I agree it feels weird at first, transitioning to a healthier mindset. One therapist I truly admire always says- if being healthy means being corny, then be corny
corny is a great description, perfect word to use for how i feel trying to be positive. i notice as soon as i apply this change in mindset, the universe tries to shit-test me. most people are not content until they get a negative reaction. energy vampires everywhere. i can start my day with 100% patience levels but it is difficult to maintain that level until bedtime. all day long notice your interactions gradually declining in positivity.
Corny can get us by, but finding the reality in whatever positive experiences you’re going through can pay ALOT of dividends as time goes along, when inevitably we get stuck again.
The reason why it feels corny is because many of the people that are examples of this are only superficially so. People that might say "wow, that's so great" to a child's project, and then the same week might (censored) their mother for 5 seconds of pleasure, further disturbing their family life. You're not crazy, this culture is out of whack But that's not an excuse to give up, certainly now, now that you're recovering and people are ready to hear the hard truth. You have to instead go deep into the positive, *agape* which is self sacrificing love. Not putting lipstick on a pig, but actually being ready to sacrifice for people. Your readiness will shine through.
My parents were both so angry. I feel so sorry for the sensitive, sweet natured child I was born. I became withdrawn and sarcastic and nihilistic like my father. It was almost constant negativity. I feel like I'm starting from zero to change my way if thinking. 😢
But, you ARE starting. You deserve to be kind to yourself. I was nasty to myself, until a wonderful therapist said" you're very mean to yourself"- you deserve kindness- nothing else"! She was so gentle and said it so authentically, that I've never forgotten it. I started to catch myself, when I'm beating up on myself, and it has helped me start to like myself, finally. I know I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I can like, and then love myself. I took some steps, and I feel better. Take Baby steps, and you'll see the wonderful results. Better late, than never, right?😊
@@elizabethy2912 I have ben able to change this for almost 2 years now, until I got into my apprenticeship. Then it started to become worse because all kinds of horrible things came up in my mind.
@@elizabethy2912when you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, how do you in that moment correct your thinking? when i catch myself thinking that way i just think “ i shouldn’t be thinking that” but it feels fake and forced.
@@Muck-qy2oo Yeah, but you have go into talking positively, like you would yourself as a little kid. Life happens and things aren't going to go perfectly, but you have to find a way to shrug off the goof- ups and give yourself the grace to screw- up. Other people screw up. So, can we, and be okay. It's not the end of the world. Maybe by getting a different perspective by that therapist, helped me to look at ALL my behaviors, and give grace. It feels so much better than beating up on myself- which made me feel horrible-pure misery. I hope you can give yourself grace in ALL circumstances. You're worth it!, just the way you are.
@@catsandd0gs605 Yeah. It did, but I found myself faking it until I started to believe it. It feels so much better than the old way. I've found it only gets better the more you practice this kindness thing to yourself. I wish the best to you, and to all the parts of you that may think they need to be beaten up on!!
I grew up in a home where my mother was critical about everyone. Listening to the negativity on a daily basis definitely put a dark view on everyone who crossed my path. Thank you for this. I now have a better understanding of this mindset.
My mom is the same way, I was never allowed to let my friends come in even to the garage without her freaking out telling me that my friends were after me and stuff, I never had any friend try to take advantage of me or her biggest fear “they will look at your sisters!!” That’s one ugly behavior of her that I didn’t want to have but the more I look at my life the more I think I have the same exact trait. It’s very sad bc that’s not who I think I am.
@@adl9705 we have to remember that the very fact that we're doing such painful work on ourselves, and seeing their flaws reflected in ourselves, is proof that although our character isn't always what we'd like, we want to be 'good' and not 'bad'. Otherwise, I find myself in a constant loop of rumination and negativity. Remember, we did whatever we did in our lives because we were submerged in this behaviour from the day we were born. That's a long time to be indoctrinated in critical, flawed and judgmental thinking, not to mention guilt and shame.
I am not a 'practicing' Christian but I can't even tell you how much I value the Christian aspect of these talks and the prayer and at the very end! Thank you so much!
CPTSD is devastating. It’s not narcissism but it looks like narcissism, it’s dying inside all the time. Throw in some judgmental religion, physical abuse, and being bullied in school you have entered hell, for life. It destroys relationships, and in the end you realize you’re perpetually alone with nothing but your feelings of abandonment. My life in a nutshell.
I walked away from family- after parents are gone. Holidays alone for several years. Reunited with one sibling and her family. I prayed and prayed for this...Thank you God.
I didn’t walk away as much as I was taken away. My younger sister was thankfully adopted and but I lost track of her for years until her 20’s. We eventually lived together as adults as well as some of my cousins. I felt so deprived of family as a child and it was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life having that time with my family members.
We can readily trace 5 generations of trauma in my family... no doubt there are many more. Hugely sad. My psychologist once told me I had "unrelenting high standards"... though in me it's mostly of myself, not of others. But man is it hard, at 60, to still be dealing with this stuff... for my brain to **still** not feel safe, even in the loving household that I've created...😢
When really want something as bad as you want to breath you’ll see stuff like this and think it’s a treasure chest. If you’re not ready you’ll find an excuse. ❤
My father was angry almost all the time and found fault with everyone, almost never himself. He was extremely critical of us. Total narcissist. I try not to be like him but some of it rubbed off on me. Thanks for this video. It makes a lot of sense.
And so were his parents’ parents’ parents’ parents’ how far back do you want to go. Plus wars on own soil unless Anglosphere, then it was inflicting genocide.
I noticed that too, there is so much compassion and love in his extremely accurate analysis of trauma! Love and understanding are the balance that are needed for healing...I hope his work reaches many many people.
@@Doppelgangering yeah it's been a year later and I've listened to a lot of his stuff. At first I was entranced, but then after a while I got the impression he was just rambling on and on. After a while it didn't seem like anything he had to say was valid because he's saying anything could be a mental illness. I start to get skeptical once that happens.
The SOB in my head rips on me, every thing I do, any mistake I make: 24 hours a day. Literally. Been attacking me for decades. I also catastrophise about what's to come like a pro.
@@KatWoodland You mean: Which one rdiculed, beat, terrorized, mocked in public, hit in public, denigrated constantly from age 2 to 25 and then made 2 attempts on my life and stalked my spouse and I for 15 months when I was in my mid 30s? The POS who finally died 2 weeks: _"dad"._
@@cozypilgrim8530 I've gotten so bad that I've gone from running a business for decades as an entertainer, being an on call educator for the same 2 decades and having been a recording and gigging musician to a meatbag who is too scared to try anything. it can take me weeks, months or years, literally, to open emails, wire up a piece of gear that needs a repair or even play guitar or a vid game because I'm so sure it'll go badly or that I'll fuhk it up.
38:00 How Do We Heal, change? 1. Start With Mindfulness "chatch tourself becoming negative/critical." Stop yourself and choose to see the possitive. A. ID the patterns B. Choose to stop yourself "is dangerous not to” C. Commit to focus on my issues D. Work towards seeing others Accurately. Have somebody that you trust to help you learn to have a healthy assessment of people.
And not a single person wants to admit “what if those views are correct”. This world isn’t great. You’re paying to live here while every other creature does so freely. You need a license to hunt to feed yourself. Name a wolf that has a up to date license. Wom3n are superficial yet want a man that makes 600k when they provide nothing? What’s the positive in that? 😂😂😂 you’re also the only creatures that have to buy affection. 😂
What I find helpful is tracing back to the origin of the negative thought. That place where we like to beat ourselves up about. First, you have to realize that having those negative thoughts about oneself is hurting you THEN at that very moment when you acknowledge the negative thought trace it back to its origin. For example, you are walking down the street and you see a person wearing something similar to something you may have worn. You realize when you wore that item it had a negative impact on your life and you take a deep dive into that negative head space without even realizing what it was that triggered it. By going back the instant you acknowledge the negative thought IMMEDIATELY trace the origin of that thought right then and there. This is always an "aHA!" moment more me and the negative head space doesn't have the bite it originally did.
I pray that you continue to make these videos. I have watched several of your videos and they have helped me so much. Your are exactly right on everything!!! I absolutely love the Christian piece.
