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Sir, you seem to have a good heart, but when you say 'Mothers love to feel NEEDED, that is like, sooo not Biblical! I am a mother and I am a complex person with moods, emotions, lots of hobbies and interests, as well as strong personal opinions. What I need is to be part of a community where I can find meaningful engagement that goes beyond my biological purpose. I've been in relationships where people needed me and to try and chase that feeling around to gain a sense of security and confidence is EXHAUSTING! Needing to be needed is a confusing and emotionally immature place to be. While motherhood is very fulfilling, even more so is having a partner that listens to your hopes an dreams as well as your private pains and fears, and respects you as a fully capable help meet. Please consider my words. I am very outspoken about religion and women's purpose within the church. I just found your channel and I appreciate the kind and respectful discussion in the comments. ❤
BTW, I kept watching your video and I love the part where you called people out for reacting emotionally in social media. Now that I would fully agree with. In our culture anger and the need to control things is perfectly acceptable, even a desired quality. I think they call that 'toxic masculinity.' There is godly, wholesome, healthy masculinity, and then there is the worldly counterfeit. All men and women of God should be emotionally submitted to Christ. I also agree that we should take our emotional burdens to God first, before seeking human sympathy.
@@annew6275 I do find the advice counter to a lot of what I personally believe, but I really appreciate his calm manner. I am learning more about my Orthodox brothers and sisters. Some do fully believe they are teaching correctly. I am hoping that if I speak out, my words may find responsive hearts. Plus maybe I can learn from them, too! God bless! 🙏
I think a lot of people are misunderstanding the point somehow. It's not that you must hide your burdens from your wife, it's that you shouldn't over burden your wife with your daily burdens. You and your wife should still talk about the struggles and failures you go through, but you should still be the rock that holds the family together. A man who cannot hold up his family is almost always a disapointment to his wife. The Lord says that we, as men, must guide and shephard our wives. We shouldn't give them the same roles that we give our mother who raised us. A lot of the misunderstanding is semantics, based on what connotation is given to the words "best friend" and "burden". I fully agree with this video. My beautiful woman at home is by all means, my favorite person, and the person I am closest to, but I wouldn't dare treat her or talk to her the same way I treat my buddies and my best friend, and vise versa. She doesn't talk or treat me the same eay she does her best friends. The relationship is different. It's better. It's stronger. Nothing comes between me and her. A best friend is temporary. A wife is forever.
@@nekemli2622 Yes. Ik it might not be 'fair' in the sense that if we don't do sth women shouldn't do it too. However, we aren't the same, women need leadership and emotional support more than men do, because they are more emotional.
@@nekemli2622simply put, yes. The man has to be stronger than his wife. She has to be able to count on him. Same as the children must count on the parents not the other way around.
We forget what a man is because we don't have any examples of men. I had a father growing up but he wasn't a masculine role model. I've had to teach myself how to be a man. Fr. Moses your videos are invaluable.
My father was a nurturing, but cowardly man. I had to look for a husband with qualities that were mostly *unlike* my father to ensure that my own family wouldn’t collapse and my children wouldn’t be in danger. What a confusing and unfortunate burden it was to seek a husband with that framework. But the Lord gave me exactly the man I was seeking and I love him very much.
Since the times of the Industrial Revolution boys started to be raised up just by women, men were at factories all day and stopped transmiting their crafts to their sons. A boy sorrounded by men learned easily how to become one.
My relationship with my husband started out as best friends who shared burdens, but as it become more and more romantic it developed into what you describe. My husband is my rock. That doesn’t mean I don’t know what he’s going through generally speaking, but he doesn’t burden me with it. It enables me to feel safe and thrive, to be able to give him what he needs. We have a truly blessed marriage.
Married 23 years, 5 children and my wife and I both agree with Fr Moses. She told me many times she needs from me what he described here. She needs me to be the rock, not a cry baby.
@@ziudra91 This is sexist and wrong. Being venerable can also create intimacy and closeness within a couple. I've been married for almost 20 years and that's been my experience. It's only if you're in a power struggle with your spouse that vulnerability in your relationship means being taken advantage of.
@@ziudra91 Then you're hanging around the wrong women. I know a lot of women like me and I've raised two daughters and so have many, many of my friends. There are many wonderful decent women who are intelligent, faithful and funny. If you don't see that around you, put in the effort to find a new group of friends. Seriously stop scapegoating 'modern women' and put in the effort to find the good ones that are out there. This priest is wrong. Your wife can and should be your friend.
Gosh this hits hard. My wife has been so patient with me for 13 years as I’ve definitely treated her like a therapist. She politely (and sometimes not so politely) tells me, in ways I wish my father did, to man up, to grow up. I’ve been plagued by indecision for many years. I’m 37 and finally feel freed from this prison of needing perfect solutions bc deep down I’ve been scared of failure, judgment, and rejection.
I will be 37 in a month and have only recently realized how much damage I have done to my life and family due to indecision and fear. My whole life I have wanted a man to mentor me and show me how to live. It sucks having to learn things the hard way.
@@Uxbal97 My mother has, and does, care deeply about me and my family. Since you're such a poor listener/retainer of information, you should actually read what I wrote and keep your stupid comments to yourself.
- Man is supposed to be one body with his wife - man can never be one body with his friends. - Man builds family with his wife, that is, small church - man can never build family with his friends. - Man engages in holy matrimony with his wife - man can never do that with his friends. - Man produces God blessed offspring with his wife - with his friends only bastards can be produced. - By downgrading his wife to the level of the "best friend", man disgraces both, her and himself.
This is what I always thought about even before becoming Orthodox. Husband and Wife are supposed to be honoured, sacramental titles but decades of derogatory media and culture has tainted our perception to the point where 'friend' is considered an upgrade
@@MaisyK 1.) I was not arguing video and its content. 2.) Man w/o emotions is not complete human. Emotions are integral part of our human nature. If we somehow manage to remove/suppress them, we may turn psychopaths.
my marriage came close to divorce multiple times. i was a weak man and i let my wife control the home and the marriage. i was told by my mom and society that this is how a man should behave in a marriage. my wife had no respect for me. once i decided to change and be the authoritarian figure, things got very intense for a year or two as my wife was not used to the new dynamic. but over time she learned the new norm and realized that i was going to be there and be stable and grounded regardless of her emotional state, she was able to lower her guard and become the woman she never felt safe enough to become. i no longer put my wife on a pedestal. i simply do what's needed to be done to provide for her and my children, and expect nothing in return. it is my purpose in life at this moment, it's as simple as that. i don't need validation or anything from anyone else. the more i do this, the more she WANTS to return the favor and serve me and care for me. i never knew a marriage could be this fulfilling as I had never seen an example of this type of love in my life.
Uau I am going through the same process. But in this phase that I`m right now, I`m feeling yet some resentments. I hope, with Gods help, they will disappear finally.
Nonsense-if you have a therapist, you’re nuts. Therapists, psychologists, and mental medicines in the mix are destroying modern life. Friends are great, and when Proverbs says there’s wisdom in many counselors, it means the friends, wise acquaintances, and priests we go to for advice. Who said our wives aren’t as qualified as these, to offer insight to us as husbands?
that last part was spot on. men need men that they can depend on. it makes dealing with anxiety so much easier and all the relationships in your life better.
@@nekemli2622Because they can't intuitively relate to what we experience as men, and vice versa. This is why the women have their girlfriends and men have their bratstvo.
@@robscovell5951 And we cant relate to what they as women experience, so why are they allowed to depend on us men? Women dont have their girlfriends. They have their husbands too. Whereas we men only have our friends. Thats my point.
@@robscovell5951 And we cant relate to what they as women experience, so why are they allowed to depend on us men? Women dont have their girlfriends. They have their husbands too. Whereas we men only have our friends. Thats my point.
I struggle finding a man who would be sort of “stronger” than I am. And thank you Fr. Moses You opened my eyes a little. My father never ever complains to me or my mom. We only know about a situation when it’s solved. That’s why I’m trying to be compassionate but when I hear men complaining about unnecessary things I just can’t help myself but think that they won’t be able to handle real struggles in relationship and marriage..
@@ccdev law of attraction on Christian page brother? I’m fully aware of myself and the struggle is real there’s not a lot of masculine men around as much as feminine women.
Women want a robot working slave that does everything for them and has no emotions. The question is why? I think it's because of men like moses. Girls are taught that a man being strong means that he toughs it out, he "mans up," he pulls himself up by the bootstraps! Any expression of emotion, even if calm and mellow is weakness, effeminate. A real man doesn't think other than to solve logical problems, he doesn't "care" about anything other than his wife and children, he never cries, he never complains. He works, keeps his mouth shut, and does that on repeat until he dies. Anything emotional that is brought to him by other men or is sons is responded with "man up." By his daughters, "go to mother." That's their ideal manly man. At 8:32 Moses admits that this is the peak fantasy masculine. A man without emotions. Here's what I got from the video. Do not "confide" (tell the truth) in a woman, she does not expect a man as a husband and partner, she desires a savior. And at any hint of your own fear or weakness, her illusion of your strength will crumble and her delusions will be shattered, so she'll leave you for another man that can sustain the falsity that he is anything but a man, that he isn't weak and frail as men truly are. Also what you pointed out, Moses is saying that women cannot solve problems and are incapable of offering or finding solutions, like in the comparison he made during the video, that women are no more than little girls according to him. It seems that these conservative types make husbands out to be slaves, and wives as the masters, you break your back for her and the most she's capable of offering in return is managing a home, because cooking and cleaning and laundry is SO hard and an equal effort. (;
Families, Communities, and Civilizations are built and maintained by men who voluntarily take on the burden of doing so. Some men are overwhelmed, uninformed, or resentful and don't take on the proper responsibility and end up never creating the meaningful things that bring genuine joy to a man's life. But there's deep meaning and belonging in bearing the burden and no one can do it for us. Thank you for your perspective Moses, super helpful.
my father wasnt very present during my childhood, and though i love him very much i realize that he hasnt been able to teach me what you have taught me. you are an amazing role model and i am truly thankful for you.
