One thing i learnt, dont fight or work any harder.. do bare min and dont fight for promotion etc promotion is worthless if its only add to your load and give min increament. Just chill and decline any additional responsibility if that is not monetarily rewarded... Let them give any promotion to someone else, which they will do anyway whether you worked hard or not , but politely decline for extra responsibility... Be ready to walk away if needed...
As a person with BPD I've always changed jobs because of narcisistic bosses and micromanagement. It sucks but we should never settle for a workplace that doesn't respect, value and praise us. Whenever it gets toxic, I'm out.
I believe we need as society to make acts and laws against narcissists and psychopaths. We do not allow pedophiles to work with children or criminally insane prisoners. In the same manner, evil people really need to be in institutions or ought to be banned to work with people. Narcissism and psychopathy can be detected with brain scan with today's technology. So they cannot lie on psychological tests or by wearing a mask when presenting to authorities. In the same way, politicians need to go through the same screening. . Quotes: I started studying political science, and I was studying rigged elections and political violence. I did field research around the world where I met former heads of state in authoritarian regimes, accused of war crimes. When I came back to talk about this to people, some of them recognized these sort of personality traits in their bosses Is it possible that these traits are universal in power seek 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas Big Think You're basically hoping that somebody who's community service-minded will put themselves forward for that job - put garbage out, trimmed trees to your right specifications. Instead what very often happens is that people who actually like the idea of policing their neighbors, patrolling them, controlling them, those people are the ones who seek the power in those communities the most. Because for them,the power is the goal, not the means. Want power for himself 🟥 Big Think The story is how the systems of power can dictate who ends up in them. You just roll the red carpet to people who are power-hungry. There are sometimes broken systems that don't do a very effective job at screening out and blocking the Martin McFifes (abusers) of the world from ending up as your boss or as a politician or even sports coach. When those systems break down, when we roll carpet to wrong people, that's when abuse of power become more likely. 🟥 Big Think Power is something that draws in the wrong kinds of people like moths to a flame. That's why recruitment is so important. You're always going to have power-hungry people show up and try to take power. What you need to do is dilute them and block them. That's where the system design is crucial. We assume we can advertise for position and wait for right people to come. It doesn't work like that. We have to actively counteract this impulse of power-hungry people 🟥 Big Think The people who end up in power are not representative of the rest of us. They are not average, and they're not normal. Once you accept that, then you can start to counteract those problems. Self-selection bias is one of the most crucial things to understand if you want to crack the case of how to make power function better. Survivorship bias - we see only people who make it into power. We look at the wrong kinds of data, because we look only at what survived. 🟥 Big Think We need to accept that some of these biases are lurking inside our heads. We can't control them. They're the product of 10,000 of years of evolution. They're maladaptive now. They're not good for us. But only by accepting and recognizing them can we start to counteract them. Data shows these biases exist when we select leaders. 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas Big Think Fundamental point: appearances unfortunately do matter, and this means that our evaluation of leaders needs to be scrutinized heavily because we have stupid voices in our heads that are telling us information that we should not process as though it actually matters, and yet we do process as though it actually matter, based on face, height, race, gender. 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas Big Think That superficial charm blinds us to psychopaths. Ted Bundy seemed so charming, he seemed so nice. He was able to lure his victims into his car precisely because he was superficially charming. People lie and especially psychopaths who are trying to blend in as ordinary people, so they can get away with it. Psychopaths is not just somebody who is mean or immoral or a bad person. It's much deeper. 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas Big Think The dark triad and psychopathy in particular, are a neurological disorder. Your brain does not function normally. MRI scanner showed psychopaths were able to switch on empathy by choice. For the rest of us we have to make a conscious decision to down-regulate our empathy. I have to harm somebody - fire them/break up with them, and consciously try to make myself feel less bad for them. 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas Big Think Psychopaths are actually really good at mimicking a normal brain if and when they need to. This is origin of superficial charm. For small and short interactions psychopaths are very good not just at passing, but at actually making us like them more than many other people.This is why job interview is a terrible way of sorting out people it's short performance. Psychos good at making people like em 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas Big Think Rotten systems turn people worse much faster than good systems. Environment that you're in, if you're in a corrupt police department, corrupt bureaucracy, everybody around you is skirting the rules. A lot of the people around you are breaking the rules, abusing them and inflicting harm. But it's normal. It's what's done. The effect is amplified in a bad system. You have to make worse choices. 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas A lot of people were behaving badly underneath the surface. We just couldn't see it. There was no scrutiny. And indeed, when you see lots of abusive power scandals, this is exactly what's happening. Bernie Madoff was bad from the start. Investments fund was always crooked Ponzi scheme. But only when he started making so much money did people start looking into this. So it was question: was he under microscope 🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | B, Klaas
I cant deal with the stuff either. I actually freak out when having to deal with a narcissist, after being abused by a malignant narcissist who i think had both pschopathy and sociopathy. His psychologist when he was incarcerated labeled him as "detrimental to others" When you find someone so evil you think they cant possibly be human, that's the kind of monster im talking about, and i get so scared when others display any of the same qualities or behaviors. Im a borderline too. Its like i only attract Ns, but when youre raised by one you see it as normal. I want to find ppl who treat me as I treat others. Thats my rule of thumb of letting ppl into my life now. Its very lonely lol, but its safe, and i NEED that.
As bad as narcissists are, it's truly terrifying how many BPD women I see too and in my opinion and from my experiences with them (I'm in a relationship with a diagnosed BPD woman who is ruining my life) BPD people are just as toxic as narcissists if not worse especially if they aren't in treatment which most aren't. That being said, I feel for you and anyone else who is in a workplace situation with a narcissist. I believe I have a narcissistic boss right now too.
BPD is one of the "mental illnesses" that can be 100% cured. This is a fact. It takes being brutally honest with ones self, the ability to i trospext and the ability to catch yourself when it begins to happen. Then the ability to have accountability if and when it engages. You can with 100% overcome BPD with hard work. It's life changing. Start by learning how to deal with poorly behaved people instead of running away from them. This is key.
Thank you! There is another possible result from this experience, termination! This video is extremely accurate! I had just started a new job (6 weeks in). I was viewed as a threat due to my intelligence and professionalism (not displayed by the person I reported to). I didn't engage in disrespectful remarks, belittling others, dressing frompy (as requested, and actually dressed nice), etc. Plus, I was polite to everyone (unlike the example provided). I also had great ideas, which only that person knew. Once this was realized, the smear campaign began (to make this next step not appear unmerited). After weeks of zero errors, this person pieced their training instructions to create less clarity and magnified any overlooked detail as if I didn't produce weeks of accuracy. In addition, I was solution driven and created tools to avoid mistakes during a rushed training (checklists for anyone to use which I was never able to present). Long story short, I was terminated due to the level of intimidation this person experienced. The good news is... it turned out to be a blessing in "disguise!" 😊
I resigned from my job recently due to your experience with my colleagues. I felt that had I not resigned, I would have been fired. It's crazy that jealousy and animosity drive employees to the point of trying to destroy their coworkers. I felt that all teamed up against me, and I had no allies.
@@dontbelongherefromanother yep My new boss talks condescending and rude to me. She is Hispanic or Latina and I am white. She definitely has been making racist remarks to me yet wears a cross around her neck.. what a hypocrite. Hubby said she is trying to upset me and when she insults me extremely rude she is pausing and waiting for a KAREN personality to pop out. I just look at her and am quiet because I have over 35 years of experience with people who are mentally ill. I am quiet because I am observing her behavior and waiting for her to snap because she is saying and acting odd unlike what I assume a manager of a store would act like. I need this job so everyday I walk in praying b4 i enter for the blood of Jesus Christ to be upon me and give me the strength to deal with her racist rude verbal abuse towards me.
That is the problem of companies hiring with narcissistic personality.. owners of the companies don’t notice what’s happening behind the scenes..they keep hiring new employees because of this problem.. Companies must hire people who undergo mental illness test examination.. so that they know who is causing the problem in the company and must avoid problem issues for the future of their employees relationship.. Even bosses must undergo mental illness test examination.. to avoid this kind of problems.. Hard workers and kind people are most their targets!
Sad truth is grandiose narcissists are often v good / succesful for a company so they dont care hiring apathic ppl like that bec it brings em more succes and thus $$
i held my covert narcissistic boss accountable by resigning and giving a full grievance report to HR. I was asked if I was going to pursue a lawsuit. Let the narcissist sweat.
Excellent! I posted to my NPD Facebook groups. Be aware that employees stop going above and beyond because they are worn out from dealing with coworkers. These folks bring out the worst in everyone, adding to the stress of an all ready filled to the max workload.
The hardest part of all this is I don’t get credit for my hard work. No praises, feedback, recognition, absolutely nothing. They take the credit and raises for your hard work. I feel drained and burned out. I don’t know 🤷♂️ what to do at this point. It is affecting me and everyone else around me. Thank you for explaining everything. You just explained my boss 100%. Word by word is crazy. Should I move on from him and find something else? Is not going to change is getting worse everyday. I feel belittled and nonexistent in the workplace. The way he talks about others makes me feel like he talks about me the same way.
I’ve just left a boss like this. They ruin every aspect of your life. Thy are sub human. In my opinion it’s not worth staying as they never change and it gets worse. I am older and thought it would be hard to find another job but it was actually fairly easy as people value experience and dependability.
I was in a work group that had a seriously insecure boss that would hardly give positive feedback, and when he did he would quickly blurt it out or downplay the accomplishment so they could get on with the meeting. Employee reviews were non exsistent, and to my recolection, he never helped ANYONE move up in the company, in fact he actively would kick ladders and withold information making it harder for other people to get promoted. I had to show my bosses bosses boss my work so i could get recognition because accomplishments were being snuffed out so often. Absolute hellish conditions to thrive in. The meetings were silent, nobody would ask any questions because they knew they would be belittled, we just got our work done snd went home, which sadly was looked at as a positive from my bosses boss because he was also a narcissist. My advice since i got away from that all? Seek the right people, THEN seek the right job.
