This came at just the right time for me. For the past 4 years I was dating a Muslim man in hopes of getting married to him. I was so in love. Prior to this I hadn’t known any Muslim people and he taught me a lot about the faith, I was already dressing modestly and a lot of my values aligned with traditional Muslim values anyway so I planned on taking my shahada soon and becoming a revert to officially marry him. About a month ago I figured out he had a wife and kids back in his home country. I was so devastated. I’ve been so bitter and angry but now I can accept he just wasn’t the right person for me and there is someone else out there who will appreciate me. I don’t know how I’ll find this person but I trust Allah will guide me. Thank you ladies! I have a lot to think about as I go on my journey.
I'm sorry you went through all these. I'm glad you did not allow it to affect your belief. Some wrong people come into our life for a right reason we can't see immediately. They come and shape us into the right mode for the right person to be able to come into our lives. I hope I make sense. Move on and stay firm. One day you will look back and understand why Allah allowed this to happen. I believe it will end in smile in sha Allah. Stay strong.
@@sma4301 Wow! I never thought of it like that! You’re so right! I think if anything I’ve grown more confident in what I’m willing to accept in a partner and not settle for. This comment is everything I needed to hear and more 💕 thank you so much 😊
The childhood trauma and healing questions are so so so important. Forget "What's your favorite color?" and get in deep conversations instead. Be attentive to how the potential spouse behave with their parents, friends, strangers. Notice how they react when they are presented with a problem or resistance. Do they communicate efficiently? Do they close down and give you the silence treatment? Do they pay attention to your opinions, values... Emotional intelligence is something I wish I was taught before getting married and I would have looked for in my partner. Take your time to ask those questions. Look for actions that show congruency between words and behavior. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3) A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129) It is clear from this verse that: First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted. Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done. Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans. Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children. Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
@@sagiri__ Excuse sir but plz research seriously seen a lot like u. who just inform but really without any proper research We have to have certain principles (for men to have four wives and hey nones forcing just think about the ladies who are devorced some of them are old they some are depressed some are poor And some men cannn provide them with sufficient love food and necessities if they can treat them equally then (there can be more principles ) they can go for that it's their choice nones forcing any1
A deal breaker for me was what is my future in-laws attitudes towards me? What impression they leave me when we first interact? I didn’t want to marry someone if his parents didn’t even like me. I wanted to be apart of a family that is welcoming. Don’t forget to do istikhara prayer my dear sisters ❤️.
Alhamdullahi. you break off you did yourself a favor never settle for less. bad in laws will ruin your life. may ALLAH find you righteous husband & righteous in law.
: Well, let me remind you that you are not getting married to the whole family, you are only getting married to one person and as long as you both love or care about each other may be the most important thing about it, so it seems like you don't have a good reason to reject someone just because their family don't like you.
A true pleasure to watch mature women to talk between themselves about having a husband, building a family, and finding their leader. This is unseen in the western world, where women will be talking about the new Satisfyer version, about how much do they hate their husbands, and about their new lovers. If you are a princess, you will find your prince.
I’m Sikh and 27 and this was nice to watch. I completely agree that don’t wait for a guy to complete you. You complete yourself! Find someone who compliments and understands you. I’m happy on my own and If marriage happens it happens.
Hey dear Sikhni sister. Welcome to the community of religious sisters uniting in our struggles, experiences and feelings. I´m glad to see a friend from another faith watching a clip that is really universal. I often see Christian friends watching "Muslim" oriented clips as well. Much love and respect from a Muslim, Canadian-Pakistani sister!
Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life, but the everlasting good deeds are far better with your Lord in reward and in hope. 18:46 Please remember why we are on this earth.. and yes sister if marriage comes it’s comes, how many times do Allah say in the Quran that we would get a spouse in jannah ❤️🤲🏾 I’m a 24 man
@Franca Wong funny how you think that responding to your rude comment with the same energy means I have a bad soul, you should really re-evaluate your life.
Very informative talk. Any tips for young boys to look for their future wife? Those who are married and did not get the chance to ask all those questions...any guidance?
My biggest fear is never getting married because I just don't know how to go about it. But for now I'm trying to make peace with it but inshallah I will find someone.
@@alishataylor9480 what?? That's not bad . I thought you were gonna say Finland or something lol. Maybe try to relocate to another northern city like Manchester, Leeds, bradford. Plenty of Muslims there . To actually communicate with them could try a marriage app. If they are serious they'll come to meet you .
I agree with you , my parents would never let me move to be honest I think the main issue is how to even meet people like I've finished uni I wish I hung out with more people at uni so I could have spoken to more etc. Now I just don't know what to do.
The best Dua to make for a spouse, at least in my opinion, ask Allah to send you someone that You NEED! What I have learned from my experiences is that many times what we think we want turns out to be things we despise. Only Allah knows you best, so who better to ask than The One who created you. Like they say, be careful what you ask for!
One of my greatest fear is not finding a man to get married to, but getting married to the man I really desire, rather than settling for what I see for certain reasons. In the light of this fear, sometimes I wonder If what I want is too much and I'd consider lowering it. Another time, I'd believe what I want exists, I'm just yet to get it.😌 This blessed me. I needed it! Thanks for being honest and real, beautiful sisters. May Allah reward you richly. Amin
Aaah I love what the sister said “maybe you don’t need good maybe you want better than good and Allah has someone perfect for you “ well said sis and thank you for saying that for many years people keep telling me that I am picky haha now I know I am not picky and Allah has someone special for me 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I am watching this from Somalia. This is very important topic but let me add this ; a year back when I was in my last year of the university in a certain period the lecturer told us " I know you all have someone in your mind that you would love to marry, but that kind of person only exists in your mind and hearts . You need to give up something , you need to make the list of the qualities you look for in women less otherwise you people will be single forever ". After one year I came to know that everyone of us has to give up something in order to marry. Greetings to you guys.
"We are in this dunya to save our souls. Your partner needs to feed health into your soul in order for you to give the best of yourself to Allah. You are better off on your own feeding, nourishing your soul yourself, than to just accept anything due to feeling lonely" Needed to hear this.
: Not every thing you said seems to be right, so I gave your comment a 'like' because of the right thing in it! let me also remind you that knowledge is every thing, if you have knowledge, then you would always know the right thing to do and the wrong thing not to do.
I'm a woman and when I see another woman who is confident and has built herself and is doing something with her life like maybe helping the community in some way, no matter how old is she and she hasn't gotten married yet, I do admire her and I feel that she is the perfect wife to anyone because she is not just sitting there waiting to a husband to come.
Sometimes disillusionment is the reality of your circumstances, it's not about seeking/looking for a husband but possibly that there isn't anyone out there e.g.age, family circumstances, physical conditions, it would be nice to have a talk about for women who have to come to terms with life as a single person/parent.
Sometimes it’s ok, to look at everything and maybe decide “You are just not ready” and you should be honest with yourself in asking “I’m I ready?” Cause sometimes people get married because it seems like it’s expected of them!
@Franca Wong I respectfully disagree with you, if someone feels like there not ready, they don’t have to get married, YES! even at 30! Marriage is sunnah and a big responsibility. No two people are the same, so no one should be pressured to get married just because they are getting older. And I’m not 30, I’m 20 so I got time and a bit of developing to do. No pressure!
@Maksud Mehraz who said that they HAVE to be beautiful? Women are meant to be good Muslims and if they are beautiful that is that. You can take care of yourself without being defined by your beauty. Women aren’t defined by their beauty. Women don’t owe anyone beauty
@Maksud Mehraz NO. Societies around the world just sexualise women in a way that they don’t sexualise men. That’s why people pay more attention to women’s appearances. This has nothing to do with men being visual creatures. They are visual but women are not meant to be valued solely based on their appearances. They are full human beings. Mind, body and soul. Thanks and goodbye
@Maksud Mehraz and what are women supposed to do when they are not a certain height, have a slim thick body, certain skin tone and features? You’re talking as if all women meet the beauty standards. We don’t. There are women out there who get rejected based on her skin tone, height etc.
Three Most beautiful Ladies made it understand beautifully for a divorced girl to wear c0nfidence to marry again....Great respect to these p0sitive Women❣
I had a freind who was married for a month which then scared her not to marry for a couple of years. Al humdulillaah, she's married now. And then i know sisters who jump from husband to husband straight after their divorce so it depends on the person's attitude and confidence. I must say first sister was more shy and quite while the other sisters (marriage to marriage) were more confident / extroverts
I was given the advice to pay attention to how he treats the waiter (or anyone serving you). Because you're on a date, he's going to be trying to impress you, but where his personality will really shine through is how he treats others.
