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Knowing now is better than not knowing at all .....We now have a Fighting chance to get threw the hurt, and to enlighten others. Thank God for having and showing Us MERCY!
I'm beyond disgusted that I used to be a flying monkey. And I was totally unaware of it during those times. All I wanted to do was to restore and maintain the peace.
@@sherryburton7644 move, file a restraining order anything that separates those people from you. You have a right to peace and to live a life without harrassment
Good on you for being so honest! How were you manipulated into being a flying monkey? I’ve always wondered what tactics narcs use to get people on their side
@@couragefox I agree. Victims of the narcissist have been invalidated their entire lives, apologizing and laying it out there offers tremendous validation. Be well.
OMG never heard of this but it's so true!!!! As the "scapegoat" the flying family monkeys made me question my own sanity and that my feelings and boundaries were never okay.
IndigoK2 The only people thinking your boundaries aren’t ok are the ones who abuse your boundaries. Healthy people have boundaries and are ok if others do too.
My case is still worse. My mother just died (being malignant up to the end) but worried to feed her flying monkeys (my brothers) up to the very end. They gave me the silent, humiliating treatment at my mother's deathbed, and continued to ignore and despise me from then on. It's really painful to see how my narcissist parents bred such a horrible, hypocrite family and that I am part of it.
My elderly ex dad is a sociopathic, malignant narcissist. My siblings are all his flying monkeys. I have always been a scapegoat for close to 60 years. He tried to recruit my late mom as another one. In her own way, she fought it. Unfortunately she internalized all the abuse and it caused her to have so many illnesses that it killed her. The narc ex dad used her illnesses as a way to get people to feel sorry for him... and I am the one who ended up taking care of her. My mom and I had some discussions before she died and now I'm starting to really understand just how sick they all are. They're all about greed and that inheritance. I went my own way no contact. I have witnessed and have been a target of mental, verbal and sexual abuse. I am doing what my mom could not do for herself. And, my children see it. It's amazing the good things that have been happening to me since I have gone no contact. I've been through traditional therapy and hypnotherapy with narcissist specialists. Becoming stronger every day.
Rav I relate to your life. I am 51 and it is the same with my family as well as my husband's family. We were married 10 years before he started counseling and realized he was a flying monkey. It is a difficult life. So happy you are on the road to recovery. I am too. Rem I you feel alone but you are not. There thousands of us out there. God Bless you!
I went my own way too no contact with my dad.. What triggers me is everybody sayin to me that God will punish me for not talking to him, that he is my father I should respect him no matter what.. I don't want to disrespect God but don't want to suffer either...
Alpha Ghost, I'm going through the same thing with my adult son. My family is full of narcs & my ex was one as well. My heart has been breaking since my ex started the court battle for custody (just like he described in this video,) then took my son out of state to break our bond. My family would often see my son behind my back. It all hurts, but my son has just started college, & I'm hoping very much to rebuild our bond. Best of luck to any parent who has this burden to bear!!!
It's even harder to be the sane parent when you've been having to combat a narc parent for 14 to 16 years before finally catching on to narcissistic traits in a father. My narc husband had been trying for years to build an army of flying monkeys in order to combat my resistance to his personality. It just gets worse when you're still with them in the name of having nowhere to go plus be fighting to break the cycle for kids so they don't carry on the trait of narcissism beyond becoming adults. I have 2 boys 8 years apart and I thank God my oldest has been successfully kept from growing up narcissistic, my youngest though is fighting to follow in the narcissistic footsteps of my husband. It's going to take 7 more years of total resistance to finally break him. Husband has added mysoginy to his narcissistic reputation and for knowing I will NEVER tolerate much less bow down to it!!!!
Just use the communikation - tactics described in this video. it will confuse the narcissist and/or the flying monkey .When they are a flying monkey8or a narcissist themselves) they will not answer the questions you have. ...I long agon , used that kind of communication tactic to answer a phoe call of my ex-narc... the phone was ringing - it was him .he asked how is it going ? i answered :how is it going ?- he was absolutely confused i asked him the same question instead of answering his question .....i knew he wanted to know hwo i was doing to look if the dust has settled ....and if i am open ....so -obviously i was not ...I was just giving him more for him confusing answers and in the end the phonecall was then over he didnt meet wih me ---there was a huge pause before he called again .....several months .or so.that last phone call was then like i constantly asekd him about his behavior ,his character 'his things' that i dont have to accept they way.etc .now he was really then saying not too much .i think he gave up becaue i told him i have watched a lot ov narc-videos , and i know now everything .about it.about him and his behavior. it was really like game over for him or useless for him trying to get me back .-He really had a chance to say something different on the phone ,this time at last . but he didne he was just the same guy i knew.----------I must admit it was easy to get rid of him because he didne have a foot in my life .it has gone already tooooo long with all the hoovering back before ,countless times in the years before .....so there i was lucky in that particular case it was easy -i only had to stay out ....i used to have more problems with other people also in the past and maybe still today , because they may tell you how mad they are now ,when they dont get their way. thats were it is a little bit difficult because basically you cannot change them you can not teach them you can go into another room ,you can slam the door for a change you slam teh door ...surprises them .you then eventually have to live with the bad mood around ,maybe you can please them here and there ,make them smile when you say something about them ,so its all about them again and they feel validated seen and aknoledged - they may even smile a little bit but stil the game is over once you have looked behind the veil . the game is over- and they dont like it. something they have lost
Sister/her husband (narcs) had their neighbors come over to my house at Christmas to say "we know you are alone over here and don't have any friends, we are so concerned about you. Receive a Christmas card from them saying "we hope you'll join us for Christmas dinner, Joe and I are praying for you this holiday season while you are by yourself w/out a support system". The couple is 70 and 66 y.o., met them a few times for less than 5 minutes. Astounding, I knew then that these two are as sick or sicker than my sister and her husband.
My ex was a narc. Trash talked me to his family. I had no idea. 28 years! Now it’s my child who treats me this way. I’m just a commodity to this child. Breaks my heart.
Hang in there! I will be praying for you! My youngest adult son with my ex who is a narc. came to visit me angry telling us had a heart to heart with his dad and my ex told him lies about me and I fell apart crying and telling my son those were lies...but he was told so much that he wasn't listening to me and it broke my heart that my sweet son i thought knew me so well had been sucked into believing lies that my ex probably knew would do enough damage to not even see me anymore. My hope is our bond his whole life has been so strong that I'm praying he will figure to out. It broke my heart so much all's I've been able to do is cry and been depressed. Over 17 years ago my ex did this with his best friend who wouldn't speak to me for 12 years...so this scared me that my ex would tell our son so many lies. It's heartbreaking!
Little Fawn Loves, I'm going through the same thing with my adult son. My family is full of narcs & my ex was one as well. My heart has been breaking since my ex started the court battle for custody (just like he described in this video,) then took my son out of state to break our bond. My family would often see my son behind my back. It all hurts, but my son has just started college, & I'm hoping very much to rebuild our bond. Best of luck to any parent who has this burden to bear!!!
I can so relate to this. My ex narc trash talked me to everybody and had smear campaigns going all the time. This included our oldest son whom I haven’t heard from in years now and know that his mind has been filled with lies for a long time. I recently even found out that he had gotten married and of course I wasn’t even thought of or invited. What’s so sad is that I’m almost 100% certain he married a narc. This has weighed on my heart for so long. I pray all the time.
I got rid of a friend who was narcisisit and was trying to destroy my life.Only after listening to his lectures.I understood it.and now i m free.Thanks to him
Yep , like many of the other commenters I had my own malignant narcissist in my life ( father ) . Once I broke ties in my 30s he unleashed his monkeys and even now at 50 I've lost contact with 90% of my family - thanks dad . My mother was also narcissistic but passing decades ago did me a favour as they both had their own monkeys to throw in my direction . Aren't families just a joy ? .
A family is a support system, but not if it's ruled by a narc. Narcs are just biologically related to you, and only "family" on paper. If you're an offspring of one of these unfortunate exceptions, you don't have a family, and you don't have human rights. Until you grow up, figure them out, and remove yourself from the toxic pot of these pathetic characters.
It's ok , once you put distance physically and psychologically between you and them you get to live your own life and re learn about what relationships should be. The worlds a beautiful place and most people are fine - you become much stronger than you would otherwise and appreciate what's important . Fuck the narcissists , deep down we're so much better and stronger than they are and secretly they're scared by this .