Well I am a servant of Jesus Christ and we are warned that in these days we will deal with people who act like this. Try not to take it personal and realize people like this are hell bound. One can not lie, steal, have hatred, be selfish, etc and enter into the kingdom of God. We are supposed to pray for such ones but I too am guilty of not doing this sometimes...I look at people with this trait as mentally ill and demonic. They may reap the reward like raises and recognition now but soon they will have to give an account for every action they have done and be sent to hell. In the end ...since I am a servant of Jesus Christ I have won and they have lost, is the way I look at it.
Oh wow, all so true. I once had a boss who told me to go do something, and when I did the VP in charge got so mad and asked me and my boss why I did that. I was left stunned when my boss said nothing. And then, while walking by his office later that day I heard him on the phone with our HR representative. I stopped outside the open door and heard her ask him, why would she do that? At the same time he turned in his chair and saw me standing there. His face went white. He had to tell her it was his idea and then he told me to do it .But imagine if I wasn’t standing there he would’ve lied to save face. And I think that is all to common in corporate America.
And people think that the other people will remember then when they go into retirement. As if they all will sit around table and talk about good workers in the company and who gave their best of lives into company. They won't. Any worker is easily replaceable - and we really need to consider corporate America as unsuccessful and detrimental model as it was USSR communism.
A book? Try more encyclopedic editions. One book cannot cover all narcissistic madness and implications on normal and heathy and sane people forced to be inside it.
This is definitely a user guide! I appreciate how thorough this was, and on point. These individuals create so much toxicity in the environment as well as dysfunction and chaos, making sure that you have your standards and you’re clear about your boundaries and that you’re not reacting, but rather responding for the more documentation and really trying to stay away from them as much as possible nonetheless, it’s hard for these people to really be reprimanded because a lot of these organizations are built on narcissism.
@@othmane-mezian I do not understand. Are you both telling that we need to enable toxic people and be passive and people please them and never hold them accountable?
People definitely overuse it. I literally thought mine was a demon, and now ppl disregard what im saying when i try to say narcissist, i have to tell them tales of torture normal ppl shouldnt hear for them to understand. I take the label narcissist very seriously though, i know every human has narcissistic traits in them. I know theres a checklist of characteristics to believe someone has anti social personality disorder, but ppl like to project their own problems on others, and sharing misinformation dilutes the truth. I had to google the things he was doing to me to find out this thing called gaslighting and narcissism, on the very few occasions i was allowed out of his sight with internet access. And i was able to read the next abuses that were going to come so it didnt hurt as bad. Still broke me practically catatonic for over 7 yrs. Theres hundreds of thousands of ppl still stuck in that broken, post narcissistic abuse victim syndrome i see in facebook groups. Domestic abuse therapy was what unbroke me, i could stop reliving the horrors and crying every. Single. Day. For hours on end. Ive gone back to tell those ppl to get DV counseling, because they r all stuck and i know how that is.
@@mimaken4848 honestly I said a prayer before I quit, I had no job lined up but the best peace of mind. I kid you not two weeks off I begin to apply and I had the honor declining jobs Bc there was so many opportunities
@@Lucylucy5🎉🎉🎉that’s Great! I did the same thing in January 2024. High 5 ✋ to you. I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors. It’s not a one size fits all scenario. Sometimes when you tell people that you resign they interpret that as you telling them do the same thing. “You” meaning anyone.
@@skinnypopcorn22-md2dp thank you I walked away and it was the best feeling ever! And let me tell you I got so many job opportunities that it was amazing to turn down opportunities 🤎bc of this video it gave me the courage
The Marcheavelian business model is designed to create insecurity. The use of intimidation as to create the conditions of nervousness and then to document the neurotic impulse. So: the condescention from an arrogant 'moral high ground', or many who use a 'dead-eye', or maintain a stagnant but abusive detachment or, they'll utilize other bullying strategies such as gas lighting, or jibes followed by "just kidding" when the to undermined another as to be perceived as superior. The idea is to dismiss or by-pass any constructive input (their control issue) and to be increasingly terse and judgemental. Through gossip and by misconstruing reality by relying on their own maladapted presumptive snapshots which often betray their insecurities through such projection, they will become pushy as to manifest the vibe when you'll make mistake. Perhaps you'll lash out. If you dramatize the situation or over-emphasize 'your plight' by amplifying, then surcoming to a negative self-definition or by becoming increasingly hyper-vigillant, if not paranoid, eventually one may undermine the deeper truth as if your condition is 'sickly', rather than their behavior is unethical. When at your lowest point, this is when the boss has his or her sychophants and henchmen validate the general group agreement, that you are an interloper and an outcast regardless of all facts, a broader perspective or to admit that their personalizing, dehuminizing behavior. True grit, humility and a healthy detachment offer stability. Your control is about balance and harmony with permission to be on a learning curve of authenticity and contribution. True control is the strength to transcend all and any dramatic nonsense. Peace.
Otto F. Kernberg suggested that narcissistic disorders of character are foundation of most mental health problems. If we understand disturbances in narcissism we would probably find a theory of everything YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy
@@normanleach5427 Escape attempt from pain creates more pain. We get addicted to it. Dr. Gabor Maté "I have to be strong" The core belief in having to be strong enough, characteristic of many people who develop chronic illness, is a defense. When the Body Says No - The Cost of Hidden Stress Book by Gabor Maté Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honour our deepest needs. Isolation and stress affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory. "When the Body Says No", Dr. Gabor Maté For anger to be deployed appropriately, the organism has to distinguish between threat and non-threat. If I don’t know where my own boundaries begin and end, I cannot know when something potentially dangerous is intruding on them. "When the Body Says No", Dr. Gabor Maté See that anxiety is normal response on their part to what actually happened to them. And it can be relieved and recovered if they look at its sources. YT What Causes Your Anxiety? | Dr. Gabor Mate
Thanks for this video. I work in a small organization that seems to be disproportionately run by narcissistic individuals. It's so hard to articulate as the target, when all other people see is the mask. I've also noticed a pattern with my employment history and these kinds of individuals is a common denominator, hence I came here to make sure I'm not the crazy one, or maybe the narcissist myself!
narcissistic bosses are about only keeping employees that make them look good and condescend those who don't. They will shift blame to others and fire people when you don't accept the blame for their errors. The job I just left was in a clinic. This boss has a huge poster of her face in every treatment room, as though looking over everyone working. This ego was unbelievable.
Narcissists want to control everything on the job & dictate & micro-manage everything!! They are also bad teachers & have an attitude, "common-sense" should have taught you!!
You really have to be careful when taking them to HR because they'll usually have somebody in there that they've tricked into believing they were really nice person. I had to buy my time for almost 2 years until she wrote me up for some extremely bogus things but her mistake was she supposed to be getting HR involved and they're supposed to be in the middle of these write ups but she was just sticking them in a hidden folder. HR didn't even know she was just using it to bully people and threaten termination when she had no legal right to do so within Lockheed Martin.
Do it . I did it and got another better job . With enough hr call outs the company may start to take it seriously. I always call out bad behaviour if not for me for my for replacement/s as it always happens again and I always use the the word Narsissist if they are one it’s important to point it out . Good luck no doubt you will get a better job . 👍
Narcissistic bosses will never recognise your hard work, but they are ready to put all blame on you for their nasty stuff... I was very very motivated to work very hard, but after joining Qualcomm and when I met bunch of narcissistic people, I was thinking why should I spend my life for such company? It naturally demotivated you, because PPL who were already there, seniors want you not shine, so they were spreading rumours about you behind your back, seniors were feeling proud in teasing you in front of everyone as if they are very smart in doing so...but then they expect you to have soft skills of communication, empathy and understanding. None of these qualities I ever experienced with any of their higher management but their expectations were that I should meet these skills...
I left my last job because my boss was a hardcore narcissistic, he was abusive with the other employees, would work us so damn hard, and say things like “what are you, a child?” Just things a boss should never do. It really rubbed me the wrong way for what we got paid, which wasn’t nearly enough, and how hard we worked, which was ridiculous. I still have carpal tunnel issues because of how strenuous the work was. Looking forward to possibly some answers in this video. 🙏
I do not understand how economy in the West is producing narcissists? In the poor Balkans - workers do not have choice at all. If they are in toxic job - finding another job is the same as winning jack pot lottery. Nobody can leave toxic employers and this is enabling toxic atmosphere and it is the cause and result of poor countries being poor - because managers are destructive mentally ill evil people. In the West - if some organization is toxic - it is easy to find another job due to low unemployment and it is easy to start your own business or re-locate. This way, toxic mentally ill evil people in managerial positions whither and dry up - since competent people would leave them - and without competent workers - any organizational unit or business is doomed to fail over time. This means - narcissistic toxic job employers are like Ebola virus - it terminates itself too quickly in blood and pain than its ability in being spread around over massive territory like common flu or plague. It is only in poor countries where evil can thrive - since workers are basically slaves.
Thank you so much Dr. Fox for all of your videos abt BPD and NPD. They've helped me a lot in understanding someone very dear to me who exhibits all of the DSM criteria for BPD. Therapy for these things aren't very accessible where I live, so your videos mean the world to me. I just got a copy of your workbook today. Looking forward to sharing it with my friend. ❤
DSM is dangerous - it is misleading. For example, BPD has 4 sub-types. DSM itself is form of narcissistic abuse due to amount of false data and hence gaslighting.
