Needed to hear this and it helped immensely to process a situation that came up recently without getting in a cycle of dysregulation and destructive behaviour. After following this channel for about a year listening to one of your video's became a great tool to regulate as well.
How do you regaulate? I dont know but what exactly helped you in this video to regulate? I watching it whole but I still feel like having no tool to change things.
@@DZ-jz8bj I'd have to rewatch the video to be specific, but in general it is the combination of feeling that I am not the only one that had a rough childhood and battles with these feelings and hearing the 'tough love' things Anna says that make me realizes others are not 'saviors' and I need to take responsibility for my own feeling and maintaining my boundaries.
True! That's why Anna often recommends Daily Practice! It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Regularity and consistency are the key here. Give it a try if you haven't already: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
True. What helped me was practicing the law of detachment 🫶 knowing that, no matter what, you’ll be fine on your own and reminding yourself of that whenever those pesky abandonment wounds come up recalibrated your mind to those triggers I found
Read the book of Ephesians Ephesians chapter 6. Watch Gary Wayne, Michael Heiser, and Trey Smith on TH-cam. Learn about Genesis chapter 6. There is an unseen realm and unseen enemies.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." Robin Williams What has helped me is to determine what each friend is: a giver or a taker. With most people you know right away. Avoid takers in your life.
I have gotten to a place where if someone does care it’s a bonus in my life. I’ve had to learn to care for myself. Then I learned I’m the only one who CAN care for me the way I need. And I’ve been doing it so long that the thought of letting someone care for me distresses me.
You said it for me. That's exactly where I am at 68. It's a place of strength and I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. I live alone and not once did a friend or family member ever call me or contact me and ask how I was doing during COVID quarantine on my own. When the hurt finally healed, I realized I am lucky to be able to take care of myself. I take very good care of myself now and don't wait for anyone to care. Take care and blessings.
Feelings of “no one cares” is very real and I am 73 now. And in lots of cases it’s true. When I’m at my lowest my it haunts me eventhough I have two family members who care. Perhaps out of obligation or whatever is their reason. And believe me, many many seniors feel abandoned because they really are. Or they do not want to be a burden. So yes, early traumas that have been worked thru previously can return and haunting when you are at your lowest and most vulnerable since childhood. May the Force Be With You All.
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I'm the same age as you, retired and live alone. My son is grown, married, and my grandkids are in their 20s. They are all busy with their own lives. I enjoy being alone and the peace and quiet. Please take good care of you.
I’m in the same boat, where I don’t feel people care or ask about me. Where I think they want me to be agreeable instead of a whole person. When dating now, I keep finding people who do not hold space for me. It’s annoying, and I’m learning not to dismiss those feelings
I'm definitely not attracted to people who do not care about me anymore. My boundaries are strong. It is largely why I presently have no people: In the last several years I have let those with whom relationships were one-sided go, and surprise! No one is left. I know there are people in the world who will care, and will show up, I'm just not sure how to meet them. Each time I have met someone with whom I've felt there could be friendship, ultimately there have been stumblings and little hurts needing repair or more information, but that's when others stop showing up or they think it can be sorted via text, where tone and texture are often lost, and things actually worsen as a result. I want to do relationship with folks who check _in_ to meet difficulty, not out, and it has been so, so hard to co-create.
I was in the same situation a few years ago and released all the people in my life I felt didn't care for me. The empty period afterwards is a transition towards healthier more meaningful friendships. I know that because I'm there now. But it can take some adjusting to get there! You will too, because people want to draw sincere friends like you into their lives.
Totally understand this. My struggle is always being the 'chatty', or the writey one, since most communication is by chat these days. Like the other person remains distant while expecting me to reveal more and more about myself, but at the same time not really following up on/remembering what I'm saying or reciprocating with their own related stories. So it feels like, I'm a clown, like I'm just entertaining them for the moment. If they ask, how I'm doing, it's just to hear drama, they don't really want to connect. If I'm ok and just want to talk about normal stuff like food or movies, or just laugh and joke, or if I want to share something just, more lighthearted, they'll push the communication back to something dramatic. It seems on the surface like the person is paying attention to you, because you're communicating more but what's really happening is the equivalent of reading random people's stories on social media, they don't reeeeally care about you, it's just entertainment. I'm much better at spotting it and getting away from it now though.
This is the first time I have heard someone share the same experience about having a breakdown in the first year of college. My breakdown was so severe, I had to quit college and it lasted for many years. (Depression and severe panic attacks) I am so grateful to be on the other side of all of the pain, though a lifetime of acute trauma has taken a toll. One day at a time there is freedom!
Same here i am taking a step back from college I can't focus sometimes I can't even hear well what's the professor is saying I get so many flashbacks from my missed up childhood so yeah thank you for sharing that, sometimes I think I'm crazy . Stay strong ❤
For me it happened at the end of college. I fell in such a dark place and could not climb out of it. I needed 10 years to return and graduate. And, of course, I thought that something was wrong with me.
I think it is really hard to outgrow friends. For me, it’s not only not wanting to be alone (but realizing that I feel alone with them anyway), it’s also that I’m still learning how to accept, feel, and process my feelings. And, by extension, the sadness I feel at the loss of friendship. You have to grieve when your body needs it. Grieving feels hard and scary alone and I end up avoiding it. I’m slowly but surely picking away at it as I get stronger, and the thoughts and feelings of “they weren’t the right people for me” get louder.
Another great video - thanks Anna. It has been said that " you will stop worrying what other people think about you when you realize they seldom do". The Stoics got it right - very few people really DO care about you. But that's not a a reason to worry nor fret. Rather, accept this fact about the shallowness within most human interactions. And think: how many very famous people have died in your lifetime who nobody talks about any more. Out-of-sight = out-of-mind. Concentrate rather on, as Voltaire put it: "tending your own garden". In other words, socializing is overrated. Choose carefully with whom you spend your precious time with.
AllUserNamesAreUsed......im so sorry....one of the biggest pain one can experience, is your mother attacking your dignity and self worth, instead of love is poison and confusion caused they wanna hurt you while demanding that you see them as saints
Sister brother from the same mother ❤😅 oh lordy😢 / but My Mother is actually Queen Victoria ! Wow thanks for sharing / no wonder I attracted nurse Ratchet energy/ I need to ramp up the love volume / but boy it feels better being more aware of it to steer clear of/ in future present time ❤cheers everyone/ v grateful
I suffer from this very profoundly, but i can't pinpoint any neglect from my parents. Things became chaotic during my adolescence, but my childhood was peaceful. Yet, i was disconnected from others since very early on. We weren't socially integrated, though, as my parents were foreigners in the country I was raised in.
@dammar117 Have you run across the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect? It's about what didn't happen rather than what did, and is often behind the scenes when you find yourself thinking "but everything was fine, nothing happened". The problem is... nothing happened when something should have happened.
I think that person is supposed to be you (or me, in my case). People taught us to dislike ourselves and think we need others’ attention, adoration, and acceptance. Do we not think we deserve this, or do we just want others to validate us as we berate ourselves inside?
Once after a surgery, a friend told me don't think people don't care. But I was hoping they would visit me, it should be normal things but some took their time. It's also important to be near people who are available, especially when you have a difficult moment. Ultimately people say they are too busy. But it's a question of priority. Now I try not to expect too much and think that people will be there if they want to be.