It's definitely an abstract control mechanism. I advise completely changing social circles, if keeping any at all. Choose your friendships carefully. Too bad, but that's the only way to survive and thrive. Just get away from them all.
I agree totally. This can be hard when living in a small country where there are fewer circles. Still I have in some manner managed to cutting myself off. It is painful for many years but the relief is worth the price.
I saw the rise of Narcissism appear after the movie came out Wall Street "Greed is Good" slogan. The 1980's "Me Generation" of decadence and over spending. The Narc we dealt with looks like she is in a 1980's Time Warp too. Designer clothes, Mercedes car, prances around like she "Club Med" and she's pushing 60.
I'm so glad that you mention "IF keeping any at all." That's the fork of the road I'm at. People who were formally supportive close friends have found too many signs of being potential flying monkeys for my evil family of origin siblings. Bold advice there! Yet without taking this extreme measure, I found myself stuck in a repeat pattern of suspicion and I'm so glad that I'm not there anymore. It's the toughest thing I've had to do in a while, so I'm SO glad to read you advising to do what I felt my gut that I finally had to do once and for all
I'm so tired of this, my latest covert narc has convinced my boss I'm a bully and sicko, he thinks she's a quiet vulnerable sweetheart yet behind closed doors she was a sick devil. At 41 years of age I can't remember a time when I wasn't either tormented by a narc or undermined by a flying monkey, its nearly driven me to suicide
Oh geez... I hope you are doing better now. I just transferred to a different office location to get away from this covert narc. I was one of her flying monkeys....then it was my turn. I dumped her and transferred. I blocked all of the flying monkeys...deleted their phone numbers. They WILL see...so much happier now. I hope you ate doing better. I see your comment is from 2 years ago
What people forget is that most flying monkeys are flakes, and most people filter out what flakes say to them. You have to give credit to people for having a little "bullshit" detecting ability. In this day and age, with so much info flying at you, very few people believe what other people say as "gospel truth". It only works on the flakes, so that means you don't have to give a shit. Ignore it. It actually helps you ultimately: you weed out all the flakes in your life.
John Spence I am glad you posted this comment. I am constantly explaining to my clients in therapy that just because someone else says something about you or another person, doesn't mean it is actually true. I teach my clients that if other people are talking negatively about other people or about you-then this say's a lot about that person and their values and character and not about you. Well done for posting this comment
@@samanthadoyle6528 Thanks. It helps if it starts with us. Avoid talking smack about other people. If you can't say it to their face, dont ever say it.
@Monzo Lena yes but again you dont want those people in your lives. All of this helps weed out useless people. Fair weather friends are more common than people know. You will know your friends when shit hits the fan. Get rid of the rest, they are users anyway.
Honestly,it can get so hard to lose sight of this but you’re so right,unless you’re in it or experienced it no one has any idea how important your mindset is,because it’s so easy for these people to infiltrate your life and make you feel like it’s the WHOLE world,it’s not,and thinking this way is so f*cking important,anyone who will even sit and listen for a second about absurd bs and manipulation should have no place in your life..blessing and curse,you get to see who is about you and people you shouldn’t give a second!
This video was so helpful. Thank you very much. I will try to remember to avoid justifying myself to the flying monkeys. It’s difficult to do so when you’re honest and have nothing to hide.
It is important to stay vigilant and invest your time and effort into your very own life. It is truth that separation, healthy boundaries leads to a fuller life, a complete you. Boy it is not easy and requires considerable thought and care. The only healthy people, relationship wise in your life may be on the edges. Bring them in. Don’t keep everyone at arms length for safety. I know a couple of older women that are real gems. I should get closer!!!
When I was 15, my parents were getting divorced and a horrible therapist suggested I use pot. My dad then started by letting me party to get me under his control and then many of my older friends moved in and I was so blind for so long. Thank you for this video.
I've lived this! All the pieces are starting to come together. Understanding "flying monkeys" and their role of reconnaissance and information for the Narc Abuser was the last piece of a BIG puzzle I've been trying to put together. Thank you for this video!
Simple. True victim of narcissist still has compassion to others. Narcissistic people can never be compassionate to others. The only person deserves compassion is himself or herself... with narcissist you feel that your compassion is never enough and it is going like into black hole to never return...
For me, starting meditation and giving up drinking alcohol were two very effective tools in stopping my info going to the monkeys. - And in having healthy thoughts and boundaries. I am a very open and blunt speaker, normally, or in the olden days. Now I try to talk like a sweet old grandma from 1920. I only say positive things to the monkeys and to the Narc.
While growing up, the maternal toxic relatives and frenemies coached us in triangulation and flying monkeys. I thought it was normal. Finally had enough of being the scapegoat and abused. Those high-level abusers never change.
@@jerrywise Low level lazy bums are 100% cowards. HR needs to be fired with no disciplinary measures. Toxic workplace never let bums ever win, they will always get exposed. If you are full of rage, you need to be locked up. 16 years still going for me. Today 95% at work are only the negative people then all the devils wake up. They want the money but refuse to work and today all the ones in power are pussies, even the police. Being a top worker for 40 years no one will touch me. They never win and always get themselves exposed or one day Karma will always get them. Never transfer or change departments or ever quit then they won. They will in the future transfer themselves after 95% know they have been exposed. They are cowards, gang stalking me and I've got nothing to hide. Hate = jealousy. Two years ago I stopped the security guard and told my manager and security manager and if they don't stop I will call the police for harassment. I transport patients and do anything to destroy me. One day I will have the police knocking on their door. Then they will stop.
Got a card in the mail from my 2nd cousin who is my narcissistic moms age and her close friend. Her opening line was "I am so ashamed of you!!!" Then she went on to blame me for ripping up the family (hardly a family but ok). She mentioned my "poor son" and how could i rip him away from his grandparents. I wasnt raised this way, blah blah blah. Her last line "i dont like you but I still love you all." It shocked me. I wasn't expecting my mom's minions to get so cut throat so quickly. She even had to look up our new address because we didnt even tell anyone we had moved. I thought she had a lot of nerve to send me something to my new address. Obviously I didnt want her to know it.
4:20 "The conflict-avoidant type of FLYING MONKEYS." These ones are dogshit on a shoe. There's no reason for them to be a flying monkey that way, and I don't justify it for them, even trying to see them in the best light afterwards.. I'm just part of another long list of people who left them behind in their lives too (they can scream what a "WINNER" they are from the mountaintops, for all I care.)
*"Wow Aunt Mabel, I find it very interesting that you haven't contacted me in so long. What is it about today that prompted you to do so? What is it about you that makes you think it's your place to ask a lot of personal questions about people's feelings about 3rd parties? Is that a regular practice of yours; asking prying questions about peoples lives? How long have you been feeling this sense of entitlement, Auntie? Have you found that people become offended & accuse you of data-mining for gossip? Auntie. Auntie? You look stunned & wobbly. Here. Drink this glass of water and I'll see you out."*
The wise way is less emotionally charged, exactly as Jerry put it, detached, not reactionary or accusative, objective and respectful of boundaries and role models healthiness.
I have been working professionally as an LPC in TX and work with Les Carter personally, but you just explained exactly how my family system to an exact T! How deplorable this predictable covert form of manipulation is. It’s life shattering and thanks to you for this video. Although between all of the professional help I have, I couldn’t pin point how to explain what I’ve been loving with, thank you!
Thank you. I think the relatives are either naive or complicit as you say to keep the peace or wait for the inheritance (or both) but you explain this in depth. Also, your shining the light on this topic can help to prevent flying monkies due to more awareness if they are naive.
Flying monkeys are listed to a narcissist, they can be ex or users. At my area flying monkeys are help narcissist to looking for supply and company .Wh en a narcissist break up with old supply when he need her .when narcissist found a new supply the flying monkey will steps off, just for a spare one this happens at moment.
Just recently had a FM write me a letter to inform me that “we” were being kept from a relationship because “they” don’t want us to have one. The letter continued on by telling me of the other’s business that is also being kept from me...and the FM thought it was wrong. I normally wouldn’t have called the FM back, but I did. I asked him why and how he came to the conclusion that I was being kept in the dark, and why he felt he was the chosen messenger to enlighten me on others’ business. I told him that if he were to ever communicate with me again it would only ever be about he and I. I also accused him of twisting my words to others and weaponizing then against my mother, another targeted individual of his. So I simply informed him that I taped our conversation. He was definitely put off...offended. Good.
