Social Anxiety
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 พ.ค. 2015
- I've struggled with this for nearly a decade, but there are things you can learn or relearn to balance a normal feeling of anxiety with honest conversation. People will appreciate your forthrightness, even if it's simply to say, "I feel uncomfortable," or "I'm really anxious right now." Communicating your feelings and your concerns is important, and what you have to say is valid.
Song - Celeste by Kye Kye
www.jakesidwellmusic.com
/ jakesidwell
A few months back I got bored and decided to go on Omegle (as one does) and came across a girl. We struck up a conversation and then we began to develop a sort of friendship. But I could sense there was something that was just a bit off when we spoke. After exchanging each other's emails we began talking increasingly. I found out that she struggled with social anxiety and depression and that it was a serious problem for her. We talked for maybe 2 weeks and I constantly made sure I responded quickly and was there to talk to her. One morning I found that she wrote me saying how immensely grateful she was that I was her friend because I was the only real friend who she had ever had in the past 6-7 years or so and that my talking to her has given her unimaginable courage and support. Coming across this video was extremely helpful because it made me understand what she has been experiencing, from a different perspective and what it is like. I'm always so impressed by all your videos, Jake, they are really inspirational and they make people smile, which is good :) Keep doing what you do, man.
This comment made me smile and give me hope. Thank you.
Ah you’re such a good friend. I’m sure your friendship with her means the absolute world to her. Being someone who can relate to her, even the simple thing of making a new friend can make your day. I know this was 2 years ago, but I hope you guys are still friends :)
I always worry about every word I say. I never want to offend anyone or sound weird. Because of my worry, I overthink every single one of my words and I end up laying awake at night thinking things I said. I totally get what you where saying about being overly aware of my facial expressions. Overthinking is exhausting! You are right I need to just listen to what people say rather than thinking about how a look or what I should say.
That's me so much yep really tires me out feel like canceling plans tomorrow cos of it being busy and loads of ppl around me I get pretty self conscious. Just looking at ppl feels hard too aware of my face expressions.
FUCK SOCIAL ANXIETY
It's mindblowing hearing somebody else articulate the facial expressions/smile thing. Thank you for making these videos.
that's an interesting form of social anxiety. my problem is not knowing what to say and feeling like anything I say isn't good enough or right in some way and self conscious about a lot of things and and I'm hyper aware of EVERYTHING even the irrational thoughts in my head and its very overwhelming.
Great advice.
***** I had a whole 7 minute section addressing your video, Chris haha. I decided to cut it and just let this speak for itself. That being said, I want you to know that I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. This is a cyclical problem for a lot of people, and I'm convinced it plagues creative people almost to the degree of their creativity. You have a lot to offer, and your fans, audience, and friends are engaged. Really enjoying your recent videos, and I'm glad you're just being yourself. I joked on a video of yours that I had been watching you for 6 years and had no idea who you were haha. It's nice to see you, man!
Jake Sidwell I would really like to see that, I'm really interested in your thoughts. Is there a small chance you will upload it? If not, this is already a great video!
It's like your mentality becomes 3rd person in viewing the person, a distracting perspective into the moment of "I'm right here right now talking to this person and they are talking but I'm not hearing them. Look at their mouth move, I wonder what my face is doing. It's amazing this is how we communicate" It becomes a distracting moment. Like you said, we are caring too much about our self, just need to really listen.
AdamUPNow yes! this is described so accurately
this!!
I relate SO much to the hyper sensitivity to my facial expressions. It really used to make me feel down because I love conversing with people, but I always made myself so anxious that I made the situation awkward. The tips you gave are really helpful though...some of my goals this year have been to LISTEN to what people are saying and focusing on making eye contact...they've made a huge difference.
***** Yep!! Exactly. I definitely came to expect it and it was almost comforting becoming more used to it, haha! Very strange. I'm definitely still working on it daily, though. 😊
I know! I relate to this problem of self awareness too! I never came to this realisation before watching this video
"Don't feel like your silence is bothering other people, because it's not." This whole video is so understandable and I can relate so well, but that part by far hit home. I'm a genuinely quiet person, largely due to anxiety about speaking up or saying something others don't understand/accept, but I also get anxious that my silence is too loud. Ya know? Like there seems to be a minimum amount of words I need to speak in order to be accepted into this group. I don't know, this probably doesn't make much sense, but this is such a genuine video and it will definitely help me. Thank you for being you!!