Well done your on the road to less stress and more happiness . I did the same a month ago and got a better job your mental health and self esteem is more important. It comes before money as you can’t earn if your not happy good luck 👍
This video should be titled the characteristics of a narcissistic boss. And what an organization needs to do about it. There was almost nothing about how you as the employee can handle a narcissistic boss
Probably because there’s not much unless you have access to their boss or another trustworthy person with influence who can help you work around that person
Great video. I thought I was crazy. Understanding companies love these kind of people explain a lot. And it's why I couldn't make it as a District manager. I care too much about my teams as much as I care about the company. Neither can survive without each other. But, only one understands that.
11:50 This is exactly what I experience with my boss. In our team, we have to put pieces together for every single task, and our narcissistic product owner blames us for not having the efficiency he expects. And it's always our fault
It certainly depends a lot on the type of business. Certain industries demand this constant push that could of course be provided with empathy by any capable leader, but which can easily be implemented by narcissists - particularly the most stupid specimens. Upper management notices the toxic pattern but prefers to sacrifice good employees through a boss that deals tenaciously with the bad. The real problem occurs when they’re really smart, for then it can be really tricky to identify the case without a proper inquiry - which, depending on the business, is virtually impossible…
Power is something that draws in the wrong kinds of people like moths to a flame. That's why recruitment is so important. You're always going to have power-hungry people show up and try to take power. What you need to do is dilute them and block them. That's where the system design is crucial. We assume we can advertise for position and wait for right people to come. It doesn't work like that. We have to actively counteract this impulse of power-hungry people 🟥 Big Think
Oh, absolutely. I am so relieved to have found this comment thread. I had one job where it was clear that turnover was a real problem but how would you know if you are a target and you're on your way out the door? Which, by the way, they find entertaining. Fun fact: at this very same company I was told that they had four people quit in a month. I felt a genuine sense of sorrow for the great people who are trauma bonded with this toxic manager. I keep them in my thoughts, hoping they find a much healthier environment.
You just perfectly described my manager, I'm trying to leave but unfortunately have not found another opportunity so have to endure, the uncertainty is a pain.
Sometimes, its stems from upper management and the executives. There is no one left to talk to because those who have the means to not deals with the drama have left. I’m in that situation right now. As soon as I can find another job to make rent, I may just walk out and not bother giving notice. It’s not like I would ever go back to that hellhole. Don’t forget…Narcissist don’t respect their employees. You’re just an ends to their means and are expendable.
GOD, THERE IS JUST NOT MUCH CHANCE OF BEING A NORMAL GOOD EMPLOYEE, DOING YOUR JOB, BEING ABLE TO JUST BE HAPPY AND STAYING AT YOUR JOB GETTING PROMOTED OR RETIRING WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH ONE OR MORE OF THESE AS$HOLES. I JUST QUIT MY JOB OF 11 YEARS BECAUSE OF MY POS BOSS. THANKS KEITH M.
Please make a part 2 of this?? Deep dive into how it looks like in practice and expand on how employees motivation and ability to go beyond are impacted?
Thank you so much! I have a narcissistic professor and she acts exactly like this. Thanks for this video. At least, I know I'm not crazy. OMG, she did that to me: she told me I could do the work in a certain way and then she penalized me for doing it that way. It's vicious!
About two years into my career I had to have back surgery and was expected to be out of work for 6 months. My surgeon gave me a letter to give to my Chief. She questioned why I had to be out so long and stated that she wanted a more “detailed” letter about my surgery. So my surgeon then gave me a 4 page letter, detailing my procedure ( called “Cottrell - Dubousset spinal fusion). But that still was sufficient for this highly conceited , narcissistic woman. She then call my surgeon’s office. He was a very prominent surgeon with admitting rights to about 8 top hospitals in New York City. He warned her that if she gave me any problem he would call the media to interview her. The witch approves my time.
She definitely sounded overly confident and was sure that she could manipulate your doctor as well. I think narcissists are the true overworked minds, the obsessive, thrill seeker.
I studied narcissism intensely from 2013-2017. Until I actually saw an aeons old demonic being - seemingly separate from the person but residing in them - looking out at me in a photograph I took of a narcissist. I then pivoted my studies to the spiritual and now have a much broader grasp of narcissists than Psychology will allow. I will say that narcissists specifically target certain individuals whom they have identified far before the target knows what's going on. Also when you have the spiritual discernment, you naturally give narcissists a wider berth than someone coming from a pure psychology standpoint. 👍
The Navy is chock full of these people. Initially, I just thought it was leadership. Then, I realized it was toxic leadership. Now, I know it’s narcissism. It has taken me 22 years to figure this out.
Excellent video. Thank-you ! ... Problem at my workplace is that the ''E.D.'' is the worst/top Narcissist of all ~ ... Some of the [next level down] Bosses are as well therefore they have NO interest in 'supporting' the employees under them : ( I like to call this ''double'' trouble ! : ( In addt. to this, the HR lady is truly a Sweet person but has no backbone or confidence so when an employee brings a complaint to her, you are ''literally'' on your own as she will state/share : ( but she is 'truly' sympathetic to what you've shared & feels bad for you but actually tells you she can't help you ! eeek : (
I filed a complaint against my manager after she threatened me as a remote worker of «finding another one who can come» if I don’t agree to come to the office every week. Other « chicken » were scared and agreed to come. Then she gaslighted by telling me that she never said that. Unbelievable. W’ll see how it will turn out for me tomorrow with a head of HR. It was stressful but now it’s kind of entertaining.
Narcissism in the workplace when I was in my twenties hindered me getting the necessary job experience in the field of carpentry/cabinet-making!! Wasted 7-8 years of my life & my narcissistic father was not helpful at all!!
Is it worth it to stay working for an organization with narcisistic bosses and colleagues? At some level, once they gather more than 1 into a level or unit or department, it goes to ground quickly. I am currently working to ensure no more get involved with me at any level, but seems the narcs love each other as they all can lie and steal with no shame and enjoy others who join them in lies and schemes. Really difficult.
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
This video stressed me out! I have a boss with all of those examples. This year has been THE WORST! Working in a mechanic field, for the government(getting paid from taxes so business will be constant no matter what) and being the only woman there, there is a lot of negativity going on. Toxic work environment for sure! Would it be bad to just ask the boss if he knows that he's a narcissist? Or should I go to upper management or HR?
I had success by documenting all the narcissistic tactics, lies and triangulation for a period of 3 months and outed him to his boss. Eventually the narc left on his own accord, once his boss realized what he was dealing with, he got no more credit, no more flexibility and no more power for strategic decision making.
Wow, that’s an impressive strategy! Documenting everything really pays off when dealing with difficult personalities. You did an amazing job taking control of the situation!
But what when a narcissistic boss gets hardly anything done? She only speals loud and gives multiple explanatiobs why she dis not accomplish tgis and that, nothung else.
We just had to meet with HR to discuss narc abuse from my teen daughters manager from work. You know its bad when the kid has to go on stress leave for the anxiety the kid has. 😢
What if it’s not a big organization? What if it’s a small business? There’s no help or HR to run to. What about that? My boss is a horrible gaslighting manipulative person.
I've physically lived out the slide @ 16:06 ... because I'm a woman and a parent, my NS said I put my hands up as if I was speaking to one of my children. He told me I did this because .... I ....don't respect him.... seriously 😑
@@DrDanielFox This just showed me that a Narc will use whatever they can think of against you to try to turn the table and deflect their bad behavior. I tried to tell him that I put my hands up in self-defense because I grew up in an abusive household and suffered from CPTSD. When he yelled at me it put me into fight, flight, freeze mode and I froze. He did not show sympathy for me and seemed to be disgusted with me for crying, well trying not to, as I was telling him this. Since then he has joked twice about women crying to get out of trouble and once about branding children that don't' behave.
I've had several narcissistic bosses/colleagues including the head of HR. I've found tnat HR is there for the company not the worker. I'm now looking for another job in a different field because of the toxicity the narcissistic boss's poison against me.
I have a boss that is exactly like this, thought my company specifically was the subject for a second. Calling in for a mental or sick day makes it 10x worse the next day because it turns into a stare down and interrogation.
It can be challenging when your boss prefers face-to-face meetings over emails. One suggestion could be to take detailed notes during the meeting and send a summary afterwards, just to make sure everyone is on the same page.
As a young black women, only 23. I've experienced racism and discrimination towards the company, at Rouses. My former ex bakery manager lacks communication and i notice my hours were being cut etc making excuses as to why because of the sales and about a week a two i got fired , mind you i would close every night and saying i don't work clean at night etc saying i have a bad attitude i don't bother nobody i just do my work and go home, and the store manager had said don't be post anything on social media and said to they face "i feel like its a race thing". they was looking for an excuse to get me terminated.
my boss just canned me saying noone liked me and didnt want to work with me😀mind you ive been over their homes,met family and done side jobs with these men😀my coworker tells me he has a god complex 😬it completely floored me
Well my narcisst boss just got annoyed cause i requested 2 mins to go to the washroom. She called me unprofessional and blamed my culture. If I don't pick up her teams calls within the first ring, she gets mad and anxious. Whenever she pings on teams one has to respond immediately else she gets anxious. If asked for clarification, she gets mad and puts me down instead of clarifying a simple doubt. I hate my life right now because I cannot get myself to quit this job.
I’m interested to understand how degrees of narcissism play into these discussions. For ex: I’ve read that 6% of people are on the narcissistic spectrum - that’s A LOT of people. Some of these people must be minimally toxic (??) or we’d be forever dealing with these behaviors. Am i getting something wrong here?
