YES, You Can Heal Childhood PTSD Symptoms -- These Actions HELP.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.พ. 2023
- Come See Me In Person. One-Day Workshops TX, NC & LONDON: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
You've probably sought help for the problems in your life that (whether you realize it or not) are driven by childhood trauma. You were probably told you need to TALK about it (and talk and talk and talk). As you've probably experienced, talk is not enough to produce change in your life. Once you've decided you're willing to do what it takes to heal, don't wait! These 10 tips will guide you toward actions that make a difference.
***
*Letters*: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
Best Course for Beginners:
Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Learn to Heal CPTSD-driven Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
STRUGGLE WITH FOOD & WEIGHT? Take the Food Susceptibility Quiz:
ble.life/ARio7H
NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
NEED BETTER SLEEP? Manta SLEEP MASK Use code CCFAIRY for 10% Off:
bit.ly/43udhog
"Learning to make money is self-empowerment." This is absolutely true and something I'm learning right now. I love this video, Anna, because I finally feel understood by a professional for the first time in my life. Can definitely relate to the "abandonment melange" because it landed me in a hospital many years ago but also everything else. Your point about choosing friends who are working on themselves is like gold to me because I think this is a huge part of healing, too, since you can get mired down with people who are remaining in their dysfunction. I need to do The Daily Practice. Wish I would have known about all this 29 years ago because my life would have been so different but now I do! Thank you!! 💝💖
I'm so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy
so true. I don't know how to make money and that's been really hard lately.
😊😊
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy❤
I can absolutely relate! I spent most of my 20s and early 30s making a lot of money and it helped massively with my childhood trauma (in that it helped me get far away, create genuine healthy boundaries, so I could be myself). In recent years I felt guilty and worried I was being shallow and too money oriented but now I see for me personally it's self empowering and makes me feel safe in my independence, so I can stop feeling negative about that aspect of my drive to make money 😊
1. Learn to emotionally regulate yourself.
2. Save your social and romantic energy for people who can reciprocate. The attraction to unavailable people is very tempting but needs to stop.
3. Get really good at ending relationships that aren't reciprocal. Be aware of abandonment malange (mashup): rage, fear, and sadness.
4. Choose friends who are working on themselves and are doing things you admire.
5. Find activities and hobbies that bring you growth. Take a class, learn about money, etc.
6. Look for people who are wise and fair. Morally good people. Stop crap-fitting like you had to as a child with CPTSD.
7. Seek to be a generous and charitable person. If you're staying in relationships with people who let you down and then you have to nag them, it turns you into someone you're not. How do I feel after I hang out with this person? Inspired and energized? Or drained and bad about yourself?
8. When a good relationship has broken down, keep your words minimal. Learn to apologize for your part without bringing up all of their part. Check your agenda. Do your exits gently and kindly.
9. Acknowledge the suffering you've been though, but focus more on the now; on what you can change now. How to deal with your triggers now.
10. Seek out and practice techniques that actually help you, aka The Daily Practice 🙏🏼
Thank you.
❤
+
X X
You are speaking life to MANY of us who have seen hope die. Thank you 💕
I feel safe and seen when I listening to you.
Yes, so do I! 🧡
Me too ❤
Yes and so comforting
Yeop.
❤
The emotional dysregulation is TOO much. It happens so quickly. You snap and then you immediately have to apologize for acting out of character. Then you feel shame or guilt. Sometimes the triggers are so tiny you can’t identify them.
Exactly my issues
When I am triggered, I feel like I have been caught in a tornado that drags me emotionally through the mud. I feel totally out of control, hopeless and helpless and very scared. I really need to learn how to deal with the triggers.
Get a Therapist who deals with CPTSD- I have found one and you can get better. I just have started with this therapist- but the hope I have to get my mind better is just so exciting for me- I have only realized what the crux of my issues are and I'm over 50. It's never too late- ever. Best of good wishes for you.
@@mystic627 I think that what Anna is suggesting is that if we can name the fear (the tornado, in your case), we can manage it, which greatly reduces its power over us.
I have struggled with emotional dysregulation for years. I never knew what it was until I found this channel. I felt so bad, because when it was triggered, I would run from people without any explanation. I would get so frustrated, unable to speak, and I would just run away. I always hated that I did that, but could not control it or explain it to the person I did it too.
