Every time someone says social media is bad for society, I remind them that social media is how women started talking to each other en masse and learned what men were doing to all of us. We all thought we were so alone. Gen Z women aren't putting up with that shit like we did, because we didn't know any better.
@@faethe000that kind of derealisation from a healthy, loving togetherness into this bitter, sexist victimhood mentality is exactly the reason echo chambers on social media are destroying its users. Ask yourself.. are you happy with that perspective being here gave you? Does it make the men around you happier? Does it make other women you give those ideas happier? Does it help your kids to form loving relationships? Or is it just spreading toxicity?
@faethe000 You shouldn’t need to talk to women all over the world to know if a man’s behavior is bad 😓😒 women need to smarten up and don’t need mass affirmations to point out unhealthy behavior in men
Ladies PAY ATTENTION! She's absolutely correct. I was a registered nurse with a flourishing career, had children (wanted to) and one of them is special needs! I cannot return to work full time possibly ever, literally ever! my child will always rely on me. Thank GOD I'm with a generous man but I am still at the mercy of not only his generosity but his health. I love my partner but it is not a comfortable place to be especially in this economy. Imagine having children with the man in the video and one of them being special needs, can you even imagine!?
@@akshe4748 That's definitely an option for the future if his health or career fails but if I was suddenly a single mother my life would become very difficult and I would need to rely on the generosity of the State or family because the situation I am in requires a full-time carer. The fact of the matter is that life can throw you incredible challenges and you NEED a generous and empathetic partner to begin with. The man Kirsten was dating would, I feel, happily abandon her or her children if circumstances stopped benefiting him even in the slightest. He just screamed very emotionally immature or at worse narcissistic.
Something similar happened to my older sister when she had her daughter prematurely (by 2 months). She was not able to work full time for years after that so it’s definitely something that can happen when you least expect it and women should be aware of this. Wishing you and your family all the best 🫶🏽
Right? He has a negative opinion of women IN GENERAL and he can't stop the hate from coming out, so he tries to limit the criticism to the group she does not belong to (for now). Give this type time and he'll say way way more about all women.
@@tinachristine4573that's how I weed out men that target me because I'm almost 40. What drag me into it? Dating a 33 year old doesn't really bother me or stick out if I'm not his preference what does that have to do with the woman in front of him? For someone that doesn't like me he sure has a lot to say about nothing..some guy didn't believe I was 39 he thought I was 26. I also have employees that are like 20 years old so he feels threatened and competitive toward the women his own age it's actually pretty immature because everyone knows cougars are more likeable than 43 year old men.
The best thing I did for myself is listen to my older WOMEN friends , family and Coworkers . I dated older men and they were absolutely right about those LOSERS 🤷🏽♀️
I was in the worst relationship of my life with a man just like this. He called all women gold diggers. Didn’t open doors. Said if we had kids in the future I would be expected to get back into shape within 3 months and that all women who didn’t bounce back from pregnancy were just using it as an excuse to be out of shape. I just left. No contact. Just leave ladies. Don’t give an explanation or anything. Don’t waste your time with men who shouldn’t and DO NOT deserve to have children.
Question because I, and a lot of guys, wonder how you guys get into these kinds of relationships in the first place. Was he a completely different person in the beginning? I can't imagine someone is kind and respectful at first, and then randomly becomes this caricature of abuse all of a sudden.
I have gone on dates with soooo many men in their 40s, who have been players their whole life, don’t know how to maintain a healthy relationship, but all of a sudden realize that they’ve missed the train on having a happy fulfilling marriage with kids. They watch their friends have that kind of relationship and want the same. So now they think they can get a much younger woman and who will be interested in dealing with their lack of emotional warmth, safety stability, because men have convinced themselves that they are the prize. So when you tell them you’re not interested in a second date, the shock on their face is out of this world! 😂
It's not that they want the happily fulfilling family life. They want the status that it holds. Once a man is over 40 and doesn't have a wife and family his value goes down and questions start to circulate from is sexuality to his psychological mindset.(Is he mentally unstable) for instance. He knows that slinging D is looking real immature and boy like. He's starting to feel embarrassed and inferior because he cannot hold the attention of a woman, nevermind a longterm relationship. This is all about him feeling like the defected one. It was good in his twenties and even partly in his thirties when all his friends were doing the same. Now he's looking like a reject who cannot keep a relationship, even if he has no desire to have one, his crumbling ego and insecurites force him to conform. Most men do not marry or have children because they desire or value family life. They marry for status. Women and children add value. Men have little to no value if they do not have a woman in their lives in some form. A man who is in his 40s who has never had a committed and healthy relationship, just like a man who has been divorced several times are major red flags!
This is the future of every "player". Once they age out of being considered attractive they'll live a life so empty and miserable it makes up for all the emotional damage they've dealt women tenfold. Keep your standards up girls. No dating men above our age.
This happened to me - got with a guy who was a covert narc, and was so calculated. He used the whole “I’m a great dad” “I want 12 kids!” - I got pregnant .. and was homeless the entire time. and he stole everything from me. I had to escape.. it’s been almost 3 years. Men ARE calculated. Most men out there are little boys. Stay wise ladies
There is a guy in Russia who caused a huge outrage in the country. He's so proud that he's a father of 19 children. He has 3 wives (unofficial), and they all live together in a small 3-room apartment. He has his own room, boys live in another one, and wives and girls share the last one. He considers himself a provider, but he controls every penny, and gives about $1100 per month for all expenses. The wives, of course, cannot work because they are busy with the kids. He sure can't tell the birth dates of the children and does nothing around the house. Anyways, most men have no clue what raising children means and aren't willing to take on any responsibilities. Usually, the talks about a gazillion of children are meant to get the woman to view him as a worthy partner and then abuse her.
Oh my gosh. Reminds me of my ex boyfriend. Dating for six months, were spending the holiday together, and I made such a special glowing magical setting (decorations, table, food, my outfit). I got a super thoughtful, lovely gift-right on target for his interests, not too serious or too casual for our relationship. He showed up with no gift. Nothing. Not even a card. Said “we didn’t talk about gifts.” Uh, we are both from the same demographic, religious, and cultural background. Same expectations. We had been a couple for six months. I was in shock. He also had taken a nap at his place that day while I was running around taking care of finishing touches for the night. Had a really restful afternoon. I was speechless with shock and hurt, and after a while of me not saying anything, after he had opened his awesome present, he made some more excuses. Then, he finally confessed that he had THOUGHT ABOUT getting me a gift. But thinking about it was stressful, so he didn’t. Sad to stay I stayed with him for another year.
Men are not women. A lot of women expect men to think and behave like a woman and they show time and again they can’t. I’m not surprised by his behavior. I’m also not surprised you were expecting him to think like you. Most women are naive to male nature unfortunately. In the future do nice things like that for your girlfriends only.
"Men resent responsibilities". thank you for this. now I understand why my ex BF was so pissed that I made him carry 20 liters of a galon of a water for me. We can't drink tap water here so we must buy it in 20 liters size and no way I could carry it by walking to my rented apartment. He thought I was using him, and he said that his mom would be pissed if she knew I made her son to do it. lol I dodged a bullet.
You should've replied about how pissed your dad would be if he found out you had to carry it yourself while a man who calls himself your bf is standing right there!!
Oh lawdy thats ridiculous what a pathetic little man smh - guys resent doing anything to play their part in a relationship ive even had guys call me a gold digger for expecting them to being something to the table in a relationship other than peen smh!
its cruel that men mock 35+ women with "they just wanna have kids right away", when it's MEN that are known to string along women in their 20s and don't want to commit because "we still have time". of course 35+ women who want kids will put men on a stricter timeline.
I think it’s also because a lot of men (me included) don’t have a lot of money and money takes time to accrue. If you have children too early as a family you can totally screw yourself over as now you’re trying to finish college or climb a corporate ladder while taking care of a family. It’s not fair, it’s cruel, but it’s the world we live in. The only change is finding someone with similar values and willing to compromise. A true life partner
If a woman is 35+ and finds a man who's OK to marry her she is extremely lucky. The truth is that if a 35+ woman marries she is settling down and will always treat her "love" as a second option and that's what cruel
As someone who just left a 20 year age gap relationship, this is 100% accurate. He lacked accountability and empathy.. When I realized all this I left him. If none of his ex wives and women his age want him, why should I?
Newsflash not everything is about you, this isn't about you, who are you to judge this soul sister? Ask yourself why you don't stay in your own lane? @@what.the.whatever
@@BlackDino468 it sounds like you were making a "ha ha, down with men" joke, but based on my personal experience, FAR TOO MANY of them require large amounts of your time and energy, and just like a child, they are constantly blowing past your boundaries to see what they can get away with. Nit one man in my life has EVER improved my life more than the peace and freedom I find on my own.
I'm 41 and I've made peace with not having my own biological children. I know no women in their 40s who desperately want children, most of us are child free by this age if we've not already had children. It's important to remember that when you're a young woman, if the man you are with is shaming and criticising older women, then he will probably do the same to you when you get older. So it's best to choose men who respect older women.
Such good advice! They do their best to try and create a false competition between women too in order to combat the wisdom older women are kindly trying to share with younger women...
Not necessarily. I know of a lot of women who have been total sl*ts their entire life, treated men like disposables, divorced and remarried for money and now in their mid-years expect men to respect them. No, a lot of women do not deserve that kind of respect. A lot of older men have not slept around and are good prospects for younger women. A man 10 even 20 years older knows how to treat a good younger woman right.