I started my new job and the trauma came flooding in i use to work in the morning cry every night had so much anxiety till i quit and worked in my healing i am 24 . Your trauma will catch you in the worst possible times
I have friends whom I reunited with from 40 years ago and I know they care. We are family now. I was the family scape goat and was abandoned by them. Much happier now.
James I’m so sorry this happened to you. I was ignored and unwanted by my own family, so I get how hard it can be. You can get through this. Give yourself credit for reaching out. Deep down, you know you have enough worth to seek healing. And you can heal! I wish you the best in your healing journey and I know you can succeed.
Thank you for this. I see more clearly how my parents worked hard to normalize their neglect of my brother and I. I just found a new counselor to replace the one who retired, and this one's well-versed in romantic limerence, my biggest challenge right now. The on-and-off-again attention is just what I grew up with. I healed a lot with my late beloved 2nd husband, but I still have this bread-crumb hunting reflex. It's the dopamine fix from withheld attention suddenly being piled on. Crazy-making.
You're so not alone! I struggled with limerence for years after I left for college and can still be suceptible to bread crumbing sometimes. Keep healing 🤍
I do believe that romantic limerance is interlinked with having to work for love and attention as a child. When someone wants to give it freely now as an adult , it’s not interesting or exciting but give me someone that makes me work for bread crumbs and it is literally soothing to my soul because this, this I know and so that feels calm. Uggghhh.
Once again. I can really relate. I’m 67 and it’s still causing pain and grief. At this point, I’ve tried so much. I just don’t think it can be fixed. I am happier now accepting my fate.
James, you are definitely not alone. You can finish school. Stay focused. You will make new friends in the next chapter of your life. Keep healing. I have the same wounds. Work on yourself, especially when seeking a significant other. Look to have some fun and find people that reciprocate. Hang in there. Sending love and hugs.
Yes, indeed. This struggle is very relatable. The sensation others really don't care is such a hurtful one. In addition comes the lack of trust that when others actually do reach out, they really mean it and will stick around. Healing takes time but getting there. Hoping the best for James and others here, too.
There’s the rub. What is the point of life if you can’t have meaningful connection with other? So far so destructive.. I’m horrified at how vacuous and meaningless relationships turn out to be. Overwhelmed by underwhelm. Honestly, if I didn’t have my dogs to care for, I’d check out of here.
@@sararichardson737 even Jesus own disciples abandoned him. They needed the Holy Spirit. Just seek God through Jesus and ask and receive the Holy Spirit. All humans will fail you. Including yourself. Read the book of Ecclesiastes.
I am in a similar transition and sometimes it feels very lonely. The inner critic sends attacks of self-doubt but, as Anna says, I know it's temporary. Don't give up on healing, it's worth it!
This person’s experience is like mine. Trauma from early neglect. Went to uni and it all came to fruition. Made lots of friends who only suited a certain purpose in a certain part of life. Now I’m getting only I am asking myself what friends I need in my life. I have one friend who is great and we have lots of amazing time together and very similar interests but he is extremely competitive and when I do or say anything it’s like he thinks I’m saying it because im competing, whereas I’m merely saying it because I’ve experienced something etc or have an ambition to do something. I just want friends in my life who take a vested interest in what I say and are engaged in what I say rather than just roll their eyes if i talk too much.
I believe people do not care for me because I have had so much trauma. It is very for anyone to deal with the black hole of abandonment issues. Im almost 60, and my circle has been reduced to one friend and one niece that I've only developed a relationship with in the past year. Her Mom is my half sister- I was estranged from her during her childhood because it was difficult for me to be around their dysfunction. She has eluded to childhood SA trauma, abuse, and neglect. I am just now working through my traumas, and it is difficult to be around anyone, honestly.
This just hit home. I explain this to people and they just don’t get it. I don’t think or feel that anyone loves me. The evidence is that people do care but … I can’t let it in somehow or feel it, despite years of work and recovery.
Yep, that’s a classic CPTSD thing, and you’re not alone. Daily Practice can help with regulation, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
Sometimes seeing a friend healing inspires one to work on their own healing. And if they don't stick around then it makes room for the right friends, I think. A dog can be a good friend in the meantime and they always care about their person.😊 🐶
It took me a long time to find caring friends. In fact I got most joy out of being in a helping profession not expecting anything in return. Even now, retired, I have moments when I feel unloved even by my husband and adult son and I freak out. (They do love me. ) this sounds crazy but twice in my life I’ve had surgery. Friends came forward then. I was astounded to realize that people care for me.
That was so spot on with the friends that don’t want to see someone change and view those who do as getting above themselves. This seems to bleed into the class structure of the Anglo sphere and other cultures too, generally. Fear is such a controlling aspect of life like a straitjacket nobody wants to see anyone naked of their fear. Too many metaphors perhaps.Maybe that’s why we have celebrities to hand our hopes on so we don’t have to be our best selves, ourselves. Thanks for the thought provoking info.
I don't know what should I do. No matter how much I care about others, other people never showed so much care to me back. ITs not like I was blind and giving too much care to people who dont see me as friend, no. It is about friens. I was never someone option in relationship. And my friends always put someone else on pedestal. I was nobodys first choice even in relationship... Like, I dont understand it. Why cant someone care about me? When I am able to care deeply even about online person which I never met?
It's not the same, James, and I'm much further along. I have been there and done that with people who don't care. Furthermore, I've been there with people who pretended to care but were much more interested in my wallet than me. I reached the point where it was simply easier to go it alone. That's not because I want it that way; it's self-defense.
Oh, I've been there & getting out of some group of negative friends, I fell right into more toxic ones who faked helping me..finally, I know I need to believe in myself and act as my friend before letting people in + have boundaries. Two of my previous friends are in contact, happily enough, with boundaries. You get the right ones back 😊
How can a lifetime of feeling like a mistake be explained so articulately by a stranger? Thank you for this. I was neglected and abused since birth. The day I was brought home from the hospital, my mother put me on the porch and forgot about me. I was burned over my entire body. That was the beginning of living in survival mode. I was self-harming by 5 years old, banging my head against the wall until I fell on my bed semi-concious. The craziest part is that I didn't even know I was being mistreated until I was in my 40s. (I'm almost 50). I was made to feel so small that I never learned how to stand up for myself, or feel like I deserved respect. My dad loved me, but he was a busy physician, giving his heart and soul to patients. My mother tolerated me, and didn't give birth to a child as much as her own pain. She has blamed me for everything from being a difficult pregnancy to keeping her from grad school. As I got older, she would accuse me of having "your father's brain" which felt like an insult, but it was really her jealousy. She kept achievement scores from me to stop be from being haughty. I can't tell you how much I could have used a boost to my self esteem back then. At 10 years old, I had stomach ulcers. I was never taken to the pediatrician. Ever. Dad brought home antibiotics when I was sick and that was that. I married a terribly abusive man who is a textbook psychopath. He continued the abuse that I escaped from. The person who wrote the letter makes me so sad. The only happy time in my life was college. The time in between my parents and my husband. When I was in labor with my first child, I was sure a monster was going to come from my defective body. My children are the best things I have ever done. I left my husband and he abandoned the kids and moved away to start his third family. I had done such a stellar job of covering for him, my mother's loyalty was with him during the divorce. When my sister overdosed only weeks after my dad passed from Parkinsons, I finally said no. I wouldn't help her cover up my sister's struggle. A struggle so similar to my own. I was quickly legally disinherited and written out of the family Trust. The manipulation tactics she uses are so painful. She uses my sensitive son as a middleman, and has now declared that she will be just fine without me for the rest of her life. I don't know what the solution is. I stumbled upon great support in AA. They get it. But I still reel from any kind of rejection and I feel like everything that happens is my fault. Last week, I was telling my therapist how much I was struggling with the upcoming anniversary of my sister's death. I stopped talking and realized he had fallen asleep. Today, I told him I don't want to continue meeting. But in the silence, I feel like I bored him into sleep.
