are emotional creatures, not just cognitive thinkers)
Yes ....the Bible say when you know who you are in Christ what the world think does not really matter ,Im 46 years old ,and it took me long time of suffering because i was a nice person,very sensitive ,try to get along with everybody (i thougth),and was very reactive to what people do and say about me ...once i learn that it does not really matter (i Bring people in need to eat and sleep in my House and still talk bad about me ...),i know im a loving, compassionate,honest overall good person and thats all that matter,we will all meet same narcissist in our Life that tell us ,we are horrible,disgusting,sloppy ,good for nothing human being "know the truth (that you are a Beautyfull human being created by a migthy God at His Image and likeness,thats all you need to know) and the truth will Set you free"... And you will no longer Put your inner value dependent of acceptance and aproval from Others.We can Control other people mouth and behaviour but WE can Control how we react to it
@@effrakataeffrakata2092 thank you ! I needed to read that.
Authentic people have a broad range of areas of awareness regarding personalities and temperaments. It’s similar to customer service at its best and mastering communication.
Basically work on urself until your so unbothered by them they don’t wanna be bothered with you. You’re not acting grey rock you ARE greyrock.
Exactly!!!
but greyrock seems so boring to have to be
Very well said Karen ,i my self living exactly of what you just said and is very peaceful and powerful place to be.
Nice!
I agree, n I see now we are all the walking wounded children doing our best, this helps to not judge others. But some of us work a lot harder at evolving into the person we were meant to be before it was taken away from us as a child. I have empathy for people who don’t realize it takes action instead of blaming. Unaware of this they are always searching outside themselves for the answers. I’ve also realized the only way to become authentic n receive answers is to go within. Learning to let go of the past by living in the moment brings calm / peace and creates space for less n less reason for subconscious reactions. And to be more gentle with ourselves, we’re not perfect all the time and that’s OK. The more u love yourself the more u can feel free to love others, even if it’s from a safe distance.
I think it's easy to be authentic in any form of relationship except for partnership. I consider myself an authentic person who can see through a narcissist and easily remove myself from the situation, but couldn't do it with my partner, I thought I could. I still saw his attacks, resisted and didn't lose my true self to them but it still hurt me to see I can't be immune emotionally, it still felt super toxic to a point that I had to leave the love of my life who was very compatible with me in other aspects (apart from narcissism).
The hardest thing.
To do.
Your mental and emotional health is totally worth it.
What if you are the parent of a narc..
Narcis
It's super hard. you need to keep your distance as much as possible. you always have to choose yourself@@mandyclark2657
This is how I'm feeling and I'm struggling.
I was with a partner who I believe is narcissistic. She hurt me very badly many times, but I tried to make it work as long as I knew that she was trying as well. Then when I was truly neglected I left. It’s healthy for that kind of behavior, from someone you care about, to hurt you. You should never strive to be emotionally callous, and suppress your feelings. I also don’t believe that being authentic means to immediately remove yourself as soon as something goes wrong or makes you feel bad. Those things happen and usually you can’t even put together what is happening right away.
I feel I am moving towards more and more authentic person. My narssatic mother been saying a lot. She doesn’t regnoise me anymore. When she was poking me into low vibrations. Many times I just brushed it off. Of course after a while it did gets to me. But I am very different. I do not play her game or trying to engage when she wants me to fights. I also don’t want to heal or change people anymore. Which used to be my patterns. I am done . I love myself enough to be truthful to myself , so I am honest to the world too. Also not engaged to the low vibration. I have my whole life ahead of me to do others things that build me up. And in bliss and happiness ❤. I simply walk away from things that cause me hurt and pain. I trust my inner guidance and wisdom
Story sounds similar sending luck and prayers
My wife is very authentic and she is super nice to people. So people think she’s a push over. Then some one tries to mess with her and she gets extremely intense and direct and she melts them. Ppl will know her for years and won’t see this side. I haven’t seen this in anybody else in my life. Very unique and very awesome.
That's top level.
There comes a point when a decent person has to let someone know there bullshit is not welcome and was never acceptable.
Kudos to her!
She sounds like me I truly believe people take my kindness for weakness then I snap and I’m the villain oh well lol
That’s really cool that you have a wife that is authentic. What’s cooler is that you see that and appreciate her. Takes one to know one.
