This was an issue in our household. My heart was broken every-time I had to initiate sex with my husband. Despite me being young, attractive, energetic and enthusiastic to engage with my husband sexually he always seemed uninterested or tired. We struggled with this for years! I would sometimes “experiment” to see how long until he would initiate sex with me and we made it to 6 weeks before I gave in. Finally this last year he went to see an endocrinologist and it has CHANGED our lives! He had a low a testosterone Level (likely due to his 6 deployments overseas) to which the doctor prescribed him with some natural boosters. We now have sex about 3 times a week which is perfect for both of us and our marriage has never been happier!
I was in your husband's position. Had my hormones checked and been on trt for a solid year. I wish I had started sooner and my wife is absolutely happy.
He should have led with his past porn addiction. That’s the heart of the problem…not the fact that she’s more affectionate than he is and wants to make love to her new husband regularly. She’s the normal one. He, on the other hand, trained his body and mind to prefer fantasy over reality, so to answer his question, yes there is something broken in you. Godspeed fixing it. Let this serve as a cautionary tale to anyone who thinks they can watch porn and it’s completely harmless…it is not. You are destroying your own sexuality and robbing your future partner of something you will never be able to give them.
@@spikesecho724Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesnt happen. Several doctors and studies have confirmed Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction amongst men has reached a record high. Do your research properly.
It’s so hard when your whole life you’ve been taught to throw up caution signs and slam on the brakes when it comes to sex. Then when you’re married, Hollywood makes us think it’s a free for all. The wife isn’t overwhelmed with shame and caution signs but the husband is. I think the concept of building a sexual relationship needs to be talked about more. If there’s no expectation on the wedding night. If you start slow and over weeks and months, you begin building comfort in sharing your body, I think it really helps for those of us who live with sexual shame. Maybe slowing down and making exploring a priority might help. It’s all about being comfortable and disarming the brain. I hope this couple finds their happy medium!
Who taught you to throw up caution signs and slam on the brakes when it comes to sex? I mention this to other men but they don't believe me when I tell them that women are taught to throw up caution signs and slam on the brakes.
@@sid6554 it was a constant message from my mom to begin with. “Don’t be a flirt.”, “don’t wear that because it gives men ideas.” Then when I hit puberty, “don’t be caught alone with boys. Don’t be caught looking at them too long.” Then when I started dating, “don’t kiss a guy too soon,” “dont hug too long, only side hugs.” “Don’t be in a dark space.” “No mountains or valleys.” Etc. then there was church groups that would give these same messages, “just say no and leave room for Jesus.” Type stuff. Then you hear the judgement and sl*t shaming from the Christians around you, the message is received loud and clear for many of us. So you go about dating looking at men and partnership a little like a game of dodgeball. Constantly deflecting and dodging scenarios that would make you go “too far.” As Christian single women, you hide from all things sexual but then leading up to the wedding, suddenly everyone talks it up with giggling and innuendos and gift you lingerie like you’re suddenly supposed to be comfortable with it. It’s absolutely daunting.
Yes! I also think it is a shame there is a narrative of women "generally" wanting sex less without considering the what you call caution signs that have been blasted out for them during generations and generations. Female sexuality has been so hijacked.
@@COINsimp2024 she posted she has high sex drive and then insinuated her husband doesn’t care as opposed to understanding he deflects because he ashamed. Don’t post these facts about your life if you don’t want someone to interrogate them. Is her drive truly high but within then bounds of normal or does she have an unhealthy sex drive ala nymphomania.
His past porn addiction is obviously a big factor in finding her desire for sex a bit of a nuisance. After engaging in that content and addiction which completely rewires your brain to only lust for a fictitious and fantasy type of woman and/or content (porn isn't real life) of course it will seem like the woman is nagging for too much sex because it's not really what you want or were used to in the past (even if you've overcome the addiction) because generally speaking, wanting sex 1 or 2x a day for a woman isnt that out of the ordinary, especially if she's ovulating. Regardless they both need to find some middle ground
I think he is also a bit grossed out by the messy-ness of sex. Self pleasuring is relatively [in comparison] neat, clean and relatively un-messy in comparison. Bodily fluids, sweat soaked sheets + bedding, the scents involved - I can imagine this to be a bit of a turn-off after experiencing "dry" six via p0rn.
@@hobbosen-jz4pq Did you actually read the post you're replying to? There's a pretty good short view on how porn can mess up the brain structure on how you think and feel about actual sx with a real person. And that doesn't even touch on the potential damage it can do to the self esteem and feelings of your partner, when you are in a committed monogamous relationship.
@@ssiegreen5292 yes i read it and it says "After engaging in that content and addiction which completely rewires your brain to only lust for a fictitious and fantasy type of woman and/or content (porn isn't real life)" It doesnt explain what's the difference between these fictional women and real women. Ive seen plenty of women who look just as good as or even better than those in p*rn. So saying porn has fictional women makes 0 sense to me. What exactly about women in p*rn doesnt translate to women irl then?? it certainly cant be looks
I must say, 2x a day sustained is a bit of an outlier. Some people use it as an escape from dealing with some sort of trauma and become addicts to the point it’s not healthy.
Yeah, agree. 2x a day over time isnt realistic usually & that she cried shows she is using it to feel loved or rejected. She’s anxiously attached probably. They need to check hormones and learn their own attachment style/attachment theory.
100%. I dated a woman like this where 2 to 3 times a day was the norm. I had to tell her numerous times that I loved her and I loved doing everything with her but I was exhausted a lot of the time while I was going to school and working trying to keep up. It was tough.
No one talks about that fact that 2x a day is 14 times a week. THATS ALOT. What activity do regular humans do 14 times a week ? It’s wild that some peoples comments are saying things like “2x a day is fine”.
@@John-du2mq”exhaustion” is not a valid excuse. Do you tell your boss “oh, I’m sorry, I’m just exhausted and can’t perform the most basic of job functions.”? No, you don’t. Satisfying your wife is your job as a man, take it just as seriously.
Porn is easy and one dimensional and doesn’t require any risk at all. You don’t have to BE anything, you don’t have to care, you don’t have to perform, you don’t have to please. This is nothing like having actual sex with a real person or making love. Having a real human being there who is not as predictable can end up being a scary thing that feels like a lot of work and is in the end, not worth it much of the time. Relying on porn the way people do negatively warps everything.
The porn is the problem. Why is Dr. John not talking about the research that men think their partner is less attractive when looking at porn. They want the fantasy. They don’t see the woman that is doing the porn as an addict or that they will never be faithful to them or even love them. This is why I want to warn my boys against doing this. So damaging to your overall happiness.
The fact that this guy has a past porn addiction and KNEW about his wife’s needs before getting married because she was actually fully transparent and he wasn’t - he is to blame for failing to be honest. He needs to figure out a way to get it together.
Dude I’m so glad you’re alive. That stucky’s no joke. Go easy on yourself, man. I know an OB/GYN infertility specialist who swears by this tactic: When a couple comes in with trouble conceiving the 1st thing he does is schedule “some more tests” (after the requisite day of presumptive ones) for 2-3 weeks out. The key is he tells them; “If’s very important that you abstain from sex the whole time you’re waiting for the test date or we won’t get an accurate read and we’ll have to reschedule. I know you’ve been trying like crazy and don’t want to miss any chance, and you can do anything else, just abstain from intercourse until after the test.” 2-3 weeks later they come in and he does standard pregnancy test. Like 85% of the time they wind up preggo from just having that performance pressure taken off. I wonder if this guy feels wifey wants “it” or wants him. Those can be 2 different things. The porn girls rarely want “it”. They come across as wanting “him”. Wives are competing with these princesses of our husband’s imagination. It doesn’t even have to be porn - it can be “Princess Leia” or whatever. If that’s the case, but her an outfit, a costume or whatever you hope to see her in and make a game of it. This might sound crass or counterintuitive but married sex isn’t that deep. I mean, it’s not a make or break you. Try. Rest. Do a few cartwheels. Then try again. She’s not going anywhere. You’re young and have plenty of time. .. Take the pressure off, man. Every couple is different and has what and flows in different seasons. Ride the waves.
