What really irks me is how they can abuse you in any way imaginable & when you've finally had enough & leave they act like the victim!! Absolutely sickening!
9:16 Anyone who harbors resentment can have mood swings... spot on. Dealing with someone who is mentally and emotionally immature is absolutely draining.
@aaishasingh3565 We can try our best to explain, teach, train, etc, but we can't change anyone. People only change out of their own will. If they change for you just to make you happy, it may come back and bite you in the butt because eventually, their resentment may climb to the sky and then blame you. If one is not mentally and emotionally at the point of life to wake up and realize they want or need a change, nothing can be enforced.
@@aaishasingh3565 If you can apply an advice, you are a rare person; if so, this is my experience: it is just draining, useless etc. If possible, just avoid such people even if you may feel lonely in some periods of your life.
Yes. It really is. And since they are underdeveloped emotionally. They will not be willing to acknowledge it. You generally have to pull away from them all together more often than not.
@@ladennayoung2939you’re so right. I could make a list of my wife’s behaviors and of the way they make me feel (which have been discussed a thousand times) and tell her that she’s emotionally abusing me and she will deny it. But being invalidated is what I’m used to.
Right On! They do such horrific things to the people around you and never feel bad for what they did. When you remind them of what they did back in the day, they get nasty, resentful, and upset saying "Why are you bringing that up from all those years ago!" Their parents are the reason in my opinion. They give their child everything and they get away with everything. They never think for one minute that their actions affect the folks around them.
@@laminage yes! Or they will look at you like you’re crazy and say they did not do that. They have no idea what you’re talking about. They never reacted like that or blew up like that.
Yeah. I think you just have to learn to let people be and think what they want to think. You just have to learn to keep it pushing. You are to be focused on self-control. Not trying to attempt to control others.
You need an even thicker skin after the break-up/discard than before! One very important thing to keep in mind, as Stephanie says: "If you take the bait, you're still being controlled". The most important step in healing: DETACH!
Facts!!! in the beginning stages (especially if it's a younger scapegoat to an older narc) they think they have everything figured out. Once you gain your strength and push them to the side they are weak and miserable. The mask has fallen off.
I wish I knew all of this when I was 17 or 18. I am going through all of this now and I’m about to turn 50. I always feel so sad that my life could have been so different If I would have put up boundaries as soon as I saw the first red flag. I’ve been dealing with all of these things that you discussed in this video, and I feel hopeless that I’ll ever have a normal, happy life without an abusive, controlling person in it. I try to stay positive though, and these videos really help. Thank you.
When you know you grow and cultivate self respect by holding yourself accountable which establishes your own boundaries. Keep your focus on maintaining your own stability and detach from their negativity by disengaging yourself from them. When you don't NEED anything from them they have no hold on you.
I have a toxic narcissistic coworker who DESPISES me so much!! All I do is my work, don't give any trouble and I help as much as I can. I haven't had a chance to take a week of vacation!! However my coworker has taken lots of vacation while I have to stay back and cover. This coworker who is a senior and complains so much about me, gives me nasty attitude, doesn't help me when I need it and gives me the silent treatment. This toxic narcissistic coworker craves and needs Higher Management's attention. To make things worse, this coworker is Higher Management's favorite!!! Then I go home to deal with another toxic narcissistic person. I feel like now the manager where I live, has been turned against me by the narcissistic person whom I live with. I'm definitely being made to look like the bad person at home and work. Both narcissistic people in my life are playing the victims!! I'm working on moving to another home and then look for another job. I've dealt with a lot of backlash from narcissistic people! And I'm tired of it!!
When you discard them first to protect yourself, they will be merciless with the slanders and victim-playing. There’s no low they won’t stoop to in an orchestrated attempt to humiliate and ruin you. They can spend years smearing you.
It makes sense. I got tired of the bs, because they were manipulative, and I felt borderline psychotic. I left and my life is sooo much better😄. Thanks for the info.
This resonates So Much with my experience: In a 50 year friendship I started healing and growing, no longer relating to my friends toxic thinking. I fed into her supply and never held her accountable because I too was broken. Our relationship started shifting when I did the work and started realizing we had unhealthy mental health/behaviors. I discussed the Elephant in the Room with a deep conversation. She did not like it. She backlashed with passive aggression and smearing name. I simply texted her a message: "We no longer ebb and flow. This is okay with me." After this, I never looked back and blocked her number. I have no regrets and am proud of my growth and respecting my boundaries.
I, as a dude, just got rid of a male friend like this too. Like you, I started "feeding into their supply" when I was going through the toughest of times. Shortly but surely-- they were all sudden getting bossy at their own apartment at me. Enough was ENOUGH after a while and I went no contact. Too bad they had ruin a 15-yr friendship... But if you look up the word narcissist it's not going to be my worst ex-girlfriend nor my family of origin who lean towards or are on that side of the spectrum. If you look up the word narcissist - your ex-friend and my ex-friend are both next to the word in WITH THEIR PHOTO NEXT TO IT in the Webster's dictionary basically. I am now SO GLAD to have finally gone NO CONTACT for the last time recently! PS--it's funny how they go from being your biggest supporters (their MASK, that is.. God knows what they were saying behind my back at that time) to picking on you out of nowhere at your worst times. People like those are all about FEINGED SUPERIORITY and you'll recognize it in the way that they talk about other people and talk down about other people that they shouldn't too!) PS--just like you, it was actually the "PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE" BS that finally pushed me over the edge
@@OkieDokie-ft5pm 35+ years of being blessed to live my life with a same small group of old friends. Then I had to release that bonds in the moment of truth. It is not about who is right or wrong, sometimes you just have to let that go. It is sad and lonely feeling, but it is worth of you staying alive and moving on.