Hopefully it’s shows as confidence and not aggression.
@@robhernandez1827Yeah I’m similar to this person’s wife and it’s not aggression. It’s just very direct, “Hey I have self respect and I will not tolerate disrespect”. It’s shutting the other person down without raising your voice or insulting, but just speaking clearly and seriously. No smiling or apologizing for shutting them down, instead being confident. Otherwise I’m actually a quite shy person that always wants to be kind lol
I would imagine Dr Ramani herself is an example of an authentic person.
Yes! I suspect authenticity is one of Dr Ramani’s finest qualities.
@@Nina_Olivia Agreed. I find her refreshingly real - and authentically beautiful ... my mum was the same although blonde haired and blue eyed. She had that same unaffected beauty.. so fortunate...
We need to make a statue!
💯
Yes
I have done a lot of self-work and continue to do so. Am in my early 30s and will never get married nor have kids.
I had a traumatic childhood. An old soul. I have so far only attracted 2 people who are narcissists while I was briefly dating them. Brief because I walked away in less than 3 months because their behaviors signified poor boundaries, defensiveness, manipulation, edging, silent-treatment, and etc…
I am an authentic person.
Such a beautiful message. After 25 years in Al-Anon I can relate to that authenticity- I have called it Alignment with Source for years. This was a fabulous description of the serenity and personal power that comes when all people pleasing fear based behaviors are disintegrated in the light of empowerment. Thanks for this content!!❤
Dating a narcissist is like dating your biggest hater.
Well put Ana!
haha that's so true! I literally asked my ex "do you even like me? Like, forget love, but do you even like me as a person?"
😂😂😂 straight up
I asked my spouse in the first 2 months are you even attracted to me!!!! Lord
WOW is that true
I had always thought of myself as "authentic." But this made me realize that being a "people pleaser" is NOT being authentic to myself. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Best tips for you is don't involve in any unreasonable scenario but don't tolerate what will affect you and learn to reject somethings most importantly don't try to hurt others by overreacting.
@@abdulraheemfatimah4760 That would make sense if I were a Vulcan.😉
I thought the exact same thing. Listening to this makes me want to sit down take a few deep breaths and calm myself.
Yes. This is huge.
Word, I feel the exact same way
Authenticity requires a great deal of mastering peace within oneself. This allows one to remain true to one self. Meaning you don't feel compelled to hide your true self. This level of peace and confidence rocks a narcissist to their core.
OMG, it’s me you were talking about😮 The last years I had to work with narcisstic persons and so I became victim of really bad gossiping. What shocked me was that even good friends took part. I took refuge in early retirement, but they followed me into my private life and many social contacts were destroyed. But, as you said, I rest within myself. I continue to pursue my passions and live my life. The whole thing took 7 years and now I still have one battle to fight: defeating my PTSD
Sending ❤ and blessings ❤
"the more authentic you become the more resistant you will be to narcissists" 🙏
= more true to yourself and the absurdity of it all!
I've found that to be the case. They tend to run from authentic people because narcissists have a tough time telling the truth.
@Boom O'Shootin All the best to you too :)
@@HaleyMary Narcs are meant to be fleeting lessons. Wouldn't want to out or shame them, wouldn't stay either. Don't want to waste energy. I'd say a self aware person learns from a difficult experience. When a self aware person acquires a tool belt. It makes it easier to spot and resist them.
I think i just realized why mine has been getting so much angrier as i grow more comfortable with my identity
I found authentic people are very non-judgmental of others. So wonderful to be around.
This authentic person has done medical research and discovered that her x-boyfriend had all the symptoms of a Narcissist and Asperger's, however the CAUSE is not intentional. These behaviors develop due to having to deal with the toxins being produced in their system. Parasites/Worms and other Amoebic parasites are rampant in these people. They live in a brain fog and their behaviors are developed to cover up their incorrectly diagnosed internal parasites. Parasites emit 5 toxins. Formaldehyde, Amphetamines, Histamines, Ammonia and Morphine. Any Authentic person getting a daily dose of these chemicals will ultimately develop some defensive behaviors. If you really want to CURE your clients then deworm them first and then help them control their parasites while helping them deal with the transition. Many like my x have lived with parasites their whole life and never knew it. My x had his appendix removed as a child(more than likely filled with worms) and had physical development /growth problems. All affected by these toxins in his system. The Main Stream Medical Community does NOT test for parasites. Some parasites live in the lymph system and not the GI tract. How these parasites get in they lymph system is still a mystery. For more information on this please watch The Universal Antidote Documentary on Rumble dot com. Here is the link rumble.com/vdey7t-the-universal-antidote.html
But that's what gets us taken advantage of
Good take
The problem is, you take things logically, and with empathy. Two things narcissists have no comprehension of. They will call you smart and intelligent, and then call you an idiot for tripping on a cord they left on the floor.
