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Yes! My last therapist fobbed me off with they're emotionally immature. I was thinking what about all this other stuff! She was supposed to be treating me for trauma! It made me feel worse than I already did as she triggered me all over the place!
For sure, but it's not a disorder. Like it's not a pathological behaviour. You can probably have a somewhat healthy relationship with them. A lot of parents like that are willing to change and work things out. Narcissists on the other hand will most likely live like that and die like that.
My spouse has emotionally immature parents. He is the parent of his parents and siblings. My FIL throws childish tantrums when frustrated or doesn't get his way. My in laws choose to put their head in the sand about difficult situations that arise in the family leaving myself and my spouse to handle all the dysfunction. One of my spouses sibs has narcissistic characteristics: lies, cheats on his spouse, never accepts responsibility, gaslights, plays victim. This dysfunction wreaks havoc on me. I'm at the point of no contact with the narcissistic brother in law, but my spouse seems unable to create boundaries with his irresponsible brother. I'm trying to encourage my spouse to put up boundaries too.
Yes , I was an emotional immature wreck as a parent. I was raised by narcissistic parents. It’s generational trauma and it needs to be broken and addressed but it never ends well because well just try to break that dysfunctional stuff but you can do it and improve yourself and then you heal .
Have you looked up of she has maybe borderline traits? Narcissists and borderlines love to get together. Also, don't worry. It's not easy but you can for sure heal from that.
I was an emotionally immature parent. I had severe neglect and abuse as a kid as well as actual poverty (like the kind where you don't have food and electricity/heat at time). I had my first 2 children way too young and was not a good mother but I wanted to be. I'm still healing and growing and learning and doing my best to make up for it by apologizes and following through with my actions. I'm 44 and I still struggle but I've developed strong skills to do better.
My mother! Oh yes! She is vile. I told here that she makes everyone miserable and that she makes everyone feel physically and mentally sick. She sucked her teeth at me puffed on her nails and pretended to file them across her chest and said to me with a smirk, "Good! That's what I do best!"
I don't need an official diagnosis of someone to tell if someone is an abuser. If someone fails the Grey Rock Method test, that's enough for me to go no contact or low contact. People who abuse that way just want to keep me down in life and I'm not letting people who try to use reactive abuse on me get close to me.
As you said, they clearly seem to be different points on the SAME spectrum of narcissism. Their behaviours are the same, their impacts are the same, and the outcomes for their children are the same. If it looks like fire, smells like fire, and feels like fire, it's probably fire. Let's not get burned with semantics. No one should get a pass or be seen like innocent immature "children" for the abuse that they inflict.
Thanks for clarifying the difference between narcissistic and regular neurotic parents. A lot of the books I read give advice for benign or neurotic parents when they’re actually narcissistic and more harmful. I could read a whole book being able to identify the difference between an immature parent versus a narcissist parent.
My father is emotionally immature and an enabler. My mother however is narcissistic. She’s selfish to the core but in a covert way as half her behavior is altered in front of people and very different behind closed doors.
Love this -I did not break them I cannot fix them …don’t change them for you ;don’t change you for them …it is hard when you have realized you have lived your life to please people who don’t have the capacity to appreciate you …spot on Jerry thanks for all you share
This was really helpful. My dad is a covert narcissist but my mother in law is likely emotionally immature. Some of her behaviors remind me of my dad but she seems to do them with good intentions which is the biggest difference. Narcissists almost never have purely good intentions.
Yup. My stepmom was definitely a narcissist. Not just to me, but also to my dad, and anybody in the house. She projected her insecurities onto us. She would either have a raging temper, or the self pitty bullshit! I on the other hand, am working to heal myself from the damage and trauma she did to me. I forgive her for what she did to me. I now need to forgive myself. And allow myself to be my true authentic self without judgment, especially judgment from myself. I HATE sympathy and pitty! My stepmom may think she’s a victem, but I damn sure am not! I’m a survivor of trauma and abuse, not a victem of trauma and abuse. CPTSD doesn’t make me a victem to that!
Yes!! You are a survivor learning to transform grief into glory, pain into passion. That sounds like a warrior of healing and light if you ask me!! Wishing you an abundance of magic and joy along your path to thriving 🫶
@@njay4361 my stepmom may have hurt me, but I’m not broken! I’ve healed so much these past few years. However, masking my emotions and expecting myself to be tough and macho all the time has caused some backfiring. I expect myself to never struggle and always be happy 24/7 because I have it in my mind strong people never cry. If I cry, then I’m playing victem. If I have one single bad day or moment of dysregulation, then I’m being a baby and playing victem, which I refuse to play victem! I’m strong! But, what if this is all just my toxic narcissistic stepmom in my head? If so, then I’m capable of changing this!
I can really relate to this. My mother loves to rescue, she loves pitying people and the sympathy thing. She had none of that for me. I got "you're just like your father" or "you're too sensitive" amongst many othere things. Now I'm really ill I've had "you're weak", " you laughed at me when I was ill in hospital", that never happened! What did happen was my father raged at me at 10 years old and told me her emergency surgery was my fault, then whe I was 15 it came up again and he said I'd made her have her chronic illness. I looked at her to say no of course not! Nope, she went silent and just gave a look that said we'll yes I agree with him and said "we'll you're not helping". I was the one who worried myself sick about her, the one who would pray god gave me the illness instead, the one who cried that my father would stop raging at her, the one who took her clean clothes in hospital who my idiotic father forgot, the one whilst in a d.v. relationship went and visited her In hospital lscared what my ex would be like when I got home! According to her im the worst person on the planet and she is a saint!
