Flying Monkeys & the Narcissist's Smear Campaign
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 พ.ค. 2018
- In this video you'll learn about the role of flying monkeys, who are the flying monkeys, and how the narcissist recruits flying monkeys to do their bidding against the target.
Dealing with the Flying Monkeys of the narcissist or other abuser can be a horrible experience. The flying monkeys could be doing the bidding of your ex, your family members, a friend, your boss or coworkers, or anyone else in the community who decided to target you.
You'll also get a Survival Guide for dealing with flying monkeys!
☀️WEBSITE & BLOG: www.innerintegration.com
📚 QUICK START GUIDE: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery | Get the 3 most essential steps to start moving forward now - a.co/d/1JGvTuV
📚 THE JOURNEY: A Roadmap for Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse - a.co/d/guqmEJv
💡Get to the NEXT LEVEL of your recovery with the 12-WEEK SANA (Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse) course bit.ly/12-WeekSANA
💎 Create a whole NEW RELATIONSHIP with yourself and eradicate your people-pleasing patterns with the SELF-CARE MASTERY COURSE bit.ly/TheSCMC
🎧SUBSCRIBE TO THE INNER INTEGRATION PODCAST🎧
- iTunes (Apple) itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/i...
- Spotify open.spotify.com/show/5hNQv0W...
📚INNER INTEGRATION’S RECOMMENDED READING LIST: www.amazon.com/shop/innerinte...
🧘♀️INNER INTEGRATION MERCHANDISE: teespring.com/stores/inner-in...
NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
The best revenge is when it's doesn't destroy you but makes you stronger!
Couldn’t agree more!! (It’s the best feeling ever when you FINALLY realize that their opinion is completely irrelevant to your own self worth!) 🙂👍💓
Make them all irrelevant and they lose their power.
This is what I feel right now, give the flying monkeys a mild smile for suffering from the same illusion that you had. That distracs them and they spit their venom at each other.
Yasss🙌🏻🙌🏻👏🏻👏🏻
That's what their mad about it didn't destroy you
I noticed some people that play this role are usually full of envy. They have a disguised pleasure when they bring you the smear campaign from the narcissist.
You're so right. I see them as cowardly covert narco-sadists.
Juliana Siqueira LOL ENVY YES!! .. and lack of self awareness
Juliana Siqueira
Oh yes ... they enjoy seeing us confused and hurt. Smiling the whole time
The best way to put them down is to say I really like who I am and I know a lot of other people do too. Hold your head high, do your makeup up and Look good and be content knowing you walk a higher path. And focus on your goals and interests. Leave them behind in the dust. Tell them you're not that interested and you consider that group beneath you mean and a waste of time. Then quickly change the topic ask how they are doing and what their plans are, give them a smile and say you got to run and have a ton to do.talk about the weather. Go grey rock
Plus one. I have seen that scary evil look of pleasure as they're bringing on the smear campaign disguised as one of disgust. This is exactly when I walked away from the older sister of my family
In the workplace, this is called mobbing and is extremely destructive to the individual.
gang-stalking
Extremely destructive is an understatement, imo.
This is happening to me at the moment
@@johnnieshreve5018 Wow! Know that you're not a lone! 🙏 Hope you are proactive in getting out!
Please stay encouraged!
@@johnnieshreve5018 LOTS OF SELF-LOVE JOHNIE........KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND DO NOT LET THE COWARDS BULLIES GANGSTALKERS MOFOS CHANGE WHO YOU ARE...........
SELF-LOVE
DO THINGS YOU ENJOY
BE HAPPY
EAT HEALTHY
LOVE LIFE
IGNORE THE COWARD BULLIES
IF IGNORING FAILS THEN
EXPOSE THEM /EXPOSE THEM/ EXPOSE THEM
THESE HIVE MENTALITY DEMONS COWARDS DO NOT LIKE TO BE EXPOSED.........
Good statement, "abuse by proxy". That's exactly what it feels like.
It actually is abuse by proxy
@@anitaroempke7310 Right on, Anita! As a male, I completely agree. Even John Wayne or Bruce Lee, had they been through a nightmare like we did, would have to shrug and admit it IS indeed "EMOTIONAL ABUSE."
I'd virtually rather go through the pistol whipping mugging experience I suffered again (that broke a cheek bone, by the way) than that petty based smear campaign nonsense.
HOWEVER, there is GOOD NEWS about this pathetic smear campaign/flying monkey orgy that they're an acting upon us against our will:
At least they inadvertently expose who our SECRET HATERS were all along. And if they just so happened to influence someone who wasn't one before--that's NO LOSS TO ME neither!
If that's ALL it took for someone to turn against you, then you dodged a bullet!
I feel as if the narcissists in my life tried to push me to suicide. Never again !
Oh man! I am sorry and I understand. In my case, i definitely felt pushed to a lot of stress related health problems. :(
Please take good care and move away from them.
So true
Yes they would love that so they don't have kill you personally.
They do
You are right the narc I knew actually drove a psychiatrist that was his patient - she killed herself - he tried to push me to it but I’m too stubborn and don’t care about friends - they do try to recruit the family
This video should be a public service announcement!
On the amber alert sighs in my head danger danger
Agreed!!
They're known as my blocked list on my phone, lol.
Don't mean to be forward but u are really really beautiful but yes I like this video and am.i going threw this
Same!
Xd
foxiefair123 good one 😂😂😂😂😂
Hahaha I read this exactly when she was listing what they known as 😂
My narcissistic mother didn't like that my dad liked me a lot as a child and that my sisters really liked me too. She destroyed those relationships and she forced me into a mental hospital later in life and convinced them all I was schizophrenic. But I am the one with the counseling degree and am the only one who knows what that term means. Yet the rest of them still believe it. I am livid. I will never go back and be with them, even though my narc mother died of pancreatic cancer. They all still love her and practice her legacy of abuse. I am so glad you talked about suicide. I considered suicide, but then I learned about no-contact and that gave me the idea that I could start a new life without taking that drastic step.
