After I started divorce proceedings, my now ex husband said, I must tell you I never did love you. My response really threw him off. I said that’s okay, I know I went into this with the right intentions and I loved you. But as I know you didn’t ever love me, it makes how all this turned out (the divorce) all that much easier and a good thing, so thanks for telling me that. My calmness and resolute demeanor infuriated him. He wanted his words to destroy me, instead, they set me free.
I responded same... I had honest intensions and do well!! And now I am just living alone after two years of abuse and contol... I just am at peace and don't engage!
Why are there so many these days? It’s an epidemic. I was married to a narcissist for 47 years. It nearly killed my spirit. In the end he left me for a woman 23 years younger and during the divorce I found out nearly all the money was gone. I’m struggling financially and still working full time at age 70. I’ve never been happier in my life.
I'm 66 and my 71 year old ex, after 33 yrs of marriage, has a woman in her 20s or 30s chasing after him with giddy delight. He gave me the silent treatment for decades, claiming he couldn't hear me. But he sure hears her when she talks at him while his back is turned. He turns around to talk to her. He would turn away when I spoke to him.
@@wms72 Oh, don't worry. she's giddy now, but she'll wake up and walk out. I've seen it before. You'll get the last laugh, but by then you could care less!! When he wants to come crawling back, give him the silent treatment!
Women in your lives to make you uncomfortable making sounds comfortable think you're entitled to anything and everything that's not you own shit that's sentamenal to you Stealing your life from you and nothing is going to happen to them for doing the thing they did to you
Yes inDAMNDEED. He went and spent the night with another woman. I never slept with him and denied him moving in with me in my new home. So, he is acting out now. I could care less. He told me not to text him anymore and he didn't want to be friends. I said no problem. Dueces. Tatrums.
Mine first threatened me, then when I started dating an old friend threatened him, then when I got married and moved 2000 miles across country he drove cross country and stalked me...then once he knew I had seen him he left because he had no money of course.
narcissists will pick arguments, then accuse you of starting the argument, they'll even go as far as to accuse you of being a narcissist, they'll twist and distort and take everything you've said out of context.
My ex Narc contacted me after 13 years, 2 days ago,p. He has hit bottom, is literally dying, and feels everything he’s touched since has gone to shit, that he loves me, wants to be friends again now but only if we can never talk about “it”, the past. I told him I loved him and wanted to be friends but that was not a good way forward for me. That it would never work and would be taking a step back 13 years. He immediately went into a rage, “you think it’s all about you” etc…”people tried to warn me about you”, “nobody likes you” , everything he said 13 years ago while he was being a mean drunk. So then I told him I couldn’t be around him if he was drinking anymore because he always verbally abuses me, and again, cuz I’m a judgmental bitch, etc…I can’t believe it only took him 2 minutes to explode again at me after 13 years of no communication. Thinks I’ve cursed him into loneliness because I said he would die old and lonely 13 years ago. It didn’t take a psychic reading. He’s now dying old and lonely and he thinks it’s my fault. See how tricky and manipulative they are? Yep, a no win situation, yet they accuse you of being the game player that has to win. Aargh! These vids sure help!
I just watched this happen while he was playing video games with our son. He provoked a response and got mad at our son for getting frustrated. It was awful.
My ex did all that. I would be having a good day and then he would throw some off the wall accusation at me. "Why did you do such and such?" And I'd reply that I didn't do that. Then the argument would escalate I to him calling me names, accusing me of being toxic and a narcissist and a pathological liar.
Yes I was always aware of the evil, Dont let the cold world in, never did! Just couldn't avoid getting involved with a narc, but had the strength to walk away and staying away. They will suck our essence away. Stay strong, take care! Stay happy inside!
@R C Yes, so true, hard to believe how ruthless they are. I doubt if science will ever find a cause for their seeming disregard of feelings and life forms. But, perhaps too many of us trust too easily and we need to step back at times and think first.
I am just discovering this is what I have been dealing with for years. I am so thankful to have found these video's. I do not see what I am going through addressed by anyone. When I pulled back and started ignoring him for my own sanity, he started distroying ll my clothing by putting spots of oil on the front or food stains, look like he is rubbing the soles of his shoes on the sleeves, pickinng holes in the material that run when i wash them, cutting seams open...i found he has an exacto knife. I took it, he found it, and things got worse. My hair is so thinning from whatever he is putting in my shampoo that thickens it. i have to buy it constantly and hide it but he finds it. ther is so much more but now I know it is not me at least! 75 in jan, no family that bothers with me, no friends, isolated basically to my bedroom to keep watch ovr my things. does anyone else experience this type of behavior? Thank you for sharing your stories for us 'newbies' and God bless and protect you all. Sorry for the mistakes my keys are sticking.
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 I am just discovering all this and while it has connected alot of dots for me, it is shocking the hell out of me! I can actually step back and watch him act out in this behavior! And he always blamed me for everything!
Yes Valarie that's very true. But if you were good to them. They are going to miss us very much. Although when I walked Away from my girlfriend of 15 years and I Dumped her. She said your going to miss me. She is right I do miss her because my feelings for her were real while hers were not for me. There's a flip side to that coin she will miss me. I was real while she is a Narcissist.
They dont love their lovers. They love the narcissistic supply that their lover/ex gave them. And that is what they will miss, nothing else. A narc will replace you soooo quickly, it is almost funny watching them
Hi Valerie, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Actually I don't think they do believe that. What they think is "How dare you as my victim walk away from me, thus implying that I am the bad guy in this." which when you think about it is logically self-contradictory, but that is these people all over - self-contradictory and full of shit.
Hi wms72, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Mines wanted the divorce, but played it as if he wanted it to work.2 weeks after signing the divorce papers my kid informed me he was posting he new soul mate. My blessing 100%
I was married to a Narcissist for 58 years. Having led a very sheltered life, I married at age 19 and It only took about 2 months for me to realize that I had made a huge mistake and that in fact, the person I fell in love with never existed at all!! But being as young and naive as I was, I thought I could make it work and proceeded to have four, beautiful children which I raised more-or-less on my own, as their Father was emotionally absent and was of the opinion that the raising of the children was not his job. It wasn’t until more than 25 years into the marriage, which continued to become more and more difficult with time, that I heard the word Narcissist and began to educate myself via videos like this one. I read everything I could get my hands on and was most flattered to learn that I had been doing the right thing all along using only my intuition!! As an only child, there was no way I could leave him - I had nowhere to go and by that time I was too old to support myself. When he retired and was at home 24/7 things got a lot worse. He began to try to micro- manage me and to put me down in front of others and in public. I think this might have been because he realized I was onto his game and refusing to play it any more. He was losing control and reacted with more narcissistic rage than ever!! I even had to call the cops for him one night, as there were signs that he was getting physical. He was at the door all dressed up to meet them on their arrival, while I sat quietly on the couch and waited to be questioned. The cops saw right through the whole scene and warned him that two more calls of that nature and the City would file charges. It was the best thing I ever did, because that scared him to where he was very careful about what he did after that. His health began to decline (he was a diabetic) and it seemed as though he just imploded after that. I stood my ground, and the minute he began to throw one of his tantrums I would remove myself, go upstairs to my room (he moved out of the bedroom years earlier) and lock my door. By this time the kids were all grown and gone, thank goodness, so I looked after him until he passed away 10 months ago. But I remained aloof emotionally and felt only relief when he died. My reason for sharing my story is to prove than you CAN distance yourself even if you can’t leave for whatever reason(s). It takes strength and courage, but it can be done and you will come out of it stronger for the experience. You might ask why I am still watching these videos now that he is gone: for the sheer joy of validation!! It feels so good to know that I did the right thing and came out on top!! Not only was I the victim of emotional abuse for years, but of financial abuse as well. Money was his God, but he couldn’t take it with him and now I am comfortably taken care of, so it paid off in the long run. Thank you for your videos!! Knowledge is power and I often pass them along to others who I think would benefit from listening to your advice. As a matter of fact, I often find myself shaking my head in agreement of many of the things you are saying!! Validation can be as satisfying as revenge!! Ok
you are a very strong woman, I'm happy you did not got sick through out the years from stress and trauma emotionally. I read your whole story. Please enjoy a healthy life Physically and emotionally, life is beautiful :)
Your story is encouraging coz even I am in a situation where I cannot go no contact. Yes it takes plenty of courage to stand one's ground. You should have gone through plenty of sufferings.
Lakshmi Dev you have NO idea!! But I was determined not to let him get the better of me. I would just walk away when he started his crap. I had to learn not to react to all the abuse, because that was what he fed on, so I would host ignore him and not say a word. That was the hardest thing, and I have to confess every once in a while I would lose my temper and lash back at him. A few times I was able to win the argument by adopting some of his own techniques and that really threw him for a loop. But the sad part of all this is that he absorbed 58 years of my life that I could have shared and been happy with someone else, so I am urging those of you that are able to get out, to go as soon as you can and don’t waste you life on someone who does not appreciate you!! You deserve more than that!!
Hi Rhubarb 68, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends?? Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.
The only people that wanna be around them is people just like them. Notice how no sane person wanna be with or anywhere around them. It’s hard when they’re a obsessed stalker. You can’t really avoid them like that.
@@1286cassandra Because we are indeed sick. In most cases a shitty family results into turning you into a victim, even if you don't realize it. And then we start to subconsiously choose this shit by ourselves.
@@tirsden so true. I don’t know what hurts worse being so naive in believing the bull for 30 years. Or now that you I see through everything and it’s absolutely in my face the painful reality.
Common traits of a narc: Unable to move forward Unable to take responsibility for their role Unable to learn from their mistakes Unable to process what other people feel at all Unable to be humble Unable to be fair minded or objective Unable to take off their mask Unable to drop shame based thinking Unable to manage ambiguity Unable to be diplomatic
I didn't give mine any warning, since I knew from experience that discussing issues with them doesn't work, so I just cut ties, no explanation, no talking, just leaving
I packed up and left while he was at work. His rages were getting very scary. I didn’t feel safe any more- the stress was affecting my health. I’m so grateful to my therapist, and for these videos. I’m worth the work!
Hi Kathy Gum, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends?? Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.
Yes, narcissists are completely shocked when you pull away from them and try to move on with your life. They often immediately react with anger and a feeling of complete betrayal.
Yes. My narc ex lied to me, stole from me, acted like he was my intellectual and moral superior, gaslit me and probably cheated on me (never knew for sure, but honestly don't care much now) and then was completely gobsmacked when I broke up with him. Not being married or living together made it much easier to cut him out. He told me that I wouldn't find anybody else who would love me. My ( not narcissist)now husband thinks that's very funny.
Spot on! They make more phone calls 🤣😂 to your family members more than you do! They run a football commentary to your close friends and family members just to discredit you! Do not buy it! Have Self love for yourself! Be very confident of yourself! The day you lose your confidence the Narcissist wins
@@davidoaikhena4380 when mine moved out, he went straight to my brother's house (and lived there for a couple of weeks)! I couldn't believe it. I left it alone (no contact). It didn't take long for his true colors to show. My sister-in-law put him up in a studio apt at a complex she managed. Within a few months, he burned all of those bridges and my family and I got stronger. I know that isn't always the case and I am grateful. I also know that it took staying out of it and letting them figure it out. If I had kept the drama going by trying to convince them of his ways, it just would've been used to manipulate me and provide supply. This was in March 2018; he since has lived in 4 different places, our divorce was finalized, he got married to a girl young enough to be our daughter, he beat her up, got arrested for dv, and is now in the process of divorce (this is his third-he is only 38 yrs old). I'm so glad I got out when I did even though it took me 8 yrs to do it and a lot of legal fees.
Yes. Don't give a crap with the smear campaign. We know different. We love ourselves which is like acid running in their veins. Be safe ppl. Get away. It's a hard road but easier than living with The Devil's Mules. Love thyself, be kind to yourself.
29th Dec 2018, I got my coat on, got my dog on his lead and turned to my wife and her family and told them. "I'm done with the lot of you." and I left only to return for my stuff a few days later. Filed for divorce and moved on and it's one of the best decisions I ever made. I got out of a living hell and back to normality.
I was adopted and raised by a narcissistic grandmother who was grooming me to be her full-time caregiver for the rest of her life. I found my way out by joining the military, and she lost it. One of the most memorable quotes was "Who's going to clean the house?!" I replied "It's your house, so I image it will be you." Later, she took credit for my decision to join the military, and then sought attention for it.
Breaking up with a narcissist is a whole lot of asking the question in your mind, “why the hell do you act like this and treat me so badly, if what you want is to be close to me?” I will never, never understand why they choose to be so damn nasty, invalidate you, put you down at every single opportunity, and then are surprised when you don’t want to even be around them. They expect you to still want to be around them. It’s crazy making and twisted!
@@anyways661 they will talk to you everyday about why you should be sort of together and you go around and around, until you realize they won't change. I tried so hard. I understand now. Never argue or justify to a narc. they dont care and like to see others uncomfortable. it is exciting and desirble, like a killer who make you beg for your life. they get off on it.
They are really bummed out that you wont be their chew toy anymore!! Honest I think that's what's really going on here! Only one thing worse, when the chew toy starts chewing on the narc!!!🤣🤣🤣
Its bc their own stuck big fat ego they need to punnish you for having natural growth, flow and free will. They hate you for being just fine without them.
Expect any or all of the following: 1) they become vindictive 2) they try to hurt you in every possible way they can think of - can be everything from ghosting, to a full barrage whenever you see that other person, to returning your gifts, etc 3) they will try to turn others against you 4) Following from #3, expect to lose people you once thought were friends. It will suck but on the flipside it could be silver lining because you now know who the fake ones are
Yeap! My nar on the job started her smear campaign when I started to grey rock her. I just ignore her, show no emotion and she looks like she loosing her mind. I looked at her one day and she look like she was about to cry. Like she was having a break down because she has no more control and I know she knows it.
Number 3: Oooohhhh yeaahhhh.....best cure for this one, besides ignoring it, is TIME. Be in it for the long game and you will see the end product of their way of living.🤯🤯🤯ooo, not pretty to watch.
You can’t break up with a narcissist. You have to block/delete or change your phone number and move house. That worked for me once I realised what was happening.
Especially when they're a family member, such as what I had to do with my 41-yo daughter. Fortunately, she lives in Montreal, Canada, and I live in the United States. Their border is closed thanks to COVID, so she can't come here. I closed my email address (what a pain as I had had it for almost 15 years), and opened a new one with a completely new service, completely new name (nothing like the previous one), and just closed the door on her, entirely. She can't call me as my phone services (cell and land) won't allow international calls. I'm at peace for the first time with her in 30 years.
No, you have to let your brother or whoever deal with them in the first place like they wanted to. Don't bother w court. They act like you have nothing else to do, even after they have a RECORD of abuse (find that out when you get there) Personally, I've lived here 45 years. I'm going nowhere. My house.
