What about a different kind of narcissistic leader? Instead of making his workers work harder, he gives his workers the green light to steal, by baptizing any member who does not belong to the cult, thief or cruel person. This model is psycopathic model or narcissistic model? I think so(I am not sure) this mindset was the first form of primitive patriarchy, instead of focusing ideas on the usage of objects or for scientific purposes, you were focusing ideas on the usage of people. No better technology, but better slaves No better scientific methods, but better manipulation methods to make scientists your dogs Also if you worked for this kind of narcissistic leader (the savior), there is a great possibility that if you work for a normal leader to feel abused This kind of narcissistic/psycopathic leader has better chances to survive than the cruel leader, the cruel leader maybe is an overreaction of hate (I will do the complete opposite of what this person did). I dont know if this model of leadership has to do with psycopaths that are different from narcissists.. I am curious because is much easier to make your workers to love you, by stealing wealth from undefined 'evil people', than to make them work more for the exact amount that they deserve as payment, also in this way you can create an army of followers much easier and If a part rebels against you, you can punish it with the other parts because you are rightfully a savior!! (Sry for my English my syntax is bad)
Yes I have. I have had 3 narcissistic leaders in my life in church ministry. My question is what is wrong with me that I fell for this three times in my life. I learned a lot. I am out of it now. Yes, I did quite a few things working with all three of these leaders that was wrong on some level. Signs were there, but I ignored them. I have boiled it down to wanting to be loved, understood, approved and validated. All of them had similar personalities. I am trying to keep this short, but I could really write a book. Thanks for taking the time to explain the dynamics of having a narcissist in your life. I am free of all of them. They are not safe people to be around in my opinion. Being whole is the best way to avoid being manipulated by a narcissist.
MedCircle I worked for a narcissistic boss for a total of three years in the military, but I had no idea NPD was even a thing! All I knew is that he messed with my head so badly that I really ended up believing I was a failure as a troop! Every time I met or even surpassed the goals he set for me, he would tell me how badly I misunderstood the initial goal and that if I had paid attention, I would have figured out that he wasn’t asking for me to give it 100%, but instead 150%, and stuff like that. On the performance reports he wrote about me, he would even leave out or down play my achievements, working for him felt like I was constantly shooting in the dark, and much like the example Dr. Ramani said about how your new boss at your new job is impressed with your work, something very similar happened to me when I went to the following base. I also think he was being sexist on top of being a narc. I would really like to have closure with this dirt bag one day. But as if that weren’t enough, at that following base, there were two narcs at that shop, and while one of them was openly a misogynist and he kept trying everything in his power to get me in trouble with our bosses, the other narc managed to feed me the crock of sh*t that he fell in love with me, so we eventually married, just to find out three years later that he had affairs during our marriage, which became more apparent when he left me because I was laid off from the military... 21K of us got laid off that year in 2015. A few months later my sister sent me an article from an online journal named the elephant journal, and the article was about the empath marrying the narc... when I read it I had nothing but relief because I finally understood that it was absolutely nothing I had done wrong or failed to do and that’s when I developed my interest in studying NPD and IPV
@@alphanotmale1847 good story! I had a boss for 3 years. he was a narc but he made to clear in the beginning that he does not want me in his team. I just hung out till then end with him and in the end after I had planned my exit, I told everyone in the company about him. he was recently fired. he really messed up with my head, I took 5 months to heal. he bullied me so much that I became alpha man.
My narc boss never complimented us. She always moved goal posts. She micromanaged EVERYTHING. Even access to drinks and snacks her employees came together and bought on their own in our break room. She never resolved issues between employees. She almost seemed to want to keep us divided against each other. Oh yes noone could get anything right. She never took ownership of any failings. She always pointed to us as the reason why things went wrong.
That's exactly what I'm experiencing -extreme micromanagement -constant goalpost changes (to the point we have considered he has Dementia) -implying you have done something wrong when you've done exactly what asked -controlling even what you eat or drink in social settings -contacting outside of work hours -saying one thing in front of a client, but then asking us to go back and make bad and awkward changes. -constant criticism and setting constantly changing rules that he himself doesn't follow -the only consistency is inconsistency
1:20: The narcissistic leader is in it solely for their personal enrichment. 4:20: No matter how hard you work, you feel like it’s not enough. 7:25: You are asked to do things in the position that leave you feeling uncomfortable.
I think I am just trying to weigh things and be more understanding but I just want to share this and if could also share clarification- my boss is the owner of the company, so isn’t it just right that he ensures that his business is in good health and financially stable. Although it saddens me to hear this because all I do was basically deny or not entertain the idea that there is something wrong and that he only acts that way because he is my boss and that he is only looking after his business. So, just last week, there was this incident about my day off. I am always scheduled to be off every Tuesday of the week. And so, because of this, I already have planned out my Tuesday. My son’s orthodontist appointment was supposed to be last April 12. I scheduled that appointment 3 months ago which around the first week of January. He is putting braces because we have to fix the crowding of his teeth or he will have to have oral surgery. I didn’t not write my son’s doctor’s appointment in the calendar at work because i scheduled it on my day off (meaning, I can do whatever I have to do because it is my day off). Now, I found out about 3 weeks ago that my boss will be out of town the whole week of the week of Easter. But, he never mentions it to me. He never asked me to reschedule my day off nor asked me to reschedule or cancel any plans that I have during my day off. Now, April 8, he approached me and told me that I cannot have a day off because he will be out the entire week. And that he scheduled his vacation 2 months ago and that I don’t have any options but come to work. (Although, there is another person that I worked with who already said that he can handle working on his own on my day off). When my boss said that I don’t have any options, he was raising his voice on me in front of my other coworkers. I just froze. Kinda confused, shattered, shamed, insulted, undervalued, insignificant. I was really hurt. Good thing, my allergies was at its peek that my eyes keeps itching and watery and my nose was kinda congested that even if I cry at my workstation, it was not obvious. It is the first time that I have experienced this - be yelled at and told I don’t have any options when the reason I need my day off was for my son’s orthodontist appointment. A few months ago, the same thing happens but it was for a different reason - my spouse (who is an only child) needed to go to Chicago to take care of his mom’s belongings (she has Alzheimer’s) and she is currently in an assisted living now. But when I asked my boss if I can take a day off just to babysit my son while my spouse takes care of his mom, my boss yelled at me again and said no. I have worked in corporate company for 6 years before this job and held supervisory/managerial position during that time. Here, I am only a staff member. I try to understand his reasons but what’s not acceptable is the way he approach me. There was a time that he yelled out in front of my coworkers that I screw things up all the time. While if the other pharmacist make a mistake, he does not even yell nor correct him. And the way my boss corrects that other pharmacist is by calling both of us and then showing us how to do it correctly. It’s frustrating and drains up my energy. What you are discussing here now is coming to me as a wake up call. I want to leave and have applied to other positions. Hopefully, I get to leave soon.
I worked with a Narcissist boss. I worked harder than anyone in my region, brought in more revenue than anyone in my tenure, and my clients loved me. It was never enough. He also stole my ideas and took credit for my work corporate wide. I was in my 20s and had no idea what narcissist abuse was. He was hiding behind that he was a “good guy” because we worked at a not for profit “Christian” company. He ruined my physical and mental health. It took 5 years to recover. All the warning signs were there. I tired too get out and he destroyed my image and business as I gave him a large narcissist injury. It was brutal. I do not wish narcissist abuse on anyone. I hope this comment helps someone on the edge of leaving a narcissistic relationship, leave now so you don’t lose years of your life. Best to all.
Yeah those altruistic narcissister the worst that we've got to show everybody in public how they're giving a charity and all this stuff you know for kudos from other people
Yep, and Jesus repeatedly called them out on this behavior in His day. Further shows they don't know or put into practice what Jesus teaches, and therefore are faking it. Sorry you went through that. Jesus loves you and went through that too so He knows what it's like.
I hope no matter what happens in your life, you hold on. I just want to remind you not to take life for granted. It's short, so take advantage of this beautiful day, you're alive and it's a gift. You are a beautiful person and this world needs your smile and you have things to accomplish on this earth. This little message is just a sign to tell you not to let go, and to tell you that Jesus loves you and hears you. Sincerely. Isaiah 43:4
Same thing happened to me and I lost my job in the middle of the pandemic. He ruined my reputation in the company, and even coworkers who were my friends seem skeptical of me because he’s that good of an actor. Your comment makes me feel less alone. I hope you’ve recovered, and I hope to recover someday soon too.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Thank you, all of this resonates with experiences that I have had in the workplace: 1. Taking excessive amounts of time from the team to do things that makes him look good but have no value whatsoever for the team 2. Always delegating, above doing anything other than trying to micromanage what you o 3. Having team members pry into your personal affairs, instead of having a direct conversation about any concerns 4. Always dwelling on your weaknesses and downplaying your contribution 5. Always aggressive in meetings and try to put you down instead of supporting you 6. The forever flip flop on what you should do, one moment you should do this and next moment don’t bother 7. Constantly trying to confuse and disorient you, excluding you from meetings and initiatives 8. Always needing to reiterate that he’s in charge because he feels threatened. And it goes on and on. Fortunately I am educated on personality disorders and have been equipped to navigate this
Oh goodness yes.. I've had so many of them it's unreal. When I first started work it wasn't this way at all!! Imloved gointo work and felt very valued and remuneration came frommyour hard work and treated wonderfully but we are talking 40 years ago! In last 30 but especially in last 20 years just narc after narc toxic thick idiots!! They're like a plague... I hate these people they make you sick literally. If these people were in the world it would be a much better place I can't stand them..😡
This sounds like our pastor of almost 2 years. He was ok to get along with the first year but this year he has been private messaging me about my Facebook post. He thinks they would hurt peoples feelings. One post I only posted 2 out of 3 singers. The left out person (that I’m not even friends with on FB) may see that I didn’t post them singing. I run the live video and the sound and the guitar was sounding weird on live and I posted that it was probably caused by guitars being too loud. He took my post off and said it could hurt the guitar players feelings. He praises the musicians all the time but never the sound booth people. Uggg. Everytime he gets onto me, I cry my eyes out privately because criticizism hurts me deeply.
Yep been experiencing all these at work for the last year at my new job with my boss and whenever i brought up concerns I was dismissed, my words were twisted and used against me and literally told "what can you do to make things better? You need to set goals..." he even asked if I was going to counseling for my "issues" and told it was all my fault. Even when I point blank told him exact interactions and words he said and did that were hurtful, confusing, intimidating, (now I know the term "gaslighting" which is what it was repeatedly), belittling, etc. Not once did he apologize or validate it, just made it my fault and said "we" have to figure out how to work together (and when he uses the royal "we", and he does alot, he means the other person, not himself). He's always right, never at fault, and the whole responsibility of everything (personally/relationally as well as job-task wise, even his job responsibilities in addition to mine) is always put on me
My boss love bombed all of us, told us we're amazing around 4 zillion times a day. Only to sack us one by one. On one occasion, she promised someone they wouldn't be fired and that she's like a "sister" only to sack her that same day. We then unearthed the fact that she had been lying to us about everything for almost 2 years. When I stopped responding to her "giggles" and "hugs" she changed IMMEDIATELY. Away went the smiles, away went the compliments. Then she started setting me up and building a case to have me removed. This all started when I challenged her in a meeting. From then on, she completely changed towards me. She has her flying monkeys reporting us and making life miserable for those of us who can see right through her.
I have had a very similar experience with my boss as well. Cannot take criticism in the slightest and extremely sensitive to public opinion on their reputation. But puts on a fake mask of confidence. I did the same thing. Corrected my boss in a meeting for things they were incorrect about and then this boss went behind my back and told my coworkers that I’m aggressive. And also out of the blue will get mad at me now for no reason as they reflect back on the narcissistic injury incurred. It went off like a switch and their tone went from positive and jovial to “annoyed” and “dull”. Anything that challenges their delusional opinion of themselves is seen as a threat and must be removed. This boss also got a high ranking executive staff member fired by taking badly behind their back and then gaslighted them when they were leaving saying how fortunate it was to work with them. These are very sick people. This boss also makes lower ranking staff do their work for them and then steals the credit. Wastes almost 90% of work time in meetings where nothing concrete ever gets done. But when actual work needs to get done their too tired so it gets pushed onto us. Nothing is ever good enough for them but when they make an effort to do it they can’t do it themselves.
Man, it's so weird looking at things in hindsight. You think as an intelligent person you'd see these flags before it ever becomes a problem, but that's the thing about narcissists - they're master manipulators. My boss found my biggest vulnerabilities and before I knew it I felt like I was on a drug I could never get enough of and that if I could just get her approval it would make everything better. I even remember thinking that when she was worming her way into my personal life with her love bombing that it didn't seem appropriate for a boss to be doing, but I fell back on "she's my boss, she's my elder... she knows better." Always trust yourself.
Very true. My marital counselor did this with my husband and our family. He wanted to get personal with us after our counseling was over and then it became so much more. We didn't know how to read the red flags or that certain things were red flags from the beginning.
I was told to call an employee in on their day off so her(and me) could fire that poor employee. Later on I reached out to that employee apologized, it was not my idea. I felt so bad for her. She spoke her truth to that boss and it got her fired.
Yep, I had a boss ask me to move money from one account into another so the client wouldn't know. He literally said "wash the accounts". I explained to our client what was going on. After the client investigated the books, he was out the door and I had a new manager.
Haha boss literally told me she was going to take the additional money a non profit gave us for price increases.....shit is hitting the fan. So glad I'm leaving
I wish I had seen this before I started my last job. My bosses “business goal” was to make a bunch of money so she can be a snow bird and retire by 55. Fortunately (unfortunately) I am divorced from a narcissist, so I recognized the behaviour pretty quick, so I was only in the job for 2 months. The crappy part is I quit a week ago, and she’s still messing with me. Holding my pay hostage… She basically love bombed me into the job, and then never let me do anything I was hired to do, was unpredictable, mean, played staff against each other, talked poorly about everyone behind their backs, took advantage of me, refused to pay over time, didn’t respect my personal time. I did just about everything she asked, but I was constantly terrified to make an error. She lied constantly, she stole without remorse, but was suspicious of everyone and had massive trust issues. Then when I quit, she THANKED ME for saving her the time and trouble of printing the termination letter she was planning to give me anyways. Bull sh!t.
