As a woman living in todays age, a marriage in which my husband is constantly looking at porn, having lustfull thoughts at strangers, going to strip clubs, and on top having a phone with on demand “naked women” it’s exhausting and extremely taxing to one’s psyche. I don’t blame her for feeling like her partner is not HER partner. To me if a man acts this way, he’s lacking the moral foundation that is needed for a healthy marriage. I hope they both heal and work on having a better moral foundation within themselves.
It’s so refreshing to see other people voice the exact thoughts in our minds. Extremely cathartic to know we are not alone! It’s good to see more and more people expressing this very belief! Too many people are trying to normalize things that humans have used to outsource cheating. Like damn. 😩
@lorainefleeman6011 is that much of a surprise, tho? If a man values digital women over his actual wife, I don't think his wife will stop craving the touch of a real man... same thing with men.
@@BudTuggly69 It's funny how you're using red herring here to disregard the topic here (a man for served divorce papers). Of course this can happen with a man serving a woman. I did not say anything about how perfect the woman might have been, no human is perfect. Stop trying to start an argument over a conversation we weren't even having. Get off the red pill internet and touch grass. Byeeee!
@@BudTuggly69For real. The reality is she's a cheater and a liar. You can hear it in his explanation of what happened, even though he himself can't tell. I mean she was SA then still spent time with the same guy? Then went to another co workers house and had an affair? Then wanted alone time at the gym? This chick took her husband's trauma and tried to make it her own so it couldn't be weaponized against her. Dude dodged a major bullet. He has problems too, don't get me wrong.
Why in USA you're seem to be all so rushed to get married.? Is it because you guys over there are still so religious? Here in Europe we don't marry that young, soon but sometimes after years of knowing each other and mostly for practical reasons more so than for romantic or religious reasons. I wonder because I see a lof of divorce on divorce with awful laws that are not in favor of the male partner. Excuse me for the English it is not my native language.
@@sloeberdoet Young marriage was only a part of this guy's problem. He was r*ped while in the military. That untreated and probably unreported trauma drove this man to turn to alcohol, and drugs. I am not sure if his porn addcition was a result of his having been abused or if it predated his time in the military, but my money is on it having been a coping mechanism after the abuse. . It is safe to say that this young man had some very serious mental health deficits. In general I believe most people lack the maturity and self awareness to choose a life partner much before 30.
@@nochannel1q2321a movie or TV show with actors telling a story is not cheating. Paying tk have a women out her body all over you is cheating. And going to a place meant for men or women to lustniver naked women is cheating
@@nochannel1q2321you poor soul, being in the presence of naked women is a lot different than seeing a sex scene in a movie, where the majority of nudity is of a woman as well. It sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. Date a stripper if you want a woman to be okay with you getting lap dances, but even she may not be ok with that.😂
@@nochannel1q2321 men watching romantic comedies is not cheating and women watching romantic comedies is not cheating either. Women or men getting sexual dances from strangers is cheating. It isn’t that hard
@@tilleliyaz4901lmfao his justification is wild. lol having another woman of the opposite sex rubbing on his body somehow equates in his mind as the same thing as women going to the cinema to watch movies? lol families go out together to watch movies too
Porn can be an addiction when it becomes compulsive and interferes with your daily life. It doesn't sounds like this guy really has an addiction. He just likes to watch it like a lot of men and some women do. She thought porn was so bad, she started cheating on him with multiple men.
@@RosyBibliophile - You re so wrong. Why don’t you watch documentaries of the abuse that goes on in porn and caused by porn. No compassionate human would support human trafficking.
Yep. He brushes past a comment like “going out in public and looking at women”- if youve been w a porn addict you know this feeling. It’s AWFUL. There is research that confirms p*rn addicts will envision every woman they see n@ked. It’s a constant trauma to be walking around with a man like that.
@RosyBibliophile much of p0rn is nonconsensual. How could any human with self respect watch something like that? You never know if you’re getting off to r@pe if you watch p0rn. Look into the stats on this- research is widely available.
Men's sexual needs are prioritized over everything to the point now where we are supposed to allow men in private spaces with women. Indulging their sissy fetishes in public making us unwilling participants. Men's gratification and orgasms Trump absolutely everything.
While I don’t disagree with you that men often throw their marriages away for lust, women do too. I’ve been on the husband side of that. Women also throw their marriages away for shallow things as well; appearances, titles/positions/power, money… it all comes down to needs being met and understanding what your spouses needs are and the best way to meet them. Both partners in that first situation were a mess and didn’t value each other one bit.
Living in her dad's house, basically bumming it out and still manages to treat the daughter like crap while demanding that she lowers her standards which are already too low. What a catch!
@katiejon17 I did listen to some of it and mentioned that her standards are already low- for herself and for a man. Of course it's wrong to cheat. I don't need to state the obvious. The nuances that you missed - at least not cheating while living in his family's home and while living off of him, and did not demand that he accept the cheating- which is precisely what he did.
@@katiejon17 "cheating"? He said she was sitting in her car talking with her boss. Later, he said it came out in therapy that the boss sexually assaulted her. His words "she said no". Talking is not cheating and being assaulted is absolutely not cheating. It seems like they are not well matched and neither of them was concerned about caring for the other.
@@katiejon17 HE SAID THE WIFE CHEATED. We don't know if this is true. When I divorced my husband for INCESSANT cheating and wasting marital funds, he told EVERYONE that I was on. the phone with a man that made him uncomfortable. The man was my married, male gay friend, whose friendship pre-dated my husband. My ex husband didn't mind when my airline friends gave him free tickets or brought us first class food when we flew on their flights. He didn't mind when his ass was sitting in first class for free. But sure used that 'MALE FRIENDSHIP" to smear me. I had to send everyone a photo of my friend and screenshot of our text messages. I couldn't PAY my gay friend to cheat with me lol
@@katiejon17 It's not a good reason, but her cheating is yet another symptom of a very toxic relationship. Things don't come to a head over one reason, but many. The root cause is definitely his porn/stripper addiction and emotional unavailability though. If he didn't have this problem, their marriage would still be intact. In the end, they were a terrible match
I would too. More people need to be called out for their perverseness. It’s so low level scummy. You married a person to be with, not a mom to do your home chores and fulfill your sex fantasy when you get home. So entirely disrespectful. If you want to be a boy, don’t trap someone in marriage.
HAHAHAHA this is why women will die alone, they dont understand men at all and will leave them for anything, meanwhile no one wants you like that, especially post 35
I agree! I was thinking the same exact thing because if a marriage isnt in a good place and ahead of time, strip clubs were known to be off the table and he did it anyway then there’s an obvious disconnect there and a huge lack of respect
So his trauma doesn’t matter? Got it! You’re saying good for her, but are you hearing the things that she was doing too? If everyone is OK with not being supportive of their spouse through trauma and transitioning out of the military that you don’t deserve to be married.
Me personally I would do the same. I’m not sure if his wife set that boundary already and he didn’t listen but if that’s the reason it’s completely valid to me. That bs shouldn’t fly in a marriage under God.
I think this guy has more cause for a “last straw” that his wife did. She’s the one sleeping with another man. And her “assault” accusation was likely a way to lessen her accountability.
@katiejon this guy is getting high everyday while he has zero job, is laid up at HER dad’s house, doesn’t even clean his own dishes, has an alcohol and porn problem….i get why she’s stepping out.
This was not sudden. First of all, he has bad trauma which he has not addressed at all and she has been hanging on for years. He has been a leach for years, living at her dad's, smoking weed, abusing alcohol, watching porn, watching porn again, getting a private lap dance at a strip club, the telling her he wants a wife that doesn't care about the porn and paid sex workers. Then, as the cherry on top, he blames her for getting assaulted. Blames her for actively driving her away for years.
Women don't need to put up with this anymore yet many still do. It really bothers me that women are subjecting themselves to disgusting partners like this man. I wish more would realize they are worth more than that and would get away as soon as they see this disgusting behaviour.
Porn ruins relationships. The world says it is healthy and natural but it is just the opposite. He sounds like he knows that it isn't helping his relationship but it is very hard to quit the addiction. It is incredibly difficult to a have a loving intimate relationship when you have seen the filth of porn. Those images generally show the deviant side of something that is supposed to bring humans together in a loving and connecting way.
"A week after that we started to kinda do better" At the end she had already mentally moved on and that's why she seemed so pleasant at the end. She was just waiting for her moment to serve him papers.
Andrew.....your wife is doing you both a huge favor by filing for divorce. She sees what you don't.....that you should not be married to each other. Divorce will allow each of you to break free from the toxic dynamics of your marriage and afford you both the opportunity to cultivate healthier relationships as you move forward into your next chapter.
That's a good point. Leaving a broken person actually is helpful to the person. Because they don't understand they need to address issues. Staying is enabling. If you care about their future, you sacrifice your fantasy and move forward and don't look back. Can't have your cake and eat it yoo
It’s so weird the way some men will repeatedly disrespect and disregard their wives and yet are blindsided when she’s done. He calls this a sudden divorce when from his story it wasn’t sudden at all. He just expected her to put up with it and when she said no he’s shocked.
