The Science Of Catching Up In Life
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ค. 2024
- Welcome to today's exploration into the science of catching up in life. Have you ever pondered whether it's too late to begin anew or if there are viable strategies to bridge the gap? In this video, we delve into these questions, uncovering actionable insights to help you catch up and thrive.
Learn more from Dr. K in his Guide to Mental Health: bit.ly/46CKHDO
Not sure which module to start on? Take our quiz: bit.ly/47dGzKj
We'll examine the psychological and scientific aspects of catching up, breaking down misconceptions and exploring practical steps towards progress. This isn't merely a conversation about playing catch-up; it's about understanding the science behind progress and growth, regardless of where we currently stand.
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:08 - Is it too late for me to catch up?
01:05 The truth about this video
01:56 - The science of catching up
3:20 - Attachment and behavioral catch up
4:55 - The “How” of real growth
6:50 - You need a small amount of help
9:00 - Changing your environment
10:46 - How to expand your social circle
13:10 - Changing your physical environment
14:35 - How the mind sabotages you
17:58 - What do we do about this?
19:48 - “I” statements
22:40 - Who you are no longer dictates what you do
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DISCLAIMER
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #scienceofcatchingup #lifeadvice
Catching up may be a science but the way I fall behind is an art
:')
i am going to write this quote in my quote journal😂😂
This is beautiful
Literally me haha
this is the best quote of 2023 😂😂😂
I’m 26 and feel this so hard. Never had a girlfriend, never had a “real” adult job, and I’m going to grad school now because my bachelors degree got me absolutely nothing valuable. Most of my male cousins and friends around my age are already married and/or have kids, and often I feel like an overgrown teen boy. Yet somehow, I’m optimistic for the first time in my life. I’ve finally accepted that I spent my youth being a perpetual screwup because I was too scared to face reality. Self sabotaging is an addiction that I am still training myself to overcome.
Keep up the great work! I just got my bachelors in Mech Eng at 28, hoping to start a masters or medschool at 30
I'm self sabotaging right now lol
you got this
You feeling bad at 26 makes me feel worse at 29 haha. I'm sure there's a 34 year old reading this in envy.
I'm 28 and on the same boat 😅 I have self sabotaged me my whole life because of social anxiety and stuff and only now I'm starting to slowly improve I guess
I hope this will encourage someone. I began studying software development when I was 35, a stay-at-home mom lacking any formal technical education. I landed my first job as a junior dev at the age of 36. I am 44 now, and a senior dev. I wouldn't be where I am now if at 35 I had succumbed to the fear that I was too old or too far behind to even try.
Good for you! 👏👏👏
I have a similar story: got into Info Sec as a mid-level architect. That was in 2017. Today, I'm the director of the department with more than 70 people ⭐️
Thanks for the motivation!
@@Crywolf1337 You are welcome. Успех в начинанията!
@@Claudia-lq3ns Sounds impressive! I am glad you could achieve so much and now have an inspiring story to share.
43, female. I've battled migraine and insomnia since 18. Migraines suddenly stopped in 2020. June according to last entry in my diary. My sleeping problems have decreased significantly. I'm so far behind my friends and younger siblings: no career, no kids, no partner, few friends, live in a shady neighborhood, etc etc. But I'm not worried about not reaching any specific goals. For me it's the journey itself I look forward to. I want to experience life for the first time since childhood as a healthy and fully present being. ❤ from Sweden
Thank you for sharing this great attitude and perspective! I needed to hear something like this today. I wish you all the best :)
That's a great attitude imo! I mean the real problem ?and not the society bs) is the shady neighborhood!! Gotta leave! You got this! Stay safe ☺️
I highly recommend you do Pranamaya exercise for your Insomnia , it's a wonderful powerful breathing exercises .
I had insomnia for a decade and I completely eliminated it using this exercise everyday for 10 mins .
I would also recommend you to start meditating as well (Transcendental meditation) .
These two probably saved my life , since I wouldn't agree to live with insomnia for much longer .
I would also recommened you to do tongue exercises as weak tongue can cause breathing blocks during sleep and lower quality of breathing overall . And lastly and most obviously , aerobic exercise! just run 15 mins a day!
You can also start doing some Yoga stretches as well to improve body .
Anyways I hope it can aid you in your life . Peace .
I feel you! recovering from ME/CFS, diagnosed n on disability since 2014. I cant wait till im working and living again
Since you’re from
Sweden, is this pressure to live up to societal pressure and status quo any different in Europe than in the USA?
Based on his wiki Dr. K battled video game addiction during his undergrad from 2000-2003, then overcame it in India. He later finished his undergrad in 2007. At 28, he started his medical degree in 2010, which he completed by 32-33 in 2014, marking a remarkable comeback and success story. Even mentors can be “behind in life.”
What an anime protagonist. :D
From simp to chad
I think it kind of has to be a prerequisite to be a mentor. Setbacks are the most important lessons overcome and learnt to inspire people.
I think that’s so awesome that he overcame video game addiction, he can really understand how gamers think for real
I am dealing with video game addiction as well. I'm going to try his social group method and hopefully find people who can build me up. Hopefully I can build them up as well.
I've been blessed with a good friend who helped me figure out that I can go into technology, but unfortunately he lives on the other side of the country. I'm going back to school, maybe I should join the volleyball club or try out for the swim team
This is really interesting, especially considering I just turned 22. If your comment is correct, that means Dr K is 20 years older than me. Hopefully I'll be successful twenty years from now but I'm glad he was able to become successful
I think he is excellent mentor for that exact reason it was so bumpy road. I find those who excel in studies and life and do record time things, are very bad at helping other people.
I needed to hear this today.
I am 40 with no career (just an alright job) no wife, no kids, nothing really so to speak. I was a heroin addict from the ages of 15-31. The next 5 or 6 years were spent cleaning up the mess of a life I created through my addiction.
I keep going in this loop of no one wanting to be with me due to the things I do not have or have not accomplished, being depressed because I am lonely, then accomplishing even less. I am so far behind my peer group that its not even funny.
I have given myself a 3-year deadline to improve my situation and I am trying to do all the things suggested in this video. I can only pray that it will work for me too...
Please do not use drugs. Even if you manage to not overdose or go to prison the real pain starts when you get clean and see how much of your life that you wasted.
Try to help even 1 person and i think it will make you feel good.
You got this brother, this random TH-cam user believes in you, you already accomplished a lot by cleaning yourself, things will be difficult but don't give up. Despite how much I need to catch up there's one thing I've learned when it comes to attempt positive changes in your life, even if it doesn't quiet work as you expected at the end of it, the results are far better than thinking years later: "What if I had tried that day anyway?"
What you've accomplished so far is already really really impressive. Please stay strong and continue on your self-improvement journey, no matter how incremental it might be at times. I believe in you!
@@00Mike55 You are very right. As someone who has many regrets, I will say it's not the things I failed at, it's the ones I never even tried that eat me up at night. However, thanks for your vote of confidence. Unfortunately finding a wife and building a family before I am far too old is proving to be harder than kicking heroin. lol
@@Ghetto_Bird I am doing my best so thank you for the kind words.
Unfortunately, due to my age and amount of time wasted I am on a bit of a time crunch. I turn 41 this winter so if I am ever going to have a kid/family it's going to have to happen in the next few years (hence the deadline I have set). Fingers crossed I will achieve my goals and my deadline will simply pass with no actions need.
36 this year and just started my PhD. I won't really start my career for another 2-3 years, but I'm finally pursuing a life that I love. Hang in there guys, it's worth finding your passion and going after it.
Man.. All the best.
I'm 37 and in two minds about starting PhD.
Best of luck ❤
All the best @hunterarmstrong8367. Your comment inspires me. I'm 35 and starting on a higher degree or postgraduate. My undergrad did not have the best results but catching up now and making up for les than desired results in my undergrad and hoping I can do a phd sometime in the future despite my past results and catch up to my peers.
Thanks for this! I'm 28 and going nowhere anytime soon. But maybe there's hope for me yet!
Good luck! I hope you keep being motivated :)
At 35 I want to go back to college now and get at least BA - not sure if I'll push to the PhD (my family expected me to be already finishing), but I'm ~5 years in the field after starting over from scratch and want to get at least some formal training on it to make more of my possibilities. It's good to attempt "just" the one next big thing :)
I'm 35, I spent most of my 20s as an unemployed/under-employed, reclusive shut-in, spent 5 years after that in a shithole factory making windows but I started to make some real change when I finally took the plunge on doing martial arts. From that I built a great social network and I began to develop an interest for human behaviour and a passion for mental health so I kicked around the idea of studying psychology at Uni. I then found out I had been carrying an injury for 2 years, had a surgery for it and remained out of the game for a whole year. Decided late last year as I was recovering from the surgery that I'd stop breaking myself down and rotting in a shithole for a pittance and take a chance to make something of myself by getting into Uni, so I did my STAT (an aptitude test to improve my selection rank) at the end of last year, performed well and got accepted at the start of this year.
