To me there’s no “hot tips” it’s hard but necessary. You just stop contacting them and never look back. Understand they’ve moved on and never cared about you in the first place. Take the time to fix your codependency otherwise you repeat the pattern. The best revenge is always moving on and living a great life
@@bigboi301slg it actually is. People just want to make excuses for calling them, texting them, stalking them then talk about how hard it is. You literally have no choice in the matter, move on, nothing in life is easy
When I dumped my nex in a fit of rage (I finally snapped) I blocked him & all his flying monkeys everywhere & spent the next 2 days “rage cleaning”. This involved me blaring uplifting girl bands & rock music & channeling all my anger into throwing out everything of his in my house, & everything he ever gave me (although there were a couple of pricey items I just boxed up & put in the far corner of my garage) and scrubbed my house from top to bottom. A few days later I rearranged a lot of my furniture, opened some windows & saged the whole house. It was surprisingly helpful, it felt like I’d cleansed & reclaimed my space. I deactivated all of my social media…ended up off it for about 3 months & felt so much better afterward. I knew since he & his coterie were blocked, they would definitely turn up at my house at some point. That’s why I installed a security cam doorbell (you can get them fairly cheap online & they’ll transmit images directly to your phone, I highly recommend them for everyone). For me, since I’m a single female living alone (& the nex’s coterie are trailer trash that would’ve been quite comfortable on Jerry Springer) I went further & installed security cameras & motion sensor lights around my property for my own peace of mind. I laughed the first time I saw his mother turn up in my driveway, clock the security camera, & turn around and get back in her car 😂 I spent many months educating myself as much as possible on narcissists (I still watch videos like this to remind myself). I started reading books again- I’d been a lifelong bookworm before the nex but my nervous system had become so dysregulated I couldn’t concentrate. I remembered how relaxing & enjoyable it was to lose myself in a good book. I also went back to adult colouring books…there’s some great ones with swear words that are especially satisfying to spend time labouring over 😛 It’s been 14 months of no contact now. There’s been a few hoover attempts through him & his coterie making fake accounts & messaging me. Yes they threw me for an hour or so, but I simply deleted the msg & blocked the account. NGL I’m still a work in progress, but trust me when I say that no matter how painful it is at first (and absolutely spend all the time you need crying it out, tears release endorphins & you’ll feel better afterward) the narc free life is SO MUCH BETTER ❤️
Jess is amazing. My tip to keep nar away from you is to tell them you have zero thing left to give them whether it’s cash, house, car, sex, emotion…. Zero left. And they will get a new supply faster than what you can believe. But the problem is, the victim wants answer, hope the narcissist would change, hope the nar will apologize, look for closure. Hey victims, the moment you tell the narcissist you want them to understand you, you try to make sense of their behaviors, they set up a whole new manipulative game, to mess with you again, and drop you again. My god, this personality disorder is hard to make sense
I guess I'm going to start painting my rocks. I just got new paint. My grandson, who is 6, loves painting rocks. I made it 50 days, and I can do it again.
I hear what you're saying about blocking, that it shouldn't be necessary. However, I didn't want to "hear" (literally as in voice mail or as in read ...) her spin on our ending to her own aggrandizement and her invalidation of my thinking. It avoids the alleged "butt dials" in either direction. It seemed too easy to mess up and read part of a text or see the first line of an email before hitting "delete", so it seemed best to vaporize them and avoid accidents or temptation. It seemed like self care and it sent the message that her hold on me was terminated. Some friends said it was "immature" but she can tell her stories to her friends, therapist, and her conscience -- not me.