I think she was far too nice and understanding, and actually so much so that he didn’t get the “reaction” that I can just TELL this man was trying to elicit from her, and for what reason? Likely because he was “played” (in his mind) by another woman in the past and was now acting out his passive aggressive “pay back” against “all women” by doing it to her. And yes you’re absolutely right, not only were his actions calculated, but also vengeful. This girl is so nice she can’t even see that when it’s quite blatant, this man didn’t love her or even like her. He hates women. The liking part (that she mentions, he was a nice guy overall) was only to lure her in, because at his age he knows how to be the “fun and loving” guy, to make the women “fall in love with him” so that his subtle emotional abuse and belittling behaviour hurts more in the future
I had an actually decent guy admit to getting his heart broken and then “paying back” subsequent women. I think he stopped and recognized what he did but yeah that is 100% a thing. Women could do that but I don’t think they’d waste their time as much.
I saw another creator feature this video and I so appreciate your in-depth breakdown. Now I’m a lot older than this young lady but I could see MAJOR red flags even before the break up incident and I think the young generation needs these lessons. She admitted she was falling in love with this stingy, red pilled weirdo and I’m hoping more videos like this help the scales drop from their eyes
That word red flag is so cringe you have to be such a sheep to use it and have no kind of your own and just feed off social media. Very pathetic word, never EVER use it
I like how women started reversing the agism back to men. Finally. You are 40, single male and you have never been in a serious relationship or it didn’t work out? Oh boy, it is not because they couldn’t trap you and you are such free and wild spirit. It is because nobody wanted you. I had a friend who was going through the dating apps hell to find a partner. She was looking for men her age (30-33) and someone who could at least support himself financially. Naturally she had a lot of men coming at her with all their expectations and when she asked, ok, cool, so what are you bringing to the table? They disappeared. I asked her once why she doesn’t want to look for a younger guy, like couple of years. That’s what I told her: if an older guy is still single, nobody wanted him and if an older woman is single she didn’t want to settle down. Men want us to believe we are on a clock, but they are also. The moment we take baby making out of equation, all this male arrogance becomes incompetence.
He thought he outearned her and she would need him to pay but as she said thats not the case he was bragging about his base pay and her salary was more. Why men of all ages play these games we'll never know. If they had this much motivation to read a book, have healthier relationships with their kids and other people in their lives, and get therapy the would would be a much better place.
They do read books. The most well known PUA book ' the game' by nei strauss is turning 20 years next year. But PUA isn't a new thing, all these tactics have been passed down between peers and even their moms. In arab countries teen men also want to have sex but sex before marriage is seen as bad especially for the women but it's not abnormal that young men use manipulation techniques to obtain sexual favors from female peers (including anal and oral that technically would preserve their Virginity). To these young girls they also promise love and marriage and whatever. Wives are gonna be picked by the man's mom who already has male chimerism in her brain. Now the same concepts are being, rebranded under the redpill but it's not a new concept. In the books by "GL lambert' he talks about 'dick tactics' many he used himself.
I am 30 dated a guy who was 44 he didn't put women down his own age and he actually was a bit apprehensive of us dating however he wanted kids and was still wasting my time. Lasted a good 2 months and I said absolutely not gave him no sex and vetted him first.
I dipped my toes in to dating for almost 3 years during my university years and it was the worst depressing experience of my life. I decided to get my tubes removed and become 4B for life as when as planning on getting at least 2 cats when I am financially secure. Life is already hard why should I add a useless Labour digger grown male in it and slave away for free? All my mother, aunties, grandma and great grandmothers did it because they never had a choice, I do have a choice and I choose freedom.
They always get it if you reverse the situation, but I think a lot of it is second nature to them. They’ve learned it from the culture and the men around them and they don’t have to calculate it. And they definitely don’t think of it as abusive.
ABSOLUTELY- it’s crazy I used to date a guy when I was very very young (same age, no gap, but full audacity) and sometimes he would treat me in a way that I was like, “this is lowkey unfair how he laughs when it happens to be but if I did it to him he’d flip his ish-“, (I was literally standing on the point but didn’t move my foot enough to see it). And by the end of that relationship I was just like, next time a man treats me in a way I would never treat him or in a way that I know he’d be pissed at if I did it to him, I’m dipping. Cause I freaking CAN. ZERO TOLERANCE.
@@ashisland8061 it’s peace. Have you dealt with a man in your house?.. the best advice I can give you is now start doing the things that make you happy, art, gardening, hiking whatever it may be. Find yourself join groups decorate your space the way you like and enjoy!!! Bc all a man will do is suck the life right out of all of it and you.
I remembered when a guy i was dating for 3 months suddenly stood me up when we planned outing & refused to reach out for any reason!...called him the next day to be sure he was okay only to say he had to go out with the guys! I said okay & never spoke to him again; he was actually play a mind game for me to start chasing him! Thank God for my emotional intelligent & ghosted him only to caller after 6 months apologising and saying he was expecting me to call him! I told him it was over even though he begged!!!....good radiance for me lol!!😂😂😂😂
1 correction: counting recovery time from birth it is closer to 2 years. Around the clock "newborn" duty in my experience does not let up for more than 6 months, and it takes longer than 6 weeks for most to recover from giving birth. And i had fairly easy babies with no major illness or injury to myself or babies. For C-sections, birth injuries, etc it can be a lot longer.
Two years are the most precious and valuable years to answer a child’s cries. Babies have super ESP powers. They can hear in colors and see sound! I saw a BBC documentary about a five years ago. Any trauma either parent had the baby senses.
I lost weight somewhat quickly after a Cesarean (breastfeeding FTW!) but I could not do any sort of ab/core workouts for nearly two years…it took forever to fully heal..
There’s research now that it takes up to 7 years for women to recover physically, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically, mothers and children need to be centered more in America, it makes me so angry to see how much they do not care about pregnancy recovery :/
I asked a 38yr old why he’s not made much for himself at that age, no car , no 2nd degree ….I have both at 32 His response : then what will be the use of a woman when she comes into his life? Cos women are there to help him be better 😮😂😂😂 I can’t This same guy said I need to cook for him with my money first when he’s not so much as taken me on a date
Me too but if you actually flipped the gender roles more accurately, it would be the woman shows up to the restaurant with a bun, sweatshirt, no makeup and a big smile and expecting to be taken care of. That’s how men behave
I especially loved the Taylor Swift concert example because that was perfect. It made it click for me. Otherwise I would have thought unfortunately thought she was being ungrateful.
Not all men are this bad. But if they’re 40 and still single, there’s usually something wrong with them. It’s not that he doesn’t want women his age, it’s that he knows they don’t want him.
Exactly!! It's more projection. Women their age have already learned the lessons and don't take abuse. So they have to groom younger women who don't know better yet
That's me. I'm 32 and I have adhd, severe depression, am needy, and immature. It's excurtiatingly lonely and utterly heart breaking to know I will never be good enough for someone else, but at least I am not trying to date and potentially becoming a burden to another.
@@Remedy462 I was in the same place as you. I have adhd, I was unemployed, kicked out, went through a breakup, I was also extremely lonely going through a deep depression. I'm a bit younger than you. I considered ending everything a couple of times. But I didn't give up on myself. I kept fighting. I talked to chatgpt when I had no one to call. I went to therapy, I worked on myself. I found local social events like book clubs, sports drop-ins and networking events to just be around ppl and make new friends. I'm not better or worse than you. If I can do it I'm sure you can too. It's not about how tough the battle is, it's about how tough you are. You're not a burden unless you make yourself one. I trust you can get out of this.
I dated a man who basically did things like this all the time. He was really controlling, indeed compliance testing. I had to be and think and act and do things the way he wanted and he just tried to push me to be the way he liked. This didn't work for me at all, I can't function in such a relationship. So I broke it off and never felt such relief. But there are also men who don't do compliance testing. I've been together with one for nearly 20 years.
It’s almost like these men don’t choose a woman who wants what they want, instead they want to choose a woman who wants something else and change her mind……. They are attracted to ambitious women, but want to domesticate them, they want to persuade women who don’t want kids to have them, they don’t want to define the relationship, but crash out if a woman says she doesn’t want a serious relationship. It’s so odd to me.
I've never heard it described as compliance testing before, but that is such a good phrase for it. I experienced this recently when I was speaking to a man I met on a dating app. He recommended I watch a show on Netflix so I watched part of it but then got busy doing something else. Later on that evening he asked me if I'd watched it and I said I'd watched part of it. He basically asked me why hadn't I watched the whole show which was about an hour and a half long. I found that a disconcerting thing for him to ask me. I took some time to reflect on it and realised there was no situation where it was ok for him to ask me that. I realised he'd be a controlling man and if I lived with him he'd probably come home and ask why hadn't I done all of the laundry or why hadn't I cooked such and such a meal and I stopped talking to him that night.
When you start to explain yourself to them they will even be happier because they see they can kinda gaslight you and about the power you give them which may well lead to further abuse, so be aware, set your boundries, say „no“ and stand your ground by leaving them Alone and don‘t explain yourself
Early 40s. I am looking into having a kid on my own. I have Doctorate, look a lot younger my age, its one thing when there is age gap and it just happened but i absolutely agree with this. One reason actually I would like a companion my age or very close to it, is because I want someone who has had life experiences similar to mine and someone who has had and hopefully learned along the way from previous relationships and have gained some wisdom kindness and maturity along the way. But unfortunately just because some men may progress professionally doesn’t lead to emotional growth and intelligence. And I agree with so much of this empathy, accountability,maturity, generosity and openness is really important
"Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft keeps being relevant. Like the whole "when he flies into a rage and destroys things, does he destroy his own things or just your things? And if its just your things, then clearly he's not as out of control as he lead you to believe." Is still so telling.