Now I just got through my first semester of my psych undergrad with 4 distinctions, a high distinction, and a lot of lessons learned. I just started really getting my health back on track with regular trips to the gym, daily walks, evening yoga and quitting drinking. I have a job as a commercial cleaner to pay my way, good hourly rate, I mostly work alone which suits my introverted self, and I'm in discussion to get more hours at the moment. I'm also still going strong with a DnD group and games days some of my martial arts friends formed, I'm so glad I met these people, they have been the best support network I've ever had in my life.
There was a lot of discomfort, uncertainty, and insecurity I had to face, there have been a lot of challenges and doubts I've had to contend with, a lot of questions of whether I belong or if this is the right thing to do, but all in all I think I'm where I need to be and I'm slowly but surely picking up the pieces and I'm optimistic it'll all fall into place soon enough.
Points for me;
1. It's possible, even in biology, to catch up. It's the last reps which matter.
2. Be careful of your environment, who you hang around, your physical environment.
3.Your emotions are controlling you. Acknowledge your emotions, notice the shame behind your inaction. Shame sabotages you, makes you believe you're destined to fail.
4. Who you are is determined by your actions- play close attention to "I" statements- how you view your own identity. Don't let ego based statements control who you become.
End statement: It's 100% possible to catch up. It's up to you to realize the tricks your mind plays on you. Get help. Change your environment. Your mind is trying to convince you against your better judgement, to protect you from pain, but this cycle will leave you stuck.
Thank you! Usually it'd take me a while to synthesize a video like this into some good points.
Just stop comparing yourself to other people. Heck if you want to feel better compare yourself to people that died younger than you. Morbid as it sounds, all the years you are living are "extra" and you realize there is no obligation to catch up or whatever.
He also said that we need help for that last little bit, like a weightlifter who needs a spotter for the last rep or two.
@@Kevin_Street Just curious, who are you guys comparing to in order to feel "behind" in life? Elon Musk? Jeff Bezos? Your peer group?
honestly his points are kinda thin, what does biology trail of catching up relate to social catching up at all? btw that was just one example, there a many example in biology of not catching up . The point is youtube is so saturated with positive comment it lack critical thinking, look how positive the top comment are
Im 27 years old right now, spent about 6-7 years of my twenties high on herion and methamphetamine, but here i am clean 1 year in. I missed so much time and "catching up" is something im trying to fast track right now. Its frustrating and disappointing how much time i waisted. No savings no home to call my own no friends pretty much no life.. I hope everyone the very best in getting along in life. Because i know how it feels to be left behind
Same here pretty much! Congratulations on your year of sobriety! 😊🙌 That's awesome!!! 😁✊ I'm almost 28, & all I've known since I was 18 is addiction, homelessness, trauma, abuse, loss.. I've never had a place of my own to live, haven't been able 2 work a "regular" job in years due 2 traumatic events, pregnancy, mental health struggles, & physical limitations. I have no friends, & am stuck living with my narcissistic ex, cuz I literally have no where else 4 me 2 go, as my car that I used 2 live in is now undrivable & has been parked @ his parents house the last few yrs cuz I don't have the money 2 fix it. I HAVE been married, twice, both marriages were abusive. I HAVE given birth to 3 babies but I was forced into giving 2 up for adoption, & have been robbed of the opportunity 2 be a mother 2 my oldest. It's so damn hard, 2 want & desire connection, but are unable 2 due 2 current circumstances & unable 2 find anybody who is willing 2 invest their time & patience into a friendship with me b4 they automatically pass judgement on my personal struggles😩😔
Good luck brother, congratulations on a year clean! You got this
Congrats on a year clean! That’s is so much more ahead than you where a year ago, very proud of you for accomplishing your goal and we’re rooting for you!
1 year is an incredible accomplishment. Congrats.
Wish you the best of luck man. Do your best to focus on the future and what's coming! Just keep doing your best and your effort with be inevitably rewarded :)
I’m 28, no job no credit score, no rental history spent 15 years on psych drugs in zombie mode until lockdown when my dr closed his practice and I went cold Turkey on benzodiazepines and antipsychotics. I finally got my driver’s license at 26 and am making slow progress escaping a bad abuse situation. These videos are really helping. Thanks.
Benzo addiction is no joke. THat shit is probably the hardest stuff to kick!
dwell into vitamins and organic food
body won't rebuild without it's primal food fix itself
better to eat 1/3 but of better quality
Hey! I hope you're doing better now! Its been 8 months since you posted this, can you give us an update?
Charas ganja mereko pyara😂
same but worse
I was fighting back tears when he mentioned shame. This has been my last decade, being emotionally driven and focused and not actually pursuing what made me get into college in the first place. 31 now, I'm going to start becoming a doctor again. I have to make the steps and believe in myself along the way. I hope you all do the same.
I'm 33 and going back to school because I want to do something that I like and that's computing. I wasted 15 years of my life working at my dads restaurant like a slave so he could retire. That period was the most painful for me because of how toxic that environment was, Gordon Ramsay on Hells Kitchen seemed tame to what my dad was like. I had stuff thrown at me and bullied by him and my coworkers. But I still did not leave. I hope I can become a programmer and put my past behind me.
I'm rooting for everybody here in the comments section. It's not too late for us and we will smash all of our goals. *We can do this* ❤
I wish you the best. I've wasted my time so much in nothingness. Now learning programming. Cheers!
You got this man , we got this 👍
Learning how to program is difficult but I know surviving that was to so I have no doubts you'll be a great programmer one day.
@@claudiusbuser no
tf
I am turning 30 soon. No major career, no degree or major certifications, no house or apartment, no girlfriend, wife or kids, BUT after 10 LONG years of struggling I finally learned to accept reality and break out of depression. Now is just to focus on making money so I can get those things.
Dude for real ? I'm in the same situation. You know what else gives me hope ? Longevity science, i've wasted my 20's pretty much, but what if it's possible to feel just as energic as a 20 year old during my 30's by applying all these new scientific breakthroughs ? It might not be too late but we have to stop being lazy.
You don’t need money for a girlfriend.
If you are trying to basically buy the affection of someone out of your league, I guess you would need a lot of money. But if you want a normal girlfriend who is in your league, you just need to learn to treat her and yourself with respect and kindness.
The redpill idea that girlfriends are essentially purchased is hugely self sabotaging.
Roosh was a single guy, chronically online, living in his mom’s basement, spending all his time sabotaging other men’s happiness.
We forget that way too easily.
@@danxdanx8877We only have to do the right thing right now.
There is only this moment, always.
@@youtubename7819Most women, especially the quality ones want a man who makes at least average money.
@@DivineLogos Let me reformulate your sentence to make more sense: Most people, especially the ones that have their life together, want a partner who also has her/his life together.
I'm turning 26. I screwed up university big time. The hectic job market, the world turning on his head in the past few years (+ my country being a mess in general) paired with my indecisiveness and fear of failure plunged me in a 4 year long depression which I only recently crawled out of - heavens know how.
My 7 year relationship is hanging by a thread, job prospects are not doing great. Moved back with my parents for the time being, and that's when things started "looking up". The family was incredibly supportive when they saw how much I suddenly changed as I came out of depression.
My life by all and any metrics is really not doing well. Every area of my life I am severely lagging behind. But I believe that for the first time in a long long time, I am not stressed out of my mind, I am in clear control of my thoughts and emotions, and aware of my surroundings. I feel AMAZING despite the dreadful circumstances.
This is where life begins. Time to catch up.
One important thing to remember is that the feeling of "falling behind" happens to most people. It's not something that goes away when you do what's socially acceptable. Anything worth doing will require an amount of effort that will leave you out of some experience that seems extremely important. The only thing that matters is pushing for what you feel is important to you, and there's always time for that, irregardless of how far you are from "other people". All that matters is that you get to do what you care about while accepting that you'll miss out on something else by doing that.
In my early 20s I felt like a complete loser. I felt way behind everyone else in life.
I went through a journey that exactly matches what Dr. K describes in this video. I started weightlifting, going to networking events, and learning a well-paying skill, despite my initial fear of those activities. If you stick with something constructive past the most difficult starting phase, your self-image and your very reality will change for the better.
There is no greater feeling in life.
What's the skill if you don't mind me asking?
@@bevvvy1374 Programming. I attended a coding bootcamp in 2017 and I'm very happy with my career direction now.
@@Cyghfer I've always thought about coding as a career but my real passion is writing. Problem is I'm not sure how viable it is to get a degree for that, while coding is basically a guaranteed job
@@bevvvy1374 A lot of jobs hinge on good writing ability, but yeah, studying programming is a safer bet for solid income. I'm lucky in that I genuinely enjoy programming and building software. I didn't pursue it just for the money - that's a ticket to misery and lack of fulfillment.
