"We Learn It Too Late!" - Don't Argue or Fight With A Narcissist, Do This Instead... | Dr. Ramani
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- Download my FREE Habit Change Guide HERE: bit.ly/3QKGGFW
Download my FREE Breathing Guide HERE: bit.ly/3WbGHUw
Dr Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University, and a world-renowned expert on narcissistic personality disorder. She’s written two books on the subject, Should I Stay or Should I Go and Don’t You Know Who I Am. She hosts the podcast Navigating Narcissism, and posts regularly on her TH-cam channel, which has over 1 million subscribers.
WATCH THE FULL CONVERSATIONS:
Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist! - How To Heal Your Trauma & Find Happiness | Dr. Ramani
• Signs You're Dealing W...
Heal Trauma & Chaos: How To Declutter Every Part Of Your Life Starting Today! | Dr. Ramani
• Heal Trauma & Chaos: H...
-------
Sign up to my newsletter - FRIDAY FIVE drchatterjee.c...
Find out about THE THREE QUESTION JOURNAL bit.ly/3TSaYtX
Pre-order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version amzn.to/3Kt5rUK
Order HAPPY MIND HAPPY LIFE. US & Canada amzn.to/3DRxjgp, UK amzn.to/304opgJ
Read FEEL GREAT LOSE WEIGHT. US & Canada amzn.to/2GWPgls, UK amzn.to/2W6bsOE
Order FEEL BETTER IN 5. US & Canada amzn.to/2EB2oM0, UK amzn.to/2G0XK7l
Read THE STRESS SOLUTION amzn.to/2MZ8u8h
Order THE 4 PILLAR PLAN available via amzn.to/2yGfpuB Or the US version is HOW TO MAKE DISEASE DISAPPEAR amzn.to/2Gj1YEL
-----
Listen to all podcast episodes on drchatterjee.c... or via these podcast platforms by searching for 'Feel Better, Live More'.
Apple Podcasts apple.co/feelb...
Spotify open.spotify.c...
-----
Follow Dr Chatterjee at:
Website: drchatterjee.com/
Facebook: / drchatterjee
Twitter: / drchatterjeeuk
Instagram: / drchatterjee
Newsletter: drchatterjee.c...
DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.
Be aware of your own value.. some people are not worthy your time!
I'm 59. It took me over 30 years to come to the realization that both my sisters were taking advantage of my empathic nature generosity. They used guilt, shame, and blame to constantly manipulate me. I couldn't see it at the time because I was deep in it. Major, life-altering event in my life, never registered with them. They never remembered or followed up. They are incredibly selfish and self-obsorbed. When I finally mustered up the courage to push back a little bit, I was met with RAGE, shame, blame, and gaslighting.
I knew that staying away was my only option. I vowed to myself that once our parents were gone, I was going to make my escape.
My parents have passed, and I made my escape. It's been 5 years, and although, the guilt is still there, I'm now happy and free.
Well Done!! Delighted for you!! 🎉
My experience is not dissimilar - the whole family was involved, causing my sanity to be in jeopardy and resulting in my departure to live in another country for 23 years.
Wishing you Love, Companionship, Protection and Freedom. ❤🎉❤🙏
A therapist encouraged me to stop regular monthly calls and wait until my brother called me before I called again. That was around 2007, and I am still waiting. We had no disagreement; apparently he just never cared and my keeping in touch was a waste of my effort. Now I email once a year or so. They all live a few thousand miles away but it’s like I became an orphan in ‘07. Wishing you better days!
I know. I did. But after I had a massive, multi-million stroke and her psychopathic doctor daughters and two psychopathic sisters led her to die!
Me too... Sisters...
@@Barbara-li5ybI know that hurts although moving forward for you was and continues to be the best decision you could have made. Congratulations for loving and caring for yourself ❤
And this is why Dr. RAMANI is so RESPECTED not just for all her work but for the REAL PERSON she is❤❤❤ we LOVE HER🤗🥰🤗❤
EVERY relationship with a Narcissist, whether family, love or marriage is toxic. You can't chose your family, but you CAN choose limited contact.🙏🤦♀️🪻💜🙏
I know. I did. But after I had a massive, multi-million stroke and her psychopathic doctor daughters and two psychopathic sisters led her to die!