Why are yall telling these men about how much money you make, anyway? I just feel like thats common sense NOT to be so open to men about your income. I dont know why we feel the need to highlight that, then complain he wants to use you 😂 men naturally want to make their lives easier. They shouldnt do it on your dime.
Older generations of ladies did not have the wealth of this advice so readily available as these beautiful souls have and share with each other! Many stayed in marriages far too long because they married young and did not know how disadvantaged they were to their husband’s manipulations. Hell, us ladies trailblazing menopause solo are doing so because the women before us told us nothing! Many ladies of a certain age and older are learning quite a lot from our younger sisters. Your content is wonderful…keep exposing the lizards!🦎
Why did she agree to pay? This was her chance to humiliate the shit out of him by insisting he pay his end of the cheque. He wouldn't have the balls to make too much of a ruckus for fear of looking like a total freak. No one woman should ever agree to be treated like that, ever.
But the tickets were a sports game for HIS favorite team, so how is he looking for a ROI??🤔 I think the content creator is spot on: he’s testing her to see how much he can get away with.
All I did was read the title and I was ready to comment that yes, I totally agree with that statement. Immature men are definitely resentful that they have to be responsible in a relationship. That’s why it’s so important to keep your eyes open as a woman there will always be subtle signs that he hates you. Everything in the story had glaring red flags. Thank god she dodge a bullet and could runaway
The Taylor Swift analogy was great but I guarantee that if you mentioned this to him, he pretend he didn’t understand. No matter, it would be his first and last date.
Ok. Im'ma go out on a limb and say they were never in a relationship. She was a game, a front for another woman he was actually interested in and to showboat for male friends, all while having her pay for what he wanted. He actually treated her like she owed him. And he may have been given the tickets, but used them to double as something he wanted and to say he gave her a gift. Lol. Tbh, he acts jealous.
After dealing with this in my age gap ex marriage i realize i probably wont date a man older than me again. I know it sounds silly but men a little younger than me are much kinder and considerate. Still single though. For now, im enjoying my peace
Thank you! I love your content. Finally someone is really breaking it down for everybody to see. I still can't believe how many women non stop compensate for their men.
Your support means the absolute world to me thank you so much! 🫂🩷 I’m glad the content is resonating, women need to be validated bc society gaslights us all wayyy too much 😒
I haven’t dated in 10 years. I’m 53 now and no one wants to date us no matter what we look like. It’s cool. Like is peaceful. I’ll be damned if I spend the lady part of my life being a hospice nurse for some old man.
Girl this is absolutely NOT true 😂😂😂😂 I have been around so many women in their 40s, 50s + getting remarried to good men. Don't fall for the hype. The only men that don't want women our age are those we need to avoid anyway. A close friend of mine met her millionaire husband when she was 52 and he is a bit older than her. Her third marriage! With his money he could be with anyone if he was shallow but he is a grown man. Healthy men date reasonably aged women.
@@MissUnderstood_Mom I'm 51 and just got asked out two days ago and declined. I love my own company. Males come with too much entitlement and labor. I get to live in peace. No one damaging property, nagging for sensual pleasures or silent treatment if they don't get their way. No companionship is worth that. I pass. Being single is so sweet and women friendships are more loyal and supportive. I think it's best they hang out with each other.
I love women as smart as you. And the woman you're talking about. I was not as smart until I made my mistakes in exactly these topics! She knows what she's talking about. ❤
Genuine question: Are all men really like this? Like there have to be some authentically kind, respectful, and emotionally intelligent men in the world, right? I think I know one or two but what if I’m just buying their act? I know that sounds paranoid but I am so deeply concerned about this lol. How can we know which ones we can really trust or should we just not trust any of them? There have to be good men capable of empathy and solidarity somewhere right…right? 😅
Another way of framing this question: Are men inherently antisocial…incapable of true connection, vulnerability, and exercising the social skills required to form genuine bonds rather than those based on fear, shame, domination, and violence.
There are, they are just extremely rare and usually you find them after you completely decenter men (in my personal experience and from what I’ve heard other women report)
@@yv_edit Absolutely can confirm this. I decentered men over a year ago and I seem to attract only respectful men now... who I dodge and swerve as I'm enjoying being single ; ) It's like magic.
Watch the way men treat and interact with their closest friends and family members, especially his parents. Watch how he treats service workers, this is also important. It’s very hard to tell most of the time I will say that, but the minority of men who are the exception of being decent, honest, kind, and selfless are very rare and hard to come by, but they do exist. I know my fiancé is the exception and he’s also well aware of that, these men do exist, but they’re not common.
@@LfunkeyA😂 you need to go to your m anosphere and tell them this bc 😂😂😂😂😂 and please most of you dnt give a f ck about your kids. Or the woman who birthed them. Y’all are going to love this next part.
@@MelModica,if you're not already in a relationship at 40 though, it's completely different because it takes time to get to know someone and to plan a life together.
Pro tip for life:Just be yourself. Life is a school, not a game. It is a right of passage to graduate childhood and part ways with silly games to inflate the ego, so stay humble but discerning!
I was with my toxic ex for 15 months, so all holidays. I only got a birthday gift. For weeks he was saying how he wants to buy me some jewelery (semiprecious stones, so nothing crazy). I told him, I would prefer earrings as it´s what I like to wear a variety of. I got a child-like beaded necklace, for like 60 dollars I assume. With a bunch of- I really hope you like my gift, like he didn´t remember what we talked about. It´s all conditioning..
@swordierre9341 Sure, I as a woman wouldn't have thought of this option, I need a man who wasn't there to offer the explanation. Thank you for you wisdom, king
@@xposa5137 i'm flattered, but come on this is so toxic. Dude bought you a gift you didnt like and you're turning it into some machevelian "conditioning", thats a horrible frame of mind. Im sorry for whatever made you this way.
My ex bf asked his brother whether the brother's wife had "returned to her pre-birth body" 3 months after the labor... 1) 3 months, seriously? 2) Why should she have a kid, be a mother, but look like she has not given birth? 😏 It's like, I would want to have a man who has the body of someone who goes to the gym every other day but as I want him to spend quality time with me he wouldn't actually go to the gym, I just want him to have the body of someone who does 🙈
I’m sorry dear I think it has happened to the majority of us. I know women in their 40s still getting played because they are manipulated by toxic men!
Idk about 40 year olds but anyone close to even 30 ones ik are also in a huge rush to marry and have kids. Iam 23 but I have dated 2 men who are around 27-30( dont remember exact age) both were in a rush and their friends too were in a rush. One of them just had a short temper getting angry at even little bit of sound at night and that man still wanted kids, who cry at night. He proposed after I told him I wanna breakup and I had to explain him why I would not want to marry him or have his kids because of his temper.
This is such a relief, actually. I often feel guilty for ghosting/blocking men who do dumb crap. One guy, a married platonic friend, texted me the day after I had a big art show where I had to talk to dozens of people. At least 50. “Hi, how was your busy weekend?” I felt very intruded upon! When I didn’t respond he texted again the next day. “I saw you won an award?” I confirmed but that was it. He keeps texting me months later even though I don’t respond anymore. My women friends automatically give me space after shows because they know I’m fried. Part of me feels obligated to explain but another part thinks it’s obvious and he should know better. I think I’ll just block him. Edit: he also wanted me to pose nude for his photography book. I didn’t think I’d need to mention it, for this channel especially, but thanks for the gaslighting, people.
Ehh, not gonna lie this alone sounds totally harmless and like he is just trying to be a supportive friend. However, if you have gotten other behaviors that are giving you a bad feeling or you just generally don’t feel right about it, you never have to justify yourself and can just cut ties whenever. Gut feelings are valid and often times the real reason becomes apparent later. I just wanted to say that that behavior alone from an outside perspective just seems like a nice friend who may be more extroverted and not understanding that ‘fried’ feeling if they don’t experience it themselves and it hasn’t been communicated. He might even be confused why you aren’t readily excited to celebrate it by telling the people around you. But again, unexplainable bad vibes are valid in this space so don’t let me gaslight you if something is off 😅
@@ronnie5329No. when men get mad or “disappointed” that’s dangerous for women because who knows how bad of a violent retaliation it could POSSIBLY escalate to
One of my friends said this to me the other day about dating: men are in sales & women are in marketing. Men will tell you anything too make you buy their bullshit, snakeoil sales. Women will show you who they are, we even dress up for it. We are walking billboards.