“Feeling your feelings is important, but feeling your
Dysregulation is destructive!” Wow! This is so on point 😮
Well feeling your disregulation can’t be helped dealing with it is another matter.
"It's okay to feel your feelings, just don't let all of them manifest into actions." Is a good way of understanding one of your points.
Thanks for sharing this! -Calista@TeamFairy
Just wanted to share that I had a realisation of what CPTSD is.. I have a rabbit - he is cute but he very often bites to get attention so I have to be very aware of where he is when he is outside of the cage. So not long ago there was a cat in my flat for a week. Cat is a similar size to the rabbit, moves quietly, but does not bite. When I was doing my things and noticed the cat moving towards me, I immediately started to pull away or defend myself from reflex. Although there was no reason to defend from a cat, I very often still had the reflex. So bringing it to adulthood - i see now that I have a reflex of defending and hiding myself from people. Even from people who would never bite.
I wish I had heard this in my 20’s. Better late than never. I’m 62 and I’m looking forward to learning another way to live. Thanks!
Glad you're with us and open to healing!
Nika@TeamFairy
I’m sending the list of ten to my 20 yr old b/g twins. I’ve just now started to heal and I see soooo much of this in ALL of us. I’m an alcoholic and just realized I’m a hoarder, so they need this just as much, if not more than me. I sure wish I’d seen this decades ago!
I completely understand and empathise! I'm still going to try too - it's not too late. Don't give up! ❤
thank you soooo much for commenting that you are brave enough to start this journey. i am brave too
Me too❤
I saw a phd that is a trauma expert.
He said a study was done about support groups and medical research proved that re hashing or listening to other peoples traumas makes the trauma more severe.
We absorb positivity and negativity from others.
Can. I think the consensus is that rehashing your trauma can retraumatize you. But I think it’s important to do at least once, to get it all compartmented. Then, you can go about dealing with it. I think it’s equally damaging not to address trauma at all. How do you know you’re dealing with it all?
Honestly, "charm school for feral women" would have sold me 100%. I've always embraced the idea of a "wild woman" as a woman with dreams and opinions. It feels strong as heck to me. :)
Me too, shouldn’t be that way (we should already feel like our opinions and dreams matter as much as anyone else’s, no matter our sex/gender) but yeah!
I really love Dr Maté, but man girl you hit the nail right on the head. I’ve been teaching, counseling, and HAD read so many books and have gone to therapy for years and why doesn’t anyone know about this? I was a Chaplain Assistant in the Army and man, we could have really used your advice when dealing with Soldiers and their families too. Because as a lower enlisted person in the military you joined bc you had no other options. Your whole life was trauma and then you live and work around a bunch of other people who are traumatized so we all just fuel each other. And this leads to being very self destructive as a young person in the military. We need this message more than ever right now!
I am so ANGRY. How dare parents do this to us. I can't get past the anger.
When it is stuck like that, we call it resentment. That's what The Daily Practice I teach is for. I hope you'll give a try.
For me, I found it useful to have a lens of compassion towards them. Instead of having an expectation of how parents should behave towards their children, accept that they are flawed humans. Most of these parents have their children walk away from them because their own insecurities prevent them from having actual relationships with their children. That’s a sad and pathetic way to go through life. You can learn from that and choose a different path which is a blessing.
@@1234lowkey I will never give any compassion to my father.. He does not deserve it.
Hmm, I think having a lens of compassion is different from giving the abusers actual compassion, but I can understand both sides of the above statements. I agree, observing the past with a lens of compassion helps. understanding that whilst they are accountable for their deeds, they were/are also broken people. Most broken people don't fully understand they're not as they should be because they are consumed by their disordered way of being. Give thanks that we're not condemned to be like them, as they grew even more bitter over time, and karma is not kind.
@@piscesempress1978
But YOU deserve being free of anger/ resentment
- it is YOUR burden...
I can be a horrible person to others who don’t deserve my anger….then my guilt for being so angry. Your videos are a blessing!!! Being sexually abused, beaten, verbally called a “whore” by my mother at 4yrs old….I can go on and on with the pain. I do want to stop the damage! I want to show love and kindness.
You WILL get there - stopping the damage. I had a narcissist mother who sexualized the entire family. And she got other family members to do her dirty work. All I can say is - HANG in there, and follow the good advice, as much as possible. Take in the unconditional love when it comes along - "love without strings attached". You WILL know it when it shows up - but honestly, not right away. Just let the "right and good" people stay long enough to show that.