I’ve had to block and remove the last narcissist from my life after the smear campaign.I wasn’t in a relationship but friendship with this person. Also had to block her flying monkeys as well.
“When a man (or woman) first show you their true colours, stop trying to paint new pictures of them”: But, it’s VITAL to be 100% aware of just how dangerous they can be as an ‘injured’ narcissist!
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks luke 6:45 when they tell you vile and things that may have you thinking "Did she really say that" don't disregard when the one sided fight or argument is over. They meant what they told You so don't try to fix it in your head
@@predator-hunter-31 I have only just seen your reply. Yes, this is so true! I grew up with my mum who had NPD and OCD then one of my sisters developed both traits, or genetic trait too. It made for one dysfunctional childhood. 😱😱😱
OR! They think they are the most humorous people on the planet. They WILL laugh at themselves, and share the silly things they do, but it’s only for validation, to show others “see I can laugh, and joke, too!”
Absolutely. I've had to deal with one where it became difficult to to even say no to a cup of coffee, she would seethe with anger wouldn't take no for an answer for anything, expected you to take part in everything she would do. Extreme controlling. The only way to say no was to come across as rude,after the fifth time of politely refusing a coffee or piece of cake I'd have to say No I will not have do not ask me again. That's just the small stuff of course. Knots of anxiety even in small interactions.
I find that taking the damn refreshment and letting it sit there says all it needs to. They can sort out what that might mean after you've left. They might fabricate a ridiculous reason, but they'll probably think twice about feeding you next time. I come from a Latino family and fullness isn't well understood with them. They'll adjust your portions after enough wasted plates.
True that! Mines at work can't asking me do I want something when she would go out to get food. I always said no thank you or just no. she got to the point that even when she brought the food back she would get in my face and say here take some. I constantly would say no, or no thank you. I think she has given up but it seemed to be a narcissistic injury just by saying no thank you when they ask you to have something. I love it!!!
Hi Pamela, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Don't fret over the loss of a relationship with one of these things. They are as close to evil as it is possible to get and they never, repeat NEVER, gave a damn about you. Go and live your lives and be grateful you survived. Some people don't.
My dear friend died this year of an overdose and I got in contact with his girlfriend after the funeral. Oh boy she's a manipulative piece of shit and probably a covert narc. He never talked good about his girlfriend but I still couldn't even imagine what his life was like. I feel ashamed because I was partly responsible for them getting together. I always wondered why his drug problems got worse when he met his girlfriend. Now I know... sadly it was too late.
I could not leave. I was owned. They were wealthy & I was physically abducted everytime when I attempted to leave. Finally they are both gone. I am very fragmented & every day is about me trying to fix my fractured mind. I pray that CPTSD symptoms can settle down so I can breathe & relax. One year & 5 months gone & I am still on high alert constantly. The more dangerous the Narcs are, the more willing they are to turn to criminal behaviors to exert a high level of control over you.
She selected me. She spent 2 years trying to convince me she was something she wasn't. I became committed to her, and once she recognized this, she wanted to change me. When she finally realized she could not manipulate me to accept her narcissistic mindset and I pulled away, she simply treated me as her enemy. It's important to recognize that they were never the people they presented themselves to be. They always saw you as the enemy. They only seek you out because they envy your genuine qualities, of which they have none. They don't want you; they want what you have. Just know that the narcissist seeking you out is validation of your valuable qualities. Make sure to only give your gifts to people who deserve them.
Man this is almost exactly how mine was. Constantly telling me I'm wrong about everything and then a day or two later being like, maybe you were right, the next day or two I was wrong again about the same thing. She wanted me then she hated me everyday was a different feeling...
you are so right..it happened to me but with a female new friend and im a female...she wasn't genuine..also happens with men who aren't genuine and they project ..I also selected someone but he didnt want me..I wouldnt have changed him..so I see that he changed his appearance since he found someone new..but then some friends told me he had a superior look on his photo and I feel its not really who is he is..but then why would he show himself as superior ..sometimes they are people with a superior look that you. see its real but sometimes you sense its fake..dont know if you see what I mean..but then maybe pulling a fake superior persona may be a red flag
The amazing thing is they accuse you of being the worst person in the world while demanding that you're attacking them. It's insane. And, they never give up the ghost. A year later she's still pouring poison in people's ears about me. I just hope she gets a new focus, but then I pity the man who stumbles into her web of projections. Wow! Narcissistic rage is such a perfect description of her personality.
The NS I was with tried to put his life time brand on me so I knew he would never leave so I left him... The only thing I needed to mend was an explosive temper I had developed towards all his typical NS behavior...... I was aware that he was trying to manipulate my entire mindset and life but I also saw he loved it when he hit that last nerve in me that made me explode..... It became very tiresome to be on the lookout for his every manipulative daily move against me.... I am IRISH so I have been tough my whole life and always bounced back when life knocked me down and I was determined I was not going to let this demon possess me and yes there was battle scars but life goes on once the demon is gone !!
I broke up with my narc ex and he did the usual stalking, calling, bombing, scolding, followed by occassional hoovering as I moved on with my life. A few years later he called me and insisted that he broke up with me, but was willing to forgive me and take me back. I decided not to challenge that and just refused to see him. I just about died laughing after hanging up and soon after that I got a new phone number. Haven't talked to him since then, though he has tried to hoover me through my brother and sent me a friend request, which I blocked, on social media (despite the fact that my profile clearly states that I am now married).
1) They don’t know how to move forward in a healthy way (reconcile, empathize) 2) Unable to accept responsibility for their role and problems 3) Unable to learn from their mistakes 4) Unable to process what I feel at all 5) Unable to be humble 6) Unable to be fair minded or objective 7) Unable to take off the mask 8) Can’t drop shame based thinking “I am free, I’m competent, I’m responsible, I am reasonable, I’m going to live into my intrinsic value.” Dr. C and I are on “Team Healthy!”
It’s so liberating that this condition is becoming so well acknowledged now. I am sad to think that there must be so many people over the years labelled with various mental health conditions when in fact they were victims of a narcissistic relationship.
My dad took me to therapists as if there was something wrong with me, and he had been a narcissist, emotionally abusive the whole time. and no therapist ever caught that
A narcissist favorite reply when you catch them lying "YOU'RE CRAZY." Same answer if you go on a date with one and ask " what happened to your last relationship? " Their response? " OH HE / SHE WAS CRAZY!"
I'm 18 days out. I'm homeless now. I'm not a young woman anymore but I am strong. I had left this family member before but I found out I needed shoulder replacement surgery and went back. I didn't know the term covert narcissist I just knew I was being treated badly, disrespected and always having to deal with drama. I also found out l am an Empath. I am learning to put me first and to give myself the love l gave to others. I'm still a little afraid because l saw the true evil this time. I am NO CONTACT and shall remain that way until I die. Needless to say I can't have surgery right now but at least I don't live in hell.
Look at least you are free and preserve your sanity . Well done to you and put all your energy to find work , stability and at the end you will be able to afford your surgery ! It’s possible, I believe In you . Baby steps at the time but it’s all so worth it !!
The worst Narcissist is the one that treats you badly but pretends he is doing no wrong and cannot understand what you are making a fuss about. Very demoralising. Punishments are done so subtly making it seem normal nothing is wrong but you know you are being punished. I am no longer under their spell I free of them but listening to you gives me a sense of calm and understanding because in the past when I talked about my experience I felt the listeners' I was communicating with did not get what I was trying to say.
Hi Florie, I have almost the exact experience. It is frustrating when they will not admit their wrong doing and then on top of that punish you on the side. You can feel very much on your own with no one understanding. I now know my family are just pretending not to understand due to the fact they are all working together !
Florie...you are right about people "not getting what you say about your experience"...it is very difficult for people to understand this kind of abuse unless they have lived it! They are mere words to them!
When you said "being with someone who's like that creates misery in you", that truly resonated with me. The heartache and pain I endured was at times unbearable. I would feel so sick from being brokenhearted.
You are so right about the pain of a broken heart because for eight years I was so hurt and confused but then I wised up to his ways and I was able to mentally protect myself against his deceptions until I was able to escape...... God bless all the survivors ♥️
oh boy, i feel you. I am igning both hands under that. My story was awful too. I hate being in that "club" and feel sorry for each member, such shouldnt exist at all.
Yes I can relate to that also.. I would think its got to be me.. It is me.. Is it Then except that is was.. The same insults etc. Would be thrown at me, lies also 😢💔😩
The ex narcissist attacked me when I rejected him for the final time. He then said “I know you love me, why did you wanna make me so angry” It was a 3 hour ordeal. He’s in jail now
When I was leaving the narcissistic relationship my ex said, "Nobody is going to put up with you the way I have, because you are not the nicest person." Never saying Sorry, never admitting to being in the wrong.
Lmao, i said something similar except my ex was a crazy abusive narc boarderline who used people for her own validation and never meant a single apology and would gaslight me at every opportunity she had, pretended to love me but in the end really didn't give a shit about me, and certainly never appreciated me being there for her when she would split and go off the deep end, lmao.... ill never date again...
@@analogaudiorules1724 I believe everything you stated, I was so called friends with a borderline/ narcissists woman and she seemed like she was doing Satan's work. She has destroyed 4 kid's fathers and an ex husband she's insane.
One of the hardest things for me is that I'm so banged up mentally after 12 years of being with a narcissist that I'm even questioning if it's not ME that's a narcissist. It's so, so hard.
Mark, I will chime in on your experience. Being a man, I have hung in there for a while, living up to my sense of responsibility. All the while my life was being diminished. I have been accused - falsely- of everything my narc is. I have questioned myself often. However, in the midst of that questioning I have always seen the truth, too. It's not me. Now I am in a season of breaking away. I know most will be fooled by her shenanigans, but I refuse to be. God knows me. He knows my life. He knows my cooperation with his will in my life. He knows my walk of maturing with him. He knows my willingness to grow. So, guess what? I'm good. My narc does not control me and I'm done. I hope that little testimony encourages you. Stand. Leave if you must. Rebuild. Move on.
Abuse is abuse period. When they abuse you verbally by raging at you psychologically by gaslighting you or physically Never ask yourself what you did to deserved to be treated that way. NEVER. Even if you made a mistake and the person is hurt, there are constructive ways to solve the issues. If every difficulties were solved through violence the world would be a complete mess. So no matter what you did you still deserved to be respected never accept that someone abuse you just because you made a mistake.
Mine bought a beamer and then proceeded to tell me we were going to buy a half million dollar house and I needed to quit college and get a real job in order to contribute to this "goal." No contact 1 1/2 years. Legal battle ongoing and awaiting divorce papers with joy. Soon I will be completely free of this man and everyday away from him is pure bliss!
@@kc8449 " this goal" ? I think he was trying to get you to bit like a fish on his hook. Didn't you mean "His Goal," for him. YOU ARE ONLY HIS SUPPLIER..TO SUPPLY HIS DREAMS AND HIS EXPECTATIONS. WHOSE IDEAS ARE THES ANYWAY ? YOU WENT ALONG FOR A RIDE TO THE UNKNOWN WITHOUT A PLAN.
When you finally say "no more" draw that hard boundary and hold to it you may hear: Why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much? I don't understand why we cant work it out. A mixture of making you the villain/the narc playing the victim AND trying to flatter and shame you. Making promises to give you everything you've been asking for (just to be treated with respect!) I'm really sorry I love you You owe me Blah blah blah It's all attempted manipulation.
65 narcissists hated this video. Splendid video, such a clear and concise explanation and no doubt extremely useful to many. Thanks very much, Dr. Les!
I believe my sister is a narcissist. She’s always blaming others for her problems. It’s never her fault. She’s got other issues but she clearly needs help.
I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again, and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back, after much begging, but all to no avail. and she confirmed it that she has made her decision, and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening, as i was coming back from work ,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina @gmail .com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina @ gmail. com or call/whatsapp +2348139182295 prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as: genetic battle spell to kill or destroy your enemy promotion spells win lottery dealing narcissist spell Avenge someone Spell to someone and many more
After my husband was arrested, I filed for divorce right away, and I never willingly talked to him again. I refused to meet with him during the divorce and give him an opportunity to give all of us "his side" of the story. My attorney thought I was being harsh. But I just told him, that there was no point. All he wanted to do was get me in a corner so he could rant and rave. And that is the magic of divorce. I don't have to have those conversations anymore. Nope. Done.
My narc ex didn't get a chance to throw his tantrum. I discarded him, changed my number, and moved out of state lol. Maybe the new/old supply felt his wrath. As far as the smear campaign.. he can have fun with that!!
@Mary Carroll Good for you! I threw mine out Thanksgiving day!! Zero contact with her since. She tried texting nasty things, so I blocked her! She has her new supply, good for me! Hope he's what she want. Whatever keeps her away from permanently!🤣 Thank God it's OVER!!
I moved out of state and conveniently forgot to tell them. A friend told them I moved out of state, but told them the wrong town I moved to. The narcissist drove all over the wrong town looking for me.
I had a similar experience with my ex-wife. My kids all lived with me, my daughter had an O.P. against her mother. On one of the mothers tantrum phone calls I let it “slip” that my daughter had an after school job a an ethnic chicken place in the next town( which was untrue). I later found out she went there screaming demanding to see her daughter, she caused such a problem they took my ex away in handcuffs. My daughter had an after school job but at our local Staples. I wish I could have had a video of the “interaction” .
I love it! I am working on that plan myself right now. My narcissistic fri-end is trying to get me to help her get away from her family she can't control. Not happening!
When u first leave, it's total emotion. You cry, you vent, you get angry, you collapse. Then something amazing happens, when u finally realise the whole 30 years to the narc, was a performance, and I was a stage prop. None of it was real. A good quote, " in reality you have to leave like you never even knew them, because in reality, you never did know them" so true when it comes to narcs. Thanks Doc C ❤❤
I love listening to you! My first husband was a narcissist and after 13 years of abuse I had had enough. As my ex was moving me into my own apartment he started crying in the pick up and he said "you're breaking up our family"! I just looked at him and said "spare me the tears, I have absolutely nothing left for you, nothing you say or do can make me feel anything for you"! He stopped crying almost immediately. I am happy to say that I remarried 5 years later and never looked back. He remarried and did all the same things to his second wife and they also divorced.
They'll try to *bait you back in, and you can fall for it, you start thinking " oh! they really care maybe they changed!" they'll be real nice, then you you let your guard down, they vomit all over you!! So, when your done with their toxic behavior, you need to be done...because the abuse gets worse!!
Tired of Put downs, insults, humiliation, triangulations, gaslighting, sarcasms, ridicules. One can only take so much. Ears truly turned off. Inability to accept the truth. Stalking, smear campaign- flying monkeys everywhere yeah. Unable to process what the other person feels. Unable to introspect. Unable to admits faults Unable to learn from their mistakes Unable to be humble Unable to take off their mask The Resolve: I can do better I deserve better I certainly not gonna be someone’s punch bag I am no one’s source of supply I am no one’s source of neurotic living I am no one’s tool I am free I am confident I am responsible I am under no illusion that the narc is gonna be anything either than being a narc If the narc is unable to be responsible, and decent, It’s not my problem. A million times 100% true. Current situation!! Wow 😯 Thanks very much!!
