I did it 3 years ago for good. When I blocked her I prayed and asked God to forgive me for what I did wrong. I made a conscience decision to never speak to her ever again and listened to god telling me to do this. We are not objects and I owe this person nothing. She literally does not understand NO.
If you were discarded out of the blue. If you got blindsided, without any closure. Don't beg. Don't give them any attention. Find out your own closure by understanding why you accepted being treated so poorly. Work on yourself. Accept that you're responsible for staying in the relationship for so long. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know any better. You didn't have the tools and the boundaries necessary to keep those useless shits at bay. Build yourself up. Turn your mind into a narc-proof impenetrable fortress. You owe it to yourself. Never again. You've got this, survivor.
Honestly, the reason I went "no contact" is because my ex-narc did first. Total silence since Dec. 2021. He'd already moved on to new supply (twice, I think). It hurt like hell, but the pain is finally fading and the joy is gradually returning. Tomorrow will be 10 yrs since we met - it was a special day that feels so tainted now. I will remain strong in NC. 💪
Don't reverse hoover yourself because you are secretly hoping to get back with them! Or, if you are now painfully aware there is no possibility of a relationship and just want closure you reach out. No contact truly means no contact whatsoever. If you're a Neville Goddard fan, I'd say that extends as far as you removing them from your mind entirely, don't even have a mental conversation with them. You just have to rip that band-aid off and admit that they didn't, don't, and never will like you as much as you liked them. Only pick people who pick you.
I'm 8 months no contact after a five year relationship. I knew something was off for so long and wanted to leave, but since I couldn't pin point what it was I stayed but realized the longer I stayed in the relationship the worse it got with abuse. Then all the lies started to surface she couldn't keep track of them which equals cheating and that's when I immediately moved out and left her. No contact hurts for awhile but as time goes on it does get easier. Thanks Jess.
No contact for almost a year! After we sold our home and that was taken care of...I went no contact, blocked his phone number and his Facebook page! Haven't heard a peep and loving it! 😉
Thanks Jess. Been no contact for awhile. Final divorce is in 18 days and keeping my chin up. You are correct, boredom and loneliness is tough. I just get in the car and drive. You are the best!
Thank you for this video, Jess. 33 days no contact. Been down the road before of entertaining hoovers and reverse hoovering. I've got to cut the cord for good. When someone is so mean, a user, a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, how could I ever entertain having this person back in my life again and again when I've been down the road a few times with worse results. Stay strong survivors.
It’s been over three years and what helped was therapy and becoming a better version of me by reading and going back to old hobbies. Thank you Jess, your videos and one on one’s were a huge help and I am very grateful for the work you do!!
They will destroy you if they can. I had anxiety too, depression, ibs and my hair was falling out, he was literally sucking the life out of me. I’m 7 months no contact the peace is good, keep up the no contact they are very destructive individuals.
Thank you, I am 7 months no contact I did make a list and it really helped. I knew for a long time I needed to leave the narcissist but that good old trauma bond stopped me until it got so bad and I caught him cheating that was the turning point and made me leave block and no contact. I have run into him a few times but I just ignore him, he told a friend I won’t talk to him anymore. Madman still thinks I should 🤦♀️ the peace is lovely not being involved anymore.
The date setting of the cut off was So liberating!! I sent an I cant do this anymore text. Then blocked him on everything. Then set all of his crap outside my door in boxes. Changed my locks on door. Hes come back twice, wandering around but no words, no knock. Perfect!! I cannot wait to enjoy my life again, peace n quiet😊🤸♀️
5 years divorced from naropath x-husband, 3+ years NC..now I am going NC with my 38 yr old son who has NPD.. they do so much soul-crushing damage..I am at the 'one minute at a time' place..I really hoped and prayed it wouldn't come to this..but here we are..I have friends,hobbies,crafts but I fund myself unmotivated at time..I pray that passes...blessings to all survivors.
Been 10 months, I’ve been on my grind , my new business is opening this month , someone today told me I got to put my shades on just to look at you 😂 I feel great , I simply unfollowed and haven’t checked there page at all !!!!I haven’t had the time no dating just focusing on me and boy do I feel good . I did see them ,walked past them like they where not even there . Listing to this let’s me know that I’m going in the right direction. Thanks Jess!!!!!
After 3 1/2 years and BDSM involved. She took my PTSD dog the car met another guy,moved in got on drugs and left me. But I'm 44 single no kids in counseling and going to make it
She gave me a ultimatum to move to Texas by December and then called me on the phone in October and said she met someone else and destroyed my chance at being together with her.