I think it's really, really important to pursue something that you genuinely enjoy, but it also needs to be balanced with practicality.
@@Cyghfer This. I tried coding and I don't enjoy it. I have no idea what I can do that I'll actually enjoy that's also a valuable skill.
20:33 “When you start to believe something about yourself, it starts to shape what you choose to do or not do… the beliefs you have about yourself start to shape your actions and determine your future - and what always happens with the beliefs you have about yourself is that they become _self-fulfilling prophecies.”_
Setting a reminder for myself here.
Thoughts become things.
I'm 28 and I started catching up in life recently. A lot of what I've changed has come from always being a "Yes Man" to any sort of social event and whenever the voice in my head tells me to wait to do something I question it, ask it "why wait?", and then do what isn't comfortable, but needs to be done. The last year and especially the last 3-4 months have been going great for me and I don't plan on stopping.
Awesome, keep moving forward and putting yourself out there in uncomfortable situations.
hell yeah dude gonna try to do that too
How did you overcome the brain implosion about "but how can anyone find my company attractive? Theres definitely something wrong and shady" when someone is inviting you?
@@Nworthholf Maybe it's cuz I'm in my late 20s, but I don't have that sort of feeling when I've been invited to anything.
@@AnkleMusic I'm 28, and that crap was with me my entire life and I've got no idea what to do about it :c
You forgot to mention the "I should've done this before" cognitive trap. You also made a whole video about it. Awesome video hgg, I love them!!
Can you send me the video ? Can't seem to find jt
Where is the video
What is that video called?, I feel that I'm in that trap right now.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best is today.
Just ran into an old high school friend from ten years ago. I'm 28, one year older than him, but he has a great career and a new family. Meanwhile, I just graduated college after 6.5 years on active duty, no real career, no wife, no kids, and honestly still no direction despite having a newly acquired degree... It's depressing as hell sometimes to think of how "behind" I am, but it's great to have Dr. K's perspective. The timing of this vid was incredible.
I'm 29 and also used to compare myself to others all the time.
After 8 years of being in University from constantly failing, everyone else felt ahead of me in life.
The difference began when I realised that their stages of progress meant nothing in my journey. I focused on my own goal, then what resources I have, then on my plan to make and measure progress. It cut out all the other irrelevant junk (such as what anyone else is doing).
After a few years, I didn't even realise I have surpassed my peers in so many ways. I own my own $720k house, earn almost twice as much in wages than them, and am well on the way for even more progress.
I know it's easier said than believed, but life is not a race. Who knows? Maybe your friend rushed into having a family and could have serious issues with their less-carefully selected wife. Maybe he rushed into a job in a toxic working environment and no way to progress. We don't know. Frankly, it doesn't matter. You have a new degree, and have so many options for who you want to work with, who you want as a partner and who you want to be.
We may have walked the longer road, but as Doctor K said, we don't need to identify with our struggles. Rather, we can identify with our plans and values.
Same here. I'm 28. Just enrolled in college
Although true sometimes everything looks better from the outside looking in.
@@RonaldinhoPopper I'm at a similar path as yours buddy
I'm 28 and I'm finally graduating (hopefully *tm) and don't have any experience in job.
But because of one of my main obstacles; my family farming business, I have a clear understanding of this workfield. And since I'm into tech and entrepreneurship I have another advantage.
Oh and a killer credit score. :D just paid a massive loan that I was hoping to be able to pay in 36 months. I did this IN LESS THAN 10 MONTHS. :D god I love business. Who needs to be an employee?
Dude, active duty is a Real Thing(TM) all by itself. Even if your time in felt easy, or at least not challenging, it is still a big deal that sets you apart from the vast majority of humans ever.
To be clear, I’ve said thing deprecating my time as an intel weanie to legit operators and tough dudes, and they’ve universally hemmed me up over it.
Appreciate your service for what it was: volunteering your time in pursuit of something greater than yourself, without expectation of aggrandizement. It changed you in ways you may not even be aware of. As a 43 year old stay-at-home dad and Tricaratops using my GI bennies to learn trade skills, I find myself much more capable of dealing with the suck of life than a lot of my peers who didn’t serve, forex.
Something that soothes my mind on this topic is that:
My age now being 31 and just finishing my first year of college is actually and advantage in the field I am going in. The maturity I developed prior allows me to focus on actually learning and growing rather than the wows and wonders of entering the adult world. It also helps that I established the ability to study hard and stay focused.
The industry I am walking into will inherently prefer an individual who is older over younger, though it values skill more than all else. Skill can be developed at any age, so this isn't a problem.
Finally comparing yourself to your peers is fine so long as you don't use that as a measuring stick for your own success. Everyone develops at their own pace, and the biggest battle is recognizing that your life is your own. Beating yourself up because someone else is seemingly better off is honestly dumb. I know people who make 6 figures who are miserable, so your ideal image may not be the best for you personally.
I'll be starting grad school next fall at the ripe old age of 33 🤓 the life experience will be an asset in my field too. In fact, I've spoken with a few programs already and some of them have more students like me, who have gone off and spent a decade or more having a career and then returning to switch, than "traditional" 22-year-old grad students. Go us!
This was so well said! Especially your last two sentences, it relieved my mind a lot. Thank you for this! ❤
@@lilymulligan8180 there’s a small part of me that I imagines what it would have been like if I went to college later. I winged my years in university instead of using it to genuinely learn and grow. I didn’t have the awareness I have now.
I agree, I (used) to beat myself up a lot, and then I told myself later why tf did I actually do that (I mean I know why-low self esteem), but I’m like what did it actually accomplish.
Starting late is not an issue.
Being stuck at there for 8 years is
I'm 43 and need to do a LOT of catching up. This was absolutely solid gold! (7/15/23)
I feel like the idea of “catching up” in life is predicated upon the manmade concept that there are certain milestones we are all meant to meet at specific times in our life.
Roughly speaking though it's true. You should learn to walk by a a certain age, to talk by a certain age, to play well with others by a certain age, to transition from attachment to parents over to friends group by a certain age etc.
I agree it's a social construct not to be taken too seriously
I think the easiest to see this is when adults learn musical instruments. If they are really determined, they improve so quickly. They might not become world-famous musicians, but they for sure become good enough to accompany themselves, write songs, play for their families during holidays, etc.
I would just caution over trying to hit too many birds with 1 stone. e.g. Gong to a party (because socialising), but the party will be in French (because wanting to try speaking French) and there will be Karaoke (because getting over singing in front of people/being center of attention), etc... I think it's wise to choose 1 thing to focus on at a time.
Thank you for sharing :)
-the last 2 reps are harder, you gain more, same with life
-pay attention to negative thoughts that will sabotage you, what you are should not dictate what you do
-change your environement as much as you can,same for your social circle
-we need help but not a lot because only the last two reps are hard
You know the (in?)famous British saying: "It isn't real unless it hurts" - that's not being negative, it's the final 2 reps!
I'm 30 and I just finished med school, and I always feel shitty about the fact that Im 5-6 years older than most of my peers. But the fact that you started med school at age 28 (meaning that I might even be ahead of you time-wise) and turned out to be such a great doctor and giving so much value back to society means that age doesnt mean much, its all about mindset. Hope your channel grows and you dont stop making contect. Thank you for the video.
"I feel shitty after finishing med school" oh shut up... The humblebrags are just endless.
@@SPQR_14wait what??
@@SPQR_14 ong bro he just tryna flex on us
There is no way you feel shitty after finishing med school
Something that has helped me change my thinking is ‘challenging my ego’. What I do, is when my brain says I’m lazy or I can’t do something, I ask myself “why?” Then the ego will respond and I ask “why?” Again and I keep doing this process until I get to the root. Usually, these thoughts are imprinted onto us by other people, places, and things (it’s environmental). It’s a good start to rebuild your mental.
I think a really big issue here is for individual’s that are unable to change their environment or don’t know how to. A lot of times the solution to these types of issues are a change in environment, but when you have no where to go to or have no financial means to get there, that solution is always out the window resulting in staying broken or suicide.
This!
If you're broke just get rich
Don't feel so bad. Even in a different environment, all the cockroaches in your head will come with you. It's actually much easier to accomplish nearly anything that's locally possible, in your local area that you know as your home, than it is to do the same in a new, unknown environment. The only thing a new environment is good for is the forceful push it might give to do something new.
Pretty much this.
I live in a comfortable yet toxic environment. I have my own room, a small source of income (enough to treat myself with food and small expenses, not enough to move out)
My whole life i've never been a social person, i grew up in the countryside with only 1 friend i've occasssionally visited but he sort of moved on to do other things and i stopped coming over his place cuz he's was busy most of the time.
I live with my mom, whom i genuinely hate and find to be a despicable person despite the few good things she does
And my older brother, who constantly belittles me for not doing enough work and such. To the point i avoid every possibly interaction with him.
I'm always nagged to find a job and get a driver's license, but finding a job for a socially inept person with no connections is, extremely difficult.
