As an European revert i didn’t really think about asking a lot of money. It is not in our culture and i am not used to it. I asked my husband for a good amount of taqwa, a good intention, a good laugh and enough attention and loyalty. I am the happiest wife on earth with the least amount of money. He is my biggest love and best friend at the same time. Do not marry the right amount of money, but marry the right amount of goodness, and you will be happily married.
@@mbxo__5936 People make up anything that is convenient to them. They say Muslim women are westernized feminists, but when a Muslim woman asks for her mahr, suddenly they're in praise of women from the west because they don't have that in their culture. It's a selfish attitude that wants whatever is advantageous to them from all traditions, and has no issue making up religion as a way to shame people along the way.
awesooome !!!! JAK 🤲 İt s sooo true how you discussed about mahr, about not even receiving it ... sometimes... about man taking advantage of sisters and not paying it....!!! May Allah bless you for your effort and blessed work !!!🤲🤲😇😇❤️❤️
That´s so cool dear Christan sister! I watch a lot of Christian vloggers because we can always understand each other when our values are rooted in God-consicousness. God bless you!
@@scentsoftravelmeditation I agree the mahr should be reasonable and people should marry within their means. If you want to marry a woman from a wealthy family, large status etc then expect to pay a lot of mahr. Likewise if you marry someone of simpler life like in the time of the Prophet (saaws) when they would go days without food and lived in a one bedroom house, then a few dirhams is satisfactory.
If he is a good man, God conscious man. He would give here what ever she asks for. And at the same time if the request is blown out of proportion it might give a negative view. They should intend ease for each other. Therefore the matter should be discussed openly with Allah in mind and that this life is short. The prophet peace be upon him was worried for his ummah having to many single people. - A man
It’s all a about being considered. I also find it important that the sister and brother get to know each others life before mahr is talked about. If the sister knows the brother is not able to afford it; she shouldn’t even ask an amount he can’t afford. Same for brothers aiming for working sisters who come from a certain background. Both should know whom they dealing with. And the brothers ability should be within the sisters’ desires. Why even go through the hassle of mahr and marriage if you know the brother can’t afford and the sister is asking something unreasonable. It’s a foresight for what’s to come. Why even have such a startpoint.
7:40 It’s called abuse Aliya - short and sweet plain and simple. If someone abuse’s someone’s lack of knowledge and takes advantage of them, alongside manipulation, I really don’t see what else it can be called.
As salamu 3aleykum WAllahi I truly think that you should refer to the sunnah instead of saying ' what's she want' Ali ibn abi Talib came to the prophet salallahou 3aleyhi WA Salam to ask the hand of Fatima And Fatima didn't asked for any mahr the prophet salallalahou caleyhi WA Salam asked Ali what do you have he replied nothing then the prophet salallahou caleyhi WA Salam said how much does this cost? Point his shield He said about 4 dinar wich is nowadays 1 dollar How comes Fatima the leader of the believing woman when khadija raddihallahu ta3ala 3anha died how comes she the prophet daughter salallahou 3aleyhi WA Salam mahr was 4 dirham and nowadays woman ask for something like this? WAllahi BILLAHI tallahi if my wife doesn't accept 1 timir or 10 symbolic euros after hearing this hadith who s sahih if she do not humble her self I'll run away from getting married I'm not judging TAllahi but I really feel like you guys opinion don't matter if the base of the conversation is not sunnah based
Ladies please can you do a video about changing friendships as we grow? About how it's possible to out grow certain people in our lives, and the transition process?
ohhhh i m not practicing muslim but i want say man are good they even mant dont want his wife make a cup of tea she should slerp and take rext and eat and enjoy and his wife not feel any anxiety
Mashallah this is gonna be such a good episode, I watched the trailer and literally was left speechless. This is too important to not discuss! Inshallah you all get many blessings for these knowledgable videos
I can't believe that this talk is so relatable especially for me " a girl who lives in Egypt" Everything you've talked about we face everyday when it comes to marriage. And yes you're absolutely right, a man who marries a woman for nothing, treats her like nothing, i knoe close friends who had this "little Maher in order for her to make it easy for him " played against them
@@alphafish4756 I meant that some times when the girl has the intention to facilitate the financial burden on the guy, she asks for almost nothing as a dowry and later on, this would play against her and the husband starts to treat her like trash cuz he married her "for free" So he must be really really good and knows the Taqwaa of Allah to appreciate the sacrifice the girl makes in order to facilitate the marriage
@@sallyabozaid9558 i'm sorry to hear that. but the problem was not caused by a cheap mahr. the problem was the man himself. even if he would have given a high mahr, he would have still acted that way. money does not affect behavior.
I heard of a story where someone paid like $25 USD as mahr, BUT the reason was he tricked her because in her country that’s a lot of money. Good news was the sheikh realized this and basically told the guy to pay more. That sheikh is a community hero for many reasons
My friend her husband told her he will give her maher after wedding, now 6 years on, he didn't not give her anything,,, he call her cheap cause she didn't cost him anything,, it hurts her.
@@coolcat6341 That is insane. She should report him to the local Sheikh or something and get this sorted out. No woman should ever have to go through something like that, it’s awful 😔
It's not that complicated, the woman can ask what she wants, if the man is not comfortable even if he can afford it, then move on to someone else. InshaAllah you will get comfort with the next person. The man should look for his requirements, be it niqab or whatever, if it's not there, move on. No hard feelings.
This is random but I like how Sumayah doesn't undermine her own points by laughing even when LaYinka and Aliyah are laughing. I know they're all good friends of course, but I just admire that self respect. I've also never thought about the mahr as a safety net of sorts, like LaYinka explained. Definitely glad to have been exposed to this now!
Sisters can we have a discussion about why the muslim ummah isn't doing enough to help muslim brothers and sisters to get married. In particular, actively making it a priority to help divorced sisters with children.
I come from a culture that teaches that the husband should keep the mahr to himself and should only hand it over to his wife in the event of a divorce. This does not come from our Islamic teachings. May Allah guide the Muslims and help them see the clear distinction between cultural and Islamic practices.
From a Pakistani background. This view was held by my parents and I've had to correct them on this when it came to arranging my nikah. I simply said I'd rather listen to Allah's words about mahr and quoted from the Qur'an.
This is a very nice discussion indeed! However, worthy of note is that kindness to women is an attitude. Also mahr is the woman's birth right from the earth to the heavens but the woman should consider her man's economic status is deciding her dowry. The brothers should also understand a woman's status before asking her hand in marriage because there's no point in marrying a woman of higher status and then treating her as a cheap asset. A good stand can be achieved by being just, sincere and considerate.
I got married to a Tunisian woman on the 20th of February 2020 after a long love story. I bought her the airplane ticket and went to meet her at the airport on September 27th at 20:00. At the airport, she refused to come with me to our family home. She took a taxi alone and yelled at me and told the taxi driver "that man is not with me." Then ran away and disappeared. Moreover, the tradition in her Tunisian culture is that the husband gives gold and capital to his bride when they get married. Of course, I am against that but she deceived me and made me think that she wanted to marry me but her father would not have approved of the marriage unless I had given him 25 thousand euros for the wedding and the gold to the bride. I haven't lived a single day with her as a married couple. I had traveled several times to her hometown where I would stay in a separate room at her father's house. I rarely spent time with her alone as her family was around most of the time. We would go out but I did not have a chance to live anything with her as a married couple. The only thing I had was promises about a wonderful life in the future. It was so painful. I almost spent a week home by myself crying, yelling and my body was literally shaking; Had anybody seen me, they would have thought I was being electrocuted. I am still living this nightmare. I hold the marriage certificate and I am not able to understand how that piece of paper is nothing more than a toilet paper to the person I loved more than myself and was ready to give my life and money and time and everything I have, shared a love story with and dreams about a life-long relation and plans about our future, a wedding in front of more than a 100 members of her family and friends, went to bed with and had these very intimate physical and emotional relation with. My head is exploding and I am not able to believe that I went through all that; I am not able to believe what has happened to me. I ask myself whether what she did was better or perhaps it would have been better if she just killed me. I really loved that woman and I feel so much hurt exactly the same way I would feel if I lost a vital organ of my body. I am unable to proceed with my life and I stopped work and last time I was with my 11-year-old daughter, I was unable to do anything with her, except lie in bed and weep. I asked her to forgive me because, even though I had not been hit by a train and had not been left with broken bones, the psychological and emotional damage was worse and there is really nothing I can do.
My dad literally lectured me, and instructed me to reduce my mahr, saying the man might insult me for being materialistic, the pressure was much, but my husband refused to reduce it, telling me he would give me what I wanted. The way we are shames and pressured for wanting good things needs to be checked.
So how long you been married now? Seems like your husband understood the consept of mahr, so I'm curious to know how you're being treated. Like a Queen?
@@sabrinauddin1495 for me 12 years with a high mahr and treated like a queen Alhamdulilah. One must put in mind my husband could afford the mahr I asked for, I will have never asked him for the amount I asked for if he could not afford.