@@anthonynosike Yes, that's the average. Life happens. The world is stressful, stress affects people differently. Plenty of people have a partner with a different level of libido, that's normal. Everyone is different. Fertility doctors recommend once every two to three days for optimum performance, actually. But there's nothing stopping people from sorting themselves out if their partner is mismatched in that area.
@@AlexMathersFilms You're right that it's less, I looked it up. But wrong in that most men get none if we are limiting this discussion to sexually active established couples only and excluding singles from it. According the the Archives of sexual behaviour (2018), the average couple has sex once per week. WebMD seems to conclude that in 2023 amongst married American couples, 41% of couples are having sex between 1-3 times per week. Bearing in mind this doesn't include unmarried couples or singles and it's not a global study. But I think many men feel like the gentleman that called in and don't want it as often. I think that percentage is higher than many realise. The biggest problem is that it seems to be such a taboo topic - silly really. So I am glad that this was on the podcast and openly discussed!
That's absurd. Porn as we know it is a relatively new thing...marriages over time fail for a litany of reasons that have nothing to do with porn. Selfishness, resentment, anger, money problems. You're just wrong. Give me a single peer reviewed paper that shows porn as the leading cause of divorce, or even leading contributing factor. I can wait.
I feel her pain. He may have low T, but my , sadly, educated guess is, the porn ruined him. It’s is proven, it is heartbreaking, and he needs to get therapy. It will break the marriage if he does not. It is not fair to her, or him.
Coming from a guy who was the side dude to a woman who wanted it way more than her man could ever give its tough. She almost wanted to live in a world where she was being stimulated throughout the day it wasn't normal. So in all reality, she was the problem.
I have always had a much higher sex drive than my husband! We have been married 49 years. I have depression and anxiety and it makes me feel loved and safe and just have a feeling! I think his sex drive was better when we had children, we would leave notes for each other, I would write on his napkin in his lunch. He would leave a note in my coffee cup, we didn’t have cell phones but we would tease each other all day! I felt SO loved back then!😊
Just wanted to say Thank You for sharing your thoughts, advice and expertise to the world! And to your team for their time and support to this channel! I have been listening to your TH-cam channel for the last 6months and it has changed my perspective on being a better human being with a better outlook life! You’re amazing!
I am lucky if I get it 3 times a YEAR! 😢 the more of these calls I listen to, the more I think I need to leave and go find someone who actually wants me and makes me feel good about myself.
At one time, I was convinced, 100% sure, that women simply had a lower sex drive. In general, statistically speaking, I guess it's true. That was of-course until I met someone after my divorce. Everyone is different.
I don’t feel those “statistics” are true, I’ve NEVER met a woman who didn’t complain about her male partner lacking in the bedroom. I believe that men have been conditioned to be sexually perverse and it’s Manipulated into “men have a higher sex drive”, every woman I’ve met has felt that we as women are the ones carrying the bedroom sex life in regards to performance and energy put into the bedroom. I have Neve met a guy that was more sexual than women, just more sexually perverse as I’ve mentioned above Ken are groomed to think this is normal male behavior and its related to being more sexual, wanting to sleep with more sexual partner does Not automatically make you more sexual, there’s a lot of trauma rooted within that mentality. Some of the biggest male players I’ve met were by far the worse sexual encounters I’ve ever had and big surprise they seemed to have a very dysfunctional way of living. So in regards to those statistics I believe they are absolutely Disingenuous.
I agree. They’re still fresh in their marriage, however, if this trend continues as they add work responsibility, kids, life stress, etc. then this frequency would be crazy
I think something has to be said: if she is gonna cry if she doesn't get twice a day, that's nuts. She could be dealing with irrational feelings of being undesirable.
I think he's lying. it sounds like he's either exaggerating about the amount she wants it OR she's compensating because he doesn't desire her at all because his brain is fried
He didn't say she cries if she doesn't have it twice a day. He said he thinks she WOULD be happy with it twice a day. It's not confirmed that she actually does want it that often.
This has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. There's a middle ground between a wife who never initiates and often rejects her husband, and a wife who wants sex multiple times a day
His porn watching is the big issue I feel that was glossed over. Of course he doesn't feel comfortable with others touching him if he constantly watches porn. He needs to step away from his fantasy sexual world and be mentally present in his marriage.
@@geometerfpv2804 when attraction levels are high, twice a day is quite normal tbh. I’m 30 years of age and my gf and I will sometimes have sex up to 7-8 times in a 24 hour period
I think you're the one with issues because you clearly haven't even watched the video and already jumped to blaming the guy. He said he HAD a pr0n addiction in the past but he completley stopped and has been sober for years. The issue is that it's nowhere normal to expect s3x twice a day after you're in a long term relationship and you're both past your 30's, especially if she's gonna cry about it when she dosn't get it.
@@gabzsy4924 I think the issue was he bounced back too far the other direction from the porn addiction and now hes struggling getting back to baseline, but yes 2 times a day is crazy. Those crazy germans
Porn ruins men’s sex drive and social media is another way men drain their sexual energy and lust. It never was a question if he has replaced his porn habit with another habit. The idea of what’s sexy and what sex can be with a real partner is completely skewed by today’s access to porn and soft porn.
What if you blatantly tell your spouse what would make you feel loved, they verbally acknowledge it, say they'll do more of it, but then they absolutely just don't? But, they say they "love" you. Also, you have pointed this out, they are aware they do it and admit to do it, even apologize, but still stay in the same behavior. You just want to be close to your spouse and you've told them, but they make no effort to be close even though they say they "love" you.
This is part of why I disagree with not having sex before marriage. I get some people are religious, but you really dont know if yall are compatible before promising eachother forever???
I think that’s the beautiful part about marriage. Sex and sexual playfulness can be taught and learned. Bumps on the road like this can actually build a close connection to your spouse, simply because you are teaching eachother how to honour eachother. It’s a level of commitment that a relationship before marriage cannot offer.
But also sex before marriage can cheapen the relationship to one or both partners. And then it can be a struggle for them to commit to marriage if it’s been cheapened by sex too early before a commitment.
As someone who has a very high sex drive, I feel sorry for men who have a low sex drive and will never understand this. Usually women have lower sex drives than men and my wife is a prime example of that, but even so I have to deal with it and we do it when we can. I’m seeing people say “2 times a day it unrealistic and insane” and for me personally that sounds perfect and not that unrealistic. Like I use to do it that much before with my exes and there are people who can do it that much so having lots of sex isn’t unrealistic or insane. HOWEVER, when ur busy with life then yes I can completely understand not being able to do it a lot is more possible of happening.
@dbs472 one hundred percent, every call when a man calling about his wife not wanting to have sex, the man has to do the additional work on himself and the woman is NEVER asked to do more sexually.
this isn't normal though. it seems like he's not putting any work into fixing his problem before calling him because he caused it by being addicted to porn. he said she wants it twice a day, what if she just wants it every few days and he's exaggerating because he is failing... I know it sounds like I'm reading into it too much, but this guy sounds like hes lesving out a lot of info to me idk
@@hllymchll I can agree with that and assume the caller is lying to some extent in good faith. Issue I have is with John. If these roles were reversed, John or any sane person wouldn’t agree with “my wife only wants sex once a week but should be forced to give it to me atleast 3 times as a compromise.” John would be asking if she was safe because it’s boarder line “grape” via extortion. The lack of John’s self-awareness is what grinds people’s gears with him
Get your T checked! Also, you need to make her understand that you not wanting to have sex is not a rejection. It’ll take time but there are brighter days ahead. Good luck brother!
Glad your speaking about this I feel the same way towards sex sometimes when you grow up in a religious household(I have) this is the case and then you think that when you get married you just forget it or ignore great video!!
We need to listen to what’s being said and go only on that. So many people projecting and saying he must be lying and XYZ…. Like what? What if he’s saying the truth?
I have to be honest and say I was surprised to hear this as a man, and it was not what I expected. I was thinking that he was working 12 hours a day and couldn't go several times with the wife every evening despite it. But hearing him not wanting more than what he said surprised me, but also made me realize that we are all very different.
Caller: man I have it rough, I make way too much money, my mansion and car are too nice for me, I have never had a serious health issue, and my wife wants it 3x a day, fml!
It’s the porn. Porn destroyed him. My ex boyfriend was a porn addict and liar. Their brain is damaged because of porn. Sex is dead with them . They have twisted perception of sex. There is no connection. I left him.
