When A Narcissist Becomes Your Unsafe Person
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 พ.ย. 2019
- Has a narcissist ever learned of your flaws or struggles, then used your vulnerability against you? Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter describes the differences between safe and unsafe people, and he emphasizes how you can find confidence in a way that prevents the narcissist from having a grip on your inner peace.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.
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Yes narcissists will make you feel like you are the crazy one, when they are the ones driving you crazy.
It's a very disconcerting feeling when the person who is supposed to protect you is a toxic abuser.
Yes, I know: my mom was my narcissistic toxic abuser. A mother is supposed to protect her daughter, not abuse and tear her down.
Yes, My own Mom is a Narcissist, and hasnt changed in 90 years. My 2 sisters are Narcs, and sadly ; but not surprisingly I married a Nark, I am in a world of pain.
The more I learn about narcissism, the more I understand 'government'.
You never feel fully safe
@@mariebrown5681 I suffered physical and mental abuse , I just got away as a teenager, 42 years ago now.
The story of my life.
Narcissists will kick you the hardest when you are down, and when you have tripped and fallen, and are having a tough time getting back up.
And then they will blame you and shame you for denting or scuffing their shoe!
Precisely, it is nothing but a STORY you've experienced and are repeating yourself (re-experiencing) over and over (talking about self-abuse...), the story of the poor little me, victim of an unsafe person. Ask yourself: Who would I be without that victim identity? And meditate on the infinite possibilities opening if you keep some distance with the so-called unsafe person, whether materially or mentally, by not getting trapped into the character he wants you to play in order to feed his ego. And if there's lots of resistance showing up when you're exploring this topic, ask yourself: What sort of payback do I get from confusing my powerful self with a poor little me role?
(You might want to check out the lonerwolf post called Why your misery makes you happy)
@@Misslotusification it's like identity politics 0f the soul. Legit.
There's nothing worse than a narc who claims to be on your side or claims they want to help you, yet does everything to sabotage you. They don't help you out of the kindness of their hearts, there's always strings attached. So disingenuous , and toxic..
Wait till you see a lawyer. WYch the lies in front of that.
Hear! Hear! 💯💔🙏💕
Ima grown man. 37 years old. I live on the other side of the globe. Yet this man made me cry... sob... from across the planet in a few minutes. Thank you doc. I definately needed to hear that
Brought me to tears as well. Reminded me of Corinthians, . . love is patient, kind etc.
Biblical I think we are all onto something with this guy. He is telling the truth. God wants "truth on the inside" Honesty is the door to healing...well actually Jesus is the door...but honesty before God about who we are and our need for His healing power. Also,"God's strength is made perfect in weakness" The Narcissist can never truly be honest about who they are towards others and particularly with God...therefore, they are unsafe to be vulnerable around. I too have suffered and am in some kind of recovery from the Narcissists around me. "Confess our sins to one another" Hope and pray you find those safe friends you can pour your heart out to and just be you. Shalom
@@masterdaveedwards Shalom.
Best and only way to deal with a Narc.."No Contact" ever.
bbroegger I almost thought I wrote this myself. Same experience, but you have the benefit of this realization at a key time in you life professionally and personally.
Telling the narcissist a secret about yourself is like handing him a knife on a silver platter and baring your jugular
I no longer divulge much about myself. I choose my words carefully.
Ok. Prayers offered. Protection shield activation and safety. Hope.
My narc divulges the things he knows about my past. at a family get together. He will say "Why don't you tell them about the time you did............" It's he most humiliating.
Yep it is.they will throw everything bk in ur face.
So true... Don't do it
Spiritual leaders and mental health professionals with narcissistic tendencies are very dangerous. It is very important to have "safe people" in these positions of trust.
Yep..had that experience 👍
Dr.Carter, I a genie offered me one wish my wish would be that I had been able to receive your wisdom and kindness decades ago.Thank you.
Thanks so much, Heather. Flow now with the insights you are taking in! Dr. C
The same here Dr. Carter. After 5 draining decades with this person, a person I loved deeply, I realize now that it hasn’t all been in my head, blaming myself for being too sensitive and emotional. I am so fortunate that a friend suggested subscribing to your videos. Bless you sir, your advice has helped me immensely. It’s truly never too late to make changes, no matter how small. Thank you!