Gents, before you post, let me summarize Father Moses: DON'T BE A SIMP TO YOUR WIFE! Your wife isn't your surogate mother! You need to be like a stone or anchor to your wife, not a man who's emotionally dependent on your wife's affirmations or lack thereof.
Very nice way to articulate your point👌 Father Moses os BASED and bringing masculine Christianity back to what it was! Finally, a priest who Who doesn’t look like he’s gonna croak over and die, but in fact, the quite opposite because as gender roles have been reversed and has destroyed the perfect creation and blueprint of family and most importantly us as a creation. Just logically speaking, if you’re looking at the balance sheet and seeing which department was at fault, looks like the second guy at the top which is man kinda let that one happen🤷♂️ I was never a Simp. I was always sympathetic for a woman at the end of the day because I had a single mother and it’s hard to come to terms with but comments like women shouldn’t drive or be in the workplace just the kitchen are polarizing, but do you have some validity. Just as men need to be the providers in protectors but instead when they’re not masculine, they blame gold digging on the opposite gender. And yes, she is gold digging that is exactly what she supposed to do to secure her genetic offspring and the safety of her kids so when you can afford a Golddigger, you can afford a feminine woman who is a joy to come back to you and you can say go make me a sandwich without offending her👍😜
@edm-london1660 I disagree. You're asking for a woman that acts masculine which is *okay* I guess, but not realistically going to lead to great marriages for the average man. Usually, women don't like banter, men do. Men use banter to determine who should be part of a group.
"I'm from Brazil, and I have to tell you that knowing your channel has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Thanks! I have learned a lot from your teachings!!"
I never heard this explained so well. I'm impressed. U orthodox men really have a lot of wisdom and to be honest that manly stability, that the modern western world and protestant church in general is lacking so bad. Thank you for sharing. Keep it up 🔥
This is 100% the healthiest dynamic from what I've learned and experienced. I'll leave it at that. I think a lot of people here are missing the main points he's making. He's defining the role of "friend" in a specific way here. He's not saying "don't have fun with your wife". He specifically states "don't hide things".
The only person I am dependent on IS my wife. We share our burdens like best friends do. Married for 14 years, we were baptized & chrismated together 4 years ago. Our relationship is built on Love, Loyalty, Respect, Trust and most importantly Christ. Don't let your emotions run your life. YMMV.
@@LordVader1094 It's not like we should blame him though, I get misinformation and all, but we all understand everyone who gives advice like this has Their perspective, and its working for them right? Which will work for the people who relate to the father. I just can't conform to the idea that you shouldn't be a little more open as husband & wife. Does the bible not say Two become One? Yet we're keeping aspects of Our lives from each other. Is that truly being one? I do believe the notion that women don't want to be "mommies" to guys, but it's not about Being a mommy, but Being Understanding that my partner is going through something & hes not a robot. OBVIOUSLY though I'm not talking about a man crying over video games or something -_- but something that pushes emotions to the limits like family death. As men we still have emotions, but we dont Exactly feel like pouring it all do we? Well at least in times of now its pretty sad everywhere I suppose.
Dude the way you talked about life as a man being about picking a path and avoiding all doubts and pushing forward. It's really changed my life. I know you're probably going through a lot in you're own life. I will say though you have forever changed my life.
@@fathermosesmcpherson the interesting thing about it is that regardless if the path I choose is incorrect, God alone will judge me. I feel good knowing that
Father, literally every video you have posted in the last month was like an answered call. Everything you said was exactly what I needed to hear and realize. I am really glad that thanks to internet I can listen to your wisdom. God bless, I will be praying for you and your family.
I am 30 years old, I have been orthodox for ten years, married for five, and I have been searching for a thorough explanation of this topic. Thank you so much for your insight.
I think the fact that this hit such a nerve, myself included is that all of it is true and I’ve been doing it the wrong way. But I have to take this as a lesson and not an egotistical hit. God bless padre
My father's person to unload his frustrations was me and he did so by beating me up, teaching discipline wasn't the reason cause that i would understand, he wished for the smallest excuse to justify his anger unloading upon me. Now I was castrated of the tools of becoming a healthy father figure in future because most of my energy is spent to keep in check the cannibalistic monstrous voices that childhood created. You can't imagine how soul wrecking and painfully humiliating it is for me, a man, to know he is unqualified and unworthy of the blessing of becoming a father.
Bro that’s dark. I feel for you. The best thing you could possibly do if you haven’t already, is to go to your nearest Christian church and find a good pastor. I too was consumed by anger and thoughts of death and destruction. But you are not your thoughts. You are your actions. My best advice is to point your imagination through the eyes of Jesus Christ and find your way my brother ❤ I have faith in you. I used to never have the energy to care about others. But ALL THANKS to Jesus because He gave it to me. God bless my friend ❤
I will pray for you, and I have two book suggestions that might help: Deliverance Prayers for the Laity by Fr Ripperger, and Reality Therapy by William Glasser M.D. Holy Family, pray for us!
St John Chrysostom said a man who does not do his best to raise his own children is spiritually a murderer. (that is in reference to awful fathers, he is not saying unless you're world #1 dad you're a murderer...)
Find Father Hans Jacobse by Googling St. Paisios Brother and talk to him and unload your pain onto him. I had an almost identical history and his guidance has helped me so much. I feel for your pain brother, but there is hope in Christ, in His Church, in the Eucharist and with love and guidance from a spiritual father. Pray to St. John Maximovitch to heal the trauma in your cells. Trauma resides in the body not in the mind. Hope this helps. You can get better. It is true. Maybe you don't believe it but I know it is true ❤
@@dimaratosgeorgiadis2672 this is just lies from the devil. Come to the Orthodox Church, you can be healed. I was locked up at Bethel Baptist Boys Home in Lucedale MS. Look it up on the internet and you can see what I went through. God bless you my son.
My father is NOT open to any emotional talks when I was younger. He wants us to man up. My father HATES teachinh so he did not pass the skills he had, which lead me to frustration. My father is MOST of the time angry at me and treats me like I'm in military, so I grew up hating him. The only thing that made me accept him is when I read the Bible later in life and realized the importance of loving your parents. also my father is old now he became gentle especially when he saw me successful in life.
I completely agree that your wife should not be your best friend and that them being your wife is far more important of a role but I don’t think it’s good to discount the council a spouse can give you. Wives can give you incredible insight if you’re marrying the right woman. It’s good for men to lead a family but it’s equally important that women provide council.
If I cannot trust my wife to be a friend, confidant and lover. If i cant trust my wife with my feelings. Then i find marriage worthless except for breeding. Im sorry Father if i sound crass. But this is my true feelings. This kind of talk is like that of the "redpill"
There is a difference between the meaning of wife and friend. From where springs the desire to have a wife that is at the same time friend, confidant and lover? It's a romantic view, far away from reality
We shouldn’t equate our wives with how we would act towards a mother or a best (guy) friend, simple as. Fr isn’t saying we are emotionless animals only geared towards breeding in a marriage, so you might be over exaggerating
@@ryanharvey4555 sorry but if a man cannot depend on his wife with his feelings. He becomes nothing more than a wallet and sperm donor. Yes a man must be strong and not overwhelm her. But if there's something serious and the woman rejects him because he is at his limit. Then she is not a wife. She is not even a girlfriend. She is a leech. There's a reason why I refuse to get married at this point. Many many women are leeches. Not wives, not confidants, not lovers.
"We shouldn't be "emotionally dependent" on ANYONE. Including our spouse. I try not to judge anyone else's marriage, because different things work for different people. But it DOES drive me crazy when I see a guy whose wife plays the role of his mommy. And unfortunately, this seems to be VERY common. She's your helper and your partner, guys. Not your mommy. Act accordingly.
You can be a friend to someone without being "emotionally dependent" Ideally no one should be emotionally dependent on anyone. So there is no reason you cannot be friends with your wife - that should be the basis of marriage it means you like each other ! I understand what your are saying about emotionally immature men, but this is about co-dependency - nothing to do with being friends. In fact a healthy friendship would mean that people are more able to support each other and communicate clearly without dependency. Having male friends and women female friends is also essential its called community.
This video has a few grains of truth, but it gets a few things wrong. Sharing burdens is very much in the nature of marriage. Many women want men who are emotionally transparent. They want to be involved in their husband's life and help him navigate difficult situations. They love to feel needed. That's a woman thing, not just a mother thing. But you have to ask yourself what kinds of problems you're bringing to your wife. Does she enjoy solving business problems? Artistic problems? Psychological problems? If your car is broken, you don't bring it to the plumber. That's common sense. And obviously, if your wife's willing to help you, don't take it for granted. Don't do that with anyone. Again, common sense. If you talk about your problems constantly, your relationships will lack stability. If you keep your emotions tightly sealed all the time, your relationships will lack depth. If you can learn to ask for help without leeching, you can build respect.
