60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 16/33 - Change in Priorities
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2024
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What happens in a person when they have to move from the priority of loving others equally with themselves to the priority of survival? The long-term results are significant, and can do much damage. That's what Tim will be exploring in this talk.
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He really explains with compassion but also doesn't minimize.
That's a fine line and he nails it.
Bingo!
with therapy being so expensive and unaffordable, I’m very grateful for people like Tim
“The hardest part of this healing journey is learning to manage when you are triggered”
Yes!!!!
true. he said if you want to fix or work on it. you need to have a partner or understand you while working on yourself when triggered, other video I watch, tim video
Narcissism = Limbic. Get back into our Cortex. Brilliant.
Ah like a lizard brain thing?
I'm an atheist, and while I appreciate that the video is divided into two parts, I prefer watching it in full because I really enjoy its content. Thank you for sharing such amazing knowledge. I wish you all the best.
Awesome 💯
The ancient stories in the Bible are fascinating.
I pray that Jesus reveals himself to you (and his overwhelming love for you) in a very personal and powerful way that brings you to him forever!
It's astounding that an atheist has zero proof that there is no creator of this beautifully managed universe, as if this magically occurs by accident..some random explosion to start things off.
I do not judge their logic, but wonder how they put a label on oneself..which is just like a religion. ❤️🙏✨️
This is one of the best explained talks I’ve heard. In Australia, one in 20 women aged 18-30 have experienced violence from an intimate partner this year alone. We make APPS for people, have discussion groups, have prayer groups- but literally our justice system is 100 years behind in this kind of understanding. If only we could have someone with this amount of knowledge and understanding in my country!!! Absolutely brilliant video 🙌🏽💗
Yes, blown away by Dr. Tim Fletcher explanation of the pattern of abusive ppl could be physical or financial emotional psychological or all.
It's closer to 100% of men...
5%. 60% have depression.
It'a collective problem both for perpetrators and victims. Sad cause things could be much better 💔
I'm Australian I suffer from BPD lost custody of my daughter and have CHRONIC ISOLATION MONOPHOBIA..does Dr Tim have anything on isolation no family or friends? How does a human survive with out love?
I'm always amazed, he's precise, thorough, compassionate, and he's able to be here whenever needed . Thank you Tim.
Excellent! Mr. Fletcher is very caring and I am looking at all my "ugliness" and actually feel good about it! I understand his explanations. There is no condemnation in his presentation. He explains such complex feelings in a simplistic and brilliant way. He has a gift and he is so compassionate. Love the sermon after the lecture! Thank you so much Mr. Fletcher. You speak to the fear, shame, and all the other monsters we try to keep at bay...without much success. God knows His children are not well. I believe He is using you to help us look inside our deepest and darkest places without the fear that we are not unloved. Your explanations are freeing and healing.
Minute 36:50:
Instead of 'You need a time out" one could say to the triggered person instead: "Please come back into the present moment" (as in 'Please get out of the triggered emotional state of the old wound and come back into to hear and now').
Love this presentation - so incredibly helpful, as is all of your work! 🙏
That would make you look like a hippy namaste twat though and people cant just " snap out of it" at your command so no I dont think thats a good alternative.
This helps me have compassion for narcissism. I imagined everyone who’s narcissistic to be a villain always. But I see now that I can be that to others when I get triggered as well. It’s a balancing act (literally, balancing the emotions and nervous system and figuratively) and that places the emotional responsibility on me, so I can move on from being victimized.
I' m afraid that's very dangerous way of thinking. Don't make excuses for him/her, because he/she does not empathise with you.
I always fall back into childhood survivor skills, mirroring and hiding primarily
I want to say “ don’t” but I feel so stupid saying it
It's subconscious not intentional, you need to have a life threatening experience by your mother to understand the psychological necessities of such a situation. I'm not talking about getting spanked I'm talking about getting murdered when your 8 years old
Oof, same.