I had to experience this when I started setting boundaries. My whole entire family started verbally insulting me...because I just wanted "space". Suddenly, I was breaking apart the whole entire family. Suddenly, I was the cause for why my mom drinks so much. I now have limited interaction with them.
Oh no that’s the cardinal rule you cannot have your own identity you can’t think on your own you’re not supposed to do anything outside of the group everybody else think a certain way look a certain way fall in line be under the rule of this one person if you even attempt to break away you are the enemy
I, a small child of 7, was blamed by my mother for my father leaving. I had deep issues of rejection for many years until I figured it all out. It's different for me now. I still feel that pinge of rejection at times but I know it's a lie and it doesn't control me any longer. I've learned it's best to leave someone threatening to leave you, or block you, or not talk to you. Peace!
Am I the only one that thinks it is strange how the person who is so "insignificant" in the family system, is also the one with the power to destroy the family? They want you back because you kept the whole dog and pony show on the road.
@@fredhubbard7210 I always said about the two narcissists that used to be in my life, that it's amazing that I can be so insignificant and marginalized until they need someone to blame, then all of a sudden I'm superman... someone so powerful that I'm the source of all their problems.
That's right. Narcissists believe they are the parent and you are the eternal child...and the moment they sense that you don't need them...is when they start giving you speeches about your supposed rebellion and bad attitude. It's how they regain their status over you, by making you the bad guy that has rejected their insight into your life. But they will turn up the parenting talk until you submit. The narcissist will always see you as the stubborn outcast child that rejected their parenting.
I just experienced the death of the narc after 47 years of a living hell. I am free for the first time in 47 years of someone who never had the ability to love me or his own children. I am happy now. I don't even want his ashes. Finally, it's over. Thank you God. I will now spend the rest of my life trying to help others with this.
When you reject narc in my experience #1 rage #2 pouting .... poor me etc #3 bitterness #4 hate i suppose this why you should go no contact as soon as you decide enough is enough T.y. for your video Dr
When I left my ex....(over 30 years ago) who thought he was THE BEST song writer on the planet and it was Gods Will that he was to be famous. We mortgaged our life up to the hilt....the best guitars...professional recording studios...PA gear for gigs....home studio equipment. As the last child of a big family...he was spoilt and told continuously how amazing he was. He convinced me he was a 'special enlightened soul' and through him I would get to really know God and without him I would whither and live a boring life.....he thought he was a modern day William Blake poet genius!! If I ever expressed a view (that wasn't wonderful) about his latest song.....he would throw things and it was all to do with my difficult childhood..blah blah blah....always a deficiency in me not to see his fabulousness! Anyway ....I eventually (after five depressive years of hell...which I couldn't fully express because of his anger) left him. He then continued to spend years trying to get full custody of our two young children ....he actually accused me of abusing the children with my witchcraft ways and 'alternative' religion ! These allegations had to be fully investigated and the children medically examined and have counselling....it's a long story with twists and turns. I have remarried (28 years ago) and the children love and respect him...I've never stopped the children being part of their dads life even if he tried to destroy me. I'm a successful person in business and have no debts and live in a beautiful part of the world....I worked on myself and all my children have degrees and good jobs and loving marriages with their own beautiful babies. At our daughters wedding, five years ago....he could barely look or speak to me and left the reception early (by the way he was with someone else 5 minutes after I left and they are still together) so he's not nursing a broken heart. But he hates me for leaving and has never helped with child support....and I've never been able to co-parent with any concerns or been able to discuss problems they might have had. When I housed our son (for 3 years) in a flat I owned that was 2 minutes walk from his house....he wouldn't speak him....in fact our son (in his early 20's at the time) was so distraught because he said his dad crossed the road rather than talk to him ....all because our boy was living in my flat. Once he moved to a different town many miles away to get married ....oh, he couldn't visit him enough! It's all about control...and this ex is really a weak coward that's jealous I made it in life without him. My advice is....get educated, get a trade, learn to drive and you can ALWAYS be independent and confident...to thine own self be true and let no man put asunder.....by the way...my 'alternative religion ' ha ha...I became a Catholic convert!
They get very angry and almost child like. They become sullen and even sound like they’re about to cry. It sounds like an impending tantrum. It’s basically telling them you don’t want to be their friend, and they go back to that childhood state of rejection and wanting to be admired. I had narcissistic men get ANGRY I didn’t actually want to date their type because they were sexist, cold, cruel and yes narcissistic. They would put down women and their appearance, and I knew that meant they had a whole lot to say about mine, so I was quick to pull away.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀I laughing cause they are pathetic like that, when the covert narc saw i was ignoring him in town, he run a good distance just to ask me.." lets go for a drink " when he kno i block and delete him off a everything.
this was the best one yet - really hit home. thank you for the reminder that 1) I can do better 2) I deserve more 3) I'm meant for something more than being used
@@barbaralippincott-lonsky8761 yes. Many of us were groomed and conditioned to accept like bread crumbs and just try harder if we had parents like that.
Holy guacamole! Same here. Then the multiple texts started and hanging up when he didn't hear what he wanted. Weird thing is, everyone thinks he's the nicest guy. He has way more of an outgoing personality than me.
@@dorindab.5305 In my experience, they have a public & private persona. Friends think they are wonderful and believe, without question, all the half and distorted truths, which they communicate so convincingly.
Yep! This makes me remember several years ago when I came home for the holidays for the first time since moving from home to another city. At the time, I had so much guilt that I hadn't been going home that often but I felt so good - and safe - in my new city, and going home felt so dreadful and dark. That holiday I came home, my dad could definitely sense that his grip had loosened on me and he came at me (verbally) like a snarling animal. First it was condescending mockery. Then it turned into name-calling. For so long, I hadn't had the distance and space to identify what made me dislike interacting with my dad so intensely, but that experience made me go, "Oh, yep! That's what I'm protecting myself from." Pretty much went no contact from that point and it's the best decision I've made in my life, besides moving from my hometown.
I am currently divorcing a nassicist after 21 years of marriage. I'm 62. And a retired teacher. It's financially the worst time to get divorced but honestly there was nothing that could make me stay. I moved out 3 months ago and couldn't be happier. Your videos are so enlightening and quite honestly it's a relief to finally hear about what this madness has been all about. I don't engage with my husband unless it's to discuss the sale of the house or divorce proceedings. He sends me long texts and emails full of complaints but I don't respond. It is emmensly Freeing to break these ties and to move on.
It is bad financially but the toll financially it will take on your mental health and body if you remained would be far higher. Wishing you a smooth and health boosting transmission to your new wonderful life!🙏
I was with one for 2 years. At the time I thought the only way out was to take my life. On life support each time. I thank God today for the support of family and therapist to finally get out. Fast forward 10 years been married to a wonderful man and I’m happy ♥️
Same here, but for 4-1/2 years. He started being more and more physically abusive. I realized that one of us was going to end up in prison, and the other in a dirt nap, just didn't know who would end up where. I didn't like the options, so that's when I realized that I have to be strong, and just go to the point of 'I don't care anymore, I'm gone.'
I had a narcissist boss and I would just sit back and watch the show, it's amazing all the thought they put into trying to be dominant, but there all talk they cant even back up there words, i quit without warning and reported his ass
I didn’t even realise I was being emotionally abused by my mother for so long. As soon as I realised that my mother and my father are both narcissists while I am an empath. I cut off all ties with my father years ago. I recently decided to cut off my mother as well because her abuse continues on. I hope I can be strong enough not to allow other family members to make me feel like a horrible person.
Thats the biggest challenge isn't it..Having family make you feel bad, they become angry with you or try and drag you back in . It's not happening to me again with my Mom.
Both my parents are narcissists. Mom is diagnosed, high level. I've had a lifetime of endless problems with them and was their only child/scapegoat. My mother hated and still hates me. She always tried competing and was jealous. I had to go on my own young (17) and have stayed in therapy to keep sane. Many years later, they are in their 80-s and I'm in my 50's. I've been low contact, no contact, moved far away for years and came back but have always been independent. They wanted me to be powerless and dependent. Nope. My career has been successful and I have strong boundaries. They hate me even more. I stopped calling and visiting. They cannot handle rejection. All you say us true. They tried different antics in the past. Threats, bullying, shunning, mom calling and yelling at my therapist, etc. In the end seeing how they cannot use or manipulate me, they ghosted me. We aren't talking anymore. Part of me is sad..my only family but most of me is ok, at peace with it because I've had nothing but blame, upheaval and chaos thrown at me all my life. Dad is like mom now, nasty and wishes me harm. I have not wanted to bother with them for awhile but had taken a few calls as they wondered where their supply went. They'd show up with a cake and be friendly then disappear again. They want to keep me off balance but I'm ok. Now they see I'm doing fine and have given up. Its just not worth the hassle to engage. I blocked their phone number. Enough is enough. They ghosted me but emotionally I was already done. An ugly and sad ending to a family. Typical narcs.
You can’t control other people’s behavior, sad when family is like that but you’ve done the right thing to move on. Although I don’t know you God does and feel in my Spirit that you’ve done the right thing
Hi there! Both my parents were narcs and prescription valium, librium and heavy alchohol users. When I was 3years old I remember them pushing me at each other, " He's your bloody child !!! " and "You made me have him !!!" My childhood memories are of nothing but blazing rows ! ! However they died when I was young and I live a happy carefree life with my 2 dogs !!! I never got married or had children. All I wanted was a quiet life free of problems so now I'm 66 yrs I've achieved that !!! I can still remember coming home from school and my mother would be trying to commit suicide in front of me !!! It's a pity I didn't leave her to get on with it !!!!! At least I'm not a Narcissist !!!!
They’re not spectacular human beings that you’d miss having around. This life right here is very short and too beautiful to settle with 🗑. Reject and discard them. Stay focused on being with an emotionally healthy person and dwelling in perfect peace.💖
Or how about not focusing on being with anybody at all . Geeze you dont always need a significant other to be happy and content with life . How about WE FOCUS ON LOVING OURSELVES 👌🏼 PERFECT PEACE COMES FROM WITHIN NOT FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING .
Married for 30 yrs didn’t like who I became ... Stopped the supply to his wants needs demands... I’m not obligated or ownd ... so he left earth 2018 .. the now regaining who I deserve to be Putting urself first isn’t selfish it’s an act of survival Blessings of health happiness harmony safety kindness consistency to all. ☺️✌🏻💌😇💝
Thanks for the reminder that we’re just trying to survive. I’m fresh out from under his control. It’s eating him alive! In the meantime, the kids and I haven’t felt this good in forever!
When you are getting ready to leave...and when you are leaving and forever after...you tell yourself EVERY DAY: "I deserve MORE! I deserve BETTER! I deserve LOVE and CONNECTION and I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!!" Do not ever stop telling yourself this!!!! You have to undo all the brainwashing they did to you! You're all you've got at the end of the day. Be your own guide, your own best friend. Be good to YOU and give YOURSELF all the love you deserve and didn't get from that pathetic, insecure, cowardly, entitled, arrogant DEAD THING.
This happened with a past 'friend'. She treated me poorly and I communicated with her and when she did it again I decided that this relationship was not for me. Told her in a calm way that I don't fancy meeting up again and that I think we have been arguing too much, her reaction was so aggressive which just made me thankful I made my decision :)
Walking away for good messes up their script. You owe them NOTHING, and they know it. There's no leverage for them. But you have to make it STICK!!💪👍👍 They think there's always a do over, (hoovering). Teach them there aren't any do overs. Game Over!
I just split up with my man, couldn't put up with his attitude, always controlling, being right all the time. Well l told him we are not sleeping together any more, not a couple anymore . I told him it's over. Well he just got shocked, and started to bad mouth me and my family and he don't know them. He phoned me about ten times in one day. Didn't answer at all.
Just left a narcissistic boss. He's talking to the people who reported to me to find out why I'm leaving. He could ask me but I guess that would be too easy. I'm sure the gaslighting has started but I'll stay out of that.
My narc likes the roundabout method as well. Like the great boxing champion Jose Torres once said: When the intimidator can no longer intimidate he becomes intimidated. Truer words never spoken; my guess is your boss has become intimidated by your newly found resolve to stand up to him. An important skill to have as you will most likely have to deal with others like him in the future. My best to you, it looks like you are moving forward. :)
Good for you! I actually don't think there's anything worse than a narcissistic boss. Not only are they jerks, but they can't even do their jobs, let alone yours. That is why they target you. You're a threat to them.
@@laurenw963 Nailed it.. My Covert/Malignant boss is a joke. Made no effort to learn our products/services, yet, makes six figures. They're Terminators. His mission is power through Coercive Control. Ran the office into the ground. Ran 94 employees out using every tactic in the narc playbook w/ his duper's delight smirk every time he's about to do someone dirty. What's amazing is corp., to include HR thinks he walks on water. His motto is "the beat downs will continue until morale improves. He's a career killer within the company & will block every path exiting the company (unemployment, insurance, turn flying monkey into bad references)
@@t.l.7733 Actually, it's a small world and eventually they get a bad reputation and/or nobody will work under them. With any luck at all he'll have to move on to greener pastures.
It took 20 years to leave my ex. It was worth it! He almost killed me and he almost left me bankrupt, also. Take this from me: there is nothing you can do to fix it. If you are dealing with a narcissistic relationship, run! Now! Everything this man is saying is my ex to the letter! It has been 6 years and I am still healing, but never been better and more relieved in my life! Thank-you, good, sir for posting these! Wish I had seen them sooner! To everyone else, stay safe, form an exit plan, good luck!
@ Katrina Wendel. Make your plan and execute your plan in secret. DO NOT EXECUTE YOUR NARCISSIST OR WAIT 20 YEARS TO SEPARATE. THAT'TS MY THINKING. IT'S OKAY BUT THEY BECOME DANGEROUS WHEN TIME GOES ON TOO LONG.
@@bernitacenteno1326 As is the case with everything, there is more to the story. My ex was a covert narcissistic man to the extreme. He reeled me in and was a master manipulator. Little by little he took more and more from me until I nearly didn't recognize myself. Long story short, he holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology, so he knew exactly how to mentally manipulate me. It has taken me a long time to heal and to trust people, again. My comment on, ""Run, now" was at the beginning of a relationship. If you see some red flags, by all means do not second guess yourself, cut ties and run. My ex was very good at gaslighting me (as most narcissistic people are, but with his background in mental health, he was extremely good at gaslighting). There were many "discussions" we had early on where I would have dumped someone in a healthy relationship, but ended up apologizing profusely and begging forgiveness. It was awful. In my case of 20+ years, yes, I formed as secret of an exit plan as possible. In my divorce, I still had to disclose my location and assets and he still stole more and more from me. Our relationship was highly abusive before I left. It got to the point where I had to "earn" his affection, food, even what I could wear from my wardrobe. I couldn't wait for the weekends to end so I could return to work...so...yeah...it was bad... Make an exit plan in secret if you can. To be honest, just leave. You will find support. Counseling, from real counselors (and it was extremely difficult for me to trust those in the mental health field, as well, especially since "we", as a couple, knew many of them in our small community). However, I did get help, I have moved on, and it has been the best thing I have done for myself. Do I recommend staying for 20 years? Heck no! Yet, when you can, when you are ready, go! Don't wait. That is my true advice. A narcissist will not change! They are not capable!