It can ruin a relationship because us women can’t handle the truth. It almost caused a crash and broke my trust in him and our children suffered for it. So Moses is 100% correct ❤
I believe the good father has mischaracterized what a friend is. True, your wife should not be your mother. Your friends should also not be your mother. A friendship is no more and no less than a bond of affection and esteem. If my husband does not consider me his closest and dearest friend BECAUSE I am his wife, then he does not respect me as his wife. I should be the FIRST to know what is going on with him emotionally/mentally. A healthy family depends on everyone being aware of each other's needs and doing what they can to accommodate. That does not mean anyone gets to be weak simply because they are suffering, but failing to make others aware creates a weakness in the group.
Thanks for this brother, on a day like today when i'm struggling mentally and trying to hold myself from venting to my girlfriend, i needed those reminders that i should provide stability for her, and talk about solutions to my problems rather with a parent, mentor or a male best friend God bless
I love this. God bless. It is ironic because if you ask a modern woman she would say she would want her man to tell her all these things but they say that amiss, they don't know what they're talking about. Because the evidence shows that such women do get unattracted to their men when they do unload emotional burning on them. I am young and I am learning so much from you. May the Lord bless you and your household.
I dislike the framing that you must withhold your feelings from your wife for her to like you. It seems more accurate to say that you should first seek out Christ and your friends when going through struggles so that your wife doesn't have to bear your full emotional burden. Playing an optics game with your wife and withholding feelings seems dishonest. Women want you to be honest about how you feel, they just don't want a man whose honest feelings are those of unending, deep insecurity. That's why the foundation in Christ and relationship with friends are important. I'm open to hearing any opinions about this
Yes Fr. This is so true. We as women need emotionally stable men because we as women naturally will be attacked by the enemy and we are more emotional creatures. We are looking for the rock in a man to help and protect and guide us
I will admit that I came for the title and also wanted to leave for the title. Howeve, after I actually decided to listen to what he was saying it all made sense. I agree. At some point husbands become like fathera to their wives by guiding, taking on responsibility for the family and its burdens & and loving their wives with patience as would a father. Great video 🙏
Disagree with the title but everything he said in the video was straight up true. The confusion in the comments might come from the fact that we understand the responsibilities/definition of ‘friend’ differently .
I liked the notion of the video but came to a slightly different conclusion. I do believe there is merit in the notion that the modern man will overly depend on his wife for his emotional stability. I think this is largely derived from the cultural norm that men are not allowed to open up or share their 'burden' to other men or else they'd be perceived as weak so I find myself agreeing heavily with Father Moses in this regard. Men must be able to build vulnerable relationships with other men to offload this 'burden' and reciprocate it to his fellow peers. Where I deviate is the notion that you should not 'burden' your wife PERIOD with your struggles. This internalization of emotions is IMO one of the main causes of emotionally unavailable fathers that bleed off on the sons and daughters in the world. Yes, fathers MUST be the rock in the family but if you take it too far, you're raising children who have no clue what healthy vulnerability looks like. This push for regression to traditional societal roles is a little concerning to me even as a Christian. It's very red-pill esque. Not that traditional societal roles aren't good but that people seem to be missing the point that these roles slightly tweak over time. Notice how we don't buy and sell women as commodities anymore? I don't see anybody asking for us to regress to those traditional roles. An extreme example, yes, but its an important point to make to acknowledge that these roles do slightly change. We have all the data in the world revealing that emotional unavailable fathers in the house does harm development for children. Not a criticism, just an insight. The issue isn't black and white but rather pretty nuanced. God bless.
Father, in the last few minutes i have watched 3 of your videos. I understand what you are saying and deeply regret even grieve that i didn't know these things or have this help earlier..
Nah - respectfully, Father Moses, I’m glad your opinion here isn’t canon. My wife IS my best friend. Perhaps your marriage works that way… 36 years and counting. May God grant you and your wife many years in your marriage.
If this were canon, I would find it strange, but I think my wife would even run away. She didn't like it when I was all stoic and hiding the things that bothered me, and wants to share. I don't understand how "the two shall become one (flesh)" is possible without this.
@@akimoritaamen to this. It took me some time and some heart break to realize I brought a lot of it on myself by oversharing in my relationship. You burden each other with weight you’ve been carrying when it isn’t theirs to carry. You go to God to find peace, and in turn you can bring said peace to your relationship.
I agree with all but one - here's my amendment: If the man in the family serves everyone within and he carries everything, that would require the old order, where a wife fully commits to serve her part at home and the children will be useful at home, helping both, preparing for their roles in the future. (I'm just mentioning that, because I'm a bit fed up with men being the fool of the family since quite some time now !) Fair point ?
Well said Father, Women are attracted to self confident men. They do not want a man that is emotionally troubled by day to day life. They say that men need to express their emotions, fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, etc, but that’s not what they really want. They want a man who is sensitive to the wife & children’s feelings and is empathetic. It’s up to us to figure out how to do this without being weak. The husband is the leader of the family. That does not mean he barks orders all the time and always gets his way. Direct commands should only be voiced when absolutely necessary. The man of the house leads by understanding what each member of the household needs and supplying that essential need. Do not give family members what they ask for until you do your own assessment of the request and determine what is really needed.
My father was a compulsive alcoholic. Now I'm a father but I struggle with the past and the feeling that I didn't have a real childhood and sometimes I feel really lost but I'm trying to be the best dad to my daughter. Thank you for your channel it helps me to be better man and motivates me to work.
I don’t know if I’m broke or not, but I believe that the friendship between husband & wife is esențial for a marriage to develop, continue & rezist no matter what life will trow in their path. Is that trust & complicity, that suport & understanding, ... oh, well, is all that a real friendship bring in one’s life.
Way too complicated. Just conduct your communication respectfully and you’ll be fine, as long as BOTH people are respectful. It can’t be a one-way street!
He’s right. Men, if you want your wives (especially if you guys have kids) to be sexually attracted to you, you need to be manly and keep it together. You need to realize it’s impossible for us to feel arousal to someone who needs be nurtured like a child. I know this sounds harsh, but I’d liken it to your wife letting herself gain 50lbs. It’s just one of the many ways our wiring is different. The priests, brothers and close friends in your life are gifts from God to you and your marriage- like father here says. Pax
My wife talks to me about her feelings and I always try to give solutions. She doesn’t like that at all. I’m learning that I just have to listen and reflect. It’s taking 22 years but I think I’m starting to get it. Ha
I have a friend who is much older and wiser than I and taught me to ask Would you like me to listen only, be a sounding board for you to think it out yourself, or tell you the solution I would use to fix the problem? She might not realize she's coming to you the way she comes to the ladies. Woman to woman it's listening or sounding board almost every time. I hope this helps.
Father Gains, Many will comment without watching til the end. Pray for my generation (Gen Z) as we climb towards masculinity. Men must lead at all times. When we delegate to our woman, we lose our masculine essence. God Bless
IT didn't make a lot of sense to me until i spread my ass cheeks out far and wide begging and beckoning a man to come pounding inside my anus. Finally the stench must have been smelt and the pheromones must have been picked up because before I knew it a drunk driver crashed through my living room with an erect penis! I laid down ass up in the air holding my cheeks open with both hands begging the man to cum inside, quickly a pounding that I never could have dreamt for began taking place as I was rammed from the outside. The penis quickly unleashed a massive rush of hot sludge gushing rushing and flooding up my ass before trickling down around my stinking open crevasse before coming to a stop around my taint before dripping to the floor where I was made to lick it up like a dog! as my ass hole stayed blistering and bleeding I cried for the man to stay but he flew away on a broomstick back to Russia to complete his special military operation and screw Zelensky in the booty hole next!!!!!!!!!! Рад познакомиться с тобой.
Great video Fr. Moses, it is always good to hear your insight. I have a question for you: I agree with everything you said in this video and what you generally say about men and fathers, but, why so little mentioning of the failures from the side of the women? Yes, if you take an average man, I would grade his role as a father 2/10, very bad, but lets not pretend like the average woman is not close to 1/10? Most modern women have a 10+ body count (at least), in what world can that woman become a good mother realistically? What does an average man do in his life that is so bad compared to most women that have an enormous body count, are combative, have 0 respect... Yes, again, I agree that a modern man fails extremely as a father, but how come that for 15 videos about bad fathers and men, there is 1 about bad mothers and women, when MOST men are raised by single mothers (and lets not pretend like the family court is not extremely on their side, hence men cannot do anything).