Holy crap! Sound like my family. I went permanent no contact and moved away for good.
I am proud for you, Teresa! Thank you for your support.
Oh boy ... your mother sounds like my mother and sister. My mother died but her "legacy" continues. It is heinous what narc parents do to us. I wish you continued health and happiness :)
CynthiaSchoenbauer same here, she disintegrated all my relationship
ThAt's exactly my mom n granny, they put me mental hospital 7 yrs exactly for same issue Cynthia
And one clue to “normal” people in your office and community is that even years later, the narcissist won’t shut up talking bad about you. And people get tired of hearing it. So they start to recognize who has the real problem.
They are all despicable toxic people
re: mobbing. It's like being against a whole Army, for people going through this...
True that.
Emma Chase ...am going through it...and yes it is
Army of maggots more likely, since they used cowardly tactics
Back in the day we used to just call them BULLIES. Thank you for reasserting the truth and following it up with concrete ideas to address these people. Sadly victims seem to have repeating patterns as well. By dealing with our own personal baggage ie. parental narcissists and familial flying monkeys will help us avoid unwittingly walking right back into repeating traumas.
“No matter where you go, there you are”. As long as the anger and resentment continue to live in you, “no contact” is a meaningless concept.
Elaine that is absolute gold!!
I understand that people's perceptions are their own and not something I can control - but I can control who I choose to maintain a relationship with in my life, and I can control the level of intimacy I choose to allow.
I'm amazed at how not sharing personal info is treated like an affront. How that's treated as abnormal. I don't do facebook or anything, for 3 years now.
Facebook struck me as groupthink or mind control from the start. I did try it for a year but quit.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg Elizabeth, you restore my faith in women-kind!
@@Scott-nr2ji thanks Scott I am kind of unusual...
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this mindset! "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."--Jiddu Krishnamurti
@@Scott-nr2ji that makes me feel better!
So I’m a victim of a narcissistic mother. When I decided to go no contact with her, she used my brothers and sister, aunts, uncles and cousins as flying monkeys.
1st she told my brothers and sister that I don’t talk to her anymore because I hate my job. At that time I got a new job and it was the job of my dreams and my mom was jealous. Then when I reached out to Aunts and cousins, they either smiled in my face and told me that it will get better or they defended my mom. They have no clue what’s happening or they are getting a benefit from my mom which is why they don’t want anything to do with me.
So I unfriended everyone from my social media accounts, blocked everyone’s number and went no contact with all the flying monkeys. My life is so much better.
This video gave me a bigger picture of flying monkeys and what they do. Thanks for the great info!
Well done!
@@dolphinliam888 Applause.
Or they use direct verbal aggression or manipulation
Welcome to living my dream. Love lots
I am in similar situation. Went to minimum contact with my narcissistic mother. Severely abusive physically , emotionally, verbally, spiritually. So my grandmother is now guilt tripping me. I am the only child so it is my responsibility to take care of my 60 year old divorced mother, just because she is my mother I should tolerate " bad behavior" according to my grandmother. That is complete nonsense. Relatives become flying monkeys. So you lose not only the narcissist by mostly the entire family. Very sad.
Your TRUE friends are your dogs..1000% love and loyalty
D Jacobsen so true - I get so much joy from my beautiful dog and 2 cats 🐶😻😻
EXACTLY right!
🐕🐕🐕🥰
I have ten dogs, there my flying monkeys
Absolutely!! 👍👍👍 All the pets I've ever had (dogs, cats, rabbits etc) have been my truest friends. You always know where you stand with them 😄
I've been listening to you for awhile but today I finally heard you: "stay in integrity, respond don't react" is my new mantra! Thank you for this insight.
I like being alone . I finally learned that making friends is not good for me. I seem to attract narcs who want to get to know me, then turn around and beat me down. They are everywhere.
In the end, we are all alone
You just have to find (and pray) for your tribe
I went through this. I thought it was called Gangstalking. I think people get it confused. The sad part is the people you thought were your friends can't even be honest with you and tell you what's happening. It seemed like everyone was against me at the time. It definitely made me a stronger person once I learned how to ignore it and be the best person I could be.
Yes, the gangstalking. Its demonic.
I was listening thinking none of the flying monkey tactics applied to my situation and then you said the thing about them being ‘concerned’. You hit the nail on the head w calling me a drunk, talking about past antidepressants etc... in the context of ‘wondering whether it’s safe for me to have the kids’. No contact and living in integrity is exactly right. People know the truth in the end.
True, NARC will reveal themselves in the end.
My twin sister did this when I called her out and cut her off. She went around telling people (like our brother, for example) that she was "concerned" about me because I'm "cray cray/mentally unstable "... thank you for your videos. They really do help.
Thats the favourite tool of the narcissists x
This happened to me. I went on antidepressants for the first time in my life, the narc found out and told everyone I was suicidal, had my father worried. Then he said he was going to take the kids away because I’m unstable, asking for full custody. He can try all he wants but I know it’s not the reality. And I’m so grateful I came across your videos that help me understand. Being educated is powerful.
JUDITH BLAKE ugh. That sucks. But, you’re on the side of healing now. That’s very empowering. ❤️
TheEarthycrunchy that is true. Thank you. I love that there’s a national awareness day coming up. To stop abuse is to stop pain. And people like Meredith, Ross Rosenberg, and so many others are just amazing.
JUDITH BLAKE this is what they do. Narcisists are demonic and satanic.
if someone is worried bout you they are not trustworthy.. I know people known for long time who took a haters word over common sense.