@@hellfirejahannam7734 lol your profile name. Love how women have bad experience and then blame all men. I'm not married, but that's unreasonable. It's like saying all women are slu.ts, based one example.
I wish these kind of conversations were able 20 years ago , it would of helped me aloooooooooot to make the right choice on the right time, honestly if you are young take advantage.
I was here thinking “these fine ladies in their 20s are really smart”, then she goes and drops “my 16 years old daughter”, then vampires, these ladies are vampires
@@aishahussein2072 Men choose the best for their souls also we're not settling any for any less than what we deserve especially divorcees who have kids like why would we have leftovers and women don't want men who have kids so don't you dare say men should accept women who have kids.
@@aishahussein2072 : As long as you know what the best is not if you don't even know what the best is, you also need to know that humans lives more than once not just once.
@Franca Wong : Not only their parents but give everyone the treatment they deserve, treat people the way they need to be treated not just your parents.
The ex - so good! The only thing that was not mentioned that should have been in this regard is how he talks about the ex. If it was, “She’s crazy, she’s this and that,” not always but very often, it’s a RED FLAG that HE was actually doing those things. The person also denigrating their ex is not a good reflection on them and tells you what you can expect if things go wrong in your union.
@@jewelssparks3648 She did but what I meant was that a further, clearer explanation of that point could have been given including the danger of how abusers in particular speak about their exes. I understand how and why they wouldn’t have expanded on it as they have a lot to cram in but I wanted to mention it as I think it’s a very important point - one that can save many people from future heartache in shaa Allaah.
I enjoyed this video but I feel like the title should be changed, I was expecting a video on how to actually find a potential spouse in a halal way (for those who are not having an arranged marriage for example). I feel like this video more addressed what to ask a potential spouse when you are courting. Maybe you could do another video addressing how to go about meeting someone, I would love to get your input on that inshallah!
How to meet a potential is wide just make sure when you are interacting/texting for the first time you keep within boundaries and be modest and straighforward
@@onlyallahisworthyofworship5599 not exactly your wali doesn’t need to be present you can introduce yourself to an individual and let him know you are interested and if he is to, then tell him to talk to your wali.
@@onlyallahisworthyofworship5599 I don't have a wali for example. I think it would be a little unfair to me if I couldn't talk to a potential suitor. I would happily have my sister around when meeting in real life though
Hello sisters. I am in my mid 20s and unfortunately, I am already divorced twice. By listening to some of the topics you’re raising here are exactly points that I ignored after my first marriage that actually lended me to divorce the second time. I have always thought that I have too much expectation from men and that is why my marriages ended. But I think I know better. Thank you very much for this talk. It’s very helpful for me and insha Allah I know to actually heel myself and self actualize myself before I engage in a new relationship.
@A simple Guy Just simple I initiated the divorce both times. 1st time is was bc of physical and emotional abuse and the second time was because of emotional distress.
@A simple Guy Just simple by emotional distress I meant I was not getting what I wanted from the marriage in terms of understanding, communication and physical interaction. The one thing that interested my ex-husband more was that for him I am a way of getting financial stability etc....
@A simple Guy Just simple it very easy to assume when we don’t know the whole story. But I understand. You can can only talk based what you understood. Thank you for comments.
Inshallah this divorced sister will marry her beautiful divorced brother in 2021...great topics, ladies! Happy to be enjoying Season 3 of Honest Tea Talk!!
10:15 that reminded me of another interesting talk by Dr Tariq Habib discussing when girls didn't get the affection of their fathers (!!) And how this can negatively influence them in choosing a future husband - they might chose a man who they seem able to replace that void of not having had a "present" dad role in their childhood and not searching instead for values of a husband. And this journey of self discovery and healing is an often overlooked one........
@@Hiba-zo1km Just look up "girls with daddy issues". Even none-Islamic sources are great. You'll quickly understand the brute psychology behind daddy issues, and you'll be able to improve.
I understand looking inwards before finding a partner but from my experience some things that I thought would bother me didn't when I started meeting potential suitors. From meeting people, I have learnt more about my dealbreakers and I have a stronger stance on it. I have also arrived at new dealbreakers after courting because I didn't even know a thing like that would become an issue for me. So I feel like meeting people/ courting helps you understand yourself better.
If you are out there constantly meeting than something is wrong with you and what you are looking for. If you are looking for someone then look for a guy with deen have your wali check if that individual is right for you.
@@BoredatroundSI There's online dating or just spending time in places that bring you peace and your will find a potential spouse that way. Like picking up an activity
@@Rantitoutloud i think they're trying to say that you're constantly meeting people and letting them go because you're trying to fill a void in you that cannot be filled by another person. Something missing that your trying to fill that goes beyond another person.
Thank you for being so candid and saying what we are all thinking. I have been reflecting on this alot, especially coming from a narcisstic family and the need to heal is so important before finding a spouse. One thing i learnt about being around/raised by narcissists is you either end up mirroring them, or you reduce yourself and serve them..and this only mirrors in future relationships if its not dealt with. On a journey to accepting myself, knowning my boundaries and sticking to my priciples. InshAllah.
Hey, running a criminal background in what sense? I know people who spent time in jail and have a serious criminal record. They are still married. Some found a wife after their release. In the country like the USA everyone can get a criminal record for nothing. Getting to know the person and taking time is wiser than running a criminal check
Shukran. These sisters are inspiring, realistic and transparent. This is a very important discussion. May Allah reward you with goodness in the Dunia and Akhirah. JazakaAllah
I liked the ep. However I don't think it was that realistic to tell divorced sister's to not lower their standards . It's a fact that most men won't consider a divorcee with children . So if you are to get married you would have to lower your standards. I wish it didn't have to be this way but many men know that there are a heap of good women who won't be divorced or with children . Shame the quality of men rarely matches the women
That's a generalisation. Yes, there are men who won't, but that's not most men. Divorced women are not less than and shouldn't be made to feel like they don't have a right to have standards for themselves and their children. If anything, I (LaYinka), think divorcees should have higher standards because they're remarrying with themselves and their kids in mind.
@@HonestTeaTalk I agree that divorcees with children should have higher standards . However we're talking about marriage here right, And trying to find a husband . And I believe the most realistic way for a divorcee with children is through compromising . The standards that men would have to reach would be unattainable for many men .
@@shahee6579 or they can find a man with children who also is divorced. Their life would be more relatable and they would be able to understand each other more. Regarding his character and traits, she shouldn’t have to lower those. She can still find a good man with a good heart who tries his best to fear Allaah that’s in the same boat as her (divorced with children or even without).
@@shahee6579 What a false statement made out of purr emotional and not logically. What do you mean the quality of men rarely matches the women. What a load of b.s. Do you have any idea of how many good men there with good character who have been rejected by women based on their financial situation and status in life? There are plenty of women who reject good men just because of other factors that has nothing to do with their good character but the women don’t care and overlook their good character and traits just because he may not have the looks or status they are seeking. So please don’t make silly untrue statements like this.
I think something really important that is often overlooked is emotional maturity and rationality and being present. Will this person acknowledge your thoughts and your feelings in a healthy and responsive way or do they have defective mechanisms of processing emotion or reacting to conflict that will leave issues unresolved? Will they be able to step outside of their opinions and what they've always assumed, to relate to your point of view about things?
As a person who sings he should be on the deen,He should be on the deen, this was such an eye opener, Subhana Allah Can we get another episode where you discuss more of this because it's such a crucial step before we start the journey of marriage
I'm a Muslim girl and I don't even know how to start my search because non of my friends or family know anyone, and there are not many Muslims where I live.
Social media is way better than using dating apps. Simply because you have mutual followers and interests. I would never encourage a Muslim girl to go on dating apps as you don’t know the intentions of the person
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3) A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129) It is clear from this verse that: First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted. Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done. Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans. Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children. Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
I’m a guy but I wanted to watch this and I love it hahaha, keep up the great work! Alhamdulillah, may Allah grow your channel if it will benefit you in this dunya and the hereafter, ameen.
The Only thing that i can say after listening to you guys for the first time... Is you people have given voice to atleast my major thoughts... Thank you guys for being the real.
