How To Deal With A Bully Boss At Work: Secret # 2 of 5 Secrets for dealing with bully bosses
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
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In this professional communication training video How to Deal with a Bully Boss at work, communication coach Dan O'Connor walks you through the way to approach your bully boss to stop him from bullying YOU. You can't change who he/she is, but you can definitely create the boundaries so YOU don't have to tolerate inappropriate comments and bullying. Please bear in mind that these techniques are not for psychotic bosses or other mentally ill people or true abusers. The way you deal with those people is to RUN and never come back. These tips and techniques are for truly difficult people in the workplace--and they are legion.
#bullyboss #difficultpeople #professionaldevelopment
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Make sure to check out Dan's website www.danoconnor... for your free book and/or tutorial, and examine the many communication training programs you'll find there as part of his VIP pack. There are courses on:
-Getting unstuck and moving ahead in your career
-How to gain the respect and acknowledgement you know you deserve
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-How to deal with difficult people at work--notably bullies, gossips, and people who make inappropriate comments
-How to be seen as the competent professional you know yourself to be
-How to approach your job with confidence and earn the respect of coworkers
-Job interview skills
-How to deliver bad news to a customer
-Communication Skills for Leaders
And many many more
Dan can be reached at dan@danoconnortraining.com. You can learn more about him and his training on his website, www.DanOConnorTraining.com, or you can call him at 877-570-1573 701-205-4141 if calling from outside the US.
My coworker did this and the bully boss agreed. Only to amplify the bullying and mistreatment shortly after.
Time to do it again.
Of course. That is what comes after you apologize and condone their behavior. These tactics work with competent reasonable people, not jerks.
@@the.blue.raven7777 true.
@@the.blue.raven7777 right!!
@@the.blue.raven7777 the title says this technique should be used with bullies. I can't see how any bully is not a jerk
Seriously, y'all have never met my boss. She's a narcisist
A difficult boss and a narcissistic boss are two totally different things.
@@TheWizardOfWords would you use this same tactic for the narcissistic boss or is there something different?
Thank you. Still looking for a video in an unprofessional environment where there is a lot of hazing (screaming, bitching, calling names).
Ugh, the worst environment. These orgs need to own s I’ll me accountability when they allow such environment
I have a boss that changes the way she wants things done almost daily. I was not trained to do my job at all I was told to go in and do it. My boss has told me that I am quite good at one aspect of my job however the way I go about doing that part of my job seems to really bug her to the point that those specific areas are being removed or rushed. She is suddenly starting to question me about things and actually checking behind me even those there has never been a problem or delay in getting those things done, I have always been early with the paperwork part of my job, and I have completed paperwork for other employees. I have asked her repeatedly if there is a problem and she always says no. She does not like questions at all and seems to expect my only response, to her changing things or checking behind me, to be ok.
Your boss sounds very immature, low self-esteem and most likely has no clue how to do her job. I hear a bit of gas lighting as well. Good luck!
You intimidate her with your competence.
You were right, Dan: that’s a lot to swallow. But I can also see the effectiveness of it.
You’ve got a gift my friend
Thanks Weapon :)
HI Dan I missed you! Glad to see you again and enjoy your style and humor..thank you
I work construction. My boss and some of my coworkers are waspy pricks. These flowery communication tactics won't do shit. If anything, they will draw more ridicule.
Isaac, what happened when you used them with those waspy pricks?
To say that one is incharge of how one feels is not okay. A bully is a bully and it is important to note that when it is a superior one cannot dismiss them off, it is not like standing up to playground bullies when you have to work to live. Look for options also in the mean time unlike what this video suggests try talking to other colleagues who you think are also experiencing similar things from this bully, it helps to share notes to know you are not alone or going crazy
To say you are in charge of your feelings, and EVERY relationship in your life is to say DEAL WITH IT. In other words, being in charge doesn't mean acceptance. It means handling the situation instead of caving. There is nothing wrong with "sharing notes," as you put it, but that alone does not solve the problem of keeping the bully away from your boundaries, does it?
Love Dan O' Conner channel ❤😷🌻
EXCELLENT, as always. Thk u!
