One thing I felt the absence of here was acknowledgment of the other person’s choice about hearing your truth. I heard the statement, “I felt yucky about your request because choice is important to ME”, I was missing the extension of that opportunity for choice to the other person. Maybe that could have looked something like, “Hey, I notice that a part of me really wants to extend this care that you are asking for, and a part of me is feeling some kind of resistance. Would it be okay with you if I share what is coming up for me?” That might be one way to keep alive the spirit of mutuality - if I am feeling a need strongly activated in me, I can remind myself that the other person has this same need and reach for a strategy that acknowledges that.
I am glad that you are adding this to the non-violent communication conversation. Just using the 4 step script can be done without really empathetically connecting with the other person. All the nuances are helpful. Thank you. ❤
so though you have applied the 4 step process, the present request may be rejected because it came from an entitlement energy rather than a vulnerability energy.....love this insight, many thanks
When we don't have the time to become aware or skillful, it's true, we default to whatever survival tactics will work. In those cases, for me at least, maintaining an attitude and position of internal nonviolence becomes my practice.
I have a senior friend (79) who lives by herself and we had good relation for 9 months. I took her out for birthday lunch and shopping. But soon after that her attitude changed over what I consider a simple misunderstanding over a message she texted without name and context. I did not call her back right away as I was busy with calling friends affected by flood in NC. She felt so slighted that she started blaming me for lack of kindness and other false things because she was in lot of pain and anger from her past...so I politely declined any face to face meeting she kind of demanded while saying she does not believe and trust me etc. How to stay centered when someone cannot manage their anger and pain and dumps it on you?
@NewEarth25, that sounds so painful. I'm sorry. You stumbled upon the key, though - and there are practical steps you can take to stay centered even amidst others' painful dumping. I just wrote a blog post that has some practical tips for managing boundaries and staying grounded when others aren't. I wanted to link it here but couldn't, however you can find those articles on my blog at yvetteeerasmus.com. You can also ask this question on my live Conversations from the Heart call and we can brainstorm together! Good luck!
One thing I felt the absence of here was acknowledgment of the other person’s choice about hearing your truth. I heard the statement, “I felt yucky about your request because choice is important to ME”, I was missing the extension of that opportunity for choice to the other person. Maybe that could have looked something like, “Hey, I notice that a part of me really wants to extend this care that you are asking for, and a part of me is feeling some kind of resistance. Would it be okay with you if I share what is coming up for me?” That might be one way to keep alive the spirit of mutuality - if I am feeling a need strongly activated in me, I can remind myself that the other person has this same need and reach for a strategy that acknowledges that.
I am glad that you are adding this to the non-violent communication conversation. Just using the 4 step script can be done without really empathetically connecting with the other person.
All the nuances are helpful. Thank you. ❤
so though you have applied the 4 step process, the present request may be rejected because it came from an entitlement energy rather than a vulnerability energy.....love this insight, many thanks
It can be rejected - a full stop. If it can't be rejected it is not a request, but a demand.
Great insight! Thanks a lot for sharing! 🙏 Claification of the head vs the heart ❤️
Thank you so much for bringing this insight into the light.
The problem is during those situations where time isn't an available luxury. It's in those types of interactions where NVC is useless.
When we don't have the time to become aware or skillful, it's true, we default to whatever survival tactics will work. In those cases, for me at least, maintaining an attitude and position of internal nonviolence becomes my practice.
I have a senior friend (79) who lives by herself and we had good relation for 9 months. I took her out for birthday lunch and shopping. But soon after that her attitude changed over what I consider a simple misunderstanding over a message she texted without name and context. I did not call her back right away as I was busy with calling friends affected by flood in NC. She felt so slighted that she started blaming me for lack of kindness and other false things because she was in lot of pain and anger from her past...so I politely declined any face to face meeting she kind of demanded while saying she does not believe and trust me etc. How to stay centered when someone cannot manage their anger and pain and dumps it on you?
@NewEarth25, that sounds so painful. I'm sorry. You stumbled upon the key, though - and there are practical steps you can take to stay centered even amidst others' painful dumping. I just wrote a blog post that has some practical tips for managing boundaries and staying grounded when others aren't. I wanted to link it here but couldn't, however you can find those articles on my blog at yvetteeerasmus.com. You can also ask this question on my live Conversations from the Heart call and we can brainstorm together! Good luck!
Any NVC channel by oppressed minotiry members, especially suffering violence from police and other government officers?
I am not aware of any, but I would love to support or promote any that you might suggest