Number 9:Enjoy someones suffering. In my new job as a call agent I expect a lot people who are dissaticefied, angry or dissapointed. because things went wrong. I like to approache clients finding and acknowlege there fellings and needs, and mine as well.
All of them. But I'm really working on the last one lately. Because I want 3 year old son to grow up bring confident in himself and needing to please other people.
I just heard you say a very good reason why I should stop giving so much advice. I don't want to block other people's natural flow healing. I want people to heal. That's a lot easier for me too.
thank you for being here, the more ppl with emphatic heart, the more world is becoming a better place and our lives mopre fruitful. have a great life, beautiful and lovely human
I've been listening to loads of Marshall's work recently and have been coming across your videos. You have such a gentle & direct way of communicating, it's a real pleasure to watch. I'm now adding you to my core library for learning materials in this area!
The woman presenter is delightful; the content is esp. useful for someone that's done little or no inner work on themselves. "Needing to be right" is a show--stopper in any relationship, esp. w/oneself, let alone w/others. Bravo to Marshal as a psychotherapist in seeing the limitations of "labeling", esp. labeling people w/psychological maladies. Good to know that Marshal has come upon the elusive obvious! RT
I really appreciate you making this video because it made me recall a lot of the life that I had felt when originally listening to Marshall's book. The emotional vulnerabilty he showed when speaking in the book really bought out the life in me, which I missplaced as life got very stressful. This video bought back the lightness I felt when I first listened to the book, and I deeply thank you for the reminder.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for doing this! I was looking at the 3 hour workshop and honestly, unless I take a day or half day to attend such a workshop in person, I know I just won't be able to watch it on TH-cam - there are just way too many interruptions and interferences at home. I'm really grateful to have found your summary!
When someone does something rude verbally or non verbally. You have four options: 1. Take it personal and blame yourself. You may feel guilt and shame. 2. Blame others. Usually causes anger. 3. Shine the conscious light on their feelings and needs. 4. Shine the conscious light on YOUR feelings and needs. I can go on and on with NVC. YOU MUST read the book. It's been life changing for me.
Thank you. Very helpful. I think I would re-language Marshall’s words “enjoying someone’s suffering“ Perhaps not identifying with the other person suffering and accepting it and having compassion for their struggles while not making yourself responsible.
Would you be willing to boil it down once more please, into a written list? Thank you. I am enjoying your video. I look forward to watching all of them. I'm surprised there aren't more people doing what you are doing.
Excellent video - very essential watch for those who are just starting to put the puzzle pieces of NVC together and you make a very cohesive whole that has made it easier to go back and review Marshall's talks. I know this is a year out, but if you do happen to read this, I'm not seeing Step 5 - did I miss something?
I love your video because i have been thinking about helping people save time to learn empathy and it tickles me that you had the same idea. Thank you!!!❤️
Very helpful review of Marshall’s San Fran workshop. Thanks! I’d enjoy some videos on getting children to help with housework 😊 my kids often say no when I ask them to empty the dishwasher for example. They don’t do it with the joy of feeding a duck 🦆 😝
PLUR. Peace Love Unity and respect. Love the uplifting frequency our worlds old school rave culture tuned us into during the 90,s before the moment was polluted by drugs and those who lacked this intention.
I have just discover you! Now, I have a lot of work, watching all the videos linked. I'm not very found in English language but I like your pronunciation and the subtitels help a lot. Thank you. Confination time from Spain.
Thanks for this video--very helpful to have this review, and so lovely watching you! I feel like I'm feeding a duck in the presence of your energy! :-)
I love how #9 completely re-frames listening to someone else complain, share their pain! 🙇♀️. This is a big struggle for me -- to fix, give unsolicited advice. It annoys others so much. Also, this prevents taking on excessive responsibility, and defensiveness. 😘😘😘😘 🙇♀️ 🎀
-Enjoy someone's suffering. I dont cause their feeling. -Dont turn your but to an angry person. Try to guess what they feel. Ex: did i do that make you feel you are not listenned... Thank you ! Love your voice and your so beautiful ! Lol sorry for my "judgemental" compliment especially after watching this NVC video. Thank you for your wrap-up that gives me more aspects that i didnt notice in Marshall video
I've watched the whole San Fran workshop 3x now and I am glad someone finally put effort into breaking all that gold down into bite-sized chunks. Thank you, this video was very helpful for sharing the concepts with others who are interested but lack the time to sit down for Marshall's entire talk. Can you please make a video on adult children interacting with their parents who abused them as kids? Marshall touched upon this subject very little and I cannot seem to find a way to navigate this without seeming to put blame on them for my needs not being met as a child. As an adult, I can meet those needs myself but there is still some overarching feeling of pain from my childhood. My need nowadays is for expressing. Just expressing. I don't need validation from them specifically, I can get it from myself, the universe, and our society. But I do have a need to express my wounds and memories. How would you touch on this issue for expression, with your parents if you had experienced physical/sexual abuse and neglect? They are fairly accepting, as in they will give me space to express, but maybe with the intention that if they just listen to me now they won't have to ever hear it again.