Looking at porn is the same. It’s very degrading. Once or Twice, here or there, curiosity or horny moments are ok. But he’s porn, strip clubs, looking at women at the gym while she’s there. Nope 👎
@@Essetheartist Good, if you didn't glare he would have assumed you were "so into him". I had a male friend who assumed any woman that smiled or had a neutral face wanted to sleep with him. He's obese and he would assume fit and even body builder women all wanted him it was cringy.
People look at people. She is insecure. I’ve been married for 20 years. My wife doesn’t care what I look at. We have gone to strip clubs together when younger. Women look at men around them sometimes as well. Glancing at people around you means nothing. I could see unlimited beautiful women around and still find my wife fine as heck. I would hate to live in these insecure relationships you all have.
As someone who was once married to someone with a porn addiction, I can say that her behavior, while still wrong, was a response to a lot of what she was dealing with. The feelings of inadequacy and overall being "less than" when you find out your partner is using porn and going to strip clubs and oogling other women, even in your presence...it's rough. And the looking at other people...once you understand what's going on...how the addict takes in the person they're objectifying, files created images away in their brain to use for self-gratification later...you don't feel safe going anywhere with them because you witness this happening and it crushes your self-esteem. Dude has realized he has a problem and I hope he gets help to overcome it. His wife also needs help to understand this isn't about her, despite how it feels to her. She will need help to learn how to value herself and avoid seeking validation from other people. That's what she was doingin spending time with the other guy. She was looking for someone to make her feel like she is attractive, desirable, wanted, and enough. It's not a good situation for anyone to be in.
Not to mention, the fact that these men/addicts are constantly picturing, imagining, and WISHING they were having sex with the pornstars they're obsessed with, whenever they're being intimate with their wives/partners. It's truly soul crushing to be on the other end of their addiction.
Yup. A very toxic situation that had to come to an end. And it's interesting how you brought up how he made his wife feel unsafe. When men objectify women, that is when they are dangerous.
Sounds like they were both dealing with a lot of baggage. The military is hard way back when you’re out. There’s a lot that goes on to and around you that is hard to shake off and it’s especially detrimental for those that want to be family oriented. I’m glad they tried to make it work and ended it before children. In reality they did good, it was a great learning opportunity hopefully they both took it in and use that to better themselves along the way.
@@cur244 Hes a p0rn addicted jobless weed smoking bum. She should have divorced him before getting involved with someone but this guy is a loser either way. Hes 35 and sounds like a 23 year old. No maturity, strength, or masculinity. No woman could be attracted to that
There’s much more to this. You ignored her feelings, etc and continued your behavior, she doesn’t trust you or view you in a desirable way anymore because of YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR
Let's be honest, he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. People will test boundaries, especially immature people who have no self restraint or self respect.
I know his wife is glad to be done with him. I know all to well what this feels like to be with someone addicted to lusting at the computer screen. Good riddance to anyone that has this issue. Don’t waste any time with them because they’ll just work on better ways to lie and hide the issue rather than fixing it. Run fast
Okay... I'm only 5 minutes in...He sounds like a horrible partner, honestly... lying about porn, but then he just mentioned they didn't go out in public because "he would look at people"... I'm assuming he's meaning other women?... which caused them to be distant...i mean, he's making her feel so insignificant and unattractive... and he's shocked that another guy maybe made her feel seen.... but also, his SA in the military... sounds like a man did it... and maybe he was already a guy who checked out women and had an addiction to other things.... but i also imagine he's overdoing it with females because hes trying to escape what was done by a guy to him .... idk just a thought... doesn't forgive what he put his wife through and good for her for protecting herself early into it...
Why wouldn't they just both be required to present honestly... Your looking at it from a right and wrong party, Instead of the two equally dishonest people
the moment i realized he's a real pos is when he said "she put herself in that position" for SA while wanting sympthy for his so called SA. also the way he said "thank you" to john when he rolled that out... there's no perfect victims but this dude sounds like a professional victim.
@shxpsixcreative4318 oh, no. I'm not looking at it in any other light than he was SA'ed by a guy and it probably triggered an over need to prove he's not gay :) and in doing so, he traumatized a virgin... so, yeah.
After she cheated on him he started to look at other women? Omg he's so wrong. He should've been in the club every night having fun because she was a POS . You don't cheat on your husband because he looked at strangers in the internet. Women are INSANE
I’d have a hard time wanting to be intimate with him especially if he knew prior that strip clubs were off the table for me. I’d honestly have a hard time wanting to stay in the marriage.
My friend‘s boyfriend would go on occasion to a strip club and come home to her really ”worked up” & their intimate time would be even sexier than before! It all depends on what the couple agrees on and mutual respect for each other.
@@Dd-cm8xj hahahaha how is a lapdance a MAJOR BOUNDARY she needs to get over her insecurities. I love how having no grace for others and discarding them is setting boundaries
The first guy never had a marriage. There was never any respect, or commitment to anything. If I went out with a guy and he was staring at other women, that would be the last time he saw me. Drinking heavily, using porn, constantly punishing your wife with your actions. I can't imagine a husband behaving like that. She sounds pretty messed up too. I'd be serving divorce papers by the end of the first week of marriage, if someone behaved like that. He surely couldn't be shocked. 😮 Needs to grow up. A LOT!
Honestly, I think this is huge. I think porn is so bad for humanity. But be honest with yourself: if you can't stay away from porn, choose someone who doesn't care. There are tons of women who don't care at all. Those are the people you are compatible with.
@ Of course it’s a huge $$$ money maker - LUST always has been. It’s a guaranteed SUCCESS. If this caller finds a woman who doesn’t care about pron, like the WORKER who gave him a lap dance, he WON’T like the outcome.
There is a huge difference between sometimes viewing porn, and the ones who get brain rot from it, and end up preferring it over actual sexual contact. It is a huge problem these days. It’s so readily available now whereas it didn’t use to be. The mainstream normalizes it because it emasculates men. Testosterone drives men, in all aspects, everytime they “release” testosterone drops significantly. The negative effect it has on doing this with porn is training the brain, and now there is no drive to be with a woman. It happens without the men even realizing that is what has happened. It has ruined men, ruined relationships. Why would a man go through trying to find a woman when they can find whatever they want online and use their fantasy? Sounds stupid but it’s facts. I’m not trying to blanket this to all men, but a large majority of men are finding themselves in this situation and have no where to talk about it. It’s shamed and they feel shameful. It is just as addicting as putting drugs in your body, it causes the same behaviors- lying, secrecy, deviant behavior. It’s also dangerous for men’s brains because of the way they are wired for sex, it has turned good men into basement dwellers and like monkeys with their dingy in their hands constantly staring at a screen. It’s sad all the way around. It makes women feel insignificant to the one man they want to feel like the only girl in the world to, makes them feel not good enough, it causes so much more than just “viewing porn” It’s time to be real about it. Also young boys are now exposed to it younger and younger which really confuses them and cos very damaging to them to. I personally used to not care before internet porn. Magazines, a few dvds etc, why? Because it wasn’t constantly within reach at any and all times. So ok, whatever. But now, it’s always there lurking in your phone.
I dont think porn is cheating. And i wouldnt care if my partner watched it occasionally. But i would let them know that they should not prioritize it over me.
4:57 "Even though she had put herself in the positions"... GURL YOU DODGED A BULLET. This 'man' is blaming her for the assault....? No husband material
Saying you got SA’ed is not a magic word to get out of the firing line for cheating. I’d advise young men to assume the worst if their partner tries to play the SA’ed card.
Misandrists trigger off the title, leave a comment, but don’t actually listen to the call. It’s why women like me are raising our sons to having nothing to do with women like you, or the daughter’s you raise.
Gotta admit I'm struggling with this caller listening to this because of my own background. It just seems like he's shocked he got consequences. His wife isn't perfect in this situation but I understand her. And the whole i looked at too many other women?!
Oh yeah he's totally shocked, this behavior is normalized and women are called controlling or prudes when they set strong boundaries with men and their behavior.
@@cur244there was definitely way more to that than simply an “affair”. she was mistreated for who knows how long and was then manipulated by a coworker into doing those things.
16:05 That "hmmm" was so sweet. I love that the thought of learning how to help others, or sitting with others when they're hurting, or wanting to make others feel better genuinely piqued this guy's interest. Adorable!
That's what a lifetime of trauma does to you. It stunts your growth, until you face the demons & raw emotions. It's terrifying & paralysing. Glad you've never been there but I'm praying he takes the advice, goes to therapy, grows & uses his pain to bring hope to others in Christ Jesus name🙏💗
@livelyr1567 Lmao. No. Ive not had a rosey childhood teen life or early adulthood. I know so many women that had it so bad being SAed for years as kids but were productive mature members of society in their early 20s if not their late teens because we women know the only way to have peace and safety is to not depend on a man. Men use any little hardship in early life as an excuse to be unproductive addicted leeches till they are 50 and beyond. Its pathetic.
He's got a lot of issues and clearly isn't ready to build a marriage based on a solid foundation. She's best to move on and leave him to do the work he needs to do on himself. Nobody needs this mess. Dr. John is really good with this stuff.
John nailed it on the head with the first caller, Andrew, when he pushed back on him with the “you can’t give someone else something you don’t have” (paraphrasing). I know what that’s like. Being so broken and so far away from caring to even fix oneself so you try to distract yourself from what seems like an impossible task by getting into other people’s messes. If Andrew wants to connect with other people, he needs to connect with himself first. You can’t love others before you learn to love yourself. There’s no alternative path around it. It’s a mountain to climb for sure.