As someone who is now entering the 'looking out for a partner' phase this was extremely helpful. Thaaank you three, I love all of your talks so much. May Allah reward you for the knowledge you are spreading on not so much discussed topics and grant you all jannah firadaus in sha Allah ameen🥰 and one of the best things on TH-cam was to come across the honest tea talk. It's actually funny because I was trying to search the red table talk and I think that's how I came across you guys. In addition I was studying for my finals at the library and took a break watching the first episode. xx greetings from Germany💫👏🏿
Really liked this talk. Very insightful. I also cannot stress enough the power of duaa especially in the last third of the night. That's how my sister got married actually to her now wonderful husband of 10 years mashallah.
Hello ladies! Another amazing talk as always! I think one question which is absolutely paramount to ask is what their relationship is like with their parents/ siblings. That will give you a clue as to what kind of person they’ll be in your family unit. If they hold resentment for their family and haven’t evolved out of their childhood wounds with maturity and awareness they’re not going to be the best husband, father, son in law or brother in law for you and your family.
I was so happy they mentioned how important it is to ask these questions face to face. I couldn't agree more. You cant believe what someone says through text and the phone. It could be scripted.
This is very helpful, people can make you feel your feelings are invalid, that you're being picky, that you can't find a 10/10, well, no one is expecting to live in a rose tinted world but I know what I want and I want a balance of all the attributes that are important to me.. I've been feeing unsure but listening to this video made me feel reassured. Jazakum Allah al-Khair
Hello, I'm absolutely delighted that you all are back. I've missed you all so much. You bring amazing inspiration 🙌 to subjects for Christian and Muslim females alike. You influence us all. Please please continue my friends and I look forward the episodes. Thanks again.
Questions on my list: - What do you think my greatest challenge would be in being married to you? Personality traits/habits that could pose as problems in marriage. - Do you tend to adapt to those around you or do you stay the same? - How do you and your family spend the weekends? -If you had 10 hours free today what would you do? -Do you think the world is a bad place? -How do you deal with conflict? Are you a confronter or avoider? Problem solving first or understanding first? ****IMPORTANT**** Please don't think you need to ask any of these questions in a row... Take time! You must take time to know each other. Don't judge on answers rather on patterns. Patterns of language and behaviour. Remember that communication is not only limited to words. Tip: A person once sent me his own answers to the questions he asked me. It was weird at first but it was so helpful to catch patterns of thoughts by reading all that. We're always looking at a gazillion things when communicating. I'm just urging you to be aware of that.
May I know what each possible answer would tell about the person? For example, let's take the question 'Do you tend to adapt to those around you or do you stay the same?' Possible answers are 1) adapts or 2) stays the same What does it tell about the person if he adapts? What does it tell about the person if he stays the same? I understand that it would be a burden to type the answers and what they mean for each question but I would love it if you told me the things you know.
An important question is how do they communicate and deal with conflicts, and not just conflicts, differences of opinions or if someone does something that doesn't sit right and match with them, does it turn in to a conflict? Does the other person have to give up and not repeat that thing again? Or are they willing to compromise and be fair that if the thing isn't something bad as in morally or sinful then the other person is entitled to not give that up, how would they even approach the conversation, would they think before they approached it or just go right in, this is all really crucial in my opinion because a couple in love could be completely incompatible and unable to stay around each other from a difference in resolution and communication strategies
In regards to conflict, it's best to see rather than be told because actions speak louder than words. Going through a point of conflict with a potential spouse is an essential milestone, in my opinion.
This is great. Sometimes though, when I think of this , I think “how would someone know if they been in a Relationship before? Or haven’t been in these types of situations before? Someone who is sheltered? Or dont have experience in certain areas? Etc. ? How can they answer these questions. Or maybe they think they know, but once married it’s all out the window and the marriage is up in flames? I don’t know. Marriage is beautiful but it’s also a risk. Alhamdulillah for everything though. Every experience. You don’t know someone fully u too you live then them. As long as you do your beat before the marriage I guess.
I completely agree that this will show over time and more so once you live together but I would still ask the question for a few reasons, they will have had disagreements or difference of opinion with other people like family, friends, coworkers to know how they handle situations and I would personally expect everyone who decides they're ready for marriage to have prepared for marriage by knowing themselves and their character/behaviour traits to a certain level and worked on them, if they couldn't tell you things about how they are it wouldn't necessarily be a red flag but I'd question if they were ready and had done any inner work, and equally if they do answer and say how they handle things, you can observe that over time, things like if you encounter a rude person in public or a complaint about something in a shop or something you ordered, how did they approach that and if their answer was they're really calm and communicate well and in fact you see their action not matching their answering then that's something good to know, they're not fully laying their cards on the table in their answers
@@LaYinkaSanni Totally agree. I was just about to say something like this. That men can lie. They can very easily just tell you what they think you wana hear. Its best to not ask but rather test them by disagreeing with them and see if they will turn it into a conflict of not.
Being yourself, and knowing yourself is so important. Lower your standards for no one, because most men will not do it for women. I love it “women can also see”. 😂 Yes we have feelings and eyes too. I hate that society feels that we should accept a guy even if he is unattractive, while we have to look like a barbie with an expiration date...”if not married by this time, discard” 🤦🏾♀️
Love this series! You ladies are so articulate with your thoughts and cover important topics often brushed upon or not considered that serious within our community. Keep up the great work and may Allah bless you for your efforts!
This is so good. You have provided a representation of a contemporary muslim woman's guide/thought process to find a husband. No submissiveness or compromises as expected out of woman usually. I am glad I came across this video! Thanks Ladies!
I am a guy and i am taking notes from here, as a guy i always thought that marriage always have to go my way, what ever i decide i hope my wife will never question, this gives me the ability to never worry about who i will end up with!
The part about the dealbreakers is so true though - in the long run - it’s not just that they build up. It’s also when the infatuation or the excitement during the initial period wears off it’s the little things that flare up/surface/take precedence and become a real issue that can have a huge impact on the relationship.
I want to thank you women for being so completely honest and help us women realize our potential that "women can actually see and we are not be treated are second class citizens''. Very well said. May the Allah bless you all with the best. Aameen.
Amazing discussion ladies, may Allah reward you for this good deed. I agree on the part 2,3, 4, 5, there is a need (a thirst actually) for such open honest discussions. Now, to all the women out there, please do not lower your standards, have faith. If we as a collective demand better, we will get better, because we deserve sooo much better. I deserve the best and you deserve the best. To be loved, respected and honoured in the way that you want and need. This is not a fantasy, it is realistic, if you believe it to be. Continue on your healing journey, love, respect and honour yourself. ❤🌹
How to eliminate toxic culture and follow Islam better with your spouse is a huge important topic to cover in the future inshallah because in places like Pakistan, India etc. Many families follow old traditions and always ingrain societies expectations and gender roles leading to toxic masculinity and toxic femininity to the younger generations. This is a problem that must be discussed because it ruins marriages, relationships, friendships, teens, kids, and this generation! In fact this culture contradicts Islam itself! Please shed light and advice to this serious matter as it will help millions struggling with Deen vs toxic culture especially when it comes to marriage and spouse relationships! May Allah bless us all and guide us and grant us Jannatul Firdous Ameen!!!
Alhamdulilah, this is my first time watching this and I was literally glued. Am so soooo going to watch all other videos and will certainly share all I have learnt here. You said it all really, "Know thyself, seek to find someone who complements you and be certain you are willing to do same for him".
Assalaamu Alaykum, another insightful and much-needed episode during these times especially! Barak Allahu feek for providing this as part of another exciting season, may Allah continue to put barakah in these episodes and that people act upon the guidance from the Quran and Sunnah whilst having the correct understanding of the Companions, Ameen. Having said that, I would like to suggest the next possible topic to cover in the upcoming episodes, that is either the topic of how the wedding night should be and how it can be practiced according to the sunnah as unfortunately many etiquettes have sadly been forgotten around this area, or secondly, the topic of how to balance love and worship in terms of not being obsessed with your spouse which can lead to shirk! I think these could be very practical and beneficial to those looking to get married and to those who are currently married. Keep up the great work!
Makes perfect sense being yourself and if u have a package then it has to be accepted, the culture of the home if the outsider is willing to take on the role of potentially being a step dad. Whether the kids can also accept another man top
Salam ladies. Thank you for this, I'm currently going through the searching process. Its been...going. These reminders are just what I need now. So thanks and keep on being the fabulous you!
JazakAllah khair this was sooo refreshing and helpful. Please, please do a part 2 more on the questions to ask!!! Salam and duas to all you amazing women!
Thank you sister, I really enjoyed this episode as single sister here my biggest fear is to end up marrying someone just because of loneliness. Mashallah, another amazing topic Allah bless you all and your family 🙏🏾
Prayer always. and marriage are rizq as other rizq so the only way to find what you want is to Pray hard and have trust with Allah. that yes one day inshalla.