Thank you for your request. I have a proposal: would you like to practice the talk with me for my podcast? You could be anonymous. We would do a roleplay and try out what sounds good. If you like it, or wanna here more about it to see if it fits for you, would you get in touch with me via email info@cupofempathy.com?
wish I found your channel earlier, great stuff!! by the way the link didn't appear during the part when you say you practice NVC with your partner daily, could you share it please? thank you 🙏🏻
I found a cup of compassion and even though I and other ls drunk from i could swear there is some hole in the bottom where water continues to replenish whatever is shared from it. The infinitness of source. Wayne Dyer was right about source. It is always there for us and always enough for all
Omg, this an important reason I don't like my Autism diagnosis! It so feels like something is wrong with me. It creates an inequality I feel. And also, some people find it way more easy to just blame problems that I have and problems in the connection on me/my disorder instead of finding causes in the connection/themselves/situations/life experiences etc. Also, I never felt like the diagnosis suited me, so I feel really not seen for who I am and I hate it when my view of myself has no value to others but only their view or the view of a therapist of me. It's so frustrating and I think it's crazy (that's my judgment lol). Like I can tell someone 'I feel ..., I need ..., I think it's like this and that' and they will just not listen or take it seriously, only when it comes from some sort of authority figure/expert. I' like to think that I'm the expert when it comes to knowing myself...
My heart goes out to you. Goodness, how frustrating it must be. I work for an arts organization for folks with different needs, and I agree, it’s short sighted to define anyone by a diagnosis, if not downright rude. Imagine you’re Sally. And every time you approach people think, “here comes Sally, she’s got that tendinitis in her ankle, knee arthritis, and she’s on heart meds.” Is that really who she is? Maybe she cured cancer. But all you saw were her knees? You sound like you express yourself quite well in this post. Find therapists who listen with their hearts and hear you? Keep going, kittendivine1!
Your response truly resonated with me, my nephew has just been diagnosed as being “autistic”. I can only imagine how difficult and frustrating that must be! I’m going to try and have my nephew and his parents watch this video and study your comment together! Thank you for sharing 🤗
@@ursularose4864 Why are you saying autistic in quotes? I'm autistic. I didn't put it in quotes. Please have respect for your nephew and autistic people.
Sometimes when I try to pass information or explain I cannot help myself In giving to much information. I am trying to give to the other person my whole knowledge so they can pick it up... Even when the message comes from the heart and I have this joy of feeding the duck. It's too much to digest for the other... I am overfeeding the duck.. Is a jackall honesty or jackall over esplaning? I guess I fell I want to go through every shade of an issue. I guess it come from be afraid of be wrong or pass imperfect info. It's ironic because I am a strong believer that you learn by making mistakes... So I don't want that not to loose themselves, maybe I want them to have a map to make sense of what will happen. In a way I am try to full fill a need of care... Anyway all of these to say that I love the way you gave all the links to go deeper and this fulfill my need of keeping light and be coherent. Especially the way you smile when you pointed out to get the links because you were aknowledging you were running the risk of oversemplify and at same time been effective in time and in way where orderly find our info. I felt like you were giving a tour of the nvc playground speaking of 10 tips from Marshall and Indictating where to understand them deeper... Like this is the pool, we're we would like to get in with swimwear and head cover and you can see why in the link video, here is the sauna we like to go in naked and in video we explain why.... I felt like a duck brought around a tour... Thanks because you really nurish my need of stay light and coherent with the whole and be effective. I feel very happy and hopefully I will be able to approach next facilitation this way... I also feel less lonely in how hard it is and how smiling can help me to get off the "duty of the whole theort nothing rather than the whole theory" I guess my catholic perfectionist jackall upbringing showing up otherwise 😂 😂 😂 😂
There is a lot I find valuable about NVC. However I am not sold on the way it absolves us of ever being the cause of someone else’s pain. There have unfortunately been many moments I am ashamed of in my past, where I said or did very cruel, thoughtless and hurtful things that absolutely caused others pain and suffering. I think part of really maturing is being able to accept and come to terms with the suffering we have either purposefully or inadvertently caused others. This gives us the opportunity to experience the understanding that just as we have been hurt in our lives we have absolutely hurt others as well. We can then approach ourselves with forgiveness and compassionate understanding and likewise extend that out to those who have hurt us. To absolve oneself of any responsibility by saying any poor or abusive behaviour is not inflicting pain and exists only in the imagination of the recipient seems like high egotism and denial.