The first caller has so many deeply engrained issues he needs to work out before he ever attempts to get into a new romantic relationship. What a mess. If his wife was ready to move forward with a divorce after ONE WEEK, then that tells me there has been ALOT going on in that household that he didn't include in the call. She is probably jumping for joy now that he's gone.
Well she was having sex with other men - so yeah, she’s probably in bed with one now. She is the worst one here. This guys is deeply damaged, but there’s hope for him. There’s not a lot of hope for women like his wife - if’s a deeply-engrained character flaw.
@@wendypeeters7656 I do not believe she was SA’d at all. So yes, her fault. She’s no “victim”. She repeatedly went over to her bosses house (HOUSE) at night, admits to “kissing” him... and you believe that on two separate occasions she was graped? 🙄 This caller’s wife is a low-life who will crap all over actual SA victims to avoid accountability. Women like you are toxic misandrists - you’ll ignore all manner of sin a woman commits and lop it onto a man. This is the end of society tolerating you, even sane women are done with it.
@katiejon17 demonizing women who have been betrayed is not a good look. Im almost 100 percent sure she didn't just wake up one day and say "I think I'll cheat on my husband today!" Especially considering she was a Virgin at the start. He told her in so many ways she was not good enough so she mentally checked out. Should she have cheated also? No. But does it make her the villan? No.
Good on her. No man in a relationship should go to a strip club. Pure disrespect!! Just like no woman should have a stripper at her hen party. It's disrespectful!
@@lorainefleeman6011 I didn't listen to that? 😂 that's disgusting if it's true. He should be happy she's leaving if that's the case. Once a cheater always a cheater
@@lorainefleeman6011 things like this don't happen in a vacuum. While not an excuse, it is clear that marriage was already in rough waters and she checked out, likely out of exhaustion. By the time he tried to turn it around, it was too late. If you're trying to put the full blame on her, you're letting him off the hook for his behavior. Is he not responsible for his own part in the story?
@@BlackDeath920 what age groups tho? Young women probably yes, not mature women. It's a toxic piece of garbage in our society. Anyone who defends it is also. a toxic piece of garbage.
First caller annoyed me so much. This wasn’t a “sudden divorce”. He drove her to it over time. And now he thinks he’s going to become this professional TH-camr by basically inserting his own victimhood into the stories of strangers? Give me a break. Get a real job bro.
You literally have no idea what the story actually is. If you come here to judge people then you’re listening to these for the wrong reasons. Also, if you were a happy person, you wouldn’t care what his passion project was.
@@jenniealarid1421 They are right though. The man is abusive, neglectful and a waster. The wife should be running to the divorce courts. And move on asap.
Dr. John really handled that second call beautifully. She was obviously agitated and defensive and very worked up. Never heard a caller in that state before.
The first story is exactly why people should date, experiment and grow up and mature some before getting married. That sounded like high school drama, not a marriage.😔
Dating does nothing...people use it to use each other most of the time. The lie that it helps you know each other better is just that...a lie. There are those who co-habit for decades, only to get divorced in a couple of years after marriage. Why? I thought they had enough time to get to know each other...
@@lorainefleeman6011 saying "no" and trying to leave on more than one occasion and the person getting aggressive with you is ABSOLUTELY 100% sexual assault and manipulation/ coercion considering it was someone from her work who probably had superiority over her.
We aren’t your fools. Playing the SA card so flippantly may work on the sisterhood but almost all male spouses would assume this woman is lying. Call it anything you like.
I love how Dr. John fielded this one. He has a knack for seeing the whole, innocent real person underneath their flaws and mistakes and giving practical tactical advice along with profound insights. The best lines: “Don’t become one of the millions of unmarryable men in this country.” “You can’t give what you don’t have. Don’t chase for other people what you’re trying to give yourself.”
Dr. Delony, I've been watching your show for a while. I think this has been my favorite episode so far. What a great approach - gentle tough love and constructive criticism. I've been embodying this sort of vibe while introspecting. Things are looking up for me, even though im still going through it lol Thank you for your show- it's great.
Visual cheating with intent is wrong. It's one thing to inadvertently look at a woman who passes by, but it's entirely different to intentionally visit an establishment. The consequences of such actions will be reaped. This behavior is a clear example of intentional visual cheating and reckless expenditure of family money on other women for visual pleasure.
"You can't give an audience what you don't have. I want you to first believe that there is life after tough stuff". That one hit hard right in the soul. His second-grade event was an alert for us parents to hear our kids more. I really hope this guy heals his wounds with therapy so that he truly opens up to love. There is life after tough stuff!
I am subscribed to your channel but I can’t always find the inner strength to watch/listen. When I do, I always end up hurting and wishing so badly that I’d have come across you when I was younger and less broken.
Strip clubs turn to cheating. My husband of over 4 years just went in auagust and cheated on me right after leaving the club. We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Amd of COURSE its not the first time. I was just dumb enough to believe hed ever change. Now that I'm literally only trying to coexist with him for the babies hes paranoid im going to find someone else blah blah blah. You made your bed now you have to lie in it dude. Im just ticked off you drug me down with you. And im so so so sad for my children.
@nectariad6164 thank you I appreciate that but I'm basically trapped because I don't want my little babies to have to be in a split home with split parents ECT.
@XxViktorijaxX you're not trapped, you can still leave and co parent. Or you can stay for years and become more and more miserable and regret not leaving.
@XxViktorijaxX I'm telling you, it's better to have a split home for you and your kids than to keep living with this man. Coparenting is very doable. I am a child of divorce and I was unharmed by it. But if my parents stayed together I wouldn't have been fine.
Bruh. Second caller has adhd. I kept thinking he was going to say it and he didnt. The racing thoughts, she was talking about how she thinks about how to get her kids picked up, anything like organization is super stressful for her.. there were so many things
04:56 dude blames her for her SA because she was "putting herself in those positions".... OMG no wonder she dropped his ass. Run girl! This dude needs a lot of personal growth before he is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Immature. Low ownership of his own actions. Zero coping mechanisms. "I screwed up, repeatedly, and she won't give me a chance!". Good luck dude, you're gonna need it.
“Ownership of actions” includes not playing the SA card when it’s time for accountability. Most husbands in this scenario would treat the woman as if she was lying.
Wow. Julia’s story is mine to the T!! Thanks for sharing Julia, this was very helpful for me to hear! I was called selfish when I was younger too, and always feel a sense of guilt anytime I think of my needs/wants. I’ve been with my husband for 22 years and he’s my best friend. The last thing we want to do to our loved ones is ‘burden’ them. Thanks again.
All I hear is weakness, untrust-worthiness, justifications, and A LOT of excuses from him. He's exhausting; good-bye dude, go get some therapy. She's no prize either, but him...ugh!!
Oh absolutely about all the sleaze balls in here defending this trash behavior. This guy deserved a divorce, and deserves nothing from any woman ever again. He's a loser that makes excuses
@@horrorqueen3577oh 100%! So many just going off and looking for validation here… They are so angry and this is why they are alone or in relationships based on deceit on their part. Scary stuff.
The first guy would make me miserable if I was the wife . She lasted way longer than majority of us . SA , P addiction , wandering eye , mental illness that he doesn’t even recognize . He hates himself he’s secretive but expects no secrets towards him . He needs to stay single and be on the path of healing before getting into a relationship. Building a TH-cam channel and he’s 35?! No plan just wanting what other TH-camrs have . Lazy ass
So many men pretty much choose porn over their real life partner. It's sickening. I've gone through this three times with three different partners. All the way from someone in their late 20's to 42. She made the right decision to leave. If they are unwilling to seek therapy CONSISTENTLY And hold themselves accountable to put blocks on apps etc .. then just leave. Staying isn't worth it if they aren't willing to do those things.
Sounds like both of them are deeply wounded in their sexuality and intimacy (both were assaulted), and while we can't hear the wife's side of the story, the guy clearly makes messy decisions. Of course explanation doesn't excuse poor decisions, just gives a context to answer 'why'. There's quite a lot of healing for him from his past, so that he doesn't create mess in other's people's life anymore. Perhaps a way to learn to be with himself but not in order to delve deeper into bad habits, but to gain internal balance and get healthy emotionally without needing to lean on someone.
because it meqns your partner want to look at other peoples bodies and genitals to get arroused ans feel good instead of you.... it also numbs the brain so that its harder to enjoy your real partner and warps the mind on what is real and beautiful.. its also as addictive if not more so then any drug..its easy and available and gives highs and dopamine hits and causes lies and secrets and distance with spouse even when spouse doesnt know yet...they act different when using.@@notthisjenn
@@kayebetz8882 You think your partner/future partner is going to tell you if he watches it? I hope you find the cream of the crop because it is the biggest industry in the world for a reason.
@@notthisjenn I'm agreeing with you. I don't care if my husband watches porn. It's comparable to women reading graphic romance novels. As long as he's not contacting women and messaging them etc - who cares?
To some people strip clubs are cheating. In my marriage my husband and I both believe that. But he’s a man of god with a daughter and is disgusted by the thought of strip clubs and porn. He’s the one who taught me how bad these things really are for the woman and men involved. It’s a sad industry and those inmate actions should be reserved for the marriage alone.