This video and the Good Practice is the BEST thing to come along for me in a Very Long Time. But others preceded it. Even at 76 years old, I'm a Work In Progress!! You have LOTS of company
Hey, I am in the same boat as you..
We are all trying to be better 1 step at a time.
This is so helpful for me. When someone gets angry at me and calls me out for behaviour that I don't feel should have offended them I often explode in anger (I was punished and beaten for small things so it triggers me immensely) or, at best, I shut down and start to resent them so hard that I end up cutting them out of my life... and it it so hard to apologize. whenever I do that, it feels like abusing myself. But I understand that it is just projection of my childhood trauma on other people.
That’s absolutely what it sounds like - - you’re treating them like you want to treat your parents. As much as you want to rage at your parents and cut them out, you wind up repeating that pattern on somebody else.
OMG you are explaining my life
My mother is 81 and whenever I go visit my parents or talk to her on the phone, I get so triggered, irritable, and depressed. It takes me two weeks to detox after visiting her. But I go to see my dad. I feel so guilty saying that I can’t stand being around her. She treated my older sister much differently than she treated me. I’ve had low level depression since I was a kid.
I resonate with you, I felt the same. It does make you feel guilty, but the truth is the truth and parents who fail miserably with their Children, they get their karma one way or another. Often by being discussed and their faults pointed out to other people, that's their karma for their failings, why should we feel guilty.
Same here!
My mother was deceptive in her behavior & words she used with me. She was a great cook/baker & we had people over all the time. And of course, my mother loved the attention. She made the food for my wedding reception, which was very nice of her, right down to the cake. The reception was at the house and about 31 people, small. It turned into a show for her. How good the food was, how great the cake etc. Which compliments were fine but it was no longer about me & my groom. It was another chance for her to gain the admiration of people, some of whom she did not know. I did feel slighted but what am I a monster to not be thankful but in reality -- It was MY wedding & MY reception with my new husband.
She even sewed my wedding dress - so that got her even more compliments. It was nice of her to do all of this for me but where was the razzle dazzle for us?
@g: wow that is awful. I’m sorry to hear your big day became about her! So selfish. I can totally relate to this. Doing “nice” things gives them fuel through accolades. They thrive off of the attention. If they are denied the attention or accolades they get angry or pout. I could share so many stories of my own…
@@allgoodanimals6769 I do appreciate her making food for the small reception. But for once could I & my groom have been the center of attention? I was never the center. She adored her son. She ruined one daughter & I was the quiet good girl. Don't ever be the "good girl". The good girl has no power & when you try to make your own decisions, rather than support you get a response of: is that a good idea or you can't do that. The next day I went to the house to retrieve gloves for the honeymoon & my Dad saw me walking up the driveway & said - "what are YOU doing here?" Was he afraid I was running back home?
I totally understand why you discourage talking about trauma. We create new neurological channels when we do something in a different way, but the brain keeps the old ones and prefer them due to familiarity. example if we were conditions by trauma to react with anger and we choose to change our ways we need to be very careful not to slip back to the old path because it’s the automatic option. And makes us feel hopeless
I love the way you can explain such heavy things while still keeping a lighthearted tone. It makes it so much easier to absorb and accept the information that is needed for personal healing and growth. I really appreciate what you are doing! ❤
Thank you for your kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It’s a gift that not very many people have and should be cherished. I’m glad she uses it.
It's very difficult for me to heal myself I'm 75 too late. I've been neglected by parents molested by my brother, molested by my neighbor, all this before I was 9 yes old. I try to forget but it comes back to make me feel sorry for myself. But I like listening to you, and I thank you.
@@tomkore7865Dear you, I'm 61 and I have the same feeling sometimes, that it's too late. Your comment made me think about that we have to look at how to make our today a little bit better than yesterday - not that grand 'feeling absolutely happy' that we think we can see in others and envy them for - and loose all energy because there are too many steps on that ladder. You are beginning your healing by being here, listening to Anna and reading comments. That is actually a big step considering how new the CPTSD diagnosis is. (I'm not sure it's even recognized yet in my country Denmark). It IS very unfair that we will maybe never get that complete feeling of happiness and being at ease with ourselves and the world, but we can do alot to get a little better if we break it down into more manageable pieces. We have the right to feel sorry for ourselves because much bad happened to us, but it can also become a shield that prevents us from a lot of small good things that could make us feel better. Try to look at everytime you have a choice, to say yes or no, to go right or left - hesitate a bit and think about what would actually, truly make you feel a little bit better in this situation. Play with the thought that you are a 'neutral' person, not a traumatized one - what would you do if so? Is there a part in you that protects you in a healthy way, and is there a part in you that protects your identity as a traumatized person? You are your own healer - and that is damned because it is so hard and lonely and blessed too, because you have yourself with yourself all the time and can become your own best friend and advisor.
