The impact of NARCISSISM in the WORKPLACE
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
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Narcissism in the workplace has severely damaged my career. Severely. And limited my earning potential for most of my life. I can talk for 2 hours on this subject. Suffice to say, learn about narcissistic personality disorder, and come up with a strategy. I didn't know what was going on for years and years. And that was the worst part. I thought there was just something wrong with me. That I just kept on running into toxic work environments. Nope. There's usually a narcissist everywhere I go. And we clash immediately. Best of luck to all of you.
Thank you. I had a similar experience. Also good luck to you.
I can 💯 relate. I left a toxic work environment where the boss was a bullying narcissist who gaslighted and blamed me when I was being harassed. It’s been a rough road trying to find somewhere else healthy to work. Not totally sure about the current work situation I am in, so grateful for all I’ve learnt here to protect my well being. Thanks for sharing ❤
Creative,independent,genuine, and empathetic people are targets for narcissists. These personalities are a threat to them. They are jealous of people who are independent and think outside the box. They have no
creativity or empathy, therefore, the jealousy stems from this.
@@BeeWellandLoved agreed. Took me most of my life to figure that out. We all need a strategy for dealing with these types of people. Took me years to come up with one. And the cost was high.
When you are doing an outstanding job is when you became a target.
Exactly! I was reduced in hours without any warning.
Exactly...
Bingo!!!
Narcissism in the workplace causes workers who actually care about the business and their job to be devalued or neglected. While sociopathic workers get promoted to management and set unrealistic obligations. Sociopaths dominate other more submissive employees in the workplace. While maintaining an image of ethics and self-righteousness.
Exactly!!!!!!!
Well said, Narc
Having a bullying boss is so devastating, both professionally and personally.
that's why I'm leaving one to go to another. kinda sad really
I have learned to leave that situation sooner than later.
Without having watched the video I’ll say this: Don’t think their dysfunction is limited to the home. They tear down the workplace too. We’re all victims. They’re walking liabilities in all aspects of life.
Yep. I started a new job and ran into one. Fortunately for me her work ethic was not very good. The first red flag is when we talked about our families and she mentioned she was married for a few months, but when she left for a few days to visit her mother, her husband and his belongings were all gone and he filed for divorce. She never saw him again. He went no contact and now I know why.
I’ve seen narcissistic bosses go into a meltdown when an employee has a better idea and makes a suggestion or points out a mistake the boss made.
Exactly many aren't team players!
A great leader recognizes the potential of others, provides them with opportunities, and allows them to excel. If someone is incapable of reaching this level, they should refrain from occupying a high-ranking position, as it will only lead to dissatisfaction (either to them or to other employees). Individuals are employed to utilize their skills and abilities, not to dim their lights only to appease their superiors. This is how effective teamwork is established.
@@cledosliop4175 Very well said I agree!
Me, too. Vwry well said ❤@@cledosliop4175
Makes sense. It would probably make them question their self-worth.
Toxic bosses and colleagues will see someone as a threat even when they are not.
Reminds me of this scripture. They seem to see threats where a normal person doesn't. They assume everyone operates like them. They cannot fathom a non-insane mind.
Proverbs 28:1
“The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.”
You are so right.. I worked in an office with a female covert narc... The people she loved were "yes" people and mediocre who didn't threaten her reign of power... I fought her control at the time as I'm older and won't be treated like a child.. she lodged an all out attack on me personally and my work..trying to sabotage it (how is this good for the company). I was extremely good at sales so she couldn't get me fired but did everything she could to drive me out of there... I'm stubborn so it motivated me to do better and better.. I left after 5 years and laugh when I think of the legacy I left her with...the company grew by leaps and bounds while I was there and now she has to hold up my end and hers which she won't be able to do... They've quickly diminished in size - # of shows they do... But it took a heavy toll on me... she attacked mainly my psyche..self-esteem and confidence with people... Playing the room against me... I tried to ignore it but it still harmed me to this day... So get out don't hang around these people they are truly demonic and will do anything to get you if they feel threatened by you.