WOW! This is it. I was never able to do anything I was hired to do. Her work go was to 'get me to take over and just do what she does so she can go work someplace making three times as much'. She did all of these same things except the outright stealing. You can tell a change in management where they are actually listening to her though. Gross work behavior changes. Obtaining stuff to put over their heads when she needs to. I am just making sure to tell the remaining staff that aren't gaslit what's happening and what her behavior is. Isn't it crazy, instead of just listening to someone 'talk the talk' you would be so much more aware looking at their actual work? Most of these people are not as competent as they say. If the mental gymnastics was just applied to their work, wouldn't it save all of us the headache?
Oh yes! Drove me crazy. Amazingly, my narcissist ex-boss found an excuse to 'ring' me every so often over 20 years after I had gotten away from them! They don't let go. They talk behind your back. They are the injured party?! They are very difficult to ignore, eventually I just outlived her.
When someone on this show said that being in the presence of a narcissistic leader actually depleted your energy, I had an intense flashback and physical response to this statement. Please excuse the length of this comment as I explain. I was very involved with our church adult singles organization about 20 years ago. I served as Vice President with about 20 other single adult leaders who represented various congregations spread throughout our area. Although a supervisor was assigned to us, the actual program development and function of the organization on a local level was primarily the job of the single adult leaders. We had worked hard and over a period of about 4 years of very dedicated effort and personal sacrifice had established a well attended and growing program. We were pretty excited about it. Our supervisor was highly supportive and played only a background role. He attended all our meetings but did not interfere with our ideas, plans, or ambitions. You could say we were all on fire and enthused to meet a very real need in our area. Not easy to do with a bunch of mostly depressed single 45 year olds! But we had it all rolling along . Then our supervisor fell ill. We all wondered who the replacement would be. Never dreamed the worst. In fact, when he showed up I didn’t know anyone so horrible was in my church. At the special meeting called for all leadership, our new supervisor Mr A , wearing a black suit and a stern face, strode into the room, slammed a folder on the table, and said “ I’m going to be taking over and we will be doing things my way from now on.” We were all stunned into shocked silence. He then proceeded to officiate over the meeting and reform and rip apart every program we had spent years refining. When anyone dared to say something, he glared and made a scathing comment to shut her or him down. As the meeting continued and he refused any participation from us, systematically decimating all our hard work, several people got up and walked out, one woman in tears. The feeling in the room was one of pain. I spoke up and said “ Me A, what you are doing is unrighteous dominion. “ This was a direct criticism and a call for him to recognize that his approach was against the policies of our church, which encourage freedom of choice and participation. Being silenced like this was unacceptable on all levels. He stared at me a long while, with such venom in his face that I could literally feel the life being sucked out of me. But I refused to back down and only left after the meeting was over. Several of us congregated outside and every person expressed that they had felt such darkness and a draining of life when this man came into the room. Not just from what he said but from who he was. Oppression oozed from him like a dark vapor. Since then I’ve been aware of how there is always a darkness, an uneasiness around narcissists. An uncomfortable, confusing feeling. I don’t ignore it.
Thank you for sharing. I have a similar feel around my boss so in you sharing this it has opened me up to how draining he is too. Its like when he walks in a black cloud hovers over him and settles over you.
This sucking away of energy so obvious I could literally feel it happening blatantly happened when my boss came and talked at me for 3 hours early on when I first started my new job. I didn't know what it was at the time but I knew it was a major red flag and to be on guard. There is at least 1 demonic spirit attached to this phenomenon, probably more because demons work in groups. I believe at the very least there's a pride spirit (some call it a jezebel spirit because it's what was at work in that Biblical queen jezebel) and a confusion spirit at work and they are causing that oppressive, dark draining feeling and the gaslighting/confusion. Humans on our own don't produce that kind of "energy" but an evil spirit does. The person themself isn't evil or causing it exactly, but they come into agreement with said evil spirits which then use the person and work through them to attack other people. Satan was the original narcissist and his sin was pride and he deceived Adam and Eve and destroyed all of humanity's lives, so i personally think that's why this narcissist issue is so terrible and evil and oppressive. It's the true original sin and continues to destroy unsuspecting, naive humans' lives. But God is greater and desires all the people to be saved, healed, and delivered, even those under the deception of the evil of narcissism. Pray for these people to be freed and healed, and pray for their victims.
My first year of teaching, I worked for a famous educator in Texas who was known for having perfect test scores in a low income school. It was all about him being so great and advancing his notoriety. Every week we would have 3 hour meetings detailing all of the things that the teachers were doing wrong. When the state writing test came out, the test was opened, I was pulled out of my class, and a supervisor teacher helped the children write to the prompt. This was known throughout the school and I was pissed because I could have lost my teaching license over this. I went all the way to the Superintendent with this information, but nothing was ever investigated. They wanted to send me to another school that was under this mans control (he ran the first charter school cluster in Texas), but I refused. So basically I lost my job. The superintendent became Secretary of Education and I found a job in a district close to my home and stayed at that school until I retired 22 years later. It was a living hell, but I survived!
Whoa. I love my kids Texas Public Schools! I never had a good feeling about charter schools here. They always appear to be selling you when we visited them. Sorry you had to deal with that
A Narcissistic boss fully ruined my confidence in my abilities for months. Nothing was ever enough and it was always my fault, I'd try my best and stay late but there was always something more I could have done. Took me getting fired and finding a new job for me to believe in my talents again!!
I can relate with you. I got fired recently from a toxic boss afyer she defamed my character for false accusation. She threatened to fight against me if I attempted to apply for unemployment . I enjoyed working with my coworkers. But. Working for her I knew it was toxic work environment, but I stayed for the money. You should be so proud of yourself for believing in your talents & finding a new work space that values you now!🙏
I dont know if my boss was Narcissistic, but she was certainly toxic. I'll never forget some of the things she said, not just the cruel things, but the logically unreasonable things. The one I think is most telling is when she said, "I wish I could just hire five copies or clones of myself, then everything would be done perfectly." It really showed how out of touch she was because everybody else knew that her and her clones would likely end up killing eachother, forget customer satisfaction (she was unbelievably rude). If a boss EVER says anything like that, start looking for a new job ASAP!
LOL the boss I worked for would literally say this. "If only there was another MEEE." "Don't use books to learn, just do what IIIIII DO." She found a room to exploit upper management because the VP of Operations never did the due diligence to follow through on Alllllllll of the people that had came to concerns with her nonsense. Yeah, of course she is putting an act on her main target er- I mean, valued coworker! Uhg. I wonder how long it will take them to realize if you take things at face value without the benefit of the doubt, they can and will write you a lala land fairytale? I guess once they look up and realize it's been burned to the ground and they're wearing the dunce hat.
Glad you left! Proud of you! I can relate as idk if my past boss was a narcissist, but the work environment was toxic & drained me whenever I was around her. She could never handle constructive feedback from her employees even about the smallest things like suggesting to move furniture around bc there was too much clutter.. On the day she fired me, she defamed my character falsely accusing me of stealing from her. I have never stolen from anyone or any job before , so I was jaw dropped. She then, threatened to fight against me if I tried to apply for unemployment. I wish I had recorded her for proof since there were no witnesses. Lesson learned if possible, NEVER be left alone with a toxic or narcissistic person. I wanted to leave asap, but i needed to make the money . So i was in a bind. The universe had other plans for me & I am SO grateful to be out of that toxic , fake environment. We can't settle . We all deserve a healthy work environment that truly values us. I'm glad you got out & others. Much prosperity ✨️
Reading your comment reminds me of my current boss. There's a Golden Child at the company who can do no wrong. Once I heard my boss say, "if only we could clone (Golden Child) and make ten of them. Then we'd finally be okay. *Scoffs". I couldn't believe my ears. Like I had the wind knocked out of me. Here I was with colleagues working my ass off and my boss has no encouragement but instead a shift of the goal posts to attain what this Golden Child is. Smh
Here is my wife’s problem. We have concluded that my wife’s boss is a full fledge narcissist. We did some book reading and her boss had ALL the characteristics of a narcissist listed in a chart under narcissist!😳 So yeah get the fuck out. It’s a no brained! But wait, to still stay in the state you have to list your boss as a reference. So during the selection process they call my wife’s narcissistic boss. So of coarse my wife has no good qualities- needs improvement everywhere, all the gaslighting is passed on to the background caller. It is like if the boss says 2+2 = 5 the caller believes it because she is the boss an is able to convincingly pass on bullshit with no evidence. It is almost like the caller is made do fell stupid for even considering anything other than what is told. So then the caller hangs up thinking well maybe in some circumstances 2+2 does equal 5. It all started when my wife was put in charge when her boss was out on medical leave. My wife ran the ship flawlessly for 3 months! No issues, all was well. Odd thing, upon returning to work the boss never acknowledged the good work in her absence. Instead suddenly started yelling at my wife for stupid stuff. When my wife asked her to stop yelling she did not. When my wife made a complaint to the boss’s boss that person said I don’t want to take sides. It was never to be investigated or discussed as a behavior that is not consistent with the code of conduct for an office environment. Nope nothing, yelling and being disrespectful perfectly normal! Riiight Turns out my wife’s boss boss is a flying monkey that does nothing more than enable piss poor leadership. No coaching, no training, no progressive discipline for people that “don’t meet job expectations! Nope, just gaslighting, disrespect, blame, intimidation, and in general abuse of legitimate power. In the past others have complained to Human Resources and nothing was ever done to enforce common decency in the office setting. Too many people unquestionably go along with what authority says. We are conditions as children to believe our teachers, parents, coaches and the police. All want the best for us. But some times the circle of trust is broken by the likes of a narcissist. It is horrific, it is diabolic! It has been decades since there was a string of postal workers that came to work and shot up the office killing many people before shoring themselves. It was happening so frequently that the term “ Going Postal” was coined to describe people going crazy at work. Now I know how it happens!
It's very correct that whatever you do at your job place for a narcissistic boss or manager is not enough plus he concentrates on your faults more than your great works, even if you have made one percent mistake! He just mostly talk about that! Another thing is he never appreciates your job efforts, there is no encouragement. He doesn't care about your work problems or other problems you have as his employee. I remember one of my previous bosses that he was asking me frequently if I have a problem I can tell him and once I told him that I have problem just with the time of one work shift in one day and I said as it starts from 12 pm and finish at 12 am and I live in this country alone as an immigrant, I can't go to my home in that time because there is no bus until 3 am. I asked him if he can change that time at least decrease it one hour, I would be appreciated and you know what he said? He said it isn't my business, It's your problem! So I could understand he didn't care about my problems as much as he was saying all the time! So I decided to quit the job and after days I told him that it's very hard for me to continue like that and I decided to go back to my country and you know what he did again? When I went to take my stuff and I wanted to open my metal store wardrobe (I am not sure what it is in English), it was open! He broke the lock himself and I didn't know why but I remember it hurt me, it was like someone attacked to my privacy however I had just my cloths there. So if a narcissistic boss doesn't like your decision, he can insult you indirectly. And as I have worked for lots of narcissistic managers if I think more maybe I can tell many true stories and lots of other signes. 😩😖
My immediate supervisor (yrs ago) drove me to the brink of suicide. She was horrific. Also there are three individuals in the team I work as part of who are practicing strong narcissistic traits. I am educating the others in the team about how to protect themselves.
Same! Been so depressed. Shutting the world out. I’ll never go back and if I have to quit every toxic job to be where I want to be welp fine with me. My mental and physical health is more important
It was even getting to the point where I wanted to physically hurt this awful person so I did the right thing and quit today. And heck I’m not telling them I’ve quit. Let management find someone else to treat like shit but it won’t be me not anymore.
I worked in the for the Government for a Narcissist Boss. He was presenting himself as the epitome of human rights, in front of the cameras he used to hug the people he was trying to help, but behind their back, he was even visibly despising those groups he claimed he loved. He was super charismatic and the best dad, and husband, but behind closed doors, he was vindictive, loved the spotlight, he was depressed when he did not receive more likes, and he used to dring 10 cups of coffee, so he was constantly going up and down, kind of like multiple personalities and different types of energy. He created chaos and competition internally, changed his decisions 20 times, and gaslighted all the time. He believed he had a mission from God here on earth and convinced everybody to believe he was there for pure love and vocation.
Your describing my supervisor. Little does he know I was married to a malignant, sociopath, active addict, drinker narcissist for 23 years. I am know in a place where I mentally say thank you to my ex husband for being a great teacher. Grey Rock technique works. I am also not responsible for anyones perception and projections, thank you.
My covert narcissist boss had made "fighting against narcissists" his life's goal. He and his flying monkeys were always preaching about ethics, fairness and being open-minded. The more I watch and listen to DrRamani and MedCircle, the more I realize how COMPLICATED it is. The higher their IQ, the harder it gets to bring yourself out of the confusion. Thank you for such an enlightenment you bring to our lives for free. You are a life-saver to many.