Many young guys now have low testosterone one llevels. This is statically a fact. Probably due to estrogen chemicals and other chemicals in food, water, personal products, home cleaning products. This guy needs to have his testosterone levels checked ASAP to rule out this problem. If that is the problem it is easily fixable.
Or it could be because of the increase in obesity over the past few decades. People need to stop blaming alleged "hormones in the water" for their crappy health and actively take care of their health with healthy diet and exercise.
I disagree with one point. I think it is important to marry someone with compatible love languages. The point is why work hard to adapt when there are people with similar love languages? I get it that a healthy marriage will cost effort but that does not mean one should be discouraged from finding a partner who will give them a discount deal.
This is wild. It’s almost like you think marriage is meant to satisfy your every need and make you happy. When that’s not the goal of marriage at all. Marriage is about loving someone despite differences and putting someone else before yourself
I think you miss my point. I didn't say that there won't be any differences in a healthy marriage but I think you have to have some things in common. Common perspectives on how to navigate through life, similar perspectives on money management, similar values on health, etc. That's just common sense to me. If one partner values longevity and eating healthy and the other partner does not care about that stuff then there's a value conflict. There's no getting around it. It's not fair for either side to compromise their values.
@@gracerules2008 nah, good marriage isn’t based upon things in common. It’s two people who despite differences commit and put one another first. If you go into marriage with a perspective that things must fit together all the time, that’s not a good start
I'm not saying I have the right answer for situations where one spouse has a drastic change in value system that conflicts with the other spouse. There's much to be taken into consideration and a case by case basis. I'm not going to say that divorce is always the right answer but I'm also not going to say that it should never be on the table. The scenario you are describing is a cleanup case. My original post is mostly making a point of the importance of discussing these things long before marriage about what goals and values a couple wants to live by.
I know it can be common for newlyweds that are young, but twice a day is a lot and I don't think it's fair to expect everyone to be held to that standard. At the same time there's a porn issue. He's had a history of issues with this and it negatively affects intimacy
My ex had a high sex drive, and mine is pretty high too, but she wanted it multiple times a day everyday, and it kind of stalled it out for me to the point where sex ain’t that important to me anymore for relationship
I hope the wife doesn't end up like me. My husband had low sex drive (due to porn use) and mine was high. I chased and craved it for YEARS... i use to pray my desire would stop cause the rejection caused me alot of hurt and stress. Finally at 35, it has gone away. I cant get turned on anymore and sadly now he wants it and i cant get turned on 😂😂 FML
Kudos to him! My ex-wife had issues but would never discuss it with anyone to get help. Because I desired sex several times a week then I was some kind of pervert!
I had the same issue with my X wife. 2-5 times a week is ideal for me but she turned me down about 8 times out of 10 and it ended up being maybe once a week, if not once a month. She wanted it more too, just not with me. Sometimes divorce is the best option.
Interesting that I'm projecting and he wasn't... yeah, no. Most humans want a bad person/ good person in any disagreement. My observation is just that, an observation. Just as your comment is an observation filtered thru your own experiences. Enjoy....
He needs to address his blood glucose levels and diet. sugar and carbs decrease testosterone and makes one tired because of the glucose insulin rollercoaster
You need to watch the documentary The Disappearing Male. Forever chemicals and pollutants are wreaking havok on human hormones. Many of them are testosterone blockers. Not about exercise or diet or stress. Too many people accept this issue as a 'personal' issue and keep quiet about it. The human race needs some help here.
Those definitely don't help, but most of the time it does come down to a lifestyle issue. I'd bet loads of money if you checked the test levels of lumberjacks, bricklayers and concrete workers.... Then checked accountants and IT guys you would see a massive difference
Should have had this conversation before they got married…I’ve got a high sex drive and I tell someone before I become involved with them. How is it that these people can’t have these conversations before marriage!! Failures left and right.
@@juniper1982 that blows lady. Seriously I don’t understand how people can’t take the time to fully understand their sexual needs - and be able to explore what could happen should the other partner do what they are doing to you. I mean, honestly, I would ask if I could get a hookup with someone cause I would be dying
Just a suggestion...get a book on Tantric sex. Tantric love is focused on the connection and the pleasure of the sexual journey you take together, so don't rush. Take your time to explore each other, focus on the bond you share, and be together in the moment rather than fixating on the culmination of your pleasure. (Description stolen from Google, lol! But I didn't know how to put it into words correctly, but that sums it up)
If you are in a relationship or married your sex drives do not always magically perfectly align. There are always highs and lows with that sort of thing. If you really love each other and can work it out and maybe get help from a professional it can work out. And sometimes you just are to damn tired. I used to work from 7:45A to 6:30P at a busy bank and it was bananas each Friday. I came home and crashed. I was to weary to do anything, it happens.
Suprisingly CLEANLINESS could be the issue. A lot of men don't do a meticulous care of their bodies & even a small unpleasant smell from the mouth can be a huge turn off for women.
2× times a day is not possible for anyone with a fulltime job. If you are living on social benefits or have nothing to do then you have enough time to do it everyday.
To me, no married person should be complaining if they are getting it 2-3x per week. Her wanting it 2 times a day, is overkill. Did he ever say how often he wanted to get down? If it's less than 1-2 x per week, that is a problem
Sorry my dude, if she's a 2x/day person and you're a 2x/week person, it's not going to work out. Eventually she's going to find what she's looking for. GL
She may also be struggling with PCOS… Ehen it’s out of balance and we get too much testosterone circulating we get aggressive and in need of more “intimacy” as well… worth looking at that…
@@victoriaclarke yeah been battling that dragon for yrs… I finally conquered it with Intermittent Fasting and ketovore diet… Lost 3 pants size in the process too, which was nice.
My God! The amount of men who vehemently wish their wife would desire them consistently is immense. It's sad this guy has little desire to reciprocate his wife's advances.
Indeed, this caller is an absolute scumbag. Imagine the balls to be chowing down on a 40oz Del Frisco's Porterhouse as part of a seven course meal and complaining to Ugandan refugees that you have a problem dealing with too much food.
I hear a lot about people who are/were porn addicts having issues getting aroused. I was addicted to porn for over 12 years (I'm 32) and I'm the opposite and get overly aroused. I wonder what the difference is, mentally
I’m same age and been married 1.5y now. I realized I have the exact same issue from porn and I’ve started implementing the same things to combat it. Now with time secks has greatly improved. That on demand prn is straight up mental drugs.
Ew there are so many rapey comments in this comment section. Would you all say "man up and just do it" if this were a woman? Wtaf? You don't owe anybody anything. You do not owe your partner sex if you don't want to, you have bodily autonomy, man or woman. If you're having sex never, there is probably an underlying issue that needs to be addressed, but telling this man to just "man up and do it" two times a day so his wife doesn't cry? Gross.
My sex drive is high and definitely not broken. The problem is I don't have anyone to share it with. I'm not getting married again or living with a woman ever again so I suppose I'm on my own in dealing with it. 😂
His first question should’ve been about the guys use of porn. It’s the most damaging thing to a couples sexlife…. Past, present, and future. Sad, sad, sad.
Twice a day is borderline Sex Addict behaviour. Let's put it out there & be frank about it. I think there's some "experiences" that she hasn't told him.... 🤔!! It's so sad how out of tune 90% of his callers are with their partners. And in his defense, if he's not affectionate person, that was a Huge red flag for her to begin with-for starters.
It's not confirmed that she actaully does want it twice a day. He said he imagines she'd mgiht be happy with it that often---that's a bit of a different statement.
@@CompleteInJesusI'm waiting too and am almost 34 and made it this far.. I know that I have a really high sex drive based on how crazy hard it's been to not indulge this. Your comment enouraged me. I was about to marry someone last yr and we didn't go through with it bc the closer we got to marriage the more obvious it became that he was not into that really at all and I didn't know how to be married to someone with no drive that way. Even without us doing it yet I was having so much disappointment about his lack of even being bothered (he said if he never had sex is his life he would not be bothered, couldn't understand why it would be hard for me to have a very long engagement, his demeanor with passionate kissing a month before the wedding made me feel like he feels there is no difference between that and just holding hands even, just not bothered at all while I'm feeling self conscious about getting frustrated in a way he isn't). Even as a virgin I can not relate to this. Anyway. Thanks for commenting bc sometimes I worry I made the wrong decision but you only can do that with one person and I think if you have a high sex drive this really will matter and a lot of Christians don't talk about it. Lol wish you and I could talk more tbh, I can't even find anyone else who is waited to ask questions.