@@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry. You will be in my prayers.
@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry and you will be in my prayers. 🙏🙏🙏🙏💜🪻🪻💜🤦♀️🪻💜💜🪻😔
@@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry. You will be in my prayers. 🤦♀️🤦♀️💜🪻💜🪻🪻💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻🙏🙏🙏🙏💜🪻💜
Okay I have this thought I want to share with you !!
The Second of Chronicles
11 When Re·ho·boʹam arrived in Jerusalem, he immediately congregated the house of Judah and Benjamin,+ 180,000 trained* warriors, to fight against Israel in order to restore the kingdom to Re·ho·boʹam.+ 2
I wanted my mom to be happy for me. She never was. I did finally accept that and move on.
Same, mine would say, "I didn't get to do that or have that, why should you?" Because she was jealous
Amen.
❤
Same. My grandeur narcissistic mother never gave any confidence to me when I was a child or adult. Life has treated me well after I became independent (moved away from my mom) and my wife and I are quite successful. However, I could never share my good fortunes with my mom as she would find a manipulative way to get me to help her financially if she knew how successfully I am. My mother doesn’t need the money as she has an amazing pension as a senior. But it is never enough money to her.
And we bless them from afar family dynamics are just that, we pray 🙏🙏🙏 always but high high boundaries eventually they may seek God . Live happy acceptance of who we are and our faith and fortitude let go let God. Be happy live joyfully. We can heal slowly one day.
I learned to be a perfectionist as a very young child. If you were “perfect” then my abusive parents would not have an issue with me. I also stayed as quiet as I could possibly be. I realize, I rarely spoke as a child. However, I was AWARE of everything and everyone around me, and have a sixth sense with everything ; still. And with my narcissistic husband of 46 years, my quietness for the most part continued, at least situational. I divorced him, I found my voice. But it took time with therapy. The perfectionism never left me, and I like me just the way I am. I’ve been through hell and back. I’m proud to have created the love and life I have now.
I'm thriving with help from amazing people!!. I disengage quickly from anyone showing any of these signs.
I felt like my wings had been clipped. Being alone is allowing me to be me. The grief is real.
I am very careful who gets to be with me in my personal space.
@@Katyklb Ditto, Sweetheart. It's the ONLY way.🤷♀️🤷♀️💜🪻💜🪻🪻🪻💜💜💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻
Sweet progress.
I love that she accepts the wounds it left in her, because they are visible. It's refreshing to see someone who is not putting up a show or acting the persona the presumes being above it all and fully healed.
I love this woman. I thank God for the healers of our time. We didn't have a language for this decades ago... We had no map. It's hard to navigate with this kind of abuse. ❤
Like looking through broken glass with ADHD!
I’ve known for a long time that I am a perfectionist, but when Dr Ramani made the connection between perfectionism and the byproduct of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, a lightbulb 💡 went on!!
Why perfectionism is byproduct of abuse?
Because you felt you had to be perfect to avoid criticism and yelling at
I love how Dr Ramani is supportive to us, survivors. She doesn’t judge those who can’t instantly leave. She’s giving amazing support. She also explains us what has happened to us and what is happening to us after realizing that we were under the narc abuse.
I didn’t know I’m going through grieve , until I heard her speaking about it. It’s so true.
She’s so compassionate and empathic and everything we, survivors, are longing for.
Her advises are always the best ❤
Dr Ramani you are one of those people who have saved my life and helped me to get out of depression, anxiety and low self esteem… which I thought I was the reason of. Until I realized I was the only sane person in the story…
I'm the only one who has gotten real help, yet I am the unstable one. No, I'm seeing the truth and that's the worst thing that could happen. Not my problem anymore. The Lord knows I have tried, they are emotionally crippled and present brick walls every time you try to address ANY issue. I'm DONE
Im chuckling as i listen.
I have survived a 2 year situationship. Ive been to hell and back. Deleted. He returned after a year last month as if nothing had happened, charming, and playful. in the meantime i have had the training. i picked up on the mind fuckery straight away and red flags .