Lmfao you christains need to reevaluate your lives. Ephesians 6:5-8 New International Version 5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.
Where were these video's 40 years ago? I'm the poster boy for these video's. I've been lucky that I've been able to heal and now I have a great life. People are so lucky they can get this kind of help easier to help their lives.
@@charlie64x2 I worked hard so I could have freedom to move on from toxic people. STEM helped focus my brain in my younger days. In my early 50's I was able to come to terms with my childhood and finally relax. Reading papers about the effects on a Childs brain from childhood abuse also helped me realize that it wasn't my fault. If you work on it you can look forward to a care free life in your retirement years. I didn't bring children into this awful world and that gives me a sense of peace.
Im not sure how this ended up on my for you stuff but CBT helps. I figured this out years ago. I now complain for a day or two then I find a reason to laugh at the crap that happens or goes wrong. Don't dwell on BS and laugh at it. Life gets better when you learn to laugh at crap you can't control. Also avoid all undue drama.
I feel grateful to learn and heal, no matter how long it takes. I love this man’s wisdom; so much better than therapists I that paid when I hardly had money to spare, (some even used sessions to vent their own problems). What a tremendous blessing to find this amazing, free, Christian (but not preachy) therapy.
This is spot on. I can feel the negativity and being critical in me but was raised that feeling that way was morally wrong so for me it feels like a shame sandwich.
I feel you were talking directly to me today...and here I thought I was in a better place with healing, however, I see I'm damaged beyond my capabilities and my tools I need I don't have
This one really stung me as well. I felt totally called out. The good news is we can heal and those tools can be acquired. It might take some time and a lot of work but it can be done. In just 4 months I've really come a long way. I can't wait to see myself in 2 years :)
We must learn on the journey. I know it feels heart breaking at times. I know it feels overwhelming and that no one cares. Cptsd is a painful experience. we are in healing mode. All I can offer is that when we are depressed, tired of carrying regrets, our body is in a posture like eyeore (Winnie the Pooh lol) stand proud hands on hips.. behind head.. Tony Robbins talks about changing our state. Think of things that we Are proud of even Something small and what feels exciting even a bike ride or a warm meal.. expand on that state change physiology changes emotions and actions. Seeing traits I picked up along the way from a lot of narcy abuse, sometimes feel you have to become it in this system.. isolating avoiding inner confusion yuck! Changing state and having mentors like listening to Tony and not too much on labelling ourselves (bc it feels like how the heck do I change what’s become ‘normal’), helps to ‘overcome’ my negativity doing his priming exercise on you tube almost daily.. we are progressing adding little ‘good’ habits till it becomes who we Are. Even writing down the neggy things I say in my head day to day. Realising that dialogue isn’t helping me to level up out of the past or be who I desire to be.
Oh my goodness! This is profoundly relatable. Being that I'm in the early stages of therapy for complex trauma, this found me at the perfect time. I'm 44 this year and battled with myself all these years after being a victim of SA in my teens. As well as difficulties in my relationship with my parents I've struggled so much. Hearing this hits so much.
I can't belive the process of traumatizing a child who then becomes the negative energy wampire themself can be explained so systematically. Btw I relate to all comments saying it's like Tim speaks directly to them. So thankful youtube recommended me this series. Praise God! Good luck to everyone on their healing journey ❤
I used to be that negative and critical person - and over time I've realized that and I've cut negative people out of my life as they're a negative influence. I'm starting to dating someone who I think is a really good fit, though I am starting to see he has a very negative side. We'll see how it goes, but this time I think I will try to be the cheerful one and lead by example.
I, too, was rather fascinated at how accurately this man was describing my tendencies. Though, I suspect most or all people experience this to varying degrees. My only question now is what to do about it. Any ideas 💡 ??
That looks so much like my parents and me. I always look at my failures and I am incapable of seeing positive things in what I do or did. I can not relate to something like success or right things I did. I can only see the bad stuff and I always tried to become better until I got to exhausted with this.
I do most of what he said. I have a diagnosis of level 1 ASD from 2022, but I think it’s a misdiagnosis. I think I have something else instead. This video is validation as to why I think I have complex trauma. One of my internship supervisors told me that I couldn’t have complex trauma because what I lived through isn’t severe enough and it felt so invalidating and she’s not even a mental health professional. Listening to this video was very validating. Thank you. ✨
Complex is ongoing and the deficiencies that are ongoing are severe… that person who told you it wasn’t severe is very likely someone with unresolved issues themselves.
That also comes from being an Empath and not knowing it from childhood. We pick up energy off others and often times it feels very directed at you. Therefore you always feel blamed for everyone else's unregulated emotions. This also contributes to CPTSD....this is why many are triggered to so many things they are triggered by a "feeling" they think others caused them.
Everyone reads other people’s emotions, attitudes, and feelings. Literally a universal thing. It is usually just called being a sensitive person. But you’re correct in the sense that the most sensitive people are the ones affected most by cptsd.
Hating yourself for your bad choices is dealing with accepting and forgiveness. You must first accept what has happened, let it go and forgive yourself and do your best to move on. It's not going to be easy but it can be done. Always remember that we cannot change our past so another huge thing that you'll need to do is to start loving yourself. Be good to yourself and treat yourself well. MAY THE GREAT SPIRIT BE WITH YOU ALWAYS
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You are not your choices. Mistakes are made, and often enough, what we perceive as a choice, most of the time really isn't one. Especially choices made when anxious are often made heuristically (that is: you stick with the choice or one of the choices you made before) which isn't really choosing at all, see? it can be really helpful to make it your mission --yes, to choose-- to change how you feel about the freedom of choice. You are likely to find that, as you realize more and more how little we do is based on choice, you also become less harsh to yourself. You are not who you were. Who you were is what became who you are. Your choices today are the ones that matter, because now you have a choice to choose. We live in a bit of a strange time, when we see people's past choices catch up with them very publicly. And we see people rush to pick up the first stone to judge them and punish them. Not that they shouldn't be, but that's why we have courts. One of the few sensible things in the bible are alledged words of JC, saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Meaning, of course, that none of them had the right to cast any stone at all, because we all make mistakes, we all sin, we all hurt people by mistake, ourselves by mistake, give in to our vices... oh well, you didn't ask for this subreply therapy session so I'll get off it.. Don't find reasons not to hate.. find reasons to love!
You're not alone. I've made some bad choices which resulted in self hatred too. The good news we now have an understanding of why, so that's one step in the right direction.
Thank you, immensely, for separating the therapy approach to the topic and the Christian approach to the topic. I LOVE your videos, they have brought so much clarity and insight. Which has helped me make some small but significant changes in the way i talk to myself and my daughter.
I remember as a 3 year old being chastised by my mom for wetting my bed. Even then, as a child, I was surprised to be punished for something I couldn't control. I currently have every symptom mentioned here. Worst thing is my brain defaults to this thinking. Thou Im working very hard to change
I once asked a Psychologist in a group therapy session whether there is any coverage of the supernatural in the syllabus they study at college. She said no, and I think thats a fault in our education system. In the road less travelled I find comfort in that Dr M. Scott Peck , considers this as a very bold theme through out his book and how he approached his work. It seems that healing is definitely a medical/physical , Psychological, Emotional and Spiritual endevour and there doesnt seem like you can discount any of these aspects. As a result im more comfortable when I know that the therapist attending to my healing believes in God, coz otherwise we end up going in circles. Its no wonder to me that the 12 stepts work. Look at what is the common theme in all of them? Yes ,you get it.
Great video. I used to lie to my dad constantly and now I know why. He was a pretty scary guy to be judged by. He put me in on therapy for my "lying problem." If only he'd gone to therapy instead... Good grief 😔
Hominid life is a zero sum game. Period. Whether you’re a genius, pauper, celebrity, convict, parent, success or a failure, WE ALL lose. Ultimately folks, go live life fully n’ exist in spite of being a broken soul (we all are) and do good before you die. Do GOOD no matter what - always. ✌️ A’ho
Yes, it sure does do a lot of damage to children growing up with a negative and critical parent. That’s why I never feel good enough. Not enough validation and an environment of emotional unsafety will definitely have a detrimental effect on a persons mental health and self esteem when they are raised in this way, i am a prime example.