I desperately need a talk on HOW TO ACTUALLY go about it. The situation amongst the youth is kinda bad. We're left to ourselves. But inshaAllah Allah will make a way.
I would like to hear from them as well on this. I have learned from experience and a failed marriage after 6 years: if he tells you something, hear him and believe him, don't think he will change his opinion for you down the line.
Lol when the sister was talking about anxious attachment and childhood wounds... Its like she was talking directly about my situation. I was married and divorced because major issues arose and I realised I was very naive when I was choosing a husband. I definitely agree that it's important to take a hard look at your own issues and deal with them first before finding someone. unfortunately many of us will have to learn the hard way. Alhamdulilah the silver lining in my situation is that I didn't wait to have kids. Nothing ties me to him. One of the main reasons I ask for a divorce is that I could see he would be an inadequent parent. He was a very lost person. May Allah guide us all. Ameen.
I Donated using PayPal hey friends please donate and support what a wonderful asset for the Muslim community! You all are phenomenal watching from MN, USA shout out to my Somali sister!
I watch these to learn how my sisters feel. Man really insightful...breaks my heart when they was talking about divorced sisters. I'd marry to a women with 4 kids. I have a daughter FYI.
Alhamdulillah sisters, I have been divorced 11 years and Alhamdulillah I love my life. Still I didn't find who have what iam looking for and if I don't get that man , iam peace with my self, Alhamdulillah
I absolutely love this episode Ma Sha Allah!! Very contemporary and realistic!! I love the "talk about childhood""friends " and the "ex"....definitely need more episodes😍🤩
"Sahaba rushed to marry divorcees" You cant pick and choose the aspects of Islam that appeal to your desires and ignore the rest. The sahaba, almost all of them, practiced polygammy as well. The sahaba disliked living with the disbelievers too. So on and so forth. So all these major aspects of Islam have to be implemented in our lives completely.
Marriage is a contract and what I want for my daughter is to approach nikah with a process of thorough discussion on the religious obligation-needs-wants in the relationship/contract.
PART 2 I LOVE THIS I feel so educated! My question: 1. Where do I meet someone for marriage? 2. Its awkward! How can I ask such questions mentioned? 3. How do you deal with the fear of rejection with a potential spouse, i think it can affect someone's self esteem... Mashallah you guys are amazing 🥰
I've always maintained that marriage is or rather should be based on respect ,appreciation and acceptance,remember always gives you according to your expectations,May Allah grant us deeny,pious and loving spouses,ameen!
This Honest tea talk was pipeing HoT! You ladies touched on everything! Let me go back to my list of standards and add must not snore🤣🤣🤣, I think an important question is how is your relationship with your Mother, and close relatives such as siblings and parents.
Sorry to say that is important but someone can be bullied by the family n so they look very bad but in actual fact they are victims suffering don't always judge by that see how they are with thier friends n how they handle relationships generally
@@a786-l7c well that's why it's a question that I want to ask and have it answered honestly, if that's what you are going thru be real and say so, I have my own mind, and what this episode should make us realize is that we should be ourselves when getting to know someone who you are interested in marrying, I may be going thru something with my family as well, be honest dont put up this fake facade like most of us do to try and impress someone who we may think is thee One, let's just be Real and see where it goes from there.
Yes this is true, my sister in law has no relationship with her mother or brother. She has been poison to our family since she married my brother. He married her after just one meeting and she put on an act the whole meeting. Didn’t take long for her mask to fall off.
This came at just the right time for me. For the past 4 years I was dating a Muslim man in hopes of getting married to him. I was so in love. Prior to this I hadn’t known any Muslim people and he taught me a lot about the faith, I was already dressing modestly and a lot of my values aligned with traditional Muslim values anyway so I planned on taking my shahada soon and becoming a revert to officially marry him. About a month ago I figured out he had a wife and kids back in his home country. I was so devastated. I’ve been so bitter and angry but now I can accept he just wasn’t the right person for me and there is someone else out there who will appreciate me. I don’t know how I’ll find this person but I trust Allah will guide me. Thank you ladies! I have a lot to think about as I go on my journey.
I'm sorry you went through all these. I'm glad you did not allow it to affect your belief. Some wrong people come into our life for a right reason we can't see immediately. They come and shape us into the right mode for the right person to be able to come into our lives. I hope I make sense. Move on and stay firm. One day you will look back and understand why Allah allowed this to happen. I believe it will end in smile in sha Allah. Stay strong.
@@randomobserver683 Aww, thank you Kellie! That means so much! 💗
@@sma4301 Wow! I never thought of it like that! You’re so right! I think if anything I’ve grown more confident in what I’m willing to accept in a partner and not settle for. This comment is everything I needed to hear and more 💕 thank you so much 😊
@Ergo SF Dick bro why did he hide it Polygamy isn't haram but Telling lies and cheating someone is
Think before breaking up 4 years are too much damage would be really really deep
"Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women"
Yh that’s true but it’s also more than just that. That is just the basic foundation. Another important aspect is compatibility.
Alhamdulillah, may Allah ( Subhanahu Wa Ta’Ala) bless you and me and all Muslim brothers and sisters and our families
This is not correct neither a precise translation of the Quran ... seems that you don't know Arabic, be careful man
In jannah
What if good woman married to bad man
The childhood trauma and healing questions are so so so important. Forget "What's your favorite color?" and get in deep conversations instead. Be attentive to how the potential spouse behave with their parents, friends, strangers. Notice how they react when they are presented with a problem or resistance. Do they communicate efficiently? Do they close down and give you the silence treatment? Do they pay attention to your opinions, values...
Emotional intelligence is something I wish I was taught before getting married and I would have looked for in my partner.
Take your time to ask those questions. Look for actions that show congruency between words and behavior. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Assalamualaikum
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3)
A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129)
It is clear from this verse that:
First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.
Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done.
Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans.
Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children.
Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
No man in my family is a dog, all men in my family have 1 wife and loyal to wives! Got that
@bramejm if your wife is okay with polygamy good for you but don't force it on others like EVERY man has to have more than one wife
@@sagiri__ Excuse sir
but plz research seriously seen a lot like u. who just inform but really without any proper research
We have to have certain principles (for men to have four wives and hey nones forcing
just think about the ladies who are devorced some of them are old they some are depressed some are poor
And some men cannn provide them with sufficient love food and necessities if they can treat them equally then (there can be more principles ) they can go for that it's their choice nones forcing any1
Hey Beautiful! “You don’t need someone to complete you! You need someone to complement you! “
It was so beautifully said Allahuma barik
Compliment ☺️
Mashallah lots of complimets
I (LaYinka) definitely said complement; and him being generous with compliments is a good thing, too. 😁
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽👌🏽
A deal breaker for me was what is my future in-laws attitudes towards me? What impression they leave me when we first interact? I didn’t want to marry someone if his parents didn’t even like me. I wanted to be apart of a family that is welcoming. Don’t forget to do istikhara prayer my dear sisters ❤️.
رزقك الله ما تتمنيه ♥️♥️♥️
That is what you think
Omg I was saying this to be sister. That would be a dealbreaker for me
Alhamdullahi. you break off you did yourself a favor never settle for less. bad in laws will ruin your life. may ALLAH find you righteous husband & righteous in law.
: Well, let me remind you that you are not getting married to the whole family, you are only getting married to one person and as long as you both love or care about each other may be the most important thing about it, so it seems like you don't have a good reason to reject someone just because their family don't like you.
A true pleasure to watch mature women to talk between themselves about having a husband, building a family, and finding their leader. This is unseen in the western world, where women will be talking about the new Satisfyer version, about how much do they hate their husbands, and about their new lovers. If you are a princess, you will find your prince.
I’m Sikh and 27 and this was nice to watch. I completely agree that don’t wait for a guy to complete you. You complete yourself! Find someone who compliments and understands you. I’m happy on my own and If marriage happens it happens.
I'm 27 as well.
Have you been or are you being pressured to marry?
@@Sona77. You definitely are worth it and the right person will see that, just do you until you find the one
Hey dear Sikhni sister. Welcome to the community of religious sisters uniting in our struggles, experiences and feelings. I´m glad to see a friend from another faith watching a clip that is really universal. I often see Christian friends watching "Muslim" oriented clips as well. Much love and respect from a Muslim, Canadian-Pakistani sister!
Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life, but the everlasting good deeds are far better with your Lord in reward and in hope. 18:46
Please remember why we are on this earth.. and yes sister if marriage comes it’s comes, how many times do Allah say in the Quran that we would get a spouse in jannah ❤️🤲🏾
I’m a 24 man
@@NM-vb1xo How do you know that?
"We are in this Dunya to save our souls, your partner needs to feed health into your soul" 🙌🙌💯💯👏👏👏
What if your partner is draining your soul?
@Franca Wong I didn’t, my family chose
@Franca Wong so you’re trying to say I have a bad soul?
@Franca Wong at what point did I say I was an angel? Stop making assumptions, you know nothing about my life.
@Franca Wong funny how you think that responding to your rude comment with the same energy means I have a bad soul, you should really re-evaluate your life.
Im a male and I have learnt so much from my 3 sisters, jazakAllah khair!! Keep sharing your wisdom and experiences please...
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” - Socrates
This is the most wholesome ‘finding a spouse’ video I’ve seen so far 👏🏼 can’t wait for future parts
Very informative talk. Any tips for young boys to look for their future wife?
Those who are married and did not get the chance to ask all those questions...any guidance?
@@uzmanasir69 Focus on yourself first before seeking a wife
I second this, and I have seen lots of videos
My biggest fear is never getting married because I just don't know how to go about it. But for now I'm trying to make peace with it but inshallah I will find someone.
let me know who you are? I can spread the word around.
Where about you based sis. Don't be specific. There's crazies on the web
North of England in my city I live in a mostly white area.
@@alishataylor9480 what?? That's not bad . I thought you were gonna say Finland or something lol. Maybe try to relocate to another northern city like Manchester, Leeds, bradford. Plenty of Muslims there . To actually communicate with them could try a marriage app. If they are serious they'll come to meet you .
I agree with you , my parents would never let me move to be honest I think the main issue is how to even meet people like I've finished uni I wish I hung out with more people at uni so I could have spoken to more etc. Now I just don't know what to do.
The best Dua to make for a spouse, at least in my opinion, ask Allah to send you someone that You NEED! What I have learned from my experiences is that many times what we think we want turns out to be things we despise. Only Allah knows you best, so who better to ask than The One who created you. Like they say, be careful what you ask for!
MashaAllah wonderful and important advice! Tabarakallah gorgeous 🥰
And you got the couple with this dua???
One of my greatest fear is not finding a man to get married to, but getting married to the man I really desire, rather than settling for what I see for certain reasons. In the light of this fear, sometimes I wonder If what I want is too much and I'd consider lowering it. Another time, I'd believe what I want exists, I'm just yet to get it.😌
This blessed me. I needed it!
Thanks for being honest and real, beautiful sisters. May Allah reward you richly. Amin
Divorced woman has more experience in life and protected from mistake in relationships. Respect!
Like These Women would give their sons to a Girl with a kid. I wonder who would, I hope they keep their word in 23 years or so.
@@blueflame3531 who wouldn’t?
@@fatimajama634 You'd let your son at age 24 marry a 32 year old with a kid?
@@blueflame3531 yeah what’s wrong wit a single mother ?
@@qt354 where did I say that tf?
Aaah I love what the sister said “maybe you don’t need good maybe you want better than good and Allah has someone perfect for you “ well said sis and thank you for saying that for many years people keep telling me that I am picky haha now I know I am not picky and Allah has someone special for me 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
nobody is perfect you lol, it's very bad cope
I am watching this from Somalia. This is very important topic but let me add this ; a year back when I was in my last year of the university in a certain period the lecturer told us " I know you all have someone in your mind that you would love to marry, but that kind of person only exists in your mind and hearts . You need to give up something , you need to make the list of the qualities you look for in women less otherwise you people will be single forever ". After one year I came to know that everyone of us has to give up something in order to marry.
Greetings to you guys.
But how to know if you can deal with sth or not as you had not experienced this before?
"We
are in this dunya to save our souls. Your partner needs to feed health into your soul in order for you to give the best of yourself to Allah. You are better off on your own feeding, nourishing your soul yourself, than to just accept anything due to feeling lonely"
Needed to hear this.
: Not every thing you said seems to be right, so I gave your comment a 'like' because of the right thing in it! let me also remind you that knowledge is every thing, if you have knowledge, then you would always know the right thing to do and the wrong thing not to do.
I'm a woman and when I see another woman who is confident and has built herself and is doing something with her life like maybe helping the community in some way, no matter how old is she and she hasn't gotten married yet, I do admire her and I feel that she is the perfect wife to anyone because she is not just sitting there waiting to a husband to come.
Sometimes disillusionment is the reality of your circumstances, it's not about seeking/looking for a husband but possibly that there isn't anyone out there e.g.age, family circumstances, physical conditions, it would be nice to have a talk about for women who have to come to terms with life as a single person/parent.
Sometimes it’s ok, to look at everything and maybe decide “You are just not ready” and you should be honest with yourself in asking “I’m I ready?” Cause sometimes people get married because it seems like it’s expected of them!
Right!
@Franca Wong I respectfully disagree with you, if someone feels like there not ready, they don’t have to get married, YES! even at 30! Marriage is sunnah and a big responsibility. No two people are the same, so no one should be pressured to get married just because they are getting older. And I’m not 30, I’m 20 so I got time and a bit of developing to do. No pressure!
“Women can also see” yess Summaya 😂😂😂😂
@Maksud Mehraz who said that they HAVE to be beautiful? Women are meant to be good Muslims and if they are beautiful that is that. You can take care of yourself without being defined by your beauty. Women aren’t defined by their beauty. Women don’t owe anyone beauty
@Maksud Mehraz NO. Societies around the world just sexualise women in a way that they don’t sexualise men. That’s why people pay more attention to women’s appearances. This has nothing to do with men being visual creatures. They are visual but women are not meant to be valued solely based on their appearances. They are full human beings. Mind, body and soul. Thanks and goodbye
@Maksud Mehraz Don’t men also have beauty? In my opinion, both genders are good looking because Allah made us.
@Maksud Mehraz and what are women supposed to do when they are not a certain height, have a slim thick body, certain skin tone and features? You’re talking as if all women meet the beauty standards. We don’t. There are women out there who get rejected based on her skin tone, height etc.
@Maksud Mehraz women do get rejected for their height, it happens. For those under 5 feet and yes, weight can be controlled.
Three Most beautiful Ladies made it understand beautifully for a divorced girl to wear c0nfidence to marry again....Great respect to these p0sitive Women❣
I had a freind who was married for a month which then scared her not to marry for a couple of years. Al humdulillaah, she's married now. And then i know sisters who jump from husband to husband straight after their divorce so it depends on the person's attitude and confidence. I must say first sister was more shy and quite while the other sisters (marriage to marriage) were more confident / extroverts
I was given the advice to pay attention to how he treats the waiter (or anyone serving you). Because you're on a date, he's going to be trying to impress you, but where his personality will really shine through is how he treats others.
Dating is haram
@@razer0072073 ouchie.
@@razer0072073 lol
@Ebony_Gambian That's what they all say
"Lower your standards...." *holds breath*
"... is bad advice!" *sighs in relief* 😭
Never lower your standards!
Yes but in what context? Sorry didn't watch the video yet.
@@hellfirejahannam7734 lol your profile name. Love how women have bad experience and then blame all men. I'm not married, but that's unreasonable. It's like saying all women are slu.ts, based one example.
Never lower your standards when you get into 30+ age. Just enjoy dying alone with cats and dogs.
I wish these kind of conversations were able 20 years ago , it would of helped me aloooooooooot to make the right choice on the right time, honestly if you are young take advantage.
This is the type of shows we need more on TH-cam.....clear,concise,honest conversations for the young generation to take heed!
Keep it up
I was here thinking “these fine ladies in their 20s are really smart”, then she goes and drops “my 16 years old daughter”, then vampires, these ladies are vampires
they clearly weren't in their 20s imo, nice that you thought that tho I guess
they do look quite young for their age tbh. Mashallah
They look in their 40s. You need to go to the opticians.
@@jahanghir528 it's giving hater
Black don’t crack
THESE TALKS ARE SOO UNDERRATED AND NEED TO BE A MANDATORY WATCH FOR AL MUSLIM WOMEN!
I'm Christian and this totally resonated with me.
And men also - it's important to know what the women want and expect from us. lol this is like a cheat code for me
"Choose the best for your soul " ❤
We only leave once, let’s choose the best for our souls..... period❤️
@@aishahussein2072 Men choose the best for their souls also we're not settling any for any less than what we deserve especially divorcees who have kids like why would we have leftovers and women don't want men who have kids so don't you dare say men should accept women who have kids.
