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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ค. 2024
- Have you been suddenly dumped by a person who appeared really into you and then left suddenly and seemingly inexplicably? Are you trying to use the no contact rule to get this person back?
This video talks about the harsh truth about trying to get this person back.
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.
They „kind of“ come back…it will be okay for some time and when you get too close again they will pull away again. You will never get what you need, they are kind of right when they say „I can’t give you what you need.“
They pick a fight to create space,
Unless he changes, I don't want him back.
They never change...
He won't change. Men don't change
@@almightybeanchildAvoidant attachment has nothing to do with gender.
@@disorder_go I'd say a vast majority would be men due to overbearing and hysterical mother's
@@almightybeanchild I’d go as far as to it’s mostly women due to absent fathers.
They come back multiple times but are not the same
What do you mean they're not the same?
@@_--Reaper--_ I don't want to speak for Reaper, but I believe they might mean that (and this is typical) the next time or times they return, they return with a different personality or level of vulnerability. For example, one time they may return and be nonchalant, as if nothing happened, just to see what you are up to-- and a different time they return, they may act very open, talk about their emotions, and express to you their feeling or apologize. They may even be more available and open to having more than a physical relationship.
So, it depends on the state of experiences the Avoidant is going through at the stage in their life when they come back to you.
*Q:* How do I get my avoidant partner back?
*A:* You don't.
This is so sad! The last text I received from him was on March 26. I called him on 2 days ago and it rang, then went to voicemail. Even though I knew the end was coming, sooner or later, I’m devastated. The grief I feel is terrible. I do get a bit of comfort from these videos and know that even if he does reach out, nothing will have changed 😭 😭😭😭
Yup my avoidant is leaving the country to get away from me lol 😂
This is so healing. You truly understand the dynamic. I'm broken after being pushed away and dumped twice by a guy who I truly believe loved me.
Same
Maybe he did and that's why he ran. It still hurts. I just had this happen, very early in the dating process but it still did a little damage. But at least I didn't cry...
The way you relate to the listener, the way you resonate and it truly feels like you've been through it before- really makes me feel like I found the right resource here! Thank you! I'm new to the concept of attachment theory but I'm quickly believing its much more than theory...
I agree. I've been so helped by his videos.
Mine came back, told me things were better than ever before saying she felt overwhelmed and left again.
Having tasted an avoidant for a while, anyone who wants them back has Stockholm syndrome.
the cognitive dissonance is real and on its own, traumatizing, so I'd love to see your take on that, and how to heal and thanks!
Same
so real .......i still feel for her after a month of no contact.(3er time ) .....Fixing to walk away once and for all ...They are just sick to the core and won't bother hurt you ....
Absolutely GEM of a video.
It’s in the name itself “avoidance”. Real change must occur for BOTH partners to work. Otherwise, be grateful it’s over… leave with what dignity you have left and focus on your own future.
I saw the signs and dumped him before he dumped me, but he tried to get the last dump 😂. So we kinda dumped each other in the end. I loved him. It's all very sad, really. We've been in no contact for 3 weeks. Ourgh
1st I want to know what I can say, to help them, and help me to move on, let go, without burning bridges, but also clearly knowing I don’t go back without therapy. Interestingly, she said yes to therapy, wouldn’t work together to find one, but when I found someone she found a reason to say no, and then declare the end, 6 months later. But she keeps hanging onto threads while pushing away, but no more. Thank you. No doubt I’m an anxious type.
I could be wrong but most avoidants don’t experience oxytocin or serotonin. Just dopamine and cortisol.
You are literally describing my ex. This is exactly what happened to me. She had opened up about past traumas which was positive, but dumped me after ghosting me for a week out of nowhere and just after our two year happily celebrated dating anniversary. She said she's going through therapy and to work on herself.I wish her well but not holding out much hope of us being together.
You make a tonne of sense.
At least I understand what I'm dealing with now. Thank you.
I also dated someone for 10 years and towards the end they would fly someone far away and live there anytime things were not ideal for them or too close. The last time he did that he flew to south America and was proposed to someone there within 3 months, something that I had always wanted.
Why didn't you get it but they did?
Mine seems to love being in a state of war with me, but blaming me, then coming back I don't get it
Of all the youtubers I've been watching about this stuff, you have been my favorite by far. You truly understand the complexities of the dynamic, and it's so refreshing to hear the perspective of another gay man. Thank you so much ❤ I've been in long-term relationships, but nothing ever hurt like the ending of this last situationship I was in. The chemistry and compatibility were off the charts. I know he has, or at least had, strong feelings for me, and I think his trauma response to the intensity of our connection was exactly why things began to go downhill.
I also want to say that I'm so glad you point out the ridiculousness of friends' responses such as "He just wasn't that into you" and "If he wanted to, he could". Despite being well-intentioned, those words are painful to hear and simply false, though the latter took me a while to realize.
worst experience of my life. was engaged, a stepson, pets, home, a good job/career. i lost it all because of her and her shitty ways. lies, betrayal, cheating etc but it was obviously all my fault. financially lost about 30 grand. 16 months on and it still hurts. the only true love i received in that relationship wasn't from her, wasn't from her young son, it was from one of the dogs. says it all really. horrible fcking people. the whole family, her ex husband and her friends were all toxic.
the plus side is that i am now studying to become a counsellor.
Yes. They come back. Then leave again, then come back.
Lol
Then leave again. Then come back
Love your videos. Always short and concise.
Glad you like them!
I always welcomed her back. For the night. It was GOOD. I'm not a very good person, but she was much worse. But did our bodies get along 😅
Hey man.
I really love your channel and have subscribed.
I just wanted to say,
be careful about using statistics because nobody really knows..
for example,
you said "90% of the time" when referring to no contact rule.. but who really knows?
I would have chosen "the majority of the time" or "most of the time" or even "usually" instead of 90%. anyway, I hope this unsolicited suggestion doesn't offend you.
I don't mean it that way.
Hey Tony, I actually really appreciate not only the advice but the way you communicated that advice to me so thank you and I'll definitely aim to take this on board going forward across all my content. Thank you.
Good question, now….. why do you want them back is the right question who have the original question.
is it even worth it?
Amazing
😢
Geez traumatized by her emotional abuse I was her first relationship we are both 24 she told me at one point she spoke to her mom and said to me that her mom and her moms boyfriend relationship seems so easy well first of all there at the age where there tired of the games and drama and she was basically saying our relationship is not easy and it basically sums up the fantasy in there head cause relationships take work
You talk too much. It’s annoying.
Is he just supposed to stare at the camera?
@@ashleykathryn9038😂😂