Bruh that's trash advice I did not stop eating a terrible diet by observing it myself I just studied how bad it was and at the same time resisted and I haven't gone back.
@@Tokmurok Many people are completely aware of how unhealthy their bad habits are and have tried to resist them but failed. This is an alternative way of trying to break the habit that could for many people. I don't think it hurts to try this if they have already failed at going raw turkey.
Great video again! Here is what I learned: - a behaviour is reinforced when it's pleasurable and dopaminergic. - when you try to change a habit you're using your frontal lobe which doesn't make the good habits pleasurable because the frontal lobes and the reward system of the brain are two different circuits - monks do not practice resistance, they focus on cultivating awareness - the awareness can help with addictions because the person with addiction is blind to what got them to use again after a period of being sober. Most of the times these people are emotionally triggered in some way and they cope by using the substance again. However, if they are aware of these stressful situations and their feelings, they'll have better understanding of what triggered them and made them use again. - everytime you do the bad habit with full awareness you're strenghtening connections between the frontal lobe and habit circuitry. This works because bad habits are not enjoyable the whole time you're doing them. For example when you start a video game you're thrilled but after 10-20 minutes you're not as enagaged as in the beggining. If you're aware the whole time you're going to catch that point where you stopped enjoying playing the game. Another example I can think of is to watch a TH-cam video but scrolling on social media on your phone. You are neither fully aware of the video nor the social media posts and this is how a few hours of your life can slip by. - tldr - do one thing at a time and be fully aware of your bad habits
Damn, I relate so much to that video while on my phone thing. I’ll be playing a video game and I’ll alt tab between games/lives to watch videos and sometimes I’ll have my phone too.
Potentially helpful tips: 1.Observe how ego and judgements interact. "This action is bad, but it feels good, therefore I must be bad." 2. Observe sensations and emotions fully. What happened before the habit? How are your feeling? "I didn't sleep well. I feel apathetic." When does the pleasure stop? When does the fun end and compulsion begin? How do you feel afterwards? "The cake tasted so good on the first mouthful, but by the third it was just sweetness. I felt like I had to finish it, even though I wasn't enjoying it anymore." 3. Acknowledge what the bad habit does for you. It may be a bad habit, but it was/is a solution to a problem you have. Binge eating reduces stress. Gaming masks inadequacy. Pr0n distracts from emptiness. Anger issues protect us. They are poor solutions, but it never would have turned into a habit if it didn't work at some point. So rather than outright rejecting them, be grateful. Acknowledge what bad habits give, as well as take.
This was beautiful bro, your explanations on where they stemmed from and the different examples, just perfect, the Pron from Emptiness is accurate to me, don't get me wrong alot of it is lust it really is, but I found whenever I search rule 34 again outside of lust, the images I always like the most are always two people with strong chemistry whether it's couples or friends, one side of it is lust and how good the art and image is or video, the other side is this my thoughts of oh that can be me one day with a partner, that's what i noticed, for game your thing is accurate but i also just play it if im bored, i never related to stress eating i actually eat because im skinny and even then i barley eat, yea anger does protect me, but i rarely get angry but because its so rare that when i do, it feels like protection, And your comment at the end about dont just blindly reject it but moderate and be aware, was awesome your perspective is so original and useful, im not even addicted to any of these thingbs I really got awareness earlier this year, but because i struggle to find an interview for a job, and my life is on repeat with nothing fresh, these things just add pleasure, thats me personally, like im not addicted and multiple times i took month breaks, so it's weird, im not addicted, im self aware, but i still do these things because im empty, if i had a job i can really excite my life more
@@IIIISai very true, good point you added there, I also engage more with couple orientated or good chemistry Pron and now I realize why that is. I started recently to find my purpose and gratification without a relationship, because I found that I connect my value to relationships and the "Family Future"
This makes sense. I stopped drinking in 2018, not mindfully at first. But once I started paying attention to the urges my brain was focused on, it became easier to understand and regulate the habit. It wasn't forcibly stopping a detrimental habit. It was the act of thinking about my circumstances during and adjacent to alcohol consumption that allowed me to stop altogether. I still feel the urge, years later, but I'm definitely better off than I was before I quit.
Yea I think when I've managed to stop eating crap foods I've unknowingly done what he's talking about where I just start paying attention to the fact I don't actually like them and was just in the habit of having them or turning to them when other things (like thirst) were going on. Well done with quitting btw :)
I never thought subliminals could make such a huge difference in overcoming addiction, but Borlest proved me wrong. After a couple of weeks, I felt a massive shift in my mindset. If you’re stuck in a cycle, this could be the solution. You’ve got nothing to lose.
this may be one of the most important videos dr k has put out. i tried this for only a day and found massive results. for context, i generally spend nearly all day watching youtube videos or television/movies, sometimes playing video games too. i know i do it to avoid my feelings, but haven't been able to stop in years and it has really brought my life to a sickening standstill. so i followed dr k's instructions and decided to engage in my addictions, but with awareness. every time i found myself picking up my phone or my laptop, i'd start paying attention to my actions, even pointing and calling if needed (e.g. saying out loud "i'm scrolling the youtube homepage right now.") because i'm trying to be aware of my internal state too, i'd ask myself, "what am i feeling right now?" i'd name the emotion and continue to scroll. because i've been trying to practice self-compassion in the last week, as soon as i named the emotion i instinctually validated it too. all this while continuing to engage in the addiction, fully aware. what was surprising is this: while i'd usually spend hours on youtube once i started, when i did this, i watched only one video, or played only one pvp match at a time. it's not that i consciously stopped myself, i just didn't feel the NEED to keep going anymore. as a result, today was one of the most productive days i've had in weeks - i got so much stuff done, actually had the motivation to do things, all because i engaged in my addictions with awareness, which led to paying attention to what i was feeling and accepting it - as a result, i didn't lose myself in the timesuck of youtube. what i found whenever i engaged in my addictions with awareness: - i'd reach for them whenever i felt an uncomfortable emotion, e.g. sadness, anger, hurt, but most prominently discomfort at the prospect of doing a difficult task, which led to procrastination using the addictive behavior - i also reached for it when i didn't know what to do next in my day - a completely unexpected realization. i suppose feeling directionless is its own kind of discomfort. - i have a chronic pain condition, and i'd reach for my addictions when i had a pain flare-up. once i noticed this, i realized i could actually make the radical decision of, gasp, treating the pain, instead of avoiding the discomfort of it by playing video games. i automatically stopped after one match (not something i had to force myself to do!), took my meds and felt a whole lot better in a few hours, which led to more productivity. dr k, you probably won't see this comment, but you've helped me way more than anything i've tried, even therapy, which has been pretty helpful. from the bottom of my heart, a huge THANK YOU. i hope all the good you do comes back to you as punya (sanskrit for "merit" for others reading).
Thank you for sharing your experience. It helped me understand the process better 😊 great job practicing awareness! Your story is amazing. I'm addicted to sugar. Without success, I've been trying various techniques to change my behavior. I'll give this a shot!
"Being directionless can be it's own kind of discomfort" that really described alot of the reasons I still smoke weed. I grow bored or purposeless and just figure "hey I have nothing better to do" when in reality I have alot of things I could be doing but due to discomfort I just don't do it. Really related to your comment. Gave me the courage to give it a try. Hope nothing but the best for you.
It’s been 3 weeks since I stopped vaping. My parents were happy to hear that I am making progress to quit my bad habit but they asked why do I still have the vape in front of me at all times on my desk. I told them in the past when I tried to quit I would usually throw it in the bin, but not long after I would give in to the temptation and drive out and buy one. However, what I did 3 weeks ago was I use a marker to write down the date I decided to quit and I kept the vape in front of me at all times and bring it everywhere I go. Every time I have the craving to take a hit I can make a conscious/intentional decision whether I want or not, but the date on the vape actually reminds me of my commitment, goal and perseverance. I just found this video and it really resonated with me when the monk was told to not to resist and eat with awareness and even keep it with at all times. I realise I am on the right path and I know I will break this bad habit of mine successfully.
This video has got to be one of the most valuable pieces of content on the internet right now. I often feel so much shame and guilt trying to overcome my phone use and social media addiction through willpower. It's validating to hear that my failures are not because I'm not trying hard enough, and it's life-changing to have a path forward after watching this video.
@@SuitedPup Wow, it's already been 6 months. Things have definitely gotten better. I am more aware of my screen time, so I don't scroll endlessly, and I've been reading and journalling instead of going on my phone constantly. Another thing is I don't feel the same shame and guilt anymore, instead, now when I regress to my old habits, I remind myself about the life that I want to live and how I can adjust my behaviour to align better with my values of health, connection, and happiness.
This video made me tear up a bit. I’ve been struggling with drinking since the pandemic began, and I also have a genetic predisposition for alcohol issues from my dad’s side. I’ve been drinking every single day, with 3 exceptions that last maybe a week or 2, for the last 3 years. I drink to cover up the loneliness. I do have friends, really good friends even, but there’s a gnawing hole in my heart where family and a partner should be. I currently only speak to one of my five siblings and my mother. I went on a date recently that was the best I’ve ever been on. We didn’t do anything fancy, we went for a walk and then played music together and had tea. It just felt like I was simply and easily connecting with another person. And guess what? I didn’t drink that night, and I didn’t even think about it. It just didn’t happen. We’ve now been on 3 dates and each time I see him I feel no desire to drink afterwards. What’s frustrating is feeling like a lonely sad loser for needing people. I feel like everyone around me is “doing their own thing” and simply don’t have much time for others.
If you're want to break out of the pattern, maybe try being radically honest with a friend who might be up for it. Be honest that the habit you're trying to break only really happens when you're alone, so see if they'd be up for low-key, low-pressure hangouts several times a week, maybe sometimes on short notice. It's really great that you don't want to drink on date nights, but you also probably shouldn't depend on a romantic partner as the only linchpin for kicking the bottle. The friend won't fill the "family" hole, but this might help spread things out a little to take pressure off the relationship.
@@sccello thank you for taking some time to reply! I think one thing I should clarify more is that the friendships I have are really good friendships. I’ve never struggled much in terms of friends as an adult. I’m a very extroverted, agreeable, and open person. They’re good enough friendships that I have had conversations similar to the one you mentioned. The pain is still there and I feel like I’m just distracting myself for a moment or a few hours. I agree about the linchpin thing. And I would also say that I don’t consider this guy to be the linchpin here. The real linchpin is music, and there are a lot of people that I can share connection with in that way. I suppose the take away here is that I need more friends that I can share playing music with. I did also lose a group of friends that I used to sing with. After the pandemic started they were only meeting over zoom and it was just so different that I’ve had trouble going back. There are a lot of older folks in the group as well so they’re all especially concerned about covid
@@Blackcrowcaw wow this was a wake up call for me. I had decided I didn't want a partner because the time investment is too high, being with the person 24/7 and I have a ton of things I need to do with my life. I had planned I will just make amazing friends. But reading from your perspective it makes me reconsider things... the part that all your friends have things of their own to do. I need to wake up to reality. Thanks for sharing and I will you the best with fixing things
Don't feel like a loser for needing someone to socialize with, and different relationships satisfy different social needs so you'll need more than one "someone." Humans are communal animals. There's a reason solitary confinement is a punishment.
Heard an extension of this that could also help others: If you find yourself tempted by a habit, try waiting 10 minutes before doing it. Helps build up resistance and willpower while also becoming more aware of the habit.
I've used this approach without realizing to correct my diet. I allowed myself to eat what I wanted in full awareness that I shouldn't, forgiving myself for "failing" and allowing myself to enjoy it. It took months but soon I went from eating horribly soda's, pizza's, chips, candies and so on to replacing each little by little with healthy alternatives. This was several years ago now and have kept to my new habits. I occasionally consume some of the old stuff but I don't think about it as a negative and simply enjoy them since they don't cause me problems any longer.
This came at a right time for me, I just slipped up and played video games for 4 hours everyday on the last two weeks, and it has been detrimental to my studies as a medical student. I became aware of the fact that playing games wouldn't bring me anything but guilt (not even pleasure), and I thought I definitely needed a way to prevent myself from becoming absorbed in bad habits the next time. Thank you.