My FIL is a narcissist and I’ve been thinking for a while that my MIL and Step FIL are similar but not quite the same. This video helps to explain they’re emotionally immature. They’ve still done a lot of damage, but it’s in a more secretive and immature way, much less devious and manipulative than the narcissistic FIL. Thank you Jerry for helping me put my finger on the problem.
At 69, I can see when dysfunction/ family dynamics isn t addressed....it continues down the line....hoping to pass my learned wisdom to the grands...but I m pleased to have myself mature and returned. :)
- 00:36 🤔 Narcissistic parents are self-centered, prioritize their own needs, and lack empathy. - 01:00 🎭 Narcissistic parents use manipulation, control, and gaslighting in family dynamics. - 01:47 ⚡ Narcissistic parents often display volatile emotions, with unpredictable mood swings. - 02:10 🧮 Narcissistic and emotionally immature parents exist on a spectrum, with narcissism being more extreme. - 03:05 👶 Emotionally immature parents behave in childlike ways, with inconsistent emotional responses. - 03:53 💔 Emotionally immature parents get overwhelmed by their emotions, leading to outbursts or withdrawal. - 04:50 🙈 Emotionally immature parents avoid responsibility and have limited self-awareness. - 06:03 🔄 Both narcissistic and emotionally immature parents blur boundaries and reverse parent-child roles. - 07:46 😔 Children of both types often develop low self-esteem and perfectionism due to conditional love and criticism. - 08:27 🛑 Guilt and shame are common, driven by unmet expectations and dysfunctional family dynamics. - 09:11 🛠️ Recovery requires building a self that was suppressed and practicing emotional detachment. - 10:15 💪 Self-differentiation is key-focusing on becoming your true self without adapting to family dysfunction.
I just realized something. If you want to know what a narcissistic mother (the devouring mother archetype) looks like, look at the Eunice sketches on The Carol Burnett Show. Vikki Lawrence portrayal of Mama is on pointe. On the TV show Mama’s Family the character is toned down A LOT! But on TCBS , Mama is in full force and is interesting to watch again from this perspective. Jerry, your opinion would be appreciated. Keep up the good work!❤❤❤❤❤❤👍🏾
You are doing a great job spreading this awareness. It is a great service for society. These videos gives a starter to acknowledge problem before the journey of healing process.
I'd say every narcissist is immature (because you find narcissistic traits in kids a lot but that fades out in "normal" kids/teens, not in narcs though) but not every immature parent is a narc.
My father was a narcissist and my Mom emotionally immature. I always felt like the parent. She had me very young and I know she had a hard life, but it is exhausting. The childish manipulation and guilt are too much. She recently had to be put into nursing, and she knows it destroyed me to have to do that, but she requires care I can't give. She constantly throws mini tantrums and blames me
Yes, it's like our our mother would put us on a pedestal, then sneak up and hit us behind the knees to knock us to the ground. She also tried to cultivate narcissism in all of us, and she met some success. Most of us recognize what she did, and we've come to terms with it. A couple of her children have determined to carry on the curses and have devastated their children. After many years of neglect and disregard, one lost their children to the state, they dared to say, "Well, I hope (my children) have learned their lesson." Some people you just can't reach!
This is a gem. BTW, emotionally immature parents got higher and better chances to change for the better as time goes by, while narcissistic parents are the opposite. They're getting worse as they aged. Just my two cents...
I'm so glad you did this video. Clears up a lot. Plus, I really liked how you referenced the EIP to their generational upbringing which was most likely the cause of their behavior. What a world this would be if more people were aware and broke the cycle.
Idk where id be if it were not this valuable information. Good advice about fantasizing on who u r and being it bc im at the hump where I'm ready to exchange my pain for the next level. Ty Jerry😊
Thank you so much for breaking down info on narc abuse❣️Would you please do a pos cast about how Narc parents, in my case, my son’s Narc grandmother, steals his autonomy by making him the golden child while I am the scapegoat? My son is 29 now and his grandmother passed from cancer a few months ago. She basically bought ($$$$$) his love and caused so much division between us. She kept him so busy in her drama and gave him so much $$$ that he is lost in finding a career. He’s trying to find his way and she feel she stole his autonomy… I hope this makes sense.
Extremely well explained !! ❤😊 thank you ! I had trouble explaining even to therapists who rush to label everyone a narc nowadays.. there are differences.
@@jerrywise i wasn't always very Sure, what my parents are, so i made notes of both topics on my own. (I Think a lot of people, who are actually ei, are "misdiagnosed" as narcissists.) So you helped me to confiem and to correct my notes . :-) Whats still a bit difficult: to diffenenciate covert narcissism and ei. What would you say about this: if somebody enjoys your pain, then the person is more likely to be a narcissist.?