In the ideal scenario i would find a job abroad and move there for a long while, to try living alone for once and escape the daily sense of judgement. But i have no experience with "real jobs", i don't have experience with applying for things, i don't know the documents needed, whether it's safe bet or not.
The ignorance and lack of a comfortable amount of money just makes it feel impossible.
Once I left my parents house my mental state was able to change. You can change your environment by getting to know other actual good people who have your best internet in mind. It took me a while to learn who is looking out for me and who is only there for their own self interest.
40 years old. Failed in business. Lost life savings in day trading. Accumulated loads of debt. Failed in relationships(almost got married but due to aforementioned reasons). Now trying to catch up and make up for my "lost decade" of depression that had me doing jobs that isn't part of my diploma just to survive and eat. Lots of weird health issues too. Your video's timing is extremely apt because now I am trying to change and trying my best dusting off formal shirts and constantly going for Job Interviews. Thanks for this.
Be strong and be courageous. You have many years available to build your success on the difficult lessons you learned.
Good luck in your interviews, you got this!!
Thank you for sharing, that genuinely gives me a little more hope and motivation for myself
Good luck!
I wish you all the best pal
I think just having people in life who are honest and kind to you is so important. You can really allow your mind to get into a dark place and if you don't have someone to kind of knock on your head and say "Hey dummy, it's not that bad" then it can be really hard to get out of that dark place on your own.
A person cannot remake themselves without suffering, for he/she is the marble and sculpture. A lot of us here has suffered so much and so we've fallen behind. I pray everyone here reaches to where they need to go in this life. Thanks Dr.K.
Its comforting to know I'm not alone. And it might sound macabre but Im glad there's people out there who have it worse than me and still fight for themselves.
I dropped out of HS in 2013 due to illness and experienced nothing but more trauma and failure. I got sicker mentally and physically until in 2019 i couldn't take it anymore.
The right meds helped me take baby steps. In 2020 I enrolled in second chance adult HS. I made my A-levels this June. I'm hopeing to enroll in a EE bachelor's programme this fall at 29. I might graduate by the time im 33 and have my first career ever then. I do absolutely feel behind, but I also know I had reasons. If it had worked sooner, I would have done it sooner. Obviously it didn't, so theres no reason to lament about it further. I gotta keep going. One day I'll be 33 anyway. With or without a career.
I hope you can make the most from your life💪
Hope you make it 💪
The last two sentences are pure gold. I'm 31 years old trying to restart college (I dropped out freshman year) and I feel so fucking behind. But that's it. One day I will have 3X, with or without a career.
I love hearing stories of other people whose lives went differently than expected but are turning out fine. I feel like I had never really gotten my life back properly after my depressive episode in 2013, but now I'm back in school and things are getting better and I've decided I'm going to be OK.
All the best!
I'm 33, from 18 to 28 (1 decade) I was basically aimless, didn't had a job, failed my academic attempts, didn't do much aside from being in my room playing video games and/or watching youtube videos. I had a distance relationship with a girl from another part of the country, from my 21 to my 28 (7 years). When we broke up (things were not sustaining themselves any longer, both of us needed help) I was so devastated emotionally, that I developed strong anxiety symptoms like never before, in front of that crisis I knew... I just could do 2 things, or I vanish myself from existence, or I try putting things together, overcome my fears (accept and embrace them), and go accomplish the stuff I needed to become an independent and functional human being.. turns out that things ended up going well, in about just 1-2 years I had a job (software engineer) and a new girlfriend (this time face to face relationship), and 1 year after I was living together with that person. We don't plan to have children but we have a dog, lol (never had a dog before either). It was painful to confront so many hard situations, still is in some cases, so after postponing the inevitable for 10 years... I finally was faced with the decision, and I concluded that the pain of trying to live a better life was less than the pain of trying to die, because I was seriously considering it.
Well done man. So happy for you.
Well done. Congrats 🎉
0:00: 📚 It is possible to catch up in life and overcome setbacks.
2:55: 🧠 The body and mind have the ability to catch up and grow after periods of setback or adversity.
6:16: 💪 Getting help for a small portion of the journey can lead to exponential growth when catching up in life.
8:46: 🗣 Changing your environment and the company you keep is crucial for catching up in life.
11:40: 👥 To insert yourself into a group, make eye contact, smile, and introduce yourself. Ask open-ended questions to engage in conversation.
15:08: ⚡ The mind sabotages us when we try to catch up in life due to emotions and logical reasoning controlled by emotions.
17:50: Shame and lack of belief in oneself lead to thoughts of failure and sabotage.
20:34: 🧠 Beliefs about oneself shape actions and determine future outcomes, becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
24:11: 🧠 Your mind uses logic to try to convince you of certain beliefs, but getting help and changing your environment can help you catch up in life.
Recap by Tammy AI
Im currently 22 going on 23 in August, and this really caught my eye. I've been in a downward spiral of feeling like i didn't belong in this world. Going through life living with an abusive mother since my stepdad died when i was 9 until she passed away when i was 18. I felt free, but i had no direction. Throughout the years of my life, i didn't do well in school, i suffer from ADHD, i dropped out of college, and I never really had a positive male role model. Im right now trying to find a better direction in life that being going back to college or serving in the military, anything to find purpose. I hope I finally fulfill my goals
So relatable. Even having a degree and working in IT for 4 years as a SDET I still feel I'm lagging behind. No house, no partner, others peer making more than you. Sometimes it feels once you achieve something the goal only get moved to another one.
What's SDET?
@@derickndossySoftware Development Engineer in Test. OP, you know what you need to do--transition to production.
I agree 100%. I dropped out of an IT degree 10 years ago to figure out what I want to do career wise and I'm still not any further forward. Although I'm now happily married with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, there is still a part of me that feels like a failure for not having a career. I'm resigned to the fact that us humans (in my opinion) are never truly content with what we have, there is always something we crave. Even though, from the outside, it could look like we have everything
@123NiallMc Yes, I studied biology and psychology and they teach that humans always want the next thing. It is a survival mechanism.
I struggle with meaning and what most therapists don't talk about is the "pain" of doing all this. It's super hard, deteroriating and lonely. It's you who pull the last rep no matter what gym or trainer you've on your side. Through this shape-shifting and crafting, somewhere you 'emerge' and that's encouraging but deeply agonizing at the same time. Thank you Dr. K for saying it's painful.
I'm 34 year old high school dropout have finally taken a leap by enrolling in a course I've been keen to study.
I've also finally plucked up the courage to seek help from a therapist. I'm a single mum of 3 kids, and feel determined to face my fears of failure.
I teach my kids to repeat the mantra "I can do it" when they're learning something new and to build confidence.
Remember to encourage yourself too. 😁
All the best to you! as I was a kid in middle school my mom was studying hard to get her bachelor's and master's and she did all that! seeing that really influenced me and motivated me to do well. I know you can do it and that your kids may even get the same experience as I did, good luck to you ✨
Hoping all well for you..prayers going out to you and your kids ❤️❤️
As Socrates said : “Focus your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” I hope this change someone’s insight towards life and time as it did for me, God bless you all
I’m 23 and I just finished my associates degree.. now I will be transferring to a 4 year. It took me a while, but I’m glad that I’m finally taking a step forward.
Nice, 21 and starting my associates in September.
I am 23 i was in the same boat too. I fucked up my associates but i am on my road to a 4 year university too. 😁
Get married ASAP, life is lonely on the other side of 30
@@BlueBobbinthis says more about you than anyone else
raises hand* 38yro Alcoholic (in recovery).... Have a decent job (that I'm burnt out in)... But, mental health has been a struggle/work in progress the last couple years. I definitely expected more out of myself at this stage. But, just getting sober increased my motivation 100x... Hoping this is useful
You literally just changed my entire life and my feelings of doomed outlook about never catching up.
A huge obstacle are companies that over analyze people and want them even younger with zero judgement so they can be easily manipulated.
They want the ones that had a perfect start. The rest can suck it and end up in the service industry with no chances of making it back to their aspired careers. There’s gotta be protection programs for people in their 30’s and late 20’s against the rough start bias. The discrimination is even deeper these days.
The biggest, most important take away... "the mind tries to protect you, but leaves you stuck."
Protect me from what?