My intuition was pinging from day one and I ignored it. All three signs were there as the years rolled on. I finally reached a breaking point and left and am now in a great workplace. My lesson was to listen to my intuition from the jump 👍💯
It’s sad most people who are narcissistic usually get promoted to these leadership positions like it’s almost like a trait you need in order to move up in the company
Yes, I've worked for a few narcissistic bosses. Most recently, I was at a nonprofit where a narcissist CEO took over from the long-term (20 years) CEO, brought in other narcissist leaders, fired about a fourth of the staff (who'd been there anywhere from seven to 36 years!) with no reason, no warnings, no probation, no performance issues, no chances, AND NO SEVERANCE pay. I don't consider two weeks pay after 23 years of service "severance." (That was just one example.) Btw, the new folks they replaced us all with were paid more. They had to pay more to be competitive, so we weren't fired because we "made too much money." Also, everyone fired, and two forced out, were all in the 50's and 60's. Btw, if we'd all been people of color, or all women, or all members of the LGBTQ community, there would have been legal action - and winning legal action, I'd bet - but ageism is the great, invisible discrimination... Before all the firings began, this CEO gave multiple speeches to the entire agency promising no one would be losing their jobs. The three top level directors, out of six total, who were Servant Leaders and NOT narcissists, all left. One left within the first two weeks of his arrival. Firing all these folks was diabolically clever and efficient, because he not only got rid of a bunch of people he saw as a threat - yes, these were long-time employees who were strong, competent, respected in the community - but those left were cowed to keep their heads down and stay in their lanes. It was a culture shift. BUT, he was very charming, eloquent, impassioned about the cause, visionary, with an appearance of being honorable and forthright. In fact, after all the firings, he penned a "Message from the CEO" in the newsletter that was all about love and how love was the most important thing in the world and that we must all practice love, generosity, humility, empathy, vulnerability, respect, dignity, grace, etc. Meanwhile, real, actual people's lives were ruined. One employee's cancer worsened and she died. Another attempted suicide. People's finances took serious hits. Some had to sell homes, leave town. Some were two or three years away from retirement. This was not how they thought they would end their long, productive careers: kicked to the curb. So, watch what they DO, not what they SAY. Also, if someone new comes in and says no one will lose their jobs, get your resume ready. Leave first, if you can. The sad thing is this CEO is still there and probably will be for life. There were/are no consequences. He's the perceived winner. He's the one who looks good, smart, capable, and all the people thrown away are garbage and don't matter, don't count. In some ways, to me, I'm a little surprised were not ALL narcissists, because these people - the narcs - are running most of the shows and ruining millions of people's lives, so I'm kinda surprised we're not all scorpions and assholes in this brutal world, just to survive. My advice is: as soon as you identify that your boss, or the top boss if he's/she's not your immediate boss, is a narc, leave. Find a different culture. Not an easy task because a lot of narcissists/sociopaths are really good at painting their culture as "transparent, honorable, empathetic, open, equitable, fair, compassionate, kind," etc. They know what to say to persuade and seduce. But, using my last situation as an example, if they talk about how everyone's job is secure and write about love and kumbaya, yet fire more than 16 people in less than a year, well, that might be a sign that they're a monster. And do you want to work with a monster, and all their Flying Monkeys? Sadly, all those fired have scarcely, or never, seen or heard from anyone at that agency, some of whom worked together for 10, 15, 20, and 36 years! All gone. One person did this. Dozens and dozens of lives adversely affected. By one person. Narcissists are responsible for almost all the pain, ruin, destruction, prejudice, crime and suffering in the world, and yet, seems there's nothing we can do. Maybe we're at some kind of tipping point now, waking up to this...maybe someday soon we'll actually be able to do something meaningful about these individuals, who are made, not born. This is my dream, hope, and my prayer. And I'm going to do everything in my power to wake us up to all of this. Thank you Dr. Ramani, Kyle, and Flor!!!
@@Maggie-zr2ow Thanks Maggie. Best to you. We can certainly hope and pray and, where and when we can, do things, say things, speak up and out, and take steps toward making ours a better, kinder, more just and empathetic world; and not just in slogan and branding alone. Keep the faith.
Wow!!! So many similarities to the nonprofit I “work” at! So crazy story...We got lured into a nonprofit (family owned, oh gosh I know). The founder is the person you described. We got love bombed and told we were like her children and this company will be handed down to us blah blah blah and that we are now “directors” She used to wine and dine us, take us out to eat, cook homemade meals for us, buy us things and just always talk about how amazing we are and she loved us like we’re her children......My husband and I have dedicated our entire hearts here. My husband has driven nonstop in a bad condition truck to pick merchandise up everywhere all over the state to keep the donations coming in for the company. We don’t get paid a salary we get paid in-kind. Yup you read that right. We have to go sell merchandise to make a living plus still work all week (to what seems we must now be available 24/7) for the nonprofit. The way we make money is such a peculiar situation with “perks” so yes it makes it hard now for us to have an exit plan. The narc always has drama going on, ALWAYS and I’ve noticed she enjoys it. She’s extremely charming and I know once I started feeling guilt for wanting to have boundaries that something was up. The constant guilt tripping. I know is manipulative. She’ll over praise family members and over pay them while we actually have used lots of out of pocket money to help her company. She keeps hyping everyone up saying there are grants coming and everyone is going to get paid!! She’ll take on huge projects and hand them to people like me because I’m willing and responsible..when she calls you to do something because it’s convenient to her, you must drop everything you’re doing! Lol. She’ll make plans and make other people do it. And let’s not get started on children whom she also sees as workers that don’t need a salary (: everyone seems to be on demand for her. Someone donated a new refrigerator to her nonprofit? “Oh I was just about to buy one for my kitchen, can you go get it for Me real quick?” And favors like that where the drives are 1-2 hours with no pay. The list can go on and on. I feel like I’m in a hallmark movie where I have pieced things together little by little. The guilt tripping, the statements, the questioning us when something didn’t go her way. The extreme expectations and
My 2 ex-bosses were narcissists. I do not know where is my soul. God, it was so difficult. But I am here, receiving help and orientation of my therapist. 2 years and 7 months of abuse 5 days per week. I feel pain, fadiga, hopeless and sadness. But I am recovering slowly my self, my opinions and understanding how a good professional I am. Thank you for this video.
Can you do a communal narcissist video? My experience feels similar to Flor in the aspect of this person portraying himself as nurturing, a giver, listener, empathetic even, and spiritually superior. But he turned out to be horrible. I’d get a little confused over the possibility of him being a narcissist because of all the “good” things he would do (and believe me he seemed like a jewel, almost an angel), until I saw your video on classifications. The communal fits him just right, but you don’t go any further on that type. Particularly with that type of narcissist it’s so difficult to get justice. I decided to go to the police after I came back to myself. It had been two years already but there was harassment involved, and I wanted justice for all the emotional abuse. When I started speaking, they’d look at me funny, and in the politest ways they’d practically ask, “where’s the abuse?” Everything he did was so subtle and sweetly evil, that I have nothing on him. The emotional scars are there, the aftermath is there, but in a courtroom with him present, he’ll have them in the palm of his hand. Please do a communal narcissist video. I’d really like to educate myself more, and lift the confusion of his really good side versus his horrid side.
bruh these people are like machines . very very very very robotish and evil. almost like they not even human yet they look like you and me ...normal!! im in law enforcement and trust me i knw about these types of people ...you really gotta play chess and do your homework . i feel bad rape victims cuz i feel 99% of the time rapist are narcs who want control smh this world is run by satan an his demons
To add: Never truly admits they are wrong. I was one of two people who worked under her who both noticed she doesn't apologize for anything or admit wrongdoing. Even if you had documented proof she would do mental gymnastics that made 0 sense, then tried to make you look like an idiot for not understanding it LOL. Always blaming someone else or shifting tension is a toxic way. She would remember a mistake she made 3 months ago and try to pin it on you because she made a mental connection somehow in some way. Other people they work with never have anything nice to say about you = A dead giveaway. You are used for mitigating their mistakes to their management, a narcissist will never build someone up someone "underneath" them behind their back. Why would they? The only person that matters is them. That does them no favors! Information is given in a confusing way or seems to never be mastered by anyone other than the narcissist: This non-committal way of sharing is another dead giveaway of a narcissist holding power. If there is no definite, clear answer....there is no one with the answer except the narcissist when they decide it. I have seen our boss change information right in front of us to create the narrative of being correct or 'the mistake catcher' (even though they are also the creator of said mistake). It also makes them feel as smart as they believe they are. Angry/Threatened when asked questions about their work= "What is the business reason for this decision?" "Have you researched this before deciding to implement it?" "Where is the evidence?" "Why didn't you bring this to our attention sooner?" "What is your plan for remediation?" - This makes the narcissist aware that someone is looking at their behavior as an equal instead of how the narcissist believes it should be - without questions because they are god's gift and how dare you even ask lmao. Regardless this is a big scary to the narcissist because this line of questions is the type that will realize the actions being made in impulse and self-preservation instead of business preservation, good faith reporting, or anything that isn't self-created bull. Because once the cat's out of the bag there, sheesh, who knows what else they are responsible for? Removing competent workers to protect their position? Gaslighting management into doing big stinky financial things that can be used for blackmail later? That would be terrible wouldn't it?
Watching these videos just to not feel alone. My boss screams at every employee, talks bad about everyone behind their backs (always saying they don't do the work properly, or that is not good enough for him - always victimizing himself), is a chauvinist, says my work is meaningless and minimal, tells me one thing then changes his mind and screams at me because I did it wrong when I was just doing what he said in the first place, once told me my job is to sit quiet and submissive... Meanwhile, he is unorganized, can't keep up with a simple task, doesn't remember anything related to work projects, forgets meetings, just to name a few. I was never in a situation like this and I hate that I have to for now, don't wish this to anyone else.
I work in a field that has several narcissists... It is true HR will not back you on this. You are look at as the problem. These types of bosses do create a following. If you don't follow them It becomes a Haman and Mordecai situation. At this point I need to be like Esther.
I was in a narcissistic church for over 30 years. It can not be as easy to get out as some people think. I was a new Christian, and we were on staff, but they kept us so busy and there was so much right going on there, too. Not to mention, they had the local police and other leaders in the community on their side - not because they were members of the church but because of the local outreach they did. I just want to say every situation is not the same.
I’ve had to raise a grievance against my boss (the owner) I’m either either brave or stupid. He never gives positive feedback, if he is challenged you will pay! I have a disability and am a single mum but he discriminates and tells me i need to be in the office more often even though my medications make me sleepy. If I wake up and start working from home my pain and stress is vastly decreased. It’s that feeling of never been good enough it’s triggering me to my childhood and narcissistic relationship, I have to sit with him too! The “external” HR guy has said things like it’s okay for me to be micro managed because he’s the boss! He drains me, luckily I know I am good enough. You’ve just summed this up I feel like sending it to him! Lol I won’t..... Doing transactions that are wrong as an accountant it feels soooo wrong! There are so many narcissistic bosses and it’s not fair ❤️
I have a narc leader in my Buddhist group (which is a hefty dose of irony b/c the practice is literally about equality and respect for all people). Always micromanaging. One of the weird little things she would do to be the focus of attention was to chronically goof up the technology in the middle of meetings and spend the whole time saying, "Sorry, wait a minute!" over and over so that all eyes were on her for however long it took to correct the problem. These were easily solved little problems. and, yes, there were plenty of younger people who could run the presentation without problems but she wouldn't let them (no matter how many times it was suggested). The creepy thing about it was that when higher ups attended these meetings they would just feel sorry for her & would never spot that she was doing it on purpose for the attention.
I wish mental health professionals would also discuss how racial bias can play a role. People tend to dismiss or ignore narcissistic behavior when the person looks like them or their parents or grandparents and they also attribute narcissism or arrogance that isn’t there if they look different than them.
I worked with 2 narcissistic bosses .It was a horrible experience but frankly speaking I have learned a lot form these 2 experiences on both professional and personal level.
My narcissistic mother had me & 2 of my sisters in a cult! After 5 yrs I decided this man was not getting me anywhere! I thank GOD for giving me strength to leave & be on my own! I was 21 yrs old! One of my sisters decided to leave him to! My other sister stayed until the man died & her mind is crazy! I have no contact with any family! I was 27 when I realized for my sanity & safety of my children I had to push my family away!!!
Great video! These people drain your energy and your love for your job. They “collect” other toxic people like purses. Get out! Don’t get surrounded and sucked in.
I worked for a narcissistic boss for a total of three years in the military, but I had no idea NPD was even a thing! All I knew is that he messed with my head so badly that I really ended up believing I was a failure as a troop! Every time I met or even surpassed the goals he set for me, he would tell me how badly I misunderstood the initial goal and that if I had paid attention, I would have figured out that he wasn’t asking for me to give it 100%, but instead 150%, and stuff like that. On the performance reports he wrote about me, he would even leave out or down play my achievements, working for him felt like I was constantly shooting in the dark, and much like the example Dr. Ramani said about how your new boss at your new job is impressed with your work, something very similar happened to me when I went to the following base. I also think he was being sexist on top of being a narc. I would really like to have closure with this dirt bag one day. But as if that weren’t enough, at that following base, there were two narcs at that shop, and while one of them was openly a misogynist and he kept trying everything in his power to get me in trouble with our bosses, the other narc managed to feed me the crock of sh*t that he fell in love with me, so we eventually married, just to find out three years later that he had affairs during our marriage, which became more apparent when he left me because I was laid off from the military... 21K of us got laid off that year in 2015. A few months later my sister sent me an article from an online journal named the elephant journal, and the article was about the empath marrying the narc... when I read it I had nothing but relief because I finally understood that it was absolutely nothing I had done wrong or failed to do and that’s when I developed my interest in studying NPD and IPV
My boss always sets me up for failure. & When I question the acts like a toddler has a tantrum. Lol I laugh he gets so mad. He can't fire me because he's insecure. Oh every once in a while it gets to me.
If the company does great things they take personal credit even if they had no involvement. If something bad happens under their watch they will blame someone else. They think they're experts on things out of their depth.
Soooo true! Anything good that happened before they arrived must be overturned for the sake of changing everything thanks to their superior expertise (which they don't have but they tell everyone their supposed credentials). They claim they have turned the organisation around and it's so much better even if it was highly successful already and they have only run it into the ground since they arrived. And they attack the reputation of all those respected for their expertise so they can hopefully replace them. They do not work hard to or even turn up but they claim they the best!
I had a narcissist manager in California. After 10 years later, I had to leave the organization. I could not take it anymore. The person was worse than a micro-manager. She illegally tracked people down and made her subordinates follow employees outside of work. I am glad I've left that toxic worksite.