I refuse to expend my vital energy on foolishness w/any person, & I give less than 2 hoots who it is. It takes too much to come back from the mire & muck.... All the negativity from others affects my health all the way around, & when you think abt it, it's going 2b the same poo different day. I don't have the energy to waste. Trying to heal from abuse has taken time for me....I'm coming up on 9yrs w/o any love from anyone. It's kinda frightening cuz you have no idea who's coocoo for Cocoa Puffs & that's w/o the milk.... You don't know who's got mommie or daddy issues until it's too late. I'm the best friend I could ever have....
Buy a stuffed animal If your landlord won't let you have a pet. I know it sounds nuts, but it's actually like therapy for me. It may not be the answer. But it does help. My parents died when I was 30, I'm 64. No kids. No brother or sisters. My wife died a year ago today. Your right, it's hard to find someone normal to talk too . So far this cat is a good listener!!!!! Better than flying monkeys!!!
I learned, that if you stop speaking to the flying monkeys and the narcissist (that you stopped, talking to ) comes out of the woodwork it's a indicator that that person was feeding information back to the narcissist. It's insidious how dysfunctional people can truly be! If I have to be alone in this world, I will do so without anybody I will be my own best friend! I keep telling myself my future self will thank me for it!
I just got rid of a person I thought was a fellow scapegoat who I realized for years was a secret flying monkey for my hateful of me "family" of origin. Thanks for giving me the strength to caller block in addition to moving on
Both my brother and father refused a relationship with me after I cut out my narcissistic mother. She hit me in the face while I was holding my newborn son among many many other cases of abuse (mental and physical). Silent treatment galore since childhood and so on. It was heartbreaking that they never saw my pain and refused to see me for who I was. To them, I will always be that person with "the bad character" a role my mother put on my head since I was a child. They never saw how painful this relationship was for me and minimized it for every step of the way. It took a lot to recover from that. Thank you for this video.
13:00 " I only speak to the narcissist period I don't speak to their minions." Oh God I wish I had this line fivd years ago when an aunt did an insincere call. Will keep for future usage. Thanks, Jerry!
It’s a very helpful line, I’m glad you find it helpful. I would love for you to come back and comment your experience after you had an opportunity to apply it
Basically we have to gray rock the flying monkey by distracting them with the information they look for. Get them entangled in the "process" of the dialogue and distract them from the "content" that they want. In other words don't supply them with any ammunition to give back to the Narc.
The malignancy comparison hit me hard. So perfectly true. My FM stepmother is trying to manipulate me back in because of my narc father’s failing health and depression. ONE text from her and I’m up pacing and anxious and feeling like I’m right back in it with them. You’re doing so much good with these videos. Thank you so very much.
I've experienced the FMs recently via my involvement with a small TH-cam channel, "Drinks & Discussions", that's been bullied by other TH-cam channels......so this is helpful.....
I appreciate your debunking the flying monkeys. It was sad and interesting to see the attitude of law enforcement change when my attorney showed up with me. And later in court dealing directly with the Narcssist.🙏🌤️👍
That's why going No Contact - with the entire family - is often the only option. If you have a mother and/or father, that is a narcissist, it is almost guaranteed that their children are.
My mother is and my brother shows strong signs of being one also. Kids model behaviour and the trauma of dealing with the narcs creates that insanity in them.
@@BethanySpencer-mz7ej Yes, I deleted it. Agreed. I do have a strong mental health back ground as well as personal experience with a family of narcs. I apologize if it sounded bad. It was meant to indicate that children of narcs don't automatically become narcs. Some definitely do, sadly. I became stronger as it sounds you did and stood up for myself only to be hurt very badly! It continues to this day. I also have narcs within the family that took on the narc personality. They are highly skilled to "look good" but the abuse when all alone is beyond words! My children and I are being harmed too much for words. I'm bed bound with severe illness and it simply does not matter. I wish you well. These videos are very helpful. I was responding to MDaze comment that the no contact should be the whole family.
Yes Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my TH-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my TH-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Daughter has two teachers and friends (and their parents) and husband family as flying monkeys. She tells them she is abused....etc. which are lies. She is cold manipulative and always have been very disobedient. Two of her friends called her out on her shady self ways and she ghosted them. My narc daughter wants full control of my house. Her and her narc relatives try to portray me as crazy. For 4 straight years my daughter has treat me like her maid and slave. She left yesterday after I told her she is having consquences now for her abuse or leave my house. She chose to leave all while disrespecting me on the way out. I texted her and told her when she is ready to respect me and my house we can talk. She I ghosting me entirely. I expected her to. I feel relief now that I don't got to go through it.
I went no contact with step family. I tried to keep a relationship with my sister. My sister left me the most horrible text accusing me of a laundry list of crimes that came directly from narc step dad and our mom. She then left me a nasty voice message telling me to "not be mad" and that she "missed me." Her voice tone was condescending nasty and creepy. It sounded like word vomit. I text her back "you are the narcissist flying monkey." Nothing else said. I then blocked her. I didn't go to her son's wedding. I blocked the entire step family. I just can't so it anymore. I actually feel peace for the first time. Tired of walking on egg shells around The king of the Hill and his battle bots.
This is brilliant, thank you. It's the first time in decades that I find someone who gives warfare tips to protect oneself from narcissistic manipulation.
This rings very true. My N mother sued me and my children. We lost our home and we’re made homeless as a result. She used a dodgy lawyer to lie and make things up.
My family repeatedly tried to set me up for murder. They will flip out if they see a cop and feign an attack. Apparently, having your own thoughts and beliefs is now physical assault. Then to deny they do it, even though I recorded their behavior. This is all Photoshop and the police should stop my "lies" they say. Then they say this never happened but I deserved it to happen to me. And I'm the crazy one? Okay sure
M Daze yep that will do it for sure. Narcissistic also hate to be starved. When you engage and play their game you will slip up because this is just not your nature.
Great vid!!!! So how do we know how we can trust???? Even salt looks like sugar......learning alot of this has been such a blessing yet has also made me really close into my self.
Proceed with caution...they will out themselves and listen to your gut. Ever ask yourself "what just happened here" "why am I uncomfortable right now"....??
WOW... happen across this. I have dealt with this stuff for years. Thank You for the Wizzard of Oz theme. I normally play dumb or indifferent or unaware. I am a dry well to the Monkeys.
My brother is my Narcissist. He has enlisted flying Monkeys in a small town where we own property. My brother has enlisted these flying monkeys in this small town to go after me to keep me away from a property we BOTH OWN. I can't even get keys to my own property!!! EVIL.
When one flying monkey doesn't work, they send out another, sometimes digging into the archives for an old Flying Monkey to contact you haven't seen in a long time. Our Narc moved out of the neighborhood but continued to send her Flying Monkeys around our house. "Walking their dogs-repeatedly" "Eavesdropping at fence lines-using selfy sticks to take photos into yards and widows" "playing tandem spy games on our where abouts with other Flying Monkeys" "shadowing us in stores-badly" and "following us while driving-illegal GPS used" all....."caught on surveillance systems" the best tool against a Narc and their Flying Monkeys.
This is SO true! I'm in the middle of it. My four siblings against me. And the sweet ones, with which I always had a good relationship is now viscious against me. Because they don't want to loose the friendship with other ( narcistic) siblings. It is so sad but I do understand why and that helps. The problem is that our parents are the victom in this at the end.
WOW Jerry! This is HORRENDOUS stuff. Sad I was used so long as a pawn in this maniacal family. Was punked for many years because I worked to have a cohesiceness, healthy relatinship with my birth family. It is ALL so clear to me now. VERY SAD!!!
Hi Jerry when you said don't speak monkey I was laughing because I been dealing with an narcissist at work he's always trying to get under my skin & he's got the newbies trying to do the same. His little games go for awhile then I have enough then the boss gets involved. It stops for a little while & then I get ready for "what's he is up to next ?" Becuse usually its quite before the storm. So i go to work every day knowing he's up to something. all I can say is thers an bad bunch that's been coming to work& the narcissist knows almost every new hire! Birds of feather flock together!
Glad it was helpful! “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
My narcissistic sister left her children with her ex-husband. I take care of her kids a lot and I have done my best to break ties with my sister. My sister's ex-husband has never really let my sister go in his mind. My sister sends flying monkeys at me left an right while I care for her kids and I basically a broke single mom. My sister has done well for herself. It is so bad that I have had alienate myself from both sides of my family in effort to avoid any version of the flying monkeys my sister sends out. I have made mistakes in my life, but this particular scenario has caused more pain and grief than even any romantic interests I might have had in the past. I live a solitary life with my daughter, my sister's kids, and my dogs. I have to hide to not be attacked and it does not work all the time. I am going quit feeding the flying monkeys and use some of these techniques in this video. Thank you.
