Got a workplace bully? Do this next
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2024
- Today, we are diving deep into a topic that affects 30% of adults in traditional workplaces and 43% of remote workers - workplace bullying.
I've witnessed and experienced bullying in my own career, as I recount in my video, "Dealing with a Difficult Boss or Toxic Work Environment". In today's video, we'll explore the numerous forms of workplace bullying, its impact, and strategies to counteract it. I delve into my personal experiences and shed light on the phenomenon of gaslighting, a psychological manipulation technique often used in bullying.
Alongside my personal insights, I discuss key points from a valuable Harvard Business Review article on how bullying manifests at work. Together, we uncover the nature of bullies, from the loud "Screamer" to the sly "Schemer", and explore how star performers are often targeted.
We also delve into coping mechanisms, how to recognize signs of bullying, when to seek support, and how to stand your ground. Remember, you're not alone in this and you deserve better.
As part of this journey, I offer tools like my Career Mapping tool, linked in the description, to help you uncover your unique strengths and guide your career journey. Check out the resources linked below, subscribe to my channel for more such enlightening content, and let's embark on this transformative journey together!
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HR can be the victims’ enemy
Correct when the bully is a favorite and plays them.
Of course, HR is for management only it seems
I am going through it for 2 years 😢😭😭😭 now HR is part of a bullying
@@milenamehari2256 I've been there too. Fortunately/unfortunately I left in the middle of the "investigation" they started. The bullies I had knew how to play HR and then were falsely stating things about my behavior. I was told to escalate the issue within HR, therefore ask that whomever is the HR person handling your complaint get removed from your case and ask for someone higher in authority to take over. Before doing so, I would try to see the person higher up would be sympathetic to your case. I had someone else working at a different company do that, and the results were in her favor as the first person handling her complaint would dismiss every matter that was brought up. I also find, that HR may tell you that something isn't legitimately an issue when in reality it truly is a legal issue- HR will try to bluff/gaslight you. In the end, its really important to have a plan B and C and D... which is to leave.
They hate to have their nail polishing time disrupted.
I’m dealing with Someone like this now in the workplace. This guy is absolutely disgusting, I really want to give up. I believe he’s trying to set me up to be fired! Individuals who try to sabotage another worker is just evil and pathetic to me. It’s very demoralizing to deal with such a person.
Same! And agree. Hang in there and get support. You're worth it
exactly!! specially with the ones using religion to attack with the Bible on hand and teaming up!!!
@@fotter9567Well I just wanted to say that if this is any type of discrimination due to your ASD, please do report it. This isn’t supposed to happen. Since the pandemic some places have gotten sloppy…but others have clamped down. You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re allowed to be accommodated if you need that. Why does it feel like we are going backwards? Ugh! I wish you lots of luck. Keep your foot down and if this toxic workplace environment continues, you need to leave for your own good! Do they have an EAP? (Employee Assistance Program). Those are great I highly recommend you access any resources and therapy you can.
I have the same thing going on right now, and he’s manipulating everyone else to kind of turn against me, but listen my friend, he hasn’t been there in 2 days and in those 2 days I found out everyone else dislikes him as much as I do! So hang in there. Things will get better and if they don’t tell someone, tell HR, tell whoever you need to to get support and speak to your supervisor about it, and where you stand on your work with them, and not this individual, if it’s your supervisor being the bully, go to the next person you feel comfortable with. I really really pray it gets better for both of us. Be true to you tho first. You are worth it, you are important, and you are accepted! ❤
@Ashbash-kf5xd You just gave away one of the bully's biggest secrets. They will work tirelessly and relentlessly to convince everyone else around them that they are so well-liked by the others around them that you dare not ever say anything bad about them. IT'S A TRICK. It's usually never true. Usually, just like you said, everyone else actually dislikes the bully and thinks THEY are a loser. They never want you to know this secret, because they believe most of their power lies in fooling people into thinking they are something they are not (a decent and respectable person).