@davidnorman2134 sorry that happened to you but that is a limbic statement and not a truthful statement. There is no higherarchy to trauma. Triage theory does not work on trauma. Mercy is required.
So thankful to have found you. Spent the last few days "going around the barn" trying to sit still and listen to you. I'm in a severe situation and circumstance. This is helping.
I hope you're doing well x
Praying for you.
Love to you, you are never alone
I am also thankful. You are not alone. Blessings and prayers for you, and all of us that have to deal with our messy imperfection.
You Got This!❤ In the thick of it I had a supportive, educational video or a meditation on 24/7. It Does help, doesn't it?
This is great for the trigger episodes. Please add a talk about the narcissist devaluation of their closest relationships. The manipulation, lack of empathy, doesn’t give birthday/anniversary gifts, put down of expressions of joy or sadness, ruining holidays, withholding of emotional support, etc.
A huge part of knowledge about narcissistic abuse was created by narcissist (Vaknin). Isn't that strange 🤔
Repeating what the narcissist is saying? It's a little bit narcissistic for my comfort.
Btw. The majority of men have issues with birthday/anniversary gifts. This sounds sexist when used as criterion for narcissism 😅
For me expecting special treatment, like getting amazing gifts sounds suspicious 😂
I just wanted to balance out the response to your comment from a male narcissist because I have experienced all of the above but abuse around your own birthday is especially common. Anything that isn’t all about the narcissist causes them to gnash their internal rage so my mother & partner went out of their way to hurt me. Now I just ignore it & when friends call or give cards, I’m delighted by their genuine caring ❤️🩹 as far as anniversaries go, mine was never remembered except early on in a fake way in public, which was simply embarrassing. After physical violence or an affair it might be ignored, which was great, or transactional as in a new washer when the old one would trip the breaker
@@caroleminke6116 Let me tell you something 😄
There is a female type of narcissism which is "me poor victim".
The only way to distinguish between victimized woman and female narcissist is look for any sign of revengeful wishes.
If you hear in any shape or form "deserve to be punished" it's most likely narcissism.
Why?
Because normal people can process grief which is almost impossible for narcissists.
There is also a strong need for attention for "poor me".
What an impressive speaker he is. So much knowledge about really difficult but important stuff.
Very Good❤
Best explanations of triggers and advice I've ever heard.
This is a great one to listen to again and again. Making changes at our deepest levels requires repeating the better behaviors time and time again. Beating ourselves up for not doing it perfectly the first time is self defeating. Thanks so much!
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In terms of tools to pull out of Limbic brain and back to Cortex: for me it is Journaling. Philosophy of Stoicism. Some Zen Buddhism & Taoism teachings. Although I am not religious.
This presenter Tim Fletcher is a Legend.
I navigate through those same processes to help keep me balanced.
I can relate to this very much as I’m sure I suffer with cptsd. Though I find these videos extremely helpful, thank you so much Tim, I also feel defeated hearing one thing after the other about just how ineffective (and even worse destructive), I have come to be in terms of how I handle triggers/interactions. I am reminded of a phrase from ‘the crappy childhood fairy’ who says in this regard: “tell me gently!” I think it would be helpful to have lists such as these balanced with compassion. For sure nobody chooses or wants to be this way.
Perhaps a compassionate stance would better assist motivation?
Healing seems to involve both having the tools to manage the triggers but also repairing the parts that get triggered. Tim provides very useful tools for managing the triggers but it remains unclear to me how a person is to go about healing the parts that get triggered?
So grateful to have this information available. 🙏
Hi, I discovered these videos a few weeks ago, and hopefully my response to your comment will be useful.
The only way to heal, is to be triggered, to re-regulate, and to come out on the other side.
It's the only way. .
It's like, building a muscle. You can't build a muscle without triggering it. Then it will hurt for a while, and as long as you take care, do the right things,...it will heal.