I like these points, the only one i'm kinda of stumped with is the idea of not feeling any obligations towards others unless its with joy. Right now many are obliged to wear face masks to help others. They don't enjoy it but feel obliged. Surely if we want to fix the ill's in the world there will need to be some sacrifice and feeling of obligation to others and the world?
I love your question. The way I see it is that it's about joy in the widest sense of the word. Im not jumping for joy about wearing a mask, but I am standing fully behind it, knowing what it means (that might not be the case for everyone, but just taking myself as an example). There is a subtle difference between caring for others and sacrificing yourself - at least that is how I see it. does that answer your question?
I am confused because although your presentation is very good and helpful, I don't get the connection with when somebody is having a long monologue and when and how you interrupt it.
I listened to the 3h video. It felt like no time at all. Let us know your sources. I love to listen to the original vidéos. And I love your videos. (Your sound volume is very low)
Love these videos so much! Question am a bit confused about why saying “ I feel a bit hurt when” is so powerfully wrong and wonder what the alternatives are for resolving certain issues.
Hey I think you actually used it better than what is said in the video :), which I heard as "It hurts when you", and without further qualification. Marshall talked about taking responsibility for your feelings, and putting it in a way as not to make the other person sense blaming. So "I feel hurt" seems better to me than "It hurts", cause you're talking about your feelings. In Marshal's videos, he usually puts observations before the feeling and the need, apparently it makes a difference. So probably "When you do X, I feel hurt" would be more well received. Also, he mentions it's important to mention the need after the feeling, otherwise the other person might feel confused or accused. So "When you did X, I feel hurt because my need for support isn't met" might communicate better. Also important to keep the focus on your feelings and your needs after the observation, and "leave the other person out", as Marshall would put it. Let me know if it makes sense to you ;)
Thanks for saying this, yes you can absolutely use communication tools to try to control someone, NVC as well. In that sense in the end, it's really the intention that matters when you try to communicate better. Hope you'll have a better experience in the future!
so if my kid is never joyous should he not have chores? He is not super excited about chores and complains a bunch. Should we not have responsibilities then?
7:40 I find this number 7 difficult career-wise as a woman... Professionally, we are constantly over judged and over demanded compared to our fellow male colleagues...I asked my female friends and 99% of them agreed with me. These constant judgments become piled up and undermine our promotion and salary increase... so it becomes personal... I had to "destroy" all my ex-boss' false allegations and unfounded misjudgments with logical and critical argumentation after an unjust appraisal 2 years ago.... He felt defeated and still wanted to hide his previous commentaries under the carpet and asked me to not make any fuss... bloody infuriating... glad I left the job for a better company that values women better... So number 7: don't take judgments personally is utterly difficult in a professional environment for me.
I totally see your point. So by all means, in this type of situation it is not about 'not letting yourself be affected by judgments'. In the situation you describe boundaries are needed, and this is something that i find lacking in NVC and Im adding in my courses etc. When Marshall talks about not taking it personal, it mainly means that someone judges you in an attempt to meet THEIR needs - so it says nothing about you. I guess that still holds true, except on its own it's not enough to deal with judgments. Does that make sense?
so if my ex is cheating with a very young family relative and Im upset and tell him he should enjoy my suffering and I fix it??? wow ok this is a judgment that this is problematic. please explain it better because I can see all the variable and this seems so unempathtic. I know we can't fix people but the people that hurt us ??
1. What if someone is right, and the other is not right? 2. This unreasonably imposes on people who have been wronged. 3. This is a very passive aggressive way of treating situations. Resentment will still be present. This is a childish way of dealing with situations that trivializes the person who is right.