Dominique Slack
I'm a year late to your comment, but I feel EXACTLY the same!
Also having social anxiety I have the same problem with smiling and laughing and I was and sometimes still get so anxious that my smile spazzes and I get more anxiety feeling like they noticed.
same 😩
omg this very thing happens to me! I call them facial tics and like half of my face seizes up.. chewing gum can help and i take magnesium for it...
This guy absolutely nailed it. Social anxiety is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, it's so bad that I literally shake when talking to people and can hardly keep eye contact. It's weird because I never used to be like this, but I'm working on it best I can. Hopefully one day I'll be back to normal.
My Main Dude! Great Video Bud!
OlanRogers my olan!
OlanRogers My bro! Thanks, man. You've seen me struggle. I appreciate all you do.
OlanRogers Is Rollin With Olan coming back?
Jake Snake, I relate to this video so hard, especially the smile part. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you.
At the moment I'm at a point where I have no Idea what I should do anymore.
I'm not strong enough for climb the next mountain.
I feel so...alone and weak...nerveless...You know.
And I don't now why, but videos like this give me some power back...shows me that I need to fight for myself.
You made me cry.
Cried because of how beautiful this video is. Thank you so much.
always knew I had anxiety, especially around other people & it's crippling, never been diagnosed as fear of explaining myself is part of my problem, I didn't realise hyposensitivity was a symptom, all these years I just thought I was I was the odd one out, like I didn't fit, constantly pretending to be 'normal' but being consumed by self consciousness, avoiding eye contact to avoid conversations, I think I come across as a snob because this fear holds me back from joining in with people which only adds to my list of worries, finally someone else can articulate how I've felt most of my life & its inspiring, thank you! x
+Emma Jackson You're definitely not the only one. I also highly recommend trying to get help. Maybe try to start by telling a close friend and family member you can trust. I know the idea of getting help or having to talk to someone might give you anxiety, but try to think of it like surgery. Initially, it's going to hurt and feel like you're being harmed, but in actuality you're receiving treatment and healing for the internal bleeding of your emotions. You will be so much better off if you can find the strength to start treating your mind with the same health concerns as your body. I believe in you.
I can't feel my smile either,I can hardly make an honest one rn.
You are so right: people don't think about us anywhere near as much as we think they do. Thanks for making this post and for sharing your thoughts.
for me this is the best ever video about social anxiety , and music wow ...good job man ;) .
This has actually helped me. I've had a few people telling me to put out myself out there, to talk to strangers, to go to parties, get out of my comfort zone. Your advice is not about me putting my self out there, is about them. Social anxiety is all about "me" and I've been taught to deal with it in that same way: changing "me", dealing with "my" body language and "my" thoughts. It never occurred to me to approach my social anxiety from their perspectives. Rather than focusing on me focusing on them. I know this is the whole point behind a lot of the therapy that I've been going through, but the way I have been taught didn't leave it as clear as I have it now, from experience, research and testimonies like yours.
People love to be heard, I know I do, and actually listening to them while they talk, looking them in the eyes has been a slow game changer for me. I began by just looking at people while they talked, and being genuinely interested and people began to share so much with me even when I didn't say much, I would just nod and they would do most of the talking. I still am conscious especially with people I see at work everyday but I feel like they know I am listening and that I am not a jerk, I am actually trying.
I thought I was the only one who was extremely aware of my face. It annoys me SO much. Thank you for this video!
Thank you for this video. I've struggled with social anxiety ever since I was little. we moved around a lot and that led my anxiety worse. To the point where I was spending entire classes alone in the bathroom rather than face my fear of trying to make friends. my new job has exaggerated my symptoms in a bad way. I will take your advice and try and not focus on what facial expression I am making and try to be present in the moment and listen carefully to what people are saying. thank you.
When my anxiety gets really bad I tend to get hyper-aware of my facial expressions/body language, so I totally relate to the smile thing. And I feel you on it being nice to know you're not alone in all this. Great video, Jakey :)
I didn't know that other people also had this problem. I always heard the term "social anxiety" but never really understood what it entailed until now. When you started to describe what you go through, I started to understand and I found a lot of similarities in myself when I talk to people, as well. How I stand, where my eyes are looking etc. This video helped a lot, Jake. Thank you! I hope you get better with this too!