I wish you all the best, I'm writing this just as much for myself to live by. Love Malene
@@tomkore7865 It is never too late. I am 80 and loving the information and practice. "It's too late" is nothing more than a negative thought...
I don't feel dysregulation coming on. I am almost totally solo. I have one friend who accepts me how I am, but she has a loving family who contact her and show love and respect daily. She doesn't get it when I try to explain why I must back off from my daughter, who gives me breadcrumbs and disrespect. It's just pain!
You're right about finding joy somewhere! I just took an art course which I didn't need to learn from- just to make me get back into my creativity!
All began when I was a baby. My Mom used to ignore me. She'd leave me in the carriage in the yard even after my nap was over and I was screaming, or in my crib way too long. She didn't want me. Then at 9 years old I became Cinderella, responsible for cleaning our apt. Grocery shopping and cooking. My brother and sister had no responsibilities. If I was out playing and didn't clean the house, my (4 years older) brother would pull me up the stairs by my hair to do "my job." We were all sexually abused by my Mothers Father. We all had a lot of anger or rage. My brother took it out on me. He beat me and stomped on me.
It went on to me attaching to the wrong men. (Abusive, alcoholic, cheaters, disrespectful). I'm now 78 years old, I'm done with crap fitting. Solo is better.
Years ago I went to a PTSD women's group. 12 of them gave a synopsis of their trauma. Each one turned to drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. I realized how strong I am because I became a good citizen. Had responsible jobs until I could buy my own home, had my own business, put my daughter through UPENN etc. Ironically I lost my home (on the water)and all belongings to mold and a greedy attorney. Now living in a low income housing apt.
Thank you for your teaching, it gives me understanding about wrong decisions I've made. Many Blessings. ❣️
Thank you for your sharing. It shed a light on some similarities.
May your space and home be(come) a safe heaven, container of nurturing and joy and lots of laughter.
This message of “You CAN heal” resonated so deeply in me today that I cried, because it’s been such a long and difficult journey, and I’ve come so far but still feel held back by my traumas. Thank you for saying what I needed to hear!
Absolutely! You got this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes but we don’t heal ourselves we allow the healing to happen.
@@mystic627 we do heal ourselves.
❤
Felt, for me it’s locating all the wounds. I find sometimes that I didn’t know it triggers me till I come across it, but I immediately hop on the “ time to do some shadow work” train.
This video just changed my life, you have said everything I’ve ever felt in the past 26 years of my life. I’ve had the worst childhood. And it bugs me to no end that I try to figure out what’s wrong with me, and doctors immediately try to shove medications down my throat for the way I feel. I realized today that I have childhood PTSD. And today I vow to try my absolute best to fix the behaviors and actions that come with constantly being emotionally disregulated. I would really love to speak to you in person if this is possible. All I ever wanted was to speak to someone that can understand me. And I feel that you can understand where I come from.
12:10 growth can also be physical! It helped me a lot to start training and regain some muscels. Working on outer strength helps the inner strength.
❤ indeed my growth journey❣️
Discipline and keeping our promises to oneself is indeed growth.😊 Self love.
I have no purpose, no motivation, I'm utterly stuck with zero idea what to do. I can't try to heal and do normal things like start a career etc.
I'm so sorry that's how you're feeling. If you're interested, I really suggest you check out Anna's free course 'The Daily Practice', it's a great place to start the process of healing. Here is the link: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm getting better. Grief Share is a group setting that people gather in a group. It's sad to hear all the stories but it helps me feel I'm not alone. Taking about your trauma is hard to near impossible at first. Once your able to speak on your story without breaking down, your on the road to recovery. Forgiving the ones that's harmed us is the final key. Forgive the living or the deceased isn't for them, it's for us to deal with the hurt. Focusing on the good things alone isn't enough without talking about it
Very true, when counselors have told me to feel my feelings, I had to explain that I can only acknowledge and then move on and distract myself because I’ve almost gone into a mental breakdown from feeling my feelings, it is too much and it’s not safe to do for me. I could’ve ended up in a hospital. Sometimes denial or distraction is useful until more time passes.