I had to leave too and they were so - 😮 “shocked” They wanted me out but didn’t think that i would actually leave. Your manager was beyond bat poop crazy.
Thank you for this video!!! I feel soooo resonated with the second sign and in academia!! I am a phd student working within a small research group, I feel that whatever I submit a work /state my opinion, it's not enough. There will be negative comments on (mostly irrelevant) details. If I dont change them, the complain will just pop out again from nowhere; If I state why I do not want to make the change with reasons, everyone else in the team starts to become allies to say why they support each other (or the opinion) and why I should change. These arguments are getting even harder as people think it is debating on the intellectual level or "academia requires perfection"... This is even harder for me as I my birth father is malignant narcissism, and I smell these things over-sensitively. But I always get confused whether it is just me being biased by my past experiences (being over-alert, maybe they are really giving criticism to help?), or it is a really toxic thing in the working environment. Any suggestion to distinguish that? Also, it would be fabulous to have such topics in your channel, focusing on academic behaviours, as I personally feel like this is the environment that has the fewest "rules" on communication/behavioural/boundary level.
I used to work with a narcissistic director in a few shows, she was the head of the production company. 1, If I approached her with a great idea, the only way she would take it on board was if I either made her feel like it was her idea or if she was able to take credit for my idea without people really knowing about it. 2, She was allowed to lecture people about occupational health and safety, but when I gently told people to be careful she would mockingly say "trust you to make a big deal about occ health and safety." 3, During a business meeting with the entire company, I questioned her about the multiple times I asked for extra help making costumes to which she always replied with "not now". She tried to shift the blame on me by saying "you should have had the costumes made on time", I replied with "I was working very long hours already and I tried to ask you to arrange extra help for me several times, but you didn't listen". 4, She gaslit cast members numerous times with phrases like "I never said that" or "no I didn't". 5, She was also a huge communal narcissist. One of her staple shows was based around mental health and she made a huge deal about mental health awareness and "proceeds go towards mental health charities" were on the posters. During a business meeting, everyone was given 2 or 3 sheets of paper with the production costs: props, costumes, venue hire, festival registration, paying the actors, etc. The amount of money that's poured into putting on those shows was significantly higher than the amount of money that went to those charities if they did at all.
I have recently worked with a narcissist boss, she had similar traits. Everything I did, I felt worthless about myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for explaining it so apt. Also, I can't help but comment on your furry listener who's sitting calm and quietly there. ❤
My narc boss made one of my co-workers put the team dinner on her company credit card. Told her in front of the whole team to pick up the check. This served several purposes. 1 it was something the boss could hold over this employees head, threatening that he would not approve her expenses. 2 It also kept her quiet from reporting him to HR because she was afraid she would be fired too. 3 put the whole team on notice and everyone walked around on eggshells fearing they would be the next one targeted. 4 Helped the boss hide some of his own embezzling. We found out later, he was spending his manager budget buying household items for personal use. So his superior didn't think much when a big bill came up, he thought it was the team dinner. This guy was one helluva showman and manipulator. He left before he got fired too.
My boss and client were having an affair (both were married and narcissistic) and I caught them canoodling in the office, so they let me "in on a secret" and had me take a shot of whiskey with them to celebrate said secret, which was that the client was going to leave her company and join our team. I unknowingly became "in on it" and had no idea, all I did was walk into a room to get coffee and I became an accomplice to their fucked up game.
Dr Ramani your videos are informational and validating. I am so tired of people everywhere who seem to think they are in charge of me, or in charge of monitoring my actions- it's sickening. And, if i say anything, they turn red and lash back. This is definitely an epidemic.
Worked for a small business as a sales rep for about 8 months. Made top sales rep, top employee within 1 month of working there. It was a hostile and unhealthy environment, and I was the only competent worker there. My boss took advantage of me and harassed me in a number of ways. I should've known earlier, but I was blinded by the pay (in retrospect wasn't that great). He didn't pay me my due commission and I ended up bringing him to court. I know the signs now and how harmful they can be.
Thank you! 🙌 I realize that I lived that but most of all my boyfriend as always been "under" a narc in business...so after 8 yrs I know that therapy and self-love is the key to heal because if you identify/identity/ego as a just professional, as your job, as the best worker in the world it can destroy you for a while!! Great topic, well needed well done!! Thanks.
Working in sales, one boss once asked me to do salsa dancing at work just because I'm a latina, that was very uncomfortable, and other things that went against company policies and my values. The work environment was very toxic for sure, not a good experience at all. Thankfully, they laid me off right when I was about to quit because of the toxicity.
I was asked to sign a poster of Hooter girls as if I was a girl on the poster. I said, "no". My boss said , "it's okay , no one will know that you signed the poster". I told him, " I'm not going to forge a signature".
From French Canada 🇨🇦, driving down to Galveston, future wanna be narc hubby said "Look there's a Hooters!" 👀, I said, isn't that a guy's place? as we sped by, 30 yrs later I still need to remind him I'm a chick 🚺!
I kinda wish a lawyer would collaborate to help establish legal ways to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse in the workplace. There's gotta be some way to keep the narcs in line when they start violating your employment rights. Maybe some advice on setting up safeguards, too? I'm currently not employed, but having grown up in a narcissistic home, I'm always afraid that I'll be taken advantage of by narcs in managerial roles. I'm statistically at a higher risk of continually being targeted, so I want to know what I can do.
My supervisor actually told me that she worked for “herself” emphasing it when we were speaking about the state agency we worked for. She got physically aggressive poking me in my shoulder 3x hurting me. My colleague believed that our supervisor was in someway responsible for her car window getting smashed while in the parking lot after having a disagreement with her a short time earlier. I requested a transfer the next day after the same supervisor tried to coerce me into processing a $5,000 payment to a provider without following the required protocol verifying the info. Glad I did not process the $$ in front of her, as she directed or ever. When I verified the info. I found it w/go to someone outside the state (very strange). Weeks later while in my new office I got wind that someone got caught wrongly processing $5,000. She was so bad other colleagues, too, could not understand WHY she was still working there until someone said “She probably has something on someone.” Supposedly, but do not know if true, her son worked for the FBI, I once heard.
"I can't give you an excellent review because there's always room for improvement." I had two bosses like that. When I was a kid, my mother kept berating me for being born a girl. So glad she's dead.
Sadly my step father was a narcissist who ran a cult, the impact on my family was devestating. To put it lightly, life's been interesting. I've had bosses who were narcissists as well and it was dreadful. I gladly work in Christian ministry now and I assure you, everyone has access to a relationship with God. I pray my experiences give empathy to many who've been through similar circumstances. I feel for you. 💖
I worked in retail. My manager and assistant manager would encourage me to to take items out of stock, if I wanted them, it was a test to see if I was like them. I didn't and they turned against me. I was told to lower the cost price of items so the sale profit looked better to the owner. If an item was in store but not in stock, they would just say it was theirs. They would order in stock and say it was damaged so they could take it. They would say they had worked longer hours than they actually did. They took money from the til. They placed personal items onto the accounts of large companies and changed the descriptions. Extremely dishonest, I felt very uncomfortable when I was there. When I tried talking to upper management I had already been painted as the trouble maker by them. The owner didn't want to listen about the way I was treated, he just said we must do whats in the interest of the company, so I never told him they were stealing from him, I just left.
Two days after beginning a new job, I overheard the boss yell at one of the employees so harshly that she ran out of his office crying. I should have walked out at that very moment. The employee later on said that he did that to her many times, that it was his of teaching her, and that she was thankful because she had become a stronger person as a result. His favorite book was the old version of The One Minute Manager. The third part of the One Minute Manager is the reprimand which he used often and maliciously. He would make insulting quips. He micromanaged everything and it was terribly suffocating. After six months, I made the decision to leave after he nearly had me in tears for something that was not my fault (one of his "teaching moments".
Great video! I have worked for one of these people, and fortunately Senior leadership finally got with the program, and let this guy go. He was totally in it for himself, would throw his team under the bus on the regular. So glad I'm no longer reporting to him.
My supervisor described perfectly. It’s all about him. Every conversation no matter the subject he will turn it around on how great he has been. It’s crazy and infuriating that he makes /steaks his salary as he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t do the work, he’s not knowledgeable however he talks and doesn’t stop. Then acts like the nicest person I could go on and on.
Just listening to this makes me feel a little less crazy, and see things as they are. It's so hard to not seem crazy to other people, but also need to work out mentally what is actually happening. It's so hard to explain how consuming it is.
I work under a female Narcissist as a female. I had to call my Doctor for help. I have an appointment next week. I was so upset, it became dangerous for me to drive home and had to stop half-way home. That's when I called my Doctor. My Union Rep. told me to stay under the radar until they can get there. Because of her position, this person has the ability to get personal info, I am afraid of what she could pull to get revenge. I do keep record of what she does.
Oh my God, I am supervised by a person who I'm starting to see I am surrounded by narcissist in toxic workplace. My boss said I couldn't write a report while my reports were set as new version to be used within the whole organization because of her words I stopped making efforts. One thing she did was to hire unqualified staff who were capable do the work because they support her. She helped my colleague to motivate for performance bonus, when they both got a bonus and I didn't. I literally went to find their documents I find out they motivated with everything I did while they were on leave and sick. All my work I've achieved was theirs. I couldnt believe. The only thing is keeping in that job is that I haven't got another job but I'm definitely apply like crazy. I'm exhausted by this toxic environment.
One supervisor was always giving work back to us. It was always wrong, even if she had to change the rules to make it wrong. (I still document everything because of her.) I finally got moved to a harder job, and people were telling me they'd heard about my nasty attitude and incompetence, but weren't seeing it. It got back to her, and magically, a big mistake got pinned on me. All the evidence and proof I'd given was ignored. I'd gone against the Narc Club and I was being punished. I got another job just in time, and it's amazing the difference. One narc tried to target me, but without the Club, can't do much, and I still record every meeting anyway. (Check the laws first, my area is a single party consent law.)
Damn, thats good evidence tho. But do make next steps for your sanity. I had the same dillema (well my boss was upfront ballistic on me instead of text), and i loved the job itself but weighing it, it aint worth shit, even he was about to leave in 11 months, no way i’m part of this shit show.
I have Narcisist parents. And I've been working with Narcisistic boss. The result is I wanna die without knowing why. I have no reason to live. I can't enjoy anyting. Everyting is too painful. When I find about I start to realise and try hard to get better.
Thank you very much. I do relate to the points mentioned about academic experience at prestigous universities. I also ended up leaving academia due to the very bad experience I gained there. I very much appreciate the knowledge you share on this topic.
Do you have any videos on narcissism in our government officials and how the public doesn’t always see it for what it is ? Not just in government but in all kinds of companies that have a lot of power in our world . I feel like if we stop electing narcissistic leaders, our world may begin to change for the better . Maybe ? Lol.
Even if these bosses or leaders are pushing us to do better, they should validate the good that we have done and say let's try to improve or something like that. In my family, or religion none of us were ever good enough for the grandiose narcissists. They would put their heads together and think of ways to refute everything we said Very beautiful complementary dress doctor Ramani. You look great
Our team merged with another and I was asked to take on a role upper management wanted to be filled. I was asked by my immediate manager to allow him to do the work while I take credit. He disregarded the wishes of upper management (his boss) and told me I was joining the team to see who could be fired so they can give out bonuses. I broke down, got hives, lost sleep. This isn't the only time this psychopath crossed boundaries. The final straw was a personal call to my cell to *yell* at me for copying upper management on an email pertaining to the new function. Eventually, I set boundaries and asked that he only contact me when it's work related. The only way he and his boss bring my spirits down is through a few, possibly manipulated, colleagues who either share similar traits or believe fabricated stories. I'm trying to figure my way out while living in a constant state of anxiety. I feel spiritually and mentally raped and honestly don't see a way out.. It is my goal to find new employment when a few other things align in my personal life. However, everyone I speak to tells me every office has it's narcissists.
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What about a different kind of narcissistic leader?
Instead of making his workers work harder, he gives his workers the green light to steal, by baptizing any member who does not belong to the cult, thief or cruel person. This model is psycopathic model or narcissistic model?
I think so(I am not sure) this mindset was the first form of primitive patriarchy, instead of focusing ideas on the usage of objects or for scientific purposes, you were focusing ideas on the usage of people.
No better technology, but better slaves
No better scientific methods, but better manipulation methods to make scientists your dogs
Also if you worked for this kind of narcissistic leader (the savior), there is a great possibility that if you work for a normal leader to feel abused
This kind of narcissistic/psycopathic leader has better chances to survive than the cruel leader, the cruel leader maybe is an overreaction of hate (I will do the complete opposite of what this person did).
I dont know if this model of leadership has to do with psycopaths that are different from narcissists..
I am curious because is much easier to make your workers to love you, by stealing wealth from undefined 'evil people', than to make them work more for the exact amount that they deserve as payment, also in this way you can create an army of followers much easier and If a part rebels against you, you can punish it with the other parts because you are rightfully a savior!!
(Sry for my English my syntax is bad)
Yes I have. I have had 3 narcissistic leaders in my life in church ministry. My question is what is wrong with me that I fell for this three times in my life. I learned a lot. I am out of it now. Yes, I did quite a few things working with all three of these leaders that was wrong on some level. Signs were there, but I ignored them. I have boiled it down to wanting to be loved, understood, approved and validated. All of them had similar personalities. I am trying to keep this short, but I could really write a book. Thanks for taking the time to explain the dynamics of having a narcissist in your life. I am free of all of them. They are not safe people to be around in my opinion. Being whole is the best way to avoid being manipulated by a narcissist.
@@alamb247 what were the signs which you missed?