Good. She should leave you. My wife and I could never imagine going to a strip club/club after getting married. Ever. I respect her way too much for that
@@merricat3025they are both at fault, but honestly it sounds like his porn and drug use might have driven her to her own poor decision-making. Sounds like things went downhill with her, but he was an anchor dragging her down to it
dude if your marriage is important just stop doing sh&t that causes problems. I feel like most ppl know this they just want their cake and eat it too. Stay single in your moms basement then lol.
Avoiding to organize bc it will stir up your anxiety. For me, organizing actually helps reduce my anxiety. It brings a sense of control and calm to the chaos!
So she did her things and it’s OK yet he went through a traumatic experience. Didn’t have the support of his wife yet good for her.😂 sounds about right what women are nowadays
@@ginnyfromdablock7551 why not when everyone’s defending her behavior? I get girl code, but it’s kind of crappy that he went through something traumatic and she’s over here trying to get another dude’s pants? if you can make that make sense then but coming from a traumatic experience I can say it’s not easy and SHE failed just as much as he did. If you don’t know what it’s like to have trauma or struggle with any type of addiction then the judgment really doesn’t need to happen.
How I wish I would have stayed in college and continued with psychology. There are so many people that need help and I love helping people! God bless them all!
This shows again how hurtful any kind of cheating is and how important it is to give your partner that sense of security that they are your number one. If that is given, no one will freak out about the partner looking at another person once
Nothing's ever his fault, he's full of his excuses for his terrible behavior, but her azzault is her fault? None of what he describes sounds makes it sound sudden at all.
The first caller sounds like a nightmare husband,but his wife is gaslighting him to the stratosphere about her infidelity,which is of a whole different level to his.
Hes gas lighting her as well basically saying she didn't try and not get sexually assaulted while he stands by his sexual assault from a superior. Their both a train wreck and need a divorce.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes baire_tyler1, I have a similar experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction, and mushrooms have significantly contributed to my recovery and being clean today.
I wish those were more easily accessible where I live. Microdosing was my next step for my husband. He's 59 & dealing with lots of mental health challenges, possible CTE & a TBI that put him in a coma for 8 days. Unfortunately, I had to get a TPO since he's 6'6, over 300 pounds, and showing violent behavior, constantly talking about harming others. He's aggressive. To anyone reading this, if you're familiar with BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?
.... She's actually cheating on him multiple times. All he does is watch some porn and a single lapdance. She gaslit him over and over again. It's not right if a man or woman treats their partner this way. He needs to be free from that toxic woman.
As a woman living in todays age, a marriage in which my husband is constantly looking at porn, having lustfull thoughts at strangers, going to strip clubs, and on top having a phone with on demand “naked women” it’s exhausting and extremely taxing to one’s psyche. I don’t blame her for feeling like her partner is not HER partner. To me if a man acts this way, he’s lacking the moral foundation that is needed for a healthy marriage. I hope they both heal and work on having a better moral foundation within themselves.
Hope you dumped him
@cristih7785 Turns out she lied, she had affairs before finding out, etc. She's just as bad as he is.
It’s so refreshing to see other people voice the exact thoughts in our minds. Extremely cathartic to know we are not alone! It’s good to see more and more people expressing this very belief!
Too many people are trying to normalize things that humans have used to outsource cheating. Like damn. 😩
@lorainefleeman6011 is that much of a surprise, tho? If a man values digital women over his actual wife, I don't think his wife will stop craving the touch of a real man... same thing with men.
If sex with other people is so important to you, then just stay single
It was “sudden” to him, because he didn’t listen to a damned word that she said the entire marriage.😂
Yepppp. It's never just one thing the man does or doesn't do. It's always cumulative.
@FEVERDREAM889
It’s funny you’re pretending women are always perfect. It’s laughable actually.
@@BudTuggly69 It's funny how you're using red herring here to disregard the topic here (a man for served divorce papers). Of course this can happen with a man serving a woman. I did not say anything about how perfect the woman might have been, no human is perfect. Stop trying to start an argument over a conversation we weren't even having. Get off the red pill internet and touch grass. Byeeee!
@BudTuggly69 when did they say women are perfect??? We definitely aren't.
@@BudTuggly69For real. The reality is she's a cheater and a liar. You can hear it in his explanation of what happened, even though he himself can't tell. I mean she was SA then still spent time with the same guy? Then went to another co workers house and had an affair? Then wanted alone time at the gym? This chick took her husband's trauma and tried to make it her own so it couldn't be weaponized against her. Dude dodged a major bullet. He has problems too, don't get me wrong.
This divorce was NOT sudden!!!
He is lucky to get away from her. He just doesn't know it yet. He needs therapy for his trauma, which I bet there is a lot of
@@merricat3025I think it's the other way around.
@@merricat3025what trauma? He caused her?
At all
@merricat3025 I'm sure the strippers will be more than happy to comfort him until his pockets are empty atleast 😂😂😂😂
This very young man needs long term therapy for SAbuse, PTSD, porn addiction, alcohol and marijuana abuse. He does NOT need another relationship.
he will marry the next woman who talks to him
I'm a guy and I even find his behavior disgusting.
He is not equipped for marriage. At all. So you are correct.
Why in USA you're seem to be all so rushed to get married.? Is it because you guys over there are still so religious? Here in Europe we don't marry that young, soon but sometimes after years of knowing each other and mostly for practical reasons more so than for romantic or religious reasons. I wonder because I see a lof of divorce on divorce with awful laws that are not in favor of the male partner. Excuse me for the English it is not my native language.
@@sloeberdoet Young marriage was only a part of this guy's problem. He was r*ped while in the military. That untreated and probably unreported trauma drove this man to turn to alcohol, and drugs. I am not sure if his porn addcition was a result of his having been abused or if it predated his time in the military, but my money is on it having been a coping mechanism after the abuse. . It is safe to say that this young man had some very serious mental health deficits. In general I believe most people lack the maturity and self awareness to choose a life partner much before 30.
As a former dancer… I agree with her. Men in relationships should never go to a strip club. A lap dance IS cheating. Just being in there… IS CHEATING.
Oh, so we're lying. A woman watching a movie at a cinema with a man in it, watching a romantic comedy, or going out with friends dancing is cheating.
@@nochannel1q2321a movie or TV show with actors telling a story is not cheating. Paying tk have a women out her body all over you is cheating. And going to a place meant for men or women to lustniver naked women is cheating
@@nochannel1q2321you poor soul, being in the presence of naked women is a lot different than seeing a sex scene in a movie, where the majority of nudity is of a woman as well. It sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. Date a stripper if you want a woman to be okay with you getting lap dances, but even she may not be ok with that.😂
@@nochannel1q2321 men watching romantic comedies is not cheating and women watching romantic comedies is not cheating either. Women or men getting sexual dances from strangers is cheating. It isn’t that hard
@@tilleliyaz4901lmfao his justification is wild. lol having another woman of the opposite sex rubbing on his body somehow equates in his mind as the same thing as women going to the cinema to watch movies? lol families go out together to watch movies too
I dated a guy with a p*rn addiction. It was awful. I said to myself never again. These types of men dont deserve a monogamous relationship. Nuff said.
Porn can be an addiction when it becomes compulsive and interferes with your daily life. It doesn't sounds like this guy really has an addiction. He just likes to watch it like a lot of men and some women do.
She thought porn was so bad, she started cheating on him with multiple men.
@@RosyBibliophile - You re so wrong. Why don’t you watch documentaries of the abuse that goes on in porn and caused by porn. No compassionate human would support human trafficking.
Porn is toxic, period. @@RosyBibliophile
Yep. He brushes past a comment like “going out in public and looking at women”- if youve been w a porn addict you know this feeling. It’s AWFUL. There is research that confirms p*rn addicts will envision every woman they see n@ked. It’s a constant trauma to be walking around with a man like that.
@RosyBibliophile much of p0rn is nonconsensual. How could any human with self respect watch something like that? You never know if you’re getting off to r@pe if you watch p0rn. Look into the stats on this- research is widely available.
That caller sounds like the type to be sitting in a room full of smoke only to be shocked it’s on fire.
Depression will do that to you.
😂😂😂 this analogy made me lol
What do women really prize most in men? Self-control.
True true.
Loyalty for sure
Exactly
Is your middle name projector?
I call BS on that. It's money and being provided for.
It's really sad that men will prioritize lustful needs over a marriage and a home
Men's sexual needs are prioritized over everything to the point now where we are supposed to allow men in private spaces with women. Indulging their sissy fetishes in public making us unwilling participants. Men's gratification and orgasms Trump absolutely everything.
Men? You mean humans. Try not to be sexist.
It’s women also
its actually insane. sometimes laughable. porn kills love
While I don’t disagree with you that men often throw their marriages away for lust, women do too. I’ve been on the husband side of that. Women also throw their marriages away for shallow things as well; appearances, titles/positions/power, money… it all comes down to needs being met and understanding what your spouses needs are and the best way to meet them.
Both partners in that first situation were a mess and didn’t value each other one bit.
Living in her dad's house, basically bumming it out and still manages to treat the daughter like crap while demanding that she lowers her standards which are already too low. What a catch!