@@synclairpotter i have found things that work! Though not really things that resolve the issue. (Everything below is stuff ive tried tho, except a switch to flip phone) I’m lycky to have things I love. I don’t love my phone, I just use it all the time. The biggest thing about good periods is that I need to go to bed early-ish but always get up early. Nothing better than getting up early and jumping to an activity. The reason you need to go to bed early is because if I can’t get the momentum early of either starting working on a hobby or passion project, then I’ll eventually reach for that phone. So I need the energy early. If I can get up at 7, and be on my way to the climbing gym or at my work station by 5-45 min (i know wide window but some things need more prepp) then the day is pretty solved. Having projects is also really important because motivation is keeping the thought of doing something in your mind uninterruptedly, and that’s easier the more specific it is. The lvl 0 baby easy mode if you go to bed on time-ish, but exuted about recharging and getting up the next day to continue or your thing. Lastly: WORK! I have a job. X days out of the week I don’t have a choice, but I’m lucky enough not to hate my job (most of the time :) ) so that helps. I also don’t get a lot of breaks. But yeah kinda the biggest thing is take care of your body so you have high energy levels. Low energy leads to lazy scrolling. Then get projects in “fields” you love, so that you can self motivate easier. And maybe take a little more shifts at work. Also turn off all notifications except texts and calls (even and especially discord) ALSO Also like getting a camera, watch, note pad flash light and flip phone to replace the every day aspects kinda just patches out the issue entirely. Use the computer at home for the important internet stuff. Hope that kinda helps smn :)
@@vaishnavinegi4461 hello there, stranger. i hope things are going well when you find this. honestly, i haven't figured out yet how to actually stop going to TH-cam bc there are just awesome stuff here (like some self-help videos and asmr to sleep on to) but what i just do is to be mindful about the things i watch on this platform. by this, what i do is ask myself whether this yt video is something i really want to watch and actually help or make me laugh in a genuine and wholesome way, RATHER than only watching it just to cure my boredom because that means that it's mindless and just additional clutter on my mind. i admit that i still spend a lot of time watching TH-cam but i tell myself that the important thing is that i know how to tone it down and am conscious about it which means that further along the way of life, there's a high chance of being detached to TH-cam or technology in general for entertainment. i forgive myself and am not hard on myself whenever i fall into brainrot again and again but that doesn't mean that i am condoning myself to do it all the time. i learned that there should always be a balance and i shouldn't just leave TH-cam or social media behind completely bc we know that we're in the modern and technological age so we can't really avoid it now, you know? we can and we must embrace it and ourselves. that's all, we could talk in discord more, you know? i'll drop my username if you consent to it later then we can talk and share our experiences to fight addiction together. i think that would be a great idea.
Habits are unconscious behaviour. Engage in habits mindfully to remove the distraction factor, and to reinforce the connection between the frontal lobe and the habit or cannabinoid circuitry. Also you'll raise awareness of your internal emotional state whenever you're indulging in the habits so you understand better why you do them and you can deal with those emotions instead of undulging in the habit.
I would also highlight loving awareness. To give yourself compassion for the habits. You can develop a witness in your thoughts who just observes how it is objectively "ah, eating chips" then maybe "ah, self shaming". Watch it all unfold with kindness. Compassion broken down from Latin means to suffer with/together. Awareness can begin to develop self compassion because you become aware of your suffering (addiction/habit) rather than doing it non consciously. The kindness comes from realising that we are all together in our human condition. That everyone deserves love and kindness, starting with us. Eventually habits fall off as they lose their momentum and with awareness you can stay quiet enough for the moment you're doing 'the thing' and it just doesn't have the spark it used to.
@@punkroxgirl It's different in that with disassociation you become detached from your mindstate, emotions and lack control with what's happening, which increases risks. In developing a witness you still have your primary mode of thinking, you're still grounded but there's another element of your thought you develop which just notes things in a different framing. Source of knowledge; I have disorders which line up with disassociation, some amongst them involving seizures. Therapy, Loving awareness and developing a witness helped keep me in my body and conscious of reality. I've not long got on the Buddhist Path but what Dr K says in this video resonates with me as someone who's found growth and healing from Eastern Philosophy.
@@owtoom that makes sense. I have ptsd with some dissociation, but I did hypnosis therapy once and I was fully aware of everything the whole time and also watching in what was kind of like a guided imagery exercise
I can recall this state of awareness while attempting to change my diet. I allowed myself to cave without guilt sometimes. I noticed the waxy, cardboard taste and texture of the unhealthy food I craved. The sickening sweetness or the empty feeling after it was gone. I started eating them less and less because of this, until skipping over them completely in favor of better choices. I will keep it up knowing it's actually a solid technique. Thank you for this video!
5:31 This makes sense because I've heard that being hyper aware was one of the most effective ways to quit something like smoking. The more you understand and focus on the parts you're just like about that hobby than the less likely you are to romanticize it and continue it. If you focus on the fact that you get no pleasure from playing video games anymore and are wasting all day playing video games instead of working out or doing something to make yourself better in life than it'll start to bother you every time you play video games because that's all you'll be able to think about which will help you kick the habit
I just realized how many bad habits I used to have that I would always do while binging TH-cam. A few months back, I decided I needed a dopamine detox which evolved into a new rule of mine: NO DOUBLE DOPAMINE! Snacking while gaming. Snacking while watching TH-cam. Multiple tabs of livestreams. Shit like that obliterates your boredom tolerance. After watching this video, I'm starting to wonder if isolating those dopaminergic behaviors had the hidden benefit of forcing me to do each one more mindfully! That would explain a lot...
I am currently working on breaking my video game addiction. I uninstalled all games from my PS5 except Soulslike games, which I am awfully bad at. So not only does it take away constant rewarding, because I gotta work for defeating every single enemy, but getting angry and frustrated at the games also makes me more aware of playing them 😅
Dang ive been using this strategy for a while without really knowing why, other than that it worked. Engaging in habits with awareness has been a great way to get myself to keep a schedule, exercise, put in hours at work, read, etc. I just try to be conscious of when I'm making a choice to engage in a good or bad habit, then feel how that feels. Like if i decide to skip the gym i allow myself to do that without feeling bad but i tune in to how my body feels about that choice that day and the next. And sometimes my body feels fine and maybe I actually needed a rest, or maybe i feel physically worse for being sedentary and that knowledge motivates me to go to the gym next time.
This is extremely interesting - I struggle with lots of bad habits that ruin my life. I also noticed a while back that I live most of my life in some sort of a haze, doing things unconsciously. And recently, I was told by a psychologist that I have low awareness of my feelings. *Suddenly, it all makes sense* 🤯
that's deep, I relate but in a different way but same its weird, im hyper self aware yet I reject change and become autopilot almost while aware so it makes me have more regret, change is hard when you're hopeless, in my case its getting a job, i have 100s of applications but none of them get accepted, so mt habit and autopilot is just live your day without applying, but then at the night i always regret it because without effort even if hopeless, its guarantees no change, goodluck to your improvement and stuff, and again u can be aware of habits but theres always reasons u do it, habits help u feel something that u are missing, so u have to be aware of what it is that u do the habit for to begin with and that'll help u fix it or control it, gaming addiction often relates to lack of hobbies, thats one of many examples..
What a coincidence 😂 I just posted a comment similar to this. Yeah you're right, I've been dealing with this problem as well. The best solution is to live in the moment and improve your presence of mind.
@@IIIISai Oh I know the jobless struggle - this was me 2 years ago. Eventually, I started believing that it would never get better, no place would want me etc. My biggest problem was not applying enough because I kind of self-discarded. But it does get better - my mom made me apply for a position that I was a bit underqualified for but looked interesting, I had some serious doubts but did that and to my great surprise, I got the job :) And it hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but having a job again helped me a lot with the day-to-day. So I can guarantee that you'll find a job as well, it just takes some time, luck and not losing hope. So thanks for your kind words and wishing the best of luck to you too, you can do that :)
I`ve been doing this with my pornography addiction for the last 2 weeks and I have to say, thank so much Dr. K. I'm 29 years old and for the first time in my life, since I consumed pornography, I feel in so much control with this addiction, at first I was skeptical about this practice and on the first days I saw not difference but I kept my full awareness while doing it, and after a week, I started to feel that the craving started to go away or at least they were way more manageable (slowly but surely) and now I had reached 5 days without pornography/masturbation, which is a huge milestone for me! I know that I'm just 2 weeks into this practice, but so far, the change is noticeable and for the fist time I have huge hopes for me in the future. Thank you so much Dr. K and I'll give you an update in about a month.
@@frankthepug283 Hey man I just read your comment and I'm going through the same exact thing. First of all I hope you are still doing good and you keep going on with the process, but I just had a quick question for you I hear when Dr. K. talks about being fully aware I'm just having trouble understanding what that really means all I can really think about is about how it makes me feel is there anything else I should be aware of I hear the things he says in the video that just doesn't really resonate with this subject
This is exactly how I quit smoking. I focused on how I felt ever-so-slightly worse after. I focused on the long term results during. I built up a natural response of disgust strong enough to actually use against the craving in the moment. I still have cravings 3½ years later, when I see people smoke in movies. Habits never leave, but neither does my trained response to them.
Dr K is always making videos about stuff like this at the EXACT time in my life when I am needing it- once or twice is a coincidence… time after time?? The man’s a genius and very in touch with his community. Thank you, Dr. K.
@@hyperadapted not really fitting to this comment, K posts random different topics and its just luck that it suits us, your comment would only be true to this thread if the videos he got recommended on our homepage were off the similar topics but they are always different
This is a common comment on Dr. K's post. I am starting to think that this is more-so evidence in how prevalent these seemingly minute ideas are within our lives. Rather than being a huge iceberg that landed within the crosshairs.
I love that this guys videos are almost structured like a paid course on how to improve your life except its all free. These videos have improved my life so much
Dr. K, Please do more content on trauma and c-ptsd. One thing about bad habits is that they could stem from maladaptive coping mechanisms. So, people watching this cannot simply just realize the existing bad habit and stop it because its likely that they will swap out the bad habit for another bad habit. They need to learn to process the trauma.
I think the point is not to stop bad habits but rather to study them. In that case by studying bad habits which are trauma responses you are actually developing insight into the nature of those responses and the nature of the trauma itself.
Wait a min. I have been doing this already unknowingly! So I've been taking your advice of maximizing my joy, and using it to make the most out of every junk food i eat. I figured since I'm on a diet and i want this food and can't have much of it, I'll eat a controlled amount but with lots of joy and presence to maximize the joy. What i have found is that lately i don't find it difficult to resist the junk food and i think that's because of awareness! As i enjoy and savour the junk food, i have also been aware of it and unintentionally strengthened my connection and thus that's why it's so easy now! I'm consistently losing weight now and it's much easier to not overeat.
This is something ive been practicing, and trying to tell the people i know about for like 15 years, but this video makes the point so concisive that this is going to be my reference going forward. Ive gotten more capable with my language and speaking since i was in middleschool but i still just sometimes fail to get the point heard. Thanks Dr. K. I'm certain that this is going to have a positive effect, at least in my little corner of the world
I tried this right away with something I was struggling with and not only did it work, but I feel like I already understand more about myself. Incredible piece of advice doc.
It's a very helpful advice for a lot of mental problems - cultivate more awareness. Observe instead of judging, and often times you will see the solution will come up by itself or you will start to feel better over time
It's actually make sense, this is exactly how i quit playing video games, i stopped fighting it, and started to observe behavior, and after some time i quited with ease. Good advice.
My biggest problem in breaking my addiction is that I can't find any new interests to replace it with, so I always fall back into the same loop eventually of turning my PC on just to escape my misery / boredom that eventually rises up
This is a late reply, but if you are falling into addictions or focused on your own unhappiness, one of the best ways to get distracted, become grateful and happier is to volunteer and help other people. There's a reason elderly people volunteer a lot. They knew them is wisdom. Be engaged with others, learn their problems and jiurneys. Help other people, putting thr focus of your attention outwards. This is easy for many people because we are biological social creatures. Even just volunteer at a second hand thrift shop to be the cashier for free. You will be helping the impoverished people and gaining comradery and a different social circle with the staff. Hope 2024 is great !
This was refreshing for me in my journey with alcohol. I used to drink A LOT years ago while being depressed, then I went sober for 2-3 years. Then I got into wine and met a girl and we both enjoyed wine together. Long story short, we got pregnant and she didn’t want to go through with it and then broke up with me over text. This destroyed me. I forced myself to drink bourbon and whiskey for months. I eventually sought therapy to help recover, but I actually started growing an appreciation for the liquid and it’s became something of a hobby to me. These days I try to stay self aware of my intentions. As an enthusiast, I want to appreciate all the smells, flavors, and details when I drink. When I notice myself wanting to just pour a glass and not care, I recognize I need to walk away or take a break. I then go on a week long detox. This way of thinking also pushed me to find a healthier vice. Walking and biking has become a big part of my life, especially when I just want to pour a glass. Changing these habits has grown my appreciation of the hobby and has helped me become more physically and mentally healthy!
I fixed my friends smoking addiction by making fun of him every time and he told me that he would think about me making fun of him every time he went for a smoke and how he felt about that and eventually quit
Don't shame yourself as the complete person. He shamed his friend for his habit, but we tend to extend that shame on every aspect of our being. As Dr. K said: be aware of every emotion you have, not only the shame. How does the taste make you feel? Do you enjoy the stinking desert in your throat? How do you feel and see yourself in your body, thoughts and self awareness? Did you get what you wanted from the practice of smoking? Are you aware of the anxiety that leads to that? Are you aware of how it feels to go out of your way to smoke? Maybe you are smoking in front of people in public but you don't care anymore how they feel about it. In the end you will find that smoking is one if not the grossest thing you are and will be doing to yourself.
That's such a good video ! What I have realize also is that doing bad habits with awareness also make realize like a sudden shock that we acted like robots about this thing. And then we realize the coping mechanism you talk about and why did that habit, and finally also that often it's in fact not enjoyable and even hurt us. I am shocked at how these two side of something can coexist and be complete opposite as we put awereness or unconsciousness on them ! It make me think about darkness and light...