This is a fair point. While I certainly appreciate fr Moses, fr Deacon Ananias, fr Peter Heers, & all the Orthodox priests writing over at the PatristicFaith website, the criticisms here are overly 1 sided. Of course men shouldn't watch porn, do drugs, play video games etc but young women additionally need tremendous behavioral adjustments also. Examples: premarital promiscuity, social media addiction, child deletions etc. We all have free will & we all miss the mark. Yes, of course men miss the mark too but so do women also & that is anything but irrelevant
@@thaimuayshoo1171 Yep, I totally agree with what they say about men, no problem, but the ratio is literally like 20 to 1 when it comes to criticising men vs women, and we live in a democratic, feminist, global regime, like, really, how do they ALWAYS get away from being criticized? I honestly think that evading to criticize women is a form of simping
@@LaxDux I agree there. Generalized statement here but most clergy seem to believe all behavior from women & every sin in this world is inextricably linked to "some man's poor behavior somewhere". My first retort would be: Titus 2 woman, 1 Peter 3:1-2, Proverbs 31 wife, and additionally the wicked seductress Proverbs 7 woman, God punishing Eve distinctly with increased birthing pains & subjection onto Adam etc. I hate that I have to pull up these verses as I am definitely not a teacher or a priest, but examples of women possessing moral agency & sinning in scripture are impossible to ignore due to how numerous they are. Righteous Job rebuking his faithless wife who told him to "curse God and die" also another valid example And while certainly every man aside from the God-Man is guilty of sinning, so too is every woman. The real issue I see, which incorporates contradictory logic, pertains to these pastors & priests simultaneously believing that women both continually possess freewill yet also do not continually possess freewill. So, some Catholic & Orthodox priests may say that both: A. Divorce/single motherhood is exclusively the fault of a man somewhere in her life. Yet also wish to celebrate the women canonized as saints in their church (and God bless these women) for their amazingly holy & righteous "choices" & "decisions". The logic does not hold unless you can prove to me scripturally how women are sinless & infallible 😄 Additionally, I see like an Apex fallacy criticism launched at young men who: didn't write the feminist legislations from decades prior , didn't continually vote in that legislation or even consent to that cultural feminism, & don't wield true authority in the world both at home as husbands & father's and in the workforce as employed regular men. Now I'm by no means taking a blackpilled defeatist route or trying to absolve men for their sins but greater systemic issue factors are largely ignored by modern church hierarchs, as is women's vain & rebellious behaviors against their fathers, husbands, & even against God Himself. Wasn't just Adam who sinned by hearkening onto his wife, Eve desired a higher social standing than the gift that God gave her. Anyways, sorry about rambling on. All that being said, I know I have to be better for Christ regardless of who says or does what, and probably in more ways than I realize or have the humility to admit, but He gives me hope, joy, mercy, love, & peace that is beyond any value in this world . God bless you brother
@@thaimuayshoo1171 I agree with everything you said brother. The only one who helped me is Christ. I always pray: "Lord, even if in the end, I go astray and stand in front of you as your enemy, let Your will be done Lord, and not mine". All Glory to God ♥️☦️
As a woman I actually agree with that explanation. I mean certainly I wouldn’t leave my husband if he showed weakness or insecurity, that’s out of question. BUT if I could choose, I would definitely choose my husband behaving i a way father Moses explains. I can tell a secret that actually woman DO want it the way father Moses explains, but a lot of women feel that they need to give up the way they actually feel, as they feel they are asking too much, or that it’s not fare, or they are afraid of a criticism, being not good enough person and christian. I’m telling you woman very often don’t say truth of what they really want even honestly to themselves!
I think the title should have been “your wife isn’t your mom”, of course you gotta talk about some shit happening in your life to your wife like you would do to a friend. But you should not overwhelm her from all your thoughts or expect her to save you from that situation, you the man you the rock of the family. A husband/wife is your companion for the rest of your life so sometimes you gotta figure it out together
You put it very well. This is the essence of it. We want to know what is going on with the men we love but we want them to have their security and confidence in God. I noticed this first with my father that if he was calm in a challenging situation, I was more affected by his attitude than I was by the circumstances themselves.
I am a divorced woman. I really appreciated this video. I wish I knew about this mindset before I got married. My parents (still married) were a terrible model to follow for relationships., but nobody is perfect.
Jesus said to his bride at one point: "I no longer call you servants, but FRIENDS" There is a point when your bride will become your friend. Jesus said "you are my friend if you follow my command... And my command is not to lay a burden on you"
And Jesus also said “Do not call anyone your father on earth, for one is your Father, the heavenly One.” (Mt. 23:9) Why do you accept someone calling himself _father_ then?
@@metrab8901 The context will show you that Jesus forbid applying “father” to men as a _formalistic_ or _religious title_ - he was not talking about a literal father. Why do you ask such an ignorant question instead of finding out why Jesus said this and what he meant?
@@danzelhill you don't sound happy you sound empty. You have all the answers except the one you need to be fullfilled, so in your angst and agitation you set off on your crusade, maybe THIS will satisfy my hungry soul.
My father died in a petty death when i was four, i pray every single day that i never end up like him and to become strong, boldy masculine and proper in an improper world. A leader, a good fighter. A man for God. Lord willing, he hear me
Sadly, that's not my experience. There were times when I was so low, both physically and spiritually, that I really needed the presence, reassurance and loving kindness of "mommy", and I prayed to the Virgin, deeply and with great need, but no amount of love from the heavenly realm comes close to actual physical contact, warmth and reassurance of an actual physical human being next to you
@@thedisintegrador no way that's true. Monks leave their family and sometimes live in caves all alone with zero human contact. All they have are prayers.
@@konchar91 And I’m not a monk. And the majority of us aren’t. It takes a certain type of person to become a monk and I’d wager that 99% of us aren’t that type of person
Father Moses, My husband took your advice to establish brotherly friendship and instead used this friendship to talk badly about me (his wife) and to share information that was inappropriate pertaining to our marriage. My husband used another man to have what would have been considered an emotional affair if he had done it with a woman. He has destroyed my trust in the marriage by seeking this “friendship” outside of our marriage. Will you please explain the parameters surrounding proper brotherly friendship and what is proper in sharing with another man about your struggles and what is a violation of marital covenant? There are men like my husband that think having another man to talk too means to gossip, badmouth and belittle your wife and then “pray about it”. Thank you.
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Sir, you seem to have a good heart, but when you say 'Mothers love to feel NEEDED, that is like, sooo not Biblical! I am a mother and I am a complex person with moods, emotions, lots of hobbies and interests, as well as strong personal opinions. What I need is to be part of a community where I can find meaningful engagement that goes beyond my biological purpose. I've been in relationships where people needed me and to try and chase that feeling around to gain a sense of security and confidence is EXHAUSTING! Needing to be needed is a confusing and emotionally immature place to be. While motherhood is very fulfilling, even more so is having a partner that listens to your hopes an dreams as well as your private pains and fears, and respects you as a fully capable help meet. Please consider my words. I am very outspoken about religion and women's purpose within the church. I just found your channel and I appreciate the kind and respectful discussion in the comments. ❤
BTW, I kept watching your video and I love the part where you called people out for reacting emotionally in social media. Now that I would fully agree with. In our culture anger and the need to control things is perfectly acceptable, even a desired quality. I think they call that 'toxic masculinity.' There is godly, wholesome, healthy masculinity, and then there is the worldly counterfeit. All men and women of God should be emotionally submitted to Christ. I also agree that we should take our emotional burdens to God first, before seeking human sympathy.
@@FireflowerDancer He has a lot of bad takes on women, wives and mothers. And that's the foundation for his awful advice.
@@annew6275 I do find the advice counter to a lot of what I personally believe, but I really appreciate his calm manner. I am learning more about my Orthodox brothers and sisters. Some do fully believe they are teaching correctly. I am hoping that if I speak out, my words may find responsive hearts. Plus maybe I can learn from them, too! God bless! 🙏
I think a lot of people are misunderstanding the point somehow.
It's not that you must hide your burdens from your wife, it's that you shouldn't over burden your wife with your daily burdens. You and your wife should still talk about the struggles and failures you go through, but you should still be the rock that holds the family together. A man who cannot hold up his family is almost always a disapointment to his wife. The Lord says that we, as men, must guide and shephard our wives. We shouldn't give them the same roles that we give our mother who raised us.
A lot of the misunderstanding is semantics, based on what connotation is given to the words "best friend" and "burden".
I fully agree with this video.
My beautiful woman at home is by all means, my favorite person, and the person I am closest to, but I wouldn't dare treat her or talk to her the same way I treat my buddies and my best friend, and vise versa. She doesn't talk or treat me the same eay she does her best friends. The relationship is different. It's better. It's stronger. Nothing comes between me and her. A best friend is temporary. A wife is forever.
Well said.
🎯
But it's fine for women to give men the same role that they gave their fathers, which is to put the emotional burden on the man?
@@nekemli2622 Yes. Ik it might not be 'fair' in the sense that if we don't do sth women shouldn't do it too. However, we aren't the same, women need leadership and emotional support more than men do, because they are more emotional.
@@nekemli2622simply put, yes. The man has to be stronger than his wife. She has to be able to count on him. Same as the children must count on the parents not the other way around.
We forget what a man is because we don't have any examples of men. I had a father growing up but he wasn't a masculine role model. I've had to teach myself how to be a man. Fr. Moses your videos are invaluable.
Man, I am so grateful to be helping you! Pray for me!
My father died when I was 17 and it affected me greatly. Thankfully God re entered my life at 24 and now I’m able to be that man to my family.
There are too many risks out there to be involved in marriage.
My father was a nurturing, but cowardly man. I had to look for a husband with qualities that were mostly *unlike* my father to ensure that my own family wouldn’t collapse and my children wouldn’t be in danger. What a confusing and unfortunate burden it was to seek a husband with that framework. But the Lord gave me exactly the man I was seeking and I love him very much.
Since the times of the Industrial Revolution boys started to be raised up just by women, men were at factories all day and stopped transmiting their crafts to their sons. A boy sorrounded by men learned easily how to become one.
My relationship with my husband started out as best friends who shared burdens, but as it become more and more romantic it developed into what you describe. My husband is my rock. That doesn’t mean I don’t know what he’s going through generally speaking, but he doesn’t burden me with it. It enables me to feel safe and thrive, to be able to give him what he needs. We have a truly blessed marriage.
