@G. Galeev thats not what that means. Dont put your own spin on it. It means you need to put in the effort to change and show you really mean it if you are gonna ask help from Allah. Ex (on a way smaller scale obviously): having tried doing homework before coming to class with your questions/difficulties vs having done no homework at all and just showing up lazily. Who do you think the teacher is more willing to help?
@G. Galeev Actually its the other way around. Its humans who are lacking understanding (you being one of them). The understanding of the quran is a whole science that people study for years and years because of its complexity and because everything depends on the context/time that it was revealed upon and if there is an addition in the form of a (sahih) hadith. Arabic is one of the most difficult languages with multiple different meanings for one word and different meanings to sentences depending on the structure. Not to even speak of quranic arabic that has references scattered across it that one needs to catch. The fact that you think its whole meaning is that which comes at face value tells me enough i need to know. Never in your life have you read one word of the quran yet here you are trying to argue about its meaning .......... What a simple human being. No depth at all.
@G. Galeev Every muslim repeats it because its the truth. Muslims collectively tell you something about THEIR religion yet they are aaaaall wrong and you are right...... hmmmm yeah sounds about right.
This will also prevent them from having high hopes before reverting to Islam. There's this misconception, that when you come into Islam the PEOPLE are non toxic, and its sunshine and rainbows. Guys, toxicity, doesn't discriminate. Neither does mental illness discriminate. This however, doesn't undermine the fact that Islam is a beautiful religion. Some of the PEOPLE, are toxic.But the religion isn't. All religions are beautiful, and Islam puts all those pieces of the puzzle together by honouring ALL the prophets. I'm gonna end with saying, just like with every community, they're cool people and other people that want to spread unesseary drama. But Allah (God), gave everyone a natrual intuion/gut feeling. We just have to limit our time with technology, to listen to it. Just like the intelligent young ladies, said in the video.
* Pay attention to the physiological changes in your body because often the body will speak to you in case if you are in a toxic relationship. * Toxicity changes you, it changes how you feel..Don`t forget to work on your self. Take responsibility * Sit with yourself and connect with your body. Become sensitive with what`s going on inside you. How do you feel after talking with someone? Don`t ignore the feeling and CONNECT with your body! * Your parents are speaking to you through their trauma! They are responding with their wounds without even knowing it, BUT don`t always try to respond based on that or fight it. (MAKE DUAA for them) * Don`t have the feeling that you have to stab your parents/others as they stabbed you! THANK YOU WOMEN!
Hmm I am confused in my case. I have a proposal of a boy of US that is perfect in every sense. I have been speaking to him since a while, he is very sweet and really likes me, but I just don't vibe with him. I have a feeling that he isn't for me as our hobbies and personality don't match. But my family, parents and sisters think this proposal is the best for me. I'm confused shld I choose him as my family is knows what is good for me or go with my feelings.
@@whoreadsthis1312 how can your family know what's better for you than you? C'mon. Is he marrying you or your family? If you see him as someone whom you can be with for the rest of your life, marry him. If you think your differences might cause issue in the future, speak with him about it, see how he feels. Communication is key! Communicate with him about your concerns, and get his opinion. Do istikhara And good luck sis
@@whoreadsthis1312 hmm Your gut tells you exactly what you feel about this relationship will looks like. A behavior you do not like about a man will be always there when you get married. Guess what, what you and your family feel about this man is totally different. Trust your feeling and move on. Pray selatul istijhara to get advice from the almighty. Good luck
If you knew then this world isn't a test for you. Your feelings do not define reality . What if a person has an anxiety disorder ? What if a person feels entitled ? What if the persons nuffs give them the feelings ? A toxic relationship needs to be defined . Does he/she hit you , do they belittle you ? Do they lie to you ? And what are the lies ? Do they belittle you when they have an anxiety attack ? Do they handle stress differently ? Or do they just like to torment you out of pleasure . What exactly is your vibe telling you ?
prophet muhammad said : < the greatest jihad is to battle your own soul to fight the evil within yourself > ...Heal yourself then the world will eventually be in harmony. #Islam #Jihad
I agree with this , it's more a spiritual issue when it comes to toxic relationships and not an abusive relationship. You would think the 2 would be defined as the same thing but if you notice not once did the words "abusive relationship" were ever mentioned I don't think . So the toxicity is actually the emotions rather than any actions done by the other person in a relationship.
@@Dan-ey4mi that right prophet Muhammad said When he and his companions migrated to Medina : < Deeds are made by intentions and every person has what he intended, so whoever migrates to the world will affect her, or to a woman who marries her, So I migrated to what he migrated to >.
I don't understand why counselling is considered a taboo in cultures when it's recommended so heavily in Islam. Thank you sisters! I am so grateful for your conversations. Its like free therapy.
I love the part of focusing on the victim instead of the abuser, busy talking about labels and pathology is not what we need to focus on rather than healing and moving forward 🙌
I am still processing that statement of hers and trying to understand if it was victim blaming (as if if we happen to get into toxic relationships, then our fragility played a part in it) or an encouragement to look within yourself and heal your soul from the damages of relationship with a narcisistic individual. Any suggestions?
@@sarahemme4437 Salam sister. I don't think it was victim blaming at all, because if it was then she would have mentioned something along the lines of "oh you should've recognized the signs and got out, it's your own fault etc." Instead what she did was to take the focus away from the abuser, not give them the spotlight and narcissistic attention they so crave, rather we should pour all that time, effort and attention on ourselves as we walk the path of recovery. Recognizing and acknowledging what the abuser did is part of the process of recovery, but if we stay stuck on them then in the long run it will hinder our ability to heal and move forward, therefore I think she made an important point regarding shifting the focus (and not the blame) from abuser to the victim.
I have just been relieved of what I didnt truly realise was a horribly toxic marriage. My ex husband was a textbook covert narcissist. I tried to apply all of the advice from sisters to have sabr with him and with this new marriage but that didnt aid me in the slightest. It aided him in continuing his evil. I second what the sister said about dont get caught up on the labels and I was always shy to mention it because I didnt want to look like I was jumping on a bandwagon, but finding out his personality traits had one, this helped massively. I used to tell my friends, theres something strange about him and he has a real disorder in his personality but I cant put my finger on it because he was never ever physically or vocally abusive. It was always subtle mental abuse. Hed be the one to put me in a dark place and take me out of it. Alhamdulillaah I had already started focussing on bettering myself, my thoughts, my approaches just generally in life, not just within my marriage so thankfully I didnt have to start this journey post divorce. I went through so much but if theres 1 thing I wish someone told me in the beginning is that my ex husb was not just an 'enigma' (as I used to describe him) and that "If you cant make sense of a persons actions or words and it confuses you, this is indeed toxic. It's not normal for someones behaviour to chronically confuse you."
@@ayaatyoussef9189 ikr, and what bugs me is the trend of making it seem thay religious Muslim shouldnt work or get advanced degrees and judging how they raise kids. If you wajt to be a stay at home mom thats a beautiful thing, but dont make women who want to work and continue studying seem less religious
@@starsighting7167i dont understans that either i think some of the people who are against is power hungery men who want ignorant dependent wives they can control abuse and brainwash
Omg! That was intense....it actually got me crying, I really like the part where ummRaiyaan said Allah sees everything not like I don't know...it just feel good to hear it!
23:54 i started to cry out of nowhere because i felt so much relief and also guilty for neglecting myself for the sake of my parents happiness and giving them their rights while ignoring my own pain.Thank you so much jazakAllahKhairan
So sorry to hear. Alhamdulillah, I realised a while back that I will never sacrifice my happiness to make anyone happy. I'll only sacrifice my perceived happiness for Allah.