My supervisor is totally toxic gossiping with my co workers all day she micromanaged me every day such an ugly environment thank God I found a better job 🙏🏼
Unfortunately, my supervisor is part of the problem
Stay strong.. I'm going thru the same shit, i ignored them and took the high road but now they just make up a whole ass life, when i do respond and confront; it's always "oh I was talking to so and so" and "oh no I didn't mean you" or just speaking in another language.. it's to the point where I started to second guess myself and think I was just being paranoid. I've worked there for almost 3 years in September and it's just been this year with the theatrics. Won't say it to my face or when I'm around them it's always behind my back. Now I would never resort to such tactics but I can totally see how a workplace 🔫 can occur or how someone could be driven to it.
mine too. you are definitely not alone.
I always attract workplace bullying out of being a high performer. HR and bosses have never helped so I changed my behaviour and stopped being such a high performer. It’s a private company not a worker-owned cooperative the relationship is entirely transactional. Only work hard enough not to get fired. If they wanted more out of you then they would treat you better.
I recently got fired from making a formal complaint to my bullying and despicable line manager. Remember guys, leave the place. No place deserves our value for dehumanizing us.
Amen. I’m glad that you left. Forgive doesn’t mean continuing to expose yourself to wicked behavior or acting like it didn’t happen.
@@jeannemarie3704 so if you quit what happens to your pension also what about health insurance I hope I framed the question right. When I say YOUR pension I’m just asking in general.
Currently going through something similar how did you handle the workplace gossip?
2.26.24. Quick update. I QUIT one month ago I worked in that place over 20 years and I left (with notice) quietly. Mobbing at work and they were so “shocked” when I resigned Word spreads fast. They have to guess about my where about and where I’m going next. Moved in silence. I politely ignored the exit interview that they emailed to me.
I had a coworker try to gaslight me and I pulled up receipts. I’m on guard going forward.
Unfortunately HR is not meant to support the employee but is there to protect the corporation.
💯
Yes this bullying has been happening since high school, it’s always that one person that lacks confidence in themselves, and the bully tends to manipulate others to make me look bad! People bully me because I am confident nice polite down to earth, going above and beyond at my job and lazy people hate that. I’m always thinking positive even though my personal life is broken specially since I lost one of my kids. I’m afraid to complain because people tend to believe the bully lies over the truth
I'm so sorry for your loss. You're blessed in spirit and kindness and have taught anyone who has read your message, how to add value to life in the face of great loss. You're still setting an example on how to live with purpose for your children and those around you. I'm not sure of your beliefs on death, but I feel that your child will be so proud of you when you're reunited after this life. You're walking a divine and high path - it's often a solo journey that is meant to elevate your life purpose and soul consciousness and also is to teach others that they can choose different paths and can attempt to reach the heights you walk at or maybe go higher in time. And lastly, you're totally right abt how bullies are often protected and the victim is further harmed. I wish I had advice for you. Tmrw I'm going no communication with my work place bully. In the sense that I won't be available for his toxic language and energy. I will keep or dialogue to a strict minimum - he should be ok with it bc it's obvs he hates me and hates engaging with me. I've chosen to see him as solidly as a foe and I won't allow myself to engage with trying to fix the situation bw us. He chose his path. I'll try my new path out and keep a robotic business only dialogue with him. I won't respond if he asks me anything that is beyond his job title.
Number 4 .
Stand up for your self !
The question why we atracting this behaviour ....? They target the people who are not like them ,people who have integrity that is someting bullies do not have . I'm a target who fire back at them ,so what ever they throw at me will come back to them .
People do not let assholes to destroy who you are . Called them out in the meeting front of other coworkers ,they are cowards allways operating in the group ,you need strong personality to deal with them .
@jessicaj9743 My biss is manipulated by my evil managers against me. If he believes their lies, I can lose my job and die. When a Christian is slandered, they must expose the lies. You hurt only their egoes, not their bodies.
This is easier said than done. Some bullies use the system against you under the guise of “productive management”. It can also happen over time with the pressure gradually getting worse.
Agree it just worst until you break
Yes. I just got a promotion as well as numerous new clients who insist that I work with them. I have a very nasty coworker who is basically impossible and always creates major drama at work. But usually when managers aren’t present. Her jealousy went through the roof. And since I have already experienced this persons crazy behavior in the past, I knew it wouldn’t be long before she acted out again.