I literally have nothing to say to her that has not already been said. I outgrew this person and when I went no contact I meant it. I'm completely indifferent now and do not care about her marriage or her life. Her life is none of my business and I don't care at all about her life.
It might have been me but she really seemed unfamiliar to me when we talked in the aftermath. I think she was becoming the mirror to the new sucker, even the fraud she created to ensnare me was gone.
Making a "con" list helps so much. And, combined with knowledge of how they operate...makes you realize there will never be a change. It will continue to be the same ole rollercoaster-of-nonsense....only it'll be amped up. Thanks for your spot-on insight. You're doing such a GREAT service.
This is so true Jess,cut the toxic bs out of your life and go no contact, and just move forward with your life and work on yourself, thanks for the video 🦋🙏
It's been 5yrs since I have seen her the trauma Bond or the hope that it would have worked still exist t think my problem with me is I remember all the good times and none of the bad times she reached out at the beginning of the year to share a memory and that was it I m not gonna lie it's lonely being a retired Veteran in a small hick town dosent offer alot of options.
@Jess Stanley I love your no nonsense videos! I’ve been no contact with my 86 year old narc mother now for about three months. It is super hard. Fortunately, she is in an independent living community so I don’t have to worry about her physical safety. I just reached a point where her constant draining negativity and playing the victim and basically telling me that no matter what I did was never enough was too much for me to take anymore. All that plus the gaslighting, blame shifting drama, queen stuff, etc. I would be interested in knowing if other people who follow you have similar situations with elderly parents, could do all they can to take any joy out of living!
I went no contact in June of last year with my 90 year old mother, along with my brother and sister. Now they're working on my son and other relatives. It's tough to do, but it's better for you in the long run.
I just left court yesterday for a restraining order on my narc ex. He had been harassing me for months after I left him. The judge granted my order. My ex shows up to court and tells the judge he wants to “file his own order.” 😂 He will go to any lengths to feel like he won. I’m annoyed at this point.
My lawyer told me no contact to my ex wife and her blaming mother. For my safety, im not on the verge on getting married again from the way I was treated.
Funny...but...all my relationships with family and friends are trashed for the most part...and I'm definately done with narco...BUT...I'm happy flying totally solo...almost guilty for feeling so happy...gotta sign in my house...DRAMA FREE ZONE...and i MEAN it.. love coming home and just shutting the door behind me!!
Is that guy from social media still stalking me?? Why was he engaged in that behavior?? The number of men who randomly attack females on social media for no reason is alarming.
My narcissist was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. Towards me and his son (from a previous relationship). I did see a lot of red flags in the beginning but I thought I deserved a terrible guy because of my past in not caring about other peoples feelings as much as I should have. We were together 3 years. His son is 10 years old now, my son is 8 years old. They were like best friends but at the same time, the way my narcissist treated me is how his son treated my son. Sometimes even worse. His son would spit in my sons face and pull off his blanket when my son was sick. He would laugh while doing it. He taught my so. How to fight by fighting my son. He would give my son silent treatments. He would break my sons games and toys. My narcissist’s son was unloved, abused and neglected by my narcissist & his biological mother. His son was jealous of my son. The way my son was loved and cared for, the way he’s a nice kid. I gave my narcissists son the same and equal love as I gave my own son. I loved him as much as I could and gave him everything he was missing from his father and biological mother. He was doing great after 2 years of working on his behaviour. He turned into a respectable child, helpful and grateful. But his father cheated throughout our whole relationship. His biological mother was not there for him since he was 3 years old. She gave him up and hasn’t kept in touch at all. I realized my narcissist was still in love with his son’s biological mother after all these years. He began cheating on me with her and taking his son to see his mother, they acted like a family sometimes, then he would come right back to me after a weekend. His sons behaviour changed drastically, he’s the one who told me they had been spending time with his mother. His mother love bombed him. After not having any contact with him for years or not coming to his birthday when I invited her, she lives just around the corner. He became his old self. Terrible, sneaky, physically abusive. I could put up with all of my narcissist’s abuse towards me and sadly I didn’t report his abuse to his son out of guilt and shame. I could put up with all that but what I couldn’t put up with, is his son abusing my son. I drew the line after his son strangled my son and dug his thumb into my sons neck and it was bleeding. I didn’t notice until 2 days later. I asked him why he did it, he said he did it out of anger over a small argument. He tried to argue with me that “it will heal” as if that was an okay reason to do it. I kicked out my narcissist and his narcissistic son out of my home. I will not have my son physically abused. And I will stop letting be emotionally and mentally abused. I don’t want him to find himself in the same situation I am in when he’s older. I feel really horrible that I kicked them out. But I give up. It takes too much out of me. I’m pregnant with my 3rd baby girl from him. A lot of times I stayed because I needed help with our babies but I realized he wasn’t helping very much at all. I was doing everything on my own. He gave me the bare minimum and I accepted it. But I’m so tired I just want to heal.