: Yes, you are right as long as you know what the best is, some people may talk about the best but they may not even know what the best is.
@@aishahussein2072 : As long as you know what the best is not if you don't even know what the best is, you also need to know that humans lives more than once not just once.
@Franca Wong : Not only their parents but give everyone the treatment they deserve, treat people the way they need to be treated not just your parents.
i miss these ladies. I am rewatching some episodes bcz why not, and they spoke so direct to me❤ ❤❤
I just discovered them.
The ex - so good! The only thing that was not mentioned that should have been in this regard is how he talks about the ex. If it was, “She’s crazy, she’s this and that,” not always but very often, it’s a RED FLAG that HE was actually doing those things. The person also denigrating their ex is not a good reflection on them and tells you what you can expect if things go wrong in your union.
Facts!! And also it may seem he isn’t over her or the marriage or how things went down.
Sumayah mentioned this point. She said to listen to how he talks about his ex-wife @ 26:09.
@@jewelssparks3648 She did but what I meant was that a further, clearer explanation of that point could have been given including the danger of how abusers in particular speak about their exes. I understand how and why they wouldn’t have expanded on it as they have a lot to cram in but I wanted to mention it as I think it’s a very important point - one that can save many people from future heartache in shaa Allaah.
This applies to girls too. If they are saying only bad and how old husband was abusive, red flag.
@@absolutelynobody3837 Agreed! It’s universal.
I enjoyed this video but I feel like the title should be changed, I was expecting a video on how to actually find a potential spouse in a halal way (for those who are not having an arranged marriage for example). I feel like this video more addressed what to ask a potential spouse when you are courting. Maybe you could do another video addressing how to go about meeting someone, I would love to get your input on that inshallah!
Jazakallah so much this was I am looking for guidance ....when is the next honest talk episode
How to meet a potential is wide just make sure when you are interacting/texting for the first time you keep within boundaries and be modest and straighforward
The halal way is to not directly interact with the opposite gender until you have your wali present.
@@onlyallahisworthyofworship5599 not exactly your wali doesn’t need to be present you can introduce yourself to an individual and let him know you are interested and if he is to, then tell him to talk to your wali.
@@onlyallahisworthyofworship5599 I don't have a wali for example. I think it would be a little unfair to me if I couldn't talk to a potential suitor. I would happily have my sister around when meeting in real life though
Hello sisters. I am in my mid 20s and unfortunately, I am already divorced twice. By listening to some of the topics you’re raising here are exactly points that I ignored after my first marriage that actually lended me to divorce the second time. I have always thought that I have too much expectation from men and that is why my marriages ended. But I think I know better. Thank you very much for this talk. It’s very helpful for me and insha Allah I know to actually heel myself and self actualize myself before I engage in a new relationship.
@A simple Guy Just simple I initiated the divorce both times. 1st time is was bc of physical and emotional abuse and the second time was because of emotional distress.
@A simple Guy Just simple by emotional distress I meant I was not getting what I wanted from the marriage in terms of understanding, communication and physical interaction. The one thing that interested my ex-husband more was that for him I am a way of getting financial stability etc....
@A simple Guy Just simple it very easy to assume when we don’t know the whole story. But I understand. You can can only talk based what you understood. Thank you for comments.
Don't worry I'm divorce 3 times!
@@hellfirejahannam7734 That name says it all
Did I just watch this two times in a row ? Of course I did. So inspiring ! 🤍
Inshallah this divorced sister will marry her beautiful divorced brother in 2021...great topics, ladies! Happy to be enjoying Season 3 of Honest Tea Talk!!
10:15 that reminded me of another interesting talk by Dr Tariq Habib discussing when girls didn't get the affection of their fathers (!!) And how this can negatively influence them in choosing a future husband - they might chose a man who they seem able to replace that void of not having had a "present" dad role in their childhood and not searching instead for values of a husband.
And this journey of self discovery and healing is an often overlooked one........
@@Hiba-zo1km Just look up "girls with daddy issues". Even none-Islamic sources are great. You'll quickly understand the brute psychology behind daddy issues, and you'll be able to improve.
@@Hiba-zo1km it's was a side issue he discussed not the main topic plus it's in Arabic. If still interested I'll post the link in sha Allah:)
@@ColonelFluffles LOL, Geert. Wat doe jij in in de moslimse vrouwenhoek??? Moslimse hoek nog wel hahaha
@@xSunnyDaysx Ik heb me bekeerd. Ik wil nu Islam fisabilillah verspreiden over heel Nederland en west Europa, In sha Allah.
@@JDforeveralone pls share
I understand looking inwards before finding a partner but from my experience some things that I thought would bother me didn't when I started meeting potential suitors. From meeting people, I have learnt more about my dealbreakers and I have a stronger stance on it. I have also arrived at new dealbreakers after courting because I didn't even know a thing like that would become an issue for me. So I feel like meeting people/ courting helps you understand yourself better.
If you are out there constantly meeting than something is wrong with you and what you are looking for. If you are looking for someone then look for a guy with deen have your wali check if that individual is right for you.
Im also looking for a husband. I wanna know where to look for them? Whats your opinion?
@@BoredatroundSI There's online dating or just spending time in places that bring you peace and your will find a potential spouse that way. Like picking up an activity
@@FirdousDreamer I'm not sure what you are talking about
@@Rantitoutloud i think they're trying to say that you're constantly meeting people and letting them go because you're trying to fill a void in you that cannot be filled by another person. Something missing that your trying to fill that goes beyond another person.
Thank you for being so candid and saying what we are all thinking.
I have been reflecting on this alot, especially coming from a narcisstic family and the need to heal is so important before finding a spouse. One thing i learnt about being around/raised by narcissists is you either end up mirroring them, or you reduce yourself and serve them..and this only mirrors in future relationships if its not dealt with. On a journey to accepting myself, knowning my boundaries and sticking to my priciples. InshAllah.
Run a credit check - indication of responsibility
Run a Criminal background -
Judge men by their actions not by their words.
Love this idea. So smart
Your right sister.but i know good guys with bad credit .
@VALIDATION 32 how would check how fertile he is?
Hey, running a criminal background in what sense? I know people who spent time in jail and have a serious criminal record. They are still married. Some found a wife after their release. In the country like the USA everyone can get a criminal record for nothing. Getting to know the person and taking time is wiser than running a criminal check
@VALIDATION 32 if she is divorced how can she be virgin? Islam allows divorce right? Do you also expect the man to be virgin?
The girl in green is super intelligent!!!
You girls are great, very good video 😘
Shukran. These sisters are inspiring, realistic and transparent. This is a very important discussion. May Allah reward you with goodness in the Dunia and Akhirah. JazakaAllah
I liked the ep. However I don't think it was that realistic to tell divorced sister's to not lower their standards . It's a fact that most men won't consider a divorcee with children . So if you are to get married you would have to lower your standards. I wish it didn't have to be this way but many men know that there are a heap of good women who won't be divorced or with children . Shame the quality of men rarely matches the women
That's a generalisation. Yes, there are men who won't, but that's not most men. Divorced women are not less than and shouldn't be made to feel like they don't have a right to have standards for themselves and their children. If anything, I (LaYinka), think divorcees should have higher standards because they're remarrying with themselves and their kids in mind.
@@HonestTeaTalk I agree that divorcees with children should have higher standards . However we're talking about marriage here right, And trying to find a husband . And I believe the most realistic way for a divorcee with children is through compromising . The standards that men would have to reach would be unattainable for many men .
@@shahee6579 or they can find a man with children who also is divorced. Their life would be more relatable and they would be able to understand each other more. Regarding his character and traits, she shouldn’t have to lower those. She can still find a good man with a good heart who tries his best to fear Allaah that’s in the same boat as her (divorced with children or even without).
@@shahee6579 What a false statement made out of purr emotional and not logically. What do you mean the quality of men rarely matches the women. What a load of b.s. Do you have any idea of how many good men there with good character who have been rejected by women based on their financial situation and status in life? There are plenty of women who reject good men just because of other factors that has nothing to do with their good character but the women don’t care and overlook their good character and traits just because he may not have the looks or status they are seeking. So please don’t make silly untrue statements like this.
I think something really important that is often overlooked is emotional maturity and rationality and being present. Will this person acknowledge your thoughts and your feelings in a healthy and responsive way or do they have defective mechanisms of processing emotion or reacting to conflict that will leave issues unresolved? Will they be able to step outside of their opinions and what they've always assumed, to relate to your point of view about things?