Yes
After 33 years...wish I heard him 34 yrs ago. This should be taught in school. Thank you Dr. Carter & Laura C.🙏✝️❤💯
Karyn SMITH-ROBERTS , funny you say that. Lately I’ve been dealing with that issue, wishing that I got the message 30 year’s ago. Probably heard it, just wasn’t ready. So glad that the floodgates of information is flowing in through U-Tube, I’m so validated. Better late than never, and I can see it’s never going to happen with the narcissistic in my life 😩🥺😢 turn tail and run is where I’m 😂and it’s hilarious at this point. I have greyrock’s in my pocket and use them regularly, great reminder. Peace on your journey, happy summer ☺️😇🙃
Many time's my narc husband has taken things I've shared with him and thrown it in my face as if he sat and thought how broken and disgusting I am and decided to use them to hurt me more.
My mother...used to humiliate me and still does. I always get "tricked" into sharing & then uses my intimate details to broadcast them to others. (Her friends...) Now I know why I have low self-esteem and have hooked up with narcissists as partners because it is familiar. 😭 I love the learning I get here. I can be a safe person. I'd just love to find a mate with the same.
Wow! I just recently was a jerk to someone, and I want to be a safe person. I am going directly to apologize and reassure.
You get it! Dr. C
Me too. That's my plan for tomorrow. Atone. Nine times out of ten, I do okay. But one careless, thoughtless word can undo best of intentions. Lesson: be soooo much more careful. Responsible. This video plus comments were perfectly timed to put me back on track.
I grew up in a family of unsafe people (parents and siblings).
The only safe people that I knew were my grandparents, and I believe that my knowing them and them knowing me, helped me to develop the essential skill of discernment. Being able to discern the safe people from the unsafe is critical in life, in my opinion.
God bless my grandparents. I love them and miss them. ❤️
I did the same. Very toxic family. I trusted the narc and told him my past.
Me, too. I wish mine had lived longer.
Its your turn to share what your grandparents left within you. There's plenty of people feeling unsafe every single day. This is not how life was meant to be.
My Grandmother was my safe person..A good, kind woman xx sadly passed now..
Yes, I understand fully.
The Narc is only open during the love bomb, initial stage of the relationship. Everything you tell them in tender moments, in confidence will be used at a later date to slander and shame you when you disagree with them. Nothing is off the table. You may have left the bread on the counter too smny times, that's enough.
This is exactly what happened at a church of all places. Understanding all this brings healing.
Understand fully!!
One exposes theirselves UNKNOWINGLY to the Narcissist NOT knowing the person is a Narcissist.
They are con artists, They can hoover and charm you, especially the coverts. You wont know you are with a Narcissist until you are deep into a relationship with them. Then you are trauma bonded.
Because your empathetic and honest is all...unfortunately for us their lose somehow becomes our pain and misery...but with help from Dr C I think more people will be much wiser in the future...God's Shalom
@@masterdaveedwards , Amen
Where do I find such a safe person? I never met someone like that in my entire life. I always tried to be someone like that as best as I could and only got exploited and betrayed.
Be the change you wish to see. Has to start somewhere . . might as well be within this community!
Be the example of safe. Like attracts like.
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW Thank you. I try. It only seems to me, the brighter you shine, the darker the shadows that surround you.
Same here
Dito.
Haven't met one yet
It’s Like They Say ,,,,,Hurt People Hurt People 🕊
Yep. Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism
Hurt people feel pain so they shouldn’t hurt other people.
They should avoid causing pain or harm because of they have experienced.
I am hurt but I don’t go out to hurt others.
The Narc choses how to deal with their hurt and they chose to hurt others.
Because they don’t forgive.
Some people who have been hurt try not to make others feel the way they have.
...and free people free people.
@ Meredith Anderson
Exactly!!
Six years of A Horrific Experience I'm a broken devastated woman so stressed trying to find myself again Your videos are comforting I hope I have the strength to live a normal life someday knowing I'm safe Thank You Dr.
I can tell you with certainty that you can be happy again. Keep working with yourself, keep watching such videos, you'll get there, don't give up!
Chelese Selter Hello. You do have the Strength just look inside. Focus on your strength not your hurt. You have the power to reset your focus.
Just for a boost...after spending an exhausting day with a narc sister, I have treated myself alone to a meal in a restaurant just to be treated well by the staff.