Hey Jess, I was hoping you could do a video on how to tell the difference between a partner who actually has been a victim of narcissistic abuse and someone who is truly narcissistic and projecting their own behaviors onto their exes. I've heard the saying, "If a man calls his exes crazy, he is the toxic one," but how is that fair to the men who actually have been in relationships with toxic women? I realize that female narcissists aren't as prevalent as their male counterparts, but is it really fair to always assume it's the man being the asshole? I mean what if the ex wife really did cheat, really did commit violence against him or whatever? What if she really was the toxic one? What if she really did falsely accuse him of cheating or violence or whatever? I don't think it's fair to always assume it's the man being toxic. I've heard if a man has a string of "crazy exes" that you should run. But you know, there's plenty of women who have been in more than one toxic relationship in their lifetimes, so why should we assume that men are any different? And what kind of talk should you look for to determine if your partner's ex really was toxic or if the person speaking is narcissistic and projecting their own behaviors onto their exes? In other words, how do you sort out which person was the primary problem in the relationship?
@@rickcolumbo3148 yeah it’s weird, I have no desire to contact. It’s one of those things you convince yourself is harmless but it’s not healthy for your mental well being
I did it 3 years ago for good. When I blocked her I prayed and asked God to forgive me for what I did wrong. I made a conscience decision to never speak to her ever again and listened to god telling me to do this. We are not objects and I owe this person nothing. She literally does not understand NO.
I have been there too
If you were discarded out of the blue. If you got blindsided, without any closure. Don't beg. Don't give them any attention. Find out your own closure by understanding why you accepted being treated so poorly. Work on yourself. Accept that you're responsible for staying in the relationship for so long. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know any better. You didn't have the tools and the boundaries necessary to keep those useless shits at bay. Build yourself up. Turn your mind into a narc-proof impenetrable fortress. You owe it to yourself. Never again. You've got this, survivor.
Great advice 🙏
Honestly, the reason I went "no contact" is because my ex-narc did first. Total silence since Dec. 2021. He'd already moved on to new supply (twice, I think). It hurt like hell, but the pain is finally fading and the joy is gradually returning. Tomorrow will be 10 yrs since we met - it was a special day that feels so tainted now. I will remain strong in NC. 💪
Don't reverse hoover yourself because you are secretly hoping to get back with them! Or, if you are now painfully aware there is no possibility of a relationship and just want closure you reach out. No contact truly means no contact whatsoever. If you're a Neville Goddard fan, I'd say that extends as far as you removing them from your mind entirely, don't even have a mental conversation with them.
You just have to rip that band-aid off and admit that they didn't, don't, and never will like you as much as you liked them. Only pick people who pick you.
I'm 8 months no contact after a five year relationship. I knew something was off for so long and wanted to leave, but since I couldn't pin point what it was I stayed but realized the longer I stayed in the relationship the worse it got with abuse. Then all the lies started to surface she couldn't keep track of them which equals cheating and that's when I immediately moved out and left her. No contact hurts for awhile but as time goes on it does get easier. Thanks Jess.
No contact for almost a year! After we sold our home and that was taken care of...I went no contact, blocked his phone number and his Facebook page! Haven't heard a peep and loving it! 😉
Thanks Jess. Been no contact for awhile. Final divorce is in 18 days and keeping my chin up. You are correct, boredom and loneliness is tough. I just get in the car and drive. You are the best!
I’ve been no contact for 13 months. I thought I couldn’t live without this person. But I can. And I feel good. You can do it too.
Thank you for this video, Jess. 33 days no contact. Been down the road before of entertaining hoovers and reverse hoovering. I've got to cut the cord for good. When someone is so mean, a user, a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, how could I ever entertain having this person back in my life again and again when I've been down the road a few times with worse results. Stay strong survivors.
It’s been over three years and what helped was therapy and becoming a better version of me by reading and going back to old hobbies. Thank you Jess, your videos and one on one’s were a huge help and I am very grateful for the work you do!!
After a 4 month situationship I am 2 weeks no contact. I had severe anxiety throughout the entanglement now my anxiety is near zero. That says it all
They will destroy you if they can. I had anxiety too, depression, ibs and my hair was falling out, he was literally sucking the life out of me. I’m 7 months no contact the peace is good, keep up the no contact they are very destructive individuals.