It's very good to point out the differences. Interesting. Yet the damages are virtually identical. It seems that maybe my mom started immature, quite reasonably under her circumstances, and matured into a nasty covert narc, also quite reasonably, likewise. Pop was simply a nasty overt narc in the family, again "reasonably" under his circumstances. I am beginning to understand. Very interesting, very helpful. Thank you.
What is it called when the mother over-promotes the father as someone to be worshipped-constantly-and the father can act all falsely humble because the mother is doing all the promotion and gaslighting when the father is abusive?
My parents/ narcissist Me most likely immature parent, who made too many mistakes. I caused damage to my beautiful children. This is a wonderful video.
They're just plain evil, mom's 86 today and probably physically restrained, I'm supposed to protest that, birthday gift perhaps, naw, could be someone on staff's b-day also!😊
Hi Amelia, that's so young to have children. I really appreciate your honesty and accountability 🙏 My parents started having kids at 19, 4 kids by 30. They were/are immature, they had very bad childhoods. I personally do have sympathy for them but also acknowledge how they damaged me and my sisters.
For me I don’t really think so. Seems like I’ve had to take “narc precautions” either way. But I DO find that at least I can sort of “talk down” my mother in some cases but I could also say that it’s still better for me to not have to be around her that much…narc or not. And it’s also like they too are very dull. Slow to learn or adapt or catch on etc. Those types do have a way of dragging you back down into their Chicken Little fears and insecurities and you just wind up having to push through in your own mind that the sniveling little weakling isn’t really you but is you’re parent’s issues. It just has been too hard for me to not get lines blurred like I used to all the time with her. (Aka her “pathetic” projections about herself). Almost like before you know it, you start reverting back to chicken Little thinking as well. At least that was the case for me. I kind of started to see that she is still highly influenced by the narc and you also don’t know when it will be like “look what the cat dragged in this time” as they will literally allow any kind of bs from anyone and have no real standards. They seem to me like they run around playing with hand grenades (oblivious to the danger) and want you to come play along with them and it’s like they don’t get it (or really slow to learn) when you try to explain to them how unsafe that really is.
My mother said it was my fault that she never had more children because I was a breech birth. She said I ruined her insides, even though she complained constantly about how there was so much snow that winter, she couldn't go for walks like her dr. suggested. She also told me that my step-dad was sterile because he had some kind of illness as a child, like mumps. After that she still blamed me for the fact that she never had children with my step-dad.
They cant blame themselves so they have to find someone else to blame. You fit the bill until a more dramatic option appears where they can be a bigger victim
My father is a malignant narcissist, my mother codependent and immature. She made me her emotional confidant/punchbag since I was a child always going on about what a victim she was. If we had an argument as a child, teenager, young adult, I'd ask her to forgive me, sobbing and she'd blank me and played the victim. Every time. She's the only one allowed feelings. When my uncle died she told me off for crying. Just heartless. The weaker people are, the more intolerant to other people's feelings.
My mom is both - if you tell her anything that hurts your feelings she will just start telling you how hard her childhood was … deflection deflection deflection. In law school.. she told me women shouldn’t be lawyers .. then immediately said she never said that… she lied for months then 1 day said she was sorry … do you know how invalidating that is on like 3 different levels?
There is some crossover, some overlap..mine were very immature... but also wanted revenge on us for existing and forcing them to be stuck together... Mother was grandiose, my goodness.. exploitive.to.the.extreme...'He.determines.the.times set for.them and the place where.they shall live'...gee..God..may i ask..what the.heck were u.THINKING 😮
I am the one with narcissistic parents (both of them), and my son is the one with emotionally immature parents (both of us). Even worse in his case, because I used to leave him under my parents' care constantly, so he's been raised by two narcissists and two immature parents...
Oh Jerry thank you for your guidance. I am currently stuck with my mother due to my home catching fire. My children and my husband are here and my mother is acting very physchotic. I feel she has rapid cycling bipolar 2 with narcissistic personality disorder. She abuses men so badly and we are trying to get out of here asap. Can you talk about bipolar 2 rapid cycling and narcissm. I need guidance.
I have a buddy who’s loyally taken care of his ‘sick’ mother his entire adult life. He looks fine and has a job at the top of his industry. She has consumed his life like a vampire. He owns the large house outright with an in-law suite. Nice car. Gave up on dating because no one could get along with her. In reality she chased them all away. Videos like this help damage the vampire economy.
😶 N - my Father, Immature - my Mom. I am just becoming to Learn how to act and live on a "normal" basis. As I am learning to detach, I suddenly became "the Bad, the Egpistic, the Betrayer, etc
This is my mother exactly!!! I’ve been trying to figure this out since she died two years ago! My grandmother was abusive. Is this why Mom was emotionally immature?