MedCircle I worked for a narcissistic boss for a total of three years in the military, but I had no idea NPD was even a thing! All I knew is that he messed with my head so badly that I really ended up believing I was a failure as a troop! Every time I met or even surpassed the goals he set for me, he would tell me how badly I misunderstood the initial goal and that if I had paid attention, I would have figured out that he wasn’t asking for me to give it 100%, but instead 150%, and stuff like that. On the performance reports he wrote about me, he would even leave out or down play my achievements, working for him felt like I was constantly shooting in the dark, and much like the example Dr. Ramani said about how your new boss at your new job is impressed with your work, something very similar happened to me when I went to the following base. I also think he was being sexist on top of being a narc. I would really like to have closure with this dirt bag one day. But as if that weren’t enough, at that following base, there were two narcs at that shop, and while one of them was openly a misogynist and he kept trying everything in his power to get me in trouble with our bosses, the other narc managed to feed me the crock of sh*t that he fell in love with me, so we eventually married, just to find out three years later that he had affairs during our marriage, which became more apparent when he left me because I was laid off from the military... 21K of us got laid off that year in 2015. A few months later my sister sent me an article from an online journal named the elephant journal, and the article was about the empath marrying the narc... when I read it I had nothing but relief because I finally understood that it was absolutely nothing I had done wrong or failed to do and that’s when I developed my interest in studying NPD and IPV
@@alphanotmale1847 good story! I had a boss for 3 years. he was a narc but he made to clear in the beginning that he does not want me in his team. I just hung out till then end with him and in the end after I had planned my exit, I told everyone in the company about him. he was recently fired. he really messed up with my head, I took 5 months to heal. he bullied me so much that I became alpha man.
Narcissistic boss: ego & reputation first. Employees last.
same here, get out stay out.
My narc boss never complimented us. She always moved goal posts. She micromanaged EVERYTHING. Even access to drinks and snacks her employees came together and bought on their own in our break room. She never resolved issues between employees. She almost seemed to want to keep us divided against each other. Oh yes noone could get anything right. She never took ownership of any failings. She always pointed to us as the reason why things went wrong.
Yes it is like this person controls things by chaos.
Been there and done that!!
It’s company policy for them too do that divide and conquer even though it can have a negative effect on the company .
My boss is exactly like that
That's exactly what I'm experiencing
-extreme micromanagement
-constant goalpost changes (to the point we have considered he has Dementia)
-implying you have done something wrong when you've done exactly what asked
-controlling even what you eat or drink in social settings
-contacting outside of work hours
-saying one thing in front of a client, but then asking us to go back and make bad and awkward changes.
-constant criticism and setting constantly changing rules that he himself doesn't follow
-the only consistency is inconsistency
Sweet dog. He's probably saying, "can we just love each other."
Exactly😂🤘
1:20: The narcissistic leader is in it solely for their personal enrichment.
4:20: No matter how hard you work, you feel like it’s not enough.
7:25: You are asked to do things in the position that leave you feeling uncomfortable.
And yep / not enough. Never enough. More and more is heaped on a couple of us with no thanks, encouragement, appreciation etc.
@@Lionofthelovinggod1 Sounds like society as a whole, no?
Work heaped on a few targets while the narcs do nothing but create drama
I think I am just trying to weigh things and be more understanding but I just want to share this and if could also share clarification- my boss is the owner of the company, so isn’t it just right that he ensures that his business is in good health and financially stable. Although it saddens me to hear this because all I do was basically deny or not entertain the idea that there is something wrong and that he only acts that way because he is my boss and that he is only looking after his business.
So, just last week, there was this incident about my day off. I am always scheduled to be off every Tuesday of the week. And so, because of this, I already have planned out my Tuesday.
My son’s orthodontist appointment was supposed to be last April 12. I scheduled that appointment 3 months ago which around the first week of January. He is putting braces because we have to fix the crowding of his teeth or he will have to have oral surgery. I didn’t not write my son’s doctor’s appointment in the calendar at work because i scheduled it on my day off (meaning, I can do whatever I have to do because it is my day off).
Now, I found out about 3 weeks ago that my boss will be out of town the whole week of the week of Easter. But, he never mentions it to me. He never asked me to reschedule my day off nor asked me to reschedule or cancel any plans that I have during my day off.
Now, April 8, he approached me and told me that I cannot have a day off because he will be out the entire week. And that he scheduled his vacation 2 months ago and that I don’t have any options but come to work. (Although, there is another person that I worked with who already said that he can handle working on his own on my day off).
When my boss said that I don’t have any options, he was raising his voice on me in front of my other coworkers. I just froze. Kinda confused, shattered, shamed, insulted, undervalued, insignificant. I was really hurt. Good thing, my allergies was at its peek that my eyes keeps itching and watery and my nose was kinda congested that even if I cry at my workstation, it was not obvious.
It is the first time that I have experienced this - be yelled at and told I don’t have any options when the reason I need my day off was for my son’s orthodontist appointment.
A few months ago, the same thing happens but it was for a different reason - my spouse (who is an only child) needed to go to Chicago to take care of his mom’s belongings (she has Alzheimer’s) and she is currently in an assisted living now. But when I asked my boss if I can take a day off just to babysit my son while my spouse takes care of his mom, my boss yelled at me again and said no.
I have worked in corporate company for 6 years before this job and held supervisory/managerial position during that time. Here, I am only a staff member. I try to understand his reasons but what’s not acceptable is the way he approach me. There was a time that he yelled out in front of my coworkers that I screw things up all the time. While if the other pharmacist make a mistake, he does not even yell nor correct him. And the way my boss corrects that other pharmacist is by calling both of us and then showing us how to do it correctly.
It’s frustrating and drains up my energy. What you are discussing here now is coming to me as a wake up call.
I want to leave and have applied to other positions. Hopefully, I get to leave soon.
Spot on!
I worked with a Narcissist boss. I worked harder than anyone in my region, brought in more revenue than anyone in my tenure, and my clients loved me. It was never enough. He also stole my ideas and took credit for my work corporate wide. I was in my 20s and had no idea what narcissist abuse was. He was hiding behind that he was a “good guy” because we worked at a not for profit “Christian” company. He ruined my physical and mental health. It took 5 years to recover. All the warning signs were there. I tired too get out and he destroyed my image and business as I gave him a large narcissist injury. It was brutal. I do not wish narcissist abuse on anyone. I hope this comment helps someone on the edge of leaving a narcissistic relationship, leave now so you don’t lose years of your life. Best to all.
Yeah those altruistic narcissister the worst that we've got to show everybody in public how they're giving a charity and all this stuff you know for kudos from other people
Yep, and Jesus repeatedly called them out on this behavior in His day. Further shows they don't know or put into practice what Jesus teaches, and therefore are faking it. Sorry you went through that. Jesus loves you and went through that too so He knows what it's like.
I hope no matter what happens in your life, you hold on. I just want to remind you not to take life for granted. It's short, so take advantage of this beautiful day, you're alive and it's a gift. You are a beautiful person and this world needs your smile and you have things to accomplish on this earth. This little message is just a sign to tell you not to let go, and to tell you that Jesus loves you and hears you. Sincerely.
Isaiah 43:4
How are you doing now?
Same thing happened to me and I lost my job in the middle of the pandemic. He ruined my reputation in the company, and even coworkers who were my friends seem skeptical of me because he’s that good of an actor. Your comment makes me feel less alone. I hope you’ve recovered, and I hope to recover someday soon too.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Thank you, all of this resonates with experiences that I have had in the workplace:
1. Taking excessive amounts of time from the team to do things that makes him look good but have no value whatsoever for the team
2. Always delegating, above doing anything other than trying to micromanage what you o
3. Having team members pry into your personal affairs, instead of having a direct conversation about any concerns
4. Always dwelling on your weaknesses and downplaying your contribution
5. Always aggressive in meetings and try to put you down instead of supporting you
6. The forever flip flop on what you should do, one moment you should do this and next moment don’t bother
7. Constantly trying to confuse and disorient you, excluding you from meetings and initiatives
8. Always needing to reiterate that he’s in charge because he feels threatened. And it goes on and on. Fortunately I am educated on personality disorders and have been equipped to navigate this
my life right now.
Oh goodness yes.. I've had so many of them it's unreal. When I first started work it wasn't this way at all!! Imloved gointo work and felt very valued and remuneration came frommyour hard work and treated wonderfully but we are talking 40 years ago! In last 30 but especially in last 20 years just narc after narc toxic thick idiots!! They're like a plague... I hate these people they make you sick literally. If these people were in the world it would be a much better place I can't stand them..😡
Exactly what I've been experiencing with my current boss
This sounds like our pastor of almost 2 years. He was ok to get along with the first year but this year he has been private messaging me about my Facebook post. He thinks they would hurt peoples feelings. One post I only posted 2 out of 3 singers. The left out person (that I’m not even friends with on FB) may see that I didn’t post them singing. I run the live video and the sound and the guitar was sounding weird on live and I posted that it was probably caused by guitars being too loud. He took my post off and said it could hurt the guitar players feelings. He praises the musicians all the time but never the sound booth people. Uggg. Everytime he gets onto me, I cry my eyes out privately because criticizism hurts me deeply.
Yep been experiencing all these at work for the last year at my new job with my boss and whenever i brought up concerns I was dismissed, my words were twisted and used against me and literally told "what can you do to make things better? You need to set goals..." he even asked if I was going to counseling for my "issues" and told it was all my fault. Even when I point blank told him exact interactions and words he said and did that were hurtful, confusing, intimidating, (now I know the term "gaslighting" which is what it was repeatedly), belittling, etc. Not once did he apologize or validate it, just made it my fault and said "we" have to figure out how to work together (and when he uses the royal "we", and he does alot, he means the other person, not himself). He's always right, never at fault, and the whole responsibility of everything (personally/relationally as well as job-task wise, even his job responsibilities in addition to mine) is always put on me
My boss love bombed all of us, told us we're amazing around 4 zillion times a day. Only to sack us one by one. On one occasion, she promised someone they wouldn't be fired and that she's like a "sister" only to sack her that same day.
We then unearthed the fact that she had been lying to us about everything for almost 2 years. When I stopped responding to her "giggles" and "hugs" she changed IMMEDIATELY. Away went the smiles, away went the compliments. Then she started setting me up and building a case to have me removed.
This all started when I challenged her in a meeting.
From then on, she completely changed towards me. She has her flying monkeys reporting us and making life miserable for those of us who can see right through her.
Love bombing yes, I notice polarized strategies too. Nothing is consistent or stable.
I have had a very similar experience with my boss as well. Cannot take criticism in the slightest and extremely sensitive to public opinion on their reputation. But puts on a fake mask of confidence.
I did the same thing. Corrected my boss in a meeting for things they were incorrect about and then this boss went behind my back and told my coworkers that I’m aggressive. And also out of the blue will get mad at me now for no reason as they reflect back on the narcissistic injury incurred. It went off like a switch and their tone went from positive and jovial to “annoyed” and “dull”. Anything that challenges their delusional opinion of themselves is seen as a threat and must be removed.
This boss also got a high ranking executive staff member fired by taking badly behind their back and then gaslighted them when they were leaving saying how fortunate it was to work with them. These are very sick people.
This boss also makes lower ranking staff do their work for them and then steals the credit. Wastes almost 90% of work time in meetings where nothing concrete ever gets done. But when actual work needs to get done their too tired so it gets pushed onto us. Nothing is ever good enough for them but when they make an effort to do it they can’t do it themselves.
The dog's like; 'Can we please talk about something else? Like Blue Buffalo vs. Purina.'
LMFAOOO
Man, it's so weird looking at things in hindsight. You think as an intelligent person you'd see these flags before it ever becomes a problem, but that's the thing about narcissists - they're master manipulators. My boss found my biggest vulnerabilities and before I knew it I felt like I was on a drug I could never get enough of and that if I could just get her approval it would make everything better. I even remember thinking that when she was worming her way into my personal life with her love bombing that it didn't seem appropriate for a boss to be doing, but I fell back on "she's my boss, she's my elder... she knows better." Always trust yourself.
So true!
Exactly like my situation!!!! Crazy
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Sounds exactly like what happened to me..
Very true. My marital counselor did this with my husband and our family. He wanted to get personal with us after our counseling was over and then it became so much more. We didn't know how to read the red flags or that certain things were red flags from the beginning.
The warning signs are always there no matter narcissist or something else!
I was told to call an employee in on their day off so her(and me) could fire that poor employee. Later on I reached out to that employee apologized, it was not my idea. I felt so bad for her. She spoke her truth to that boss and it got her fired.
Yep, I had a boss ask me to move money from one account into another so the client wouldn't know. He literally said "wash the accounts". I explained to our client what was going on. After the client investigated the books, he was out the door and I had a new manager.
Omg
Nice one! A win win situation
Haha boss literally told me she was going to take the additional money a non profit gave us for price increases.....shit is hitting the fan. So glad I'm leaving
I wish I had seen this before I started my last job. My bosses “business goal” was to make a bunch of money so she can be a snow bird and retire by 55.
Fortunately (unfortunately) I am divorced from a narcissist, so I recognized the behaviour pretty quick, so I was only in the job for 2 months. The crappy part is I quit a week ago, and she’s still messing with me. Holding my pay hostage…
She basically love bombed me into the job, and then never let me do anything I was hired to do, was unpredictable, mean, played staff against each other, talked poorly about everyone behind their backs, took advantage of me, refused to pay over time, didn’t respect my personal time. I did just about everything she asked, but I was constantly terrified to make an error. She lied constantly, she stole without remorse, but was suspicious of everyone and had massive trust issues.
Then when I quit, she THANKED ME for saving her the time and trouble of printing the termination letter she was planning to give me anyways. Bull sh!t.
WOW! This is it. I was never able to do anything I was hired to do. Her work go was to 'get me to take over and just do what she does so she can go work someplace making three times as much'. She did all of these same things except the outright stealing. You can tell a change in management where they are actually listening to her though. Gross work behavior changes. Obtaining stuff to put over their heads when she needs to. I am just making sure to tell the remaining staff that aren't gaslit what's happening and what her behavior is.