Im dealing with retaliation and targetting by My plant manager because I'm part of our union. Once he knew he could not win me over. Funny his name is Tim. How do I handle him? I am documenting everything. Do I let him know I know what he's doing. Do i distance myself and limit my words. Do I act cold. Any advice because I feel betrayed and I also am a goo'd worker who doesn't deserve the bad treatment. Unfortunately the owners and rest of management are ALL toxic and narsistic. Everyone feels the burnout. No one cares anymore about working. Attendance is high. It's bad. Thanks
Don't bother with showing evidence to your narc boss, they will resent you further and then work on discrediting you amd make life worse so that you are forced to leave. Document everything if you can and if you have the capability, you can use that for employment court and claim constructive dismissal. The best thing you and you co- workers can do is look for better jobs.
I think the key is to keep your boss in the love bombing stage. I had one fool me And then one day they turn on me and broke me up and blame me for something that was their responsibility that they weren't taking care of for the last 2 years. She was even harassing me as I went on disability leave so I got HR and all her bosses involved and now she's back to the love bombing stage. When they're being extra nice to you just know that's when they are the most uncomfortable and walking on eggshells for you not the other way around.
It is interesting that most you tube videos and books talk about romantic narcissistic abuse scenarios. Almost all of them disregard workplace bullying. And there is a reason for that - there is no solution to mobbing - because toxic society is built that way to support and worship psychopaths. Another reason is that no author or speaker about workplace narcissism cannot go into Crusades and every law court sessions in order to protect all of the victims and targets of narcissistic abuse.
Dr . Fox i ignore this boss as much as i can. But she's always asking me questions like "What time do you want them to send you on break" or "do you want to go home early because its slow you don't have to" or im working overtime and she'll come out to me and ask "how are you doing " how do i proceed?
My boss almost flipped out on me then moments later was calm like nothing happened. She said that I had to get a certain colored collared shirt and when asked if I bought one I told her that it took me 4 hours to find one but it will arrive on Sept 5th. She told me that Academy was selling shirts for $10 and I told her that I looked online and they were sold out in my size and those that were available cost over $20. She then was having elevated BP and proceeded to take out her phone and showed me how I was wrong and she was right. She placed her phone in my face and said "see, you are wrong and I am right.". I laughed and said that I do not wear male's clothing but rather female's clothing. She said who cares you only need a colored shirt for work, who cares what gender. I then told her that male's clothing makes me look like I am wearing a MooMoo lol. She was getting upset a little and I could tell she was shaking a bit and then told me to go buy the academy shirts now. I told her NO. Well lol apparently she became very upset after I told here NO, and then she started to belittle me by telling me that if I wanted a shirt that is cheap then I will get whatever comes my way. I told her the shirts I found on Walmart.com were $8.52/shirt. She then proceeded to look on the Walmart app and said that there are no shirts that I bought and that I had lied. lol...she is nuts. I told her that, like Amazon, walmart has 3rd party sellers on their platform and I did not buy from a walmart store but rather via walmart.com. Every time I answered her questions or responded to her insults, she would give me a weird stare like a deer in the headlights look...then quickly go back to normal. I thought maybe she is mentally ill and was like great, I left the caregiving jobs only to work amongst the insane anyways...lol...
Wow. This guy is describing my current boss and my current experience PERFECTLY. my wife said she was a narcissist and this confirmed it. Fucking insane.
My boss assigned me to execute a project that required technical equipment. Once the time came to order the materials, he point blank refused to sign off for the expense of ordering them: So i had 4 choices 1) Honor his refusal, and thus no project execution possible at all - for which i would be blamed eventually. 2) Pay for the materials out of my private money - but it would eat a large part of my paycheck 3) Fake his autograph - which would be discovered after the materials arrived, but would make me a fraudulent person. 4) Lie to our nice secretary that he approved the buy, so she would order the materials - but she would be blamed afterwards, and she really was a kind person that did not deserve that. ... in the end i LEFT that job much quicker than the boss expected... He was 'surprised' and acted miffed about it.
Why do companies keep promoting narcs?! I witnessed bullying and feel so bad for the disabled person and what’s worse is …it’s from one woman to another. There’s no empathy from the narc. Instead it’s grandiose and blaming others abt every single mistake. Glass is always half empty. I’m still under probation and I am unsure if I can make it pass probation.
Dr. Fox, I suggest you put more time and care in how you title your videos. You did not provide any advice on how to "survive" or effectively deal with a narcissist boss. You spoke of the impact one has on an organization and how and organization can address it. I suspect that is because you're main reason for this video is to do some consulting work for companies and not help individuals. Other than contacting EAP you did nothing to address how an individual can "survive". I suggest you reflect on that and title your videos accordingly. If I may, I'll suggest a new title for this video. I'd go with, "The negative impact a narcissist boss can have on your company's profit margin. For a small fee I can help.“ That is a much more accurate title.
Because if you try to "manage" your boss directly, they are vindictive and will make work life even worse or even get you fired. I'm currently in this boat. It's gone as far as mediation but is rather extreme but at the same time, the benefit is that the mediation process has resulted in us having a set of what I call "rules of engagement" which are binding for both of. My boss declared from the start that mediation was pointless and that we are smart enough we could figure out our differences without the mediator. Luckily, next level management insisted that we do it, which is good for me. I don't have a problem with it because it protects me and gives me an out for later if I need it.
@ I guess I’m screwed as I’m a contractor - so the organisation I work at (with the narcissist Project Manager) does not pay my wage. A consulting agency pays me, and has no control over their clients narcissistic Project Manager!
As much as I appreciate your video, the problem is that you actually don't give any hints about how to deal with a narcissist. Because most organizations have at least one person like this. So, you're not really giving any way to deal with a narcissist boss or individual. Organizations really don't care bc they're not human. Most humans care but we go to work to produce. We have a lot on our plate. I figured this team lead is a narcissist when a huge shipment was returned. While all of us, at least pretended, were concerned, this person was gleeful, almost euphoric. Every time things go well and we produce our share, she leaves tired, angry and stressed. Always upset bc we didn't do more. She is energized, happy and in control when everything goes wrong. Then she starts the blame game where everything is everyone's fault but her own.
One thing i learnt, dont fight or work any harder.. do bare min and dont fight for promotion etc promotion is worthless if its only add to your load and give min increament. Just chill and decline any additional responsibility if that is not monetarily rewarded... Let them give any promotion to someone else, which they will do anyway whether you worked hard or not , but politely decline for extra responsibility... Be ready to walk away if needed...
That's an interesting perspective! Sometimes taking a step back and reevaluating our priorities can lead to a better work-life balance.
As a person with BPD I've always changed jobs because of narcisistic bosses and micromanagement. It sucks but we should never settle for a workplace that doesn't respect, value and praise us. Whenever it gets toxic, I'm out.
Thanks for sharing. I think many people do the same thing.
I believe we need as society to make acts and laws against narcissists and psychopaths.
We do not allow pedophiles to work with children or criminally insane prisoners.
In the same manner, evil people really need to be in institutions or ought to be banned to work with people.
Narcissism and psychopathy can be detected with brain scan with today's technology. So they cannot lie on psychological tests or by wearing a mask when presenting to authorities.
In the same way, politicians need to go through the same screening.
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Quotes:
I started studying political science, and I was studying rigged elections and political violence. I did field research around the world where I met former heads of state in authoritarian regimes, accused of war crimes. When I came back to talk about this to people, some of them recognized these sort of personality traits in their bosses
Is it possible that these traits are universal in power seek
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
You're basically hoping that somebody who's community service-minded will put themselves forward for that job - put garbage out, trimmed trees to your right specifications. Instead what very often happens is that people who actually like the idea of policing their neighbors, patrolling them, controlling them, those people are the ones who seek the power in those communities the most.
Because for them,the power is the goal, not the means. Want power for himself
🟥 Big Think
The story is how the systems of power can dictate who ends up in them. You just roll the red carpet to people who are power-hungry. There are sometimes broken systems that don't do a very effective job at screening out and blocking the Martin McFifes (abusers) of the world from ending up as your boss or as a politician or even sports coach. When those systems break down, when we roll carpet to wrong people, that's when abuse of power become more likely.
🟥 Big Think
Power is something that draws in the wrong kinds of people like moths to a flame. That's why recruitment is so important. You're always going to have power-hungry people show up and try to take power. What you need to do is dilute them and block them. That's where the system design is crucial. We assume we can advertise for position and wait for right people to come. It doesn't work like that.
We have to actively counteract this impulse of power-hungry people
🟥 Big Think
The people who end up in power are not representative of the rest of us. They are not average, and they're not normal. Once you accept that, then you can start to counteract those problems. Self-selection bias is one of the most crucial things to understand if you want to crack the case of how to make power function better. Survivorship bias - we see only people who make it into power. We look at the wrong kinds of data, because we look only at what survived.
🟥 Big Think
We need to accept that some of these biases are lurking inside our heads. We can't control them. They're the product of 10,000 of years of evolution. They're maladaptive now. They're not good for us. But only by accepting and recognizing them can we start to counteract them. Data shows these biases exist when we select leaders.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
Fundamental point: appearances unfortunately do matter, and this means that our evaluation of leaders needs to be scrutinized heavily because we have stupid voices in our heads that are telling us information that we should not process as though it actually matters, and yet we do process as though it actually matter, based on face, height, race, gender.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
That superficial charm blinds us to psychopaths. Ted Bundy seemed so charming, he seemed so nice. He was able to lure his victims into his car precisely because he was superficially charming. People lie and especially psychopaths who are trying to blend in as ordinary people, so they can get away with it. Psychopaths is not just somebody who is mean or immoral or a bad person. It's much deeper.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
The dark triad and psychopathy in particular, are a neurological disorder. Your brain does not function normally. MRI scanner showed psychopaths were able to switch on empathy by choice. For the rest of us we have to make a conscious decision to down-regulate our empathy. I have to harm somebody - fire them/break up with them, and consciously try to make myself feel less bad for them.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
Psychopaths are actually really good at mimicking a normal brain if and when they need to. This is origin of superficial charm. For small and short interactions psychopaths are very good not just at passing, but at actually making us like them more than many other people.This is why job interview is a terrible way of sorting out people it's short performance. Psychos good at making people like em
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
Rotten systems turn people worse much faster than good systems. Environment that you're in, if you're in a corrupt police department, corrupt bureaucracy, everybody around you is skirting the rules. A lot of the people around you are breaking the rules, abusing them and inflicting harm. But it's normal. It's what's done.