There's a lot of drama that goes on with mahr. some guys agree to whatever mahr is asked but in their minds they have no intention of ever paying it coz mahr can also be paid inpart before the nikah and then completed later what i learnt from experience, if a man has an issue paying mahr he will most likely also have an issue providing food and provision for his wife. just my personal observation. a high mahr can also make a man refuse to divorce a girl even when they see the marriage is not working. the small mahr can also make it very easy for the lady to ask for khul divorce because she has very little to give up anyway. so the mahr should be genuine.
@Franca Wong are you acting or actually stupid , Muslims can’t have sex before marriage , and the mahar and being provided financially for is the woman’s right and it’s our role as men to do tyat
@Franca Wong obviously you have never experienced the drama am talking about so say alhamdulillah... women go through shit. it's just that we cant air all our dirty laundry on social media. we try to use polite language and leave the rest to Allah
@PrimeVids i will disagree kindly. i know a lady who asked for mahr of quran and prayer mat and 3 pairs of regular bedsheets (not gucci) and by the time they divorced the husband had still not paid the bedsheets and not to mention one of the main reasons they divorced is the guy refusing to provide. so can you say that one also asked for an unrealistic amount? 1 quran and 1 prayer mat and 3 bedsheets? your suggestion is very incorrect
@PrimeVids yes, many of these exist. am not saying asking for small mahr means the lady is religious. a lady has a right to ask for whatever they want for mahr but quran is also a great mahr and prayer mat coz you use it daily and when you read it you get thawab so its the gift that keeps giving. anyway, the point is some men (husbands) just refuse to pay mahr. in their mind they should get a wife for free 100%. all they want is to have a wife but they dont want the responsibility. may allah guide all of us men and women and especially in this month of ramadhan 2021. amin
Very important topic indeed and as you ladies said, whatever a woman ask should not be used to catégorise her as 'righteous' or gold digger. BTW, let's learn our religions and understand that the prophet saws gave important mahr to all of his wives. So brothers who like the hadith about the iron ring should also learn this fact. If you are able to buy yoursleves expensives cars, writstwatches, etc without blinking an eye, why complain when a woman YOU WANT TO MARRY, half of your deen is aksing for a certain amount ?! I recently came across a very intereing post on the same topic: a lady asked for 20000 euros considering her suiter's financial ability. He drove a 60k car which he had saved for for 3 years and bought. Given this info, they agreed that nikkah would be in a year during wich he saved (like he did for the car) and gave the mahr to her in full (no installements).
I knew prior to marriage my husband wasn't working, I was stable and earning. I did not ask for a specific mahr although was given a reasonable amount for him.
That is the sisters right to refuse offered amounts. I think this sister was saying she was making it easier on the groom to offer what he could. She still fully had the right to refuse or ask for higher. But this is to be discussed pre nikkah obviously.
So excited to listen to this.People (aka people that are not women) have a lot to say about this topic even though it’s a womans right.CAN’T WAIT TO LISTEN🌸
It’s a woman’s right, but it comes out from a man’s pocket. Besides that, the man will be spending the rest of his life with this woman, so I believe we have every right to share our opinions on the matter, especially in a time where marriage has turned into a business.
@@scentsoftravelmeditation no.The right was not given to yall therefor it’s just an opinion that doesn’t hold ANY weight or worth in the decision.Just like us women don’t have a say when men can marry more than one wife,you men have no say in mehr.Whatever we (women) want ,its your job to pull it out of your wallet because that is our right,not yours.the discussion is between her and her thoughts,its coming from your pocket because Allah said so,so if you have something to say u are questioning Allah swt and not us women,bc it was given to us by him. you guys have your own rights ,u don’t see women ganging up on yall.Don’t know what u exactly tried to say with your comment
@@scentsoftravelmeditation If he's pocket is empty he should walk away. Also the woman will have to spend the rest of her life with the man too, so he better be good enough.
@@Ihavemadeit999 the last time I checked, God didn’t say the woman has the right of naming her price Because you girls made me understand that you are a product and you are bought lol You fail to understand the purpose of mahr and the nativity of girls today has turned marriage into a business which is why marriage has no blessing today like it use to have
@@jasminedahir9645 if his pocket is empty he should walk away? Many of the companies got married when they were poor God said”if they are poor he will enrich them from his favour” But you are just eager to sell your self off Today it has become a competition, who can pay the highest mahr, marriage has lost its value, before the women used to look for the manners in the man and for love, today you just look for the pocket. Which is why there is no blessing
What is being left out of this video (and ironically the comments), is that most males will contemplate and want to marry some time between the ages of 18-25. Most males will not be able to drop 10-15-20-25-30k on a mahr plus wedding expenses, which can equal or double the cost of the mahr itself. Marriage is cost prohibitive for young men. As such, it is not only inappropriate, but unrealistic to expect a university student or a recent graduate to be able to drop 15k average on a mahr and 15k on a wedding. So as a rule of thumb, it boils down the male's means. Furthermore, it's a bad financial move to drop 30k (downpayment on a house status) on a marriage when you're beginning your life. If a woman wants those kinds of numbers, or their family, just move on. Don't involve your heart, time, and effort to match such numbers. You will harbor ill feelings and sentiments should anything go wrong within the marriage. ibn Uthaymin spoke about this, and it is really true.
Thank you for being a reasonable thinker. Women really aren't trying to marry and complete half of the deen if they set the paywall to be high. Such a disingenuous scam. There are non-muslim women who think the exact same way, so what's the difference there? Then there are other women willing to enter a relationship because they simply like you. Also, how is it that there is a larger demand for husbands than wives yet they are still playing hard to get. The FOOLISHNESS! lol! May Allah grant us better in the hereafter.
Mahr is the women's right. But brothers if she honestly knows how much you make but asks for what you can't afford because she doesn't want to "settle", Wish her good luck and thank Allah SWT for showing you who she really is. It doesn't mean that she's a bad person but she's not for you.
Nicely said, you could even ask her to justify that price tag she’s asking for in what she brings to the table, if she can’t cook like a chef, clean or be cooperative or submissive, then you should not even consider her in the slightest. May Allah help us all in our endeavours, Amen.
@@xAmiinMahr is a marriage gift from the man to the woman. It shouldn’t be something that you should consider what she brings to the table in how you mentioned it. Yes you can consider those things you mentioned in someone you wanna marry but not as a a way to justify the mahr she asks for. And Allah knows best!
@Franca Wong you need to learn islam 😂😂 no one is selling their body this is a right allah has given women that can be used for emergency or money to start a business or whatever if you are broke you need to get a job and start making money and save up coz it’s your role to provide for your wife financially
Great topic, seriously. I totally agree that we, women, should search for knowledge around Islam specially if we are new reverts or interested by this religion on the seek of Muslim husband, to understand more each other eventually. It’s very complicated indeed because so many marriages, specially interfaith I suppose, usually don’t turn around deep knowledge for one reason or another... I hope you get me, sisters. In my case I was raised as Christian and when I married my Muslim husband I went to seek knowledge to Imam or other sisters plus I had mixed feelings between them and also by my own family ideas of it because of this interfaith marriage fears and probably bit of ignorance so in the end I received lots of confusing concepts that I decided to trust my loved one and I guess, that time, he took advantage of my good intentions so probably he thought I was ‘easy going’...now we’re separated, for my deep sorrow, but I still hope God will guide us to the right way... thank you for your schooling, it’s helping me a lot.
LaYinka, may I say something about you that I have noticed: you are thoughtful, and forceful when you need to be. Furthermore, God gave us two ears and one tongue; in order for us to listen twice as much as we speak-you are clearly manifesting this God-given gift.
Today's episode felt as if it finished too fast, MashAllah it was amazing and I learned a lot 😊 I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE, ever since I found this channel I had been waiting and looking for an episode related to feminism an I feel that you three would be the best peoples' thoughts to look at on this matter. InshAllah I absolutely cannot wait!
Alot of these problems would be solved if the sister had a mahram that actually cared about her and her future to ensure she was getting her rights before and after the nikkah, which it sounds like is not happening. For reverts just having the imam or some random brother as your mahram is problematic. This is where fathers, brothers and righteous men who have a history and standing in the community of being on the haqq should be chosen if a sister does not have a mahram. If a sister is having all of these conversations and negotiations on her own problems will occur.