Isn't it crazy, instead of just listening to someone 'talk the talk' you would be so much more aware looking at their actual work? Most of these people are not as competent as they say. If the mental gymnastics was just applied to their work, wouldn't it save all of us the headache?
Oh yes! Drove me crazy. Amazingly, my narcissist ex-boss found an excuse to 'ring' me every so often over 20 years after I had gotten away from them! They don't let go. They talk behind your back. They are the injured party?! They are very difficult to ignore, eventually I just outlived her.
Haha! Good for you! They are truly awful aren’t they?
When someone on this show said that being in the presence of a narcissistic leader actually depleted your energy, I had an intense flashback and physical response to this statement.
Please excuse the length of this comment as I explain.
I was very involved with our church adult singles organization about 20 years ago.
I served as Vice President with about 20 other single adult leaders who represented various congregations spread throughout our area.
Although a supervisor was assigned to us, the actual program development and function of the organization on a local level was primarily the job of the single adult leaders. We had worked hard and over a period of about 4 years of very dedicated effort and personal sacrifice had established a well attended and growing program. We were pretty excited about it. Our supervisor was highly supportive and played only a background role. He attended all our meetings but did not interfere with our ideas, plans, or ambitions. You could say we were all on fire and enthused to meet a very real need in our area. Not easy to do with a bunch of mostly depressed single 45 year olds! But we had it all rolling along
.
Then our supervisor fell ill.
We all wondered who the replacement would be. Never dreamed the worst.
In fact, when he showed up I didn’t know anyone so horrible was in my church.
At the special meeting called for all leadership, our new supervisor Mr A , wearing a black suit and a stern face, strode into the room, slammed a folder on the table, and said “ I’m going to be taking over and we will be doing things my way from now on.” We were all stunned into shocked silence. He then proceeded to officiate over the meeting and reform and rip apart every program we had spent years refining. When anyone dared to say something, he glared and made a scathing comment to shut her or him down.
As the meeting continued and he refused any participation from us, systematically decimating all our hard work, several people got up and walked out, one woman in tears. The feeling in the room was one of pain.
I spoke up and said “ Me A, what you are doing is unrighteous dominion. “
This was a direct criticism and a call for him to recognize that his approach was against the policies of our church, which encourage freedom of choice and participation. Being silenced like this was unacceptable on all levels.
He stared at me a long while, with such venom in his face that I could literally feel the life being sucked out of me. But I refused to back down and only left after the meeting was over. Several of us congregated outside and every person expressed that they had felt such darkness and a draining of life when this man came into the room. Not just from what he said but from who he was. Oppression oozed from him like a dark vapor.
Since then I’ve been aware of how there is always a darkness, an uneasiness around
narcissists. An uncomfortable, confusing feeling. I don’t ignore it.
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing. I have a similar feel around my boss so in you sharing this it has opened me up to how draining he is too. Its like when he walks in a black cloud hovers over him and settles over you.
This sucking away of energy so obvious I could literally feel it happening blatantly happened when my boss came and talked at me for 3 hours early on when I first started my new job. I didn't know what it was at the time but I knew it was a major red flag and to be on guard. There is at least 1 demonic spirit attached to this phenomenon, probably more because demons work in groups. I believe at the very least there's a pride spirit (some call it a jezebel spirit because it's what was at work in that Biblical queen jezebel) and a confusion spirit at work and they are causing that oppressive, dark draining feeling and the gaslighting/confusion. Humans on our own don't produce that kind of "energy" but an evil spirit does. The person themself isn't evil or causing it exactly, but they come into agreement with said evil spirits which then use the person and work through them to attack other people. Satan was the original narcissist and his sin was pride and he deceived Adam and Eve and destroyed all of humanity's lives, so i personally think that's why this narcissist issue is so terrible and evil and oppressive. It's the true original sin and continues to destroy unsuspecting, naive humans' lives. But God is greater and desires all the people to be saved, healed, and delivered, even those under the deception of the evil of narcissism. Pray for these people to be freed and healed, and pray for their victims.
The thing is that not everyone sees this, and for the most it flies over their head.
My first year of teaching, I worked for a famous educator in Texas who was known for having perfect test scores in a low income school. It was all about him being so great and advancing his notoriety. Every week we would have 3 hour meetings detailing all of the things that the teachers were doing wrong. When the state writing test came out, the test was opened, I was pulled out of my class, and a supervisor teacher helped the children write to the prompt. This was known throughout the school and I was pissed because I could have lost my teaching license over this. I went all the way to the Superintendent with this information, but nothing was ever investigated. They wanted to send me to another school that was under this mans control (he ran the first charter school cluster in Texas), but I refused. So basically I lost my job. The superintendent became Secretary of Education and I found a job in a district close to my home and stayed at that school until I retired 22 years later. It was a living hell, but I survived!
The education system is full of these these types of people. So toxic
Whoa. I love my kids Texas Public Schools! I never had a good feeling about charter schools here. They always appear to be selling you when we visited them. Sorry you had to deal with that
A Narcissistic boss fully ruined my confidence in my abilities for months. Nothing was ever enough and it was always my fault, I'd try my best and stay late but there was always something more I could have done.
Took me getting fired and finding a new job for me to believe in my talents again!!
I can relate with you. I got fired recently from a toxic boss afyer she defamed my character for false accusation. She threatened to fight against me if I attempted to apply for unemployment .
I enjoyed working with my coworkers. But. Working for her I knew it was toxic work environment, but I stayed for the money.
You should be so proud of yourself for believing in your talents & finding a new work space that values you now!🙏
I dont know if my boss was Narcissistic, but she was certainly toxic. I'll never forget some of the things she said, not just the cruel things, but the logically unreasonable things. The one I think is most telling is when she said, "I wish I could just hire five copies or clones of myself, then everything would be done perfectly." It really showed how out of touch she was because everybody else knew that her and her clones would likely end up killing eachother, forget customer satisfaction (she was unbelievably rude). If a boss EVER says anything like that, start looking for a new job ASAP!
Thats definitely narsistic lol
LOL the boss I worked for would literally say this. "If only there was another MEEE." "Don't use books to learn, just do what IIIIII DO." She found a room to exploit upper management because the VP of Operations never did the due diligence to follow through on Alllllllll of the people that had came to concerns with her nonsense. Yeah, of course she is putting an act on her main target er- I mean, valued coworker! Uhg.
I wonder how long it will take them to realize if you take things at face value without the benefit of the doubt, they can and will write you a lala land fairytale? I guess once they look up and realize it's been burned to the ground and they're wearing the dunce hat.
Glad you left! Proud of you! I can relate as idk if my past boss was a narcissist, but the work environment was toxic & drained me whenever I was around her. She could never handle constructive feedback from her employees even about the smallest things like suggesting to move furniture around bc there was too much clutter.. On the day she fired me, she defamed my character falsely accusing me of stealing from her. I have never stolen from anyone or any job before , so I was jaw dropped. She then, threatened to fight against me if I tried to apply for unemployment. I wish I had recorded her for proof since there were no witnesses. Lesson learned if possible, NEVER be left alone with a toxic or narcissistic person.
I wanted to leave asap, but i needed to make the money . So i was in a bind. The universe had other plans for me & I am SO grateful to be out of that toxic , fake environment.
We can't settle . We all deserve a healthy work environment that truly values us. I'm glad you got out & others. Much prosperity ✨️
Reading your comment reminds me of my current boss. There's a Golden Child at the company who can do no wrong. Once I heard my boss say, "if only we could clone (Golden Child) and make ten of them. Then we'd finally be okay. *Scoffs". I couldn't believe my ears. Like I had the wind knocked out of me. Here I was with colleagues working my ass off and my boss has no encouragement but instead a shift of the goal posts to attain what this Golden Child is. Smh
Here is my wife’s problem. We have concluded that my wife’s boss is a full fledge narcissist. We did some book reading and her boss had ALL the characteristics of a narcissist listed in a chart under narcissist!😳
So yeah get the fuck out. It’s a no brained! But wait, to still stay in the state you have to list your boss as a reference. So during the selection process they call my wife’s narcissistic boss. So of coarse my wife has no good qualities- needs improvement everywhere, all the gaslighting is passed on to the background caller. It is like if the boss says 2+2 = 5 the caller believes it because she is the boss an is able to convincingly pass on bullshit with no evidence. It is almost like the caller is made do fell stupid for even considering anything other than what is told. So then the caller hangs up thinking well maybe in some circumstances 2+2 does equal 5.
It all started when my wife was put in charge when her boss was out on medical leave. My wife ran the ship flawlessly for 3 months! No issues, all was well. Odd thing, upon returning to work the boss never acknowledged the good work in her absence. Instead suddenly started yelling at my wife for stupid stuff. When my wife asked her to stop yelling she did not. When my wife made a complaint to the boss’s boss that person said I don’t want to take sides. It was never to be investigated or discussed as a behavior that is not consistent with the code of conduct for an office environment. Nope nothing, yelling and being disrespectful perfectly normal! Riiight Turns out my wife’s boss boss is a flying monkey that does nothing more than enable piss poor leadership. No coaching, no training, no progressive discipline for people that “don’t meet job expectations! Nope, just gaslighting, disrespect, blame, intimidation, and in general abuse of legitimate power. In the past others have complained to Human Resources and nothing was ever done to enforce common decency in the office setting.
Too many people unquestionably go along with what authority says. We are conditions as children to believe our teachers, parents, coaches and the police. All want the best for us. But some times the circle of trust is broken by the likes of a narcissist. It is horrific, it is diabolic!
It has been decades since there was a string of postal workers that came to work and shot up the office killing many people before shoring themselves. It was happening so frequently that the term “ Going Postal” was coined to describe people going crazy at work. Now I know how it happens!
Yes, the red flags are always there. Keep your head out of the sand. Pace yourself. Don't dive head first into any relationship.
At 25 years of age, I'm just now getting this.
It's very correct that whatever you do at your job place for a narcissistic boss or manager is not enough plus he concentrates on your faults more than your great works, even if you have made one percent mistake! He just mostly talk about that! Another thing is he never appreciates your job efforts, there is no encouragement. He doesn't care about your work problems or other problems you have as his employee. I remember one of my previous bosses that he was asking me frequently if I have a problem I can tell him and once I told him that I have problem just with the time of one work shift in one day and I said as it starts from 12 pm and finish at 12 am and I live in this country alone as an immigrant, I can't go to my home in that time because there is no bus until 3 am. I asked him if he can change that time at least decrease it one hour, I would be appreciated and you know what he said? He said it isn't my business, It's your problem! So I could understand he didn't care about my problems as much as he was saying all the time! So I decided to quit the job and after days I told him that it's very hard for me to continue like that and I decided to go back to my country and you know what he did again? When I went to take my stuff and I wanted to open my metal store wardrobe (I am not sure what it is in English), it was open! He broke the lock himself and I didn't know why but I remember it hurt me, it was like someone attacked to my privacy however I had just my cloths there. So if a narcissistic boss doesn't like your decision, he can insult you indirectly. And as I have worked for lots of narcissistic managers if I think more maybe I can tell many true stories and lots of other signes. 😩😖
My immediate supervisor (yrs ago) drove me to the brink of suicide. She was horrific. Also there are three individuals in the team I work as part of who are practicing strong narcissistic traits. I am educating the others in the team about how to protect themselves.
sorry to hear that
Go Amanda Go!
Josee Noel smile.
Same! Been so depressed. Shutting the world out. I’ll never go back and if I have to quit every toxic job to be where I want to be welp fine with me. My mental and physical health is more important
It was even getting to the point where I wanted to physically hurt this awful person so I did the right thing and quit today. And heck I’m not telling them I’ve quit. Let management find someone else to treat like shit but it won’t be me not anymore.
I worked in the for the Government for a Narcissist Boss. He was presenting himself as the epitome of human rights, in front of the cameras he used to hug the people he was trying to help, but behind their back, he was even visibly despising those groups he claimed he loved. He was super charismatic and the best dad, and husband, but behind closed doors, he was vindictive, loved the spotlight, he was depressed when he did not receive more likes, and he used to dring 10 cups of coffee, so he was constantly going up and down, kind of like multiple personalities and different types of energy. He created chaos and competition internally, changed his decisions 20 times, and gaslighted all the time. He believed he had a mission from God here on earth and convinced everybody to believe he was there for pure love and vocation.
Your describing my supervisor. Little does he know I was married to a malignant, sociopath, active addict, drinker narcissist for 23 years. I am know in a place where I mentally say thank you to my ex husband for being a great teacher. Grey Rock technique works. I am also not responsible for anyones perception and projections, thank you.
My covert narcissist boss had made "fighting against narcissists" his life's goal. He and his flying monkeys were always preaching about ethics, fairness and being open-minded. The more I watch and listen to DrRamani and MedCircle, the more I realize how COMPLICATED it is. The higher their IQ, the harder it gets to bring yourself out of the confusion. Thank you for such an enlightenment you bring to our lives for free. You are a life-saver to many.
Great point about high IQ and it being more difficult to assess the narcissistic attributes.
My intuition was pinging from day one and I ignored it. All three signs were there as the years rolled on. I finally reached a breaking point and left and am now in a great workplace. My lesson was to listen to my intuition from the jump 👍💯
It’s sad most people who are narcissistic usually get promoted to these leadership positions like it’s almost like a trait you need in order to move up in the company
Yes, I've worked for a few narcissistic bosses.
Most recently, I was at a nonprofit where a narcissist CEO took over from the long-term (20 years) CEO, brought in other narcissist leaders, fired about a fourth of the staff (who'd been there anywhere from seven to 36 years!) with no reason, no warnings, no probation, no performance issues, no chances, AND NO SEVERANCE pay. I don't consider two weeks pay after 23 years of service "severance." (That was just one example.) Btw, the new folks they replaced us all with were paid more. They had to pay more to be competitive, so we weren't fired because we "made too much money." Also, everyone fired, and two forced out, were all in the 50's and 60's.
Btw, if we'd all been people of color, or all women, or all members of the LGBTQ community, there would have been legal action - and winning legal action, I'd bet - but ageism is the great, invisible discrimination...
