They Were Not the Love of Your Life... Allow Them to GO!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 มิ.ย. 2024
- This is the tough love you need to hear, and I understand that it's difficult to accept (I've been there), but they were not the one. They just weren't!
While they may have been a great love at one point, they have evolved into a different person.
Cry... let it out! It is part of healing and accepting.
Once you do that, I want you to be honest with yourself. You want to move on.. I know you do so I'm going to explain the reasons behind your struggles.
I hope this helps you to heal and move forward.
xo
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I realized I was spending way too much time validating myself by watching TH-cam videos on narcissism. I needed to find ways to validate myself that I was good enough, not all was my fault and I deserve to be treated better and to trust my instincts.
Yessss. I feel like a lot of us do that because we don’t actually know what we need because we have spent so long suppressing our needs in the toxic relationship.
Absolutely 💯 percent
Same. What do I do now?
Same but its good to learn -- right what happens now ? You have no job no friends no one no family --- be your own hero but you need to work --- who will give you a job they are trafficking you
I believe the journey comes with utilizing these videos as validation and examples of positive self talk. Other ways that have helped me is read books on codependency, therapy, talking to trusted friends, and rediscovering my passions.
Dating is just collecting information about someone until you realise you don't like them anymore
😂so true
😮 yes
I love this❤ thanks for the laugh
Legit😮😮😮
When you figure out most people who want you won’t make you happy or they won’t be good in dealing with you, you say no to a lot of people!
Good on you!
Not everyone will be the love of your life.
And possibly no one will be the love of your life!
It’s possible!!
So important that we make the decision to move on over and over again. It's not a one time deal
Yeah that really clicked and made sense for me when she said that.
So true
RIGHT! Yes....that is so true! I appreciate you putting that into words for me. Sometimes - I MAY know the way it should be, but if I don't have it laid out right in front of me - I may not actually follow such logical guidelines! 🩷
We movin' on up!
I am swimming. Help
people think the more they date an options they have the better.....they just push the good ppl away that actually love them .....
This was so on point ! GOD once I get healed from this I will NEVER put myself back in this position. Pls GOD fix my heart.
user-er9yd. I think that's the Whole Point of it !!! To Learn and Never be so Stupid as to do it Again !!!
She did not treat me well , I left and i finally know it was the right move and am proud of my decision , it took some time but im firmly there now . Her loss😊
Thank you so much for this great message. My wife of 20 years divorced me with the message that all of our problems were MINE and that she had no part in them. For a long time, I accepted that. Upon further reflection over many miserable months, I realized that it takes 2 to tango and that she was in denial ,about her part in things. I have come a long way working on myself and this video was really helpful in the 'moving on' process and the 'stop wallowing' process.
Sounds just like my situation..
They are in denial of their part in the demise of the marriage because of their arrogance, lack of self reflection, and lack of empathy. They refuse to accept responsibility. Good luck on your journey, its painful. I ended our 35 year marriage and I know your pain.
@@donnas.1576 Thanks for your reply. Wow! 35 years. I wish you better times ahead.
Same here... 15 years
Glad to hear. Been there. Stay strong, know your value, evaluate everything holistically. 👏
Not allowing yourself to become isolated is a big deal. Connections are what make/break any relationship. That's why when someone depends fully on their partner for fulfillment, it's a red flag. Everyone needs a support network and must develop the ability to stand on their own before entering into any relationship with another person.
Well said.👍🙂
It’s about finding something else to do and something else to think about, filling your time with fun and interesting things instead of wallowing in grief.
These days if there's someone in your life you just think you love or loved consider it a blessing. Let's not fool ourselves here. Gratitude people...Gratitude!!!