So you read the title and commented, huh? No comment on his wife cheating on him with another man first?
@katiejon17 I did listen to some of it and mentioned that her standards are already low- for herself and for a man. Of course it's wrong to cheat. I don't need to state the obvious. The nuances that you missed - at least not cheating while living in his family's home and while living off of him, and did not demand that he accept the cheating- which is precisely what he did.
@@katiejon17 "cheating"? He said she was sitting in her car talking with her boss. Later, he said it came out in therapy that the boss sexually assaulted her. His words "she said no". Talking is not cheating and being assaulted is absolutely not cheating. It seems like they are not well matched and neither of them was concerned about caring for the other.
@@katiejon17 HE SAID THE WIFE CHEATED. We don't know if this is true. When I divorced my husband for INCESSANT cheating and wasting marital funds, he told EVERYONE that I was on. the phone with a man that made him uncomfortable. The man was my married, male gay friend, whose friendship pre-dated my husband. My ex husband didn't mind when my airline friends gave him free tickets or brought us first class food when we flew on their flights. He didn't mind when his ass was sitting in first class for free. But sure used that 'MALE FRIENDSHIP" to smear me. I had to send everyone a photo of my friend and screenshot of our text messages.
I couldn't PAY my gay friend to cheat with me lol
@@katiejon17 It's not a good reason, but her cheating is yet another symptom of a very toxic relationship. Things don't come to a head over one reason, but many. The root cause is definitely his porn/stripper addiction and emotional unavailability though. If he didn't have this problem, their marriage would still be intact. In the end, they were a terrible match
I would too. More people need to be called out for their perverseness. It’s so low level scummy. You married a person to be with, not a mom to do your home chores and fulfill your sex fantasy when you get home. So entirely disrespectful. If you want to be a boy, don’t trap someone in marriage.
I completely agree with you
the wife was cheating on him with the boss
HAHAHAHA this is why women will die alone, they dont understand men at all and will leave them for anything, meanwhile no one wants you like that, especially post 35
@@AdaLovelace-c8n his actions contributed to that. No woman can deal with neglect.
So his club visit is worse than her cheating. Got it
This is probably the last straw type thing. 🤔 There is way more to this story.
I agree! I was thinking the same exact thing because if a marriage isnt in a good place and ahead of time, strip clubs were known to be off the table and he did it anyway then there’s an obvious disconnect there and a huge lack of respect
That would be enough for me
def more to the story
@@tani6661 exactly, I don't know how people think that a married man, going to a strip club, is not a disrespectful thing to do to his wife.
For sure! He should have left the very moment she cheated with that rapist.
MARRIED MEN THAT ARE SERIOUS ABOUT MARRIAGE DO NOT EVER ENTERTAIN “ the industry” ……GOOD FOR HER .
She cheated on him too
So his trauma doesn’t matter? Got it!
You’re saying good for her, but are you hearing the things that she was doing too? If everyone is OK with not being supportive of their spouse through trauma and transitioning out of the military that you don’t deserve to be married.
Yet your partner watches it weekly on average.
Women that are serious about their men don't ever entertain another man. He was far more forgiving than her.
@@ElimEx1 experience must be had in this department. I’m guessing.
Porn/stripper addiction is so stupid.
Yet such a big problem these days
Yet so many men throw away their marriages for it lol
Add evil to the mix.
I hope by stupid you mean completely immoral.
I had a friend like this. I really tried to be supportive , but he started to cheat on his wife with h00kers. So i cut ties with him
This looked like her last straw and he's leaving out the other 90% of the story. You dont just switch, i think she was already clocked out
Me personally I would do the same. I’m not sure if his wife set that boundary already and he didn’t listen but if that’s the reason it’s completely valid to me. That bs shouldn’t fly in a marriage under God.
I think this guy has more cause for a “last straw” that his wife did. She’s the one sleeping with another man. And her “assault” accusation was likely a way to lessen her accountability.
@@Aprillove97 and what about her having sex with another man?
@katiejon this guy is getting high everyday while he has zero job, is laid up at HER dad’s house, doesn’t even clean his own dishes, has an alcohol and porn problem….i get why she’s stepping out.
@@katiejon17 funny how you don't keep that energy for his "assault"
This was not sudden. First of all, he has bad trauma which he has not addressed at all and she has been hanging on for years. He has been a leach for years, living at her dad's, smoking weed, abusing alcohol, watching porn, watching porn again, getting a private lap dance at a strip club, the telling her he wants a wife that doesn't care about the porn and paid sex workers. Then, as the cherry on top, he blames her for getting assaulted. Blames her for actively driving her away for years.
Top level narcissist.
Women don't need to put up with this anymore yet many still do. It really bothers me that women are subjecting themselves to disgusting partners like this man. I wish more would realize they are worth more than that and would get away as soon as they see this disgusting behaviour.
It speaks to his character. Objectifying women isn't a good look.
Porn ruins relationships. The world says it is healthy and natural but it is just the opposite. He sounds like he knows that it isn't helping his relationship but it is very hard to quit the addiction. It is incredibly difficult to a have a loving intimate relationship when you have seen the filth of porn. Those images generally show the deviant side of something that is supposed to bring humans together in a loving and connecting way.
exactly!!!! PORN KILLS LOVE
The porn happened after her extramarital affairs. Her extramarital affairs did far more damage
Masturbation and release is healthy and natural. Not porn
This is only true if one or both of the ppl in said relationship are jealous.
@@FlakySnake Your name reveals you.
"A week after that we started to kinda do better" At the end she had already mentally moved on and that's why she seemed so pleasant at the end. She was just waiting for her moment to serve him papers.
Its called" indifference"
Andrew.....your wife is doing you both a huge favor by filing for divorce. She sees what you don't.....that you should not be married to each other. Divorce will allow each of you to break free from the toxic dynamics of your marriage and afford you both the opportunity to cultivate healthier relationships as you move forward into your next chapter.
That's a good point. Leaving a broken person actually is helpful to the person. Because they don't understand they need to address issues. Staying is enabling. If you care about their future, you sacrifice your fantasy and move forward and don't look back. Can't have your cake and eat it yoo
You going to the strip club didn't make her divorce you suddenly
This was the LAST thing she was gonna deal with,she's fed up
It’s so weird the way some men will repeatedly disrespect and disregard their wives and yet are blindsided when she’s done. He calls this a sudden divorce when from his story it wasn’t sudden at all. He just expected her to put up with it and when she said no he’s shocked.
Nope! It’s DEFINITELY more to this story
Yea definitely more. She was looking for a reason to leave before he even went lol
@@25Teebzthis! 👏🏾
It’s definitely it’s it’s is
Men with zero self control is so cringy. You are an adult not a 2 yr old.
I don’t mean this racist but why do black
People always use “it’s” instead of “there’s”
It wasn’t just the porn, he was looking at other women in front of his wife at the gym. So disrespectful and degrading!
Looking at porn is the same. It’s very degrading. Once or
Twice, here or there, curiosity or horny moments are ok. But he’s porn, strip clubs, looking at women at the gym while she’s there.
Nope
👎
Just last week I saw someone's boyfriend looking at me and I glared so hard. I had on sweatpants and a basic workout bra.
@@Essetheartist Good, if you didn't glare he would have assumed you were "so into him". I had a male friend who assumed any woman that smiled or had a neutral face wanted to sleep with him. He's obese and he would assume fit and even body builder women all wanted him it was cringy.
@littleripper312 lol whats his name? I know a guy like😂😂😂.
People look at people. She is insecure. I’ve been married for 20 years. My wife doesn’t care what I look at. We have gone to strip clubs together when younger. Women look at men around them sometimes as well. Glancing at people around you means nothing. I could see unlimited beautiful women around and still find my wife fine as heck. I would hate to live in these insecure relationships you all have.
She knows her worth. Good for her! There's more to this story, we are not stupid.
As someone who was once married to someone with a porn addiction, I can say that her behavior, while still wrong, was a response to a lot of what she was dealing with. The feelings of inadequacy and overall being "less than" when you find out your partner is using porn and going to strip clubs and oogling other women, even in your presence...it's rough. And the looking at other people...once you understand what's going on...how the addict takes in the person they're objectifying, files created images away in their brain to use for self-gratification later...you don't feel safe going anywhere with them because you witness this happening and it crushes your self-esteem.
Dude has realized he has a problem and I hope he gets help to overcome it. His wife also needs help to understand this isn't about her, despite how it feels to her. She will need help to learn how to value herself and avoid seeking validation from other people. That's what she was doingin spending time with the other guy. She was looking for someone to make her feel like she is attractive, desirable, wanted, and enough. It's not a good situation for anyone to be in.
Not to mention, the fact that these men/addicts are constantly picturing, imagining, and WISHING they were having sex with the pornstars they're obsessed with, whenever they're being intimate with their wives/partners. It's truly soul crushing to be on the other end of their addiction.
Don't sprain something while you bend over backwards to justify the wife's affairs.
You hit the nail on the head, my friend.
Yup. A very toxic situation that had to come to an end. And it's interesting how you brought up how he made his wife feel unsafe. When men objectify women, that is when they are dangerous.