Once a person is at that "place" in order to go no contact this no contact, is effective. It may take a few weeks or a few months of a narcsist still contacting you but HOLD firm with not responding back. They will eventually find someone or something else to take attention off you. It has been 2 peaceful months and I went no contact 6 months ago. Best thing I ever did for myself is go no contact. Stay strong!
My ex was already living with his next victim before our divorce was final. We have a daughter together and he used her to gain sympathy with the new girl and then tries to use her to get me to come out of no contact with him. He began abusing the new girl right away and she married him anyway. Now after only 6 months of marriage she kicked him out and filed for divorce. Now that he's lonely and on the prowl, he's trying to act like caring dad (on his best behavior) to get back some sense of control in our lives. I know not to let my guard down. The judge ordered supervised visitation after he was arrested for dv with the current soon to ne ex wife. He refuses to set up the visits because "he shouldn't have to pay to see his kid" He makes no effort whatsoever because it's easier to cry to all of his fb and church friends that I am alienating him from her. I still remain no contact with him although I do allow her to call him on the phone which I monitor. It's very tough but you are right...stay strong and go truly no contact!
It’s a lot tougher to do that when there’s a child involved. My daughter has been totally manipulated into taking my wife’s side which is very difficult for me to deal with. I’m not the abuser yet she, my spouse, gets all the love from our daughter which is very painful.
@@koma4050 I'm so sorry to hear that. I grew up like that with my abusive mother. She kept us from my dad and mislead us about his character. As an adult, I sought to find out from my dad his side of the story. I wish I had done that sooner. My dad was great. He passed away in Jan 2020. I'm so thankful that I got to tell him how much I love him. I am no contact with my mother. I pray that the truth will come out for you and your family and you will have peace and restoration. It is really tough but there is hope. Take care.
As I have left my ex, he wrote me a "loving" letter, how I am a looser and the letter was filled with hate and rage etc. He wrote me, that nobody in the whole world will never love me as he did...that nobody will care about my f*cking crap (I have middle depressions)...that there is only one person in the world, that can accept it.. :) Well..he meant himself. I had to laugh! I have blocked him. Then he started to ask all my friends on social media for friendship. They refused. After 5-6 month he has send me a photo with holding a girl around the waste -- I had to laugh - but felt very sorry for the girl. They are just small, stupid children with big egos and no empathy. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping me handling this topic. You are my hero!
And I am soooo proud of you 👏👏👏 that’s my response to stupidity and let’s me know you have a healthy self esteem that puts things in perspective. Keep enjoying life ❤️
I'm very lightness person, so I propose you to troll him and after you collect compromising, publish it. And, of course, you're not waste only because some dumbass say so.
I love this. Although there is one thing I might disagree with: you claim that narcissists CAN’T change and are not able to treat you in a healthy way. But my experience is that my narcissistic father knew exactly what he was doing. That is why he was able to fool the outside world into thinking he was a nice and charming man. If a narcissist would have really been oblivious about their behaviour, then they wouldn’t have felt the need to hide it so badly. My experience is that my father knew exactly what he was doing. He just really really didn’t care. Comments very welcome.
1) They can behave appropriately when it benefits them, for example, in front of others. 2) They can stop bad behavior if there is an immediate and powerful contingency; for example, "If you don't stop arguing with me, I am going to stop the car right here, take the keys, and leave you here".
Agree with you. Two major experiences: narcissistic mother and husband (naturally I married one). Mother also put on her charming personality for outsiders. I and siblings commented on that. Her siblings had her committed after a meltdown. She had electroshock treatments. Afterwards she stated, “ok, I Don’t like that. I’ll behave now.” And she did! Made sincere efforts to change narcissistic behavior. Husband revealed his assholeness, I challenged his lying to me before we married. He stated, “Of course I lied and hid who I am. I knew you wouldn’t have married me if you had known who I really am so I had to pretend to be a person you would want.” I fucking despise narcissists. Soulless evil creatures.
Eva Mout: Your dad may have known what he was doing and just not given a damn. Self-absorbed people are that way. Their enablers reinforce this behavior and way of thinking by allowing them to repeatedly get away with -- even approving of it. Early on, the narc may be able to change; but as they get older, they reach a point of no return and are not able to change even if they want to. Ecclesiastes 11:9-12:1-12 explains what happens to us if/when we don't mature. Maturity, plainly and simply is "Do unto others as you want others to do to you." We all know that we want to be treated kindly. Nothing complicated about that, is it?
I have been involved in 2 narcissistic relationships in my life, and I had no idea what the hell was going on until I was deeply involved in the relationship, and I'm telling you, what a nightmare they were. It is absolutely devastating the long term affects these people had on my life. The abuse of the situation leaves you feeling absolutely worthless and dumbfounded in that they make you think that you are crazy. And after many years, too many years, I have finally learned that these people are impossible of any change or accountability for their actions, because they can't change what they do not own of themselves. So you can love them all you want. But all the love in the world will not get you out of a relationship like this. You have to pretty much treat this as null and void. They have to be dead to you. Or they will surely have no problem leaving you broken in a million pieces, and not flinch. So learn the red flags immediately. And run for your life. Literally, run!
THAT, is a big AMEN... There are red flags... They get close to you too fast, flatter you... Ask a lot of questions about your life saying they just want to know all about you, but it's really good ammunition later. They STUDY you and your likes to disarm you quickly so you will fall for them fast and ignore..... Red flags. Say just an off day, EVERYONE deserves second chances., Right!!! Then a second, third... By then they already have you hooked. Your confused, dazed and confused good. They do things for you only to remind you off what they did... Buy you something you didn't ask for, ONLY to say your an ingrate if you don't just Love it and go on an on about it.... How if you REALLY loved them... You'd do x..y.. Or z! They QUESTION everything and accept no answer YOU give them, but if you don't accept what they say even when you have proof they are lying... It's HOW DARE YOU NOT BELIEVE ME, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BELIEVE WHAT I TELL YOU????? RAGING, YELLING, SLAMMING THINGS AROUND AND INTIMIDATING YOU AND STOMPING AROUND LIKE A TWO YEAR OLD TRYING TO SCARE YOU AND DOING A GOOD JOB OF IT!!!! Driving CRAZY to scare you, also no one else knows how to drive right... Yelling just missing someone's bumper. Can't keep jobs...7 in about a year, can't get along with people, they are all stupid!!! Don't do THEY'RE jobs right, not fast enough, or just doing something wrong in they're stellar opinion.... So they quit or get fired. YOUR whole family and most friends say they see something bizzare in this guy, they just can't put they're finger on it, but they don't like or TRUST him!!!!!!! ALL in agreement👍🕊️😳💥 Does that sound ABOUT right? I won't even get into the sex, which they lie about also.... No good, or CAN'T!!!
Narcissism is an extreme overcompensation for extreme insecurity.
Too bad for them, it cant be fixed
Perfect description, Scott Dunn, and it's very uncomfortable to be around!
@@Anastasia11101 That's crazy!!!!
@@Anastasia11101 This would be crazy coming from a husband, but coming from someone you’ve known for just two weeks? That’s terrifying.
Profoundly said
After I started divorce proceedings, my now ex husband said, I must tell you I never did love you. My response really threw him off. I said that’s okay, I know I went into this with the right intentions and I loved you. But as I know you didn’t ever love me, it makes how all this turned out (the divorce) all that much easier and a good thing, so thanks for telling me that.
My calmness and resolute demeanor infuriated him. He wanted his words to destroy me, instead, they set me free.
Great response! Dr. C
I responded same... I had honest intensions and do well!! And now I am just living alone after two years of abuse and contol... I just am at peace and don't engage!
You are awesome!
@@mike.electricrevolutionstore you sound like a narc trying to sweep her off her feet bc you think she's vulnerable . lol
@@hertruejourney 🤣😂😂… You are very funny, your comment proves you’re a narc and stalker
Why are there so many these days? It’s an epidemic. I was married to a narcissist for 47 years. It nearly killed my spirit. In the end he left me for a woman 23 years younger and during the divorce I found out nearly all the money was gone. I’m struggling financially and still working full time at age 70. I’ve never been happier in my life.
YES!! The same for me! I don't mind being poor and happy!
Well done you!! God bless you.
I'm 66 and my 71 year old ex, after 33 yrs of marriage, has a woman in her 20s or 30s chasing after him with giddy delight. He gave me the silent treatment for decades, claiming he couldn't hear me. But he sure hears her when she talks at him while his back is turned. He turns around to talk to her. He would turn away when I spoke to him.
@@wms72 Oh, don't worry. she's giddy now, but she'll wake up and walk out. I've seen it before. You'll get the last laugh, but by then you could care less!! When he wants to come crawling back, give him the silent treatment!
Peace to all who had to endure this..
You can’t talk about anything with them they’ll never admit to anything!💯
Take for example and pay attention to the little stuff. Like they truly entitled to come in yet and let life and make them selves clmfertabl
Women in your lives to make you uncomfortable making sounds comfortable think you're entitled to anything and everything that's not you own shit that's sentamenal to you
Stealing your life from you and nothing is going to happen to them for doing the thing they did to you
Yeah they suck never ever admitting to anything 😠
Omg true my narcissist avoids me and smears my name even though I never did any bad to him other than turn him down for sex
He's not capable of having a sensible conversation about nothing other than lying he knows nothing smh
They get extremely angry and tend to act like a spoiled child having a tantrum.
^This. it looks like a temper tantrum.
This extra difficult when it's coming from your 66 year old mother... Extremely stressful :(
@@lynda74 I can’t imagine.😢😢😢 God comfort, bless you and strengthen you!🙏
Yes inDAMNDEED. He went and spent the night with another woman. I never slept with him and denied him moving in with me in my new home. So, he is acting out now. I could care less. He told me not to text him anymore and he didn't want to be friends. I said no problem. Dueces. Tatrums.
Mine first threatened me, then when I started dating an old friend threatened him, then when I got married and moved 2000 miles across country he drove cross country and stalked me...then once he knew I had seen him he left because he had no money of course.
I don’t hang around negative, abusive people. Period. Even if it is my “loving” family.
"Loving" families are the worst, Run Forest run!
True that!!!
My ex-narcissist uses humor and charm to manipulate.
#toxicpositivity
Oh how cruel of you to be sarcastic about your loving family!!!
😂
I kid because I have a "loving" family, too.
They are soooooo self-righteous.
I chose to not tell the narcissist I had to deal with that I was leaving. I just left. No discussion, no fight. I just left.
Yep. Dr. C
🤣🤣💀 good for you 👏
👍👍👍
Go you
Me too! 😊🤣
narcissists will pick arguments, then accuse you of starting the argument, they'll even go as far as to accuse you of being a narcissist, they'll twist and distort and take everything you've said out of context.
The ex narcissist did me the same way. I left at almost nine months.
My ex Narc contacted me after 13 years, 2 days ago,p. He has hit bottom, is literally dying, and feels everything he’s touched since has gone to shit, that he loves me, wants to be friends again now but only if we can never talk about “it”, the past. I told him I loved him and wanted to be friends but that was not a good way forward for me. That it would never work and would be taking a step back 13 years. He immediately went into a rage, “you think it’s all about you” etc…”people tried to warn me about you”, “nobody likes you” , everything he said 13 years ago while he was being a mean drunk. So then I told him I couldn’t be around him if he was drinking anymore because he always verbally abuses me, and again, cuz I’m a judgmental bitch, etc…I can’t believe it only took him 2 minutes to explode again at me after 13 years of no communication. Thinks I’ve cursed him into loneliness because I said he would die old and lonely 13 years ago. It didn’t take a psychic reading. He’s now dying old and lonely and he thinks it’s my fault. See how tricky and manipulative they are? Yep, a no win situation, yet they accuse you of being the game player that has to win. Aargh! These vids sure help!
I just watched this happen while he was playing video games with our son. He provoked a response and got mad at our son for getting frustrated. It was awful.
My ex exactly "You need help" "My ex is a sociopath just like You" "You already decided this drama before it started" 🙄
My ex did all that. I would be having a good day and then he would throw some off the wall accusation at me. "Why did you do such and such?" And I'd reply that I didn't do that. Then the argument would escalate I to him calling me names, accusing me of being toxic and a narcissist and a pathological liar.
Very few people will come out of a relationship with a narcissistic person the same way they went into it.
That's true. Hopefully they have matured and wised up.
Absolutely True, hopefully you have the strength to rebuild yourself
Yes I was always aware of the evil, Dont let the cold world in, never did! Just couldn't avoid getting involved with a narc, but had the strength to walk away and staying away. They will suck our essence away. Stay strong, take care! Stay happy inside!
Haven’t been able to find myself 8yrs later
@R C Yes, so true, hard to believe how ruthless they are. I doubt if science will ever find a cause for their seeming disregard of feelings and life forms. But, perhaps too many of us trust too easily and we need to step back at times and think first.
When you finally realize that you cannot help/ change a narcissist it is so wonderful!
liberating
@@glorytogodhomestead3495 I agree. I find it freeing.
Hell has no fury like a narcissist rejected.
Unfortunately you are correct. Watch them come unglued. Dr. C
How very true!!
I am just discovering this is what I have been dealing with for years. I am so thankful to have found these video's. I do not see what I am going through addressed by anyone. When I pulled back and started ignoring him for my own sanity, he started distroying ll my clothing by putting spots of oil on the front or food stains, look like he is rubbing the soles of his shoes on the sleeves, pickinng holes in the material that run when i wash them, cutting seams open...i found he has an exacto knife. I took it, he found it, and things got worse. My hair is so thinning from whatever he is putting in my shampoo that thickens it. i have to buy it constantly and hide it but he finds it. ther is so much more but now I know it is not me at least! 75 in jan, no family that bothers with me, no friends, isolated basically to my bedroom to keep watch ovr my things. does anyone else experience this type of behavior? Thank you for sharing your stories for us 'newbies' and God bless and protect you all. Sorry for the mistakes my keys are sticking.
@@Linda-pd8en yes they are that nasty.. just be glad those clothes were not you!😊
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 I am just discovering all this and while it has connected alot of dots for me, it is shocking the hell out of me! I can actually step back and watch him act out in this behavior! And he always blamed me for everything!
They damage us, they don't know what love means at all.