Hearing about all these issues that go on in the Ummah really saddens me. I think what truly needs to be focused on is just going back to Allah and remembering that we are living for Allah. All of these issues like people not getting their rights, abuse, leaving Islam, and all the issues you beautiful sisters have brought up just shows...we truly need to just go back to Allah. We need knowledge of Islam, love of Allah, love of the Messenger, and a true desire to gain Allah’s pleasure. If we lived with the goal of gaining His pleasure these issues would not become our priority and they would not be problems because we would live in the way He prescribed. When we live in this way these problems wouldn’t exist, that is why Allah gave Muslims a certain way to live, to avoid these problems. These are Problems that should be of non-Muslims who don’t know their Lord, not of those who were blessed to worship Him and be upon Islam. You guys are doing a beautiful job of bringing up these topics to show what this Ummah needs to work on. May Allah reward you all. May Allah guide us back to Him and help us remember we are living for Him not for this world. May Allah heal this Ummah.Allahumma Ameen
@Jamine Allahumma Ameen this is the best advice up here yet!!!!!!! Well said and the truth!!!!!!! I didn’t ask my husband for any money I wanted him to teach me the Deen Al Hamdulillah In Shaa Allah this August will be 10 years married to my husband I Thank Allah Ta’A’la Each and Every day for him we Keep Allah First in everything we do Al Hamdulillah it’s truly a blessing!!!!!!!!! 🙏🏿🤗
The minute you start to feel u need to defend your rights that's when u know he or she ain't the one. Number one thing you should be thinking about my sisters/brothers is Character+imaan, everything else takes the backseat. Finance, comfort and everything else is less important. If you find a man/woman with great Character, marry them. Where a man is headed is far important than where he is, a good character is an indication for good future. For my young people out there keep character and imaan on the mind and make it easy on each other don't burden each other too much. For young ladies keep in mind that a young men don't have a lot of many, so if you going to marry a young brother in his 18 - 25 try to do your own calculations and see how much money he will need to pay for all the expenses of the marriage, than ask ur meher accordingly. For the men out there, marrying a woman means giving her your whole being, your children, future, money and etc, so why would you be cheap with her meher or hesitant to give her somethingthat is with in your power? why do you find the idea of giving this person your whole life okay, yet not what little she is asking for because what ever she asks for is cheap compared to giving her yourself(meaning your whole future).
Reading up on nikkah the meaning of it and everything involved is so important and something I noticed missing in society. For example, Woman have a right to ask for separate accommodation in Islam and most don't know that but from every potential brother I asked if they have read the translation of what the actual nikkah states every single one has said no. We need to inform ourselves of everything to do with marriage as it is the biggest decision of your life. You can't just get married because you are a certain age otherwise it wouldn't have been advised to fast if you cannot afford marriage. We need to take everything into consideration and honestly brothers if you cannot provide for her then rethink where you are because you are taking a sister with Allah as witness to fulfil all the obligations that her wali had previous to that. She has every right over her mahr and to what she asked but Islam teaches compassion so it is her responsibility to research this and ask for what she thinks is reasonable. She with this nikkah is handing over the status her Wali had too so there is nothing wrong in her assessing if she will be provided for as she thinks fit. May Allah grant us shifa, Barakah and afiya as we are always in need for anything good my lord has to offer. Ameen
What a good and very important matter to discuss, so I will be looking forward to watching this video In Shaa Allah. May Allah bless you guys for your amazing work Ma Shaa Allah and Ameen ❤️🌹
Asalaamu ailaikum sisters. Karen of West Philadelphia USA here. Just a bit of sisterly advice, when asking for steep amounts of dowry...if the marriage isn't working out for you for whatever reason and you want out of the marriage (Khula), you have to pay it ALL back to ransom yourself from a miserable union. That's a Sunnah stipulation for a Khula so keep that in mind when coming up with a figure 💰💰💰
I especially love the comment abt maintaining the standard of living its very important, Love is only going to distract u from that for abt a yr at most and then what...? U start missing ur old life style and then the bad feelings and toxic mentality starts to settle
A sister I know asked several married girls how much they asked for the mahr. All the women Who asked for a good amount of money had a happy mariage and were not mistreated during at least the first 3 years of their marriage. On the other hand, the sisters Who asked for a ridiculously little mahr had an unhappy marriage within the first years
In summary, the mahr small or huge is relative and should not be Attached to her value nor should the woman think her value religiously lies in what she demands Ask for what you want but not from a place of fear, feeling like if i ask too much im a bad woman, or if i ask too low im cheap and would be trash few days later. Mindset is everything 🌹
sisters can you please also make a video on mother and brother in laws etc how they can ruin marriages as in get involved too much or tell their children how to be and how their wives should be ie making decisions for them
Where is this happening? What kind of mess is that! 🤨 I wish an in-law would come at me in that way. I would politely tell them to mind their own business. How my husband and I run our house is non of our in-laws business unless I ask them for advice. People have no respect or boundaries, and too much time on their hands worrying about someone else’s household. Let me get off my soapbox. 🤦🏾♀️
Standard practise in 98% of Pakistani households. AND lots of others, sadly. Those folks deliberately import a girl whom they use as a house-slave and they even decide who she can befriend and whom not. Yes, so called foreign educated Pakistani families. It´s a nightmare but they get away because most middle-to lower class Pakistanis are desperate to send their daughters out to a foreign country, and if she suffers abuse there, she is not allowed to ever come back. No wonder every Pakistani soap drama is about the same situaion over and over again! We do this to ourselves.
Mashaa’Allah may Allah bless u all this is such a great discussion an reminder for any sister planning to get married ...The Mahr is a gift from the husband to the wife .
Loooove this, mashAllah tabarakAllah! I was just discussing this with my younger sisters. I think another great episode could be about how Muslim parents can support their children who want to get married young and what that could or might look like. Yall speak my language, keep up the good work, sisters! - Khadijah
This is my first ever comment on TH-cam - Please keep doing what you guys are doing. So uplifting and inspirational subhan Allah. Lots of love from Dubai :)
It's nice that it's in the evening. love you ladies for the sake of Allah. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Your last video really got to me, and what you said about taking time to slow down. JazkAllahu khairan
Through this whole discussion not once was the hadith about «The lesser the dowry, the more blessing» and «The best of marriages are the easiest» mentioned. Easy marriage or low mahr does not always mean «easy abuse», it can also be the opposite based on ahadith. I wish that was brought to the table as well. The woman can ask for anything she wants. It’s up to the man to agree or not. Or they can negotiate. Can she ask for anything? Yes. Does he have to give her what she wants? No, he can negotiate before nikah. Is it wise to ask for much? That’s debatable. It’s important to distinguish between the technicalities (fiqh) and what is practical and wise.
@@mohammedajmal8942 the difference is relative to the wealth of the one paying the dowry. For the millionaire, a 1000 is minute. For the poor man a 1000 is too much.
I do agree sisters should be upfront and know their rights to being financially provided for wether she’s working or not , and requesting mahar and requesting to be the only wife married to him on their nikiah contract
I'll repeat it again " A very needed show " HTT 🙌 ❤ Masha Allah & Allahumma-Barik , jazakumulahu khair my trio beautiful sisters ❤♥❤ May Allah SWT keep us all happy, healthy and in His path aameen xxx
I was duped. I was still Christian back then and had no understanding of what mahr was. If I knew then what I know now ...... I can't say that he treats me cheaply mind you, as the sister suggests. I will be recommending this video to any sister looking to marry.
I learned a lot from this podcast and really enjoyed it. It helped me get a deeper insight to your perspective. Just a point to be said as a sister in the podcast mentioned that a woman asking for less money ( Mehr ) is not a righteous action. It is clearly indicated in the sunnah, the life of the companions and the opinion of the Ulema that it is the sunnah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279. It is still her right to choose the amount she wants of course and no one should shame her for that but if she wants to follow the sunnah it's better to keep things simpler (which is relative to the situation) in regards to marriage. Allah knows best.
This Mahr is very tricky for us because as a girl from Guinea ( West Africa) the mahr is for the parents. So the guy can give anything to the elders of the family and it will be okay. I never even knew about this mahr was supposed to be for the woman. This is a shocker to me
i am from Bangladesh in Asia. that also happens in our country. Brides' parents asks how much can the groom pay & accepts whatever he gives but nothing goes to the bride
This discussion was much needed, Layinka said it the topic is not the worth of a women because a woman’s worth is priceless 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 loved this video. Can you please discuss spending on wedding party etc? What is permissible big or small wedding?
1. Although I agree the value of mahar is contextual according to your social status (think royalty for example), what’s been largely missed here is the warning of the messenger of Allah to not make the mahar burdensome. The higher the mahar, the more barakah that is stripped from the marriage. 2. Divorcees value to a man is less than a young, chaste woman. This may sound unpalatable but nothing becomes more valuable with age and use. Men value youth, beauty, fertility and chastity amongst femininity and agreeableness. All of those are at their height when a woman is young and chaste. To ask for the same mahar or think you have the same desirability to a man when you’re older and have been married once, twice, thrice etc as what you did when you were in your youthful prime is the fast route to staying single. 3. To the men reading this; if a sister tells you to wait 18 months as one of the sisters advised to get to your money up - don’t do that. Women chase men who don’t chase them. You waiting that long is a covert way of communicating you don’t have many female options to choose from. For if you did, you wouldn’t wait. And women are not attracted to men whom other women are also not attracted to en masse. Social proof is an important yard stick women use to judge your worth.