I wonder more, what to do when two needs conflict? Both are right, more or less? My father asks me to do the dishes. I say no, because I feel that since I cooked it is resonable not to do the dishes too. He says, since I made the mess I should clean it up afterwards. He also shoulders other cleaning duties (as do I) and doesn´t want to do it. How would we reach a compromise if we both think, we are right? And are more or less right. I mean point 6 makes my example basically void.
@@cyanl.2245 Trying to contribute with some stuff I heard on Marshal's workshops. He tries to differentiate needs from requests/preferences. Needs would be more abstract and universal, and requests would be one possible idea of how to meet that need. And needs, in the way he defines it, do not involve anyone specific doing a specific action, that would already qualify it as a request. So, I guess your need might be for support, and your father's need for autonomy or rest. I can be wrong, and part of the process is in working toward understanding each other's needs, with confirmation from each that that's the specific need in place, before moving to working for a solution that might meet both needs. NVC works on creating a quality connection between people involved, that puts people in a state more willing to contribute to each other's well being. And one major need of human beings is for purpose, which Marshall suggests might influence people in doing things for others as a way to meet this need. But this works mostly if it's done out of this need, not out of guilt, fear, pressure, shame, etc. One thing Marshall reinforces is that the objective is not for anybody to compromise, otherwise everybody pays for it, sooner or later. You'd be building resentment, and over time it would probably backfire. The goal would be to meet everyone's needs, however working on a strategy that works well for both needs, without compromising. So, in that sense, needs wouldn't conflict, they would be a starting point to a conversation about how to meet both needs. Does that make any sense?
"when you tell someone that what they said caused you pain, you're denying the fact that you're in pain because of your unmet needs" uh no? needs can fail to be met because of the choices of others lmao if you think another person can't deprive you of your needs and can't be the cause of your pain then tell me where you live, if ya don't then u know ur wrong. indeed though, blaming it on someone else can cause a disconnection.
Extremely confusing for me. 😮 easier to watch his videos, as exemples are easier to understand. Or maybe do some exemples...As its so nice of you to make it shorter.
Let me know underneath what principle you would like to apply more in your life!
Number 9:Enjoy someones suffering. In my new job as a call agent I expect a lot people who are dissaticefied, angry or dissapointed. because things went wrong. I like to approache clients finding and acknowlege there fellings and needs, and mine as well.
@@kloppen121008 happy for your customers that they will have someone that intents to connect ❤️
All of them. But I'm really working on the last one lately. Because I want 3 year old son to grow up bring confident in himself and needing to please other people.
I would like to always be hearing people's unarticulated feelings and wants!
I especially love the 4 steps. I use that all the time from his San Francisco video.
I just heard you say a very good reason why I should stop giving so much advice. I don't want to block other people's natural flow healing. I want people to heal. That's a lot easier for me too.
thank you for being here, the more ppl with emphatic heart, the more world is becoming a better place and our lives mopre fruitful. have a great life, beautiful and lovely human
🙏🏻🥰
@CupofEmpathy ♡
I've been listening to loads of Marshall's work recently and have been coming across your videos. You have such a gentle & direct way of communicating, it's a real pleasure to watch. I'm now adding you to my core library for learning materials in this area!
The woman presenter is delightful; the content is esp. useful for someone that's done little or no inner work on themselves. "Needing to be right" is a show--stopper in any relationship, esp. w/oneself, let alone w/others. Bravo to Marshal as a psychotherapist in seeing the limitations of "labeling", esp. labeling people w/psychological maladies. Good to know that Marshal has come upon the elusive obvious! RT
I watched the 3hr workshop but I still watched this video too to consolidate my learning. Thanks for making the video
you're welcome!
I really appreciate you making this video because it made me recall a lot of the life that I had felt when originally listening to Marshall's book. The emotional vulnerabilty he showed when speaking in the book really bought out the life in me, which I missplaced as life got very stressful. This video bought back the lightness I felt when I first listened to the book, and I deeply thank you for the reminder.
wow that's amazing, thanks for sharing!
thanks for continuing Marshall's work by your superb condensation! I couldn't do it, but you did. I am grateful.
Thanks Imelda!
I am grateful for this
THANK YOU SO MUCH for doing this! I was looking at the 3 hour workshop and honestly, unless I take a day or half day to attend such a workshop in person, I know I just won't be able to watch it on TH-cam - there are just way too many interruptions and interferences at home. I'm really grateful to have found your summary!
yay, thanks!