I see-sawed, i began to feel sorry for him . Seeing his vunerable side, only to be discarded again.
Im surprised how quickly ive bounced back and truely feeling happy again. So now i see the funny side as it has played out to the script.
i feel sorry for the next woman
Once you see you can’t unsee! I never looked at it as grief however that’s so true, you go through all the stages of grief! When you decide to exit & set boundaries the defamation of character begins! Real Narcissistic abuse is awful! Bruises heal yet emotional abuse is damaging to the core! Takes years to heal and the scars are deep
Exactly 💯
They sure are!!
What's more, the abuse, entitlement, superiority and one-upmanship never stop. 😥💯💔😪🙏
Very hard and conflicting feeling. To love someone who hurts you. 😢
you will stop loving them eventually.
@sukayna7026 you can love from a very far distance. So sorry and many prayers.🙏🙏🙏🤦♀️🪻💜🪻🪻💜🙏🙏💜🪻🪻
That’s not love it’s fear. To try w/all you heart to please someone who do not deserve your kindness and good energy and they’re ungrateful. Detached and for your mental and physical health remove yourself.🙏🏾💕😊
This is like 5 years of high quality therapy concentrated into one talk
It’s 2 years after I walked out from a 15 years marriage! Just took a small suitcase and walked out from the apartment we were renting! If I’m honest at that point I got to the stage I didn’t care where I’m going to as I was so…. Broken in every way! And I thought I’m very strong mentally but NO! He was pushing me away every time I would enter after my long working days with sarcasm and lies! Looking for a smallest thing that I’m going or saying wrong. Nothing ever ever was good enough for him. We’re together but I felt alone all the time. I still recovering after 2 years . I’m much better now and can see what I couldn’t then. I learn how to identify the damaging narcissist person… and that’s the best school of my life by now.
They also cause you and others to be confused by blaming you for doing all those things to them that they are doing to you.
Nearly 14 years and I feel like I will never be the same. He has been gone as many years as I was with him and I just can't seem to be me again!!
She talks so eloquently. Great interview
Narcissism is verbal brutality and violence that has no law against it, unfortunately. The victims are left battered and bruised and worse, blamed for whatever happened. Narcissists dig the soul out of a person, piece by piece, until the victim is left hollow and powerless.
It's so hard to get out, especially because they work so hard to make you feel insecure and weak. But being free is so amazing. Your life completely changes. If you're scared to get away, I promise it's worth it once you find your footing.
I never blamed myself as a kid for my parent's behavior - so her assertion that kid's do this is not always true. I knew that I had nothing to do with their behavior. I wanted it to be different and did not understand it, of course.
To be able to do that a kid usually needs another significant adult in their life who is healthy. Did you have someone like that? Also, with kids age matters. You can figure out things as a teenager, even preadolescent, but not a three of four year old. There are children (and adults) who are the so-called truth seeers. They get it earlier than most.
She is correct in the 'vast' majority of cases. You are an 'outlier'. Lucky You!! 🎉
Most things are always true. You're blessed to have some part of you that rose above the circumstances refusing to absorb their craziness.
I'm with you on that. Somehow, a few of us can see threads of truth insulating us for the full force of the family trauma that would take others further down the state of despair.
Even so, it like walking through ankle deep mud and crud. At the very least, it robs us of energy that could be better spent elsewhere. And yet we can become more than imaginable with God's help.
Though I had little to no concept of God as a child in a secular humanistic home, certain adults in my life discerned enough to pray for me as God led them.
I remember some of them asking me questions in an attempt to uncover what burden I carried. My response to strangers' attempts at understanding was to strengthen my smoke-screens keeping others out.
In my adult life, I crossed paths with some of those discerning people of prayer. God wad there even when I didn't recognize him.
She said it....The narcisstic blocks the sun and for me blocked my relationship by vbocking the Son of God....deep hurt. Took 20 years and still aware but I made it to peace and freedom and my own life. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!!❤
I have a neighbor downstairs from me that has unresolved psychological issues. Yells at the top of her lungs at her boyfriend. I mean yelling like someone is getting hurt and dying.
