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They only barely care, and it isn't about you anyway. They want something either from you or from elsewhere, and they perceived you as the key to whatever it is.
Yep. Once, she said, I'm sorry you feel that way. At the time, I was like, wow! She apologised, but something felt off. I googled it and then realised she's apologising for MY feelings.
1. "I'm sorry, I was wrong." 2. "Your feelings are valid." 3. "What do you need from me?" 4. "Let's talk about how you feel." 5. "You did a great job, and you deserve credit." 6. "I'm proud of you for your effort, regardless of the outcome." 7. "You have the right to set your own boundaries." 8. "It's okay to make mistakes; that's how you learn." 9. "Your achievements are yours." 10. "You are enough, just as you are." Self-differentiation tips: 1. Learn to say these things to yourself. 2. Let go of the need of them ever saying any of it to you. 3. Repeat to yourself: I don't need them, I need me.
The phrase my narc mom loves using is “I’m sorry… for whatever I’ve done” after sending her a 2 page email (this was years ago) explaining all of my issues with her and listing all the nasty things she’s done. Still tries to act like she has no idea. 2 years no contact and not a single genuine apology or any acknowledgment. Waste of time….
Same here.🤚🏼 Wrote her a letter (made a copy) in attempt to explain to her why I can’t always drop things (my family) and go help her for weeks at a time (she lives over 12-hours away). She said it was “the meanest letter I’ve ever written her.” And that she let someone else read it and they agreed. (😂) There was no swearing, no name-calling, no blaming, just me expressing my reason for not helping her.
@mtnriffraff68 yup the good old "you're being mean to me". I've had in the past "you're being nasty to me" about the vaguest slightest most trivial thing
Years ago I learned that the only person who needs to love me is me. I wake up with myself every morning and go to bed with myself every night. If I can love myself, that’s the only love I need. Is it nice if someone else loves me? Of course. Someone else loving me is just a bonus.
Thank U Jerry. U hit the nail on the head for every sentence... But U forgot just one. "MY" Narcissistic mother never ever sincerely said, " I LOVE YOU." NEVER😥 !
Wow!!! That was powerful. I am 60 years old, and, in the back of my mind, I can still hear my mother screaming to me as a child "Don't tell me about kids rights. Kids don't have any rights. Kids are to obey their parents, that is their right." My fifth grade teacher also stood in front of the class and said "I'm tired of this class making mistakes in math. This class is going to start getting perfect papers today. One mistake, and I will crumble your paper up, and you'll do it again." My eleventh grade history teacher said "Ever wonder why teachers carry pencils with no erasers in their shirt pockets? Because teachers don't make mistakes." I could go on and on.
The absolute self-righteousness is unbelievable just off the chart especially and when you think about the fact that they are literally insane. I grew up with two parents who are both teachers and narcissistic at least if not narcissists.
@kellywalsh4596 Keep going. It will dawn on you how good it feels and you'll become addicted to feeling healthy. Every day, instead of a struggle, will be another positive affirmation strengthening you.
Spot on! My almost 80 yr old mother (who I have greatly removed from myself), text me about once a week. Never once has it been a simple “how are you?” Or “how are the kids?” It is usually something like “I know you don’t care about me but I sit and worry about your family all day.” I never reply to these kind of things.
It's useless. Spending my entire life trying to make them understand. They twist every word, every situation to fit their victim-mode. I can never win. Outsiders think my family is sweet and so humble. With non- family, they are. I know now of triangulation and gaslighting. I know now why I have felt a deep loneliness all along. I lived abroad for 20 years, but was never free because the immense guilt was there, with me. I'm starting to see the light now that I'm finally learning I wasn't as wrong as they made me believe
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 So sorry you know the pain... I'm building a new persona, it's hard but not impossible even if I objectively don't know what being treated with love and respect means... Hope you are doing better now!
I confronted my narcissistic father over his treatment of me and my family and he just couldn't hear it, completely incapable of accepting responsibility for his behavior. That was the last time I talked to him and that was 20 years ago. It's taken me years to recover from my upbringing and I am finally OK and thriving!!
All I have ever wanted from either of my parents was an “I’m sorry for what we did to you” and/or “I’m sorry that what we did has made you permanently disabled”. I certainly didn’t get it from the one that actually did it before they died but (and I know I’m stupid for it) I am still holding out hope that the other one will do before then. But what seriously annoys me is that when the surviving one brings up any news stories about an almost same situation, they are all full of overblown sympathy for the unknown person (who obviously deserves all sympathy and support)…but they then come out with “The parents who have done x, y and z should never have been parents and I hope that they have the book thrown at them for doing this i.e. jail/prison”. It’s as if they are able to detach from their own actions towards me and they don’t see themselves as the exact same type of person. Instead they make me feel like I have got it all wrong and what they did was nowhere near as bad as…gaslighting at its finest.
Whew. Jerry you are exactly right, totally correct. I have NEVER heard any of these things from my narc parents in four decades. These are things I would say to someone else. I'm working on saying them to myself and believing them. Thank you, Jerry. Hang in there, survivors. Internet high fives to everyone.
When I succeeded after 3 years of dropping out of university, my mother told me it was because she prayed for me... Of course it had nothing to do with me studying hard.
I remember when I graduated University, it was really only the second time the family gathered together for an educational achievement - which at the time as a teenager I never realized. Both my older siblings did not attend University or did but dropped out. You wanna talk about an emotionally awkward experience, it was nice seeing my friends and teachers but the vibe between my parents and siblings was absolute strange. No smiles, standing around stiff and bored, looking around the campus and what I clearly remember is the lack of love I felt that day. Not a hug, a true smile or ounce of excitement. This was when I realized how dysfunctional my family was but still didn't have the language for it. Thank you Jerry for making these videos, they help me on my continued journey to get my dysfunctional family out of me.
Even now at nearly 60 I never understood this and how I felt. Such simple things to say to someone, but they can't and won't. It's strange and difficult. It's all we need but they just won't do it.
my mom was narcissistic in the same way a kid is--she was so stunted in her emotional development and so young when she had us that she exhibited quite a few of these traits that she later grew out of. both of my parents were way too self-absorbed and immature ever to say any of these things to us. the thought of a parent actually saying this to a kid wobbles my mind! i hope people see this and take it to heart!
I had so many people that said two parents cannot both be narcissists. Why were there so many therapists that constantly wanted to insist that they could “fix” the family when it was clear my parent put me in therapy so I could be “changed” to suit their needs.