I understand your advice, being also stubborn and not wanting to let someone drive me from a workplace. It IS better to get out asap.
@@rubberbiscuit99 Yes at the time I didn't know much about narcissism... now I would leave asap... They never stop... will sit and plot for days different ways to get you... indefatigable...it was shocking...
@@theideaplace Yep. They are like Terminators, with how focused they become on destroying the ones they target. I have several of these types in my family. (Maybe they are psychopaths.) I went no contact to salvage what is left of my mental health.
@@rubberbiscuit99 I finally after too many decades have put my narcissistic sister out of my life... she smeared me my whole life...sabotaged... while often pretending to be my friend.. everything bad in my childhood came from her efforts... sayonara...
@@theideaplace I have a sister like this. Also went no contact. Hard, but still a relief.
I have had a boss whose outward behavior was pleasant and professional but completely different in a 1-on-1 context, e.g., gaslighting, blameshifting, and full-on DARVO. Another boss constantly put down colleagues across the organization while lacking the technical skills to criticize those same colleagues. It was insane that these people were entrusted with the health and well-being of employees.
Omg I've been bullied at work by fellow employees twice when I was younger. I was crying everyday and other people around them were too afraid to stick up for me. Unbearable pain.
I have been through this. I have learned to see the red flags and get out. In my younger years, I had stayed and ended up jeopardizing my mental and physical health. It's not worth it. Go where you are valued.
This video should be a must for yearly seminars in any given workplace especially for managers and supervisors. It’s so sad how common this is. I don’t trust anyone at work. Unions keep narcissistic people safe.
I had an AWFUL abusive VP boss at Disney Burbank headquarters. Looking back when I finally got out, do I see how quick my mental health and self esteem declined so quickly. Because she was the boss, you can bet the team culture was toxic as well. This was where I learned no matter the golden handcuffs (ie. disney tickets, salary -- which was not great either) etc), it was NOT worth it. I wish I knew when I was younger how to spot it in an interview.
Even worse is that the people believe these horrible and outrageous lies.
The people who were once friends and turn their backs to protect themselves.
Life is too crazy these days.
One girl the narc really liked in my office sent me an encouraging message over the computer and she was fired the same day at a moments notice for doing so... they spy on everything and betrayers are out...
Mobbing is the worst: naswpress.org/FileCache/2022/08_August/Workplace_Bullying_Intro.pdf
At workplace toxic boss or coworkers there's only situations where they attach themselves to us to attack and it's very difficult to shrug them off.
A narcissistic ex coworker who was harassing me, threw me under the bus by going to the bosses before I could, telling them that I ‘couldn’t take a joke’. Not ok. The bosses mostly sided with him, saying ‘any other women would laugh at it. Super messed up. Thankfully I got out of that place. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Oh boy did I experience.a ton of narcissistic abuse in the workplace. Been fired many times because of it. Definitely effected me. Bosses, office managers, co workers, etc
There should be more awareness on the impact of narcissism in the workplace. It’s debilitating to the organization. Personally, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, it causes CPTSD flashbacks and nightmares. Currently in weekly therapy to manage the personal impact.
I've been feeling those too where I'm at. it's a weird feeling being in a toxic work place and those memories just flush in idk why
You describe a majority of corporate CEOs. Especially in the tech sector
"Bro culture" is rampant in Silicon Valley.
It's so sad how entrenched narcissism is in our world. Sometimes I think narcissism is the answer to the Fermi Paradox. No civilization can ever overcome the toxicity and inevitable their world gets destroyed... Thank you 👍❤❤❤
This really spoke to me. I worked as a chaplain in a Catholic hospital. The amount of toxicity was tangible. My boss was a total narcissist, in fact we called her “little Hitler” behind her back. If you didn’t do the “avoid conflict at all costs” dance, you were doomed. It got to the point where I would get a headache as I entered the building. When she announced that she was moving to another hospital, the relief was palpable.