The effect is amplified in a bad system. You have to make worse choices.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
A lot of people were behaving badly underneath the surface. We just couldn't see it. There was no scrutiny. And indeed, when you see lots of abusive power scandals, this is exactly what's happening. Bernie Madoff was bad from the start. Investments fund was always crooked Ponzi scheme. But only when he started making so much money did people start looking into this.
So it was question: was he under microscope
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | B, Klaas
I cant deal with the stuff either. I actually freak out when having to deal with a narcissist, after being abused by a malignant narcissist who i think had both pschopathy and sociopathy. His psychologist when he was incarcerated labeled him as "detrimental to others" When you find someone so evil you think they cant possibly be human, that's the kind of monster im talking about, and i get so scared when others display any of the same qualities or behaviors. Im a borderline too. Its like i only attract Ns, but when youre raised by one you see it as normal. I want to find ppl who treat me as I treat others. Thats my rule of thumb of letting ppl into my life now. Its very lonely lol, but its safe, and i NEED that.
As bad as narcissists are, it's truly terrifying how many BPD women I see too and in my opinion and from my experiences with them (I'm in a relationship with a diagnosed BPD woman who is ruining my life) BPD people are just as toxic as narcissists if not worse especially if they aren't in treatment which most aren't. That being said, I feel for you and anyone else who is in a workplace situation with a narcissist. I believe I have a narcissistic boss right now too.
BPD is one of the "mental illnesses" that can be 100% cured. This is a fact. It takes being brutally honest with ones self, the ability to i trospext and the ability to catch yourself when it begins to happen. Then the ability to have accountability if and when it engages. You can with 100% overcome BPD with hard work. It's life changing. Start by learning how to deal with poorly behaved people instead of running away from them. This is key.
Thank you! There is another possible result from this experience, termination! This video is extremely accurate! I had just started a new job (6 weeks in). I was viewed as a threat due to my intelligence and professionalism (not displayed by the person I reported to). I didn't engage in disrespectful remarks, belittling others, dressing frompy (as requested, and actually dressed nice), etc. Plus, I was polite to everyone (unlike the example provided). I also had great ideas, which only that person knew. Once this was realized, the smear campaign began (to make this next step not appear unmerited). After weeks of zero errors, this person pieced their training instructions to create less clarity and magnified any overlooked detail as if I didn't produce weeks of accuracy. In addition, I was solution driven and created tools to avoid mistakes during a rushed training (checklists for anyone to use which I was never able to present). Long story short, I was terminated due to the level of intimidation this person experienced. The good news is... it turned out to be a blessing in "disguise!" 😊
Thank you. I’m glad you found the video helpful.
This happened to me too after 5 months - this video was like a description of my manager, it was incredibly accurate.
Did you work for Drake Refrigerated Lines because you just described my situation perfectly.
I resigned from my job recently due to your experience with my colleagues. I felt that had I not resigned, I would have been fired. It's crazy that jealousy and animosity drive employees to the point of trying to destroy their coworkers. I felt that all teamed up against me, and I had no allies.
@@dontbelongherefromanother yep My new boss talks condescending and rude to me. She is Hispanic or Latina and I am white. She definitely has been making racist remarks to me yet wears a cross around her neck.. what a hypocrite. Hubby said she is trying to upset me and when she insults me extremely rude she is pausing and waiting for a KAREN personality to pop out. I just look at her and am quiet because I have over 35 years of experience with people who are mentally ill. I am quiet because I am observing her behavior and waiting for her to snap because she is saying and acting odd unlike what I assume a manager of a store would act like. I need this job so everyday I walk in praying b4 i enter for the blood of Jesus Christ to be upon me and give me the strength to deal with her racist rude verbal abuse towards me.
That is the problem of companies hiring with narcissistic personality.. owners of the companies don’t notice what’s happening behind the scenes..they keep hiring new employees because of this problem..
Companies must hire people who undergo mental illness test examination.. so that they know who is causing the problem in the company and must avoid problem issues for the future of their employees relationship..
Even bosses must undergo mental illness test examination.. to avoid this kind of problems..
Hard workers and kind people are most their targets!
Oh yeah!
Narc deeds remain unhidden and upper management has no clue because the focus is on the scapegoat, while the narc creates chaos in the workplace
Sad truth is grandiose narcissists are often v good / succesful for a company so they dont care hiring apathic ppl like that bec it brings em more succes and thus $$
They made me sick 😢 They made me feel bad and don't want go to work 😪😪😪 Thank you for This amazing channel ❤ ❤❤🙏🏼
I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough time, but I'm glad that my channel could provide some relief for you!
Same here, but ignore them, dont value them, they are lowly anyway
Just had to leave a job after 5 weeks...boss was all these things...never felt so belittled in my life. Am healing from it
i held my covert narcissistic boss accountable by resigning and giving a full grievance report to HR. I was asked if I was going to pursue a lawsuit. Let the narcissist sweat.
Question. Did they ask you to complete an exit interview? Edited 6.4.24 to add: Whoops! I guess the full grievance report was the exit interview.
Excellent! I posted to my NPD Facebook groups. Be aware that employees stop going above and beyond because they are worn out from dealing with coworkers. These folks bring out the worst in everyone, adding to the stress of an all ready filled to the max workload.
Thanks for the support.
This 100 percent. What’s the point after a while??
The hardest part of all this is I don’t get credit for my hard work. No praises, feedback, recognition, absolutely nothing. They take the credit and raises for your hard work. I feel drained and burned out. I don’t know 🤷♂️ what to do at this point. It is affecting me and everyone else around me.
Thank you for explaining everything. You just explained my boss 100%. Word by word is crazy. Should I move on from him and find something else? Is not going to change is getting worse everyday. I feel belittled and nonexistent in the workplace. The way he talks about others makes me feel like he talks about me the same way.
Same here. I decided to say everything I want as all is just blaming me.
I’ve just left a boss like this. They ruin every aspect of your life. Thy are sub human. In my opinion it’s not worth staying as they never change and it gets worse. I am older and thought it would be hard to find another job but it was actually fairly easy as people value experience and dependability.
Exactly. “They” like to say “That’s not a good idea.” Next thing you know “they” are presenting YOUR idea as their own. 👎👎😠
I was in a work group that had a seriously insecure boss that would hardly give positive feedback, and when he did he would quickly blurt it out or downplay the accomplishment so they could get on with the meeting. Employee reviews were non exsistent, and to my recolection, he never helped ANYONE move up in the company, in fact he actively would kick ladders and withold information making it harder for other people to get promoted. I had to show my bosses bosses boss my work so i could get recognition because accomplishments were being snuffed out so often. Absolute hellish conditions to thrive in. The meetings were silent, nobody would ask any questions because they knew they would be belittled, we just got our work done snd went home, which sadly was looked at as a positive from my bosses boss because he was also a narcissist. My advice since i got away from that all? Seek the right people, THEN seek the right job.
Well I am a servant of Jesus Christ and we are warned that in these days we will deal with people who act like this. Try not to take it personal and realize people like this are hell bound. One can not lie, steal, have hatred, be selfish, etc and enter into the kingdom of God. We are supposed to pray for such ones but I too am guilty of not doing this sometimes...I look at people with this trait as mentally ill and demonic. They may reap the reward like raises and recognition now but soon they will have to give an account for every action they have done and be sent to hell. In the end ...since I am a servant of Jesus Christ I have won and they have lost, is the way I look at it.
I am going through this right now and it has been hell. This video described my supervisor perfectly. Thank you for the insights!
Oh wow, all so true. I once had a boss who told me to go do something, and when I did the VP in charge got so mad and asked me and my boss why I did that. I was left stunned when my boss said nothing. And then, while walking by his office later that day I heard him on the phone with our HR representative. I stopped outside the open door and heard her ask him, why would she do that? At the same time he turned in his chair and saw me standing there. His face went white. He had to tell her it was his idea and then he told me to do it .But imagine if I wasn’t standing there he would’ve lied to save face. And I think that is all to common in corporate America.
And people think that the other people will remember then when they go into retirement. As if they all will sit around table and talk about good workers in the company and who gave their best of lives into company.
They won't. Any worker is easily replaceable - and we really need to consider corporate America as unsuccessful and detrimental model as it was USSR communism.
I’m in my first “adult” job and currently struggling with this. It’s so demoralizing and so hard. Thank you for sharing
This would be a subject to write a book about. Help companies setup a water tight immune system, preventing these cancerous situations.
A book?
Try more encyclopedic editions.
One book cannot cover all narcissistic madness and implications on normal and heathy and sane people forced to be inside it.
They careless n their narc bosses r protected.
This is definitely a user guide! I appreciate how thorough this was, and on point. These individuals create so much toxicity in the environment as well as dysfunction and chaos, making sure that you have your standards and you’re clear about your boundaries and that you’re not reacting, but rather responding for the more documentation and really trying to stay away from them as much as possible nonetheless, it’s hard for these people to really be reprimanded because a lot of these organizations are built on narcissism.
Bc the term narcissism is so overly used, I rarely pay any attention to discussions about it anymore. But I am so glad that I did today. Thank you!
Yes I confirm.. Any arrogant or insecure person is flagged with narcissistic
@@othmane-mezian I do not understand.