He hit me again. He made an entire video that is literally all the content in my head. It's almost like this video is about my life. Sad, but happy that this dude is saving so many lives. Thank you.
My mother acts like this & she is always acts like the victim and blames everyone else and doesn't take responsibility for what she does. She is always puts me down, and she is always complaining all the time. She is negative.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Wow! You speak to my heart. To the heart of the abused child as well as confused adult. Glad I stumbled upon you. Have made a note. Tim Fletcher. ❤ and a Christian too! This is just wonderful. Exactly what my spirit needs.. Resonating beautifully
The Practice of Gratitude is so helpful especially if it is done by writing out items that you are grateful for daily for at least a year to change a person's thought patterns.
I just appreciate you so much. Thank you for such clarity and bringing it all in such an easy, digestible and emotionally stable way that it is easy to just reflect on. I also appreciate the Christian reflections. They are so meaningful to me.
This has been very helpful to me I only wish I would have known it long ago. Life could've been so much better. However the good news is that I know it now so life from here on can be so full of potential. It's heartwarming to know it's not too late to be what I could have been. I deeply appreciate all your efforts to make these videos ❤
I struggle to see things any other way. Where I come from, being negative was "smart". If you were any other way than negative, you were a fool and a phony. I'm not sure how to break free from this in any authentic manner, but I'm trying.
I was raised negative and this is my greatest C-PTSD trait by far. Granted, I'm rarely critical of people to their face or even in gossip, but I growl and swear over every little thing that goes wrong and blame my soul for bringing me into this world, setting me up for a miserable life. This negativity described here sounds like it is strong in alloplastic defenses.
Since my early childhood I felt deeply ashamed to play sports, especially Football ⚽ so that the only goal was not to mess it up, do things right and get out of the match asap before a mistake led to humiliation. I was also bullied, I was chubby. I never got to enjoy an activity in a free way, the shame was always the big monster round the corner. My emotional absent mother and my alcoholic father helped a lot. I would return from school every evening to cry my heart out on my bed, a thing my mother never noticed. My failures as a teenager led to my solitary existence till today almost 42 y/o. I'm struggling with loneliness more than ever before. Though I made certain achievements, the feeling is always the same: I'm not good enough. Failed as an English teacher. Failed in the Company. Failed at the shop I inherited. Failed at love miserably.
Hi.. im 40 and in your same position. My life is failure after failure, struggling with mental health at a young age, but nobody cared, and I wasn't diagnosed with depression and AD. My family started to rot inside when I was 11, but from the outside, everything's had to look normal, so a child being manifesting the problem was unacceptable, it was as though I was trained to tell psychologists that the cause of every bad was me. I strongly believed this.. I couldn't even remember the abuse I got, so i started to write it down. But. I couldn't even believe my writings.. I locked myself in a house for decades, unable to study, pursuing a career, finding a job, finding love.. at 30 as I started to go out of the shell, life was horribly cruel to me.. like, I was a joke.. And finally I had an incident which could take my life, instead I remembered all the abuse I got in my life. It didn't make me less miserable. I still feel paralyzed by thoughts of being wrong in anything I do. My mother and father are still my bullies. But I'm here, I'm alive, I'm myself. I take your hand in my hands. Thank you, I am less lonely because of you!❤❤
You are so good , I have learned over the years to change my self belief after having a traumatic childhood but every thing you are saying is like a booster to my beliefs because you can so easily slip back. Into the negative subconscious beliefs I have just found you but l will be listening to you a lot from now on Thankyou so much
My mom was always looking for danger she always thought people were potential creeps etc. having radar is good but assuming everyone is probably not right was confusing for a kid
I am spending some time doing a moral inventory. I happened upon this video and it is going to help me as I write out the areas that I need to change. I discovered that praying about each aspect of my faults is helping me. First of all, to get forgiveness, but also to be cleansed, and to move forward. God wants us to be healed. He seeks us out like he sought out Adam and Eve in the garden, not so he can punish us but to cleanse us so we can be in closer relationship to him and to equip us for service to him.
Tim, you are a blessing. With every "Welcome To Another Friday Night", I learn so much about myself. Things I do, but never understood why. So many years of counseling and you have helped me 10x more, and for free. All your videos are gems.
i am so glad i got therapy.. I am able to see the bright side and push back those pessimistic thoughts unless i am truly feeling it. I still have a lot to work on but this video was so validating 😊
Great info... my dad died when I was 16, then had to deal with a negative and bitter mother. I'm 56 now, single, and still have difficulty relating to people, still struggling with my negative attitudes and simmering anger.
I heard your lecture , and all comments, I resonate absolutely with every thought , I was surrounded by negative people , my family , my husband and his family , I survived not to be affected by all of them I felt negative but tried my best to stop it and even lift their spirit as I lifted my self , every body felt my mother change When she came to my house and spent a couple of days , until my menopause hit me a couple of years , I started to be like them . God help me to face this stage of life courageously. Thanks for your videos , helps a lot
My daughter told me recently that the damage my mother did has trickled down to her. That makes me very sad. I tried very hard to prevent that, but apparently I didn’t succeed.
How good that she was able to let you know how something has affected her. These things are so difficult to talk about. Good on you for creating a safe space and being a safe person for your daughter to share her pain
The damage my gramma's emotional abuse of my mom and her sisters also trickled down to me, BUT my mom DID succeed. She is loving and not abusive. She is 'only' neurotic. She fought and fought to not do all the horrible things my gramma did. Mom thinks we're people and we're allowed to feel however we feel. She NEVER played the 'start fights just to have drama and argue in circles for hours' game. She made sure we had locks on our bedroom doors and let our bedrooms be our safe space---as opposed to gramma who would follow you screaming through the house and even out into the street at 3am in the morning at least twice a week. (I think gramma had some weird combo of histrionic/borderline disorder). I look at what my mom came from and I think she's a G.D. SuperHero❤ Because of her, I got a better launch at emotional intelligence. It's like she climbed 2/3rds of the mountain so I had a chance to get to the summit---there's still cliffs I need to climb but I'm in a much better place than I would be otherwise. I only had to deal with my mom's neurotic anxieties that I thought were 'reasonable and obvious logic' growing up. Seriously, I'm on easy mode.
@@FallacyBitesYour comment gives me hope that my 27 year old daughter & 29 year old son will be okay. I have been so worried about them, being affected by my mother, though they are states away. I give them their space to have their own lives. I recently researched that my 85 year old widowed mother is probably a Covert Narcissist. I haven't told them outright, but they know Gramma stopped talking to us for several weeks now, (which has never happened before). Discarded, I believe, because I was seeing through the manipulation & her saying that my husband "despises" her ( when he has put up with her nonsense for years). The more non-reactive I got to her passive-aggressive jabs, the bolder she got in jabbing. I was super shy in school & still struggle with social anxiety at 63. Learning about all this has been eye-opening.
@@CH-1984 a Covert Narcissist? That is a nightmare. Friend of mine's ex was one and it took even longer for her to get away than otherwise cuz they're subtle and So Good at appearing reasonable to everyone else, all while making you look crazy. You have my sympathy ❤️
@16:21 u hit the nail right on its head! By being a pastor i think u must relate to this as well... i spent yearsss trying to please my freaking priest. He was overly critical of everything, to the smallest details.. i felt soo tensed around him like i was so scared of him.. what he said affected almost EVERY part of my life.. until i stopped giving him that power and realized man got his own issues :/ i pray for him tho but like fr he was too much!!😩😩
Please be kind to yourselves and treat others like human beings too. Because that's what we all are. We are the ones who ultimately choose what we think about ourselves. And remain firm as a rock with those who do not yet know their worth and what they are.