Thank you for this! Im thinking about reverting and the whole situation of marriage made me nervous because I didn't understand many things, like the Mahr, you made me understand thing so much better
It’s very individual and amounts are almost always cultural in my experience. Also, I don’t think it’s right to say cheap mahr will result in being treated cheaply or or to laugh at destitute men who are struggling to provide a substantial mahr. My husband could provide a larger amount for me but he would have to work an extra 6 months and delay the marriage. I asked for a bicycle and deferred trip to Hajj and this works for us. Allahu alim
I know a LOVELY sister who was divorced with kids after an abusive marriage. She went to marry a new muslim brother and didn’t mind him being new Muslim, she just wanted khayr. More educated brothers (including brothers who’d studied at the university of Medina) were assisting him. The mahr he was asked for was not substantial yet he asked the sister and her family if he could reduce it in amount at least two or three times before the marriage. I’m sorry - a brother like that is not in a position for marriage. Suffice it to say, unfortunately the marriage affected a few months of that. So bad!
@Romeo - I see. Due to a difficult experience myself, I agree with you to an extent. However, I’m going to throw an apple in the cart here by saying that I’ve noticed some communities (particularly the Asian community) are not keen on marrying reverts but make the exception when it comes to white reverts who tend to be in the minority. ‘Revert’ status is often overlooked when it comes to a white person. Unfortunately, racism is still at play in those decisions.
@Romeo - Perhaps the term sub-continental Asian is a better description. We have been having an insightful discussion and it’s a been strong to start using the word ‘lie’. One’s perception not being in line with yours does not make the other perception a lie.
To you, the to be bride, be brave and be wise. Do you know your groom well enough to know what he is CAPABLE of gifting you? Do you know yourself well enough to know what you will APPRECIATE?
Lol I think I'm one of those shy sisters. I'm not married yet (may Allah give everyone someone compatible) and I just always thought I should ask for what I can afford.
Lol I asked for £150 and my mum asked for a gold ring around £300…. Couldn’t do it, had all means to do it and couldn’t do it. On my wedding was crying girlllll know your rights
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.
Wow, that's something different than demanding a house in her name, which seems to be more common these days. No wonder so many muslim women are single in their 30's
I totally agree with you all! It's very important for Muslim women to have knowledge and understand that it's your right. You can also take decision as per the income of your husband, I think that'll suit well. Decide intellectually! Financial discussion is must be there prior to the Nikah!
Am a Ghanaian Muslim living in Europe.I am one of your subscribers and watch your programs anytime I find one.Moreover i like the way you grammatically speak your English which makes me learn a lot from you 🙏 Thanks and keep it up 👍 (Abdul Jawal)
The number of times I had to pause the video and go search for the meaning of a word in Google is insane. Their English just keeps impressing me. MashaAllah
Where I come from(Southern India), and from what I have experienced so far(since two and half years) - Most families themselves have huge expectations other than Mahr, like gold jewellery, dresses, groom having a "stable" and "well paying" job, plus points if he his own "home" and "car". Mahr itself is a small formality, which can be completed with some hundreds of dollars(or thousands of INR) What makes it worse is, I have come across so called "practicing" Muslim women, who do follow all the obvious and ritualistic articles of faith, yet disregard the importance of finding person based on values/compat/potential, etc. Also I cannot blame the women alone, as parents here play a major role in influencing(or in few cases overriding) the girl/woman wishes.
This is entirely cultural. There are many Muslims who are not Indian and the mehr is definitely not a formality for them, especially in cultures where the bride's family is expected to help with wedding costs
Mohamed Ahmed Yassin Hussein in many parts of south Asian countries like India, pakistan, Bangladesh and srilanka there is a stern culture of dowry paid by women to the man.
I was told when I was really new to islam that my mahr amount (which I feel was really humble and fair) was too much and that's not the amount that muslim women and their families usually ask for, I didnt fully buy it but I was new so I thought maybe, I lowered it a little and then was told that Mahr doesn't need to be paid before or upon marriage, the amount can just be set and paid later when he has it or pay it upon divorce. I'm still not sure actually on the ruling on delaying the giving of Mahr?
Peace be upon you. Great Talk ! I think if we take the Quran the ayat about Allah not loving oppression and that oppression is worst than murder should be preach way deeper than in the context of war. Oppression can be given in the ayat when Allah The Gentle, The Merciful says to us not to kill our children (killing also mean diminish their qualities, their opportunity to develop their souls) you can kill the light in someone just with your words and actions and the way you treat someone, this is oppression. May Allah Mercy and Blessing keep on being with you three and the rest of the Team behind. (Sorry for my English)
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As an European revert i didn’t really think about asking a lot of money. It is not in our culture and i am not used to it. I asked my husband for a good amount of taqwa, a good intention, a good laugh and enough attention and loyalty. I am the happiest wife on earth with the least amount of money. He is my biggest love and best friend at the same time. Do not marry the right amount of money, but marry the right amount of goodness, and you will be happily married.
May Allah bless your marriage and grant you guys everlasting happiness
May Allah increase you and your husband the happiness in your marriage
@homo erectus we wuz kangs Where in the sunnah does it say $1000 is the right amount? you can’t make things up as you want.
@@mbxo__5936 People make up anything that is convenient to them. They say Muslim women are westernized feminists, but when a Muslim woman asks for her mahr, suddenly they're in praise of women from the west because they don't have that in their culture. It's a selfish attitude that wants whatever is advantageous to them from all traditions, and has no issue making up religion as a way to shame people along the way.
@homo erectus we wuz kangs Excuse me? Asking for 1p and divorcing her right after? Leave women alone. Have some respect for women.
I'm Christian but I really enjoy your videos and your discussions are impactful. Keep up the good work
th-cam.com/video/8TQm_LSNQTc/w-d-xo.html
awesooome !!!! JAK 🤲
İt s sooo true how you discussed about mahr, about not even receiving it ... sometimes... about man taking advantage of sisters and not paying it....!!! May Allah bless you for your effort and blessed work !!!🤲🤲😇😇❤️❤️
That´s so cool dear Christan sister! I watch a lot of Christian vloggers because we can always understand each other when our values are rooted in God-consicousness. God bless you!
@@Ty-vd6ut ĺ😁
May Allah guide you
Exactly. If a man can use your ignorance agsinst you at the beginning of a marriage, he could do worse later.
What ignorance?
Prophet Muhammad said the Mahr should be little, have you got a problem with that?
The daughter of prophet Muhammad got married for a few dirhams.
@@scentsoftravelmeditation I agree the mahr should be reasonable and people should marry within their means. If you want to marry a woman from a wealthy family, large status etc then expect to pay a lot of mahr. Likewise if you marry someone of simpler life like in the time of the Prophet (saaws) when they would go days without food and lived in a one bedroom house, then a few dirhams is satisfactory.
@@scentsoftravelmeditation If you watched the episode, you'd know the ignorance the sister is referring to.
Pay attention to the video and watch it through before coming the the comments brother 🙂
If he is a good man, God conscious man. He would give here what ever she asks for. And at the same time if the request is blown out of proportion it might give a negative view. They should intend ease for each other. Therefore the matter should be discussed openly with Allah in mind and that this life is short. The prophet peace be upon him was worried for his ummah having to many single people.
- A man
This is the best comment here
Love this comment! You win the comments mashaAllah. (Aliyah)
It’s all a about being considered. I also find it important that the sister and brother get to know each others life before mahr is talked about. If the sister knows the brother is not able to afford it; she shouldn’t even ask an amount he can’t afford. Same for brothers aiming for working sisters who come from a certain background.
Both should know whom they dealing with. And the brothers ability should be within the sisters’ desires. Why even go through the hassle of mahr and marriage if you know the brother can’t afford and the sister is asking something unreasonable. It’s a foresight for what’s to come. Why even have such a startpoint.
@@xSunnyDaysx Men should pursue women on their level,not making women from another level to turn down their own standadrs for him
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏 you're smart nour
7:40 It’s called abuse Aliya - short and sweet plain and simple.
If someone abuse’s someone’s lack of knowledge and takes advantage of them, alongside manipulation, I really don’t see what else it can be called.
As salamu 3aleykum WAllahi I truly think that you should refer to the sunnah instead of saying ' what's she want' Ali ibn abi Talib came to the prophet salallahou 3aleyhi WA Salam to ask the hand of Fatima
And Fatima didn't asked for any mahr the prophet salallalahou caleyhi WA Salam asked Ali what do you have he replied nothing then the prophet salallahou caleyhi WA Salam said how much does this cost? Point his shield
He said about 4 dinar wich is nowadays 1 dollar
How comes Fatima the leader of the believing woman when khadija raddihallahu ta3ala 3anha died how comes she the prophet daughter salallahou 3aleyhi WA Salam mahr was 4 dirham and nowadays woman ask for something like this? WAllahi BILLAHI tallahi if my wife doesn't accept 1 timir or 10 symbolic euros after hearing this hadith who s sahih if she do not humble her self I'll run away from getting married
I'm not judging TAllahi but I really feel like you guys opinion don't matter if the base of the conversation is not sunnah based
1 pound is more than enough
Or 2 pound let the parent by some bread lol
Financial abuse is scaryyy
Ladies please can you do a video about changing friendships as we grow? About how it's possible to out grow certain people in our lives, and the transition process?
That would be a great Idea 👍
That would be a great Idea 👍
Right!
That's a *great* idea!