Perfect timing as always! I've been trying to do this but needed some more details. Dr. K, you always seem to include some detail or some angle on a practice that really unlocks a new dimension!! Thanks for everything you do.
This makes so much sense I am struggling with all my habits and I know it takes time to make changes. Here is explaining that bad habits can change but it going to take time and putting in the work
I did this unknowingly! I overcame an addiction to ice cream this way and didnt realize I was even doing it. I just started with having full awareness of my addiction and inability to stop eating it every time I ate some. I had no idea how I was ever going to give it up or have the self control to stop, but I didnt focus on that. I just kept eating it but not without doing some serious thinking while doing so! Id sit and think about it first for a few minutes before making a bowl of it, and Id think about how bad I wanted it, and how Id feel if I ate it, and how Id feel afterwards. I totally immersed myself in analyzing every thought and emotion. Then Id make a bowl and focus intently on how it tastes and how I just want it all the time for breakfast kunch and dinner! I didnt try to stop myself from eating it, I just gave it my full attention every time I ate it. I didnt realize I was actually taking a habit and making it fully conscious. After doing this several times I started to notice feling like I could choose to not eat it if I wanted to. Sometimes I still ate it, and sometimes I didnt. Eventually I quit even thinking about eating it and just chose other foods instead. That was over a year ago! I didnt even try to stop! It just happened. It wasnt until seeing this video that I realized what I actually did and how I did it. I thought it was just a coincicence.
AYO MR K, I think I said it before but you really helped me getting out of a hole I've dug myself. I think it's over three months since and my results are showing. I broke lots of bad habits (and while I still fall short at times I do it less often), made new ones, and all in all started living. I believe there's so much room for improvement but I know I'll get there given time. so I just wanted to thank you once more
It’s a bit roundabout, but I took this to heart today. I have a depression that sometimes rears it’s head, it comes as a train of thoughts mostly of how useless I am and how much better everyone would be off without me, normally it’s an opressive feeling of not being able to break the train of thought, being stuck for hours or days in this spiral. Today, I tried to just be extremely present with the thoughts. Turns out when I stopped resisting and just remained present, the thoughts went unanswered and the depressive episode ended. I have struggled for years and this is the first time I’m able to just let go like that. I guess my bad habit is engaging the depressive thoughts. I am super grateful for this lesson. Thank you dr. K
I realize this awareness method is how children are taught to break bad habits too. I remember my dad reminding me when I to keep my room organized. More than discipline, he was helping me be more conscientious of what was going on around me ,so I can personally develop to implement organization habits in life without his guide. The same principle is the reason we utilize sticky notes in areas we can see them & ask people to keep us accountable. Sometimes its mentally about "out of sight out of mind" like we have a blind spot on our shortcomings and need tools to move towards the goal of becoming better. Whether that's doing some preliminary stuff, like using a planner, weekly pill box, meal prepping, kitchen timer or a weekly checking w/ your buddy to see if you did that thing you said you would. Awareness has the connotation to feel scary, overwhelming, confusing associated with meditation. But Dr. K really simplifies it to a daily practice of just questioning to yourself before taking that behavior thats not helpful or healthy or unwanted. (It's similar to being proactive but that's the next step: preparing and planning , like once youre aware and recognize what your bad habit is you can change it) Then it becomes being mindful to: do I want to do this? Is doing this important? We use consciousness or carefulness: doing a job that requires attention to detail, journaling, drawing, having a difficult conversation for the purpose of informing or expressing the right message to someone. Cultivating awareness is hard work but it's worth it to get to accomplish better habits and complete our goals
Great video! I’m getting addicted to watching your videos b/c they’re so informative, interesting, & inspiring… but the addiction is with full awareness
Mindfulness and awareness of yourself, your body, and others I would say is something I wish was talked about more in depth. So hard to find time to think in such a distracted world, but it’s so important.
I've got plenty of bad habits. Believe me, I'm forcing myself to make drastic changes/improvements, but I feel as though the gates of the hell keep opening up just to let me in. Dark, but that's just how I feel explaining it.
My sister, you are not alone in this struggle. Keep fighting, there are many who are beside you, silently, searching for a better way to live. I hope your efforts and your hopes are protected by the light of Jesus Christ, name which the gates of hell and the darkness won’t ever overcome.
Good job. Proud of you. Hope you are proud of yourself for wanting to be better and taking the effort and perseverance and discipline and time and patience to be better, to get rid of bad habits, to get positive habits, for you, for people around you, and for your future. Good job.
Great video. I do want to add something through a personal story: I used to have an addiction and I really wanted to break free. I raised my awareness a lot, to the point that I got a panic attack while engaging in the addicting behavior. I was so aware of what I was doing that it really freaked me out that I was still engaging in the behavior. That panic attack has given me some trauma and my anxiety spikes every time I am somehow confronted with the topic of my addiction. In the end, I broke free from the addiction, but it came at a cost to my mental health in other ways. Through therapy, I have been able to work through that trauma, but I still get queezy when confronted with the addiction, even if someone else is engaging in the behavior.
Ah, the same weird brain rewiring I did with my psychotic depression (with a therapist’s supervision). It’s also helpful if you monitor your thoughts and not just your emotions and actions.
It explains a lot in my personal life. I became more aware recently during my addictive behavior and now I waste less time and it’s easier to stop. Obviously it’s only the first step and more things happened in the meantime that allow me to increase my awareness. Thank you for your hard work.
I get the thinking before doing the behaviour. But if we look at video game addiction: the whole point of the video game is to be distracted from your thoughts and emotions in the first place. The moment you engage with the game, the awareness disappears. But yes, I've had moments where my underlying emotion is so intense that it slips through the emersion of the game and your enjoyment of the game is completely gone. A great example is in older games where the loading screen was pitch black and you could see your own reflection in the screen, and you get reminded how shitty your life is. Than the bright pixels reappear and your problems are gone again :).
This kind of works. Ive been able to reduce or stop my bad habits doing this along with self healing. By doing "this", i mean, stop resisting and trying to stop myself and just allowing the experience and usually what happens is i realize i don't want to do it anymore, or i dont need to do it (eventually). In order to do that i note my inability to stop, "egoically", that is i cant stop being afraid by being afraid about being afraid and only by letting go. Noting that its actually ok for that thing to happen. Kind of being kind to myself and allowing the parts of me that need, to meet their needs. And also by allowing a blanket of kindness to hug me? This is actually a very big thing for me as i did this coming from a state of being very controlled by my emotions. And ive been trying for a while also. Thanks dr.k. ig one problem ive sometimes had is that i get distracted and get lost in the thing. I think this happens when i try to do this without doing the above and only by "being aware". but more to experiment!
I’m a martial arts instructor for kids and I have been trying to talk a lot about habit forming. And hearing you talk about how bad habits are formed is spot on. Is there a way to rewire it to develop “good habits”? A lot if my students are exhausted from schoolwork and give into that exhaustion and just go through the motions. I don’t want to use the word lazy because it’s not intentional. Would love to get you 2 cents on how to use this to help them.
I would talk about energy as a energy bar from a video game. School can drain all of it if you let it. The more you let somthing excite you or annoy you the more you give in to it and let it drain you. It's not about resistance but more of being effective with your emotions and dealing with problems as they arise, tomarrows problems are for tomarrows stresses but 8f you deel with it day by day it won't take you down all at once. As a professional procrastinator this is my suggestion.
I just remembered realizing how falling in love somehow always makes me lose (more than just) a few pounds. Eating food can be an addictive helping mechanism, too. Or to put it differently: Addictions are one of your mind's many responses trying to help.. as are avoidance, hopelessness and all the other ways we struggle with in our lives. Awareness is where it's at.
I notice a lot of mental problems we have can mostly be *solved* by literally being aware / noticing it, and being fully present with ourselves in those dark moments and searching for clarity and understanding. As we understand things, they make more sense. As they make sense, it occurs less or we sidestep em, or they don't matter anymore because we know it inside out. Definitely isn't a catch all and there is definitely nuance that needs to be understood-- but my god you can get so far with just being more present in areas of your life you weren't earlier.
@@Spades20XX I don’t know how. I’ve been searching for clarity and understanding for a long time. Ever since I could talk, I asked “why?” but now I’m 49 and and I still don’t know shit. I only realized that’s there’s even more that I don’t understand. I thought I would have the answers by now, but I really don’t have any. Just more questions. I’m starting to think Camus was right and it’s all just absurd. . I agree with you on one level, because awareness is a first step, but I don’t think it can solve anything by itself. I understand trauma and ptsd, and what happens in the body and mind, and the fight or flight response, but I still can’t make it stop. It makes sense why I’m hyper-vigilant, but it doesn’t fix it.
Hey, Dr. K! I want to thank you for all the great videos you make, but I also agree you shouldn’t just watch stuff without taking action (or not, I watched that video too), which is exactly why I love this video! It’s not that hard to do this, and you don’t even have to change your habit right away or yourself either. Definitely gonna try this one out! (I kinda wrote that for myself lol)
The crux of this alternative approach is to rather than resist the habitual act, cultivate awareness while doing it. Much of the appeal is that this should be much easier initially than resisting, but what if a big part of the habitual act is for it to command your thoughts and awareness? Even the video games and social media examples he gave are things that suck you in until all you're thinking about is the content you're engaged in. In these cases, I think this approach will still involve a difficult wrestle for control, but hopefully a more manageable and effective one than outright resisting then giving in and giving up.
This actually backfired on me hard, while it works on bad habits it also works on good habits. It would now take active effort to do things like wash my hands after I go to the bathroom or fasten my seatbelt when I got into a car.. wtf do I do?
Also, what about the habit of hitting snooze when you wake up? Since you’re literally unconscious when sleeping how do you.. consciously indulge in that habit??
@@thelegendofme7520 I put my phone in a hard to reach place that forces me to focus just to turn it off. also there is some apps that ask you simple quiz to turn the alarm off
Mindfulness is The Key❤ It's interesting to think about How, When & Why we DECIDED to adopt/claim certain behaviors that became Habits. Why did I make "this" a thing? Why do I still Choose "this" if it is no longer serving my well being? Why do I keep lying to myself & act like it has always been a part of me? What will happen when I let it go? It's Ok to part ways with habits that gave you comfort at one time. It's Ok to outgrow them and Live solo. You already know the time is Now. It doesn't have to be a harsh cut-off. It just needs to happen. Its Ok to feel a loss for your vices Even when they have been harmful...they've been consistent & comforting in a way. Sometimes that's all some of us have had. Once you let them go....eventually you will remember that YOU have ALWAYS Been Enough. ❤
Writing down stuff and how much time it takes does massive wonders for me when it comes to awareness. When I was growing up, everyone was workaholics, so no one really know how to deal with emotions or habits so I had to find my own way. Luckily I was just trying to make a schedule, and I needed to know how much time everything took. Starting writing everything down and made me realize just how horrible my sense of time had gotten. I've been slipping a bit with my habits lately since I haven't been doing that. Planning on grabbing a little booklet to write down in on monday so there is always something by my side. I mean I suppose you could do the same on your phone, but I find writing makes you more aware of the words you are saying than typing them. Especially since I never had a reason to really write anymore. Also planning on implementing how I feel before and after each activity, and also give a scale on 1 to 10 afterwards to see how well that works out for me.
I usually never comment but due to circumstances this video could never have been timed better for me. Huge thanks to youtube algorithym understanding my needs. Thank you for your videos Dr. K!
Great video Dr. K! I'm getting my finances in order and I've been writing down ever single purchase I make. It's made me very aware of how I spend my money and I've managed to reduce a lot of my impulse spending that I otherwise struggled with in the past. It was almost effortless!!
I was an alcoholic from around my 16th until I was around 25. At some point I started thinking about whether I truly liked the tast. Over time I realised more and more that I only drank because of the buzz. The steps before, from getting the beer and tasting it, and the steps after, the dry mouth during the night and hangovers, started to bother me more than the pleasure of that buzz. It is really interesting to me to have that struggle validated as a tool to overcome other struggles as well. Thank you sir
Interesting stuff, this reminds me of how i started eating better. I noticed that processed food was making me feel gross and associating it with that feeling made me not want it as much.
Practicing meditation for a few days now, specially the body scan. I've heard it was good for addictions, but you just gave me the reason why. Thank you! ❤
I didn’t realize it until i watched this video, but I have been applying the philosophy of breaking bad habits for a while now and I have completely quit nicotine and gaming. Thanks for putting it into a coherent idea.
Thank you. I am dealing with addictions for many years and have read and heard a lot of ways to cope with that but your methodology is actually new and promissing!
I think I get it. I be come aware of my carving for the habit and if I want to change it. Everyday I think about it and enjoy, say eating a slice of cake, everyday for a week. but, after a while of staring down this same old slice, I get bored of it and recognize there are better things out there and it is time to break off this habit of cake for dinner.
i have been here. This video related to the video about self control. There also he talked about that just being completely aware gives you all the control in the world that you want. Here also the prime theme is the same.