Omg, the betting sh*t test… my ex did the same but I didnt „follow through” with buying him the „prize”. I remember that I thought it was weird but maybe innocent? He kept on talking that I “broke my word” for months and to his friends 😂 He would say that I am a difficult woman and was shocked by my “demands”. In his own words, his ex was much more suitable for relationship. But that also didn’t save her from being dumped when he got bored. We parted our ways and it is much more peaceful to be alone and fulfill my own “demands” 🥰🧘🏻♀️
Ty for the video, it’s insightful and helpful. I haven’t dated for 10yrs bc of my health. I just didn’t have the bandwidth for it. I’ve never liked dating and honestly its always felt like a chore. As a woman, I always felt like I put way more effort into every aspect of my relationships. And having back problems with chronic pain since I was 19yrs old hasn’t helped either. As someone in my late 30s and who was considering dating again, I’m coming to realize men really aren’t worth the trouble. Women do more of the work, job, housework, and then if we have kids we take on most, if not all aspects of raising them. No Help or Days Off? No Thanks! It makes me exhausted just imagining the lack of help or effort a man will contribute if I was in a relationship. And then being his personal therapist without reciprocation. 🙄
I have never before come across such a point of view about a girl being pregnant in itself is bringing in a lot, even risking her life to bring something to the table. And that is such a fair point! What bothers me now is that nobody, not even females consider this and the kind of physical turmoil they go through as a qualifying thing for the husband to bear all the expenses . I have gone through replies on quora and the general sentiment seems to be that nowadays even females consider it selfish to expect a man to bear her expenses if she is a working lady. But after listening to you, i feel that much expectation is nothing in front of the risk a female takes with herself for getting pregnant. This realization is giving me a lot of stress!! I dont know what is the right thing to do now in a relationship. To bear the child and then bear expenses too , is this the right thing to do?
be very ruthless in your standards and dont feel bad, either they can meet it or not. If they cant pay and bear expenses dont make excuses just find one that can
@@RedResevoir, it's not about what you should or shouldn't do. It's about the risk women take when they depend on a man financially. What happens if you have no job and also have children to care for and he decides to walk away from you and them? It's about protecting yourself and your children from homelessness. Being financially independent is just the smartest thing to do. If you find a rare guy who actually understands this concept and doesn't appear selfish, even then you're still taking a risk on him never changing his mind about you and his responsibilities. If you're both single with no children then I really think it's smarter to both have jobs so you can help each other and also so you're not entirely dependent on him and vice versa.
I had to stop the video at like the 17 minute mark because I couldn't stomach hearing how he treated her. How did this story not end up with him in the trunk of his car at the bottom of the nearest lake is all I could think of. If this had been a friend of mine recounting all these stories during the relationship and she continued to stay with him, I'd have to cut her off for my own sanity. If the words "gold digger" ever leaves a man's mouth; regardless of any context, GET AWAY FROM HIM.
Omg you are so right on men resent responsibility!!! My ex would flake out whenever someone relied on him… from his friends or family he would just disappear or drop the ball on purpose to not be counted on .
I fully believe that the husband is the head of the family. I put all responsibility on to him to create the emotional wellbeing in the home and provide for me in my disability so that I don't have to work and help when I can't do housework and make me cups of tea and offer to take me for drives to get out of the house.
😂 I had a friend from high school they did that and then after having two kids with that girl, she ditched his ass to marry somebody much younger than him 😮ouch.
Marriage and relationships increase status for both men and women. Men also increase status with money, power, etc. Women are not that central for status for men, they are mostly a byproduct of status. IF men also rely on family status (not the bachelor guy) then they also will see women as potential wives, and act accordingly. Not all men think the same, just as not all women have the same goals.
Really curious, in America during pregnancy and after, isn't there a corporate system/insurance that pays your salary at least a good percentage to compensate? Or you don't get any money from your job anymore?
What about the people who just want to love each other day by day, and go on fun adventures and cook together and build a home together and not habe kids ... No marriage, just love. Why is that so hard to find. Thats all i want.
If you’re a woman, finding a man who doesn’t want you to submit will be hard, and you’ll need to scour childfree Reddit for a potential partner who also doesn’t want marriage. If you’re a man looking for a woman, you’ll need to be her peace and will need to convince her that she can trust you with her life even though you have no intention on marrying her. That’s gonna be a tough sell for most women, but I’m sure there are women out there like this. Also, childfree reddit is still a good place to start.
19:45 what is frustrating is that it shows how he isnt afraid to loose her over it, probably isnt afraid of ruining the relationship at all. Meaning he doesnt deserve her at all, bc he takes it for granted. When he does something big for her, its actually for him. I have a friend, hes not straight and is dating a man like this, who is older, who does stuff like that. And he still takes it and wont leave despite how unfulfilling the relationship is.... i feel like i might be enabling it since i will try to act like a pseudo boyfriend without being one, giving him the emotional needs and care and even taking him out on dates, but like... idk what to do aha. He deserve better... but i dont want to be the one trying to make him see it since ik it sour his mood after. The number of time i wanted to send him your videos but didnt because of that.... or many other woman talking about dating shitty men....
Recently I was trying to tell a man I work with whose wife is about to have their THIRD baby by C section (which she said after the second she didn't want) that it would be the decent thing for him to do to get the snip rather than his poor wife having to have invasive and hormonally disruptive surgery. His response... Yeah but life is long and I never know, what if this marriage doesn't last and what if I'm with someone younger who wants kids then. And people think I'm selfish for not having a husband or children 🖕🏻
Self centered men will do this in the beginning to set their tone and see if you notice. I wish I'd had people like you when I was young.
Hugs babe I’m sorry for what you went through 🫂😩🩷
@@yv_edit It was 30 years ago. I stand by the truth you are giving. Very insightful.
Every time someone says social media is bad for society, I remind them that social media is how women started talking to each other en masse and learned what men were doing to all of us. We all thought we were so alone. Gen Z women aren't putting up with that shit like we did, because we didn't know any better.
@@faethe000that kind of derealisation from a healthy, loving togetherness into this bitter, sexist victimhood mentality is exactly the reason echo chambers on social media are destroying its users. Ask yourself.. are you happy with that perspective being here gave you? Does it make the men around you happier? Does it make other women you give those ideas happier? Does it help your kids to form loving relationships? Or is it just spreading toxicity?
@faethe000 You shouldn’t need to talk to women all over the world to know if a man’s behavior is bad 😓😒 women need to smarten up and don’t need mass affirmations to point out unhealthy behavior in men
Ladies PAY ATTENTION! She's absolutely correct. I was a registered nurse with a flourishing career, had children (wanted to) and one of them is special needs! I cannot return to work full time possibly ever, literally ever! my child will always rely on me. Thank GOD I'm with a generous man but I am still at the mercy of not only his generosity but his health. I love my partner but it is not a comfortable place to be especially in this economy. Imagine having children with the man in the video and one of them being special needs, can you even imagine!?
Why can you not work and your husband stay home with your child?
You are amazing thank you for commenting! Wish you and your little ones all the best 🩷🫂
@@akshe4748 That's definitely an option for the future if his health or career fails but if I was suddenly a single mother my life would become very difficult and I would need to rely on the generosity of the State or family because the situation I am in requires a full-time carer. The fact of the matter is that life can throw you incredible challenges and you NEED a generous and empathetic partner to begin with. The man Kirsten was dating would, I feel, happily abandon her or her children if circumstances stopped benefiting him even in the slightest. He just screamed very emotionally immature or at worse narcissistic.
@@yv_edit Thank you so much!
Something similar happened to my older sister when she had her daughter prematurely (by 2 months). She was not able to work full time for years after that so it’s definitely something that can happen when you least expect it and women should be aware of this. Wishing you and your family all the best 🫶🏽
“I’m not going to run up the bill” is calculated gaslighting to make her feel grateful for his abusive treatment.
Every word that comes out of their mouths is calculated
💯 Comments like these make me feel so damn proud of today’s women. You are so sharp. It is an honor to be incarnated alongside you all. ♥️
I am 33 and when a man with 40 is saying this to me bad mouthing about women in his age I am out 😂
Right? He has a negative opinion of women IN GENERAL and he can't stop the hate from coming out, so he tries to limit the criticism to the group she does not belong to (for now). Give this type time and he'll say way way more about all women.
@ 💯
Factz. Like one of the biggest red flags 😂
@@tinachristine4573that's how I weed out men that target me because I'm almost 40. What drag me into it? Dating a 33 year old doesn't really bother me or stick out if I'm not his preference what does that have to do with the woman in front of him? For someone that doesn't like me he sure has a lot to say about nothing..some guy didn't believe I was 39 he thought I was 26. I also have employees that are like 20 years old so he feels threatened and competitive toward the women his own age it's actually pretty immature because everyone knows cougars are more likeable than 43 year old men.
The best thing I did for myself is listen to my older WOMEN friends , family and Coworkers . I dated older men and they were absolutely right about those LOSERS 🤷🏽♀️
I was in the worst relationship of my life with a man just like this. He called all women gold diggers. Didn’t open doors. Said if we had kids in the future I would be expected to get back into shape within 3 months and that all women who didn’t bounce back from pregnancy were just using it as an excuse to be out of shape.
I just left. No contact.
Just leave ladies. Don’t give an explanation or anything. Don’t waste your time with men who shouldn’t and DO NOT deserve to have children.
I am so glad you recognized it and saved yourself from years of abuse!
That's a cover narcissist you saved your life from getting out yes No contact is the best
Question because I, and a lot of guys, wonder how you guys get into these kinds of relationships in the first place. Was he a completely different person in the beginning? I can't imagine someone is kind and respectful at first, and then randomly becomes this caricature of abuse all of a sudden.
Same and I also leave..
Or a partner!!
If he's letting the door slam on her, his resentment isn't hidden at all
Resentment is not necessarily supposed to be hidden.