We really do have to start fixing ourselves first - and loving ourselves. Thank you for this video Stephanie - I'm enjoying it! Cheers, Liz
Yes we have to focus on rebuilding and reparing ourSelves ~
We have to acknowledge and own our part 💙
.....I'm NOT sure why, but that seems so tough 2 do, sometimes. I know it's not 'conceited' to love & take care of yourself, but subconsciously- I think I view it as a guilty trait. My mother was not treated well during her childhood- (& was frequently hard on herself) but she did everything in her power to give me & my 4 siblings all the love she never received. She always gave us positive motivation & tried her best to hide the bad. I recently found out just how horrible her childhood was- & she went to extreme lengths to protect us ALL from ever experiencing the horrors that she did. God bless all you mothers out there..🩷 & everyone else, too 💕
Stefanie changed my life. She helped me rebuild myself. Rebuild my relationships. Build my business and build deeper connections with others. I leave a comment every once in awhile because I want you to know Stephanie that you have totally changed my life for the better ... and I know thousands of people feel the same way. Thank you so much for the impact you have made on my life. I am eternally grateful.
This is all so true. I have become so bitter after my partner of four years and the mother of my two year old daughter got with someone else. He was a long term friend and I’m sure she monkey branched and started getting feelings before we split. I became obsessed with analysing their relationship and watching rebound and monkey branching relationships on TH-cam. Telling myself they won’t last and they are just using each other etc. it’s been three months now since I found out and she recently told me they now love each other. I realise now I have to let her go and concentrate on being the best parents we can be to our daughter. Me being bitter and twisted is not helping the situation. The pain of losing our family and plans for the future bringing up our daughter is the hardest thing to let go of rather than her actual self as a person I think. It’s so much harder with a baby involved.
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It's incredibly painful when relationships end, especially in such difficult circumstances. Remember, it's natural to feel a range of emotions, including bitterness and grief. However, it's important to recognize that these experiences, as heartbreaking as they are, don't define your worth or your future. You are not alone in this journey of healing. It's okay to grieve the loss, but also know that with time, you will emerge stronger. Focus on self-care, surround yourself with supportive people, and don't be afraid to seek professional help if you need it. This chapter of your life is closing, but there is still so much more to your story. Stay strong, and keep looking forward. Brighter days are ahead, brother 🙏🏿
So very true...am going through this myself right now but am rebuilding my life for a better outcome...she was just an illusion full of lies..I don't feel anger or jealousy towards her next man....only pity!
You clearly value all the right things for all the right reasons
You think as a family man should
She thought only of herself
Your sweet deserving daughter needs you strong and you are
You must STAY strong brother
My story was a nightmare and while I’m now resolved to be alone
Which was never suitable for my personality and needs , I have my son back
He has the truth which the child has to mature into readiness for of course
He now also has his birthright back
His trust
It was stolen from him
Stay strong and on your focus
I can tell you are a great dad by just reading your post
Keep the faith
Your daughter will know she’s so fortunate to have you as her dad
NO MAN can weaken your position
And your ex revealed her upside down priorities
I'm going through the same my ex left me after 10 years and 2 boys together its almost going to be 2 years since she left me and it has been TOUGH! I still cry mostly everyday and I haven't found anyone but she has and it breaks my heart 💔 but I know I have to be strong for my boys but I just wish I can forget about her and stop feeling this way I don't know what to do I just want to heal already 😔 😢
@@sayegblanquet3048 men love their women and women seem to love what their men can provide and do for them
I’ve learned the hard way that women. Just don’t love the same and are not loyal to the larger picture of family
They can’t sacrifice
They go with their feelings and their dreams
Selfishly
Not all women
Not the majority
But a growing number
And they judge family values as outdated
They serve self and will pay a heavy price in the distance
My “ wife” is suffering now having lost her vicious campaign using the family court
My son now lives with me
Touché
Stay strong
Important to seperate the thought of being in love and actually being in love with this particular person. When you're lonely it's easy to overcommit to anyone that gives you attention and ignore the red flags. I learned that myself and it's not worth the risk. Know your worth, and your judgement will get better over time.
There's a difference between a soul-mate and a soul-tie. A soul-tie IS going to happen. Soul-mate depends on things like mutual life experience.
FACTS
Thank you! Letting go is the hardest part because it’s so painful :(
I am enthusiastically underway with divorce, not a minute of sleep lost, not a pound of weight loss. I’ll take this 23 yr L, and excited for the next chapter. Thank you 🙏
Weight loss is always a good thing 😂
❤
Hasn’t set in🙏
@@TimMillernapavalleyfilmworks Speak for yourself 😄
@@kire115I was there.. I’m not trying to discourage but everyone grieves sooner or later.