@@CompleteInJesus It is when their level of addiction to sex is significantly higher than theirs. As in his case, it's causing marital issues. They aren't on the same page about it, clearly. Good for you, but no one asked what your needs are here. Go get that public attention & validation from your husband then.
I have no idea about other couples…but for the first few years we had sex at least once a day, mostly. With age, things slowed down and now it’s 3-4 times/week. We are approaching 45 years together (married way before 30). I think it’s all in how your hormones work, not mental.
The Dr did a great job trying to identify other issues but... sometimes couples have a sexual incompatibility. One is high libido and one is low libido. And often it never changes. And it's sad. It may be best to just end the marriage. There are plenty high libido men who want a high libido partner and vice versa.
Honestly maybe us dudes should just maintain celabacyfpr awhile more money for charity etc as a 27 yr old dude on the spectrum adding relationship trauma that was my fault short comings etc it's kinda occurring to me more n more how u can remain single and dedicate your time solely to bettering others hobbies adopting animals etc life isn't always about you and pro-creation.
I never had a porn problem until my wife lost interest in sex for ten years. She would respond to my advances and go through the motions but her absence of enthusiasm bred my own absence of interest. Porn became my silent mistress until I lost interest in that too. Now I live like a monk and have never felt more free.
I grew up in Germany right after WWII. Sex drive has a lot to do with stress or other priorities in life. If you carry bricks all day to tear down the ruins of Berlin for 12 hours daily you may just want a good meal and a long sleep. People today are so spoiled that they honestly think they have entitlements for sex. I remember overhearing a lot of women's conversations about that when I was a child. Most of them had bigger problems than to fit in some sex and were actually happy not to hear of it. I'm single now for 36 years after my divorce. I had incredible international experiences and personal achievements simply because I was single and flexible. Life can be so interesting that sex pales in comparison. Perhaps you need to shift your attention to your life?
Does he find his wife attractive though, he should try to be intimate without completion to build up desire, his wife needs to chill out, 2 times a day is a lot consistently.
It’s completely normal for it to take a 31 year old longer to become aroused if you’re having sex twice a day. He’s not in his late teens or early twenties anymore.
A lot of slut shaming in this comments section. 2x a day is great imo. Practically it’s tough after kids, but it’s not inherently a trauma response or being slutty. However, craving your man that much could very well be rooted in insecurity. In which case, the appropriate response is compassion and not judgment.
Did they have sex before marriage? If not then I can understand this problem, but if they did, then this was obviously something that should have come up before they got married......
They are Christians and newlyweds. The answer to that is no. They likely waited as God says we should. If they were previously virgins, there was no way they could know about their difference in drives. But I would never marry someone who hated my love language. If it's not their favorite, but they are still willing and they enjoy it with limits, then great. That was her mistake. And she may also be anxiously attached. She may believe that him initiating physical touch and sex means he loves and desires her. Then she's thinking something is wrong with her if he doesn't want it all the time. She needs to unlearn all of that if that's the case. Major problem here is they weren't having sex but he was regularly watching other nude people have it and getting himself off to that. Christian or not, porn rots your perception of reality. Maybe his wife isn't perfectly hairless. Maybe it takes too much time and effort compared to just watching a porn video and getting off in 5 mins. Maybe she isn't into all those things he watched. Not surprising. I'm glad he admitted it and got help for addiction. But it will likely still take time for him to detox from it. I think they could benefit from a sex therapist.
@@alluringbliss4165🙄 Not it’s Not, that’s just the many lies society has conditioned and groomed you to believe. The statistics for men being without sex have grown higher and higher through the years
This was an issue in our household.
My heart was broken every-time I had to initiate sex with my husband. Despite me being young, attractive, energetic and enthusiastic to engage with my husband sexually he always seemed uninterested or tired.
We struggled with this for years! I would sometimes “experiment” to see how long until he would initiate sex with me and we made it to 6 weeks before I gave in.
Finally this last year he went to see an endocrinologist and it has CHANGED our lives!
He had a low a testosterone Level (likely due to his 6 deployments overseas) to which the doctor prescribed him with some natural boosters.
We now have sex about 3 times a week which is perfect for both of us and our marriage has never been happier!
Can you tell me which supplements he takes so I can try them for my wife and I
But how do you get your husband to go to an appointment?
Maybe it was your humility 😂
I was in your husband's position. Had my hormones checked and been on trt for a solid year. I wish I had started sooner and my wife is absolutely happy.
@Dallasjames96 Testosterone (steroid injection). Go to a low T center. You’ll feel like your 15 again (sexually)
Pornography ruins marriages
He should have led with his past porn addiction. That’s the heart of the problem…not the fact that she’s more affectionate than he is and wants to make love to her new husband regularly. She’s the normal one. He, on the other hand, trained his body and mind to prefer fantasy over reality, so to answer his question, yes there is something broken in you. Godspeed fixing it. Let this serve as a cautionary tale to anyone who thinks they can watch porn and it’s completely harmless…it is not. You are destroying your own sexuality and robbing your future partner of something you will never be able to give them.
Absolutely 💯💯💯
....I'm a 35 female and have watched corn probably every day since puberty. It's done *nothing* to handicap my sex drive. Stop that narrative
@@spikesecho724Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesnt happen. Several doctors and studies have confirmed Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction amongst men has reached a record high. Do your research properly.
how many cats do you have?
@@spikesecho724 everyone is not you though
It’s so hard when your whole life you’ve been taught to throw up caution signs and slam on the brakes when it comes to sex. Then when you’re married, Hollywood makes us think it’s a free for all. The wife isn’t overwhelmed with shame and caution signs but the husband is. I think the concept of building a sexual relationship needs to be talked about more. If there’s no expectation on the wedding night. If you start slow and over weeks and months, you begin building comfort in sharing your body, I think it really helps for those of us who live with sexual shame. Maybe slowing down and making exploring a priority might help. It’s all about being comfortable and disarming the brain. I hope this couple finds their happy medium!
This makes a lot of sense. Thank you for your comment! 😊
Who taught you to throw up caution signs and slam on the brakes when it comes to sex? I mention this to other men but they don't believe me when I tell them that women are taught to throw up caution signs and slam on the brakes.
@@sid6554 it was a constant message from my mom to begin with. “Don’t be a flirt.”, “don’t wear that because it gives men ideas.” Then when I hit puberty, “don’t be caught alone with boys. Don’t be caught looking at them too long.” Then when I started dating, “don’t kiss a guy too soon,” “dont hug too long, only side hugs.” “Don’t be in a dark space.” “No mountains or valleys.” Etc. then there was church groups that would give these same messages, “just say no and leave room for Jesus.” Type stuff. Then you hear the judgement and sl*t shaming from the Christians around you, the message is received loud and clear for many of us. So you go about dating looking at men and partnership a little like a game of dodgeball. Constantly deflecting and dodging scenarios that would make you go “too far.” As Christian single women, you hide from all things sexual but then leading up to the wedding, suddenly everyone talks it up with giggling and innuendos and gift you lingerie like you’re suddenly supposed to be comfortable with it. It’s absolutely daunting.
Yes! I also think it is a shame there is a narrative of women "generally" wanting sex less without considering the what you call caution signs that have been blasted out for them during generations and generations. Female sexuality has been so hijacked.
Oh man. As a woman with a high sex drive myself, it’s a challenge. That woman is lucky she had a husband that cares- mine just deflects and avoids me.
What’s high for you?
@@DensityMatrix1Inappropiate question. Does it matter? No, it doesn't.
@@bananarama480butt out I wasn’t talking to you.
@@DensityMatrix1Your question is strange.
@@COINsimp2024 she posted she has high sex drive and then insinuated her husband doesn’t care as opposed to understanding he deflects because he ashamed.
Don’t post these facts about your life if you don’t want someone to interrogate them. Is her drive truly high but within then bounds of normal or does she have an unhealthy sex drive ala nymphomania.