@@penguingobrrbrr353
Fear of the unknown , fear of messing up, fear of failing
I will be 30 in few months, I feel an immense sensation of overwhelm because of this thing. Got several estates, no major financial challenges thanks to my family (also my downfall, always played the victim and blamed others for they never pushed me in the right direction), bachelors in Linguistics from an OK university which I hated so deeply but felt it was my only option as I was self limiting back when I was younger (It took me 8 years to finish it). I always ran away from all the responsibilities that I knew will hunt me later in my life, all in my 20s, got into drugs, spent my time being a drunk fool running with a balloon like brain. When I graduated 2 years ago, I had a terrible break up with my fiancee and my family went abroad, I started to live alone, took tens of responsibilities and got into all sorts of calamity like depression, panic attacks, anxiety, brain fog, derealization, suicidal thoughts etc. I think losing that many things within a short period of time broke me. Yet, I started to switch my patterns of failure with orderly things. Started to learn about the things I was scared of throughout my life such as math, computer science, and many more. Brain fog and derealization still persists, not gonna lie, it does feel like fighting against an inexorable enemy and I may not be %100 again, I am still going in and doing as much as I can. But everything considered, I can say, I felt perhaps like first time in life, I have a genuine interest to gain knowledge and to use it for the people. I am yet to overcome the feelings of regret and feeling like an impostor, a product of wasting a decade and a half but I am determined to make my bread out here, even go for a CS masters degree. I wish good luck and blessings upon all of you feeling the same way, also send my gratitude to Dr. K to provide guidance for lost souls like me.
Omg the massive changes nearing 30. Same happened to me. Got me down for over a year but I think I can start pulling myself back up now. This was good to hear! Good for you
I’m 40 now and I feel younger than I did in my twenties, when I was lost, depressed and anxious… so much of it is in our minds! I have to say that the 30’s has great potential! You are still young, healthy, but a bit more wise… and wisdom can never be bad! I felt like the world was my oyster in my 30s. You have lots of time still. Good luck!
I began my programmer career at age 37. It was a do or die situation more or less, now I still struggle with social awkwardness and isolation, and having 2 kids makes it real hard. But just like you said in the video, I just needed a little help, and even though I didn't actively searched for it, it arrived in a random encounter in my son's Judo class.
Next step will be to somehow give myself motivation to advance my programming skills cause I'm too comfortable staying a junior+ programmer, although I work on a few "backup plans" in my own time. Thinking about changing work and going through job interviews make me sick to my stomach.
You can't just become a programmer at 37... I mean you can try... But you will never be truly competitive with all the people that started as teens.
@@SPQR_14 The company I work in for the last 6 years were looking for an iOS programmer for 6 months before they gave me the job, most if not all of them were in their 20s bit sure, Ill tell them I can't be a true programmer 🤣
hey I'm old you but without kids
wanna help each other?
whatever terms you choose
but I'm learning js
I'm doing fine texting worse with taking f2f
haha but enough confidence to push it forward
@@SPQR_14Bro so what who cares?
try be competitive in regular job replaced by migrants XD
why so deafeatistic making it harder for others keep own complexes for yourself
I got computer at 19yo didn't use for anything else than gaming
on university at 22 seen guys who coded from kindergarten
with such thinking you are destined for hell on earth 😂
@@szymonbaranowski8184 It's not "complexes" it's just common sense. The vast majority of people going into programming start at least in their 20's if not in their teens. At 37 you will be so far behind, not just in natural ability and skill, but in knowing the newer trends of the industry. Case in point, this dude is trying to learn Javascript lmao...
This actually reminds me of a book I've read recently called The Flinch. According to it, our "fight-or-flight" response and natural fears of wild life now work in our everyday life. It's really difficult for some people to take on anything unusual for them like learning something new or simply talking to strangers. Commonly it's caused by our brain considering such actions too risky. It makes us think of numerous ways of failing in doing something new, thus preventing us from possible negative emotions and, unfortunately, development, too. All in all, people need to overcome these thoughts and doubts in order to progress
"just" is a tough word at the beginning
@@youregonnaburnalright7333 yeah, I didn't think about that😅
I'm 20, dropped out of school after 8th grade. Spent my teens here and there doing nothing, had no friends. Went through the guilt, loneliness, shame,, self sabotaged like thrice.. . Going back to school after 5 years in autumn. This video really reminds me of the harder times I had and also how I've kind of gotten over this feeling of being behind/accepted it. i feel like im only now starting my journey, its rather exciting. there definitely is light on the other side of the tunnel lol.
That is wonderful! Good luck on your journey and hope you'll find joy in it too🌱❤️🩹
@@jacuci91 I also dropped out of school in 9th grade in 2010 (or rather, was forced to), because my country went to the crapper and the majority of the population could not afford to live there, so to answer your question, despite it being law, one way of dropping out is moving to another country.
My path was harder than the norm (graduate after 12th and then university) and sometimes I wish I could have continued the normal way, but I pursued the studies that I wanted later on and now work as a Software Engineer. While not the end of the world, I certainly don't recommend anyone drop out if they get the choice.
Good Luck ❤
keep your head high. You are not behind! Everybody has their own timeline!
Join the army. My guy, easy way to start a new life
Volunteer work has been the biggest thing to get me out of my social circle and into something new. I would never be able to do that otherwise and it's been working out well for me!
I’m 29 married and a kid, I dedicated 7 years into plumbing and decided this wasn’t for me anymore 5 years into photography, I still want to continue that as a side hustle but I decided to change my environment and joined the army as a 25B (IT) plan to go to college. I’m getting a lot of back lash for it but my mindset is now or never. If you wasted time by tryna find the easy way out you gotta figure out where you need to struggle a little to prosper..
I found it more helpful to become less dependent on my social circle before I expanded it. Starting to enjoy doing activities alone, etc, building confidence
I am almost 30 years old.
I am, for all intents and purposes, a 4th year medical student in limbo. I began school in fall of 2015. it is now 2023. Due to various circumstances (some in my control, others out of it), i still have yet to complete all my board exams required to obtain a residency training position. My closest friend from med school is now entering his 3rd year of residency; it feels like i am way behind in everythign because of the set backs I've experienced.
Part of the problem was COVID throwing me off. others were familial drama that caused me to fail an attempt at my boards which led to me being stuck in limbo. Part of it is my hatred for change, and fear of the new and big upcoming changes. part of me is glad i failed. part of me is upset i failed because i am scared to move onto the next stage of life. but i am sick of being left behind. I just want to move on. I am terrified i screwed up and wont ever catch back up.
I have spent time scribing for the last year and a half though. I chose to be a virtual scribe in this limbo so as to remain attached to the clinical world and build connections; as a result i work at Yale University. I've built a lot of connections due to this and now, i know i have help for that last 10-20% for residency match.
bro your videos helped me more than years of therapy. Everything makes sense and I can see where I need to change my behavior. Keep up the good work
Every once in a while you come across something that makes everything you've been doing for a while click. This video just did that for me.
Sincerely, Thank you. First video, Subscribed.
I've been on a self improvement journey for the last 2 years (I'm 30 now). These 2 years have been beyond terrible, to say the least, as I was behind in everything from my health to relationships, career and finances. I had to work on all of them at the same time and face everything I've been avoiding for a decade. But it's also been the most fulfilled I've ever felt.
And watching this video made me relive many of those experiences. Honestly, I might've struggled a bit less if I saw a video like this back then, probably.
To anyone who is in a similar situation, my best advice is to just start doing any positive habit.
Start small, and where you can. Even if it's as insignificant as fixing your bed the moment you get up or brushing your teeth around the same time.
Make it so easy you can't say no. Then once it develops into a habit, do another good habit right after it (habit stacking).
In my case, I went from waking up at the same time to ->cold shower ->running ->study ->skin care routine ->morning greeting family/friends -> protein n carbs rich breakfast. I procrastinated and missed a lot but made sure to get back to it everytime and in about a year and a half, my morning routine got set. The amazing thing is, in the process of fixing my morning routine, my evening to bedtime routine got fixed as well.
In just 2 years, I went from:
Barely able to run 500 meters to running 21 kms (half marathons), doing 50kms every week.
Messed up sleep, waking up 8-11 am to now 3 am without needing an alarm.
No social life to close family relationships and regular outings with friends.
Camera shy and procrastinating for years to my first youtube video
Never employed to getting my first job
Water phobia to learning to swim
Not able to do 1 pullup to 8 pullups in one set.
80kg to 65kg (lost 15kgs in 4 months)
Unfortunately, I have yet to get a girlfriend but at this point I'm not insecure about it anymore.
Also, my job situation is not set yet since I decided to get back to studying and pick up the right skills for a proper career rather than short term quick money.
So yes, I still have many things to work on but I'm whole worlds away from that guy who almost gave up on his life cos he didn't know where to even start fixing things.
As messed up as your life is, it's possible man. We all start somewhere.
I took my first few steps and I'm already dreaming of greatness lol.
Seriously though, call it newbie delusion but I'm starting to be convinced I can achieved anything with time as long as I keep at it.
My channel is for that exact purpose- to see if someone like me who had a messed up life can really achieve greatness with brutal accountability and discipline.
I can relate to this. I dropped out after high school and never went to college to pursue other goals. I failed, and at 26 I went to college (correspondence) and got a computer science degree as plan B. At 30 I landed a software engineers job and started from scratch. Im 36 now and a senior engineer, but I fell like im playing catch up because people younger than me are lead engineers even thou I am as capable and knowledgeable as them, I lack enough experience. But I hope to catch up in the next 2-3 years and make an impact to my career.