Yes Valarie that's very true. But if you were good to them. They are going to miss us very much. Although when I walked Away from my girlfriend of 15 years and I Dumped her. She said your going to miss me. She is right I do miss her because my feelings for her were real while hers were not for me. There's a flip side to that coin she will miss me. I was real while she is a Narcissist.
They dont love their lovers. They love the narcissistic supply that their lover/ex gave them. And that is what they will miss, nothing else. A narc will replace you soooo quickly, it is almost funny watching them
Hi Valerie, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
They don’t know what love is
@@mittiejohnson1354 true, they really don't know what love is
They are great in believing that they are the victims when we walk away from them. What a joke.
Oh yes !🙄
Actually I don't think they do believe that. What they think is "How dare you as my victim walk away from me, thus implying that I am the bad guy in this." which when you think about it is logically self-contradictory, but that is these people all over - self-contradictory and full of shit.
That’s GASLIGHTING!
@@davidoaikhena4380 yep
Exactly
When I told my narcissist husband I was getting a divorce, he laughed. He's not laughing now.
Hi wms72, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
@@mike.electricrevolutionstore Stop stalking everyone Richard! 🔔🔚
@@W42PZ I’m not stalking anyone dear, thanks for your comment
Good for you amen 🙏
Mines wanted the divorce, but played it as if he wanted it to work.2 weeks after signing the divorce papers my kid informed me he was posting he new soul mate. My blessing 100%
I was married to a Narcissist for 58 years. Having led a very sheltered life, I married at age 19 and It only took about 2 months for me to realize that I had made a huge mistake and that in fact, the person I fell in love with never existed at all!! But being as young and naive as I was, I thought I could make it work and proceeded to have four, beautiful children which I raised more-or-less on my own, as their Father was emotionally absent and was of the opinion that the raising of the children was not his job. It wasn’t until more than 25 years into the marriage, which continued to become more and more difficult with time, that I heard the word Narcissist and began to educate myself via videos like this one. I read everything I could get my hands on and was most flattered to learn that I had been doing the right thing all along using only my intuition!! As an only child, there was no way I could leave him - I had nowhere to go and by that time I was too old to support myself. When he retired and was at home 24/7 things got a lot worse. He began to try to micro- manage me and to put me down in front of others and in public. I think this might have been because he realized I was onto his game and refusing to play it any more. He was losing control and reacted with more narcissistic rage than ever!! I even had to call the cops for him one night, as there were signs that he was getting physical. He was at the door all dressed up to meet them on their arrival, while I sat quietly on the couch and waited to be questioned. The cops saw right through the whole scene and warned him that two more calls of that nature and the City would file charges. It was the best thing I ever did, because that scared him to where he was very careful about what he did after that. His health began to decline (he was a diabetic) and it seemed as though he just imploded after that. I stood my ground, and the minute he began to throw one of his tantrums I would remove myself, go upstairs to my room (he moved out of the bedroom years earlier) and lock my door. By this time the kids were all grown and gone, thank goodness, so I looked after him until he passed away 10 months ago. But I remained aloof emotionally and felt only relief when he died. My reason for sharing my story is to prove than you CAN distance yourself even if you can’t leave for whatever reason(s). It takes strength and courage, but it can be done and you will come out of it stronger for the experience. You might ask why I am still watching these videos now that he is gone: for the sheer joy of validation!! It feels so good to know that I did the right thing and came out on top!! Not only was I the victim of emotional abuse for years, but of financial abuse as well. Money was his God, but he couldn’t take it with him and now I am comfortably taken care of, so it paid off in the long run. Thank you for your videos!! Knowledge is power and I often pass them along to others who I think would benefit from listening to your advice. As a matter of fact, I often find myself shaking my head in agreement of many of the things you are saying!! Validation can be as satisfying as revenge!!
Ok
you are a very strong woman, I'm happy you did not got sick through out the years from stress and trauma emotionally. I read your whole story. Please enjoy a healthy life Physically and emotionally, life is beautiful :)
Enjoy every moment of your life and live each moment to its fullest with affirmation that you can be you from now on.
Wow! This was truly inspiring and great instincts! Thank you for sharing, I wish you the highest degree of happiness!
Your story is encouraging coz even I am in a situation where I cannot go no contact. Yes it takes plenty of courage to stand one's ground. You should have gone through plenty of sufferings.
Lakshmi Dev you have NO idea!! But I was determined not to let him get the better of me. I would just walk away when he started his crap. I had to learn not to react to all the abuse, because that was what he fed on, so I would host ignore him and not say a word. That was the hardest thing, and I have to confess every once in a while I would lose my temper and lash back at him. A few times I was able to win the argument by adopting some of his own techniques and that really threw him for a loop. But the sad part of all this is that he absorbed 58 years of my life that I could have shared and been happy with someone else, so I am urging those of you that are able to get out, to go as soon as you can and don’t waste you life on someone who does not appreciate you!! You deserve more than that!!
The ultimate irony: WE seek counseling versus the narcissist. Poisonous, toxic people no one should be with/around.
Hi Rhubarb 68, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.
Abusers have a personality disorder. Can't be cured.
We seek counseling. Because in counseling we are seen as the sick ones. We are justified to blame. Crazy.
The only people that wanna be around them is people just like them. Notice how no sane person wanna be with or anywhere around them. It’s hard when they’re a obsessed stalker. You can’t really avoid them like that.
@@1286cassandra Because we are indeed sick. In most cases a shitty family results into turning you into a victim, even if you don't realize it. And then we start to subconsiously choose this shit by ourselves.
And they will never Apologise for anything they do and mean it
Oh mine does. In a way that makes you feel like shit for saying anything.
@@lynette6356 - the key phrase is "and mean it." they'll fake it over and over if they think it'll get you to stay.
@@tirsden so true. I don’t know what hurts worse being so naive in believing the bull for 30 years. Or now that you I see through everything and it’s absolutely in my face the painful reality.
It's Never ever there fault when things go bad ,it's always someone else
Oh, and you never do anything hurtful. Congrats on your perfect life.
Common traits of a narc:
Unable to move forward
Unable to take responsibility for their role
Unable to learn from their mistakes
Unable to process what other people feel at all
Unable to be humble
Unable to be fair minded or objective
Unable to take off their mask
Unable to drop shame based thinking
Unable to manage ambiguity
Unable to be diplomatic
💯
It kind of blows my mind they can't take responsibility for their role, after all the horrible crap they knowingly do
Unable to feel empathy.
Unable to have balance in the relationship.
I didn't give mine any warning, since I knew from experience that discussing issues with them doesn't work, so I just cut ties, no explanation, no talking, just leaving
Good for you. Smart move.
No explanation needed..well played sir👏🤝🤙👍👊
I packed up and left while he was at work. His rages were getting very scary. I didn’t feel safe any more- the stress was affecting my health.
I’m so grateful to my therapist, and for these videos. I’m worth the work!
Yes. You don't need them to understand or agree or accept your reasons for leaving, for you to be decisive
True. No arguing you just sit there. Dream don't listen why they sarcastically tear you apart. No matter what you say they make everything about them.
I feel I have to walk on eggshells around the narcissist(s) in my life.
Kathy Gum,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌹,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@Delightfully Charming Thanks for those encouraging words of wisdom. Bless you!
Hi Kathy Gum, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.
Try stepping on their throats instead - you deserve better.
Yes, narcissists are completely shocked when you pull away from them and try to move on with your life. They often immediately react with anger and a feeling of complete betrayal.
So crazy
Yes. My narc ex lied to me, stole from me, acted like he was my intellectual and moral superior, gaslit me and probably cheated on me (never knew for sure, but honestly don't care much now) and then was completely gobsmacked when I broke up with him. Not being married or living together made it much easier to cut him out. He told me that I wouldn't find anybody else who would love me. My ( not narcissist)now husband thinks that's very funny.
And you may not even know them personally just all their flying monkeys that they pay
It gets to the point you don’t care anymore as to what they think or say.
That's when they'll come at you w a gun, so nice time to move. Happened to a girl in Chicago at Nordstrom downtown. Killed her.
So much for court.
Get ready for them to lie their asses off to all your mutual friends. And most of them will believe them. Still worth it to leave.
Yep
Spot on! They make more phone calls 🤣😂 to your family members more than you do! They run a football commentary to your close friends and family members just to discredit you! Do not buy it! Have Self love for yourself! Be very confident of yourself! The day you lose your confidence the Narcissist wins
@@davidoaikhena4380 when mine moved out, he went straight to my brother's house (and lived there for a couple of weeks)! I couldn't believe it. I left it alone (no contact). It didn't take long for his true colors to show. My sister-in-law put him up in a studio apt at a complex she managed. Within a few months, he burned all of those bridges and my family and I got stronger. I know that isn't always the case and I am grateful. I also know that it took staying out of it and letting them figure it out. If I had kept the drama going by trying to convince them of his ways, it just would've been used to manipulate me and provide supply. This was in March 2018; he since has lived in 4 different places, our divorce was finalized, he got married to a girl young enough to be our daughter, he beat her up, got arrested for dv, and is now in the process of divorce (this is his third-he is only 38 yrs old). I'm so glad I got out when I did even though it took me 8 yrs to do it and a lot of legal fees.
Yes.
Don't give a crap with the smear campaign.
We know different.
We love ourselves which is like acid running in their veins.
Be safe ppl. Get away.
It's a hard road but easier than living with
The Devil's Mules.
Love thyself, be kind to yourself.
@@nv7466 congrats on your freedom👍. It's a lot of work to peel a narcissist off of you... You did it!
29th Dec 2018, I got my coat on, got my dog on his lead and turned to my wife and her family and told them. "I'm done with the lot of you." and I left only to return for my stuff a few days later. Filed for divorce and moved on and it's one of the best decisions I ever made. I got out of a living hell and back to normality.
Brilliant
I know it wasn't easy and it took alot of courage. Great job.
I can’t help but to wonder about their response. 😂🤣😂
❤
Happy New Year!!!!
I was adopted and raised by a narcissistic grandmother who was grooming me to be her full-time caregiver for the rest of her life. I found my way out by joining the military, and she lost it. One of the most memorable quotes was "Who's going to clean the house?!" I replied "It's your house, so I image it will be you." Later, she took credit for my decision to join the military, and then sought attention for it.
@AquaDesigns Thank you
Haha, funny how a narc will turn any situation around to make themselves look like the good guy. Glad you made your break.
@Toothless Bull Dog 2.0 Not only did she tell everyone it was it her idea, but made it sound like she decided it was necessary.
Typical narc behaviour
Sounds about right!
Breaking up with a narcissist is a whole lot of asking the question in your mind, “why the hell do you act like this and treat me so badly, if what you want is to be close to me?” I will never, never understand why they choose to be so damn nasty, invalidate you, put you down at every single opportunity, and then are surprised when you don’t want to even be around them. They expect you to still want to be around them. It’s crazy making and twisted!
They like what They Do the way they are its fun to them to work evil... They LIKE it.
@@anyways661 they will talk to you everyday about why you should be sort of together and you go around and around, until you realize they won't change. I tried so hard. I understand now. Never argue or justify to a narc. they dont care and like to see others uncomfortable. it is exciting and desirble, like a killer who make you beg for your life. they get off on it.
They are really bummed out that you wont be their chew toy anymore!! Honest I think that's what's really going on here!
Only one thing worse, when the chew toy starts chewing on the narc!!!🤣🤣🤣
@@wandah9468 Haha chew toy! I like that phrase!
Its bc their own stuck big fat ego they need to punnish you for having natural growth, flow and free will. They hate you for being just fine without them.
They blame everything on you, no way I was going to put up with this person.
Expect any or all of the following:
1) they become vindictive
2) they try to hurt you in every possible way they can think of - can be everything from ghosting, to a full barrage whenever you see that other person, to returning your gifts, etc
3) they will try to turn others against you
4) Following from #3, expect to lose people you once thought were friends. It will suck but on the flipside it could be silver lining because you now know who the fake ones are
I love how you can get such lifeless responses when commenting about narcissism. It hard to tell them apart from bots.
They also steal your treasured possessions and sell them or give to others in order to ingratiate themselves with them.
Have experienced this for some years now; so thankful for the invaluable knowledge about narcissists and learning to be a survivor and thriver. 💪🏻
Yeap! My nar on the job started her smear campaign when I started to grey rock her. I just ignore her, show no emotion and she looks like she loosing her mind. I looked at her one day and she look like she was about to cry. Like she was having a break down because she has no more control and I know she knows it.
Number 3: Oooohhhh yeaahhhh.....best cure for this one, besides ignoring it, is TIME. Be in it for the long game and you will see the end product of their way of living.🤯🤯🤯ooo, not pretty to watch.
You can’t break up with a narcissist. You have to block/delete or change your phone number and move house. That worked for me once I realised what was happening.
Amen relocate
True That!!
Especially when they're a family member, such as what I had to do with my 41-yo daughter. Fortunately, she lives in Montreal, Canada, and I live in the United States. Their border is closed thanks to COVID, so she can't come here. I closed my email address (what a pain as I had had it for almost 15 years), and opened a new one with a completely new service, completely new name (nothing like the previous one), and just closed the door on her, entirely. She can't call me as my phone services (cell and land) won't allow international calls. I'm at peace for the first time with her in 30 years.
No, you have to let your brother or whoever deal with them in the first place like they wanted to. Don't bother w court. They act like you have nothing else to do, even after they have a RECORD of abuse (find that out when you get there)
Personally, I've lived here 45 years. I'm going nowhere. My house.
I’ve had to block and remove the last narcissist from my life after the smear campaign.I wasn’t in a relationship but friendship with this person. Also had to block her flying monkeys as well.
“When a man (or woman) first show you their true colours, stop trying to paint new pictures of them”: But, it’s VITAL to be 100% aware of just how dangerous they can be as an ‘injured’ narcissist!
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks luke 6:45
when they tell you vile and things that may have you thinking "Did she really say that" don't disregard when the one sided fight or argument is over. They meant what they told You so don't try to fix it in your head
@@predator-hunter-31 I have only just seen your reply. Yes, this is so true! I grew up with my mum who had NPD and OCD then one of my sisters developed both traits, or genetic trait too. It made for one dysfunctional childhood. 😱😱😱
Many say donald trump is a narcissist. Look what happened when the majority of Americans rejected him!
@@colleenv5040 he's got many horrendous traits
@@colleenv5040 Yes. "Orange Man Bad" explains everything.
They can’t laugh at themselves and have little understanding of humor.
Very true there don't know the difference between joking and insulting with someone,there have the personality of door handle.
So true.
So fucking true
OR! They think they are the most humorous people on the planet. They WILL laugh at themselves, and share the silly things they do, but it’s only for validation, to show others “see I can laugh, and joke, too!”
This is sooooooo true can't laugh unless it's at someone else's expense
"Rejection" for one of these people can be something as simple as "No thanks, one piece of pie was plenty for me."