@@TheKingofdans I tried to have that mindset too,but its hard when you feel for people (Being emphatic).I do know my worth but it’s difficult to keep on on your boundaries and whatnot when you wake up and go to sleep in the same place where every single person that hurt you sleeps and wakes up in the same place as well.U see the faces everyday ,everywhere u go,you will ALWAYS come back to that same environment.You might have it easy (alhamdulillah) but it ain’t that easy for everyone if you get me.
You and your wealth belong to your father Satan withdraws and he weeps he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you do not see them Hadith حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عَمَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عِيسَى بْنُ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا يُوسُفُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْمُنْكَدِرِ، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ لِي مَالاً وَوَلَدًا وَإِنَّ أَبِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَجْتَاحَ مَالِي فَقَالَ أَنْتَ وَمَالُكَ لأَبِيكَ " It was narrated from Jabir bin 'Abdullah that a man said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and a son, and my father wants to take all my wealth." He said: "You and your wealth belong to your father." Sahih (Darussalam) English : Vol. 3, Book 12, Hadith 2291 Arabic : Book 12, Hadith 2379 Sunan Ibn Majah Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When the son of Adam recites a verse of prostration and he prostrates, Satan withdraws and he weeps and he says: Woe to me! The son of Adam was commanded to prostrate and he prostrated, so he will go to Paradise. I was commanded to prostrate and I refused, so I will go to Hellfire.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 81 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Muslim عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا قَرَأَ ابْنُ آدَمَ السَّجْدَةَ فَسَجَدَ اعْتَزَلَ الشَّيْطَانُ يَبْكِي يَقُولُ يَا وَيْلِي أُمِرَ ابْنُ آدَمَ بِالسُّجُودِ فَسَجَدَ فَلَهُ الْجَنَّةُ وَأُمِرْتُ بِالسُّجُودِ فَأَبَيْتُ فَلِي النَّارُ 81 صحيح مسلم كتاب الإيمان باب بيان إطلاق اسم الكفر على من ترك الصلاة Al-A'raf 7:27 يَٰبَنِىٓ ءَادَمَ لَا يَفْتِنَنَّكُمُ ٱلشَّيْطَٰنُ كَمَآ أَخْرَجَ أَبَوَيْكُم مِّنَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ يَنزِعُ عَنْهُمَا لِبَاسَهُمَا لِيُرِيَهُمَا سَوْءَٰتِهِمَآۗ إِنَّهُۥ يَرَىٰكُمْ هُوَ وَقَبِيلُهُۥ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا تَرَوْنَهُمْۗ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَا ٱلشَّيَٰطِينَ أَوْلِيَآءَ لِلَّذِينَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ O children of Adam, let not Satan tempt you as he removed your parents from Paradise, stripping them of their clothing to show them their private parts. Indeed, he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you do not see them. Indeed, We have made the devils allies to those who do not believe. #GreentechApps
When it comes to gut feelings and reliable intuition is often an outcome of continuous personal innerwork . If that practice is not in place often we walk into relationships and have gut feelings you can't put your finger on or know how to access or process and make use off. Another aspect that arises from a lack of practice of innerwork especially in the context of toxic relationships is that if there are large incidents of trust breeches or other overwhelmingly traumatizing events , you will often be left very disoriented in terms of your ideals and moral standings. This can greatly diminishes your ability to objectively observe the relationship dynamics and take measures towards healing and resolving the issues in a timely manner. This can leave people stuck in bad relationships for a long time. Also, even though learning to do the innerwork is the most effective way to work your way out of adverse relationship dynamics , it's often very very hard to do when in the thick of a toxic relationship storm / traumatic event . It's often feels like trying to learn how to swim just as you are submerging in a tsunami. If it's difficult to learn to do innerwork during peaceful prosperous years, trying to do it in the middle of uncertainty trying times is just downright struggle in itself. But it is the only way out, the true path to self discovery and healing.
Really good points and I agree there are lots of people don’t notice that they are in toxic relationships especially with friends.... but another thing i want to add is sometime we can be toxic to our self as well....
That is very important, keep in mind mental health disorders as an example. Or a persons nuffs , someone can be sooo superficial and their selfish needs not met which could lead them to be unhappy . And that if it wasnt for their selfish desires they would be happy. That's why I feel external factors need to be defined father than relying on emotions and feelings as an anchor for truth .
you guys can't imagine how many times i rewatched this episode, you've tackled a crucial topic, a lot of people from old generations like our parents don't recognize it . May Allah swt bless you, keep up the good work !
Honestly cannot wait for this pandemic to be over iA, I would love to see you guys do a LIVE HTT episode in front of an audience, because truuuust me so many people would come! It would be so lovely to meet you guys!!!! The amount of benefit each conversation comes with, is literally teaching me incredibly valuable life lessons. You guys are really like the older sisters I never had! Thank you so much for creating this, may Allah swt reward you all immensely! xxxx
Yeah. I'd love to hang out with them in general. Judging by their videos, they seem really cool. I'd love to go shopping, restaurants, and pray with girls like them. I hope they're how they're in real life as they're in their videos, Insha'Allah. 💗
I literally look forward to these videos every week, maashaaAllah, the way they touch upon very important and sometimes taboo topics is worthy of praise. May Allah bless and help them. Aamiin
JazakAllahu khair my beautiful sisters. I shed some tears with this one especially since I just started therapy sessions. May Allah grant us the ability to be patient with ourselves and to grant us the ability to heal our wounds.
The worst thing about toxic relationship is when you don’t know that you are in a toxic relationship You keep blaming yourself for every fight , problem , etc .. you feel guilty and beat yourself consistently and because the problem is not yours every time you try to fix it , it get worse . The best thing is to step back and reflect on the whole relationship to see it from different perspective or ask for help from someone more experienced Also sometimes displacement happens .. you play the same bad role with other “weaker “ individuals in your life that you have control over ...
The way this subject was addressed is right on point. There is so much of the labeling going on nowadays but no true inner work to not fall back into these patterns. These experiences come to teach us and gives us an opportunity to grow and do better. Also love how this was beautifully related back to Islamic values. MashaAllah may Allah continue to grant you barakah in your work.
I really needed to hear this, like TODAY! I have been in a space where I’ve just been cutting off people and just going MIA and not even feeling guilty! Just felt like I needed to be in my own zone. But now I understand that I really do need to disconnect from the external and reconnect to my internal. HTT is soooo good, you ladies are helping so many Muslims Masha Allah to just deal with their life. I’m currently disconnecting from social media and trying to acknowledge my childhood trauma. I’m slowly connecting all the dots. But didn’t know what’s the next step. Journaling and writing my thoughts on paper sounds to be it! Alhamdulillah for you ladies. May Allah SWT grant you barakah and blessings in abundance Insha Allah. I’m currently also reading the book “What happened to you?” By Oprah, it’s actually a brilliant read very insightful and is helping me a lot to understand where my trauma is stemming from. May Allah SWT heal all of us from our trauma, from our brokenness, may He make us whole once again Insha Allah Aameen.
Excellent discussion. Very much needed and very important to touch on these topics. Narsassistic traits and emotional scars are in almost every household during these times.
9:40 a very great point! Unfortunately many get lost in this of keeping boundaries and working inside the relationship sphere without changing the other!