They are just who they are. They don't need to juxtapose themselves or find their place with others by judging them.
This is Sooooo true👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. My experience with the narcissist totally. Unfortunately some narcissist will hate the authentic person and go above and beyond to destroy an authentic person's reputation. In you find yourself in this scenario stay true to yourself because people will see you for who you really are and not who the narcissist painted you out to be. 🥰🥰🥰
People are intimidated by my authenticity. But, when they need the truth....they come to me.😮
Being authentic isn't just a "secret weapon against narcissists", it's an important virtue to have just for yourself ❤
It is my weapon against narcissist due to being abused by them my whole life. I am safe now knowing they are not able to abuse me ever again
That's the core level importance. Well said
@@monicamiles4544 It's always girls making comments like these. I bet you are the problem. How could you possibly be abused by narcissists your whole life? Either you are delusional or you have been going from man to man looking for your "best source of supply" and found yourself being treated like a commodity, because you have made yourself one.
You should be building armor not weapons.
@@466rudy6 You can't win if you only defend yourself. You need to bite as well
Being a authentic person is a process. Nobody is born this way. Mindfulness helps.
I see it the other way round. We are born authetical, but along the way we are forced to learn tricks and to be false in order to cope with sadness and nasty people (whatever label you like to put on them).
@@herrbonk3635 Exactly - babies are inherently authentic - they don't know how to be any other way.
We are all born authentic i believe. We are at our most authenticity when we were a child but as we grow up we start to have big egos which is something we have to get rid of or at least learn to balance.
Everyone is born authentic
@@arrow1042 authentic birth would mean we r only genetics. Everything else is learned and Cultivated. We r not animals with a biological compass, we need to learn every thought and behavior
You have helped me so much it’s insane. I hope your TH-cam revenue is massive. You’re saving lives.
Totally agree, I am a pro now dealing with Narcissistic people in my life , they tend to stay away 😅
Authenticity is typically hard earned but such a blissful place to be.
Couldn’t agree more
Authentic people are rare, in my opinion, and they are not dramatic, they’re real; content where they are. They do not care what other’s think of them and they move forward with their simple basic life style and that’s everything to them. They are enough.
Thank you
I want to be like that.
@@lilstinkers5260 why? It's a lot of heartache that comes with it. There's plenty of wonderful things too
A part of being authentic is the unconditional acceptance of a human including their scars,their imperfections and stage in their evolution.
Simple and basic life. Enjoying the things that money can't buy, like a kiss from my two year old grandson and watching him play and dance and he is so funny! Now for me that's living.........
Narcissism is something many suffer from that often begins in childhood...in other words, they don't choose to be narcissists/narcissistic and to that extent, are largely blameless and often unaware of their traits, mode of thinking and behaviour and so it has to be, self-reflection and education to combat their mental disorder if at all possible. And of course, acceptance that they do have a problem. Something that not only impacts upon themselves but also on people they associate with at many levels. Thanks Dr Ramani for all the work that you put in on this subject.
This is a beautiful description. I love it. Authenticity, to me, just means standing in honesty and Truth. Someone who is authentic strives to stand in their Truth at all times, regardless of the situation. When you stand in honesty and Truth, everything becomes much easier.
"Truth-tellers often become scapegoated." -- You just solved my life!
Ugh, yup this is the truth
I used to say, "Everyone blames the truth teller" because that's exactly how it feels
@@OffTheWagons me too!
Sadly, most of human interaction is illusory
Yes.. Thanks a ton for solving all mysteries around unanswered questions of my lyf. U ve definitely changed infinite lives forever.. Blessed to have discovered a whole new world -knowledge of which - will definitely make me more useful to God, universe and world.. Focusing on only positives and my goals.