Twin flames, Soul Mate, Love at first site, all garbage. No thank you. Slow and steady. Easy does it. It takes many seasons to know someone and even then you don't. Take from this 56 year old woman who has been there, done that.
🎯
Soulmate is just a extremelly compatible person even at the immune system level!
How rare is that? This is the question.
Tell it like it is Mama! Spot on, and I've stopped believing in that garbage as well, at 48. After a certain age, it just becomes embarrassing to be so naive, ignorant, whatever. Any "relationship" which develops extremely quickly is red flag city. My mother always told me as well, that you never really know a person, no matter how long. I guess one never really knows. Love and focus on yourself first, the rest will follow.
@@irisrose4732 Right on!!
Everyone should see this comment, especially those living in delulu land.
This video is exactly what I needed at the stage of healing I'm in, thank you!
Now, on the other side, rebuilding. I'm tired of being the victim, and I am finally proud to admit it😊fresh start 🙌 amen.
Wow. Well said.
I've heard that those with attachment trauma from childhood can sometimes suffer from Limerence after adult breakups.
The coveted ex becomes the assigned fantasized, idealized and unreciprocated limerent object, and detachment becomes impossible.
Fantastic videos.
I am actually going through that and it has been 10 years and I am still thinking of how to get them back in my life, the only thing that stops me is talking to myself about how things are like, where I am, and even with my relationships I always think of how it can be with them. but I am getting better with the whole moving on part, slowly, but getting there. this person was the only one I was ever attached to, I never remember being so attached to anyone else. but it is hard and takes a lot of time and many conversations to get to the next step of moving on with your life
I don’t even think the idea of soulmate exists anymore
Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this today. These videos are an incredible tool to have and learn but as it was mentioned, the validation needs to come from yourself. This is where I feel I’m failing. I’ve been living feeling like a victim for far too long. My feelings are valid, as so are my experiences, but I think I’ve allowed myself to sit on those feelings for far too long. Thank for this!
Not having a goal or seeking anything is, in itself, a relief.
Needing more friends & needing to go places is being needy. Thank goodness just being allows me to feel full. Having a routine & taking care of one's health is fulfilling. Codependency steals these two simple ingredients. When these two simple ingredients become yours again, your shield 🛡 becomes powerful. Instead of searching for temporary fixes or dwelling on mice that let you down, you become the selector. You need for nowt so, you please yourself. You stay polite & grateful BUT because you now know exactly what is good for you, only healthy energies will filter through your shield.
Tnx for this 🙏
I absolutely loved your discussion about therapist and validation vs actually helping people to move forward! Excellent topic and so well disseminated. Thank you❤
Thank you Stephanie,
perfect explanation and understanding awareness of the real situation, you have such a gift in expressing what we need to do not just want to.
I appreciate what you do.
THANK YOU.
Not enough is focused on healing and moving on. We need more of this discussion it’s extremely helpful.
No matter how good is your life in other spheres of life, or no matter how good friends you have, nothing can substitute the quality of fulfillment, affection and type of love you get from a romantic partner. I'm 100% blessed from the support and quality of time I get with friends, I'm certainly not bored with my life, I have plenty of projects and hobbies that bring me fulfillment in many ways. And yet, I miss my special person so much that hurts. No activity, or friend, can substitute the tender hug of the beloved one, nor that feeling of drifting off to sleep in his arms.....❤❤❤❤😢😢😢😢
You’ll find a better man
My dogs and I keep each other company. We make fun of people.
Can you do a video about ruminating please? It’s been a long time and I still replay how things should have gone and I know it’s holding me back.
smoke 2 joints
Thank you for this, Stephanie. I am trying to move on from someone I dated who also works at my office (we both still work there 11 months later). I have done a lot of work on myself the past few months (gave up drinking, joined a CrossFit class, going to a weekly recovery meeting, and joined online therapy), but it is still a struggle even though I have known for a while that she probably wasn't right for me.
