We've been trained, taught and told that other people can hurt us by what they say. If we believe that, we give our power away. So, I hear Marshall saying to listen for needs that impel others to say what they say, no matter what they tell us about what they think we "are". Instead of that static jackal language, we can get curious about what might be going on for them. The self empathy in that moment? We remember that we are not defined by what other people think about us. We are human beings doing the best we can each moment to act in alignment with our Life Energy (needs). Hope this is clarifying?!
Thank you for your comment! I would just add a component of "giving yourself" understanding and compassion that we can feel pain hearing words of other ppl. Yes, I am not defined by what other think of me, yet I care about it. I'm affected by it Irrespectively whether it's "normal" or "pathology". Just giving space to the reality of emotional reaction to what other people say.
I love his work - but I have a need for autonomy too that keeps me from being willing .For NVC to really work it needs to be a two way flow. Yes you can focus on others needs rather than their judgement to maintain your power, but eventually you say - when do they do that for you too? Just the fact we give ourselves empathy suggests we have a need for empathy too. If you have two people using and learning the NVC language it can be like magic but you can also become like a robot who can't be spontaneous anymore - there is a balance in this work - I think it is found in that sentence "by finding something that is more fun and less costly. Receive something that is more life serving" . Marshall always gives us quality food for thought though.
How bout if the other person is your mother and you are a young child...? "Don't be so sensitive!" "Be realistic" as a child you did not have the knowledge how to react... So how to 'restart'?
Very important point! Children are in very "tricky" spot since they are in "less power" end of relationship and also learn how to communicate watching parents. 'Restart' is then taking ownership of the past ("yes, it was my challenging/painful experience that had effect on me") and taking responsibility for the present (communication is one of things we can change - so learning NVC would be one of steps towards growth and awakening from conditioning of the past).
@@nonviolentcommunicationpro1602 thank you! Now l'm 60 it finally came on my path. And l'm benefitting of it and sharing it with others who have their own struggles! What a wonderful time we live in to have all this knowledge to use...!
At beginning he talks some time about it - being worried about how we react to what people do. He didn't go there in great detail though. Maybe because it's so deceptively simple and in practice there are not many steps "to do". "Just" giving space and time to what I feel, think, sense in relationship to given person/situation. It's much easier to list what not to do: advise, change, explain, judge, question etc. (so in general anything that takes me away from feeling the impact). Hope it helps a bit.
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Sonds like Socratic dialogue. Beautiful and practical. Thank you
I think SD is more mental and NVC more emotional and empathetic
This was a brilliant man. Worthy of listening to again and again.
We've been trained, taught and told that other people can hurt us by what they say. If we believe that, we give our power away. So, I hear Marshall saying to listen for needs that impel others to say what they say, no matter what they tell us about what they think we "are". Instead of that static jackal language, we can get curious about what might be going on for them. The self empathy in that moment? We remember that we are not defined by what other people think about us. We are human beings doing the best we can each moment to act in alignment with our Life Energy (needs). Hope this is clarifying?!
Thank you for your comment! I would just add a component of "giving yourself" understanding and compassion that we can feel pain hearing words of other ppl. Yes, I am not defined by what other think of me, yet I care about it. I'm affected by it Irrespectively whether it's "normal" or "pathology". Just giving space to the reality of emotional reaction to what other people say.
@@nonviolentcommunicationpro1602 yes, tenderness for our own tender hearts, wanting to be a part of, not apart from.
I love his work - but I have a need for autonomy too that keeps me from being willing .For NVC to really work it needs to be a two way flow. Yes you can focus on others needs rather than their judgement to maintain your power, but eventually you say - when do they do that for you too? Just the fact we give ourselves empathy suggests we have a need for empathy too. If you have two people using and learning the NVC language it can be like magic but you can also become like a robot who can't be spontaneous anymore - there is a balance in this work - I think it is found in that sentence "by finding something that is more fun and less costly. Receive something that is more life serving" . Marshall always gives us quality food for thought though.
Great video, thanks
How bout if the other person is your mother and you are a young child...? "Don't be so sensitive!" "Be realistic" as a child you did not have the knowledge how to react...
So how to 'restart'?
Very important point! Children are in very "tricky" spot since they are in "less power" end of relationship and also learn how to communicate watching parents. 'Restart' is then taking ownership of the past ("yes, it was my challenging/painful experience that had effect on me") and taking responsibility for the present (communication is one of things we can change - so learning NVC would be one of steps towards growth and awakening from conditioning of the past).
@@nonviolentcommunicationpro1602 thank you! Now l'm 60 it finally came on my path. And l'm benefitting of it and sharing it with others who have their own struggles!
What a wonderful time we live in to have all this knowledge to use...!
This video doesn't talk about how to give yourself empathy.
At beginning he talks some time about it - being worried about how we react to what people do. He didn't go there in great detail though. Maybe because it's so deceptively simple and in practice there are not many steps "to do". "Just" giving space and time to what I feel, think, sense in relationship to given person/situation. It's much easier to list what not to do: advise, change, explain, judge, question etc. (so in general anything that takes me away from feeling the impact). Hope it helps a bit.
Where is episode 1