Masha Allah love all of it, agree so much. The more the focus is on the toxic people the more our understanding of ourselves is buried and we forget how to heal from within which in return even affects our relationship with our creator. May Allah bless you and reward you for bringing these topics out in the open❤️
Baarakah Allahu fiikum...this is a much needed conversation. I think it is especially crucial to do the inner work when and if you have children. Unfortunately, many times we allow our past trauma spill over in the way we raise our kids, unconsciously of course, but this is a vicious cylce and we will be asked about the way we raised our children by Allah.
Ma sha Allah. My thoughts and action is being put into words by Umm Rayyan. I have had to step back from a very toxic family relationship. Mental, psychological, emotional, physical and financial abuse. After 8 solid years of abuse. Even the covid situation did not bring Mercy from them. I stepped back to take care of my health.
Sister don't despair from the mercy of Allah and never think of taking your life, I'm in the same situation I ve had so much traumas in my childhood bcs of my parents but Im trying my best, can't stand the idea of living hell in Dunya and then end up in hell in akhera because I committed suicide! Stay strong 💪
very interesting ideas in play. this program is very educatively enlighten. i thought it was ladies talks until i watched this episode and i will encourage males to also patronize especially the singles planning to mingle or getting married. May Allah reward you so much. this should also encourage are female sisters to know they are more than what our community think of them.
Toxic Relationships is a Western Term, what it really is, is managing human interaction. Your definition of a healthy relationship is as close to reality as Shrek 2. All relationships are good in large ways, and missing in large ways, and all relationships are friendships first, and the absence of that friendship probably means that there will be some leveraging or taking advantage of the other (trust me, I know both sides)...so, you should focus your energies on helping women to make healthy relationships healthier, and to find ways to make their relationships last since women have to have their lives together by 35 while men can play well into their 60's before settling down. I like your slow pace, and intelligent assessment with time for others to speak, but we should shine your lights on the more positive spaces so women, can use your talks like a fulcrum to move a relationship forward, than a spyglass to find a crime where there may be NONE.
Really insightful talk ! Appreciate the work you are doing ladies 😊. I just wanted to add to the very important point you guys made about focusing on your process over putting energy into overly scrutinizing a partners negative patterns and it's hurtful outcomes. In my experience, till the point I stopped pointing fingers, I couldn't figure out how I had control over what I experienced and how I can change / heal the wounds . Overemphasis on accusation / negative scrutiny of the partner also unconsciously tells you that it's all in his hands and there isn't anything you can do to change your experience of it. The result is often the further suffering you go through which feels like his doing..but actually is within your capacity to change.
This was an excellent conversation. We often do not realize how our toxic child hoods formulate our toxic adult relationships. I’ve been married three times and I’m about to get a divorce from a man who told me I didn’t love him like he needed to be loved. I could say the same to him but why bother. Insha’Allah I will have another husband and he be what I need and I be what he needs. I do not wish anything I’ll to happen to my soon to be ex but he would benefit from listening to this conversation.
JazakAllah khair sisters👌❤. Another very important episode mashaAllah. Yes It's absolutely essential to focus on yourself and do the inner work in order to heal.
SubhanAllah ladies you all provide such thought provoking discussions. I just found your channel and have already subscribed. May Allah bless you all for providing us with such great nasiha (advice) to others worldwide.
Subhan Allah I have been dealing with issues and some how I reached to the conclusion of self awareness but wasn't able to see next step...after watching episode has cleared my confusion Alhumdulillah this episode has given me perspective
Shukran for bringing this topic its help me alot understanding how I was feeling in the past ,I was going through with unknown people I came to understand that I wasn't the real issue but them,after that I took my own energy it's not worth it at all
Another brilliant talk Ma shā Allāh Tabārak Allāh. This feels like therapy I should be paying for. May Allah honour you all for providing us with this platform! ❤️
MashaAllah sisters, may Allah bless you. I love your work and I thank you for it also, it's a pleasure to tune in with you every week. Regarding this topic, to me, relationships in general, particularly marriage, are shaken at one point by hardships. Hardships that are difficults, that test us. So I wouldn't say that if someone is in a relationship that affects their mental and emotional well-being, that there is a level of toxicity in the relationship because a hardship by essence, because of its difficulty, will affect you, your emotions and your mental state. It's something to be expected in relationships as life in general is filled with tests. Your well-being will be affected when you have a problem with your partner, when you argue with them or when you face a hardship together. But I will say that, yes, in the long run, if someone is constantly in a state of mental and emotional distress in their relationship, because of their partner, to the point that they can no longer take care of themselves, of their mental health, of their well-being, then we can find elements of toxicity in that relationship. (Sorry for the mistakes I may have made in english, it's not my native language)
It was powerful message...journal, seek therapy and identify the issues within (alot stems from childhood) and begin working on it. I think finding a quality therapist for yourself is very hard...that requires trial and error before you get the right one.
This was one of my favourites! (Although every episode is awesome!) I love you ladies feesabeelilaah 💜🤲🏽 lots of duaa for your success in both the dunya and aakhira, ameen xxx
Just wow. You have hit the nail on the head with this topic guys! And every other topic. Indeed we need to look within ourselves as to why we accepted to be in a toxic relationship. Keep up the awesome work! May Allah reward you guys 💘
MashaAllah Excellent discussion! Let me give you three pieces of advice, which I missed hearing here... 1/ if we can’t cut off from someone, who is an immediate family member, then try not be in a similar situation, the next time you meet them... something which will bring out the same toxicity which triggers such feelings. 2/ Maintain relationships by meeting on special occasions like once in a while and give them and yourself, the due respect, that will help you both, become better persons but maintain a distance and when you call or talk face to face, try to hear the other person too, but make it positive, pleasing and brief. 3/ Express your feelings by writing poetry or writing your own life experiences ...an autobiography, if that can help you explain your thoughts to your family, give you some consolation and recognize your own weaknesses and strengths too.💫
SIMPLY MIA Clarification example for 1/: I invited my brother in law and his wife , who seem to have always carried some insecurities towards me from the time she came into this family ... along with my newly married eldest son and daughter in law and I was quiet happy about having this gathering with both our family and all my other in-laws and he made a very unnecessary, strange and awkward remark on me in front of my newly married daughter in law, which made me quiet upset and sad later... and so I decided to not do so next time. 2/ This same sister in law mentioned above has a way of inviting my friends on many occasions alone to her house, excluding me, which I have discovered later... and sometimes with me around as well...which felt quite strange to me as she seemed to have shown some agenda and crafty purpose behind these invitations.... so I’ve now made up my mind to avoid such invitations by keeping myself away from being used as a gene pig, from feeling hurt later. But if I am ever confronted with this again and I am able to express my feelings to her later, I believe one should do so and do it honestly... but try not to entirely trust such a person again. 3/ when you are hurt or feel emotional or happy about something, try to pen down such expressions by saving them . This is a good therapy for sensitive people who don’t want to clarify things with people because they have learned that such people will never change their ways . Hope it is clear now?
@@Rukhsana2056 you know sometimes scholars give examples but never really in detail so you are left with more questions..... I'm grateful for your answer because it has clarified something that has bothered me for the past 2 and half years.. I got into a very ugly quarrel with a younger sibling of mine for how he tried to treat my 3 years old son. Instead of apologise to me. He decide to degrade me and threathin me . his wife got involved and got physical with me which was a shock to everyone. I felt they were harbouring so much hate towards me. I also believe that there was jealousy involved for my little successes. it actually scare me. I never saw this side of my sibling before and still can't get use to it. I'm hurt by the incident and often have njghtmears... But after rethinking and over thinking I decided the best thing I can do for me and my son is to keep all activities between me and them to a minimum since Islam doesn't allow me to cut of a family.