To where I awoke at 2:30 am last week to her yelling bloody murder. I was so pissed. It has been going on for literally a year. I have recorded her psychotic freak outs and played it for the land lord.
They told me others in the neighborhood have also complained and it hasn’t fallen on deaf ears.
But she also has a 5 year old daughter and an infant. She yells at them and speaks to them like a piece of trash, using profanity at the children.
I want to call child protective services and tell them what is happening.
Anyways…she is a narcissist.
then call cps. The children are obviously being harmed
Poor children please call CPS
Those poor children, someone needs to put there welbeing 1st.
Please speak up for them, CALL CHILD PROTECTION.
Please call CPS asap!
Grief and feeling betrayal and unloved besides confused.
Love the person in the mirror first..that's God's image🙏👑
My friend is in so deep and the partner is in denial won't bend an inch. She stepped out emotionally.and her hurt changed her to being cynical about this person. There are times where he is good and she isn't buying it and he tells her you don't appreciate what I do for you. He changed her no doubt. 8:05
Thank you for this! ❤ the grief of the loss of so many things. Dr Ramani is so spot on with everything! Thank you
My future fakeing was that I would heal from my mental and physical disabilities so then I would be able to leave. I always knew deep down I wanted to leave but my health trapped me in the relationship for far too many years. Narcissistic relationships make you sick , have no doubt in that whatsoever. People need to wake up to this before they get too sick that then keeps them trapped in a very dark prison. I'm free now but , wow what a journey I now have in front of me ! It starts with building the relationship you have with yourself, because if you treat yourself with no respect then you cannot see when someone else is doing the same to you, and you need therapy to help you get on the road to self love 🙏
Theres only the I am
I dont change.u all dp and get it 😂
14:27 this is how I was raised to feel 😢
Me too
BRAVO for this excellent piece of psychological knowledge about the narcissistic plague that burdens millions of lives today👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Dr Ramani keeps astonish me with her knowledge keep being served in such a relatable way! This is MUST WATCH for everyone!
Unfortunately there's the flying monkeys and triangulation situations they use to drag people back in
excactly what i went through.for over 50 years i hoped forgave !!!!he left always staying out in bars drinking.tell my fault.i was devasteded.for all those years grieving not understanding that uncaring behavior.fights children involved too!!!no emphaty when i cried.laughing enven!!!i was always a happy person,singing in the house happy with my children
later in a different cou try i had a 2nd friendship (accidental)never looked for that.a good listening friend.we stayed together (i still wanted my husband )he never changed!!!drinking staying out.his rights is his opinion.he was always right.!!!!now he is 90 years old meaner than before.lying about all.!!!!i have been abused for so long need to be on my own at piece..if i am able i will leave with my dog!hopeful i can get some help to leave.85 and taking this emotional pain is killing me.he is sooo friendly to everybody shows his fake character.he worked hard does many good things to show off!!!
but what i experience is hell for too long!!!
I seem to be in the same place emotionally as Dr. Ramani, and I felt really emotional around 8:00. It was incredibly hard, and I truly don’t want anyone else to feel this way. A non-judgmental society where parents can raise children happily, alongside education that teaches a genuine sense of love, care, empathy, and compassion, is the way to prevent the rise of narcissism. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Let’s work together to create a world where happy people continue to smile and bring joy to others.
I used to watch Dr Ramani a lot and found her videos very helpful. After a year I have come back to this and realised how much of it applied to the relationship I was in when I first discovered her. It is very validating, but there is grief for past me. Thank you so much for this interview.
Best explanation of radical acceptance including the grief ❤
The problem, of course, is that "Narcissist" is a label.
Labels can be fairly or unfairly applied.
And (see username) to a Narcissist, everyone else but him, is a Narcissist.
I learned after growing up in narc sociopath family
To narc spath spouse
That I was brainwashed to it being normal
I had explained to myself I’m to nice why abuse?
But it came to ‘ that gut feeling things are wrong’
It’s not selfish to leave
And no contact
When things start to feel better
You don’t feel weighted with gut misery
More crusial seems to be the aftermath!