There are plenty of people, myself included, who had two narcs/Cluster Bs for parents. They feed off each other. I saw that dynamic with my parents growing up until their divorce. Then they found other people to suck dry. It's one of the hardest things to deal with and understand that you got zero love, care, and attention because the narcs wouldn't stop trying to destroy the other person in the relationshit.
My mother was a Covert Vulnerable Narky. Dad was a neglectful narky. He was checked out, never present. Sis was the Golden Child, and a grandiose narky.
@@spacegirl226 Sounds like my parents! After they divorced, they found new partners to suck dry. Now both are single again and looking at me to fill roles that a spouse normally fills. And both parents still badmouth each other. It's kinda like going backwards to childhood.
00:00 👋 Introduction to discussing narcissistic parents and what they never say 00:56 🤔 Narcissistic parents will never genuinely say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" 01:39 😕 They will not validate your feelings, as that gives you control 02:12 ❌ Narcissistic parents cannot sincerely ask, "What do you need from me?" 02:47 🧠 They avoid talking about your feelings, using them to manipulate instead 03:32 💼 Narcissistic parents take credit for your successes, not giving it to you 04:26 👏 They don't praise effort regardless of the outcome, demanding perfection 05:18 🚫 Narcissistic parents won’t allow you to set your own boundaries 06:09 🎯 They won’t encourage learning from mistakes, often shaming instead 07:09 🏆 Your achievements are never considered yours; they take credit 08:40 💪 You are never "enough" in their eyes, pushing constant inadequacy 09:44 💬 Learn to say affirming things to yourself instead of waiting for others 10:45 🎂 Affirmations from others are nice, but true growth comes from self-validation 12:33 🔄 Shift from needing validation from them to needing it from yourself 13:00 ✨ Final thought: “I don’t need them, I need me” for self-differentiation
When I got remarried, we had a small ceremony outside with immediate family and when the pastor was talking, he was saying about how no one is perfect, my dad said loudly, I am! I could not believe it. He was a narcissist and my mom was codependent. I forgave me dad before he passed and now working on forgiving my mom.
@@mwog7148 hahaha 🤣 but as you age you find it funny right? Sometimes I am like… what the actual f…. But sometimes it really makes me giggle how pathetic they can be and with no shame! Unbelievable
It's not just the shame for mistakes... but the absolute rage and chaos that can come when they perceive something that never happened that enrages them. Nothing like seeing a 0-100% rage` over something insignificant or something you didn't even do. The trauma and damage is immense. Oh and the best part? They will pretend nothing happened the next time you see them.
@@bereal6590 Yeah it's crazy how` wild they are.` No filter, but will claim to be soft and sensitive to others.... My mother will say how my father is such a wimp... YEah a wimpt o everyone else but me.` You're such a tough guy for raging at a 6 year old.
@@bereal6590 i dodn't know what they would do. My mother was the abuser, and my father was her attack dog. Mom at age 8, threatened me that she was going to send me away to military school because I was causing trouble in school, but didn't tell me wtf happened. It ended up that this girl was making up lies about me saying i was doing something to her (I stil have no clue wtf I supposedly did), and the principal got invovled at one point, but it wasn't between me and the girl, but her older brother was there it was just wtf and was another point of truama for me. BUt I learned later on from my father that she got into a confrfontation with the mother... and dad claimed mom "defended me...." LOL... Then connected it all and realized this was the incident that made her say that about throwing me away like garbage, all because of something that I didn't do that another person caused... So ridiculous how they just blame and blame you/us for everything when we did nothing. I didn't even know.` MEanwhile this girl's twin brother had been harassing me since the year before, and this older brother was harassing me too, that year. `and of course I had no one to help me. Dad would always say "go ask your mother, I agree with whatever your motehr said," so how could I do anything when I had a father who was never around and neglectful and a mother who was abusive and neglectful. I was so scared my entire life of just being throw away like garbage. I finally told my dad when I Was around 30 years old and he laughed and said "we didn't have the money for that." As if it was all a joke, ahhhhaah funny funny... While I was majorly suffering my entire time in school, even into college. I didn't know wtf these people would do to me. Which fucked me up even more because I was scared of getting ito fights. She also threatened me that if I got suspended in HS that "it would be it for me."
The sad part is that I truly believed that the only way to relate to my mom is by giving her all the credit for my accomplishments, even though these were all mine. She had nothing to do with that. I did all that in spite of the abuse, and it was much harder because of it.
Goodness me all those listed phrases were definitely never heard by me. My father was the narcissist and it was hard for myself and my two older brothers, and none of us ever felt love or Acknowledgement of anything we did . I Was trained to be subservient to any adult but especially men. Now however I believe in myself I turn 73 in 3days and finally found my way. I went on to have two sons and a daughter and I gave them validation, love and recognition of their successes.
It is NEVER about you, always about them. NEVER. They don't care about your well being, your feelings, health, life. Ex. "Mom, I felt down and hurt my knee. It really hurts." Answer"my knee hurts too". 🤔
Thank you Jerry. Pretty eye opening. I never thought to say these things to myself... tooting my own horn always felt weird to me. Appreciate the lesson here! ❤
For me letting go of the need to be accepted and validatedwas the hardest part. First I needed to get through feeling all the pain and anger for a very long time. What actually helped me get closer to letting to is talking to them about their childhood and upbringing, because during that conversation I actually realized in a much deeper level tgan just phsychologic theory- how disabled they are in Emoutional IQ department, I only then really understood that they really dont have emotional language foundation in their brain at all, they cant even understand a question : "what thought s and feelings did you experience during that time, that made your choose to do/study/go somewhere". Theoretically I knee it before, but this made me feel their disability and better understand that they didnt have a choice when they became what they are, neither can they choose to change know. For me this helped let go of anger and then get to the part where I can choose finally.
What is coming up for me is the "bread crumbs." That need that I always had that was not fulfilled.. They will give just enough so that I keep coming back..
#5 made me laugh out loud because I could never imagine my parents saying it. These are things I want to say to my kids to change the family superself. Another great Jerry video. 👍👍 I especially like the part about apologizing to yourself. ❤
My mother was adopted by a family who had a boy, who became my uncle via this adoption. My foster grandmother was narcissistic. At her son's graduation, she was overheard, after he went to get his diploma, to say very loudly, "Let me see my diploma," as she snatched it out of his hands. Everyone was shocked at this behavior. But knowing my foster grandmother it was something she wouldn't have any problems doing because in her eyes she paid his tuition to go to college. Therefore, to her mind, she paid for his diploma, and as such she felt she deserved to grab it and tout it as her own. It was very appalling behavior. And embarrassing for her son.