The day before her huge blowup, the manger actually pulled me aside and asked me if I’d ever had issues with her because other coworkers are complaining.
I told him of a few very unpleasant incidents. He told me that he has been taking note.
Then, today. She didn’t get something she wanted at work and she literally called me a retard. She also said that I don’t take accountability and that I’m very irresponsible in life.
This was entirely crazy talk. (An attempt to undermine me and my position at work).
Funny but I have my position due to my high level of responsible behavior as well as my professionalism at work.
I did not apply for my position or ask for it. The manager confronted me and told me that they considered me to be the perfect person for the position beneath them and also for my general attitude at work.
Anyway. I stood up to the crazy, nasty, super negative, name calling co-worker.
Nobody likes her and everyone secretly wishes she’d quit but I hope she gets fired for how terribly she abuses others.
If I called somebody a “retard” at work, I’m 100% certain that I’d be fired straight away. So hopefully the same will apply to her.
I’m trying to build a tough shell so that I don’t get rattled by workplace assholes. I think I’m doing well but admittedly I hate shitheads. I’m absolutely unwilling to play games.
You’re calling out people that don’t care and do not have a conscience. It’s like dealing with reprobates. Dealing with robots. Sometimes it’s not worth the “fight”. Each person’s case is different. Call them out in front of other coworkers? Suppose it’s mobbing by BOTH coworkers and bosses. What then?
So glad you mentioned bullying at the workplace is trauma
Dont go into it, just run if its serious. Do not deal with evil, dont escalate, no HR, no manager involved. They know! Find something, do not show or talk that you want to leave, dont give them time and just leave. Dont tell them the reason you quit and dont tell where you go. They can try to harm you even when you change company.
I developed PTSD from a toxic work environment. Bullying is dangerous when companies continue to turn a blind eye. Companies should be held liable for turning a blind eye. Note, I was in a high level HR position and bullied by the boss. I was being forced to do things to employees that were not right. I fought for the employees but in return I was psychologically tormented by upper management and still suffer today.
If one confronts one's boss, who is the bully, they can fire you.
And if you’re wrongfully let go and can prove it. You have a case. Find resources to see if you have a case so you can SUE!
Document everything
This happened to me so many times and I was fired so many times due to bullies in the work place. Today, I have mastered thus since 2016 when God told me to study Narcissim. Then it explained covert, overt, and Gaslighting. I learned this like I was getting a degree in it. Now, I minister and help people about it. I just ministered to a lady about it while at a dental visit. EVERYTHING YOU SAID HERE MS. CLARKE (Dr. Clarke I prefer to call you) is just what I said to her. It is traumatic, awful social, emotional and mental abuse. It even happened to me before in church by a pastor. No one should ever go through this.
You are a blessing. Now, I boldly confront and call you out and you to stay away from me, or I'll put that pen in your life called harassment. I'm subscribed and now your biggest fan.
im a nurse and Im being bullied by doctors and nurses in a clinic - if ur a nurse manager and nurses keep quiting you have a bullying problem. And there is almost nowhere to report it.
I was a victim of workplace bullying about a year and a half ago. And I got to be honest I think that the people in charge didn't take it seriously because I'm male and the person who is doing the bullying was female but that shouldn't matter. Eventually the person was talk to they were disciplined but ultimately they left the company of their own accord. I wasn't the only one sometimes it was very indiscriminate who she would go after I saw her bring one young lady to tears over nothing. she would always blame her outburst on having bipolar disorder which I can sympathize for anybody who has that but the people around you don't want to be yelled at and berated every day regardless of what the reason is. Anyway your video was great thank you so much😊
@jessicaj9743 hey thanks for your words of encouragement and thanks for replying
I could have even wrote this, identical situation and feelings
My boss is bully who bullied an autistic girl so bad that she took her own life. Even worse the company covered it over and that woman is still there. She is now doing the same thing to others.
Know thyself... Stand up for your good contributions... Results will always silence the Bully💼
Actually my bully used my contributions to attack me with them.