Thank you for this! You are so sweet, exuding love, warmth and joy.. God bless you, and kindest regards from India❤️
When someone does something rude verbally or non verbally. You have four options:
1. Take it personal and blame yourself. You may feel guilt and shame.
2. Blame others. Usually causes anger.
3. Shine the conscious light on their feelings and needs.
4. Shine the conscious light on YOUR feelings and needs.
I can go on and on with NVC. YOU MUST read the book. It's been life changing for me.
thanks Aaron!
Thank you. Very helpful. I think I would re-language Marshall’s words “enjoying someone’s suffering“
Perhaps not identifying with the other person suffering and accepting it and having compassion for their struggles while not making yourself responsible.
Would you be willing to boil it down once more please, into a written list? Thank you. I am enjoying your video. I look forward to watching all of them. I'm surprised there aren't more people doing what you are doing.
Excellent video - very essential watch for those who are just starting to put the puzzle pieces of NVC together and you make a very cohesive whole that has made it easier to go back and review Marshall's talks. I know this is a year out, but if you do happen to read this, I'm not seeing Step 5 - did I miss something?
I absolutely love your channel name!
THE POWER OF HELPING with Reuben Wachs Me too👌
Thanks, that was a nice summary that made a lot of sense
All of these tips super useful!
For me, especially the last one on giving appreciation!
Thank you!!!
I love this, and your voice is soooo sweet. Thank you for all the insightful videos and links.
This video is a great summation and i look forward to watching more. Thank you!
Awesome, thank you!
I love your video because i have been thinking about helping people save time to learn empathy and it tickles me that you had the same idea. Thank you!!!❤️
Awesome!!
I have watched the whole workshop and this summary is exactly what Marshall explains about NVC. Thanks a lot.
Thanks!!
Very helpful review of Marshall’s San Fran workshop. Thanks!
I’d enjoy some videos on getting children to help with housework 😊 my kids often say no when I ask them to empty the dishwasher for example. They don’t do it with the joy of feeding a duck 🦆 😝
Thank you for summarizing Marshall’s video, Marianne. Always love your attitude and perspective!
Brilliant, really really helpful. Thank you for sharing this.
Loved the summary...much appreciated. Thank you
PLUR. Peace Love Unity and respect. Love the uplifting frequency our worlds old school rave culture tuned us into during the 90,s before the moment was polluted by drugs and those who lacked this intention.
You are wonderful, thank you so much
That was so helpful to me!! Thank you 🙏🏻😊🌺
Glad it was helpful!
I have just discover you! Now, I have a lot of work, watching all the videos linked. I'm not very found in English language but I like your pronunciation and the subtitels help a lot. Thank you. Confination time from Spain.
Thanks for this video--very helpful to have this review, and so lovely watching you! I feel like I'm feeding a duck in the presence of your energy! :-)
I'm so glad!
I love this! I appreciate your efforts on this!!
I love how #9 completely re-frames listening to someone else complain, share their pain! 🙇♀️. This is a big struggle for me -- to fix, give unsolicited advice. It annoys others so much. Also, this prevents taking on excessive responsibility, and defensiveness. 😘😘😘😘 🙇♀️ 🎀
You're simply adorable. Thank you very much !
Great job! thanks so much for the explanation
-Enjoy someone's suffering. I dont cause their feeling.
-Dont turn your but to an angry person. Try to guess what they feel. Ex: did i do that make you feel you are not listenned...
Thank you ! Love your voice and your so beautiful ! Lol sorry for my "judgemental" compliment especially after watching this NVC video. Thank you for your wrap-up that gives me more aspects that i didnt notice in Marshall video
i just discover you ...and the subtitle is very helpfull for everyone .
Brilliant. Thank you so much! 🦋😊🙏
thanks Kerry!❤😊
I've watched the whole San Fran workshop 3x now and I am glad someone finally put effort into breaking all that gold down into bite-sized chunks. Thank you, this video was very helpful for sharing the concepts with others who are interested but lack the time to sit down for Marshall's entire talk.
Can you please make a video on adult children interacting with their parents who abused them as kids? Marshall touched upon this subject very little and I cannot seem to find a way to navigate this without seeming to put blame on them for my needs not being met as a child. As an adult, I can meet those needs myself but there is still some overarching feeling of pain from my childhood.