Everything you say can and will be used against you when dealing with narcs. I'm the daughter of two narcs. My mother is extra aggressive, high level narc. She used to tell people mean things about me to make them hate me. She liked humiliating me and putting me down because people like me and she hated that. When someone praised me in front of her, she would be nasty towards me later. I don't miss my parents..highly unsafe people. I value myself now enough to refuse contact with cruel people who don't have my best interests at heart. They liked it when I struggled. Even got giddy and laughed. Unsafe narcs are nothing but poison to self esteem. I only let "safe" people near me now. Very protective of my life.
“Calm confidence.” It’s quite a burden when you’re the only one in the family with calm confidence.
Yes it is, but it's better than the alternative. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Absolutely. Never leave home without it!
I never felt safe or secure around my narcissistic ex husband of 29 long years. He would turn his back and abandoned me and my kids at the first sign of what he perceived as adversity or normal human emotions .he always invalidated us and turned what we were going through back onto us and smeared our reputations in the process
Nancy Elizabeth Grady my story too.
I had to listen to the "You deserve better than that" part several times, and it made me cry! There are so many topics that I stopped talk to my mother about because of her bizarre and illogical reactions, I don't have much to say in our phone calls, so she started attacking my personality because I'm not chatty enough.
You don't have much to say because you can't hug a cactus. Makes complete sense why you are quiet with her. You are wise to remain quiet on those topics.
Keep your distance from your mother because it is not your fault that she is the way she is.
All she wants to do is use you for Narcissistic Supply and that is detrimental to your well-being.
Narcissistic people love to divide and conquer. It is all about feeling Superior and having power and control over others.
You cannot have a healthy friendship with this type of person.
Remember, no one gets to pick their parents!! Never blame yourself for things that are not your fault. Develop boundaries and learn how to protect yourself.
Also never never react to anything they say or do. This is all part of the trap! When you react, you feed them. This means no arguing, explaining, confronting, or defending yourself to them.
They will always use your reactions against you.
Be silent and get distance.
Go no contact if you can.
Thank you Dr Carter:
I have walked through
A horror story. Seems there
Are more evil people than
Nice people out here. So
Many narcissist- an epidemic. I am safer alone.
I have a peaceful world.
Good people even scare me
Because I am not used to
That as a child or Adult.
Respect for one another seems to be disappearing.
Praying for all of those that
Still believe and practice
Respect , Dignity, and Civility
For one and another.
I feel you Marsha!
I commit to being a safe person for anyone that comes to me with that need.
Yes, Kimberly! Dr. C
I thought this video was going to be about when the narcissist goes from verbal abuse to physical abuse...this happened to me. He slowly escalated over time into physical abuse after I was so conditioned and broken in spirit.
I hear you. My brother. I was the mouse to his cat. I had physical problems and it brought him great joy to mock, trip and just generally laugh at my physical appearance. What a guy.
@@barbarastrayhorn4667 what a jerk. I don't even think about the ex anymore. I focus on my resurrection instead. With all that is going on in the world, who cares about a stupid narc anyway. Karma will catch up with them.
Mine seemed to write each awful experience I shared with him down to use against me when I wasn't doing exactly what he wanted
Josee Noel I think it's sort of a common technique
@@xino_z , it is common. We think that we are in normal relationships as a team, thus share the most intimate of details only later have that same info used as weapons against us.
I'm crying my eyes out, just from hearing you telling us we are deserving. I'm not sure I've ever had anyone tell me that and I certainly don't feel it. I know I am a safe person for anyone else but I feel damaged for life from narcissistic abuse. I've got so many walls up that I can't let anyone in to let me feel safe with because I'm a narcissist magnet. Dr. Carter, you are my safe place and I'm so sad that I'm half way across the US and cant sit down with you to be counseled. Most days I can "get through" but lately the abusive memories have been creeping back. I feel like I'm wounded for life. Thank you Dr. C for telling us all we are worthy.
You are absolutely right we are wounded though no one can see our scars.
Absolutely and I have to see my Narcissist EVERYDAY at work, I’m so damaged and now my reputation at work is.
Shelly Leah True👍🏻
Retuned your social skills... helps to buffer the injury inflicted... I am in an environment where many individuals are pretty insidious and destroy lives.... You will recover well!
One positive is that we learn from the tough times. Identify your key values and live according to them. I do hope things work out for you. Blessings from New Zealand.
some people who pat you on the back is just looking for a soft spot to put the dagger.
I wish they had taught this in high school. I was raised by unsafe people and I’ve been around unsafe people and it took me a long time to set boundaries with them, all of them including my family and friends. I have learned so much from your videos. Great content and information. Keep up the excellent work.
