Do YOU share a SKILL with your narcissistic parent?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ต.ค. 2024
- NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
artoflivingret...
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/no...
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani....
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramanine...
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRU...
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9G...
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple...
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.c...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Fascinating topic. Both parents are narcissistic and both are musically gifted. I inherited the gift and honed it but they never supported me. They actively kept me from performing, even to the point of making me look unreliable when they wouldn’t allow me to go to rehearsals or tried to keep me home on performance days.
Unironically, I married a man that was just like them: talented but didn’t support me. I stopped performing with him because of a strange feeling from him - like he tried to own my talent and his. It was weird. He is trying to sabotage our oldest child’s musical career right now, but this time, we know who he is and can avoid some of the pitfalls of having a narcissist pretend to support you.
Narcissists don’t really want to support your talent or watch it grow unless they can take credit for it. They actively sabotage you if they think you could make a name for yourself or think you are competing with them.
Wonderful video and spot on as always. When I was a child I did do things that my mother had done, mostly to show her I was like her, trying to win her approval.
However my gift was not in athletics or artwork, but in singing. She succeeded in sabotaging that for me. Then I went through the phase of trying my best to be nothing like her. After she died last year, and some serious work on myself in and out of therapy, I accepted the things we did have in common and I'm at peace with that.
I have things from both parents and from my grandparents and it's part of who I am.
Your timing is uncanny!
*I had a talent for the violin and acting. My narc mother wanted me to be an actress. I chose to be a chemist and start my own business. I am happy and fulfilled. I play the violin for me and close friends not on the stage.* 🩷
My mum a horrible narcissist went to an event where the CEO of my company was present she went up to him and said I thought he was crap. I almost got sacked. I left the company. She sabotaged me and found it funny.
I refused for one reason, for them to hate my skill even once is enough for them to kill off my skill in one foul swoop.
Hide your best parts, for the one you love will love what you love. Wait for that one. It won't be a parent.
One of the most helpful video's so far, short but to the point. I am really struggling with this. Thanks for everything. Om Tat Sat. K. Gabriel 💖
I wanted to work with boats, just like my father. I wanted to go in the armed forces, just like my father. But he did not want that because I was his daughter. So I studied business, and became a "cheater" (he considered all business people unscrupulous), and I moved to Europe to put an end to his criticism. In the end, he disowned me for it.
As I get older realizing more and more how much I look just like my Narcissistic mother.☹️
You are right, I have a lot habits that comes from my mom and I don't like those bad habits. I'm trying to change it but my environment is putting me back in the situations I don't like. I love the person I'm when I'm by myself, no one is pushing, no one is testing me, no one is criticized anything. Why is necessary to use words when the intentions are to arguing or looking for problems? Today days people used to focus on the material and external stuff. I'm trying to just looking ways to heal and be a better of me. Trying to be the best mom for my daughters. That is more important than anything else. Thanks to everyone for being part of this time of humanity, peace and blessings 🙏
This brings me back to great sadness when I understood childfood abuse and neglect. Very little was nurtured in me, and my interests were met with rejection. I took on everyone elses interests and did horribly except for gardening and horticulture. I am too old to pursue active pursuits of this, and I try to engage with nature and potted plants. It is enough for now. I am seeking to unearth others interests now. It's tough because I stiffen right up just thinking of things. I did uncover trauma with this so I am engaging with this. Healing is a deep process. Thanks, Dr. Ramani and community.
Can the narcissistic parent sometimes act out from an inferiority complex once seeing the child's potential in that field? My interest in singing had been stamped out pretty early (kindergarten), came back a little in college, and now I'm finding a community at an LGBTQ karaoke program.
In terms of visual, my mom (who initially went to school for photography, and painted windows in the 80's) treated my art skills during very repressed teen years as merely an in to get a degree I could "actually use". Right out of college, I got a gig painting portraits, but my mom told me that I wasn't giving the clients their money's worth until she "fixed" my painting, blaming my reference photos for why the children looked (after her "fixing") nothing like the kids. In my 20's, there were some years that I resented my BFA while being told by working artists that my talent was there (just not self-respect or the social skills to network). It wasn't until my late 30's that I started living life through firsthand experiences rather than vicariously through TV reruns, painting, drawing, blogging, singing. Socializing. All of which are drawing dismissive if not outright negativity from some members of my immediate family.
They cannot nurture your skills. They are just a bad role model.
In my case, both of my parents did nurture my skills. My love (or obsession) for learning and knowledge enabled me to endure so much abuse, and I ended up carrying most of their knowledge with me. Along with the cptsd, of course.
Even speaking English is a result of my father's abuse. If he hadn't been so persistent that I learned it I wouldn't have healed, because 90% of the content I've used to heal from his abuse is in english, not yet in spanish.
The paradox is ironic.
I wish Dr Ramani could make a Part 2 for this video.
A good one Dr Ramani, being old now I look in the mirror and see my father..then desperately look for my mother in me. And his dark humor and slap stick I’m going to laugh. Though have gotten a bit more picky on the dark humor. Pretty much I am the complete opposite of him. Well not completely.. I totally get this .
Thank you so much for covering this.Not defined by...and running away from this or that.
And there is the other side to this...
Kids who don't share the 'family legacy'.
Kids who are not interested or don't have the same skill set or passion as the parents or grandparents do! Or who does not want to join the family business, etc.
Can you provide your input about this?
I do have similar quirks that my late malignant father and i do have a strong resemblance in face features to him which always made me uncomfortable. One time my cousin(narcissistic one)) came around and said ‘oh, you two look almost identical!’ I knew it wasnt a compliment or anything but it made me sick and depressed even more.
