The Real Reason You Haven't Beaten Your Addictions Yet
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.พ. 2025
- #habits #psychology #addictionrecovery
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0:00 A surprising intro
0:55 A quick story about me
2:23 (1) Time murdering & The death drive (Psychoanalysis)
4:40 (2) The neuroscience of wanting vs liking
8:34 (3) The evolutionary psychology of addiction
11:20 Solution 1: Unpacking
15:09 Solution 2: Responsibility
If you’re dealing with addiction of any sort, I just want to say well done.
Because despite you battling this addiction, you still manage to wake up each morning and live your life.
So I’m proud of you for that. And I’m proud of you for clicking on a video to help you find out solutions to your addiction.
That sounds strange I know, because you likely don’t feel proud of yourself for having this addiction but I know that after this video you’ll be able to beat it. No doubt about it.
The way this video is going to work is we’re going to cover a brief story from me, 3 explanations of addiction 1 from psychoanalysis, 1 from neuroscience and 1 from evolutionary psychology then we’ll cover the 2 solutions to any addiction. So if you want to get straight to the solutions feel free to skip to them in the timestamps, but obviously I’d recommend you watch the whole video as the 3 psychological explanations will give you much needed context.
Title ideas:
This is why you haven't beaten your addictions yet
The 2 reasons why you're still addicted
The 2 solutions to any addiction
Such a great video, brother. If it's any helpful, I would like to share some brief personal realizations about the topic made in the last months. I would suggest an experience. The next time you, reader, experience that craving coming in, I plead you to try paying attention to it. Maybe you think that don't paying attention is what will make it go away, and you're partially right, but, if the cause of the problem doesn't chance, you'll feel that urge again in a moment of more stress and then... well, it'll happen again. So, pay attention.
When the urge comes, when you cannot escape from it imersing yourself in another activity (because there'll be times like that), you should pay attention. What does you feel? You feel your mind stressed, numb, tired? You feel your chest empty, your stomach stinging? Do you feel now a hidden feeling of loneliness or fearfulness? Whatever you do feel, you'll notice now something important: in this moment you are not one with your feeling, because you are already a third person observer of it.
Dr K. once said that neurologically this process of awareness and the strenght of discipline activates the same brain circuitries, and that's because discipline isn't anything other than having in mind your desire and choosing something else, instead of letting it take hold of you behind your eyes. Considering what this video said about dopamine, if we can strive for things that we don't desire and don't feel pleasurable, even our biology can be at our side.
In my experience, what tends to happen is, the more I observe and "digest" some feeling, the less power it has on me in general, because I'm already accostumed to it and already know what it means. If I have to change habits to deal with it, so be it. If there's no escape from it, I meditate or about it, or away from it. It has no novelty anymore. And the thing is, I can feel somewhat greatful for it sometimes, because the addiction helps to sinalize to us that something is wrong, that we feel bad.
Anyways, I hope it was helpful.
Dude. You're awesome. Thank you for sharing this!
@@NewelOfKnowledge Much appreciated. I think that's my favorite video of yours, what you said about dopamine was groundbreaking for me even after years of study on the subject. Keep it up, brother, your work makes a real difference.
It's helpful bro
It sounds like, giving time to acknowledge and accept the tantrum of one's inner chimp (from another one of @Newelofknowlege outstanding clips) then offering something else occupy it when it starts kicking up.
immense wisdom, thank you!
"Build a life you are not trying to escape from" 17:01
This!! Everything you said boils to this
And the hardest task to accomplish
This is sooo old advice
@@TheCuratorIsHere But still far to relevant.
Why are so many people addicted to going on vacations? Because they want to escape their life.
If you need to board a plane, fly to hawaii into a hotel to escape the chores of your home, your home is not a home, but work you detest enough to regularly escape from.
That is sadly a trap tons of people fall into. Adding the trap of "I buy a motorhome and.." falling right into the "This piece of freedom now binds loads of your time for cleaning, maintenance, preparation etc." Stressing you the fuck out before you can escape it into vacation. Seen it too often.
Doom scrolling brought me to this
My dad smoked 100 a day, back in the 1960s. In 1970, he had a massive heart attack, at 55. He was told to quit immediately or die.
Well he quit cold turkey, but by the end of the week he was climbing the walls.
" When the ice cream van comes round, I'm going to buy cigarettes", he told my mum.