I feel as though I have started to figure out what I did wrong when I was with this person: some codependency and I didn't enforce boundaries like I should have. This person was immature, insecure, and abused several escapes that I also partook in back then but now am trying to stay away from. The proximity to her still really hurts though, and even though we thankfully don't work directly with each other, I can spiral if I see her in the hallway and can often fall back into idealizing her. I also sometimes feel shame that I am still feeling this way so many months later, knowing she has moved on, and after learning what I have learned. It's brutal. 😣
You are not alone in how you feel mate, these are exactly the way I feel also, even 20 months after being brutally discarded. Thankfully we don’t work together though. Stay true to who you are mate.💪
@@assplundah thanks man, will do - you as well. Take care
It would be nice to have more ideas to improve and attract even more people. I've been going to the gym too more for myself but it makes me more desirable to women. I thought maybe learning magic lol. But it's not as easy as it looks on video.
Currently in this situation, gives me hope you guys can pull through!!
@@ElMatador-ws3in you too! Things are a little better now, I have started to practice some mindfulness for when those tricky moments come up when I see/hear her. Between that and the passage of time, I am hoping for more good things. Stay strong!
I’m the one that broke it off after almost 2 years. It’s been 5 months now and it actually hurts me to this day. It feels like I abandoned her, but the truth is I left because of all the mix messages, too hot or too cold, gas lighting, actually caught lying, how she treats others and most importantly majority of my close friends and family telling me to get away from her. I think about her everyday and I do feel bad about her past, even her twin sister confirms, but I needed to let her go. It is not my fault for her past and not my responsibility to heal her, that is something she has to go through on her own just like myself because I’m definitely not perfect. Anyone going through the same thing I wish you nothing but peace, love, and prosperity. It does get better in time, and you do deserve someone better in your life
I had similiar experience, time will heal this, it took me more than a year to stop feeling guilty and resposible,but eventually it gets better and you help yourself the most❤
@@andulaart4401 thank you
Thank you! In the exact same situation. It's been 6 months 😢
Grateful for being in touch with my own accountability & integrity to know & do the right thing 💯
This IS the reality check I needed!!! I’ve noticed myself intentionally grasping onto the sad/victimy thoughts just so I can feel something but I wasn’t sure how to stop it since it is addicting. It’s time to move forward!
me too x
Same here, I've been dealing with it for a while and yes I realize that I'm doing it a lot when get to the point of feeling anxious and sad, pressure on my chest or in my stomach. Sometimes I snap back into reality but I don't notice sometimes that I'm getting into it again, it's pretty hard to deal with.
Stephanie always has hits the nail on the head.
Just devorced last week. I'm 60 and not looking to being owned by anyone again.
The area I really want to focus on is dating and finding a life partner. But I feel like I’ve tried everything and it’s the only area of my life where I’m making no progress and not finding quality people. Then I feel frustrated and anxious and depressed and focus on everything else in life but the loneliness creeps back in. I’m not lonely for “people in my life” I’m an introvert and maxed out with superficial interactions with acquaintances and have good friendships, but this doesn’t fill the void for a life partner. It feels like it will never change.
I can totally relate to what you are saying
I also totally relate to your situation too. Are you also a man? I've noticed an increased number of these cases in introvert men like me due to the social dynamic change in women's lives in the last decade that it has made the situation for men but even for introvert men many times harder
We need one special deep connection with real affection and emotionally fulfilling too, not only being surrounded by acquaintances to "pass by time" with
Thank You for all this perspective-will move forward with my fabulous self.
This was so helpful, so many golden nuggets. Thank you Stephanie
Thank you Steph, you hit it out of the park again!
She playing Baseball?
I think I'm on the path of letting them go, but I'm really not looking forward to having another partner anytime soon. I'm actually considering being by myself for a while at least.
I could listen to you all day , you’ve no idea how much this helps
Thanks, for a lot of valuable content. Not in a relatioship, but with limerent tendcies. In my neighborhood, when that person is in view I recall frequent rumination. At times, there's still is rumination, but working around, through, and past those sentiments.
