Hey, Marianne. André from Brazil here. I'm glad to watch these videos because they tackle my need for practical knowledge in short time. 1. We don't cause anyone's feelings. *I do care. I don't cause.* 2. Express that you're scared to hurt. Ex: I feel scared that you may not like my message. 3. Share your message in empathic way: observation, feeling (caused by the need), need and request (specific and positive language). 4. Check with the person in between. Ex.: "You didn't reply to my last e-mail?" The idea is that we're on the same page. Don't prepare the whole message. Slow down. Break up your message. 5. Practice the dialogue: practice with someone you love and let this person tell you what is loving or not. 6. In case the person gets hurt. They may get angry, get sad (you may feel compassion) or retreat.
I’ve looked around and this is the best channel for NVC practice and teaching on TH-cam, it’s fresh, modern, and your skill in the technique is masterful, thank you for making it!
Thank you for this! I am struggling with the balance of speaking my truth and honoring that others truth especially when it might be different than mine. I’ve had past experience of hurting others feelings when I feel I am trying to express my boundaries or needs like I am doing it in a way that is hurtful or triggering to them.
Grateful to have found your videos tonight. I think what I like most after the principles of NVC is the softness of your voice. I just wrote to our local radio program, "Talk It Out" to find classes in my area or workshops. The few videos I have seen of yours gives me hope I can adopt some self healing and empathy principles to overcome my fear of dealing with an uncomfortable conversation.
Thank you for sharing! I particularly liked the part about breaking up the message into smaller pieces. I remember Marshall mentioning somewhere that 40 words or less is a good amount to aim for, before inviting the other person to say what is on their mind. I cannot remember where I found this quote though, and I am searching to find it again 😊🦒
I loved this video. It comes in the right moment for me. Awesome. Thanks! Also, it would be very helpful for me to watch this video about what to do when someone gets angry at you. I find it the main reason why I tend not to stand up for myself and to not being as honest as I would like to be. Will this video come soon?
Thank you so much for your videos! I'm new to nvc and often feel very insecure and confused while trying to use it. They answered so many of my practical questions and helped with things that I realized that I'm actually struggling with, only when I watched some of your videos:) when I hear your voice and the way of speaking I feel calmer and reassured, something that as a beginner I definitely need. Thank you!
Ha very helpful. I can see now everything that went wrong the last time I had a scary talk 😀 although I thought I was well prepared. It also gives me the opportunity to learn from it and prepare my next talk in another way. So excited to see if it will have a different outcome.
Thank you for this message and this channel. I am only now learning about NVC due to an incident with a friend. I got angry because after 3 months of her telling me I was her best friend and the plan with our road trip was to live near each other she went another way. I really trusted what she had been saying was true and because of her bad back I took care of her during this 3 months of travel. Now she’s being very distant with me. Obviously, I cannot force her to be my friend but I feel very hurt, sad and sometimes guilty that I got mad at her but still angry for being led so astray.
I love it because it helps me to get passed the fear of having these important conversations. It also helps me to be heard without destroying my relationship. Thank you Marianne, both for what you say and for how you say it. I really appreciate your delivery.
There is such a great need for what you do Marianne. I got a call from my daughter a couple of nights ago. She and her mom are not getting along. I drive out to see her and we talked. I showed her your videos and used your material to help her have a more constructive conversation with her mom. She thanks that she also wants to have better communication with her boyfriend. I know every one can benefit from your work. Please be encouraged and keep going
Hello! Your videos are beyond amazing, full of love, and full of compassionate insight into how we interact with our own emotions and the emotions of others. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! I have a question: you mentioned at the beginning of this video that you were planning to make a video discussing guilt. Was that something you were able to put together, and if so, would you please let me know where I could find it? Can not tell you how impactful and important your messages are. Please keep it up!!
I really appreciate all your videos... soooo helpful. What sequence of sentences would you recommend using to deal with a coworker who frequently complains to you about work frustrations and others? She can be quite harsh when you set a boundary. I've done it before and she snaps at me...
I liked the video and am waiting to see the video on what to do when someone gets upset because when I say how I feel sometimes my partner gets upset. I also have a question and would like to know what can I do when my partner has a need for peace and relaxation after getting home from work and I have a need for more connection since we don't live together and only talk during his lunch break and after work on his way home?
That’s pretty standard for beginners, you can’t expect to internalize and master the technique immediately- keep practicing! When you notice you’ve failed to apply it, do self-compassion and check in to connect with your feelings and unmet needs in the moment
How do i communicate in an NVC way with someone with a narcissistic personality? I understand this is a label but i dont know how else to describe someone who will not accept responsibility, will not self reflect, lives with many delusions about others and themselves, and does not trust anyone? It feels unsafe to speak honestly openly and vulnerably because he will use the info against me, twistm8t, take it out of context etc. I try to use strong boundaries, listen for his feelings and needs, and come from an empathic place, but it feels very difficult. I have to talk to this person because he's my childrens father.
Yes this is a great question, I think with narcissism one needs to set boundaries, both towards the other person and internally. NVC can help get the clarity what type of boundaries you need. If you like you could come to a (free) webinar and ask me this question and i can explore more with you. This is the next one: cup-of-empathy.webinargeek.com/nvc-for-love-relationships-7 Are you on my email list so you can receive updates about webinars?
Let me know in the comments what you thought of this video!
Hey, Marianne. André from Brazil here. I'm glad to watch these videos because they tackle my need for practical knowledge in short time.
1. We don't cause anyone's feelings. *I do care. I don't cause.*
2. Express that you're scared to hurt. Ex: I feel scared that you may not like my message.
3. Share your message in empathic way: observation, feeling (caused by the need), need and request (specific and positive language).