Hiya Jennie< I'm also in a very similar situation. I sincerely empathise with you. It is really difficult to overcome, with feelings of despair coupled with alienation and isolation. You're welcome to contact me if you wish. I've noticed there's very little to no support networks. But I can say I'm just about getting my head above the water so recovery and healing can be done! x
My mom was in charge of my SSI money and she turned her back on me they started with holding my own money so I file for a different payee. ONE BY ONE, my siblings from 3000 miles away played KICK The Scapegoat. It was at that very moment I reviewed.the videotape of my 45 years of life and realized I was always the scapegoat! Punished much harder than the rest for petty things. I am so glad to be virtually a continent away from those narcs (mom and older sister) and their flying monkeys. Last but not least, thank you for this video and your analysis on their possible motives. It's RIGHT on the money to me!
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This is spot on. I am currently going through this right now. I have been pulling away from my malignantly narc sister and she is pissed. So just today, out of the blue, she says her adult daughter wants to see my mom (who lives with me) and is trying to pressure my mom into a meeting with the adult daughter. I don't even think the adult daughter knows what is going on but is being used as a pawn by my sister to try to regain control of me and the family situation and to get info. Nope. Ain't gonna happen. Thanks for another great video, Jerry!
thank you for this presentation. it is informative, relevant and confirming me in how I am dealing with a sister with whom I have severed contact. Her family members have rallied to her support by enquiring of me about the possibility of reconciliation and offers of help in 'patching things up'. uh!. There's a long history of emotional abuse to which I have awoken and finally called a halt with resultant relief and a sense of freedom. The flying monkeys are doing their thing and it seems that my batting them away has had the desired result, i.e. not engaging in the issues with them and keeping boundaries, as in the issue belongs between me and my sister and that is where it will remain and where any resolution will take place, if at all. In all probability I have now become 'persona non-grata' which is fine with me. I don't feel like I have been left out in the cold, quite the contrary; I feel like I can get on with my life untrammeled. Life offers expansion. I have done my grieving at the losses involved, all helped by the emergence of the realisation that the family members could not relate to me independently of their relationship with their mother/spouse (my sister). I am accepting the reality and enjoying the freedom to be who I am without apology. This is to be highly recommended.
Thank you for this. You've given me things to think about. And, you already explained about blocking information from the flying monkeys. Something I've already thought of.
I have 4 adopted children who are siblings. Many problems but this is a big one. I am recently in recovery. I've been enabling, codependent ect. The guilt in cutting them off and ending promises made is hard. They work as a team. My grandchildren are involved; very young;. They are just a tool used against me. I'm attacked constantly verbally. Me n my husband are in the process of disentangling our selves. It's so very difficult n sad. I was so excited to find Your videos. They help keep me focused. I just got the book by JH Simmons.
You're very knowledgeable sir! I have learn so much about this through living it. My mom is one, every woman my brothers attract are one and it seems my sister is one (who was the golden child). My siblings have played flying monkeys as well as their kids. My mom have them all under control as she had me. I'm scapegoat and with NC this year. It's funny how no one ever calls to see what happen or where I am. I'm assuming they don't care and are going by what she is saying. Especially since I didn't go to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. But again, I know it's part of the dysfunctional family system. But I do desire to be a psychotherapist. I want to heal people of this dysfunctional system.
When a person is in an environment that is so dysfunctional that the only friends they seem to have are flying monkeys... when that person was raised in a dysfunctional environment to the point that they are attracted to, and attracting to abusers... so much healing work has to be done so much self trust has to be learned. ❤
My narc dont just manipulate a situation ..he pays ppl with kindness ...once he pays he is aware he has bought their soul his aware he owns them and they will do anything to keep the cash flow ..hope he dies soon 😁... It will b world peace!4 everyone in the family.
Thank you, for this video. I have perhaps 12 flying monkeys. I know, some of them, but not all. I had a young man, I didn't know, come in via chat, asking me about stalking. I told him, I explained it well, in my post, but there is plenty of information about it on You Tube. Then I looked him up & found he has serious charges against him. Reported & blocked. Then, I had a young man, again, I didn't know, telling me "I can't leave my family." I said a few words & blocked him. Linkedin has become an unsafe nightmare, so I'm taking off all my post & videos. Nothing, left behind & then leaving Linkedin. Already left FB years ago. Good idea to lock all doors & windows & barricade the doors. Keep all plans secret & do not be a name dropper. That could drag that person into the narcissist web.
There was a prof. at a major university who used two coworkers and students at the university to group stalk me- a disabled student. They committed multiple burglaries (I caught them on webcam), threatened me verbally (I tape recorded all lectures and meetings), and finally, shot at me Bullets struck my vehicle. (I have police reports of that.) Now I am suing the school and those persons. They can be dangerous. I nearly died.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
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Whether they're innocent or not do not trust any of them. They will quickly sacrifice you to save themselves
Very true. That’s why it’s best to not fail ourselves. Time to pick it up and stay up.
100%
It's so strange that good people need to get so much training in this stuf :( If only we had this knowledge years ago
So true. I wish I was trained. I didn't see it coming.
Knowing now is better than not knowing at all .....We now have a Fighting chance to get threw the hurt, and to enlighten others. Thank God for having and showing Us MERCY!
Sad but true...
@@lovelight3478 ❤
i so agree mine and my kids life's would have been so much happier
I'm beyond disgusted that I used to be a flying monkey. And I was totally unaware of it during those times. All I wanted to do was to restore and maintain the peace.
@@sherryburton7644 move, file a restraining order anything that separates those people from you. You have a right to peace and to live a life without harrassment
Good on you for being so honest! How were you manipulated into being a flying monkey? I’ve always wondered what tactics narcs use to get people on their side
@@eugeniebryan538 Most are borderline Narcs/Bullies, themselves. Dont buy into their B.S.
Tell the victim you see now and you are sorry. It would mean a lot to them
@@couragefox I agree. Victims of the narcissist have been invalidated their entire lives, apologizing and laying it out there offers tremendous validation. Be well.
OMG never heard of this but it's so true!!!! As the "scapegoat" the flying family monkeys made me question my own sanity and that my feelings and boundaries were never okay.
IndigoK2 The only people thinking your boundaries aren’t ok are the ones who abuse your boundaries. Healthy people have boundaries and are ok if others do too.
It is okay to go no contact with family for your sanity
Same!! I hope y’all are doing well
My case is still worse. My mother just died (being malignant up to the end) but worried to feed her flying monkeys (my brothers) up to the very end. They gave me the silent, humiliating treatment at my mother's deathbed, and continued to ignore and despise me from then on. It's really painful to see how my narcissist parents bred such a horrible, hypocrite family and that I am part of it.
the world seems so lonely and dark
My elderly ex dad is a sociopathic, malignant narcissist. My siblings are all his flying monkeys. I have always been a scapegoat for close to 60 years. He tried to recruit my late mom as another one. In her own way, she fought it. Unfortunately she internalized all the abuse and it caused her to have so many illnesses that it killed her. The narc ex dad used her illnesses as a way to get people to feel sorry for him... and I am the one who ended up taking care of her. My mom and I had some discussions before she died and now I'm starting to really understand just how sick they all are. They're all about greed and that inheritance. I went my own way no contact. I have witnessed and have been a target of mental, verbal and sexual abuse. I am doing what my mom could not do for herself. And, my children see it. It's amazing the good things that have been happening to me since I have gone no contact. I've been through traditional therapy and hypnotherapy with narcissist specialists. Becoming stronger every day.
Good for you!
Rav I relate to your life. I am 51 and it is the same with my family as well as my husband's family. We were married 10 years before he started counseling and realized he was a flying monkey. It is a difficult life. So happy you are on the road to recovery. I am too. Rem I you feel alone but you are not. There thousands of us out there. God Bless you!
Same here, that's my story exactly! We are remarkable for our survival and our ability to thrive!!
Marie Ditto, I’m 63.
3 years no contact.
And I’ve had many good things come into my life since then too.
I went my own way too no contact with my dad.. What triggers me is everybody sayin to me that God will punish me for not talking to him, that he is my father I should respect him no matter what.. I don't want to disrespect God but don't want to suffer either...