I am still recovering from my narcissistic manager, his gaslighting flying monkey minions and my ensuing career loss in 2018. I was a critical care nurse working in a toxic environment which literally put patient lives at risk. I and a handful of others who stood up to him were the "toxic" ones. And sadly I poorly documented the situation. I documented enough to get a poor separation package but not enough to take him down or stop him blackballing me in the community. He continued on a couple years after my "separation". I wonder how many other lives he ruined?
We never know who is safe to share or talk to. Egg shell walking. Military what a perfect fit for narcissists and their shenanigans, malice and tantrums.
I've had two narcissistic bosses. One was a covert narcissist, and was communal. Both were devastating experiences.
Just imagine the amount of human potential we could free up if only we all had the idea to support each other's abilities and strengths. Maybe I'm naive, but why can't we teach young people how valuable it could be for all of us to be happy to acknowledge other people's abilities? To put aside our ego, and not give in to any kind of jealousy that maybe that other person is better at something we thought we were pretty good at. Learn from them, instead of putting them down. We all need each other.
I was just let go from a place that exhibited narcissistic behavior. The manager of my department was a bully. To be treated so cruelly and discarded with no regard after giving it my all is a terrible feeling. I’m still processing this.
The good news is that you are out of there. And this first time is always the worst. The bad news is that this is the first time. But it gets easier with each subsequent "separation of employment." I make a joke and say that I have been fired thousands of times and those people who are not narcissistic get it. My advice for this new culture is to keep your options open when you first start a new job. Probationary periods are usually 90 days but that goes for your employer as well. Even when you get a new job, continue to put out new applications - just in case you get that vibe that your new place is toxic. Good luck to you! And remember - now days - being fired doesn't mean that you are not a great worker, it means that you have ethics and you didn't sell out.
@@Varykino1917 Thank you so much for the encouragement! ☺️
Dr. Ramani, I’m not sure if you will ever see this- but
Thank you. Truly, from the depths of my soul thank you.
I finally get it all thanks to you.
My work life has improved dramatically after practicing the things you have so kindly shared with all of us.
Thank you. Thank you. A million times thank you!
Respectfully,
Casey Gilbert 😎✌🏼
In my country, narcissistic company culture is not going to change because it's also so strong within the context of national culture. Narcissistic behaviour had set every norms for almost every workplace. As long as the company is still making enough earning, the boss and HR don't even care about any abusive or unethical behaviour.
In addition to documenting their bad behaviors, it's essential to write down your accomplishments or achievements. This is useful in some aspects:
1. Someone may take credit for your accomplishments. 🤨
2. It keeps you sane. 🙂
3. It's helpful when you write a resume/CV for the next job. 😁
I pointed out to my boss, a colleague's behaviour, which was disruptive to business by creating a very noisy work environment. The owner/manager got very defensive and gossiped.behind my back to another colleague asking why I hated the disruptive colleague. I give up trying to improve things. You get punished for caring and noticing things.
I want so badly to tell you my story personally ❤❤ my boss laughed at me when I expressed how integrity was important to me.
I have to thank the narcissistic toxic people for waking me up to the fact that there's no way I could ever be good enough for them. It's a good thing that what they think of me doesn't matter to me. I have had success in my life besides working for a very toxic company for more than 25 years. That was the only thing I had to change to make my life better and I did have the option to stay and become more sick and unhealthy or to quit and take care of myself. I chose to quit and I found a better company to work for that had been on my radar for several years. So now I have successfully become a whole person again because before I was a shell of a person who was literally falling apart and I had no hope. Yesterday I was allowed to take mother's day off and at the former workplace they wouldn't give me the day off because they never had enough staff because no one wanted to show up for work there. It's amazing for me now and all it takes is courage to try something new and get away from the abuse.
Worse time of my life .I've never received validation and I've never fully recovered . Laws were broken..he now us retired on a one million point six dollar home.....they let you know ur not good enough on a daily basis
Yes, definitely. And, Please discuss narcissism on HOA Boards. It is very harmful after paying for decades yet necessary services are ignored that should be maintained.