My need nowadays is for expressing. Just expressing. I don't need validation from them specifically, I can get it from myself, the universe, and our society.
But I do have a need to express my wounds and memories. How would you touch on this issue for expression, with your parents if you had experienced physical/sexual abuse and neglect?
They are fairly accepting, as in they will give me space to express, but maybe with the intention that if they just listen to me now they won't have to ever hear it again.
Thank you for your request. I have a proposal: would you like to practice the talk with me for my podcast? You could be anonymous. We would do a roleplay and try out what sounds good. If you like it, or wanna here more about it to see if it fits for you, would you get in touch with me via email info@cupofempathy.com?
I just loved your video. It was so clear to me. You explaned it wth grace and easy to understand. Greetings from the Dominican Republic.
Glad it was helpful!
What a great video - thank you 🙏
you're welcome Rita!
wish I found your channel earlier, great stuff!! by the way the link didn't appear during the part when you say you practice NVC with your partner daily, could you share it please? thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you! It might be that this video was put on private as it is my former partner now..but more new demo's will come! Welcome to the channel!!
This summed up NVC really well and has given me some good real world tips for using it in my life now. Thank you!
So glad!
This is amazing!! Thank you so much.
thanks Delia!
Thank you!!!
thanks Cindy!!
I found a cup of compassion and even though I and other ls drunk from i could swear there is some hole in the bottom where water continues to replenish whatever is shared from it. The infinitness of source. Wayne Dyer was right about source. It is always there for us and always enough for all
Omg, this an important reason I don't like my Autism diagnosis! It so feels like something is wrong with me. It creates an inequality I feel. And also, some people find it way more easy to just blame problems that I have and problems in the connection on me/my disorder instead of finding causes in the connection/themselves/situations/life experiences etc. Also, I never felt like the diagnosis suited me, so I feel really not seen for who I am and I hate it when my view of myself has no value to others but only their view or the view of a therapist of me. It's so frustrating and I think it's crazy (that's my judgment lol). Like I can tell someone 'I feel ..., I need ..., I think it's like this and that' and they will just not listen or take it seriously, only when it comes from some sort of authority figure/expert. I' like to think that I'm the expert when it comes to knowing myself...
My heart goes out to you. Goodness, how frustrating it must be. I work for an arts organization for folks with different needs, and I agree, it’s short sighted to define anyone by a diagnosis, if not downright rude. Imagine you’re Sally. And every time you approach people think, “here comes Sally, she’s got that tendinitis in her ankle, knee arthritis, and she’s on heart meds.” Is that really who she is? Maybe she cured cancer. But all you saw were her knees? You sound like you express yourself quite well in this post. Find therapists who listen with their hearts and hear you? Keep going, kittendivine1!
V
Yes !!! Noone should be defined by the problems they face !
Your response truly resonated with me, my nephew has just been diagnosed as being “autistic”. I can only imagine how difficult and frustrating that must be! I’m going to try and have my nephew and his parents watch this video and study your comment together! Thank you for sharing 🤗
@@ursularose4864 Why are you saying autistic in quotes? I'm autistic. I didn't put it in quotes. Please have respect for your nephew and autistic people.
If I didn’t already know nvc, I’m not sure I would understand. I’m going to test it on new ppl. Thx
Yes I can imagine it might be a bit dense..curious what your test results are!
Great Video! Thanks very much
Sometimes when I try to pass information or explain I cannot help myself In giving to much information. I am trying to give to the other person my whole knowledge so they can pick it up... Even when the message comes from the heart and I have this joy of feeding the duck. It's too much to digest for the other... I am overfeeding the duck.. Is a jackall honesty or jackall over esplaning? I guess I fell I want to go through every shade of an issue. I guess it come from be afraid of be wrong or pass imperfect info. It's ironic because I am a strong believer that you learn by making mistakes... So I don't want that not to loose themselves, maybe I want them to have a map to make sense of what will happen. In a way I am try to full fill a need of care...
Anyway all of these to say that I love the way you gave all the links to go deeper and this fulfill my need of keeping light and be coherent. Especially the way you smile when you pointed out to get the links because you were aknowledging you were running the risk of oversemplify and at same time been effective in time and in way where orderly find our info.
I felt like you were giving a tour of the nvc playground speaking of 10 tips from Marshall and Indictating where to understand them deeper...