SIMPLY MIA I understand and realize such things happen in all families but to tell you the truth I believe it’s mostly because of the kith than kin, who are to be blamed, since they seem to be the sources of forwarding the whispers of jealousy and insecurities to our blood relatives perhaps. So Yes keep a good distance and respect yourself as due but pray for them .... Alhumdulillah!
A great feeling of calmness when hearing your tea talk. I think that work should be done for every single person in or not in a toxic relationship. So important to get to know your feelings inside to become more healthy physically and psychologically. That will make us all more closer to Allah and soften our hearts. Mashallah for your tea talks, may Allah bless your efforts and your program for many more seasons to come Amin. May he bless you for your warm, kind and wise words Amin yarab.
This is difficult for me because I think I'm the one who's being toxic. The Pandemic has affected me so much that my mental state has done a whole 180. Depression and Anxiety has taken a toll of me and I am ruining everything.
salam alikoum, as usual the content you put out there is gold, may I suggest the following specialitst in narcissism and toxic relationship Dr Ramani, she has a youtube channel, I learned a lot from her and many other people from the oumma can. Please have a look at her content, she is very good at explaining what toxicity is, dynamics etc...
What ever I feel in my heart,95% is correct I believe... I thank Allah for stopping me from doing many things That I tried to do them and later I knew those would be bad for me.
Maasha Allaah 💝 What a beautiful episode! Allahumma-Barik. Jazakumulahu khair my beautiful trio sisters ❤💝💕 May Allah SWT bless your efforts and keep us all happy, healthy and in His path ameen xxx
Sometimes ppl stay in / attract toxic relationships because they haven't known any other way. It's only when they encounter a healthy one at some point that they realise, that the certain relationships are toxic . Also not everyone can escape a toxic relationship, because somehow they feel bound and ties cannot be broken. Good example is own family or own parents. I do believe a person has to focus on themselves and their self respect and self love. That way you can set boundaries and also you can focus on your own healing to avoid maintaining /attracting toxic relationships and to resolve triggers. This is because you will know your own self worth and what you deserve
yes but a lot of people including many many muslim women (some i know) are put in these situations against their will or power from the get go even if they know something is not right. easy to say (as i know people will, reflex for us Muslims) that 'that's culture not Islam' so f;ng what??! it happens and islam is used as the means to manipulate to put the girl in that situation. even if it's not 'real islam' which is the reflex muslims often use to not actually address the extremely widespread issue. that must be taken into consideration as these ladies are muslim and this is widespread among muslims unfortunately. one lady i know, her H refused to see her and her baby after the baby was born, cut off all contact, to punish her for her stepfather's insulting him and also falsely accused her of cheating. Now they're ok, and together, but that was for about 6 months after the baby was born, majoirty of her 3rd trimester she was alone - and by the way this was a forced arranged marriage. one woman i know (a dentist by profession, Pakistani, ALSO A FORCED ARRANGE MARRIAGE) ended up in ER from a suicide attempt after 2 kids and toxic in laws and husband (forced marriage) before her parents even took her thing seriously and spoke up for her. A good friend of mine was being forced to marry a cousin to bring him to Canada and her dad refused to speak to her for months when, after a lot of toxic signs from him (just from internat chat which was the only thing that was possible after their engagement) broke it off. I know a girl who committed suicide (my friends friend) because during divorce her husband took the kids and left for dubai she didnt know where they were etc for 2 years and the way our culture is . This girl was extremely educated, wrote books for muslim children (like Alif baa taa, moral tales, etc), died in late twenties.All of these girls were staunch muslims, and this must always be part of the conversation because this is a reality among too many many were given ZERO CHOICE FROM THE GET GO AND NO ESCAPE (E.G. MONETARILY DEPENDENT, UNABLE TO WORK DUE TO KIDS AND H REFUSING TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR HER, FAMILY NOT SUPPORTING, ISOLATED BY H etc)
I'm extremely passionate about this subject because too many people are put in toxic relationships against their will and have no escape oftentimes. That doesnt mean im anti islam as Im sure many will take it. It's the truth and if we were real muslims we would address it and campaign to stop it among our communities
No need to mention names but I went to college with one of the girls here in the US and she was so toxic, cold, unfriendly as just desperate to get married. It’s funny how she is all of a sudden a mentor. I hope she changed
Some times one cannot move away from toxic relationships as easily as there are multi fold levels. Even if one is trying. Some people intend well or say they forgive but out of the blue hit you with a bullseye leaving you gob smacked. As you have moved on but ..... What to do
Jazakum Allahu khairan for Brilliant insights. I was wondering if you could do an episode on 'Is it possible for a narcist to change?' Also when reparenting your inner child how do we differentiate between the inner child and a possessive jin? '
“Verily, Allaah will not change the condition of a people as long as they do not change their state themselves." 13•11
This!!
Epic
@G. Galeev thats not what that means. Dont put your own spin on it. It means you need to put in the effort to change and show you really mean it if you are gonna ask help from Allah. Ex (on a way smaller scale obviously): having tried doing homework before coming to class with your questions/difficulties vs having done no homework at all and just showing up lazily. Who do you think the teacher is more willing to help?
@G. Galeev Actually its the other way around. Its humans who are lacking understanding (you being one of them). The understanding of the quran is a whole science that people study for years and years because of its complexity and because everything depends on the context/time that it was revealed upon and if there is an addition in the form of a (sahih) hadith. Arabic is one of the most difficult languages with multiple different meanings for one word and different meanings to sentences depending on the structure. Not to even speak of quranic arabic that has references scattered across it that one needs to catch. The fact that you think its whole meaning is that which comes at face value tells me enough i need to know. Never in your life have you read one word of the quran yet here you are trying to argue about its meaning .......... What a simple human being. No depth at all.
@G. Galeev Every muslim repeats it because its the truth. Muslims collectively tell you something about THEIR religion yet they are aaaaall wrong and you are right...... hmmmm yeah sounds about right.
This not only helping Muslims it is also making curious non Muslims understand the way of Islam well done sister
This will also prevent them from having high hopes before reverting to Islam. There's this misconception, that when you come into Islam the PEOPLE are non toxic, and its sunshine and rainbows.
Guys, toxicity, doesn't discriminate. Neither does mental illness discriminate. This however, doesn't undermine the fact that Islam is a beautiful religion. Some of the PEOPLE, are toxic.But the religion isn't.
All religions are beautiful, and Islam puts all those pieces of the puzzle together by honouring ALL the prophets.
I'm gonna end with saying, just like with every community, they're cool people and other people that want to spread unesseary drama. But Allah (God), gave everyone a natrual intuion/gut feeling. We just have to limit our time with technology, to listen to it. Just like the intelligent young ladies, said in the video.
@@misbahailia3345 well stated!
* Pay attention to the physiological changes in your body because often the body will speak to you in case if you are in a toxic relationship.
* Toxicity changes you, it changes how you feel..Don`t forget to work on your self. Take responsibility
* Sit with yourself and connect with your body. Become sensitive with what`s going on inside you. How do you feel after talking with someone? Don`t ignore the feeling and CONNECT with your body!
* Your parents are speaking to you through their trauma! They are responding with their wounds without even knowing it, BUT don`t always try to respond based on that or fight it. (MAKE DUAA for them)
* Don`t have the feeling that you have to stab your parents/others as they stabbed you!
THANK YOU WOMEN!
You know exactly when something is right and when it’s not. Trust your gut feelings sis! Trust the vibe!