Actually realizing afterwards the patters-
It wasn't accidental 😢
And -- yet still it happened. For real.
( Even though hearing probably "- no , no it wasn't the case- your perspective was wrong. Crazy. Etc.")
With healing process continue living with hope.❤
There’s a thin line between hate and hate
Love, love, love this woman ❤❤❤.
Thank You for your kindness, compassion, your brilliance and your story, Dr. Ramani. 👍
I do hope to meet you one day. 💯
A wonderful podcast!!
Thoughts, Love, Companionship, Best Wishes and Protection go out to you today and every day. May God Bless You (and your loved ones) abundantly. 🎉❤❤❤❤🙏🙏
Thank you beautiful soul. 🫶🏼I am healing slowwwwly from 20 years of a narcissistic abusive relationship 👁️✨👁️Pain § suffering everyday in my entirety. Mind. Body. Spirit. 😞😫😌
You my divine queen healer are helping me heal NOW!!! Blessings upon your every step. 🙏🏼🦋☀️🌳🪬
We MUST take our power back slowly. It is OK for us to change over the years because we die to ourselves hopefully often as we live this one life. Let us live in the grace that we have an embrace, all the splendor of love that we have to hold in our hearts and feel sorrowful for those that cannot hold that space in their hearts as well.
PTSD is a recurring problem.
Caution by others who are witnesses too. I can't risk a repeat of the abuse from someone else. So I am extremely careful.
Yes “people who’ve been affected by these people are woefully underserved “
Mahalo for this conversation and the legacy of your life-saving eye-opening work, Dr. Ramani. Appreciative of the work of you both!
When you describe knowing about new relationships I feel the need to give them advice to know well each other so they can choose well .
I just love your podcasts look forward to hearing them
So I love all of your videos & wanted to thank you for your time. You seems to focus all of your help towards the middle class though & being someone who suffers daily with severe mental health problems at the bottom of the bread line can you tailor some videos towards people like me please?
My narcissistic relationship has made me have a very negative opinion of women in general I know this is irrational but I can't help it .
SAME THING IS TRUE WHEN I AS A WOMAN WAS ABUSED BY A MALE NARCISSIST. TAKES TIME TO HEAL AND BE CAREFUL WHENEVER WE MEET ANY NEW MEN. NO SANE PERSON WANTS TO BE LIED TO AND USED AGAIN BY TOXIC PEOPLE.
Best advice yet
Still hurts so much
Yes l relate to everything you say but in Canada there is no place affordable housing woman all over l have talked to know many of systems are failing woman in Canada unhealthy relationships with no housing affordable by corruption in governments.
You have opened my eyes 👀 😢
Could you please create a discussion about self boundaries?
Thank you for all your work ❤
What does it mean when sometimes you do have it all together fairly well and sometimes you don't at all, lol? Thats been the story of my life my whole life. 🤷
It’s called being human. You’re not allowed to do that under the thumb of a narcissist.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for posting this and perfect timing for what I need to heal! Thank you guys!
Why when they're about to die they think at 89 is all the sudden get it permission to have a relationship and grow up
I was thinking about how on time and predictable the patterns are and instinctively knowing when someone is going to do that behavior. It starts to confirm the patterns come out and shown through certain situations that are not pleasant but can be experienced and gone through with a reasonable healthier way of processing and coming through it. But, if the unstable patterns keep coming in a timely matter when circumstances change or not, its still the same pattern. Over and over
It was such a tiny issue. But they said i shoo for too much fiid i dibt , i try ti eat healthy.
❤20:58 (explanation who is more vulnerable of getting stuck)
What if you just say to your Nex, “I release you.” ???
How do U recognize a Narsist???⁉️⁉️⁉️
Anupamaa show ki wajah se yeh 'narcissist' term bahot famous ho gaya hain....😮
You are great ❤
The healthier family, in my case was maternal side, the relationship with the maternal parent brother was so authentic I believe this allowed for me tap into values. While I still suffered I had values I could tap into and pass onto my own children.