Ive found what you said in the video helpful, because when you are trting to fill the void/silence with people who dont appreciate it, you are wearing yourself down and its a vicious circle. Only recently i have learnt this i only focus on people i need to rather than what others think i need to focus on. It helps you a lot you need to put yourself first if other people cared they wouldnt be doubting you.
Ive also learnt to always respond to people who have social anxiety because they fee neglected if you dont, make them a priority, but also always let them come to you in their own time as everyone needs time to reflect on things going on
I've tried to explain to my boyfriend (who is lucky enough to not have anxiety or depression) about how anxiety and depression are opposite feelings but they feed each other. And how depression can almost feel like solace because it gives you a break from feeling *anything.* Until the crying comes...
Also, OMG SO MUCH OF THIS I RELATE WITH. I get SO upset when people don't understand my point. It makes me want to give up on talking to anyone.
It also makes me happy that you talk about how you can make things better and not "cure" it. Because it says to me that you're not just a person who had a breakdown at one point in your life and now does yoga and is like "i'm cured! do yoga, guys. drink more water." people don't understand generalized anxiety and they're the ones who offer up the most (useless) advice. :(
Nessa K (losergoescrazy) I wish I could pin this to the top of the discussion. Too often the objective is the "fix" the person or have them "stop" the behavior instead of understanding the person or the behavior. Asking questions is much more productive and helpful than making demands or expressing frustration -- this is especially the case with people who struggle with GAD. Functioning day-to-day is the struggle. It somehow manages to make the trivial matters seem insurmountable and crippling. I mean, I struggled with smiling haha. That's so insane to suggest, but it was very real to me and paralyzing, and that was only one small percentage of what I was(and still am)dealing with.
It's true that depression can feel like an escape. It even became the norm for me for a while -- something I wanted over happiness. It's not that we're sad, it's that we want to be sad and can't seem to feel anything at all. If the range of emotions are colors, then anxiety is blaring white (the presence of all colors) and depression is black (the absence of color).
Really glad so many people are connecting and able to relate. Sharing the burden with other people makes me feel like I can do this and maybe I can help someone else do this. WE CAN ALL SMILE COMFORTABLY TOGETHER.
Jake Sidwell "It even became the norm for me for a while -- something I wanted over happiness." This is exactly what i try to explain to my family! i can't even explain why it's like that. of course i want to not be depressed but it feels normal, it feels like it's all i have, without it, i'd feel empty.
This is freaking amazing. I have social anxiety and some days are worse than others but I feel the bad days are more than good days.
It's hard to believe that my silence doesn't bother people. Everyone always said that I needed to talk more. There was one time some guy was excluding me from the group and someone told him to move aside. Then he said rudely ' Then she should actually say something, if she wants to be here'. Everyone laughed at me when he said that and it made my anxiety so much worse.
I often get super nervous in social situations, then my face kind of starts shaking and it's really hard to calm myself down; especially with acquaintances.
Focusing on the other person is really good advice, but almost seems impossible. I do listen actively to what other people are saying, but once i want to say something I realize how tense/nervous I am.
This is very relatable , I have social anxiety have done since I was a teen I am 25 now and i would say I can control it now which I think comes with age and knowledge(research) , but when I am at work I tend to avoid eye contact when someone's talking because I feel if I look at them and give direct eye contact I will have to contribute and say something , I get so nervous that when I do finally speak it sounds like I literally just learnt to talk or at least it feels that way , I no i have so much to give and have potential to join in with conversations like I do with people close to me but I feel so socially paralysed, like I have a mask on and once I leave work the mask comes off when I am in my own comfort and than I think to myself why can't I just be this person around others.
It's so much more deeper than that.
Thanks for the video 👍
Thanks for sharing this video. It never really occurred to me that other people struggled with this same particular problem. The hypersensitivity to your own image that you're portraying. Depending on the day, I can get super hyper aware of myself, and hypersensitive of my movements (especially how I'm walking), I purposely slouch at times/closed off. And then get super aware of where to look on their face while they talk, what I'm expected to say, etc., facial movements. You're totally right about being focused on the other person's words. And just as much as we want to be heard and understood, they do as well. It's something I must work on, that's for sure!