So what happens when someone with binge eating issues follows your advice and buys 3 bags of potato chips and awarely eats all 3? Also, are monks in an environment where they CAN play video games for 8 hours a day, is a door dash order away from McDonalds, exposed to ads designed to make people crave the food they're seeing, etc. being mindful is important, but it's only part of the equation
But have you actually tried that? I have a problem with binge eating and to me it would be incredibly hard to consume 3 bags of potato chips (or any other food I'm addicted to) with real full awareness. I would either give up and turn into my usual mindless auto-mode until I finish all of the bags plus everything edible in my house, or get sick and bored of eating them mindfully after like 1/3 of a bag. The problem is that most of the time I give up after a few seconds or even forget to be mindful at all, but I do see some progress and it helps me a lot (when I actually try and put some effort). It's definitely not something that would fix you overnight but I can't imagine still craving chips after eating them with full mindfulness day after day, at some point the cycle of habit has to break
@@ilona3630I'm a man of science with a PhD in Professoring for over 25 years. I do not believe any of this nonsense before it has been backed up by scientific evidence with N >> 10^6 and a 1000-page textbook detailing the analysis how this "awareness" will kill all bad habits for 100% of people in any circumstances. I'm only interested in arguments and debates, not change or results.
problem is i cant eat that many with full awareness . i just autopilot it ,to me binge eating is a relief not a hard time being aware of my problems thats comes with it . sure if im aware i might have less appetite cuz its not doing its job anymore ...
Great video, thanks for the information Personal Notes. English is my second language, sorry if this is badly write When we do something new that has any good connotations, a good feeling, gave fun, etc, our brain releases dopamine that enfonces that behaviour. Over the time our brain turns on the habit circuit. Damn, he also deal with videogame addiction. Yeah I understand deeply that feeling that you keep playing hours plus hour even If I don't enjoy it. Maybe you want to have a timeout of reality, or you are really stressed out, also It can be that you are just procrastinating. Endocannabinoids are the ones that governs habits. A habit is an unconscious behavior. When we want to change a habit we try to control it with our frontal lobe. There isn't something enjoyable at breaking bad habits! That's why it is so difficult. We can make unfun things fun but in this particular video we are going to try and learn a monk's technique. Become hyper aware. You cant just do something in autopilot when you are being aware. Don't the resist the urge, just do it with full awareness: What does this craving look like? How do I want this thing to feel/taste? How is my body, the full of it? When you do it, do you enjoy it? And what happens to the desire after? Cultivate awareness. Engage in the habit, even if you fail to control, that wasn't the objective, as you are aware, you are approaching this tipping point, where you would just need only a little of willpower to break a bad habit A ADDICTION is a very powerful habit. People with addictions have a lack of awareness of internal emotional state, they are blind to this process: Life is hard, daily problems and not dealing with them makes that the Internal struggle build stress up. it becomes so bad that people with addictions falls back to them, using as coping mechanism. That's why mindfulness is so helpful, because you start to train and make stronger the part of the brain in charge of your autocontrol. Monk aren't special or super disciplined, before entering a temple they are just like any normal Joe, but this method works and help them overcome all of theirs bad habits.
This was great! Thank you so much! Would you be able to make a video about developing new good habits too? I've wanted to begin a strong exercise habit, along with things like cold showers, and meal prep, but it's such a willpower struggle.
My personal advice would be to start light with the exercise routine. It can be just 5 minutes or even 1 minute, just 5 squats per day and that's all (before you slowly increase their difficulty, variety and size). Also maybe note on a piece of paper or on your phone at which time you start your exercise sessions, cause if you simply say "I'll do it today" it'll be too easy to simply put back to tomorrow, but if you say "I'll do it at X p.m/a.m, and put an alarm, then you'll be more inclined to do it. As for cold showers, I used something along the lines of what dr K. said, simply be hyper aware of it. For example what I did was, before showering, I asked to myself if I wanted to take a cold shower, and then I either said yes or no (even though most of the time I said yes) and then took a cold shower (gradually more cold after each shower, not directly frozen, had to get used to it). I also (most of the time) took them after exercise sessions, so that it was easier to enjoy (especially in summer). Now I don't take cold showers everytime but very often, and I don't have to prep myself before doing it (even though i like to do it from time to time) and it has become enjoyable. Hope it helps :)
@@thatsagoodquestion5889hey, using this method i managed to meditate everyday for 2 months in a row, started out at 2 mins and slowly went up now doing 15. yet after 2 months of daily practice ive suddenly broke routine and have gaps - any suggestions or tips? if anyone has general advice on long term sustainability of habits thatd be great, thanks!
@@fawazahmed4978 well i've never done meditation but i'd say if you already were able to do it two months in a row, then it's okay if you stopped a little (be there a reason to it or not). It also happened to me (like 3-4 times) to stop doing my daily exercises (not for just a day bur weeks, sometimes even more than one month). I always had a reason, good or bad (either too much work and couldn't focus on that or simply a change of schedule [like beginning of vacations] and suddenly i did not want to do that. Know that you already ingrained the routine in your mind, it's a part of your routine (even though you've temporarily stopped). I'd say simply restart like in the beginning (when you wake up someday tell yourself today's the day you meditate, and do it only 2 minutes) and then gradually come back to your level from before (or stop below if that was the reason you stopped). Just don't forget the first times to really force yourself and tell yourself that today, x hour, you do it. Until that becomes once again part of your routine. You didn't give up, you simply stumbled. It's okay to stumble, you can just get back on your feet :)
To break dependency is a multi prong attack, it seems quite overwhelming but this advise can help, I will gather awareness as a part of my steps forward.
What if you're too aware ? (aka neuro divergent) nothing can be automatic every extra action costs a lot of mental energy cause I'm already sensory overloaded/overwhelmed by the simplest things as they stack onto each other. So hyper ware of/ sensitive to light, sound, pain, temperature, surroundings, movement every waking moment then couple that with overthinking.
Love this video. I think I'm at tipping point with my habit now. I've had enough of being in denial. It's causing me stress, a loss of sleep and - you absolutely nailed it - me to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. It stops now. I can be 10x better for it if I do. I don't even need the habit, yet I keep doing it. It's self-sabotage at this point. Thank you for helping spell things out, really appreciate it.
I found a way to actually enjoy the pain of abstinence from 2 additions simultaneously. Over 1 year addiction-free! There are many ways to success if you never quit trying
I was about to comment that this is exactly why 12 step programs aren’t effective for so many people, but then you said it, lol I knew people in AA or NA that spent all their time and energy telling themselves they can’t and so even if they didn’t, it was like the substance was still controlling their lives. The programs tell them that they are powerless against it, and it just seemed so backwards to me. I was going through years of therapy with a great psychologist at the time, and being empowered was helping me. I realized that I have done what you described many times in my life without realizing it. I went from 2 years of drinking every day to not drinking at all because I didn’t tell myself i couldn’t. I would drink if I wanted to, but then I just started to not enjoy it or how I felt after, so I didn’t really even want to anymore. I also have adhd and I wonder what role that played. I was already extremely self aware from years of therapy, but i would also overthink a lot. I would have less impulse control, so i would act on the impulses but overthink during and after. What I’m wondering is about the difference between compulsive or impulsive behavior vs. bad habits. I have picked or scratched at my skin all my life. Dermatillomania… There were times I wasn’t aware of it, but times I was very aware and did it anyway and aware of the consequences i didn’t like and how bad it made me feel. I have not been able to stop yet. I never had issues with addictions (other than nicotine) even though I used and abused things. I was accidentally doing what you described. Yet I have problems because of impulse control issues. So what’s the answer for impulse control issues? How are they different from bad habits? What would be useful for stopping them?
I learned something similar to this in Korea. The friends I made at school there called it "eating deliciously". Basically, you savor each bite. You are aware of the different flavors and if you really liked it or not. It forces you to not only eat slower, but also enjoy the company you are with since you are eating slower. It's great at preventing overeating and enjoy your dinning experience more since you are more engaged with what you are putting in your body. It's not about restricting fast food either. If you are craving a burger, you can still eat the burger. Just take your time with it. I never thought about using this method in other areas too, like gaming and my phone.
Interestingly I've been in some way already doing this with my habit of snoozing my morning alarms, by putting the alarm clock (well my tablet actually) a little far from my bed so I can't just hit the buttons sleepily, but I'll be sure to add extra awareness to that. But what do you do about a habit that has a very low activation cost, like chewing your nails? Because alcohol, or your phone, you need to fetch it or grab it, it gives you a few moments in which you can realize what you are doing; but your hands are right there! The moment you notice the chewing is pretty much when it's already over! Do I have to wear gloves at all times? (might help curb my phone addiction though, and it's a good opportunity to apply some hand cream 😂)
Notable quotes from Jiddu Krishnamurti : “Awareness is observation without condemnation. Awareness brings understanding, because there is no condemnation or identification but silent observation. If I want to understand something, I must observe, I must not criticize, I must not condemn, I must not pursue it as pleasure or avoid it as non-pleasure.” “Any form of resistance feeds the habit, which does not mean that you go on with the habit. You become aware of the habit and of the cultivation of its opposite, which is also a habit, and this awareness shows you that whatever you do with regard to the habit is the formation of another habit.” ‘If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.'
I've been consuming a lot of content like this lately through youtube and tik tok. And I've started feeling a bit more content with myself and life. I feel like what helps most is rebuilding your brain to be more forgiving and confident in your abilities. Even if I don't do a great job, most times it works out in the end. And I don't fail. I fail to do the work up to my standards but people still think it's enough. What I haven't figured out yet is what I want in life and what my passion is. I've been putting off your exercise for finding this out and I'm planning to do it in 2 weeks. I truly hope it would work because I've never known what I want or I just don't remember. And I believe that if I knew, I would be way more content with my life despite the challenges.
My bad habit is staying up late reading stuff and playing games. I can't do anything the next day without acting all wonky and falling asleep where I stand, and then it's really hard to fix my sleep schedule again. My perception of time sucks, sometimes I don't notice the hour, sometimes I just don't feel sleepy, sometimes it's friday and surely it won't be that bad... It's been causing me a lot of trouble.
Full video: th-cam.com/video/498-bf2BhgQ/w-d-xo.html
Interesting
this is the same link ?
yes@@Craffunky
Why?
Someone made a mistake? We're all human and that seems likely.@@pentasquare
in summary: when you're craving a bad habit, don't try to resist. do it mindfully, paying attention to every aspect of the experience
Bruh that's trash advice I did not stop eating a terrible diet by observing it myself I just studied how bad it was and at the same time resisted and I haven't gone back.
@@Tokmurok Many people are completely aware of how unhealthy their bad habits are and have tried to resist them but failed. This is an alternative way of trying to break the habit that could for many people. I don't think it hurts to try this if they have already failed at going raw turkey.
@@Tokmurok you probably unknowingly adapted what they video said btw..
@@Tokmurok thats how you observed it..by researching
Not summarised by ChatGPT?
ILL TAKE A POTATO CHIP... AND EAT IT!
WHILE BEING FULLY AWARE OF WHY I'M EATING IT!
* insert that choir soundtrack of death note *
I was at the beginning of the video when I read this comment and I kinda knew the video was about mindfulness :D Does this count as pre-study?
Keikaku doori
This comment needs to be pinned lmfaoooo
Great video again! Here is what I learned:
- a behaviour is reinforced when it's pleasurable and dopaminergic.
- when you try to change a habit you're using your frontal lobe which doesn't make the good habits pleasurable because the frontal lobes and the reward system of the brain are two different circuits
- monks do not practice resistance, they focus on cultivating awareness
- the awareness can help with addictions because the person with addiction is blind to what got them to use again after a period of being sober. Most of the times these people are emotionally triggered in some way and they cope by using the substance again. However, if they are aware of these stressful situations and their feelings, they'll have better understanding of what triggered them and made them use again.
- everytime you do the bad habit with full awareness you're strenghtening connections between the frontal lobe and habit circuitry. This works because bad habits are not enjoyable the whole time you're doing them. For example when you start a video game you're thrilled but after 10-20 minutes you're not as enagaged as in the beggining. If you're aware the whole time you're going to catch that point where you stopped enjoying playing the game. Another example I can think of is to watch a TH-cam video but scrolling on social media on your phone. You are neither fully aware of the video nor the social media posts and this is how a few hours of your life can slip by.
- tldr - do one thing at a time and be fully aware of your bad habits
Thanks!
I appreciate this.
thank you for saving my time
Damn, I relate so much to that video while on my phone thing. I’ll be playing a video game and I’ll alt tab between games/lives to watch videos and sometimes I’ll have my phone too.
Thanks for taking the time to write this bro
the wisdom of a monk under the perspective of a Harvard psychiatrist, this dude is a gem
@@jadebaxter8181 other way around I'd say. But yes.. he's the man
we dont need wisdom and prespective
we need evidence
@@user-kw4jn8od4zevidence for what? What are you talking about lol
Potentially helpful tips:
1.Observe how ego and judgements interact.
"This action is bad, but it feels good, therefore I must be bad."
2. Observe sensations and emotions fully.
What happened before the habit? How are your feeling?