I have gone on dates with soooo many men in their 40s, who have been players their whole life, don’t know how to maintain a healthy relationship, but all of a sudden realize that they’ve missed the train on having a happy fulfilling marriage with kids. They watch their friends have that kind of relationship and want the same. So now they think they can get a much younger woman and who will be interested in dealing with their lack of emotional warmth, safety stability, because men have convinced themselves that they are the prize. So when you tell them you’re not interested in a second date, the shock on their face is out of this world! 😂
Players never change
😂😂😂 I'd love to see their faces
It's not that they want the happily fulfilling family life. They want the status that it holds. Once a man is over 40 and doesn't have a wife and family his value goes down and questions start to circulate from is sexuality to his psychological mindset.(Is he mentally unstable) for instance. He knows that slinging D is looking real immature and boy like. He's starting to feel embarrassed and inferior because he cannot hold the attention of a woman, nevermind a longterm relationship. This is all about him feeling like the defected one. It was good in his twenties and even partly in his thirties when all his friends were doing the same. Now he's looking like a reject who cannot keep a relationship, even if he has no desire to have one, his crumbling ego and insecurites force him to conform.
Most men do not marry or have children because they desire or value family life. They marry for status. Women and children add value. Men have little to no value if they do not have a woman in their lives in some form. A man who is in his 40s who has never had a committed and healthy relationship, just like a man who has been divorced several times are major red flags!
@@mashae.1066 yup
This is the future of every "player". Once they age out of being considered attractive they'll live a life so empty and miserable it makes up for all the emotional damage they've dealt women tenfold.
Keep your standards up girls. No dating men above our age.
This happened to me - got with a guy who was a covert narc, and was so calculated. He used the whole “I’m a great dad” “I want 12 kids!” - I got pregnant .. and was homeless the entire time. and he stole everything from me. I had to escape.. it’s been almost 3 years. Men ARE calculated. Most men out there are little boys. Stay wise ladies
Wise words…..
Been exactly there. They feel proud for ruining your life because it makes them feel significant. It's been 13 years for me. It gets better....
There is a guy in Russia who caused a huge outrage in the country. He's so proud that he's a father of 19 children. He has 3 wives (unofficial), and they all live together in a small 3-room apartment. He has his own room, boys live in another one, and wives and girls share the last one. He considers himself a provider, but he controls every penny, and gives about $1100 per month for all expenses. The wives, of course, cannot work because they are busy with the kids. He sure can't tell the birth dates of the children and does nothing around the house. Anyways, most men have no clue what raising children means and aren't willing to take on any responsibilities. Usually, the talks about a gazillion of children are meant to get the woman to view him as a worthy partner and then abuse her.
Oh my gosh. Reminds me of my ex boyfriend. Dating for six months, were spending the holiday together, and I made such a special glowing magical setting (decorations, table, food, my outfit). I got a super thoughtful, lovely gift-right on target for his interests, not too serious or too casual for our relationship.
He showed up with no gift. Nothing. Not even a card. Said “we didn’t talk about gifts.” Uh, we are both from the same demographic, religious, and cultural background. Same expectations. We had been a couple for six months. I was in shock. He also had taken a nap at his place that day while I was running around taking care of finishing touches for the night. Had a really restful afternoon. I was speechless with shock and hurt, and after a while of me not saying anything, after he had opened his awesome present, he made some more excuses.
Then, he finally confessed that he had THOUGHT ABOUT getting me a gift. But thinking about it was stressful, so he didn’t.
Sad to stay I stayed with him for another year.
He had concepts of a gift 🤦
@foxjacket right?! And then, this is a direct quote, he “decided not to.”
he was already resentful for even thinking about getting you a gift
I honestly don't understand the way that men avoid gift giving like the plague.
Men are not women. A lot of women expect men to think and behave like a woman and they show time and again they can’t. I’m not surprised by his behavior. I’m also not surprised you were expecting him to think like you. Most women are naive to male nature unfortunately. In the future do nice things like that for your girlfriends only.
"Men resent responsibilities". thank you for this. now I understand why my ex BF was so pissed that I made him carry 20 liters of a galon of a water for me. We can't drink tap water here so we must buy it in 20 liters size and no way I could carry it by walking to my rented apartment. He thought I was using him, and he said that his mom would be pissed if she knew I made her son to do it. lol I dodged a bullet.
Girl, wtf?
You should've replied about how pissed your dad would be if he found out you had to carry it yourself while a man who calls himself your bf is standing right there!!
Oh lawdy thats ridiculous what a pathetic little man smh - guys resent doing anything to play their part in a relationship ive even had guys call me a gold digger for expecting them to being something to the table in a relationship other than peen smh!
That adult male toddler was enmeshed with his mother and will cause chaos wherever he goes.
Healthy, competent men thrive on responsibilities.
Definitely dodged a bullet.
Imagine thinking helping your partner is punishment.
its cruel that men mock 35+ women with "they just wanna have kids right away", when it's MEN that are known to string along women in their 20s and don't want to commit because "we still have time". of course 35+ women who want kids will put men on a stricter timeline.
im a man and i agree that is cruel
I think it’s also because a lot of men (me included) don’t have a lot of money and money takes time to accrue. If you have children too early as a family you can totally screw yourself over as now you’re trying to finish college or climb a corporate ladder while taking care of a family.
It’s not fair, it’s cruel, but it’s the world we live in. The only change is finding someone with similar values and willing to compromise. A true life partner
If a woman is 35+ and finds a man who's OK to marry her she is extremely lucky. The truth is that if a 35+ woman marries she is settling down and will always treat her "love" as a second option and that's what cruel
women mock men for EVERYTHING. stop denying female brutality and lack of empathy.
That’s why y’all need to stop listening to them
As someone who just left a 20 year age gap relationship, this is 100% accurate. He lacked accountability and empathy.. When I realized all this I left him. If none of his ex wives and women his age want him, why should I?
20 year age gap geez that's practically your parent/child lol I could never lol stick to your age group 😅
@@what.the.whatever LOL funny thing is that I said the same thing before dating him. I always dated people my age prior. Never say never I guess 🥴
Hahahah
Newsflash not everything is about you, this isn't about you, who are you to judge this soul sister? Ask yourself why you don't stay in your own lane? @@what.the.whatever
Age is just a number, it really is…….
I’m 40 and if I were single, I’d be SPECIFICALLY seeking child free men.
Aqua Tofana ( in my Bailey Sarian voice) 🤗 hi friend ✨💜🧿
100%!!!
That's impossible when they are so often the children themselves
So why do women cry when men are the same? 😂😂😂
@@BlackDino468 it sounds like you were making a "ha ha, down with men" joke, but based on my personal experience, FAR TOO MANY of them require large amounts of your time and energy, and just like a child, they are constantly blowing past your boundaries to see what they can get away with. Nit one man in my life has EVER improved my life more than the peace and freedom I find on my own.
I'm 41 and I've made peace with not having my own biological children. I know no women in their 40s who desperately want children, most of us are child free by this age if we've not already had children. It's important to remember that when you're a young woman, if the man you are with is shaming and criticising older women, then he will probably do the same to you when you get older. So it's best to choose men who respect older women.
Such good advice! They do their best to try and create a false competition between women too in order to combat the wisdom older women are kindly trying to share with younger women...
Not only that, but it tells her that when *she* hits 40 he's gonna drop her like a hot potato
Not necessarily. I know of a lot of women who have been total sl*ts their entire life, treated men like disposables, divorced and remarried for money and now in their mid-years expect men to respect them. No, a lot of women do not deserve that kind of respect. A lot of older men have not slept around and are good prospects for younger women. A man 10 even 20 years older knows how to treat a good younger woman right.
@@PinkyMcPinksAlot they put us against each other so they can still use us. Divide and conquer...
I think she was far too nice and understanding, and actually so much so that he didn’t get the “reaction” that I can just TELL this man was trying to elicit from her, and for what reason? Likely because he was “played” (in his mind) by another woman in the past and was now acting out his passive aggressive “pay back” against “all women” by doing it to her. And yes you’re absolutely right, not only were his actions calculated, but also vengeful. This girl is so nice she can’t even see that when it’s quite blatant, this man didn’t love her or even like her. He hates women. The liking part (that she mentions, he was a nice guy overall) was only to lure her in, because at his age he knows how to be the “fun and loving” guy, to make the women “fall in love with him” so that his subtle emotional abuse and belittling behaviour hurts more in the future
I had an actually decent guy admit to getting his heart broken and then “paying back” subsequent women. I think he stopped and recognized what he did but yeah that is 100% a thing. Women could do that but I don’t think they’d waste their time as much.
Spot on!!
@@icingcakeI think he was just coming up for an excuse as to why he hates women
I saw another creator feature this video and I so appreciate your in-depth breakdown. Now I’m a lot older than this young lady but I could see MAJOR red flags even before the break up incident and I think the young generation needs these lessons. She admitted she was falling in love with this stingy, red pilled weirdo and I’m hoping more videos like this help the scales drop from their eyes
Who featured it?
stingy if you are at the receiving end.. but are you generous in giving?
they usually love bo'm'b in between the negging. They gaslight and crazymake until you start questioning your own sanity.
That word red flag is so cringe you have to be such a sheep to use it and have no kind of your own and just feed off social media. Very pathetic word, never EVER use it
I like how women started reversing the agism back to men. Finally. You are 40, single male and you have never been in a serious relationship or it didn’t work out? Oh boy, it is not because they couldn’t trap you and you are such free and wild spirit. It is because nobody wanted you. I had a friend who was going through the dating apps hell to find a partner. She was looking for men her age (30-33) and someone who could at least support himself financially. Naturally she had a lot of men coming at her with all their expectations and when she asked, ok, cool, so what are you bringing to the table? They disappeared. I asked her once why she doesn’t want to look for a younger guy, like couple of years. That’s what I told her: if an older guy is still single, nobody wanted him and if an older woman is single she didn’t want to settle down. Men want us to believe we are on a clock, but they are also. The moment we take baby making out of equation, all this male arrogance becomes incompetence.