Like this is the pool, we're we would like to get in with swimwear and head cover and you can see why in the link video, here is the sauna we like to go in naked and in video we explain why....
I felt like a duck brought around a tour... Thanks because you really nurish my need of stay light and coherent with the whole and be effective. I feel very happy and hopefully I will be able to approach next facilitation this way... I also feel less lonely in how hard it is and how smiling can help me to get off the "duty of the whole theort nothing rather than the whole theory" I guess my catholic perfectionist jackall upbringing showing up otherwise 😂 😂 😂 😂
Can you please add in the comments or vide description the links to all the videos that you talked about in the video. Thank you
like all your videos i appreciate everything you do (:
Hello! What is the link to Rosenberg s 3 hour video? Thank you!
There is a lot I find valuable about NVC. However I am not sold on the way it absolves us of ever being the cause of someone else’s pain.
There have unfortunately been many moments I am ashamed of in my past, where I said or did very cruel, thoughtless and hurtful things that absolutely caused others pain and suffering. I think part of really maturing is being able to accept and come to terms with the suffering we have either purposefully or inadvertently caused others.
This gives us the opportunity to experience the understanding that just as we have been hurt in our lives we have absolutely hurt others as well. We can then approach ourselves with forgiveness and compassionate understanding and likewise extend that out to those who have hurt us.
To absolve oneself of any responsibility by saying any poor or abusive behaviour is not inflicting pain and exists only in the imagination of the recipient seems like high egotism and denial.
I have started to shift my view on this a little as well! Might make a new video :-)
I like these points, the only one i'm kinda of stumped with is the idea of not feeling any obligations towards others unless its with joy. Right now many are obliged to wear face masks to help others. They don't enjoy it but feel obliged. Surely if we want to fix the ill's in the world there will need to be some sacrifice and feeling of obligation to others and the world?
I love your question. The way I see it is that it's about joy in the widest sense of the word. Im not jumping for joy about wearing a mask, but I am standing fully behind it, knowing what it means (that might not be the case for everyone, but just taking myself as an example). There is a subtle difference between caring for others and sacrificing yourself - at least that is how I see it. does that answer your question?
Thank you!
You're welcome!
appreciate ya !
Is there a detailed video on giraffe appreciation?
Thank you
I am confused because although your presentation is very good and helpful, I don't get the connection with when somebody is having a long monologue and when and how you interrupt it.
not sure what you mean? you were expecting a different video maybe?
I listened to the 3h video.
It felt like no time at all.
Let us know your sources.
I love to listen to the original vidéos.
And I love your videos.
(Your sound volume is very low)
thank you for the feedback!
At 11:40 you talk about a video you will link ("giraffe appreciation") and there is no link for it...?
Love these videos so much! Question am a bit confused about why saying “ I feel a bit hurt when” is so powerfully wrong and wonder what the alternatives are for resolving certain issues.
Hey
I think you actually used it better than what is said in the video :), which I heard as "It hurts when you", and without further qualification.
Marshall talked about taking responsibility for your feelings, and putting it in a way as not to make the other person sense blaming.
So "I feel hurt" seems better to me than "It hurts", cause you're talking about your feelings.
In Marshal's videos, he usually puts observations before the feeling and the need, apparently it makes a difference. So probably "When you do X, I feel hurt" would be more well received.
Also, he mentions it's important to mention the need after the feeling, otherwise the other person might feel confused or accused.
So "When you did X, I feel hurt because my need for support isn't met" might communicate better. Also important to keep the focus on your feelings and your needs after the observation, and "leave the other person out", as Marshall would put it.
Let me know if it makes sense to you ;)
I dated two women who used this method in an attempt to control me. Both had suffered childhood abuse and had an abundance of unresolved issues.
Thanks for saying this, yes you can absolutely use communication tools to try to control someone, NVC as well. In that sense in the end, it's really the intention that matters when you try to communicate better. Hope you'll have a better experience in the future!
Funny, non of the links she mentioned, saying it will be down here or up there, never appeared...
Enjoying if someone's suffering. What about enjoying everyone's suffering? Some of us serve ourselves up as scapegoats.
Great
Great! 👌 It would be even better if, as the lazy bastard I am, this video could be summed up in a pdf or blog post. ♥️
so if my kid is never joyous should he not have chores? He is not super excited about chores and complains a bunch. Should we not have responsibilities then?
i am already in love ith that oman some keys on my keyborad dont ork hahaha
haha that oman finds it very funny!