Don't like #5. Like you said, high performers are more likely to attract bullies.
I have a colleague that the others co-workers doesn't talk to her, they are doing the silent treatment, and because I treat her well, sometimes one of those colleagues mistreats me with bad comments, thankfully I go to the office only once a week, because If I had to go every day I wouldn't make it.
If you live in a one party consent state purchase a small recording device and keep it in your pocket at work. Then it'll document the rude comments for you.
The bullies at my job are the ones that wouldn't no one else will hire!!
Thanks some much for this. I went through something like this about a year ago with a former manager. Needless to say I took action and after she realized that they were on to her, she resigned.
Wow, it sounds like we had the same manager .
What do you mean by took action?
HR is looking out for the company NOT you. If you go to HR, you will probably get fired next.
This is absolutely true! HR is not your friend and they will not represent an employee under duress. Best to make an escape plan and leave.
It is so refreshing to hear this. When I told my brother I was getting bullied he told me "I don't care" and assumed I was exaggerating. My mother was the same. Needless to say years later I treat them with open disrespect and dissent and I'm still awaiting the day they admit they were wrong. Family plays a massive role with bullying too. Doing nothing is just as bad as doing it yourself. I had no support from anyone in the world when it happened and basically received the message of go f*** yourself and "man up" from society as a collective. Message received. Now I am the cold hearted psychopath they always wanted but I'm not sure they're happy about it.
I am experiencing the exact same scenario. Thanks for sharing. I don't feel so alone now.
I am engaged in suing the supervisor for this type of behavior.
I made a mistake at work which I have since rectified. I owned up to it. A coworker humiliated me in front of everyone by calling me an underminer. I am so mad now. I want to quit not just the job, but my field.
I have a manager like this. I am performing very well. This is toxic behavior.
My supervisor gave me orders in the form of a single syllable shouted grunt. I'm British, he's Indian of a high Hindu caste, I am deaf in one ear but can cope if you speak clearly and don't shout. The grunt would yield no data, based on the context I would run through the menu of possible options while he lost his temper. I'd eventually find out what he wanted.
Training to operate a printer consisted of being shouted at for 10 minutes and having to sign a piece of paper. I identified a few words, but no phrases or sentences, I learned nothing.
In the eyes of this high caste Hindu I was sub human and was treated as such, I eventually just gave up and retired.
THANK YOU for acknowleding the metaphysical realm!
Very eloquent lady. Excellent advice.
Thank you so much for the helpful video and pointing out tips on how to stand up for yourself at work.
Thanks Ginny. I’m going to look at the resources you recommended.
I am a victim of a workplace bullying, I have given up just working for money but I don’t have inner peace. I doubt I will have motivation to work there
I deal with this at my apartment. Working from home and neighbors on power dynamic struggles has severely hampered my productivity and personal safety. Good advice. It takes time and really sucks.
You have to up your game, perfect your interview skills, and work for a company that has a good reputation.
A job that is too easy to get means that employer does not conduct thorough personality assessments. Especially if they have a high turnover rate, that’s a red flag 🚩
You will find the most bullies in retail, fast food, and in security guarding. You also find them frequently in receptionist positions, RN positions, and ironically enough, in HR divisions.
Call centers and cashier positions are the worst because you get bullied by hundreds of customers a day.
It’s better to take into consideration what your company values are, bigger corporations seem to have better work environments. Ensure the company does not have a history of employee lawsuits against it.
Lastly, make sure you understand the kind of customers you will be dealing with. Fast-pace consumers are the worst kinds of customers.
Great advice. Thank you!
Wow thank you so much. This was really great 👍
powerful. Thank you.
Bullying in all forms. At work and school need to be illegal.
Beautiful clear voice. Sounds like a podcast!
They fire the victim- the other workers side with the bully to avoid being bullied (triangulation) so all the supervisor sees is you- the problem. Talk and you get fired.
HR is there to protect the management.
Thanks. that was helpful. Need an advice: my colleagues complained to the boss and portrayed me in a bad light. How do I behave now? I currently have a stomach ache and would prefer not to go to work at all. However, the boss said that if I don't work on myself and implement the demands of my colleagues, I can change my direction! They haven't even been honest about their own paleness and aren't helping me even though they should!