My Narc mom doesn’t care that I am in liver failure and need a transplant. She demands I travel 7 hours to visit her. I took care of her for 7 months after her stroke. She has residual speech problem. I was able to get her an aide to take her to her appointments and grocery shopping. Nothing is ever enough. All I hear from her is “what about me”.
@@joem.7621 I thought so too. I have to make so many decisions and many don’t include her. She has all her services in her state and refuses many of them. She will never be happy. I finally learned I am not responsible for her emotional well being.
@nickg6529 This mirrors my Mother as well. Took care of her after a stroke too. Some years later, organised home help. She then refused them coming into her home accusing them of stealing, deliberately moving something to make her trip over etc. - then expecting me to be the home help. Is now 94 and nothing has changed. Please take care of your health & hope you will be able to get a transplant.
@@CraftingMyWorld Thank you for your kindness and sharing your experience. I am sorry that you are having a similar experience. Since my last post I have been working on setting firm boundaries. Again, thank you for your encouragement.
I don't think I'm a narcissist but I have definitely had narcissistic moments before. I have been using your videos as a way to help build a better relationship with my kids. I have a pretty good relationship with them now but there's always room for improvement. Thanks for your videos
"I don't need them, I need me!" Absolutely, Jerry!! So healing ❤ I am looking forward to joining the program in the coming weeks! Just waiting for the moving van so I can be on my own!
I have experienced it with my narcisistic parents, they never said sorry although they did terrible things to me. Thank you for brillant advice about self-differentiation.
My mother was once visiting us and my husband said in a kitchen that I am incredible wife and he didn’t know what he would do without me and my mother replied: I hope you know it’s because of me because I have birthed her 😂
Indeed! My narc mother has never said any of the 10 affirmations that Jerry listed, and with his insight I can now accept that she never will, and I’m OK. What I heard regularly (complete opposite): 1. You’re wrong! 2. You’re ridiculous. Stop crying about your feelings. I don’t care. 3. What do you want now?!?! 4. Shut your mouth 5. You’re alive/you’re only where you are today because of me! 6. Wow, you really messed that up 7. Me attempting to set boundaries is met with “You are SO disrespectful and ungrateful!” 8. You are nothing but foolish. How could you mess that up? What is WRONG with you?? 9. See #5 10. You can’t do anything right, why do I even try?! Now I can focus on self-differentiation and affirm myself. Thank you for another great/helpful video, Jerry!
You sound like a ‘fly on the wall’ All through My life…including still now, But if I try to take charge of My Life, My Mom works harder to bad mouth me to the family, I am at a loss, there is no way for Me to fix it…thank you for all your videos❤
Sadly it’s all so spot on, I,m taking care of my father because he became ill. I went daily to him and totally ended up burnt out. I only go ones a week now, and caretakers do the rest. I have a bad health myself, there is no thank you, no understanding of my own health issues. They just suck you dry. Thanks goodness his doctor and the care takers and nurses, notice he is narcissistic and are very supportive toward mee, and understand my distancing from him . He is also very awful against those people, so it’s pretty clear.
Spot on. My mother manipulated me even on her deathbed. Fact. Everything you said, is exactly what I heard my whole life. Only now, after she's gone, do I realize what an abnormal nightmare I was raised in. I was always called "rebellious," but now I realize that what was "rebellious" to the narcissist was actually self-preservation. All I ever heard was "I own you!" Literally to the point of being kidnapped away from my fiance. Talk about bizarre.
I've had 'friends' like this too, taking creddit for my marriage on my babyshower, to name an example. Just made up that they brought us together 🤢 Unfortunately, in order to break these kind of cycles I've found that I had to let go of A LOT, including most of my so called friendships. Less crap like this to deal with, but also very boring without a social life. I'm both greatfull that my eyes are open, and scared of the amount of work in front of me to rebuild a social life, a healthy one this time. But I'm hopefull and willing to learn. And stubborn as a donkey. Thank you Jerry for being here for us 🍀
This was so touching. This video, said by you, will touch & help so many people. I read all of the comments, other people's words expressed my thoughts & feelings. Wow tremendous teaching, Jerry you are anointed.
Hi Jerry, I stumbled upon your movies about a week ago and it helps me a lot. I struggle a lot because I recognize a lot of your tips in how I handled myself as a young adult but the consistent controle of my dad and him turning my whole family against me believing I am the problem I thought, I am always alone, I always give myself credit by the reality i experience and I dont listen to my family and others anymore so maybe I am the problem. Its like I let my own self and how I viewed things go and I have not managed to get it back. Im from Holland so don't know how to enter your program but I want to thank you for speaking out and explaining things. I realise now that I have always parented my parents but never had one myself. Hope I one day get back to myself again. ❤
Hoi Marloes, wat jij beschrijft is 100 pct identiek wat mij overkomen is. Ik ken deze meneer Wise nu een paar weken en alles valt op zijn plaats. Ik hanteer de no contact manier. Krijg nog de whatsappjes en antwoord met n korte audio. Gezondheid is ok en hoop jullie ook. Ciao. Bye bye. 3 huwelijken achter de rug nooit iets goed gedaan, geen contact met broers of zus. Beter zo
Hahaha, nope. "We were tricked" was the closest thing to a sorry I ever got from my mother. Caused me so much trauma by getting involved in my separation/divorce and had my children taken from me based on lies. So, nope, I'll never get a sorry I messed up your entire life. They were tricked is all I got from that whole fiaso. You nailed it. Thank you. And I already expected nothing anyway.
Hi Jerry! I really like your content. I'm in a Narcissistic Recovery group, and when fellow members look for more resources about the Family Of Origin, I refer them to your videos.
They didn't allow me to individuate early nor to disagree with them; I became enmeshed. They canceled my dreams in favor of their own plans for me; what was important to them had to be important to me. They weren't there when I needed them the most. They promised they'd never do it again but they did.
They set me up to fail and then made fun of me for failing, comparing me to others. They said I have it better than they did growing up so I shouldn't complain.
A big thing is they use their apologies as a weapon. They say "you're right I'm sorry, I'm terrible," but they say it bitterly such that you feel guilty and begin to doubt yourself. And of course at that point, they refuse to talk to you or relieve you, because what's important is dangling you on that string. Even refuse to eat or feign sickness.