Married 23 years, 5 children and my wife and I both agree with Fr Moses. She told me many times she needs from me what he described here. She needs me to be the rock, not a cry baby.
@@TJS483 thank you! It’s funny how many comments come from people who aren’t even married long term.
If you show vulnerability to your woman she will use it against you in the next big argument.
I've seen this play out so many times
@@ziudra91 This is sexist and wrong. Being venerable can also create intimacy and closeness within a couple. I've been married for almost 20 years and that's been my experience. It's only if you're in a power struggle with your spouse that vulnerability in your relationship means being taken advantage of.
@@annew6275 Yeah exactly. You've been married for 20 years. Things are different now.
Modern women are not the same
@@ziudra91 Then you're hanging around the wrong women. I know a lot of women like me and I've raised two daughters and so have many, many of my friends. There are many wonderful decent women who are intelligent, faithful and funny. If you don't see that around you, put in the effort to find a new group of friends. Seriously stop scapegoating 'modern women' and put in the effort to find the good ones that are out there. This priest is wrong. Your wife can and should be your friend.
Gosh this hits hard. My wife has been so patient with me for 13 years as I’ve definitely treated her like a therapist. She politely (and sometimes not so politely) tells me, in ways I wish my father did, to man up, to grow up. I’ve been plagued by indecision for many years. I’m 37 and finally feel freed from this prison of needing perfect solutions bc deep down I’ve been scared of failure, judgment, and rejection.
Join a brotherhood at your local Orthodox Church!
I will be 37 in a month and have only recently realized how much damage I have done to my life and family due to indecision and fear. My whole life I have wanted a man to mentor me and show me how to live. It sucks having to learn things the hard way.
@@danielrose9964 It does, but, you are capable. And if you earnestly seek God through prayer, it's unbelievable how He carries you.
Please stop treating your wives like the caring mommy you never had.
@@Uxbal97 My mother has, and does, care deeply about me and my family. Since you're such a poor listener/retainer of information, you should actually read what I wrote and keep your stupid comments to yourself.
- Man is supposed to be one body with his wife - man can never be one body with his friends.
- Man builds family with his wife, that is, small church - man can never build family with his friends.
- Man engages in holy matrimony with his wife - man can never do that with his friends.
- Man produces God blessed offspring with his wife - with his friends only bastards can be produced.
- By downgrading his wife to the level of the "best friend", man disgraces both, her and himself.
This comment is gold
This is what I always thought about even before becoming Orthodox. Husband and Wife are supposed to be honoured, sacramental titles but decades of derogatory media and culture has tainted our perception to the point where 'friend' is considered an upgrade
you miss the point, he is not downgrading her at all, he makes the point of not emotionally depending on her. The man should be more stoic.
@@johnnyd2383 good comment!!
@@MaisyK 1.) I was not arguing video and its content. 2.) Man w/o emotions is not complete human. Emotions are integral part of our human nature. If we somehow manage to remove/suppress them, we may turn psychopaths.
my marriage came close to divorce multiple times. i was a weak man and i let my wife control the home and the marriage. i was told by my mom and society that this is how a man should behave in a marriage. my wife had no respect for me.
once i decided to change and be the authoritarian figure, things got very intense for a year or two as my wife was not used to the new dynamic. but over time she learned the new norm and realized that i was going to be there and be stable and grounded regardless of her emotional state, she was able to lower her guard and become the woman she never felt safe enough to become.
i no longer put my wife on a pedestal. i simply do what's needed to be done to provide for her and my children, and expect nothing in return. it is my purpose in life at this moment, it's as simple as that. i don't need validation or anything from anyone else. the more i do this, the more she WANTS to return the favor and serve me and care for me. i never knew a marriage could be this fulfilling as I had never seen an example of this type of love in my life.
Uau I am going through the same process. But in this phase that I`m right now, I`m feeling yet some resentments. I hope, with Gods help, they will disappear finally.
Thanks for this man, I can relate to this
Good for you.🙏🏻
That’s amazing! Thank you for sharing this.
Amazing lesson brother. Your woman is not your therapist. Confide your problems and worries into other strong men into your community.
@@icrytofrankocean amen!
what community?
@@xmariokiler2443your church community. Men need other strong Christian men as friends and mentors.
Nonsense-if you have a therapist, you’re nuts. Therapists, psychologists, and mental medicines in the mix are destroying modern life. Friends are great, and when Proverbs says there’s wisdom in many counselors, it means the friends, wise acquaintances, and priests we go to for advice. Who said our wives aren’t as qualified as these, to offer insight to us as husbands?
@@xmariokiler2443 You can find men's communities. Some churches do mens groups as well. How supportive they are on the emotional level will vary.
I will tell my wife about my problems, but I will never let her know how much they worry and nag at me. Those fears and sorrows I only tell to God.
Then there is no point in being married.
that last part was spot on. men need men that they can depend on. it makes dealing with anxiety so much easier and all the relationships in your life better.
Women can depend on men for their emotional support... so why can't we men depend on women?
@@nekemli2622Because they can't intuitively relate to what we experience as men, and vice versa. This is why the women have their girlfriends and men have their bratstvo.
@@robscovell5951 And we cant relate to what they as women experience, so why are they allowed to depend on us men? Women dont have their girlfriends. They have their husbands too. Whereas we men only have our friends. Thats my point.
@@robscovell5951 And we cant relate to what they as women experience, so why are they allowed to depend on us men? Women dont have their girlfriends. They have their husbands too. Whereas we men only have our friends. Thats my point.
@@robscovell5951 Total bs. Why do you think women make good nurses? We see more than just your physical boo boos.
I struggle finding a man who would be sort of “stronger” than I am. And thank you Fr. Moses You opened my eyes a little. My father never ever complains to me or my mom. We only know about a situation when it’s solved. That’s why I’m trying to be compassionate but when I hear men complaining about unnecessary things I just can’t help myself but think that they won’t be able to handle real struggles in relationship and marriage..
@@icecold229 maybe you just have bad taste for women? 😂😂
Sure we can chat in person :)
pretty much
Not sure if it's the case for you but some women carry masculine energy, and thus attract feminine men.
@@ccdev law of attraction on Christian page brother?
I’m fully aware of myself and the struggle is real there’s not a lot of masculine men around as much as feminine women.
Women want a robot working slave that does everything for them and has no emotions. The question is why? I think it's because of men like moses. Girls are taught that a man being strong means that he toughs it out, he "mans up," he pulls himself up by the bootstraps! Any expression of emotion, even if calm and mellow is weakness, effeminate.
A real man doesn't think other than to solve logical problems, he doesn't "care" about anything other than his wife and children, he never cries, he never complains. He works, keeps his mouth shut, and does that on repeat until he dies. Anything emotional that is brought to him by other men or is sons is responded with "man up." By his daughters, "go to mother." That's their ideal manly man. At 8:32 Moses admits that this is the peak fantasy masculine.
A man without emotions.
Here's what I got from the video.
Do not "confide" (tell the truth) in a woman, she does not expect a man as a husband and partner, she desires a savior. And at any hint of your own fear or weakness, her illusion of your strength will crumble and her delusions will be shattered, so she'll leave you for another man that can sustain the falsity that he is anything but a man, that he isn't weak and frail as men truly are.
Also what you pointed out, Moses is saying that women cannot solve problems and are incapable of offering or finding solutions, like in the comparison he made during the video, that women are no more than little girls according to him.
It seems that these conservative types make husbands out to be slaves, and wives as the masters, you break your back for her and the most she's capable of offering in return is managing a home, because cooking and cleaning and laundry is SO hard and an equal effort. (;
Families, Communities, and Civilizations are built and maintained by men who voluntarily take on the burden of doing so. Some men are overwhelmed, uninformed, or resentful and don't take on the proper responsibility and end up never creating the meaningful things that bring genuine joy to a man's life. But there's deep meaning and belonging in bearing the burden and no one can do it for us. Thank you for your perspective Moses, super helpful.
my father wasnt very present during my childhood, and though i love him very much i realize that he hasnt been able to teach me what you have taught me. you are an amazing role model and i am truly thankful for you.
Gents, before you post, let me summarize Father Moses: DON'T BE A SIMP TO YOUR WIFE! Your wife isn't your surogate mother! You need to be like a stone or anchor to your wife, not a man who's emotionally dependent on your wife's affirmations or lack thereof.
I don’t think you know what a “SIMP” is… that is not what he said at all.
Please don’t use trendy lingo again. You’re using it wrong 😂.
@@JamesMcCormack-pn5rn Well, idk what you're on about but I suppose I spelled "surrogate" wrong.
Very nice way to articulate your point👌 Father Moses os BASED and bringing masculine Christianity back to what it was! Finally, a priest who Who doesn’t look like he’s gonna croak over and die, but in fact, the quite opposite because as gender roles have been reversed and has destroyed the perfect creation and blueprint of family and most importantly us as a creation.