Glad I came across your video Sir. You were reading my mind ....Such an incredible video. I inherited this negative complex trauma from my mom. Have been going through hard time dealing with it. Now I understand why. God bless you for this guidance ❤
The traffic lights not being timed properly... I live in such a city. I've been struggling with it ever since I learned to ride a bicycle. Skipping red lights became one of my bad habits. Whenever everything goes red for minutes on end, I wait until everything stands still, no cops, and there I go. I absolutely hate doing it. But what I hate even more are dumb programmed traffic lights wasting everybody's time. Especially in the rain. Then I haven't even started about those idiots who block your way or cut you off or ignore your priority. Or or the unattentive brainwashed phone zombies. Disgusting. This is in a nutshell my roadrage on a bicycle. Then I enter the grocery store, or a supermarket, already fueled by the road rage. I know all their flaws, and still I can get an outburst whenever it all fails again and I have to spend and waste time waiting in the line to pay for my food. I come there with the expectation that the checkout will fail again, 9 out of 10 times. These are my daily struggles. It became structural. And I really have difficulties to get this behaviour out of my system. I have a difficulty in remaining friendly and grounded. Sometimes it works, sometimes I explode on the road, or in a store. To most people it doesn't seem like it, but I'm trying my best to not to explode all the time. And I'm desperately trying to change this behaviour. It's not the world. It's not the store. It's not the traffic. It's me. It's that damned CPTSD still messing with my head, what's causing this behaviour. It's no excuse. But it explains so much.
Thank you for the clarity of your analysis. Thank you for addressing the belief system which prevented me going deeper before my therapy. Thank you for the sense of integration, of wholeness, of oneness. ❤
In this current day, never allow sociopaths and psychopaths to gaslight you into silence or into smiling like a Manchurian candidate, if or when you notice their negative deeds or the actual unsafe nature of your current environment. Maslow's hierarchy of needs requires you to be situationally aware and act accordingly as a foundational requirement before you can build anything else upon it.... Once you are in better safer circumstances, (which may require significant time to get there...blighted zone, abusive caretakers/family, famine, drugs, gangs, war, etc...) then you can take in your newer safer stable surroundings to hopefully de-stress and recharge your batteries...because you can't remain at a 10 on "red alert" forever....lol. 1. Proper balanced situational awareness 2. Seek and attain a truly safe and secure environment. 3. Maintain balance. Noticing danger and red flags isn't you malfunctioning...but staying 24/7 on high alert in a bad situation will drain your batteries. 4.Getting to safety may take time...years and years. Don't let anyone unfamiliar with your level of experienced violence lecture or guilt you into....blind, dangerous, ignorance/learned helplessness...even if they have several degrees, titles or Ferraris in their garages. You can only heal and progress when you are truly in a solid stable safe environment with solid stable safe people. 5. Work to insure your situational awareness sensors are working properly (balanced), then trust yourself. God bless.✌️
I found myself becoming reclusive, cyclical, and angry the older I got. And would get so concerned that I need to get committed. I used to be a huggy person, never met a stranger type. I isolate. And so self critical. I have a hard time hugging my own kids.
I agree with all of this!!! I was born to a young mom and her father had just abandoned our family. My mom is diagnosed manic depressive bipolar. I grew up always wanting to help my mom and I still do It’s been a hard relationship and it’s left me with depression and a lot of resentment and anger. So, an OCD narrator that’s very hard to control. Thankfully 40 grams of Celxa and vyvanse is the right mixture. lol But I’m continuing to learn more things about psychology, growing in my faith and that has helped me heal more than anything! Love and the willingness to learn new things so we can understand on how to improve. I just want human better for my own daughter. 🙏🏼
New to your videos and I am so impressed. Clearly explained and with a positive spin of how to heal. I am not religious and I really appreciate how you are separating out that part so I can choose to stop. Thank you.
@@wertschaetzungs.boosterI am not distracted. I am completely focused. Those who do not discipline, instruct and correct others when they are in error, do not love or respect them. Love must be tougher and stronger than the worldly forces that corrupt a soul. Some think this is a meanness (your inner voice!?), but it is really just tough love. Speak the Truth with Love (even though it gets you crucified) is a Scriptural mandate.
@@こなた-m1o one's "inner voice" would be a spirit based consciousness that is endowed to all mankind by the creator. It is nurtured, cultivated, trained and controlled (or should be).The "outer voice" can be regarded as those emotional reactions to the world around us. For example:an inner voice could be cultivated by quiet, practiced meditation on an isolated mountain peak while the "outer voice" might be heard as a road rage response to a freeway traffic jam. The "outer voice" is an uncontrolled response to the human passions: Pride, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, licentiousness, averous and gluttony; the seven deadly sins.
Thank you for the information. I pray for myself, I came from a very toxic family, my mind and emotions are all messed up man, I try to ask Jesus to help and heal me one day at a time. My emotions are damage, my soul feels so damage as well as my mind. Because of my toxic childhood. Please anyone that believe in Jesus Christ pray for me.
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I agree it feels weird at first, transitioning to a healthier mindset. One therapist I truly admire always says- if being healthy means being corny, then be corny
corny is a great description, perfect word to use for how i feel trying to be positive. i notice as soon as i apply this change in mindset, the universe tries to shit-test me. most people are not content until they get a negative reaction. energy vampires everywhere. i can start my day with 100% patience levels but it is difficult to maintain that level until bedtime. all day long notice your interactions gradually declining in positivity.
Corny can get us by, but finding the reality in whatever positive experiences you’re going through can pay ALOT of dividends as time goes along, when inevitably we get stuck again.
The reason why it feels corny is because many of the people that are examples of this are only superficially so. People that might say "wow, that's so great" to a child's project, and then the same week might (censored) their mother for 5 seconds of pleasure, further disturbing their family life. You're not crazy, this culture is out of whack
But that's not an excuse to give up, certainly now, now that you're recovering and people are ready to hear the hard truth. You have to instead go deep into the positive, *agape* which is self sacrificing love. Not putting lipstick on a pig, but actually being ready to sacrifice for people. Your readiness will shine through.
Dr Kirk Honda 🖤🖤🖤
@@ShipFantastic yes!! 😭🩶
My parents were both so angry. I feel so sorry for the sensitive, sweet natured child I was born. I became withdrawn and sarcastic and nihilistic like my father. It was almost constant negativity. I feel like I'm starting from zero to change my way if thinking. 😢
But, you ARE starting. You deserve to be kind to yourself. I was nasty to myself, until a wonderful therapist said" you're very mean to yourself"- you deserve kindness- nothing else"! She was so gentle and said it so authentically, that I've never forgotten it. I started to catch myself, when I'm beating up on myself, and it has helped me start to like myself, finally. I know I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I can like, and then love myself. I took some steps, and I feel better. Take Baby steps, and you'll see the wonderful results. Better late, than never, right?😊
@@elizabethy2912 I have ben able to change this for almost 2 years now, until I got into my apprenticeship. Then it started to become worse because all kinds of horrible things came up in my mind.
@@elizabethy2912when you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, how do you in that moment correct your thinking? when i catch myself thinking that way i just think “ i shouldn’t be thinking that” but it feels fake and forced.
@@Muck-qy2oo Yeah, but you have go into talking positively, like you would yourself as a little kid. Life happens and things aren't going to go perfectly, but you have to find a way to shrug off the goof- ups and give yourself the grace to screw- up. Other people screw up. So, can we, and be okay. It's not the end of the world. Maybe by getting a different perspective by that therapist, helped me to look at ALL my behaviors, and give grace. It feels so much better than beating up on myself- which made me feel horrible-pure misery. I hope you can give yourself grace in ALL circumstances. You're worth it!, just the way you are.
@@catsandd0gs605 Yeah. It did, but I found myself faking it until I started to believe it. It feels so much better than the old way. I've found it only gets better the more you practice this kindness thing to yourself. I wish the best to you, and to all the parts of you that may think they need to be beaten up on!!
I grew up in a home where my mother was critical about everyone. Listening to the negativity on a daily basis definitely put a dark view on everyone who crossed my path.
Thank you for this. I now have a better understanding of this mindset.
The funny thing is even negative people don't want to be around negative people it's draining
I can relate to this.
My mom is the same way, I was never allowed to let my friends come in even to the garage without her freaking out telling me that my friends were after me and stuff, I never had any friend try to take advantage of me or her biggest fear “they will look at your sisters!!” That’s one ugly behavior of her that I didn’t want to have but the more I look at my life the more I think I have the same exact trait. It’s very sad bc that’s not who I think I am.