YESS! THIS🙌🏾❤
Hmm I am confused in my case. I have a proposal of a boy of US that is perfect in every sense. I have been speaking to him since a while, he is very sweet and really likes me, but I just don't vibe with him. I have a feeling that he isn't for me as our hobbies and personality don't match. But my family, parents and sisters think this proposal is the best for me. I'm confused shld I choose him as my family is knows what is good for me or go with my feelings.
@@whoreadsthis1312 how can your family know what's better for you than you? C'mon.
Is he marrying you or your family?
If you see him as someone whom you can be with for the rest of your life, marry him. If you think your differences might cause issue in the future, speak with him about it, see how he feels.
Communication is key!
Communicate with him about your concerns, and get his opinion.
Do istikhara
And good luck sis
@@whoreadsthis1312 hmm
Your gut tells you exactly what you feel about this relationship will looks like.
A behavior you do not like about a man will be always there when you get married.
Guess what, what you and your family feel about this man is totally different. Trust your feeling and move on.
Pray selatul istijhara to get advice from the almighty.
Good luck
If you knew then this world isn't a test for you. Your feelings do not define reality . What if a person has an anxiety disorder ? What if a person feels entitled ? What if the persons nuffs give them the feelings ? A toxic relationship needs to be defined . Does he/she hit you , do they belittle you ? Do they lie to you ? And what are the lies ? Do they belittle you when they have an anxiety attack ? Do they handle stress differently ? Or do they just like to torment you out of pleasure . What exactly is your vibe telling you ?
prophet muhammad said : < the greatest jihad is to battle your own soul to fight the evil within yourself > ...Heal yourself then the world will eventually be in harmony. #Islam #Jihad
Selellahu Aleyhi Weselem.
@@Wisteria_ ya that right ...
I agree with this , it's more a spiritual issue when it comes to toxic relationships and not an abusive relationship. You would think the 2 would be defined as the same thing but if you notice not once did the words "abusive relationship" were ever mentioned I don't think . So the toxicity is actually the emotions rather than any actions done by the other person in a relationship.
@@Dan-ey4mi that right prophet Muhammad said When he and his companions migrated to Medina
: < Deeds are made by intentions and every person has what he intended, so whoever migrates to the world will affect her, or to a woman who marries her, So I migrated to what he migrated to >.
@@Dan-ey4mi and the imam and scholar Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawzi said : When the intentions were correct, the gifts of allah abounded
I don't understand why counselling is considered a taboo in cultures when it's recommended so heavily in Islam. Thank you sisters! I am so grateful for your conversations. Its like free therapy.
I love the part of focusing on the victim instead of the abuser, busy talking about labels and pathology is not what we need to focus on rather than healing and moving forward 🙌
I am still processing that statement of hers and trying to understand if it was victim blaming (as if if we happen to get into toxic relationships, then our fragility played a part in it) or an encouragement to look within yourself and heal your soul from the damages of relationship with a narcisistic individual. Any suggestions?
@@sarahemme4437 Salam sister. I don't think it was victim blaming at all, because if it was then she would have mentioned something along the lines of "oh you should've recognized the signs and got out, it's your own fault etc." Instead what she did was to take the focus away from the abuser, not give them the spotlight and narcissistic attention they so crave, rather we should pour all that time, effort and attention on ourselves as we walk the path of recovery. Recognizing and acknowledging what the abuser did is part of the process of recovery, but if we stay stuck on them then in the long run it will hinder our ability to heal and move forward, therefore I think she made an important point regarding shifting the focus (and not the blame) from abuser to the victim.
I have just been relieved of what I didnt truly realise was a horribly toxic marriage. My ex husband was a textbook covert narcissist. I tried to apply all of the advice from sisters to have sabr with him and with this new marriage but that didnt aid me in the slightest. It aided him in continuing his evil. I second what the sister said about dont get caught up on the labels and I was always shy to mention it because I didnt want to look like I was jumping on a bandwagon, but finding out his personality traits had one, this helped massively. I used to tell my friends, theres something strange about him and he has a real disorder in his personality but I cant put my finger on it because he was never ever physically or vocally abusive. It was always subtle mental abuse. Hed be the one to put me in a dark place and take me out of it. Alhamdulillaah I had already started focussing on bettering myself, my thoughts, my approaches just generally in life, not just within my marriage so thankfully I didnt have to start this journey post divorce. I went through so much but if theres 1 thing I wish someone told me in the beginning is that my ex husb was not just an 'enigma' (as I used to describe him) and that "If you cant make sense of a persons actions or words and it confuses you, this is indeed toxic. It's not normal for someones behaviour to chronically confuse you."
only another person who have been in a relationship with a sadistic covert narcissist knows what you have dealt with
Wow may Allah aide you. This is why i really feel women need to have education and career onside jist incase something happens.
@@starsighting7167 thank you i agree
@@ayaatyoussef9189 ikr, and what bugs me is the trend of making it seem thay religious Muslim shouldnt work or get advanced degrees and judging how they raise kids. If you wajt to be a stay at home mom thats a beautiful thing, but dont make women who want to work and continue studying seem less religious
@@starsighting7167i dont understans that either i think some of the people who are against is power hungery men who want ignorant dependent wives they can control abuse and brainwash
Omg! That was intense....it actually got me crying, I really like the part where ummRaiyaan said Allah sees everything not like I don't know...it just feel good to hear it!
Same
Yes! Al Basir, is the One Who sees all. Allah is just and will make things right either in this dunya or in the akhira.
23:54 i started to cry out of nowhere because i felt so much relief and also guilty for neglecting myself for the sake of my parents happiness and giving them their rights while ignoring my own pain.Thank you so much jazakAllahKhairan
Omg...I started crying all of a sudden just like you said , same timings.... May Allah make it easy for us n heal us... Ameeen
@@sadia_s amen ya rab❤️
So sorry to hear.
Alhamdulillah, I realised a while back that I will never sacrifice my happiness to make anyone happy.
I'll only sacrifice my perceived happiness for Allah.
@@TheKingofdans I tried to have that mindset too,but its hard when you feel for people (Being emphatic).I do know my worth but it’s difficult to keep on on your boundaries and whatnot when you wake up and go to sleep in the same place where every single person that hurt you sleeps and wakes up in the same place as well.U see the faces everyday ,everywhere u go,you will ALWAYS come back to that same environment.You might have it easy (alhamdulillah) but it ain’t that easy for everyone if you get me.
You and your wealth belong to your father
Satan withdraws and he weeps
he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you do not see them
Hadith
حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عَمَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عِيسَى بْنُ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا يُوسُفُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْمُنْكَدِرِ، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ لِي مَالاً وَوَلَدًا وَإِنَّ أَبِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَجْتَاحَ مَالِي فَقَالَ
أَنْتَ وَمَالُكَ لأَبِيكَ "
It was narrated from Jabir bin 'Abdullah that a man said:
"O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and a son, and my father wants to take all my wealth." He said: "You and your wealth belong to your father."