It also helps to empathise, if you're being triggered by the actions of someone who you know has complex trauma, they also neither chose nor wanted to be that way. If you feel compassion towards them, you will feel it towards yourself, and you will be able to re-regulate.
And be honest with yourself. Always be honest with yourself. If something hurts, always acknowledge that it hurts. Don't trivialise it. Don't try to wish away. Acknowledge that it's there. Think of the trigger as the child, you, the child, comng to visit. Sit with it. Be kind to it.
Listen to Raw Motivations
I find it very difficult to hear. He seems to be saying we are the worst kind of people
For healing can be used sister Shivani teachings about
mind, Louise Hay book, mirror work, Thich Naht Hahn has good technics on rewriting mind also.
“Look at a trigger as an inner wound you need to heal next”
Sure people have responsibility for themselves. Part of my trauma has been self inflicted. Perhaps all of it is self inflicted.
I can say that I see things differently than most people, but I was pretty calm and okay for awhile. I was treating people well and not getting into drama. I put a lot of work into taking care of myself and others after helping myself.
Then people came along and messed with me. They created self doubt in my decisions. They got me back into bad habits. They supported bad decisions by others. They basically messed with my head and got be in a place where I was doubting myself completely and felt I needed to be in control and so untrusting of others that I didn't want to help them.
You could say that I didn't have to react to what others did and that would be correct, but it's not always as easy as you think when people are constantly taking jabs at you everyday and have support from those around them. Then, once you are in anger and stress it's difficult to get out of it. You're no longer thinking clearly.
I think its what some people call reactive abuse...this talk is brilliant. But you may also want to check Dr. Ramani or Kris Godinez or Dr. Les Carter on the topic of reactive abuse.
So clear and interesting. I especially appreciated the part about having a PRE-ARRANGEMENT that if someone "goes crazy" (goes into their "limbic brain") that you'll talk about it later, not now. That might actually be a way to handle it. AND I appreciate your breaking it into a Jesus and non-Jesus section. At that point, for some of us, you've presented enough to think about for now.
I appreciate this series so much. It is eye-opening and presented with such empathy. I especially appreciate the heads up and allowing us who are triggered by religion to politely step out when you reach that part. Thank you kindly
The worst thing is to recognize that in yourself. I have that. For the most part of my life I could control it, but a lot of times I couldn't. I don't like that feeling when he talks you get emotionally dysregulated and no one can reason with you, it's true. Also lashing out. My dad did this, my brother became even worse in doing this, he would terribly physically abuse me, but then I became this, tho I don't become physical ever, because I decided you maybe can take your words back but not actions, putting hand on someone is the worst one can do. The major things are to know your triggers and recognize when you get dysregulated, for me it happens when someone disrespects me, puts me down, dismisses me, or I see something unfair.
I am the same. I am 58. It has cost me two marriages. I am just now becoming aware of how this process works, but I caused a lot of pain to others. And to myself in turn. Victimized as a child, then victimized others and myself as an adult. Working on healing...finally
He’s the BEST speaker ever! Gosh makes me feel like he’s talking directly to me sometimes lol
This talk explains to a T what I have gone thru most of my life and I have done a lot of damage when I’m triggered. My dad was exactly the same way . I never understood this from him . My childhood was hell growing up around him . I could never do anything right around him and my anxiety went thru the roof . I have spent most of my adulthood doing exactly what he did and never realized it . I thought he was awful . But in other ways I’ve been worse . In the last 3-4 years that I’ve became aware of the way that I am . I protect myself and others by isolating and keeping my distance . I have a really hard time with relationships. I’m very glad that Tim is putting out the information that he is . I’ve learned very much about myself from his talks .
Hope you’re doing well, my friend.
Best wishes
I hear you. Primary relationships are still currently the most difficult aspect of my life. It's disappointing, exhausting and confusing. But these videos give me hope that I can heal and get emotionally healthier. It's so incredibly hard sometimes though.
What is a t?