“Truth tellers become scapegoats.” Oh man, how true!!
And we don’t care. We aren’t wasting time worrying about others opinions of us. We know who we are.
Imagine a kid has been put under that situation.
@@leannalee4524 I got silent and avoiding. With my first child, I had to leave my shelter. 😀
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Love, peace and joy here, going your way...
@@oOIIIMIIIOo I feel you. That’s pretty much how I felt: confused and lonely, sad. Grown up figuring out why, giving me the strength to build my own life. Sending love ❤️ to you and your child.
I realized I was always having a rough time with my narc ex because I am an authentic person. She'd always triangulate and manipulate me by saying just how much she's being hit on and all that in a bid to manipulate me but it never got to me because I could see right through what she was trying to do and I would not give her the supply she was looking for with the manipulation.
Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing this and enlightening the world on these key terminology💜💜
Thank you for the contribution you’ve put into psychology Dr. Ramani!
I’ve been struggling with bouncing back and forth between I know I’m doing the correct thing by just being me and being understanding and I’m narcissistic, maybe I am closed minded to certain problems,etc. but through seeing your videos I’ve been reconnected with an awareness I didn’t know I lost, I really can’t thank you enough.
Narcissists sniff you out and try to isolate you in the group... but the Narcissist always reveal themselves
Only if the others are smart enough and have a good heart. Otherwise the others will believe all their lies
If the Narcs have high social value and they get things done, then it doesn't matter. The group would not want to see right and wrong, they will choose from whom they get advantage,gifts Nd favours.
Life isn't so fair and just as we expect it to be
No one my family see's my covert narcissist sister for who she really is. It's so frustrating!!! I haven't talked to her in 2 year's.
@@8656737s Lemme guess, they also give you crap for being "rude", "disrespectful", "petty" for distancing yourself from her? Currently dealing with this from my partner's family. They can't fathom there'd be any reason you'd stop talking to a relative.
@@8656737s And as time goes by you will feel more and more at peace with yourself ! They never change and often they have one of the parents on their side. That makes it even harder. Keep strong.
Authentic people do get "bothered" by the narcissist, but their authenticity allows them to get over it in a heart beat. It's like swatting a fly away.
This authentic person has done medical research and discovered that her x-boyfriend had all the symptoms of a Narcissist and Asperger's, however the CAUSE is not intentional. These behaviors develop due to having to deal with the toxins being produced in their system. Parasites/Worms and other Amoebic parasites are rampant in these people. They live in a brain fog and their behaviors are developed to cover up their incorrectly diagnosed internal parasites. Parasites emit 5 toxins. Formaldehyde, Amphetamines, Histamines, Ammonia and Morphine. Any Authentic person getting a daily dose of these chemicals will ultimately develop some defensive behaviors. If you really want to CURE your clients then deworm them first and then help them control their parasites while helping them deal with the transition. Many like my x have lived with parasites their whole life and never knew it. My x had his appendix removed as a child(more than likely filled with worms) and had physical development /growth problems. All affected by these toxins in his system. The Main Stream Medical Community does NOT test for parasites. Some parasites live in the lymph system and not the GI tract. How these parasites get in they lymph system is still a mystery. For more information on this please watch The Universal Antidote Documentary on Rumble dot com. Here is the link rumble.com/vdey7t-the-universal-antidote.html
@@marilynteed This is an interesting angle... Not sure we would know what we're supposed to do with this "information."
If the narc is your mom or dad, then it's not that easy.
I mean when you take a step back and see the absurdity of it all, it's hard to take it to heart and give a shit. Though, it's always sad to see people being lied to, become disconnected from reality, and damage their relationships JUST for their ego.
@@marilynteed lolllllllll
Doctor Ramani you are appreciated. Thank you
This is THEE BEST video I’ve seen on narcissism! I resonate deeply with your definition of an authentic person and think you are spot on!! Thank you for this.
I've learned in my experiences that part of learning how to be authentic in the face of narcissism is learning how to be authentic in the face of your own narcissistic tendencies.
That’s one of the greatest things a person can face.
is that not a contradiction in terms?
@@Richard_L_Y everyone has the capability to be narcissistic to a extent. It’s about facing that and controlling one’s self no matter how much hurt we feel.