His past porn addiction is obviously a big factor in finding her desire for sex a bit of a nuisance. After engaging in that content and addiction which completely rewires your brain to only lust for a fictitious and fantasy type of woman and/or content (porn isn't real life) of course it will seem like the woman is nagging for too much sex because it's not really what you want or were used to in the past (even if you've overcome the addiction) because generally speaking, wanting sex 1 or 2x a day for a woman isnt that out of the ordinary, especially if she's ovulating. Regardless they both need to find some middle ground
Yea and they’re newlyweds. Like it would be weird if this had been going on for 4 years they just got married a couple of months ago!
I think he is also a bit grossed out by the messy-ness of sex. Self pleasuring is relatively [in comparison] neat, clean and relatively un-messy in comparison. Bodily fluids, sweat soaked sheets + bedding, the scents involved - I can imagine this to be a bit of a turn-off after experiencing "dry" six via p0rn.
What's exactly false about porn? I see this claim everywhere but no one cares to explain it in detail.
@@hobbosen-jz4pq Did you actually read the post you're replying to? There's a pretty good short view on how porn can mess up the brain structure on how you think and feel about actual sx with a real person. And that doesn't even touch on the potential damage it can do to the self esteem and feelings of your partner, when you are in a committed monogamous relationship.
@@ssiegreen5292 yes i read it and it says "After engaging in that content and addiction which completely rewires your brain to only lust for a fictitious and fantasy type of woman and/or content (porn isn't real life)"
It doesnt explain what's the difference between these fictional women and real women. Ive seen plenty of women who look just as good as or even better than those in p*rn. So saying porn has fictional women makes 0 sense to me. What exactly about women in p*rn doesnt translate to women irl then?? it certainly cant be looks
Everyone have a great day today
Thanks and you too❤
😊
NO U!
Thanks ❤ 😊
Have one too❤❤❤😊
I must say, 2x a day sustained is a bit of an outlier. Some people use it as an escape from dealing with some sort of trauma and become addicts to the point it’s not healthy.
Yeah, agree. 2x a day over time isnt realistic usually & that she cried shows she is using it to feel loved or rejected. She’s anxiously attached probably. They need to check hormones and learn their own attachment style/attachment theory.
100%. I dated a woman like this where 2 to 3 times a day was the norm. I had to tell her numerous times that I loved her and I loved doing everything with her but I was exhausted a lot of the time while I was going to school and working trying to keep up. It was tough.
No one talks about that fact that 2x a day is 14 times a week. THATS ALOT. What activity do regular humans do 14 times a week ? It’s wild that some peoples comments are saying things like “2x a day is fine”.
I wish I was having it 2 X's a week lol.😆
@@John-du2mq”exhaustion” is not a valid excuse. Do you tell your boss “oh, I’m sorry, I’m just exhausted and can’t perform the most basic of job functions.”? No, you don’t. Satisfying your wife is your job as a man, take it just as seriously.
Porn is easy and one dimensional and doesn’t require any risk at all. You don’t have to BE anything, you don’t have to care, you don’t have to perform, you don’t have to please. This is nothing like having actual sex with a real person or making love. Having a real human being there who is not as predictable can end up being a scary thing that feels like a lot of work and is in the end, not worth it much of the time.
Relying on porn the way people do negatively warps everything.
These calls are so helpful for us women who have similar partners. Thank you very much for the vulnerability!!!
The porn is the problem. Why is Dr. John not talking about the research that men think their partner is less attractive when looking at porn. They want the fantasy. They don’t see the woman that is doing the porn as an addict or that they will never be faithful to them or even love them. This is why I want to warn my boys against doing this. So damaging to your overall happiness.
It is heartbreaking! I don't know how we will protect our sons...
Agreed. Also tell women to stop buying 10" toys and idolizing of ryan gosling.
@@snOags😂😂
Because he's an actual doctor not a retarded ass female who spins every narrative i.n the book against a man check on your only fans people seeshh
I can see why an unattractive person like yourself would have that viewpoint your p prolly smells like tuna
The fact that this guy has a past porn addiction and KNEW about his wife’s needs before getting married because she was actually fully transparent and he wasn’t - he is to blame for failing to be honest. He needs to figure out a way to get it together.
Colon cancer wiped my drive out. Having radiation shot pretty much directly at my junk messed it up.
Radiation will make you fatigued. If your libido is gone, then it’s something else that’s going on….
Same here, however it all happened after I was a widower, so, moot point.
Are you young?
Im sorry. I' hope you're feeling better.
Dude I’m so glad you’re alive. That stucky’s no joke. Go easy on yourself, man. I know an OB/GYN infertility specialist who swears by this tactic:
When a couple comes in with trouble conceiving the 1st thing he does is schedule “some more tests” (after the requisite day of presumptive ones) for 2-3 weeks out.
The key is he tells them; “If’s very important that you abstain from sex the whole time you’re waiting for the test date or we won’t get an accurate read and we’ll have to reschedule. I know you’ve been trying like crazy and don’t want to miss any chance, and you can do anything else, just abstain from intercourse until after the test.”
2-3 weeks later they come in and he does standard pregnancy test.
Like 85% of the time they wind up preggo from just having that performance pressure taken off.
I wonder if this guy feels wifey wants “it” or wants him.
Those can be 2 different things.
The porn girls rarely want “it”. They come across as wanting “him”.
Wives are competing with these princesses of our husband’s imagination. It doesn’t even have to be porn - it can be “Princess Leia” or whatever.
If that’s the case, but her an outfit, a costume or whatever you hope to see her in and make a game of it.
This might sound crass or counterintuitive but married sex isn’t that deep. I mean, it’s not a make or break you. Try. Rest. Do a few cartwheels. Then try again. She’s not going anywhere. You’re young and have plenty of time. ..
Take the pressure off, man.
Every couple is different and has what and flows in different seasons.
Ride the waves.
The average person does it 2x/week… 2x/day is insane. There’s nothing wrong with him.
Especially if she's going for long sessions.
2x a week is average? That's sad
@@anthonynosike Yes, that's the average. Life happens. The world is stressful, stress affects people differently. Plenty of people have a partner with a different level of libido, that's normal. Everyone is different. Fertility doctors recommend once every two to three days for optimum performance, actually. But there's nothing stopping people from sorting themselves out if their partner is mismatched in that area.
@@AlexMathersFilms You're right that it's less, I looked it up. But wrong in that most men get none if we are limiting this discussion to sexually active established couples only and excluding singles from it. According the the Archives of sexual behaviour (2018), the average couple has sex once per week. WebMD seems to conclude that in 2023 amongst married American couples, 41% of couples are having sex between 1-3 times per week. Bearing in mind this doesn't include unmarried couples or singles and it's not a global study. But I think many men feel like the gentleman that called in and don't want it as often. I think that percentage is higher than many realise. The biggest problem is that it seems to be such a taboo topic - silly really. So I am glad that this was on the podcast and openly discussed!
@@strawberrykatnz i think 5x a week is perfect
Porn has wrecked more marriages and relationships than anything else.
That's absurd. Porn as we know it is a relatively new thing...marriages over time fail for a litany of reasons that have nothing to do with porn. Selfishness, resentment, anger, money problems. You're just wrong. Give me a single peer reviewed paper that shows porn as the leading cause of divorce, or even leading contributing factor. I can wait.
@karenbuckner8696. Try again. Feminism and birth control has wrecked more marriages and relationships. Men turning to porn is the result.
Yep..mi mine
@@swingset1969
In longitudinal studies, they notice a doubling of divorce risk with watching.
TWICE A DAY DID YOU NOT HEAR KAREN?
I feel her pain. He may have low T, but my , sadly, educated guess is, the porn ruined him. It’s is proven, it is heartbreaking, and he needs to get therapy. It will break the marriage if he does not. It is not fair to her, or him.
I watched alot of Pron in my days and it hasn't ruined my want for intimacy with real women. I think he has low T, honestly it's that simple.
Coming from a guy who was the side dude to a woman who wanted it way more than her man could ever give its tough. She almost wanted to live in a world where she was being stimulated throughout the day it wasn't normal. So in all reality, she was the problem.
Wow, two guys and still wanted more? How do you not check yourself at that point?