Sorry to hear what you've been through. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. If you're interested try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Only Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And our heavenly father which is why he asked Jesus to do what he did and the Holy Spirit to do what he does. No other hope. Read the sayings of Jesus he knew.
This is the video that I've felt the most out of all your videos. I'm 36 and am going through another transition in my life, but this time I'm finding that my authentic self is good enough that I dont need to hide it. It's just practice now to let it out more regularly to more people in my life & learning to accept the loney middle periods.
I've realized that people who just care about themselves, their own good time, having fun, taking what they can... are often some of the most miserable people ever. And, well, maybe they are like this because they should be. It makes sense in that scenario. I don't hate them. And that despite the difficulties I have, I am NOT like that and can take comfort in that. Choosing to have genuine care for others adds depth and peace to my life. It's okay to focus on others. The point is not to do it in a self-abandoning way.
I definitely have experience with this. That feeling of no one caring crept up a lot in work situations for me where it WAS clear that people don't care because everyone is just trying to get through the day and get a paycheck. That got harder and harder in toxic work environments where stress and expectations were constantly building. I often ended up saying the 'wrong thing' (meaning the truth) to managers when they would put excessive stress on the staff to get things done. I'd end up berating them about not giving a shit about how the work gets done as long as it gets done and they'd try to pretend to care after that. They never did though.
Yes, no one cares. But I REALIZED something vital. I had spent my entire life chained to the rock of "no one cares" when all that really matter was DID I? Your truth, that 'no one really cares' crushed me for decades. I learned that I was alone as a a very young battered child in a huge family. I was not emotionally mature enough to face the truth of a cold uncaring family. And this truth, that my life was unwanted, dropped me into such unbearable darkness that I thought I would die, but I FOUGHT IT. And as I grew older I tried to PROVE MY VALUE to the world. But inside my mind, I knew that my college grades & work addiction & even my lovers also didnt care. The horrid toxic thought that my life was meaningless grew even worse, but I continued to fight it, to find a way out. (I went to every self-help group & therapist I could find, but no one cure that icy cold fear, pain & loneliness.) Every time I thought I had found the answer, it would pull me back into emptiness & "no one cares if I live or die" would ring in my ears. And I would crawl into a ball weeping until my eyes swelled shut. My sister jumped from a bridge proving me right, and my shitty therapist said, "at least it wasnt you" & my father told me that if he was me, he "would blow his brains out" Torn apart with grief & shame for being blamed for my sister's death, I rushed to a survivor group for families & they explained to me that I was the "scapegoat" And I was elated at having a framework with words to describe my abuse. But it meant cruelly choosing between my family or my own life, and it took me decades to escape their abuse. Leaving my abusers meant the uncaring thoughts were truthful, and as I left my depression & numbness drowned me all over again. And none of it made any sense. A million people helped me. My life was truly amazing. I crawled from the street into a life of wonders. The contrast between my new life & my past was shocking. I was sober with college friends & a career & trips to Europe, but I was still broken inside. And even after 10 years & 5 therapists uncovering the source of my nightmares & flashbacks, these horrid cold thoughts would still come back haunting me. As children, we do get support from strangers in the world, teachers, social workers, even cashiers can show us a moment of kindness. I cannot tell you how many strangers save me in my teens when I was about to get beaten on the street. But as we get older, the uncaring world does get much much worse. Older people are overlooked, ignored, disrespected, gaslit & neglected socially because society moves onward, into the future leaving us behind. And I was struggle again, in a terrible frozen state after breaking away from my selfish brother, I finally realized something life changing. I had spent my entire life chained to the rock of "no one cares" when all that really matter was DO YOU? You see, loved children have a good foundation to move thru life & can confidently face adulthood alone in the world. But abused or neglected children do not, our core beliefs & the foundation of our mind are toxic. And we suffer more as society moves past us, frozen in place, still waiting for a miracle to save us. But the only way to find a way out of our pain is to find some compassion, some care from within ourselves. TO START CARING FOR OURSELVES, we can to learn to turn all the personal pain & energy that pours out of us, inward. I can scream at the world but no one will hear my truth if I cannot understand it myself. Children instinctively look outward, but healthy adults rely on their own wisdom & take self-responsibility. This means literally FLIPPING OUR ENTIRE WORLD VIEW upright, turning our sunken boat back into the sky & MAKING OURSELVES THE CAPTAIN OF OUR OWN SHIPs. I was like a child, waiting for a hero that never came, because the only person who can save me is me but I never believe in myself. Instead, I poured all myself into the world, expecting to be loved and appreciated, instead I was left emptied. But if learn to pour all my energy into myself, I can live with my pain & even find moments of beauty. So dig deep in your loneliness, give it everything you have, every day, every hour and LEARN TO SELF-CARE YOUR FEELINGS, choose which thoughts you believe & love your BODY & CHERISH YOUR LIFE. Everyone has ONE short life here, and it's ours. If we dont care, no one will. Once I started caring for myself, life was there, waiting for me, my life! Millions of people live alone inside their heads trapped in painful lies. DO THE CRAPPY FAIRY COURSE & find your freedom.
Yep, that’s a classic CPTSD thing, and you’re not alone! The Daily Practice can help with regulation, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a course that focuses specifically on healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
@@Mantras-and-Mystics which is why Jesus did what he did and said wait for the Holy Spirit. His disciples abandoned him, but then the Holy Spirit indwelled them.
How do you stay healed when people bring up your past who don't know you, who throw it out on the internet like confetti? Malicious people who only want you to hurt yourself?
Anyone else notice the alone in a crowd situation? I feel this at work. We have a lot of young women that believe that all the guys at work want to sleep with them. It might be true. The women keep to themselves. They dont seem to care, which is how they protect themselves. I like a lot of them, but i would just prefer we talk and put the whole sex dynamic to the side. I notice they are pretty, but I don't want them to think I need to sleep with them. Strange and sad dynamics for young women.
How is it that my dysfunctional deceased mother hurt me the most, but was also the one who loved me the most? Im lost without her....but i see how she damaged me so very badly. Survived now struggling to survive.
Empathy for others. It would be nice if everyone would treat others the way that they want to be treated. Everyone is having to deal with some type of life challenge. I think that God allows us to go through hard times so that we can help others. Thank you so much, Ms Anna. You are helping so many people, especially those that feel that no one understands what they have been through and are going through. God bless you!