I had a traumatic experience with my former boss. I couldn't understand what I did for her to have so much hate towards me. She barely knew me and I tried to be professional. This makes so much sense thank you.
I just walked away from conversing with toxic pple because they have wasted decades of my YOUTH leaving me with very toxic outcomes. Wanting them to leave me & my family alone might mean taking certain actions to stop them from approaching us. Pls pray for me & my family, that these narcissists will be kept so busy in their own realms of toxicity that they wouldn’t have time to come & bother us! 😓🙏
OMG I was almost done with a longish comment and it disappeared on me! I am glad I'm here and glad I found you Stephanie Lyn. My 45-year-old son is my narcissist, who I'm currently not speaking to on the phone and he resides 4 hours away. He has no one else except a friend from prison. I do not want to let things slide back to the way they were because I just can't take it anymore. I'll be 63 next month and I've had four kinds of cancer, now in remission. Life's too short for any more crap. Something about having to come home with oxygen last week after having trouble with my breathing flipped something inside me. I'm just NOT participating anymore. I'm going to post this and then clean my kitchen! Part of me will always be horrified by the things my kid has done to me. He's really got some severe problems.
Excellent video. Just went thru this with a relatively new friend who all of a sudden started picking me apart without merit. Decided to walk away. I was really disappointed b/c I thought this person was going to be a good friend. So disappointing
The worst part of Narchs is the way they turn family against you, why are they automatically believed??… They always come up smelling of Roses through their lies and bitterness & all you have done is confronted them & stood up for yourself, but you always end up the scapegoat in the family, they are pretty good at dishing out favours to other members of your family to gain brownie points & it works! So, the only way out is distancing yourself from them , these people are so dangerous!… Very informative video thank you!
I am experiencing a lot of resentment and aggression and I just don’t know where it’s coming from it’s a lot of things like “no one likes you”, “ no wonder you can’t get a job”, “you have no friends”. If I try and stick up for myself it’s like a bomb goes off. I also get a lot of “there’s something wrong with you” and the worst part is this individual goes around telling others, they then also feedback to me on what others say, telling me how much of a bad person I am.
@@sunflowerroark5170 I am working towards that goal, my biggest issue is finding a job I have recently retrained as a software developer and it’s tough getting into a job because I am charging career.
Yep, I called out my cousin on a lot. Our relationship has never been the same since that day, years ago. I miss her at times. But it is what it is. At some point in time, they have to hear the truth. It is not always someone else, sometimes it is them.
You are honestly the best therapist in the world lol. I have seen so many people in person and virtually and watching your videos has helped me more than any of them. You are a gift from God and thank you so much for what you do!
I am very curious if men that are religious leaders have a higher possibility of being extremely narcissistic? I have dated one who pushed for marriage real fast , telling me all that’s wrong with me on a daily basis and that I was over sensitive . I have never met someone like him, so critical of everyone around him, aggressive and putting people down and being in a constant negative mindset. Needless to say that I ran as fast as possible after 6 months of dating. I feel totally drained from this experience.
Oh, absolutely. They envision themselves as extraordinarily entitled, far more special & important - literally god's anointed chosen one here on earth. They're the arbiter of what's right & wrong, while others exist primarily to serve them & their desires. What could possibly go wrong.....?
people as a whole, narc/non nark alike are so jealous of everything, anything. small lil people they are. its rare anyone is truly happy to see another succeed at anything.
Thank you Stephanie! You were the first person to get me through and heal me from narcissistic abuse. So glad to receive this jewel of knowledge from you!
I concur. No contact has been the remedy for me to get the respect from my mom and envious sisters. Thank God, my dad is the peacekeeper. Well now, never talking or seeing them is acceptable. God knows. 💝🙏❤️
Please make a video about co-parenting with a narcissist and how to deal with a narcissist using my kids as pawns to hurt me. Thank you! I love your videos!
Good idea! The world is so crazy these days I wouldn't trust the dating pools. Lol Best to find something you enjoy and are passionate about and focus on that. I myself started acrylic painting in February 2023 and am very surprised how well I am doing. TH-cam has tutorials on just about everything. I also play a couple instruments. Trust me find something you have always dreamt about and do it. The painting takes up all my free time and I love it and am glad I decided to try my hand at painting. The busy mind/body has no time to think about what they might not have. 😊
This is my sister exactly. Any time she's around someone who intimidates her, is smarter, more talented, more confident or prettier than her she immediately looks for someone to be speculative & snide with about that person. She is one of the biggest losers I've ever met & I can't stand her.
I have had a friend that went out of their way to ruin my life after he told me he developed feelings for me and those feelings were not reciprocated. I also have experienced this behaviour from neighbors in a small village. It really is so challenging to manage because its so unexpected and people go to great sometimes dangerous lengths to cause you harm
Thank you so much for making these videos. I'm learning so much about what happened in my past and understanding why this person did what they did to me and it's helping me a lot to move on slowly but surely
Very helpful! I've suffered with family drama my whole life, and am dealing with some now. One last member of my family to deal with (brother) and this helped me see a lot of what I'm seeing from him. Thanks.
during my divorce the true reality of my so called family came to be. over the yrs, one by one they all did, or said things that made me cancel their tickets. i have 0 contact w any of them, and im totally ok with it.