As a person who sings he should be on the deen,He should be on the deen, this was such an eye opener, Subhana Allah
Can we get another episode where you discuss more of this because it's such a crucial step before we start the journey of marriage
Hi how are you doing
Yes on deen even surrah 4:34 regardless of you say it's taken out of context
I'm a Muslim girl and I don't even know how to start my search because non of my friends or family know anyone, and there are not many Muslims where I live.
Tahajjud
Maybe marriage apps
Social media is way better than using dating apps. Simply because you have mutual followers and interests. I would never encourage a Muslim girl to go on dating apps as you don’t know the intentions of the person
@@cieratime389 highly disagree . Social media is not geared towards marriage . Reminds me of something casual that teens would do
I don't really post any pictures on my social media and I may use dating apps in the future but I've not heard much good about them.
The part with asking him about his PAST was really deep and insightful👏🏻
I know this is not related to topic but you guys are looking so beautiful 😍😍😍. BarakAllahu feek💛
Allahumma barik
Say Maasha Allah 😁❤️
@@halalpolice23 mashAllah
mashallah
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3)
A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129)
It is clear from this verse that:
First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.
Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done.
Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans.
Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children.
Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
We seriously need part 2,3,4,5..... i really enjoyed this, jazaakumullah khairan sisters. May Allah reward you for this
These sisters make me feel like home, always. 😭❤️❤️
Summayah input is just everything! Thank you ladies for this plateforme
You are so inspiring Masha’Allah! May Allah reward you for being honest and real! Love to listen to you!
May Allah (azzawajjal) grant u all ease and Jannatul Firdaus
Ameen
Ameen 🤎
Ma Sha Allah, there are so many women out there who need guidance along these lines, you all are helping all of us, thankyou so much
I’m a guy but I wanted to watch this and I love it hahaha, keep up the great work! Alhamdulillah, may Allah grow your channel if it will benefit you in this dunya and the hereafter, ameen.
The Only thing that i can say after listening to you guys for the first time... Is you people have given voice to atleast my major thoughts... Thank you guys for being the real.
As someone who is now entering the 'looking out for a partner' phase this was extremely helpful. Thaaank you three, I love all of your talks so much. May Allah reward you for the knowledge you are spreading on not so much discussed topics and grant you all jannah firadaus in sha Allah ameen🥰 and one of the best things on TH-cam was to come across the honest tea talk. It's actually funny because I was trying to search the red table talk and I think that's how I came across you guys. In addition I was studying for my finals at the library and took a break watching the first episode. xx greetings from Germany💫👏🏿
Oh. How is Germany?
Really liked this talk. Very insightful. I also cannot stress enough the power of duaa especially in the last third of the night. That's how my sister got married actually to her now wonderful husband of 10 years mashallah.
9:43 Oooh Yes.... I begin to realise things...thank you so much for your talks, they benefit a lot of women in sha Allah 💚💚
Hello ladies! Another amazing talk as always! I think one question which is absolutely paramount to ask is what their relationship is like with their parents/ siblings. That will give you a clue as to what kind of person they’ll be in your family unit.
If they hold resentment for their family and haven’t evolved out of their childhood wounds with maturity and awareness they’re not going to be the best husband, father, son in law or brother in law for you and your family.
I was so happy they mentioned how important it is to ask these questions face to face. I couldn't agree more. You cant believe what someone says through text and the phone. It could be scripted.
This is very helpful, people can make you feel your feelings are invalid, that you're being picky, that you can't find a 10/10, well, no one is expecting to live in a rose tinted world but I know what I want and I want a balance of all the attributes that are important to me.. I've been feeing unsure but listening to this video made me feel reassured. Jazakum Allah al-Khair
Hello, I'm absolutely delighted that you all are back. I've missed you all so much. You bring amazing inspiration 🙌 to subjects for Christian and Muslim females alike. You influence us all. Please please continue my friends and I look forward the episodes. Thanks again.
Questions on my list:
- What do you think my greatest challenge would be in being married to you? Personality traits/habits that could pose as problems in marriage.
- Do you tend to adapt to those around you or do you stay the same?
- How do you and your family spend the weekends?
-If you had 10 hours free today what would you do?
-Do you think the world is a bad place?
-How do you deal with conflict? Are you a confronter or avoider? Problem solving first or understanding first?
****IMPORTANT****
Please don't think you need to ask any of these questions in a row... Take time! You must take time to know each other. Don't judge on answers rather on patterns. Patterns of language and behaviour. Remember that communication is not only limited to words.
Tip: A person once sent me his own answers to the questions he asked me. It was weird at first but it was so helpful to catch patterns of thoughts by reading all that.
We're always looking at a gazillion things when communicating. I'm just urging you to be aware of that.
Great questions! I copied those into my notes lol
May I know what each possible answer would tell about the person?
For example, let's take the question 'Do you tend to adapt to those around you or do you stay the same?'
Possible answers are 1) adapts or 2) stays the same
What does it tell about the person if he adapts?
What does it tell about the person if he stays the same?
I understand that it would be a burden to type the answers and what they mean for each question but I would love it if you told me the things you know.
No disrespect sister but they are very redundant questions and won't give a proper picture
@@masuma1 Lets hope you lot don't ask these questions when you're going through menopause.
Ooooooh!!! This is FIRE! Very good questions here, sis!
An important question is how do they communicate and deal with conflicts, and not just conflicts, differences of opinions or if someone does something that doesn't sit right and match with them, does it turn in to a conflict? Does the other person have to give up and not repeat that thing again? Or are they willing to compromise and be fair that if the thing isn't something bad as in morally or sinful then the other person is entitled to not give that up, how would they even approach the conversation, would they think before they approached it or just go right in, this is all really crucial in my opinion because a couple in love could be completely incompatible and unable to stay around each other from a difference in resolution and communication strategies
In regards to conflict, it's best to see rather than be told because actions speak louder than words. Going through a point of conflict with a potential spouse is an essential milestone, in my opinion.
This is great. Sometimes though, when I think of this , I think “how would someone know if they been in a Relationship before? Or haven’t been in these types of situations before? Someone who is sheltered? Or dont have experience in certain areas? Etc. ? How can they answer these questions. Or maybe they think they know, but once married it’s all out the window and the marriage is up in flames? I don’t know. Marriage is beautiful but it’s also a risk. Alhamdulillah for everything though. Every experience. You don’t know someone fully u too you live then them. As long as you do your beat before the marriage I guess.
I completely agree that this will show over time and more so once you live together but I would still ask the question for a few reasons, they will have had disagreements or difference of opinion with other people like family, friends, coworkers to know how they handle situations and I would personally expect everyone who decides they're ready for marriage to have prepared for marriage by knowing themselves and their character/behaviour traits to a certain level and worked on them, if they couldn't tell you things about how they are it wouldn't necessarily be a red flag but I'd question if they were ready and had done any inner work, and equally if they do answer and say how they handle things, you can observe that over time, things like if you encounter a rude person in public or a complaint about something in a shop or something you ordered, how did they approach that and if their answer was they're really calm and communicate well and in fact you see their action not matching their answering then that's something good to know, they're not fully laying their cards on the table in their answers
@@LaYinkaSanni Totally agree. I was just about to say something like this. That men can lie. They can very easily just tell you what they think you wana hear. Its best to not ask but rather test them by disagreeing with them and see if they will turn it into a conflict of not.
@A simple Guy Just simple Not evil per say. Just careless, selfish, shallow and lacking in empathy.
Asking about childhood is an amazing point! Mashallah ♥️🌿
Being yourself, and knowing yourself is so important. Lower your standards for no one, because most men will not do it for women.
I love it “women can also see”. 😂 Yes we have feelings and eyes too. I hate that society feels that we should accept a guy even if he is unattractive, while we have to look like a barbie with an expiration date...”if not married by this time, discard” 🤦🏾♀️
Love this series! You ladies are so articulate with your thoughts and cover important topics often brushed upon or not considered that serious within our community. Keep up the great work and may Allah bless you for your efforts!
This is so good. You have provided a representation of a contemporary muslim woman's guide/thought process to find a husband. No submissiveness or compromises as expected out of woman usually. I am glad I came across this video! Thanks Ladies!
men want submissive obedient woman. they don't want to marry another man
I am a guy and i am taking notes from here, as a guy i always thought that marriage always have to go my way, what ever i decide i hope my wife will never question, this gives me the ability to never worry about who i will end up with!