Are you both telling that we need to enable toxic people and be passive and people please them and never hold them accountable?
I mean that not every toxic or arrogant person is narc@@ranc1977
That word is way better than what I call them.
People definitely overuse it. I literally thought mine was a demon, and now ppl disregard what im saying when i try to say narcissist, i have to tell them tales of torture normal ppl shouldnt hear for them to understand. I take the label narcissist very seriously though, i know every human has narcissistic traits in them. I know theres a checklist of characteristics to believe someone has anti social personality disorder, but ppl like to project their own problems on others, and sharing misinformation dilutes the truth. I had to google the things he was doing to me to find out this thing called gaslighting and narcissism, on the very few occasions i was allowed out of his sight with internet access. And i was able to read the next abuses that were going to come so it didnt hurt as bad. Still broke me practically catatonic for over 7 yrs. Theres hundreds of thousands of ppl still stuck in that broken, post narcissistic abuse victim syndrome i see in facebook groups. Domestic abuse therapy was what unbroke me, i could stop reliving the horrors and crying every. Single. Day. For hours on end. Ive gone back to tell those ppl to get DV counseling, because they r all stuck and i know how that is.
Thissssssss is my current status and omg it's draining 😬 I'm currently willing to walk away with no job line up I hate waking up to get ready
Update I walked away and it was the best feeling ever thanks for this video
My exact state but can’t walk away yet to nothing
@@mimaken4848 honestly I said a prayer before I quit, I had no job lined up but the best peace of mind. I kid you not two weeks off I begin to apply and I had the honor declining jobs Bc there was so many opportunities
@@Lucylucy5🎉🎉🎉that’s Great! I did the same thing in January 2024. High 5 ✋ to you. I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors. It’s not a one size fits all scenario. Sometimes when you tell people that you resign they interpret that as you telling them do the same thing. “You” meaning anyone.
@@skinnypopcorn22-md2dp thank you I walked away and it was the best feeling ever! And let me tell you I got so many job opportunities that it was amazing to turn down opportunities 🤎bc of this video it gave me the courage
Thank you Dr. Fox… I’m going through this right now. It’s time for me to get out.
Dealing with one at work right now at work. Wouldn't wish this psychological war fare on anyone
It’s a tough situation.
The Marcheavelian business model is designed to create insecurity. The use of intimidation as to create the conditions of nervousness and then to document the neurotic impulse. So: the condescention from an arrogant 'moral high ground', or many who use a 'dead-eye', or maintain a stagnant but abusive detachment or, they'll utilize other bullying strategies such as gas lighting, or jibes followed by "just kidding" when the to undermined another as to be perceived as superior.
The idea is to dismiss or by-pass any constructive input (their control issue) and to be increasingly terse and judgemental. Through gossip and by misconstruing reality by relying on their own maladapted presumptive snapshots which often betray their insecurities through such projection, they will become pushy as to manifest the vibe when you'll make mistake. Perhaps you'll lash out. If you dramatize the situation or over-emphasize 'your plight' by amplifying, then surcoming to a negative self-definition or by becoming increasingly hyper-vigillant, if not paranoid, eventually one may undermine the deeper truth as if your condition is 'sickly', rather than their behavior is unethical. When at your lowest point, this is when the boss has his or her sychophants and henchmen validate the general group agreement, that you are an interloper and an outcast regardless of all facts, a broader perspective or to admit that their personalizing, dehuminizing behavior.
True grit, humility and a healthy detachment offer stability. Your control is about balance and harmony with permission to be on a learning curve of authenticity and contribution. True control is the strength to transcend all and any dramatic nonsense. Peace.
Otto F. Kernberg suggested that narcissistic disorders of character are foundation of most mental health problems. If we understand disturbances in narcissism we would probably find a theory of everything
YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy
@@ranc1977 childhood trauma and mal-adaptive defensive mechanisms.
@@normanleach5427 Escape attempt from pain creates more pain.
We get addicted to it.
Dr. Gabor Maté
"I have to be strong"
The core belief in having to be strong enough, characteristic of many people who develop chronic illness, is a defense.
When the Body Says No - The Cost of Hidden Stress
Book by Gabor Maté
Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honour our deepest needs.
Isolation and stress affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory.
"When the Body Says No", Dr. Gabor Maté
For anger to be deployed appropriately, the organism has to distinguish between threat and non-threat.
If I don’t know where my own boundaries begin and end, I cannot know when something potentially dangerous is intruding on them.
"When the Body Says No", Dr. Gabor Maté
See that anxiety is normal response on their part to what actually happened to them. And it can be relieved and recovered if they look at its sources.
YT What Causes Your Anxiety? | Dr. Gabor Mate
I can’t stop listening to this video! I feel 100% better know understanding what I, dealing with. Right down to not being able to ask questions
Me too! Keep watching bc it’s so spot on.
Thanks for this video. I work in a small organization that seems to be disproportionately run by narcissistic individuals. It's so hard to articulate as the target, when all other people see is the mask. I've also noticed a pattern with my employment history and these kinds of individuals is a common denominator, hence I came here to make sure I'm not the crazy one, or maybe the narcissist myself!
OMG you have nailed my manager to a Tee. What I was hoping to hear was what can I do about it, instead I heard what can the organisation do about.
narcissistic bosses are about only keeping employees that make them look good and condescend those who don't. They will shift blame to others and fire people when you don't accept the blame for their errors. The job I just left was in a clinic. This boss has a huge poster of her face in every treatment room, as though looking over everyone working. This ego was unbelievable.
Narcissists want to control everything on the job & dictate & micro-manage everything!! They are also bad teachers & have an attitude, "common-sense" should have taught you!!
I’m quitting and reporting my boss to HR.
I reported my boss to HR and he retaliated. Looking for another job.
@@kimberlyp9958HR only has the best interest of the organization, not employees who are bullied
Yes be careful!!
You really have to be careful when taking them to HR because they'll usually have somebody in there that they've tricked into believing they were really nice person. I had to buy my time for almost 2 years until she wrote me up for some extremely bogus things but her mistake was she supposed to be getting HR involved and they're supposed to be in the middle of these write ups but she was just sticking them in a hidden folder. HR didn't even know she was just using it to bully people and threaten termination when she had no legal right to do so within Lockheed Martin.
Do it . I did it and got another better job . With enough hr call outs the company may start to take it seriously. I always call out bad behaviour if not for me for my for replacement/s as it always happens again and I always use the the word Narsissist if they are one it’s important to point it out . Good luck no doubt you will get a better job . 👍
I'm so thankful that I came across this video. This video is so helpful.
Narcissistic bosses will never recognise your hard work, but they are ready to put all blame on you for their nasty stuff... I was very very motivated to work very hard, but after joining Qualcomm and when I met bunch of narcissistic people, I was thinking why should I spend my life for such company? It naturally demotivated you, because PPL who were already there, seniors want you not shine, so they were spreading rumours about you behind your back, seniors were feeling proud in teasing you in front of everyone as if they are very smart in doing so...but then they expect you to have soft skills of communication, empathy and understanding. None of these qualities I ever experienced with any of their higher management but their expectations were that I should meet these skills...
I'm sorry to hear about your experience. It can be tough dealing with such toxic work environments.
They are quick to steal your ideas and take credit for your work too.
Nevertheless to say, when their flying monkeys are not doing their job. They put blame on hard working
I left my last job because my boss was a hardcore narcissistic, he was abusive with the other employees, would work us so damn hard, and say things like “what are you, a child?” Just things a boss should never do. It really rubbed me the wrong way for what we got paid, which wasn’t nearly enough, and how hard we worked, which was ridiculous. I still have carpal tunnel issues because of how strenuous the work was. Looking forward to possibly some answers in this video. 🙏
I'm so sorry for this. :(
I do not understand how economy in the West is producing narcissists?
In the poor Balkans - workers do not have choice at all. If they are in toxic job - finding another job is the same as winning jack pot lottery. Nobody can leave toxic employers and this is enabling toxic atmosphere and it is the cause and result of poor countries being poor - because managers are destructive mentally ill evil people.
In the West - if some organization is toxic - it is easy to find another job due to low unemployment and it is easy to start your own business or re-locate. This way, toxic mentally ill evil people in managerial positions whither and dry up - since competent people would leave them - and without competent workers - any organizational unit or business is doomed to fail over time.
This means - narcissistic toxic job employers are like Ebola virus - it terminates itself too quickly in blood and pain than its ability in being spread around over massive territory like common flu or plague. It is only in poor countries where evil can thrive - since workers are basically slaves.
I hope you recover, and I hope the boss causes enough damage to be held personally accountable for their damages.
@@solar_genesis Due to pathocracy, the system is rewarding toxic people, sociopaths and narcissists and psychopaths.
Thank you so much Dr. Fox for all of your videos abt BPD and NPD. They've helped me a lot in understanding someone very dear to me who exhibits all of the DSM criteria for BPD. Therapy for these things aren't very accessible where I live, so your videos mean the world to me. I just got a copy of your workbook today. Looking forward to sharing it with my friend. ❤
DSM is dangerous - it is misleading.
For example, BPD has 4 sub-types.
DSM itself is form of narcissistic abuse due to amount of false data and hence gaslighting.
Your perfectly described my Manager..I quit my job and serving my notice period this month .. 🙂
Well done your on the road to less stress and more happiness . I did the same a month ago and got a better job your mental health and self esteem is more important. It comes before money as you can’t earn if your not happy good luck 👍
This video should be titled the characteristics of a narcissistic boss. And what an organization needs to do about it. There was almost nothing about how you as the employee can handle a narcissistic boss
Probably because there’s not much unless you have access to their boss or another trustworthy person with influence who can help you work around that person
I prayed that both of my narcissistic managers would be fired. Both were fired. I thank God for that!