@@lilfairycupcake Some times the toxic dynamics are spread across entire families. Weak people tend to fail to self reflect and as a result a group of weak people can all wind up dysfunctional. Best to cut ties particularly when there is no self reflection. No self reflection means they're never going to understand themselves or grasp why they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior. There's absolutely no reason to torture oneself if you're the only one in a group engaging in self reflection.
@@LegalTyranny could not agree with you more. self reflection, self worth, self respect, are hard things to come by these days. not only do they not grasp they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior, they dont care. ive been a huge fan of cutting ties with anyone who does me wrong, in any way, for 16yrs now. no contact = no more problems.
@@lilfairycupcake We're on the same wave length. :) I hope you have a lovely day. Look out for yourself because you're the only one with your own best self interests at heart.
Switching has happened a lot or rather a repeated cycle of manipulation. Seven years, i have been in a very difficult situation, which has left me not knowing where I am in the relationship. Additionally, drug addiction has played a massive part in the levels of secrets being hidden. Learning the several webs of lies a person will use within the relationship, too, it all hurts the moment you stop and take in what's going on. Breaking free is the hardest part when you love and care. The biggest help was a talk on raising your own values and standards, I'm now slowly healing from living with a narcissist. Thank you.
My sister was my best friend,until she got in a relationship and totally ditched me,everything we did together,she does with her partner, fair enough you spend more time with your partner but she's completely trying to push me away ,hurts big time,now ive made new friends and hobbies ,now I detect envy from her ,as she's pushed me away again saying she's starting new hobbies,im tired of getting hurt,im upset about this ,but she's got no emotion,very odd vibe to say the least 😢
Thank you! For such an informative video. It’s exactly what I needed at the moment. I was praying 🙏 & your video pops up & puts everything into perspective!!!
This was spot on for the most part, but you're incorrect in saying the narcissist will nvr directly jab at you. My narcissistic ex whom I still live with, is the most cruel, rude, disrespectful, nasty person I've ever met. He directly "jabs" me every day. He calls me names, tells me my thighs have gotten bigger but my ass has gotten smaller ect. He has a rebuttal for EVERYTHING I say. He fights me on literally EVERYTHING. He gets pissed at me 4 literally no reason, & even more so if I treat him the way he treats me lol 😂
Get away from him asap. Also mirror him, the boomerang effect. Let his comments bounce back at him because it's his loathe of himself he is directing at you.
When they start lying about you to their flying monkeys, and feeling the victim……do they REALLY deep down believe these stories themselves? Or when they are alone do they understand that their version isn’t 100% true? Always curious about this. Would be an interesting video. 😎
Wow, this really spoke to me. With my Narc ex, I've been very firm and assertive and I learnt how to deal with him, in how I respond and things I choose not to respond to and engage him in. But he's been using our children to vent and express his frustrations and bitterness to attack me. We co-parent unfortunately. But the children know his wrong and can see through the lies thank God.
My narc bro is living 1 floor below me. Whenever i walk downstairs he shouts stuff thru the wall like "oh he is making gymnastics in the stairway again!" (meaning, the narc is not able to speak to me directly, that he is annoyed that I'm too loud in the stairway.) But I'm not, I'm just walking up and down like always. My bro is very jealous of me for whatever rason. How to react to that? Not reacting at all?
I met a woman who had lost her husband about the same time I lost my husband. We became fast friends. Doing things together lie shopping eating out etc. Fast forward after being yelled at on the phone when I didn’t agree with her. Well it was like getting slapped in the face. It woke me up and it was like coming out some kind of fog. Figured out I was being manipulated and she was a narcissist. Thank goodness I woke up and have set boundaries and broke off the friendship. But know I’m the bad person. She is so snarky and tries to get me into conversations which I refuse to do. The bad thing is we both go to the same church. So tired of the dirty looks and hateful remarks. She tries to bate me so I will say something and get mad at church so I look like the bad person. Thank you so much for this video.
This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, Speaks volumes, You're absolutely beautiful, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😃🦄🐉🌹💛💚❤💜💙👁🌌🌈🖼⭐😆🎨😇🌚😍🌷👽🕊😘🌝😊
Thank you so much for this video. You are answering questions I have from an encounter with a narc a few days ago. Your advice is spot on. Thanks for making this video.
Resentment is a killer in all relationships whether romantic or not and with or without the person having narccisstic behaviors. I also thing resentment is actually disrespecting yourself. It has happened to me but I have learned over the years including some painfull experiences that the best way to deal with someone that you develop some sort of resentment for them or trying to understand a resentment they may have for you is to look inward at yourself. When I have felt some resentment toward a person because I begin to believe they are taking advantage of me or the situation, I don't cut them off cold turkey. I don't tell them anything unless they ask and I set my own boundaries and enforce them without their acknowledgement since they never seem to care for your point of view. So if you are in a relationship and the other person always insist that we go to the restaraunt of their choice or any plans of their choice, or they will not go, here is what I have learned to do. Your friend or romantic partner who always has to have their way at your expense says " let's go Italian Friday night." No we eat Italian all the time or whatever your choice is, and I would like to eat Chinese Friday night. They then say "Well I don't like Chinese so I guess we can just cook something at home or I will ask a friend who wants to eat Italian Friday night" . You say " Great you enjoy your meal Friday night at home or with your friend but I am going to go out and eat Chinese Friday night." If they then say, "OK you win and we can go eat Chinese Friday night", then you say fine but this Friday night you are on your own cause I am eating Chinese without your company." Don't worry if they get it or not. If they want to talk after that then fine but let your actions and intentions match. Life is to short to sell yourself for nothing. I love your videos Stephanie.