The ice cream van strangely didn't arrive that day and he never smoked again.
Sadly it was too late and bronchial cancer got him seven years later.
Nearly same for my grandma. She smoked a ton and about a year or two after she stopped, Lung Cancer.
Luckily she survived. But... Don't start this shit, just don't start it... Damage done is not guaranteed to be repaired...
And when your addiction starts in childhood it becomes a lot harder to do that introspection in my experience.
This I can relate to
Usually at that point it’s a matter of finding patterns in your triggers. Even if you can’t pinpoint exactly when an addiction started, knowing what triggers it and why you fall to it often points back to how you were feeling when it first started (such as needing to feel safe or wanting someone to talk to). Asking yourself what you previously did to cope with those feelings and why it didn’t work can also help.
read the book "the secret “,it can help you
look for the teachings of Joe Dispenza and Neville Goddard could potentially offer valuable insights for healing. Their perspectives on the mind-body connection are fascinating
loneliness has crippled me over the last 3 years constantly trying to feel apart of something
As someone who has watched countless hours of improvement and psychology videos with minimal or temporary resolve, This has been one of the most complete and helpful videos I have ever watched. Thank you so much for this!
Hey there! That is actually the addiction I want to let go. I've formed the habit to watch self improvement videos whenever I feel helpless in life. However, the just keep me in a kind of passive state and the more I consume things like that the more I train my brain to believe that I should 24/7 think about how I HAVE to improve. Actually I have had therapy and the best would be to just apply the techniques.. But as these results don't show instantly (as opposed to TH-cam videos I could watch anytime for short term relief) I miss time to do acutal training like validating myself and taking care of myself (not by having people in the internet tell me what to do)..
I have now deleted my TH-cam algorithm and after this video I'll stop watching these kinds of videos.
How do you experience your intake of these videos? I mean, it sure can be a very good source of information, when you don't overdo it.
Anyway. I hope you're doing fine. :-)
Read untethered soul by micheal singer
As someone who has watched countless hours of improvement and psychology videos I predict before watching this, the main idea of the video would be, like Dr. K. says "just get a good life than your addictions will go away".
Thank you for being proud of me.
The best part is that he was honest upfront about the content so you don't waste your time with the fluff if you just want to get to the goods. I actually finished it BECAUSE he didn't try to drag you on.
Replacing bad addictions with a life of meaning is what I've been realizing the past few months
I find the contents of this video to be of a much higher quality than other ones I have seen from you (I already liked your videos)
Thanks for noticing! :) 💪🏻
True!!
Each his videos has been made in a good quality
Back handed compliment.
The problem is a boring life is easier if one is high.
Clean nearly 5 years.
It takes time and effort. I've battled so many addictions and have gone from rock bottom to success and freedom.
Dare to be Exceptional.
Dare to be Uncommon!
I have a question I ask when I find myself scrolling for too long: "what am I looking for?" it's a simple question. And often one that I answer with: "Nothing this can give me."
It helps realize that I need to get off the phone, stop wasting time and go do the things that actually make me happy.
Smart. I do something similar with TH-cam shorts. After a hand full of videos my brain automatically says "This is not what we want .." and I can easily end the cycle.
But this took some reflection and time.
Halfway through. This is amazing.
This video is pure gold.
the best video i’ve seen on addiction it’s painfully obvious how much sheer thought, effort and time you’ve spent to get to this level
You'd be surprised how many people advocate for civilization to be torn down so that we don't have to deal with the negative effects of it like addictions.
I suffer from a pmo addiction and have for years. Despite that I have been doing better lately in the past few months and that's one of the reasons I've been watching your videos in the first place rather than doom scrolling, which is a negative habit that I've managed to stop doing. I was also a video game addict which I have also stopped. In it's place I have been learning to play piano and my goal is to become a piano teacher. Also seeing a piano teacher every week has been helping me to get out of the house, as well as getting my social anxiety group back on the go to do social anxiety exposures every week. Last week I asked out a cute coffee barista. She turned me down but I felt great anyway because it wasn't a catastrophe like my anxiety was telling me and she seemed to like the interaction even though she turned me down. I've been suffering for years with depression and anxiety but I finally feel like I'm getting better from actually learning the skills you talk about in this video, that being self awareness and responsibility.