This video uploaded at a very convenient time for me. I just started getting back into art THIS MORNING after giving it up sophomore year of high school to prioritize “more important” things (my studies). That was 7 years ago.
Now that my academic endeavors have been going poorly, I have been thinking about the things that I actually valued when I was younger for about a month now. I picked up a pencil for the first time in so long and just… drew. I really enjoyed it, but then the doubt came. “Imagine where you’d be if you never gave up art. You’ll never catch up, it’s a waste of time.” Then Dr. K comes along and says, “stop that.” I’m still so young and I have to recognize that I’m being ridiculous and even unfair to myself. So thanks. You always come at the right time.
For some people some things comes as easy as breathing.
I too enjoy art but to be honest I think my actual advantage is at speaking or writing.
I'm barely holding myself back now for example. :D
Extremely relevant.
I like this except for the whole explaining yourself as to why you said hi… just smile and be like “hi how are you all doing today?” If they respond then you’re in the clear to introduce yourself and interact. It’s that simple. Go have fun now!! 😊
@@syalda0001 And if they don't respond, I gave them an opportunity to blow me off. Assert yourself.
The biggest gamechanger for me is not to compare myself to others. I created my own realistic goals with what I had and be content when I achieve them. The point is not that you're "behind" but you ACT on changes to be better with your life. If you dwell on your issues (everyone on here has their own story) it will just pull you back. But if you keep faith in yourself and push forward through your obstacles you will be the greatest CEO....of your own life.
The question is should you even try to catch up or isn't it just better to live in your own pace and stop comparing yourself to people who got their college degrees at age 23? Would like to hear your guys opinion on this?
Every time Dr.K talks about starting med school at 28 I feel hopeful for myself. I'm turning 26 tomorrow and I've been stuck in college. I started college since 2014, grew up with mentally and emotionally abusive parents, and I still live with them. My siblings are lucky to have moved out, and sometimes I just can't help but cry at night because I feel like I'm still stuck in this house that feels like a jail. I literally have to always fight for myself and what I believe in to my parents and honestly it's just so exhausting. I've also had several nights where I just want to stop existing despite performing yoga, meditation, and eating healthy on a daily basis. This has been a tunnel I've been walking in for years and honestly I genuinely do not know when I'll reach the end, but, since I've discovered Dr.K I have actually started to see the light at the end of it.
Hi, my situation is different than yours, but I did all the right self-help things (yoga, meditation, etc.) and it wasn't working, then I moved halfway across the country and went back to school and realized... it's being away from my parents, and I feel more free to explore life. My parents were not abusive, but I did feel stifled. I think if your parents are abusive, you probably would experience the same thing or even more strongly when you escape.
@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767 i work on the weekends, it's a part-time job and it's just for a humble coffee shop. i've been working there for 10 months, and i get you. despite my social anxiety, despite the dread i feel for waking up very early in the morning to prepare going to work, my environment there feels more loving, and healthy, compared to my environment at home.
i'm a hardcore introvert so it's really difficult for me to socialize and would rather just stay at home, but the little time i go to work where i'll be away from my parents for the whole day actually doesn't seem so bad. and through that job too i'm learning what it's like to feel loved, to have someone be interested in you genuinely - just that sense of community, you know? that i never feel at home.
i actually decided to re-enroll again and pursue a degree i actually want, so i can earn more, and eventually, move out. and honestly all this is possible because dr.k has helped me dig into myself more, and figure out which parts of me has actually been conditioned.
I start law school at 31. Also saw people in their 50s taking law exam.
@@anngocch i'm wishing you the best! let's all make it to graduation 🫶🏻
I've had a similar experience to you - only older. Let's get to that graduation 🎓💖
Thank you for this. I've gone through a rough period thanks to chronic depression for 6 years (supposed to be a 3 year course) during university. Because of this I was not able to make the most out of uni life. I didn't make use of the facilities that my school provided me, I didn't join any societies and meet new people and I'm pretty sure that I've forgotten everything that I've learned during those years. I still have a very tiny and nagging voice of insecurity in the back of my head whenever I view fb profiles or insta profiles of the people with whom I used to study in school. But there's no point in wasting my time and energy in being jealous of someone else's success. I'll pick myself up and keep moving forward from now on. I'll crawl if I have to in order to get to the finish line of whatever challenge that's in front of me. I used to have very ambitious goals in life. But after I've gone through everything these past 6 years, my main goal from now on is to never fall into the void that is depression ever again.
Edit: Hopefully that main goal of mine will change in the future. But for now, I'm not placing lofty expectations on myself. I'm going to put my head down and keep chipping at life and see how it goes.
Hey man.
I have a similar story as yours.
Wasted of my 4 college years with 2 extra on lock down and the last and maybe more years with depression (need to get help on this still).
How'd you get out of depression?
Thank you for your story, keep working hard, you're doing good.
I get you. I went to uni in lockdown for three years and never reaped the benefits of uni. That’s why at least this year I want something that all the previous years got before Covid. Or at least some of it again.
@@spectrum910 Hey man really sorry for the late reply. My psychiatrist labelled my depression as chronic depression. So he started me on a Prozac medication. I also went to a psychologist but I stopped after a couple of months later because it cost too much. I'm currently doing self-therapy through HealthyGamer (not sure if it's the best idea).
One thing I’ll disagree with as someone with Asperger’s. I don’t think going to party or social situations alone will help you improve.
It didn’t for me. What helped me improve was to watch interviews to get a grasp of “context” and then act towards the “context”. Once I was able to do that, I could go anywhere and socialize with anyone. Otherwise this advice is not bad.
Battled an eating disorder for literally my entire teen years (kicked in around 8ish. Hit mastery when I was 12 and spired out until around 19) Hit uni in a foreign country and that- seeing myself literally alone in a room with no one in the world (my family stayed in my home country)- was my wake up call.
I’m seeing a lot of people mentioning addiction and what that takes away from you which is absolutely horrible but realising you have *NO* personality or interests whatsoever it’s so painful as well. There’s no way for me to make friends at this point. This horrible addiction dug me into a whole I couldn’t see through. I had “friends” but since my personality was approaching a blank piece of paper I was mostly an afterthought in my group of friends. A presence often forgotten at the back of the group, the sort of person for whom nobody stopped when they tied their shoelaces and I often ended up going home without saying goodbye and with nobody noticing. I’m now in my early 20’s trying to figure out people and life and who the hell I am. This video really helped.
'who the hell i am' -this is KEY, this is what you need to double down on -discover what sparks joy for YOU! discover your wants and your needs, discover what makes you passionate and excited!
You DO have a personality, but i suspect it is buried, hidden away for protection, from fear of shame/non-acceptance. It may also be that like me you are a 'people-pleaser' squashing yourself down to fit into another persons' moulding, becoming small and invisible in the process. I started discovering who i was/what i liked etc when i was mid 30's.
If you are a people-pleaser, learn about it -you'll be lacking boundaries and find it challenging to say no to people
Feel like the same topics come up, but its nice to have reminders every now and then, and he does get better at explaining it each time more concisely and efficiently.
I think the same topics come up because people are experiencing the same problems
@@whysosad45 We should come up with new problems so that there is more variety!
I agree! Hearing the same advice multiple times makes it stick much more
Try to remember he's not making each new video with the mindset..."oh what should we talk about today to add to the knowlege of anyone whose seen every video I've made..." he's doing it, as he did from the start, making videos that would support the most of us in his mind at once
@@Malinanaanilmao hahaha
I’m 27 & at 20 I had a problem with psychosis. But I pulled myself out of it & immediately started on making my room a functional & safe feeling space for me. Now I’m working really hard on compromising with myself & doing what I can to heal, including getting rid of people who aren’t good for me & understanding who is healthy for me. Now I’m higher functioning than I have been in years & I am happier now than I have ever been before.
That's amazing!
Man, that hits close to home. I'm 28 now, and like you, I had a psychotic event when I was 18/19 that left me hospitalized for about a year and a half. It really set me back quite far. Somehow, I managed to work my way out and life just got so much better, and I was finally felt like I was living a life, rather than existing in one. Then a few years ago I had some back-to-back tragedies occur in my life, which pretty much sent me tumbling back down. It's been a dark period for a while, but I recently managed to get myself enrolled into a program to get certifications in a field I'm interested in. It's only been three weeks, but it's done wonders for me to actually put myself in a situation that feels like I'm working towards something other than rotting away. Some days it feels hard to keep up the hope, yet the fire never truly burns out. I did it once before, I'm sure I can do it again.
Glad to hear your life has improved significantly, friend!
@@JM-pk2nv thank you so much! I’m really happy for you & I hope we both continue to improve
@@kontakt360 thank you so much!