I learned long ago to pay cash for therapy and drugs needed to cope. Every narcissist will use this against us as proof we're the crazy ones. Parent, ex husband, his family, grown kids all act this way. One big flying monkey zoo I lived in for years. Just about killed me since of course I unfortunately was the codependent, overly helpful one. Not around any of them now. Holidays are tough.
Yes, abusers will call you crazy to discredit you and conceal the truth about themselves. And even if you do you behave crazy it’s because they triggered it and provoked you over and over again. My ex-boyfriend Dan swore to me that his ex Barbara was crazy. Now that we are broken up, he tells others I am crazy to make himself look good. I am much more stable than he is and so is Barbara. He turned on me and texting his friends in Connecticut lies about me. Told Sylvia a lady we pet sat for lies about me. Told Kevin CubeSmart self storage manager lies about me. He charmed all of of them , just as he did me, but they have no clue his true character because they only know him superficially and oh how he puts on a show! He gives compliments, is super helpful and friendly with others and pretends to be religious too. If you don’t know what’s going on, you would think he such a great guy. Once you do know it’s going on you are totally disgusted by this false reality.
I see myself in each of these people he’s conning and I get so upset because i believed his lies early on too. It’s a cycle and behavioral pattern that predictably repeats . Dan is the common denominator. I’ve never known anyone more destructive, covert and cruel. Totally indifferent. No guilt. Life is a mess, he takes from everyone. Con artists out here and mentally ill people. Be aware and beware. I was naive until this 3 year nightmare. They try to get everyone against you.
Christina Haftman you're not alone hun
Marie Presho wow that's the real strength here. You go girl!
Yeah. They try to get everyone against you and at the same time tell you that they love you so that you have nowhere to go but to them. Then you feel like everyone is against you and you dont feel free even when you walk around by yourself. Yeah i was in this kind of a relatoinship and it was really really horrible. Luckily the guy I was dating lived in a town far away from mine so my and his friends did not know eachother. It was easier to just go away from everything. But yeah it was horrible
Yep... As sad as their behavior is and as hurtful as it is... You need to just forget it and walk away... Forget it forget it forget it!... Have a happy life and Thrive... It is the best revenge, but if you hang on to their garbage and keep thinking about it and perseverating over it... You stay stuck in their garbage... Believe me I know!
Gosh I'm so sorry about everything you've been through I can totally relate. you feel like you're not going to make it I thank God for videos like this and other people that are going through it I'm not happy there going through it but it helps me know we are not alone I truly believe the big picture it's a battle between good and evil. God bless you
I'm positive this is what I am going through. The allegation nearly got me killed.
I made a mistake by fighting back. I am slowly learning not too, as it's always twisted around to make me look bad and crazy. These people use my mental heath as the reason why I'm feeling the way I do.
Apparently I'm the reason for my job, even though I did nothing wrong .
I don't know any person who would ruin there own careers.
You right about the suicide part.
Do these type of people get aggressive when you find out what has been done?
Yes, this happened to me. The hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life! The narc is now my ex. (Step-dad to my 3 sons) The flying monkeys were my 3 sons and my only sister, (was my best friend in life). The 4 most important people in my life became like vultures picking at my bones! I will tell you from experience that the narc will target those closest to your heart to hurt you to the core. Sound familiar? Satan is like such as this. In my case, he was playing the victim. Told these people closest to me untruths, and that I was acting crazy and unstable. What hurt soooo bad was that his stories were believed without giving me any chance to defend myself. I was caught so off balance, that any initial attempt at trying to explain was met with rebuke and deaf ears. My heart was broken a thousand times! But, thankfully, I am a strong person with a strong faith. Over time and lots of prayers, I overcame. Never have I been able to approach my loved ones with a defense. I learned that I had to move on. That only time would reveal truth. Little by little, with tremendous restraint and patience, thus truth is happening. During this entire ordeal, other truths were revealed to me. Which explained my ex’s behavior. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Be smarter than the narc. How? Be quiet, be patient, because it very true that good things come to those who wait on the Lord. 👍🏼😉❤️
I couldn’t believe how many of my friends of mine my ex narc managed to manipulate into hating me. They all felt sorry for him and saw me as the bad one when all I did was escape an abusive relationship! I actually did nothing wrong and this whole drama made me feel even worse about myself. Now I am awake and just cut all these people out of my life.
My MOTHER to a "T" how sad for her that I've grown & moved forward in the most positive beautiful way possible. I look at where I come from & where I am today & THANK GOD I left them all. Wicked is just wicked & I for one do not want NOTHING to do with any of them. I've heard it ALL in this video.. My entire family blames me but I say you blame who? Cause if you TRULY knew who I am or took the time to know me as a human being then your blaming someone you NEVER EVEN GOT TO KNOW. I won't question anything or anyone it's a waste of my time & energy.. I've deleted & blocked EVERYONE & I've not been on Facebook for 5mo I'm in MY HEALING MODE.. I also moved 3,000 miles away changed my # I do not speak to nobody & I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I do struggle at times but I TRY to stay in the moment not ALLOWING what's happened to define or break me.. :)
Thank you Meridith
Dena Martinez :)
Hi! I want to be where you are. I moved from the 6 months ago. They only call when it concerns money. Each time I speak with them I end up miserable. They don't even care enough to ask me how I am doing. What is your step by step process for healing? I'm thinking of changing my number, but I have a lot of business doing and it'll be challenging.
#BIGHUG!
Sorry, happened to me too.
@@ShiaGirl18 Don't change your number if you have a lot of business contacts, just block their numbers on your phone.
invalidated. alone. I've been mobbed for years and years.
I'm so sorry. I hope things are better for you now.
I pray things are better for you now
“Opt out of it”💯💯💯
Good for you smart woman 👏🏼👏🏼
Stay in integrity!!