Actually you are dealing with someone who is not capable of having an ego. They are their own God and own worshipper. The narcissist does not have a true identity. They are stuck in their own cycle of abuse
Resentment is a sin. It stems from unforgiveness and moves into anger which leads to Hate. It's Satanic and unrepentant will lead one to some very dark and evil places. Ave Maria Mater Dei.
Thank you, very much appreciated and important information I really needed to hear this 🖤 feeling myself not being emotionally reactive 💯 💯 Adult learning
It horrified me at an early age. When I realized it about my older brother. That it doesn't matter what you do a narcissist will move forward to more chess board like moves until you are puppets or subdued or buffered or destroyed or manipulated. Quietly working against you. That it's all about them and what they want.
Very good video again! I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic toxic person very close to me for a few years, and now that she’s gone, me and my wife are dealing with backlash and this person gone. Because it is a very close family member, it’s been tough but your channel is one of the best I found to help me better understand why it is this way, and how to deal with the situation. Keep up sharing your good work !
Whatever happens, dont let them trigger you. I wasnt able to take their behaviour anymore and after a year of poking I flew into a rage myself and now she uses it as ammo to make me look bad.
My ex narc friends would always take their own destructive behaviors lightly as if harmless or pretend they don't know what they do wrong while they Knooow what they are doing and are enjoying doing it like pigs in the mud, trying to get a reaction out of you to get you dirty with them...
I live with a family member, planning my Escape. I am at the point where they intentionally disrespect me. I feel I have no choice but to just let it be and distance myself. Coz, all they want is a Negative Reaction to get Supply.
Pretty “coincidental” how my wife and partner of 25 years was just telling me that she resented me with no context or communication of why or what I’ve done to cause that
Stay strong. Hardest time of men's lives, in my opinion. I would suggest some of coach smith's videos and letting go of the outcome. Our masculine wiring is not what the female emotions is looking for...do your research before you react to much.
These videos have seriously helped me understand and come to terms with the relationship I have with my brother. I cannot explain how much you have benefitted me. Thank you for being a healthy, guiding hand, and thank you for being a free resource I can tap into when I need the extra help. I'm changing my life, and I couldn't have done it without your channel. I appreciate what you do immensely!!! ❤
No one does the work on themselves Peer counseling should be mandatory in schools, learning psychology. Everyone has issues. My dad trained recruits in the military. I live and breathe respect. These lazy ppl need to do the work. Learn to discipline your emotional feelings. Amen
What really irks me is how they can abuse you in any way imaginable & when you've finally had enough & leave they act like the victim!! Absolutely sickening!
Yes it's disgusting
They are always acting like the victim and, yes, it’s sickening.
@@genataylor6422 yes it's olddddddddd
they will tell people they have no idea why you blocked them when they know exactly why you did
@@ThimbleFox350 bingo
9:16 Anyone who harbors resentment can have mood swings... spot on. Dealing with someone who is mentally and emotionally immature is absolutely draining.
Man, what can I do about this.
@aaishasingh3565 We can try our best to explain, teach, train, etc, but we can't change anyone. People only change out of their own will. If they change for you just to make you happy, it may come back and bite you in the butt because eventually, their resentment may climb to the sky and then blame you. If one is not mentally and emotionally at the point of life to wake up and realize they want or need a change, nothing can be enforced.
@@aaishasingh3565 If you can apply an advice, you are a rare person; if so, this is my experience: it is just draining, useless etc. If possible, just avoid such people even if you may feel lonely in some periods of your life.
Yes. It really is. And since they are underdeveloped emotionally. They will not be willing to acknowledge it. You generally have to pull away from them all together more often than not.
@@ladennayoung2939you’re so right. I could make a list of my wife’s behaviors and of the way they make me feel (which have been discussed a thousand times) and tell her that she’s emotionally abusing me and she will deny it. But being invalidated is what I’m used to.
Because they CANNOT control you anymore!!!
Bingo
Yes, you are saying the truth.
This! 👏🏾
True
This the one!!
I learned narcissists do not take ownership of what they did wrong and take no responsibility. Narcissists have absolutely no empathy!!
Right On! They do such horrific things to the people around you and never feel bad for what they did. When you remind them of what they did back in the day, they get nasty, resentful, and upset saying "Why are you bringing that up from all those years ago!" Their parents are the reason in my opinion. They give their child everything and they get away with everything. They never think for one minute that their actions affect the folks around them.
So true🎉 its always other peoples fault🤷🏻♀️
That's the worst part - we want them to feel badly like they made us feel badly, but they can't because they have no empathy. Frustrating.
They’re not strong enough or reasonable to be able to do that
@@laminage yes! Or they will look at you like you’re crazy and say they did not do that. They have no idea what you’re talking about. They never reacted like that or blew up like that.
They are resentful because they are just jealous of your success.
I dont mind being the bad guy anymore.
I think its needed to keep them away.
Yeah. I think you just have to learn to let people be and think what they want to think. You just have to learn to keep it pushing. You are to be focused on self-control. Not trying to attempt to control others.
...bad guy? no. congratulations... you've had enough of rules and dignity anymore and you are now a narcissist SLAYER!
100percent
You are not the bad guy! You are simply taking care of yourself!
Not just relationships or friendships it’s also in family as well.
Oh yeah it's can be inherited
And also between neighbours
Interacting with family is a form of a relationship as well. It just isn't a romantic relationship.
This explains a lot, thank you.
Who can thrive with someone who sees your strength as a weakness ?