Sahih (Darussalam)
English : Vol. 3, Book 12, Hadith 2291
Arabic : Book 12, Hadith 2379
Sunan Ibn Majah
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When the son of Adam recites a verse of prostration and he prostrates, Satan withdraws and he weeps and he says: Woe to me! The son of Adam was commanded to prostrate and he prostrated, so he will go to Paradise. I was commanded to prostrate and I refused, so I will go to Hellfire.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 81
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Muslim
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا قَرَأَ ابْنُ آدَمَ السَّجْدَةَ فَسَجَدَ اعْتَزَلَ الشَّيْطَانُ يَبْكِي يَقُولُ يَا وَيْلِي أُمِرَ ابْنُ آدَمَ بِالسُّجُودِ فَسَجَدَ فَلَهُ الْجَنَّةُ وَأُمِرْتُ بِالسُّجُودِ فَأَبَيْتُ فَلِي النَّارُ
81 صحيح مسلم كتاب الإيمان باب بيان إطلاق اسم الكفر على من ترك الصلاة
Al-A'raf 7:27
يَٰبَنِىٓ ءَادَمَ لَا يَفْتِنَنَّكُمُ ٱلشَّيْطَٰنُ كَمَآ أَخْرَجَ أَبَوَيْكُم مِّنَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ يَنزِعُ عَنْهُمَا لِبَاسَهُمَا لِيُرِيَهُمَا سَوْءَٰتِهِمَآۗ إِنَّهُۥ يَرَىٰكُمْ هُوَ وَقَبِيلُهُۥ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا تَرَوْنَهُمْۗ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَا ٱلشَّيَٰطِينَ أَوْلِيَآءَ لِلَّذِينَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ
O children of Adam, let not Satan tempt you as he removed your parents from Paradise, stripping them of their clothing to show them their private parts. Indeed, he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you do not see them. Indeed, We have made the devils allies to those who do not believe.
#GreentechApps
When it comes to gut feelings and reliable intuition is often an outcome of continuous personal innerwork . If that practice is not in place often we walk into relationships and have gut feelings you can't put your finger on or know how to access or process and make use off. Another aspect that arises from a lack of practice of innerwork especially in the context of toxic relationships is that if there are large incidents of trust breeches or other overwhelmingly traumatizing events , you will often be left very disoriented in terms of your ideals and moral standings. This can greatly diminishes your ability to objectively observe the relationship dynamics and take measures towards healing and resolving the issues in a timely manner. This can leave people stuck in bad relationships for a long time. Also, even though learning to do the innerwork is the most effective way to work your way out of adverse relationship dynamics , it's often very very hard to do when in the thick of a toxic relationship storm / traumatic event . It's often feels like trying to learn how to swim just as you are submerging in a tsunami. If it's difficult to learn to do innerwork during peaceful prosperous years, trying to do it in the middle of uncertainty trying times is just downright struggle in itself. But it is the only way out, the true path to self discovery and healing.
I had to come back at take notes😔 this healing journey is up and down
Really good points and I agree there are lots of people don’t notice that they are in toxic relationships especially with friends.... but another thing i want to add is sometime we can be toxic to our self as well....
That is very important, keep in mind mental health disorders as an example. Or a persons nuffs , someone can be sooo superficial and their selfish needs not met which could lead them to be unhappy . And that if it wasnt for their selfish desires they would be happy. That's why I feel external factors need to be defined father than relying on emotions and feelings as an anchor for truth .
you guys can't imagine how many times i rewatched this episode, you've tackled a crucial topic, a lot of people from old generations like our parents don't recognize it . May Allah swt bless you, keep up the good work !
Honestly cannot wait for this pandemic to be over iA, I would love to see you guys do a LIVE HTT episode in front of an audience, because truuuust me so many people would come! It would be so lovely to meet you guys!!!! The amount of benefit each conversation comes with, is literally teaching me incredibly valuable life lessons. You guys are really like the older sisters I never had! Thank you so much for creating this, may Allah swt reward you all immensely! xxxx
Yeah. I'd love to hang out with them in general. Judging by their videos, they seem really cool. I'd love to go shopping, restaurants, and pray with girls like them.
I hope they're how they're in real life as they're in their videos, Insha'Allah. 💗
Salaam pls never stop uploading sisters, U guys are our support and your videos motivate us a lot... may Allah swt bless u all immensely ❤️
Yes I agree. No sneak dissing, no mean spirit vibes😊
I literally look forward to these videos every week, maashaaAllah, the way they touch upon very important and sometimes taboo topics is worthy of praise.
May Allah bless and help them. Aamiin
JazakAllahu khair my beautiful sisters. I shed some tears with this one especially since I just started therapy sessions. May Allah grant us the ability to be patient with ourselves and to grant us the ability to heal our wounds.
The worst thing about toxic relationship is when you don’t know that you are in a toxic relationship
You keep blaming yourself for every fight , problem , etc .. you feel guilty and beat yourself consistently and because the problem is not yours every time you try to fix it , it get worse .
The best thing is to step back and reflect on the whole relationship to see it from different perspective or ask for help from someone more experienced
Also sometimes displacement happens .. you play the same bad role with other “weaker “ individuals in your life that you have control over ...
Sounds like the solution is quran surah 6, al an'aam.
The way this subject was addressed is right on point. There is so much of the labeling going on nowadays but no true inner work to not fall back into these patterns. These experiences come to teach us and gives us an opportunity to grow and do better. Also love how this was beautifully related back to Islamic values. MashaAllah may Allah continue to grant you barakah in your work.
Cant wait for healthy communication!!Be blessed sisters
In some relationship or friendship , taking advantage ,selfishness ,is common ,but unnoticed subhanaAllah
A talented panel of women that maturely discussed a very difficult topic. I had heard a lot of praise for Honest Tea Talk. Now I can see why 🌟
I really needed to hear this, like TODAY! I have been in a space where I’ve just been cutting off people and just going MIA and not even feeling guilty! Just felt like I needed to be in my own zone. But now I understand that I really do need to disconnect from the external and reconnect to my internal. HTT is soooo good, you ladies are helping so many Muslims Masha Allah to just deal with their life. I’m currently disconnecting from social media and trying to acknowledge my childhood trauma. I’m slowly connecting all the dots. But didn’t know what’s the next step. Journaling and writing my thoughts on paper sounds to be it! Alhamdulillah for you ladies. May Allah SWT grant you barakah and blessings in abundance Insha Allah.
I’m currently also reading the book “What happened to you?” By Oprah, it’s actually a brilliant read very insightful and is helping me a lot to understand where my trauma is stemming from. May Allah SWT heal all of us from our trauma, from our brokenness, may He make us whole once again Insha Allah Aameen.
Excellent discussion. Very much needed and very important to touch on these topics. Narsassistic traits and emotional scars are in almost every household during these times.
yes
I am so happy to found that video, so much comprehension and not just "be good even they are not"
9:40 a very great point! Unfortunately many get lost in this of keeping boundaries and working inside the relationship sphere without changing the other!
You girls need a Latina/Hispanic sister there !!! Well yes!! I’m here !! Talk to me !!
Subhan Allah. Amazing guidance very few people talk about it in the light of Islam.
just WOW. This is the first honest tea talk I've listened to and I am HOOKED. you've got a new subscriber here.
I talked about toxic relationships on my channel a lot it’s very unfair and ruined lots of women!! Great topic beautiful queens 👸🏽 ❤️🙏🏿
Jazak Allah khairan for talking about these real issues in such a nice comfortable manner.
Masha Allah love all of it, agree so much. The more the focus is on the toxic people the more our understanding of ourselves is buried and we forget how to heal from within which in return even affects our relationship with our creator. May Allah bless you and reward you for bringing these topics out in the open❤️
I’m excited!!
I’m so happy to have followed you gals all the way from season 1! Can’t wait for things to get even better for the 3 of you insallah! Much love! ❤️ X
Recently found this channel and i have been enjoying binge watching all the uploads I’ve missed. Saving this for later to watch 💗
In fact relationship is everything. May it be be family or friend. So we must be careful about that if we want to go forward.