Great video. I thought I was crazy. Understanding companies love these kind of people explain a lot. And it's why I couldn't make it as a District manager. I care too much about my teams as much as I care about the company. Neither can survive without each other. But, only one understands that.
@@starrjohnson1327wish He would do that for me.
@@starrjohnson1327. Wow!!
11:50 This is exactly what I experience with my boss. In our team, we have to put pieces together for every single task, and our narcissistic product owner blames us for not having the efficiency he expects.
And it's always our fault
These kind of people are sickening. I dont let anyone or anything affect my money but life is to short to deal with these disgusting people.
It's important to focus on your goals and not let negative people bring you down.
It certainly depends a lot on the type of business. Certain industries demand this constant push that could of course be provided with empathy by any capable leader, but which can easily be implemented by narcissists - particularly the most stupid specimens. Upper management notices the toxic pattern but prefers to sacrifice good employees through a boss that deals tenaciously with the bad. The real problem occurs when they’re really smart, for then it can be really tricky to identify the case without a proper inquiry - which, depending on the business, is virtually impossible…
Power is something that draws in the wrong kinds of people like moths to a flame. That's why recruitment is so important. You're always going to have power-hungry people show up and try to take power. What you need to do is dilute them and block them. That's where the system design is crucial. We assume we can advertise for position and wait for right people to come. It doesn't work like that.
We have to actively counteract this impulse of power-hungry people
🟥 Big Think
Employers miss the organizational and financial damage people do because of their emotional involvement with the narcissist
Oh, absolutely. I am so relieved to have found this comment thread. I had one job where it was clear that turnover was a real problem but how would you know if you are a target and you're on your way out the door? Which, by the way, they find entertaining. Fun fact: at this very same company I was told that they had four people quit in a month. I felt a genuine sense of sorrow for the great people who are trauma bonded with this toxic manager. I keep them in my thoughts, hoping they find a much healthier environment.
You have perfectly described what I've been going through. Spot on description of a co- worker and mayhem they caused in my organisation...
It’s exactly was going on now. Excellent video!
Glad it helped!
You just perfectly described my manager, I'm trying to leave but unfortunately have not found another opportunity so have to endure, the uncertainty is a pain.
I completely understand how tough that situation can be. Hang in there, and remember that every challenge is a stepping stone toward something better!
Sometimes, its stems from upper management and the executives. There is no one left to talk to because those who have the means to not deals with the drama have left. I’m in that situation right now. As soon as I can find another job to make rent, I may just walk out and not bother giving notice. It’s not like I would ever go back to that hellhole. Don’t forget…Narcissist don’t respect their employees. You’re just an ends to their means and are expendable.
I'm going to save this! I never knew what narcissism was until a few years ago. I've been arming myself with knowledge ever since.
GOD, THERE IS JUST NOT MUCH CHANCE OF BEING A NORMAL GOOD EMPLOYEE, DOING YOUR JOB, BEING ABLE TO JUST BE HAPPY AND STAYING AT YOUR JOB GETTING PROMOTED OR RETIRING WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH ONE OR MORE OF THESE AS$HOLES. I JUST QUIT MY JOB OF 11 YEARS BECAUSE OF MY POS BOSS. THANKS KEITH M.
You quit? Fantastic. Best wishes for your future endeavors.
Well done you will have a life of less stress and be happier 👍
11 years is amazing. Don't worry, you will be able to leverage that for your benefit. How many years during that time was your toxic boss there?
HR is with the superiors mostly
Please make a part 2 of this??
Deep dive into how it looks like in practice and expand on how employees motivation and ability to go beyond are impacted?
Thank you for the suggestion! I'll definitely consider making a part 2 on this topic.
@@DrDanielFox Happy to have a call with you, I manage a 40 people team and reported to someone like that, I have a lot of insights I could share
Thank you so much! I have a narcissistic professor and she acts exactly like this. Thanks for this video. At least, I know I'm not crazy. OMG, she did that to me: she told me I could do the work in a certain way and then she penalized me for doing it that way. It's vicious!
About two years into my career I had to have back surgery and was expected to be out of work for 6 months. My surgeon gave me a letter to give to my Chief. She questioned why I had to be out so long and stated that she wanted a more “detailed” letter about my surgery. So my surgeon then gave me a 4 page letter, detailing my procedure ( called “Cottrell - Dubousset spinal fusion). But that still was sufficient for this highly conceited , narcissistic woman. She then call my surgeon’s office. He was a very prominent surgeon with admitting rights to about 8 top hospitals in New York City. He warned her that if she gave me any problem he would call the media to interview her. The witch approves my time.
She definitely sounded overly confident and was sure that she could manipulate your doctor as well. I think narcissists are the true overworked minds, the obsessive, thrill seeker.
I studied narcissism intensely from 2013-2017. Until I actually saw an aeons old demonic being - seemingly separate from the person but residing in them - looking out at me in a photograph I took of a narcissist. I then pivoted my studies to the spiritual and now have a much broader grasp of narcissists than Psychology will allow. I will say that narcissists specifically target certain individuals whom they have identified far before the target knows what's going on. Also when you have the spiritual discernment, you naturally give narcissists a wider berth than someone coming from a pure psychology standpoint. 👍
I asked in my head are you a demon, and a coworker turned her head to look at me with a creepy smile.
What do you do when the narcissistic boss is the top boss?
Exactly - this is my situation : ( tfs
Leave
@@DzemilaKourdbakir Yes, I agree, ''but'' sometimes that's ''easier'' said than done ~ ...
@@cindyglass5827 i know. I myself an in the same position but it just keep on getting worse
@@DzemilaKourdbakir l hear ya : ( feel for you ...
The Navy is chock full of these people. Initially, I just thought it was leadership. Then, I realized it was toxic leadership. Now, I know it’s narcissism. It has taken me 22 years to figure this out.
It's unfortunate that you had to experience this for 22 years, but it's great that you have finally figured it out.
Excellent video. Thank-you ! ... Problem at my workplace is that the ''E.D.'' is the worst/top Narcissist of all ~ ... Some of the [next level down] Bosses are as well therefore they have NO interest in 'supporting' the employees under them : ( I like to call this ''double'' trouble ! : (
In addt. to this, the HR lady is truly a Sweet person but has no backbone or confidence so when an employee brings a complaint to her, you are ''literally'' on your own as she will state/share : ( but she is 'truly' sympathetic to what you've shared & feels bad for you but actually tells you she can't help you ! eeek : (
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your kind words about the video.
The longer you watch, the more brilliant this video gets. Beautifully accurate.
I filed a complaint against my manager after she threatened me as a remote worker of «finding another one who can come» if I don’t agree to come to the office every week. Other « chicken » were scared and agreed to come. Then she gaslighted by telling me that she never said that. Unbelievable. W’ll see how it will turn out for me tomorrow with a head of HR. It was stressful but now it’s kind of entertaining.
That sounds like a really tough situation. I hope everything works out for you with the HR meeting tomorrow.
Sound close to my story with jealous frog at work...
@@puabi666I have a jealous frog that works right beside me. Always keeping tabs on me. Upset if I get any praise for my hard work.
Hello. Do you have any updates.
Thank you !! Very helpful !!
This is my supervisor. I crossed her the other day and now she treats me worse.
Narcissism in the workplace when I was in my twenties hindered me getting the necessary job experience in the field of carpentry/cabinet-making!! Wasted 7-8 years of my life & my narcissistic father was not helpful at all!!
Is it worth it to stay working for an organization with narcisistic bosses and colleagues? At some level, once they gather more than 1 into a level or unit or department, it goes to ground quickly. I am currently working to ensure no more get involved with me at any level, but seems the narcs love each other as they all can lie and steal with no shame and enjoy others who join them in lies and schemes. Really difficult.
Thanks!
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
This is about identifying, not handling them
This video stressed me out! I have a boss with all of those examples. This year has been THE WORST! Working in a mechanic field, for the government(getting paid from taxes so business will be constant no matter what) and being the only woman there, there is a lot of negativity going on. Toxic work environment for sure! Would it be bad to just ask the boss if he knows that he's a narcissist? Or should I go to upper management or HR?
How do you expose or able to break away from it
I had success by documenting all the narcissistic tactics, lies and triangulation for a period of 3 months and outed him to his boss. Eventually the narc left on his own accord, once his boss realized what he was dealing with, he got no more credit, no more flexibility and no more power for strategic decision making.
Wow, that’s an impressive strategy! Documenting everything really pays off when dealing with difficult personalities. You did an amazing job taking control of the situation!
21 minute video on HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY, 2 minutes in it actually talking about what can be done
But what when a narcissistic boss gets hardly anything done? She only speals loud and gives multiple explanatiobs why she dis not accomplish tgis and that, nothung else.
We just had to meet with HR to discuss narc abuse from my teen daughters manager from work. You know its bad when the kid has to go on stress leave for the anxiety the kid has. 😢
You explained them very well, but you didn't say much about solution or workaround?
What if it’s not a big organization? What if it’s a small business? There’s no help or HR to run to. What about that? My boss is a horrible gaslighting manipulative person.
I've physically lived out the slide @ 16:06 ... because I'm a woman and a parent, my NS said I put my hands up as if I was speaking to one of my children. He told me I did this because .... I ....don't respect him.... seriously 😑
Thank you for sharing your experience! It really highlights how our roles can influence our interactions.
@@DrDanielFox This just showed me that a Narc will use whatever they can think of against you to try to turn the table and deflect their bad behavior. I tried to tell him that I put my hands up in self-defense because I grew up in an abusive household and suffered from CPTSD. When he yelled at me it put me into fight, flight, freeze mode and I froze. He did not show sympathy for me and seemed to be disgusted with me for crying, well trying not to, as I was telling him this. Since then he has joked twice about women crying to get out of trouble and once about branding children that don't' behave.