It's so exhausting having a child with a narcissist before learning about them. Saving the child(s) life is a full time job in itself. God help us.
Alpha Ghost I'm going through this myself
BJ Thoj
Praying is not enough.
Alpha Ghost, I'm going through the same thing with my adult son. My family is full of narcs & my ex was one as well. My heart has been breaking since my ex started the court battle for custody (just like he described in this video,) then took my son out of state to break our bond. My family would often see my son behind my back. It all hurts, but my son has just started college, & I'm hoping very much to rebuild our bond. Best of luck to any parent who has this burden to bear!!!
Alpha Ghost yes it is!!!!
It's even harder to be the sane parent when you've been having to combat a narc parent for 14 to 16 years before finally catching on to narcissistic traits in a father.
My narc husband had been trying for years to build an army of flying monkeys in order to combat my resistance to his personality.
It just gets worse when you're still with them in the name of having nowhere to go plus be fighting to break the cycle for kids so they don't carry on the trait of narcissism beyond becoming adults.
I have 2 boys 8 years apart and I thank God my oldest has been successfully kept from growing up narcissistic, my youngest though is fighting to follow in the narcissistic footsteps of my husband.
It's going to take 7 more years of total resistance to finally break him.
Husband has added mysoginy to his narcissistic reputation and for knowing I will NEVER tolerate much less bow down to it!!!!
This stuff terrifies me. It’s so hard to know who and how to trust.
Don't trust no one.
95% of human beings are not to be trusted, human beings are selfish and treacherous by nature. The world is a jungle full of predators
@@violetavalery 🤔 sounds about right
@@violetavalery ....real talk Vi....
Just use the communikation - tactics described in this video. it will confuse the narcissist and/or the flying monkey .When they are a flying monkey8or a narcissist themselves) they will not answer the questions you have. ...I long agon , used that kind of communication tactic to answer a phoe call of my ex-narc... the phone was ringing - it was him .he asked how is it going ? i answered :how is it going ?- he was absolutely confused i asked him the same question instead of answering his question .....i knew he wanted to know hwo i was doing to look if the dust has settled ....and if i am open ....so -obviously i was not ...I was just giving him more for him confusing answers and in the end the phonecall was then over he didnt meet wih me ---there was a huge pause before he called again .....several months .or so.that last phone call was then like i constantly asekd him about his behavior ,his character 'his things' that i dont have to accept they way.etc .now he was really then saying not too much .i think he gave up becaue i told him i have watched a lot ov narc-videos , and i know now everything .about it.about him and his behavior. it was really like game over for him or useless for him trying to get me back .-He really had a chance to say something different on the phone ,this time at last . but he didne he was just the same guy i knew.----------I must admit it was easy to get rid of him because he didne have a foot in my life .it has gone already tooooo long with all the hoovering back before ,countless times in the years before .....so there i was lucky in that particular case it was easy -i only had to stay out ....i used to have more problems with other people also in the past and maybe still today , because they may tell you how mad they are now ,when they dont get their way. thats were it is a little bit difficult because basically you cannot change them you can not teach them you can go into another room ,you can slam the door for a change you slam teh door ...surprises them .you then eventually have to live with the bad mood around ,maybe you can please them here and there ,make them smile when you say something about them ,so its all about them again and they feel validated seen and aknoledged - they may even smile a little bit but stil the game is over once you have looked behind the veil . the game is over- and they dont like it. something they have lost
Sister/her husband (narcs) had their neighbors come over to my house at Christmas to say "we know you are alone over here and don't have any friends, we are so concerned about you. Receive a Christmas card from them saying "we hope you'll join us for Christmas dinner, Joe and I are praying for you this holiday season while you are by yourself w/out a support system". The couple is 70 and 66 y.o., met them a few times for less than 5 minutes. Astounding, I knew then that these two are as sick or sicker than my sister and her husband.
yes thanks for recognizing how siblings can be used for flying monkeys
My ex was a narc. Trash talked me to his family. I had no idea. 28 years! Now it’s my child who treats me this way. I’m just a commodity to this child. Breaks my heart.
Hang in there! I will be praying for you! My youngest adult son with my ex who is a narc. came to visit me angry telling us had a heart to heart with his dad and my ex told him lies about me and I fell apart crying and telling my son those were lies...but he was told so much that he wasn't listening to me and it broke my heart that my sweet son i thought knew me so well had been sucked into believing lies that my ex probably knew would do enough damage to not even see me anymore. My hope is our bond his whole life has been so strong that I'm praying he will figure to out. It broke my heart so much all's I've been able to do is cry and been depressed. Over 17 years ago my ex did this with his best friend who wouldn't speak to me for 12 years...so this scared me that my ex would tell our son so many lies. It's heartbreaking!
Little Fawn Loves, I'm going through the same thing with my adult son. My family is full of narcs & my ex was one as well. My heart has been breaking since my ex started the court battle for custody (just like he described in this video,) then took my son out of state to break our bond. My family would often see my son behind my back. It all hurts, but my son has just started college, & I'm hoping very much to rebuild our bond. Best of luck to any parent who has this burden to bear!!!
. I'm in same boat. Hang in there!❤
I can so relate to this. My ex narc trash talked me to everybody and had smear campaigns going all the time. This included our oldest son whom I haven’t heard from in years now and know that his mind has been filled with lies for a long time. I recently even found out that he had gotten married and of course I wasn’t even thought of or invited. What’s so sad is that I’m almost 100% certain he married a narc. This has weighed on my heart for so long. I pray all the time.
Its so hard! But the rest of this new beautiful life is yours! Not easy, but totally worth it!
I got rid of a friend who was narcisisit and was trying to destroy my life.Only after listening to his lectures.I understood it.and now i m free.Thanks to him
Shanaz Shah great to hear from you, Shanaz!. I'm here because of a former BFF too.
Lol. Me too. A whole slough of them and most the relatives. They're sick, toxic, and stink like shit.
Yep , like many of the other commenters I had my own malignant narcissist in my life ( father ) . Once I broke ties in my 30s he unleashed his monkeys and even now at 50 I've lost contact with 90% of my family - thanks dad . My mother was also narcissistic but passing decades ago did me a favour as they both had their own monkeys to throw in my direction . Aren't families just a joy ? .
A family is a support system, but not if it's ruled by a narc. Narcs are just biologically related to you, and only "family" on paper. If you're an offspring of one of these unfortunate exceptions, you don't have a family, and you don't have human rights. Until you grow up, figure them out, and remove yourself from the toxic pot of these pathetic characters.
It's ok , once you put distance physically and psychologically between you and them you get to live your own life and re learn about what relationships should be. The worlds a beautiful place and most people are fine - you become much stronger than you would otherwise and appreciate what's important . Fuck the narcissists , deep down we're so much better and stronger than they are and secretly they're scared by this .
Not so much... LOL!
@@andynixon2820 ageed!
@@narcbegone1507 Long live survivors of narcassist parents. The best revenge is to live a happy life....skip, skip....
It's definitely an abstract control mechanism. I advise completely changing social circles, if keeping any at all. Choose your friendships carefully. Too bad, but that's the only way to survive and thrive. Just get away from them all.
I agree totally. This can be hard when living in a small country where there are fewer circles. Still I have in some manner managed to cutting myself off. It is painful for many years but the relief is worth the price.
I saw the rise of Narcissism appear after the movie came out Wall Street "Greed is Good" slogan. The 1980's "Me Generation" of decadence and over spending. The Narc we dealt with looks like she is in a 1980's Time Warp too. Designer clothes, Mercedes car, prances around like she "Club Med" and she's pushing 60.
I'm so glad that you mention "IF keeping any at all." That's the fork of the road I'm at. People who were formally supportive close friends have found too many signs of being potential flying monkeys for my evil family of origin siblings. Bold advice there! Yet without taking this extreme measure, I found myself stuck in a repeat pattern of suspicion and I'm so glad that I'm not there anymore. It's the toughest thing I've had to do in a while, so I'm SO glad to read you advising to do what I felt my gut that I finally had to do once and for all
Thank you for mentioning that it's not just narcissists who do this
Right!!
Patriarchy cult Is the beast system sorry to burst ya bubble but....I’m not the wrong one here lol
@@batwom4304Go back to your GLOBALIST Rockefeller brainwashing Gender "Studies" courses, you idiot!