Baarakah Allahu fiikum...this is a much needed conversation. I think it is especially crucial to do the inner work when and if you have children. Unfortunately, many times we allow our past trauma spill over in the way we raise our kids, unconsciously of course, but this is a vicious cylce and we will be asked about the way we raised our children by Allah.
Ma sha Allah. My thoughts and action is being put into words by Umm Rayyan.
I have had to step back from a very toxic family relationship.
Mental, psychological, emotional, physical and financial abuse.
After 8 solid years of abuse. Even the covid situation did not bring Mercy from them.
I stepped back to take care of my health.
Thank you for having this talk! I am at the point of giving up on life because of toxic mother.
Sister don't despair from the mercy of Allah and never think of taking your life, I'm in the same situation I ve had so much traumas in my childhood bcs of my parents but Im trying my best, can't stand the idea of living hell in Dunya and then end up in hell in akhera because I committed suicide! Stay strong 💪
PLEASE tell us about boundaries in relationships.. How do we set them without having to lose the friendships?
very interesting ideas in play. this program is very educatively enlighten. i thought it was ladies talks until i watched this episode and i will encourage males to also patronize especially the singles planning to mingle or getting married. May Allah reward you so much. this should also encourage are female sisters to know they are more than what our community think of them.
Salam alaykum my lovely sisters. I love to listen to your stories! I hope there will come a episode about high sensitivity. 🌺
Toxic Relationships is a Western Term, what it really is, is managing human interaction. Your definition of a healthy relationship is as close to reality as Shrek 2. All relationships are good in large ways, and missing in large ways, and all relationships are friendships first, and the absence of that friendship probably means that there will be some leveraging or taking advantage of the other (trust me, I know both sides)...so, you should focus your energies on helping women to make healthy relationships healthier, and to find ways to make their relationships last since women have to have their lives together by 35 while men can play well into their 60's before settling down. I like your slow pace, and intelligent assessment with time for others to speak, but we should shine your lights on the more positive spaces so women, can use your talks like a fulcrum to move a relationship forward, than a spyglass to find a crime where there may be NONE.
Really insightful talk ! Appreciate the work you are doing ladies 😊. I just wanted to add to the very important point you guys made about focusing on your process over putting energy into overly scrutinizing a partners negative patterns and it's hurtful outcomes. In my experience, till the point I stopped pointing fingers, I couldn't figure out how I had control over what I experienced and how I can change / heal the wounds . Overemphasis on accusation / negative scrutiny of the partner also unconsciously tells you that it's all in his hands and there isn't anything you can do to change your experience of it. The result is often the further suffering you go through which feels like his doing..but actually is within your capacity to change.
Subhan’Allah enjoying this episode so much jazakumullahu Khairan kaseeran❤️
This was an excellent conversation. We often do not realize how our toxic child hoods formulate our toxic adult relationships. I’ve been married three times and I’m about to get a divorce from a man who told me I didn’t love him like he needed to be loved. I could say the same to him but why bother. Insha’Allah I will have another husband and he be what I need and I be what he needs. I do not wish anything I’ll to happen to my soon to be ex but he would benefit from listening to this conversation.
JazakAllah khair sisters👌❤. Another very important episode mashaAllah. Yes It's absolutely essential to focus on yourself and do the inner work in order to heal.
So good to see beautiful and eloquent muslim women talking openly about life subjects and tabus. Thank you sisters! keep on rocking it!!
“You are not welcome into the definition of me. “. WOW🤔
(July-16-2021)
Yes, powerful
SubhanAllah ladies you all provide such thought provoking discussions. I just found your channel and have already subscribed.
May Allah bless you all for providing us with such great nasiha (advice) to others worldwide.
Subhan Allah I have been dealing with issues and some how I reached to the conclusion of self awareness but wasn't able to see next step...after watching episode has cleared my confusion Alhumdulillah this episode has given me perspective
She has lots of insight into things
Amazing episode as usual wish went for hours , can't have enough of your wise words ladies. Jazakum Allahu khyran.💕
Shukran for bringing this topic its help me alot understanding how I was feeling in the past ,I was going through with unknown people I came to understand that I wasn't the real issue but them,after that I took my own energy it's not worth it at all
What a fabulous service you are doing for us all. May Allah grant you all happiness in this world and jannah in the next
Honest tea talk a blessing
Another brilliant talk Ma shā Allāh Tabārak Allāh. This feels like therapy I should be paying for. May Allah honour you all for providing us with this platform! ❤️
رغم اني حضرت البث المباشر في لحظاته الأخيرة ومع ذالك استمتعت، كل التوفيق لكن إن شاء الله 🌹🌹🌹
I was in a toxic relationship i tried and tried and it really broke me but now that i am out of it im happy and free
MashaAllah sisters, may Allah bless you. I love your work and I thank you for it also, it's a pleasure to tune in with you every week. Regarding this topic, to me, relationships in general, particularly marriage, are shaken at one point by hardships. Hardships that are difficults, that test us. So I wouldn't say that if someone is in a relationship that affects their mental and emotional well-being, that there is a level of toxicity in the relationship because a hardship by essence, because of its difficulty, will affect you, your emotions and your mental state. It's something to be expected in relationships as life in general is filled with tests. Your well-being will be affected when you have a problem with your partner, when you argue with them or when you face a hardship together. But I will say that, yes, in the long run, if someone is constantly in a state of mental and emotional distress in their relationship, because of their partner, to the point that they can no longer take care of themselves, of their mental health, of their well-being, then we can find elements of toxicity in that relationship. (Sorry for the mistakes I may have made in english, it's not my native language)
Great subject ladies, proud of you and all of the wisdom and intellect you ladies have!
It was powerful message...journal, seek therapy and identify the issues within (alot stems from childhood) and begin working on it. I think finding a quality therapist for yourself is very hard...that requires trial and error before you get the right one.
I wish this episode was longer.
This was one of my favourites! (Although every episode is awesome!) I love you ladies feesabeelilaah 💜🤲🏽 lots of duaa for your success in both the dunya and aakhira, ameen xxx
You inspire many inner children in me❤️Thank you dear girls🌸
I have never thought of it like that. I only thought to step 1, not after it!
Please have a talk in handling Toxicity among friendships too.
Just wow. You have hit the nail on the head with this topic guys! And every other topic. Indeed we need to look within ourselves as to why we accepted to be in a toxic relationship. Keep up the awesome work! May Allah reward you guys 💘
MashaAllah Excellent discussion!
Let me give you three pieces of advice, which I missed hearing here...
1/ if we can’t cut off from someone, who is an immediate family member, then try not be in a similar situation, the next time you meet them... something which will bring out the same toxicity which triggers such feelings.
2/ Maintain relationships by meeting on special occasions like once in a while and give them and yourself, the due respect, that will help you both, become better persons but maintain a distance and when you call or talk face to face, try to hear the other person too, but make it positive, pleasing and brief.
3/ Express your feelings by writing poetry or writing your own life experiences ...an autobiography, if that can help you explain your thoughts to your family, give you some consolation and recognize your own weaknesses and strengths too.💫
I needed this clarification. Thank you
SIMPLY MIA
Clarification example for 1/:
I invited my brother in law and his wife , who seem to have always carried some insecurities towards me from the time she came into this family ... along with my newly married eldest son and daughter in law and I was quiet happy about having this gathering with both our family and all my other in-laws and he made a very unnecessary, strange and awkward remark on me in front of my newly married daughter in law,
which made me quiet upset and sad later... and so I decided to not do so next time.