A very good idea indeed
This
Some men seemed to remember only the Ahadeth that suits them. And ignoring the rest.
ohhhh i m not practicing muslim but i want say man are good they even mant dont want his wife make a cup of tea she should slerp and take rext and eat and enjoy and his wife not feel any anxiety
Let's be careful not to put Hadith above Quran. Especially on issues that the Quran is clear on.
Mashallah this is gonna be such a good episode, I watched the trailer and literally was left speechless. This is too important to not discuss! Inshallah you all get many blessings for these knowledgable videos
I can't believe that this talk is so relatable especially for me " a girl who lives in Egypt"
Everything you've talked about we face everyday when it comes to marriage. And yes you're absolutely right, a man who marries a woman for nothing, treats her like nothing, i knoe close friends who had this "little Maher in order for her to make it easy for him " played against them
Can you elaborate on the last sentence, please
@@alphafish4756
I meant that some times when the girl has the intention to facilitate the financial burden on the guy, she asks for almost nothing as a dowry and later on, this would play against her and the husband starts to treat her like trash cuz he married her "for free"
So he must be really really good and knows the Taqwaa of Allah to appreciate the sacrifice the girl makes in order to facilitate the marriage
@@sallyabozaid9558 i'm sorry to hear that. but the problem was not caused by a cheap mahr. the problem was the man himself. even if he would have given a high mahr, he would have still acted that way. money does not affect behavior.
Next video
Sisters rights in marriage
I heard of a story where someone paid like $25 USD as mahr, BUT the reason was he tricked her because in her country that’s a lot of money. Good news was the sheikh realized this and basically told the guy to pay more. That sheikh is a community hero for many reasons
True that
My friend her husband told her he will give her maher after wedding, now 6 years on, he didn't not give her anything,,, he call her cheap cause she didn't cost him anything,, it hurts her.
@@coolcat6341 That is insane. She should report him to the local Sheikh or something and get this sorted out. No woman should ever have to go through something like that, it’s awful 😔
@@coolcat6341 :O
@@coolcat6341 Is she still with him? Masha Allah she has patience I dont have. May Allah reward her for her hardships.
It's not that complicated, the woman can ask what she wants, if the man is not comfortable even if he can afford it, then move on to someone else. InshaAllah you will get comfort with the next person.
The man should look for his requirements, be it niqab or whatever, if it's not there, move on.
No hard feelings.
The first ever sensible comment I’ve seen on this topic lol 👍
This is a great discussion for ladies who aren't married yet.
That’s just unnecessary
They have kids what are you talking about 🤔
@@noface9375 i think he means it's good for unmarried women to listen to. Not the hosts themselves
@@shamsassil9023 Oh my bad 🤣
@@noface9375 the sister is saying this is a good video for unmarried sisters
This is random but I like how Sumayah doesn't undermine her own points by laughing even when LaYinka and Aliyah are laughing. I know they're all good friends of course, but I just admire that self respect.
I've also never thought about the mahr as a safety net of sorts, like LaYinka explained. Definitely glad to have been exposed to this now!
I know huh. Shes so confident mashala
I love this observation.. Sumaiya just oozes Muslimah confidence. She reminds me of the prophet's wives.
We are turning Mahr into an emergency fund!
@HI There me either
Wallahi. this is an educational talk. That is all HAQQ. WELL SPOKEN AKHAWAT
Sisters can we have a discussion about why the muslim ummah isn't doing enough to help muslim brothers and sisters to get married. In particular, actively making it a priority to help divorced sisters with children.
I come from a culture that teaches that the husband should keep the mahr to himself and should only hand it over to his wife in the event of a divorce. This does not come from our Islamic teachings. May Allah guide the Muslims and help them see the clear distinction between cultural and Islamic practices.
SubhanAllah!
Ameen Ya Rabb!
What culture are you from?
It's probably the Somali culture
What, so sad. 🧐🤔🤨
From a Pakistani background. This view was held by my parents and I've had to correct them on this when it came to arranging my nikah. I simply said I'd rather listen to Allah's words about mahr and quoted from the Qur'an.
These three ladies are gems. Can't thank Allah enough for them. May Allah bless them with the best of both worlds!
This is a very nice discussion indeed!
However, worthy of note is that kindness to women is an attitude.
Also mahr is the woman's birth right from the earth to the heavens but the woman should consider her man's economic status is deciding her dowry.
The brothers should also understand a woman's status before asking her hand in marriage because there's no point in marrying a woman of higher status and then treating her as a cheap asset.
A good stand can be achieved by being just, sincere and considerate.
Spot on!
I got married to a Tunisian woman on the 20th of February 2020 after a long love story. I bought her the airplane ticket and went to meet her at the airport on September 27th at 20:00. At the airport, she refused to come with me to our family home. She took a taxi alone and yelled at me and told the taxi driver "that man is not with me." Then ran away and disappeared.
Moreover, the tradition in her Tunisian culture is that the husband gives gold and capital to his bride when they get married. Of course, I am against that but she deceived me and made me think that she wanted to marry me but her father would not have approved of the marriage unless I had given him 25 thousand euros for the wedding and the gold to the bride. I haven't lived a single day with her as a married couple. I had traveled several times to her hometown where I would stay in a separate room at her father's house. I rarely spent time with her alone as her family was around most of the time. We would go out but I did not have a chance to live anything with her as a married couple. The only thing I had was promises about a wonderful life in the future. It was so painful. I almost spent a week home by myself crying, yelling and my body was literally shaking; Had anybody seen me, they would have thought I was being electrocuted.
I am still living this nightmare. I hold the marriage certificate and I am not able to understand how that piece of paper is nothing more than a toilet paper to the person I loved more than myself and was ready to give my life and money and time and everything I have, shared a love story with and dreams about a life-long relation and plans about our future, a wedding in front of more than a 100 members of her family and friends, went to bed with and had these very intimate physical and emotional relation with. My head is exploding and I am not able to believe that I went through all that; I am not able to believe what has happened to me. I ask myself whether what she did was better or perhaps it would have been better if she just killed me.
I really loved that woman and I feel so much hurt exactly the same way I would feel if I lost a vital organ of my body. I am unable to proceed with my life and I stopped work and last time I was with my 11-year-old daughter, I was unable to do anything with her, except lie in bed and weep. I asked her to forgive me because, even though I had not been hit by a train and had not been left with broken bones, the psychological and emotional damage was worse and there is really nothing I can do.
@@samenglishschool810 sorry for that dear, may Allah help you
@@samenglishschool810 I hope you get better, these scam woman. Seriously
My dad literally lectured me, and instructed me to reduce my mahr, saying the man might insult me for being materialistic, the pressure was much, but my husband refused to reduce it, telling me he would give me what I wanted. The way we are shames and pressured for wanting good things needs to be checked.
So how long you been married now? Seems like your husband understood the consept of mahr, so I'm curious to know how you're being treated. Like a Queen?
@@sabrinauddin1495 commenting cos I wanna know aswell
im here to hear this response as well
😂 less than a year tho, and alhamdulillah, he treats me like a queen, may Allah strength our bond till jannah. Aameen.
@@sabrinauddin1495 for me 12 years with a high mahr and treated like a queen Alhamdulilah. One must put in mind my husband could afford the mahr I asked for, I will have never asked him for the amount I asked for if he could not afford.
There's a lot of drama that goes on with mahr. some guys agree to whatever mahr is asked but in their minds they have no intention of ever paying it coz mahr can also be paid inpart before the nikah and then completed later
what i learnt from experience, if a man has an issue paying mahr he will most likely also have an issue providing food and provision for his wife.
just my personal observation.
a high mahr can also make a man refuse to divorce a girl even when they see the marriage is not working.
the small mahr can also make it very easy for the lady to ask for khul divorce because she has very little to give up anyway.
so the mahr should be genuine.
@Franca Wong are you acting or actually stupid , Muslims can’t have sex before marriage , and the mahar and being provided financially for is the woman’s right and it’s our role as men to do tyat
@Franca Wong obviously you have never experienced the drama am talking about so say alhamdulillah... women go through shit. it's just that we cant air all our dirty laundry on social media. we try to use polite language and leave the rest to Allah
@PrimeVids i will disagree kindly.
i know a lady who asked for mahr of quran and prayer mat and 3 pairs of regular bedsheets (not gucci) and by the time they divorced the husband had still not paid the bedsheets and not to mention one of the main reasons they divorced is the guy refusing to provide.
so can you say that one also asked for an unrealistic amount? 1 quran and 1 prayer mat and 3 bedsheets?
your suggestion is very incorrect
@PrimeVids yes, many of these exist. am not saying asking for small mahr means the lady is religious. a lady has a right to ask for whatever they want for mahr but quran is also a great mahr and prayer mat coz you use it daily and when you read it you get thawab so its the gift that keeps giving. anyway, the point is some men (husbands) just refuse to pay mahr. in their mind they should get a wife for free 100%. all they want is to have a wife but they dont want the responsibility. may allah guide all of us men and women and especially in this month of ramadhan 2021. amin
Very important topic indeed and as you ladies said, whatever a woman ask should not be used to catégorise her as 'righteous' or gold digger. BTW, let's learn our religions and understand that the prophet saws gave important mahr to all of his wives. So brothers who like the hadith about the iron ring should also learn this fact. If you are able to buy yoursleves expensives cars, writstwatches, etc without blinking an eye, why complain when a woman YOU WANT TO MARRY, half of your deen is aksing for a certain amount ?!