Yes, empathy is a sign of humanity and we all need it. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. We appreciate you in our community here! Nika@TeamFairy
I relate with nearly everyone in the comments and the person in the story. Basically had my abuse bingo card blacked out during childhood, only connected with a single cousin and she's got a selfish husband and a son now so she's too busy to even send a text back once every 3 months. Tried to have friends many times, but eventually id either be discarded cause i didnt conform or id only forge toxic trauma bonds and get used as their emotional validation blanket. So i got pets and do lots of hobbies and things by myself now. People are hella dissapointing and the more i try the more despondant i become when it just keeps failing and i can't seem to find anyone who actually wants to spend time together and not just use me to fufill some hidden agenda.
I facilitate a support group for survivors and people effected by Traumatic Brain Injury-(TBI)... It helps to connect to others that have similar struggles that I have..
10:51 until their emotional immaturity and ego sabotages your career bringing it to a traumatic hault accompanied by a smear campaign to, again, protect their ego. The person you hire thanks you by getting you fired. What a splendid life.
Hi Anna I was wondering how do we know if our letters to askthefairy will be read? I mean you have thoudsands of followers so I can't imagine how many letters you get, I know you can't answer all of them. But in case that it will be read in one of your videos, do your team answers saying hey a video will come out about this? I gave my authorization at the end of my latter so I do want to get that chance. But like how do I know if it has been read already? I don't really have time to watch all the videos
I live in Australia, I am interested in details about the course you have. I have CPTSD myself and have been considering studying in this area so that I can assist my clients as I work with people with disabilities to help them gain employment in the open employment market. I am finding that more and more of my clients have CPTSD either diagnosed or undiagnosed.
It is so horrible! I have a handful of family & believe in God with all my heart! The reason I walked away from my horrible dysfunctional family! Forever to be there scapegoat of there sins! A unit of harden unbelievable criminals! That would put the pro under the table criminals to shame!
When meditating after releasing fears and resentments, is it ok for me to do my clearing of chakra-work, as my meditation? I've never had much success at simply trying to focus on one thing, but have with focusing on chakra points, which actually lasts about 20 mins.
You are truly free to do what works best for you. That said, any kind of focus/effort during meditation(such as workin to clear chakras) takes us out of the rest of "ideal" Daily Practice meditation. You could do the chakra clearing at a different time, or experiment to compare the two ways of meditating to see what seems to help you re-regulate best.
Question. After watching these episodes I think a woman at work has cptsd. One because she disclosed she " thought "she had been sexually abused as a child and was on anxiety medication. I wanted to k ow more about it but my job assignmet ended and I moved away. She said she understood I needed to leave but 3 days before my departure she started ignoring me and was not responding to my texts. If indeed she had ptsd is this a normal way for people with ptsd deal with departures" or ? I personally like to keep in touch but i know not everyone is the same. Anyhow I stopped texting her and I may see her in a few days should I just ignore her? I don't like being rude or mean. Any light on this will be appreciated it
Thank you for watching! If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy
Update. I saw this " ex friend" and I just acted matter if fact. Didn't engage much and didn't ask anything personal. She did ask me some things but I kept it short and vague. And I left. It was suggested I wrote a letter but really there isn't much context except that everything about her feels fake and phony, sorry to say. Is this something a person with ptsd would do? Maybe...
Don't be discouraged by your age. Every year of life counts! If you're interested, try Daily Practice - it's a good tool to help with getting regulated. You can learn it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Can you make a video on why we second guess ourself when setting boundaries or remove ourselves from relationships and situations that might not be good for us? I always second guess myself, when I feel something is not right, or if I gets highly disregulated. I want to remove myself, but keep asking myself «am I over reacting?» and I feel guilt for wanting to look after my own needs. I dont think people always try to be mean, but people have theie own issues, and that make them not healthy for me to stick around with. Could be their personality, their way of being without it being toxic or a red flag, just a bad fit. Yet I still feel I should fit myself to them, so I am not The one leaving. I stay, way to long, and I end up hurt in The end. Can you make a video on that, ? If you already did, I’ll check it out.
You may find helpful some of these videos: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=crapfit And if you'd like to look for more, feel free to put the term that interests you in the channel search bar. Nika@TeamFairy
I hear you. Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! The Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Don't give up! There's a new life after healing! Nika@TeamFairy
@@Ominous89 you dont understand forgiveness or Jesus. forgiveness is for YOU not them. forgiveness doesnt mean you are saying the abuse is ok. forgiveness is to heal YOU.
@@thecozyconstellationforgiveness isn’t necessary to heal trauma. Anger is the first stage of trauma recovery. Most people have buried their anger because it wasn’t safe to feel it in childhood. It’s still carried around and needs to be felt, justifiably so to recover. No one has to forgive their abuser.
Needed to hear this and it helped immensely to process a situation that came up recently without getting in a cycle of dysregulation and destructive behaviour. After following this channel for about a year listening to one of your video's became a great tool to regulate as well.
😢
How do you regaulate? I dont know but what exactly helped you in this video to regulate? I watching it whole but I still feel like having no tool to change things.
@@DZ-jz8bj I'd have to rewatch the video to be specific, but in general it is the combination of feeling that I am not the only one that had a rough childhood and battles with these feelings and hearing the 'tough love' things Anna says that make me realizes others are not 'saviors' and I need to take responsibility for my own feeling and maintaining my boundaries.
It is so difficult to move past abandonment issues. They creep back up years after you think they’ve been resolved
True! That's why Anna often recommends Daily Practice! It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Regularity and consistency are the key here. Give it a try if you haven't already: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
True. What helped me was practicing the law of detachment 🫶 knowing that, no matter what, you’ll be fine on your own and reminding yourself of that whenever those pesky abandonment wounds come up recalibrated your mind to those triggers I found
Read the book of Ephesians Ephesians chapter 6. Watch Gary Wayne, Michael Heiser, and Trey Smith on TH-cam. Learn about Genesis chapter 6. There is an unseen realm and unseen enemies.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." Robin Williams
What has helped me is to determine what each friend is: a giver or a taker. With most people you know right away. Avoid takers in your life.
Love this and much needed to read. Thanks!
I have gotten to a place where if someone does care it’s a bonus in my life. I’ve had to learn to care for myself. Then I learned I’m the only one who CAN care for me the way I need. And I’ve been doing it so long that the thought of letting someone care for me distresses me.
You said it for me. That's exactly where I am at 68. It's a place of strength and I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. I live alone and not once did a friend or family member ever call me or contact me and ask how I was doing during COVID quarantine on my own. When the hurt finally healed, I realized I am lucky to be able to take care of myself. I take very good care of myself now and don't wait for anyone to care. Take care and blessings.
@@redwoods7370 I also know what that feels like. But then, you discover Anna
Well said!
I'm getting there!
@redwoods7370 HI! I can totally relate to you! 🎉
Feelings of “no one cares” is very real and I am 73 now. And in lots of cases it’s true.
When I’m at my lowest my it haunts me eventhough I have two family members who care. Perhaps out of obligation or whatever is their reason.
And believe me, many many seniors feel abandoned because they really are. Or they do not want to be a burden.
So yes, early traumas that have been worked thru previously can return and haunting when you are at your lowest and most vulnerable since childhood.
May the Force Be With You All.
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I'm the same age as you, retired and live alone. My son is grown, married, and my grandkids are in their 20s. They are all busy with their own lives. I enjoy being alone and the peace and quiet. Please take good care of you.