7:40 I find this number 7 difficult career-wise as a woman...
Professionally, we are constantly over judged and over demanded compared to our fellow male colleagues...I asked my female friends and 99% of them agreed with me. These constant judgments become piled up and undermine our promotion and salary increase... so it becomes personal... I had to "destroy" all my ex-boss' false allegations and unfounded misjudgments with logical and critical argumentation after an unjust appraisal 2 years ago.... He felt defeated and still wanted to hide his previous commentaries under the carpet and asked me to not make any fuss... bloody infuriating... glad I left the job for a better company that values women better...
So number 7: don't take judgments personally is utterly difficult in a professional environment for me.
I totally see your point. So by all means, in this type of situation it is not about 'not letting yourself be affected by judgments'. In the situation you describe boundaries are needed, and this is something that i find lacking in NVC and Im adding in my courses etc. When Marshall talks about not taking it personal, it mainly means that someone judges you in an attempt to meet THEIR needs - so it says nothing about you. I guess that still holds true, except on its own it's not enough to deal with judgments. Does that make sense?
Centralia ..
🙏
The 1st principle who wrong
Chciałbym być Twoim stałym klientem. Niestety mieszkam za daleko od Ciebie. To boli...
so if my ex is cheating with a very young family relative and Im upset and tell him he should enjoy my suffering and I fix it??? wow ok this is a judgment that this is problematic. please explain it better because I can see all the variable and this seems so unempathtic. I know we can't fix people but the people that hurt us ??
☘☘🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
1. What if someone is right, and the other is not right?
2. This unreasonably imposes on people who have been wronged.
3. This is a very passive aggressive way of treating situations. Resentment will still be present.
This is a childish way of dealing with situations that trivializes the person who is right.
I wonder more, what to do when two needs conflict? Both are right, more or less?
My father asks me to do the dishes.
I say no, because I feel that since I cooked it is resonable not to do the dishes too.
He says, since I made the mess I should clean it up afterwards. He also shoulders other cleaning duties (as do I) and doesn´t want to do it.
How would we reach a compromise if we both think, we are right? And are more or less right.
I mean point 6 makes my example basically void.
@@cyanl.2245 If two parties can't agree, qualified mediation helps.
Some compromise helps.
@@cyanl.2245 Trying to contribute with some stuff I heard on Marshal's workshops.
He tries to differentiate needs from requests/preferences. Needs would be more abstract and universal, and requests would be one possible idea of how to meet that need. And needs, in the way he defines it, do not involve anyone specific doing a specific action, that would already qualify it as a request.
So, I guess your need might be for support, and your father's need for autonomy or rest. I can be wrong, and part of the process is in working toward understanding each other's needs, with confirmation from each that that's the specific need in place, before moving to working for a solution that might meet both needs.
NVC works on creating a quality connection between people involved, that puts people in a state more willing to contribute to each other's well being.
And one major need of human beings is for purpose, which Marshall suggests might influence people in doing things for others as a way to meet this need. But this works mostly if it's done out of this need, not out of guilt, fear, pressure, shame, etc.
One thing Marshall reinforces is that the objective is not for anybody to compromise, otherwise everybody pays for it, sooner or later. You'd be building resentment, and over time it would probably backfire.
The goal would be to meet everyone's needs, however working on a strategy that works well for both needs, without compromising.
So, in that sense, needs wouldn't conflict, they would be a starting point to a conversation about how to meet both needs.
Does that make any sense?
@@renatochencinski Id say yes. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it.
"when you tell someone that what they said caused you pain, you're denying the fact that you're in pain because of your unmet needs" uh no? needs can fail to be met because of the choices of others lmao if you think another person can't deprive you of your needs and can't be the cause of your pain then tell me where you live, if ya don't then u know ur wrong.
indeed though, blaming it on someone else can cause a disconnection.
but some science: 6:55, not feed the duck or thhe other birds with bread it damages their health
oh oops, yeah that example is maybe outdated then, we gotta think of something else!
@CupofEmpathy its good example but maybe its better no to test in real life but as example I think its good:)
Extremely confusing for me. 😮 easier to watch his videos, as exemples are easier to understand. Or maybe do some exemples...As its so nice of you to make it shorter.
Stop being game of right or wrong
You're beautiful
Thank you