Before all the firings began, this CEO gave multiple speeches to the entire agency promising no one would be losing their jobs. The three top level directors, out of six total, who were Servant Leaders and NOT narcissists, all left. One left within the first two weeks of his arrival.
Firing all these folks was diabolically clever and efficient, because he not only got rid of a bunch of people he saw as a threat - yes, these were long-time employees who were strong, competent, respected in the community - but those left were cowed to keep their heads down and stay in their lanes. It was a culture shift.
BUT, he was very charming, eloquent, impassioned about the cause, visionary, with an appearance of being honorable and forthright. In fact, after all the firings, he penned a "Message from the CEO" in the newsletter that was all about love and how love was the most important thing in the world and that we must all practice love, generosity, humility, empathy, vulnerability, respect, dignity, grace, etc. Meanwhile, real, actual people's lives were ruined. One employee's cancer worsened and she died. Another attempted suicide. People's finances took serious hits. Some had to sell homes, leave town. Some were two or three years away from retirement. This was not how they thought they would end their long, productive careers: kicked to the curb.
So, watch what they DO, not what they SAY.
Also, if someone new comes in and says no one will lose their jobs, get your resume ready. Leave first, if you can. The sad thing is this CEO is still there and probably will be for life. There were/are no consequences. He's the perceived winner. He's the one who looks good, smart, capable, and all the people thrown away are garbage and don't matter, don't count. In some ways, to me, I'm a little surprised were not ALL narcissists, because these people - the narcs - are running most of the shows and ruining millions of people's lives, so I'm kinda surprised we're not all scorpions and assholes in this brutal world, just to survive.
My advice is: as soon as you identify that your boss, or the top boss if he's/she's not your immediate boss, is a narc, leave. Find a different culture. Not an easy task because a lot of narcissists/sociopaths are really good at painting their culture as "transparent, honorable, empathetic, open, equitable, fair, compassionate, kind," etc. They know what to say to persuade and seduce.
But, using my last situation as an example, if they talk about how everyone's job is secure and write about love and kumbaya, yet fire more than 16 people in less than a year, well, that might be a sign that they're a monster. And do you want to work with a monster, and all their Flying Monkeys?
Sadly, all those fired have scarcely, or never, seen or heard from anyone at that agency, some of whom worked together for 10, 15, 20, and 36 years! All gone. One person did this. Dozens and dozens of lives adversely affected. By one person.
Narcissists are responsible for almost all the pain, ruin, destruction, prejudice, crime and suffering in the world, and yet, seems there's nothing we can do. Maybe we're at some kind of tipping point now, waking up to this...maybe someday soon we'll actually be able to do something meaningful about these individuals, who are made, not born.
This is my dream, hope, and my prayer. And I'm going to do everything in my power to wake us up to all of this.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, Kyle, and Flor!!!
@@Maggie-zr2ow Thanks Maggie. Best to you. We can certainly hope and pray and, where and when we can, do things, say things, speak up and out, and take steps toward making ours a better, kinder, more just and empathetic world; and not just in slogan and branding alone. Keep the faith.
Wow!!! So many similarities to the nonprofit I “work” at!
So crazy story...We got lured into a nonprofit (family owned, oh gosh I know). The founder is the person you described. We got love bombed and told we were like her children and this company will be handed down to us blah blah blah and that we are now “directors” She used to wine and dine us, take us out to eat, cook homemade meals for us, buy us things and just always talk about how amazing we are and she loved us like we’re her children......My husband and I have dedicated our entire hearts here. My husband has driven nonstop in a bad condition truck to pick merchandise up everywhere all over the state to keep the donations coming in for the company. We don’t get paid a salary we get paid in-kind. Yup you read that right. We have to go sell merchandise to make a living plus still work all week (to what seems we must now be available 24/7) for the nonprofit. The way we make money is such a peculiar situation with “perks” so yes it makes it hard now for us to have an exit plan. The narc always has drama going on, ALWAYS and I’ve noticed she enjoys it. She’s extremely charming and I know once I started feeling guilt for wanting to have boundaries that something was up. The constant guilt tripping. I know is manipulative. She’ll over praise family members and over pay them while we actually have used lots of out of pocket money to help her company. She keeps hyping everyone up saying there are grants coming and everyone is going to get paid!! She’ll take on huge projects and hand them to people like me because I’m willing and responsible..when she calls you to do something because it’s convenient to her, you must drop everything you’re doing! Lol.
She’ll make plans and make other people do it. And let’s not get started on children whom she also sees as workers that don’t need a salary (: everyone seems to be on demand for her. Someone donated a new refrigerator to her nonprofit? “Oh I was just about to buy one for my kitchen, can you go get it for Me real quick?” And favors like that where the drives are 1-2 hours with no pay. The list can go on and on.
I feel like I’m in a hallmark movie where I have pieced things together little by little. The guilt tripping, the statements, the questioning us when something didn’t go her way. The extreme expectations and
Very well stated 👍👍
My 2 ex-bosses were narcissists. I do not know where is my soul. God, it was so difficult. But I am here, receiving help and orientation of my therapist. 2 years and 7 months of abuse 5 days per week. I feel pain, fadiga, hopeless and sadness. But I am recovering slowly my self, my opinions and understanding how a good professional I am. Thank you for this video.
Can you do a communal narcissist video? My experience feels similar to Flor in the aspect of this person portraying himself as nurturing, a giver, listener, empathetic even, and spiritually superior. But he turned out to be horrible. I’d get a little confused over the possibility of him being a narcissist because of all the “good” things he would do (and believe me he seemed like a jewel, almost an angel), until I saw your video on classifications. The communal fits him just right, but you don’t go any further on that type. Particularly with that type of narcissist it’s so difficult to get justice. I decided to go to the police after I came back to myself. It had been two years already but there was harassment involved, and I wanted justice for all the emotional abuse. When I started speaking, they’d look at me funny, and in the politest ways they’d practically ask, “where’s the abuse?” Everything he did was so subtle and sweetly evil, that I have nothing on him. The emotional scars are there, the aftermath is there, but in a courtroom with him present, he’ll have them in the palm of his hand. Please do a communal narcissist video. I’d really like to educate myself more, and lift the confusion of his really good side versus his horrid side.
bruh these people are like machines . very very very very robotish and evil. almost like they not even human yet they look like you and me ...normal!! im in law enforcement and trust me i knw about these types of people ...you really gotta play chess and do your homework . i feel bad rape victims cuz i feel 99% of the time rapist are narcs who want control smh this world is run by satan an his demons
To add: Never truly admits they are wrong. I was one of two people who worked under her who both noticed she doesn't apologize for anything or admit wrongdoing. Even if you had documented proof she would do mental gymnastics that made 0 sense, then tried to make you look like an idiot for not understanding it LOL.
Always blaming someone else or shifting tension is a toxic way. She would remember a mistake she made 3 months ago and try to pin it on you because she made a mental connection somehow in some way.
Other people they work with never have anything nice to say about you = A dead giveaway. You are used for mitigating their mistakes to their management, a narcissist will never build someone up someone "underneath" them behind their back. Why would they? The only person that matters is them. That does them no favors!
Information is given in a confusing way or seems to never be mastered by anyone other than the narcissist: This non-committal way of sharing is another dead giveaway of a narcissist holding power. If there is no definite, clear answer....there is no one with the answer except the narcissist when they decide it. I have seen our boss change information right in front of us to create the narrative of being correct or 'the mistake catcher' (even though they are also the creator of said mistake). It also makes them feel as smart as they believe they are.
Angry/Threatened when asked questions about their work= "What is the business reason for this decision?" "Have you researched this before deciding to implement it?" "Where is the evidence?" "Why didn't you bring this to our attention sooner?" "What is your plan for remediation?" - This makes the narcissist aware that someone is looking at their behavior as an equal instead of how the narcissist believes it should be - without questions because they are god's gift and how dare you even ask lmao.
Regardless this is a big scary to the narcissist because this line of questions is the type that will realize the actions being made in impulse and self-preservation instead of business preservation, good faith reporting, or anything that isn't self-created bull.
Because once the cat's out of the bag there, sheesh, who knows what else they are responsible for? Removing competent workers to protect their position? Gaslighting management into doing big stinky financial things that can be used for blackmail later? That would be terrible wouldn't it?
I have worked under multiple bosses who I now understand distinctly had NPD. All this advice rings true to me.
Watching these videos just to not feel alone. My boss screams at every employee, talks bad about everyone behind their backs (always saying they don't do the work properly, or that is not good enough for him - always victimizing himself), is a chauvinist, says my work is meaningless and minimal, tells me one thing then changes his mind and screams at me because I did it wrong when I was just doing what he said in the first place, once told me my job is to sit quiet and submissive... Meanwhile, he is unorganized, can't keep up with a simple task, doesn't remember anything related to work projects, forgets meetings, just to name a few. I was never in a situation like this and I hate that I have to for now, don't wish this to anyone else.
I work in a field that has several narcissists... It is true HR will not back you on this. You are look at as the problem. These types of bosses do create a following. If you don't follow them It becomes a Haman and Mordecai situation. At this point I need to be like Esther.
I was in a narcissistic church for over 30 years. It can not be as easy to get out as some people think.
I was a new Christian, and we were on staff, but they kept us so busy and there was so much right
going on there, too. Not to mention, they had the local police and other leaders in the community on
their side - not because they were members of the church but because of the local outreach they did.
I just want to say every situation is not the same.
I’ve had to raise a grievance against my boss (the owner) I’m either either brave or stupid.
He never gives positive feedback, if he is challenged you will pay!
I have a disability and am a single mum but he discriminates and tells me i need to be in the office more often even though my medications make me sleepy.
If I wake up and start working from home my pain and stress is vastly decreased.
It’s that feeling of never been good enough it’s triggering me to my childhood and narcissistic relationship, I have to sit with him too!
The “external” HR guy has said things like it’s okay for me to be micro managed because he’s the boss!
He drains me, luckily I know I am good enough.
You’ve just summed this up I feel like sending it to him! Lol I won’t.....
Doing transactions that are wrong as an accountant it feels soooo wrong!
There are so many narcissistic bosses and it’s not fair ❤️
I have a narc leader in my Buddhist group (which is a hefty dose of irony b/c the practice is literally about equality and respect for all people). Always micromanaging. One of the weird little things she would do to be the focus of attention was to chronically goof up the technology in the middle of meetings and spend the whole time saying, "Sorry, wait a minute!" over and over so that all eyes were on her for however long it took to correct the problem. These were easily solved little problems. and, yes, there were plenty of younger people who could run the presentation without problems but she wouldn't let them (no matter how many times it was suggested). The creepy thing about it was that when higher ups attended these meetings they would just feel sorry for her & would never spot that she was doing it on purpose for the attention.
I can watch this video over again just to watch the sweet dog cuddling into his master's arms all the time.
I wish mental health professionals would also discuss how racial bias can play a role. People tend to dismiss or ignore narcissistic behavior when the person looks like them or their parents or grandparents and they also attribute narcissism or arrogance that isn’t there if they look different than them.
This!!! So true!!
agreed
So damn true
I worked with 2 narcissistic bosses .It was a horrible experience but frankly speaking I have learned a lot form these 2 experiences on both professional and personal level.
My narcissistic mother had me & 2 of my sisters in a cult! After 5 yrs I decided this man was not getting me anywhere! I thank GOD for giving me strength to leave & be on my own! I was 21 yrs old! One of my sisters decided to leave him to! My other sister stayed until the man died & her mind is crazy! I have no contact with any family! I was 27 when I realized for my sanity & safety of my children I had to push my family away!!!
Great video! These people drain your energy and your love for your job. They “collect” other toxic people like purses. Get out! Don’t get surrounded and sucked in.
But how can you avoid them? They seem to be everywhere you go.
I worked for a narcissistic boss for a total of three years in the military, but I had no idea NPD was even a thing! All I knew is that he messed with my head so badly that I really ended up believing I was a failure as a troop! Every time I met or even surpassed the goals he set for me, he would tell me how badly I misunderstood the initial goal and that if I had paid attention, I would have figured out that he wasn’t asking for me to give it 100%, but instead 150%, and stuff like that. On the performance reports he wrote about me, he would even leave out or down play my achievements, working for him felt like I was constantly shooting in the dark, and much like the example Dr. Ramani said about how your new boss at your new job is impressed with your work, something very similar happened to me when I went to the following base. I also think he was being sexist on top of being a narc. I would really like to have closure with this dirt bag one day. But as if that weren’t enough, at that following base, there were two narcs at that shop, and while one of them was openly a misogynist and he kept trying everything in his power to get me in trouble with our bosses, the other narc managed to feed me the crock of sh*t that he fell in love with me, so we eventually married, just to find out three years later that he had affairs during our marriage, which became more apparent when he left me because I was laid off from the military... 21K of us got laid off that year in 2015. A few months later my sister sent me an article from an online journal named the elephant journal, and the article was about the empath marrying the narc... when I read it I had nothing but relief because I finally understood that it was absolutely nothing I had done wrong or failed to do and that’s when I developed my interest in studying NPD and IPV
My boss always sets me up for failure. & When I question the acts like a toddler has a tantrum. Lol I laugh he gets so mad. He can't fire me because he's insecure. Oh every once in a while it gets to me.
those toddler tantrums are pretty bizarre for grown adults.
If the company does great things they take personal credit even if they had no involvement. If something bad happens under their watch they will blame someone else. They think they're experts on things out of their depth.
Soooo true! Anything good that happened before they arrived must be overturned for the sake of changing everything thanks to their superior expertise (which they don't have but they tell everyone their supposed credentials). They claim they have turned the organisation around and it's so much better even if it was highly successful already and they have only run it into the ground since they arrived. And they attack the reputation of all those respected for their expertise so they can hopefully replace them. They do not work hard to or even turn up but they claim they the best!
I have experienced that myself, especially that last sentence. Glaring narcissist
I mean I work until 9 on something i don't like to do, and they are still annoyed that I need to leave, it's never enough..