I recently came across a very intereing post on the same topic: a lady asked for 20000 euros considering her suiter's financial ability. He drove a 60k car which he had saved for for 3 years and bought. Given this info, they agreed that nikkah would be in a year during wich he saved (like he did for the car) and gave the mahr to her in full (no installements).
I would have dropped and rejected her if I were him. Greedy woman
Damn thats a down payment on a house, the house will stay with you a wife may not. Very bad investment especially in today's world.
What a SIMP
@@max20817exactly
So he has to work a whole year for a women 😂 what does he get in that time?
I knew prior to marriage my husband wasn't working, I was stable and earning. I did not ask for a specific mahr although was given a reasonable amount for him.
I thought mahr was supposed to be specified.
That is the sisters right to refuse offered amounts. I think this sister was saying she was making it easier on the groom to offer what he could. She still fully had the right to refuse or ask for higher. But this is to be discussed pre nikkah obviously.
Love love love you ladies!! So glad you’ve set up a platform for this sort of talk. Alhamdullilah, may Allah be pleased with you all.
So excited to listen to this.People (aka people that are not women) have a lot to say about this topic even though it’s a womans right.CAN’T WAIT TO LISTEN🌸
It’s a woman’s right, but it comes out from a man’s pocket.
Besides that, the man will be spending the rest of his life with this woman, so I believe we have every right to share our opinions on the matter, especially in a time where marriage has turned into a business.
@@scentsoftravelmeditation no.The right was not given to yall therefor it’s just an opinion that doesn’t hold ANY weight or worth in the decision.Just like us women don’t have a say when men can marry more than one wife,you men have no say in mehr.Whatever we (women) want ,its your job to pull it out of your wallet because that is our right,not yours.the discussion is between her and her thoughts,its coming from your pocket because Allah said so,so if you have something to say u are questioning Allah swt and not us women,bc it was given to us by him. you guys have your own rights ,u don’t see women ganging up on yall.Don’t know what u exactly tried to say with your comment
@@scentsoftravelmeditation If he's pocket is empty he should walk away. Also the woman will have to spend the rest of her life with the man too, so he better be good enough.
@@Ihavemadeit999 the last time I checked, God didn’t say the woman has the right of naming her price
Because you girls made me understand that you are a product and you are bought lol
You fail to understand the purpose of mahr and the nativity of girls today has turned marriage into a business which is why marriage has no blessing today like it use to have
@@jasminedahir9645 if his pocket is empty he should walk away?
Many of the companies got married when they were poor
God said”if they are poor he will enrich them from his favour”
But you are just eager to sell your self off
Today it has become a competition, who can pay the highest mahr, marriage has lost its value, before the women used to look for the manners in the man and for love, today you just look for the pocket. Which is why there is no blessing
What is being left out of this video (and ironically the comments), is that most males will contemplate and want to marry some time between the ages of 18-25.
Most males will not be able to drop 10-15-20-25-30k on a mahr plus wedding expenses, which can equal or double the cost of the mahr itself.
Marriage is cost prohibitive for young men. As such, it is not only inappropriate, but unrealistic to expect a university student or a recent graduate to be able to drop 15k average on a mahr and 15k on a wedding.
So as a rule of thumb, it boils down the male's means. Furthermore, it's a bad financial move to drop 30k (downpayment on a house status) on a marriage when you're beginning your life.
If a woman wants those kinds of numbers, or their family, just move on. Don't involve your heart, time, and effort to match such numbers. You will harbor ill feelings and sentiments should anything go wrong within the marriage. ibn Uthaymin spoke about this, and it is really true.
Finally someone being practical in the real sense.
You know exactly why that gets left out from these videos and comments 🤣
Thank you for being a reasonable thinker. Women really aren't trying to marry and complete half of the deen if they set the paywall to be high. Such a disingenuous scam. There are non-muslim women who think the exact same way, so what's the difference there? Then there are other women willing to enter a relationship because they simply like you. Also, how is it that there is a larger demand for husbands than wives yet they are still playing hard to get. The FOOLISHNESS! lol! May Allah grant us better in the hereafter.
Most men don't marry before their late twenties. You don't exist in reality
Mahr is the women's right. But brothers if she honestly knows how much you make but asks for what you can't afford because she doesn't want to "settle", Wish her good luck and thank Allah SWT for showing you who she really is. It doesn't mean that she's a bad person but she's not for you.
true
Nicely said, you could even ask her to justify that price tag she’s asking for in what she brings to the table, if she can’t cook like a chef, clean or be cooperative or submissive, then you should not even consider her in the slightest. May Allah help us all in our endeavours, Amen.
@@xAmiinMahr is a marriage gift from the man to the woman. It shouldn’t be something that you should consider what she brings to the table in how you mentioned it. Yes you can consider those things you mentioned in someone you wanna marry but not as a a way to justify the mahr she asks for. And Allah knows best!
The prophet Mohammed May peace be upon him said pay the mahr handsomely but if you don’t have pay what you have.
@@kanizfatima1377 exactly
@Franca Wong you need to learn islam 😂😂 no one is selling their body this is a right allah has given women that can be used for emergency or money to start a business or whatever if you are broke you need to get a job and start making money and save up coz it’s your role to provide for your wife financially
Great topic, seriously. I totally agree that we, women, should search for knowledge around Islam specially if we are new reverts or interested by this religion on the seek of Muslim husband, to understand more each other eventually. It’s very complicated indeed because so many marriages, specially interfaith I suppose, usually don’t turn around deep knowledge for one reason or another... I hope you get me, sisters. In my case I was raised as Christian and when I married my Muslim husband I went to seek knowledge to Imam or other sisters plus I had mixed feelings between them and also by my own family ideas of it because of this interfaith marriage fears and probably bit of ignorance so in the end I received lots of confusing concepts that I decided to trust my loved one and I guess, that time, he took advantage of my good intentions so probably he thought I was ‘easy going’...now we’re separated, for my deep sorrow, but I still hope God will guide us to the right way... thank you for your schooling, it’s helping me a lot.
I don't know why I laughed so hard when LaYinka said "What is that?" with that disgusted facial expression @6:59 😂
Eish, my face does all sorts. I watch the episodes cringing! 🙈
@@LaYinkaSanni You react the same way I would 😂
LaYinka, may I say something about you that I have noticed: you are thoughtful, and forceful when you need to be.
Furthermore, God gave us two ears and one tongue; in order for us to listen twice as much as we speak-you are clearly manifesting this God-given gift.
@@alexanderv7702 Thank you for your kind words, my lovely. 💕
Today's episode felt as if it finished too fast, MashAllah it was amazing and I learned a lot 😊
I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE, ever since I found this channel I had been waiting and looking for an episode related to feminism an I feel that you three would be the best peoples' thoughts to look at on this matter. InshAllah I absolutely cannot wait!
Alot of these problems would be solved if the sister had a mahram that actually cared about her and her future to ensure she was getting her rights before and after the nikkah, which it sounds like is not happening. For reverts just having the imam or some random brother as your mahram is problematic. This is where fathers, brothers and righteous men who have a history and standing in the community of being on the haqq should be chosen if a sister does not have a mahram. If a sister is having all of these conversations and negotiations on her own problems will occur.
It is a gift at her request be it what she wants as you sisters have mentioned, she does not have to justify why she wants and what for. Simple.
These conversations are so so important- thank you for doing this!
Hearing about all these issues that go on in the Ummah really saddens me. I think what truly needs to be focused on is just going back to Allah and remembering that we are living for Allah. All of these issues like people not getting their rights, abuse, leaving Islam, and all the issues you beautiful sisters have brought up just shows...we truly need to just go back to Allah. We need knowledge of Islam, love of Allah, love of the Messenger, and a true desire to gain Allah’s pleasure. If we lived with the goal of gaining His pleasure these issues would not become our priority and they would not be problems because we would live in the way He prescribed. When we live in this way these problems wouldn’t exist, that is why Allah gave Muslims a certain way to live, to avoid these problems. These are Problems that should be of non-Muslims who don’t know their Lord, not of those who were blessed to worship Him and be upon Islam. You guys are doing a beautiful job of bringing up these topics to show what this Ummah needs to work on. May Allah reward you all. May Allah guide us back to Him and help us remember we are living for Him not for this world. May Allah heal this Ummah.Allahumma Ameen
Masha Allah! 💜
Amin
Ameen!
Ameen
@Jamine Allahumma Ameen this is the best advice up here yet!!!!!!! Well said and the truth!!!!!!! I didn’t ask my husband for any money I wanted him to teach me the Deen Al Hamdulillah In Shaa Allah this August will be 10 years married to my husband I Thank Allah Ta’A’la Each and Every day for him we Keep Allah First in everything we do Al Hamdulillah it’s truly a blessing!!!!!!!!! 🙏🏿🤗
The minute you start to feel u need to defend your rights that's when u know he or she ain't the one.