They don't like being called out. Too bad for them.
I notice they try and provoke you and then you get angry it fuels them and its another weapon thrown at you
A psychotic narcissist abandons you and blame you for abandoning them.
They can’t handle the truth
It tells you what's inside of them
You need an even thicker skin after the break-up/discard than before! One very important thing to keep in mind, as Stephanie says: "If you take the bait, you're still being controlled". The most important step in healing: DETACH!
THEY'LL always resent the SCAPEGOAT, because we're strong and keep getting stronger, and we remind them how weak they are !!!!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
Facts!!! in the beginning stages (especially if it's a younger scapegoat to an older narc) they think they have everything figured out. Once you gain your strength and push them to the side they are weak and miserable. The mask has fallen off.
I wish I knew all of this when I was 17 or 18. I am going through all of this now and I’m about to turn 50. I always feel so sad that my life could have been so different If I would have put up boundaries as soon as I saw the first red flag. I’ve been dealing with all of these things that you discussed in this video, and I feel hopeless that I’ll ever have a normal, happy life without an abusive, controlling person in it. I try to stay positive though, and these videos really help. Thank you.
You will have a happy(most of the time) life.
Atleast you know now 😊
You can and will. I declare it in the name of Jesus
I'm entering my 60s, I so hear you...I feel the same, this should be taught in schools
@@stephaniehoward2168 yes it should be taught in schools
When you know you grow and cultivate self respect by holding yourself accountable which establishes your own boundaries.
Keep your focus on maintaining your own stability and detach from their negativity by disengaging yourself from them.
When you don't NEED anything from them they have no hold on you.
Well said
Why? The age old reason: ENVY & DEEP INSECURITY
I have a toxic narcissistic coworker who DESPISES me so much!! All I do is my work, don't give any trouble and I help as much as I can. I haven't had a chance to take a week of vacation!! However my coworker has taken lots of vacation while I have to stay back and cover. This coworker who is a senior and complains so much about me, gives me nasty attitude, doesn't help me when I need it and gives me the silent treatment. This toxic narcissistic coworker craves and needs Higher Management's attention. To make things worse, this coworker is Higher Management's favorite!!! Then I go home to deal with another toxic narcissistic person. I feel like now the manager where I live, has been turned against me by the narcissistic person whom I live with. I'm definitely being made to look like the bad person at home and work. Both narcissistic people in my life are playing the victims!! I'm working on moving to another home and then look for another job. I've dealt with a lot of backlash from narcissistic people! And I'm tired of it!!
I can relate with your comment 100%. It’s shocking to know that this happens and not just to myself
You're dealing with a 6 yr-old, and now that I think about it, my own child had a better sense of what was right at that age.
They both understand what is “ right” your child is simply more mature and take accountability more than many adults. It's a choice
When you discard them first to protect yourself, they will be merciless with the slanders and victim-playing. There’s no low they won’t stoop to in an orchestrated attempt to humiliate and ruin you. They can spend years smearing you.
Wow, you are so right.
It makes sense. I got tired of the bs, because they were manipulative, and I felt borderline psychotic. I left and my life is sooo much better😄. Thanks for the info.
They want puppets.
This resonates So Much with my experience: In a 50 year friendship I started healing and growing, no longer relating to my friends toxic thinking. I fed into her supply and never held her accountable because I too was broken. Our relationship started shifting when I did the work and started realizing we had unhealthy mental health/behaviors. I discussed the Elephant in the Room with a deep conversation. She did not like it. She backlashed with passive aggression and smearing name. I simply texted her a message: "We no longer ebb and flow. This is okay with me." After this, I never looked back and blocked her number. I have no regrets and am proud of my growth and respecting my boundaries.
I, as a dude, just got rid of a male friend like this too. Like you, I started "feeding into their supply" when I was going through the toughest of times. Shortly but surely-- they were all sudden getting bossy at their own apartment at me. Enough was ENOUGH after a while and I went no contact. Too bad they had ruin a 15-yr friendship... But if you look up the word narcissist it's not going to be my worst ex-girlfriend nor my family of origin who lean towards or are on that side of the spectrum.
If you look up the word narcissist - your ex-friend and my ex-friend are both next to the word in WITH THEIR PHOTO NEXT TO IT in the Webster's dictionary basically.
I am now SO GLAD to have finally gone NO CONTACT for the last time recently!
PS--it's funny how they go from being your biggest supporters (their MASK, that is.. God knows what they were saying behind my back at that time) to picking on you out of nowhere at your worst times. People like those are all about FEINGED SUPERIORITY and you'll recognize it in the way that they talk about other people and talk down about other people that they shouldn't too!)
PS--just like you, it was actually the "PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE" BS that finally pushed me over the edge
@@OkieDokie-ft5pm 35+ years of being blessed to live my life with a same small group of old friends. Then I had to release that bonds in the moment of truth. It is not about who is right or wrong, sometimes you just have to let that go. It is sad and lonely feeling, but it is worth of you staying alive and moving on.
Once I stopped dating, I stopped encountering this type of behavior.
Even after I stopped dating these people come into my life and try too tear me down and humiliate me, straight up bullies... 9/10 times it's a woman
Same. Women like that are honestly rancid@@TheUnplugged1
Very true
Good idea. Im following your lead
I had a traumatic experience with my former boss. I couldn't understand what I did for her to have so much hate towards me. She barely knew me and I tried to be professional. This makes so much sense thank you.