Late to the conversation, but I graduated nursing school at the top of my class in 2018. To this day my mother takes all the credit for it and everything I’ve done as a nurse…😢
In my case, I hear some of them, mainly those who please me, to be either used, or manipulated. This kind of manipulation can last even for a year to build trust. Last yearly cycle of building trust ended in the question, if my narcisstic mom can move to my house so that I take care of her. It's important to know, that she has a flat and is totaly fit, but poor, because she never wanted to work and used others for this. This question, or better the situation where I should share my life with her again was my biggest fear in my life. Even nuclear war is a small threat compared to it. So she ask directly after pleasing period and I said a resolute NO. I said to her, that the childhood was the most sinister period in my life because of her and I don't need to repeat or extend it. Afterwards she called me a false snake and all I said to her in trust last year,was immidiately used as a weapon against me. We are in the cold phase now again. I hopefully learn finally to not share my topics with her and talk about the weather and silly topics.
Even if they ask if you need anything from them, it’s done in front of others so they look like they’re offering support, and then there’s no follow through. Narcissistic parents are acting 100% of the time when they are nice to you. Never believe them. (I had narcissistic parents AND married and divorced a family of narcissists).
Omg, number 6 had my crying my eyes out! I try soo hard at everything ALL the time and never feel like anything is worth it unless succsess. Imagine someone encouraging you and beind proud of you regardless... so just hearing you say it, got me ballin
I get confused, because there was one time (the one and only time) where I actually heard them admit that they were wrong and said "Sorry, I was wrong about that". But I am not sure if it's because it was a subject matter that didn't really affect them in the first place, or why they said that. They have been consistently hurtful otherwise, and disrespect me more and more as time goes on, but will never admit that they did anything wrong (and blame it on me). They say things to me that they wouldn't say to anyone else they cared about, and disrespect me in front of the family (I am debating whether to go to Thanksgiving dinner on that side of the family).
Thank you Jerry. This video is timely. Almost had a trigger by my narc mum just minutes ago when we were just walking side by side, yet she could treat me as invisible. Walking ahead if her own as if I'm not with her. Yet she could still say it's me who's walking too slowly. I was like: you can't wait for me?! N she will go: you are too pampered. Looking for attention at the age (42 yrs). I had to tell myself to validate myself, not her.
If you ever get an "I'm sorry" you'll get the non-apology apology in the form of "I'm sorry that you think/thought that I...." or "I'm sorry that you had the idea that I...." twisting it back on you for your thinking and not for the thing they actually did. They're sorry that your thinking is wrong not that they are wrong.
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Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
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WOW, I'm 67 & my mother still thinks she owns me. Truth
Yeah, I'm 56, and the same thing here. "But I'm your MOTHER" is always her protest whenever I want some boundaries, just like Jerry says.
48 and same
54 and same. But im writing the rest of my story. Not them. No more sacrificing myself so they can feel in control.
OMG can I relate!
64 here and FAST approaching Popeye point.
They never ask you how you are. Or if they ask they do it because they need a favor from you.
Or because they need to use you for emotional incest.
Absolutely! Never...
I wished SO MANY TIMES they asked me how I am..
I knew they were scared of my reply just in case I put them in a SPOT!
Yes! I used to get sucked in…. Now I know the game. Feigning interest in my emotional state = mother needs support
They only barely care, and it isn't about you anyway. They want something either from you or from elsewhere, and they perceived you as the key to whatever it is.
😂 same
I never heard "I am sorry, I was wrong".
They don't know the words!
@@andriyandriychuk neverrrrr
My sister says I'm sorry next minute hurts my feelings again.
Yep. Once, she said, I'm sorry you feel that way. At the time, I was like, wow! She apologised, but something felt off. I googled it and then realised she's apologising for MY feelings.
@@jokettedj Exactly. Everything was your fault, so nothing had changed. 😥
1. "I'm sorry, I was wrong."
2. "Your feelings are valid."
3. "What do you need from me?"
4. "Let's talk about how you feel."
5. "You did a great job, and you deserve credit."
6. "I'm proud of you for your effort, regardless of the outcome."
7. "You have the right to set your own boundaries."
8. "It's okay to make mistakes; that's how you learn."
9. "Your achievements are yours."
10. "You are enough, just as you are."
Self-differentiation tips:
1. Learn to say these things to yourself.
2. Let go of the need of them ever saying any of it to you.
3. Repeat to yourself: I don't need them, I need me.
Yep be the parent to your inner child you wish you had, takes ages when youve never heard anything this warm before but its possible.
" i love you"
💖💪
"Thank you"
@@gatorssbmonly learning thankyou
Jerry, the fatherly and loving way you talk about self-acceptance is something I never heard from any parent. Thank you for being this.
This is so true. My parents have never said "Im sorry" or "I was wrong".
The phrase my narc mom loves using is “I’m sorry… for whatever I’ve done” after sending her a 2 page email (this was years ago) explaining all of my issues with her and listing all the nasty things she’s done. Still tries to act like she has no idea. 2 years no contact and not a single genuine apology or any acknowledgment. Waste of time….
All just to help her feel better!
I can relate
Same here.🤚🏼 Wrote her a letter (made a copy) in attempt to explain to her why I can’t always drop things (my family) and go help her for weeks at a time (she lives over 12-hours away).
She said it was “the meanest letter I’ve ever written her.” And that she let someone else read it and they agreed. (😂)
There was no swearing, no name-calling, no blaming, just me expressing my reason for not helping her.
@mtnriffraff68 yup the good old "you're being mean to me". I've had in the past "you're being nasty to me" about the vaguest slightest most trivial thing
@@Andrea-lp4bb Sounds just like Trump. He loves the words mean and nasty too.
Thanks, if I ever hear this from them I will indeed stop to look out the window to see the pigs flying by.
😂
😂😂😂😂 Meeee too!!!
Years ago I learned that the only person who needs to love me is me. I wake up with myself every morning and go to bed with myself every night. If I can love myself, that’s the only love I need.
Is it nice if someone else loves me? Of course. Someone else loving me is just a bonus.
❤
Thank U Jerry. U hit the nail on the head for every sentence... But U forgot just one. "MY" Narcissistic mother never ever sincerely said, " I LOVE YOU." NEVER😥 !
I only heard it from my mother once and she was on her death bed. I never heard it from my father.