Number one thing you should be thinking about my sisters/brothers is Character+imaan, everything else takes the backseat. Finance, comfort and everything else is less important. If you find a man/woman with great Character, marry them. Where a man is headed is far important than where he is, a good character is an indication for good future. For my young people out there keep character and imaan on the mind and make it easy on each other don't burden each other too much. For young ladies keep in mind that a young men don't have a lot of many, so if you going to marry a young brother in his 18 - 25 try to do your own calculations and see how much money he will need to pay for all the expenses of the marriage, than ask ur meher accordingly.
For the men out there, marrying a woman means giving her your whole being, your children, future, money and etc, so why would you be cheap with her meher or hesitant to give her somethingthat is with in your power? why do you find the idea of giving this person your whole life okay, yet not what little she is asking for because what ever she asks for is cheap compared to giving her yourself(meaning your whole future).
Mashallah well said brother. good advice to both the brothers and Sisters in Islam
Reading up on nikkah the meaning of it and everything involved is so important and something I noticed missing in society. For example, Woman have a right to ask for separate accommodation in Islam and most don't know that but from every potential brother I asked if they have read the translation of what the actual nikkah states every single one has said no. We need to inform ourselves of everything to do with marriage as it is the biggest decision of your life. You can't just get married because you are a certain age otherwise it wouldn't have been advised to fast if you cannot afford marriage.
We need to take everything into consideration and honestly brothers if you cannot provide for her then rethink where you are because you are taking a sister with Allah as witness to fulfil all the obligations that her wali had previous to that. She has every right over her mahr and to what she asked but Islam teaches compassion so it is her responsibility to research this and ask for what she thinks is reasonable. She with this nikkah is handing over the status her Wali had too so there is nothing wrong in her assessing if she will be provided for as she thinks fit.
May Allah grant us shifa, Barakah and afiya as we are always in need for anything good my lord has to offer. Ameen
Ameen!
Lol the actual meaning of nikkah in arabic literally means intercourse but when used in context its marriage contract
@@max20817 by meaning of nikkah I mean the translation of what is recited by the imam and the words of response the bride and groom are agreeing to.
Love the friendship between you sisters. SubhanAllah.
Yes I like what Layinka said about a woman asking for high amounts because life happens. Never thought of that before.
Same!
Great point
So basically an emergency fund. What a mindset!!
@@alibax007 woman give up everything when they become Famali if you give something worth why not ?
@@mushtaaqahmed2466 Marriage is not supposed to be a sacrifice and it is all about giving and take.
Amazing discussion and much needed in our times, but also I can’t wait to hear about the next subject of Feminism! 😍
What a good and very important matter to discuss, so I will be looking forward to watching this video In Shaa Allah. May Allah bless you guys for your amazing work Ma Shaa Allah and Ameen ❤️🌹
And register your marriage ladies
Probably the most important
Yes the first thing
After you sign the prenup
I want to hug u 3. May Allah bless htt and you all and ur families .ameen
Ameen!
This is how feel when I watch any episode of HTT❤
Asalaamu ailaikum sisters. Karen of West Philadelphia USA here. Just a bit of sisterly advice, when asking for steep amounts of dowry...if the marriage isn't working out for you for whatever reason and you want out of the marriage (Khula), you have to pay it ALL back to ransom yourself from a miserable union. That's a Sunnah stipulation for a Khula so keep that in mind when coming up with a figure 💰💰💰
How much should 1 ask approximately?
I especially love the comment abt maintaining the standard of living its very important, Love is only going to distract u from that for abt a yr at most and then what...? U start missing ur old life style and then the bad feelings and toxic mentality starts to settle
HAHA! I love you La Yinka!: “PFFTT! READ THE HADITH MAN!” 🤣🤣🤣.
Great one yet again ladies. Love you all! Xxx
🙈
If he wants someone like khadega he most act like Mohammed صلى الله عليه وسلم
Honestly there is really nothing to add. I think you ladies covered it very wonderfully.
A sister I know asked several married girls how much they asked for the mahr. All the women Who asked for a good amount of money had a happy mariage and were not mistreated during at least the first 3 years of their marriage. On the other hand, the sisters Who asked for a ridiculously little mahr had an unhappy marriage within the first years
My friend didn't ask for maher in advance,,, now after 6 years he didn't ay,,, and he aways remind her she was a cheap free wife.
Barakallahu fii ma for your topic. It's educative and informative.
In summary, the mahr small or huge is relative and should not be Attached to her value nor should the woman think her value religiously lies in what she demands
Ask for what you want but not from a place of fear, feeling like if i ask too much im a bad woman, or if i ask too low im cheap and would be trash few days later.
Mindset is everything 🌹
I'm soooo grateful you did this talk sisters!!!
JAZAK ALLAH KHAIRUN!!!
sisters can you please also make a video on mother and brother in laws etc how they can ruin marriages as in get involved too much or tell their children how to be and how their wives should be ie making decisions for them
YESS please
Oh my god. Yes. Please. I beg them to do it.
Omg juicyyyy
I bet this topic is coming up
Where is this happening? What kind of mess is that! 🤨 I wish an in-law would come at me in that way. I would politely tell them to mind their own business. How my husband and I run our house is non of our in-laws business unless I ask them for advice. People have no respect or boundaries, and too much time on their hands worrying about someone else’s household. Let me get off my soapbox. 🤦🏾♀️
Standard practise in 98% of Pakistani households. AND lots of others, sadly. Those folks deliberately import a girl whom they use as a house-slave and they even decide who she can befriend and whom not. Yes, so called foreign educated Pakistani families. It´s a nightmare but they get away because most middle-to lower class Pakistanis are desperate to send their daughters out to a foreign country, and if she suffers abuse there, she is not allowed to ever come back. No wonder every Pakistani soap drama is about the same situaion over and over again! We do this to ourselves.
Mashaa’Allah may Allah bless u all this is such a great discussion an reminder for any sister planning to get married ...The Mahr is a gift from the husband to the wife .
Love the glare at 16:24 😂 - says a lot! Thanks for the discussion 🌿
Loooove this, mashAllah tabarakAllah! I was just discussing this with my younger sisters. I think another great episode could be about how Muslim parents can support their children who want to get married young and what that could or might look like.
Yall speak my language, keep up the good work, sisters!
- Khadijah
Ooh Chile I needed to hear this these brothers have been taking a piss, they try to talk you into the cheapest of the cheap
Cheap is always good 👍
Really
This is my first ever comment on TH-cam - Please keep doing what you guys are doing. So uplifting and inspirational subhan Allah. Lots of love from Dubai :)
It's nice that it's in the evening. love you ladies for the sake of Allah.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Your last video really got to me, and what you said about taking time to slow down. JazkAllahu khairan
Through this whole discussion not once was the hadith about «The lesser the dowry, the more blessing» and «The best of marriages are the easiest» mentioned.
Easy marriage or low mahr does not always mean «easy abuse», it can also be the opposite based on ahadith. I wish that was brought to the table as well.
The woman can ask for anything she wants. It’s up to the man to agree or not. Or they can negotiate.
Can she ask for anything? Yes.
Does he have to give her what she wants? No, he can negotiate before nikah.
Is it wise to ask for much? That’s debatable.
It’s important to distinguish between the technicalities (fiqh) and what is practical and wise.
I think the hadith says the "easiest maher" ... Not the lesser. Easy is relative to the people involved.
@@aalimah16 Exactly.
@@aalimah16 realistically what's the difference ?
@@mohammedajmal8942 the difference is relative to the wealth of the one paying the dowry. For the millionaire, a 1000 is minute. For the poor man a 1000 is too much.
@@aalimah16 why should a mans wealth change mahr unless women are selling themselves to the highest bidder ?
I do agree sisters should be upfront and know their rights to being financially provided for wether she’s working or not , and requesting mahar and requesting to be the only wife married to him on their nikiah contract
By her working that’s takes away from her husband’s right, of making herself available for him since he spends on her
I'll repeat it again " A very needed show " HTT 🙌 ❤ Masha Allah & Allahumma-Barik , jazakumulahu khair my trio beautiful sisters ❤♥❤ May Allah SWT keep us all happy, healthy and in His path aameen xxx
Who else likes before watching? 😊
This is a great discussion Sisters. JazakAllahu khair and May Allah reward you immensely for your contributions!
I was duped. I was still Christian back then and had no understanding of what mahr was. If I knew then what I know now ......
I can't say that he treats me cheaply mind you, as the sister suggests.
I will be recommending this video to any sister looking to marry.
Are you still married?
Yes. 16 years
@@sugarbabylove1000 alhamdulliah 🙌🏽
@@Luther_Luffeighalhamdulilah to a marriage where the husband treats the women like dirt for 16 years? Muslims are wild 😂
JazakAllah khair for great discussion.