Btw she found a partner, a bit younger than her. Her experience and this video support the theory.
I really needed this 20 years ago. Glad it's out there for women today.
He thought he outearned her and she would need him to pay but as she said thats not the case he was bragging about his base pay and her salary was more. Why men of all ages play these games we'll never know. If they had this much motivation to read a book, have healthier relationships with their kids and other people in their lives, and get therapy the would would be a much better place.
Spot on!!! 👏👏👏💯💯💯
Because everything in life is a game of dominance for them.
They do read books. The most well known PUA book ' the game' by nei strauss is turning 20 years next year.
But PUA isn't a new thing, all these tactics have been passed down between peers and even their moms.
In arab countries teen men also want to have sex but sex before marriage is seen as bad especially for the women but it's not abnormal that young men use manipulation techniques to obtain sexual favors from female peers (including anal and oral that technically would preserve their Virginity). To these young girls they also promise love and marriage and whatever. Wives are gonna be picked by the man's mom who already has male chimerism in her brain.
Now the same concepts are being, rebranded under the redpill but it's not a new concept. In the books by "GL lambert' he talks about 'dick tactics' many he used himself.
Don’t tell them what to do
Your video is great. This is why I don't date.
I am 30 dated a guy who was 44 he didn't put women down his own age and he actually was a bit apprehensive of us dating however he wanted kids and was still wasting my time. Lasted a good 2 months and I said absolutely not gave him no sex and vetted him first.
I dipped my toes in to dating for almost 3 years during my university years and it was the worst depressing experience of my life. I decided to get my tubes removed and become 4B for life as when as planning on getting at least 2 cats when I am financially secure. Life is already hard why should I add a useless Labour digger grown male in it and slave away for free? All my mother, aunties, grandma and great grandmothers did it because they never had a choice, I do have a choice and I choose freedom.
👏🏾👏🏾
💯
They always get it if you reverse the situation, but I think a lot of it is second nature to them. They’ve learned it from the culture and the men around them and they don’t have to calculate it. And they definitely don’t think of it as abusive.
ABSOLUTELY- it’s crazy I used to date a guy when I was very very young (same age, no gap, but full audacity) and sometimes he would treat me in a way that I was like, “this is lowkey unfair how he laughs when it happens to be but if I did it to him he’d flip his ish-“, (I was literally standing on the point but didn’t move my foot enough to see it). And by the end of that relationship I was just like, next time a man treats me in a way I would never treat him or in a way that I know he’d be pissed at if I did it to him, I’m dipping. Cause I freaking CAN. ZERO TOLERANCE.
This is why i have been single for 5 years because i refuse to settle anymore. These guys are not even trying anymore.
how do u deal with the pain of being single
@@ashisland8061 Cultivate healthy friendships, travel the world, expand hobbies & clubs, and lastly, watch some Golden Girls.
@@ashisland8061 Cultivate nourishing friendships, travel the world, expand on your favourite hobbies/clubs, and enjoy some Golden Girls (TV series).
@@ashisland8061 There is no intrinsic pain in being single. If you have it, therapy is the answer.
@@ashisland8061 it’s peace. Have you dealt with a man in your house?.. the best advice I can give you is now start doing the things that make you happy, art, gardening, hiking whatever it may be. Find yourself join groups decorate your space the way you like and enjoy!!! Bc all a man will do is suck the life right out of all of it and you.
I remembered when a guy i was dating for 3 months suddenly stood me up when we planned outing & refused to reach out for any reason!...called him the next day to be sure he was okay only to say he had to go out with the guys! I said okay & never spoke to him again; he was actually play a mind game for me to start chasing him! Thank God for my emotional intelligent & ghosted him only to caller after 6 months apologising and saying he was expecting me to call him! I told him it was over even though he begged!!!....good radiance for me lol!!😂😂😂😂
1 correction: counting recovery time from birth it is closer to 2 years. Around the clock "newborn" duty in my experience does not let up for more than 6 months, and it takes longer than 6 weeks for most to recover from giving birth. And i had fairly easy babies with no major illness or injury to myself or babies. For C-sections, birth injuries, etc it can be a lot longer.
Two years are the most precious and valuable years to answer a child’s cries. Babies have super ESP powers. They can hear in colors and see sound! I saw a BBC documentary about a five years ago. Any trauma either parent had the baby senses.
Medically you are post partem for 2 years anyway.
In Scandinavian countries maternity leave is two years and paid for to bond with your baby
I lost weight somewhat quickly after a Cesarean (breastfeeding FTW!) but I could not do any sort of ab/core workouts for nearly two years…it took forever to fully heal..
There’s research now that it takes up to 7 years for women to recover physically, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically, mothers and children need to be centered more in America, it makes me so angry to see how much they do not care about pregnancy recovery :/
Deciding that I did not want to have children with the man I married, led me to pursue a divorce.
At this point, are you guys still interested in dating?
To scared fr
@@Datb2same
I’m not. I’ve been single for almost 16 months and have zero interest in partnering off
Nope
Nope! But my friends are eager to see me partnered off and join them in their delusional mess
I wish social media was around when I was young and dating. It is such a valuable resource.
Women were happier and had better relationships before social media...
Not sure most modern women are interested in dating- for good reason! They’re deciding to work on themselves and not settle - I applaud them .
Cool username
My happiest times and most creative times are when I'm not dating. 4b for me after my "Christian" ex.
I asked a 38yr old why he’s not made much for himself at that age, no car , no 2nd degree ….I have both at 32
His response : then what will be the use of a woman when she comes into his life? Cos women are there to help him be better 😮😂😂😂
I can’t
This same guy said I need to cook for him with my money first when he’s not so much as taken me on a date
Excessive amount of audacity! 😂
@ he’s grossly overweight too 😂😂😂 he live in delulu land
@@FreeToBe_Me they are terrible
Hope you've gone no contact
I love how you provide examples of how it would look for a woman to do the same to a man. Spot on!!!
Me too but if you actually flipped the gender roles more accurately, it would be the woman shows up to the restaurant with a bun, sweatshirt, no makeup and a big smile and expecting to be taken care of. That’s how men behave
I especially loved the Taylor Swift concert example because that was perfect. It made it click for me. Otherwise I would have thought unfortunately thought she was being ungrateful.
I do also quite often for myself. I switch man and woman in a situation to see if it is fair or not. It really helps.
Not all men are this bad. But if they’re 40 and still single, there’s usually something wrong with them. It’s not that he doesn’t want women his age, it’s that he knows they don’t want him.
Exactly!! It's more projection. Women their age have already learned the lessons and don't take abuse. So they have to groom younger women who don't know better yet
That's me. I'm 32 and I have adhd, severe depression, am needy, and immature. It's excurtiatingly lonely and utterly heart breaking to know I will never be good enough for someone else, but at least I am not trying to date and potentially becoming a burden to another.
@@Remedy462 I was in the same place as you. I have adhd, I was unemployed, kicked out, went through a breakup, I was also extremely lonely going through a deep depression. I'm a bit younger than you. I considered ending everything a couple of times. But I didn't give up on myself. I kept fighting. I talked to chatgpt when I had no one to call. I went to therapy, I worked on myself. I found local social events like book clubs, sports drop-ins and networking events to just be around ppl and make new friends. I'm not better or worse than you. If I can do it I'm sure you can too. It's not about how tough the battle is, it's about how tough you are. You're not a burden unless you make yourself one. I trust you can get out of this.
@@Remedy462 have you tried therapy
@@Remedy462 uhh not that kind of wròng but the kind that makes co habitating unthinkable or unbearable
No man has ever failed to understand something because of a lack of women explaining it to him.
I dated a man who basically did things like this all the time. He was really controlling, indeed compliance testing.
I had to be and think and act and do things the way he wanted and he just tried to push me to be the way he liked. This didn't work for me at all, I can't function in such a relationship. So I broke it off and never felt such relief.
But there are also men who don't do compliance testing. I've been together with one for nearly 20 years.
It’s almost like these men don’t choose a woman who wants what they want, instead they want to choose a woman who wants something else and change her mind……. They are attracted to ambitious women, but want to domesticate them, they want to persuade women who don’t want kids to have them, they don’t want to define the relationship, but crash out if a woman says she doesn’t want a serious relationship. It’s so odd to me.
They are absolutely calculated. Wanting to play with people and change them like a Tool
@@ExpatMom288it's about control
I've never heard it described as compliance testing before, but that is such a good phrase for it. I experienced this recently when I was speaking to a man I met on a dating app. He recommended I watch a show on Netflix so I watched part of it but then got busy doing something else. Later on that evening he asked me if I'd watched it and I said I'd watched part of it. He basically asked me why hadn't I watched the whole show which was about an hour and a half long. I found that a disconcerting thing for him to ask me. I took some time to reflect on it and realised there was no situation where it was ok for him to ask me that. I realised he'd be a controlling man and if I lived with him he'd probably come home and ask why hadn't I done all of the laundry or why hadn't I cooked such and such a meal and I stopped talking to him that night.