@@adl9705 we have to remember that the very fact that we're doing such painful work on ourselves, and seeing their flaws reflected in ourselves, is proof that although our character isn't always what we'd like, we want to be 'good' and not 'bad'. Otherwise, I find myself in a constant loop of rumination and negativity. Remember, we did whatever we did in our lives because we were submerged in this behaviour from the day we were born. That's a long time to be indoctrinated in critical, flawed and judgmental thinking, not to mention guilt and shame.
@@mizread so true!! thank you!
I am not a 'practicing' Christian but I can't even tell you how much I value the Christian aspect of these talks and the prayer and at the very end! Thank you so much!
CPTSD is devastating. It’s not narcissism but it looks like narcissism, it’s dying inside all the time. Throw in some judgmental religion, physical abuse, and being bullied in school you have entered hell, for life. It destroys relationships, and in the end you realize you’re perpetually alone with nothing but your feelings of abandonment. My life in a nutshell.
Mine too 😓😔
Same...
Same here. I’m grateful for Jesus in my life though and don’t know what I would do without Him.
Ditto 😢 gotta keep trying and fighting for healing tho ❤
looks like it somes all up I'm about to post and almost turn TH-cam to Twitter. Thank you!
I walked away from family- after parents are gone. Holidays alone for several years. Reunited with one sibling and her family. I prayed and prayed for this...Thank you God.
I didn’t walk away as much as I was taken away. My younger sister was thankfully adopted and but I lost track of her for years until her 20’s. We eventually lived together as adults as well as some of my cousins. I felt so deprived of family as a child and it was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life having that time with my family members.
Lmfao why you praying to an imaginary god for?
@@kool4209No need to be mean.
Not kool mane@@kool4209
This guy is really speaking to the hurt that so many people suffer from.
We can readily trace 5 generations of trauma in my family... no doubt there are many more. Hugely sad. My psychologist once told me I had "unrelenting high standards"... though in me it's mostly of myself, not of others. But man is it hard, at 60, to still be dealing with this stuff... for my brain to **still** not feel safe, even in the loving household that I've created...😢
Empathy and respect must be taught
I hear your 💕
❤
😢 sorry to hear. We’re all out here just trying to love and be loved ❤️🥹
I won't feel safe in my coffin.
Dude did an hour video on each of 60 aspects of Complex Trauma 😳 and people wonder why its so hard to heal... 💀💀💀
When really want something as bad as you want to breath you’ll see stuff like this and think it’s a treasure chest. If you’re not ready you’ll find an excuse. ❤
I don’t think there are enough years left for me to heal
@@CarolloriI feel the same
Healing is a CHOICE
Complex trauma is definately where I am. So glad I came across this wise fella. Let the journey 👣 on the road of healing begin 💟✝️☮️❤️❤️
My father was angry almost all the time and found fault with everyone, almost never himself. He was extremely critical of us. Total narcissist. I try not to be like him but some of it rubbed off on me. Thanks for this video. It makes a lot of sense.
And so were his parents’ parents’ parents’ parents’ how far back do you want to go.
Plus wars on own soil unless Anglosphere, then it was inflicting genocide.
Amazing how you Analyze with such compassion
I often don't feel like he's being very compassionate when he says it, but I'm willing to admit that what he says hurts because I feel called out :(
I noticed that too, there is so much compassion and love in his extremely accurate analysis of trauma! Love and understanding are the balance that are needed for healing...I hope his work reaches many many people.
@@billyb4790at times he relies on violent vocabulary, "victim blame mentality" is one that comes to mind.
@@Doppelgangering yeah it's been a year later and I've listened to a lot of his stuff. At first I was entranced, but then after a while I got the impression he was just rambling on and on. After a while it didn't seem like anything he had to say was valid because he's saying anything could be a mental illness. I start to get skeptical once that happens.
The SOB in my head rips on me, every thing I do, any mistake I make: 24 hours a day. Literally.
Been attacking me for decades.
I also catastrophise about what's to come like a pro.
@ROOKTABULA Which parent ridiculed you verbally?
It's the same for me. I even keep mental track of the things I did or didn't do in a day.
@@KatWoodland You mean: Which one rdiculed, beat, terrorized, mocked in public, hit in public, denigrated constantly from age 2 to 25 and then made 2 attempts on my life and stalked my spouse and I for 15 months when I was in my mid 30s? The POS who finally died 2 weeks: _"dad"._
@@cozypilgrim8530 I've gotten so bad that I've gone from running a business for decades as an entertainer, being an on call educator for the same 2 decades and having been a recording and gigging musician to a meatbag who is too scared to try anything.
it can take me weeks, months or years, literally, to open emails, wire up a piece of gear that needs a repair or even play guitar or a vid game because I'm so sure it'll go badly or that I'll fuhk it up.
@@KatWoodland I replied but the frigging uploader deleted my reply
It's sad how sick we are as a society. I'm glad this content exists to hopefully heal us all.
You described my childhood. All of this so heartbreaking.
Embrace the heartache. That's what healing feels like.
@@jcepri 🙂
38:00 How Do We Heal, change?
1. Start With Mindfulness "chatch tourself becoming negative/critical." Stop yourself and choose to see the possitive.
A. ID the patterns
B. Choose to stop yourself "is dangerous not to”
C. Commit to focus on my issues
D. Work towards seeing others Accurately. Have somebody that you trust to help you learn to have a healthy assessment of people.
Tnx 👍🏻💕
And not a single person wants to admit “what if those views are correct”. This world isn’t great. You’re paying to live here while every other creature does so freely. You need a license to hunt to feed yourself. Name a wolf that has a up to date license. Wom3n are superficial yet want a man that makes 600k when they provide nothing? What’s the positive in that? 😂😂😂 you’re also the only creatures that have to buy affection. 😂
Problem is some of us don't have positives to look at. Being a short ugly guy is nothing to be happy about
What I find helpful is tracing back to the origin of the negative thought. That place where we like to beat ourselves up about. First, you have to realize that having those negative thoughts about oneself is hurting you THEN at that very moment when you acknowledge the negative thought trace it back to its origin.
For example, you are walking down the street and you see a person wearing something similar to something you may have worn. You realize when you wore that item it had a negative impact on your life and you take a deep dive into that negative head space without even realizing what it was that triggered it. By going back the instant you acknowledge the negative thought IMMEDIATELY trace the origin of that thought right then and there.
This is always an "aHA!" moment more me and the negative head space doesn't have the bite it originally did.
Thanks for that x
It gets better when you accept this truth: no one gets what they "deserve"
At 60 ish I’m still trying to get away from this from my childhood
💕
You are not the only one. Sometime one lifetime is not enough
❤
Boy, does this ever ring true. It's so subliminal. Unbelievable how accurate he is.
You don't know how much you are helping many current and future sufferers and not only them but also their friends and families
I pray that you continue to make these videos. I have watched several of your videos and they have helped me so much. Your are exactly right on everything!!! I absolutely love the Christian piece.
Lmfao you christains need to reevaluate your lives.
Ephesians 6:5-8
New International Version
5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.
Where were these video's 40 years ago? I'm the poster boy for these video's. I've been lucky that I've been able to heal and now I have a great life. People are so lucky they can get this kind of help easier to help their lives.
Exactly! 👌🙏
How’d you heal?
@@charlie64x2 I worked hard so I could have freedom to move on from toxic people. STEM helped focus my brain in my younger days. In my early 50's I was able to come to terms with my childhood and finally relax. Reading papers about the effects on a Childs brain from childhood abuse also helped me realize that it wasn't my fault. If you work on it you can look forward to a care free life in your retirement years. I didn't bring children into this awful world and that gives me a sense of peace.
I always look at every situation from a standpoint of, I'm going to be taken advantage of, they're out to get me, I'm being screwed..... etc.
This man exposed my whole family 💀 I now understand their behavior
Im not sure how this ended up on my for you stuff but CBT helps. I figured this out years ago. I now complain for a day or two then I find a reason to laugh at the crap that happens or goes wrong. Don't dwell on BS and laugh at it. Life gets better when you learn to laugh at crap you can't control. Also avoid all undue drama.