Make sure to get your money up as well, it’s helps the brain know that your ok financially and that there’s no need to rush your journey. Been out of a job for 6 months, convinced that I can purse digital marketing without a job, found myself going back to a job today because I needed to fund my projects and I know that rush the project to make money isn’t going to get me no where in the long run. Be aware
Our mind sees our attempts as failures!!!! 😳😳😳
That.. hit me!!! I've done amazing things on my own and because it wasn't my definition of "perfect" or exactly the way I wanted it FELT like a failure and I wouldn't give myself credit or properly celebrate myself.
perfectionism and inner critic are biches! XD
Dr K is always condescending-free, I love it!
For me, this means respect ❤
Can I be condescending to you?
I am 27 now, never had a relationship, depressed game addict for the most part of my life. I just finished my propadeutic year for Informatics, summa cum laude. I am starting to catch up now. I've also registered for a "summer school", which is 6 evenings spread throughout the next 1.5 months hoping to meet like-minded people there.
Tbh I don't really want to catch up. I'm severely disabled (congenital brain damage, autism, 20 years severe neglect and abuse history) and I don't feel any need to catch up with my peers. I have a very isolated quiet life on my own with minimal outside world interaction. I have no reason to catch up with others. In fact with my illnesses it would cause me status epilepticus and all other stuff. I get enough benefits to survive and sometimes sell old stuff online to top up. I really don't care for catching up to the norm. I'm not bothered. I'm maldeveloped but nobody is needing me to do anything. I haven't got those responsibilities because I have that level of disability status.
I just logically don't see the need to physically severely destroy myself to catch up. I don't get upset about it.
Catching up is often a necessity but not a fundamental requirement.
Hi Dr. K, I am in the middle of this process and I have to say hearing you talking us through this process is so uplifting. With all the things you do youre helping so many people to actually change for the better, I am in absolute awe. Tears are forming in my eyes while writing this message, I think I am just so greatful for what you do. Thank you!
The problem I have with this kind of thinking is... why do I have to catch up? Isn't the whole notion of fulfilling expectations from a sick society one of those egoic fear-based illusions we get too attached to? It's an actual conflict I am having about psychology vs spirituality. One is telling me what to do in order to "damage control", to forget about this little 15 years long time bubble I fell in and catch up on the "right path" which I immediately perceive as a cage. The other is telling me it was all just an illusion, that I have a problem only if I think I do and that everything will always be perfect as it is, that I will start moving again only if I strip it of all meaning and do it for the sake of it, as if it was a dance, outside of ego domain of comparison getting ahead or falling behind. I am confusion America exblain!
Yes, this video is only relevant for those who want to cling to the belief that life is some kind of race. It's not. It's way more open ended. Which makes it harder, because if you are not happy what is it you are supposed to do now?? But there's a balance to be found perhaps - if career advancement can improve your life, try to remove excuses and barriers to reaching your potential, because why not? Existing dysfunction certainly can't help. And in the meantime, play the absurdist game and reach out to people or whatever you want, or something. Idk, I am just hoping it's not one or the other. But, like you, I fear that staying purely reasonable to the ego will carry with it the ultimate opportunity cost - neglecting the stuff of TRUE happiness, if it exists. So, somehow one has to find balance. It is very hard.
You want freedom and you also want comfort. These two needs are driving your confusion as they battle for supremacy in your mind. Sit down with a bottle of a hard alcohol of your choosing, and dedicate yourself to one of the two styles. In 6 months, sit down again and decide if you want to change. Put the responsibility on your future self to decide whether or not you want to continue. Best of luck.
Life is not a race
To be able to have food and a roof over your head. You can be spiritual but you still live in a capitalist society. You gotta learn how to play the game
Um bills? Taxes? You gotta pay em if you wanna live in this society which you are currently stuck in. So don’t go around thinking you’re exempt from the rules of the game just because it doesn’t mean anything TO YOU. There’s spirituality and then there’s just sloth
Not only have you given us novel ways to look at life situations, but you have validated some of our existing approaches to life as well, thereby building momentum.
I had a fork in the road as to whether or not I should graduate with my class in college or stay longer and pursue a degree with more career prospects. I also took a little bit of time to think about what my life SHOULD look like.
The work ethic I developed to stay with the more lucrative career actually ended up putting me far ahead of everyone else by the time my 20s were over.
Taking some time to think about details saves years of headache down the road.
“Seek discomfort” was a motto of mine when I was at my healthiest. I tended to find uncomfortable (but safe and healthy of course) situations lead to my biggest growth. Going to the gym when I didn’t want to and pushed a little harder when I was tired, doing new things I’ve always put aside/wished I’d do/never done, took opportunities when they came. More recently I haven’t followed that much. I’ve missed opportunities, had decreasing physical and mental health. It’s okay to say no to things. I’ve found that being comfortable has led me to less personal happiness than what I used to have when I put myself into self-challenges and struggle as much as I could. I was learning a lot, best physical shape I’d ever had, strongest relationships I’ve ever had and valued. Dont be afraid to struggle. It’s a sign you’re at least trying. And don’t be too hard on yourself for being kind to yourself, and choosing to live.
Thanks Dr. K, I know that my setback wasn’t the biggest, but sometimes I feel that I “missed the boat” in terms of my education. I started attending college at 22 and despite myself being so young I still struggle with funds and balancing my job and school. Your videos have helped me a lot, and have empowered me to feel better about my non-linear journey through life. You’ve also helped me realize that not all was lost during my time away from college.
36 and still behind. All my friends have gotten married, had kids, and working on their second home and I'm just... here. I put my career above everything else in my 20s, had to slow down for health reasons, and I'm not doing to bad for myself comparatively speaking and much better off than my parents were. However, I cannot maintain a healthy relationship for the life of me. I know I grew up in an unhealthy household but it had an effect on me. Have some other issues too.
I am 79 and figure that I've got about 66 years of catching up. As I told my therapist I realized that I never went through emotional puberty.
About a year ago a friend of mine suggested that I may be autistic or something. After learning more about the wide spread of characteristics of autism I realize that I might be and started working with a therapist. She also suggested that I may have ADHD.
I did well in school and generally was able just disappear into the woodwork. If I can the days of clay tablets and quill pens doing much about being ND. So nobody realized that I had ZERO social skills.
And growing up the only friends I had were kids of people in my parents social group. And they were all either kin, kin kin of kin , or neighbors of kin.
And even at that I felt like I didn't fit in until I got to my teens because the older kids are four to five years older and the younger ones were 2 years younger than me.
I think I survived college, grad school and making good income until about when I was 50. I think the main reason it was able to because had a strong special interest and I was either playing academic or self-employed.
Anyway due to changing special interest, burn out, and depression times have been very lean since then.
But since I've been working with the therapist I have learned so much about myself and why I do things or don't do things. I'm still learning a lot about myself and learning how the best work with my characteristics so right now I'm not actively looking to increase my social circle.
I have worked to be more social with people that regularly associate with.
People overreact to the neurodiverse individuals
ADHD Is seen as an imperfection and autism is shown like a bleak, a mistake that needs to be handled properly.
News outlets really need to understand that they are the blame in here.
I too am an ADHD (inattentive type) and might even have pinch of autism. I don't know honestly to me all these normal people, ADHD and autistic people are not individuals who fall in different boxes but more of a spectrum.
You may find that it's easier to be social with other autistic people. That's very common and there's even a theory that different types of social skills mean autistic people find it easier to understand one another but hard to understand neurotypical people and vice-versa for neurotypicals.
AuDHD here, straight out I'm super proud of you for making it so far in life knowing something was off but not knowing what. The oldest I've seen someone state when they found out was 82 so you still got in earlier than someone.
I barely made it to finding out about being Autistic which was the only reason I then found out about ADHD. The few close friends I have I'd say are neurodivergent or have a tonne of trauma, it's definitely easier to find people to be close friends with when you have similar brains.
I started college late, got into drinking, and was kicked out twice. I pushed through and finally graduated at 27, got a good job, now I'm in grad school with a great girlfriend. I still feel way behind at 30 when I see young 25 year old petroleum engineers making $130k.
I'm still catching up, but this stuff does work. A lot of times the best thing is to get out of my head and let the process work. Working out and having great friends are indispensable things. I'm not dumb but I made all the mistakes in the book. If I can catch up, you can too.
This is the stuff I needed to hear! I've been a hardcore gamer since I started grade school with my parents treating me as roommates rather then family, so I'd game heavily before and after school for about 8 hours a day and getting 5 hours of sleep with no goals in mind. Now I'm 27 with a wife and kiddos and I'm trying to go to college to become a counselor while still dealing with my gaming addiction but somewhat manageable about 2-3 hours. I love your content and I'm trying my best to catch up and have a actual career path in mind!
Before I watch: I hope this addresses executive dysfunction, trauma, and dealing external circumstances that held us back
Just graduated last spring at 33. The next step is getting a permanent job instead of a seasonal job, but I still feel a little behind in the game of saving enough money for retirement, getting back into dating after a 8 year hiatus, ect. This video definitely put things into perspective for me though, something to think on.