The part about the dealbreakers is so true though - in the long run - it’s not just that they build up. It’s also when the infatuation or the excitement during the initial period wears off it’s the little things that flare up/surface/take precedence and become a real issue that can have a huge impact on the relationship.
I want to thank you women for being so completely honest and help us women realize our potential that "women can actually see and we are not be treated are second class citizens''. Very well said. May the Allah bless you all with the best. Aameen.
Amazing discussion ladies, may Allah reward you for this good deed. I agree on the part 2,3, 4, 5, there is a need (a thirst actually) for such open honest discussions.
Now, to all the women out there, please do not lower your standards, have faith. If we as a collective demand better, we will get better, because we deserve sooo much better. I deserve the best and you deserve the best. To be loved, respected and honoured in the way that you want and need. This is not a fantasy, it is realistic, if you believe it to be. Continue on your healing journey, love, respect and honour yourself. ❤🌹
Part 2, 3, 4, and all that! Wallahi such an amazing episode!!!!
How to eliminate toxic culture and follow Islam better with your spouse is a huge important topic to cover in the future inshallah because in places like Pakistan, India etc. Many families follow old traditions and always ingrain societies expectations and gender roles leading to toxic masculinity and toxic femininity to the younger generations. This is a problem that must be discussed because it ruins marriages, relationships, friendships, teens, kids, and this generation! In fact this culture contradicts Islam itself! Please shed light and advice to this serious matter as it will help millions struggling with Deen vs toxic culture especially when it comes to marriage and spouse relationships! May Allah bless us all and guide us and grant us Jannatul Firdous Ameen!!!
Alhamdulilah, this is my first time watching this and I was literally glued. Am so soooo going to watch all other videos and will certainly share all I have learnt here. You said it all really, "Know thyself, seek to find someone who complements you and be certain you are willing to do same for him".
Assalaamu Alaykum, another insightful and much-needed episode during these times especially! Barak Allahu feek for providing this as part of another exciting season, may Allah continue to put barakah in these episodes and that people act upon the guidance from the Quran and Sunnah whilst having the correct understanding of the Companions, Ameen. Having said that, I would like to suggest the next possible topic to cover in the upcoming episodes, that is either the topic of how the wedding night should be and how it can be practiced according to the sunnah as unfortunately many etiquettes have sadly been forgotten around this area, or secondly, the topic of how to balance love and worship in terms of not being obsessed with your spouse which can lead to shirk! I think these could be very practical and beneficial to those looking to get married and to those who are currently married. Keep up the great work!
Makes perfect sense being yourself and if u have a package then it has to be accepted, the culture of the home if the outsider is willing to take on the role of potentially being a step dad. Whether the kids can also accept another man top
Salam ladies. Thank you for this, I'm currently going through the searching process. Its been...going. These reminders are just what I need now. So thanks and keep on being the fabulous you!
JazakAllah khair this was sooo refreshing and helpful. Please, please do a part 2 more on the questions to ask!!! Salam and duas to all you amazing women!
Thank you sister, I really enjoyed this episode as single sister here my biggest fear is to end up marrying someone just because of loneliness. Mashallah, another amazing topic Allah bless you all and your family 🙏🏾
may Allah make it easy for you to find someone suitable
Prayer always. and marriage are rizq as other rizq so the only way to find what you want is to Pray hard and have trust with Allah. that yes one day inshalla.
@@adamh1751 ameen ya rabbi
@@and.p.146 ameen ya rabbi
Why are girls scared of ending up alone?
How the “getting to know each other phase” should be or telling your experience with this topic to have a better vision of it
I desperately need a talk on HOW TO ACTUALLY go about it. The situation amongst the youth is kinda bad. We're left to ourselves. But inshaAllah Allah will make a way.
I would like to hear from them as well on this. I have learned from experience and a failed marriage after 6 years: if he tells you something, hear him and believe him, don't think he will change his opinion for you down the line.
Lol when the sister was talking about anxious attachment and childhood wounds... Its like she was talking directly about my situation. I was married and divorced because major issues arose and I realised I was very naive when I was choosing a husband. I definitely agree that it's important to take a hard look at your own issues and deal with them first before finding someone. unfortunately many of us will have to learn the hard way.
Alhamdulilah the silver lining in my situation is that I didn't wait to have kids. Nothing ties me to him. One of the main reasons I ask for a divorce is that I could see he would be an inadequent parent. He was a very lost person. May Allah guide us all. Ameen.
So true. It was the same for me too. May Allah grant you something better.
@@orchidayuria6264 ameen. I wish the same for you too sis inshaAllah.
Be true to yourself be honest caring loving & humble. Men will appreciate you for this.
Honesty from day one is so important.
I Donated using PayPal hey friends please donate and support what a wonderful asset for the Muslim community! You all are phenomenal watching from MN, USA shout out to my Somali sister!
We definitely need more Episodes on this topic!! Can`t wait :) Jazakallah khairan
I watch these to learn how my sisters feel. Man really insightful...breaks my heart when they was talking about divorced sisters. I'd marry to a women with 4 kids. I have a daughter FYI.
Are you a Muslim? Just curious.
@Ebony_Gambian Ok snowflake.
Alhamdulillah sisters, I have been divorced 11 years and Alhamdulillah I love my life. Still I didn't find who have what iam looking for and if I don't get that man , iam peace with my self, Alhamdulillah
We have been divoreced 12 years 3 months and 5 days actually 🤔
10 years and happy.
khadra waanku salaamay walaashey
This is definitely eye opening I am so grateful to be in your space sisters. Jazzakillah kheyr. ❤️❤️❤️
I absolutely love this episode Ma Sha Allah!! Very contemporary and realistic!! I love the "talk about childhood""friends " and the "ex"....definitely need more episodes😍🤩
"Sahaba rushed to marry divorcees"
You cant pick and choose the aspects of Islam that appeal to your desires and ignore the rest.
The sahaba, almost all of them, practiced polygammy as well. The sahaba disliked living with the disbelievers too. So on and so forth.
So all these major aspects of Islam have to be implemented in our lives completely.
The ramadan reflections book is life changing for me..this podcast was mentioned in it alhamdulilah
This talk is much needed in our community. Thank you so much! Would you consider discussing modern dating? Using dating apps and the like?
Marriage is a contract and what I want for my daughter is to approach nikah with a process of thorough discussion on the religious obligation-needs-wants in the relationship/contract.
Thanks ladies us single need to hear these kinda of conversation May Allah SWT reward you guys Allahuma Ameen 🙏🏾🤲🏾😊
PART 2
I LOVE THIS
I feel so educated!
My question:
1. Where do I meet someone for marriage?
2. Its awkward! How can I ask such questions mentioned?
3. How do you deal with the fear of rejection with a potential spouse, i think it can affect someone's self esteem...
Mashallah you guys are amazing
🥰
Getting comfortable with your own voice and owning your right to ask such questions helps a lot in speaking up for yourself, my lovely. - LaYinka
@@HonestTeaTalk Thank you LaYinka, I've got some learning to do then!🥰
This couldn't be more perfect! Thank you ladies for sharing knowlege and great things to look for in marriage!
I've always maintained that marriage is or rather should be based on respect ,appreciation and acceptance,remember always gives you according to your expectations,May Allah grant us deeny,pious and loving spouses,ameen!
Ameen.
there should be a part 2 of this episode I always feel so blessed by listening to you ladies. God bless you all abundantly
This Honest tea talk was pipeing HoT! You ladies touched on everything! Let me go back to my list of standards and add must not snore🤣🤣🤣, I think an important question is how is your relationship with your Mother, and close relatives such as siblings and parents.
Yup! One of LaYinka's favourite questions!
Sorry to say that is important but someone can be bullied by the family n so they look very bad but in actual fact they are victims suffering don't always judge by that see how they are with thier friends n how they handle relationships generally
@@a786-l7c well that's why it's a question that I want to ask and have it answered honestly, if that's what you are going thru be real and say so, I have my own mind, and what this episode should make us realize is that we should be ourselves when getting to know someone who you are interested in marrying, I may be going thru something with my family as well, be honest dont put up this fake facade like most of us do to try and impress someone who we may think is thee One, let's just be Real and see where it goes from there.
@@muslimahforever2186 Exactly! All masks will eventually fall. It's best to be real upfront.
Yes this is true, my sister in law has no relationship with her mother or brother. She has been poison to our family since she married my brother. He married her after just one meeting and she put on an act the whole meeting. Didn’t take long for her mask to fall off.
Having these conversations is very essential. Thank you for bring it to limelight.
Brilliant discussion sisters, keep up the good work, you are guys doing amazing job.