I'm so tired of this, my latest covert narc has convinced my boss I'm a bully and sicko, he thinks she's a quiet vulnerable sweetheart yet behind closed doors she was a sick devil. At 41 years of age I can't remember a time when I wasn't either tormented by a narc or undermined by a flying monkey, its nearly driven me to suicide
Oh geez... I hope you are doing better now. I just transferred to a different office location to get away from this covert narc. I was one of her flying monkeys....then it was my turn. I dumped her and transferred. I blocked all of the flying monkeys...deleted their phone numbers. They WILL see...so much happier now. I hope you ate doing better. I see your comment is from 2 years ago
What people forget is that most flying monkeys are flakes, and most people filter out what flakes say to them. You have to give credit to people for having a little "bullshit" detecting ability. In this day and age, with so much info flying at you, very few people believe what other people say as "gospel truth". It only works on the flakes, so that means you don't have to give a shit. Ignore it. It actually helps you ultimately: you weed out all the flakes in your life.
💯
John Spence I am glad you posted this comment. I am constantly explaining to my clients in therapy that just because someone else says something about you or another person, doesn't mean it is actually true. I teach my clients that if other people are talking negatively about other people or about you-then this say's a lot about that person and their values and character and not about you. Well done for posting this comment
@@samanthadoyle6528 Thanks. It helps if it starts with us. Avoid talking smack about other people. If you can't say it to their face, dont ever say it.
@Monzo Lena yes but again you dont want those people in your lives. All of this helps weed out useless people. Fair weather friends are more common than people know. You will know your friends when shit hits the fan. Get rid of the rest, they are users anyway.
Honestly,it can get so hard to lose sight of this but you’re so right,unless you’re in it or experienced it no one has any idea how important your mindset is,because it’s so easy for these people to infiltrate your life and make you feel like it’s the WHOLE world,it’s not,and thinking this way is so f*cking important,anyone who will even sit and listen for a second about absurd bs and manipulation should have no place in your life..blessing and curse,you get to see who is about you and people you shouldn’t give a second!
Abuse by proxy should be illegal!
You just described my family to the T. Shocking how spot on you are.
This video was so helpful. Thank you very much.
I will try to remember to avoid justifying myself to the flying monkeys.
It’s difficult to do so when you’re honest and have nothing to hide.
Exactly that..
It is important to stay vigilant and invest your time and effort into your very own life. It is truth that separation, healthy boundaries leads to a fuller life, a complete you. Boy it is not easy and requires considerable thought and care. The only healthy people, relationship wise in your life may be on the edges. Bring them in. Don’t keep everyone at arms length for safety. I know a couple of older women that are real gems. I should get closer!!!
Had to cut out all the flying monkeys
When I was 15, my parents were getting divorced and a horrible therapist suggested I use pot. My dad then started by letting me party to get me under his control and then many of my older friends moved in and I was so blind for so long. Thank you for this video.
I've lived this! All the pieces are starting to come together. Understanding "flying monkeys" and their role of reconnaissance and information for the Narc Abuser was the last piece of a BIG puzzle I've been trying to put together. Thank you for this video!
Trouble is lots of narcissists will claim they are victims of the narcissist. How do you sort them out?
Simple. True victim of narcissist still has compassion to others. Narcissistic people can never be compassionate to others. The only person deserves compassion is himself or herself... with narcissist you feel that your compassion is never enough and it is going like into black hole to never return...
@@elainejacobi6581 This is fantastic. Thankyou.
The line I like to use, and I've taught my children, is "that doesn't work on me!" when faced with manipulative people.
For me, starting meditation and giving up drinking alcohol were two very effective tools in stopping my info going to the monkeys. - And in having healthy thoughts and boundaries. I am a very open and blunt speaker, normally, or in the olden days. Now I try to talk like a sweet old grandma from 1920. I only say positive things to the monkeys and to the Narc.
Dump them. Not worth your time.
While growing up, the maternal toxic relatives and frenemies coached us in triangulation and flying monkeys. I thought it was normal. Finally had enough of being the scapegoat and abused. Those high-level abusers never change.
I'm sorry you went through this, Im glad my videos was helpful you! Thank you for your support!
my dad was afraid his selfish relatives wouldn't not love us he was a doormat
@@jerrywise Low level lazy bums are 100% cowards. HR needs to be fired with no disciplinary measures. Toxic workplace never let bums ever win, they will always get exposed. If you are full of rage, you need to be locked up. 16 years still going for me. Today 95% at work are only the negative people then all the devils wake up. They want the money but refuse to work and today all the ones in power are pussies, even the police. Being a top worker for 40 years no one will touch me. They never win and always get themselves exposed or one day Karma will always get them. Never transfer or change departments or ever quit then they won. They will in the future transfer themselves after 95% know they have been exposed. They are cowards, gang stalking me and I've got nothing to hide. Hate = jealousy. Two years ago I stopped the security guard and told my manager and security manager and if they don't stop I will call the police for harassment. I transport patients and do anything to destroy me. One day I will have the police knocking on their door. Then they will stop.
Got a card in the mail from my 2nd cousin who is my narcissistic moms age and her close friend. Her opening line was "I am so ashamed of you!!!" Then she went on to blame me for ripping up the family (hardly a family but ok). She mentioned my "poor son" and how could i rip him away from his grandparents. I wasnt raised this way, blah blah blah. Her last line "i dont like you but I still love you all." It shocked me. I wasn't expecting my mom's minions to get so cut throat so quickly. She even had to look up our new address because we didnt even tell anyone we had moved. I thought she had a lot of nerve to send me something to my new address. Obviously I didnt want her to know it.
Everyone is susceptible to narcissism on many levels. Thank you for the clear breakdown of the relationship dynamics between the types.
4:20 "The conflict-avoidant type of FLYING MONKEYS." These ones are dogshit on a shoe. There's no reason for them to be a flying monkey that way, and I don't justify it for them, even trying to see them in the best light afterwards.. I'm just part of another long list of people who left them behind in their lives too (they can scream what a "WINNER" they are from the mountaintops, for all I care.)
*"Wow Aunt Mabel, I find it very interesting that you haven't contacted me in so long. What is it about today that prompted you to do so? What is it about you that makes you think it's your place to ask a lot of personal questions about people's feelings about 3rd parties? Is that a regular practice of yours; asking prying questions about peoples lives?
How long have you been feeling this sense of entitlement, Auntie? Have you found that people become offended & accuse you of data-mining for gossip? Auntie. Auntie? You look stunned & wobbly. Here. Drink this glass of water and I'll see you out."*
ZOLTAR
Perfect!
Refuse to engage with those refusing to only mind their own business
The wise way is less emotionally charged, exactly as Jerry put it, detached, not reactionary or accusative, objective and respectful of boundaries and role models healthiness.
Part
LOVE IT!!!
Saving this for the future.
Thank You.
ZOLTAR lol, love it!
I have been working professionally as an LPC in TX and work with Les Carter personally, but you just explained exactly how my family system to an exact T!
How deplorable this predictable covert form of manipulation is. It’s life shattering and thanks to you for this video.
Although between all of the professional help I have, I couldn’t pin point how to explain what I’ve been loving with, thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Amazing content. I wish I had this 20 years ago when I was self isolating from my narcissistic alcoholic parents
Thank you. I think the relatives are either naive or complicit as you say to keep the peace or wait for the inheritance (or both) but you explain this in depth. Also, your shining the light on this topic can help to prevent flying monkies due to more awareness if they are naive.
The flying monkeys are the "yes" people. In our case the flying monkeys are narcissists themselves, in it for their own motives. Bravo, good analogy!
Flying monkeys are listed to a narcissist, they can be ex or users. At my area flying monkeys are help narcissist to looking for supply and company .Wh en a narcissist break up with old supply when he need her .when narcissist found a new supply the flying monkey will steps off, just for a spare one this happens at moment.
Just recently had a FM write me a letter to inform me that “we” were being kept from a relationship because “they” don’t want us to have one. The letter continued on by telling me of the other’s business that is also being kept from me...and the FM thought it was wrong. I normally wouldn’t have called the FM back, but I did. I asked him why and how he came to the conclusion that I was being kept in the dark, and why he felt he was the chosen messenger to enlighten me on others’ business. I told him that if he were to ever communicate with me again it would only ever be about he and I. I also accused him of twisting my words to others and weaponizing then against my mother, another targeted individual of his. So I simply informed him that I taped our conversation. He was definitely put off...offended. Good.