"I didn't sleep well. I feel apathetic."
When does the pleasure stop? When does the fun end and compulsion begin? How do you feel afterwards?
"The cake tasted so good on the first mouthful, but by the third it was just sweetness. I felt like I had to finish it, even though I wasn't enjoying it anymore."
3. Acknowledge what the bad habit does for you. It may be a bad habit, but it was/is a solution to a problem you have. Binge eating reduces stress. Gaming masks inadequacy. Pr0n distracts from emptiness. Anger issues protect us. They are poor solutions, but it never would have turned into a habit if it didn't work at some point. So rather than outright rejecting them, be grateful. Acknowledge what bad habits give, as well as take.
great notes
Funnily enough I stumbled upon #2 recently. I started taking notes on how I felt after indulging in certain things, and came to a similar realisation.
This was beautiful bro, your explanations on where they stemmed from and the different examples, just perfect, the Pron from Emptiness is accurate to me, don't get me wrong alot of it is lust it really is, but I found whenever I search rule 34 again outside of lust, the images I always like the most are always two people with strong chemistry whether it's couples or friends, one side of it is lust and how good the art and image is or video, the other side is this my thoughts of oh that can be me one day with a partner, that's what i noticed, for game your thing is accurate but i also just play it if im bored, i never related to stress eating i actually eat because im skinny and even then i barley eat, yea anger does protect me, but i rarely get angry but because its so rare that when i do, it feels like protection, And your comment at the end about dont just blindly reject it but moderate and be aware, was awesome your perspective is so original and useful, im not even addicted to any of these thingbs I really got awareness earlier this year, but because i struggle to find an interview for a job, and my life is on repeat with nothing fresh, these things just add pleasure, thats me personally, like im not addicted and multiple times i took month breaks, so it's weird, im not addicted, im self aware, but i still do these things because im empty, if i had a job i can really excite my life more
These are very good tips, thank you so much
@@IIIISai very true, good point you added there, I also engage more with couple orientated or good chemistry Pron and now I realize why that is. I started recently to find my purpose and gratification without a relationship, because I found that I connect my value to relationships and the "Family Future"
This makes sense. I stopped drinking in 2018, not mindfully at first. But once I started paying attention to the urges my brain was focused on, it became easier to understand and regulate the habit.
It wasn't forcibly stopping a detrimental habit. It was the act of thinking about my circumstances during and adjacent to alcohol consumption that allowed me to stop altogether.
I still feel the urge, years later, but I'm definitely better off than I was before I quit.
Metacognition/ reflection
Congratulations, it is not easy to break drinking.
The same thing happened to me but with roblox
Yea I think when I've managed to stop eating crap foods I've unknowingly done what he's talking about where I just start paying attention to the fact I don't actually like them and was just in the habit of having them or turning to them when other things (like thirst) were going on. Well done with quitting btw :)
@@BlackbeardEVO hey bro i struggle with the same thing, did you overcome this struggle with roblox? and how?
I never thought subliminals could make such a huge difference in overcoming addiction, but Borlest proved me wrong. After a couple of weeks, I felt a massive shift in my mindset. If you’re stuck in a cycle, this could be the solution. You’ve got nothing to lose.
this may be one of the most important videos dr k has put out. i tried this for only a day and found massive results. for context, i generally spend nearly all day watching youtube videos or television/movies, sometimes playing video games too. i know i do it to avoid my feelings, but haven't been able to stop in years and it has really brought my life to a sickening standstill.
so i followed dr k's instructions and decided to engage in my addictions, but with awareness. every time i found myself picking up my phone or my laptop, i'd start paying attention to my actions, even pointing and calling if needed (e.g. saying out loud "i'm scrolling the youtube homepage right now.") because i'm trying to be aware of my internal state too, i'd ask myself, "what am i feeling right now?" i'd name the emotion and continue to scroll. because i've been trying to practice self-compassion in the last week, as soon as i named the emotion i instinctually validated it too. all this while continuing to engage in the addiction, fully aware.
what was surprising is this: while i'd usually spend hours on youtube once i started, when i did this, i watched only one video, or played only one pvp match at a time. it's not that i consciously stopped myself, i just didn't feel the NEED to keep going anymore. as a result, today was one of the most productive days i've had in weeks - i got so much stuff done, actually had the motivation to do things, all because i engaged in my addictions with awareness, which led to paying attention to what i was feeling and accepting it - as a result, i didn't lose myself in the timesuck of youtube.
what i found whenever i engaged in my addictions with awareness:
- i'd reach for them whenever i felt an uncomfortable emotion, e.g. sadness, anger, hurt, but most prominently discomfort at the prospect of doing a difficult task, which led to procrastination using the addictive behavior
- i also reached for it when i didn't know what to do next in my day - a completely unexpected realization. i suppose feeling directionless is its own kind of discomfort.
- i have a chronic pain condition, and i'd reach for my addictions when i had a pain flare-up. once i noticed this, i realized i could actually make the radical decision of, gasp, treating the pain, instead of avoiding the discomfort of it by playing video games. i automatically stopped after one match (not something i had to force myself to do!), took my meds and felt a whole lot better in a few hours, which led to more productivity.
dr k, you probably won't see this comment, but you've helped me way more than anything i've tried, even therapy, which has been pretty helpful. from the bottom of my heart, a huge THANK YOU. i hope all the good you do comes back to you as punya (sanskrit for "merit" for others reading).
I'm really happy you have this technique for yourself now you go :)
Thank you for sharing your experience. It helped me understand the process better 😊 great job practicing awareness! Your story is amazing. I'm addicted to sugar. Without success, I've been trying various techniques to change my behavior. I'll give this a shot!
@@emjhendrickson8290 hi, how's it going?
"Being directionless can be it's own kind of discomfort" that really described alot of the reasons I still smoke weed. I grow bored or purposeless and just figure "hey I have nothing better to do" when in reality I have alot of things I could be doing but due to discomfort I just don't do it. Really related to your comment. Gave me the courage to give it a try. Hope nothing but the best for you.
Thanks for sharing your story! It was touching.
It’s been 3 weeks since I stopped vaping. My parents were happy to hear that I am making progress to quit my bad habit but they asked why do I still have the vape in front of me at all times on my desk. I told them in the past when I tried to quit I would usually throw it in the bin, but not long after I would give in to the temptation and drive out and buy one. However, what I did 3 weeks ago was I use a marker to write down the date I decided to quit and I kept the vape in front of me at all times and bring it everywhere I go. Every time I have the craving to take a hit I can make a conscious/intentional decision whether I want or not, but the date on the vape actually reminds me of my commitment, goal and perseverance.
I just found this video and it really resonated with me when the monk was told to not to resist and eat with awareness and even keep it with at all times. I realise I am on the right path and I know I will break this bad habit of mine successfully.
Did you break your habit successfully or not ?
This video has got to be one of the most valuable pieces of content on the internet right now.
I often feel so much shame and guilt trying to overcome my phone use and social media addiction through willpower.
It's validating to hear that my failures are not because I'm not trying hard enough, and it's life-changing to have a path forward after watching this video.
Maybe dissipating some of the feelings of shame also contributes to breaking a bad habit. Best of luck! :)
bro has definitely just found Dr. K
@@physicianskitchen true
Did you overcome your addiction?
@@SuitedPup Wow, it's already been 6 months. Things have definitely gotten better. I am more aware of my screen time, so I don't scroll endlessly, and I've been reading and journalling instead of going on my phone constantly. Another thing is I don't feel the same shame and guilt anymore, instead, now when I regress to my old habits, I remind myself about the life that I want to live and how I can adjust my behaviour to align better with my values of health, connection, and happiness.
This video made me tear up a bit. I’ve been struggling with drinking since the pandemic began, and I also have a genetic predisposition for alcohol issues from my dad’s side. I’ve been drinking every single day, with 3 exceptions that last maybe a week or 2, for the last 3 years.
I drink to cover up the loneliness. I do have friends, really good friends even, but there’s a gnawing hole in my heart where family and a partner should be. I currently only speak to one of my five siblings and my mother.
I went on a date recently that was the best I’ve ever been on. We didn’t do anything fancy, we went for a walk and then played music together and had tea. It just felt like I was simply and easily connecting with another person.
And guess what? I didn’t drink that night, and I didn’t even think about it. It just didn’t happen. We’ve now been on 3 dates and each time I see him I feel no desire to drink afterwards.
What’s frustrating is feeling like a lonely sad loser for needing people. I feel like everyone around me is “doing their own thing” and simply don’t have much time for others.
Wow! That's a lot.
If you're want to break out of the pattern, maybe try being radically honest with a friend who might be up for it. Be honest that the habit you're trying to break only really happens when you're alone, so see if they'd be up for low-key, low-pressure hangouts several times a week, maybe sometimes on short notice. It's really great that you don't want to drink on date nights, but you also probably shouldn't depend on a romantic partner as the only linchpin for kicking the bottle. The friend won't fill the "family" hole, but this might help spread things out a little to take pressure off the relationship.
@@sccello thank you for taking some time to reply! I think one thing I should clarify more is that the friendships I have are really good friendships. I’ve never struggled much in terms of friends as an adult. I’m a very extroverted, agreeable, and open person. They’re good enough friendships that I have had conversations similar to the one you mentioned. The pain is still there and I feel like I’m just distracting myself for a moment or a few hours.
I agree about the linchpin thing. And I would also say that I don’t consider this guy to be the linchpin here. The real linchpin is music, and there are a lot of people that I can share connection with in that way.
I suppose the take away here is that I need more friends that I can share playing music with.
I did also lose a group of friends that I used to sing with. After the pandemic started they were only meeting over zoom and it was just so different that I’ve had trouble going back. There are a lot of older folks in the group as well so they’re all especially concerned about covid
@@Blackcrowcaw wow this was a wake up call for me. I had decided I didn't want a partner because the time investment is too high, being with the person 24/7 and I have a ton of things I need to do with my life. I had planned I will just make amazing friends. But reading from your perspective it makes me reconsider things... the part that all your friends have things of their own to do. I need to wake up to reality. Thanks for sharing and I will you the best with fixing things
Don't feel like a loser for needing someone to socialize with, and different relationships satisfy different social needs so you'll need more than one "someone." Humans are communal animals. There's a reason solitary confinement is a punishment.
Heard an extension of this that could also help others: If you find yourself tempted by a habit, try waiting 10 minutes before doing it. Helps build up resistance and willpower while also becoming more aware of the habit.
Ohhhh I'll try this, thank you!
Bump
Oh this doesn't stop me. Being mindful/ aware doesn't work for me.
@@Heyu7her3 change doesnt happen in a week man
@@Heyu7her3there are reasons that the advice given may not work for people.
I feel like the video actually. Explains why. So. Ignore them.
I've used this approach without realizing to correct my diet. I allowed myself to eat what I wanted in full awareness that I shouldn't, forgiving myself for "failing" and allowing myself to enjoy it. It took months but soon I went from eating horribly soda's, pizza's, chips, candies and so on to replacing each little by little with healthy alternatives. This was several years ago now and have kept to my new habits. I occasionally consume some of the old stuff but I don't think about it as a negative and simply enjoy them since they don't cause me problems any longer.
This came at a right time for me, I just slipped up and played video games for 4 hours everyday on the last two weeks, and it has been detrimental to my studies as a medical student. I became aware of the fact that playing games wouldn't bring me anything but guilt (not even pleasure), and I thought I definitely needed a way to prevent myself from becoming absorbed in bad habits the next time. Thank you.
Dealing with phone and youtube addiction through a youtube video on my phone
i struggle with the same thing too... can you share how life has been after posting this comment?
@@synclairpotter i have found things that work! Though not really things that resolve the issue. (Everything below is stuff ive tried tho, except a switch to flip phone)
I’m lycky to have things I love. I don’t love my phone, I just use it all the time.
The biggest thing about good periods is that I need to go to bed early-ish but always get up early. Nothing better than getting up early and jumping to an activity. The reason you need to go to bed early is because if I can’t get the momentum early of either starting working on a hobby or passion project, then I’ll eventually reach for that phone. So I need the energy early. If I can get up at 7, and be on my way to the climbing gym or at my work station by 5-45 min (i know wide window but some things need more prepp) then the day is pretty solved.
Having projects is also really important because motivation is keeping the thought of doing something in your mind uninterruptedly, and that’s easier the more specific it is.
The lvl 0 baby easy mode if you go to bed on time-ish, but exuted about recharging and getting up the next day to continue or your thing.
Lastly: WORK! I have a job. X days out of the week I don’t have a choice, but I’m lucky enough not to hate my job (most of the time :) ) so that helps. I also don’t get a lot of breaks.
But yeah kinda the biggest thing is take care of your body so you have high energy levels. Low energy leads to lazy scrolling. Then get projects in “fields” you love, so that you can self motivate easier. And maybe take a little more shifts at work.
Also turn off all notifications except texts and calls (even and especially discord)
ALSO Also like getting a camera, watch, note pad flash light and flip phone to replace the every day aspects kinda just patches out the issue entirely. Use the computer at home for the important internet stuff.