I have always had a much higher sex drive than my husband! We have been married 49 years. I have depression and anxiety and it makes me feel loved and safe and just have a feeling! I think his sex drive was better when we had children, we would leave notes for each other, I would write on his napkin in his lunch. He would leave a note in my coffee cup, we didn’t have cell phones but we would tease each other all day! I felt SO loved back then!😊
Just wanted to say Thank You for sharing your thoughts, advice and expertise to the world! And to your team for their time and support to this channel! I have been listening to your TH-cam channel for the last 6months and it has changed my perspective on being a better human being with a better outlook life! You’re amazing!
I am lucky if I get it 3 times a YEAR! 😢 the more of these calls I listen to, the more I think I need to leave and go find someone who actually wants me and makes me feel good about myself.
Right here baby 😂🤷♂️
Therapy?
A boyfriend is a great option. A boyfriend with hubbs approval keeps everyone happy
terrible, leave. You might aswell get a female roomie at that point.
I feel the same way girl
At one time, I was convinced, 100% sure, that women simply had a lower sex drive. In general, statistically speaking, I guess it's true. That was of-course until I met someone after my divorce. Everyone is different.
....it's a lie that's been perpetuated by a misogynist and patriarchal society.
Depends if they've had kids or not,they usually start nesting once the kids come and sex drive drops.
I don’t feel those “statistics” are true, I’ve NEVER met a woman who didn’t complain about her male partner lacking in the bedroom. I believe that men have been conditioned to be sexually perverse and it’s Manipulated into “men have a higher sex drive”, every woman I’ve met has felt that we as women are the ones carrying the bedroom sex life in regards to performance and energy put into the bedroom. I have Neve met a guy that was more sexual than women, just more sexually perverse as I’ve mentioned above Ken are groomed to think this is normal male behavior and its related to being more sexual, wanting to sleep with more sexual partner does Not automatically make you more sexual, there’s a lot of trauma rooted within that mentality. Some of the biggest male players I’ve met were by far the worse sexual encounters I’ve ever had and big surprise they seemed to have a very dysfunctional way of living. So in regards to those statistics I believe they are absolutely Disingenuous.
All stats have outliers
Give it time. That will fade. I guarantee it.
2 times a day is a lot but they’re also newlyweds….
I agree. They’re still fresh in their marriage, however, if this trend continues as they add work responsibility, kids, life stress, etc. then this frequency would be crazy
@@jaymkz3225 sure, but that’s not my point. They’re newlyweds is my point.
Here for the comment section 👀
That’s the only reason I have a TH-cam account
I think something has to be said: if she is gonna cry if she doesn't get twice a day, that's nuts. She could be dealing with irrational feelings of being undesirable.
He said that she wants it twice a day, he didn't say that they actually have sex twice a day.
I think he's lying. it sounds like he's either exaggerating about the amount she wants it OR she's compensating because he doesn't desire her at all because his brain is fried
Delony has no spine that's the real problem.
He didn't say she cries if she doesn't have it twice a day. He said he thinks she WOULD be happy with it twice a day. It's not confirmed that she actually does want it that often.
@@rebeccahicks2392 he explicitly said she cries.
The key here is the porn addiction.
As a woman. Its kind of annoying that men cry women dont want sex enough and when we do were a problem too. Damned if we do ,damned if we dont. Lol
That's why you need to pick your match
It's ok to want a certain amount of intimacy, being a man or a woman. no-one should tell you otherwise
That's it, gents! Don't share what you're thinking to keep your woman happy!
These are different men. Women like to cry, "we aren't a monolith!" and then do their best to apply the same logic to men.
This has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.
There's a middle ground between a wife who never initiates and often rejects her husband, and a wife who wants sex multiple times a day
Ken, from PORTLAND OREGON! It's in the Water. Your hormones are off. Go to the Men's clinic and get that working for y'all!
His porn watching is the big issue I feel that was glossed over. Of course he doesn't feel comfortable with others touching him if he constantly watches porn. He needs to step away from his fantasy sexual world and be mentally present in his marriage.
Are you so sure it's his problem when his wife is crying if it's less than twice daily? Twice a day is a lot.
@@geometerfpv2804 when attraction levels are high, twice a day is quite normal tbh. I’m 30 years of age and my gf and I will sometimes have sex up to 7-8 times in a 24 hour period
I think you're the one with issues because you clearly haven't even watched the video and already jumped to blaming the guy. He said he HAD a pr0n addiction in the past but he completley stopped and has been sober for years. The issue is that it's nowhere normal to expect s3x twice a day after you're in a long term relationship and you're both past your 30's, especially if she's gonna cry about it when she dosn't get it.
@@gabzsy4924 I think the issue was he bounced back too far the other direction from the porn addiction and now hes struggling getting back to baseline, but yes 2 times a day is crazy. Those crazy germans
Porn ruins men’s sex drive and social media is another way men drain their sexual energy and lust. It never was a question if he has replaced his porn habit with another habit. The idea of what’s sexy and what sex can be with a real partner is completely skewed by today’s access to porn and soft porn.
What if you blatantly tell your spouse what would make you feel loved, they verbally acknowledge it, say they'll do more of it, but then they absolutely just don't? But, they say they "love" you. Also, you have pointed this out, they are aware they do it and admit to do it, even apologize, but still stay in the same behavior. You just want to be close to your spouse and you've told them, but they make no effort to be close even though they say they "love" you.
This is part of why I disagree with not having sex before marriage. I get some people are religious, but you really dont know if yall are compatible before promising eachother forever???
I think there can be conversations and discussions about things without actually having sex before marriage imo
I think that’s the beautiful part about marriage. Sex and sexual playfulness can be taught and learned. Bumps on the road like this can actually build a close connection to your spouse, simply because you are teaching eachother how to honour eachother. It’s a level of commitment that a relationship before marriage cannot offer.
But also sex before marriage can cheapen the relationship to one or both partners. And then it can be a struggle for them to commit to marriage if it’s been cheapened by sex too early before a commitment.
Let me just sample these 300 women or men 🙄 to see if you're marriage material. The mindsets people are taught just for sex...
Men, we all know we we need to hear this today.
As someone who has a very high sex drive, I feel sorry for men who have a low sex drive and will never understand this. Usually women have lower sex drives than men and my wife is a prime example of that, but even so I have to deal with it and we do it when we can.
I’m seeing people say “2 times a day it unrealistic and insane” and for me personally that sounds perfect and not that unrealistic. Like I use to do it that much before with my exes and there are people who can do it that much so having lots of sex isn’t unrealistic or insane. HOWEVER, when ur busy with life then yes I can completely understand not being able to do it a lot is more possible of happening.
18:15 ZERO chance he would tell a female caller they have to give sex 2-3 additional times a week when they don’t want to.
@dbs472 one hundred percent, every call when a man calling about his wife not wanting to have sex, the man has to do the additional work on himself and the woman is NEVER asked to do more sexually.
this isn't normal though. it seems like he's not putting any work into fixing his problem before calling him because he caused it by being addicted to porn. he said she wants it twice a day, what if she just wants it every few days and he's exaggerating because he is failing... I know it sounds like I'm reading into it too much, but this guy sounds like hes lesving out a lot of info to me idk
@@fimanoid that's because we are ALWAYS told to do more...
@@hllymchll I can agree with that and assume the caller is lying to some extent in good faith. Issue I have is with John. If these roles were reversed, John or any sane person wouldn’t agree with “my wife only wants sex once a week but should be forced to give it to me atleast 3 times as a compromise.” John would be asking if she was safe because it’s boarder line “grape” via extortion. The lack of John’s self-awareness is what grinds people’s gears with him
I think John is in the closet
Get your T checked! Also, you need to make her understand that you not wanting to have sex is not a rejection. It’ll take time but there are brighter days ahead. Good luck brother!
Diet, squats, exercise, L citrulline. You're welcome.
Facts bro, I run 10ks and am a powerlifter. I have a perfect diet so to say I'm chewing on drywall is an understatement
@@e.cforest5422 bro L citrulline is a god send even if you aren't having problems let's just say you're gf or wife will be thrilled regardless 😂
😂😂
Lots of omega-3 pasture raised orange yolk eggs too. It's truly a superfood.
@@HolisticPrespective I am very lucky to have chickys
Glad your speaking about this I feel the same way towards sex sometimes when you grow up in a religious household(I have) this is the case and then you think that when you get married you just forget it or ignore great video!!