This was incredibly helpful and really got me out of a rut today
Here I am again.Another lessons to reflect my everyday life.Thank you so much.
You are very welcome!
Excellent tactics! I’ll have to practice and try this. Have a meeting on two weeks. Boss wrote up for not pulling weight around the office after being assigned an extra 40 projects (down one coworker at that time) and not “volunteering” to do extra web work or creating social media posts. Feel cornered. The content hear is great.
Let us know how that meeting goes, Magical.
Dan, the meeting went excellent. I ended it at “we are a team” and shorten this to remember the main points. I think shifting this on me was the game changer since she didn’t have anything to say and actually pointed out some of her own faults to me. The realization is leaving the ego at the door as you said and really saying it with meaning, that was the hardest part.
Oh my goodness! Truth! I need to have this conversation today! Pray for me🤣
I'm on my knees :) :)
Any results?
I quit without notice and changed my whole career over bad boss 😂 one of best decisions I ever made. And I will be changing something soon too cause recent newest job upgrade after working in passion career for years has toxicity.
I just did this and when I asked my narcissistic micromanaging boss could she agree to do the same? Her respond was I don’t need permission to have a face to face conversation! Lol
:) :)
My VP would stop me about three words in and ask, “What the fuck is this? Therapy? I don’t give a fuck. Just do your job.” Lol
Actually, "just do your job" is something that should be heard more often in the workplace. I'm all for that. However, that doesn't mean employees should be afraid to defend their boundaries. If you, Brutus, are afraid to defend you boundaries, that is a problem--for you.
Thank you. I am a nurse working in a remote hospital. There is an ER nurse, working with an ER Doctor who every one says is on the spectrum, this his behavior is excused. His interaction with me are disrespectful and demeaning. I hate my job, but must go to it to support my family. I have been a nurse for 37 years. I have NO other employment options 5years ago this would not have bothered me. For some reason now it cuts deep
I know many people on the spectrum; they are kind and respectful. Yes, sometimes they can't read the room, but they would NEVER be mean. Yes, sometimes they can be abrupt and even rude (unintentionally), but if you bring it to their attention, they will try harder. This doctor is using his "condition" as an excuse to be mean and dismissive? That is NOT acceptable behavior. I hope you speak to him privately and point out that his behavior is demeaning. If you choose to do that--be very specific in your examples--no generalizing. If you are specific in your examples and ask that he not speak to you in a demeaning manner--you might be surprised at his response.
I used some of the script and the individual actually apologized. So we shall see if it holds
An apology is a great start, and I'll bet his apology surprised you. No doubt your comments surprised him. Toni, most of us--MOST of us are doing the best we can and will respond to a nudge if we're screwing up.
@@TheWizardOfWords this was the most empowering result. Afterwards he went to my actual supervisor and said that I was a delight to work with. A delight... He gets very overwhelmed when the noise level is too high. Also, I know exactly how to communicate with him now.
My boss would/will never apologize- Ever! 🤦🏽♀️
Forgive his insecurity. That's about all you can do. People who cannot acknowledge error or the pain they've caused others are truly--truly--sad. They try to cover their fear and weakness with dominating and bullying.
@@TheWizardOfWords I quit, on Wednesday. She lied during my review, blamed be for not learning what she never taught me. They didn't count my first 90 days, started a recount of another 90 days. I had more too lose if I stayed. Back to the job hunt🤷🏽♀️. Thank you for your videos!!
Daniel, this is brilliant! What you said about giving others power and diminishing yourself also spies to people who cannot get over the past. I think this video us the best so far. In fact, it was so excellent I won't even make a tacky comment associating the relinquishing power to the whole top/bottom dynamic.
You were ALMOST able to refrain from the tacky comment, Michael. Now you must ask yourself what brought that to your mind.
@@TheWizardOfWords GAWD. Give me some credit. Following your channel has improved my communication skills. The only training I had before you was Dale Carneghie's advice, "Picture your entire audience naked."