This was my exact response, 💯 knew what it felt like for her even based off of his words 😔
I would feel disrespected. Who wants to live with someone that disrespects you
🎯
She has boundaries. She can’t control his actions, only her response. She did the right thing, self-respect.
Would you rather go to a male or female establishment
Bud,you shouldn't be surprised she wants a divorce
lol I knew when he said the divorce “came out of nowhere” that this call was gonna be nonsense.
Sounds like they were both dealing with a lot of baggage. The military is hard way back when you’re out. There’s a lot that goes on to and around you that is hard to shake off and it’s especially detrimental for those that want to be family oriented. I’m glad they tried to make it work and ended it before children. In reality they did good, it was a great learning opportunity hopefully they both took it in and use that to better themselves along the way.
She's the one that messed around on him 🤣
@cur244 We are not supposed to talk about that 😂.
@@cur244 Hes a p0rn addicted jobless weed smoking bum. She should have divorced him before getting involved with someone but this guy is a loser either way. Hes 35 and sounds like a 23 year old. No maturity, strength, or masculinity. No woman could be attracted to that
There’s much more to this. You ignored her feelings, etc and continued your behavior, she doesn’t trust you or view you in a desirable way anymore because of YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR
Exactly. He came onto this show to talk badly about her and to validate himself, but he’s the jerk.
First caller sounds like he's 15
His ambition is to have a TH-cam channel. She needs to keep running.
Let's be honest, he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. People will test boundaries, especially immature people who have no self restraint or self respect.
I know his wife is glad to be done with him. I know all to well what this feels like to be with someone addicted to lusting at the computer screen. Good riddance to anyone that has this issue. Don’t waste any time with them because they’ll just work on better ways to lie and hide the issue rather than fixing it. Run fast
Aww good for her. Life is too short to be a grown man’s mommy, therapist, caregiver, pastor, healer, etc.
Okay... I'm only 5 minutes in...He sounds like a horrible partner, honestly... lying about porn, but then he just mentioned they didn't go out in public because "he would look at people"... I'm assuming he's meaning other women?... which caused them to be distant...i mean, he's making her feel so insignificant and unattractive... and he's shocked that another guy maybe made her feel seen.... but also, his SA in the military... sounds like a man did it... and maybe he was already a guy who checked out women and had an addiction to other things.... but i also imagine he's overdoing it with females because hes trying to escape what was done by a guy to him .... idk just a thought... doesn't forgive what he put his wife through and good for her for protecting herself early into it...
Why wouldn't they just both be required to present honestly...
Your looking at it from a right and wrong party, Instead of the two equally dishonest people
the moment i realized he's a real pos is when he said "she put herself in that position" for SA while wanting sympthy for his so called SA. also the way he said "thank you" to john when he rolled that out... there's no perfect victims but this dude sounds like a professional victim.
@shxpsixcreative4318 oh, no. I'm not looking at it in any other light than he was SA'ed by a guy and it probably triggered an over need to prove he's not gay :) and in doing so, he traumatized a virgin... so, yeah.
@K9Kungfu if it happened at the office went would she turn around and go to his house sounds like a lie
After she cheated on him he started to look at other women? Omg he's so wrong. He should've been in the club every night having fun because she was a POS . You don't cheat on your husband because he looked at strangers in the internet. Women are INSANE
I would leave my husband if he went to a strip joint. I told him that early on in our marriage.
I meant it then, and I mean it now.
I simply wouldn't marry someone who ever wanted to go there in their entire life time, but that's me lol.
💯💯💯
@@tanabanana8535exactly. Just a completely trashy, scummy thing to do. Not to mention sinful.
Same. It’s so pathetic.
Same.
I’d have a hard time wanting to be intimate with him especially if he knew prior that strip clubs were off the table for me. I’d honestly have a hard time wanting to stay in the marriage.
My friend‘s boyfriend would go on occasion to a strip club and come home to her really
”worked up”
& their intimate time would be even sexier than before! It all depends on what the couple agrees on and mutual respect for each other.
Men know strip clubs are off the table, even when they're single.
oh yea how can you manage, he didnt put his pp anywhere, work on your own insecurity
i'd leave 100%. thats a massive boundary that he crossed for her. thats not even worth saving
@@Dd-cm8xj hahahaha how is a lapdance a MAJOR BOUNDARY she needs to get over her insecurities. I love how having no grace for others and discarding them is setting boundaries
The first guy never had a marriage. There was never any respect, or commitment to anything.
If I went out with a guy and he was staring at other women, that would be the last time he saw me.
Drinking heavily, using porn, constantly punishing your wife with your actions.
I can't imagine a husband behaving like that.
She sounds pretty messed up too.
I'd be serving divorce papers by the end of the first week of marriage, if someone behaved like that.
He surely couldn't be shocked. 😮
Needs to grow up. A LOT!
WOW - way to go on honesty! ‘I want someone who doesn’t care about pron’. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, DUDE
Honestly, I think this is huge. I think porn is so bad for humanity. But be honest with yourself: if you can't stay away from porn, choose someone who doesn't care. There are tons of women who don't care at all. Those are the people you are compatible with.
@ Of course it’s a huge $$$ money maker - LUST always has been. It’s a guaranteed SUCCESS. If this caller finds a woman who doesn’t care about pron, like the WORKER who gave him a lap dance, he WON’T like the outcome.
There is a huge difference between sometimes viewing porn, and the ones who get brain rot from it, and end up preferring it over actual sexual contact. It is a huge problem these days. It’s so readily available now whereas it didn’t use to be. The mainstream normalizes it because it emasculates men. Testosterone drives men, in all aspects, everytime they “release” testosterone drops significantly. The negative effect it has on doing this with porn is training the brain, and now there is no drive to be with a woman. It happens without the men even realizing that is what has happened. It has ruined men, ruined relationships.
Why would a man go through trying to find a woman when they can find whatever they want online and use their fantasy? Sounds stupid but it’s facts. I’m not trying to blanket this to all men, but a large majority of men are finding themselves in this situation and have no where to talk about it. It’s shamed and they feel shameful. It is just as addicting as putting drugs in your body, it causes the same behaviors- lying, secrecy, deviant behavior. It’s also dangerous for men’s brains because of the way they are wired for sex, it has turned good men into basement dwellers and like monkeys with their dingy in their hands constantly staring at a screen. It’s sad all the way around.
It makes women feel insignificant to the one man they want to feel like the only girl in the world to, makes them feel not good enough, it causes so much more than just “viewing porn”
It’s time to be real about it.
Also young boys are now exposed to it younger and younger which really confuses them and cos very damaging to them to.
I personally used to not care before internet porn. Magazines, a few dvds etc, why? Because it wasn’t constantly within reach at any and all times. So ok, whatever. But now, it’s always there lurking in your phone.
Porn is cheating. If the other person knows you use porn and doesn’t care… then it would be honest with that person.
I dont think porn is cheating. And i wouldnt care if my partner watched it occasionally. But i would let them know that they should not prioritize it over me.
4:57 "Even though she had put herself in the positions"... GURL YOU DODGED A BULLET. This 'man' is blaming her for the assault....? No husband material
I know right it's funny how he wants to hold her accountable for that but he doesn't want to be held accountable for his p*** watching
I mean was she not making the choice to go see this guy behind her husband’s back? That’s on her. Next
@@W.Holden.6 for some reason people have a hard time comprehending that victims can have culpability in their own victimization
@@anitakotowicz5049 funny how this energy is different for his assult? She asked for it- yet he was a victim of his?
Saying you got SA’ed is not a magic word to get out of the firing line for cheating. I’d advise young men to assume the worst if their partner tries to play the SA’ed card.
He got what he wished for….he wanted someone okay with porn..she wasn’t okay with it. He’s free to find that now
She wanted someone ok with affairs. She's no better.
Misandrists trigger off the title, leave a comment, but don’t actually listen to the call. It’s why women like me are raising our sons to having nothing to do with women like you, or the daughter’s you raise.
@@katiejon17Oh, Lord. Another pick me, boy mom that's contributing to the downfall of society by propping up pron and patriarchy. Ick!
@@katiejon17misayonist spotted. She got SAed by her boss. Misagony kills misandry is anoying
@@katiejon17 Thank you!
Gotta admit I'm struggling with this caller listening to this because of my own background. It just seems like he's shocked he got consequences. His wife isn't perfect in this situation but I understand her. And the whole i looked at too many other women?!
Oh yeah he's totally shocked, this behavior is normalized and women are called controlling or prudes when they set strong boundaries with men and their behavior.
@@scarletoracle YUP
@@scarletoracleTHANK YOU!!!! 💯
He is way too immature to change... Run girl and never look back!
She had an affair so she's far more immature.
@@cur244there was definitely way more to that than simply an “affair”. she was mistreated for who knows how long and was then manipulated by a coworker into doing those things.
Yup
@@cur244 Sge was SA'd, cretin.
@@oxyroid Of course she's the victim. We don't want to count all the women that manipulate men. It wasn't her fault she cheated 🤣
16:05 That "hmmm" was so sweet. I love that the thought of learning how to help others, or sitting with others when they're hurting, or wanting to make others feel better genuinely piqued this guy's interest. Adorable!
Hes 35? Sounds 23 by his actions.