Wow!!! That was powerful. I am 60 years old, and, in the back of my mind, I can still hear my mother screaming to me as a child "Don't tell me about kids rights. Kids don't have any rights. Kids are to obey their parents, that is their right." My fifth grade teacher also stood in front of the class and said "I'm tired of this class making mistakes in math. This class is going to start getting perfect papers today. One mistake, and I will crumble your paper up, and you'll do it again." My eleventh grade history teacher said "Ever wonder why teachers carry pencils with no erasers in their shirt pockets? Because teachers don't make mistakes." I could go on and on.
The absolute self-righteousness is unbelievable just off the chart especially and when you think about the fact that they are literally insane. I grew up with two parents who are both teachers and narcissistic at least if not narcissists.
Ghosting my family, siblings, surviving parent and children was the smartest move I ever made. 12 years on and even more determined to remain clean.
2 months no contact, a long way to go but I already feel better most days
@kellywalsh4596 Keep going. It will dawn on you how good it feels and you'll become addicted to feeling healthy. Every day, instead of a struggle, will be another positive affirmation strengthening you.
I'm 7 years in and know I am so much happier knowing I value myself without the constant sabotage.
Spot on!
My almost 80 yr old mother (who I have greatly removed from myself), text me about once a week. Never once has it been a simple “how are you?” Or “how are the kids?” It is usually something like “I know you don’t care about me but I sit and worry about your family all day.” I never reply to these kind of things.
I remember what a revelation it was when I learned that anything worth doing was worth doing badly.
It's useless. Spending my entire life trying to make them understand. They twist every word, every situation to fit their victim-mode. I can never win. Outsiders think my family is sweet and so humble. With non- family, they are. I know now of triangulation and gaslighting. I know now why I have felt a deep loneliness all along. I lived abroad for 20 years, but was never free because the immense guilt was there, with me. I'm starting to see the light now that I'm finally learning I wasn't as wrong as they made me believe
This reasonates with me
You did everything right. Your light threatens their demons.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 So sorry you know the pain... I'm building a new persona, it's hard but not impossible even if I objectively don't know what being treated with love and respect means... Hope you are doing better now!
@@jl3268 Thank you so much, you don't know how grateful I am for being validated after a lifetime of abuse 🙏 ♥ wish you all the best
@@jl3268 Thank you so much, you don't know how grateful I am for being validated after a lifetime of abuse 🙏 ♥ wish you all the best
I confronted my narcissistic father over his treatment of me and my family and he just couldn't hear it, completely incapable of accepting responsibility for his behavior. That was the last time I talked to him and that was 20 years ago. It's taken me years to recover from my upbringing and I am finally OK and thriving!!
All I have ever wanted from either of my parents was an “I’m sorry for what we did to you” and/or “I’m sorry that what we did has made you permanently disabled”. I certainly didn’t get it from the one that actually did it before they died but (and I know I’m stupid for it) I am still holding out hope that the other one will do before then.
But what seriously annoys me is that when the surviving one brings up any news stories about an almost same situation, they are all full of overblown sympathy for the unknown person (who obviously deserves all sympathy and support)…but they then come out with “The parents who have done x, y and z should never have been parents and I hope that they have the book thrown at them for doing this i.e. jail/prison”. It’s as if they are able to detach from their own actions towards me and they don’t see themselves as the exact same type of person. Instead they make me feel like I have got it all wrong and what they did was nowhere near as bad as…gaslighting at its finest.
"You did great, good job! 'I'M' Proud of you"
"I love you." 😔
When i was 16 my mother said to me "I HAVE to love you because you're my daughter, but that doesn't mean I have to like you." 💔🗡️
"I'm sorry your feelings got hurt"
Whatever happened was your fault too...
Whew. Jerry you are exactly right, totally correct. I have NEVER heard any of these things from my narc parents in four decades. These are things I would say to someone else. I'm working on saying them to myself and believing them.
Thank you, Jerry. Hang in there, survivors. Internet high fives to everyone.
Thanks, high five right back 🖐
I was a straight A student in college, received all kinds of rewards in college and my career….not a peep of congratulations from either parent
I am proud of you!
@@kayleethegreat111 ❤️💕❤️
Congratulations on all your abuse defying successes!! You deserve 2X's credit...
@@sunnyadams5842 thank you so much for your kind words
@@sunnyadams5842 God bless you. Thank you
When I succeeded after 3 years of dropping out of university, my mother told me it was because she prayed for me... Of course it had nothing to do with me studying hard.
yes !!! My both parents were narc ..... thanks Jerry ... keeep posting !!! keep educating us !!!!!
I remember when I graduated University, it was really only the second time the family gathered together for an educational achievement - which at the time as a teenager I never realized. Both my older siblings did not attend University or did but dropped out. You wanna talk about an emotionally awkward experience, it was nice seeing my friends and teachers but the vibe between my parents and siblings was absolute strange. No smiles, standing around stiff and bored, looking around the campus and what I clearly remember is the lack of love I felt that day. Not a hug, a true smile or ounce of excitement. This was when I realized how dysfunctional my family was but still didn't have the language for it. Thank you Jerry for making these videos, they help me on my continued journey to get my dysfunctional family out of me.
Even now at nearly 60 I never understood this and how I felt. Such simple things to say to someone, but they can't and won't. It's strange and difficult. It's all we need but they just won't do it.
my mom was narcissistic in the same way a kid is--she was so stunted in her emotional development and so young when she had us that she exhibited quite a few of these traits that she later grew out of. both of my parents were way too self-absorbed and immature ever to say any of these things to us. the thought of a parent actually saying this to a kid wobbles my mind! i hope people see this and take it to heart!
I had so many people that said two parents cannot both be narcissists.
Why were there so many therapists that constantly wanted to insist that they could “fix” the family when it was clear my parent put me in therapy so I could be “changed” to suit their needs.
When parents weaponize therapy. And the therapist goes along...because they like getting a paycheck.
There are plenty of people, myself included, who had two narcs/Cluster Bs for parents. They feed off each other. I saw that dynamic with my parents growing up until their divorce. Then they found other people to suck dry. It's one of the hardest things to deal with and understand that you got zero love, care, and attention because the narcs wouldn't stop trying to destroy the other person in the relationshit.
My mother was a Covert Vulnerable Narky. Dad was a neglectful narky. He was checked out, never present. Sis was the Golden Child, and a grandiose narky.