Wow
re: information that can be used against someone. I read the word 'weaponization' recently. That is what I feel they do. They 'weaponize' things.
When I was getting a divorce last year, my overt narcissistic sister was pissed because I moved out of state, so she smeared me to the entire family and got my flying monkey brother, to univite me to my own Fathers funeral. It was unreal, but I knew she was the one who set him up to do her bidding and step back like she was so totally innocent. You can't make this shit up!
Wow! True they don't want u around but they need a victim
It's CRAZY the lengths they go to.
It's the first time I've heard this term, "flying monkeys" and it's perfect! I encourage anyone going through this right now to stay strong. I still have PTSD from my experience with a narcissist and his flying monkeys nearly 20 years ago. I was busy planning a wedding with this man, without a clue that he was creating these until he started trying to convert my therapist and bosses at work. When the lies got back to me, I confronted him and it was then that the shit really hit the fan. Flying monkeys everywhere! A few actually called me to verify what they'd heard. He gave all my clothes to a mutual "friend" who owned a used clothing store. And here I had believed he was my best friend in the world.
As a consequence, I physically collapsed every time anything reminded me of him or things I thought we enjoyed together. I went from being an easygoing social person to a nervous introvert. He was a musician so one of my triggers was hearing piano music anywhere. My knees would give out and I'd fall on the ground. I could no longer work. I think he did it because he was planning to get back together with his ex-wife, but he could have done this without humiliating me. So I considered him to just be pure evil. I got through it with a LOT of prayer, although it caused me huge material losses as well. I had never been so horrifically betrayed, and it stole so much of my trust in others for a long time. The flying monkeys dropped like flies, and when he died about 10 years later, my son said, "There IS a God!" and immediately went out to celebrate. THAT's how awful it was.
The more I listen to these videos, the more I feel like a Christmas tree with all these lightbulbs going off
But if you calmly label what the toxic person is, then that seed will grow. Just plant the seed and walk away.
So well said.
I asked my counselor once, how do you describe a.person who wants to be 'the hero of the family' a person who is always seemingly doing things for their own glory....the counselor said..."its called Narcissism. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!
How can you describe so clearly what happened to me? Wow, it was a nightmare.This gave me chills how accurate it was with my situation.
I dumped him before he discarded me, and I’m still in shock to have discovered who he is.
The flying monkeys would also tell me I was never good enough for anyone . It's really pathetic how they treat people no respect or empathy from these type of people . I feel like they're super jealous or envious of people and they seem to have a sense of entitlement .
It’s been an absolute nightmare
I was trying to convince a flying monkey and yes I got derailed for days after that conversation. NO more. It feels awful. The entire family excuses my narcissistic mother's abusive behavior because she has a tough life ( divorced 3 times ) . And since I'm the only child they are convinced that this is my responsibility to take care of my mother and tolerate her extremely abusive, manipulative behavior.
My NM has been talking about me and making me look bad all of my life. She has turned my siblings against me. I used to be naive to her abuse but always knew something wasnt right with her. Research and watching videos has taught me so much about narcissist evil behavior and I realize it's not my fault even tho I feel bad that my siblings have abandoned me because of NM lies and gossip. She got worse with age and I just had to go no contact. Your videos fits the narc to a T. Thank you. Very supportive
My family does anything to discredit me, go as far as lying to make it stick
Thank you for this. I feel so naive about all this but I am waking up to some much needed truth and understanding.
Just about 2 weeks into waking up myself. It's reassuring to know that there's people that understand. Knowing that this is actually a thing and educating myself on it is helping so much. I hope this comment finds you out of the narcissists crosshairs. Stay strong you're not alone.
I'm learning myself.
What if the NPD is your ex and hes turned your 11 yr old into one of his monkeys? How do u go no contact w your child?
This really helped me confirm what I already know in my heart but no one is out there for me in my work situation except for a very few hearts of gold. And that the narcissist needs there freaking Entourage. The narcissist I'm dealing with goes after intelligent sweet talented people who she thinks won't fight back. It's a very sad statement about her as a person.
In the work setting, narcissists with authoritative power will reward allies/flying monkey's. Mobbing usually involves upper management. Whistleblowers or harassed individuals are susceptible to this abuse. There usually is an uneven power in such abusive situations.
Yes it's similar to what i've been going through its soo horrible and disappointing ...nobodies perfect and we dont expect them to be but there is a thin line between misunderstanding and being different and just wanting to crush and "finish" someone
Still going through this after a year. I actually did commit suicide and was brought back and then was in a coma for three days, I never thought I'd get through it but I have! My life is substantially better I am so grateful I survived I am so blessed
You mean attempt, not commit.
No. He means committ. I was brought back, when they shut me down to take all the damaged ribs and parts out from the 30 cal. bullet hole in my chest I was looking down at me and saw them doing it. When I woke up I was laying on my back looking up at the ceiling. Modern medicine BROUGHT me back against my will. That was 50 years ago, and last year I exposed him for psychologically abusing my great nephews to THIER parents. So many times in my life I've thought too bad they brought me back. But as of last year I've decided the battle was worth it. To be here and expose the evil this man has been doing to the children of our family. The word is out now and even my mother's SISTERS children are aware of what he's done. It felt so good to hear from them, that they knew of the perversions he committed against mom and us kids.
I love your videos because they’re precise and organized. All this advise is so helpful. Thank you!!!! My sister is a flying monkey and so are a few of my family on my mother’s side. It took me a while to figure out that I couldn’t trust them either! It’s very isolating, but I’m the type of person to call people out, especially my narc mother. That’s why I’m a perfect target! No family wants to be called out on their dysfunction. I was a part of it for many years. No more though! ❤️
Ditto on all points.
Dozza Wow, I thought only I had the misfortune of going through this. Just like you I'm way across the country and was always a black sheep in on the outside but had no bitterness.