Just logically speaking, if you’re looking at the balance sheet and seeing which department was at fault, looks like the second guy at the top which is man kinda let that one happen🤷♂️ I was never a Simp. I was always sympathetic for a woman at the end of the day because I had a single mother and it’s hard to come to terms with but comments like women shouldn’t drive or be in the workplace just the kitchen are polarizing, but do you have some validity. Just as men need to be the providers in protectors but instead when they’re not masculine, they blame gold digging on the opposite gender. And yes, she is gold digging that is exactly what she supposed to do to secure her genetic offspring and the safety of her kids so when you can afford a Golddigger, you can afford a feminine woman who is a joy to come back to you and you can say go make me a sandwich without offending her👍😜
@edm-london1660 I disagree. You're asking for a woman that acts masculine which is *okay* I guess, but not realistically going to lead to great marriages for the average man. Usually, women don't like banter, men do. Men use banter to determine who should be part of a group.
"I'm from Brazil, and I have to tell you that knowing your channel has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Thanks! I have learned a lot from your teachings!!"
Same for me, I'm from Romania :)...P.S: Please use google maps :D
I feel like a lot of people read the title and formed opinions before ever hearing a single word that he said.
kinda what you get sometimes with clickbait titles
He wanted engagement
Priests shouldn’t use clickbait/deceive people
@@officialthomasjames I don’t get how this is clickbait
@@bobbydowling4263 This is not clickbait. "Why Men Should Not Be Friends with Their Wife" is what he sayed until the end
I never heard this explained so well. I'm impressed. U orthodox men really have a lot of wisdom and to be honest that manly stability, that the modern western world and protestant church in general is lacking so bad. Thank you for sharing. Keep it up 🔥
This is 100% the healthiest dynamic from what I've learned and experienced. I'll leave it at that. I think a lot of people here are missing the main points he's making. He's defining the role of "friend" in a specific way here. He's not saying "don't have fun with your wife". He specifically states "don't hide things".
Exactly. And don’t burden her with your burdens. Be the rock she needs.
I needed this 10 years ago. Thank you for sharing, Father.
The only person I am dependent on IS my wife. We share our burdens like best friends do. Married for 14 years, we were baptized & chrismated together 4 years ago. Our relationship is built on Love, Loyalty, Respect, Trust and most importantly Christ. Don't let your emotions run your life. YMMV.
Yeah Father Moses is right most of the time, but this is one time I think he isn't correct.
You are truly blessed then
@@jarrakis4834 no doubt! I have a good woman.
@@LordVader1094 It's not like we should blame him though, I get misinformation and all, but we all understand everyone who gives advice like this has Their perspective, and its working for them right? Which will work for the people who relate to the father. I just can't conform to the idea that you shouldn't be a little more open as husband & wife. Does the bible not say Two become One? Yet we're keeping aspects of Our lives from each other. Is that truly being one? I do believe the notion that women don't want to be "mommies" to guys, but it's not about Being a mommy, but Being Understanding that my partner is going through something & hes not a robot. OBVIOUSLY though I'm not talking about a man crying over video games or something -_- but something that pushes emotions to the limits like family death. As men we still have emotions, but we dont Exactly feel like pouring it all do we? Well at least in times of now its pretty sad everywhere I suppose.
When a couple is best friends there usually is little sex.
Being friends ruins the sexual polarity.
Hard truths, but truths none the less. Thank you for sharing them, Fr. Moses.
Dude the way you talked about life as a man being about picking a path and avoiding all doubts and pushing forward. It's really changed my life. I know you're probably going through a lot in you're own life. I will say though you have forever changed my life.
So grateful for this comment, and so glad I’m able to help! Love you, man!
@@fathermosesmcpherson the interesting thing about it is that regardless if the path I choose is incorrect, God alone will judge me. I feel good knowing that
@@fathermosesmcpherson love u
Father, literally every video you have posted in the last month was like an answered call. Everything you said was exactly what I needed to hear and realize. I am really glad that thanks to internet I can listen to your wisdom. God bless, I will be praying for you and your family.
I am 30 years old, I have been orthodox for ten years, married for five, and I have been searching for a thorough explanation of this topic. Thank you so much for your insight.
So grateful I found your parish.
This is so well explained. A lot of comments that obviously didn’t watch the video and only read the title. Great video Father
I agree, just as you shouldnt be “friends” with your mom and dad, they have specific roles in a family to fulfill as do a wife and husband
I didn't really have a father figure growing up. Thank you Fr. Moses, your videos help me a lot. May God bless you and your family!
I think the fact that this hit such a nerve, myself included is that all of it is true and I’ve been doing it the wrong way. But I have to take this as a lesson and not an egotistical hit. God bless padre
Humble of you to admit that. God bless your soul
My father's person to unload his frustrations was me and he did so by beating me up, teaching discipline wasn't the reason cause that i would understand, he wished for the smallest excuse to justify his anger unloading upon me. Now I was castrated of the tools of becoming a healthy father figure in future because most of my energy is spent to keep in check the cannibalistic monstrous voices that childhood created. You can't imagine how soul wrecking and painfully humiliating it is for me, a man, to know he is unqualified and unworthy of the blessing of becoming a father.
Bro that’s dark. I feel for you. The best thing you could possibly do if you haven’t already, is to go to your nearest Christian church and find a good pastor. I too was consumed by anger and thoughts of death and destruction. But you are not your thoughts. You are your actions. My best advice is to point your imagination through the eyes of Jesus Christ and find your way my brother ❤
I have faith in you. I used to never have the energy to care about others. But ALL THANKS to Jesus because He gave it to me.
God bless my friend ❤
I will pray for you, and I have two book suggestions that might help: Deliverance Prayers for the Laity by Fr Ripperger, and Reality Therapy by William Glasser M.D. Holy Family, pray for us!
St John Chrysostom said a man who does not do his best to raise his own children is spiritually a murderer.
(that is in reference to awful fathers, he is not saying unless you're world #1 dad you're a murderer...)
Find Father Hans Jacobse by Googling St. Paisios Brother and talk to him and unload your pain onto him. I had an almost identical history and his guidance has helped me so much. I feel for your pain brother, but there is hope in Christ, in His Church, in the Eucharist and with love and guidance from a spiritual father. Pray to St. John Maximovitch to heal the trauma in your cells. Trauma resides in the body not in the mind.
Hope this helps. You can get better. It is true. Maybe you don't believe it but I know it is true ❤
@@dimaratosgeorgiadis2672 this is just lies from the devil. Come to the Orthodox Church, you can be healed.
I was locked up at Bethel Baptist Boys Home in Lucedale MS. Look it up on the internet and you can see what I went through.
God bless you my son.
My father is NOT open to any emotional talks when I was younger. He wants us to man up.
My father HATES teachinh so he did not pass the skills he had, which lead me to frustration.
My father is MOST of the time angry at me and treats me like I'm in military, so I grew up hating him.
The only thing that made me accept him is when I read the Bible later in life and realized the importance of loving your parents. also my father is old now he became gentle especially when he saw me successful in life.
The part with manhood today is all about rage and bitching is so true , thank you so much Fr for using your platform
my dad left when i was 4 i still struggle with this.
Prayers to you. Stay strong and with the Lord!
Same... And I'm 38
So did my dad's and my mother's as well. I'm now happily married with two children. Keep going.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on Justin.
This is amazing teaching, Father. I know a lot of wife’s that express the same need from their husbands.
the title made me skeptical at first, but this is absolute gold
I completely agree that your wife should not be your best friend and that them being your wife is far more important of a role but I don’t think it’s good to discount the council a spouse can give you. Wives can give you incredible insight if you’re marrying the right woman. It’s good for men to lead a family but it’s equally important that women provide council.
So true, thank you, father Moses! It helped me develop a better relationship with my wife in two days after almost two decades together
I seen you the other day at In-n-Out and thought you looked familiar but I couldn’t tell from where, and here you are on my TH-cam feed 😁
lol. We LOVE In N Out!
Finally🎉 Amen. Lets all grow up from sitcom level relationships with our wives where the men hold no stoic strong frames. Thank you for saying this.
If I cannot trust my wife to be a friend, confidant and lover. If i cant trust my wife with my feelings. Then i find marriage worthless except for breeding. Im sorry Father if i sound crass. But this is my true feelings. This kind of talk is like that of the "redpill"
I agree
There is a difference between the meaning of wife and friend. From where springs the desire to have a wife that is at the same time friend, confidant and lover? It's a romantic view, far away from reality
We shouldn’t equate our wives with how we would act towards a mother or a best (guy) friend, simple as. Fr isn’t saying we are emotionless animals only geared towards breeding in a marriage, so you might be over exaggerating
Marriage is highkey worthless except for breeding
@@ryanharvey4555 sorry but if a man cannot depend on his wife with his feelings. He becomes nothing more than a wallet and sperm donor.
Yes a man must be strong and not overwhelm her. But if there's something serious and the woman rejects him because he is at his limit. Then she is not a wife. She is not even a girlfriend. She is a leech.
There's a reason why I refuse to get married at this point. Many many women are leeches. Not wives, not confidants, not lovers.
Amazing video, Father. Sadly, it is also very relatable. Ive definetly made this mistake when I was an 18yo in a relationship.
"We shouldn't be "emotionally dependent" on ANYONE. Including our spouse. I try not to judge anyone else's marriage, because different things work for different people. But it DOES drive me crazy when I see a guy whose wife plays the role of his mommy. And unfortunately, this seems to be VERY common. She's your helper and your partner, guys. Not your mommy. Act accordingly.
Thank you so much for sharing, please continue to make videos like these
God bless you father, I am a Christian Arab watching you from the middle east, thank you for this amazing videos.
Habibi, pray for me!
Just like the juke from an ox, dragging the land for the crops. Humility of servants and the serenity are sublime virtues. Good bles yall
Ima need to listen to this again…super helpful.