@@spacegirl226 Sounds like my parents! After they divorced, they found new partners to suck dry. Now both are single again and looking at me to fill roles that a spouse normally fills. And both parents still badmouth each other. It's kinda like going backwards to childhood.
@@spacegirl226”relationshit”
Gilded typo. Real truth right there.
I have no contact with my narcissist parents. I resinate with "Everything" you are saying! Thank you.
me too
Me too😢
Great!
Stay the course no matter what.
@@mikelouis9389 Thank you
00:00 👋 Introduction to discussing narcissistic parents and what they never say
00:56 🤔 Narcissistic parents will never genuinely say "I'm sorry, I was wrong"
01:39 😕 They will not validate your feelings, as that gives you control
02:12 ❌ Narcissistic parents cannot sincerely ask, "What do you need from me?"
02:47 🧠 They avoid talking about your feelings, using them to manipulate instead
03:32 💼 Narcissistic parents take credit for your successes, not giving it to you
04:26 👏 They don't praise effort regardless of the outcome, demanding perfection
05:18 🚫 Narcissistic parents won’t allow you to set your own boundaries
06:09 🎯 They won’t encourage learning from mistakes, often shaming instead
07:09 🏆 Your achievements are never considered yours; they take credit
08:40 💪 You are never "enough" in their eyes, pushing constant inadequacy
09:44 💬 Learn to say affirming things to yourself instead of waiting for others
10:45 🎂 Affirmations from others are nice, but true growth comes from self-validation
12:33 🔄 Shift from needing validation from them to needing it from yourself
13:00 ✨ Final thought: “I don’t need them, I need me” for self-differentiation
Hope you had as much fun choosing the icons/emojis as I did looking at them 💯 Much appreciated. Thank you.
I prefer to just watch Jerry's videos but thanks for your effort
Thank you for the timeline🎉
Thanks for this 😊
When I got remarried, we had a small ceremony outside with immediate family and when the pastor was talking, he was saying about how no one is perfect, my dad said loudly, I am! I could not believe it. He was a narcissist and my mom was codependent. I forgave me dad before he passed and now working on forgiving my mom.
@@mwog7148 hahaha 🤣 but as you age you find it funny right? Sometimes I am like… what the actual f…. But sometimes it really makes me giggle how pathetic they can be and with no shame! Unbelievable
It's not just the shame for mistakes... but the absolute rage and chaos that can come when they perceive something that never happened that enrages them.
Nothing like seeing a 0-100% rage` over something insignificant or something you didn't even do.
The trauma and damage is immense.
Oh and the best part? They will pretend nothing happened the next time you see them.
That was my father, things I had not even done and he would go crazy!! Or a mistake a kid would make and all hell would break loose.
@@bereal6590 Yeah it's crazy how` wild they are.` No filter, but will claim to be soft and sensitive to others....
My mother will say how my father is such a wimp...
YEah a wimpt o everyone else but me.`
You're such a tough guy for raging at a 6 year old.
@@AlvinKazu I get that. I remember how damn scared I was of my father that I was thinking he might kill me because his rages.✌️
@@bereal6590 i dodn't know what they would do.
My mother was the abuser, and my father was her attack dog. Mom at age 8, threatened me that she was going to send me away to military school because I was causing trouble in school, but didn't tell me wtf happened. It ended up that this girl was making up lies about me saying i was doing something to her (I stil have no clue wtf I supposedly did), and the principal got invovled at one point, but it wasn't between me and the girl, but her older brother was there it was just wtf and was another point of truama for me.
BUt I learned later on from my father that she got into a confrfontation with the mother... and dad claimed mom "defended me...." LOL...
Then connected it all and realized this was the incident that made her say that about throwing me away like garbage, all because of something that I didn't do that another person caused... So ridiculous how they just blame and blame you/us for everything when we did nothing.
I didn't even know.`
MEanwhile this girl's twin brother had been harassing me since the year before, and this older brother was harassing me too, that year.
`and of course I had no one to help me.
Dad would always say "go ask your mother, I agree with whatever your motehr said," so how could I do anything when I had a father who was never around and neglectful and a mother who was abusive and neglectful.
I was so scared my entire life of just being throw away like garbage.
I finally told my dad when I Was around 30 years old and he laughed and said "we didn't have the money for that."
As if it was all a joke, ahhhhaah funny funny... While I was majorly suffering my entire time in school, even into college.
I didn't know wtf these people would do to me.
Which fucked me up even more because I was scared of getting ito fights.
She also threatened me that if I got suspended in HS that "it would be it for me."
I Never heard: "I love you" from either N parent. Ever. I can't even imagine them saying it.
Yes, that would be scary. I would ask nyself from which demon they are possessed now. 😅
Totally true. This almost made me cry.
Wow, great video. Yep, didn't hear these things growing up. Thank you.
The sad part is that I truly believed that the only way to relate to my mom is by giving her all the credit for my accomplishments, even though these were all mine. She had nothing to do with that. I did all that in spite of the abuse, and it was much harder because of it.
You did good Tanja!
Goodness me all those listed phrases were definitely never heard by me. My father was the narcissist and it was hard for myself and my two older brothers, and none of us ever felt love or Acknowledgement of anything we did . I Was trained to be subservient to any adult but especially men. Now however I believe in myself I turn 73 in 3days and finally found my way. I went on to have two sons and a daughter and I gave them validation, love and recognition of their successes.
It is NEVER about you, always about them. NEVER. They don't care about your well being, your feelings, health, life. Ex. "Mom, I felt down and hurt my knee. It really hurts." Answer"my knee hurts too". 🤔
Similar when I told my martyr that I was hurt growing up from all the badness in the house, she screamed at me, "I WAS HURT TOO!"
You can't win.
Exactly !
And theirs is always worse...
@@spacegirl226yep me & my sis say the exact same with mom & step-asshole father ( though that latter might be an oxymoron 😂😂)
@@cynthiathomas5754 or you try being 68 you'll find out 🙄🙄🙄
I needed to hear 👂 this today. 😢❤❤❤❤
Jerry, you are truly, very Wise.