We need to listen to what’s being said and go only on that. So many people projecting and saying he must be lying and XYZ…. Like what? What if he’s saying the truth?
I have to be honest and say I was surprised to hear this as a man, and it was not what I expected. I was thinking that he was working 12 hours a day and couldn't go several times with the wife every evening despite it. But hearing him not wanting more than what he said surprised me, but also made me realize that we are all very different.
Caller: man I have it rough, I make way too much money, my mansion and car are too nice for me, I have never had a serious health issue, and my wife wants it 3x a day, fml!
😂
It’s the porn. Porn destroyed him.
My ex boyfriend was a porn addict and liar. Their brain is damaged because of porn.
Sex is dead with them . They have twisted perception of sex.
There is no connection.
I left him.
He’s not your ex. Take a chill pill, people are projecting their experiences so hard
Many young guys now have low testosterone one llevels. This is statically a fact. Probably due to estrogen chemicals and other chemicals in food, water, personal products, home cleaning products. This guy needs to have his testosterone levels checked ASAP to rule out this problem. If that is the problem it is easily fixable.
This is most likely a HUGE reason
Him easily working out could fix this problem dramatically fast
Or it could be because of the increase in obesity over the past few decades. People need to stop blaming alleged "hormones in the water" for their crappy health and actively take care of their health with healthy diet and exercise.
Should’ve been a convo PRIOR to marriage. They both have a right to want what they want
But things change…
@@emmarose6590 then communicate. He sucks at that. Which isn’t her issue. This is all coming back to him.
@@Ciera_Banks oh I agree. But you can’t find your perfect match where everything lines up perfectly and no one’s changes. You marry an imperfect human
I disagree with one point. I think it is important to marry someone with compatible love languages. The point is why work hard to adapt when there are people with similar love languages?
I get it that a healthy marriage will cost effort but that does not mean one should be discouraged from finding a partner who will give them a discount deal.
This is wild. It’s almost like you think marriage is meant to satisfy your every need and make you happy. When that’s not the goal of marriage at all. Marriage is about loving someone despite differences and putting someone else before yourself
I think you miss my point. I didn't say that there won't be any differences in a healthy marriage but I think you have to have some things in common. Common perspectives on how to navigate through life, similar perspectives on money management, similar values on health, etc.
That's just common sense to me. If one partner values longevity and eating healthy and the other partner does not care about that stuff then there's a value conflict. There's no getting around it. It's not fair for either side to compromise their values.
@@gracerules2008 nah, good marriage isn’t based upon things in common. It’s two people who despite differences commit and put one another first. If you go into marriage with a perspective that things must fit together all the time, that’s not a good start
@@gracerules2008 one partner could start off healthy and not care years later. What do you divorce them then? That’s why marriages fail.
I'm not saying I have the right answer for situations where one spouse has a drastic change in value system that conflicts with the other spouse.
There's much to be taken into consideration and a case by case basis. I'm not going to say that divorce is always the right answer but I'm also not going to say that it should never be on the table.
The scenario you are describing is a cleanup case. My original post is mostly making a point of the importance of discussing these things long before marriage about what goals and values a couple wants to live by.
I know it can be common for newlyweds that are young, but twice a day is a lot and I don't think it's fair to expect everyone to be held to that standard.
At the same time there's a porn issue. He's had a history of issues with this and it negatively affects intimacy
My ex had a high sex drive, and mine is pretty high too, but she wanted it multiple times a day everyday, and it kind of stalled it out for me to the point where sex ain’t that important to me anymore for relationship
low T
I hope the wife doesn't end up like me. My husband had low sex drive (due to porn use) and mine was high. I chased and craved it for YEARS... i use to pray my desire would stop cause the rejection caused me alot of hurt and stress. Finally at 35, it has gone away. I cant get turned on anymore and sadly now he wants it and i cant get turned on 😂😂 FML
Beginning stages of menopause here it comes…..
Kudos to him! My ex-wife had issues but would never discuss it with anyone to get help. Because I desired sex several times a week then I was some kind of pervert!
I had the same issue with my X wife. 2-5 times a week is ideal for me but she turned me down about 8 times out of 10 and it ended up being maybe once a week, if not once a month. She wanted it more too, just not with me. Sometimes divorce is the best option.
@@mylesgray3470I have the same issue with my husband
@@mylesgray3470damn, why did she marry you then?
Interesting that he attempted to make it her problem and not THEIR issue.
You’re projecting and projecting hard
Interesting that I'm projecting and he wasn't... yeah, no. Most humans want a bad person/ good person in any disagreement. My observation is just that, an observation. Just as your comment is an observation filtered thru your own experiences. Enjoy....
He needs to address his blood glucose levels and diet. sugar and carbs decrease testosterone and makes one tired because of the glucose insulin rollercoaster
Sex twice a day is still insane
Idk how you got married and didn't know this stuff before??
If they did then they have to deal with it and they accepted what could happen
You need to watch the documentary The Disappearing Male. Forever chemicals and pollutants are wreaking havok on human hormones. Many of them are testosterone blockers. Not about exercise or diet or stress. Too many people accept this issue as a 'personal' issue and keep quiet about it. The human race needs some help here.
Those definitely don't help, but most of the time it does come down to a lifestyle issue. I'd bet loads of money if you checked the test levels of lumberjacks, bricklayers and concrete workers.... Then checked accountants and IT guys you would see a massive difference
He admitted to watching alot of porn in the past. Regular porn consumption cause Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED). He should know about this.
Should have had this conversation before they got married…I’ve got a high sex drive and I tell someone before I become involved with them. How is it that these people can’t have these conversations before marriage!! Failures left and right.
Communication is key, but these conversations are tough to have.. It’s not that easy.
The flip of the switch always happens after they get married, always
@@juniper1982 that blows lady. Seriously I don’t understand how people can’t take the time to fully understand their sexual needs - and be able to explore what could happen should the other partner do what they are doing to you. I mean, honestly, I would ask if I could get a hookup with someone cause I would be dying
Just a suggestion...get a book on Tantric sex. Tantric love is focused on the connection and the pleasure of the sexual journey you take together, so don't rush. Take your time to explore each other, focus on the bond you share, and be together in the moment rather than fixating on the culmination of your pleasure. (Description stolen from Google, lol! But I didn't know how to put it into words correctly, but that sums it up)
If you are in a relationship or married your sex drives do not always magically perfectly align. There are always highs and lows with that sort of thing. If you really love each other and can work it out and maybe get help from a professional it can work out. And sometimes you just are to damn tired. I used to work from 7:45A to 6:30P at a busy bank and it was bananas each Friday. I came home and crashed. I was to weary to do anything, it happens.
Suprisingly CLEANLINESS could be the issue. A lot of men don't do a meticulous care of their bodies & even a small unpleasant smell from the mouth can be a huge turn off for women.
I don’t think that’s the callers problem 😂
wtf😂
2× times a day is not possible for anyone with a fulltime job. If you are living on social benefits or have nothing to do then you have enough time to do it everyday.
To me, no married person should be complaining if they are getting it 2-3x per week.
Her wanting it 2 times a day, is overkill.
Did he ever say how often he wanted to get down?
If it's less than 1-2 x per week, that is a problem
2x a day is insane
Absolutely
Not really me and my partner, generally do it twice a day once in the morning and once before bed. On Sundays, we may have a 3pmer.
@@ethan4048this! 🙌🏽 I would sulk if miss a day or 2 ! 😂
@ethan4048 how Long you been together?
Many people do 1-3 times a day. Or even once a year for some couples. Everyone is different.
I think an equilibrium is needed. Sex is NEVER just about sex.
Sorry my dude, if she's a 2x/day person and you're a 2x/week person, it's not going to work out. Eventually she's going to find what she's looking for. GL
Great call, Ken ❤🎉
What a great problem to have. John should’ve put him in his place for his corn issue in the past
She may also be struggling with PCOS… Ehen it’s out of balance and we get too much testosterone circulating we get aggressive and in need of more “intimacy” as well… worth looking at that…
Good point
@@victoriaclarke yeah been battling that dragon for yrs… I finally conquered it with Intermittent Fasting and ketovore diet…
Lost 3 pants size in the process too, which was nice.
@@sw6155 I likewise did the same thing. Almost down 100. Things are better now
Caller, let's swap spouses.