I prayed for guidance on this topic and am delivered.
Thank you Father
Best friends, lovers, teamplayers, treat your partner as your own flesh and you'll have a blessed marriage. 🤗❤🙏
This is a great message, and very applicable for my life right now!! keep ‘em coming!!
You can be a friend to someone without being "emotionally dependent" Ideally no one should be emotionally dependent on anyone. So there is no reason you cannot be friends with your wife - that should be the basis of marriage it means you like each other !
I understand what your are saying about emotionally immature men, but this is about co-dependency - nothing to do with being friends. In fact a healthy friendship would mean that people are more able to support each other and communicate clearly without dependency. Having male friends and women female friends is also essential its called community.
I feel personally attacked. Thank you for always saying what I need to hear when I need to hear it. Glory to God.
😂 Thank you!
This video has a few grains of truth, but it gets a few things wrong. Sharing burdens is very much in the nature of marriage. Many women want men who are emotionally transparent. They want to be involved in their husband's life and help him navigate difficult situations. They love to feel needed. That's a woman thing, not just a mother thing. But you have to ask yourself what kinds of problems you're bringing to your wife. Does she enjoy solving business problems? Artistic problems? Psychological problems? If your car is broken, you don't bring it to the plumber. That's common sense. And obviously, if your wife's willing to help you, don't take it for granted. Don't do that with anyone. Again, common sense. If you talk about your problems constantly, your relationships will lack stability. If you keep your emotions tightly sealed all the time, your relationships will lack depth. If you can learn to ask for help without leeching, you can build respect.
What women and men WANT is beside the point.
It can ruin a relationship because us women can’t handle the truth. It almost caused a crash and broke my trust in him and our children suffered for it. So Moses is 100% correct ❤
You are absolutely totally on point I think father Moses ultimately means the same thing
@@icecold229i agree.
@@fostershouseofhope157 have you tried growing up and being able to handle the truth?
I believe the good father has mischaracterized what a friend is. True, your wife should not be your mother. Your friends should also not be your mother. A friendship is no more and no less than a bond of affection and esteem. If my husband does not consider me his closest and dearest friend BECAUSE I am his wife, then he does not respect me as his wife. I should be the FIRST to know what is going on with him emotionally/mentally. A healthy family depends on everyone being aware of each other's needs and doing what they can to accommodate. That does not mean anyone gets to be weak simply because they are suffering, but failing to make others aware creates a weakness in the group.
Thanks for this brother,
on a day like today when i'm struggling mentally and trying to hold myself from venting to my girlfriend, i needed those reminders that i should provide stability for her, and talk about solutions to my problems rather with a parent, mentor or a male best friend
God bless
I love this. God bless.
It is ironic because if you ask a modern woman she would say she would want her man to tell her all these things but they say that amiss, they don't know what they're talking about. Because the evidence shows that such women do get unattracted to their men when they do unload emotional burning on them.
I am young and I am learning so much from you. May the Lord bless you and your household.
I dislike the framing that you must withhold your feelings from your wife for her to like you. It seems more accurate to say that you should first seek out Christ and your friends when going through struggles so that your wife doesn't have to bear your full emotional burden. Playing an optics game with your wife and withholding feelings seems dishonest. Women want you to be honest about how you feel, they just don't want a man whose honest feelings are those of unending, deep insecurity. That's why the foundation in Christ and relationship with friends are important. I'm open to hearing any opinions about this
Great message, needed to hear this, thank you! God bless you!
Yes Fr. This is so true. We as women need emotionally stable men because we as women naturally will be attacked by the enemy and we are more emotional creatures. We are looking for the rock in a man to help and protect and guide us
I will admit that I came for the title and also wanted to leave for the title. Howeve, after I actually decided to listen to what he was saying it all made sense. I agree. At some point husbands become like fathera to their wives by guiding, taking on responsibility for the family and its burdens & and loving their wives with patience as would a father. Great video 🙏
Disagree with the title but everything he said in the video was straight up true. The confusion in the comments might come from the fact that we understand the responsibilities/definition of ‘friend’ differently .
One must wonder why men have such low life expectancies. Thank you Father Moses. 👍🏻
This could not have come at a better time. Your ability to articulate a complex issue is always appreciated. Thank you Fr. Moses.
Deep. You sir answer a lot of questions I have. I appreciate you doing this. Thank you
I liked the notion of the video but came to a slightly different conclusion.
I do believe there is merit in the notion that the modern man will overly depend on his wife for his emotional stability. I think this is largely derived from the cultural norm that men are not allowed to open up or share their 'burden' to other men or else they'd be perceived as weak so I find myself agreeing heavily with Father Moses in this regard. Men must be able to build vulnerable relationships with other men to offload this 'burden' and reciprocate it to his fellow peers.
Where I deviate is the notion that you should not 'burden' your wife PERIOD with your struggles. This internalization of emotions is IMO one of the main causes of emotionally unavailable fathers that bleed off on the sons and daughters in the world. Yes, fathers MUST be the rock in the family but if you take it too far, you're raising children who have no clue what healthy vulnerability looks like.
This push for regression to traditional societal roles is a little concerning to me even as a Christian. It's very red-pill esque. Not that traditional societal roles aren't good but that people seem to be missing the point that these roles slightly tweak over time.
Notice how we don't buy and sell women as commodities anymore? I don't see anybody asking for us to regress to those traditional roles. An extreme example, yes, but its an important point to make to acknowledge that these roles do slightly change. We have all the data in the world revealing that emotional unavailable fathers in the house does harm development for children.
Not a criticism, just an insight. The issue isn't black and white but rather pretty nuanced.
God bless.
This was an excellent video. God blessed me with it in the perfect time, thank you! God bless you and your wife
What a depressing and unloving view to have, that you should not be friends with your wife. Being friends does not entail emotional dependency.
Father, in the last few minutes i have watched 3 of your videos. I understand what you are saying and deeply regret even grieve that i didn't know these things or have this help earlier..
🫶🏼
Nah - respectfully, Father Moses, I’m glad your opinion here isn’t canon. My wife IS my best friend. Perhaps your marriage works that way… 36 years and counting. May God grant you and your wife many years in your marriage.
I agree with you
If this were canon, I would find it strange, but I think my wife would even run away. She didn't like it when I was all stoic and hiding the things that bothered me, and wants to share. I don't understand how "the two shall become one (flesh)" is possible without this.
@@artrickk Don't share too much, everything in moderation. I think moderation is they key in all these things tbh
Very true. Thr manosphere version of a husband is cringe.
@@akimoritaamen to this. It took me some time and some heart break to realize I brought a lot of it on myself by oversharing in my relationship. You burden each other with weight you’ve been carrying when it isn’t theirs to carry. You go to God to find peace, and in turn you can bring said peace to your relationship.
Wow! You’ve put into words what I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks.
Man, you really missed the mark with this one. This one was straight out of Andrew Tate's book.
I agree with all but one - here's my amendment: If the man in the family serves everyone within and he carries everything, that would require the old order, where a wife fully commits to serve her part at home and the children will be useful at home, helping both, preparing for their roles in the future.
(I'm just mentioning that, because I'm a bit fed up with men being the fool of the family since quite some time now !)
Fair point ?
Wow, this was actually incredibly insightful man. I wish I was as wise as you brother.
Well said Father,
Women are attracted to self confident men. They do not want a man that is emotionally troubled by day to day life. They say that men need to express their emotions, fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, etc, but that’s not what they really want. They want a man who is sensitive to the wife & children’s feelings and is empathetic. It’s up to us to figure out how to do this without being weak.
The husband is the leader of the family. That does not mean he barks orders all the time and always gets his way. Direct commands should only be voiced when absolutely necessary. The man of the house leads by understanding what each member of the household needs and supplying that essential need. Do not give family members what they ask for until you do your own assessment of the request and determine what is really needed.
great advice i needed to hear. thank you father.
My father was a compulsive alcoholic. Now I'm a father but I struggle with the past and the feeling that I didn't have a real childhood and sometimes I feel really lost but I'm trying to be the best dad to my daughter. Thank you for your channel it helps me to be better man and motivates me to work.
I don’t know if I’m broke or not, but I believe that the friendship between husband & wife is esențial for a marriage to develop, continue & rezist no matter what life will trow in their path. Is that trust & complicity, that suport & understanding, ... oh, well, is all that a real friendship bring in one’s life.
Way too complicated. Just conduct your communication respectfully and you’ll be fine, as long as BOTH people are respectful. It can’t be a one-way street!
This really resonated with me. Thank you
Dk about this one chief, love your videos though
Bold of you to assume I have friends Father.
He’s right. Men, if you want your wives (especially if you guys have kids) to be sexually attracted to you, you need to be manly and keep it together. You need to realize it’s impossible for us to feel arousal to someone who needs be nurtured like a child. I know this sounds harsh, but I’d liken it to your wife letting herself gain 50lbs. It’s just one of the many ways our wiring is different.
The priests, brothers and close friends in your life are gifts from God to you and your marriage- like father here says.
Pax
Thank you for this insight Father.
My wife talks to me about her feelings and I always try to give solutions. She doesn’t like that at all. I’m learning that I just have to listen and reflect. It’s taking 22 years but I think I’m starting to get it. Ha
Check out a few videos by Chris Voss on labelling. It can be good to simply label while allowing someone to vent to you
Ha ha ha, I can second this one!