2 years no contact, my narcissist still finds me on the internet 🤦🏽♂️
Joe everyday she obsesses over me through hacking and stalking.
Thank you, I am 7 months no contact I did make a list and it really helped. I knew for a long time I needed to leave the narcissist but that good old trauma bond stopped me until it got so bad and I caught him cheating that was the turning point and made me leave block and no contact. I have run into him a few times but I just ignore him, he told a friend I won’t talk to him anymore. Madman still thinks I should 🤦♀️ the peace is lovely not being involved anymore.
I needed this today. I’m stuck between going no contact and completely moving on.
The date setting of the cut off was So liberating!! I sent an I cant do this anymore text. Then blocked him on everything. Then set all of his crap outside my door in boxes. Changed my locks on door. Hes come back twice, wandering around but no words, no knock. Perfect!! I cannot wait to enjoy my life again, peace n quiet😊🤸♀️
5 years divorced from naropath x-husband, 3+ years NC..now I am going NC with my 38 yr old son who has NPD.. they do so much soul-crushing damage..I am at the 'one minute at a time' place..I really hoped and prayed it wouldn't come to this..but here we are..I have friends,hobbies,crafts but I fund myself unmotivated at time..I pray that passes...blessings to all survivors.
Been 10 months, I’ve been on my grind , my new business is opening this month , someone today told me I got to put my shades on just to look at you 😂 I feel great , I simply unfollowed and haven’t checked there page at all !!!!I haven’t had the time no dating just focusing on me and boy do I feel good . I did see them ,walked past them like they where not even there . Listing to this let’s me know that I’m going in the right direction. Thanks Jess!!!!!
After 3 1/2 years and BDSM involved. She took my PTSD dog the car met another guy,moved in got on drugs and left me. But I'm 44 single no kids in counseling and going to make it
She gave me a ultimatum to move to Texas by December and then called me on the phone in October and said she met someone else and destroyed my chance at being together with her.
I literally have nothing to say to her that has not already been said. I outgrew this person and when I went no contact I meant it. I'm completely indifferent now and do not care about her marriage or her life. Her life is none of my business and I don't care at all about her life.
It might have been me but she really seemed unfamiliar to me when we talked in the aftermath. I think she was becoming the mirror to the new sucker, even the fraud she created to ensnare me was gone.
Making a "con" list helps so much.
And, combined with knowledge of how they operate...makes you realize there will never be a change. It will continue to be the same ole rollercoaster-of-nonsense....only it'll be amped up.
Thanks for your spot-on insight. You're doing such a GREAT service.
This is so true Jess,cut the toxic bs out of your life and go no contact, and just move forward with your life and work on yourself, thanks for the video 🦋🙏
Hi Jess! After 5 months of no contact the Narc messaged 38 times. Woof , Left on read .
It's been 5yrs since I have seen her the trauma Bond or the hope that it would have worked still exist t think my problem with me is I remember all the good times and none of the bad times she reached out at the beginning of the year to share a memory and that was it I m not gonna lie it's lonely being a retired Veteran in a small hick town dosent offer alot of options.
60 days have passed since our last text . I'm pretty sure she's now with new supply.
@Jess Stanley I love your no nonsense videos! I’ve been no contact with my 86 year old narc mother now for about three months. It is super hard. Fortunately, she is in an independent living community so I don’t have to worry about her physical safety. I just reached a point where her constant draining negativity and playing the victim and basically telling me that no matter what I did was never enough was too much for me to take anymore. All that plus the gaslighting, blame shifting drama, queen stuff, etc. I would be interested in knowing if other people who follow you have similar situations with elderly parents, could do all they can to take any joy out of living!
I went no contact in June of last year with my 90 year old mother, along with my brother and sister. Now they're working on my son and other relatives. It's tough to do, but it's better for you in the long run.
Thanks Jess!
Thank you Dave for so much support! Means the world to me!
YES JESS FOR 1 MONTH AND 9 DAYS I'M BLESS THANK U
Good word Jess 👏
I just left court yesterday for a restraining order on my narc ex. He had been harassing me for months after I left him. The judge granted my order. My ex shows up to court and tells the judge he wants to “file his own order.” 😂 He will go to any lengths to feel like he won. I’m annoyed at this point.
My lawyer told me no contact to my ex wife and her blaming mother. For my safety, im not on the verge on getting married again from the way I was treated.
Lonely when I was with them lonely now but if I had to choose I will choose lonely now as it’s peaceful.