Sorry, this is terrible. This is just forgiving abuse in the workplace, and begging for approval from someone who has failed in a leadership role is not a direction anyone should take. If someone is in the position of power in a company, reflecting their values, morals, and ethics, and that is how they treat their workers, that is probably not a company you want o be a part of. If it is a matter of 'keeping the lights on' and paying bills, don't quit on the spot - but recognize you shouldn't tolerate that treatment and look for employment that doesn't make you feel belittled on a daily basis.
It's true, people treat us the way we allow and that's definitely the case but it's not like I don't want to say something,i really can't, I need the money for bills
Go Portugal 🇵🇹! Nice jumper 👌😁
Thanks for your videos.
You're welcome Vilman, and yes GO PORTUGAL. :)
I can’t wait to meet people that love me for me
He puts me in a new section of the kitchen and proceeds to yell and swear at me because I'm not handling it as well as the other chefs. I start having a panic attack mid service and he yells - in front of everyone - I DON'T GIVE A F##K!! F##K OFF THEN!! I am struggling to breathe and see through my tears but I keep going. I am broken. I have told him abut my anxiety and explained the way he treats me makes me worse at my job, yet he doesn't change. Do I really take responsibility for that?? I don't want to go home and drink every night. I love being a chef but I'm seriously broken I can't take this much longer.
Sixolive, first of all, you don't take responsibility for a person who treats you like that after you have asked him to stop. But you do take responsibility for staying where you are. FIND A NEW JOB AS CHEF SOMEWHERE. Don't say "I can't." Figure it out, even if you have to open up your own catering service. Step back and figure it out. You have described a situation that you find unbearable and that is breaking you and driving you to drink. LEAVE THAT SITUATION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Move to a different town if you must. Do whatever you have to do.
Dear Dann
Could you make a Video for surgeons and other medical docters? Because these people have absolutely no Moral. Just to ilustrate. We had to operate a little girl with appendicitis. She behaved odd because she was abused at home. I told my Boss that we should help her. He immediately said I should stop that ridiculous ideas. We only should operate. And my Interest in the Future of this Girl meant that I am a Bad surgeon. I like my nurses and my patients. But my 2 Bosses... I hate them because of their unendless lack of ethics. I helped the girl and her mother in secret and continue helping patients in secret. How can I handle these psychopaths? and how can I prevent they hurt my patients? (they do simple operations quick without care, which causes more pain)
This is the best. Thank you!!
Woooow
I love this
Thank you
Where is the rest of the videos?
I love how you flashed "or keep your trap shut" multiple times! Made my night 😂👌
Can someone help. Dan made a video and I can’t seem to find it, on what to say when you are put on the spot with a question and need time to answer . It was so helpful.
Hi danfield01; I'm pretty sure this is what you're looking for--th-cam.com/video/kStOZXBRb3c/w-d-xo.html It's titled "The Secret to Responding and not Reacting."
Online Communication Skills Training Courses thank you Dan.
Dan, please do a video on how to handle someone who has decided they are going to micromanage your day even though you are an executive.
This person is your boss? Can you give me an example of what he/she is doing?
Hello there dan, good video. I was wondering if may make a video request. I have some one in my life and she gives lots of unsolicited advice. I find it frustrating and I was wondering if you could help.
Go to my channel and search "unsolicited advice" and see what videos come up for you.
Hello there Dan, thank you for your reply I couldn’t find anything for unsolicited advice.
Please don't apologize to narcissistic billy bosses...this will not work.
It might work for miscommunications but not for a real psycho.
Absolutely not. They are bat poop crazy.
Excellent video
Thank you very much!
I see Portuguese kit, I press like
Your editing is really good Dan O’Connor
Well, you inspired me! I have to try and keep up. You can see how challenged I am. Please don't write me off!
This video is underated.
I had an issue with a team leader, on a life changing project. Really high end stuff, like motion picture big. The leader was saying (what I perceived) as passive Aggressive/slick/condescending things in an online work page type of thing. I let it slide for about two weeks. Nothing that I could really come to complain about, but it would off put my attitude towards the whole project when it happened. I get along with most people, but Im a relaxed guy, but alpha so I don't take shit. I will if I have to....but I don't like it, and i never get disrespected for any extended period of time. I usually nip that fairly quickly, so this situation was getting stressful.