Trauma makes narcissists of us all. What an interesting concept. Although, for me, selfish is probably a more accurate term.
Certainly not in an absolute sense. There are multiple ways to deal with trauma. Developing narcicissm is one, but there are healthier alternatives - depending on the trauma - Like feeling and going through your emotions, sort out negatives and bullshit views (like "it's my fault"), truly understand and resolve with empathy, at least towards you.
I have been going through this series of videos you have made and would like to tell you how blown away I have been from listening. I thank God that you made them because this could very well be the best resource I have found for personal healing. Regarding that moment of escalation when we are triggered and end up in our limbic brain; I discovered during COVID lockdowns that meditation on the breath can be a wonderful help to learn how to do that. Meditation teaches us mental discipline; to recognize when our minds go wandering off and gently bring it back to concentrating on the breath. It is SO, SO, simple but I have seen just two months of daily practice for 15-20 minutes help me to NOT trigger when I have been agressively confronted and be able to respond normally from my cortex.
Thank you for this very clear explanation of narcissism. On my way to become a flower. 🙏🏼😊🌹🌈🌈
Thank God for today. Thank you for your patience with us ❤️
These teachings have been so helpful and leave me encouraged. There’s always hope for me and for the narc I loved but left. I don’t regret my decision, it had to be. But I still grieve the good parts about what we had. I let go, AND I keep praying for his good and my growth.
If a person is in a dire situation, and I mean, literally dire, they have no choice. I am dealing with that myself right now. I am finally at a place where I’m safe, but before that if I wouldn’t have focused on myself and my own well being it would have been very, very bad for me.
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I think thats how it can seem sometimes but ultimately thats the choice we have to make. Choose ourselves or die. You can choose yourself without displaying that to your abuser. Just make a little space inside for yourself. The way we escape finally is through that little space inside we have made for ourselves. Not through the front door or the back window but via that space inside. Before i left there was 8 puppy dogs. And mice and no car... and so i had to bleach shit all over the whole house...walk my toddlers to school walk back ...2 hours...clean again the entire house with bleach....then have lunch then go pick up my one kid from school another 2 hours walking clean again make dinner go to be dwhaywver...it was 3 months of shoveling shit constantly literally exhausted ..insane. mice running everywhere... In that hell space i managed to find a space inside me that had hope to get out. Before the actual shit i didnt even think about it cos i relied on him i had to to be there for him in a certain wasy etc...but the shit piles ..maybe the bleach burnt a hole in my head or something... anyway i got out. The only mistake i made was i went back to try to clean up for the landlord and he found me there and that was the worst night of my life. When you get out don't even look back get out and get far and dont go back for anything ..any item or anything he owes you or anything. Be careful. Be safe. God bless you.
I’m seeing the being triggered of abandonment behavior is more liek BPD which is why those people seem to have overlap of narcissm the overlap is what has always confused me but I get it now. I also believe the narcissist behavior is on a spectrum. This is why it’s hard to leave someone with this kind of narcissist bc we see so much heart and love otherwise
Thank you God for Tim Fletcher.
Thank YOU 🙏🏻💕💕💕💕 I have healed sooo much just watching your channel!, 🙏🏻✨🥹
Amazing talk. So much clarity.
23:40 this!!! Wow thank you so much, I've been watching so many of your videos and I know the good Lord sent me to you! Thank you 🙏💖🙌
Brilliant. Best teacher on the subject. Thanks so much.
God Bless You Tim, thank you 🙏🏻
Omgggg 😭😭😭 Thank you for this! I've never heard the full story of narcissus.
Very important topic currently that must be broadcasts to many, well enlightened & figured out.
👍👍🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️. Thank you for these wonderful videos!!!!
Thank you so much for these videos. This has been beyond helpful.
Thank you for this video
Mind and Soul Renewing work. Thank you.
Thank you so much! This is the most helpful video I have watched lately. ❤
So thankful for this this was very informative and useful
Thank you.