Same here, didn't know her like that, she went behind my back and changed my schedule then fired me for no call no show
I just walked away from conversing with toxic pple because they have wasted decades of my YOUTH leaving me with very toxic outcomes. Wanting them to leave me & my family alone might mean taking certain actions to stop them from approaching us. Pls pray for me & my family, that these narcissists will be kept so busy in their own realms of toxicity that they wouldn’t have time to come & bother us! 😓🙏
Me too!
OMG I was almost done with a longish comment and it disappeared on me! I am glad I'm here and glad I found you Stephanie Lyn. My 45-year-old son is my narcissist, who I'm currently not speaking to on the phone and he resides 4 hours away. He has no one else except a friend from prison. I do not want to let things slide back to the way they were because I just can't take it anymore. I'll be 63 next month and I've had four kinds of cancer, now in remission. Life's too short for any more crap. Something about having to come home with oxygen last week after having trouble with my breathing flipped something inside me. I'm just NOT participating anymore. I'm going to post this and then clean my kitchen! Part of me will always be horrified by the things my kid has done to me. He's really got some severe problems.
Excellent video. Just went thru this with a relatively new friend who all of a sudden started picking me apart without merit. Decided to walk away. I was really disappointed b/c I thought this person was going to be a good friend. So disappointing
Family full of them including their partners and children. I went no contact to survive.
The worst part of Narchs is the way they turn family against you, why are they automatically believed??… They always come up smelling of Roses through their lies and bitterness & all you have done is confronted them & stood up for yourself, but you always end up the scapegoat in the family, they are pretty good at dishing out favours to other members of your family to gain brownie points & it works! So, the only way out is distancing yourself from them , these people are so dangerous!… Very informative video thank you!
I am experiencing a lot of resentment and aggression and I just don’t know where it’s coming from it’s a lot of things like “no one likes you”, “ no wonder you can’t get a job”, “you have no friends”. If I try and stick up for myself it’s like a bomb goes off. I also get a lot of “there’s something wrong with you” and the worst part is this individual goes around telling others, they then also feedback to me on what others say, telling me how much of a bad person I am.
Move away if you can.
@@sunflowerroark5170 I am working towards that goal, my biggest issue is finding a job I have recently retrained as a software developer and it’s tough getting into a job because I am charging career.
they dont have a clue about my strength, they recent themselves for being cowards and thinking people cant see thru them... coward's I said
Yep, I called out my cousin on a lot. Our relationship has never been the same since that day, years ago. I miss her at times. But it is what it is. At some point in time, they have to hear the truth. It is not always someone else, sometimes it is them.
There should be no competition. No one wins when there is the loss of a marriage....NO ONE
They do cause it's your fault , even if their first marriage failed too ! Lol
Except the divorce attorneys.
@@rushrush1209 You got that right, and it's a shame
You are honestly the best therapist in the world lol. I have seen so many people in person and virtually and watching your videos has helped me more than any of them. You are a gift from God and thank you so much for what you do!
Yes Stephanie I now know myself worth and getting my power back!
🙏❤️❤️❤️
I am very curious if men that are religious leaders have a higher possibility of being extremely narcissistic? I have dated one who pushed for marriage real fast , telling me all that’s wrong with me on a daily basis and that I was over sensitive . I have never met someone like him, so critical of everyone around him, aggressive and putting people down and being in a constant negative mindset. Needless to say that I ran as fast as possible after 6 months of dating. I feel totally drained from this experience.
I'm so glad you ran! Amen. Their behavior does not line up with Gods character! Run!
Oh, absolutely. They envision themselves as extraordinarily entitled, far more special & important - literally god's anointed chosen one here on earth. They're the arbiter of what's right & wrong, while others exist primarily to serve them & their desires. What could possibly go wrong.....?
@@caseymarion2494 very well said !
Power positions attract narcs
people as a whole, narc/non nark alike are so jealous of everything, anything. small lil people they are. its rare anyone is truly happy to see another succeed at anything.
I must admit when this kicks off,I switch off and it goes in one ear and out the other.
How can you be successful as a person or a couple when they constantly feel threatened and silently sabotage you or the relationship ?
Thank you Stephanie! You were the first person to get me through and heal me from narcissistic abuse. So glad to receive this jewel of knowledge from you!
I concur. No contact has been the remedy for me to get the respect from my mom and envious sisters. Thank God, my dad is the peacekeeper. Well now, never talking or seeing them is acceptable. God knows. 💝🙏❤️
Please make a video about co-parenting with a narcissist and how to deal with a narcissist using my kids as pawns to hurt me. Thank you! I love your videos!
Yes please!!
How can you be successful as a person or a couple when they constantly feel threatened and silently sabotage you or the relationship ?
Really needed to hear this today. Thank you 🙏🏼
Good idea! The world is so crazy these days I wouldn't trust the dating pools. Lol
Best to find something you enjoy and are passionate about and focus on that. I myself started acrylic painting in February 2023 and am very surprised how well I am doing. TH-cam has tutorials on just about everything. I also play a couple instruments. Trust me find something you have always dreamt about and do it. The painting takes up all my free time and I love it and am glad I decided to try my hand at painting. The busy mind/body has no time to think about what they might not have. 😊
This is my sister exactly. Any time she's around someone who intimidates her, is smarter, more talented, more confident or prettier than her she immediately looks for someone to be speculative & snide with about that person. She is one of the biggest losers I've ever met & I can't stand her.
Even in their 60s, they act like little kids when you call them out. They will always be screwed up and know there are many other people in the World.
I have had a friend that went out of their way to ruin my life after he told me he developed feelings for me and those feelings were not reciprocated.