It would certainly be interesting if data on narcissism was taught in public schools...because the more you learn about narcissism, the more you'll understand the men and women known as 'government'
Grandma Bones for sure. And it would also help expose narcissism, too, weakening its power.
If it were taught in school, we'd learn how to take down the power structure of this backward world. It's not taught to us for a reason!
I used to call this the John Wayne syndrome. It seemed so many from that generation have this attitude as if they're living in a John Wayne movie as the duke himself.
Grandma Bones o
Dr Carter In my opinion, a true narcissist is very dangerous. I think people should be warned not to underestimate a narcissist and to get away from them and not trust them. I had a girlfriend who I believe was murdered by her husband when she became of no use to him any longer. I bet you could agree that a narcissist is capable of murder. It’s always best to safely get away and keep distance. Would you agree? I don’t think they are just emotionally dangerous
Wow that is terrible and I am very sorry to hear that and yeah I totally agree with you about them being dangerous I don't trust a narcissist as far as I can throw them I have an 88 year-old mother who scapegoated me all my life I finally went no contact with her the second time around for good.
The Narc just wants to win! They would do anything to win. They will not stop till they win!
This is the frightening part!!😡
I think my mother murdered my father. And the rest of my 8 siblings sent her off to her death, unknowingly, and with utmost respect. She got away with murder.
The more I study narcissism, the more I know about 'government'.
Faith Talk With Lynne Suszek amen
Just got the "how dare you" lecture a month ago. All because she found out I talked to someone about how I was feeling because the relationship didn't work out. By the time she was done, I felt ashamed that I said anything and felt it was wrong to feel anything at all. I still can't wrap my head around a lot of the things she said.
Brings tears to my eyes to hear the story of the young man.
Sadly I haven't found that safe person to confide in...made my mistakes with narcissists who made me feel so inadequate.
Absolutely a great subject...learning self protection is life changing...
Hi Yvette...make sure to tune into this one...it is one of my most heartfelt videos. I so want people to know they can find safeness, especially when some have proven to be opposite. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism You have NO idea how helpful and relatable I find your information. I am in need of VERY good support and help because I am drained of every ounce of myself and continue to want my estranged, physically, emotionally, verbally, abusive narcissistic husband to make things right. I have always been self confident, outgoing, strong-willed, and carried myself with confidence....now I HATE to leave my home. I am a teacher with a freakin' college degree, very well-rounded, and not naive or gullible, yet I consistently drive myself crazy as to why I just CAN'T BE DONE WITH A MAN SO EVIL! He has killed my personality/spirit and during the week of Christmas last year, almost literally, killed me by choking me in the presence of my 16 year old daughter whom he has helped raise. He is wealthy, has tons of acquaintances, and I am clueless as to how he maintains respect from outsiders.
I'm so ready just to be HAPPY! I've been to counseling, bible studies, prayer, church faithfully, researched, read blogs, and daily take anxiety/depression medication. Surviving Narcissism has been the only source of help that provides me immediate comfort. Financially, nor geographically, is face to face therapy realistic for me, and honestly, none in the past has seemed to address or mesh with my needs. Thank you and your associates for your time and compassion.
@@teeare2367 you are not alone. I am like you - after having been locked out for two days I have decided thats now is the time. after struggling for years with this egoistic, childish, abusive person. Right now I cant see what to miss when he is out of my life. Hopefully. Yes EVIL is the right word to describe these slimy persons. please help us to be strong enough to get out of this hell!
@@teeare2367 Dr. C is the cream of the crop. I encourage you to also source other youtube sites on this subject. Saturate yourself with these answers until you get a solid foothold and then it will be mostly downhill.
There are many of us out here in similar circumstances. Just HOLD ON, it'll eventually be alright. Knoweledge is power.
@@teeare2367 Been there- right down to the xmas from hell...just hang in and learn why you have stuck in there- for me a past narc figure and trauma was the pattern that I could not ignore- look into Lisa Romano, Ross Rosenberg, and Melanie Evans- along w Dr. C they cover it all from why and what they do to why we accepted it- almost always a form of "co-dependency." I have found my true self for the first time and am finally able to say I'm better than before- it is not about them and the trauma bonding can be broken with time and with LOTS of working on yourself- once it is you will be disgusted by their behaviors and they have a way of self imploding in time- just stay in the good fight of reclaiming your own power, respect and self worth above all else. You deserve nothing less. Xo!