Absolutely. I've had to deal with one where it became difficult to to even say no to a cup of coffee, she would seethe with anger wouldn't take no for an answer for anything, expected you to take part in everything she would do. Extreme controlling. The only way to say no was to come across as rude,after the fifth time of politely refusing a coffee or piece of cake I'd have to say No I will not have do not ask me again. That's just the small stuff of course. Knots of anxiety even in small interactions.
I find that taking the damn refreshment and letting it sit there says all it needs to. They can sort out what that might mean after you've left. They might fabricate a ridiculous reason, but they'll probably think twice about feeding you next time. I come from a Latino family and fullness isn't well understood with them. They'll adjust your portions after enough wasted plates.
That is true. I never really thought about that.
Good to have a sense of humor...yeah, "no thanks". ... "so why NOT, idiot!?"
True that! Mines at work can't asking me do I want something when she would go out to get food. I always said no thank you or just no. she got to the point that even when she brought the food back she would get in my face and say here take some. I constantly would say no, or no thank you. I think she has given up but it seemed to be a narcissistic injury just by saying no thank you when they ask you to have something. I love it!!!
I'm happy and just fine without being in a toxic relationship with a nasty narcissist ☺️
Hi Pamela, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Yes all the cheating and lord what else, just nasty being
Don't fret over the loss of a relationship with one of these things.
They are as close to evil as it is possible to get and they never, repeat NEVER, gave a damn about you.
Go and live your lives and be grateful you survived. Some people don't.
That is a word! Thank you!
God has his followers and so does Satan
yeah I got stuck with a COVERT narc...Talk about ruining my life. We only have so many years on earth and now I am missing 5. Im very angry
My dear friend died this year of an overdose and I got in contact with his girlfriend after the funeral.
Oh boy she's a manipulative piece of shit and probably a covert narc.
He never talked good about his girlfriend but I still couldn't even imagine what his life was like.
I feel ashamed because I was partly responsible for them getting together.
I always wondered why his drug problems got worse when he met his girlfriend.
Now I know... sadly it was too late.
And when you’re the child of a person like this and can’t leave....God have mercy!
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
There was no god
I could not leave. I was owned. They were wealthy & I was physically abducted everytime when I attempted to leave. Finally they are both gone. I am very fragmented & every day is about me trying to fix my fractured mind. I pray that CPTSD symptoms can settle down so I can breathe & relax. One year & 5 months gone & I am still on high alert constantly. The more dangerous the Narcs are, the more willing they are to turn to criminal behaviors to exert a high level of control over you.
@AquaDesigns Thank you so much for your kind words. I sincerely appreciate your message to me. Blessings to you too 💓💜💓💜💓
I hauled ass!!! It was miserable!!
She selected me. She spent 2 years trying to convince me she was something she wasn't. I became committed to her, and once she recognized this, she wanted to change me. When she finally realized she could not manipulate me to accept her narcissistic mindset and I pulled away, she simply treated me as her enemy.
It's important to recognize that they were never the people they presented themselves to be. They always saw you as the enemy. They only seek you out because they envy your genuine qualities, of which they have none. They don't want you; they want what you have. Just know that the narcissist seeking you out is validation of your valuable qualities. Make sure to only give your gifts to people who deserve them.
Man this is almost exactly how mine was. Constantly telling me I'm wrong about everything and then a day or two later being like, maybe you were right, the next day or two I was wrong again about the same thing. She wanted me then she hated me everyday was a different feeling...
you are so right..it happened to me but with a female new friend and im a female...she wasn't genuine..also happens with men who aren't genuine and they project ..I also selected someone but he didnt want me..I wouldnt have changed him..so I see that he changed his appearance since he found someone new..but then some friends told me he had a superior look on his photo and I feel its not really who is he is..but then why would he show himself as superior ..sometimes they are people with a superior look that you. see its real but sometimes you sense its fake..dont know if you see what I mean..but then maybe pulling a fake superior persona may be a red flag
WOW...How in the WORLD are you writing part of my biography when we've NEVER met??
So true.
Nicely put👏
The amazing thing is they accuse you of being the worst person in the world while demanding that you're attacking them. It's insane. And, they never give up the ghost. A year later she's still pouring poison in people's ears about me. I just hope she gets a new focus, but then I pity the man who stumbles into her web of projections. Wow! Narcissistic rage is such a perfect description of her personality.
After 12 years of chaos, confusion, anxiety and misery - peace, serenity, freedom and sheer joy!
I hear ya! Weight lifted off my shoulders.
YES! Words of sheer joy!
Yes
i was told to let the narcissist break up with me. and when they did - i jumped at it and never went back.
Good done!
Great Idea 😂
Brilliant!!!!
The NS I was with tried to put his life time brand on me so I knew he would never leave so I left him...
The only thing I needed to mend was an explosive temper I had developed towards all his typical NS behavior......
I was aware that he was trying to manipulate my entire mindset and life but I also saw he loved it when he hit that last nerve in me that made me explode.....
It became very tiresome to be on the lookout for his every manipulative daily move against me....
I am IRISH so I have been tough my whole life and always bounced back when life knocked me down and I was determined I was not going to let this demon possess me and yes there was battle scars but life goes on once the demon is gone !!
I broke up with my narc ex and he did the usual stalking, calling, bombing, scolding, followed by occassional hoovering as I moved on with my life. A few years later he called me and insisted that he broke up with me, but was willing to forgive me and take me back. I decided not to challenge that and just refused to see him. I just about died laughing after hanging up and soon after that I got a new phone number. Haven't talked to him since then, though he has tried to hoover me through my brother and sent me a friend request, which I blocked, on social media (despite the fact that my profile clearly states that I am now married).
1) They don’t know how to move forward in a healthy way (reconcile, empathize)
2) Unable to accept responsibility for their role and problems
3) Unable to learn from their mistakes
4) Unable to process what I feel at all
5) Unable to be humble
6) Unable to be fair minded or objective
7) Unable to take off the mask
8) Can’t drop shame based thinking
“I am free, I’m competent, I’m responsible, I am reasonable, I’m going to live into my intrinsic value.”
Dr. C and I are on “Team Healthy!”
I wish, you could sat me down and tell me about these people earlier in my life. I would of avoided them Period. Thank you
Henry.
Very good!
Your spot on. 💕
lol what mistakes :P
@@weaknessstrength love is pain and pain is love...life goes on
Thanks.
It’s so liberating that this condition is becoming so well acknowledged now. I am sad to think that there must be so many people over the years labelled with various mental health conditions when in fact they were victims of a narcissistic relationship.
My dad took me to therapists as if there was something wrong with me, and he had been a narcissist, emotionally abusive the whole time. and no therapist ever caught that
Yep, that would be me!
OMG yes.
@@Userytghnmjk-e6w 😪
A narcissist favorite reply when you catch them lying "YOU'RE CRAZY." Same answer if you go on a date with one and ask " what happened to your last relationship? " Their response? " OH HE / SHE WAS CRAZY!"
I'm 18 days out. I'm homeless now. I'm not a young woman anymore but I am strong. I had left this family member before but I found out I needed shoulder replacement surgery and went back. I didn't know the term covert narcissist I just knew I was being treated badly, disrespected and always having to deal with drama. I also found out l am an Empath. I am learning to put me first and to give myself the love l gave to others. I'm still a little afraid because l saw the true evil this time. I am NO CONTACT and shall remain that way until I die. Needless to say I can't have surgery right now but at least I don't live in hell.
Call a domestic violence agency for assistance in your struggle.
I hope wherever you are, you are okay and safe.
Look at least you are free and preserve your sanity . Well done to you and put all your energy to find work , stability and at the end you will be able to afford your surgery ! It’s possible, I believe In you . Baby steps at the time but it’s all so worth it !!
...homelessness does not matter when you have to leave a monster, keep on pushing, Sister!🖤 Call on the name of God, and God will see you through...💯
Please I am begging you. Call a domestic violence agency to get support
The worst Narcissist is the one that treats you badly but pretends he is doing no wrong and cannot understand what you are making a fuss about. Very demoralising. Punishments are done so subtly making it seem normal nothing is wrong but you know you are being punished.
I am no longer under their spell I free of them but listening to you gives me a sense of calm and understanding because in the past when I talked about my experience I felt the listeners' I was communicating with did not get what I was trying to say.
Be a little more energetic - kick narcissists' backsides as hello.
Completely agree with you.
Hi Florie, I have almost the exact experience. It is frustrating when they will not admit their wrong doing and then on top of that punish you on the side. You can feel very much on your own with no one understanding. I now know my family are just pretending not to understand due to the fact they are all working together !
Also they may hurt phsicly
Florie...you are right about people "not getting what you say about your experience"...it is very difficult for people to understand this kind of abuse unless they have lived it! They are mere words to them!
When you said "being with someone who's like that creates misery in you", that truly resonated with me. The heartache and pain I endured was at times unbearable. I would feel so sick from being brokenhearted.
My gosh, I can relate. I was in tears most the time, a sad horrible relationship. No I felt like a prisoner waiting for a opportunity to escape!
You are so right about the pain of a broken heart because for eight years I was so hurt and confused but then I wised up to his ways and I was able to mentally protect myself against his deceptions until I was able to escape......
God bless all the survivors ♥️
oh boy, i feel you. I am igning both hands under that. My story was awful too. I hate being in that "club" and feel sorry for each member, such shouldnt exist at all.
I hope u left
Yes I can relate to that also.. I would think its got to be me.. It is me.. Is it
Then except that is was.. The same insults etc. Would be thrown at me, lies also 😢💔😩
I was stalked when I pulled away. Then I got a FOID card. Let's just say, don't be a fool. Narcissistic people can be crazy, but my gun is crazier!! 💯
Amen girl.
The ex narcissist attacked me when I rejected him for the final time.
He then said “I know you love me, why did you wanna make me so angry”
It was a 3 hour ordeal. He’s in jail now
That sucks. You are worthy and deserve better! Glad he is put away
I’m so sorry you went through that.😟
@@sparklyhomesteader5414
Thank you for saying that
Three hours.
All of their injuries are saved up for you.
Take care of yourself.
When I was leaving the narcissistic relationship my ex said, "Nobody is going to put up with you the way I have, because you are not the nicest person." Never saying Sorry, never admitting to being in the wrong.
Lmao, i said something similar except my ex was a crazy abusive narc boarderline who used people for her own validation and never meant a single apology and would gaslight me at every opportunity she had, pretended to love me but in the end really didn't give a shit about me, and certainly never appreciated me being there for her when she would split and go off the deep end, lmao.... ill never date again...
Exactly this.
Also, you're a terrible person, but I still want to stay married to you for YOUR sake :P
@@analogaudiorules1724 I believe everything you stated, I was so called friends with a borderline/ narcissists woman and she seemed like she was doing Satan's work. She has destroyed 4 kid's fathers and an ex husband she's insane.
I got the same. Not true.
Projection
One of the hardest things for me is that I'm so banged up mentally after 12 years of being with a narcissist that I'm even questioning if it's not ME that's a narcissist. It's so, so hard.
Pretty sure you're good.. Narcissist never wonder if they're the narcissist.
Completely understandable part of this awful experience with them. If you're questioning if it's you... It's not you.
Mark, I will chime in on your experience. Being a man, I have hung in there for a while, living up to my sense of responsibility. All the while my life was being diminished. I have been accused - falsely- of everything my narc is. I have questioned myself often. However, in the midst of that questioning I have always seen the truth, too. It's not me. Now I am in a season of breaking away. I know most will be fooled by her shenanigans, but I refuse to be. God knows me. He knows my life. He knows my cooperation with his will in my life. He knows my walk of maturing with him. He knows my willingness to grow. So, guess what? I'm good. My narc does not control me and I'm done.
I hope that little testimony encourages you. Stand. Leave if you must. Rebuild. Move on.
I did too!!!!
a narcissist WOULDN'T ever ask that question.
Abuse is abuse period. When they abuse you verbally by raging at you psychologically by gaslighting you or physically Never ask yourself what you did to deserved to be treated that way. NEVER. Even if you made a mistake and the person is hurt, there are constructive ways to solve the issues. If every difficulties were solved through violence the world would be a complete mess. So no matter what you did you still deserved to be respected never accept that someone abuse you just because you made a mistake.
I must confess I hate being lied to, led on, cheated, taken advantage of and rejected.
Thank you Dr. Carter, I have learned how to reject a narcissist in a calm way; just walk and never look back.
Exactly
my ex was also obsessed with driving the nicest car in the neighborhood. the only thing worse than a narcissist is a carcissist!
funny, thank you!
Omg, I can relate...so pathetic
Mine bought a beamer and then proceeded to tell me we were going to buy a half million dollar house and I needed to quit college and get a real job in order to contribute to this "goal." No contact 1 1/2 years. Legal battle ongoing and awaiting divorce papers with joy. Soon I will be completely free of this man and everyday away from him is pure bliss!
Thanks so much
@@kc8449 " this goal" ? I think he was trying to get you to bit like a fish on his hook. Didn't you mean "His Goal," for him. YOU ARE ONLY HIS SUPPLIER..TO SUPPLY HIS DREAMS AND HIS EXPECTATIONS. WHOSE IDEAS ARE THES ANYWAY ? YOU WENT ALONG FOR A RIDE TO THE UNKNOWN WITHOUT A PLAN.
When you finally say "no more" draw that hard boundary and hold to it you may hear:
Why are you doing this to me?
Why do you hate me so much?
I don't understand why we cant work it out.
A mixture of making you the villain/the narc playing the victim AND trying to flatter and shame you.
Making promises to give you everything you've been asking for (just to be treated with respect!)
I'm really sorry
I love you
You owe me
Blah blah blah
It's all attempted manipulation.
They'll stalk and harass you and do thing, just to get a reaction out of you. Since one clearly don't know how to act their age.
65 narcissists hated this video. Splendid video, such a clear and concise explanation and no doubt extremely useful to many. Thanks very much, Dr. Les!
😂😂😂💯❤
Lmao, joker trump
It's up to 231 narcissists!
The narcissist is getting exposed. There are more Life Coaches teaching on narcissist.
And this is why at 63 I walked away from my mother. I can’t deal with it any longer. Myself, my daughter, my granddaughters are so much happier.
Mind blowing that grandmas are being manipulated by their own mothers...seems crazy to me
I believe my sister is a narcissist. She’s always blaming others for her problems. It’s never her fault. She’s got other issues but she clearly needs help.
At 63 I just walked away from my sister and her constant denigration, belittling of my accomplishments and her position as superior.
It took me that long too.
I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again, and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back, after much begging, but all to no avail. and she confirmed it that she has made her decision, and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening, as i was coming back from work ,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina @gmail .com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina @ gmail. com or call/whatsapp +2348139182295
prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as:
genetic battle
spell to kill or destroy your enemy
promotion spells
win lottery
dealing narcissist spell
Avenge someone
Spell to someone
and many more
After my husband was arrested, I filed for divorce right away, and I never willingly talked to him again. I refused to meet with him during the divorce and give him an opportunity to give all of us "his side" of the story. My attorney thought I was being harsh. But I just told him, that there was no point. All he wanted to do was get me in a corner so he could rant and rave. And that is the magic of divorce. I don't have to have those conversations anymore. Nope. Done.