Yes, these bulliies are really evil and manipulative.
Great video. 🙏🏿💪🏿🏁
To summarise: ‘see the signs’, ‘talk to HR’, ‘get support’ and ‘look at yourself’. With the aim of helping others: I’ll post a better link below if I find anything helpful.
Record every interaction with said bully on your smart phone. Play it for HR and tell them it must stop or there will be legal action.
I work in a hostile environment. It was already hostile before I took the position.
Besides resigning. What do I do?
Your mental well being is far more important than fighting something that’s not worth fighting for, find another job quietly
Its not always that easy get another job.
Been in 5 toxic bully jobs
I've started researching employment lawyers.
I was watching a short video of what a lawyer said and one of the first things he said was, "DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB" and he gave his reasons why. I'm being harrased/bullied at my job and that was the first thing I thought about is to quit. 😕😕
@@Theowlhawk. Most of those jobs have a 100% tolerance for bullying. “They” LOVE it.
One of the managers at my job picks on me often. It’s wild, but not surprising because I’m a down to earth person who’s there to work! The other day just for example, she was being messy & said, “Melissa I’m sad you won’t miss me! I heard you text everyone that it was good to work with them & I want that text too.” Which I didn’t; My coworkers got quiet, but their faces said it all. They knew this wasn’t true!! Joke’s on her because I’m not the only one who isn’t fond of her 🤷🏽♀️
dang, even remote work doesn't protect against bullying.
And they blame you for being the troublemaker if you decide to speak out and ask for help. I’ll just shut my mouth and not interact at all.
Where can I get the article? Currently going through this and I have to leave my career behind because of it
Hi. I am still on my first month probationary period and I felt that I am being bullied by my direct supervisor. On my first day she told me that I am not the first choice for the position and keep on reminding me to master everything to show them I deserve to be offered the job. I tried my best. But every time I made mistakes she will close the door and bombarded me with harsh words like ‘you’re too slow’ I don’t know why the hr pick you or if I ask again she will say ‘ I already told you this. ‘ I am not allowed to ask a colleague. If she heard me asking, she will email
Me saying do not ask them. In a month I developed anxiety fear and self doubt. I am not sure if I will survive 3 months.
@jessicaj9743 thank you so much for this. I will be turning 2 months in 2 weeks. And that is totally what I did. I offered everything to Him. I offered all my fears, anxiety and self doubt in my prayers. I still hear harsh words but I gain support from my colleagues. Still a long way to go but I am just staying away from any workplace dramas but trying to do good in my task hoping she will change. 💗🙏
#metoo and I leave the German Company in Germany of course, its not only in America but I think all over the world. I'm glad I managed to leave the toxic workplace which composed of european colleagues at work who are low vibes energy vampires poor souls. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experienced . Sending love and lights 💚💥🌹🌻
I’m currently dealing with bullying and harassment by a female co worker. It’s gotten to the point where she’s threatening to kill me and has tried to run me over with her car. I’ve gone to my management twice about her behavior but all the did was write her up.
You need to report that to police then.
Yes, report to the police and make a plan to leave ASAP. Unless you have signed up to be put in harm's way, no civilian job is worth that kind of threat. The company and management are responsible for keeping thier employees safe at work, rather than kicking a very dangerous can down the road. There is no excuse whatsoever for them to tolerate an employee that makes serious threats.
Right. What am.I supposed to learn from this?
Just saying that for kids suffering from playground/school bullies, it's just as real 😢
Forgive and leave it in God’s Hands, He will repay:
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, o“if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Romans 12:19-21
@@EYRM9 I have a different believe system, thanks for sharing though. My child is doing better these days.
Bullying in HMRC
My daughter had a campaign of nearly 18 months of bullying. When she spoke out was moved but she was not in the click.
Eventually on Tuesday they got her to the point she wanted to commit suicide.
One person in a high position was able to get her to breaking point.
Worst thing you can do is believe you will be protected if you speak out.