The best and only way to deal with a Narcissist person is "No Contact" ever.
I think you are right, unfortunately.
I was nc for three years. Had to be where NM was but thought I had enough healing to deal with it. Don't fool yourself, it never stops.
Vinnie Bozzuto Easier said than done.
macleadg save yourself. It’s not worth getting your mental health trashed. And don’t worry what the narc will do or think, bc they are not in the right realm anyway.
That's one of the most dangerous things about them ‼️😠 When you bear your soul to them ; thinking that you can TRUST them . When you first start out with them . And they pretend to be so interested in you . All under the guise of getting to know you better . But really all they're really doing is " stock piling" your information . To use , control and dominant you later .😤😤😤
Now that my consciousness has been raised: I almost, sometimes, feel I'm living in a narcissist world and have just been awaken. Thank you so very much for your council. It's been a rollacoster ride, I decided to get off at the last stop and be my less-than-perfect self. So liberating!
X
My husband exactly. I say very little to him now.
It's never safe.
John "never"!
I hear you.
Thank you for this. You have no idea how many unsafe, narcissistic therapists there are out there. I could tell you stories that would curl Gus’s hair.
That's why I keep Gus' hair trimmed. Dr. C
Ouch!
My entire family of origin is "unsafe"
Sometimes it seems most of the planet is that way.
Same man
My family of origin is exactly like what you described as the ultimate unsafe person. I do deserve so much more than that. I deserve dignity, respect, and civility.
😊❤️
I want everybody to feel safe and treat everybody the same that's why I'm glad I am with like minded people a d I know I cannot afford to listen to the narcissist who destroys any piece of happiness or dignity I have or feel
As I sit here listening to you Dr. Carter I weep as you describe the last 14 years of my life. The last year after leaving him has been pure hell. He's doing this exact thing to me and my family. He's very troubled and twisted. TY for your videos! Know that everytime I listen to you I feel god has sent you to me to help me through this process and you are a savior through this tunnel of hell.
My narc/sociopath ex and mother each had the trait of finding out information about you and blabbing it to everybody and using it against you.
They use the info to keep you in line and to blackmail you if you step out of their Narc prison.
quote DR C - there are not enough safe ppl out there. how true. this world is not a safe place.
SO hard when it’s a parent. My Nmom would attack me every time I showed vulnerability. That’s when she would accuse me of being crazy or unstable. In fact, those were times I had been victimized and she only piled on and made things worse. She’s in the rearview mirror now, and I’ll never look back. Unfortunately I’m left with trust issues after forty-some years with her and numerous relationships with narcs.
I love, love, love this guy...thank you Dr. Carter for clarifying and bringing home true kindness as a way of life. My new favorite mantra: dignity for all, respect for all, and civility for all, including ourselves.
♡Thank you♡
Yes...DRC Thanks, Laura. Dr. C
A prison of your own doing is built when you repeatedly engage, try to change, try to fight, try to appease disordered people of this particular discussion today. Once you understand this disorder, and if you are able to, you must walk away.
Can we get an Amen! Halleluyah!
But a prison is a prison. If not for warning signs/red flags you may never know ....a covert narc is getting off on any vulnerabilities, weaknesses, or even physical disabilities you may have. All for the ego juice. No contact is the first step, and even if you cannot do that, you have to reach out....you have to reconnect in authentication. Having a tough time, me.
@@lisbethbird8268 No doubt that this is a tough deal; spent decades caught up in this tail chasing crazy making BS. Clearly you can articulate what is going on and that is a good beginning.
Well worded!
@sun beagle...because it can be impossible to believe how self serving petty vindictive and unapologetically destructive and deliberately hurtful a narc can be. We have trouble believing, and want to think it is the wicked witch or the boogeyman we know is just made up scary stories. But these foul hidden disgusting ego juice parasites actually exist, and will take anything they can get.
Yes!!!! Walk away and NEVER turn back!😉
I am crying so hard. I have trusted the wrong people. How do you EVER learn to trust again? These people are horrible and will do all in their power to hurt and harm. I deserve so much more than that!!! I am a good person who goes out of their way to help others and then to have a narc come down on me for the lies in their head is causing mental illness in me. My anxiety and depression is the result of my pastor's narcissism.