I've had several narcissistic bosses/colleagues including the head of HR. I've found tnat HR is there for the company not the worker. I'm now looking for another job in a different field because of the toxicity the narcissistic boss's poison against me.
I have a boss that is exactly like this, thought my company specifically was the subject for a second. Calling in for a mental or sick day makes it 10x worse the next day because it turns into a stare down and interrogation.
So validating 😔
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
What do you do, if the boss doesn't want to have mails, but only verbal meetings F2F? He would not want mails afterwards.
It can be challenging when your boss prefers face-to-face meetings over emails. One suggestion could be to take detailed notes during the meeting and send a summary afterwards, just to make sure everyone is on the same page.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you for your suggestion, but he does not want this, mail would not ne read, only F2F counts for him. What a psychopath
I most let them know really quick that im the wrong person they wanna mess with...often they got it...and if not i have to make them get it.
As a young black women, only 23. I've experienced racism and discrimination towards the company, at Rouses. My former ex bakery manager lacks communication and i notice my hours were being cut etc making excuses as to why because of the sales and about a week a two i got fired , mind you i would close every night and saying i don't work clean at night etc saying i have a bad attitude i don't bother nobody i just do my work and go home, and the store manager had said don't be post anything on social media and said to they face "i feel like its a race thing". they was looking for an excuse to get me terminated.
my boss just canned me saying noone liked me and didnt want to work with me😀mind you ive been over their homes,met family and done side jobs with these men😀my coworker tells me he has a god complex 😬it completely floored me
My boss told me how other workers felt about me, it wasn't good
your boss is jealous of you . Ignore him and look for another job he sounds toxic
Well my narcisst boss just got annoyed cause i requested 2 mins to go to the washroom. She called me unprofessional and blamed my culture. If I don't pick up her teams calls within the first ring, she gets mad and anxious. Whenever she pings on teams one has to respond immediately else she gets anxious. If asked for clarification, she gets mad and puts me down instead of clarifying a simple doubt. I hate my life right now because I cannot get myself to quit this job.
I’m interested to understand how degrees of narcissism play into these discussions. For ex: I’ve read that 6% of people are on the narcissistic spectrum - that’s A LOT of people. Some of these people must be minimally toxic (??) or we’d be forever dealing with these behaviors. Am i getting something wrong here?
I think it is at least 15% - 20%.
Im dealing with retaliation and targetting by My plant manager because I'm part of our union. Once he knew he could not win me over. Funny his name is Tim. How do I handle him? I am documenting everything. Do I let him know I know what he's doing. Do i distance myself and limit my words. Do I act cold. Any advice because I feel betrayed and I also am a goo'd worker who doesn't deserve the bad treatment. Unfortunately the owners and rest of management are ALL toxic and narsistic. Everyone feels the burnout. No one cares anymore about working. Attendance is high. It's bad. Thanks
Don't bother with showing evidence to your narc boss, they will resent you further and then work on discrediting you amd make life worse so that you are forced to leave.
Document everything if you can and if you have the capability, you can use that for employment court and claim constructive dismissal.
The best thing you and you co- workers can do is look for better jobs.
I think the key is to keep your boss in the love bombing stage. I had one fool me And then one day they turn on me and broke me up and blame me for something that was their responsibility that they weren't taking care of for the last 2 years. She was even harassing me as I went on disability leave so I got HR and all her bosses involved and now she's back to the love bombing stage. When they're being extra nice to you just know that's when they are the most uncomfortable and walking on eggshells for you not the other way around.
My former manager is a lifer and great career, total kook dark narc
That makes for a hard working environment
It is interesting that most you tube videos and books talk about romantic narcissistic abuse scenarios.
Almost all of them disregard workplace bullying.
And there is a reason for that -
there is no solution to mobbing - because toxic society is built that way to support and worship psychopaths.
Another reason is that no author or speaker about workplace narcissism cannot go into Crusades and every law court sessions in order to protect all of the victims and targets of narcissistic abuse.
Dr . Fox i ignore this boss as much as i can. But she's always asking me questions like "What time do you want them to send you on break" or "do you want to go home early because its slow you don't have to" or im working overtime and she'll come out to me and ask "how are you doing " how do i proceed?
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Hard to give specific feedback on here.
My boss almost flipped out on me then moments later was calm like nothing happened. She said that I had to get a certain colored collared shirt and when asked if I bought one I told her that it took me 4 hours to find one but it will arrive on Sept 5th. She told me that Academy was selling shirts for $10 and I told her that I looked online and they were sold out in my size and those that were available cost over $20. She then was having elevated BP and proceeded to take out her phone and showed me how I was wrong and she was right. She placed her phone in my face and said "see, you are wrong and I am right.". I laughed and said that I do not wear male's clothing but rather female's clothing. She said who cares you only need a colored shirt for work, who cares what gender. I then told her that male's clothing makes me look like I am wearing a MooMoo lol. She was getting upset a little and I could tell she was shaking a bit and then told me to go buy the academy shirts now. I told her NO. Well lol apparently she became very upset after I told here NO, and then she started to belittle me by telling me that if I wanted a shirt that is cheap then I will get whatever comes my way. I told her the shirts I found on Walmart.com were $8.52/shirt. She then proceeded to look on the Walmart app and said that there are no shirts that I bought and that I had lied. lol...she is nuts. I told her that, like Amazon, walmart has 3rd party sellers on their platform and I did not buy from a walmart store but rather via walmart.com. Every time I answered her questions or responded to her insults, she would give me a weird stare like a deer in the headlights look...then quickly go back to normal. I thought maybe she is mentally ill and was like great, I left the caregiving jobs only to work amongst the insane anyways...lol...
Wow. This guy is describing my current boss and my current experience PERFECTLY. my wife said she was a narcissist and this confirmed it. Fucking insane.
I’m so glad you found the video helpful. Be well.
My boss assigned me to execute a project that required technical equipment. Once the time came to order the materials, he point blank refused to sign off for the expense of ordering them: So i had 4 choices 1) Honor his refusal, and thus no project execution possible at all - for which i would be blamed eventually. 2) Pay for the materials out of my private money - but it would eat a large part of my paycheck 3) Fake his autograph - which would be discovered after the materials arrived, but would make me a fraudulent person. 4) Lie to our nice secretary that he approved the buy, so she would order the materials - but she would be blamed afterwards, and she really was a kind person that did not deserve that.
... in the end i LEFT that job much quicker than the boss expected... He was 'surprised' and acted miffed about it.
I’m sorry. I’m glad you found the video helpful. Be well.
Kiss up, kick down.
She has no emotional intelligence and is stunting my growth as a lawyer. Time to go!
Good insight. Hard to grow when you can breathe.
Javier, Sergio, Angel - Weida Freight, City of Industry CA, narcissists right here. Walmart ain't paying that much to act like 👿
Interesting comment. Thanks for sharing
Why do companies keep promoting narcs?! I witnessed bullying and feel so bad for the disabled person and what’s worse is …it’s from one woman to another. There’s no empathy from the narc. Instead it’s grandiose and blaming others abt every single mistake. Glass is always half empty.
I’m still under probation and I am unsure if I can make it pass probation.
It's unfortunate to witness such behavior in the workplace. Stay strong and focus on your own growth and well-being.
My manager is delusional. I learn she switches her tone when she disagrees to create a argument. Sick
I really preferred your earlier videos where you talked faster 😅
No
1:12 funny how they always look like trump lol
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
My boss in a nutshell.
The Marcheavelian business model is designed to create insecurity.
You mean the democratic business model
This is not helpful as there is no strategies only highlight typical behaviours
😊👍
O lawd
Dr. Fox, I suggest you put more time and care in how you title your videos. You did not provide any advice on how to "survive" or effectively deal with a narcissist boss. You spoke of the impact one has on an organization and how and organization can address it. I suspect that is because you're main reason for this video is to do some consulting work for companies and not help individuals. Other than contacting EAP you did nothing to address how an individual can "survive". I suggest you reflect on that and title your videos accordingly. If I may, I'll suggest a new title for this video. I'd go with, "The negative impact a narcissist boss can have on your company's profit margin. For a small fee I can help.“ That is a much more accurate title.
I would encourage you to watch the entire video. Many times suggestions are at the end.
This video provides no solutions to manage the narcissistic, except get your organisation to manage them
I appreciate your feedback! This topic can be quite complex, and sometimes the best solution is to involve the organization as a whole.
Because if you try to "manage" your boss directly, they are vindictive and will make work life even worse or even get you fired.
I'm currently in this boat. It's gone as far as mediation but is rather extreme but at the same time, the benefit is that the mediation process has resulted in us having a set of what I call "rules of engagement" which are binding for both of.
My boss declared from the start that mediation was pointless and that we are smart enough we could figure out our differences without the mediator. Luckily, next level management insisted that we do it, which is good for me.
I don't have a problem with it because it protects me and gives me an out for later if I need it.
@ I guess I’m screwed as I’m a contractor - so the organisation I work at (with the narcissist Project Manager) does not pay my wage. A consulting agency pays me, and has no control over their clients narcissistic Project Manager!
As much as I appreciate your video, the problem is that you actually don't give any hints about how to deal with a narcissist. Because most organizations have at least one person like this. So, you're not really giving any way to deal with a narcissist boss or individual. Organizations really don't care bc they're not human. Most humans care but we go to work to produce. We have a lot on our plate. I figured this team lead is a narcissist when a huge shipment was returned. While all of us, at least pretended, were concerned, this person was gleeful, almost euphoric. Every time things go well and we produce our share, she leaves tired, angry and stressed. Always upset bc we didn't do more. She is energized, happy and in control when everything goes wrong. Then she starts the blame game where everything is everyone's fault but her own.