It's all very damaging. What ive seen with both my parents is they're nicer to others than to me. My undivided loyalty is expected whilst they selectively forget anything I say but can remember whole long tales about friends and acquaintances! High demands on me yet understanding for others, lack of empathy for me, empathy for others. One of the things that hurts me about my mother is she can see the hurt and harm of others and their words but not the actions and words of her of my father towards me. She treats friends etc..with the shame or more care than me. You'd think a mother would have her child's back more than others, that's not my experience.im held go a higher standard and if I show any warmth towards others she is jealous! She excuses my father's behaviour towards me then in the next breath when she is sick of him, blames me for being just like him. She doesn't like who I am, what I do, my interests, hobbies, thoughts words or feelings. She is attracted to rescuing others. As a child she had a kid at our house after school (because she felt sorry for him waiting for his mother so took him in after school until his mother was back from work), then my father would pit me against him in spelling 'games' that fkd me up. Did she notice that, nope ! I was beaten up badly by their friends child, did she notice, nope. All she noticed was how she felt, how she was worried because I had not come home from school (I had a deep cut and huge bandage and school kept me back until they came to collect me. Then wrote it off as kid stuff! In one incident I couldn't walk for a month and my gran had to push me around in a pushchair (I was 5!). That kept their friendship going. She was jealous, seemed to be annoyed with me a lot! Had no or little patience and smiled when her life was good and nd she was happy, didn't teach me anything and blamed me for her illness and my father's rages and nd ll in and nd ll stone wall, passive aggressive way. She thinks she is a Saint!
My father is not narcissistic, but he is immature and impulsive, he constantly needs to be the center of attention, but he's not grandiose, he just complain all the time about small things. My mother constantly needs to reassure him about his health. As and example, he tells everyone that his knee operation is way worse than my liver transplant. I don't care much, but I'm used to be the adult in room since a very young age. He's now 81 and he was always like this. I live on my own since I'm 15, I'm now 51.
The Emotionally immature tho are by default self centered Bcuz both them and the narcs cannot ever seem to see past their own noses and their “needs” in both cases usually trump the needs of others. Either way you don’t get your needs met and it’s just all about them. I think my mother could be in the emotionally immature category tho Bcuz she also has a lot of the dependency type of stuff going on. I can’t get past the envy stuff tho with her and that’s why in any case I take full on “narc alert” precautions both with her and her awful husband (step “father”). And then also to some degree with the rest of the “family” Bcuz if they’re not an actual narc, they’re too often dancing to the narc’s tune anyways.
What If they're both. Very controlling overbearing , overwhelmed with her emotions but she's also very angry tantrums , then blames others for what she did , she responds with okie dokie and very immature like child like responses. She doesn't take responsibility nor does she think it is her responsibility even if we brought it to her attention about something she did. I see all of these in her actions . I'm not really sure what to do . She love bombed me multiple times . I gave her a mother picture frame for mothers day and she's my MIL but she tossed it in her car and started yelling and screaming at me because I told her no about taking the kids lol it's so weird
Just as not all fingers are thumbs but all thumbs are fingers, not every immature human is narcissistic but all narcissists are immature. Combine immaturity with a diabolical character and voila - you have a narcissist.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
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Thank you!
"Just Immature" can do a hell of a lot of damage
🏋🏻♀️
Yes! My last therapist fobbed me off with they're emotionally immature. I was thinking what about all this other stuff! She was supposed to be treating me for trauma! It made me feel worse than I already did as she triggered me all over the place!
For sure, but it's not a disorder. Like it's not a pathological behaviour. You can probably have a somewhat healthy relationship with them. A lot of parents like that are willing to change and work things out. Narcissists on the other hand will most likely live like that and die like that.
My spouse has emotionally immature parents. He is the parent of his parents and siblings. My FIL throws childish tantrums when frustrated or doesn't get his way. My in laws choose to put their head in the sand about difficult situations that arise in the family leaving myself and my spouse to handle all the dysfunction. One of my spouses sibs has narcissistic characteristics: lies, cheats on his spouse, never accepts responsibility, gaslights, plays victim. This dysfunction wreaks havoc on me. I'm at the point of no contact with the narcissistic brother in law, but my spouse seems unable to create boundaries with his irresponsible brother. I'm trying to encourage my spouse to put up boundaries too.
Yes , I was an emotional immature wreck as a parent. I was raised by narcissistic parents. It’s generational trauma and it needs to be broken and addressed but it never ends well because well just try to break that dysfunctional stuff but you can do it and improve yourself and then you heal .
My father is narcissistic and my mother is emotionally immature. Yay for me!!
In my case, my mother was the narcissistic one and my father was the immature one. Bingo!
Same 🙃
Have you looked up of she has maybe borderline traits? Narcissists and borderlines love to get together. Also, don't worry. It's not easy but you can for sure heal from that.
@@loptr9763 yes, same...
@@milacruz3970 Do bipolar traits and narcissism go together as well?
I was an emotionally immature parent. I had severe neglect and abuse as a kid as well as actual poverty (like the kind where you don't have food and electricity/heat at time). I had my first 2 children way too young and was not a good mother but I wanted to be. I'm still healing and growing and learning and doing my best to make up for it by apologizes and following through with my actions. I'm 44 and I still struggle but I've developed strong skills to do better.
This is everything. You deserve everything good. ❤
Wishing you all healing and peace❤
The fact that you acknowledge this, is everything❤️ I wish you the best on your healing journey.
Somehow l find little comfort in not being alone here. Hugs to us all.
My parents were both. Decades later, I have finally learned to parent myself.
When you see that smirk, you know the one, that’s when you know which one they are.
My mother! Oh yes! She is vile. I told here that she makes everyone miserable and that she makes everyone feel physically and mentally sick. She sucked her teeth at me puffed on her nails and pretended to file them across her chest and said to me with a smirk, "Good! That's what I do best!"