Hey man, great progress with asking the girl out on a date. I can tell you're on the right path. It's hard at times but I'll be supporting you every step of the way!
I am supposed to be studying for tomorrow's exams, and here I am again. Talk about addiction 😀
Seriously, this is one of the most insightful channels I have come across. Thank you for your input into making this world a better place, by bettering people. Bless your soul!
I feel a security in your words and mindset, you remind me of a close relative and your consistency in quality of video is second to none, thanks for your work
Thank you sir. From the bottom of my heart, you've saved my life.
Thank you for being harsh but also destigmatising addiction.
I just found a light drinking addiction. You have helped me to learn to be assertive. I genuinely love your channel. It's helps.
You have to be careful giving up a coping mechanism. Your body might ramp up the remaining one(s).
21min video drop by lewis... time to stop everthing and enjoy doing my daily chores, i wonder how much i could get done with a 3h video :P
Ahahaha, 😂😂😂 enjoy your cleaning!
Have you heard of hypnotherapy and neurological levels? I highly recommend, this reminded me of some practices that helped me a lot but that I'd forgotten about. While reaching an alpha state of mind during meditation, I try to visualize myself responding in situations or envisioning, hearing and feeling what is necessary to become a better person (breaking bad habits, starting new one which will lead me where i want to go). I find motivation and purpose for overcoming addictions, which I realized were the root cause of my procrastination. If that make sense for you.
At the beginning of this year I somehow made all my addictions (porn, competitive games, yt) almost disappear for like 2 months. I started playing new games instead of coping with the old ones, started playing online DnD campaigns with strangers and read manga.
The thing that really triggered my "peace state" was that I left my first job. The sense of peace that I felt the moment I've got back home the last day of working was something I've never felt in my entire life: "It's over finally. I deserve my peace".
Man, I love this. I respect how much effort and work you must put into these videos. Please continue making them, I think you provide some of the most valuable content despite being comparatively new here, or at least to me!
Thank you :')
Thank you very much sir, your video was very informative, I'm starting from where i sit to practice what you suggested.
Great video. personally for a start since self compassion is a new budding phenomenon in my life, i’m choosing to feel proud of myself for reducing the frequency of an addiction. And instead of treating slip ups with harsh words, embracing myself and feeling the disappointment with myself rather than towards myself. i believe it’ll lead to a lasting change for me. 😊
You’re such a legend man. Thanks for the videos 👌
Christ this is good!
I always say it! I don’t engage in certain addictions because I _need_ to function at work! Because keeping Mental Hygiene _works!!!_
I feel like this video really backs up a lot of people’s resolve!
Thank you!
Thanks!
thank you! :)
Thank you mate, love that you give us a well thought through analysis and instruction in a calm demeanor and clean accent, and aren't just another jacked American man shouting cliches into the mic
There’s a term called “repetition compulsion,” that I don’t believe should be over looked when it comes to addiction. I’m soft too, but being soft is abusive because it doesn’t address the addiction having the deleterious effect on the subject in that moment.
Compassion might not be what someone needs. And getting well does mean _wanting_ to get well.
Bless you, always!
You do amazing work!
I find the number one thing that helps with combating all negative habits is to go through a review process.
Treat yourself, at least from the angle of improvement, as your first and most critical business.
You need to sit down with your board of directors on, at least, a quarterly basis and go through performance reviews. Be old school with it, fire them on the spot. Useless bums.
At this point, I've fired so many that I need to really get the hiring process moved along.
So after proof reading this to check for sanity... I might need some help.
This is incredibly well put together, thank you for such thoughtfully put together content
Great video ❤ Thank you!
Time is our most precious asset
Man, as soon as I red "addiction" I clicked so fast. Your videos are so useful and educative, thank you so much 🙏
You red? Really? Why not green?
@@TheCuratorIsHere ya know, green is not quite my color. With this I don't mean that i dislike it, I just fancy red more
Thank you. ❤😊✌️🇬🇧
thank you for being one of the few actually helpful and genuine creators here❤
cheers mate, this is very helpful.
Thanks for this free info, it helped me to realize some things
Thx a lot for this video you did a great job I truly believe this will help a lot of people I wish you and anybody else who reads this comment the absolute best!!!