Stay strong 💟
Jesus can heal everything ❤
May God take me before then
❤have a great year dude ❤
I’m in the same boat, where I don’t feel people care or ask about me. Where I think they want me to be agreeable instead of a whole person. When dating now, I keep finding people who do not hold space for me. It’s annoying, and I’m learning not to dismiss those feelings
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm definitely not attracted to people who do not care about me anymore. My boundaries are strong. It is largely why I presently have no people: In the last several years I have let those with whom relationships were one-sided go, and surprise! No one is left. I know there are people in the world who will care, and will show up, I'm just not sure how to meet them. Each time I have met someone with whom I've felt there could be friendship, ultimately there have been stumblings and little hurts needing repair or more information, but that's when others stop showing up or they think it can be sorted via text, where tone and texture are often lost, and things actually worsen as a result.
I want to do relationship with folks who check _in_ to meet difficulty, not out, and it has been so, so hard to co-create.
I'm in the same boat as you.
Perfectly said
I was in the same situation a few years ago and released all the people in my life I felt didn't care for me. The empty period afterwards is a transition towards healthier more meaningful friendships. I know that because I'm there now. But it can take some adjusting to get there! You will too, because people want to draw sincere friends like you into their lives.
I'm in the same boat. It's such a long, lonely process.
Totally understand this.
My struggle is always being the 'chatty', or the writey one, since most communication is by chat these days. Like the other person remains distant while expecting me to reveal more and more about myself, but at the same time not really following up on/remembering what I'm saying or reciprocating with their own related stories. So it feels like, I'm a clown, like I'm just entertaining them for the moment. If they ask, how I'm doing, it's just to hear drama, they don't really want to connect. If I'm ok and just want to talk about normal stuff like food or movies, or just laugh and joke, or if I want to share something just, more lighthearted, they'll push the communication back to something dramatic. It seems on the surface like the person is paying attention to you, because you're communicating more but what's really happening is the equivalent of reading random people's stories on social media, they don't reeeeally care about you, it's just entertainment.
I'm much better at spotting it and getting away from it now though.
WE ARE NOT ALONE!! WE ARE NOT ALONE!!
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This is the first time I have heard someone share the same experience about having a breakdown in the first year of college. My breakdown was so severe, I had to quit college and it lasted for many years. (Depression and severe panic attacks) I am so grateful to be on the other side of all of the pain, though a lifetime of acute trauma has taken a toll. One day at a time there is freedom!
Same here i am taking a step back from college I can't focus sometimes I can't even hear well what's the professor is saying I get so many flashbacks from my missed up childhood so yeah thank you for sharing that, sometimes I think I'm crazy . Stay strong ❤
For me it happened at the end of college. I fell in such a dark place and could not climb out of it. I needed 10 years to return and graduate. And, of course, I thought that something was wrong with me.
Same with me. Took 8 years for me to finish a 4 years course. Felt like a failure. Glad I have more self compassion now
It's amazing to hear that "it's common" -- I sure do wish I'd had knowledge like the kind dispensed in this community * when it was happening *
@@HOPEUGWU-xc1ew Congratulations on completing your course 😊
I think it is really hard to outgrow friends. For me, it’s not only not wanting to be alone (but realizing that I feel alone with them anyway), it’s also that I’m still learning how to accept, feel, and process my feelings. And, by extension, the sadness I feel at the loss of friendship. You have to grieve when your body needs it. Grieving feels hard and scary alone and I end up avoiding it.
I’m slowly but surely picking away at it as I get stronger, and the thoughts and feelings of “they weren’t the right people for me” get louder.
Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Another great video - thanks Anna. It has been said that " you will stop worrying what other people think about you when you realize they seldom do". The Stoics got it right - very few people really DO care about you. But that's not a a reason to worry nor fret. Rather, accept this fact about the shallowness within most human interactions. And think: how many very famous people have died in your lifetime who nobody talks about any more. Out-of-sight = out-of-mind. Concentrate rather on, as Voltaire put it: "tending your own garden". In other words, socializing is overrated. Choose carefully with whom you spend your precious time with.
❤❤❤💯💯💯
"Nobody cares about you"....Mommy Dearest ......she still wants her daughter to be greatfull and shames her for complaining
AllUserNamesAreUsed......im so sorry....one of the biggest pain one can experience, is your mother attacking your dignity and self worth, instead of love is poison and confusion caused they wanna hurt you while demanding that you see them as saints
Sister brother from the same mother ❤😅 oh lordy😢 / but My Mother is actually Queen Victoria !
Wow thanks for sharing / no wonder I attracted nurse Ratchet energy/ I need to ramp up the love volume / but boy it feels better being more aware of it to steer clear of/ in future present time
❤cheers everyone/ v grateful
James you ain't alone brother!
I suffer from this very profoundly, but i can't pinpoint any neglect from my parents. Things became chaotic during my adolescence, but my childhood was peaceful. Yet, i was disconnected from others since very early on. We weren't socially integrated, though, as my parents were foreigners in the country I was raised in.
@dammar117 Have you run across the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect? It's about what didn't happen rather than what did, and is often behind the scenes when you find yourself thinking "but everything was fine, nothing happened". The problem is... nothing happened when something should have happened.
Your parents having to leave their home country ans try to assimilate can be traumatizing. The causes of cptsd can be very insidious ❤❤
Who feels anxious right now?
Always.
I do....
@@Jeb9221 sending best wishes Jeb
@@cindisowder2182 so sorry Cindi...sending best wishes
Very sad. All night long.
Sometimes I feel like the person who doesn’t care about me, actually needs the care the most.
I think that person is supposed to be you (or me, in my case). People taught us to dislike ourselves and think we need others’ attention, adoration, and acceptance. Do we not think we deserve this, or do we just want others to validate us as we berate ourselves inside?
Once after a surgery, a friend told me don't think people don't care. But I was hoping they would visit me, it should be normal things but some took their time. It's also important to be near people who are available, especially when you have a difficult moment. Ultimately people say they are too busy. But it's a question of priority. Now I try not to expect too much and think that people will be there if they want to be.
I started my new job and the trauma came flooding in i use to work in the morning cry every night had so much anxiety till i quit and worked in my healing i am 24 .
Your trauma will catch you in the worst possible times
I have friends whom I reunited with from 40 years ago and I know they care. We are family now. I was the family scape goat and was abandoned by them. Much happier now.
So glad you have friends and feel happier! Connecting with good people help us heal faster. Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
James I’m so sorry this happened to you. I was ignored and unwanted by my own family, so I get how hard it can be. You can get through this. Give yourself credit for reaching out. Deep down, you know you have enough worth to seek healing. And you can heal! I wish you the best in your healing journey and I know you can succeed.
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for this. I see more clearly how my parents worked hard to normalize their neglect of my brother and I. I just found a new counselor to replace the one who retired, and this one's well-versed in romantic limerence, my biggest challenge right now. The on-and-off-again attention is just what I grew up with. I healed a lot with my late beloved 2nd husband, but I still have this bread-crumb hunting reflex. It's the dopamine fix from withheld attention suddenly being piled on. Crazy-making.
You're so not alone! I struggled with limerence for years after I left for college and can still be suceptible to bread crumbing sometimes. Keep healing 🤍
I do believe that romantic limerance is interlinked with having to work for love and attention as a child. When someone wants to give it freely now as an adult , it’s not interesting or exciting but give me someone that makes me work for bread crumbs and it is literally soothing to my soul because this, this I know and so that feels calm. Uggghhh.