Yes I feel like it's easy to be shy when you want to say what you want🙈
I love this marriage series sooo much!! Jazakallah Khair sisters xxx
I learned a lot from this podcast and really enjoyed it. It helped me get a deeper insight to your perspective.
Just a point to be said as a sister in the podcast mentioned that a woman asking for less money ( Mehr ) is not a righteous action. It is clearly indicated in the sunnah, the life of the companions and the opinion of the Ulema that it is the sunnah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.
It is still her right to choose the amount she wants of course and no one should shame her for that but if she wants to follow the sunnah it's better to keep things simpler (which is relative to the situation) in regards to marriage.
Allah knows best.
This Mahr is very tricky for us because as a girl from Guinea ( West Africa) the mahr is for the parents. So the guy can give anything to the elders of the family and it will be okay. I never even knew about this mahr was supposed to be for the woman. This is a shocker to me
i am from Bangladesh in Asia. that also happens in our country. Brides' parents asks how much can the groom pay & accepts whatever he gives but nothing goes to the bride
@@imam-_- woow that's interesting. For us they don't even ask anything. Whatever the guy side gave it is accepted
Wow that's crazy
It should be twice a week.
I love Sumayah's honesty its so refreshing to hear this real talk 😌
Thanks for discussing this! It opened my eyes.
May Allah swt grant Aaliyah a good, sincere, righteous husband, and all the single sisters who are watching as well 🤲🏻❤
Thank you so much 💖
This discussion was much needed, Layinka said it the topic is not the worth of a women because a woman’s worth is priceless 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 loved this video. Can you please discuss spending on wedding party etc? What is permissible big or small wedding?
I’m so excited about this episode and season.
1. Although I agree the value of mahar is contextual according to your social status (think royalty for example), what’s been largely missed here is the warning of the messenger of Allah to not make the mahar burdensome. The higher the mahar, the more barakah that is stripped from the marriage.
2. Divorcees value to a man is less than a young, chaste woman. This may sound unpalatable but nothing becomes more valuable with age and use. Men value youth, beauty, fertility and chastity amongst femininity and agreeableness. All of those are at their height when a woman is young and chaste. To ask for the same mahar or think you have the same desirability to a man when you’re older and have been married once, twice, thrice etc as what you did when you were in your youthful prime is the fast route to staying single.
3. To the men reading this; if a sister tells you to wait 18 months as one of the sisters advised to get to your money up - don’t do that. Women chase men who don’t chase them. You waiting that long is a covert way of communicating you don’t have many female options to choose from.
For if you did, you wouldn’t wait.
And women are not attracted to men whom other women are also not attracted to en masse. Social proof is an important yard stick women use to judge your worth.
Another great discussion. Love listening to you sisters - May Allah SWT reward you all immensely. Ameen
Thank you for this! Im thinking about reverting and the whole situation of marriage made me nervous because I didn't understand many things, like the Mahr, you made me understand thing so much better
It’s very individual and amounts are almost always cultural in my experience. Also, I don’t think it’s right to say cheap mahr will result in being treated cheaply or or to laugh at destitute men who are struggling to provide a substantial mahr. My husband could provide a larger amount for me but he would have to work an extra 6 months and delay the marriage. I asked for a bicycle and deferred trip to Hajj and this works for us. Allahu alim
Really important discussions sisters, so needed ma sha Allah! xxx
I know a LOVELY sister who was divorced with kids after an abusive marriage. She went to marry a new muslim brother and didn’t mind him being new Muslim, she just wanted khayr.
More educated brothers (including brothers who’d studied at the university of Medina) were assisting him.
The mahr he was asked for was not substantial yet he asked the sister and her family if he could reduce it in amount at least two or three times before the marriage.
I’m sorry - a brother like that is not in a position for marriage. Suffice it to say, unfortunately the marriage affected a few months of that. So bad!
He wasn't ready,,,, money is important in life its indication of a man intonation and capability
@Romeo - What about if they’ve studied and have been practicing for a while?
@Romeo - I see. Due to a difficult experience myself, I agree with you to an extent. However, I’m going to throw an apple in the cart here by saying that I’ve noticed some communities (particularly the Asian community) are not keen on marrying reverts but make the exception when it comes to white reverts who tend to be in the minority. ‘Revert’ status is often overlooked when it comes to a white person.
Unfortunately, racism is still at play in those decisions.
@Romeo - I see
@Romeo - Perhaps the term sub-continental Asian is a better description. We have been having an insightful discussion and it’s a been strong to start using the word ‘lie’. One’s perception not being in line with yours does not make the other perception a lie.
This is sooo needed, and so apropos, thank you for posting this.
To you, the to be bride, be brave and be wise. Do you know your groom well enough to know what he is CAPABLE of gifting you? Do you know yourself well enough to know what you will APPRECIATE?
My new favorite show! Ma shaa Allah♥️
Lol I think I'm one of those shy sisters. I'm not married yet (may Allah give everyone someone compatible) and I just always thought I should ask for what I can afford.
Thank you for the talk!! There was so much insight that I gained!
Lol I asked for £150 and my mum asked for a gold ring around £300…. Couldn’t do it, had all means to do it and couldn’t do it. On my wedding was crying girlllll know your rights
Men value what they invest in
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.
Wow, that's something different than demanding a house in her name, which seems to be more common these days. No wonder so many muslim women are single in their 30's
8:27 its sad that males have to get asked this question so they can collect their thought together and start to think straight
it’s like they only respect women when they’re they’re daughter/ mother. they should respect us because we’re people
@@jennayusuf9743 Exactly.so annoying and sad
Very educational, Allahumma bareek
I totally agree with you all! It's very important for Muslim women to have knowledge and understand that it's your right. You can also take decision as per the income of your husband, I think that'll suit well. Decide intellectually! Financial discussion is must be there prior to the Nikah!
Badly needed. Great topic. Mashallah
Am a Ghanaian Muslim living in Europe.I am one of your subscribers and watch your programs anytime I find one.Moreover i like the way you grammatically speak your English which makes me learn a lot from you 🙏 Thanks and keep it up 👍 (Abdul Jawal)
The number of times I had to pause the video and go search for the meaning of a word in Google is insane. Their English just keeps impressing me. MashaAllah
Very interesting conversation, learnt a lot, may Allah reward you all abundantly
Can’t wait in Shaa Allah may Allah bless u all ameeen
I love this , I need the short videos
Where I come from(Southern India), and from what I have experienced so far(since two and half years) - Most families themselves have huge expectations other than Mahr, like gold jewellery, dresses, groom having a "stable" and "well paying" job, plus points if he his own "home" and "car". Mahr itself is a small formality, which can be completed with some hundreds of dollars(or thousands of INR)
What makes it worse is, I have come across so called "practicing" Muslim women, who do follow all the obvious and ritualistic articles of faith, yet disregard the importance of finding person based on values/compat/potential, etc. Also I cannot blame the women alone, as parents here play a major role in influencing(or in few cases overriding) the girl/woman wishes.
This is entirely cultural. There are many Muslims who are not Indian and the mehr is definitely not a formality for them, especially in cultures where the bride's family is expected to help with wedding costs
@@cleartrueblue66 Well, India has the second largest population of Muslims, so that means something. Also, not all Muslims are like that.
@@cleartrueblue66 the brides family in most Muslim countries don’t pay anything it’s all from the groom and his family
Mohamed Ahmed Yassin Hussein in many parts of south Asian countries like India, pakistan, Bangladesh and srilanka there is a stern culture of dowry paid by women to the man.
@@alphafish4756 that’s desi culture and maybe Hindu religion , however if you are a MUSLIM you would follow Islam and not culture
Amazing discussion just discovered this channel today ❤❤
I was told when I was really new to islam that my mahr amount (which I feel was really humble and fair) was too much and that's not the amount that muslim women and their families usually ask for, I didnt fully buy it but I was new so I thought maybe, I lowered it a little and then was told that Mahr doesn't need to be paid before or upon marriage, the amount can just be set and paid later when he has it or pay it upon divorce. I'm still not sure actually on the ruling on delaying the giving of Mahr?
It's a matter of Ikhtilaf. My scholars don't permit it. It's better to keep a lower mahr and pay it up front to avoid this drama.
You can ask upfront, if he can’t he should pay it as an installment and he MUST pay her mehr in FULL amount before he divorce her. I hope that helps.
Your marriage is not valid without mahr payed.
Maher paied up front,, and the women set the amount of maher it's up to her,,, Islam dose not imposes a number
The ruling is the mahr should be paid on the nikiah fully and given to the bride and the bride should be the only one asking for it
Peace be upon you.
Great Talk !
I think if we take the Quran the ayat about Allah not loving oppression and that oppression is worst than murder should be preach way deeper than in the context of war. Oppression can be given in the ayat when Allah The Gentle, The Merciful says to us not to kill our children (killing also mean diminish their qualities, their opportunity to develop their souls) you can kill the light in someone just with your words and actions and the way you treat someone, this is oppression.
May Allah Mercy and Blessing keep on being with you three and the rest of the Team behind. (Sorry for my English)