@@katec9893i hear you. Do you think maybe it was a way to ask if you didn’t like it or seek feedback
When you start to explain yourself to them they will even be happier because they see they can kinda gaslight you and about the power you give them which may well lead to further abuse, so be aware, set your boundries, say „no“ and stand your ground by leaving them
Alone and don‘t explain yourself
NEVER explain yourself 💯
Early 40s. I am looking into having a kid on my own. I have Doctorate, look a lot younger my age, its one thing when there is age gap and it just happened but i absolutely agree with this. One reason actually I would like a companion my age or very close to it, is because I want someone who has had life experiences similar to mine and someone who has had and hopefully learned along the way from previous relationships and have gained some wisdom kindness and maturity along the way. But unfortunately just because some men may progress professionally doesn’t lead to emotional growth and intelligence. And I agree with so much of this empathy, accountability,maturity, generosity and openness is really important
"Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft keeps being relevant. Like the whole "when he flies into a rage and destroys things, does he destroy his own things or just your things? And if its just your things, then clearly he's not as out of control as he lead you to believe." Is still so telling.
Why are yall telling these men about how much money you make, anyway? I just feel like thats common sense NOT to be so open to men about your income. I dont know why we feel the need to highlight that, then complain he wants to use you 😂 men naturally want to make their lives easier. They shouldnt do it on your dime.
Older generations of ladies did not have the wealth of this advice so readily available as these beautiful souls have and share with each other! Many stayed in marriages far too long because they married young and did not know how disadvantaged they were to their husband’s manipulations. Hell, us ladies trailblazing menopause solo are doing so because the women before us told us nothing! Many ladies of a certain age and older are learning quite a lot from our younger sisters. Your content is wonderful…keep exposing the lizards!🦎
Why did she agree to pay? This was her chance to humiliate the shit out of him by insisting he pay his end of the cheque. He wouldn't have the balls to make too much of a ruckus for fear of looking like a total freak. No one woman should ever agree to be treated like that, ever.
Join 4b! Choose the bear 🐻!
6️⃣🅱️
4🐻4Lyfe!
@Emptytopfloor there's 6 now???
The first 4B, WGTOW women ended up marrying gay men apparently.
Yes, please! Men don't need you same as you them. Do us a favour, dear ❤
He literally wanted return on investment immediately after the tickets. That's why he schemed for the expensive restaurant the very next day.
But the tickets were a sports game for HIS favorite team, so how is he looking for a ROI??🤔 I think the content creator is spot on: he’s testing her to see how much he can get away with.
Best dating tip: Don’t
A lot of us male or female that are doing this ❤
100 procent rightly said.
Raise your daughters, if you got them, with this awareness in mind. Teach them how a lot of men are.
Yes, but ALSO raise your sons to be respectful responsible empathetic human beings!! Why only be one-sided when discussing child-rearing?!?!
Teach men how a lot of women are.
@@galaxylucia1898teach your daughters to be empathetic as well.
@@rjflores438 are you empathetic?…..probably only to other men.
Videos like this are SO important! Young women need to learn from those who have come before and can see the whole picture
All I did was read the title and I was ready to comment that yes, I totally agree with that statement.
Immature men are definitely resentful that they have to be responsible in a relationship.
That’s why it’s so important to keep your eyes open as a woman there will always be subtle signs that he hates you.
Everything in the story had glaring red flags.
Thank god she dodge a bullet and could runaway
The Taylor Swift analogy was great but I guarantee that if you mentioned this to him, he pretend he didn’t understand. No matter, it would be his first and last date.
They say " well, getting pretty to Go out is something women do for themselves" . Actually he's beeing really benefited by It. For a lot of reasons.
I was literally just binging your content on tiktok. Love you, girl ❤
Ok. Im'ma go out on a limb and say they were never in a relationship. She was a game, a front for another woman he was actually interested in and to showboat for male friends, all while having her pay for what he wanted. He actually treated her like she owed him. And he may have been given the tickets, but used them to double as something he wanted and to say he gave her a gift. Lol. Tbh, he acts jealous.
After dealing with this in my age gap ex marriage i realize i probably wont date a man older than me again. I know it sounds silly but men a little younger than me are much kinder and considerate. Still single though. For now, im enjoying my peace
Thank you! I love your content. Finally someone is really breaking it down for everybody to see. I still can't believe how many women non stop compensate for their men.
Your support means the absolute world to me thank you so much! 🫂🩷 I’m glad the content is resonating, women need to be validated bc society gaslights us all wayyy too much 😒
I haven’t dated in 10 years. I’m 53 now and no one wants to date us no matter what we look like. It’s cool. Like is peaceful. I’ll be damned if I spend the lady part of my life being a hospice nurse for some old man.
Girl this is absolutely NOT true 😂😂😂😂 I have been around so many women in their 40s, 50s + getting remarried to good men. Don't fall for the hype. The only men that don't want women our age are those we need to avoid anyway. A close friend of mine met her millionaire husband when she was 52 and he is a bit older than her. Her third marriage! With his money he could be with anyone if he was shallow but he is a grown man. Healthy men date reasonably aged women.
@@MissUnderstood_Mom I'm 51 and just got asked out two days ago and declined. I love my own company. Males come with too much entitlement and labor. I get to live in peace. No one damaging property, nagging for sensual pleasures or silent treatment if they don't get their way. No companionship is worth that. I pass. Being single is so sweet and women friendships are more loyal and supportive. I think it's best they hang out with each other.
@@ThePinkPantha21where can I meet a rich man? 👀
@@ThePinkPantha21
True. An older man told me all his friends 2nd marriages are around their 50s.
He probably got those tickets for free or was planning on going with a friend who cancelled
👍🏾🎯💯❤️
I would say not all men but this information and perspective is extremely important to know. Thank you for putting it out there
I love women as smart as you. And the woman you're talking about. I was not as smart until I made my mistakes in exactly these topics! She knows what she's talking about. ❤
Genuine question: Are all men really like this? Like there have to be some authentically kind, respectful, and emotionally intelligent men in the world, right? I think I know one or two but what if I’m just buying their act? I know that sounds paranoid but I am so deeply concerned about this lol. How can we know which ones we can really trust or should we just not trust any of them? There have to be good men capable of empathy and solidarity somewhere right…right? 😅
Another way of framing this question: Are men inherently antisocial…incapable of true connection, vulnerability, and exercising the social skills required to form genuine bonds rather than those based on fear, shame, domination, and violence.
There are, they are just extremely rare and usually you find them after you completely decenter men (in my personal experience and from what I’ve heard other women report)
A number of men is good, but all are calculated...is that a bad thing? It isss a different thing, most women are not calculated
@@yv_edit Absolutely can confirm this. I decentered men over a year ago and I seem to attract only respectful men now... who I dodge and swerve as I'm enjoying being single ; )
It's like magic.
Watch the way men treat and interact with their closest friends and family members, especially his parents. Watch how he treats service workers, this is also important. It’s very hard to tell most of the time I will say that, but the minority of men who are the exception of being decent, honest, kind, and selfless are very rare and hard to come by, but they do exist. I know my fiancé is the exception and he’s also well aware of that, these men do exist, but they’re not common.
My ex husband thought his only responsibility was to the kids and that was laughable at most.
it is his only responsibility. if you want care and attention, it has to be mutual.
@@LfunkeyA😂 you need to go to your m anosphere and tell them this bc 😂😂😂😂😂 and please most of you dnt give a f ck about your kids. Or the woman who birthed them. Y’all are going to love this next part.
I had my son at 41 and many of my friends had their first babies after 40.
My sister just had her second child at 40! Very healthy happy baby! My great grandmother had my grandfather when she was around 45!
As a 32 yr old woman who left a bad relationship from my 20s this is hopeful to hear 😢❤@@MelModica
good for you. generally that is not recommended, and often not possible.
Oh nooo how much I need to wait till I can't have any 😂
My mom had me in her twenties, but menopause around 49, yikes.
@@MelModica,if you're not already in a relationship at 40 though, it's completely different because it takes time to get to know someone and to plan a life together.
50 yr old guy wouldn’t date me (4 years younger) bc “all his friends were with younger women” and he wanted kids🙄
Leave guys where they're at. Only date for fun. Keep it Casual .
Pro tip for life:Just be yourself. Life is a school, not a game. It is a right of passage to graduate childhood and part ways with silly games to inflate the ego, so stay humble but discerning!
I was with my toxic ex for 15 months, so all holidays. I only got a birthday gift. For weeks he was saying how he wants to buy me some jewelery (semiprecious stones, so nothing crazy). I told him, I would prefer earrings as it´s what I like to wear a variety of. I got a child-like beaded necklace, for like 60 dollars I assume. With a bunch of- I really hope you like my gift, like he didn´t remember what we talked about. It´s all conditioning..
or maybe he forgot
@swordierre9341 Sure, I as a woman wouldn't have thought of this option, I need a man who wasn't there to offer the explanation. Thank you for you wisdom, king
@@xposa5137 i'm flattered, but come on this is so toxic. Dude bought you a gift you didnt like and you're turning it into some machevelian "conditioning", thats a horrible frame of mind. Im sorry for whatever made you this way.
@@xposa5137 "King"??? What? Lemme guess... Another one WITHOUT a *kingdom* ??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are doing everyone a service by this breakdown. Thank you ❤
Sweetheart, it takes 3 to 4 years to get back to the “normal self” after pregnancy, not three months
2+ years
My ex bf asked his brother whether the brother's wife had "returned to her pre-birth body" 3 months after the labor... 1) 3 months, seriously? 2) Why should she have a kid, be a mother, but look like she has not given birth? 😏 It's like, I would want to have a man who has the body of someone who goes to the gym every other day but as I want him to spend quality time with me he wouldn't actually go to the gym, I just want him to have the body of someone who does 🙈
Thanks for sharing. I wish I had learnt this much earlier in life. I waisted so much time and energy on trash
I’m sorry dear I think it has happened to the majority of us. I know women in their 40s still getting played because they are manipulated by toxic men!