Absolutely! I got together with a man I had been very in love with, who I now know is an alcoholic and a narcissist. I had shared with him a very traumatic experience I had had. When I saw him, he was very drunk and very rude. When I didn't respond to him sexually, he told me it was because I was damaged and defective. Actually, it was because he was being a selfish, rude bleep bleep!
At an Alanon meeting I learned they do this! Lucky it was a safe meeting. Its not always, but you can just listen and receive, and share if and when ready
The more I watch, my whole life I have been dealing with narcassit, even some people I call friends.😔 Thank you for saying this Dr. C.💕💕
yes! me too!
Not only unsafe, but you really have to be careful with any piece of information you share with a narcissist. I have seen all kinds of things done with information. (Example: Going to the hospital, Taking time off of work, etc) They will use this kind of information in every which way imaginable.
The more I learn about narcissism, the more I understand 'government'.
Excellent point, @Eric James! I have learned to scrutinize my social media "friends" list for that very reason. Anyone who exhibits tendencies to gossip as well as those who share nothing about themselves but are always lurking in the social media shadows are just collecting tidbits of other people's lives. And heaven only knows how they use them during their gossip sessions. People should never share personal information on social media anyway, in my opinion. Whether these people are definitely narcissists or not is irrelevant to me, as they've proven that they're an unsafe person by their observable actions.
I felt some comfort in your teachings today, thank you
Same here.
Me too
I can't explain in words how deeply this touched me!! I needed to hear this today!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!😘💕🥰🎈
Thanks, this was an especially important topic for me, so I appreciate your words of encouragement. Dr. C
Yeah. I do hope he talks about when the narc triangulates a person with a history of aggression into targeting others. (I had to revise that several times to get to the appropriate level of discretion.)
They can even make an otherwise good person do bad things, ie flying monkeys. HR in the workplace can even fall into this trap.
Narcs treat everybody differently, they all serve different purposes in their scheming sad lives.
@@DavidFraser007 exactly. They are extremely strategic.
@@GaveMeGrace1 Wishing you well!
@@DavidFraser007 Such a good observation I've noticed that myself first when I say supervisors behave so terrible to their subordinates and kindest be to others especially anyone they think they can benefit from.
Needed this one .. the Narc mocked one of the most precious and tragic memories to my heart today.
I've experienced this, people who want to expose your under belly while never exposing their own. Ugh!
Thank you, Dr. C. for this great video.
Unsafe people will never share their mistakes or vulnerabilities - it seems like they are strong people, not having problems. But it's a facade.
I'm one of those people that have made it safe for the narcissist to come out, but they don't. I made a safe environment for my wife for over 20 years. I supported everything and anything she would do without any criticism only to fall short every time and be told I'm no good. The entire time I knew it was her shortcomings and insecurities, but I felt it was her issues not mine. Well if you have a narcissist in your life every issue of theirs becomes yours and all that bad stuff rubs off on you, after 22 years I recognize that this relationship was just completely one-sided. if I brought up any issue whatsoever it would be dismissed belittled name called and every other negative thing you could imagine. It's not okay for me to have any issues
Sorry to hear bro...I feel your pain...hope you get a breakthrough in your soul. Free to be you...finding one safe person is helpful having your wife not that safe person is horrible. May God give you grace in your misery. Shalom Be free...it horrible when it feels like others steal your joy. " Jesus said, the thief has come to steal kill and destroy, but I have come that you might have life more abundantly"
@@masterdaveedwards thanks
Your welcome bro...God's speed
Masterdave Edwards
Yes!!!! 🙌🏻✨Perfectly said!!! Thank U for bringing the light and compassion to this comment section as it is surely needed.
Be Blessed~ 🌬🙏🏻💗☺️✌🏻
@@whisperingwind7730 thanks whispering wind...I'm definitely in recovery myself
When you get 5 Steps Ahead 🕊
A safe person allows you to say they made you feel unsafe without turning it around on you!!
I "deserve" dignity, respect and civility? That's hard to comprehend.
No narcissist is safe
They Paint Themselves In A Corner 🕊
Yes, the worst crime any narcissist can commit and they love to do it. Excellent video Dr. C, thank you for this.
I just am coming out of a relationship that in short I dated a man almost exactly like the man from sleeping with the enemy. He beat me, and emotionally destroyed me until there was nothing left. He would do exactly what you talked about and would use whatever I would tell him against me. I felt bonded to him because he would threaten to do the most outrageous things to destroy me and my career. I've never felt more at peace since hes been out of my life.. thank you for the videos.