@@kimstrandberg9529 I think you nailed it.
Once again. I can really relate. I’m 67 and it’s still causing pain and grief. At this point, I’ve tried so much. I just don’t think it can be fixed. I am happier now accepting my fate.
Victory by surrender.
James, you are definitely not alone. You can finish school. Stay focused. You will make new friends in the next chapter of your life. Keep healing. I have the same wounds. Work on yourself, especially when seeking a significant other. Look to have some fun and find people that reciprocate. Hang in there. Sending love and hugs.
Wow, I feel for this guy. I feel like I'm in the same boat with a very similar childhood, but at 45.
Yes, indeed. This struggle is very relatable. The sensation others really don't care is such a hurtful one. In addition comes the lack of trust that when others actually do reach out, they really mean it and will stick around. Healing takes time but getting there. Hoping the best for James and others here, too.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel nothing from people and I feel nothing for people completely dead feeling on the inside.
There’s the rub. What is the point of life if you can’t have meaningful connection with other? So far so destructive.. I’m horrified at how vacuous and meaningless relationships turn out to be. Overwhelmed by underwhelm. Honestly, if I didn’t have my dogs to care for, I’d check out of here.
Same
I feel you😢
Never been let down by my dog
@@sararichardson737 even Jesus own disciples abandoned him. They needed the Holy Spirit. Just seek God through Jesus and ask and receive the Holy Spirit. All humans will fail you. Including yourself. Read the book of Ecclesiastes.
Same. I only can feel love to my sister and pets.
I am in a similar transition and sometimes it feels very lonely. The inner critic sends attacks of self-doubt but, as Anna says, I know it's temporary. Don't give up on healing, it's worth it!
Thank you for sharing your encouragement for others in our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
This person’s experience is like mine. Trauma from early neglect. Went to uni and it all came to fruition. Made lots of friends who only suited a certain purpose in a certain part of life. Now I’m getting only I am asking myself what friends I need in my life. I have one friend who is great and we have lots of amazing time together and very similar interests but he is extremely competitive and when I do or say anything it’s like he thinks I’m saying it because im competing, whereas I’m merely saying it because I’ve experienced something etc or have an ambition to do something. I just want friends in my life who take a vested interest in what I say and are engaged in what I say rather than just roll their eyes if i talk too much.
I believe people do not care for me because I have had so much trauma. It is very for anyone to deal with the black hole of abandonment issues. Im almost 60, and my circle has been reduced to one friend and one niece that I've only developed a relationship with in the past year. Her Mom is my half sister- I was estranged from her during her childhood because it was difficult for me to be around their dysfunction.
She has eluded to childhood SA trauma, abuse, and neglect. I am just now working through my traumas, and it is difficult to be around anyone, honestly.
This man expresses the situation very well. It's hard to come face-to-face with this, but he's done it.
Hard thing to recognise and come to terms with. So hard to talk about. ❤
I hear you and I know. I fear abandonment from friends and if I'm enough.
You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This just hit home. I explain this to people and they just don’t get it. I don’t think or feel that anyone loves me. The evidence is that people do care but … I can’t let it in somehow or feel it, despite years of work and recovery.
Yep, that’s a classic CPTSD thing, and you’re not alone. Daily Practice can help with regulation, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
This was a really well
Written letter. James I wish you all the best and there are many of us out here who are behind you.
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Sometimes seeing a friend healing inspires one to work on their own healing. And if they don't stick around then it makes room for the right friends, I think. A dog can be a good friend in the meantime and they always care about their person.😊 🐶
It took me a long time to find caring friends. In fact I got most joy out of being in a helping profession not expecting anything in return. Even now, retired, I have moments when I feel unloved even by my husband and adult son and I freak out. (They do love me. ) this sounds crazy but twice in my life I’ve had surgery. Friends came forward then. I was astounded to realize that people care for me.
That was so spot on with the friends that don’t want to see someone change and view those who do as getting above themselves. This seems to bleed into the class structure of the Anglo sphere and other cultures too, generally. Fear is such a controlling aspect of life like a straitjacket nobody wants to see anyone naked of their fear. Too many metaphors perhaps.Maybe that’s why we have celebrities to hand our hopes on so we don’t have to be our best selves, ourselves. Thanks for the thought provoking info.
I don't know what should I do. No matter how much I care about others, other people never showed so much care to me back. ITs not like I was blind and giving too much care to people who dont see me as friend, no. It is about friens. I was never someone option in relationship. And my friends always put someone else on pedestal. I was nobodys first choice even in relationship... Like, I dont understand it. Why cant someone care about me? When I am able to care deeply even about online person which I never met?
It's not the same, James, and I'm much further along. I have been there and done that with people who don't care.
Furthermore, I've been there with people who pretended to care but were much more interested in my wallet than me.
I reached the point where it was simply easier to go it alone. That's not because I want it that way; it's self-defense.
Oh, I've been there & getting out of some group of negative friends, I fell right into more toxic ones who faked helping me..finally, I know I need to believe in myself and act as my friend before letting people in + have boundaries.
Two of my previous friends are in contact, happily enough, with boundaries. You get the right ones back 😊
How can a lifetime of feeling like a mistake be explained so articulately by a stranger? Thank you for this. I was neglected and abused since birth. The day I was brought home from the hospital, my mother put me on the porch and forgot about me. I was burned over my entire body. That was the beginning of living in survival mode. I was self-harming by 5 years old, banging my head against the wall until I fell on my bed semi-concious. The craziest part is that I didn't even know I was being mistreated until I was in my 40s. (I'm almost 50). I was made to feel so small that I never learned how to stand up for myself, or feel like I deserved respect. My dad loved me, but he was a busy physician, giving his heart and soul to patients. My mother tolerated me, and didn't give birth to a child as much as her own pain. She has blamed me for everything from being a difficult pregnancy to keeping her from grad school. As I got older, she would accuse me of having "your father's brain" which felt like an insult, but it was really her jealousy. She kept achievement scores from me to stop be from being haughty. I can't tell you how much I could have used a boost to my self esteem back then. At 10 years old, I had stomach ulcers. I was never taken to the pediatrician. Ever. Dad brought home antibiotics when I was sick and that was that. I married a terribly abusive man who is a textbook psychopath. He continued the abuse that I escaped from. The person who wrote the letter makes me so sad. The only happy time in my life was college. The time in between my parents and my husband.
When I was in labor with my first child, I was sure a monster was going to come from my defective body. My children are the best things I have ever done. I left my husband and he abandoned the kids and moved away to start his third family. I had done such a stellar job of covering for him, my mother's loyalty was with him during the divorce. When my sister overdosed only weeks after my dad passed from Parkinsons, I finally said no. I wouldn't help her cover up my sister's struggle. A struggle so similar to my own. I was quickly legally disinherited and written out of the family Trust. The manipulation tactics she uses are so painful. She uses my sensitive son as a middleman, and has now declared that she will be just fine without me for the rest of her life.
I don't know what the solution is. I stumbled upon great support in AA. They get it. But I still reel from any kind of rejection and I feel like everything that happens is my fault. Last week, I was telling my therapist how much I was struggling with the upcoming anniversary of my sister's death. I stopped talking and realized he had fallen asleep. Today, I told him I don't want to continue meeting. But in the silence, I feel like I bored him into sleep.