I also have experienced this behaviour from neighbors in a small village. It really is so challenging to manage because its so unexpected and people go to great sometimes dangerous lengths to cause you harm
I respect you, because you are strong. I have grieved more for the living than the dead.
Lol at grieving more for the living than the dead.
Truly the best quote I have ever read. I agree.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I'm learning so much about what happened in my past and understanding why this person did what they did to me and it's helping me a lot to move on slowly but surely
Very helpful! I've suffered with family drama my whole life, and am dealing with some now. One last member of my family to deal with (brother) and this helped me see a lot of what I'm seeing from him. Thanks.
during my divorce the true reality of my so called family came to be. over the yrs, one by one they all did, or said things that made me cancel their tickets. i have 0 contact w any of them, and im totally ok with it.
@@lilfairycupcake Some times the toxic dynamics are spread across entire families. Weak people tend to fail to self reflect and as a result a group of weak people can all wind up dysfunctional.
Best to cut ties particularly when there is no self reflection. No self reflection means they're never going to understand themselves or grasp why they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior. There's absolutely no reason to torture oneself if you're the only one in a group engaging in self reflection.
@@LegalTyranny could not agree with you more. self reflection, self worth, self respect, are hard things to come by these days. not only do they not grasp they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior, they dont care. ive been a huge fan of cutting ties with anyone who does me wrong, in any way, for 16yrs now. no contact = no more problems.
@@lilfairycupcake We're on the same wave length. :) I hope you have a lovely day. Look out for yourself because you're the only one with your own best self interests at heart.
thanks. very sad, but true.@@LegalTyranny
Switching has happened a lot or rather a repeated cycle of manipulation. Seven years, i have been in a very difficult situation, which has left me not knowing where I am in the relationship. Additionally, drug addiction has played a massive part in the levels of secrets being hidden. Learning the several webs of lies a person will use within the relationship, too, it all hurts the moment you stop and take in what's going on. Breaking free is the hardest part when you love and care. The biggest help was a talk on raising your own values and standards, I'm now slowly healing from living with a narcissist. Thank you.
that is exactly what i have gone through with my sister for 50 years. over and over
My sister was my best friend,until she got in a relationship and totally ditched me,everything we did together,she does with her partner, fair enough you spend more time with your partner but she's completely trying to push me away ,hurts big time,now ive made new friends and hobbies ,now I detect envy from her ,as she's pushed me away again saying she's starting new hobbies,im tired of getting hurt,im upset about this ,but she's got no emotion,very odd vibe to say the least 😢
You’re right, diagnosing then is not going to help. They’ll become even more indignant.
If you use logic to understand, your head will explode.
Thank you! For such an informative video. It’s exactly what I needed at the moment. I was praying 🙏 & your video pops up & puts everything into perspective!!!
Same for me! She is such a blessing to us!
Now we abandonment issus from the discard
This was spot on for the most part, but you're incorrect in saying the narcissist will nvr directly jab at you. My narcissistic ex whom I still live with, is the most cruel, rude, disrespectful, nasty person I've ever met. He directly "jabs" me every day. He calls me names, tells me my thighs have gotten bigger but my ass has gotten smaller ect. He has a rebuttal for EVERYTHING I say. He fights me on literally EVERYTHING. He gets pissed at me 4 literally no reason, & even more so if I treat him the way he treats me lol 😂
Sounds like my husband.
Get away from him asap. Also mirror him, the boomerang effect. Let his comments bounce back at him because it's his loathe of himself he is directing at you.
We will win at the end of the day.
Your always on time with a good one Stephanie! 👍🏼❤
When they start lying about you to their flying monkeys, and feeling the victim……do they REALLY deep down believe these stories themselves? Or when they are alone do they understand that their version isn’t 100% true? Always curious about this. Would be an interesting video. 😎
That's a great question.
Wow, this really spoke to me. With my Narc ex, I've been very firm and assertive and I learnt how to deal with him, in how I respond and things I choose not to respond to and engage him in. But he's been using our children to vent and express his frustrations and bitterness to attack me. We co-parent unfortunately. But the children know his wrong and can see through the lies thank God.
My narc bro is living 1 floor below me. Whenever i walk downstairs he shouts stuff thru the wall like "oh he is making gymnastics in the stairway again!" (meaning, the narc is not able to speak to me directly, that he is annoyed that I'm too loud in the stairway.) But I'm not, I'm just walking up and down like always. My bro is very jealous of me for whatever rason. How to react to that? Not reacting at all?
I met a woman who had lost her husband about the same time I lost my husband. We became fast friends. Doing things together lie shopping eating out etc. Fast forward after being yelled at on the phone when I didn’t agree with her. Well it was like getting slapped in the face. It woke me up and it was like coming out some kind of fog. Figured out I was being manipulated and she was a narcissist. Thank goodness I woke up and have set boundaries and broke off the friendship. But know I’m the bad person. She is so snarky and tries to get me into conversations which I refuse to do. The bad thing is we both go to the same church. So tired of the dirty looks and hateful remarks. She tries to bate me so I will say something and get mad at church so I look like the bad person. Thank you so much for this video.
This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, Speaks volumes, You're absolutely beautiful, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😃🦄🐉🌹💛💚❤💜💙👁🌌🌈🖼⭐😆🎨😇🌚😍🌷👽🕊😘🌝😊
Thank you so much for this video. You are answering questions I have from an encounter with a narc a few days ago. Your advice is spot on.
Thanks for making this video.
