Secure Attachment vs. Avoidant Attachment, How to Tell The Difference?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ต.ค. 2024
- One of the most difficult aspects of learning about attachment styles, and achieving a sense of elevated consciousness around our most visceral experiences of love--is reconciling the “reality” of our perspective, versus the “reality” of our partner’s perspective.
If we come to discover that our reality has been colored by a lot of fear-based beliefs and survival tactics based on early attachment experiences...we may arrive at a place where suddenly we are questioning EVERYTHING about ourselves--when before we had felt so certain.
It's an interesting part of the process, one that almost requires becoming MORE confused, before you can gain even greater clarity.
And oftentimes, this confusion emerges because we struggle to understand the dimensionality of attachment styles, and the RANGE of behaviors that they encompass.
It is SO important to be asking questions like a community member of mine posted recently; “How do I know if my partner is avoidant, or just secure? How would I be able to tell the difference?”
Because it means we are starting to consider our CONTEXTS for understanding others, and the impact attachment styles have on our perceptions of who they are and how and why they behave the way they do…
And by extension, who WE are, and how and why WE behave the way we do.
And that means they are ready to really dig into the fundamental fears that we all have in common, that keep many insecure folks locked in painful cycles in love.
In this 10-minute video I talk more about this in detail, and even do a quick graph and demo to explain what I mean.
I also explain how if we have a LOT of momentum tied up in our insecurities, we can also push secure folks to become increasingly INSECURE themselves.
To avoid that pitfall and finally stop slipping into self-fulfilling prophecies, I invite you to watch the video and leave a comment below!
⭐WANT TO LEARN MORE? ⭐
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bit.ly/4LuvStyl...
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This was the most useful thing I've ever seen about attachment styles. Thank you.
Denise Spivey Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
Wow, this is a great video. When I first met my partner I knew he was secure, as was I. And then lots of old wounds came up and I projected them onto him and that pushed him away and he broke up with me. Clearly I had old trauma I was not aware of and needed more deeper work, the break up is a blessing in disguise for me to do the deeper work and become more secure in my self
Finding a lot of value in your content, great delivery. Keep up the good work
Very good! I am secure until triggered by a dismissive avoidant and in my first relationship, I became highly anxious where I was having panic attacks and that has simmer down and kind away because I was with a more secure dismissive avoidant who is reassuring but now she has broken up with me after engaging in a lot more of the deactivating strategies and causing my anxiety to go up even more. I just want to be in a relationship with somebody who wants a lot of closeness and time together. Not another DA
I can relate and understand you so well! It's like reading my own life story. Yes, you will find the right person who wants the same things you do.♥️
Annie Fortin thank you
We are all secure until triggered. That is how it works. I am ok, until someone leans in all the time. I am an avoidant, healthy... and aware ut an avoidant
@@anniefortin628I gave up to find a secure enough person. I'm done with partnerships, I guess. How are you so sure, that someone can find what they look for?
That's not secure. That's AP. Secure overall keeps regulated and don't say things like "she has caused my anxiety to go up even more" secure know they're in charge of their emotions and reactions. They don't give that responsibility to someone else.
The reasoning behind anxious attachment style comes manly from their feelings, which means they put more importance on their emotional needs before their physical needs, where as an avoidant person reasoning is much more grounded on logic and they put much more importance on the material before the emotional, that's not to say that one does not feel emotions and the other does not think logically it's just that they put more importance on what they believe in more, which actually explains the push and pull dynamic and the reason why they feel so attracted because the other person can bring the things they lack in and at the same time that thing is what makes them unable to come to a conclusion when arguing.
Because one can always beat the other for not carrying or not showing emotion and the other can always blame the other for not thinking or throw logic at them.
Well for one thing I am certain people that have Avoidant Attachment Style have a really hard time expressing their emotions, specifically romantic emotions they rather run away or change the topic than speak about their romantic feelings, and if you try to force them they will become very defensive.
Well it is still a theory but I'm pretty sure that every time I get that warm feeling in my chest when looking at a woman chances are that she is with Avoidant Attachment Style. Doesn't work on men though.
And well when someone is anxious it really easy to tell if he contacts you right away or even the other day after you have exchanged contacts chances are pretty high that person is anxious, because you know the "love advice' that some people give: "wait for the other person to contact you", and then ghost him to test him if he is anxious, well my advice is :"If you like a person don't do such things to him because you wouldn't be happy if a person you like did the same to you, if you don't like him don't be mean to him and waste his time by ghosting him."
This is very informative and gives me a lot to think about, but unfortunately I can't think my way out of my insecure attachment style.
I really appreciated your explanation of projecting onto others. I think that underscores the importance of asking instead of assuming and doing one's best to be aware of and communicating one's needs.
Well explained. Thank you.
This video has made so much sense of how i attached to different relationship!
I appreciate your kind words! It means a lot to me that my video was able to make sense of your experiences with different relationships. Thank you for your support!
I found this video enlightening although I don't seem to fit. When I started I thought I fit clear cut but I don't. Humm, food for thought.
Rolling stone for sure 100%
The culture of relationships in the US is one of many of world cultures i experienced and in which I immerse myself. Dating here in the US, i find the relationship styles highly demanding on a mental level,, hence I avoid them as there seems to be a projected assumption or expectation. I have helped most Americans I dated to understand that there isn't a set template on how to relate to others. Unfortunately, most believe there has to be a set form, so I avoid immersing or losing myself in people whom I think don't really know themselves. I feel people use me to discover more about themselves.
can relate. I'm American but not the usual.
They use you to avoid themselves.
YOU are amazing !! Thank you ... Thank you.... Thank you....
You sure know your subject…wow!
Briana, to what extent can general anxiety control, pure and simple, help an anxiously attached person practice and internalize a pattern of more securely attached behavior? I am an "Open Heart", but closer to the vertical axis in your graph - which means I have some avoidance to my clinginess (I'm not terribly clingy), but what tips me over to the anxiously attached quadrant is anxiety (I'm not so good at emotional self regulation). I am implementing a few measures for general anxiety control (gentle stretches and exercise, deep breathing repetitions, Ashwagandha, Kava Kava and 5-HTP supplements, to name a few - no prescription medicine on the list). I would love to know what your experience is recovering "Open Hearts" through general anxiety relief strategies.
Hello !
I am interested in your secure attachment style program, however I feel like bit of other styles such as avoidant and anxious, will I receive information regarding the other attachment styles with the secure package ?
Best Regards,
Allan
Its kinda annoying how these show up in my subscriber feed all in a row (pushing other content creators down) yet none of them are available yet and won't drop for weeks.
I could take your quiz and get a different result depending on Which relationship I’m thinking of, and which stage of that relationship I’m in. I’m all over the place. what category am I?
Why do you have to be a category? That's the problem in todays world everyone has to have a label. LIVE AND LET LIVE. Why does it have to be so complexed?
Good explanation. Mucho queso le tigre du pon vlamar.
You didn't answer how to tell the difference though
Can u be 3 out of 4 of them
Spice of lifer.....I go Boom
How can you tell the difference between someone very dismissive avoidant and someone with antisocial personality disorder (sociopath) both appear to lack empathy.
brain scans
Lack of remorse and manipulation is very obvious with ASPD
Why do you have to be a category? That's the problem in todays world everyone has to have a label. LIVE AND LET LIVE. Why does it have to be so complexed?
Because it is complex wtf dude🤣 go run with animals if so
@@tonytonyk I bark at the moon every night you DA. I don't need a category, or title to be who I want to be.