I always think about my expressions and the response that I have to provide during a conversation, which leads to a change in my behaviour and it is quite evident. I will definitely try to be an attentive listener, so that I don't have to focus much on myself. Thank you for sharing your experience and methods to deal with social anxiety.
THIS video has helped me so much, it has shown me the biggest problem I have with my social anxiety. I focus on myself so much and I just want to feel natural around people, I love to laugh and smile too, but I can't did I it around people anymore. Hopefully my CBT therapist can help me with this now, thanks so much!
You have just described how i feel everyday,i can't even make new friends because of this,seems like everything i wanna do is stay in my room and lay in bed
I have a really hard time focusing in school. My mind often wanders and I'm not paying attention to the teacher. Every single day I think of this video during school. I focus as much as possible on my teacher, what they're saying and what they're doing. Thanks a ton, this video helped me a ton in school. (Also with just life in general because I deal with anxiety too)
You sir... i can tell strived in the dark in order for many of us to see the light. Thats the beauty in the struggle that not many can face. My salutes bro!
It's all comes from self contempt and the feeling that ur nothing and don't deserve anything,once you have that self esteem you will have self control .you will be able to feel your true powerful self and realize that no one deserve all that thinking and pain .
This is very good but also you said, "Your silence isn't bothering anyone" but sometimes it is, because then those annoying people step in and say something like, "You sure are quiet huh?" or "You seem like you're having a good time." It doesn't happen often and usually I do get away with just sitting back and listening but every now and then there's an annoying person who likes to call me out on my silence
Wow. I haven't seen anything that's resonated so much with me before. This explains my own anxiety better than I ever could have said.
I have social anxiety too. Anytime i do anything I'm thinking to myself act normal they can see you. I'm always worrying so much its stressful and tiring. It's just getting worse and worse for me.
Wow..I don't know what to say but this spoke to me in a way no one else could. It's like you understand and everyone else just says they understand but they don't because they don't see inside my head but you said everything that reminds me of myself.
U r awesome bro.....
U look very smart
I am suffering from social anxiety ur speech helps me a lot...
May God bless you
Spot on, Jake. I can definitely relate. For me, the issue has been that people can "see" my social anxiety when I talk to them. I get incredibly self-conscious that others, even friends, can see how I am feeling at that very moment. It's ironic, really, because if you were to, say, film those situations where I am socially anxious, I probably would appear completely normal! Your bit about being externally focused instead of internally focused really resonated with me. Going to practice these habits the way you have and see how it goes.
Best video on social anxiety I've seen. Thank you so much for being so good at articulating something so abstract yet so real like anxiety.
Wow. This really resonated with me. I haven't struggled with depression but my problems with anxiety and anxiety attacks are, at worst, crippling, and at best, eternally FRUSTRATING. Yeah, there's not much else to say except that it really resonated. Thanks for that kind of transparency.
I completely understand you, this helps me a lot. Thank you so much Jake.
It's always comforting to see someone else share similar struggles that you have, knowing that you aren't alone and that they are working towards a better place the same as you. Keep being yourself Jake!
I saw this linked on my Twitter feed and Jake; your words on social anxiety and depression are so true. Anyone who struggles with those disorders will relate and be moved by your encouragements. Thank you for sharing your struggle and your strive to overcome the difficult in what comes naturally to others.
You don't know how relieving it is to hear someone else has this same facial expression issue.. It sucks, and it's breaking me down so much. I look at people and my eyelids shake so bad because I know they're looking at my face and I get scared of what they're thinking, my cheeks shake and when I smile, everything just shakes and it makes me so nervous to have any contact with new people. It sucks so much, and I just don't know how to make it go away with all the built up anxiety.
this was such a real and honest video and it really helped me so much. you're awesome
Thank you, for sharing this and for talking about it. It's so easy for me to forget that other people suffer from this too and when I do forget it feels like I am so alone. But I know that I'm not alone and thanks to you Jake I actually feel the strength to make it better for myself, to overcome all this, so thank you.
somehow i always get so genuinely emotional during your videos. thank you so much for this advice and everything
Wow, thank you Jake for being so honest. This is great advice and reassuring to hear.