Funny...but...all my relationships with family and friends are trashed for the most part...and I'm definately done with narco...BUT...I'm happy flying totally solo...almost guilty for feeling so happy...gotta sign in my house...DRAMA FREE ZONE...and i MEAN it.. love coming home and just shutting the door behind me!!
Is that guy from social media still stalking me?? Why was he engaged in that behavior?? The number of men who randomly attack females on social media for no reason is alarming.
Thanks for the video!❤
Hey jess hope your well may i ask if at any point would you consider doing a video on trying to co/parent with a narc, love from the uk xx
My narcissist was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. Towards me and his son (from a previous relationship). I did see a lot of red flags in the beginning but I thought I deserved a terrible guy because of my past in not caring about other peoples feelings as much as I should have. We were together 3 years. His son is 10 years old now, my son is 8 years old. They were like best friends but at the same time, the way my narcissist treated me is how his son treated my son. Sometimes even worse. His son would spit in my sons face and pull off his blanket when my son was sick. He would laugh while doing it. He taught my so. How to fight by fighting my son. He would give my son silent treatments. He would break my sons games and toys. My narcissist’s son was unloved, abused and neglected by my narcissist & his biological mother. His son was jealous of my son. The way my son was loved and cared for, the way he’s a nice kid. I gave my narcissists son the same and equal love as I gave my own son. I loved him as much as I could and gave him everything he was missing from his father and biological mother. He was doing great after 2 years of working on his behaviour. He turned into a respectable child, helpful and grateful. But his father cheated throughout our whole relationship. His biological mother was not there for him since he was 3 years old. She gave him up and hasn’t kept in touch at all. I realized my narcissist was still in love with his son’s biological mother after all these years. He began cheating on me with her and taking his son to see his mother, they acted like a family sometimes, then he would come right back to me after a weekend. His sons behaviour changed drastically, he’s the one who told me they had been spending time with his mother. His mother love bombed him. After not having any contact with him for years or not coming to his birthday when I invited her, she lives just around the corner. He became his old self. Terrible, sneaky, physically abusive. I could put up with all of my narcissist’s abuse towards me and sadly I didn’t report his abuse to his son out of guilt and shame. I could put up with all that but what I couldn’t put up with, is his son abusing my son. I drew the line after his son strangled my son and dug his thumb into my sons neck and it was bleeding. I didn’t notice until 2 days later. I asked him why he did it, he said he did it out of anger over a small argument. He tried to argue with me that “it will heal” as if that was an okay reason to do it. I kicked out my narcissist and his narcissistic son out of my home. I will not have my son physically abused. And I will stop letting be emotionally and mentally abused. I don’t want him to find himself in the same situation I am in when he’s older. I feel really horrible that I kicked them out. But I give up. It takes too much out of me. I’m pregnant with my 3rd baby girl from him. A lot of times I stayed because I needed help with our babies but I realized he wasn’t helping very much at all. I was doing everything on my own. He gave me the bare minimum and I accepted it. But I’m so tired I just want to heal.
You’re fucking awesome, Jess!!
N🚫 Contact is a superpower …. take your power back.
Hey Jess, I was hoping you could do a video on how to tell the difference between a partner who actually has been a victim of narcissistic abuse and someone who is truly narcissistic and projecting their own behaviors onto their exes. I've heard the saying, "If a man calls his exes crazy, he is the toxic one," but how is that fair to the men who actually have been in relationships with toxic women? I realize that female narcissists aren't as prevalent as their male counterparts, but is it really fair to always assume it's the man being the asshole? I mean what if the ex wife really did cheat, really did commit violence against him or whatever? What if she really was the toxic one? What if she really did falsely accuse him of cheating or violence or whatever? I don't think it's fair to always assume it's the man being toxic. I've heard if a man has a string of "crazy exes" that you should run. But you know, there's plenty of women who have been in more than one toxic relationship in their lifetimes, so why should we assume that men are any different? And what kind of talk should you look for to determine if your partner's ex really was toxic or if the person speaking is narcissistic and projecting their own behaviors onto their exes? In other words, how do you sort out which person was the primary problem in the relationship?
I’ve done ok at no contact but admit I check social media so struggle there
You struggle because you check. I've been there, I kept looking, it just prolongs the misery, it's not easy either way
@@rickcolumbo3148 yeah it’s weird, I have no desire to contact. It’s one of those things you convince yourself is harmless but it’s not healthy for your mental well being
ty
Jess j bear 🐻!!!
Hey Markus!!! Hope you're well!!
@@JessStanley I'm awesome j bear 🐻 blessed 🙌