Idk about 40 year olds but anyone close to even 30 ones ik are also in a huge rush to marry and have kids. Iam 23 but I have dated 2 men who are around 27-30( dont remember exact age) both were in a rush and their friends too were in a rush. One of them just had a short temper getting angry at even little bit of sound at night and that man still wanted kids, who cry at night. He proposed after I told him I wanna breakup and I had to explain him why I would not want to marry him or have his kids because of his temper.
I would never date someone older than me LOL
Yes you would
This is such a relief, actually. I often feel guilty for ghosting/blocking men who do dumb crap. One guy, a married platonic friend, texted me the day after I had a big art show where I had to talk to dozens of people. At least 50.
“Hi, how was your busy weekend?” I felt very intruded upon! When I didn’t respond he texted again the next day. “I saw you won an award?” I confirmed but that was it. He keeps texting me months later even though I don’t respond anymore.
My women friends automatically give me space after shows because they know I’m fried.
Part of me feels obligated to explain but another part thinks it’s obvious and he should know better.
I think I’ll just block him.
Edit: he also wanted me to pose nude for his photography book. I didn’t think I’d need to mention it, for this channel especially, but thanks for the gaslighting, people.
Ehh, not gonna lie this alone sounds totally harmless and like he is just trying to be a supportive friend.
However, if you have gotten other behaviors that are giving you a bad feeling or you just generally don’t feel right about it, you never have to justify yourself and can just cut ties whenever. Gut feelings are valid and often times the real reason becomes apparent later.
I just wanted to say that that behavior alone from an outside perspective just seems like a nice friend who may be more extroverted and not understanding that ‘fried’ feeling if they don’t experience it themselves and it hasn’t been communicated. He might even be confused why you aren’t readily excited to celebrate it by telling the people around you.
But again, unexplainable bad vibes are valid in this space so don’t let me gaslight you if something is off 😅
Actually I didn’t see the part about continuing to message after not getting any responses. Block him and carry on 😅
Depends on the situation, but if you dont want to be friends say it to him, if he gets mad its his problem. If you block someone it just gets weird
@@ronnie5329No. when men get mad or “disappointed” that’s dangerous for women because who knows how bad of a violent retaliation it could POSSIBLY escalate to
I think this is an extrovert versus introvert issue which women are raised to be sensitive to.
And these are the “good guys”???? NO thank you
Why on earth would she pay for that bill!?!?!? Hell no!
Absolutely not!
As the years go by in relationships with these guys, the spaces between the breadcrumbs become bigger.
One of my friends said this to me the other day about dating: men are in sales & women are in marketing.
Men will tell you anything too make you buy their bullshit, snakeoil sales.
Women will show you who they are, we even dress up for it. We are walking billboards.
Omg, the betting sh*t test… my ex did the same but I didnt „follow through” with buying him the „prize”. I remember that I thought it was weird but maybe innocent? He kept on talking that I “broke my word” for months and to his friends 😂 He would say that I am a difficult woman and was shocked by my “demands”. In his own words, his ex was much more suitable for relationship. But that also didn’t save her from being dumped when he got bored. We parted our ways and it is much more peaceful to be alone and fulfill my own “demands” 🥰🧘🏻♀️
What is this class on psychopathy that all XYs seem to take?
Ty for the video, it’s insightful and helpful. I haven’t dated for 10yrs bc of my health. I just didn’t have the bandwidth for it. I’ve never liked dating and honestly its always felt like a chore. As a woman, I always felt like I put way more effort into every aspect of my relationships. And having back problems with chronic pain since I was 19yrs old hasn’t helped either. As someone in my late 30s and who was considering dating again, I’m coming to realize men really aren’t worth the trouble. Women do more of the work, job, housework, and then if we have kids we take on most, if not all aspects of raising them. No Help or Days Off? No Thanks! It makes me exhausted just imagining the lack of help or effort a man will contribute if I was in a relationship. And then being his personal therapist without reciprocation. 🙄
I am SO thankful that I found your video❤
Why did she go back out with him after the restaurant thing? I would have ghosted 😂
Choose the Bear 🐻
I’m 38 look 28 and ya I’m in a rush but honestly 40 I don’t want him he’s to old LOL how about that
I feel so sick. “Humiliation ritual”. Nailed it, sis. ❤
I have never before come across such a point of view about a girl being pregnant in itself is bringing in a lot, even risking her life to bring something to the table. And that is such a fair point! What bothers me now is that nobody, not even females consider this and the kind of physical turmoil they go through as a qualifying thing for the husband to bear all the expenses . I have gone through replies on quora and the general sentiment seems to be that nowadays even females consider it selfish to expect a man to bear her expenses if she is a working lady. But after listening to you, i feel that much expectation is nothing in front of the risk a female takes with herself for getting pregnant.
This realization is giving me a lot of stress!! I dont know what is the right thing to do now in a relationship. To bear the child and then bear expenses too , is this the right thing to do?
be very ruthless in your standards and dont feel bad, either they can meet it or not. If they cant pay and bear expenses dont make excuses just find one that can
@@RedResevoir, it's not about what you should or shouldn't do. It's about the risk women take when they depend on a man financially. What happens if you have no job and also have children to care for and he decides to walk away from you and them? It's about protecting yourself and your children from homelessness. Being financially independent is just the smartest thing to do. If you find a rare guy who actually understands this concept and doesn't appear selfish, even then you're still taking a risk on him never changing his mind about you and his responsibilities. If you're both single with no children then I really think it's smarter to both have jobs so you can help each other and also so you're not entirely dependent on him and vice versa.
I had to stop the video at like the 17 minute mark because I couldn't stomach hearing how he treated her. How did this story not end up with him in the trunk of his car at the bottom of the nearest lake is all I could think of. If this had been a friend of mine recounting all these stories during the relationship and she continued to stay with him, I'd have to cut her off for my own sanity.
If the words "gold digger" ever leaves a man's mouth; regardless of any context, GET AWAY FROM HIM.
Omg you are so right on men resent responsibility!!! My ex would flake out whenever someone relied on him… from his friends or family he would just disappear or drop the ball on purpose to not be counted on .
In all the TH-cam videos I've seen "dating" is a form of business deal.
Really depressing.
I fully believe that the husband is the head of the family. I put all responsibility on to him to create the emotional wellbeing in the home and provide for me in my disability so that I don't have to work and help when I can't do housework and make me cups of tea and offer to take me for drives to get out of the house.
Why did she not get up and leave, or at least refuse to pay?
😂 I had a friend from high school they did that and then after having two kids with that girl, she ditched his ass to marry somebody much younger than him 😮ouch.
She’s amazing.
good clip, very important content. thank you 🙏❤️
Such a good break down video. Thank you for you service! ❤
9:40 this is ridiculous. Call him out on it.
This is the truth and it’s very painful and unsettling. I cannot fathom doing this to somebody.
I completely agree with you, it’s always calculated! Great video*
Marriage and relationships increase status for both men and women. Men also increase status with money, power, etc. Women are not that central for status for men, they are mostly a byproduct of status. IF men also rely on family status (not the bachelor guy) then they also will see women as potential wives, and act accordingly. Not all men think the same, just as not all women have the same goals.
The dude who refuses to get a passport, lol.
Really curious, in America during pregnancy and after, isn't there a corporate system/insurance that pays your salary at least a good percentage to compensate?
Or you don't get any money from your job anymore?
Not at ALL :-(
@iiislandbreeze and if you're a single mom you have to be entirely taken care of by your family? That's crazy
What about the people who just want to love each other day by day, and go on fun adventures and cook together and build a home together and not habe kids ... No marriage, just love. Why is that so hard to find. Thats all i want.
If you’re a woman, finding a man who doesn’t want you to submit will be hard, and you’ll need to scour childfree Reddit for a potential partner who also doesn’t want marriage.
If you’re a man looking for a woman, you’ll need to be her peace and will need to convince her that she can trust you with her life even though you have no intention on marrying her. That’s gonna be a tough sell for most women, but I’m sure there are women out there like this. Also, childfree reddit is still a good place to start.
19:45 what is frustrating is that it shows how he isnt afraid to loose her over it, probably isnt afraid of ruining the relationship at all. Meaning he doesnt deserve her at all, bc he takes it for granted. When he does something big for her, its actually for him.
I have a friend, hes not straight and is dating a man like this, who is older, who does stuff like that. And he still takes it and wont leave despite how unfulfilling the relationship is.... i feel like i might be enabling it since i will try to act like a pseudo boyfriend without being one, giving him the emotional needs and care and even taking him out on dates, but like... idk what to do aha. He deserve better... but i dont want to be the one trying to make him see it since ik it sour his mood after.
The number of time i wanted to send him your videos but didnt because of that.... or many other woman talking about dating shitty men....
Recently I was trying to tell a man I work with whose wife is about to have their THIRD baby by C section (which she said after the second she didn't want) that it would be the decent thing for him to do to get the snip rather than his poor wife having to have invasive and hormonally disruptive surgery. His response... Yeah but life is long and I never know, what if this marriage doesn't last and what if I'm with someone younger who wants kids then. And people think I'm selfish for not having a husband or children 🖕🏻