4. Check with the person in between. Ex.: "You didn't reply to my last e-mail?" The idea is that we're on the same page. Don't prepare the whole message. Slow down. Break up your message.
5. Practice the dialogue: practice with someone you love and let this person tell you what is loving or not.
6. In case the person gets hurt. They may get angry, get sad (you may feel compassion) or retreat.
I’ve looked around and this is the best channel for NVC practice and teaching on TH-cam, it’s fresh, modern, and your skill in the technique is masterful, thank you for making it!
Thanks a lot Matthew! Let me know if you have any suggestions.
I do care, and I don't cause. VERY useful! Thanks! Another winner.
Yay! thanks!
I know eh. When we change the way we look at things the things we look at change-Dyer and that one liner shifted a huge frame for me
❤that is so helpful ❤
your understanding of humans needs
that we all share ❤
Thank you for this! I am struggling with the balance of speaking my truth and honoring that others truth especially when it might be different than mine. I’ve had past experience of hurting others feelings when I feel I am trying to express my boundaries or needs like I am doing it in a way that is hurtful or triggering to them.
Grateful to have found your videos tonight. I think what I like most after the principles of NVC is the softness of your voice. I just wrote to our local radio program, "Talk It Out" to find classes in my area or workshops. The few videos I have seen of yours gives me hope I can adopt some self healing and empathy principles to overcome my fear of dealing with an uncomfortable conversation.
Thank you for sharing! I particularly liked the part about breaking up the message into smaller pieces. I remember Marshall mentioning somewhere that 40 words or less is a good amount to aim for, before inviting the other person to say what is on their mind. I cannot remember where I found this quote though, and I am searching to find it again 😊🦒
I loved this video. It comes in the right moment for me. Awesome. Thanks! Also, it would be very helpful for me to watch this video about what to do when someone gets angry at you. I find it the main reason why I tend not to stand up for myself and to not being as honest as I would like to be. Will this video come soon?
Thank you so much for your videos! I'm new to nvc and often feel very insecure and confused while trying to use it. They answered so many of my practical questions and helped with things that I realized that I'm actually struggling with, only when I watched some of your videos:) when I hear your voice and the way of speaking I feel calmer and reassured, something that as a beginner I definitely need. Thank you!
Ha very helpful. I can see now everything that went wrong the last time I had a scary talk 😀 although I thought I was well prepared.
It also gives me the opportunity to learn from it and prepare my next talk in another way. So excited to see if it will have a different outcome.
Thank you for this message and this channel. I am only now learning about NVC due to an incident with a friend. I got angry because after 3 months of her telling me I was her best friend and the plan with our road trip was to live near each other she went another way. I really trusted what she had been saying was true and because of her bad back I took care of her during this 3 months of travel. Now she’s being very distant with me. Obviously, I cannot force her to be my friend but I feel very hurt, sad and sometimes guilty that I got mad at her but still angry for being led so astray.
Sorry to hear that..I hope you'll get support from this channel along your way
Go for those videos! 🕺🏽
Thank you!!
This is sooo useful. Great information!
Thank you!!
I love it because it helps me to get passed the fear of having these important conversations. It also helps me to be heard without destroying my relationship. Thank you Marianne, both for what you say and for how you say it. I really appreciate your delivery.
You're so welcome!
There is such a great need for what you do Marianne. I got a call from my daughter a couple of nights ago. She and her mom are not getting along. I drive out to see her and we talked. I showed her your videos and used your material to help her have a more constructive conversation with her mom. She thanks that she also wants to have better communication with her boyfriend. I know every one can benefit from your work. Please be encouraged and keep going
Great video, it is helpful advice.
Hello! Your videos are beyond amazing, full of love, and full of compassionate insight into how we interact with our own emotions and the emotions of others. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!
I have a question: you mentioned at the beginning of this video that you were planning to make a video discussing guilt. Was that something you were able to put together, and if so, would you please let me know where I could find it?
Can not tell you how impactful and important your messages are. Please keep it up!!
I dont have the video about guilt yet, but i might still create it!
I really appreciate all your videos... soooo helpful. What sequence of sentences would you recommend using to deal with a coworker who frequently complains to you about work frustrations and others? She can be quite harsh when you set a boundary. I've done it before and she snaps at me...
I liked the video and am waiting to see the video on what to do when someone gets upset because when I say how I feel sometimes my partner gets upset. I also have a question and would like to know what can I do when my partner has a need for peace and relaxation after getting home from work and I have a need for more connection since we don't live together and only talk during his lunch break and after work on his way home?
It sounds so good in theory but in practice I fail all the time. If people snap at me out of anger I'm unable to remain calm and use NVC : (
That’s pretty standard for beginners, you can’t expect to internalize and master the technique immediately- keep practicing! When you notice you’ve failed to apply it, do self-compassion and check in to connect with your feelings and unmet needs in the moment
Did you make the video already about what to do when the other person gets upset with us ?
How do i communicate in an NVC way with someone with a narcissistic personality? I understand this is a label but i dont know how else to describe someone who will not accept responsibility, will not self reflect, lives with many delusions about others and themselves, and does not trust anyone? It feels unsafe to speak honestly openly and vulnerably because he will use the info against me, twistm8t, take it out of context etc. I try to use strong boundaries, listen for his feelings and needs, and come from an empathic place, but it feels very difficult. I have to talk to this person because he's my childrens father.
Yes this is a great question, I think with narcissism one needs to set boundaries, both towards the other person and internally. NVC can help get the clarity what type of boundaries you need. If you like you could come to a (free) webinar and ask me this question and i can explore more with you. This is the next one: cup-of-empathy.webinargeek.com/nvc-for-love-relationships-7
Are you on my email list so you can receive updates about webinars?
🙏✨
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Thank you all!