But they just have to come for me in my early forties. My sister decide to do a smear campaign and then got divorced! I guess she want to cover up her own problem and be The Golden Child still so, whatever! My sister went to war with me and I had to take my SSI income out of my parents hands and getting independent payee that I pay 25% of my income to. But thank God because my sister was in lying and saying how she was going to be running my money. Here I am a 44 year-old man at that time haven't heard Tommy what I'm supposed to do and how I need to go get locked up and all that other crap. But what I did was I got my own SSI payee and it was a big move for me. If you look down on me for being on that income, ain't my problem.
I've watched about 10 or so videos on this topic but this one is the bomb! I found myself pause in it and emailing notes about how I related to specific moments of my life and this woman is smarter than me on this one. I've come to have a few things to people smarter than me on the internet going back a decade in the serve this and all that stuff. When I say no I feel guilty is not a bad book about that sort of thing by the way!
Anyway, thank you for sharing all your stories about what you've been through too because the I don't feel alone. so I'm not going to be set up to the point (as before, as she brilliantly points out at the 12min mark) where I'm overreacting instead of just responding, to paraphrase.
This video is gold! It's now in my internet files via email for life. Thank you video creator! You're given a lot of solutions to certain sub points of it all that I've had to deal with.
I just have to let go of a best friend he showed to me who showed too many signs of being a flying monkey. That's not exactly what the friendship ended over. But I ended up in this video because of that and it's hard to tell how much of its am and how much it's my sister but there's quite a few signs that they've been in contact here in there. Long story. But that friendships over and the clouds are clearing and I'm seeing the sun again because of what this crap but clouds are my life too much here in their last two years. This video gives me some very good points and how to fight back against these people. I'm the only good that sort of thing but now with these narcissists. I was out of my depth. This video gives me something to fight back and the do so with dignity and that's all I could ever ask for. I'm used to giving the sort of advice, not taking it. It's about time!
Going through it now with Narc Mom and Flying Monkey siblings.
Most whistle-blowers, those who speak out against an injustice or something that needs correction, such as yourself, usually end up becoming targets of vicious abuse and smear campaigns until the truth eventually comes out. Then they are heroes. Hopefully that day will come for you, soon. Read Psalms 34, esp. verse 18. I found it very comforting, along with pouring my heart out in prayer during those long, sleepless nights. Many of us are cheering you on!
@@garycole8365 thank you so much.
Yes I had to learn to reject invitations from flying monkeys! What a difference in my life! (Thought I was obliged to accept their invites but now I know better! :-D )
My narcissist is my mother and when I was a child, she was very abusive to me and kept me isolated from cousins and other relatives who were around my age. When I became a young adult and asked for the phone numbers of some of these relatives, my mother told me I could only have their phone numbers if I told her what I wanted to talk to them about. It was at that point, I abandoned the desire to have any relationship with those relatives. When I finally ceased all contact with my mother a couple of years ago, she actually had all those relatives contact me to tell me what a horrible person I was to abandon my mother. I wouldn't know any of these people if I saw them on the street and yet my mother thought I would give credence to anything they had to say about me. I blocked phone numbers, shredded letters and cut off all contact with family and anyone who was acquainted with my mother. That's when my mother started giving my phone number to strangers and asking them to harrass me, guilt me or shame me into having a relationship with her. I changed my phone number and even withdrew from a class in which I had enrolled because coincidentally one of the strangers my mother used as a flying monkey was also in that class and was badmouthing me to classmates.
Thank you, Meredith!!!! Your work is so important to all of us, victims of narcissists!!! "Don't try to convince them of the truth!""" This sentence is key to me!!! It is hugely significant!!!! Thank you !!!
Thank you so much for this video. I grew up beside a narc mum. Non contact for almost 4 years now and it feels like I just started opening up to the world around me.
Now I understand why my father never stood up for me and how I became the black sheep. I recognise now ex colleagues behaviour as well... It feels like I'm attracting these kind of people. Well, no more.
Please keep up the videos it's so helpful!
Your reference to suicide is the SOLE REASON I am hanging on.... I have said this after dealing with the exact situation.... In some ways the MONKEYS are so much worse! EVERYTHING about this video is SPOT ON!!
Yup, dealing with them now. Didn’t know exactly what was going on, but this explains it!
I cant go total no contact but this video helped a lot. Last night, AGAIN, the narc has decided to use the Flying Monkeys, to total destroy my character. I started to send them a long text (knowing I know better because it's just feeding into their game) but I erased it instead. However, I still felt alone and wanted to cry.
Then up pops your video on my newfeed.
Thank You so Much. My strength feels renewed!❤
Sonja Teal I so relate to the long text bit. Unfortunately I did that recently but failed to delete it (sending it and now suffering the consequences of course) 😖
Pepps33 I just sent a few of these myself. I feel somewhat better bc my story was read. The FM’s in my situation are kind people who have know my husband for years longer than I have. My behavior in front of them was reactive bc I was shocked that my husband was lying so insidiously in front of them. I did send a well composed and respectful text to the FM later. I don’t have any idea how it landed or whether it actually made things worse for me, but I have drop it now bc I did my best.
I have been looking for another job. My supervisor is the narcissist whom I fear will give unfavorable feedback if contacted. Feeling very very stuck and trapped.
Thank you. This is amazing...for so long I have been in the dark...my perspectives and realities constantly invalidated...and brainwashing and having you second guess your intuition...
A narcissistic superior in a religious community did exactly this to me through the other members of the community recently. My sin was that I pushed back against boundary violations. Wow, thanks for giving a voice to this. I'm good after walking away.
So true they are super religious smh
I 'share' your videos to my Adults with Childhood PTSD group and Women with CPTSD group on Facebook. So much great info and education.