That's what a lifetime of trauma does to you. It stunts your growth, until you face the demons & raw emotions. It's terrifying & paralysing. Glad you've never been there but I'm praying he takes the advice, goes to therapy, grows & uses his pain to bring hope to others in Christ Jesus name🙏💗
@livelyr1567 Lmao. No. Ive not had a rosey childhood teen life or early adulthood. I know so many women that had it so bad being SAed for years as kids but were productive mature members of society in their early 20s if not their late teens because we women know the only way to have peace and safety is to not depend on a man. Men use any little hardship in early life as an excuse to be unproductive addicted leeches till they are 50 and beyond. Its pathetic.
Trump is 78. Acts like an immature 12 year-old. Everybody’s just moving along at their own pace I guess.
@DuffyGabi Yes try and tell me how a man who is President isnt successful enough in life. 🙄
Trump is 78. Acts like an immature 12 year-old. Everybody’s just moving along at their own pace I guess.
He's got a lot of issues and clearly isn't ready to build a marriage based on a solid foundation. She's best to move on and leave him to do the work he needs to do on himself. Nobody needs this mess. Dr. John is really good with this stuff.
She has plenty of issues herself, starting with cheating.
@@joannetullini6814 i think they both need time alone tbh.
@@OceanFrontVilla3 She needs a sober spouse who doesn't cheat on her with porn
She’s a cheater too. They’re a match.
she’s a cheater. she’s worse than him tbh
John nailed it on the head with the first caller, Andrew, when he pushed back on him with the “you can’t give someone else something you don’t have” (paraphrasing). I know what that’s like. Being so broken and so far away from caring to even fix oneself so you try to distract yourself from what seems like an impossible task by getting into other people’s messes. If Andrew wants to connect with other people, he needs to connect with himself first. You can’t love others before you learn to love yourself. There’s no alternative path around it. It’s a mountain to climb for sure.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
The first caller has so many deeply engrained issues he needs to work out before he ever attempts to get into a new romantic relationship. What a mess. If his wife was ready to move forward with a divorce after ONE WEEK, then that tells me there has been ALOT going on in that household that he didn't include in the call. She is probably jumping for joy now that he's gone.
Well she was having sex with other men - so yeah, she’s probably in bed with one now. She is the worst one here. This guys is deeply damaged, but there’s hope for him. There’s not a lot of hope for women like his wife - if’s a deeply-engrained character flaw.
We know he has alcohol issues, porn issues and ld likely depression underlying all his crap. He's leaving a ton out.
@@katiejon17she was SA by her boss and now you try to to victim blame, wow sick
@@wendypeeters7656 I do not believe she was SA’d at all. So yes, her fault. She’s no “victim”. She repeatedly went over to her bosses house (HOUSE) at night, admits to “kissing” him... and you believe that on two separate occasions she was graped? 🙄 This caller’s wife is a low-life who will crap all over actual SA victims to avoid accountability. Women like you are toxic misandrists - you’ll ignore all manner of sin a woman commits and lop it onto a man. This is the end of society tolerating you, even sane women are done with it.
@katiejon17 demonizing women who have been betrayed is not a good look. Im almost 100 percent sure she didn't just wake up one day and say "I think I'll cheat on my husband today!" Especially considering she was a Virgin at the start. He told her in so many ways she was not good enough so she mentally checked out. Should she have cheated also? No. But does it make her the villan? No.
She knows her worth. Can't be mad at that. She aint putting up w the bs.
Tell her maybe youll also get a ride🎉
So…she’s a cheater too.
@texasdazzlers boo well they both suck then
@@texasdazzlers he is a cheater first porn is emotional cheating
@@texasdazzlers I had responded but I guess they removed it. I had said boo then they both not good for each other
Good on her. No man in a relationship should go to a strip club. Pure disrespect!! Just like no woman should have a stripper at her hen party. It's disrespectful!
Did NO ONE listen about her affair with a coworker?
@lorainefleeman6011 Sadly they didn't.
@@lorainefleeman6011 I didn't listen to that? 😂 that's disgusting if it's true. He should be happy she's leaving if that's the case. Once a cheater always a cheater
@@lorainefleeman6011 things like this don't happen in a vacuum. While not an excuse, it is clear that marriage was already in rough waters and she checked out, likely out of exhaustion. By the time he tried to turn it around, it was too late. If you're trying to put the full blame on her, you're letting him off the hook for his behavior. Is he not responsible for his own part in the story?
Well to be fair, he cheated first. I am personally tired of people not taking mens infidelity seriously. @@lorainefleeman6011
I don’t think that the first caller should even have a job related to the internet. Let’s get him something that doesn’t even involve WiFi
I'm sorry buddy, no one deep down is okay with porn and it wrecks marriages all of the time. He just wants someone to justify his actions. Crazy.
This isn't quite true. 1/3rd of women watch porn. It's a smaller number but that's a lot of women.
@@BlackDeath920 what age groups tho? Young women probably yes, not mature women. It's a toxic piece of garbage in our society. Anyone who defends it is also. a toxic piece of garbage.
Black death
Those women are as destructive to a relationship as the man who watches porn.
Both genders are filthy losers!
First caller annoyed me so much. This wasn’t a “sudden divorce”. He drove her to it over time. And now he thinks he’s going to become this professional TH-camr by basically inserting his own victimhood into the stories of strangers? Give me a break. Get a real job bro.
You literally have no idea what the story actually is. If you come here to judge people then you’re listening to these for the wrong reasons. Also, if you were a happy person, you wouldn’t care what his passion project was.
@ HAHAHAHAHA
@@jenniealarid1421
They are right though.
The man is abusive, neglectful and a waster.
The wife should be running to the divorce courts. And move on asap.
Dr. John really handled that second call beautifully. She was obviously agitated and defensive and very worked up. Never heard a caller in that state before.
Same. She’s ready to fight anyone immediately. Fragile/hurt ego. She’s seemingly suppressed so much she’s ready to pounce now.
The first story is exactly why people should date, experiment and grow up and mature some before getting married. That sounded like high school drama, not a marriage.😔
Dating does nothing...people use it to use each other most of the time. The lie that it helps you know each other better is just that...a lie. There are those who co-habit for decades, only to get divorced in a couple of years after marriage. Why? I thought they had enough time to get to know each other...
First guy victim blaming for SA really made me realize that this dude needs to not be in a relationship.
fr
She got caught cheating. She was not at all assaulted. She happily wh*red herself out.
@@lorainefleeman6011 so he did the same while deployed? Or are men only victims?
@@lorainefleeman6011 saying "no" and trying to leave on more than one occasion and the person getting aggressive with you is ABSOLUTELY 100% sexual assault and manipulation/ coercion considering it was someone from her work who probably had superiority over her.
We aren’t your fools. Playing the SA card so flippantly may work on the sisterhood but almost all male spouses would assume this woman is lying. Call it anything you like.
Being in a relationship with someone who uses porn, or even worse a porn addiction, is torture....
I love how Dr. John fielded this one. He has a knack for seeing the whole, innocent real person underneath their flaws and mistakes and giving practical tactical advice along with profound insights. The best lines: “Don’t become one of the millions of unmarryable men in this country.” “You can’t give what you don’t have. Don’t chase for other people what you’re trying to give yourself.”
Dr. Delony, I've been watching your show for a while. I think this has been my favorite episode so far. What a great approach - gentle tough love and constructive criticism. I've been embodying this sort of vibe while introspecting. Things are looking up for me, even though im still going through it lol
Thank you for your show- it's great.
Divorce "came out of nowhere" blindsided by it = I'm a narcissist jerk who created this mess
💯% of the time!!!
I’ve never been to one and I’m 50. I don’t understand it or see the need of a strip club. It’s gross.
Visual cheating with intent is wrong. It's one thing to inadvertently look at a woman who passes by, but it's entirely different to intentionally visit an establishment. The consequences of such actions will be reaped. This behavior is a clear example of intentional visual cheating and reckless expenditure of family money on other women for visual pleasure.
A ten minute lap-dance isn't visual.
I’m glad she’s running- you seem like a complete mess and not a mess she needs to deal with….
"You can't give an audience what you don't have. I want you to first believe that there is life after tough stuff". That one hit hard right in the soul. His second-grade event was an alert for us parents to hear our kids more. I really hope this guy heals his wounds with therapy so that he truly opens up to love. There is life after tough stuff!
True. Would you rather go to a male or female establishment?
She divorced him because he struggles to communicate with honesty. Good on her!
I am subscribed to your channel but I can’t always find the inner strength to watch/listen. When I do, I always end up hurting and wishing so badly that I’d have come across you when I was younger and less broken.
It sounds like he is pretty neglectful and makes a lot of excuses for it. Poor girl should move on and live a better life.
"Dude you only get one life." We all need to think on this.
7:20 it’s amazing that he doesn’t see that she was looking for an excuse to blame a divorce on him
Strip clubs turn to cheating. My husband of over 4 years just went in auagust and cheated on me right after leaving the club. We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Amd of COURSE its not the first time. I was just dumb enough to believe hed ever change. Now that I'm literally only trying to coexist with him for the babies hes paranoid im going to find someone else blah blah blah. You made your bed now you have to lie in it dude. Im just ticked off you drug me down with you. And im so so so sad for my children.
Sending you a virtual hug, beautiful 🫂 . It's not easy what you're going through.