@@Richard_L_Y facing one’s own occasional selfishness is an expression of self-awareness and the exact opposite of narcissism. All of us are capable of callousness on occasion, especially if we’re under a lot of stress for reasons that seem out of our own control, but the authentic person backs up and says “oh wow I’m being selfish” and makes amends and changes.
I dont understand? You mean authenticity in the egocentric perspective
Best compliment I ever received: "I never met anyone so comfortable in their own skin."
That’s GOAL
I'd like to feel that, even just once. Whenever I feel any joy, any at all, something comes a moment later to take it away from me.
I'm not sure if it's from abuse or a curse or a Demon doing it to me. It's happened so often I don't get happy anymore. I feel like I will be punished for anything good that comes my way. It will just be taken from me because I can't defend myself.
Having a child with disabilities taught me this exact thing your are talking about. In genera,l this has taught me whats important and whats a waste of time. Especially emotionally. I keep a good healthy antennae on narcassist.
@@lorimiller4301 u need therapy or some soul searching or both ..try being in solitude for a while, and busy yourself with personal development & develop your character, principles and values.
@@lorimiller4301 the power of our thoughts and minds are being plagued. Be careful what you think, and say. And spend time watching and listening to & reach out to God. This will change your life
As soon as it was mentioned that authentic people tend to be older people, I immediately got an image in my head of these people! That's what I want to be when I grow old! The little authentic lady! 👵🏼
Bang on !!! I had figured that out but did not have confidence on what I realised untill now. I have come to peace so many times being just myself around narcissists who felt am boring or dull. It saved me.
I am authentic. I never realized that others weren’t. Until my (ex) husband’s double life was exposed, I had no idea of how authentic I was and how inauthentic he and others are. People seem to be drawn to me because of authenticity. Even better, I have found my tribe of authentic people.
That's great! My resolution for 2021 is to embrace my authentic self so that I can have an authentic tribe just like you. Do you have any tips for me?
Youre not authentic.
Youre foolish and naive thats not a virtue you are just silly.
The fact that you didnt see your husbands 'double life' is pretty much an indicator of that.
@@ThunderAppeal Authentic people can still be misled, ThunderAppeal. Authentic people are not mind readers. But authentic people don't become controlled by a narcissist. That's the difference.
Or a narcissist. Im authentic everyone else around me is not... ;)
When you are an honest, open, forthright person, it can be easy to (incorrectly) assume that others are, as well. It's quite an awakening to discover just how unbelievably naive you've been when you do finally seek out this information and study these character-disordered people for years.
I was entirely CLUELESS there was such a large population of individuals, globally, who are so disordered that they have some kind of characterological disorder.
Now I understand why people behave they way they behave, and nothing....literally nothing....that I see truly surprises me anymore.
You are very fortunate to have found people who you believe are your tribe of authentics like yourself. I still haven't found those people.
I find that Real people that are true to them selves are as rare as gold.
Good luck finding someone real in a world of lies. And nothing is real.
I’m one of those real people, you speak of.
Thank you, I will now think of myself as a golden nugget 😄
I must be Gold! I lived with a narcissist for 7 days and I just had to pack my car and go! Just trusting that spirit has something better for me. This man wanted all my time energy and money! Bye 👋
@@rainephachoumphone9175 you attract what you are! There are many many real and good people you have to stop judging every person and situation, do not give it your energy, then you truly will manifest what you want! Look at it all as a lesson, everything happening for you! The universe doesn't make mistakes! Everyone and everything is you pushed out!
This is really refreshing to hear such an honest commentary without judgement. I'm still in a situation where I feel trapped in dependency on my parents and yet they need more and more of my help but I've never been able to live a life where I didn't feel trapped and scared, I feel like my life has been stolen from me and now I'm finally finding the courage to stand up to the abuse and gain some independence. It has been such a painful journey and the emotional pain and confusion and having so many people against me who don't even understand has almost been worse than a whole lot of physical pain. Thank you for speaking out about this in truth and authenticity.
i can relate to this. thank u for sharing. i know how hard it can get .but u are handling it well. I'm proud of u. keep standing up for yourself. u will be able to free yourself. don't give up
Thank you, that feels encouraging. Right now I feel so angry feeling trapped having to care for people who hurt me so much, are denying it and are miserable. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted and misunderstood and like I'll never get out and I just want to be done. Your words of encouragement help though
Hang in there Megan! That really sucks!