Very good video, I'm subscribing ❤
Im been waiting for a video like this for a while thanks man ❤
My pleasure Calem 💪🏻
Amazing video. I'm reading "dopamine nation: why our addiction to pleasure is causing us pain by Dr. Anna Lembke" and this video is an amazing addition to my current interest on the topic addiction and dopamine overconsumption
this guy is underrated
0:43 in less than a minute i felt more understood than i was by my therapist in few years 😂
very deep & useful video, thanks and carry on bringing us more insights... :)
Where do you get your scripts? They are excellent. Your delivery and calm are also outstanding. Can one be addicted to complaining? Physical aggression? Or any repetitive behavior which build pathways that prompt actions and thoughts that become repetitive or entrenched with supporting neural networks and biochemical processes?
What an awesome and underrated channel, glad i found it
The video is imperative!!! And thinking psychology make tones of money upon it , pharmaceutical and food industry, media work to then …
Very strong video with a strong message
Great thorough video!
this video actually helped me a lot thank you.
I couldnt help but draw a connection between the "neuroscience of wanting vs liking" part of the vid with the the scripture Romans 7:15-25. Specifically the apostle Paul's expression of "For I do not do the good that I wish, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice" nwt. I think its quite interesting how complimentary these verses are with the theme of the video and findings from Professor Kent C. Berridge.
Great video's! Very insightful :)
Emergerrddd 😅 'corn hub' on the front image... thanks for the giggles. ( As i return to writing my paper on quite a lot you speak of ...at the same time ...not 😅)
The best replacement I’ve found for any withdrawal is weight lifting. Huberman says ice baths can stimulate dopamine which can help too.
I discovered your content a few months ago and thoroughly enjoy it. I would like to offer you a reflection and some food for thought since it seems as though one of your primary teachings is that of connection, rapport, and relationship.
I am going to make the assumption that the majority of people who watch TH-cam videos are simply programmed to not consciously notice how jarring editing can be. However, there are many who are very conscious of it and it continuously breaks contact between you and your audience even if on a subconscious level. This also breaks attention, induces dissociation and other aspects.
About every 3-10 seconds in your videos you have a jump cut / edit / contact disturbance. (Term used the field of gestalt therapy) I am wondering how aware you are of the impacts of such sudden cuts and if you have any “long version” videos. What is your intention on making such extreme edits? In other words, I would love to see one of your videos without any cuts at all and see how that goes.
Perhaps you could even speak on a topic like building connection and connection disturbances or something of the like. The jump cut element also directly related to the topic of your video: addiction, and multiple fronts, including the nervous system activation and fast paced dopamine hit right now mentality. Again, lots of this occurs in the subtle realms for most.
This is by no means a criticism merely I would like to share my subjective experience of how subconsciously one views TH-cam videos in terms of rapport and loss there of.
Keep up the wonderful work.
Wish I could see this video, but I'm dopamine fasting. You make great content.
Many thanks for the vid Lewis
Bruhhhhh, you out here changing lives! I'm replacing my (one of 4) addiction with reading, book 1 is KWMLover! Turning boys into men we thank you
Lets go sir!!!!
love your videos so much cus they actually go in depth about the topic discussed and i learn alot from them which cannot be said about 99% of other channels on youtube especially all the bs masculinity self improvement clickbaiting videos i see. Also do you post any of this on platforms such as spotify?
Thank you! :) I don't have anything on spotify yet. Would you like me to upload there?
@@NewelOfKnowledgeyes please. Lots of young guys come to me for advice since I’m a college senior. I suggested them your channel and I’m glad they find as value in the content you put out as I have.
@@NewelOfKnowledge if you are able to then that would be really good because people would be able to listen to it as a form of podcast if you know what i mean
Wow, powerful stuff!
Love this. Very helpful video, thank you.
Really enjoyed that video, thank you for the insight.
Though it seems the pdf link isn't working anymore?
Thank you.
Thank you
Obrigado por esse vídeo. Você está sendo muito importante para esse momento da minha existência.
Boa, br. Estamos no lugar certo.
Obrigado amigo! It's a pleasure to have you here.
Dude this is great content, really inspiring
Thanks
Unfortunately I have experienced ALL of this rational
Am blessed with Love,secure,
Have Wonderful hobbies,dependents(furry),beautiful subjects to learn.Iv structured courses,compiled by experts,aspirants to travel
Also dancing frees the soul,and the scene I love gives love back.