My narc ex didn't get a chance to throw his tantrum. I discarded him, changed my number, and moved out of state lol. Maybe the new/old supply felt his wrath. As far as the smear campaign.. he can have fun with that!!
@Mary Carroll Good for you! I threw mine out Thanksgiving day!! Zero contact with her since. She tried texting nasty things, so I blocked her! She has her new supply, good for me! Hope he's what she want. Whatever keeps her away from permanently!🤣 Thank God it's OVER!!
Good for you girl! Lol Freedom....
The narcissist bullies you
I moved out of state and conveniently forgot to tell them. A friend told them I moved out of state, but told them the wrong town I moved to. The narcissist drove all over the wrong town looking for me.
Well, hopefully he got a nice road trip out of his travels. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism He was incredibly passed off. 😊
LOL,! Love it!!
I had a similar experience with my ex-wife. My kids all lived with me, my daughter had an O.P. against her mother. On one of the mothers tantrum phone calls I let it “slip” that my daughter had an after school job a an ethnic chicken place in the next town( which was untrue). I later found out she went there screaming demanding to see her daughter, she caused such a problem they took my ex away in handcuffs. My daughter had an after school job but at our local Staples. I wish I could have had a video of the “interaction” .
I love it! I am working on that plan myself right now. My narcissistic fri-end is trying to get me to help her get away from her family she can't control. Not happening!
When u first leave, it's total emotion. You cry, you vent, you get angry, you collapse. Then something amazing happens, when u finally realise the whole 30 years to the narc, was a performance, and I was a stage prop. None of it was real. A good quote, " in reality you have to leave like you never even knew them, because in reality, you never did know them" so true when it comes to narcs. Thanks Doc C ❤❤
I love listening to you! My first husband was a narcissist and after 13 years of abuse I had had enough. As my ex was moving me into my own apartment he started crying in the pick up and he said "you're breaking up our family"! I just looked at him and said "spare me the tears, I have absolutely nothing left for you, nothing you say or do can make me feel anything for you"! He stopped crying almost immediately. I am happy to say that I remarried 5 years later and never looked back. He remarried and did all the same things to his second wife and they also divorced.
Tonmmi Sue Ahmann,You deserves better 🙏
They'll try to *bait you back in, and you can fall for it, you start thinking " oh! they really care maybe they changed!" they'll be real nice, then you you let your guard down, they vomit all over you!! So, when your done with their toxic behavior, you need to be done...because the abuse gets worse!!
I agree.
Facts
Tired of Put downs, insults, humiliation, triangulations, gaslighting, sarcasms, ridicules. One can only take so much. Ears truly turned off. Inability to accept the truth.
Stalking, smear campaign- flying monkeys everywhere yeah.
Unable to process what the other person feels.
Unable to introspect.
Unable to admits faults
Unable to learn from their mistakes
Unable to be humble
Unable to take off their mask
The Resolve:
I can do better
I deserve better
I certainly not gonna be someone’s punch bag
I am no one’s source of supply
I am no one’s source of neurotic living
I am no one’s tool
I am free
I am confident
I am responsible
I am under no illusion that the narc is gonna be anything either than being a narc
If the narc is unable to be responsible, and decent, It’s not my problem.
A million times 100% true. Current situation!!
Wow 😯
Thanks very much!!
Thanks for posting 👏💯
Can't put it any better!! Thank you so much
"I'm no one's tool" ❤️
Great summary!
Like Lady Gaga sings.
Give me a million reason to stay.
I say. How about just one reason?
In three words and the answer is.
"YOUR CRAZY ASS!" 😂
I've gone no contact during his silent treatment so he doesn't know yet that I've rejected him.....I've got that joy to come
I like hearing that the narcissist's bad attitude is not someone else's problem. Words of gold.
Patricia Garcia,hope you are not with a narcissist!
I had to experience this when I started setting boundaries. My whole entire family started verbally insulting me...because I just wanted "space". Suddenly, I was breaking apart the whole entire family. Suddenly, I was the cause for why my mom drinks so much. I now have limited interaction with them.
Oh no that’s the cardinal rule you cannot have your own identity you can’t think on your own you’re not supposed to do anything outside of the group everybody else think a certain way look a certain way fall in line be under the rule of this one person if you even attempt to break away you are the enemy
Sorry to hear that that is hard but you must look after your self
I, a small child of 7, was blamed by my mother for my father leaving. I had deep issues of rejection for many years until I figured it all out. It's different for me now. I still feel that pinge of rejection at times but I know it's a lie and it doesn't control me any longer. I've learned it's best to leave someone threatening to leave you, or block you, or not talk to you. Peace!
Am I the only one that thinks it is strange how the person who is so "insignificant" in the family system, is also the one with the power to destroy the family?
They want you back because you kept the whole dog and pony show on the road.
@@fredhubbard7210 I always said about the two narcissists that used to be in my life, that it's amazing that I can be so insignificant and marginalized until they need someone to blame, then all of a sudden I'm superman... someone so powerful that I'm the source of all their problems.
First they will smirk. They will know game’s up. Then they will scream, kick, and blame to stay latched onto you.
He’s ramping up the insults and threats like nothing before. There is no love left.
That's right. Narcissists believe they are the parent and you are the eternal child...and the moment they sense that you don't need them...is when they start giving you speeches about your supposed rebellion and bad attitude. It's how they regain their status over you, by making you the bad guy that has rejected their insight into your life. But they will turn up the parenting talk until you submit. The narcissist will always see you as the stubborn outcast child that rejected their parenting.
I just experienced the death of the narc after 47 years of a living hell. I am free for the first time in 47 years of someone who never had the ability to love me or his own children. I am happy now. I don't even want his ashes. Finally, it's over. Thank you God. I will now spend the rest of my life trying to help others with this.
Ex narcissist would say Oh so now I'm not good enough. That's when I would stand of to him.
I literally just went no contact with my dad yesterday, and you described him perfectly. I'm 37 btw 😂
When you reject narc
in my experience
#1 rage
#2 pouting .... poor me etc
#3 bitterness
#4 hate
i suppose this why you should go no contact as soon as you decide enough is enough
T.y. for your video Dr
Right. Enough is enough. Dr. C
I cannot wait till I can go no contact....have to keep in contact while we sell our house and divorce then I’m FREEEEEEEEE
When I left my ex....(over 30 years ago) who thought he was THE BEST song writer on the planet and it was Gods Will that he was to be famous. We mortgaged our life up to the hilt....the best guitars...professional recording studios...PA gear for gigs....home studio equipment. As the last child of a big family...he was spoilt and told continuously how amazing he was. He convinced me he was a 'special enlightened soul' and through him I would get to really know God and without him I would whither and live a boring life.....he thought he was a modern day William Blake poet genius!! If I ever expressed a view (that wasn't wonderful) about his latest song.....he would throw things and it was all to do with my difficult childhood..blah blah blah....always a deficiency in me not to see his fabulousness! Anyway ....I eventually (after five depressive years of hell...which I couldn't fully express because of his anger) left him. He then continued to spend years trying to get full custody of our two young children ....he actually accused me of abusing the children with my witchcraft ways and 'alternative' religion ! These allegations had to be fully investigated and the children medically examined and have counselling....it's a long story with twists and turns. I have remarried (28 years ago) and the children love and respect him...I've never stopped the children being part of their dads life even if he tried to destroy me. I'm a successful person in business and have no debts and live in a beautiful part of the world....I worked on myself and all my children have degrees and good jobs and loving marriages with their own beautiful babies. At our daughters wedding, five years ago....he could barely look or speak to me and left the reception early (by the way he was with someone else 5 minutes after I left and they are still together) so he's not nursing a broken heart. But he hates me for leaving and has never helped with child support....and I've never been able to co-parent with any concerns or been able to discuss problems they might have had. When I housed our son (for 3 years) in a flat I owned that was 2 minutes walk from his house....he wouldn't speak him....in fact our son (in his early 20's at the time) was so distraught because he said his dad crossed the road rather than talk to him ....all because our boy was living in my flat. Once he moved to a different town many miles away to get married ....oh, he couldn't visit him enough! It's all about control...and this ex is really a weak coward that's jealous I made it in life without him. My advice is....get educated, get a trade, learn to drive and you can ALWAYS be independent and confident...to thine own self be true and let no man put asunder.....by the way...my 'alternative religion ' ha ha...I became a Catholic convert!
It was safer for me to be discarded. Whew!
So accurate.
You called it.
Leaving a narcissist is so painful. God help me. And thank you for giving me some kind things to say to myself
They get very angry and almost child like. They become sullen and even sound like they’re about to cry. It sounds like an impending tantrum. It’s basically telling them you don’t want to be their friend, and they go back to that childhood state of rejection and wanting to be admired. I had narcissistic men get ANGRY I didn’t actually want to date their type because they were sexist, cold, cruel and yes narcissistic. They would put down women and their appearance, and I knew that meant they had a whole lot to say about mine, so I was quick to pull away.
FACTS
When I finally left my narcissist ex, he contacted me saying "Please come back - the cat misses you." Lol.
LOL 🤣
@@mdmmalou Yes, it is!
They can try all sorts of tricks to get you back..
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀I laughing cause they are pathetic like that, when the covert narc saw i was ignoring him in town, he run a good distance just to ask me.." lets go for a drink " when he kno i block and delete him off a everything.
Hahaha. Funny one
We are about to experience this as a Country.....
Yup..Grand Awakening
Yup 😊
Yes
🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉
Wow, how beautifully generous...lack finances are surely number one reason keeping victims from being set free.
this was the best one yet - really hit home. thank you for the reminder that 1) I can do better 2) I deserve more 3) I'm meant for something more than being used
It’s hard when your narcissistic parent holds you on that position, it really messes with your mind!
My 3 new affirmations
I told him I deserved to be treated better and he had an issue with me using the word "deserve"... 🙄🙄🙄
@@barbaralippincott-lonsky8761 yes. Many of us were groomed and conditioned to accept like bread crumbs and just try harder if we had parents like that.
Also, its true that when u pull away and they feel it, they give off this energy thats like 'how dare u walk away from me'. They're needy af!
Idk. Needy, insecure, vengeful, use ppl as "flying monkeys" to be on their side and harrass you forever, never let anything go...
Woman can't live with them. Can't shoot them.
How dare you refuse to be abused !!!!
How dare you have a backbone a spine a voice and standup for yourself !!!!
Yep!
When I filed for divorce she recited the litany of all the reasons she was about to divorce me. She was pissed that she couldn't do the discard.
Can't deal with a dose of their own medicine. Dr. C
How childish..Haha 😂
Holy guacamole! Same here. Then the multiple texts started and hanging up when he didn't hear what he wanted.
Weird thing is, everyone thinks he's the nicest guy. He has way more of an outgoing personality than me.
They really don't like you taking the discard away ..
@@dorindab.5305 In my experience, they have a public & private persona. Friends think they are wonderful and believe, without question, all the half and distorted truths, which they communicate so convincingly.
Yep! This makes me remember several years ago when I came home for the holidays for the first time since moving from home to another city. At the time, I had so much guilt that I hadn't been going home that often but I felt so good - and safe - in my new city, and going home felt so dreadful and dark.
That holiday I came home, my dad could definitely sense that his grip had loosened on me and he came at me (verbally) like a snarling animal. First it was condescending mockery. Then it turned into name-calling.
For so long, I hadn't had the distance and space to identify what made me dislike interacting with my dad so intensely, but that experience made me go, "Oh, yep! That's what I'm protecting myself from."
Pretty much went no contact from that point and it's the best decision I've made in my life, besides moving from my hometown.
Good for you! 🙏🏻💚
👍🌷
And we all say, THUMBS UP!!!😀🤗🌺
I am currently divorcing a nassicist after 21 years of marriage. I'm 62. And a retired teacher. It's financially the worst time to get divorced but honestly there was nothing that could make me stay. I moved out 3 months ago and couldn't be happier. Your videos are so enlightening and quite honestly it's a relief to finally hear about what this madness has been all about. I don't engage with my husband unless it's to discuss the sale of the house or divorce proceedings. He sends me long texts and emails full of complaints but I don't respond. It is emmensly Freeing to break these ties and to move on.
It is bad financially but the toll financially it will take on your mental health and body if you remained would be far higher. Wishing you a smooth and health boosting transmission to your new wonderful life!🙏
I was with one for 2 years. At the time I thought the only way out was to take my life. On life support each time. I thank God today for the support of family and therapist to finally get out. Fast forward 10 years been married to a wonderful man and I’m happy ♥️
Same here, but for 4-1/2 years. He started being more and more physically abusive. I realized that one of us was going to end up in prison, and the other in a dirt nap, just didn't know who would end up where. I didn't like the options, so that's when I realized that I have to be strong, and just go to the point of 'I don't care anymore, I'm gone.'
I wish I had the support of my family, but they ARE the narcissists I need to get away from...
I had a narcissist boss and I would just sit back and watch the show, it's amazing all the thought they put into trying to be dominant, but there all talk they cant even back up there words, i quit without warning and reported his ass
Same here!
I didn’t even realise I was being emotionally abused by my mother for so long. As soon as I realised that my mother and my father are both narcissists while I am an empath. I cut off all ties with my father years ago. I recently decided to cut off my mother as well because her abuse continues on. I hope I can be strong enough not to allow other family members to make me feel like a horrible person.
I wish you to succeed 🙏🏻
Thank you Rachel.
I'm going through this right now, they don't deserve our love, not even Parents.
You deserve to have the best people in your life. Keep your positive attitude up! Happy 2022!
Thats the biggest challenge isn't it..Having family make you feel bad, they become angry with you or try and drag you back in . It's not happening to me again with my Mom.
The only thing they regret is they can’t use us anymore.
Correct 😢❤
Exactly and then get mad when you turn them off and never pay attention again!
Both my parents are narcissists. Mom is diagnosed, high level. I've had a lifetime of endless problems with them and was their only child/scapegoat. My mother hated and still hates me. She always tried competing and was jealous. I had to go on my own young (17) and have stayed in therapy to keep sane. Many years later, they are in their 80-s and I'm in my 50's. I've been low contact, no contact, moved far away for years and came back but have always been independent. They wanted me to be powerless and dependent. Nope. My career has been successful and I have strong boundaries. They hate me even more. I stopped calling and visiting. They cannot handle rejection. All you say us true. They tried different antics in the past. Threats, bullying, shunning, mom calling and yelling at my therapist, etc. In the end seeing how they cannot use or manipulate me, they ghosted me. We aren't talking anymore. Part of me is sad..my only family but most of me is ok, at peace with it because I've had nothing but blame, upheaval and chaos thrown at me all my life. Dad is like mom now, nasty and wishes me harm. I have not wanted to bother with them for awhile but had taken a few calls as they wondered where their supply went. They'd show up with a cake and be friendly then disappear again. They want to keep me off balance but I'm ok. Now they see I'm doing fine and have given up. Its just not worth the hassle to engage. I blocked their phone number. Enough is enough. They ghosted me but emotionally I was already done. An ugly and sad ending to a family. Typical narcs.