Resentment is a killer in all relationships whether romantic or not and with or without the person having narccisstic behaviors. I also thing resentment is actually disrespecting yourself. It has happened to me but I have learned over the years including some painfull experiences that the best way to deal with someone that you develop some sort of resentment for them or trying to understand a resentment they may have for you is to look inward at yourself. When I have felt some resentment toward a person because I begin to believe they are taking advantage of me or the situation, I don't cut them off cold turkey. I don't tell them anything unless they ask and I set my own boundaries and enforce them without their acknowledgement since they never seem to care for your point of view. So if you are in a relationship and the other person always insist that we go to the restaraunt of their choice or any plans of their choice, or they will not go, here is what I have learned to do. Your friend or romantic partner who always has to have their way at your expense says " let's go Italian Friday night." No we eat Italian all the time or whatever your choice is, and I would like to eat Chinese Friday night. They then say "Well I don't like Chinese so I guess we can just cook something at home or I will ask a friend who wants to eat Italian Friday night" . You say " Great you enjoy your meal Friday night at home or with your friend but I am going to go out and eat Chinese Friday night." If they then say, "OK you win and we can go eat Chinese Friday night", then you say fine but this Friday night you are on your own cause I am eating Chinese without your company." Don't worry if they get it or not. If they want to talk after that then fine but let your actions and intentions match. Life is to short to sell yourself for nothing. I love your videos Stephanie.
I like this fam. This is some deadly advice 😂😎
Actually you are dealing with someone who is not capable of having an ego. They are their own God and own worshipper. The narcissist does not have a true identity. They are stuck in their own cycle of abuse
Resentment is a sin. It stems from unforgiveness and moves into anger which leads to Hate. It's Satanic and unrepentant will lead one to some very dark and evil places.
Ave Maria Mater Dei.
Thank you, very much appreciated and important information I really needed to hear this 🖤 feeling myself not being emotionally reactive 💯 💯 Adult learning
This is sad but true.
Exactly! They are over on the other side of the fence, in a completely new relationship, STILL focusing energy on you. It's really quite sad
Enotions and how u feel doesnt do anything good for humans. Look at animals they dont have to worry about all this shit.
Resentment against a grandiose narcissist is normal for the target to feel.
Who knew! I am married to a narcissist. I don’t know how to get out of this
Just do it like Nike
Perfect description for “what is going on”.
Anger leads to resentment which leads to the worst of all, bitterness. Bitterness will destroy you and the ones you love.
My son is a narcissist and I've gone no contact. Sad part is I won't see my 6 year old grandson. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
You will see you grandson God sees you
I am praying for you
It horrified me at an early age. When I realized it about my older brother. That it doesn't matter what you do a narcissist will move forward to more chess board like moves until you are puppets or subdued or buffered or destroyed or manipulated. Quietly working against you. That it's all about them and what they want.
"Quietly working against you." Well said.
Wow this is me right now and my mother
They have turned the stories around on me and they have manipulated everyone around them and me
Very good video again! I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic toxic person very close to me for a few years, and now that she’s gone, me and my wife are dealing with backlash and this person gone. Because it is a very close family member, it’s been tough but your channel is one of the best I found to help me better understand why it is this way, and how to deal with the situation. Keep up sharing your good work !
Whatever happens, dont let them trigger you. I wasnt able to take their behaviour anymore and after a year of poking I flew into a rage myself and now she uses it as ammo to make me look bad.
That's what happened to me. I later found out it's called reactive abuse where you just snap..then they sit back with a stupid look on their face.
My ex narc friends would always take their own destructive behaviors lightly as if harmless or pretend they don't know what they do wrong while they Knooow what they are doing and are enjoying doing it like pigs in the mud, trying to get a reaction out of you to get you dirty with them...
I live with a family member, planning my Escape.
I am at the point where they intentionally disrespect me.
I feel I have no choice but to just let it be and distance myself.
Coz, all they want is a Negative Reaction to get Supply.
Praying for a successful and happy escape.
That s so pragmatic Stephanie...so exactly mirroring my rough sail ...every word resonates
Resentment is very difficult to handle.
They love supply!! Aww you poor thing.
the very first narc vid i ever watched, the narrator ended the vid with "all narcs live a living hell". i never forgot that.
This is exactly what i experienced with a colleague at my former work place.
This is really good systematic sensible no no nonsence advice. Needed this right now. Thank you!
Narcissistic is the most overused misunderstood tik tok word.
How bout if the narrisdcist figures out the opposite affect and that put what they are off on you, making you look like them and them like you
Blameshifting
Pretty “coincidental” how my wife and partner of 25 years was just telling me that she resented me with no context or communication of why or what I’ve done to cause that
Stay strong. Hardest time of men's lives, in my opinion. I would suggest some of coach smith's videos and letting go of the outcome. Our masculine wiring is not what the female emotions is looking for...do your research before you react to much.
These videos have seriously helped me understand and come to terms with the relationship I have with my brother. I cannot explain how much you have benefitted me. Thank you for being a healthy, guiding hand, and thank you for being a free resource I can tap into when I need the extra help. I'm changing my life, and I couldn't have done it without your channel. I appreciate what you do immensely!!! ❤
Narcissism is on a continuum. If they get more upset, the stronger you are than get away from them.
But they imagine they were wronged.
When you're the strongest sibling and your weakling siblings band together to destroy you.
No one does the work on themselves
Peer counseling should be mandatory in schools, learning psychology. Everyone has issues.
My dad trained recruits in the military. I live and breathe respect. These lazy ppl need to do the work. Learn to discipline your emotional feelings.
Amen
Its there problèm not mine