I remember well my mother's smirk.😢
The one that makes you wanna lose your religion.
You're a wonderful person for putting this information out. So many broken lives need healing.
Jerry is by far my fave on the narc topic
@@rebeccafargo he's special, reminds me of an amazing parish priest in Illinois who helped me a lot on my journey. St Nicholas Urbana ❤
I dealt with both from both parents. Right now, it's the mom who is the bad one and getting worse. She's both emotionally immature AND narcissistic.
My parents had both
Sadly same as you it was grim
Me too guess we hit the jackpot! I so understand what you are going through! All LOVE to you ALWAYS ❤❤❤
Damn it… same here…
yep, so did mine!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤯🤯🤯🤯😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱☠☠☠
Same here 👍👍
I don't need an official diagnosis of someone to tell if someone is an abuser. If someone fails the Grey Rock Method test, that's enough for me to go no contact or low contact. People who abuse that way just want to keep me down in life and I'm not letting people who try to use reactive abuse on me get close to me.
As you said, they clearly seem to be different points on the SAME spectrum of narcissism. Their behaviours are the same, their impacts are the same, and the outcomes for their children are the same. If it looks like fire, smells like fire, and feels like fire, it's probably fire. Let's not get burned with semantics. No one should get a pass or be seen like innocent immature "children" for the abuse that they inflict.
Yes, the same outcome
Thanks for clarifying the difference between narcissistic and regular neurotic parents.
A lot of the books I read give advice for benign or neurotic parents when they’re actually narcissistic and more harmful.
I could read a whole book being able to identify the difference between an immature parent versus a narcissist parent.
None of them is benign
Your words have helped me so much. I am the scapegoat
My father is emotionally immature and an enabler. My mother however is narcissistic. She’s selfish to the core but in a covert way as half her behavior is altered in front of people and very different behind closed doors.
Love this -I did not break them I cannot fix them …don’t change them for you ;don’t change you for them …it is hard when you have realized you have lived your life to please people who don’t have the capacity to appreciate you …spot on Jerry thanks for all you share
Narcissistic parents don't love anyone. It's difficult to accept but that's never going to change.
This was really helpful. My dad is a covert narcissist but my mother in law is likely emotionally immature. Some of her behaviors remind me of my dad but she seems to do them with good intentions which is the biggest difference. Narcissists almost never have purely good intentions.
I’m so glad I found you. You help me the most.
Me too. Jerry is so awesome and so very wise < 3 . Lol xD.
I am now happy my narc parents will never touch and throw away my personal belongings. It is a very new feeling for me. Thank You!!:))!!
Yup. My stepmom was definitely a narcissist. Not just to me, but also to my dad, and anybody in the house. She projected her insecurities onto us. She would either have a raging temper, or the self pitty bullshit! I on the other hand, am working to heal myself from the damage and trauma she did to me. I forgive her for what she did to me. I now need to forgive myself. And allow myself to be my true authentic self without judgment, especially judgment from myself. I HATE sympathy and pitty! My stepmom may think she’s a victem, but I damn sure am not! I’m a survivor of trauma and abuse, not a victem of trauma and abuse. CPTSD doesn’t make me a victem to that!
Yes!! You are a survivor learning to transform grief into glory, pain into passion. That sounds like a warrior of healing and light if you ask me!!
Wishing you an abundance of magic and joy along your path to thriving 🫶
@@njay4361 my stepmom may have hurt me, but I’m not broken! I’ve healed so much these past few years. However, masking my emotions and expecting myself to be tough and macho all the time has caused some backfiring. I expect myself to never struggle and always be happy 24/7 because I have it in my mind strong people never cry. If I cry, then I’m playing victem. If I have one single bad day or moment of dysregulation, then I’m being a baby and playing victem, which I refuse to play victem! I’m strong! But, what if this is all just my toxic narcissistic stepmom in my head? If so, then I’m capable of changing this!
I can really relate to this. My mother loves to rescue, she loves pitying people and the sympathy thing. She had none of that for me. I got "you're just like your father" or "you're too sensitive" amongst many othere things. Now I'm really ill I've had "you're weak", " you laughed at me when I was ill in hospital", that never happened! What did happen was my father raged at me at 10 years old and told me her emergency surgery was my fault, then whe I was 15 it came up again and he said I'd made her have her chronic illness. I looked at her to say no of course not! Nope, she went silent and just gave a look that said we'll yes I agree with him and said "we'll you're not helping". I was the one who worried myself sick about her, the one who would pray god gave me the illness instead, the one who cried that my father would stop raging at her, the one who took her clean clothes in hospital who my idiotic father forgot, the one whilst in a d.v. relationship went and visited her In hospital lscared what my ex would be like when I got home! According to her im the worst person on the planet and she is a saint!
I love that you give key points on how to recover
My FIL is a narcissist and I’ve been thinking for a while that my MIL and Step FIL are similar but not quite the same. This video helps to explain they’re emotionally immature. They’ve still done a lot of damage, but it’s in a more secretive and immature way, much less devious and manipulative than the narcissistic FIL. Thank you Jerry for helping me put my finger on the problem.
At 69, I can see when dysfunction/ family dynamics isn t addressed....it continues down the line....hoping to pass my learned wisdom to the grands...but I m pleased to have myself mature and returned. :)
Helps me understand the difference between each of my parents. One parent is understandably emotionally immature as they aren't abusive.