I've got this happening in my COA right now. It's only got one person handling the business instead of three like it states in our bylaws. I stepped down from VP because the president won't spend money on basic maintenance and doesn't listen to my ideas. The first thing she did was put a budget together that has a monthly amount for herself but nothing for the property maintenance.
I had that type of boss. He enjoyed being the manager of the entire plant, but he didn't want to do anything. Well, the owner finally realized, the company was tanking, and it was his fault. So, the plant manager was let go, in a laid off way. That means, he could collect unemployment, with the understanding, that he would NOT be coming back lol
Yes, I have to admit, when I heard this happened, I was laughing, and I said, that it couldn't happen to a better guy.
My narcissistic husband can also negatively impact my job. He'll hide my keys. Park behind my car when I'm on lunch break. Or will roll out when I come home to feed kids lunch any time they stay home from school.
Completely destroyed by the newer narc boss after 26 years of service.
I can relate to this video in every way. In 2013, I retired at the age of 65. For six months, I prioritized my health and slept for four hours almost every day. In 2016 I was able to stop taking the autoimmune medicine I had been on for 11 years. I count it a great blessing that I'm in good health at 75 years of age. Although money is tight, I've managed. The CEO of a company where I worked for 12 years spent over 4 years in federal prison, and he's still a wealthy man.
All of the above, Dr Ramani. I can see people’s faces as you outline their deviousness. Usually it’s women, but not always, who have been in the same position for too long, who are bored and feel empowered by throwing their weight around while throwing you under the bus. A large percent can be found in the teaching and nursing professions. Like you say, document everything ….from the interview on, document every interaction and take minutes at meetings. Your thoroughness will save you. Thank you
Yep. seems the lack of integrity and empathy is the difference between someone who is a perfectionist workaholic and the bullying narc.
Very relevant knowledge to have when you go out in the world. Understanding how the mechanisms of narcissism work may in itself be a helpful and uplifting protection against being badly abused . Many people don’t know about narcissism and probably never will. Others have been naive and trusting and vulnerable and easily hurt, but to learn about their lives and experiences in retrospect by a competent psychologist may change one s whole world view. I personally did not know much about the subject before I accidentally came across Dr Ramani s videos a couple of years ago. Now I see it everywhere. My life will never be the same again! Thanks for informing the general public about such an important subject. A grateful viewer of your videos Kaj :-)
A toxic colleague is causing problems being entitled with some work issues, thinking she can pressure/bully people into getting what she wants. I stood up to her and immediately talked to the boss about it. The boss took some action, but she is also friends with this coworker, so pretty sure she said something to her about it, so she is super rude and gives me the silent treatment. I don’t engage and stay professional. Not sure I want to stay in this environment though, so will explore other options. My well being matters to me the most. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
So true. You MUST be a guest speaker to the United States Navy chaplain corps professional development training course. ( PDTC) in San Diego.
Enough said. ☺️
I'm Blessed listening to Dr Ramani .
Something you didn't mention: Hiring. Narcissists hire people for all the wrong reasons, leading to companies bloated with people who don't even know what their jobs are, let alone how to do them. And managers under the narcissist learn very quickly that firing these people is not allowed. The only solution that worked for me, and which I always tried to avoid, was to get out. Trouble is, the next job might not be any better.
In sales jobs I'm generally a high performer so the bosses like my work. I got promoted once by a boss who was cruel to some of the employeees and asked me to report silly "infractions" people did like getting up for 2 minutes to grab a coffee. I quit.
If the narcissists are on your level & see you're doing better than them, wait for the bullying & mind games.
the long shadow is also a good TV reference (based on real life) for how the narcissism, particularly of men, totally botched an investigation. i won’t say more because it’s very triggering, but the harm done was devastating. anyway i related to this video a lot, thank you for posting.