I feel grateful to learn and heal, no matter how long it takes. I love this man’s wisdom; so much better than therapists I that paid when I hardly had money to spare, (some even used sessions to vent their own problems). What a tremendous blessing to find this amazing, free, Christian (but not preachy) therapy.
This is spot on. I can feel the negativity and being critical in me but was raised that feeling that way was morally wrong so for me it feels like a shame sandwich.
Shame sandwich!
yes! well said! So we get negative about how negative we are lol.
Ugh, it's so brutal.
❤ God Bless ❤❤
I feel you were talking directly to me today...and here I thought I was in a better place with healing, however, I see I'm damaged beyond my capabilities and my tools I need I don't have
This one really stung me as well. I felt totally called out. The good news is we can heal and those tools can be acquired. It might take some time and a lot of work but it can be done. In just 4 months I've really come a long way. I can't wait to see myself in 2 years :)
Learning about mirror neurons. Careful what we watch online. Add that to what he's saying here
We must learn on the journey. I know it feels heart breaking at times. I know it feels overwhelming and that no one cares.
Cptsd is a painful experience. we are in healing mode.
All I can offer is that when we are depressed, tired of carrying regrets, our body is in a posture like eyeore (Winnie the Pooh lol) stand proud hands on hips.. behind head..
Tony Robbins talks about changing our state. Think of things that we Are proud of even Something small and what feels exciting even a bike ride or a warm meal.. expand on that state change physiology
changes emotions and actions.
Seeing traits I picked up along the way from a lot of narcy abuse, sometimes feel you have to become it in this system.. isolating avoiding inner confusion yuck! Changing state and having mentors like listening to Tony and not too much on labelling ourselves (bc it feels like how the heck do I change what’s become ‘normal’),
helps to ‘overcome’ my negativity doing his priming exercise on you tube almost daily.. we are progressing adding little ‘good’ habits till it becomes who we Are.
Even writing down the neggy things I say in my head day to day. Realising that dialogue isn’t helping me to level up out of the past or be who I desire to be.
You do have the tools , look deeper.
Oh my goodness! This is profoundly relatable. Being that I'm in the early stages of therapy for complex trauma, this found me at the perfect time. I'm 44 this year and battled with myself all these years after being a victim of SA in my teens. As well as difficulties in my relationship with my parents I've struggled so much.
Hearing this hits so much.
You are not alone!❤
I can't belive the process of traumatizing a child who then becomes the negative energy wampire themself can be explained so systematically. Btw I relate to all comments saying it's like Tim speaks directly to them.
So thankful youtube recommended me this series. Praise God! Good luck to everyone on their healing journey ❤
I used to be that negative and critical person - and over time I've realized that and I've cut negative people out of my life as they're a negative influence. I'm starting to dating someone who I think is a really good fit, though I am starting to see he has a very negative side. We'll see how it goes, but this time I think I will try to be the cheerful one and lead by example.
I thought I was negative and critical, but then I found out I was right and now I wish I was wrong.
Tim is a Genius! This is what I've been trying to find.
100 % I would not have made some of these connections
I, too, was rather fascinated at how accurately this man was describing my tendencies. Though, I suspect most or all people experience this to varying degrees.
My only question now is what to do about it. Any ideas 💡 ??
That looks so much like my parents and me. I always look at my failures and I am incapable of seeing positive things in what I do or did. I can not relate to something like success or right things I did. I can only see the bad stuff and I always tried to become better until I got to exhausted with this.
man. tim. you are just exposing my every shhtty part.
i'll persevere.
😂❤🎯 me too!
I do most of what he said. I have a diagnosis of level 1 ASD from 2022, but I think it’s a misdiagnosis. I think I have something else instead. This video is validation as to why I think I have complex trauma. One of my internship supervisors told me that I couldn’t have complex trauma because what I lived through isn’t severe enough and it felt so invalidating and she’s not even a mental health professional. Listening to this video was very validating. Thank you. ✨
Complex is ongoing and the deficiencies that are ongoing are severe… that person who told you it wasn’t severe is very likely someone with unresolved issues themselves.
I cannot state strongly enough how much this video has helped me. Thank you for this.
One of the BEST narrators bar none! ❤📖❤
Thank you!😊
That also comes from being an Empath and not knowing it from childhood. We pick up energy off others and often times it feels very directed at you. Therefore you always feel blamed for everyone else's unregulated emotions. This also contributes to CPTSD....this is why many are triggered to so many things they are triggered by a "feeling" they think others caused them.
Everyone reads other people’s emotions, attitudes, and feelings. Literally a universal thing. It is usually just called being a sensitive person. But you’re correct in the sense that the most sensitive people are the ones affected most by cptsd.
No such thing as an empath. A narcissistic label, an excuse to feel morally and emotionally superior
Empath is a label people use to make themselves morally and emotionally superior
@@augie5970 Triggered. There is no such thing as an empath. It's a narcissistic term that makes them feel morally and emotionally superior
It's a defense mechanism we can read people so well because it keeps us safe.
Tim really connects the dots...through with an understandable delivery.
Thank you.
Why do I hate myself so much? I don't tell anyone, but I hate myself for all my bad choices.
Hating yourself for your bad choices is dealing with accepting and forgiveness. You must first accept what has happened, let it go and forgive yourself and do your best to move on. It's not going to be easy but it can be done. Always remember that we cannot change our past so another huge thing that you'll need to do is to start loving yourself. Be good to yourself and treat yourself well.
MAY THE GREAT SPIRIT BE WITH YOU ALWAYS
You are not your choices. Mistakes are made, and often enough, what we perceive as a choice, most of the time really isn't one. Especially choices made when anxious are often made heuristically (that is: you stick with the choice or one of the choices you made before) which isn't really choosing at all, see?
it can be really helpful to make it your mission --yes, to choose-- to change how you feel about the freedom of choice. You are likely to find that, as you realize more and more how little we do is based on choice, you also become less harsh to yourself.
You are not who you were. Who you were is what became who you are. Your choices today are the ones that matter, because now you have a choice to choose.
We live in a bit of a strange time, when we see people's past choices catch up with them very publicly. And we see people rush to pick up the first stone to judge them and punish them. Not that they shouldn't be, but that's why we have courts. One of the few sensible things in the bible are alledged words of JC, saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Meaning, of course, that none of them had the right to cast any stone at all, because we all make mistakes, we all sin, we all hurt people by mistake, ourselves by mistake, give in to our vices...
oh well, you didn't ask for this subreply therapy session so I'll get off it..
Don't find reasons not to hate.. find reasons to love!
Shame
Me too. And the negative voices aren't mine they are from my family. They all have score cards.
You're not alone. I've made some bad choices which resulted in self hatred too. The good news we now have an understanding of why, so that's one step in the right direction.
Thank you, immensely, for separating the therapy approach to the topic and the Christian approach to the topic.
I LOVE your videos, they have brought so much clarity and insight. Which has helped me make some small but significant changes in the way i talk to myself and my daughter.
I remember as a 3 year old being chastised by my mom for wetting my bed. Even then, as a child, I was surprised to be punished for something I couldn't control. I currently have every symptom mentioned here. Worst thing is my brain defaults to this thinking. Thou Im working very hard to change
You described and explained three generations back in me life and my last 30 years of life, appreciate your honest and clear explanation, I see now 🌻
I once asked a Psychologist in a group therapy session whether there is any coverage of the supernatural in the syllabus they study at college. She said no, and I think thats a fault in our education system.
In the road less travelled I find comfort in that Dr M. Scott Peck , considers this as a very bold theme through out his book and how he approached his work.
It seems that healing is definitely a medical/physical , Psychological, Emotional and Spiritual endevour and there doesnt seem like you can discount any of these aspects.
As a result im more comfortable when I know that the therapist attending to my healing believes in God, coz otherwise we end up going in circles. Its no wonder to me that the 12 stepts work. Look at what is the common theme in all of them? Yes ,you get it.