So wouldn’t everybody agree and tell me if I am wrong please? I’d like to start a conversation here as she is speaking about and they are speaking about conversing about the dynamics of the narcissistic parent child relationship dynamics I believe there are so many in Asia specially in China that have a lot of narcissism going on and I think it is genetically predisposed And has been been some type of fear based thought process embedded in them for so many hundreds of years indoctrinated people continuously die, especially in Asia because they work themselves to the bone without allowing themselves to feel anything true emotions they are confused at what’s really going on they push out feelings that are going on. There’s not they’re not sure what’s the truth of their own reality of their internal, spiritual self survival mode is on for the child and the parent is constantly abusing them letting them know as a very small child. This is what you’ll do. This is how you’ll feel this is how you’ll act this is when you’ll speak. Your senses belong to me you belong to me and you will do and say as I tell you it complete dictatorship. Does anyone have to say anything about this? I’m curious.💧
Please excuse my punctuation etc etc.
3 nars all my long term bf ..just messed up.. I am ext empathetic and thought it showed my human kindness I dont want or trust at all now. What happened to old ideals?
How do you tell if your N mother’s brain is making up stories or if she really is a liar?All this time we thought she really believed the terrible stories she tells about her grown son. Is she knowingly making up things to make him look bad or is her brain kind of in crazy paranoid mode and believes things that aren’t true? There is nothing you can say to change her mind. She is the ultimate authority in life. She says she has never lied to me. And that I should believe her.
Love is not self seeking. (Bible)
Where does she cite the research or is there none that informs her practice? Maybe I missed it.
You should stop dyeing your hair! You will look beautiful in grey! ❤
🎯‼️That’s exactly what I said several months ago. She’d look so much more beautiful. She’s beautiful NATURALLY… and the dark hair color is not nearly as beautiful as those natural shimmery grey highlights! So soft and lovely is the grey on her skin tone.
Thats so weird why do you care.
Her hair is always distracting to me. It is just the hairdresser in me. Nothing more. I get the comment above.
@@Belevaqua seems like y'all could also just focus on the subject matter and not her hair 🙏 🙄
Do you think Prince Harry is in the step one ?
My sister is not my sister of the same womb. 3:10
He had a beautiful fab body and face and knew it. He was v clever. Would be v loving and kind and sexy then would blow and be v angry and verbally nasty to change relationship.to his terms. He was charming to others. He was in politics and lots of voluntary work snd spent a lot of his time helping people. Was unsure what he thought about me but was very self_assured, charming and successful. All.v subtle. He seemed to be worse towards women in a relationship for some reason. Really he wanted to.dangle women on.a string but actually he fears not having total freedom...
What's the differrnce between a narcissist and a liar?
Nothing
None 😂
All narcissists lie, not all liars are narcissistic.
Sadly. 6:34
Why if my brothers would get a cat it's wonderful but if I did it'd be A burden Do they make the daughter the venting board
I got salvation. Im luck7 no it 😂😂 feela grate
Im not a survivor 😂😂😂😂
❤
Are there any women Narcissists
Unfortunately yes. Narcissism is not gender specific.
Living with jinn aka hope. Lucky. U tbink i got here on that? Di2ree
😢😢😢😢😢😢💔
Boycott God before I boycott satan
This women is evil 😅
This doctor needs an image stylist. There seems to be a lack of consideration for the audience as she didn’t bother to groom herself. .
Can’t people just be themselves? Why isn’t that ok with you? Never mind, I already know the answer.
She did come home the next day, as usual and definately didn’t want to talk.they never want to talk! It negative energy,lol. Lawd, so glad it’s over.
My ex loved teaching her daughter that and often speaker phoned her convo with me. She thought, her love language, post convo, and realizing. She, the narc, wanted to show her daughter how much control she had. She’d say, after asking for money..how else are you going to show love for me. I responded, “okay, how are you going to show your love”? Basically, if I’m paying for everything…I asked” what are you supposed to do? “Whats your part?”. I got no response! Giving me sex ain’t cutting it, I have a hand, lol
Pulled my ex out of several settlements. I just another. She moves several times a year. I moved her business 4 times..something about stalking/ or prostitution, lol. I’ll never know.