🎯💯‼️Narcissistic Corporations/Managers/Colleagues more concerned about PROFITS and Myopic, short term PERFORMANCE MARKERS than long term employee RELATIONSHIPS or HAPPINESS. For them,EVERYONE is a REPLACEABLE TOOL. Granting Corporations "PERSONHOOD" only made things worse!
My narcissistic partner was also my boss on 2 occasions so very interested to hear this
0:51 yep, killed my career. Still trying.
Lol I LOVE the Lord of the Rings reference. Such an accurate comparison 👏
I had a narcissistic boss. She was like my narc mother.
Never ceases to amaze me how the new hire can't cut the assignment . What I've observed is they are made managers😂😂😂
Thats what happens in nursing
Doc you are right on point, i had to leave a job because of all of this, i know I was one of the best worker there, but I always found myself digging out of something either i said or something that i didn't do. I was taken to HR and nothing happened because i didn't do anything wrong. Now i'm paying the price looking for another job, I haven't worked in almost 7 months. I'm well educated and still I'm paying the price because of Narcissism in the workplace.
...quite unique sad experiences😔don't want to upset everyone😐at that time I was not even aware that there even existed a term called "narcissism" and became intensely self-critical and the dominant voice inside my head convinced me to quit and to try pay attention to other areas of Life🤷♀️I am sure everyone here have encountered or still is encountering all these symptoms of narcissism in both personal and professional areas of life uniquely, that is why we are here to get some insights, but many thanks for asking it Dr. Ramani🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
Reminds me of the show “The Office.” I watched a few episodes last night. That show is example of what is NOT supposed to happen at work.
I am so glad Dr Ramani is addressing this issue of Narcissism and Psychopathy in the workplace. Most posts are about romantic or relatives.... my career was destroyed by these creatures in the workplace .... there is no advice to prepare people
It’s been one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever had to deal with. I appreciate you sharing your stories, I hope each of your situations improve exponentially. It’s not you!
I haven't had a minimum wage job since 2018 due to so much NPD/narcissistic behavior in the workforce....as a matter of fact this is around the same time I finally stepped up for myself without playing into their game...❤
The man I was married to..did damage reputations in and out of the work force while pretending to be their friend.
This talk had me thinking you were telling my story. EVERY SINGLE point you addressed happened to me on a daily basis. I could tell a tale that would blow your mind. I have left and have been gone 2 months. The abuse is still happening although I am not there through slander, lies, twists so tight in stories she tells us would make you puke.
Anyway, thank you for this podcast. I left under the guise that I am a nut job and too sensitive. Humiliating at best. Your podcast validated my feeling and REAL experience. Thank you again.
O
P.S. you are my new bestie. I listen to you everyday and feel better about myself as each day goes on. I have been in 2 long-term serious and violent narcissistic relationships as well as my job. I'm lucky to be here and tell you thank you.. I won't keep rambling but you are changing lives. Thank you.
Sincerely with love and thanks,
Kara Frederick
6:57 description 🎯
I had to work with and work for many narcissists and extremely toxic people in my past and I was the one in fear of losing my job on a day by day basis!!! Yeah everyday I showed up to work I was in total fear and then all my fears came true because I was fired one to many times!!!
I have done enormous amounts of self reflection and healing in order to break the chain of events that kept me in that space of attracting narcissists, at home and at work...I accept my responsibility for that but...have to say that narcissistic bosses are truly foul-especially if the organization you worked for does not actually support the staff but rather, is concerned about the outward facing image of the organization. I have had two narc bosses in my life-both government organizations,,,protected by layers of union and HR...if anyone has a narcissist boss in a government job-my personal advice to you is to run...you may have once loved your job but you will get no help there...my second boss was malignant...the worst kind of nightmare. She absolutely derailed my career and nearly destroyed my credibility in my industry (of 25 years).
Armed Security
should be On The Clock in the Workplace
Not on Staff
😭 oh thank you for putting into concise words the leadership at Shepherd Church Porter Ranch. You'd be shocked by the number of good hard working people that left or were run out over the years because of the Behind the scenes abuse.
Thank you.