This is incredibly eye-opening and helpful. Thankyou very much.
This is so profound. Thank you!
Going through felony assault from a stranger on top of this was too much. No one can understand or help. Life is stupid to have to go through.
I am walking this walk too.
Too bad my 80 year old narcissist has no concept of what he is and the damage he does. 3 wives later hes an old man who nobody wants to be around, including his children. But guess what. Its everyone else's fault.
This thing of other "not understanding" is a weird thing. Like a friend has trauma, and I have my story that most people "can't hear...
but still I have to tell myself...
You know how this is.
Stop... step in... listen.
Be there for your friend. Believe...
and I do that, as good I can.
But where is that resistence coming from?
From past people just drawing you to their side in an argument??
Or something else??
How can we get others to hear ... the trauma when we don't have answers ... and need them more than ever?!
...
Im sorry. I can feel this. Ive lost everything due to mold exposure illness: my housing, job, career plans and no one understands. It was literally killing me. No attorney gets it or will help. Now my health has been destroyed and I cant even find another job. No one gives a crap about you when you’re sick. This world
Is full of psychopaths.
Really good point, that narcissistic behaviours are not reserved just for diagnosable narcissists. A lot more people than we think may have the capacity to heal, although it is hard to believe when they are acting like the narcissist or predominantly limbic abuser from our pasts. But when we are acting very similarly. We can remember healing is still possible for us.
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Yep, you are not any better or different than a “narcissist”though everyone would like to think that lol
Thank you
Really insightful
You are so right that then can cry and apologize and promise to never do it again.. but sadly they always do. So sad they have no ability to self reflect.
Thank you so much!
Thank you 😊
thank you
I wonder if it's possible that some relationships keep us in our limbic brain you mentioned in intimate relationships it comes out more... A person who has broken trust and been abusive. Staying with them is staying in our own limbic. That stuck feeling. That constant walking on egg shells. Prolonging our own healing and growth. Remaining in unhealthy relationships equals staying in our limbic🤯
So good Tim..such a good explanation...
❤Amazing stuff!
Oh my God. This explains so much.
6 minutes in, he described me perfectly
Superb!
How dose this guy not have several million subscribers
This guy is the F-cking Man!
Long Live Tim Fletcher!
😮I am very very glad and blessed by these teachings thank you can you do some on the correct way to raise our children step by step according to age and gender thank you very much❤❤
I appreciate the Christian based Perspective. I used to be involved in lay ministry in the Catholic Church. I gave up.
Be strong love yourself and then be free spirit ❤❤❤❤❤Ty Jesus
47:00 - Setting boundaries and respecting yourself.
that’s brilliant
*Much Respect
This is very informative, Im not to sure that everyone who gets triggered is a narcissist, but definitely we can all present narcissistic tendencies when triggered ( learned behaviour, our own dysregulated behaviours and inner child wounds) my husbands trigger behaviour is much more frequent and destructive than mine, and I am aware it's coming up to 2 weeks before, but if I gently tell his I think he's heading towards his trigger behaviour, he doesn't see it or believe me
What do I do in this situation?
LoL "We Don't Like The Messy Journey" Amen
You are very on point brother!
John the Baptist was not going around preaching the Baptism of Repentance it was the Baptism of Metanoia! And that’s what JESUS WAS ALSO BRINGING THE GOSPEL OF METANOIA!!
Change of Mind, heart and life 🙌
Metanoia was mistranslated as repentance!
“The poverty in our language in this respect is to keep us poor!”
I love Fletchers teachings on Trauma. Best I’ve heard. However, the sheet was not about changing food laws, it was about people. There is a lot of assumption being added into the verses while missing the main point. Nowhere does it said he ate pork. It was about accepting foreigners, non Hebrews. Scripture said Gods law is eternal. It also says the “same law for the Native born AND the foreigner”. We see now today how bad pork is. They store toxins in their fat and meat, some of which cannot be cooked out. Also, they knew how to dry meat and ferment foods so having no refrigeration wouldn’t have been an issue. Pork and shellfish are earth and ocean cleaners. They eat and absorb the crud we do not want to be injesting.