Whenever I talk about my childhood, it feels like speaking about someone else's childhood. I'm completely disconnected from it
I love this!
Kind fair wise people: =the pursuit of happiness 😊
How amazing are you Anna?! It takes a very special and wise person to dedicate their life to first learn, then use that knowledge to aid others in their recovery of CPTSD. Thank you so very much. Xx
You are kind. Thanks.
Emotion dysregulation is the biggest hurdle. Rejection and deception are huge triggers for me. Practicing DBT so I'm learning the tools, but it's hard to implement them in the moment.
One step at a time ! We got this ! 🫶🏼
Today marks one month that I've been doing the free, 'Daily Practice', two times a day, as shown in the link below the video. The other videos are great at marking the course of our healing, but it's actually doing The Daily Practice that seems to really catalyze the healing process. Get on it, folks! Thanks 🧚♂🧚♀🧚
yes! Thanks for saying it. I'm a broken record on this one.
I was just thinking- ok maybe I need to start that. I'm seeing that I need to heal my relationship & communication skills. I feel like I don't know how to express my feelings, I don't say something when I am upset. I want to have solid friendships & meet a partner who wants to enjoy life together ❤️ I'm ready to make new decisions that make my life more full. Happy Healing all 💙
I’ve been listening to this page for at least a year, but just this week started writing down my fears and resentments. Today will be day 3 ❤😂
Okay! I’m going to give “the daily practice “ both time & effort. Gently & consistently practice it.
Whenever I need some energy to deal with the challenges brought about by CPTSD I come here and listen to Anna some. It's amazing you survived, it's amazing we survived.
This was soooo awesome!! After 30 yrs of therapy, I learned more from this short video than in 30 yrs of therapy. At 61 yrs old, its time for me to "live".😊 ❤ 🙌 🙏 I remind myself, I didn't get this way overnight, but I see the "light" now. When I went thru chemo alone, I had 21 surgeries & hospitalized multiple times.....I wld remind myself, these are "speedbumps" in my journey. They may slow me down, but they are not going to stop me. 😊
🌺💚🌺
I've described myself as having a feral childhood too. Not that I was actively abused or abandoned, but my family wasn't loving, nor did they teach me anything about the world, relationships, anything. No conversations. I was told a few months ago I needed better quality people in my life, and I have been working on it. This is so deflating at age 76.
my story, same age.
Never heard , I love you, from parents.😢
There’s an empowerment knowing this now. You’ve a clean slate to feel how you can now feel and love and parent yourself with this new knowledge. I know you can do it!!! I have faith!!🙏🏽💗🙏🏽
I'm 76 years old, too. And have been around the ringer so many times. Ultimately, I did find some VERY RIGHT people. I HAD to move from the physical environment of the STATE OF FLORIDA - to finally do it! I moved to Colorado nearly 40 years ago - and FINALLY, slowly but surely, the right people and right healers, making great friends SHOWED UP. Darlin', It's NEVER TOO late! Day by day, start doing things for yourself. I recommend a book on creativity - that helped me AND A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE TOO! And you'll start by thinking - I'm not an artist! BUT we all are, us humans. "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Daily lessons to read and DO!!! It works - easily.
I DO HEAR YOU, @miriamhamsa !!!
I am on a self discovery, healing & self improvement journey and so i recently discovered this channel and after listening in on this video and taking down notes I was convinced to subscribe to this channel. I believe discovering this channel might be the best thing to have happened to me currently in my life. Thank you so much for every word you have shared on this video. It has been eye opening and so so helpful for me personally! And I can’t wait to share with others
You’re very kind. I’ll make sure Anna reads your note.
-Cara@TeamFairy
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
She is most definitely the best thing that’s happened to me in DECADES. I sure wish I’d found her a lot sooner!
Mom was diagnosed with advanced cancer when I was 15. The fear & 11 years of anticipatory grief were never discussed inside or outside of the family.
We hear you, that silence creates a lot of fear.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Abandonment melange and dysregulation are synonymous for me and I don't have to be abandoned to have it triggered. Anything like even thinking about a woman will trigger it but not necessarily hijack me if I'm regulates but it just builds. Thoughts as triggers as Pete walker says
It's easy for her to say that we should find healthy wise people that surround ourselves with. The problem is, the pool of healthy, wise people is extremely limited. Most people are manipulative codependants speckled with narcissists. Like Anna says, "Become a ninja at being alone."