❤ I see the difficulties of knowing the painful truth of very early neglect so clearly in your comment. Sending you wishes for healing❤
@@Peaceinmytime Thank you 🥰
Sorry to hear what you've been through. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. If you're interested try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you. I will check it out. :)
Only Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And our heavenly father which is why he asked Jesus to do what he did and the Holy Spirit to do what he does. No other hope. Read the sayings of Jesus he knew.
I can totally relate to this James. I’m right there with you.
This is the video that I've felt the most out of all your videos. I'm 36 and am going through another transition in my life, but this time I'm finding that my authentic self is good enough that I dont need to hide it. It's just practice now to let it out more regularly to more people in my life & learning to accept the loney middle periods.
Same here ❤
I've realized that people who just care about themselves, their own good time, having fun, taking what they can... are often some of the most miserable people ever. And, well, maybe they are like this because they should be. It makes sense in that scenario. I don't hate them.
And that despite the difficulties I have, I am NOT like that and can take comfort in that. Choosing to have genuine care for others adds depth and peace to my life. It's okay to focus on others. The point is not to do it in a self-abandoning way.
Thank you for sharing your insight with us. We appreciate you here!
Nika@TeamFairy
This has been my life story, and is literally insane this popped up in my timeline just at the right time. Thank you 😢
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I definitely have experience with this. That feeling of no one caring crept up a lot in work situations for me where it WAS clear that people don't care because everyone is just trying to get through the day and get a paycheck. That got harder and harder in toxic work environments where stress and expectations were constantly building. I often ended up saying the 'wrong thing' (meaning the truth) to managers when they would put excessive stress on the staff to get things done. I'd end up berating them about not giving a shit about how the work gets done as long as it gets done and they'd try to pretend to care after that. They never did though.
Every time I listen to a healing video I fall asleep--how is that for brain regeneration?!
Sounds like me. Tired of friends not checking in! Working to get more people that actually respond back!
I don't feel anyone cares because actually no one does. No one does. No one. And there's plenty of women like me.
Yes, no one cares. But I REALIZED something vital. I had spent my entire life chained to the rock of "no one cares" when all that really matter was DID I? Your truth, that 'no one really cares' crushed me for decades. I learned that I was alone as a a very young battered child in a huge family. I was not emotionally mature enough to face the truth of a cold uncaring family. And this truth, that my life was unwanted, dropped me into such unbearable darkness that I thought I would die, but I FOUGHT IT. And as I grew older I tried to PROVE MY VALUE to the world. But inside my mind, I knew that my college grades & work addiction & even my lovers also didnt care. The horrid toxic thought that my life was meaningless grew even worse, but I continued to fight it, to find a way out. (I went to every self-help group & therapist I could find, but no one cure that icy cold fear, pain & loneliness.) Every time I thought I had found the answer, it would pull me back into emptiness & "no one cares if I live or die" would ring in my ears. And I would crawl into a ball weeping until my eyes swelled shut. My sister jumped from a bridge proving me right, and my shitty therapist said, "at least it wasnt you" & my father told me that if he was me, he "would blow his brains out" Torn apart with grief & shame for being blamed for my sister's death, I rushed to a survivor group for families & they explained to me that I was the "scapegoat" And I was elated at having a framework with words to describe my abuse. But it meant cruelly choosing between my family or my own life, and it took me decades to escape their abuse. Leaving my abusers meant the uncaring thoughts were truthful, and as I left my depression & numbness drowned me all over again. And none of it made any sense. A million people helped me. My life was truly amazing. I crawled from the street into a life of wonders. The contrast between my new life & my past was shocking. I was sober with college friends & a career & trips to Europe, but I was still broken inside. And even after 10 years & 5 therapists uncovering the source of my nightmares & flashbacks, these horrid cold thoughts would still come back haunting me. As children, we do get support from strangers in the world, teachers, social workers, even cashiers can show us a moment of kindness. I cannot tell you how many strangers save me in my teens when I was about to get beaten on the street. But as we get older, the uncaring world does get much much worse. Older people are overlooked, ignored, disrespected, gaslit & neglected socially because society moves onward, into the future leaving us behind. And I was struggle again, in a terrible frozen state after breaking away from my selfish brother, I finally realized something life changing. I had spent my entire life chained to the rock of "no one cares" when all that really matter was DO YOU? You see, loved children have a good foundation to move thru life & can confidently face adulthood alone in the world. But abused or neglected children do not, our core beliefs & the foundation of our mind are toxic. And we suffer more as society moves past us, frozen in place, still waiting for a miracle to save us. But the only way to find a way out of our pain is to find some compassion, some care from within ourselves. TO START CARING FOR OURSELVES, we can to learn to turn all the personal pain & energy that pours out of us, inward. I can scream at the world but no one will hear my truth if I cannot understand it myself. Children instinctively look outward, but healthy adults rely on their own wisdom & take self-responsibility. This means literally FLIPPING OUR ENTIRE WORLD VIEW upright, turning our sunken boat back into the sky & MAKING OURSELVES THE CAPTAIN OF OUR OWN SHIPs. I was like a child, waiting for a hero that never came, because the only person who can save me is me but I never believe in myself. Instead, I poured all myself into the world, expecting to be loved and appreciated, instead I was left emptied. But if learn to pour all my energy into myself, I can live with my pain & even find moments of beauty. So dig deep in your loneliness, give it everything you have, every day, every hour and LEARN TO SELF-CARE YOUR FEELINGS, choose which thoughts you believe & love your BODY & CHERISH YOUR LIFE. Everyone has ONE short life here, and it's ours. If we dont care, no one will. Once I started caring for myself, life was there, waiting for me, my life! Millions of people live alone inside their heads trapped in painful lies. DO THE CRAPPY FAIRY COURSE & find your freedom.
I'm scared of making friends before quite a few have passed away, I find it really hard to make friends😢
I feel like I'm on the outside looking in but never really a part of.
Yep, that’s a classic CPTSD thing, and you’re not alone! The Daily Practice can help with regulation, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a course that focuses specifically on healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
Have I been needing this, for a long time. Grateful to find this.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Hi Anna! I am getting CLOSER to joining your courses ❤❤❤ TY for the work you are doing!
I'm going through that now. Sometimes, you just got to clean house.
Oh, that's more than just a FEELING that nobody cares. It's a terrible certainty, confirmed by long years of research.
I'm convinced there's no reason to have a funeral for me, bc nobody other than my son and husband would be there
Its not a feeling that no one cares, its a fact.
I'm trying to be okay with that. Kind of forces you to be 100% reliant on your own inner self, which we generally avoid getting to know.
@@Mantras-and-Mystics which is why Jesus did what he did and said wait for the Holy Spirit. His disciples abandoned him, but then the Holy Spirit indwelled them.
Thank you for this information
I'm so thankful for you.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
How do you stay healed when people bring up your past who don't know you, who throw it out on the internet like confetti? Malicious people who only want you to hurt yourself?
Anyone else notice the alone in a crowd situation? I feel this at work. We have a lot of young women that believe that all the guys at work want to sleep with them. It might be true. The women keep to themselves. They dont seem to care, which is how they protect themselves. I like a lot of them, but i would just prefer we talk and put the whole sex dynamic to the side. I notice they are pretty, but I don't want them to think I need to sleep with them. Strange and sad dynamics for young women.