And again…💖
Again when you had shitting parents hitting you and the person who abused me had me by the throut aged 3 as a child and i had someone else tried to strangle me at seventeen i didnt hit out i never hit him i had other kids picking on us as kids and i did lose it because i was so frustrated because of the abuse i was suffering and had no one to help
I have traumatic dreams and wake up like this. Help
38:30 I know this advice comes from a right place, but boy does seeing a man triggered like that triggers ME to just run for the hills 😳😳😳 there are issues for partners, and then there are issues for psychiatrists. Many of us tried to do the psychiatrists' part and ended up in emergency or worse
I have to ask, where did it say he ate the pig? I can't find it...help
I thoroughly appreciate the teaching on the foundations of narcissism, however, you have a few of your biblical facts out of line Cornelius was a God fearer, meaning that he understood the Torah and followed it along with his household. The great discrepancy for Peter was that it was also part of Jewish law not to come under the roof of a gentile and this is what caused him distress. But Cornelius had proved himself a lover of God and desire to know the ways of God to honor him. And though the culture called him unclean, God called him by his good works of obedience to torah, clean.
Dysregulation boosts cortisol?! More stress 😮
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You can NEVER reason with a full blown Narc 😢
A lot of this video is describing Borderline Personality, not Narcissist. Althoufh similar and both resulting from trauma, they are very very different polarities.
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Once triggered they become a narcissus. Makes sense
Very good video but the Jewish aspect of pork is not about food poisons it is about the animals being sentient and pigs have the most muscle between the esophagus and they suffer when slaughtering
And other animals don't suffer while being slaughtered lol
@@zoeh1964 do you eat horse? Same reason it's not acceptable pigs are above horses in sentience they can play video games...
When he says "the limbic brain remeins as a narzizist" he is talking about the "wounded" inner child, that needs healing and deliverance through Jesus.
How To Communicate To A Stalker named Aleena
Sometimes there is no good time to have a rational discussion because the person has set up a permanent residence in their limbic brain. You can twist yourself into knots trying and still not be successful.
I feel like I am diagnosed with a narcissistic disorder
Peter ate pork? Can you give a verse that proves this? My understanding is that the vision of the unclean animals represents the gentiles not actual unclean animals.
Correct. The point was that it was okay to preach to the Gentiles, who ate whatever. Food wasn’t going to be an issue going forward.
I was just telling my therapist a trigger of mine, not really making a connection that it’s coming up as something to work on. 😅
This was a great clarification. Good to be going through it and discovering the how about thats
2 fingers...uh?
I rather salary 😅
I highly appreciate listening to your sessions. However, kindly note that the vision had nothing to do with food. Pls read it. It explains itself very clearly
Even though I understand you mean only a little narcissist, I'm realizing I don't want to generalize this term so much like it is in your videos. It evokes something wrong for me.
But the video subjects are good.
I think your teaching is really helpful! Thank you!!
I don't agree with you on the food. Shellfish and pigs are filthy. Our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit. It matters what we put in them.
Why do you equate a hurt child w cptsd as a narcissist?!! Huh? No! They hate themselves not love themselves...w self harm etc
Many HSP have empathy for others and get taken advantaged of and abused.🙏
Makes those if us with cptsd look bad....because I'm not a narc
Did you know that narcissists are a product of CPTSD? So, they may be different but not very different from the other survivors.
I'm not sure you recognize how narcissistic your comment sounds.
@@mightymouse1005glad I'm not the only one. I know a narcissist. That would be my ex. They try to destroy you during a break up. When empaths are done they are just done. I agree with a lot but a lot just ain't me.
That’s what I thought too.. now I don’t know 🤷♀️