But life is sweet, 6 years isn't 7, I will wait because I still work there, I think I will be the next but I am not a young person I have come across these people before
I keep telling me “Stand your group”
I'm watching this now because I feel uncomfortable and worried what's going to happen with coworkers who have been bullying/disrespect another coworker who was transferred to another workplace,because of this feeling I had to speak with union representative my job HR and their attorney when they ask me about the person being bully,I feel like a snitch by saying yes these people did bully him but I didn't mention how they disrespect me because I usually ignore people like that...yeah right what I'm going through is a bit stressful.
Lady you are the 1st one to stay stand your ground. Most consultants in your business are basically telliing people to be punch bags.
Facts
35 years ago my Manager was a screamer, at James Avery Craftsman. I discovered that James Avery himself was also a screamer. I Reported my Manager, on a questionnaire about my job performance. Reporting her only got me in trouble with my Manager. The Company did not care.
I got an entire company harassing
and bullying me. Its a small town and the owner is a powerful politician. I believe she is giving orders. But they always trying to say things are missing. They act like im a puece of crap. I think they broke my car so i would break down. Its getting bad they follow me. They got my neighbors spying on me. I don't know what to do.
What if HR is the bully?
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙌🏻🏆
I’m currently being bullyied by a coworker and the hr manager
Zero respect for HR. They turned their heads & never investigated. They did, however, tell the abuser everytime an employee used the confidential hotline.
Record them & only take your grievance to an outside agency. I was held hostage, threatened in a 4am mtg. to sign a release form to take me to a mental facility w/my GM telling me he's a doctor & my mgr. grabbing my arm to get me to sign. This was part of his smear campaign of telling the employees that I was suicidal & to stay away.
Forgive and leave it in God’s Hands, He will repay:
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, o“if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Romans 12:19-21
Omg!!! 😮😮 what?? Oh I hope you just ran out and quit. That is so terrible..
This lady is the best female leader. Imagine, a petite female with an entry level job was bullied and envied by a c-level trash male. I got myself in a situation like that.
Jobs 😒 what a toxic, thank for me I got lucky.
Yeah, did not need the blame, but thank you for the content. I am a "pretty white lady" who is constantly bullied, even from a family I have gone no-contact from over a year ago, but still hear their critical voices in my head every morning before my first coffee. I am creating a TH-cam channel called Pretty White Lady to address the issues I have been facing, as almost the whole of society likes to take my physical appearance and decide that I must possess the perfect life of the "pretty white lady" that they see on TV. Worse, they decide that based on that, I probably need to be "taken down a bit" because my life is just non-stop great in their ill-informed opinion, and so they decide to bully me at almost nearly every interaction I have had in the past few months, and things only seem to be getting worse, even though I'm almost 53 years old. It has nothing to do with me, everything to do with them, and I resent being told by you that it could have something to do with me. All I have ever wanted is to get along with people, not only that, but be an extremely supportive force in other people's lives so that they can grow. All of this will be revealed on my channel in the upcoming weeks and months. People who are relentlessly bullied do not need it put back on them. Thank you for your content other than that point.
Well this was a complete waste of time........
Epic brewing salt lake city
Racist
How are people bullied as remote workers. How is that possible?
Never bullied at my remote job only my in person side resturaunt gig. My day job is a real career where none of the behavior juvenile behavior I see at my night job would be tolerated. Why? Because it greatly reduces profits by reducing efficiency. You need a team that works well together regardless of their personal disconnections or conflicts. It must remain out of the workplace. Professionalism isn’t common in entry level jobs. It’s a mixed bag and every combination of employees at every shift hour has a different dynamic. Oh how I wish managers would see when we are doing our best and happiest and continue to schedule us like that. I wish managers were open communicators and not dictators. Ask us who we want to work with, let us self eval and give us performance reviews to include what we do well and what we can improve upon and how we can do that. Incentivize us for personally improving even though your contract expects superhuman performance for minimum wage please recognize that we are humans working for you and you are a human too. What’s the point leading people in the workplace if all aspects of leadership make you miserable? People are really just being managers for the paycheck, for the bonus that the low TIPS paid employees never see but put in all the work to get.