This was helpful, my parents were not narcissistic, they were/are immature.
- 00:36 🤔 Narcissistic parents are self-centered, prioritize their own needs, and lack empathy.
- 01:00 🎭 Narcissistic parents use manipulation, control, and gaslighting in family dynamics.
- 01:47 ⚡ Narcissistic parents often display volatile emotions, with unpredictable mood swings.
- 02:10 🧮 Narcissistic and emotionally immature parents exist on a spectrum, with narcissism being more extreme.
- 03:05 👶 Emotionally immature parents behave in childlike ways, with inconsistent emotional responses.
- 03:53 💔 Emotionally immature parents get overwhelmed by their emotions, leading to outbursts or withdrawal.
- 04:50 🙈 Emotionally immature parents avoid responsibility and have limited self-awareness.
- 06:03 🔄 Both narcissistic and emotionally immature parents blur boundaries and reverse parent-child roles.
- 07:46 😔 Children of both types often develop low self-esteem and perfectionism due to conditional love and criticism.
- 08:27 🛑 Guilt and shame are common, driven by unmet expectations and dysfunctional family dynamics.
- 09:11 🛠️ Recovery requires building a self that was suppressed and practicing emotional detachment.
- 10:15 💪 Self-differentiation is key-focusing on becoming your true self without adapting to family dysfunction.
They are immature childish whiny adult babies and abusively toxic
I just realized something. If you want to know what a narcissistic mother (the devouring mother archetype) looks like, look at the Eunice sketches on The Carol Burnett Show. Vikki Lawrence portrayal of Mama is on pointe. On the TV show Mama’s Family the character is toned down A LOT!
But on TCBS , Mama is in full force and is interesting to watch again from this perspective.
Jerry, your opinion would be appreciated. Keep up the good work!❤❤❤❤❤❤👍🏾
You're spot on! Edith in "All in the Family," is an example of the "Immature Parent."
Hey man, thanks for this. I'll check it out
@@monicaperez2843 yup!👍🏾
Sad but true
Most of the shows & cartoons we grew up on were this way.
The Jeffersons, Good Times ( James Evans! )
Archie Bunker etc
You are doing a great job spreading this awareness. It is a great service for society. These videos gives a starter to acknowledge problem before the journey of healing process.
I guess my mother was an emotionally immature narcissist!😂
I'd say every narcissist is immature (because you find narcissistic traits in kids a lot but that fades out in "normal" kids/teens, not in narcs though) but not every immature parent is a narc.
Exactly @@julia1j1j1
My father was a narcissist and my Mom emotionally immature. I always felt like the parent. She had me very young and I know she had a hard life, but it is exhausting. The childish manipulation and guilt are too much. She recently had to be put into nursing, and she knows it destroyed me to have to do that, but she requires care I can't give. She constantly throws mini tantrums and blames me
How about being both narcissistic and immature?
Its almost always a combination of both
Every narcissist is EI, but not every EIP is a narcissist
Yes, it's like our our mother would put us on a pedestal, then sneak up and hit us behind the knees to knock us to the ground. She also tried to cultivate narcissism in all of us, and she met some success. Most of us recognize what she did, and we've come to terms with it. A couple of her children have determined to carry on the curses and have devastated their children. After many years of neglect and disregard, one lost their children to the state, they dared to say, "Well, I hope (my children) have learned their lesson." Some people you just can't reach!
wow Jerry, you perfectly described my mother @1:57
Thanks!
This is a gem.
BTW, emotionally immature parents got higher and better chances to change for the better as time goes by, while narcissistic parents are the opposite. They're getting worse as they aged.
Just my two cents...
I think there's a lot of overlap. I wish they'd all work on their own development and own Self differentiation.
Thanks Jerry
Thank you Jerry
Yes thank you so so much Jerry, god bless you . :*)
Why does divorcing my mother feel like drug withdrawal?
Oh dear... so soul wrecking to realise your parent may be narciaiatic
Thank you Jerry for your work ! Its a life changing❤
I'm so glad you did this video. Clears up a lot. Plus, I really liked how you referenced the EIP to their generational upbringing which was most likely the cause of their behavior. What a world this would be if more people were aware and broke the cycle.
Idk where id be if it were not this valuable information. Good advice about fantasizing on who u r and being it bc im at the hump where I'm ready to exchange my pain for the next level. Ty Jerry😊
I appreciate that
You described my 80 y.o. mother perfectly
you hit another nail on the mark Jerry. very painful, resonates, much appreciated as always for your insights.
You are right about detachment and Alanon... It does take a lot of work though
Thank you so much for breaking down info on narc abuse❣️Would you please do a pos cast about how Narc parents, in my case, my son’s Narc grandmother, steals his autonomy by making him the golden child while I am the scapegoat? My son is 29 now and his grandmother passed from cancer a few months ago. She basically bought ($$$$$) his love and caused so much division between us. She kept him so busy in her drama and gave him so much $$$ that he is lost in finding a career. He’s trying to find his way and she feel she stole his autonomy… I hope this makes sense.
Lovely man!!! Thank you so much !!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Extremely well explained !! ❤😊 thank you ! I had trouble explaining even to therapists who rush to label everyone a narc nowadays.. there are differences.