You can’t control other people’s behavior, sad when family is like that but you’ve done the right thing to move on. Although I don’t know you God does and feel in my Spirit that you’ve done the right thing
God love you. I think the worst situation is to have them as parents. You sound like you have done a great job despite them. Keep up the good work.
Hi there! Both my parents were narcs and prescription valium, librium and heavy alchohol users. When I was 3years old I remember them pushing me at each other, " He's your bloody child !!! " and "You made me have him !!!" My childhood memories are of nothing but blazing rows ! ! However they died when I was young and I live a happy carefree life with my 2 dogs !!! I never got married or had children. All I wanted was a quiet life free of problems so now I'm 66 yrs I've achieved that !!! I can still remember coming home from school and my mother would be trying to commit suicide in front of me !!! It's a pity I didn't leave her to get on with it !!!!! At least I'm not a Narcissist !!!!
Wow! What if you had to be their caregiver. Guess it helped getting away.
Wow. Glad you are strong though it hasn't been easy. How do your parents relate to each other, both being narcissists?
They’re not spectacular human beings that you’d miss having around. This life right here is very short and too beautiful to settle with 🗑. Reject and discard them. Stay focused on being with an emotionally healthy person and dwelling in perfect peace.💖
Amen to that.
Exactly. Amen!
well said
Or how about not focusing on being with anybody at all . Geeze you dont always need a significant other to be happy and content with life . How about WE FOCUS ON LOVING OURSELVES 👌🏼 PERFECT PEACE COMES FROM WITHIN NOT FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING .
@@PRETTYGIRLSWAGG918 self love is the greatest!💖
Married for 30 yrs didn’t like who I became ... Stopped the supply to his wants needs demands... I’m not obligated or ownd ... so he left earth 2018 .. the now regaining who I deserve to be Putting urself first isn’t selfish it’s an act of survival
Blessings of health happiness harmony safety kindness consistency to all. ☺️✌🏻💌😇💝
they die without supply? seems about right but they can always find it, for the most part. but more awareness now. good for you.
Amen, honey, AMEN!!!!😍🤗🌺
WELL DONE 👍
Thanks for the reminder that we’re just trying to survive. I’m fresh out from under his control. It’s eating him alive! In the meantime, the kids and I haven’t felt this good in forever!
@@morningsong8077 🌈Coming our of the storm to see the rainbows 😇. Stay strong. Beleive in urself. Huggs of strength sent ..💌🥰✌🏻🤗
The one thing behind all narcissism is pride.
Spot on.
When you are getting ready to leave...and when you are leaving and forever after...you tell yourself EVERY DAY: "I deserve MORE! I deserve BETTER! I deserve LOVE and CONNECTION and I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!!" Do not ever stop telling yourself this!!!! You have to undo all the brainwashing they did to you! You're all you've got at the end of the day. Be your own guide, your own best friend. Be good to YOU and give YOURSELF all the love you deserve and didn't get from that pathetic, insecure, cowardly, entitled, arrogant DEAD THING.
This happened with a past 'friend'. She treated me poorly and I communicated with her and when she did it again I decided that this relationship was not for me. Told her in a calm way that I don't fancy meeting up again and that I think we have been arguing too much, her reaction was so aggressive which just made me thankful I made my decision :)
Walking away for good messes up their script. You owe them NOTHING, and they know it. There's no leverage for them.
But you have to make it STICK!!💪👍👍
They think there's always a do over, (hoovering). Teach them there aren't any do overs. Game Over!
I'm done being surrounded by narcissist it's time to slam the door .Time to end this misery and move on...
I just split up with my man, couldn't put up with his attitude, always controlling, being right all the time. Well l told him we are not sleeping together any more, not a couple anymore . I told him it's over. Well he just got shocked, and started to bad mouth me and my family and he don't know them. He phoned me about ten times in one day. Didn't answer at all.
Just left a narcissistic boss. He's talking to the people who reported to me to find out why I'm leaving. He could ask me but I guess that would be too easy. I'm sure the gaslighting has started but I'll stay out of that.
My narc likes the roundabout method as well. Like the great boxing champion Jose Torres once said: When the intimidator can no longer intimidate he becomes intimidated. Truer words never spoken; my guess is your boss has become intimidated by your newly found resolve to stand up to him. An important skill to have as you will most likely have to deal with others like him in the future. My best to you, it looks like you are moving forward. :)
Good for you! I actually don't think there's anything worse than a narcissistic boss. Not only are they jerks, but they can't even do their jobs, let alone yours. That is why they target you. You're a threat to them.
@@stankochman2558 i have seen others use great excuses, moving, engaged and moving, family emergency etc. then they can't get upset and complain.
@@laurenw963 Nailed it.. My Covert/Malignant boss is a joke. Made no effort to learn our products/services, yet, makes six figures. They're Terminators. His mission is power through Coercive Control. Ran the office into the ground. Ran 94 employees out using every tactic in the narc playbook w/ his duper's delight smirk every time he's about to do someone dirty. What's amazing is corp., to include HR thinks he walks on water. His motto is "the beat downs will continue until morale improves. He's a career killer within the company & will block every path exiting the company (unemployment, insurance, turn flying monkey into bad references)
@@t.l.7733 Actually, it's a small world and eventually they get a bad reputation and/or nobody will work under them. With any luck at all he'll have to move on to greener pastures.
It took 20 years to leave my ex. It was worth it! He almost killed me and he almost left me bankrupt, also. Take this from me: there is nothing you can do to fix it. If you are dealing with a narcissistic relationship, run! Now! Everything this man is saying is my ex to the letter! It has been 6 years and I am still healing, but never been better and more relieved in my life! Thank-you, good, sir for posting these! Wish I had seen them sooner! To everyone else, stay safe, form an exit plan, good luck!
Brave x
@ Katrina Wendel. Make your plan and execute your plan in secret. DO NOT EXECUTE YOUR NARCISSIST OR WAIT 20 YEARS TO SEPARATE. THAT'TS MY THINKING. IT'S OKAY BUT THEY BECOME DANGEROUS WHEN TIME GOES ON TOO LONG.
@@bernitacenteno1326 As is the case with everything, there is more to the story. My ex was a covert narcissistic man to the extreme. He reeled me in and was a master manipulator. Little by little he took more and more from me until I nearly didn't recognize myself. Long story short, he holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology, so he knew exactly how to mentally manipulate me. It has taken me a long time to heal and to trust people, again.
My comment on, ""Run, now" was at the beginning of a relationship. If you see some red flags, by all means do not second guess yourself, cut ties and run. My ex was very good at gaslighting me (as most narcissistic people are, but with his background in mental health, he was extremely good at gaslighting). There were many "discussions" we had early on where I would have dumped someone in a healthy relationship, but ended up apologizing profusely and begging forgiveness. It was awful.
In my case of 20+ years, yes, I formed as secret of an exit plan as possible. In my divorce, I still had to disclose my location and assets and he still stole more and more from me. Our relationship was highly abusive before I left. It got to the point where I had to "earn" his affection, food, even what I could wear from my wardrobe. I couldn't wait for the weekends to end so I could return to work...so...yeah...it was bad...
Make an exit plan in secret if you can. To be honest, just leave. You will find support. Counseling, from real counselors (and it was extremely difficult for me to trust those in the mental health field, as well, especially since "we", as a couple, knew many of them in our small community). However, I did get help, I have moved on, and it has been the best thing I have done for myself. Do I recommend staying for 20 years? Heck no! Yet, when you can, when you are ready, go! Don't wait. That is my true advice. A narcissist will not change! They are not capable!
You have to move on from them. no matter how much you love them. Can’t keep allowing them to hurt you. Move on, and keep moving on!
Once a person is at that "place" in order to go no contact this no contact, is effective. It may take a few weeks or a few months of a narcsist still contacting you but HOLD firm with not responding back. They will eventually find someone or something else to take attention off you. It has been 2 peaceful months and I went no contact 6 months ago. Best thing I ever did for myself is go no contact. Stay strong!
My ex was already living with his next victim before our divorce was final. We have a daughter together and he used her to gain sympathy with the new girl and then tries to use her to get me to come out of no contact with him. He began abusing the new girl right away and she married him anyway. Now after only 6 months of marriage she kicked him out and filed for divorce. Now that he's lonely and on the prowl, he's trying to act like caring dad (on his best behavior) to get back some sense of control in our lives. I know not to let my guard down. The judge ordered supervised visitation after he was arrested for dv with the current soon to ne ex wife. He refuses to set up the visits because "he shouldn't have to pay to see his kid" He makes no effort whatsoever because it's easier to cry to all of his fb and church friends that I am alienating him from her. I still remain no contact with him although I do allow her to call him on the phone which I monitor. It's very tough but you are right...stay strong and go truly no contact!
It’s a lot tougher to do that when there’s a child involved. My daughter has been totally manipulated into taking my wife’s side which is very difficult for me to deal with. I’m not the abuser yet she, my spouse, gets all the love from our daughter which is very painful.
@@koma4050 I'm so sorry to hear that. I grew up like that with my abusive mother. She kept us from my dad and mislead us about his character. As an adult, I sought to find out from my dad his side of the story. I wish I had done that sooner. My dad was great. He passed away in Jan 2020. I'm so thankful that I got to tell him how much I love him. I am no contact with my mother. I pray that the truth will come out for you and your family and you will have peace and restoration. It is really tough but there is hope. Take care.
As I have left my ex, he wrote me a "loving" letter, how I am a looser and the letter was filled with hate and rage etc. He wrote me, that nobody in the whole world will never love me as he did...that nobody will care about my f*cking crap (I have middle depressions)...that there is only one person in the world, that can accept it.. :) Well..he meant himself. I had to laugh! I have blocked him. Then he started to ask all my friends on social media for friendship. They refused. After 5-6 month he has send me a photo with holding a girl around the waste -- I had to laugh - but felt very sorry for the girl. They are just small, stupid children with big egos and no empathy. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping me handling this topic. You are my hero!
Funny, my ex also wrote me a huge letter filled with hate.. crazy how they all react the same way..
And I am soooo proud of you 👏👏👏 that’s my response to stupidity and let’s me know you have a healthy self esteem that puts things in perspective. Keep enjoying life ❤️
@@GodsChosenMekAmoR Thank you very much my dear. The world is beautiful, today is the World day of kindness let ´s enjoy it. Have a great day!
I'm very lightness person, so I propose you to troll him and after you collect compromising, publish it. And, of course, you're not waste only because some dumbass say so.
Same with my ex!
I love this. Although there is one thing I might disagree with: you claim that narcissists CAN’T change and are not able to treat you in a healthy way. But my experience is that my narcissistic father knew exactly what he was doing. That is why he was able to fool the outside world into thinking he was a nice and charming man. If a narcissist would have really been oblivious about their behaviour, then they wouldn’t have felt the need to hide it so badly. My experience is that my father knew exactly what he was doing. He just really really didn’t care. Comments very welcome.
He meant they don't change the evil. They can hide it when they need to.
1) They can behave appropriately when it benefits them, for example, in front of others.
2) They can stop bad behavior if there is an immediate and powerful contingency; for example, "If you don't stop arguing with me, I am going to stop the car right here, take the keys, and leave you here".
Agree with you. Two major experiences: narcissistic mother and husband (naturally I married one). Mother also put on her charming personality for outsiders. I and siblings commented on that. Her siblings had her committed after a meltdown. She had electroshock treatments. Afterwards she stated, “ok, I Don’t like that. I’ll behave now.” And she did! Made sincere efforts to change narcissistic behavior. Husband revealed his assholeness, I challenged his lying to me before we married. He stated, “Of course I lied and hid who I am. I knew you wouldn’t have married me if you had known who I really am so I had to pretend to be a person you would want.” I fucking despise narcissists. Soulless evil creatures.
Eva Mout:
Your dad may have known what he was doing and just not given a damn. Self-absorbed people are that way. Their enablers reinforce this behavior and way of thinking by allowing them to repeatedly get away with -- even approving of it. Early on, the narc may be able to change; but as they get older, they reach a point of no return and are not able to change even if they want to. Ecclesiastes 11:9-12:1-12 explains what happens to us if/when we don't mature. Maturity, plainly and simply is "Do unto others as you want others to do to you." We all know that we want to be treated kindly.
Nothing complicated about that, is it?
@D Frazier YES!! They wear the mask that gets them what they want at the moment.
I have been involved in 2 narcissistic relationships in my life, and I had no idea what the hell was going on until I was deeply involved in the relationship, and I'm telling you, what a nightmare they were. It is absolutely devastating the long term affects these people had on my life. The abuse of the situation leaves you feeling absolutely worthless and dumbfounded in that they make you think that you are crazy. And after many years, too many years, I have finally learned that these people are impossible of any change or accountability for their actions, because they can't change what they do not own of themselves. So you can love them all you want. But all the love in the world will not get you out of a relationship like this. You have to pretty much treat this as null and void. They have to be dead to you. Or they will surely have no problem leaving you broken in a million pieces, and not flinch. So learn the red flags immediately. And run for your life. Literally, run!
THAT, is a big AMEN... There are red flags... They get close to you too fast, flatter you... Ask a lot of questions about your life saying they just want to know all about you, but it's really good ammunition later. They STUDY you and your likes to disarm you quickly so you will fall for them fast and ignore..... Red flags. Say just an off day, EVERYONE deserves second chances., Right!!! Then a second, third... By then they already have you hooked. Your confused, dazed and confused good. They do things for you only to remind you off what they did... Buy you something you didn't ask for, ONLY to say your an ingrate if you don't just Love it and go on an on about it.... How if you REALLY loved them... You'd do x..y.. Or z! They QUESTION everything and accept no answer YOU give them, but if you don't accept what they say even when you have proof they are lying... It's HOW DARE YOU NOT BELIEVE ME, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BELIEVE WHAT I TELL YOU????? RAGING, YELLING, SLAMMING THINGS AROUND AND INTIMIDATING YOU AND STOMPING AROUND LIKE A TWO YEAR OLD TRYING TO SCARE YOU AND DOING A GOOD JOB OF IT!!!! Driving CRAZY to scare you, also no one else knows how to drive right... Yelling just missing someone's bumper. Can't keep jobs...7 in about a year, can't get along with people, they are all stupid!!! Don't do THEY'RE jobs right, not fast enough, or just doing something wrong in they're stellar opinion.... So they quit or get fired. YOUR whole family and most friends say they see something bizzare in this guy, they just can't put they're finger on it, but they don't like or TRUST him!!!!!!! ALL in agreement👍🕊️😳💥
Does that sound ABOUT right?
I won't even get into the sex, which they lie about also.... No good, or CAN'T!!!