I have an in-law that has had a smear campaign going for me since I married his brother more than a decade ago. It has been devastating. My thoughts and prayers are with those of you that are experiencing this for the first time and maybe ongoing like me.
I have watched this video three times already ... and anticipate watching it many more times. Thank you for this -It is such a gift.
I had no idea there were actual terms used to describe the experiences I went through with my ex. Thank you so much for the validation. If it wasn't for a few close friends, I don't think I would have survived that experience.
Your explanations are so thorough. My children and I have lost a whole chunk of extended family who are the flying monkeys of my ex. Too hurtful to be around, make assumptions without asking, and just lap up all the lies, deceit and toxicity. Thank you for helping in my healing. Hugs :)
I thought I was crazy but thank you he's surrounded them they all hate me never met me Everything she's saying is true
I thought my name is crazy
they follow me around someone he knows is giving me trouble I thought I ran away
. Almost to the point If being stalked. I am going no contact’m currently being harassed my ex friends flying monkeys
I feel very validated by this video, Meredith. I have cut off all contact but getting out of the gaslit reality is the hardest thing. I am still worried that people that I meet will still think I am crazy. I am afraid no one will believe me. I guess I need to realize how traumatized I have been and how much I have questioned my own reality. I have a good counselor but she is among the naive and I have to work a little each time to bring her to my side. She believes the world is a good place and people just need to understand and get along. I know I will make it to the other side and out of the "crazy" turned against me reality. I use your book, "The Journey", as like a bible that I refer to often to help me get back my orientation and sense of what is real and true and worth believing in. As far as people, I need to just keep people-hopping until I find the one's that listen to reason and believe me, those who can observe and trust that I am a solid person and that I am not crazy.
CynthiaSchoenbauer It’s very difficult to find people who understand and see the matrix for what it is. Your not crazy, you get it.
My therapists was the same way. When I was going through the "no contact" yet secretly stalking stage (as self abuse) she (therapist) thought it was comical and asked why I didn't just express my needs to them. As anyone knows, expressing your needs to a narc is giving them the very tools they need to hurt you. I think what you (and I) are going through is very similar to PTSD. Working on boundaries and self health is goal #1. I wish you success :)
We all are not crazy .... HEAD UP HIGH and OUT OF IT❣️ (no contact with my father, mother, sister, ex-husband, ex-best-friend who is the president of the flying monkeys .... Today, I have WONDERFUL FRIENDS - that is my true family ❤️ LOVE TO YOU ALL❤️ DANKE Meredith❣️ Wonderful you are 🌷
I had a counselor for eight years kept thinking she would catch on and help me and she never did she became a gaslight just another stab in the back for me.
CynthiaSchoenbauer, sounds to me like you might want to get another counselor, one who is more knowledgeable and mature. You shouldn’t have to be leading them; if you know more than them, what good is that?
And as far as suicide goes, a wise man told me once that if you commit suicide, all they will do is come dance on your grave. That kept me going. (That, and I loved nature and found ways to heal my soul...hiking and camping in the woods, my love of animals, and the love I had/have for the children in my family who would have been left to deal with the narcissist alone if I had not been there to help...all this kept me alive.).
Thank you, Meredith! After watching your video, I realized there are so many flying monkeys out there. I began to understand their intended behavior and how naive I was to be used by narcissists to their benefit. Before I was confused and don't know how to handle them, now I can just let go and be not affected by what they say to me and about me. The clarity also helped me detach from them without feeling guilty.
hey Meridith....its funny how before i was educated on these subjects i did exactly what every expert said to do ...grey rock no contact ...full integrity...no reactions......the isolation was hard...and soon i will sell my property and move away ....i found richard Grannons "radical acceptance" theory is helpful....you cant fix stupid or blindness.....take care of yourself dear ...thanx 4 the good advice and the validation
That's awesome you knew before you knew about all of this. Several of my clients have told me that their kids have a similar inner knowing how to deal with it. Keep trusting your intuition!
My ex husband did this to a coworker because he didn’t like her work style. He tortured her on the company’s Facebook page. Made fun of her, posted pics of her eating that he’d take. Rage about how she should be fired for stupidity. People started agreeing with him.
She went straight to HR. He was almost fired. When I told him that next time, just go to HR if you feel somebody isn’t doing their job properly. He said “that doesn’t work”
I said “it worked for her”
I paid for that little stunt. For about a month.
Seriously if it’s a coworker like my trash of an ex, immediately document everything and go straight to your boss or HR.
Yes. At work, the moment someone gets out of line with you, go to HR and document
Nailed it.
I am faced w a narc mother who has lied, humiliated me within my circle of friends and boy! Are you right when you say you know who will remain loyal and trustworthy but I guess who can beat a narc at their game they're too good at playing it and friends naive. Once upon a time that was me (naive) so I keep my distance n keep in touch only occasionally...yr videos are spot on...thank you!
I am in this situation - my immediate family who I am dicarding - what a toxic mess. It is very reassuring to listen to your talks as it helps to reinforce my understanding and to stand true. Thank you!
Yep going through the smear campaign with a narcissist now with flying monkeys but you soon find out who’s who out of friends,thanks for your help in all the video ,saves me the hard work on who you can trust now they have been exposed x
Perhaps this is one of the reasons they will not be Facebook friends. They know they are a piece of shit and once your wise, don't want you to verify this to their secret world and smear campaign. Awesome teaching, Meredith.
Thank you Meredith. My partner's flying monkeys are starting to pounce. Your guidance is very helpful.
It took me 20 years to finally take all these steps. Long road with a better ending than beginning. The hardest part is accepting that there will never be a return to normalcy or even a truce with the narcicist. That is even more true with family members.