Thanks,Jerry,Wise!😊❤
Thanks Jerry! You’re such a blessing. ✝️🕊️
Definitely one of your best videos! Impressed of your knowledge and your work
Appreciate that
@@jerrywise i wasn't always very Sure, what my parents are, so i made notes of both topics on my own. (I Think a lot of people, who are actually ei, are "misdiagnosed" as narcissists.) So you helped me to confiem and to correct my notes . :-)
Whats still a bit difficult: to diffenenciate covert narcissism and ei. What would you say about this: if somebody enjoys your pain, then the person is more likely to be a narcissist.?
Thank You, Jerry!
It's very good to point out the differences. Interesting. Yet the damages are virtually identical. It seems that maybe my mom started immature, quite reasonably under her circumstances, and matured into a nasty covert narc, also quite reasonably, likewise. Pop was simply a nasty overt narc in the family, again "reasonably" under his circumstances.
I am beginning to understand. Very interesting, very helpful. Thank you.
What is it called when the mother over-promotes the father as someone to be worshipped-constantly-and the father can act all falsely humble because the mother is doing all the promotion and gaslighting when the father is abusive?
The father sounds narcissistic in that he portrays a false image of himself and the mother is an enabler.
My parents/ narcissist
Me most likely immature parent, who made too many mistakes. I caused damage to my beautiful children. This is a wonderful video.
They're just plain evil, mom's 86 today and probably physically restrained, I'm supposed to protest that, birthday gift perhaps, naw, could be someone on staff's b-day also!😊
Who would you be without the emotional attachments? That's a great question to ponder!
I was an emotionally immature parent. I'd had two children by age 18, hadn't even grown up myself.
Hi Amelia, that's so young to have children. I really appreciate your honesty and accountability 🙏
My parents started having kids at 19, 4 kids by 30. They were/are immature, they had very bad childhoods. I personally do have sympathy for them but also acknowledge how they damaged me and my sisters.
Question!!!...Does it matter?
Recognizing toxic behavior and adjusting accordingly is what matters the most. Boundary up regardless ❤
For me I don’t really think so. Seems like I’ve had to take “narc precautions” either way. But I DO find that at least I can sort of “talk down” my mother in some cases but I could also say that it’s still better for me to not have to be around her that much…narc or not. And it’s also like they too are very dull. Slow to learn or adapt or catch on etc. Those types do have a way of dragging you back down into their Chicken Little fears and insecurities and you just wind up having to push through in your own mind that the sniveling little weakling isn’t really you but is you’re parent’s issues. It just has been too hard for me to not get lines blurred like I used to all the time with her. (Aka her “pathetic” projections about herself). Almost like before you know it, you start reverting back to chicken Little thinking as well. At least that was the case for me. I kind of started to see that she is still highly influenced by the narc and you also don’t know when it will be like “look what the cat dragged in this time” as they will literally allow any kind of bs from anyone and have no real standards.
They seem to me like they run around playing with hand grenades (oblivious to the danger) and want you to come play along with them and it’s like they don’t get it (or really slow to learn) when you try to explain to them how unsafe that really is.
Not really. You just have to set boundaries.
My mother said it was my fault that she never had more children because I was a breech birth. She said I ruined her insides, even though she complained constantly about how there was so much snow that winter, she couldn't go for walks like her dr. suggested. She also told me that my step-dad was sterile because he had some kind of illness as a child, like mumps. After that she still blamed me for the fact that she never had children with my step-dad.
They cant blame themselves so they have to find someone else to blame. You fit the bill until a more dramatic option appears where they can be a bigger victim
Both
Dad vs Mom in my case... what a ride.
I've been wondering about this for a while
Jerry you are the best!
My father is a malignant narcissist, my mother codependent and immature. She made me her emotional confidant/punchbag since I was a child always going on about what a victim she was. If we had an argument as a child, teenager, young adult, I'd ask her to forgive me, sobbing and she'd blank me and played the victim. Every time. She's the only one allowed feelings. When my uncle died she told me off for crying. Just heartless.
The weaker people are, the more intolerant to other people's feelings.
living nightmare, and you cannot tell people around you as you are expected to love your parents as they love you back
My mom is both - if you tell her anything that hurts your feelings she will just start telling you how hard her childhood was … deflection deflection deflection.
In law school.. she told me women shouldn’t be lawyers .. then immediately said she never said that… she lied for months then 1 day said she was sorry … do you know how invalidating that is on like 3 different levels?
Thank you for all you do, Jerry. Helps a lot!❤
Thank you very much for this explanation!!
There is some crossover, some overlap..mine were very immature... but also wanted revenge on us for existing and forcing them to be stuck together... Mother was grandiose, my goodness.. exploitive.to.the.extreme...'He.determines.the.times set for.them and the place where.they shall live'...gee..God..may i ask..what the.heck were u.THINKING 😮
This is super helpful thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Wow
Didn’t realise there was so much similarities. Hmmm
Excelent vídeo!! Thanks
Good stuff 👍 Big thanks ❤
I am the one with narcissistic parents (both of them), and my son is the one with emotionally immature parents (both of us). Even worse in his case, because I used to leave him under my parents' care constantly, so he's been raised by two narcissists and two immature parents...