Brooo this is identical to me, aside the age (im 29 but i started lagging behind earlier). 29 about to graduate, not dating for last 8 years.
@MP-ut6eb I worked a seasonal job this summer into fall, but just literally last Tuesday got accepted for a permanent job across the country. Just keep going man, we got this bro!
@@sceayr Seasonal job into your field?
Thanks brother, same to you.
@MP-ut6eb yep, it's just about taking the momentum and keep the eyes on the prize/goal. Might be my military background, but I find it easy to motivate myself if I have something to look forward to.
Hey Dr K, I just wanted to thank you for setting me on the right path. For the past year or so things have changed a lot for me, I quit gaming for almost a year but when I decided I would play games again this month, I found that my relationship was much different. I found I could quit when I wanted to and I wouldn't be thinking about it all the time. Best of all I can actually enjoy them like I did as a kid . I now have a clear goal in life and because of that I feel like I have so much more power over what I can do in my life which is I think the reason I have had success reintegrating gaming into my life! Thank you for all of this, I still have a long way to go, but none of this would have happened without your guidance.
I just started watching and I already have this idea in mind - catching up is not only possible, it is basically invevitable, because our growth in life is never linear, and it comes to a halt later on. So you have plenty of time to get what's yours
I like the part where you said multiple emotional thoughts can have the same goal of not doing something. I just went for a walk and thought about how I'm usually self-conscious about even just speaking out loud or walking confidently for reason xyz even when no one around knows me or cares. There's always a thought that is holding me back, and even though it tends to modulate to a different kind of thought, being aware of what it's making me do is how I was able to operate past it.
29 and today defended my psychology bachelor thesis :)
It went well I take?
Hits home a lot. It’s been a year that I try to change a lot of things career and relationships-wise, and I know what to do, but still the old me, the social awkward and the shy one, still keeps me at bay with shame. I literally feel the fear pulling me from inside: I am under therapy and I am doing a lot of work, and i am feeling better. I am still scared but I can manage to do more things, not being awkward around people (and even if I say something silly I laugh about it and move on) and slowly opening up: it’s hard, it’s incredible how our mind is strong, but it’s doable. I believe in you all, wish you all well ❤
I love this quote "everyone is at there own time, focus on yours" or "don't focus on others time, focus on yours."
I’m 33 and I’m in my last semester of nursing school. I do feel behind career wise but I have a family that I’ve given my attention to. My youngest off for kids is 5 and going to school this year. I’m ahead in family life but not in money and career. I’m cool with it mostly. However I do wish that I had been able to give my kids better opportunities up until now
I swear it is like you know exactly what I am going through when you upload these videos. This video came just in time. I had realized I needed help, but I did not know to what degree and I am afraid to ask for help. My mind is telling me "what if i ask for help and i fail ccatastrophically?"I know I am not the only one who wants to do everything alone, be strong, has a fear of failure and being deemed not good enough. In my mind, I shouldn't need to ask for help at all and that I might ask for help and it does nothing to change my situation. These thoughts are detrimental. Dr.K explain what I am going through so eloquently, and if he can change his life, I can change mine too.
Stumbling onto this video a week after turning 30 and feeling completely lost having completed my masters post pandemic and not knowing where to go from here. Thankyou for this insightful video. Surely one to be taking notes and i can already tell ill be coming back to it when i need to recalibrate and for encouragement time and again. Been binge watching ur content lately and it's god send. Heard ur story abt how you got into medicine which was pretty unconventional and its awe inspiring. Sending love from India xo grateful that youre sharing your knowledge and expertise with us
I really relate to this in every aspect. Self sabotage is a dingus, I'm only 21 but I've been self sabotaging and feeling like I've fallen behind since I was 14. Great video Dr. K.
I'm 37 and have been in a relationship for a grand total of 3.5 years of my adult life. I feel like I'm 10 years behind, and effectively have whole swats of time in my past I remember nothing about. So it's legit eating at me. Sounds like a good video for me. @3:22 My head stopped hurting. Got a burst of energy from you saying that :)
Slight adjustment to Dr K’s bench press analogy. It’s not really about the number of reps, it’s more about how close you get to failure. So 8 reps, with your last rep being 1 or 2 from failure promotes the same growth as 10 reps, with the last one being 1-2 from failure.
Just being technical haha, but I think it does illustrate his point better
This video legit feels like it's talking straight to me! Been on TH-cam for like 10 years and never watched anything that hits this close.
from all the videos i've seen in your channel and advice you've given Dr. K, I noticed just how crucial "awareness" is, especially in improving one's mental health and of course in getting better at life
Summary Highlights (between 9 -21 mins):
Surrounding yourself with the right company is crucial for personal growth and success.
Changing your environment can aid in addiction recovery.
Techniques like attending events and using simple greetings can help expand your social circle.
Approaching a group with eye contact, a smile, and a clear intention can help you join their conversation.
Asking open-ended questions promotes deeper conversations and connections.
Changing our social environment can shape our behavior and thinking.
Shifting our physical environment can help shift our thinking.
Asking for help from various sources can contribute to catching up in life.
The two things that sabotage us when trying to catch up are our emotions and our mind's tendency to give us reasons to not catch up.
Our emotions have control over our logical thinking, even if we try to be logical.
The direction of all these thoughts is to discourage action.
Shame plays a role in stopping people from taking action by making them believe that all efforts will lead to failure.
Decompressing the emotion behind these thoughts can be done through various methods such as meditation or psychotherapy.
Beliefs about oneself shape actions and determine the future by influencing choices and activities.
Logic is used to refute one's own logic and discourage action, indicating that the thoughts are more emotional in nature.
Im just gonna comment to came back later
But what if you have Autism, ADHD, Borderline or Narcissism? How to get out of your situation when it is almost too difficult? I have Autism ADHD Borderline and trauma and I never had a normal job after school. Been in therapy many times and they keep saying: that it is what it is and can not be changed. Thankyou for this video!!
Bluntly, consider claiming welfare to help you survive
I have ADHD and autism and make more than all my friends I went to university with as a process chemist.
I make close to double the average salary in the UK at 26 and like 3 times the minimum wage.
My issues cause me alot of problems but most of them can be overcome for instance due to my ADHD I am more inclined to make simple mistakes due to losing focus, not ideal when I work with dangerous chemicals, but I do alot of checks to make sure I'm doing everything right.
Sometimes I can get extremely upset over a small detail with my colleges which can lead to me doing something that destorys relationships , if I'm annoyed with someone at work I try my best to not act on it until a few days later because I know I can get so emotional that I'm not fully assessing the situation and focusing on a minor detail.
But it's hard. I think the real reason I've had success is that success has very little with your capability but how much you put yourself out there , for instance alot of people would say to work a entry level job for like 3 years before applying for better positions. I only had 6 months experience as a lab assistant before I started applying for better jobs, which I quickly got after applying.
I've also always been prepared to relocate for a job even one that paid minimum wage so I could get experience in my field
I also think my hyper focus often benefits me when it comes to jobs , I was let go while on probation and all I did all day was apply for jobs , I mostly only applied for jobs that paid me more than my last job
I ended up getting a pay rise in my next role
This is so true! I always was a big partyer from when I was 17-22. Unexpectedly, I found out I was going to be a father. I felt ultra behind compared to all my friends, but i stopped messing around got me a decent job, grinded every day for raises and found myself with a house at 24, married and still grinding to this day. None of my friends have houses yet and all are in apartments or live at home. It’s NEVER EVER too late to start.
Therapy has changed my life
This all sounds logical, but it doesn't work in practice. Every attempt I did at changing my life ended in me becomming extremely depressed and failing at every turn. When I let go of the need to change, I started performing well and feeling good. Every part of life I am behind at, I got behind at, because I was trying so hard to be someone that I am not. Your reasoning is the reasoning that is the cause of me falling behind in the first place.
This is kind of the majority of people who get drawn into circles like this channel. If people stopped being so obsessed with their behaviors, they’d realize that their stress levels go down immensely, making change not only possible but pleasant and refreshing. That’s the cycle of burnout, people watch these videos and they WANT to change, but when the change doesn’t happen instantly like it does when they play Fortnite or put Pizza Rolls in their fat ass or crack open a Mountain Dew, they give up. We’re awash in a sea of relative information. This is deep psychological work that goes on to improve yourself. And these little sub-males see likes and comments and think that because there’s other people like them (who are in an equally temporary fixation with life improvement) that the system posed to them will work. The fact of the matter is, every single self improvement mouthpiece that’s aimed at distressed adult men is typically just there to coddle, they are there to provide coping mechanisms for behaviors that we shouldn’t be doing in the first place. It’s just like how they went for fat people recently and made a big effort to erase fat shaming. We’re going to start normalizing weird, utterly autistic young men without a shred of socialization because as a collective society, we are all too distracted or subjugated by media that nobody would dare tell anyone that their day-to-day behaviors were disgusting.