I love the affirmation points,Im going to try it,thankyou Stephanie,ooo overthinking ,I do this a lot
I rather not meet many people who are not d love of my life. Its a waste of time and the fact that dey lie to get sm1 is nerve cracking
"Hijacked the brain." This couldn't be any truer! We got along famously for a long time. Lengthy, daily phone calls. Fun with family & traveling. First time I addressed him abandoning me when I was ill, he got defensive & made himself the victim. Narciasist! And then came the silent treatment. No way I waa gonna beg for his attention. We parted ways. No closure. Nothing. I feel like my brain was indeed hijacked. Working to overcome this loss and move on. So hard, but like the title of this video, he really mustn't have been my soulmate.
You are SPOT ON with the phycology of this journey
Great video Stephanie! Love the moving forward part, key move to healing IMHO, as you state! thank you.
I honestly feel better now that he's left my life. Trauma bonds are real, though. I didn't hear from him for over a year... then when he texted me out of the blue, I responded and we had a conversation. We didn't talk about the past or anything but afterwards I felt a little sick, like I shouldn't have been nice, or responded at all. I still care, not like I used to... but I do. I hate it.
I hate that, and they always seem to come back too. Logically, it's best to just let them go and no contact ever again.
the amount of help that you are giving me is unbelievable, I just flew from San Francisco to India for work and I listen to all your videos, they made me feel so much better! :) thank you so so much! I'm sure everyone here know how hard this can be 😔
Omg! You flew from San Fran to India?
You’re a goddess! I know for sure you should have very high standards! ❤
One of your BEST videos for me. ... Thank you so much!!🥹😟😌
You offer the best most logical advice ❤
I really needed to hear this. Been ruminating on my ex for too long. I’m baffled and disgusted that it only took her less than a year to find another man and marry him. Obviously not good for me. Definitely needed this!
Same here brother. Hold on. In my case not married yet but she was already with another after 3 months of silent treatment with me and sudden emotional distance with me, after treating her like a queen and making her feel loved in every possible way😢
This came at the perfect time. Thank you!!
I grew up in Dysfunctional Family with these toxic traits. I put up with the abuse for decades. They kept getting worse with their manipulative tactics trying to destroy me. Finally I had to acknowledge what they are and start protecting myself. Thru grieving and rumination then I finally started my he healing phase. They are still up to their dirty tricks triangulation and rumor spreading but I’m getting stronger.
Learning about my autism traits and introvert traits that I brought to the table.
Helped me look at life differently also.
I needed to hear this. Thanks
Wow this was right on time, tytyty! I'm a new subscriber.
Be that, which is highest in you. 🙂❤
You’re absolutely correct……….. but………after over 25 years of her being gone, I still think of her & her daughter every day
I have this and rebuild myself. Wow. Thank you so much. I needed this Slap in the face
Learned a lot from this video that applies to me. Thank you.
Good video. I know I did not move on even though she had. Need to just move on and realize that we had our time and that is now over.
Good video
I like the information shared.
Your helping me Live a Better Life!
There is no such thing as a soulmate. Period.
Why so negative.
doctorskull. You can Find Your Soulmate at the End of the Rainbow in Nu Nu Land !!! But only Women can do this !!!
This is honestly a fantastic channel. Thank you.
I am constantly evolving by quantum leeps and bounds. 🙂❤
I got stuck thinking about that person because I was so used to trying so hard for so long and thinking this person was it for me - we built a life together. So I guess for me it’s just because for so long that’s all I knew and accepted.
Edit: There was so much verbal abuse. She screamed obscenities at me and used the f-word and “idiot” to describe the people in her life she didn’t like and when I said you can’t talk to me like that (because) I don’t talk to you like that she said I deserved it. You never really accept that but you do learn to tolerate it because really what else are you gonna do about it? The only thing you can do is leave and eventually and after 24 years I did just that
I absolutely LOVE your message and am so extremely grateful for you! Thank you so very much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom gathered from true-life experiences! Your words have not fallen upon deaf ears and I am so very thankful.
You are so welcome 🤗
Thanks for speaking the truth! When people feel broken, they only point at others and don’t realize what they need to work on themselves 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 both individuals have to have some areas that don’t need to work on if they attracted each other! 🙄
wow. that was nail on the head. thank you
Right on time! Thank you!
Wow!
It's also Blissful to be single too!