I had a narcissist manager in California. After 10 years later, I had to leave the organization. I could not take it anymore. The person was worse than a micro-manager. She illegally tracked people down and made her subordinates follow employees outside of work. I am glad I've left that toxic worksite.
👍
I had to leave too and they were so - 😮 “shocked” They wanted me out but didn’t think that i would actually leave. Your manager was beyond bat poop crazy.
Thank you for this video!!! I feel soooo resonated with the second sign and in academia!! I am a phd student working within a small research group, I feel that whatever I submit a work /state my opinion, it's not enough. There will be negative comments on (mostly irrelevant) details. If I dont change them, the complain will just pop out again from nowhere; If I state why I do not want to make the change with reasons, everyone else in the team starts to become allies to say why they support each other (or the opinion) and why I should change. These arguments are getting even harder as people think it is debating on the intellectual level or "academia requires perfection"... This is even harder for me as I my birth father is malignant narcissism, and I smell these things over-sensitively. But I always get confused whether it is just me being biased by my past experiences (being over-alert, maybe they are really giving criticism to help?), or it is a really toxic thing in the working environment. Any suggestion to distinguish that? Also, it would be fabulous to have such topics in your channel, focusing on academic behaviours, as I personally feel like this is the environment that has the fewest "rules" on communication/behavioural/boundary level.
I used to work with a narcissistic director in a few shows, she was the head of the production company.
1, If I approached her with a great idea, the only way she would take it on board was if I either made her feel like it was her idea or if she was able to take credit for my idea without people really knowing about it.
2, She was allowed to lecture people about occupational health and safety, but when I gently told people to be careful she would mockingly say "trust you to make a big deal about occ health and safety."
3, During a business meeting with the entire company, I questioned her about the multiple times I asked for extra help making costumes to which she always replied with "not now". She tried to shift the blame on me by saying "you should have had the costumes made on time", I replied with "I was working very long hours already and I tried to ask you to arrange extra help for me several times, but you didn't listen".
4, She gaslit cast members numerous times with phrases like "I never said that" or "no I didn't".
5, She was also a huge communal narcissist. One of her staple shows was based around mental health and she made a huge deal about mental health awareness and "proceeds go towards mental health charities" were on the posters. During a business meeting, everyone was given 2 or 3 sheets of paper with the production costs: props, costumes, venue hire, festival registration, paying the actors, etc. The amount of money that's poured into putting on those shows was significantly higher than the amount of money that went to those charities if they did at all.
I have recently worked with a narcissist boss, she had similar traits. Everything I did, I felt worthless about myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for explaining it so apt.
Also, I can't help but comment on your furry listener who's sitting calm and quietly there. ❤
My narc boss made one of my co-workers put the team dinner on her company credit card. Told her in front of the whole team to pick up the check. This served several purposes. 1 it was something the boss could hold over this employees head, threatening that he would not approve her expenses. 2 It also kept her quiet from reporting him to HR because she was afraid she would be fired too. 3 put the whole team on notice and everyone walked around on eggshells fearing they would be the next one targeted. 4 Helped the boss hide some of his own embezzling. We found out later, he was spending his manager budget buying household items for personal use. So his superior didn't think much when a big bill came up, he thought it was the team dinner. This guy was one helluva showman and manipulator. He left before he got fired too.
My boss and client were having an affair (both were married and narcissistic) and I caught them canoodling in the office, so they let me "in on a secret" and had me take a shot of whiskey with them to celebrate said secret, which was that the client was going to leave her company and join our team. I unknowingly became "in on it" and had no idea, all I did was walk into a room to get coffee and I became an accomplice to their fucked up game.
Dr Ramani your videos are informational and validating. I am so tired of people everywhere who seem to think they are in charge of me, or in charge of monitoring my actions- it's sickening. And, if i say anything, they turn red and lash back. This is definitely an epidemic.
The doggo is just too cute.
Worked for a small business as a sales rep for about 8 months. Made top sales rep, top employee within 1 month of working there. It was a hostile and unhealthy environment, and I was the only competent worker there. My boss took advantage of me and harassed me in a number of ways. I should've known earlier, but I was blinded by the pay (in retrospect wasn't that great). He didn't pay me my due commission and I ended up bringing him to court. I know the signs now and how harmful they can be.
Thank you! 🙌 I realize that I lived that but most of all my boyfriend as always been "under" a narc in business...so after 8 yrs I know that therapy and self-love is the key to heal because if you identify/identity/ego as a just professional, as your job, as the best worker in the world it can destroy you for a while!! Great topic, well needed well done!! Thanks.
Working in sales, one boss once asked me to do salsa dancing at work just because I'm a latina, that was very uncomfortable, and other things that went against company policies and my values. The work environment was very toxic for sure, not a good experience at all. Thankfully, they laid me off right when I was about to quit because of the toxicity.
I came here for the title
But stayed for the adorable and well behaved dog 🐶 😍
i reached out to people on youtube to discuss this, I really needed to know. Thank you so much!
I was asked to sign a poster of Hooter girls as if I was a girl on the poster. I said, "no". My boss said , "it's okay , no one will know that you signed the poster". I told him, " I'm not going to forge a signature".
From French Canada 🇨🇦, driving down to Galveston, future wanna be narc hubby said "Look there's a Hooters!" 👀, I said, isn't that a guy's place? as we sped by, 30 yrs later I still need to remind him I'm a chick 🚺!
I kinda wish a lawyer would collaborate to help establish legal ways to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse in the workplace. There's gotta be some way to keep the narcs in line when they start violating your employment rights. Maybe some advice on setting up safeguards, too?
I'm currently not employed, but having grown up in a narcissistic home, I'm always afraid that I'll be taken advantage of by narcs in managerial roles. I'm statistically at a higher risk of continually being targeted, so I want to know what I can do.
My supervisor actually told me that she worked for “herself” emphasing it when we were speaking about the state agency we worked for. She got physically aggressive poking me in my shoulder 3x hurting me. My colleague believed that our supervisor was in someway responsible for her car window getting smashed while in the parking lot after having a disagreement with her a short time earlier. I requested a transfer the next day after the same supervisor tried to coerce me into processing a $5,000 payment to a provider without following the required protocol verifying the info. Glad I did not process the $$ in front of her, as she directed or ever. When I verified the info. I found it w/go to someone outside the state (very strange). Weeks later while in my new office I got wind that someone got caught wrongly processing $5,000. She was so bad other colleagues, too, could not understand WHY she was still working there until someone said “She probably has something on someone.” Supposedly, but do not know if true, her son worked for the FBI, I once heard.
"I can't give you an excellent review because there's always room for improvement." I had two bosses like that. When I was a kid, my mother kept berating me for being born a girl. So glad she's dead.
Thank you, Dr. Ramini & Kyle & guests!
Sadly my step father was a narcissist who ran a cult, the impact on my family was devestating. To put it lightly, life's been interesting.
I've had bosses who were narcissists as well and it was dreadful.
I gladly work in Christian ministry now and I assure you, everyone has access to a relationship with God.
I pray my experiences give empathy to many who've been through similar circumstances.
I feel for you. 💖
1. being a leader
2. being a leader
3. being a leader
Kyle's therapy dog is adorable!
I worked in retail. My manager and assistant manager would encourage me to to take items out of stock, if I wanted them, it was a test to see if I was like them. I didn't and they turned against me. I was told to lower the cost price of items so the sale profit looked better to the owner. If an item was in store but not in stock, they would just say it was theirs. They would order in stock and say it was damaged so they could take it. They would say they had worked longer hours than they actually did. They took money from the til. They placed personal items onto the accounts of large companies and changed the descriptions. Extremely dishonest, I felt very uncomfortable when I was there. When I tried talking to upper management I had already been painted as the trouble maker by them. The owner didn't want to listen about the way I was treated, he just said we must do whats in the interest of the company, so I never told him they were stealing from him, I just left.
Two days after beginning a new job, I overheard the boss yell at one of the employees so harshly that she ran out of his office crying. I should have walked out at that very moment. The employee later on said that he did that to her many times, that it was his of teaching her, and that she was thankful because she had become a stronger person as a result.
His favorite book was the old version of The One Minute Manager. The third part of the One Minute Manager is the reprimand which he used often and maliciously. He would make insulting quips. He micromanaged everything and it was terribly suffocating. After six months, I made the decision to leave after he nearly had me in tears for something that was not my fault (one of his "teaching moments".
The timing of this series and watching nation news broadcasts.... very interesting watching national level leadership
Great video! I have worked for one of these people, and fortunately Senior leadership finally got with the program, and let this guy go. He was totally in it for himself, would throw his team under the bus on the regular. So glad I'm no longer reporting to him.
Here for the useful information and that lovely dog who reduces my stress levels even though I'm not there petting her! She is wonderful!
Thank you so much for this video! It resonates so well with the relationships with both my parents and supervisors.
My supervisor described perfectly. It’s all about him. Every conversation no matter the subject he will turn it around on how great he has been. It’s crazy and infuriating that he makes /steaks his salary as he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t do the work, he’s not knowledgeable however he talks and doesn’t stop. Then acts like the nicest person I could go on and on.
Just listening to this makes me feel a little less crazy, and see things as they are. It's so hard to not seem crazy to other people, but also need to work out mentally what is actually happening. It's so hard to explain how consuming it is.
I work under a female Narcissist as a female. I had to call my Doctor for help. I have an appointment next week. I was so upset, it became dangerous for me to drive home and had to stop half-way home. That's when I called my Doctor. My Union Rep. told me to stay under the radar until they can get there. Because of her position, this person has the ability to get personal info, I am afraid of what she could pull to get revenge. I do keep record of what she does.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Everything you said is so true.
This is helping me so much. Thank You for sharing this.
Narcissists, machiavelians, psychopaths tend to gravitate toward positions of power.
My spiritual teacher is a narc. I was in denial for a long time& I couldn't see it but now I can't unsee it!
Oh my God, I am supervised by a person who I'm starting to see I am surrounded by narcissist in toxic workplace. My boss said I couldn't write a report while my reports were set as new version to be used within the whole organization because of her words I stopped making efforts. One thing she did was to hire unqualified staff who were capable do the work because they support her. She helped my colleague to motivate for performance bonus, when they both got a bonus and I didn't. I literally went to find their documents I find out they motivated with everything I did while they were on leave and sick. All my work I've achieved was theirs. I couldnt believe. The only thing is keeping in that job is that I haven't got another job but I'm definitely apply like crazy. I'm exhausted by this toxic environment.
i love your dog - draping all over your lap, kyle! protecting you from the toxicity (being discussed) - super smart canine!
Great conversation and Kyle what a beautiful dog ❤
I worked for a narcissist, and he trained his managers in his ways and style of management. It was hell on earth.
One supervisor was always giving work back to us. It was always wrong, even if she had to change the rules to make it wrong. (I still document everything because of her.) I finally got moved to a harder job, and people were telling me they'd heard about my nasty attitude and incompetence, but weren't seeing it. It got back to her, and magically, a big mistake got pinned on me. All the evidence and proof I'd given was ignored. I'd gone against the Narc Club and I was being punished. I got another job just in time, and it's amazing the difference. One narc tried to target me, but without the Club, can't do much, and I still record every meeting anyway. (Check the laws first, my area is a single party consent law.)
I believe I am in your same situation now!
This lady is so smart!
Dr Ramani is a beautiful being.
My narc boss was talking crap about me and accidentally sent the IM to me. I hate her, but love my job. 😭
That happened to me to too. 😆
Damn, thats good evidence tho. But do make next steps for your sanity. I had the same dillema (well my boss was upfront ballistic on me instead of text), and i loved the job itself but weighing it, it aint worth shit, even he was about to leave in 11 months, no way i’m part of this shit show.
In nursing, many of my chart notes were strick through so management would not be caught on incompetence.
I have Narcisist parents. And I've been working with Narcisistic boss. The result is I wanna die without knowing why. I have no reason to live. I can't enjoy anyting. Everyting is too painful. When I find about I start to realise and try hard to get better.
Thank you very much. I do relate to the points mentioned about academic experience at prestigous universities.
I also ended up leaving academia due to the very bad experience I gained there.
I very much appreciate the knowledge you share on this topic.
This is a GREAT discussion 😊👍👍👍
Oh gonna be sold out seats for this one! 🏁 🎠
He did not ask anything illegal, DIRECTLY.... but he put me in shady situations to see if I bite the trap. I never felt for it.
Do you have any videos on narcissism in our government officials and how the public doesn’t always see it for what it is ? Not just in government but in all kinds of companies that have a lot of power in our world . I feel like if we stop electing narcissistic leaders, our world may begin to change for the better . Maybe ? Lol.
I love Kyle passion and input it's different.
I love his dog. He is so loving, precious.
Even if these bosses or leaders are pushing us to do better, they should validate the good that we have done and say let's try to improve or something like that. In my family, or religion none of us were ever good enough for the grandiose narcissists.
They would put their heads together and think of ways to refute everything we said
Very beautiful complementary dress doctor Ramani. You look great
Our team merged with another and I was asked to take on a role upper management wanted to be filled. I was asked by my immediate manager to allow him to do the work while I take credit. He disregarded the wishes of upper management (his boss) and told me I was joining the team to see who could be fired so they can give out bonuses.
I broke down, got hives, lost sleep. This isn't the only time this psychopath crossed boundaries. The final straw was a personal call to my cell to *yell* at me for copying upper management on an email pertaining to the new function. Eventually, I set boundaries and asked that he only contact me when it's work related. The only way he and his boss bring my spirits down is through a few, possibly manipulated, colleagues who either share similar traits or believe fabricated stories.
I'm trying to figure my way out while living in a constant state of anxiety. I feel spiritually and mentally raped and honestly don't see a way out..
It is my goal to find new employment when a few other things align in my personal life. However, everyone I speak to tells me every office has it's narcissists.
Thank you for great tips how to discern who we are dealing with