Great video. I used to lie to my dad constantly and now I know why. He was a pretty scary guy to be judged by. He put me in on therapy for my "lying problem." If only he'd gone to therapy instead... Good grief 😔
Today on Mother's Day, I recall my Mom being so pleased of the change in me. The changes you talked about cut off the path of hell.
❤
Hominid life is a zero sum game. Period. Whether you’re a genius, pauper, celebrity, convict, parent, success or a failure, WE ALL lose. Ultimately folks, go live life fully n’ exist in spite of being a broken soul (we all are) and do good before you die. Do GOOD no matter what - always. ✌️ A’ho
whats the difference between "a broken soul" and a normal one. like what's the yardstick you're using
Yes, it sure does do a lot of damage to children growing up with a negative and critical parent. That’s why I never feel good enough. Not enough validation and an environment of emotional unsafety will definitely have a detrimental effect on a persons mental health and self esteem when they are raised in this way, i am a prime example.
I agree, it’s incredibly sad, especially since so many go on to hurt their own children, and on and on it all goes.❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
♥
I'm afraid I am also.
I’ve listened to so many other vids from you - but this one is the most powerful even for just understanding others
He hit me again. He made an entire video that is literally all the content in my head. It's almost like this video is about my life. Sad, but happy that this dude is saving so many lives. Thank you.
My mother acts like this & she is always acts like the victim and blames everyone else and doesn't take responsibility for what she does. She is always puts me down, and she is always complaining all the time. She is negative.
Same 🤦
What kinds of things does she complain about?
Do you do as you are told, yet she complains regardless?
Don't listen to the haters. Ur videos really helped me.
Inner voices flipping compliment into a worst insult to ones self is real.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Wow! You speak to my heart. To the heart of the abused child as well as confused adult. Glad I stumbled upon you. Have made a note. Tim Fletcher. ❤ and a Christian too! This is just wonderful. Exactly what my spirit needs.. Resonating beautifully
The Practice of Gratitude is so helpful especially if it is done by writing out items that you are grateful for daily for at least a year to change a person's thought patterns.
I knew change was hard, and people always defaulted to not changing. Tim explains the mechanism.
I just appreciate you so much. Thank you for such clarity and bringing it all in such an easy, digestible and emotionally stable way that it is easy to just reflect on. I also appreciate the Christian reflections. They are so meaningful to me.
👍💖
Men love to be appreciated. Make sure you tell your man
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This has been very helpful to me I only wish I would have known it long ago. Life could've been so much better.
However the good news is that I know it now so life from here on can be so full of potential. It's heartwarming to know it's not too late to be what I could have been.
I deeply appreciate all your efforts to make these videos ❤
The teacher appears when the student is ready.
At least, that's what I'm telling myself learning this stuff from Tim at 60 years old.
Christi
I struggle to see things any other way. Where I come from, being negative was "smart". If you were any other way than negative, you were a fool and a phony.
I'm not sure how to break free from this in any authentic manner, but I'm trying.
maybe ask is this helping me or hurting me ❤
@@tulinbeyduz920 great advice. Thanks!
♥
@@billyb4790 welcome 🙏
Irrational patterns operate independently of rationality…?
I was raised negative and this is my greatest C-PTSD trait by far. Granted, I'm rarely critical of people to their face or even in gossip, but I growl and swear over every little thing that goes wrong and blame my soul for bringing me into this world, setting me up for a miserable life. This negativity described here sounds like it is strong in alloplastic defenses.
Since my early childhood I felt deeply ashamed to play sports, especially Football ⚽ so that the only goal was not to mess it up, do things right and get out of the match asap before a mistake led to humiliation. I was also bullied, I was chubby. I never got to enjoy an activity in a free way, the shame was always the big monster round the corner. My emotional absent mother and my alcoholic father helped a lot. I would return from school every evening to cry my heart out on my bed, a thing my mother never noticed. My failures as a teenager led to my solitary existence till today almost 42 y/o. I'm struggling with loneliness more than ever before. Though I made certain achievements, the feeling is always the same: I'm not good enough. Failed as an English teacher. Failed in the Company. Failed at the shop I inherited. Failed at love miserably.
Hi.. im 40 and in your same position. My life is failure after failure, struggling with mental health at a young age, but nobody cared, and I wasn't diagnosed with depression and AD. My family started to rot inside when I was 11, but from the outside, everything's had to look normal, so a child being manifesting the problem was unacceptable, it was as though I was trained to tell psychologists that the cause of every bad was me. I strongly believed this.. I couldn't even remember the abuse I got, so i started to write it down. But. I couldn't even believe my writings.. I locked myself in a house for decades, unable to study, pursuing a career, finding a job, finding love.. at 30 as I started to go out of the shell, life was horribly cruel to me.. like, I was a joke.. And finally I had an incident which could take my life, instead I remembered all the abuse I got in my life. It didn't make me less miserable. I still feel paralyzed by thoughts of being wrong in anything I do. My mother and father are still my bullies. But I'm here, I'm alive, I'm myself. I take your hand in my hands. Thank you, I am less lonely because of you!❤❤
@@ipercalisse579 love it
I am startimg to heal with your lectures
Thank you
You are so good , I have learned over the years to change my self belief after having a traumatic childhood but every thing you are saying is like a booster to my beliefs because you can so easily slip back. Into the negative subconscious beliefs I have just found you but l will be listening to you a lot from now on Thankyou so much
My mom was always looking for danger she always thought people were potential creeps etc. having radar is good but assuming everyone is probably not right was confusing for a kid
Idk in today’s society, more often than not, they are.
I've never felt more understood in my life!
I am spending some time doing a moral inventory. I happened upon this video and it is going to help me as I write out the areas that I need to change. I discovered that praying about each aspect of my faults is helping me. First of all, to get forgiveness, but also to be cleansed, and to move forward. God wants us to be healed. He seeks us out like he sought out Adam and Eve in the garden, not so he can punish us but to cleanse us so we can be in closer relationship to him and to equip us for service to him.
Tim, you are a blessing. With every "Welcome To Another Friday Night", I learn so much about myself. Things I do, but never understood why. So many years of counseling and you have helped me 10x more, and for free. All your videos are gems.
i am so glad i got therapy.. I am able to see the bright side and push back those pessimistic thoughts unless i am truly feeling it. I still have a lot to work on but this video was so validating 😊
Great info... my dad died when I was 16, then had to deal with a negative and bitter mother. I'm 56 now, single, and still have difficulty relating to people, still struggling with my negative attitudes and simmering anger.
Life happens
Brilliant lay-out, a cptsd masterclass
I have to wonder if therapist clinicians get this level of training. Based on the ones I've seen I would guess no
This is way too accurate. Thank you so much for doing a full hour of this! You truly are helping so many people to heal. Bless you!❤
wow I am so blown away at how clearly Tim explains everything my life makes so much more sense now. thank you :)
Thanks
Praying for hope for us all!!
THIS has been a really good topic for me.
It addresses a lot of unanswered questions I have been wrestling with for years.
Thank you, Tim👍🙏
I heard your lecture , and all comments, I resonate absolutely with every thought , I was surrounded by negative people , my family , my husband and his family , I survived not to be affected by all of them I felt negative but tried my best to stop it and even lift their spirit as I lifted my self , every body felt my mother change When she came to my house and spent a couple of days , until my menopause hit me a couple of years , I started to be like them .
God help me to face this stage of life courageously.
Thanks for your videos , helps a lot
Thank you so much
My daughter told me recently that the damage my mother did has trickled down to her. That makes me very sad. I tried very hard to prevent that, but apparently I didn’t succeed.
How good that she was able to let you know how something has affected her. These things are so difficult to talk about. Good on you for creating a safe space and being a safe person for your daughter to share her pain
The damage my gramma's emotional abuse of my mom and her sisters also trickled down to me, BUT my mom DID succeed. She is loving and not abusive. She is 'only' neurotic. She fought and fought to not do all the horrible things my gramma did. Mom thinks we're people and we're allowed to feel however we feel. She NEVER played the 'start fights just to have drama and argue in circles for hours' game. She made sure we had locks on our bedroom doors and let our bedrooms be our safe space---as opposed to gramma who would follow you screaming through the house and even out into the street at 3am in the morning at least twice a week.