I have direct written proof when I did an outstanding job and my boss gaslighted me, and undermined positive feedback from others.
Mahalo for clarifying an unsustainable ecology in all of its metaphors. Thank you!
Hi dr.Ramani☀️dealing with a narc boss right now, found out the person behind the mask after about 6 months. The next 6 months up till now been sick to my stomach and not sleeping properly. Recognizing so much of the traits and tactics. Constantly doubting if I am seeing it correctly. Today, I finally decided to stop doubting, because I've seen and experienced enough. Now it's not wheather I leave, but when and how. Did try all kinds of getting in alignment, individually as well as twamwise, we wanted to do it right, but theres no way she is really gonna hear what we have to say. She only listens for what she wants to hear and disgards of the rest by defending, deflecting, projecting, lying, future faking, you name it. And even IF things have been written down, , weve misunderstood it while she was saying it back then or written it down wrong. She doesnt take any responsibility or accountability. It's really sickening. And her boss, they're 2 peas in a pod, so no chance there. Weve even called in a company confidant, but he won't be able to really help us either.
I'm now thorn between wanting to stick around for my team and not letting them down, because by disappearing right away, it will not be her that will have a problem. It's my team mates that will take the fall. Its maddening.
PS as a reason for the sudden change after 6 months she can give no explanation about her self, but she subtly implies it happened coincidentally with the arrival of a new team mate. We all know he's not the reason, but she thinks so because he's analytical and not afraid to share his critical thinking- sadly most of us are not so well spoken....so that how she can sacrifice him easily - being the truth teller / black sheep. And she wants 1o1 meetings, to find out individual perceptions and set us up against each other in team meetings. And she misuses things we say at team meetings to manipulate us during individual meetings. She really is a nightmare, Trojan horse, wolf in sheepsclothes.
They drove me out. I retired. I looked more relaxed now, better than my driver's license 😀
But now the work force does not have access to your knowledge.
@@OneofMany-yt5sl that is correct. Thank you for your reply.
Thank you, Dr Ramani!
I have been attentive to your videos for a couple of years now ever since coming to understand my own situation and its genesis through others. I am well on the way to recovery and feeling well in myself overall. It seems very firmly established that narcissism has increased globally and perhaps even the variations of narcissism have developed as well. However, after very many videos of all kinds addressing a multitude of variations on narcissistic abuse, I have yet to find anything that is even remotely applicable to that which would most likely qualify as one of the most ubiquitous types of and locales for narcissist abuse: your neighbour (I'm Australian: this is how we spell stuff). True, the typologies of the narcissist you have so unambiguously delineated certainly can be applied to the initially love-bombing and then gaslighting and ultimately totally abusive behaviour of a neighbour. But why has there not been a greater focus on what so many of us must experience over the course of our lives. And I'm not talking about simply noisy and vociferous types who can be your common or garden arseholes. Rather, I have found that even the most sedate-seeming communities will harbour a certifiable, card-carrying narcissist who has all the attributes of their work, domestic relationship, dating, and family narcissist and have an equally comparable capacity to engender all their local slimy enablers.
This is a particularly nefarious and debilitating area for someone enduring a narcissistic relationship because of the legal ramifications involved through the sharing of property boundaries and the community support for established narcissists among their other enabling neighbours. And, of course, the prospect of being forced to move somewhere else, increasingly with age, has become a pretty traumatic event in itself.
Have pity on us suburban and town dwellers dear Doctor and give us support, insight and hope before we are forced to sell up and start again elsewhere where the odds continue to be stacked against us as narcissism expands into every societal nook and cranny apace as I speak. I believe this issue deserves more of your attention as well as that of the research community.
Thank you soooooo much for this. Now I know who the narc bosses were. Completely awful
perfect review, thank you
You NAIL what it means in this episode. Bravo~
Correction needed: The Narc bosses DO know how to receive feedback; however, due to their illiteracy and ignorance they SIMPLY DON'T UNDERSTAND the crucial points or meaningful messages of grievances that warnings them the "BIG 1" as of Earthquake is coming toward them..😂😅..