I refuse to expend my vital energy on foolishness w/any person, & I give less than 2 hoots who it is. It takes too much to come back from the mire & muck.... All the negativity from others affects my health all the way around, & when you think abt it, it's going 2b the same poo different day. I don't have the energy to waste. Trying to heal from abuse has taken time for me....I'm coming up on 9yrs
w/o any love from anyone. It's kinda frightening cuz you have no idea who's coocoo for Cocoa Puffs & that's w/o the milk.... You don't know who's got mommie or daddy issues until it's too late. I'm the best friend I could ever have....
Buy a stuffed animal
If your landlord won't let you have a pet. I know it sounds nuts, but it's actually like therapy for me. It may not be the answer. But it does help. My parents died when I was 30, I'm 64. No kids. No brother or sisters. My wife died a year ago today. Your right, it's hard to find someone normal to talk too . So far this cat is a good listener!!!!! Better than flying monkeys!!!
Amen
My therapist shared my information with my employer.
I learned, that if you stop speaking to the flying monkeys and the narcissist (that you stopped, talking to ) comes out of the woodwork it's a indicator that that person was feeding information back to the narcissist. It's insidious how dysfunctional people can truly be! If I have to be alone in this world, I will do so without anybody I will be my own best friend! I keep telling myself my future self will thank me for it!
I just got rid of a person I thought was a fellow scapegoat who I realized for years was a secret flying monkey for my hateful of me "family" of origin. Thanks for giving me the strength to caller block in addition to moving on
Narcissists are a joke - skill set restricted to rumor peddling and abuse !
Both my brother and father refused a relationship with me after I cut out my narcissistic mother. She hit me in the face while I was holding my newborn son among many many other cases of abuse (mental and physical). Silent treatment galore since childhood and so on. It was heartbreaking that they never saw my pain and refused to see me for who I was. To them, I will always be that person with "the bad character" a role my mother put on my head since I was a child. They never saw how painful this relationship was for me and minimized it for every step of the way. It took a lot to recover from that. Thank you for this video.
Sure she did. They ALWAYS know how much they are hurting you. That's the point. They WANT to hurt you
13:00 " I only speak to the narcissist period I don't speak to their minions." Oh God I wish I had this line fivd years ago when an aunt did an insincere call. Will keep for future usage. Thanks, Jerry!
It’s a very helpful line, I’m glad you find it helpful. I would love for you to come back and comment your experience after you had an opportunity to apply it
Basically we have to gray rock the flying monkey by distracting them with the information they look for. Get them entangled in the "process" of the dialogue and distract them from the "content" that they want. In other words don't supply them with any ammunition to give back to the Narc.
Happy to have found you! This video totally relates to my situation. I hope to see more!
The malignancy comparison hit me hard.
So perfectly true.
My FM stepmother is trying to manipulate me back in because of my narc father’s failing health and depression. ONE text from her and I’m up pacing and anxious and feeling like I’m right back in it with them.
You’re doing so much good with these videos. Thank you so very much.
So they are bullies.
andy pete yes and that’s another word for coward
100%
Where have you been all my life?! This is exactly what I need.
I've experienced the FMs recently via my involvement with a small TH-cam channel, "Drinks & Discussions", that's been bullied by other TH-cam channels......so this is helpful.....
I appreciate your debunking the flying monkeys. It was sad and interesting to see the attitude of law enforcement change when my attorney showed up with me. And later in court dealing directly with the Narcssist.🙏🌤️👍
That's why going No Contact - with the entire family - is often the only option. If you have a mother and/or father, that is a narcissist, it is almost guaranteed that their children are.
💯
@@BethanySpencer-mz7ej Agreed!
My mother is and my brother shows strong signs of being one also. Kids model behaviour and the trauma of dealing with the narcs creates that insanity in them.
@@BethanySpencer-mz7ej Yes, I deleted it. Agreed. I do have a strong mental health back ground as well as personal experience with a family of narcs. I apologize if it sounded bad. It was meant to indicate that children of narcs don't automatically become narcs. Some definitely do, sadly. I became stronger as it sounds you did and stood up for myself only to be hurt very badly! It continues to this day. I also have narcs within the family that took on the narc personality. They are highly skilled to "look good" but the abuse when all alone is beyond words! My children and I are being harmed too much for words. I'm bed bound with severe illness and it simply does not matter.
I wish you well. These videos are very helpful. I was responding to MDaze comment that the no contact should be the whole family.
@@BethanySpencer-mz7ej My response agreed with yours that M Daze comment was "unfair".
I know that flying monkeys are mostly narcissists themselves ( dangerous). Steer well and maintain no contact. great video
Yes
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You the MAN!
Daughter has two teachers and friends (and their parents) and husband family as flying monkeys. She tells them she is abused....etc. which are lies. She is cold manipulative and always have been very disobedient. Two of her friends called her out on her shady self ways and she ghosted them. My narc daughter wants full control of my house. Her and her narc relatives try to portray me as crazy.
For 4 straight years my daughter has treat me like her maid and slave. She left yesterday after I told her she is having consquences now for her abuse or leave my house. She chose to leave all while disrespecting me on the way out. I texted her and told her when she is ready to respect me and my house we can talk. She I ghosting me entirely. I expected her to.
I feel relief now that I don't got to go through it.
omg it just occurred to me my grandmother is a wolf in sheep’s clothing
I went no contact with step family. I tried to keep a relationship with my sister. My sister left me the most horrible text accusing me of a laundry list of crimes that came directly from narc step dad and our mom. She then left me a nasty voice message telling me to "not be mad" and that she "missed me." Her voice tone was condescending nasty and creepy. It sounded like word vomit.
I text her back "you are the narcissist flying monkey." Nothing else said. I then blocked her. I didn't go to her son's wedding. I blocked the entire step family. I just can't so it anymore. I actually feel peace for the first time. Tired of walking on egg shells around The king of the Hill and his battle bots.
This is brilliant, thank you. It's the first time in decades that I find someone who gives warfare tips to protect oneself from narcissistic manipulation.
Thank you for this. I have watch a lot of videos and yours is insightful and "wise". Thank you again.
Great real life examples! Thank you!
This rings very true. My N mother sued me and my children. We lost our home and we’re made homeless as a result. She used a dodgy lawyer to lie and make things up.
Wow, thats bad. Mine cut me out of her Will.
My family repeatedly tried to set me up for murder. They will flip out if they see a cop and feign an attack. Apparently, having your own thoughts and beliefs is now physical assault. Then to deny they do it, even though I recorded their behavior. This is all Photoshop and the police should stop my "lies" they say. Then they say this never happened but I deserved it to happen to me. And I'm the crazy one? Okay sure
Thats absolutely terrible, hope you have a house now.
I'm so sorry you went through this, God bless you and your family....
@@barbj9785 same here
What an excellent video. Thank you for your time.
I changed my phone number and did not give it to Aunt Mabel. Problem solved. LOL
M Daze yep that will do it for sure. Narcissistic also hate to be starved. When you engage and play their game you will slip up because this is just not your nature.
M Daze She must not have been my kind of narcissist otherwise she would have gotten it from my brother!!
I did this and my bro gave it to her ! Ugh
@@calmdowngurl block aunt Mabels and your brothers number. You don't need either of them.
Great vid!!!! So how do we know how we can trust???? Even salt looks like sugar......learning alot of this has been such a blessing yet has also made me really close into my self.
Proceed with caution...they will out themselves and listen to your gut. Ever ask yourself "what just happened here" "why am I uncomfortable right now"....??
WOW... happen across this. I have dealt with this stuff for years. Thank You for the Wizzard of Oz theme. I normally play dumb or indifferent or unaware. I am a dry well to the Monkeys.
My brother is my Narcissist. He has enlisted flying Monkeys in a small town where we own property. My brother has enlisted these flying monkeys in this small town to go after me to keep me away from a property we BOTH OWN. I can't even get keys to my own property!!! EVIL.
When one flying monkey doesn't work, they send out another, sometimes digging into the archives for an old Flying Monkey to contact you haven't seen in a long time. Our Narc moved out of the neighborhood but continued to send her Flying Monkeys around our house. "Walking their dogs-repeatedly" "Eavesdropping at fence lines-using selfy sticks to take photos into yards and widows" "playing tandem spy games on our where abouts with other Flying Monkeys" "shadowing us in stores-badly" and "following us while driving-illegal GPS used" all....."caught on surveillance systems" the best tool against a Narc and their Flying Monkeys.