Jake you are incredible. Thank you for actually talking about and bringing light to things that people struggle with daily. All the best to you.
I struggle with anxiety and this video helped me so much! Thanks for always being honest and willing to address things like this, you've helped me more than you could ever know. Stay awesome!
You've just vocalised everything I've felt in the span of 3 years in 6:45 mins. It blows my mind. Thank you for such solid advice. You're revolutionising the fight against this fucking disease. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
I've watched a lot of videos on other people's description of their anxiety and social anxiety and I could always relate but always ended up pretty discouraged because no one talked about this hyper awareness of their face and trying to force a smile to the point where you face starts twitching.Thanks for posting this bro it's definitely one of the more specific physical things that's also really bothered me for 15 or so years.Im definitely gonna keep this on my playlist to come back to.Appreciate the honesty bro!
Thank you so much for sharing this! Means a lot.
Love your words. I always have problems being around people. I'm always scared of talking to people and I'm worried about my reaction or how I look all the time. I don't like it when I have those thoughts. I feel bad everytime wondering why I can't be just like normal people. Some people think I don't want to talk to them or I just don't like them but I do want to talk ! I just don't know how to start and I can't think of anything that I should talk about.
Great vidéo and great music, i have some of social anxiety symptoms but i keep smiling when I talk to people
I am really glad you made this video, really. I have very bad social anxiety and listening to what you said really helped me realize that there is a way for me to take hold of my anxiety instead of letting it run my conversations and interactions. Thank you, Jake. -Christi
I just watched this twice and will probably watch it again just to try and take everything in. This really is the most relateable and insightful video I've seen on anxiety and so much of what you said has really struck a chord with me. I become really conscious if someone looks at any other part of my face besides my eyes and feel like there's something wrong with my skin or my teeth and it's horrible. Your points about listening and being okay with silences are something I really need to work on, especially when it comes to my reactions and not reacting so emotionally with is a huge struggle for me and really affects my relationships mostly with my family. Thanks so much for this Jake I'm so glad I found your new channel, it's so lovely to see someone who I've watched for years grow so much, really loving these new videos.
Jake, I think you're my spirit animal :P Because everything you said is completely unequivocally 100% related to what I deal with on a daily basis, so this is probably one of the most helpful videos I've ever seen. Even got a bit teary-eyed.
I'm so overjoyed at the fact that some of my favorite people are returning to TH-cam stronger than ever. Even moreso, I love the fact that you use your life struggles to help us, those who watch. Even though I'm a female, I look at this video as if it's a mirror because so much of what you say reflects how I feel. Life would have been immensely boring if we all started out perfectly happy.....going through life's crap is what makes the happiness that we'll all hopefully find truly worth it. Wonderful video Jake!
I'm going to try your tips. thank you so much!!
It's nice to see you talk about this, Jake. I don't know you personally but I get the feeling making a video and/or talking about this subject is also therapeutic for you. I can, on some level, relate to this so that helps me appreciate your words and your advice. Good work! I hope to hear more from you soon.
I think I'm gonna come back and rewatch from time to time, because there are some real gems of advice in here :)) For ages I've been feeling like the only one who feels like this (what a cliche haha), and this is actually the first time I've ever felt like someone else "gets it" - so thank you so much for making this vid!!
Thank you for sharing. You seem like a cool genuine person.
thank you, jake. it's nice to hear you talk about this so openly :)
i think it's important to always keep pushing yourself. there are times when i just want to crawl into a hole and stay there (especially after i get so nervous, i say or do something stupid). but when i eventually come out, it's like i've never learned anything and i basically have to start over. so for me, it's like a muscle that i have to constantly exercise.
also, on an unrelated note, i love kye kye. you use the best music in your videos :)
It is always such a thrill to see a new upload from you. Thanks for what you said about depression. I have been feeling it quite a bit lately and have been driving myself insane trying to determine what the trigger was in this random set of occurrences. I feel free now in knowing that it may not have a reason at all. That helps to know even if it isn't a solution to the depression. (By the way, I am a huge fan of your music and listen to it when I run and when I write. Looking forward to more from you in the future.)
Thank you for your videos :) you are a beautiful person!
I do not have these problems,but this is one of the most helpful videos i have ever watched on youtube, keep up the good work Jake and know that I support you completely.