Very IMPORTANT information..Thankl You..!!
16:00 That one narcissistic female co-worker that also happens to be "pleasant on the eye" that manipulates everyone and charms the boss's right hand ( which this one also has complex of superiority, she knows it and feeds on it) and she subtly targets you for not playing along with their stupid mind games and workplace unnecessary dramas no more by ignoring you when you try to help or constantly bullying you when you're 1-on-1 and criticize you about personal stuff or work related futile things without any reason, you even try to have a normal conversation with her without BS but she either evades the conversation, starts to play the superiority or victimhood attitude and suddenly acts as you're to blame for some exaggerated reason or fabricate half truths in front of others OR acts as if nothing happened but leaves in the air you were somehow or somewhat on the wrong for something. You can't even say anything about it or open up to some your co-workers because most of the times you don't even know what the fuss all about and if you do open up, you would be perceived as weird and sometimes it fills you with shame because she's portraits a persona of being so friendly and bubbly to everyone and would be strange for you to talk like that about her... it gives you anxiety...
The weirdest part is that, she can target a another co-worker whenever it fits her, or is in the mood, she can trash talk on their face even, they get super pissed, or/then, most of the times, proceeds talking shit on their back one day and then be super friendly and social with them in the next and everyone goes along with her BS ...am I in the twilight zone or something!?
Nope you are in a toxic workplace. I also worked in one before I decided to get out of there. The female that you are talking about is just like one female I use to work with and she was married to the director of our department but in a front line job underneath him in our department. She got away with everything and she made everyone around her feel like garbage including me. Everyone was nervous around her so much so that a lot of people quit or went to another shift to get away from her. You are not alone. If you can get away from her and distance yourself as much as possible and never tell her anything about you personally but grey rock her. That is how I survived being around the female I worked with that's similar to the female you described in this post. Grey rock and don't defend, explain, engage or personalize with her.
@@insiteandawareness3500 Ty for the advice. Yea, I've been grey rocking her for a while and silent, unfortunately she's sneaky fox and she doesn't need to do the dirty work herself, others do it for her, it came to a point that I have to grey rock some of my co-workers that she manipulates that I used to socialize with that she's subtly turning against me, and we are a small team, there's a very few ppl there I still do, that haven't been corrupted by her yet maybe because they don't work directly with her ( I'm not kidding when I say it spreads like a virus ) and even those are starting to notice something awkward in my behavior because I used to be a social and full of joy person, to everyone, but I slowly feel I can't be anymore, I'm mentally exhausted and unfortunately I can't leave this job...
Btw, to let you know the context, she's one of the few women left in the team and a "cute babe" in a workplace full of men, that I had the misfortune of being love bombed by when we first start working together and fell for it like a dork, most female coworkers left directly and indirectly because of her for various reasons, somehow some male coworkers even defended her and her nonsensical drama episodes over other female coworkers and others simply turned blind eye...
Think about the fact that they have so much energy for games and tricks and drama but never enough energy to get the job done.
That's not a work environment anymore, that's a battlefield between good and evil.
You put into words what I went through.
Yes, all this... I thought at first about small examples of this in my life, like, colleagues withholding from me that we all were told to go home due to urgent repayments needed to be done, so I would look stupid ('cause I went to toilet and didn't heard). Or yeah, stack of work 10-15 minutes before the end of the day with snide commentary how they need it to be done till tomorrow because they come to work earlier than me. I quit that one, they closed down several years later due to having more losses than profits all the time. But, I guess, it doesn't even matter that much, since I live like 200 km from Chornobyl, the govt is still toxic here and in the neighbourhood, which explains how it's so widespread and normalised everywhere on all levels. The economics is ruined, the safety is not existent. Fml. And it's not easy to get out, maybe not even possible, because everything is so hard and messed up, its not easy to just keep afloat. We fed with future-faking every day, but it feels like a soul-sucking black hole. It might look easy when something is presented on the news as if the whole world is helping us. The ordinary person in the bottom of power pyramid never gets the good part of any deal in the system like that. And there is no cure on this scale, ha-ha. I should try to escape, but can I really? I'm not strong enough.