“I only discuss this issue with my psychologist.”.
This is SO true! I'm in the middle of it. My four siblings against me. And the sweet ones, with which I always had a good relationship is now viscious against me. Because they don't want to loose the friendship with other ( narcistic) siblings. It is so sad but I do understand why and that helps. The problem is that our parents are the victom in this at the end.
WOW Jerry! This is HORRENDOUS stuff. Sad I was used so long as a pawn in this maniacal family. Was punked for many years because I worked to have a cohesiceness, healthy relatinship with my birth family. It is ALL so clear to me now. VERY SAD!!!
Hi Jerry when you said don't speak monkey I was laughing because I been dealing with an narcissist at work he's always trying to get under my skin & he's got the newbies trying to do the same. His little games go for awhile then I have enough then the boss gets involved. It stops for a little while & then I get ready for "what's he is up to next ?" Becuse usually its quite before the storm. So i go to work every day knowing he's up to something. all I can say is thers an bad bunch that's been coming to work& the narcissist knows almost every new hire! Birds of feather flock together!
So clearly explained. Thank you so very much!
Glad it was helpful!
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The Illusions of the Narcissist
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Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
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My narcissistic sister left her children with her ex-husband. I take care of her kids a lot and I have done my best to break ties with my sister. My sister's ex-husband has never really let my sister go in his mind. My sister sends flying monkeys at me left an right while I care for her kids and I basically a broke single mom. My sister has done well for herself. It is so bad that I have had alienate myself from both sides of my family in effort to avoid any version of the flying monkeys my sister sends out. I have made mistakes in my life, but this particular scenario has caused more pain and grief than even any romantic interests I might have had in the past. I live a solitary life with my daughter, my sister's kids, and my dogs. I have to hide to not be attacked and it does not work all the time. I am going quit feeding the flying monkeys and use some of these techniques in this video. Thank you.
Hiya Jennie< I'm also in a very similar situation. I sincerely empathise with you. It is really difficult to overcome, with feelings of despair coupled with alienation and isolation. You're welcome to contact me if you wish. I've noticed there's very little to no support networks. But I can say I'm just about getting my head above the water so recovery and healing can be done! x
If you are doing something wrong to someone wrong and think that you are not doing me a favor trust that.
I only speak to wicked witches, and I don’t speak flying monkey. Reverse it right back on them. Thank u sir u are doing the lords work.
This has been most helpful. Thank you. I understood about the flying monkeys, but could not figure out what to say, or how to react. Now I know.
You're very welcome!
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My mom was in charge of my SSI money and she turned her back on me they started with holding my own money so I file for a different payee. ONE BY ONE, my siblings from 3000 miles away played KICK The Scapegoat. It was at that very moment I reviewed.the videotape of my 45 years of life and realized I was always the scapegoat! Punished much harder than the rest for petty things. I am so glad to be virtually a continent away from those narcs (mom and older sister) and their flying monkeys.
Last but not least, thank you for this video and your analysis on their possible motives. It's RIGHT on the money to me!
Brilliant and very eloquently presented information. I absolutely loved this video.😍
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@@jerrywise i attempted to join for the membership. I was having some issues.
This is spot on. I am currently going through this right now. I have been pulling away from my malignantly narc sister and she is pissed. So just today, out of the blue, she says her adult daughter wants to see my mom (who lives with me) and is trying to pressure my mom into a meeting with the adult daughter. I don't even think the adult daughter knows what is going on but is being used as a pawn by my sister to try to regain control of me and the family situation and to get info. Nope. Ain't gonna happen. Thanks for another great video, Jerry!
So so so TRUE flying monkeys and gangstalkers all over the EARTH....
This is so awesome! I'm imagining having the guts to say some of these things!
These are great tips. The example conversations really helped to fully grasp the concepts you shared. Thank you so much for this video.
Wow, great specific examples of how to deal with, and what to say in,, actual situations.
thank you for this presentation. it is informative, relevant and confirming me in how I am dealing with a sister with whom I have severed contact. Her family members have rallied to her support by enquiring of me about the possibility of reconciliation and offers of help in 'patching things up'. uh!. There's a long history of emotional abuse to which I have awoken and finally called a halt with resultant relief and a sense of freedom. The flying monkeys are doing their thing and it seems that my batting them away has had the desired result, i.e. not engaging in the issues with them and keeping boundaries, as in the issue belongs between me and my sister and that is where it will remain and where any resolution will take place, if at all. In all probability I have now become 'persona non-grata' which is fine with me. I don't feel like I have been left out in the cold, quite the contrary; I feel like I can get on with my life untrammeled. Life offers expansion. I have done my grieving at the losses involved, all helped by the emergence of the realisation that the family members could not relate to me independently of their relationship with their mother/spouse (my sister). I am accepting the reality and enjoying the freedom to be who I am without apology. This is to be highly recommended.
Thank you for the reassurance. I can relate so much to what you are saying.
Thank you for this. You've given me things to think about. And, you already explained about blocking information from the flying monkeys. Something I've already thought of.
I'm documenting everything!
You deserve a lot more views and subscribers.. I watch a lot of episodes and i am subscribed. Thank you.
I have 4 adopted children who are siblings. Many problems but this is a big one. I am recently in recovery. I've been enabling, codependent ect. The guilt in cutting them off and ending promises made is hard. They work as a team. My grandchildren are involved; very young;. They are just a tool used against me. I'm attacked constantly verbally. Me n my husband are in the process of disentangling our selves. It's so very difficult n sad. I was so excited to find Your videos. They help keep me focused. I just got the book by JH Simmons.
I understand. I'm in same boat. I probably could less but the Glamchildren are used and I love them dearly!!
Keeping you in prayer.
You're very knowledgeable sir! I have learn so much about this through living it. My mom is one, every woman my brothers attract are one and it seems my sister is one (who was the golden child). My siblings have played flying monkeys as well as their kids. My mom have them all under control as she had me. I'm scapegoat and with NC this year. It's funny how no one ever calls to see what happen or where I am. I'm assuming they don't care and are going by what she is saying. Especially since I didn't go to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. But again, I know it's part of the dysfunctional family system. But I do desire to be a psychotherapist. I want to heal people of this dysfunctional system.
I have experienced this so many times!!! It has caused me quite a bit of pain, but I resigned myself to it.
My brother is the golden child and also my narcissistic parent's flying monkey. To me, he's the Golden Monkey. Never called him that though.
When a person is in an environment that is so dysfunctional that the only friends they seem to have are flying monkeys... when that person was raised in a dysfunctional environment to the point that they are attracted to, and attracting to abusers... so much healing work has to be done so much self trust has to be learned. ❤
My narc dont just manipulate a situation ..he pays ppl with kindness ...once he pays he is aware he has bought their soul his aware he owns them and they will do anything to keep the cash flow ..hope he dies soon 😁...
It will b world peace!4 everyone in the family.
Too late for me 😭 i lived in the hell cause of my narc husband and his family 😢for forty years 😢
Man, this approach is GOLD!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Glad you think so!
Flying monkeys are empty tin cans that make alot of noise. They are the perfect ones in their own minds.
They are always the poor victim that never did anything wrong. Yeah, right!
Thank you, for this video. I have perhaps 12 flying monkeys. I know, some of them, but not all. I had a young man, I didn't know, come in via chat, asking me about stalking. I told him, I explained it well, in my post, but there is plenty of information about it on You Tube. Then I looked him up & found he has serious charges against him. Reported & blocked. Then, I had a young man, again, I didn't know, telling me "I can't leave my family." I said a few words & blocked him. Linkedin has become an unsafe nightmare, so I'm taking off all my post & videos. Nothing, left behind & then leaving Linkedin. Already left FB years ago. Good idea to lock all doors & windows & barricade the doors. Keep all plans secret & do not be a name dropper. That could drag that person into the narcissist web.
Do flying monkeys, know they are flying monkeys? Great video! Thank you!!
There was a prof. at a major university who used two coworkers and students at the university to group stalk me- a disabled student. They committed multiple burglaries (I caught them on webcam), threatened me verbally (I tape recorded all lectures and meetings), and finally, shot at me Bullets struck my vehicle. (I have police reports of that.)
Now I am suing the school and those persons.
They can be dangerous. I nearly died.
I'm sorry that happened, I got sexually assaulted for 'revenge' for what the narc claimed I did. They can be very dangerous.
And I love the way you can do that with such a cute smile
I refuse to bow down and just document and record!