Hope that kinda helps smn :)
Same, please someone give some suggestions. what to do? @synclairpotter
@@vaishnavinegi4461 hello there, stranger. i hope things are going well when you find this. honestly, i haven't figured out yet how to actually stop going to TH-cam bc there are just awesome stuff here (like some self-help videos and asmr to sleep on to) but what i just do is to be mindful about the things i watch on this platform. by this, what i do is ask myself whether this yt video is something i really want to watch and actually help or make me laugh in a genuine and wholesome way, RATHER than only watching it just to cure my boredom because that means that it's mindless and just additional clutter on my mind.
i admit that i still spend a lot of time watching TH-cam but i tell myself that the important thing is that i know how to tone it down and am conscious about it which means that further along the way of life, there's a high chance of being detached to TH-cam or technology in general for entertainment. i forgive myself and am not hard on myself whenever i fall into brainrot again and again but that doesn't mean that i am condoning myself to do it all the time. i learned that there should always be a balance and i shouldn't just leave TH-cam or social media behind completely bc we know that we're in the modern and technological age so we can't really avoid it now, you know? we can and we must embrace it and ourselves.
that's all, we could talk in discord more, you know? i'll drop my username if you consent to it later then we can talk and share our experiences to fight addiction together. i think that would be a great idea.
same here brother
Habits are unconscious behaviour. Engage in habits mindfully to remove the distraction factor, and to reinforce the connection between the frontal lobe and the habit or cannabinoid circuitry. Also you'll raise awareness of your internal emotional state whenever you're indulging in the habits so you understand better why you do them and you can deal with those emotions instead of undulging in the habit.
Im addicted to Dr. K's video. How do I stop watching!? Please help!
I would also highlight loving awareness. To give yourself compassion for the habits. You can develop a witness in your thoughts who just observes how it is objectively "ah, eating chips" then maybe "ah, self shaming". Watch it all unfold with kindness.
Compassion broken down from Latin means to suffer with/together. Awareness can begin to develop self compassion because you become aware of your suffering (addiction/habit) rather than doing it non consciously. The kindness comes from realising that we are all together in our human condition. That everyone deserves love and kindness, starting with us.
Eventually habits fall off as they lose their momentum and with awareness you can stay quiet enough for the moment you're doing 'the thing' and it just doesn't have the spark it used to.
Isn’t developing a witness who objectively observes kind of like dissociation?
@@punkroxgirl It's different in that with disassociation you become detached from your mindstate, emotions and lack control with what's happening, which increases risks. In developing a witness you still have your primary mode of thinking, you're still grounded but there's another element of your thought you develop which just notes things in a different framing.
Source of knowledge; I have disorders which line up with disassociation, some amongst them involving seizures. Therapy, Loving awareness and developing a witness helped keep me in my body and conscious of reality. I've not long got on the Buddhist Path but what Dr K says in this video resonates with me as someone who's found growth and healing from Eastern Philosophy.
@@owtoom that makes sense. I have ptsd with some dissociation, but I did hypnosis therapy once and I was fully aware of everything the whole time and also watching in what was kind of like a guided imagery exercise
@@owtoom in that guided imagery I saw myself and still felt, but created these “bubbles” of safety for stressful things
how can i apply this specifically to porn ? in not that good in english and i dont really understand how to translate that into mine
I can recall this state of awareness while attempting to change my diet. I allowed myself to cave without guilt sometimes. I noticed the waxy, cardboard taste and texture of the unhealthy food I craved. The sickening sweetness or the empty feeling after it was gone. I started eating them less and less because of this, until skipping over them completely in favor of better choices. I will keep it up knowing it's actually a solid technique. Thank you for this video!
5:31 This makes sense because I've heard that being hyper aware was one of the most effective ways to quit something like smoking. The more you understand and focus on the parts you're just like about that hobby than the less likely you are to romanticize it and continue it. If you focus on the fact that you get no pleasure from playing video games anymore and are wasting all day playing video games instead of working out or doing something to make yourself better in life than it'll start to bother you every time you play video games because that's all you'll be able to think about which will help you kick the habit
I just realized how many bad habits I used to have that I would always do while binging TH-cam. A few months back, I decided I needed a dopamine detox which evolved into a new rule of mine: NO DOUBLE DOPAMINE! Snacking while gaming. Snacking while watching TH-cam. Multiple tabs of livestreams. Shit like that obliterates your boredom tolerance. After watching this video, I'm starting to wonder if isolating those dopaminergic behaviors had the hidden benefit of forcing me to do each one more mindfully! That would explain a lot...
I am currently working on breaking my video game addiction. I uninstalled all games from my PS5 except Soulslike games, which I am awfully bad at. So not only does it take away constant rewarding, because I gotta work for defeating every single enemy, but getting angry and frustrated at the games also makes me more aware of playing them 😅
Dang ive been using this strategy for a while without really knowing why, other than that it worked. Engaging in habits with awareness has been a great way to get myself to keep a schedule, exercise, put in hours at work, read, etc. I just try to be conscious of when I'm making a choice to engage in a good or bad habit, then feel how that feels. Like if i decide to skip the gym i allow myself to do that without feeling bad but i tune in to how my body feels about that choice that day and the next. And sometimes my body feels fine and maybe I actually needed a rest, or maybe i feel physically worse for being sedentary and that knowledge motivates me to go to the gym next time.
This is extremely interesting - I struggle with lots of bad habits that ruin my life. I also noticed a while back that I live most of my life in some sort of a haze, doing things unconsciously. And recently, I was told by a psychologist that I have low awareness of my feelings.
*Suddenly, it all makes sense* 🤯
that's deep, I relate but in a different way but same its weird, im hyper self aware yet I reject change and become autopilot almost while aware so it makes me have more regret, change is hard when you're hopeless, in my case its getting a job, i have 100s of applications but none of them get accepted, so mt habit and autopilot is just live your day without applying, but then at the night i always regret it because without effort even if hopeless, its guarantees no change, goodluck to your improvement and stuff, and again u can be aware of habits but theres always reasons u do it, habits help u feel something that u are missing, so u have to be aware of what it is that u do the habit for to begin with and that'll help u fix it or control it, gaming addiction often relates to lack of hobbies, thats one of many examples..
What a coincidence 😂 I just posted a comment similar to this. Yeah you're right, I've been dealing with this problem as well. The best solution is to live in the moment and improve your presence of mind.
@@IIIISai Oh I know the jobless struggle - this was me 2 years ago. Eventually, I started believing that it would never get better, no place would want me etc. My biggest problem was not applying enough because I kind of self-discarded. But it does get better - my mom made me apply for a position that I was a bit underqualified for but looked interesting, I had some serious doubts but did that and to my great surprise, I got the job :) And it hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but having a job again helped me a lot with the day-to-day. So I can guarantee that you'll find a job as well, it just takes some time, luck and not losing hope.
So thanks for your kind words and wishing the best of luck to you too, you can do that :)
@@akmhd It's really good to know that at least I'm not the only one trying to solve this problem :)
@@qwertyCandy Firstly congratulations on getting the job, awesome mom, and I appreciate your kind words too sir 🙏🏼🔥
I`ve been doing this with my pornography addiction for the last 2 weeks and I have to say, thank so much Dr. K. I'm 29 years old and for the first time in my life, since I consumed pornography, I feel in so much control with this addiction, at first I was skeptical about this practice and on the first days I saw not difference but I kept my full awareness while doing it, and after a week, I started to feel that the craving started to go away or at least they were way more manageable (slowly but surely) and now I had reached 5 days without pornography/masturbation, which is a huge milestone for me!
I know that I'm just 2 weeks into this practice, but so far, the change is noticeable and for the fist time I have huge hopes for me in the future.
Thank you so much Dr. K and I'll give you an update in about a month.
how is the progress?
Update please? What was your awareness like? Did you focus on how it made u feel? The behavior? The feeling?
Gib update pls
@@frankthepug283 Hey man I just read your comment and I'm going through the same exact thing. First of all I hope you are still doing good and you keep going on with the process, but I just had a quick question for you I hear when Dr. K. talks about being fully aware I'm just having trouble understanding what that really means all I can really think about is about how it makes me feel is there anything else I should be aware of I hear the things he says in the video that just doesn't really resonate with this subject
Update? Did you quit? Came on to this video for the exact thing
This is exactly how I quit smoking. I focused on how I felt ever-so-slightly worse after. I focused on the long term results during. I built up a natural response of disgust strong enough to actually use against the craving in the moment. I still have cravings 3½ years later, when I see people smoke in movies. Habits never leave, but neither does my trained response to them.
Dr K is always making videos about stuff like this at the EXACT time in my life when I am needing it- once or twice is a coincidence… time after time?? The man’s a genius and very in touch with his community.
Thank you, Dr. K.
He's spying on you
@@4xzx4 He reads our brains with his mind powers👁👄👁
@@hyperadapted not really fitting to this comment, K posts random different topics and its just luck that it suits us, your comment would only be true to this thread if the videos he got recommended on our homepage were off the similar topics but they are always different
This is a common comment on Dr. K's post. I am starting to think that this is more-so evidence in how prevalent these seemingly minute ideas are within our lives. Rather than being a huge iceberg that landed within the crosshairs.
And the algorithm also just knows what im dealing with at all times 🤣
I love that this guys videos are almost structured like a paid course on how to improve your life except its all free. These videos have improved my life so much
Dr. K,
Please do more content on trauma and c-ptsd. One thing about bad habits is that they could stem from maladaptive coping mechanisms. So, people watching this cannot simply just realize the existing bad habit and stop it because its likely that they will swap out the bad habit for another bad habit. They need to learn to process the trauma.
I think the point is not to stop bad habits but rather to study them. In that case by studying bad habits which are trauma responses you are actually developing insight into the nature of those responses and the nature of the trauma itself.
Wait a min. I have been doing this already unknowingly! So I've been taking your advice of maximizing my joy, and using it to make the most out of every junk food i eat. I figured since I'm on a diet and i want this food and can't have much of it, I'll eat a controlled amount but with lots of joy and presence to maximize the joy. What i have found is that lately i don't find it difficult to resist the junk food and i think that's because of awareness! As i enjoy and savour the junk food, i have also been aware of it and unintentionally strengthened my connection and thus that's why it's so easy now! I'm consistently losing weight now and it's much easier to not overeat.
This is something ive been practicing, and trying to tell the people i know about for like 15 years, but this video makes the point so concisive that this is going to be my reference going forward. Ive gotten more capable with my language and speaking since i was in middleschool but i still just sometimes fail to get the point heard. Thanks Dr. K. I'm certain that this is going to have a positive effect, at least in my little corner of the world
I tried this right away with something I was struggling with and not only did it work, but I feel like I already understand more about myself. Incredible piece of advice doc.
It's a very helpful advice for a lot of mental problems - cultivate more awareness. Observe instead of judging, and often times you will see the solution will come up by itself or you will start to feel better over time
It's actually make sense, this is exactly how i quit playing video games, i stopped fighting it, and started to observe behavior, and after some time i quited with ease. Good advice.
My biggest problem in breaking my addiction is that I can't find any new interests to replace it with, so I always fall back into the same loop eventually of turning my PC on just to escape my misery / boredom that eventually rises up
same for me.
I relate so much with this one
This is a late reply, but if you are falling into addictions or focused on your own unhappiness, one of the best ways to get distracted, become grateful and happier is to volunteer and help other people. There's a reason elderly people volunteer a lot. They knew them is wisdom. Be engaged with others, learn their problems and jiurneys. Help other people, putting thr focus of your attention outwards. This is easy for many people because we are biological social creatures. Even just volunteer at a second hand thrift shop to be the cashier for free. You will be helping the impoverished people and gaining comradery and a different social circle with the staff. Hope 2024 is great !
This was refreshing for me in my journey with alcohol. I used to drink A LOT years ago while being depressed, then I went sober for 2-3 years. Then I got into wine and met a girl and we both enjoyed wine together. Long story short, we got pregnant and she didn’t want to go through with it and then broke up with me over text. This destroyed me. I forced myself to drink bourbon and whiskey for months. I eventually sought therapy to help recover, but I actually started growing an appreciation for the liquid and it’s became something of a hobby to me. These days I try to stay self aware of my intentions. As an enthusiast, I want to appreciate all the smells, flavors, and details when I drink. When I notice myself wanting to just pour a glass and not care, I recognize I need to walk away or take a break. I then go on a week long detox. This way of thinking also pushed me to find a healthier vice. Walking and biking has become a big part of my life, especially when I just want to pour a glass. Changing these habits has grown my appreciation of the hobby and has helped me become more physically and mentally healthy!
I fixed my friends smoking addiction by making fun of him every time and he told me that he would think about me making fun of him every time he went for a smoke and how he felt about that and eventually quit
You're the hero he needed
@PhilGrayrock sometimes being negative is correct
@PhilGrayrock The end justifies the means. This was definitely a valid thing to do
I do this to myself and now I feel like shit hahaha
Don't shame yourself as the complete person. He shamed his friend for his habit, but we tend to extend that shame on every aspect of our being.