Praetorian guard = the inner circle of sycophants
thats very usefull thankyou...im going through it now, thanks hun great video 😊💕
Toxic Free hi val i had to shutdown my facebook .im doing great .feeling so good .i had flying monkeys and my ex guy friend is friends with my ex and another ex friend who turned into flying monkey
james lacroix oh sorry bout that hun..i feel you, take care..stay strong😊💕
Toxic Free are you okay val
james lacroix im a tough cookie..and getting tougher every day 💕😊
Stacey'z Rainbow Sparkling Heart yes sweety...email me 💕🌈
For years now I sit in my room with drapes drawn to avoid people because I know I don't fit in...when I do go out I take my DOGS and rarely get out of my car..just go to forest and sit there or go to fast food drive thru..only getting out to go to grocery or post office
Thank you so much for this. I've only got 2 siblings, my sister is a psychopathic narccisist and my brother is the best flying monkey she could ever wish for . I'm the scapegoat child and my life is hell at the moment.
Oh. my. goodness! It will probably never cease to amaze me when I watch videos like this. My narc MIL does the "concern" thing. The worst was shortly after my younger son died and she'd badgered me, guilting me into letting my girls stay with her overnight by telling me she was *so lonely* when my husband and FIL had traveled out of town together. A week or two later, she called my husband up to tell him she was *so concerned* about me because my girls had told her that I'd scream and cry and lock myself in my room every day while he was at work. She *actually* had him convinced that it was true. I had put up with her crazy for so many years and I'd listened to my Lost Child husband who told me to just let it go again and again when she did this senseless crazy stuff, but that was the turning point. She was *not* going to use the death of my son to bring attention to herself. She'd already tried it the first time I miscarried so I stopped telling her when I'd lose babies early. To top it all off, she'd called my husband, plastered, when she convinced him that her nuts story was true and when I asked my oldest daughter about if it could possibly be true that my girls had said this to her, (sometimes kids spin crazy tales), my oldest daughter told me that her grandmother had gotten drunk the night they had stayed with her. She got drunk! While she was supposed to be watching my kids!!
So yes, NMIL has turned my husband into a flying monkey here and there, thankfully, it doesn't usually last for long but the only way to get him to talk about it usually means a fight because he doesn't want to talk about her and her crazy behavior at all. Then there's my poor sweet FIL who used to stand up to her from time to time. He's now elderly and not well and his courage is gone. NMIL has been using him to cast doubt, forward jabs, etc. and that really hurts because I used to feel I could trust him and I just don't anymore. It hurts my heart that we have to go minimal contact and my younger children won't get to be around him.
Thank you for this channel. Exposing narcs and in the case of my MIL, covert narcs, helps so many people. I went nearly 30 years dealing with her and just figured it out last year because someone online insisted I look into narc mothers. Thank you.
first of all I love the ending where you send everyone a hug! This rings try with me about flying monkeys. My best friends mom turned the family against me.
I didn't see all of this narcissism until 4 months ago. channels like this one are a god sent. Everything you say is on point and helps to sooth the soul.. : ) THANK YOU.
1:30--When she says "they're addicted to gossip," these flying monkeys, I think of my older sister and how she used to gossip about family members before she told me that we should confide in each other in my 30s. Well, that didn't work out so great for me! but I ended up taking my parents out of a financial part of my life and my mom who acted like she was doing me a favor acted so butt hurt about it at least I got some revenge even though I was doing it to protect myself and it wasn't for purely hurtful reasons towards them I was doing it.
1 flying monkey that got to me was someone who acted like they were a fellow scapegoat and we used to confide in each other and we're neighbors in the same apartment complex eventually.
but ultimately they started talking about themselves and other people and ways door code at them preaching at me for my parents and they even slipped out one time when I simply said I was going to move if they've been smoking there at the complex that my parents would just find someone else to pay.
What made me end the friendship or should I say not exactly fight for it after the transparent discard, was the way that they started gossiping about the neighbors with gleeful Joy when things happened. I just thought there's no way that someone could be such a scavenger of pain. And quickly imagine him telling my parents and the leasing office of where we live, oh yeah he did that one too. he loved to put down my girlfriend's because he couldn't get a love life of his own obviously and he was f****** jealous.
Great point about the gossip lovers. Buyer beware!
Wow that's actually what I'm going through at work. I didn't even know it was a known thing. Been living thru hell with this person. But not anymore, through videos like this and having to learn the hardway I finally found the answers I needed.
Thanks so much for all these tips. They've helped me a lot. Sometimes I forget and fall back on the mistake of allowing those flying monkeys get to me. But the narcissist person I'm dealing with is so stupid that even other people around me are starting to realize what a two-faced he is. I'm gray like a rock now!
Sandra Rubio my ex has a flying monkey sitting outside my house in morning and working at the shopping area around the corner. He’s trying to see me and my new husband. I want to curse this flying monkey out. But what should I do instead? They don’t know I’m on to them
@@sherryburton7644 Living in the same area makes things dificult. But in my case, contact zero has worked so far. Don't even vive them eye contact. Act as if they don't exist. Don't pay attention to any gossip about you they might be spreading. If I could, I'd move out.
What if the psycho believes their own lies? It takes a special kind of stupid to believe your
own lies! I've seen that before!
It’s not stupidity. It’s an excuse to lie and do unspeakable things. It you convince yourself the lie is true you can do anything with impunity.
Thank you for this channel. This is exactly what I am going through at the moment. I've been called mentally ill and envious and all that stuff after reading into being used by ex narc. I had episodes of depression and so I am now smeared in the way of being dangerously mentally ill. Omg🙈
It's happened to me a few times.