It is truly better to be alone than to be caught up with those who are perishing.
Better to be alone then be with unhealthy people 😂
I wish my ex would go through this help as well then we could at least have it in common
What really helps me with 'abandonment melange' (currently alone in a shared flat since I wanted to avoid a vacation with an abusive roommate but that also cuts me off from the group) is going out into and connecting with nature: barefoot on the grass, naked (ok, I kept my swimsuit on) in the water, BREATHING, FEELING morning dew, raindrops, chilly grass, and the water resisting my strokes as I make my way across the lake
naming things is so powerful. I am getting soooo much better at moving away from people and situations that do not serve me, because I can name the reasons why.
Coming here to have my safe space. I wish she’s my Mom.
I’m just imagining she’s my
Mom. I just love the way she talks. She speaks to me lol.
People who mock you for abstaining are the ones who can't help themselves.
Im 48 years old...And I swear I could totally sign up for Charm School for Feral girls..even today! Gen X raising with additional childhood Trauma did us dirty😅
I've been talking about my Crappy Childhood for FAR TOO LONG. Thank heavens God is guiding me to a better life. Year after year. Decade after decade. Things happened to fast forward my healing.
❤❤❤ You translated my life in real words. Thank you for existing in our world. Thanks for being real to yourself and us.
I've been told I need therapy I don't know how many times, but I think I'm doing a great job healing without it. I beat alcoholism 4 years ago and only smoke weed, and I'm able to control my anger. In fact, I think weed helped me more than any therapist could. It's helped me work through a lot of emotional block ups.
If only it was legal.
I done your daily practice for the first time yesterday and during the meditation I felt like I released so much, like it was yawns but not from tiredness or boredom but to release staleness from inside I don't know how to explain it, but it was amazing and made me have relief for like 3 hours which was nice
Yawns are toxicity leaving your body. Always happens to me when I start working out again after taking time away from being physically active
thank you for everything. i’m struggling trying to heal but we all probably are lol but these videos and your intellect and such informativeness has pushed me ahead tremendously.
It is a struggle to heal. But It's great to hear that you are trying. Sending you encouragement. Jack@TeamFairy
Your videos have been so helpful to me. I always knew something was wrong but I didn't know what or how to control myself. Once I heard you explain emotional dysregulation I knew exactly what you were talking about. Once I knew what the problem was I could stop myself and respond instead of react. Thank you!
Wow, I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this. -Calista@TeamFairy
Naming this thing that's been there for 40 years often negatively affecting my life is a revelation and a grieving. I feel a completely different person aged 52!
I spent the whole last 48 hours binge watching your videos and Omg 🖤😭 where have you been my whole life. These videos have been more helpful
Then any therapist I've been too
Charm school for feral girls😂😂😂 Gosh I really need that!
LOL...
Does anyone have advice for how to feel allowed to feel happy? How do we feel worthy of happiness?? How do we feel good enough to be happy and have good things?
What I found helps is to parent myself. I treat myself the way I would treat a child I care about. So, I encourage myself to have fun, I praise myself when I do good things, I don't belittle, berate or criticise myself. I encourage myself to do the 'right' things in a gentle way. I celebrate achievements. I break things down that I find hard, etc. I check in with what I really feel and what I really need and I give myself what I need. Those continuous actions to care for myself add up over time to feeling loved and cared for. It helps to build my self esteem and see myself as someone worthy of happiness 🙏
This might feel weird, but I try to think of myself as an animal. We’re all mammals, like dogs or cats. And everyone loves dogs and cats just how they are-big ones, little ones, sweet ones, standoffish ones, cute ones, ugly ones. We don’t judge them as worthy or not worthy of love-we just love them, all of them, because they’re delightful.
So picture yourself and your fellow humans like that. There’s nothing you need to do to earn love. You’re worthy just because you exist. Take a nap in the sun. Run because it feels good. Play with your favorite things and eat your favorite treats. If your self critic starts speaking up, remind it that you’re just an animal doing what animals do and that’s enough.
I’m 65. Just wish I had found you earlier. Thank you so much for your knowledge, compassion and generosity ❤
Wo, i have cptsd. Why has no therapist ever been this clear to me? I just kept talking and indeed, seeking recognition for my troubles while wanting to grow. Thank you so much!