Thank you for all the videos , I have been married to an Narcissist for 43 years, I always thought something was wrong with me, now I have started pulling away and not sure if I can support myself but I opened my own bank accounts and started the process. I am scared but keeping strong at the same time
What if you have had Narcissists in and out your life and never knew it. And because of it , you have been conditioned to think it's normal behavior ....
I made to think it was in the wrong and they were perfect
That's how they groom you to accept Narcissistic abuse. And stay in the hellish cycle with them. They normalize un acceptable abusive behavior.
Bill I would guess that is how most people are - oblivious to what is actually going on. Gas-lighting is the narcs norm, and to make you think you are crazy, and that you need them to make everything alright. Their insanity becomes yours.
@@chinookvalley Thankyou validation .. I thought I was losing my mind.. Until I came upon this doctor , I had no Idea Narcissism was a real mental condition.. I always thought it was an insult referring to vanity. I know I'm the last person who should try diagnosing anyone. But I watch the Doc and everything he posts is dead on. I have been conditioned since childhood to believe that in any type relationship it requires surrendering my sense of self, If I didn't I was selfish.
This hits home for me. Safety and trust are my main issues. I grew up with the opposite of "safe people" at home as an only child of two narcs. Mom is a high level narc and dad is similar but less hysterical. I used to cling to "safe" teachers at school because they were nice to me. Nothing in the world was or is more important to me than being around safe people. When I was taken away from my parents due to their abusiveness at 16 mom tried blaming everything on me. She couldn't manipulate the authorities to hate me like she did..she hated being a mother and told me she hadn't wanted me. It interrupted her Montessori teacher training. She is evil in the flesh, even at 80 now. My teachers had me taken away and hated her. My therapists have always hated her. And dad, for not caring. He is an insecure, hateful and arrogant man who takes pride in being mean and cruel. The older he gets, the more vicious he becomes. He wants me to die.
I spent many years looking for people to love and accept me. I kept choosing narcissists as partners and I moved out of state so it was hard to maintain long distance friendships so I always had a therapist. That was..and still is..my safe person to turn to. When you have no one else to turn to or love, it helps to have a stable, healthy person that has your back no matter what. This is normal for many. Not for me. I had great friends but they all lost touch and moved away. I've made new ones now through my career, so life is better now. But deep down that hated, abused child cries out for safety. So I trust myself to screen carefully who I let into my inner circle. My parents aren't on that list but I will briefly talk to them if they (very rarely) visit (I make no effort to know them otherwise). I see them for who they are now and have boundaries / only associate with those who show kindness and respect in return. Life goes on. I may have big some scars but am just fine nonetheless.
One of my favorite sayings to young healthcare workers when mentoring is that "People ( patients) don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. " .
As far as narcicissts , if they are in your life for a long time they can bring stuff up from 25-30 years ago . This proves their forgetfulness is fake. If they legitimately forget, it's probably because their mind is full of decades of insignificant tab keeping. It seems they can bring up so much stuff that is not useful for anything other then for them to bring up later. They know that what you hear over and over will condition your mind to automatically think those things.
If you have been under the unwanted influence of a narcicisst targeting you then you have to cut off communication. It silences those horrible influences . You must use that time to start telling yourself powerful affirmations - take back your mind!
Thank you, Dr
You have helped me so much in my understanding of “why things are the way they are”.
NOT my fault.
It should be said that there is a difference in the true “Nar. Disorder” and just having narcissistic character traits.
I think it is hard to tell the difference in many cases, but
discernment and self-care is definitely needed when in relationship with either one.
So pleased! Dr. C
This is a video I needed to listen to right now. Thank you Dr. C. 7:00 "won't share their own vulnerabilities" and 9:47 "principles are secondary to love" particularly resonated with me.
I'm finally got out of a marriage this year....alive...he always told me he knew where abandoned wells were. I honestly thought I would only get out by death at his hands. BUT this year....he found new excellent supply...Praise God....and I'm divorced, free, Alive and extremely happy!!!
They are dangerous people....I call him the chameleon bc he changes his colors to meet the personality needed for the situation. His family was shocked to learn who he really is this year.
Dr Carter you have pin pointed the exact. I had kept this to myself for a long time but now I will never let anyone walk all over me again. This has now taught me to be more cautious when inter acting with people. Experience with just one narcissistic person can change an individual's whole prospective. Best regards
Back away...
Reeeeaaal slow....