Most of the time people need to love themselves first...before pursuing a relationship
True. I believe that more people than not actually live with self hatred and low self worth, Then they get together and add to the cycle of toxic relationships, wrecking lives.
Great video, Stephanie. I like your insight.
I'm in the trying to validate it all mode. This is one of the most h hurtful and dramatic things to ever occur in this life.
Depending on anyone for your happiness is failure from the start. I don't actively seek out a partner. I am not desperate and I am pursuing interests I enjoy. I just finished two college courses. I assuredly don't have low self esteem.
Thanks!
This was really helpful. Thank you
Great information and Thank you.
Saying no to most people who want to simply sleep with you will give you a new found power you never knew you had! You can now select a worthy partner
Amazing and timely info. Thx.
Thank you for the vid I needed to hear this ..
I feel called out 😂 (in a good way).
Thank you so much for your work, you have helped me grow tremendously!
Best thing is to upgrade self respect.
Self value .
Once you realize that.
It’s not about moving on.
It’s about putting all love back into yourself.
Pampering yourself.
Giving your love and energy back to yourself 100%
That way no % left to waste into fantasies.
Ruthless Grace works
Take care of huge precious self.
If it hurt you and disrespected you it’s not Love!!!!
❤️
Yes! Thank you!
This is a brilliant channel on YT.
Yes thank you appreciate it 💯
Thank you for this.
I haven't had motovation to do anything since my breakup because I'm still processing everything that happened, but I have forced myself to go to therapy and do the exercises she gives me and I've made myself meditate everyday. For awhile I was spending time with my family and friends almost everyday, but alot of days I just stayed home sleeping or laying in bed and just wondering when I'll feel better. I still work, but it's just another thing for me to get through before going back home and watching TH-cam videos about relationships and abuse, or ruminating over the relationship. I've cried and done so many things to get over this and I'm afraid that if I don't acknowledge these feelings and honor them, I will bury them and end up in this situation again. I've never been here before after a breakup because I've always just "kept it pushing" and said "fuck them, bye" but this time I'm not allowing myself to do that and I'm slowly working through this process of getting better and feeling better. It's been tough to acknowledge my feelings without getting stuck in them and getting stuck ruminating. 😢
Happy Thanksgiving sweetheart.
On point presently 💯%
So I’m in a situation where we both admitted we have stuff to work on and it still hurts the breakup. There was projection at first but I got him to understand deeper and he stopped projecting and I’m soo happy with that but there’s still the love between us so I still wonder because he’s grown and accepted his issues I’m at the point where I still am trying to accept the distance to heal regardless.
Great information 🎉thank you ❤
The regret is high...I somehow cannot get over the fact of it ...
You are here in the present now!
@@kingmyleshey with regrets..shame..humiliation.
Yesssss!!! I can happily say that I have happily moved on…. The TH-cam algo sent me this video lol, and I’m glad I watched it - it was good - but I have moved on - Let’s GO 💃🏻
I needed this right now
Thank you for the video ❤️👍
He left me without any last talk. Ghosting, stonewalling. Later he messaged me saying he couldnt have a relationship anymore. Promissing me to talk to me when he was less overwhelmed. 7 months later he's in a new relationship. The fact he moved on and i am still hurting makes me mad.
He never put any effort in even talking to me or fighting for this bond we build for many years.
I had a break up today... Literally. And I was watching completely opposite TH-cam content... Then Baam.. Your vid. I just realise how much IV grown...I decided to choose me,I admitted my part good and bad but I choose me. Here's y.... We all have a fantasy in mind of what type of relationship we want right, wether were ready for it or not when it comes however no one knows self than self and when you feel wrong in so many ways... You should listen not fight. You're probably not supposed to be there... In that relationship. I feel we really need to normalise seeing life in death.... For the lack of a better please. Yes I'm hurt but I'm rubbing that pain away by the lesson it unfolds when I ask myself y.
Thank you for your content Hun 💓
I'm 38 and no longer believe in the love of my life or love in general. I hurt me enough and don't need someone else helping out. I won't let myself love again.
❤ Stephanie You Are The Best❤
Very good content, thanks!