(I think gramma had some weird combo of histrionic/borderline disorder).
I look at what my mom came from and I think she's a G.D. SuperHero❤
Because of her, I got a better launch at emotional intelligence. It's like she climbed 2/3rds of the mountain so I had a chance to get to the summit---there's still cliffs I need to climb but I'm in a much better place than I would be otherwise. I only had to deal with my mom's neurotic anxieties that I thought were 'reasonable and obvious logic' growing up. Seriously, I'm on easy mode.
@@FallacyBitesYour comment gives me hope that my 27 year old daughter & 29 year old son will be okay.
I have been so worried about them, being affected by my mother, though they are states away.
I give them their space to have their own lives.
I recently researched that my 85 year old widowed mother is probably a Covert Narcissist.
I haven't told them outright, but they know Gramma stopped talking to us for several weeks now, (which has never happened before). Discarded, I believe, because I was seeing through the manipulation & her saying that my husband "despises" her ( when he has put up with her nonsense for years).
The more non-reactive I got to her passive-aggressive jabs, the bolder she got in jabbing.
I was super shy in school & still struggle with social anxiety at 63. Learning about all this has been eye-opening.
@@CH-1984 a Covert Narcissist? That is a nightmare. Friend of mine's ex was one and it took even longer for her to get away than otherwise cuz they're subtle and So Good at appearing reasonable to everyone else, all while making you look crazy.
You have my sympathy ❤️
@16:21 u hit the nail right on its head! By being a pastor i think u must relate to this as well... i spent yearsss trying to please my freaking priest. He was overly critical of everything, to the smallest details.. i felt soo tensed around him like i was so scared of him.. what he said affected almost EVERY part of my life.. until i stopped giving him that power and realized man got his own issues :/ i pray for him tho but like fr he was too much!!😩😩
Please be kind to yourselves and treat others like human beings too. Because that's what we all are. We are the ones who ultimately choose what we think about ourselves. And remain firm as a rock with those who do not yet know their worth and what they are.
This was amazing information I needed to hear. Thank you so much
Glad I came across your video Sir. You were reading my mind ....Such an incredible video. I inherited this negative complex trauma from my mom. Have been going through hard time dealing with it. Now I understand why. God bless you for this guidance ❤
The traffic lights not being timed properly... I live in such a city. I've been struggling with it ever since I learned to ride a bicycle. Skipping red lights became one of my bad habits. Whenever everything goes red for minutes on end, I wait until everything stands still, no cops, and there I go. I absolutely hate doing it. But what I hate even more are dumb programmed traffic lights wasting everybody's time. Especially in the rain. Then I haven't even started about those idiots who block your way or cut you off or ignore your priority. Or or the unattentive brainwashed phone zombies. Disgusting. This is in a nutshell my roadrage on a bicycle.
Then I enter the grocery store, or a supermarket, already fueled by the road rage. I know all their flaws, and still I can get an outburst whenever it all fails again and I have to spend and waste time waiting in the line to pay for my food. I come there with the expectation that the checkout will fail again, 9 out of 10 times.
These are my daily struggles. It became structural. And I really have difficulties to get this behaviour out of my system. I have a difficulty in remaining friendly and grounded. Sometimes it works, sometimes I explode on the road, or in a store.
To most people it doesn't seem like it, but I'm trying my best to not to explode all the time. And I'm desperately trying to change this behaviour. It's not the world. It's not the store. It's not the traffic. It's me. It's that damned CPTSD still messing with my head, what's causing this behaviour. It's no excuse. But it explains so much.
On The Point as Usual.
BIG THANKS ❤ TIM
I had one serious inner critic, fairly sure who it was, and a second inner coach who pushes me to better performance. The second voice is mine.
♥
Thank you for the clarity of your analysis. Thank you for addressing the belief system which prevented me going deeper before my therapy. Thank you for the sense of integration, of wholeness, of oneness. ❤
These videos are incredibly insightful.
I find them extremely helpful,thank you for sharing your gift.
Unreal how accurate to myself this is... I'm shook. Every.single.video.is.accurate.
Thank you so much Sir, for these incredibly informative videos. God bless you.
Vrlo kvalitetno objašnjeno.Hvala puno🤍
In this current day, never allow sociopaths and psychopaths to gaslight you into silence or into smiling like a Manchurian candidate, if or when you notice their negative deeds or the actual unsafe nature of your current environment. Maslow's hierarchy of needs requires you to be situationally aware and act accordingly as a foundational requirement before you can build anything else upon it.... Once you are in better safer circumstances, (which may require significant time to get there...blighted zone, abusive caretakers/family, famine, drugs, gangs, war, etc...) then you can take in your newer safer stable surroundings to hopefully de-stress and recharge your batteries...because you can't remain at a 10 on "red alert" forever....lol.
1. Proper balanced situational awareness
2. Seek and attain a truly safe and secure environment.
3. Maintain balance. Noticing danger and red flags isn't you malfunctioning...but staying 24/7 on high alert in a bad situation will drain your batteries.
4.Getting to safety may take time...years and years. Don't let anyone unfamiliar with your level of experienced violence lecture or guilt you into....blind, dangerous, ignorance/learned helplessness...even if they have several degrees, titles or Ferraris in their garages. You can only heal and progress when you are truly in a solid stable safe environment with solid stable safe people.
5. Work to insure your situational awareness sensors are working properly (balanced), then trust yourself. God bless.✌️
Thank you for teaching this. More needs to be taught.
God bless you! Thank you 🙏🏾
I found myself becoming reclusive, cyclical, and angry the older I got. And would get so concerned that I need to get committed. I used to be a huggy person, never met a stranger type. I isolate. And so self critical. I have a hard time hugging my own kids.
Same.. it gets worse when you age I think.... Don't wanna have kids cause I'll probably treat them like shit
I agree with all of this!!! I was born to a young mom and her father had just abandoned our family. My mom is diagnosed manic depressive bipolar. I grew up always wanting to help my mom and I still do It’s been a hard relationship and it’s left me with depression and a lot of resentment and anger. So, an OCD narrator that’s very hard to control. Thankfully 40 grams of Celxa and vyvanse is the right mixture. lol
But I’m continuing to learn more things about psychology, growing in my faith and that has helped me heal more than anything! Love and the willingness to learn new things so we can understand on how to improve. I just want human better for my own daughter. 🙏🏼
New to your videos and I am so impressed. Clearly explained and with a positive spin of how to heal. I am not religious and I really appreciate how you are separating out that part so I can choose to stop. Thank you.
My inner voice is not cruel. It's my materialistic, ego tripping, prideful outer voice that is causing the problem. Let your conscience be your guide!
So are you distracting yourself.....
@@wertschaetzungs.boosterI am not distracted. I am completely focused. Those who do not discipline, instruct and correct others when they are in error, do not love or respect them. Love must be tougher and stronger than the worldly forces that corrupt a soul. Some think this is a meanness (your inner voice!?), but it is really just tough love. Speak the Truth with Love (even though it gets you crucified) is a Scriptural mandate.
Interesting. In a good way.
i don't get it. are you calling "your outer voice" your parents? or literally you but things you say out loud?
@@こなた-m1o one's "inner voice" would be a spirit based consciousness that is endowed to all mankind by the creator. It is nurtured, cultivated, trained and controlled (or should be).The "outer voice" can be regarded as those emotional reactions to the world around us. For example:an inner voice could be cultivated by quiet, practiced meditation on an isolated mountain
peak while the "outer voice" might be heard as a road rage response to a freeway traffic jam. The "outer voice" is an uncontrolled response to the human passions: Pride, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, licentiousness, averous and gluttony; the seven deadly sins.
You’re so right about all of this! I’m binge watching these like TV series. I guess that might be an addictive trait though 😢.
Thank you for the information. I pray for myself, I came from a very toxic family, my mind and emotions are all messed up man, I try to ask Jesus to help and heal me one day at a time. My emotions are damage, my soul feels so damage as well as my mind. Because of my toxic childhood. Please anyone that believe in Jesus Christ pray for me.
Jesus won't save you.
I will pray for you. He loves you.
Ohhh i am soooooo ready to be HEALED FOREVERMORE