How is it that my dysfunctional deceased mother hurt me the most, but was also the one who loved me the most? Im lost without her....but i see how she damaged me so very badly. Survived now struggling to survive.
I’m so very sorry for your pain. It’s not your responsibility anymore, you can let go. Peace to you dear one.
I feel this a lot...sad...😢
We're here to support you!
Nika@TeamFairy
Wow this hit home
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Empathy for others. It would be nice if everyone would treat others the way that they want to be treated.
Everyone is having to deal with some type of life challenge. I think that God allows us to go through hard times so that we can help others.
Thank you so much, Ms Anna. You are helping so many people, especially those that feel that no one understands what they have been through and are going through. God bless you!
Yes, empathy is a sign of humanity and we all need it. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. We appreciate you in our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
And having a Traumatic Brain Injury-(TBI) makes things worse because people don't understand my daily struggles.. sad😢..
Hard stuff - attachment disorder component, neglect component, developmental trauma/ response (internal) … blah blah blah.
Ugh.
I relate with nearly everyone in the comments and the person in the story. Basically had my abuse bingo card blacked out during childhood, only connected with a single cousin and she's got a selfish husband and a son now so she's too busy to even send a text back once every 3 months. Tried to have friends many times, but eventually id either be discarded cause i didnt conform or id only forge toxic trauma bonds and get used as their emotional validation blanket. So i got pets and do lots of hobbies and things by myself now. People are hella dissapointing and the more i try the more despondant i become when it just keeps failing and i can't seem to find anyone who actually wants to spend time together and not just use me to fufill some hidden agenda.
I facilitate a support group for survivors and people effected by Traumatic Brain Injury-(TBI)... It helps to connect to others that have similar struggles that I have..
Great! Connecting with people is so important!
Nika@TeamFairy
Well this sums me up 100%
10:51 until their emotional immaturity and ego sabotages your career bringing it to a traumatic hault accompanied by a smear campaign to, again, protect their ego. The person you hire thanks you by getting you fired. What a splendid life.
Hi Anna I was wondering how do we know if our letters to askthefairy will be read? I mean you have thoudsands of followers so I can't imagine how many letters you get, I know you can't answer all of them. But in case that it will be read in one of your videos, do your team answers saying hey a video will come out about this? I gave my authorization at the end of my latter so I do want to get that chance. But like how do I know if it has been read already? I don't really have time to watch all the videos
Hi, yes, we receive a lot of letters. I reach out once they've been published, and there is sometimes a bit of a delay.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy that's wonderful, thank you so much for all your effort and all the help you give us 💖
I live in Australia, I am interested in details about the course you have. I have CPTSD myself and have been considering studying in this area so that I can assist my clients as I work with people with disabilities to help them gain employment in the open employment market. I am finding that more and more of my clients have CPTSD either diagnosed or undiagnosed.
I applaud your work! I hope you do explore my courses.
It is so horrible! I have a handful of family & believe in God with all my heart! The reason I walked away from my horrible dysfunctional family! Forever to be there scapegoat of there sins! A unit of harden unbelievable criminals! That would put the pro under the table criminals to shame!
When meditating after releasing fears and resentments, is it ok for me to do my clearing of chakra-work, as my meditation?
I've never had much success at simply trying to focus on one thing, but have with focusing on chakra points, which actually lasts about 20 mins.
You are truly free to do what works best for you. That said, any kind of focus/effort during meditation(such as workin to clear chakras) takes us out of the rest of "ideal" Daily Practice meditation. You could do the chakra clearing at a different time, or experiment to compare the two ways of meditating to see what seems to help you re-regulate best.
And then you marry one. For 37 years.
Seems like so much dysfunction comes from how we deal with our economic circumstances. I sound like Captain Obvious here.
Thanks
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Build a relationship with our Heavenly Father through Jesus, our savior and don't try to do it without the Holy Spirit.
No friends! No family cares otherwise I feel all of this too!
I don’t feel of any value
Question. After watching these episodes I think a woman at work has cptsd. One because she disclosed she " thought "she had been sexually abused as a child and was on anxiety medication. I wanted to k ow more about it but my job assignmet ended and I moved away. She said she understood I needed to leave but 3 days before my departure she started ignoring me and was not responding to my texts. If indeed she had ptsd is this a normal way for people with ptsd deal with departures" or ? I personally like to keep in touch but i know not everyone is the same. Anyhow I stopped texting her and I may see her in a few days should I just ignore her? I don't like being rude or mean. Any light on this will be appreciated it
Thank you for watching! If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Update. I saw this " ex friend" and I just acted matter if fact. Didn't engage much and didn't ask anything personal. She did ask me some things but I kept it short and vague. And I left. It was suggested I wrote a letter but really there isn't much context except that everything about her feels fake and phony, sorry to say. Is this something a person with ptsd would do? Maybe...
...God, Jesus and Holy Spirit cares...❤️🙏🏻🌹always...They saved me...🙏🏻🌹❤️...
Lmao why you always in my businesssssss 😅 huh okay okay fairy mother my ears are open 🫣
Ha!
Story of my life and I'm too old
Don't be discouraged by your age. Every year of life counts! If you're interested, try Daily Practice - it's a good tool to help with getting regulated. You can learn it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Super curious how this interacts with neurodivergence. I’m a hodgepodge of both.
Can you make a video on why we second guess ourself when setting boundaries or remove ourselves from relationships and situations that might not be good for us? I always second guess myself, when I feel something is not right, or if I gets highly disregulated. I want to remove myself, but keep asking myself «am I over reacting?» and I feel guilt for wanting to look after my own needs. I dont think people always try to be mean, but people have theie own issues, and that make them not healthy for me to stick around with. Could be their personality, their way of being without it being toxic or a red flag, just a bad fit. Yet I still feel I should fit myself to them, so I am not The one leaving. I stay, way to long, and I end up hurt in The end. Can you make a video on that, ? If you already did, I’ll check it out.
You may find helpful some of these videos: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=crapfit And if you'd like to look for more, feel free to put the term that interests you in the channel search bar.
Nika@TeamFairy
This sounds very normal actually. Kind of the human condition as it is.
Sorry can follow. This is to close to my experience
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The download didn’t work for me
Please reach out to support at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com.
I want to disappear from this world. 🥀
I hear you. Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! The Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Don't give up! There's a new life after healing!
Nika@TeamFairy
James, Jesus loves you. I hope you can find your way to a relationship with him. ❤
Btw.. Jesus can't cure this ..only you.
If Jesus wants me to forgive my abusers, then Jesus is on their side and He agrees with the abuse. 😂
@@Ominous89 you dont understand forgiveness or Jesus. forgiveness is for YOU not them. forgiveness doesnt mean you are saying the abuse is ok. forgiveness is to heal YOU.
@@Hiram-d6l NOTHING is impossible with GOD
@@thecozyconstellationforgiveness isn’t necessary to heal trauma. Anger is the first stage of trauma recovery. Most people have buried their anger because it wasn’t safe to feel it in childhood. It’s still carried around and needs to be felt, justifiably so to recover. No one has to forgive their abuser.
I detest most people 😢 ❤️🩹
💎💎