As Dr. K said: be aware of every emotion you have, not only the shame. How does the taste make you feel? Do you enjoy the stinking desert in your throat? How do you feel and see yourself in your body, thoughts and self awareness? Did you get what you wanted from the practice of smoking? Are you aware of the anxiety that leads to that? Are you aware of how it feels to go out of your way to smoke? Maybe you are smoking in front of people in public but you don't care anymore how they feel about it. In the end you will find that smoking is one if not the grossest thing you are and will be doing to yourself.
That's such a good video ! What I have realize also is that doing bad habits with awareness also make realize like a sudden shock that we acted like robots about this thing. And then we realize the coping mechanism you talk about and why did that habit, and finally also that often it's in fact not enjoyable and even hurt us. I am shocked at how these two side of something can coexist and be complete opposite as we put awereness or unconsciousness on them ! It make me think about darkness and light...
Perfect timing as always! I've been trying to do this but needed some more details. Dr. K, you always seem to include some detail or some angle on a practice that really unlocks a new dimension!! Thanks for everything you do.
This makes so much sense I am struggling with all my habits and I know it takes time to make changes. Here is explaining that bad habits can change but it going to take time and putting in the work
Incredibly hard to remove bad habits. But eliminating them is incredibly rewarding 💪
I did this unknowingly! I overcame an addiction to ice cream this way and didnt realize I was even doing it. I just started with having full awareness of my addiction and inability to stop eating it every time I ate some. I had no idea how I was ever going to give it up or have the self control to stop, but I didnt focus on that. I just kept eating it but not without doing some serious thinking while doing so! Id sit and think about it first for a few minutes before making a bowl of it, and Id think about how bad I wanted it, and how Id feel if I ate it, and how Id feel afterwards. I totally immersed myself in analyzing every thought and emotion. Then Id make a bowl and focus intently on how it tastes and how I just want it all the time for breakfast kunch and dinner! I didnt try to stop myself from eating it, I just gave it my full attention every time I ate it. I didnt realize I was actually taking a habit and making it fully conscious. After doing this several times I started to notice feling like I could choose to not eat it if I wanted to. Sometimes I still ate it, and sometimes I didnt. Eventually I quit even thinking about eating it and just chose other foods instead. That was over a year ago! I didnt even try to stop! It just happened. It wasnt until seeing this video that I realized what I actually did and how I did it. I thought it was just a coincicence.
AYO MR K, I think I said it before but you really helped me getting out of a hole I've dug myself. I think it's over three months since and my results are showing.
I broke lots of bad habits (and while I still fall short at times I do it less often), made new ones, and all in all started living.
I believe there's so much room for improvement but I know I'll get there given time. so I just wanted to thank you once more
It’s a bit roundabout, but I took this to heart today. I have a depression that sometimes rears it’s head, it comes as a train of thoughts mostly of how useless I am and how much better everyone would be off without me, normally it’s an opressive feeling of not being able to break the train of thought, being stuck for hours or days in this spiral. Today, I tried to just be extremely present with the thoughts. Turns out when I stopped resisting and just remained present, the thoughts went unanswered and the depressive episode ended. I have struggled for years and this is the first time I’m able to just let go like that. I guess my bad habit is engaging the depressive thoughts. I am super grateful for this lesson. Thank you dr. K
This is the mental example of learning from your enemy. Knowing your enemy allows you to win.
I realize this awareness method is how children are taught to break bad habits too.
I remember my dad reminding me when I to keep my room organized. More than discipline, he was helping me be more conscientious of what was going on around me ,so I can personally develop to implement organization habits in life without his guide.
The same principle is the reason we utilize sticky notes in areas we can see them & ask people to keep us accountable. Sometimes its mentally about "out of sight out of mind" like we have a blind spot on our shortcomings and need tools to move towards the goal of becoming better.
Whether that's doing some preliminary stuff, like using a planner, weekly pill box, meal prepping, kitchen timer or a weekly checking w/ your buddy to see if you did that thing you said you would.
Awareness has the connotation to feel scary, overwhelming, confusing associated with meditation. But Dr. K really simplifies it to a daily practice of just questioning to yourself before taking that behavior thats not helpful or healthy or unwanted. (It's similar to being proactive but that's the next step: preparing and planning , like once youre aware and recognize what your bad habit is you can change it)
Then it becomes being mindful to: do I want to do this? Is doing this important?
We use consciousness or carefulness: doing a job that requires attention to detail, journaling, drawing, having a difficult conversation for the purpose of informing or expressing the right message to someone. Cultivating awareness is hard work but it's worth it to get to accomplish better habits and complete our goals
Great video! I’m getting addicted to watching your videos b/c they’re so informative, interesting, & inspiring… but the addiction is with full awareness
Nice explanation. I was told years ago to practice mindfulness but no one broke it down like this so I never started.
I love this guy so much. hands down one of my favorites (and most intelligent) educators on TH-cam. Truly, grateful for finding this channel.
Same
Same. Praise the TH-cam algorithm.
Mindfulness and awareness of yourself, your body, and others I would say is something I wish was talked about more in depth.
So hard to find time to think in such a distracted world, but it’s so important.
I've got plenty of bad habits. Believe me, I'm forcing myself to make drastic changes/improvements, but I feel as though the gates of the hell keep opening up just to let me in. Dark, but that's just how I feel explaining it.
My sister, you are not alone in this struggle. Keep fighting, there are many who are beside you, silently, searching for a better way to live. I hope your efforts and your hopes are protected by the light of Jesus Christ, name which the gates of hell and the darkness won’t ever overcome.
Good job. Proud of you. Hope you are proud of yourself for wanting to be better and taking the effort and perseverance and discipline and time and patience to be better, to get rid of bad habits, to get positive habits, for you, for people around you, and for your future. Good job.
Don't resist it it'll come back
Me too
Great video. I do want to add something through a personal story: I used to have an addiction and I really wanted to break free. I raised my awareness a lot, to the point that I got a panic attack while engaging in the addicting behavior. I was so aware of what I was doing that it really freaked me out that I was still engaging in the behavior.
That panic attack has given me some trauma and my anxiety spikes every time I am somehow confronted with the topic of my addiction.
In the end, I broke free from the addiction, but it came at a cost to my mental health in other ways. Through therapy, I have been able to work through that trauma, but I still get queezy when confronted with the addiction, even if someone else is engaging in the behavior.
Ah, the same weird brain rewiring I did with my psychotic depression (with a therapist’s supervision). It’s also helpful if you monitor your thoughts and not just your emotions and actions.
Please tell more. How did this brain rewiring process look like if applied to PD? Is It like... Dunno, observing thoughts when episode happens?
It explains a lot in my personal life.
I became more aware recently during my addictive behavior and now I waste less time and it’s easier to stop.
Obviously it’s only the first step and more things happened in the meantime that allow me to increase my awareness.
Thank you for your hard work.
I get the thinking before doing the behaviour. But if we look at video game addiction: the whole point of the video game is to be distracted from your thoughts and emotions in the first place. The moment you engage with the game, the awareness disappears. But yes, I've had moments where my underlying emotion is so intense that it slips through the emersion of the game and your enjoyment of the game is completely gone. A great example is in older games where the loading screen was pitch black and you could see your own reflection in the screen, and you get reminded how shitty your life is. Than the bright pixels reappear and your problems are gone again :).
This kind of works. Ive been able to reduce or stop my bad habits doing this along with self healing. By doing "this", i mean, stop resisting and trying to stop myself and just allowing the experience and usually what happens is i realize i don't want to do it anymore, or i dont need to do it (eventually). In order to do that i note my inability to stop, "egoically", that is i cant stop being afraid by being afraid about being afraid and only by letting go. Noting that its actually ok for that thing to happen. Kind of being kind to myself and allowing the parts of me that need, to meet their needs. And also by allowing a blanket of kindness to hug me? This is actually a very big thing for me as i did this coming from a state of being very controlled by my emotions. And ive been trying for a while also. Thanks dr.k. ig one problem ive sometimes had is that i get distracted and get lost in the thing. I think this happens when i try to do this without doing the above and only by "being aware". but more to experiment!
I’m a martial arts instructor for kids and I have been trying to talk a lot about habit forming. And hearing you talk about how bad habits are formed is spot on. Is there a way to rewire it to develop “good habits”?
A lot if my students are exhausted from schoolwork and give into that exhaustion and just go through the motions. I don’t want to use the word lazy because it’s not intentional.
Would love to get you 2 cents on how to use this to help them.
I would talk about energy as a energy bar from a video game. School can drain all of it if you let it. The more you let somthing excite you or annoy you the more you give in to it and let it drain you. It's not about resistance but more of being effective with your emotions and dealing with problems as they arise, tomarrows problems are for tomarrows stresses but 8f you deel with it day by day it won't take you down all at once. As a professional procrastinator this is my suggestion.
I just remembered realizing how falling in love somehow always makes me lose (more than just) a few pounds. Eating food can be an addictive helping mechanism, too.
Or to put it differently: Addictions are one of your mind's many responses trying to help.. as are avoidance, hopelessness and all the other ways we struggle with in our lives.
Awareness is where it's at.
I notice a lot of mental problems we have can mostly be *solved* by literally being aware / noticing it, and being fully present with ourselves in those dark moments and searching for clarity and understanding. As we understand things, they make more sense. As they make sense, it occurs less or we sidestep em, or they don't matter anymore because we know it inside out. Definitely isn't a catch all and there is definitely nuance that needs to be understood-- but my god you can get so far with just being more present in areas of your life you weren't earlier.
What if your problem is adhd and being too aware and noticing everything to the point of sensory overload?
@@punkroxgirl BRO STOP 😳
@@Spades20XX I don’t know how. I’ve been searching for clarity and understanding for a long time. Ever since I could talk, I asked “why?” but now I’m 49 and and I still don’t know shit. I only realized that’s there’s even more that I don’t understand.
I thought I would have the answers by now, but I really don’t have any.
Just more questions.
I’m starting to think Camus was right and it’s all just absurd.
.
I agree with you on one level, because awareness is a first step, but I don’t think it can solve anything by itself. I understand trauma and ptsd, and what happens in the body and mind, and the fight or flight response, but I still can’t make it stop. It makes sense why I’m hyper-vigilant, but it doesn’t fix it.
@@Spades20XX separate question…has bro now become like the new gender neutral expression kinda like “dude” was in the 90’s? 😂🤣
Dr. K is the goat. I don’t think you understand how much he has helped me in life.
Hey, Dr. K! I want to thank you for all the great videos you make, but I also agree you shouldn’t just watch stuff without taking action (or not, I watched that video too), which is exactly why I love this video! It’s not that hard to do this, and you don’t even have to change your habit right away or yourself either. Definitely gonna try this one out! (I kinda wrote that for myself lol)
This video is a game-changer! So much helpful information packed into one clip. I personally don't like promoting anything in comments,
The crux of this alternative approach is to rather than resist the habitual act, cultivate awareness while doing it. Much of the appeal is that this should be much easier initially than resisting, but what if a big part of the habitual act is for it to command your thoughts and awareness? Even the video games and social media examples he gave are things that suck you in until all you're thinking about is the content you're engaged in. In these cases, I think this approach will still involve a difficult wrestle for control, but hopefully a more manageable and effective one than outright resisting then giving in and giving up.
I’m so happy to see our culture being talked about🙏🏻
This actually backfired on me hard, while it works on bad habits it also works on good habits. It would now take active effort to do things like wash my hands after I go to the bathroom or fasten my seatbelt when I got into a car.. wtf do I do?
Also, what about the habit of hitting snooze when you wake up? Since you’re literally unconscious when sleeping how do you.. consciously indulge in that habit??
@@thelegendofme7520 I put my phone in a hard to reach place that forces me to focus just to turn it off. also there is some apps that ask you simple quiz to turn the alarm off
Mindfulness is The Key❤
It's interesting to think about
How, When & Why we DECIDED to adopt/claim certain behaviors that became Habits.
Why did I make "this" a thing?
Why do I still Choose "this" if it is no longer serving my well being?
Why do I keep lying to myself & act like it has always been a part of me?
What will happen when I let it go?
It's Ok to part ways with habits that gave you comfort at one time.
It's Ok to outgrow them and Live solo.
You already know the time is Now.
It doesn't have to be a harsh cut-off.
It just needs to happen.
Its Ok to feel a loss for your vices
Even when they have been harmful...they've been consistent & comforting in a way.
Sometimes that's all some of us have had.
Once you let them go....eventually
you will remember that
YOU have ALWAYS Been
Enough.
❤
Writing down stuff and how much time it takes does massive wonders for me when it comes to awareness.
When I was growing up, everyone was workaholics, so no one really know how to deal with emotions or habits so I had to find my own way. Luckily I was just trying to make a schedule, and I needed to know how much time everything took. Starting writing everything down and made me realize just how horrible my sense of time had gotten.
I've been slipping a bit with my habits lately since I haven't been doing that. Planning on grabbing a little booklet to write down in on monday so there is always something by my side. I mean I suppose you could do the same on your phone, but I find writing makes you more aware of the words you are saying than typing them. Especially since I never had a reason to really write anymore.
Also planning on implementing how I feel before and after each activity, and also give a scale on 1 to 10 afterwards to see how well that works out for me.