2/ This same sister in law mentioned above has a way of inviting my friends on many occasions alone to her house, excluding me, which I have discovered later... and sometimes with me around as well...which felt quite strange to me as she seemed to have shown some agenda and crafty purpose behind these invitations.... so I’ve now made up my mind to avoid such invitations by keeping myself away from being used as a gene pig, from feeling hurt later.
But if I am ever confronted with this again and I am able to express my feelings to her later, I believe one should do so and do it honestly... but try not to entirely trust such a person again.
3/ when you are hurt or feel emotional or happy about something, try to pen down such expressions by saving them . This is a good therapy for sensitive people who don’t want to clarify things with people because they have learned that such people will never change their ways .
Hope it is clear now?
@@Rukhsana2056 you know sometimes scholars give examples but never really in detail so you are left with more questions..... I'm grateful for your answer because it has clarified something that has bothered me for the past 2 and half years..
I got into a very ugly quarrel with a younger sibling of mine for how he tried to treat my 3 years old son. Instead of apologise to me. He decide to degrade me and threathin me . his wife got involved and got physical with me which was a shock to everyone. I felt they were harbouring so much hate towards me. I also believe that there was jealousy involved for my little successes. it actually scare me. I never saw this side of my sibling before and still can't get use to it. I'm hurt by the incident and often have njghtmears... But after rethinking and over thinking I decided the best thing I can do for me and my son is to keep all activities between me and them to a minimum since Islam doesn't allow me to cut of a family.
SIMPLY MIA
I understand and realize such things happen in all families but to tell you the truth I believe it’s mostly because of the kith than kin, who are to be blamed, since they seem to be the sources of forwarding the whispers of jealousy and insecurities to our blood relatives perhaps. So Yes keep a good distance and respect yourself as due but pray for them .... Alhumdulillah!
Sister Aliya wrapped it up excellently from 22:00.
In a nutshell this is your test.
A great feeling of calmness when hearing your tea talk. I think that work should be done for every single person in or not in a toxic relationship. So important to get to know your feelings inside to become more healthy physically and psychologically. That will make us all more closer to Allah and soften our hearts. Mashallah for your tea talks, may Allah bless your efforts and your program for many more seasons to come Amin. May he bless you for your warm, kind and wise words Amin yarab.
Hands down great episode. Marshallah
i can’t wait
Wonderful talk. Very thoughtful and thorough.
You guys are lovely! Thank you!
I am loving these honesty talk episodes. ♥️
Mashallah.
K
Masha Allah. Very insightful. Keep going queens. I can't get enough of these episodes ❤️
Please make dua for me I want to better myself as a wife but no matter how much I try I go back to my old ways 😌
This is difficult for me because I think I'm the one who's being toxic. The Pandemic has affected me so much that my mental state has done a whole 180. Depression and Anxiety has taken a toll of me and I am ruining everything.
Alot of people cannot admit that they are the toxic ones.. Im hoping for a great change within your self ..
@@aayliahhaywood6990 I’m definitely better now since I last shared that and Alhamdulillah for growth !
salam alikoum, as usual the content you put out there is gold, may I suggest the following specialitst in narcissism and toxic relationship Dr Ramani, she has a youtube channel, I learned a lot from her and many other people from the oumma can. Please have a look at her content, she is very good at explaining what toxicity is, dynamics etc...
Please can there be part 2!???!?!? Please! More in depth... 🥰❤️
Macha Allah sisters.
Thanks for your advices.
What ever I feel in my heart,95% is correct I believe... I thank Allah for stopping me from doing many things That I tried to do them and later I knew those would be bad for me.
Lord knows I needed this talk!
I loveeee summaayaa
which one is she?
@@sakinahb2246 on the left
May Allah SWT reward you guys. Couldn't agree more MashaAllah.
Maasha Allaah 💝 What a beautiful episode! Allahumma-Barik. Jazakumulahu khair my beautiful trio sisters ❤💝💕 May Allah SWT bless your efforts and keep us all happy, healthy and in His path ameen xxx
would being annoyed with your kids one? They get on my nerves all the time, constant screaming, yelling and saying NO!!! 😂😂😂😂
Sometimes ppl stay in / attract toxic relationships because they haven't known any other way. It's only when they encounter a healthy one at some point that they realise, that the certain relationships are toxic .
Also not everyone can escape a toxic relationship, because somehow they feel bound and ties cannot be broken. Good example is own family or own parents.
I do believe a person has to focus on themselves and their self respect and self love. That way you can set boundaries and also you can focus on your own healing to avoid maintaining /attracting toxic relationships and to resolve triggers. This is because you will know your own self worth and what you deserve
yes but a lot of people including many many muslim women (some i know) are put in these situations against their will or power from the get go even if they know something is not right. easy to say (as i know people will, reflex for us Muslims) that 'that's culture not Islam' so f;ng what??! it happens and islam is used as the means to manipulate to put the girl in that situation. even if it's not 'real islam' which is the reflex muslims often use to not actually address the extremely widespread issue. that must be taken into consideration as these ladies are muslim and this is widespread among muslims unfortunately. one lady i know, her H refused to see her and her baby after the baby was born, cut off all contact, to punish her for her stepfather's insulting him and also falsely accused her of cheating. Now they're ok, and together, but that was for about 6 months after the baby was born, majoirty of her 3rd trimester she was alone - and by the way this was a forced arranged marriage. one woman i know (a dentist by profession, Pakistani, ALSO A FORCED ARRANGE MARRIAGE) ended up in ER from a suicide attempt after 2 kids and toxic in laws and husband (forced marriage) before her parents even took her thing seriously and spoke up for her. A good friend of mine was being forced to marry a cousin to bring him to Canada and her dad refused to speak to her for months when, after a lot of toxic signs from him (just from internat chat which was the only thing that was possible after their engagement) broke it off. I know a girl who committed suicide (my friends friend) because during divorce her husband took the kids and left for dubai she didnt know where they were etc for 2 years and the way our culture is . This girl was extremely educated, wrote books for muslim children (like Alif baa taa, moral tales, etc), died in late twenties.All of these girls were staunch muslims, and this must always be part of the conversation because this is a reality among too many many were given ZERO CHOICE FROM THE GET GO AND NO ESCAPE (E.G. MONETARILY DEPENDENT, UNABLE TO WORK DUE TO KIDS AND H REFUSING TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR HER, FAMILY NOT SUPPORTING, ISOLATED BY H etc)
I'm extremely passionate about this subject because too many people are put in toxic relationships against their will and have no escape oftentimes. That doesnt mean im anti islam as Im sure many will take it. It's the truth and if we were real muslims we would address it and campaign to stop it among our communities
Another very important episode m.a jazakumullah sisters 😍
Very beautiful video JazakiAllaahu khair ⚘🌹
Sooo true.... i have a toxic mum and a toxic ex-husband... 😰😰. You re awesome Layinka ❤️❤️❤️
which one is Layinka?
@@sakinahb2246 The one from the right part of the screen 🥰
Super eye opening.
No need to mention names but I went to college with one of the girls here in the US and she was so toxic, cold, unfriendly as just desperate to get married. It’s funny how she is all of a sudden a mentor. I hope she changed
Some times one cannot move away from toxic relationships as easily as there are multi fold levels. Even if one is trying. Some people intend well or say they forgive but out of the blue hit you with a bullseye leaving you gob smacked. As you have moved on but ..... What to do
Jazakum Allahu khairan for Brilliant insights. I was wondering if you could do an episode on 'Is it possible for a narcist to change?'
Also when reparenting your inner child how do we differentiate between the inner child and a possessive jin? '
Very apt video for how I have been feeling lately
Jazakumullahu khair sisters.
Great conversation