Clearly you have a very insightful perception of both depression and anxiety. Your descriptions are exactly what I have felt and experienced for over 4 decades. I am transgender and much of my depression stopped once I began HRT. However, I still battle anxiety. I have found that even when things are going great in my life.....anxiety still haunts me. Change can be a trigger...even good change. I certainly agree with you that depression is mostly a chemical imbalance. I also have hypersensitivity to many things. Excellent video.
I love you a lot, Jake. Thanks for opening up to us.
I've also struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life, and i tend to just cut myself off from being around people cause it's too hard. I know that what helps the depression is to stay busy, but staying busy and doing things causes me so much anxiety, that i just don't know what to do with it. This video made me cry, i appreciate these honest face to face ones. And i see that putting myself out there and maybe forcing myself to do things will eventually become easier but i don't even feel like i'm strong enough for that.. It just really sucks that it's not something we can cure, it's something you have to constantly work at, and how do people even do that.
Everything you say makes so much sense.. Thank you for making this video.
Thank's you're take me so much help with your message.
Videos like this really help me. Thanks, man.
Thank you for the reminder Jake
Thank you for a different perspective Jake
Miss you man, I hope one day you will surpass all of this and comeback doing this type of videos, ‘cause they help me a lot and I know help other people too.
Thank you!
The other day i had to present my graduation project at uni, I was VERY prepared so I don't embarrass myself like I always do, cause I get anxious during normal conversations and I knew I would get waaaay more anxious while presenting. but the minute i stood in front of the jury, I started thinking about my facial expressions and what I am saying, that I forgot most of what i had to say, and there were few awkward silence moments where I honestly thought of just running away and leaving the room! Social anxiety is something that I have been trying to work on for a while now, but it's not easy, sometimes you can fight it but sometimes you cant. So thank you for explaining it to people and for the tips :)
Weird, I never feel the anxiety kicking when in front of a crowd, when there's so many people watching me that I can't even think of what they're thinking about me, I just stop caring, so basically crowds actually make me stop worrying about a lot of things, because I am already too worried with what I need to present (since i'm in front of a crowd, I'm probably ready to do whatever the hell I came there for), now in a 1x1 conversation, the thing just goes bulldozer on the crappiest way possible.
You
Just
Described
My
Life
This is exactly what i needed. Thank's Jake.
This is such a relatable video for me and I hope it will help others.
keep It up Jake we support you!
Great advice dude. Glad you're back!
Thank you so much.
amazingly done! thank you very much
This is probably one of the accurate videos of SA. Thank you for the tips and for hope! New subscriber! :-)
Yes I find myself in this video, great video Chris !!
Great video. Struggling with depression, anxiety (particular social anxiety), as well as being self-concious about even the smallest things (smiling is an issue for me too, as well as laughing, not to mention I hate my own voice), is all an overwhelming cluster-fuck of things to deal with. A lot of good advice here.
I try to remember that thoughts and anxieties are not real in the sense they're just a passing product from the brain. They're transient. They don't mean anything. There's a part of the brain where you can look at things separately and disconnect yourself so you can just watch your mind instead of think. It's nature to get caught up in it all and get stressed about stress and layer it all up but there's a part where you can just sit back and watch your thoughts go by.
Also there's the opposite in terms of concentration. If you focus your mind on one of your senses; touch, smell, taste, hearing, whatever, you are activating a different part of the brain then the one that's going hysterical with the emotional cluster-fuck, the amygdala I believe. They can't really be on at the same time. So if you just stop absolutely anything and everything and just simply listen for a minute... studies have been shown that your cortisol levels will drop by doing that.
I love this, very well said.
subscribed! love your openness
Fantastic video man, this really helps me a lot!
I love this video so much
This helped me so much, thank you.
I have social anxiety and it sucks. Every time I laugh or smile. I seem to think to myself to change them try not to make them sound loud or big. I forget that I'm even listening to them. My social anxiety got so bad to a point that I can't even ask to go to the bathroom or even order my food. But thank you so much for the advice
I love this video man, you should make more videos on this topic :)
he's so pretty :0 great advice ❤ I feel exactly the same way you feel ;-;
Thanks ..it feel good to know that I am not alone