I'm sorry to read this, I hope you move on and find peace and a happy life
@nectariad6164 thank you I appreciate that but I'm basically trapped because I don't want my little babies to have to be in a split home with split parents ECT.
@XxViktorijaxX you're not trapped, you can still leave and co parent. Or you can stay for years and become more and more miserable and regret not leaving.
@XxViktorijaxX I'm telling you, it's better to have a split home for you and your kids than to keep living with this man. Coparenting is very doable. I am a child of divorce and I was unharmed by it. But if my parents stayed together I wouldn't have been fine.
Bruh. Second caller has adhd. I kept thinking he was going to say it and he didnt. The racing thoughts, she was talking about how she thinks about how to get her kids picked up, anything like organization is super stressful for her.. there were so many things
04:56 dude blames her for her SA because she was "putting herself in those positions".... OMG no wonder she dropped his ass. Run girl! This dude needs a lot of personal growth before he is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Immature. Low ownership of his own actions. Zero coping mechanisms. "I screwed up, repeatedly, and she won't give me a chance!". Good luck dude, you're gonna need it.
“Ownership of actions” includes not playing the SA card when it’s time for accountability. Most husbands in this scenario would treat the woman as if she was lying.
This divorce was not "sudden"
Wow. Julia’s story is mine to the T!! Thanks for sharing Julia, this was very helpful for me to hear! I was called selfish when I was younger too, and always feel a sense of guilt anytime I think of my needs/wants. I’ve been with my husband for 22 years and he’s my best friend. The last thing we want to do to our loved ones is ‘burden’ them. Thanks again.
All I hear is weakness, untrust-worthiness, justifications, and A LOT of excuses from him. He's exhausting; good-bye dude, go get some therapy. She's no prize either, but him...ugh!!
Yep, and look at all the other comments from the type of men that are just like him defending his sleaze and behavior.
Oh absolutely about all the sleaze balls in here defending this trash behavior. This guy deserved a divorce, and deserves nothing from any woman ever again. He's a loser that makes excuses
@@horrorqueen3577oh 100%! So many just going off and looking for validation here… They are so angry and this is why they are alone or in relationships based on deceit on their part. Scary stuff.
@@horrorqueen3577 They will, to defend him is to defend themselves.
@@horrorqueen3577 you can literally pick out everyone who watches p0rn in the comment section. All the defenders are so gross.
The first guy would make me miserable if I was the wife . She lasted way longer than majority of us . SA , P addiction , wandering eye , mental illness that he doesn’t even recognize . He hates himself he’s secretive but expects no secrets towards him . He needs to stay single and be on the path of healing before getting into a relationship. Building a TH-cam channel and he’s 35?! No plan just wanting what other TH-camrs have . Lazy ass
My ex husband was very similar. Marriage didn't even last 4 years
1st caller, they were doomed from the start. It's alright, get the divorce over with and move on with your lives.
Guy is a victim playing loser. She’s better off without him
So many men pretty much choose porn over their real life partner. It's sickening. I've gone through this three times with three different partners. All the way from someone in their late 20's to 42. She made the right decision to leave. If they are unwilling to seek therapy CONSISTENTLY And hold themselves accountable to put blocks on apps etc .. then just leave. Staying isn't worth it if they aren't willing to do those things.
Sounds like both of them are deeply wounded in their sexuality and intimacy (both were assaulted), and while we can't hear the wife's side of the story, the guy clearly makes messy decisions. Of course explanation doesn't excuse poor decisions, just gives a context to answer 'why'. There's quite a lot of healing for him from his past, so that he doesn't create mess in other's people's life anymore. Perhaps a way to learn to be with himself but not in order to delve deeper into bad habits, but to gain internal balance and get healthy emotionally without needing to lean on someone.
What did he say!? He wants someone who is ok with porn!? That’s ridiculous! No person with self respect would be ok with it.
I don't care about porn. Why would I?
because it meqns your partner want to look at other peoples bodies and genitals to get arroused ans feel good instead of you....
it also numbs the brain so that its harder to enjoy your real partner and warps the mind on what is real and beautiful..
its also as addictive if not more so then any drug..its easy and available and gives highs and dopamine hits and causes lies and secrets and distance with spouse even when spouse doesnt know yet...they act different when using.@@notthisjenn
@@notthisjennyou're just one person, not jen.
@@kayebetz8882 You think your partner/future partner is going to tell you if he watches it? I hope you find the cream of the crop because it is the biggest industry in the world for a reason.
@@notthisjenn I'm agreeing with you. I don't care if my husband watches porn. It's comparable to women reading graphic romance novels. As long as he's not contacting women and messaging them etc - who cares?
Stop hiding things from each other, it WILL all come out eventually!
It sounds like neither of them were ready for marriage. But he can make his life better if he so chooses.
how was she not ready for marriage? he pushed her over the ledge
To some people strip clubs are cheating. In my marriage my husband and I both believe that. But he’s a man of god with a daughter and is disgusted by the thought of strip clubs and porn. He’s the one who taught me how bad these things really are for the woman and men involved. It’s a sad industry and those inmate actions should be reserved for the marriage alone.
Good. She should leave you. My wife and I could never imagine going to a strip club/club after getting married. Ever. I respect her way too much for that
He should have left her after she had an affair. She clearly never respected him. If she did she wouldn't have had an affair.
But you were OK with her having an affair, which she did first.
@@merricat3025they are both at fault, but honestly it sounds like his porn and drug use might have driven her to her own poor decision-making. Sounds like things went downhill with her, but he was an anchor dragging her down to it
@@cur244 he cheated first porn is emotional cheating
@@merricat3025 he cheated first porn is emotional cheating
I love the back and forth between you and Kelly, it reminds me of a bother and sister!!!
So true, their relationships is like brother and sister. I love that for them!
dude if your marriage is important just stop doing sh&t that causes problems. I feel like most ppl know this they just want their cake and eat it too. Stay single in your moms basement then lol.
Literally what I told my PA ex 😂 except it was his dad's basement
And what is your comment for the wife having sex with other men?
@@katiejon17 same response to her
@@katiejon17she got SA by her boss are you insane
@@katiejon17 he cheated first porn is emotional cheating
This is a typical “the divorce came out of nowhere” scenario.
Would you rather go to a male or female establishment if you had to choose?
Avoiding to organize bc it will stir up your anxiety. For me, organizing actually helps reduce my anxiety. It brings a sense of control and calm to the chaos!
Good for her!!!
🙄
Yes!
So she did her things and it’s OK yet he went through a traumatic experience. Didn’t have the support of his wife yet good for her.😂 sounds about right what women are nowadays
Gotowork, Don't defend that guy's behavior.
@@ginnyfromdablock7551 why not when everyone’s defending her behavior? I get girl code, but it’s kind of crappy that he went through something traumatic and she’s over here trying to get another dude’s pants? if you can make that make sense then but coming from a traumatic experience I can say it’s not easy and SHE failed just as much as he did. If you don’t know what it’s like to have trauma or struggle with any type of addiction then the judgment really doesn’t need to happen.
How I wish I would have stayed in college and continued with psychology. There are so many people that need help and I love helping people! God bless them all!
It's never too late go back to school! I don't know how old you are but it's never too late and especially to help people
Yeah well if ur going to strip clubs and lusting after other woman that ain't ur wife ,then why be with her. Emotional cheating is still cheating .
This shows again how hurtful any kind of cheating is and how important it is to give your partner that sense of security that they are your number one. If that is given, no one will freak out about the partner looking at another person once
Nothing's ever his fault, he's full of his excuses for his terrible behavior, but her azzault is her fault? None of what he describes sounds makes it sound sudden at all.
The first caller sounds like a nightmare husband,but his wife is gaslighting him to the stratosphere about her infidelity,which is of a whole different level to his.
Yes! Most of these comments are only slamming the guy, and praising the woman. The wife is equally at fault here.
@@newerax1009lmfao lolollol that's the funniest thing I've read all day
Hes gas lighting her as well basically saying she didn't try and not get sexually assaulted while he stands by his sexual assault from a superior. Their both a train wreck and need a divorce.
they're so toxic for each other, i can't believe they have lasted for this long
@@newerax1009imagine blaming a woman for her SA....vile
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes baire_tyler1, I have a similar experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction, and mushrooms have significantly contributed to my recovery and being clean today.
I wish those were more easily accessible where I live.
Microdosing was my next step for my husband. He's 59 & dealing with lots of mental health challenges, possible CTE & a TBI that put him in a coma for 8 days. Unfortunately, I had to get a TPO since he's 6'6, over 300 pounds, and showing violent behavior, constantly talking about harming others. He's aggressive. To anyone reading this, if you're familiar with BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?
Is he on the instagram ?
baire_tyler1
is the man
If he’s going to a strip club, he’s done other stuff too. Sex addiction is a huge thing and starts out much more hidden.
.... She's actually cheating on him multiple times. All he does is watch some porn and a single lapdance. She gaslit him over and over again. It's not right if a man or woman treats their partner this way.
He needs to be free from that toxic woman.
2nd caller should've called Dave instead of John lol
OH My Gosh did you just help me this year "I think I'm worth the effort this year" that hit so hard. I really struggle with that
Very sad, John is so right this man needs some serious counselling. No relationships at all until he is well