It's sad when your own close friends succumb to the NPD, and are used to make your life unpleasant, even those who you introduced to the NPD. This was one of the most difficult developments when I realized my close friend and his wife had been flipped, and would tell me how mean I was and so on. This when the NPD was stalking, lying, stealing and so on. :-(
My narcissist is a family member and this has been going on for decades -60 years off and on. This last time was the proverbial straw. They're all (my sister the narc, and 4 of my 6 brothers and sisters - her flying monkeys) blocked on social media and personal contact. Luckily, only one of them is local. I initially went no contact with the narc until she brought in her flying monkeys, and I tried to fight back. Big mistake. I am totally no contact from now on. Thank you for your video. Wish there was more information on the narc and flying monkeys when they're family. Thoughts?
No contact is your only way. I too have a sister that has literally destroyed our family. It has gone on for decades and I finally walked away 1.5 years ago. If family members are abusive by proxy (flying monkeys) or useful idiots, you need to cut them out too. If you don't, then you are not in a true no contact life style.
It's not easy to go no contact a lot of the time, but it's especially rough when financially, you need help from this person who "has all the money." My dad is a total narcissist and he targets me because I'm the only one in my family brave enough to call him out on his nasty attitude, everyone else is too afraid to go against Dad.
P
Great video, thank you for your blunt honesty. We need to speak openly and honestly about these awful behaviors. The truth is more powerful -
I like your empathetic voice and your wisdom. My son married a narcissist and they have had 2 children. We've seen our grandson 6 times and I have never met my granddaughter who is now 9 months old. Hind sight being 20/20, she started finding fault with our family members after their engagement and would not reconcile or forgive and made us into bad people in our son's eyes. What really hurts is that my son has bought into her stories and condones her behaviour. My son has alienated his entire family. They have moved away and he will not return any calls from any of us. I have wanted to send via text, to my son, some youtube videos on narcissistic daughter-in-laws describing exactly what she has done his family, but he appears to be codependent and a flying monkey, based on the ideas in this video and others. Very brainwashed... Based on what you are suggesting, I should say nothing and not fight for my family. Give up on my son and grandchildren. Aliened Grandparents Anonymous also suggest the same and to wait it out. They also mention that we may never see our son or grandchildren again. I am also extremely concerned for my son, because if or when he figures her out and hits rock bottom, suicide is an option for some Narcissist victims. My thought is that he may not fall as far or hard, if he has some knowledge about narcissists. Do I enlighten him, which may create a narcissistic breakdown, and potentially speed up the narcissistic discard process or leave these toxic people alone and potentially never see my son and grandchildren again? If I send a text to my son exposing her, I would be meddling in their relationship. I fully understand this is also very wrong and I would be lowering myself to her level, but I have nothing else to loose because she has taken my beloved only son away from us. I am so heartbroken.
She basically summed up all soaps. Without narcissism there is no entertainment in soap operas. Kudos!
I've got a theory. These people around 50 who live in England, watched Dallas in the Eighties . Influencing their future behaviour!
Thank you a lot! Your videos are gold! I am doing a course at Red Cross to become a rescuer, but in that course there is this a student that is a narcissist, she make a whatsapp group where there are all the other student except me (she make sure that I know that by talking “casually” to another girl, she was looking for a reaction in me that I didn’t do because I knew that she was trying to gaslight me), I know that they talk shit behind my back on that group. At the beginning I tried to change their mind, but then I realised that anything that I do is not good for them, they always find inexistent flaws... I guess that the other students are “flying monkeys”... But I have to say that I have always been someone who struggles on social interaction and relationships, but now I am trying to make friends with the “elder ones” who are not in that group, they are not students so I don’t see them as much as the other ones, but at least I don’t feel alone..
thats classics
Oh yes, the "concern"......ick....yup, I've deflected many a flying monkey (most who I think were naive, or needing to feel important themselves, rather than toxic) over that one. The need to go No Contact, or keeping things very superficial not just with the narcissist but their flying monkeys too, very important and unfortunate---I've lost a lot of extended family due to this and that hurts but being spied on etc. hurts more. Staying in my integrity and, even more, not attempting to explain or defend myself...so hard to let it go, but what is the point. A difficult thing to accept: letting it go, that they won't understand; but it makes sense, that is the way it is.Thank you, as always, for another clear, intelligent and empowering video.
So agree with what you have said there. Im not going to waste my time on the narcissist and their minions anymore. I've found letting go very very hard but time and perspective and Meredith's videos really hit home. Self integrity self respect and dignity are things I've worked hard to reclaim my life I'm just coming round after a year!! I'm leaving all the toxic people to infect themselves! Let all survivors thrive in the light together!! Good luck to all
Same goes for BPDs :) BPDs are very socially driven, very charming. They find their identity in others and have a atypically strong drive to attach to others.
This is spot on. Your book the Journey was very helpful for me. Thank you.
Thank you... Your love for your purpose has helped and continues to keep us fortified in our healing and living a loving life 💜 I have a narcissist mother and she comes from that type of family filled with flying monkeys... Your channel is a huge help to remain free from their abuse 🙏🏽
I'm going through this right now at work. I'm so tense that i can't stop clenching my jaw. It gets painful after a while. I can't concentrate and i can't focus or eat or sleep well. I'm searching for another job, no luck yet but i will find one eventually i'm sure. I walked in on my boss with another person and now she and he and her flying monkeys are running me through the mill. Unfortunately i reacted 2 times & yes, she has used this to discredit me. She has done a lot of damage to a lot of other people. How does she get away with it all? We all wonder but she does. She can't get rid of me just yet because i am very involved with a lot of the projects. Loosing me at this point would be tough for her and the company to deal with. Buy she unknowingly reveals her plans to me and basically according to what i could figure out, she's working on my removal. I've never been fired from a job and have always performed well wherever i've worked. This is my first ever encounter with a narcissist boss. It's scary. I just sit there and let her and her flying monkeys humiliate me and put me down. I'm just praying for a job opportunity to arise asap.