My God! The amount of men who vehemently wish their wife would desire them consistently is immense. It's sad this guy has little desire to reciprocate his wife's advances.
Indeed, this caller is an absolute scumbag. Imagine the balls to be chowing down on a 40oz Del Frisco's Porterhouse as part of a seven course meal and complaining to Ugandan refugees that you have a problem dealing with too much food.
What an obtuse statement.
Who has time for 2x a day???
Newlyweds, which they are
15 mins in the morning 15 mins in the night. Wow so much time and effort for the person you love and want to bond with
This is like a man dying of thirst watching a man drown
I hear a lot about people who are/were porn addicts having issues getting aroused. I was addicted to porn for over 12 years (I'm 32) and I'm the opposite and get overly aroused. I wonder what the difference is, mentally
This guy doesn’t even know what he has 🤣
What do you mean?
Her sex drive being higher
I’m same age and been married 1.5y now. I realized I have the exact same issue from porn and I’ve started implementing the same things to combat it. Now with time secks has greatly improved.
That on demand prn is straight up mental drugs.
Man… twice a day? That’s a lot… what keeps you from initiating? It’s that you have just finished a few hours ago, no matter when you ask this 😂
Ew there are so many rapey comments in this comment section. Would you all say "man up and just do it" if this were a woman? Wtaf? You don't owe anybody anything. You do not owe your partner sex if you don't want to, you have bodily autonomy, man or woman.
If you're having sex never, there is probably an underlying issue that needs to be addressed, but telling this man to just "man up and do it" two times a day so his wife doesn't cry? Gross.
My sex drive is high and definitely not broken. The problem is I don't have anyone to share it with. I'm not getting married again or living with a woman ever again so I suppose I'm on my own in dealing with it. 😂
Why didn't you take a chance on The Dating pool maybe you will meet your match
His first question should’ve been about the guys use of porn. It’s the most damaging thing to a couples sexlife…. Past, present, and future.
Sad, sad, sad.
Twice a day is borderline Sex Addict behaviour.
Let's put it out there & be frank about it.
I think there's some "experiences" that she hasn't told him.... 🤔!!
It's so sad how out of tune 90% of his callers are with their partners.
And in his defense, if he's not affectionate person, that was a Huge red flag for her to begin with-for starters.
Nothing wrong with being a "sex addict" for your spouse. I was a virgin when I got married and 2x a day is my preference, as a woman.
It's not confirmed that she actaully does want it twice a day. He said he imagines she'd mgiht be happy with it that often---that's a bit of a different statement.
lol 2x a day is not sex addict behavior.
@@CompleteInJesusI'm waiting too and am almost 34 and made it this far.. I know that I have a really high sex drive based on how crazy hard it's been to not indulge this. Your comment enouraged me. I was about to marry someone last yr and we didn't go through with it bc the closer we got to marriage the more obvious it became that he was not into that really at all and I didn't know how to be married to someone with no drive that way. Even without us doing it yet I was having so much disappointment about his lack of even being bothered (he said if he never had sex is his life he would not be bothered, couldn't understand why it would be hard for me to have a very long engagement, his demeanor with passionate kissing a month before the wedding made me feel like he feels there is no difference between that and just holding hands even, just not bothered at all while I'm feeling self conscious about getting frustrated in a way he isn't). Even as a virgin I can not relate to this. Anyway. Thanks for commenting bc sometimes I worry I made the wrong decision but you only can do that with one person and I think if you have a high sex drive this really will matter and a lot of Christians don't talk about it. Lol wish you and I could talk more tbh, I can't even find anyone else who is waited to ask questions.
@@CompleteInJesus It is when their level of addiction to sex is significantly higher than theirs. As in his case, it's causing marital issues. They aren't on the same page about it, clearly. Good for you, but no one asked what your needs are here. Go get that public attention & validation from your husband then.
I have no idea about other couples…but for the first few years we had sex at least once a day, mostly. With age, things slowed down and now it’s 3-4 times/week. We are approaching 45 years together (married way before 30). I think it’s all in how your hormones work, not mental.
Who is lucky AF his wife is very attracted to him he just needs to be romantic with her it's easy
Did you listen to the call at all?
Im the same as the woman here 😭😭😭 only my issue stems more from PGAD and trauma issues
Can anyone explain to me 09:31 ..what does he mean by shut it does it down? Is it like u feel desire and you are looking to get rid of it?..
The Dr did a great job trying to identify other issues but... sometimes couples have a sexual incompatibility. One is high libido and one is low libido. And often it never changes. And it's sad. It may be best to just end the marriage. There are plenty high libido men who want a high libido partner and vice versa.
Honestly maybe us dudes should just maintain celabacyfpr awhile more money for charity etc as a 27 yr old dude on the spectrum adding relationship trauma that was my fault short comings etc it's kinda occurring to me more n more how u can remain single and dedicate your time solely to bettering others hobbies adopting animals etc life isn't always about you and pro-creation.
I never had a porn problem until my wife lost interest in sex for ten years. She would respond to my advances and go through the motions but her absence of enthusiasm bred my own absence of interest. Porn became my silent mistress until I lost interest in that too. Now I live like a monk and have never felt more free.
Electrolyte my friend and stay hydrated.
I grew up in Germany right after WWII.
Sex drive has a lot to do with stress or other priorities in life.
If you carry bricks all day to tear down the ruins of Berlin for 12 hours daily you may just want a good meal and a long sleep.
People today are so spoiled that they honestly think they have entitlements for sex.
I remember overhearing a lot of women's conversations about that when I was a child.
Most of them had bigger problems than to fit in some sex and were actually happy not to hear of it.
I'm single now for 36 years after my divorce. I had incredible international experiences and personal achievements simply because I was single and flexible. Life can be so interesting that sex pales in comparison. Perhaps you need to shift your attention to your life?
Does he find his wife attractive though, he should try to be intimate without completion to build up desire, his wife needs to chill out, 2 times a day is a lot consistently.
It’s completely normal for it to take a 31 year old longer to become aroused if you’re having sex twice a day. He’s not in his late teens or early twenties anymore.
Porn ruins people.
2 things , testosterone… and performance anxiety
Why, in the opposite situation, would the comments be "Leave this loser", "No one can force you to have sex", "He manipulates you to get sex", etc.?
Can this caller call Lufthansa and send some more German ladies to AL and TN? I'm asking for a friend....
A lot of slut shaming in this comments section. 2x a day is great imo. Practically it’s tough after kids, but it’s not inherently a trauma response or being slutty. However, craving your man that much could very well be rooted in insecurity. In which case, the appropriate response is compassion and not judgment.
Did they have sex before marriage?
If not then I can understand this problem, but if they did, then this was obviously something that should have come up before they got married......
I wonder the same
They are Christians and newlyweds. The answer to that is no. They likely waited as God says we should. If they were previously virgins, there was no way they could know about their difference in drives. But I would never marry someone who hated my love language. If it's not their favorite, but they are still willing and they enjoy it with limits, then great. That was her mistake. And she may also be anxiously attached. She may believe that him initiating physical touch and sex means he loves and desires her. Then she's thinking something is wrong with her if he doesn't want it all the time. She needs to unlearn all of that if that's the case.
Major problem here is they weren't having sex but he was regularly watching other nude people have it and getting himself off to that. Christian or not, porn rots your perception of reality. Maybe his wife isn't perfectly hairless. Maybe it takes too much time and effort compared to just watching a porn video and getting off in 5 mins. Maybe she isn't into all those things he watched. Not surprising. I'm glad he admitted it and got help for addiction. But it will likely still take time for him to detox from it. I think they could benefit from a sex therapist.
I've been celebate for 8 years. If I am not attracted to the chick, it, yes IT, ain't happening. No slumpbusters.
That’s extremely rare for a man
@@alluringbliss4165norcal slumpbusters will do it to any man
@@alluringbliss4165🙄 Not it’s Not, that’s just the many lies society has conditioned and groomed you to believe. The statistics for men being without sex have grown higher and higher through the years
You must have high standards.... in 8 years you couldn't find one person?
@@anneshirley9560 i was engaged but finances derailed us
All roads lead to ketosis.
every man listening to this would love to trade lives with you.
He is blessed. 😂
This man has the problem most husbands dream of 😂
Bro is too good at f****** for his own good 😂