I would totally go to Charm School for Feral Girls. I feel like a school with that name would have the understanding needed for the situatios that will develop. Even though, like the some of the kitties on my porch, I am fairly benign for being feral so long.
I get really confused about the friendship arena. I have friends who aren't bad but things seem to become one sided. I become a counselor to all of my friends which is ironic because I'm the most traumatized. Can you do a video on how to know which friends aren't great? I know toxic signs but not friends who are just okay. Do you cut just ok friends out?
im in the same positions as you
If the friend isn’t caring for your soul, being kind, looking out for you, they aren’t real friends. Friends don’t tear another friend down, like sarcasm, that is verbally attacking someone, it’s a weapon because some part of it is true…and long after the comment you’ll still be thinking about it. That’s not good for you.
Maybe instead of trying to fix your friends' problems, focus on fixing your own, then share your progress with them. Conserve your energy and let them take responsibilty for their own lives.
@VALERIE Zaitzieff definitely good advice :) I've been doing that more in the past few months and putting up boundaries. It's going a lot better
I don’t think you have to cut “just ok” friends out - ask yourself how you feel in general after hanging out with them etc. But I agree you need to stop the counselling. Signposting resources here and there can be ok but step back a bit and spend that energy on yourself from now on.
Thank you Anna, I think you’re so beautiful! 😘❤️ your courage, wisdom, and support speaks volumes!!
You KNOW SO WELL. I see so much of my wasted energy trying to make a relationship work that doesnt. Made me toxic. And i didnt like myself. He needs to fix himself and i need to do me. He doesnt want my help. And i had to accept that.
Now im gonna be me with the right people.
Great work. That’s what healing looks like.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ❤️
Anna, you are like a mother to me. You are so helpful and kind. I listen to you on my way to work and my days are so much better when I do. Your videos are a wealth of knowledge and you have helped me so much. Thank you.
I’m grateful I found your channel. ❤
Hi, I found your videos accidentally. I used to be very considered about all my surrounding until I was diagnosed with lots of autoimmunities diseases which by the way are linked to my childhood trauma (Gabour Mate). I am in the process to learning to love myself and putting myself first.
That's great, we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Maybe findng these videos wasnt accidental at all....:)
I am so glad we bumped into each other. Thank you
Geesh, this is the wisdom I've wanted to hear for decades. This is intuitive, but I've needed that external source to affirm it. Thanks!
Whew! Number 6 punched me in the gut…so stalling the divorce process and having daily phone calls with my husband when I know we’ve exhausted our relationship and there is no way we can be happy and healthy together is not only crap-fitting 😢 but also I’m retraumatizing myself…and probably him as well?!?!?!!!! 🤯
I appreciate your insight. It's been a ling road, but I feel it will never end.
So glad I found your page. I wish this pain ends now.
Listening to you is like hearing my own life back at me. Only found you yesterday and so glad I did. Thank you for your channel
1. learn how to emotionally regulate
2. Save your social and romantic energy for people who can reciprocate it
3. Get really good at ending relationships with people who are bad for you
4. Choose friends who are working on themselves and do things with their life that you admire (be with people you respect, not just wherever you end up around and relates to you)
5. Find activities hobbies things to do in your spare time that bring you growth (especially hobbies that help you learn how to make a living)(and reading books)
6. When you're looking for people to have in your life look for people who are wise and fair (charm school)(seek people you can learn from)(people with integrity better than what you learned at home)(you will be so affected by the people you are around so choose them well)
7. seek to be a kina and generous and charitable person (of spirit)
8. How do you feel after you hang out with them? This is how you tell who's good for you. It's a sign (but keeo in mind negative feelings can be emotional flashbacks so it may be confusing)
8. When a good relationship has broken down even when its plain to you how the other person contributed to the problem, dont tear them a new one. Learn how to walk away from a broken relationship without a big fight. Keep the explanation minimal and simply set your boundary and leave. Don't be venting at them for no good reason. Live in a world where no one is destroyed by you and you maintain your own power over who gets to be in your life. A lot of things you want to say when you're dysregulated are a bad idea so run it by a mentor first
9. Acknowledge your suffering in the past but focus on what you can do to heal now. Now you want money and healthy relationships, your whole life is ahead of you, you can't see it in your imagination. Start anywhere
10. Seek out practices that help you bring down your cptsd responses. She teaches the daily practice
“You get to catch up now”. This is the exact feeling I have about my life rn. I feel like I’m catching up on things I was never able to live through. Healing is learning, lesrning is healing. Thank you for your videos
Great insight. Thank you for sharing it with us. -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow...touché. Great insights, perspectives, solutions. Thank you so much.