And when ya lost eye contact placating the narc.
Run ..
Be sure your safety and kids safety are legit
Wow. Awesome video. My dad died when i was 5 years old, my mom was always gone to work, i didn't really get a quality talk like this from anyone... so this video gave me a sense of structure what a safe relationship is and what to expect. This made me cry...really touched me. Thank you very much doctor. I love you more. God bless you more.
I have nothing to hide in my life ,I'm to the point that whatever they want to say about me that's ok with me ,I have dignity respect stability. I have self Love ! I thank the narcissistic for showing me the way not to be !
13 days sober + no contact with any narcs or FM's. DIGNITY RESPECT AND CIVILITY + NOW CONSCIOUS thanks to you all. 🏴
Stay with it, Cara. Dr. C
I would love for you to do a series about being a clinical psychologist.. your journey.. the tools and routines you’ve used to maintain success.. your personal mental heath regimen.. pros and cons.. Myself and some many others would really appreciate it! 😊
Let me think that through! Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism I also posted this comment on your personal channel, Dr. Les Carter.. if not this channel than maybe that channel! Either way, I'd be grateful! ☺
Absolutely true. Calm confidence, now that’s powerful!! I will tuck that away in my head & heart & rely on that daily. Much thanks!
It helps if you can deal from a position of strength with narcissists. "And no throwing me under the bus" works well when said to an unsafe person.
This exactly describes the abuse what is safe person does and a Narcissist gets for abuse.
Thanks, Dr. C. I feel like I need to watch this over and over again. I feel wounded and confused by someone in my life who I thought cared about me and turned out to be very unsafe and then blamed me for that. This video helps me to touch in with that softer part of myself, before the confusion, and tenderly feel that yes, we all deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, and compassion. I have no idea how to give that to this other person now in face of all the untruths and surprise attacks, so I have simply pulled away to give this to myself for now. Perhaps I can grow significantly enough to someday feel and be able to treat this person with drc, too, once again.
Reminds me of what I heard from an AA counselor. He said, "You are not here to be comforted, to be loved, or to be understood, you are here to love, to comfort and to understand". Thanks again Dr. C.
Yes. Being a safe space, and finding a safe place- is the key that unlocks the door to healing.
I felt very used by the narcissist. I didn't realize that i was a "supply." I regret the day 25 years ago when i allowed her to move into my home. If it wasn't for my concern for my son i would have never allowed her in. They and their 5 children are still here in my home but because of
Dr Carter i am healthy again. He opened my eyes and made me realize that i am a decent worthy
person and taught me how to survive even with all the hate directed at me by the narcissist.
This was such a beautiful message ❤️. Thank you
Thank you for sharing , this was a very educational video and really helped me understand a lot since i have a 88 year old narcissist mother who still is going at it ,whom i have went no contact with, it helped me understand exactly how vulnerable I was all those years growing up and into my adulthood how she used every little thing that she observed about me against me I was the scapegoat out of 7 siblings.
Your WISDOM is greatly appreciated, comforting and enlightening.
I have the habit of pushing away or weighing too much on the shoulders of people who I thought were safe. The sad part was, some of them were, they just couldn't listen to me constantly, and because I was so crippled inside, I never changed fast enough in time.
I’ve watched so many of your videos, Dr Carter, and learned a great deal about my relationship with my toxic daughters. This is the first time I’ve been reduced to tears of gratitude. I’ve just lost my much-loved mother, after an ugly battle with cancer, and all through Mum’s illness I endured abuse from these girls. And I’ve taken it as my due because I’m a recovering alcoholic and was an “absent mother” at times. The guilt has been overwhelming at times. Combine this with the pain of seeing my mum dying and I’ve hurt like nothing before.
To be told that, despite my alcoholism, I deserve Dignity, Respect and Civility has the tears pouring from me.
Thank you 🙏
Yes, DRC is what you deserve. Live into it...and thanks for sharing. Dr. C
Thank You Dr. Carter. Always looking forward to listen to your podcasts. You helped me so much. Bless you.
the word failed hugged at something in me..it's like if this cloud wasn't still raining on my parade your words could reach me even deeper.
Committed to being a safe person to anyone who crosses my path. 😊 Wonderful video Dr. C. !!
Yes, he uses my younger son as his Scape Goat!
Sometimes the safe place is the only place...
God has blessed you and me when I found you!
Narc and empaths are what every movie is all about.Two people who are fighting for what is right according to them.