Anyways...I did the steps that you shows in the video. Kinda fumbled parts of it. I asked for just a couple of minutes, and got about an hour and a half of good conversation, insight into future projects, and even some proposals of a permanent position in the future. It was Alot better than I thought it was gonna be.
Just have to thank you, because I really didn't know what to do. Loose something I've been working for years to get, o r.mynself respect. I had a man to man with the guy, and I feel great! Like fucking amazing! And if I had lost the position, I would have felt good because I had said what was in my mind, kept it professional, and let the dude know that I won't be f#cked with.
Your amazing man. I can tell that you are the life of the party wherever you go. I hope nothing but great things come your way, and that you can spread your positive messages to more people in need.
Caveman_35seven you have positively made my day by sharing your story and extending your positive wishes my way. Thank you so much. (As far as being the life of the party--I don't know. I try to enjoy myself and figure that an occasional lampshade on the head won't hurt me.)
🎉if you have not subscribed
I don't know what to say since i was out here using a pole so when i recognized what was here i RAN HOME TO GET MY NET
The internet is not what it was presented and if you want your potential to expand these are EEESENTIALLLLLL
SKILLS At any layer which your life briefly can achieve dont go back to sleep the effort to adopt and practice is the future if humanity
Hi Dan, thanks so much! Are parts 3-5 available?
Hi Jananya: Anything I have would be found by searching my channel. If you want more in-depth on the topic, please go to danoconnortraining.com
@@TheWizardOfWords the search feature seems to have a bug on my phone, it gives general results instead of channel-specific... That's the reason I asked. Thanks :) these two videos were tremendously helpful.
How do I access information about one on one coaching?
Write Jean at jean@danoconnortraining.com
What do you do if your bully boss has convinced his boss to back him and you are the problem now he’s punishing you by calling a meeting with HR and 3 other managers? Who can help in this scenario where it seems like this is set up to get one fired
Ask to go to the meeting and be prepared to state your case and answer whatever points your bully boss brings up. Truth is your best defense. Having said that, I would also suggest examining your past conduct to see if you are contributing to the problem. If you're not, your own defense should be easy, Vigilante4. Remain focused and calm and address only behavior--never motives.
I’m sorry but that advice isn’t going to work. I’m constantly belittled in front of everyone everyday by my boss. Anything I do is made an example of. I just stare in disbelief. I recognize that she’s young and gets ridiculed by her dad the owner so she takes it out on me. I just let it go.
Debbie, I think your first sentence might need a "for me" at the end. Also--from what you've said--you haven't tried it yet. Having said that, if you sincerely can let it go, that's great. These videos are for people who can't just let it go, and that would be the majority of humankind. :)
The problem in my company, bullying is their way of communication. And that's the culture.
That's a tough situation, Johnny, and I'm guessing for one reason or another you're choosing not to leave. The only thing you can do is protect your boundaries as best you can--and realize that their ignorance is about them, not you.
Ideally yes but if your boss doesn't like you the best thing to do is leave. If he is breaking the law you can sue him after you leave if not leave. Life is too short
First, you might ask yourself why he/she doesn't like you, and if it is some trait you'll be bringing with you to the next job. Or should you deal with it and him/her right now.
My boss would use these words against me and get me fired
If you believe that, don't use those words.
When will you be doing another live stream?
Dang this is savvy smart!
I wish I found this channel sooner
Today's priority is my mental, body, and soul health.
While I appreciate these trainings, in the real world it just ensures our backs are the target if we attempt to 'train' toxic bosses. The only 'cure' is find somewhere else to work.
I believe in extreme cases, you have to leave. I also believe there are many instances in which you can train people how to treat you. Mind you--that is the extent of the training. You're not trying to change who they are. You are simply creating boundaries and training them how to treat YOU--and if that does not work--then I agree with you--LEAVE. One final thought, IM: I do live in the real world, worked for years in the real world, and observe(d) the real world. One thing I observe is that frequently people assume things won't work prior to trying them. I don't think that's a good life plan unless you're wondering if the stove can be filled with gas prior to ignition.