I usually never comment but due to circumstances this video could never have been timed better for me. Huge thanks to youtube algorithym understanding my needs. Thank you for your videos Dr. K!
I love you bro. You’ve helped me understand some things that didn’t register because I never had great guidance growing up. Namaste 🙏🏾
What you resist, persist. Surrender to the experience and be present with every fascet. Genius
Great video Dr. K!
I'm getting my finances in order and I've been writing down ever single purchase I make.
It's made me very aware of how I spend my money and I've managed to reduce a lot of my impulse spending that I otherwise struggled with in the past.
It was almost effortless!!
I was an alcoholic from around my 16th until I was around 25. At some point I started thinking about whether I truly liked the tast. Over time I realised more and more that I only drank because of the buzz. The steps before, from getting the beer and tasting it, and the steps after, the dry mouth during the night and hangovers, started to bother me more than the pleasure of that buzz. It is really interesting to me to have that struggle validated as a tool to overcome other struggles as well. Thank you sir
Interesting stuff, this reminds me of how i started eating better. I noticed that processed food was making me feel gross and associating it with that feeling made me not want it as much.
Practicing meditation for a few days now, specially the body scan. I've heard it was good for addictions, but you just gave me the reason why. Thank you! ❤
I didn’t realize it until i watched this video, but I have been applying the philosophy of breaking bad habits for a while now and I have completely quit nicotine and gaming. Thanks for putting it into a coherent idea.
Thank you. I am dealing with addictions for many years and have read and heard a lot of ways to cope with that but your methodology is actually new and promissing!
Engage with the potato chip with FULL awareness
I think I get it. I be come aware of my carving for the habit and if I want to change it. Everyday I think about it and enjoy, say eating a slice of cake, everyday for a week. but, after a while of staring down this same old slice, I get bored of it and recognize there are better things out there and it is time to break off this habit of cake for dinner.
Thank you for the videos Dr. K and the team! ☺️
i have been here. This video related to the video about self control. There also he talked about that just being completely aware gives you all the control in the world that you want. Here also the prime theme is the same.
So what happens when someone with binge eating issues follows your advice and buys 3 bags of potato chips and awarely eats all 3? Also, are monks in an environment where they CAN play video games for 8 hours a day, is a door dash order away from McDonalds, exposed to ads designed to make people crave the food they're seeing, etc. being mindful is important, but it's only part of the equation
But have you actually tried that? I have a problem with binge eating and to me it would be incredibly hard to consume 3 bags of potato chips (or any other food I'm addicted to) with real full awareness. I would either give up and turn into my usual mindless auto-mode until I finish all of the bags plus everything edible in my house, or get sick and bored of eating them mindfully after like 1/3 of a bag. The problem is that most of the time I give up after a few seconds or even forget to be mindful at all, but I do see some progress and it helps me a lot (when I actually try and put some effort). It's definitely not something that would fix you overnight but I can't imagine still craving chips after eating them with full mindfulness day after day, at some point the cycle of habit has to break
@@ilona3630I'm a man of science with a PhD in Professoring for over 25 years. I do not believe any of this nonsense before it has been backed up by scientific evidence with N >> 10^6 and a 1000-page textbook detailing the analysis how this "awareness" will kill all bad habits for 100% of people in any circumstances. I'm only interested in arguments and debates, not change or results.
problem is i cant eat that many with full awareness . i just autopilot it ,to me binge eating is a relief not a hard time being aware of my problems thats comes with it . sure if im aware i might have less appetite cuz its not doing its job anymore ...
Great video, thanks for the information
Personal Notes. English is my second language, sorry if this is badly write
When we do something new that has any good connotations, a good feeling, gave fun, etc, our brain releases dopamine that enfonces that behaviour. Over the time our brain turns on the habit circuit. Damn, he also deal with videogame addiction. Yeah I understand deeply that feeling that you keep playing hours plus hour even If I don't enjoy it. Maybe you want to have a timeout of reality, or you are really stressed out, also It can be that you are just procrastinating.
Endocannabinoids are the ones that governs habits. A habit is an unconscious behavior. When we want to change a habit we try to control it with our frontal lobe. There isn't something enjoyable at breaking bad habits! That's why it is so difficult. We can make unfun things fun but in this particular video we are going to try and learn a monk's technique.
Become hyper aware. You cant just do something in autopilot when you are being aware. Don't the resist the urge, just do it with full awareness: What does this craving look like? How do I want this thing to feel/taste? How is my body, the full of it? When you do it, do you enjoy it? And what happens to the desire after? Cultivate awareness. Engage in the habit, even if you fail to control, that wasn't the objective, as you are aware, you are approaching this tipping point, where you would just need only a little of willpower to break a bad habit
A ADDICTION is a very powerful habit. People with addictions have a lack of awareness of internal emotional state, they are blind to this process: Life is hard, daily problems and not dealing with them makes that the Internal struggle build stress up. it becomes so bad that people with addictions falls back to them, using as coping mechanism. That's why mindfulness is so helpful, because you start to train and make stronger the part of the brain in charge of your autocontrol. Monk aren't special or super disciplined, before entering a temple they are just like any normal Joe, but this method works and help them overcome all of theirs bad habits.
This was great! Thank you so much! Would you be able to make a video about developing new good habits too? I've wanted to begin a strong exercise habit, along with things like cold showers, and meal prep, but it's such a willpower struggle.
My personal advice would be to start light with the exercise routine. It can be just 5 minutes or even 1 minute, just 5 squats per day and that's all (before you slowly increase their difficulty, variety and size). Also maybe note on a piece of paper or on your phone at which time you start your exercise sessions, cause if you simply say "I'll do it today" it'll be too easy to simply put back to tomorrow, but if you say "I'll do it at X p.m/a.m, and put an alarm, then you'll be more inclined to do it.
As for cold showers, I used something along the lines of what dr K. said, simply be hyper aware of it. For example what I did was, before showering, I asked to myself if I wanted to take a cold shower, and then I either said yes or no (even though most of the time I said yes) and then took a cold shower (gradually more cold after each shower, not directly frozen, had to get used to it). I also (most of the time) took them after exercise sessions, so that it was easier to enjoy (especially in summer).
Now I don't take cold showers everytime but very often, and I don't have to prep myself before doing it (even though i like to do it from time to time) and it has become enjoyable.
Hope it helps :)
@@thatsagoodquestion5889hey, using this method i managed to meditate everyday for 2 months in a row, started out at 2 mins and slowly went up now doing 15. yet after 2 months of daily practice ive suddenly broke routine and have gaps - any suggestions or tips?
if anyone has general advice on long term sustainability of habits thatd be great, thanks!
@@fawazahmed4978 well i've never done meditation but i'd say if you already were able to do it two months in a row, then it's okay if you stopped a little (be there a reason to it or not).
It also happened to me (like 3-4 times) to stop doing my daily exercises (not for just a day bur weeks, sometimes even more than one month). I always had a reason, good or bad (either too much work and couldn't focus on that or simply a change of schedule [like beginning of vacations] and suddenly i did not want to do that.
Know that you already ingrained the routine in your mind, it's a part of your routine (even though you've temporarily stopped).
I'd say simply restart like in the beginning (when you wake up someday tell yourself today's the day you meditate, and do it only 2 minutes) and then gradually come back to your level from before (or stop below if that was the reason you stopped).
Just don't forget the first times to really force yourself and tell yourself that today, x hour, you do it. Until that becomes once again part of your routine.
You didn't give up, you simply stumbled. It's okay to stumble, you can just get back on your feet :)
@@thatsagoodquestion5889 hey i appreciate that man, have a great day!
@@fawazahmed4978 thanks, you too ! And I hope you can start meditation again !
To break dependency is a multi prong attack, it seems quite overwhelming but this advise can help, I will gather awareness as a part of my steps forward.
What if you're too aware ? (aka neuro divergent) nothing can be automatic every extra action costs a lot of mental energy cause I'm already sensory overloaded/overwhelmed by the simplest things as they stack onto each other. So hyper ware of/ sensitive to light, sound, pain, temperature, surroundings, movement every waking moment then couple that with overthinking.
I have the same question. I’ve been severely anxious for several months and I feel a “dead hyper awareness” of everything.
I have adhd and the same issue. I’ve seen a few comments now ask this question better than I did. I really hope we get a response
Love this video. I think I'm at tipping point with my habit now. I've had enough of being in denial. It's causing me stress, a loss of sleep and - you absolutely nailed it - me to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. It stops now. I can be 10x better for it if I do. I don't even need the habit, yet I keep doing it. It's self-sabotage at this point.
Thank you for helping spell things out, really appreciate it.
I found a way to actually enjoy the pain of abstinence from 2 additions simultaneously. Over 1 year addiction-free! There are many ways to success if you never quit trying
Thank you for bringing awareness to hyper awareness ❤
I was about to comment that this is exactly why 12 step programs aren’t effective for so many people, but then you said it, lol
I knew people in AA or NA that spent all their time and energy telling themselves they can’t and so even if they didn’t, it was like the substance was still controlling their lives.
The programs tell them that they are powerless against it, and it just seemed so backwards to me. I was going through years of therapy with a great psychologist at the time, and being empowered was helping me.
I realized that I have done what you described many times in my life without realizing it. I went from 2 years of drinking every day to not drinking at all because I didn’t tell myself i couldn’t. I would drink if I wanted to, but then I just started to not enjoy it or how I felt after, so I didn’t really even want to anymore.
I also have adhd and I wonder what role that played. I was already extremely self aware from years of therapy, but i would also overthink a lot. I would have less impulse control, so i would act on the impulses but overthink during and after.
What I’m wondering is about the difference between compulsive or impulsive behavior vs. bad habits.
I have picked or scratched at my skin all my life. Dermatillomania…
There were times I wasn’t aware of it, but times I was very aware and did it anyway and aware of the consequences i didn’t like and how bad it made me feel. I have not been able to stop yet. I never had issues with addictions (other than nicotine) even though I used and abused things. I was accidentally doing what you described. Yet I have problems because of impulse control issues.
So what’s the answer for impulse control issues?
How are they different from bad habits? What would be useful for stopping them?
I use my frontal lobe to watch this.
I learned something similar to this in Korea. The friends I made at school there called it "eating deliciously". Basically, you savor each bite. You are aware of the different flavors and if you really liked it or not. It forces you to not only eat slower, but also enjoy the company you are with since you are eating slower. It's great at preventing overeating and enjoy your dinning experience more since you are more engaged with what you are putting in your body. It's not about restricting fast food either. If you are craving a burger, you can still eat the burger. Just take your time with it. I never thought about using this method in other areas too, like gaming and my phone.
Interestingly I've been in some way already doing this with my habit of snoozing my morning alarms, by putting the alarm clock (well my tablet actually) a little far from my bed so I can't just hit the buttons sleepily, but I'll be sure to add extra awareness to that.
But what do you do about a habit that has a very low activation cost, like chewing your nails? Because alcohol, or your phone, you need to fetch it or grab it, it gives you a few moments in which you can realize what you are doing; but your hands are right there! The moment you notice the chewing is pretty much when it's already over! Do I have to wear gloves at all times? (might help curb my phone addiction though, and it's a good opportunity to apply some hand cream 😂)
Notable quotes from Jiddu Krishnamurti :
“Awareness is observation without condemnation. Awareness brings understanding, because there is no condemnation or identification but silent observation. If I want to understand something, I must observe, I must not criticize, I must not condemn, I must not pursue it as pleasure or avoid it as non-pleasure.”
“Any form of resistance feeds the habit, which does not mean that you go on with the habit. You become aware of the habit and of the cultivation of its opposite, which is also a habit, and this awareness shows you that whatever you do with regard to the habit is the formation of another habit.”
‘If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.'
Awesome!
Mann i hope Dr.K won't get kidnapped by the monks after he revealed their most secret trick to us.
Then we send Hitman to save him from their monastery
I've been consuming a lot of content like this lately through youtube and tik tok. And I've started feeling a bit more content with myself and life. I feel like what helps most is rebuilding your brain to be more forgiving and confident in your abilities. Even if I don't do a great job, most times it works out in the end. And I don't fail. I fail to do the work up to my standards but people still think it's enough. What I haven't figured out yet is what I want in life and what my passion is. I've been putting off your exercise for finding this out and I'm planning to do it in 2 weeks. I truly hope it would work because I've never known what I want or I just don't remember. And I believe that if I knew, I would be way more content with my life despite the challenges.
Dr.K made me so aware of my bad habits that I stopped watching the video 😂
Jokes aside, this really helps. Thx dr. K
Im trying to break my bad habits again and i always wonder how i did it.
This is exactly what i need, thanks you
Can you also build good habits by being mindful of a good action? Would it increase your capability to use willpower to do that action?
My bad habit is staying up late reading stuff and playing games. I can't do anything the next day without acting all wonky and falling asleep where I stand, and then it's really hard to fix my sleep schedule again.
My perception of time sucks, sometimes I don't notice the hour, sometimes I just don't feel sleepy, sometimes it's friday and surely it won't be that bad...
It's been causing me a lot of trouble.