I have a friend who is much older and wiser than I and taught me to ask
Would you like me to listen only, be a sounding board for you to think it out yourself, or tell you the solution I would use to fix the problem?
She might not realize she's coming to you the way she comes to the ladies. Woman to woman it's listening or sounding board almost every time. I hope this helps.
Thanks for sharing this. Meant to be common sense but becoming uncommon nowadays, badly harming families and people
Father Gains,
Many will comment without watching til the end. Pray for my generation (Gen Z) as we climb towards masculinity. Men must lead at all times. When we delegate to our woman, we lose our masculine essence. God Bless
Brilliant, Father!🔥❤️An absolute food for thought 💭.. God Bless you!🙏
This makes a bunch of sense never heard anything like it! Thank you father
IT didn't make a lot of sense to me until i spread my ass cheeks out far and wide begging and beckoning a man to come pounding inside my anus. Finally the stench must have been smelt and the pheromones must have been picked up because before I knew it a drunk driver crashed through my living room with an erect penis! I laid down ass up in the air holding my cheeks open with both hands begging the man to cum inside, quickly a pounding that I never could have dreamt for began taking place as I was rammed from the outside. The penis quickly unleashed a massive rush of hot sludge gushing rushing and flooding up my ass before trickling down around my stinking open crevasse before coming to a stop around my taint before dripping to the floor where I was made to lick it up like a dog! as my ass hole stayed blistering and bleeding I cried for the man to stay but he flew away on a broomstick back to Russia to complete his special military operation and screw Zelensky in the booty hole next!!!!!!!!!! Рад познакомиться с тобой.
These videos are amazing, thank you!
Great video Fr. Moses, it is always good to hear your insight.
I have a question for you:
I agree with everything you said in this video and what you generally say about men and fathers, but, why so little mentioning of the failures from the side of the women? Yes, if you take an average man, I would grade his role as a father 2/10, very bad, but lets not pretend like the average woman is not close to 1/10?
Most modern women have a 10+ body count (at least), in what world can that woman become a good mother realistically? What does an average man do in his life that is so bad compared to most women that have an enormous body count, are combative, have 0 respect...
Yes, again, I agree that a modern man fails extremely as a father, but how come that for 15 videos about bad fathers and men, there is 1 about bad mothers and women, when MOST men are raised by single mothers (and lets not pretend like the family court is not extremely on their side, hence men cannot do anything).
This is a fair point. While I certainly appreciate fr Moses, fr Deacon Ananias, fr Peter Heers, & all the Orthodox priests writing over at the PatristicFaith website, the criticisms here are overly 1 sided.
Of course men shouldn't watch porn, do drugs, play video games etc but young women additionally need tremendous behavioral adjustments also. Examples: premarital promiscuity, social media addiction, child deletions etc. We all have free will & we all miss the mark. Yes, of course men miss the mark too but so do women also & that is anything but irrelevant
@@thaimuayshoo1171
Yep, I totally agree with what they say about men, no problem, but the ratio is literally like 20 to 1 when it comes to criticising men vs women, and we live in a democratic, feminist, global regime, like, really, how do they ALWAYS get away from being criticized?
I honestly think that evading to criticize women is a form of simping
@@LaxDux I agree there. Generalized statement here but most clergy seem to believe all behavior from women & every sin in this world is inextricably linked to "some man's poor behavior somewhere". My first retort would be: Titus 2 woman, 1 Peter 3:1-2, Proverbs 31 wife, and additionally the wicked seductress Proverbs 7 woman, God punishing Eve distinctly with increased birthing pains & subjection onto Adam etc. I hate that I have to pull up these verses as I am definitely not a teacher or a priest, but examples of women possessing moral agency & sinning in scripture are impossible to ignore due to how numerous they are. Righteous Job rebuking his faithless wife who told him to "curse God and die" also another valid example
And while certainly every man aside from the God-Man is guilty of sinning, so too is every woman. The real issue I see, which incorporates contradictory logic, pertains to these pastors & priests simultaneously believing that women both continually possess freewill yet also do not continually possess freewill. So, some Catholic & Orthodox priests may say that both:
A. Divorce/single motherhood is exclusively the fault of a man somewhere in her life. Yet also wish to celebrate the women canonized as saints in their church (and God bless these women) for their amazingly holy & righteous "choices" & "decisions". The logic does not hold unless you can prove to me scripturally how women are sinless & infallible 😄
Additionally, I see like an Apex fallacy criticism launched at young men who: didn't write the feminist legislations from decades prior , didn't continually vote in that legislation or even consent to that cultural feminism, & don't wield true authority in the world both at home as husbands & father's and in the workforce as employed regular men. Now I'm by no means taking a blackpilled defeatist route or trying to absolve men for their sins but greater systemic issue factors are largely ignored by modern church hierarchs, as is women's vain & rebellious behaviors against their fathers, husbands, & even against God Himself. Wasn't just Adam who sinned by hearkening onto his wife, Eve desired a higher social standing than the gift that God gave her.
Anyways, sorry about rambling on. All that being said, I know I have to be better for Christ regardless of who says or does what, and probably in more ways than I realize or have the humility to admit, but He gives me hope, joy, mercy, love, & peace that is beyond any value in this world . God bless you brother
@@thaimuayshoo1171
I agree with everything you said brother.
The only one who helped me is Christ.
I always pray: "Lord, even if in the end, I go astray and stand in front of you as your enemy, let Your will be done Lord, and not mine".
All Glory to God ♥️☦️
As a woman I actually agree with that explanation. I mean certainly I wouldn’t leave my husband if he showed weakness or insecurity, that’s out of question. BUT if I could choose, I would definitely choose my husband behaving i a way father Moses explains. I can tell a secret that actually woman DO want it the way father Moses explains, but a lot of women feel that they need to give up the way they actually feel, as they feel they are asking too much, or that it’s not fare, or they are afraid of a criticism, being not good enough person and christian. I’m telling you woman very often don’t say truth of what they really want even honestly to themselves!
🫶🏼
That's because women have been told one way but are innately another.
I think the title should have been “your wife isn’t your mom”, of course you gotta talk about some shit happening in your life to your wife like you would do to a friend. But you should not overwhelm her from all your thoughts or expect her to save you from that situation, you the man you the rock of the family.
A husband/wife is your companion for the rest of your life so sometimes you gotta figure it out together
You put it very well. This is the essence of it. We want to know what is going on with the men we love but we want them to have their security and confidence in God. I noticed this first with my father that if he was calm in a challenging situation, I was more affected by his attitude than I was by the circumstances themselves.
Oh but a woman's husband is allowed to be her daddy?
I am a divorced woman. I really appreciated this video. I wish I knew about this mindset before I got married. My parents (still married) were a terrible model to follow for relationships., but nobody is perfect.
Jesus said to his bride at one point: "I no longer call you servants, but FRIENDS"
There is a point when your bride will become your friend.
Jesus said "you are my friend if you follow my command... And my command is not to lay a burden on you"
And Jesus also said “Do not call anyone your father on earth, for one is your Father, the heavenly One.” (Mt. 23:9) Why do you accept someone calling himself _father_ then?
@@danzelhilldo you call your dad Mr.guy who made me?
@@metrab8901 The context will show you that Jesus forbid applying “father” to men as a _formalistic_ or _religious title_ - he was not talking about a literal father.
Why do you ask such an ignorant question instead of finding out why Jesus said this and what he meant?
@@danzelhill you don't sound happy you sound empty. You have all the answers except the one you need to be fullfilled, so in your angst and agitation you set off on your crusade, maybe THIS will satisfy my hungry soul.
@@metrab8901 😯 Oh-kay... Would you like to think about the matter instead of guessing about what kind of person I am?
My father died in a petty death when i was four, i pray every single day that i never end up like him and to become strong, boldy masculine and proper in an improper world. A leader, a good fighter. A man for God.
Lord willing, he hear me
The Theotokos heals men's mommy issues.
It's really true.
That's so true
Sadly, that's not my experience. There were times when I was so low, both physically and spiritually, that I really needed the presence, reassurance and loving kindness of "mommy", and I prayed to the Virgin, deeply and with great need, but no amount of love from the heavenly realm comes close to actual physical contact, warmth and reassurance of an actual physical human being next to you
@@thedisintegrador no way that's true. Monks leave their family and sometimes live in caves all alone with zero human contact. All they have are prayers.
@@konchar91 And I’m not a monk. And the majority of us aren’t. It takes a certain type of person to become a monk and I’d wager that 99% of us aren’t that type of person
Great advice. I learned this lesson some time ago. Somewhere along the way I fell away from practicing it consistently.
Father, please talk about healthy friendship
Father Moses, My husband took your advice to establish brotherly friendship and instead used this friendship to talk badly about me (his wife) and to share information that was inappropriate pertaining to our marriage. My husband used another man to have what would have been considered an emotional affair if he had done it with a woman. He has destroyed my trust in the marriage by seeking this “friendship” outside of our marriage. Will you please explain the parameters surrounding proper brotherly friendship and what is proper in sharing with another man about your struggles and what is a violation of marital covenant? There are men like my husband that think having another man to talk too means to gossip, badmouth and belittle your wife and then “pray about it”.
Thank you.
I'm glad this video was made , it answers alot of the questions which in a strange way i was thinking about yesterday. Glory to God!
Glad it was helpful!
@@fathermosesmcphersonthank you very much ! God bless you and your family!