Can I ask you how you cope with this? A couple of years ago I found that my hands looked exactly like my mom’s hands. Now it’s my chest. I’m starting to become quite dysmorphic with the parts of my body that look like my mom’s. I find myself wanting to take these parts of my body and cut them off. Any reminder of this woman is too much and it’s fucking my head up. For reference I’m 42F
Grow up and get over it. With all the problems in life and in this world. This is what has your. Victim hood??? @@mrnicefungi
@@mrnicefungi I think you really just need to heal from the abuse. Recognize and comprehend that you are a separate being from your parents and anyone else i.e. grow up emotionally. Of course, you're always going to share genes with your parents. It'd be odd to somehow share them with your next door neigjhbor instead. That doesn't mean you're the same person, or even partly the same. Everyone is an individual being no matter what you're parents made you believe. Even identical twins are totally different from one another although they may share their looks to an extent. Cutting off your hands because they look like your narcissistic mother's is rather a sign that you still consider yourself an extension of your mother, which is what your narcissistic mother thinks of you.
@@mrnicefungitheres not much I can do with my face but I hate taking pictures and I dont take any pictures of myself unless the occasion puts pressure and i absolutely have to when in company. I did a surgery though to at least fix my eagle nose that my niece called ‘a cows nose’ once🥲not sure how I cope… perhaps the anguish of physical health shifted my attention for many years so I dont really think about it much. And Im always overwhelmed with chores so I barely have time for sleep. I also took a spiritual path on healing too. Everyday prayer and church on Sundays. I believe God has saved me from insanity and my father. Now at 38yrs, trying to heal from numerous narc bosses and colleagues and friends and some relatives just trying to survive until better times so perhaps the focus is on daily routine piling up leaves no room for other staff much… not sure what advise to give you. Even though Im so similar to him in face features, in height in voice and quirks I know I have lots of differences from him and keep ddveloping my own quirks too and more importantly Im not a malignant covert narc and dont hurt my children or spouse or any other human being.
She claims she was in choir in high school, yet always said her mother (also a narcissist) would never let the kids do anything extracurricular, especially after one of the twins died during gymnastics practice of an aneurysm at 16. Her cardmaking hobby is only because I started doing it first while I was also scrapbooking. I mentioned that I like lanterns, now she collects lanterns. I haven't mentioned that I like birdhouses for obvious reasons. I've been doing a lot of research on narcissism and narcissistic abuse. I get my athleticism from my dad (thankfully NOT a narcissist), as well as my tendency to be a super empathic sigma female. I spent my childhood astounded at her M.O. and ways of warped thinking, almost as though I knew instinctively that she was Cuckoo for CocoPuffs. I am musically inclined, but I get that from dad, too. I hear all the time from the narcissistic witch, "You're too much like your dad. I taught you better than that." I love hearing from my dad's side that I really resemble my paternal grandmother, physically and personality-wise. The witch isn't even my mother, and she thinks she has me fooled into believing she is!
Or... you have a skill similar to the parent's and the parent becomes competitive.
Thank you
Try having juuuuust enough in common (with NPD parent) that people from every direction say you're jUsT LikE (NPD parent).
When in fact--in every single way that matters--you're nothing alike.
"Oh you got (that talent) from (NPD parent)!"
Actually, while it's an interest we share, I'm really good at it.
"You get angry just like (NPD parent)!"
Really? At what point did I even raise my voice (let alone scream)? Who got hit? Who's hiding?
Or, conversely, in what reality would (NPD parent) actually listen to a dissenting opinion)? Or react to this scenario with calm, reasonable disagreement/desire to reach a mutually acceptable resolution?
None? Not a bit? Nothing?
Yeah. We're practically twins.
The frustrated (and insulted) rage is real.
I keep telling myself something I heard years ago: 'We do NOT come FROM our parents, we come THROUGH our parents.' There is something bigger in our lives than the accident of birth, those talents and genes. But it's not easy to keep beliving that...
Whatever skills & talents I had my neighbours were always better than me according to my parents 😂
My mom would take me out of dance classes but then make me sit in the waiting room with her while my dance class was in session. She was friggin nuts, I don’t remember what she told my teacher but I remember my dance teacher looking at me like she was disgusted…..my crime was enjoying dance…
My mom hates me. She would talk about my accomplishments like they were fake. At family events she would say … there’s nothing good about you… I had to tell your family you are studying in another language to make you look good… but I was studying in French. Why was it bad?? It was hard to learn another language and study and put up with being viciously abused at home…..
I thought about all the things you explainedThis is very true This is quite a timely lesson😂.
Your video is on 11:11 lovely number 😍
I thought it was only my case 😮
I needed this, thank you.
You good.
2nd, 19 October 2024
I have multiple skills and talents, but only supported in the one that my mother would have liked to persue if she hadn't been "forced" into motherhood.
My mom hates my artist dad and I am very artistic….. my mom refused to let me good at anything.
I wish we had a business or a network but we don’t. Everyone hates us, because of my parents and my siblings.
Thank you x
I wet into my profession like a laser beam. I watched my pets suffer and die as a kid and I only wanted to protect them from that because I felt powerless to help them. I never considered any other jobs. It’s a good for but it’s kind of sad that the reason for my draw to it was childhood neglect and also neglect of my childhood pets
08:57 Sat 19 October 2024
My mom is ugly and I see myself becoming ugly too
I always had a reaction of disgust behind my mask when people compared me to my narcissistic parents.
Didn't matter whether it was about something physical or some kind of trait or skill, I'd just die a little on the inside as I thanked them for the compliment 🥲