"I don't need them, I need me." 💖
Thank you Jerry. Pretty eye opening. I never thought to say these things to myself... tooting my own horn always felt weird to me. Appreciate the lesson here! ❤
You're very welcome
For me letting go of the need to be accepted and validatedwas the hardest part. First I needed to get through feeling all the pain and anger for a very long time. What actually helped me get closer to letting to is talking to them about their childhood and upbringing, because during that conversation I actually realized in a much deeper level tgan just phsychologic theory- how disabled they are in Emoutional IQ department, I only then really understood that they really dont have emotional language foundation in their brain at all, they cant even understand a question : "what thought s and feelings did you experience during that time, that made your choose to do/study/go somewhere". Theoretically I knee it before, but this made me feel their disability and better understand that they didnt have a choice when they became what they are, neither can they choose to change know. For me this helped let go of anger and then get to the part where I can choose finally.
I love your explanation and in part regognise the experience. I don't think there was a choice either. 🍀
We can say these things to ourselves and know that we're healthier to listen to over the dysfunctional parent.
ROFL. Yea... I truly NEVER heard any of these sentences from my parents ever...
What is coming up for me is the "bread crumbs." That need that I always had that was not fulfilled.. They will give just enough so that I keep coming back..
#5 made me laugh out loud because I could never imagine my parents saying it. These are things I want to say to my kids to change the family superself. Another great Jerry video. 👍👍 I especially like the part about apologizing to yourself. ❤
I world have loved, just once to hear "how do you feel?" They just don't care😢
I can see why you laughed out loud at#5.
My mother was adopted by a family who had a boy, who became my uncle via this adoption. My foster grandmother was narcissistic. At her son's graduation, she was overheard, after he went to get his diploma, to say very loudly, "Let me see my diploma," as she snatched it out of his hands. Everyone was shocked at this behavior. But knowing my foster grandmother it was something she wouldn't have any problems doing because in her eyes she paid his tuition to go to college. Therefore, to her mind, she paid for his diploma, and as such she felt she deserved to grab it and tout it as her own. It was very appalling behavior. And embarrassing for her son.
I'm proud of your effort....that one stung
My Narc mom doesn’t care that I am in liver failure and need a transplant. She demands I travel 7 hours to visit her. I took care of her for 7 months after her stroke. She has residual speech problem. I was able to get her an aide to take her to her appointments and grocery shopping. Nothing is ever enough. All I hear from her is “what about me”.
OMG. Horrible
@@joem.7621 I thought so too. I have to make so many decisions and many don’t include her. She has all her services in her state and refuses many of them. She will never be happy. I finally learned I am not responsible for her emotional well being.
@nickg6529 This mirrors my Mother as well. Took care of her after a stroke too. Some years later, organised home help. She then refused them coming into her home accusing them of stealing, deliberately moving something to make her trip over etc. - then expecting me to be the home help. Is now 94 and nothing has changed. Please take care of your health & hope you will be able to get a transplant.
@@CraftingMyWorld Thank you for your kindness and sharing your experience. I am sorry that you are having a similar experience. Since my last post I have been working on setting firm boundaries. Again, thank you for your encouragement.
I don't think I'm a narcissist but I have definitely had narcissistic moments before. I have been using your videos as a way to help build a better relationship with my kids. I have a pretty good relationship with them now but there's always room for improvement. Thanks for your videos
I got the “there’s no room for error”…and then a scripture would be slapped into the “conversation “💔😕
All of these are precisely true in/to my life; their denial of facts and lies are what irritate and shame me the most.
Thank you.
"I don't need them, I need me!" Absolutely, Jerry!! So healing ❤
I am looking forward to joining the program in the coming weeks! Just waiting for the moving van so I can be on my own!
I have experienced it with my narcisistic parents, they never said sorry although they did terrible things to me. Thank you for brillant advice about self-differentiation.
My mother was once visiting us and my husband said in a kitchen that I am incredible wife and he didn’t know what he would do without me and my mother replied: I hope you know it’s because of me because I have birthed her 😂
Hope you know he,said that because for hi. You are perfect,
i have never heard them apologise for anything. they done everything to sabotage my life but the Eternal helped my poor soul
"I love you, I appretiate that you're alive, I care about you, You fit into this family, I want to hug you" -Things they'll never say.
I was past 45 yrs old when it dawned on me that I could validate my SELF. Thank you Jerry, your videos have been so helpful to me.
Indeed! My narc mother has never said any of the 10 affirmations that Jerry listed, and with his insight I can now accept that she never will, and I’m OK.
What I heard regularly (complete opposite):
1. You’re wrong!
2. You’re ridiculous. Stop crying about your feelings. I don’t care.
3. What do you want now?!?!
4. Shut your mouth
5. You’re alive/you’re only where you are today because of me!
6. Wow, you really messed that up
7. Me attempting to set boundaries is met with “You are SO disrespectful and ungrateful!”
8. You are nothing but foolish. How could you mess that up? What is WRONG with you??
9. See #5
10. You can’t do anything right, why do I even try?!
Now I can focus on self-differentiation and affirm myself. Thank you for another great/helpful video, Jerry!
7:26 I need this. Thank you.
You sound like a ‘fly on the wall’ All through My life…including still now, But if I try to take charge of My Life, My Mom works harder to bad mouth me to the family, I am at a loss, there is no way for Me to fix it…thank you for all your videos❤
Love your work, Jerry! TX so much for everything you are doing to help us survivors of narcissistic abuse to heal! 🙏😊
Sadly it’s all so spot on, I,m taking care of my father because he became ill. I went daily to him and totally ended up burnt out. I only go ones a week now, and caretakers do the rest. I have a bad health myself, there is no thank you, no understanding of my own health issues. They just suck you dry. Thanks goodness his doctor and the care takers and nurses, notice he is narcissistic and are very supportive toward mee, and understand my distancing from him . He is also very awful against those people, so it’s pretty clear.
Spot on. My mother manipulated me even on her deathbed. Fact. Everything you said, is exactly what I heard my whole life. Only now, after she's gone, do I realize what an abnormal nightmare I was raised in. I was always called "rebellious," but now I realize that what was "rebellious" to the narcissist was actually self-preservation. All I ever heard was "I own you!" Literally to the point of being kidnapped away from my fiance. Talk about bizarre.
They told their little friends we dont know what we would have done without our daughter.They never told me or thanked me.