You seem to be a very authentic positive person yourself Dr.R. I got so much from this video that I needed to hear in my spiritual struggle through the trials and tribulations of narcissism.
“Truth tellers often become scape goated” I FELT THAT SO HARD IN MY SOUL
same here
You just suffered throw that phase, but on the other side is a much stronger, congruent sense of self…and you won’t tolerate being labeled or duped into being a scape goat…it comes with the love of self (the healthy kind).
yes, me too!
I felt so understood, it made me cry, while having flashbacks of situations where I made narcissists feel uncomfortable (unintended) with tremendous effects on my life. Getting wiser and older now, good to know that getting past this becomes easier with age!
Ugh yes i still feel like i have to be that way a lot too, its not helpful a lot of the time too 😞
A couple of years ago I had the interesting experience of having a malignant narc boss replaced by an authentic person boss. The quality of life improvement is off the charts.
You too?!
Lol. Happy for ya man!🥰
lucky you! god blessed you😇
I am a 23 year old woman who was raised by a narcissistic egg donor (biological mother does not deserve to be called anything better), and if I were not the authentic person I am and I sure I would have become merely another statistic in the cycle.
I was the truth teller/scapegoat, so it wasn't easy; I was made to question my reality and reasoning every day of my childhood and now as an adult have had to speed run so much healing that it's given me whiplash.
Its almost weird knowing I was always right; and when I come across narcs now, it's almost fun to be their kryptonite just by existing and being myself, not letting anyone stop me.
This is my husband, very authentic and he has taught me how to deal with narcissists.
I feel authenticity comes when you have that full and deep acceptance of yourself
I absolutely agree 1000%! 😊
the whole "this is the way i am, im not trying to hide it, if people dont like it thats their problem not mine," while recognising actual short comings of course
I see authenticity as the end result of emotional growth. It is being a fully emotionally mature adult.
Narcissism is a form of emotional immaturity/maldevelopement.
The ones who can't grow are the ones who never learnt to separate their own self from that of their primary caregiver(s), something that normally happens at around age 4. That's why they either treat others as objects or as an extension of themselves to reward or punish as they please.
It's both a gift and a curse to be able to spot Narcissists so quickly and easily. Props to anyone who has to deal with them on a daily basis. You're a warrior.
Or, just walk away. If possible. I am planning to move north to get away from the narc's sphere of influence. This decision empowered me. Even if I do not move away for good, it helps to think outside the box.
@@malaikavida good for you! Glad you can get away. I meant more for people who have to deal with co-parenting or similar situations.
My neighbour. We share a front patio in a split building. No escape.
You don't spot them they show that out from themselves!
Well said in that it’s both a gift and a curse.
Absolutely love this, just makes so much sense and it is where I am in my life at 73….truly me and happy about it!
Back watching this one again as in therapy yesterday I experienced a turning point. After a long period of treatment for my childhood trauma, emotional abandonment at the hands of a raging dad and narcissistic mother, I felt an emotion of “clarity, clear headedness, relief and a sense of being free” from allowing my mum to control and manipulate me. We are now working on my core values and I can see how polar opposite I am from my mum and brother & this authenticity of who I am (at 56) is is a new, but lovely emotion I have today. ❤
I think it pisses the narcissist off when their efforts don't affect us
The best revenge
Indifference. Any attention is better than none to narcissists - good or bad, as long as they are center stage. The squeaky wheel gets the most oil. That's why walking works - feet don't have wheels 😁
I returned an unopened Christmas hoover and now he's in the rage stage. Like a spoiled toddler. I authentically laugh because I took back the power I gave him.
@@true3980 🤣 I've gone a step further. I don't return the gifts or acknowledge they've sent them. Maintain 100% radio silence. I give them to someone random who really appreciates it. So far, a tablet & gucci perfume has gone to a very happy teenage neighbour 😂😆🤣
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 I'll be your neighbor. 🥰
It's true that the narc doesn't like or pursue the honest transparent person. I think honesty intimidates them and inside they know they are disfunctional and they don't like that inferior feeling. So yes! They will go talk bad about you to almost everyone you know. I heard this Proverb and it went something like, when people bare false witness against honest people it's only a matter of time before honesty revels the truth....I have experienced this Proverbs without having to defend myself because true honest character will always dispel a lie!