I am 61 and its been the last 8 years that I have been supporting myself and focus on me.
Good stuff! Thanks, will share.
Charm School for Feral Girls is an awesome name & this a fabulous video! Thank you 🙏
Most practical step system I’ve seen so far.
This was amazing. Thank you so much for your content!
Thank you for this wonderful video! Very helpful! Definitely keeping and using this!
Your videos are seriously saving my life. Thank you so much
Dear Anna,
Hi how are you? I just want to say a MASSIVE THANK YOU! For all your your Tube videos and courses. I am SO happy I found you. I have spent years feeling alone and not being able to move forward. All my different traumas have been so hard and I've dealt with it all alone apart from some counselling. Counselling was good but talking over the past all the time di
hasn't helped me move forward. At 49 I really need to stop being stuck, especially as my youngest is 19 now. It's time for me to heal! Thank you for making my thoughts and feelings seem normal and something that won't define me for the rest of my life. I only wish I'd found you sooner but accept my fate 😊 Have a great day and please don't stop what you are doing, its amazing helping so many people. ( I also share your videos with close friends who I know could benefit. You're awesome Anna! Best wishes,Lisa, England, UK 💜
Thank you so much for your videos❤
I really like this video… it covers so many wonderful cornerstones
You’re videos are the best therapy I can afford right now ❤
Thank you for being you. We need people who live and experience what they teach, and we can feel that you truly know what you say.
This was extremely helpful. Thank you
I have listened to 100+ hours of similar videos and this one has definitely been a real eye opener for me. Thank you very much your work has been extremely helpful for me.
This particular video, especially the first few minutes, are a good way to start the day. It's very calming & centering & encouraging.
🎉Thank you, so much! I have shared these tips, with my family and friends!
I feel so validated listening to this particular video. Thank you so much, for helping me change my focus from blaming others or myself, to addressing bad decisions of the past and growing from that.
You have a unique ability to have me think you are talking just to me.
So glad I found you, as a former feral girl still trying to learn life in my 50s 😮, your advice really resonates!
I love this womans honesty and authenticity, van really relate.
Thank you ❤
You are the best therapist. Thank you for this video. Hugs from Australia 💌
@13:02 Yes! Thank you Anna. Choices are so powerful. Go get it!!!
Thank you for everything you do! ❤
Feeling very understood.
Addressing live concerns that are on my mind with every response in a flawless order
You are a Godsent Anna! I have never ever had anyone explain it the way you have and I feel someone finally understands how I have always felt... Thank you so so much for what you do to help! 😊🤗
Thank you SO MUCH for this video!!! You are helping me HEAL! YAY!
Your comment about watching other people's moms if you found them admirable.. wow, yeah I relate to that.
Oh how I wish I’d learned this when I was young and looking for a relationship. You truly are providing such helpful info.
Im grateful to my friend who gave me your channel. This is such a great help to me since I'm dealing with my traumas now. Im always a victim of abuse and betrayal from my family experiences and from my own broken marriage. Im really trying to cope up from all of my traumas. You are an angel to all of us, thank you!! ❤❤❤
Wow this is the video I have been looking for to describe everything I have been through and going through. Thank you!
This is Muzzy. Hi.
Just wanna say that this is the best video yet. I’m sharing it to everyone. Think I have C-ptsd or a degree of it…. The psyche is different in everyone. We’re all a little cray cray, right?
Anyhoo, I’m watching the next video that you suggested at the end of this one.
I really appreciate your honesty and compassion by sharing these videos here for free. Really, thanks!
This stuff makes more sense than any counselor or psychologist I’ve been to or book I’ve read. You’re brilliant!
Thanks again from the bottom of my heart CCF! You’re an angel! (Crappy childhood angel, or maybe a charming Irish elvin princess) lol, just funnin with ya
✌🏻❤😊
Dearest Anna, I started your free course , the wrinting and meditation and WOW. From day one I could see the miracle unfolding. ITS ABSOLUTELY LIFE CHANGING.You are a fairy. How could I possibly thank you enough? ❤