It's terrible. Could tip someone over the edge. Can ruin one's career and confidence. Get out ASAP.
Yes, I have been there...Ended in health issues for many and immense fluctuation of Staffel...
Yup- my mom, at the health store! Both an insult to the practice.
Wow, still listening and you're describing ALL the things I was pointing out, and getting scape-goated for.
can u do an episode on narcissists in academia?
50% of the bosses i had were narcissists. Bc the only benefit of being a narc is you work harder than everyone else and get promoted bc you care about power so dang much
Narcs don't always work harder - many of them are lazy and steal credit from others
I think it is going to come down to this... adolescents around the age of 17 or so shall be made to take psychological evaluations to see if they have narcissistic personality disorder and if so, they will be required to have 80 hours of therapy and show some improvements. If not, they will be forbidden to ever supervise anyone in the workplace.
Adolescence is a self-absorbed time - I would do the evaluation a year after grad time once they've spent a year in the workforce e.g. 22 - I'd also evaluate everyone every few years - toxic work environments breed toxic individuals - a toxic work environment is more likely to change you than for you to change it
Hey 👋🏻
Hi 👋
13th, 13 May 2024
I was raised in an incredibly toxic environment that I've spent a decade in therapy working to heal and even catch learned behaviors I may have picked up from my family. That said, during the pandemic I still ended up stuck in what was supposed to be a transitionary job while I finished my degree. Three years of a highly narcissistic hospitality job where people went so far to try and get me fired, I'm about 80% sure the breakin they tried and failed to pin on me could have actually (potentially) been planned/staged. All I really know is that more I talked with HR the more uncomfortable and shakey they got because they realized I was telling the truth against what I can only imagine was a file of false reports.
Nonetheless, that experience completely destroyed both my mental health and my confidence in pursuing my career goals. I worry that I'll never achieve my goals until I learb to play their game. I'd rather live in the woods alone than play a game I'm not heartless enough to win. Now I honestly don't know what to do.
What you described here is exactly what I experienced at my former workplace. What I did was find another company to work for and I got out of the toxic workplace. I make a little bit less than before but I'm doing better with my health both mental and physical. I didn't feel safe at all in that workplace because not only did they make false accusations to HR about me but they allowed another employee in my department to stalk and harass me for several months even after I kept reporting it. Get out if you can. I cut off all contact with former coworkers there as well because most of them are also toxic.
@insiteandawareness3500 I'm SO SORRY you went through that, but I'm glad you're out! I did finally give my notice, as all HR was willing to do was mediation with a manager they had on security footage blowing up at me and storming out crying when he couldn't intimidate me into confessing. Several of the kids indirectly apologized when they found out I was leaving, and one of them continues to check my linkedin page. So I never put my active job on there now. I only update my profile when I leave a job to protect myself and my company.
Unfortunately, I found an amazing job that turned around and burned me too, which is why I'm beginning to believe it's just built into the corporate structures now. Bought an RV and I'm trying to downsize my living costs so I won't need to "win at corporate life" and maybe trying to open an Etsy shop or something 😅 😵💫
@insiteandawareness3500 I lost my initial reply here, but thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry you went through that! I'll spare the details I originally responded with, but suffice to say I have left that job. I also collected some lurkers who don't quite fit the criteria of stalking, but certainly have made sure I know they're still checking in on my life where possible. Learning to approach both my career and my life completely differently after that experience. A very different me before and after that job.
@@kfluhx It'll haunt me forever. I hope you are doing better now 🙏
I’m sleeping with him and it’s ripping my life apart.
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the drinking Ukrainian woman who apparently hasn't cleaned the other bathroom for 2 years illegally read my text messages and what I think of her. So? she shat in the hallway. the police kicked her out for 2 days but after 1 day they gave her the key back