Oh Jerry thank you for your guidance. I am currently stuck with my mother due to my home catching fire. My children and my husband are here and my mother is acting very physchotic. I feel she has rapid cycling bipolar 2 with narcissistic personality disorder. She abuses men so badly and we are trying to get out of here asap. Can you talk about bipolar 2 rapid cycling and narcissm. I need guidance.
Real good❤
I have a buddy who’s loyally taken care of his ‘sick’ mother his entire adult life. He looks fine and has a job at the top of his industry. She has consumed his life like a vampire. He owns the large house outright with an in-law suite. Nice car. Gave up on dating because no one could get along with her. In reality she chased them all away.
Videos like this help damage the vampire economy.
🎉🎉 Thank you 🎉🎉
You are so welcome
😶 N - my Father, Immature - my Mom. I am just becoming to Learn how to act and live on a "normal" basis. As I am learning to detach, I suddenly became "the Bad, the Egpistic, the Betrayer, etc
All narcissists are immature, but not all who are immature are narcissists
This is my mother exactly!!! I’ve been trying to figure this out since she died two years ago! My grandmother was abusive. Is this why Mom was emotionally immature?
It's all very damaging. What ive seen with both my parents is they're nicer to others than to me. My undivided loyalty is expected whilst they selectively forget anything I say but can remember whole long tales about friends and acquaintances! High demands on me yet understanding for others, lack of empathy for me, empathy for others. One of the things that hurts me about my mother is she can see the hurt and harm of others and their words but not the actions and words of her of my father towards me. She treats friends etc..with the shame or more care than me. You'd think a mother would have her child's back more than others, that's not my experience.im held go a higher standard and if I show any warmth towards others she is jealous! She excuses my father's behaviour towards me then in the next breath when she is sick of him, blames me for being just like him. She doesn't like who I am, what I do, my interests, hobbies, thoughts words or feelings. She is attracted to rescuing others. As a child she had a kid at our house after school (because she felt sorry for him waiting for his mother so took him in after school until his mother was back from work), then my father would pit me against him in spelling 'games' that fkd me up. Did she notice that, nope ! I was beaten up badly by their friends child, did she notice, nope. All she noticed was how she felt, how she was worried because I had not come home from school (I had a deep cut and huge bandage and school kept me back until they came to collect me. Then wrote it off as kid stuff! In one incident I couldn't walk for a month and my gran had to push me around in a pushchair (I was 5!). That kept their friendship going. She was jealous, seemed to be annoyed with me a lot! Had no or little patience and smiled when her life was good and nd she was happy, didn't teach me anything and blamed me for her illness and my father's rages and nd ll in and nd ll stone wall, passive aggressive way. She thinks she is a Saint!
I wish more people knew the word "childism" and how it affects their lives
my mom is both.... my dad is both....
Thank you so much for this video ❤🙏
That was really helpful 🙌👌
So glad!
My father is not narcissistic, but he is immature and impulsive, he constantly needs to be the center of attention, but he's not grandiose, he just complain all the time about small things. My mother constantly needs to reassure him about his health. As and example, he tells everyone that his knee operation is way worse than my liver transplant. I don't care much, but I'm used to be the adult in room since a very young age. He's now 81 and he was always like this. I live on my own since I'm 15, I'm now 51.
It's called covert or vulnerable narcissism. Not every narcissist is grandiose.
My parents and siblings had all of these horrible characteristics
Both of mine,... Bothproblens , as Well! not easy nor bery Nirturing
The Emotionally immature tho are by default self centered Bcuz both them and the narcs cannot ever seem to see past their own noses and their “needs” in both cases usually trump the needs of others. Either way you don’t get your needs met and it’s just all about them.
I think my mother could be in the emotionally immature category tho Bcuz she also has a lot of the dependency type of stuff going on. I can’t get past the envy stuff tho with her and that’s why in any case I take full on “narc alert” precautions both with her and her awful husband (step “father”). And then also to some degree with the rest of the “family” Bcuz if they’re not an actual narc, they’re too often dancing to the narc’s tune anyways.
This is so helpful!!
Glad it was helpful!
The perfectionism can be manifested as OSD
I think my mom is both 😂😭 is that possible? and she’s also an alcoholic. And my dad is autistic. I’m so confused.
What If they're both. Very controlling overbearing , overwhelmed with her emotions but she's also very angry tantrums , then blames others for what she did , she responds with okie dokie and very immature like child like responses. She doesn't take responsibility nor does she think it is her responsibility even if we brought it to her attention about something she did. I see all of these in her actions . I'm not really sure what to do . She love bombed me multiple times . I gave her a mother picture frame for mothers day and she's my MIL but she tossed it in her car and started yelling and screaming at me because I told her no about taking the kids lol it's so weird
Just as not all fingers are thumbs but all thumbs are fingers, not every immature human is narcissistic but all narcissists are immature.
Combine immaturity with a diabolical character and voila - you have a narcissist.
Is there a test to check?
Narcissists are immature . My mother used to play childish games with me . She and the " ugly sisters " her female relatives .
Do narcissists have to meet all the criteria you listed? Or can they meet some criteria and not others?
What about political systems ?
What about a instutional abuse ?
How you heal this?