Yes, indeed.
Powerful, insightful statement.
Congratulations for
moving forth with
your life. Bravo
to you. Remain
strong and resilient
as you journey to
new beginnings.
What's for certain and
always count on. This quote.
By the late Maya Angelou.
"When a person shows you
who they are. Believe them
the first time." The simplicity
as you heal in spite of
the experiences.
Hold truth that.
Winners (YOU) never lose and
losers (Narcissist) never win.
It's a waste of time trying to
help the narcissist save
themselves from themsleves.
The Narcissist live in a trap
mental personality disorder.
That will always be lived in
a world filled with darkness
and unhappiness their entire
life. Believe me I known and
seen many narcissistic
people have no peace.
Not even narcissist taking
their last breath. They die
with a tortured soul.
God gives the narcissist
an opportunity to repent
from their sins. This would
give the narcissist a chance
to finally be free from their
demons for eternity in heaven.
Rather than spend eternity
in the fire within a burning
bottomless pit. In a place
called hell.
Speak up/Assert yourself when confronted though. Don't be silent.
It can let the damage fester so deep&wide that the wound leaves a massive scar.
Very well said. Exceptional comment
This is wild, I just did a video on this today, and you’re describing me to a tee! I’ve been through relationships with narcissists enough to learn, and now they don’t affect me. I don’t try to poke at them, and I keep healthy boundaries. I’m 57 years old, and this is the first time I’ve been described as “authentic.” You are so right on all points! Thank you!
One unintended consequence of being authentic, is being labeled rude. So, you should be ready to accept that, apart from being truthful.❤👍
My late aunt was definitely an authentic person. I recall an incident when I was a child where she said something noncombative (I don't remember exactly what it was anymore) and one of her cousins said "speak for yourself" in retort. It took me aback, as I did not expect my aunt to be met with such a hostile response, for no apparent reason. You know what my aunt did? She immediately responded in the most calm and kind voice "fair enough" and went about her business. I thought her reaction was so mature and graceful. She was a sweet woman, and there were people around her who were jealous of her blessings--blessings which she deserved. My mother was one such person who was jealous of her.
May Auntie Bonnie rest in peace.
Sorry about your Aunt. Glad you were blessed with the time you did spend with her. Glad she was a source of positive inspiration for you.
Nonsense. No such thing as an authentic person in psychology. And the word narcissist is peddled around by ignoramuses who don't even know what it means
@@ikwikwi fair enough
Sammy, even one authentic person in your life is a blessing. I'm glad your aunt left you such good memories, and an excellent example to follow.
I had an aunt Nila like that, she loved everyone especially children and did the nicest, most memorable things in our lives everyone should have an aunt Bonnie or an aunt Nila! I wish they did!
The authentic person likes themself, is confident, self-ssured, wise, genuine, yet kind and/or neutral when dealing with toxic people. They have very healthy boundaries and are not duped by deceivers. Like a protective shield.
Facts!
That’s a very good way of putting it.
@@jamessmyth3952 I completely agree.
Thanks for sharing that! Truly. I'll keep it in mind.
I feel best when I sense it within & around myself as an rich calming power emanating from within me, and it just so happens to repel. The “shield” concept felt like a protector from outside of myself. This self-emanating essence feels always present, always effective, if I focus on it. The best advice, the most effective advice that I have acted on as an empath… Was “focus on your separateness.” My whole world changed. Focus on your separateness. It’s the opposite of what we normally hear. Empaths don’t need to focus on connection; that happens automatically. We have to focus on separateness and feel what separateness feels like. Then we were able to feel our authenticity; And it feels so good!
That you Dr. Ramani, this video brought a lot of confirmation on how I’ve silently let go of many relationships in my life. Your videos have been tremendously helpful.
Thank you, Im turning 42 and I'm in a point of being authentic. I had plenty of encounter with narcisist since I was a child (Most of my family are). My latest encounter with a narcisist pushed me over the edge but I learned lots of things. I mostly did the right but having in a relationship with a narcisist threw me out of my authentic self. Thank you for your video and it gave me a goal to accomplish.