I experienced victory achieved success
I MISS too many loved ones
Your suggestion that I’m lacking dopamine is SO So helpful
Look to the Positive
onelove
Dude, you are awake. Thanks for this video.
Haven't finished the video but im so happy im free when u upload:))
🥲🫶🏻
Love you Lewis ❤
Thank you ❤
0:22 I'm proud of myself for being a failure
Wit id say is another addiction
5 days free of Cigarettes. This time it's certain. 💪🙏
How’d you do?
How did you do it???
I hope your journey is going well. Even if you’ve relapsed recently or for a while, you aren’t set back to 0%
@Spencergundersenmusic just over 6 months clean from it brother! Honestly, it might sound tacky, but returning to religion was my biggest help
Me listening to this as I sip a drink at 11am. Quite insightful
Personally, whenever I delete social media my life instantly improves however, when I download it again I get chronically addicted to it and can’t find the motivation do anything productive bc i can feel it dry my dopamine receptors so I just choose not to use it anymore only once in a while.
So far, I’m almost 18 months free of alcohol. With the help of another recovering alcoholic, I discovered my addiction, beyond the chemical dependence, was coming to terms with a lot of long held resentments, and getting my ego in check. Recovery can be effective when you have someone with lived in experience to talk through it. Of course I required medical assistance to physically recover to the point where I could address the actual causes of my addiction.
look for the teachings of Joe Dispenza and Neville Goddard could potentially offer valuable insights for healing. Their perspectives on the mind-body connection are fascinating
read the book "the secret “,it can help you
i was addicted to a video gane for 10 years and i managed to completely get rid of it by convoncing myself over and over that playing it is a complete waste of time , so i started unconsiously hating myself every time i opened the game and eventually just stopped for good. I havent opened the game since like 5 months
Thank you.
I'll improve for myself and for the people I love, I can and I will be better. Hope you're having a nice day o7
Gonna save this one to return to a few times
Definitely well on my way to beating it
Try to limit beating it to 2 or 3 times per week. Maybe start weightlifting or going for walks to get your mind off it
We are born addicted to food , water, Oxygen, shelter. I totally know how to kick them, and we all will in the end. I have also been addicted to drink, sex, cigarettes, weed, mostly organic substance. I mention the things we need as addiction because if you have never been addicted to a substance and can't empathize, just go without food, water or shelter for a couple days.
Well I got off alcohol and porn this month. Now just gotta beat social media.
Thanks
onelove
Addicted to these videos. 😅
"Well on your way to beaten it" 😅 i see what you did there.
Thankyou so much
I have a story about addiction spaning almost 10 years, finally starting to get over it. But I don't know how to share it.
My reasons are simple. Shitty interpersonal relationships and financial inability to move away from them.
How do you cope with unavoidable stress without falling into addiction?
Channel that stress into healthy ways of managing it. Walking, good sleep, exercise, good conversations with others.
Hi. Do you have a video concerning ADHD?? I suffer with it because I have that disorder. Thank you.
Hello good sir. I have a possible content recommendation that I’d like to share . Could your next video be about tips on moving out from your parents and young men beginning rites of passage? I say this because in a week I am moving out from where I currently live to a whole new life in every aspect. The way God has directed my life, I know beyond a doubt that I am about to enter into this rite of passage that a man must go through. I’d appreciate any wisdom you have to offer in the subject. Either way, I’m looking forward to the adventure.😊
God bless and Thank you.
Hello fine sir! I don't plan to do any videos on that topic soon, but what I would say is something I learned early on from Alan Watts; the only way to make sense of change is to go with it and join the dance. Whenever I made a big life change like yourself I'd always watch a mythological movie before it happened, try clash of the titans, king arthur or the hobbit - they capture the archetype of adventure brilliantly. ALL THE BEST WITH IT!
@@NewelOfKnowledge Ok! Thank you sir. I love Alan Watts. Watt a guy. Thank you for your words and keep up the good work yourself. 🙏
Say no more. I got it. Embrace the pain!
Thank you
Its no wonder the vast majority of people are basically just husks who give themselves in to the temptations of addiction and taking the route of least resistance, actually trying to fight against any of this is close to impossible, I've lost count of how many cycles I've been through of beating addiciton temporarily just to inevitably go back to the old patterns, the logical thing to do would be to just say fuq it and give up, I'm so sick of fighting it, give me a bridge and some meth