@@TheWizardOfWords I will give it another shot to train the toxic leaders how to treat me due to there is a 80/20% chance I'll get another toxic employer. I do try to make things better but history has shown it puts the target squarely on my back if these gas lighting bosses have anyone talk to them, much less try to build a professional reltionship. Their fragile egos and low self-esteem is too rooted to hear what anyone says.
Let me know how it goes with the next toxic boss. You have to try before you can dismiss this approach, IM.
@@TheWizardOfWords. Love your channel. If someone is an empty shell no amount of training is going to “make them see the light”. They lack empathy and compassion. It’s like their conscience is SEARED. I’m not saying this applies to ALL people. When making eye contact with SOME people you can look into their eyes and it’s almost like they are soulless. Not sure if you’ve seen that blank cold stare.
GAH I HATE THIS but you’re right and it’s true, I gotta drop the ego and look at what I really want out of the situation. It’s politics and i hate it 😭
Well, hopefully it's more clarity than politics.
You crack me up LOL
Subscribed 😂
Great and thank you.
@The Wizard of Words The only narcissistic people I have to deal with are in the workplace 🙄 The only place they feel safe I get paid, but not enough to deal with these despicable so called subhumans!
Okay what uf the bully will not even address the issue
You're working at the wrong place, Toni.
Two months in and the gas lighting is horrifying. I enjoy the work but the culture is a mask for underlying behavioral crud. This is how it is where I live though, wealth doesn’t make people act well. Ugh, I’m so over it. I want to empower myself with your videos, subscribed, notifications, likes for each vid!
Thank you, Lunarae. Much appreciated.
Tjis conversation will only work when uou are draling with a person of sound mind who does not relish making people feel like shit
No words or scripts or techniques work on everyone, Toni. That's true.
what if it's a Narcissistic Psychopath?
Run for your life. Seriously.
Yeah I know if the boss is this which in my case I know it is nothing you do or say or don't say or don't do or whatever it is the list can go on for miles ..they will just get worse and worse. In some cases I can see that everything will blow up it their face if you stand back long enough and observe don't absorb. It is though better to run if you can.
He is Portuguese or Portuguese descendent. That's all I trust I have in him ✌️✌️honest
Hmmmmmm
Lol I know you mean well here and I see your point but this sounds grovelling to me, like a start your own business pep talk.
Frequently handling people with kid gloves can get you to the goal faster than punching them with those gloves.
@@TheWizardOfWords I’m sure you’re right, I’m sure it’s the wise and mature path, what I mean is it highlights how challenging these dynamics are - cajoling people into behaving with decency seems like such a headache that for me, it’s coming off as motivation not to have a boss. I don’t ever want to be in that position again.
I hear you Claire.
Wow 😳 taking responsibility for someone else's bad behaviour is a great way to become a doormat for life, I'm sorry but this is awful advice.
Telling people to accept that it's your fault and you can change people is just wrong.
You might want to watch this again, King. We take responsibility only for our own behavior--and anything other than that is coming from a video that is not of my making.
@@TheWizardOfWords you can't change bad behaviour but accepting blame for it
You must have watched a different video, Wimmie.
🐥
Really bad idea!
Then handle your boss as you see fit.
wwwwwwwwwwoooooooowwwww this is amazingggg. Its not my direct boss, but a peer to my boss who wont stay in her own lane, shes the bully and her admirers are the management. I have a meeting with her by chance tomorrow and the timing couldnt' be more perfect. I hope i get the courage. You're incredible.
Let me know how it went, Bre.
Dan
Thank you Dan!! I'm not sure if I'll need to speak to the person at my workplace in such a way, but if I feel its necessary, I'll remember your good advice.I did manage to deescalate some unreasonable criticism of my job performance, and after that she left me alone.But I have 3 people above me who are all delusional beatches, so its a challenge.
I feel you!
I never been so abused emotionally and verbally until I started my remote job I been doing the same job for almost 10 years and I never been treated so awful my boss is a bully
That sounds like a whole lot of grovelling. No way would I ever do that.