They soo proud it’s CREEPY! Like you can’t just give a compliment 🤢
Yeah we were yelled at and punished for ALL mistakes
I've had 'friends' like this too, taking creddit for my marriage on my babyshower, to name an example. Just made up that they brought us together 🤢 Unfortunately, in order to break these kind of cycles I've found that I had to let go of A LOT, including most of my so called friendships. Less crap like this to deal with, but also very boring without a social life. I'm both greatfull that my eyes are open, and scared of the amount of work in front of me to rebuild a social life, a healthy one this time. But I'm hopefull and willing to learn. And stubborn as a donkey. Thank you Jerry for being here for us 🍀
This was so touching. This video, said by you, will touch & help so many people. I read all of the comments, other people's words expressed my thoughts & feelings. Wow
tremendous teaching, Jerry you are anointed.
Thank you so much!
Hi Jerry, I stumbled upon your movies about a week ago and it helps me a lot. I struggle a lot because I recognize a lot of your tips in how I handled myself as a young adult but the consistent controle of my dad and him turning my whole family against me believing I am the problem I thought, I am always alone, I always give myself credit by the reality i experience and I dont listen to my family and others anymore so maybe I am the problem. Its like I let my own self and how I viewed things go and I have not managed to get it back. Im from Holland so don't know how to enter your program but I want to thank you for speaking out and explaining things. I realise now that I have always parented my parents but never had one myself. Hope I one day get back to myself again. ❤
Hoi Marloes, wat jij beschrijft is 100 pct identiek wat mij overkomen is. Ik ken deze meneer Wise nu een paar weken en alles valt op zijn plaats. Ik hanteer de no contact manier. Krijg nog de whatsappjes en antwoord met n korte audio. Gezondheid is ok en hoop jullie ook. Ciao. Bye bye. 3 huwelijken achter de rug nooit iets goed gedaan, geen contact met broers of zus. Beter zo
"I'm taking responsibility and growing up"
Hahaha, nope. "We were tricked" was the closest thing to a sorry I ever got from my mother. Caused me so much trauma by getting involved in my separation/divorce and had my children taken from me based on lies. So, nope, I'll never get a sorry I messed up your entire life. They were tricked is all I got from that whole fiaso.
You nailed it. Thank you. And I already expected nothing anyway.
Hi Jerry! I really like your content. I'm in a Narcissistic Recovery group, and when fellow members look for more resources about the Family Of Origin, I refer them to your videos.
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing my videos❤️
@@jerrywise I am so grateful. You have made a very good difference in my life.
They are empty. I had to accept that they have no conscience and move on. 💜
They didn't allow me to individuate early nor to disagree with them; I became enmeshed.
They canceled my dreams in favor of their own plans for me; what was important to them had to be important to me.
They weren't there when I needed them the most.
They promised they'd never do it again but they did.
They set me up to fail and then made fun of me for failing, comparing me to others.
They said I have it better than they did growing up so I shouldn't complain.
Oh, MAN, is this my mother.
A big thing is they use their apologies as a weapon. They say "you're right I'm sorry, I'm terrible," but they say it bitterly such that you feel guilty and begin to doubt yourself. And of course at that point, they refuse to talk to you or relieve you, because what's important is dangling you on that string. Even refuse to eat or feign sickness.
Late to the conversation, but I graduated nursing school at the top of my class in 2018. To this day my mother takes all the credit for it and everything I’ve done as a nurse…😢
In my case, I hear some of them, mainly those who please me, to be either used, or manipulated. This kind of manipulation can last even for a year to build trust. Last yearly cycle of building trust ended in the question, if my narcisstic mom can move to my house so that I take care of her. It's important to know, that she has a flat and is totaly fit, but poor, because she never wanted to work and used others for this. This question, or better the situation where I should share my life with her again was my biggest fear in my life. Even nuclear war is a small threat compared to it. So she ask directly after pleasing period and I said a resolute NO. I said to her, that the childhood was the most sinister period in my life because of her and I don't need to repeat or extend it. Afterwards she called me a false snake and all I said to her in trust last year,was immidiately used as a weapon against me. We are in the cold phase now again. I hopefully learn finally to not share my topics with her and talk about the weather and silly topics.
Dziękujemy.
Even if they ask if you need anything from them, it’s done in front of others so they look like they’re offering support, and then there’s no follow through. Narcissistic parents are acting 100% of the time when they are nice to you. Never believe them. (I had narcissistic parents AND married and divorced a family of narcissists).
Best advice. You are what you need, everyone else is only a possibility. ❤✌️💫
Omg, number 6 had my crying my eyes out! I try soo hard at everything ALL the time and never feel like anything is worth it unless succsess. Imagine someone encouraging you and beind proud of you regardless... so just hearing you say it, got me ballin
The closest my father got was to tell me I never had a chance. But anything specific about him, he doesnt remember.
Thank you so much! Laughing through the tears in my eyes.
resonates, much appreciated for your insights as always Jerry. 💯
Narcissists who apologize may be more cunning.
I WAS SHAMED FOR EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY IF IT MADE THEM LOOK BAD .
I get confused, because there was one time (the one and only time) where I actually heard them admit that they were wrong and said "Sorry, I was wrong about that". But I am not sure if it's because it was a subject matter that didn't really affect them in the first place, or why they said that. They have been consistently hurtful otherwise, and disrespect me more and more as time goes on, but will never admit that they did anything wrong (and blame it on me). They say things to me that they wouldn't say to anyone else they cared about, and disrespect me in front of the family (I am debating whether to go to Thanksgiving dinner on that side of the family).
I dont need them...i dont have much else..is hard to turn away..
Thank you Jerry.
This video is timely.
Almost had a trigger by my narc mum just minutes ago when we were just walking side by side, yet she could treat me as invisible. Walking ahead if her own as if I'm not with her.
Yet she could still say it's me who's walking too slowly.
I was like: you can't wait for me?!
N she will go: you are too pampered. Looking for attention at the age (42 yrs).
I had to tell myself to validate myself, not her.
Thank you Jerry!
Thank you 🙏🏽❤️
Harmi, ettei suomeksi löydy tekstitystä. Hän kuitenkin kertoo selkeästi, ymmärrettävästi asiasta. Monta videotaan olen katsonut ja hyviä ovat.
I'm sorry, gawd! You always...
Ive never heard "i love you" from my covert narcissistic mother, and im 47 yrs old
I never heard any of those :)
Making a lot of sense
If you ever get an "I'm sorry" you'll get the non-apology apology in the form of "I'm sorry that you think/thought that I...." or "I'm sorry that you had the idea that I...." twisting it back on you for your thinking and not for the thing they actually did. They're sorry that your thinking is wrong not that they are wrong.
Mr. Wise, this video here has a wealth of information in it. So inspiring! Thank you.
You are very welcome