I get it about social media. I’ve never been able to understand why it’s so important to let the world know how perfect your life is. If you know, that should be enough. ❤
I myself came to the conclusion that she's definitely NPD nothing that I could do or help, I had to just wash my hands and walk the fck away and not look back, I didn't block or anything, I just didn't answer and most importantly I moved the fck away and haven't looked back ever since, one thing I learned is you must show up for yourself 👍 Jess thanks for the video 🦋
Unbelievably fantastic video, Jess. Thank you so much. I made the mistake of breaking no contact, only to be ignored. It is like a slap in the face knowing he really has moved on with his new supply. Are you able to do a video on how to stop thinking that they change for their new supply when they wouldn't change for us? I've heard from people who know him that he's doing things he never would have done for me. It looks like he's his best self with her. 😢
It’s hard to come to that understanding but if someone else is truly better for the narc and has a bigger influence to become a better person then we have to be unselfish and accept it. I’ve been in other relationships before and went through the hurt and acceptance process and if I can make it through that then I will make it through this one 👍. In my situation it’s not just the end of this relationship that has become challenging I have more internal issues I’m trying to deal with and so does the other person so I feel I need to step away even if he did purposely trigger me so he had a reason to discard me. When I blew up I saw that look of ah ha I got you. It’s time now to end it so that he no longer has that control over me. 👍👍
As far as blocking goes, that is a protective measure for me. Not only has he stalked me on and off for 5 years but he scares me. I contacted the police and they actually think he's enough off of his rocker that getting a restraining order would actually amplify his behavior. I literally had to move and disappear. I blocked him everywhere out of safety so he hopefully doesn't figure out where I am. But also to if he does send something because I didn't have him blocked oh, I know that it would trigger me. I don't want to deal with it. I've moved on in The Last 5 Years but I know how it would make me feel so violated an angry if I heard from him because I left some doors open
Blocking is great. It’s not immature or whatever is being said here. I like this lady’s advice but characterizing blocking as something bad is just weird to do under the circumstances. These features exist for good reason.
Thank you! This spoke to me deeply. Exactly what I needed and how I needed to hear it. You are on my Guardian Angel's team 💗😇💗 Bless you for all that you do to help us survivors.
I love these videos. I have been listening to several I have found very useful. In here I like to hear the harsh truth, because I lost. I lost the game. I had so many opportunities to leave him behind, I even moved to another country. But this guy always hovered me. Last August he came to a visit where I live. And saw him. He did talked to me, and I had the last chance to redeem myself, but I couldn't. He left me there with my confused mind and his hard words. Told me that I was the one looking for him. I wish I could have left a long ago. It's been almost 7 years of this nightmare. Now I can't even forgive me for allowing him to humiliate me all this time. I don't know how I am going to overcome this.
Tfs ❤i 6/9/2024 I went blocking and I never do even though that's what he does ALL the time!!!! This was the straw that broke the candles back and he LOST
I love Jess and her videos! They had helped me so much when I started my healing journey and learned about codependency. This was a really good one! Been NC over 8 months and I feel great!! I absolutely loved #5! Baby steps “you don’t just get up and run a marathon.” Trust the process! There will be ups and downs! The healing, recovering and breaking trauma bond is not a inclined journey, but one that’s SO well worth it if you stay the path and stay on track. Believe me when I tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a beautiful one at that and that ex narc of yours eventually starts to become but a distant memory and a thing of the past! You can do it just stay the course!
This was a particularly excellent video, the practical ideas, based on reality as experienced by those coming out of these ‘relationships’. Jess is kind, and also realistic about pulling yourself together, in a tangible way, small incremental steps gently forward. Amazing! Thank you.
I hope no I pray that I have some kind of break through watching this. Cause I'm alone isolated and heartbroken and can't make myself stop trying to get in touch with her.
Listen to some uplifting music or reading but don’t you dare go contact. You will re-traumatize yourself and it will get harder on your recovery. Go to pet store. Buy a fish tank. Go out to lunch or dinner everyday it helps with the isolation. Subways have daily specials and all you can drink if you sit-in or take it to a park. Get out everyday. Start enjoying your life but stay away of forming a relationship until recovery. You would to be with someone who knows how to love like you. Fake ain’t love and love don’t hurt. The Catholic Church invalids, nulls Or annul these type of marriages because they are fake and painful to victims. They do exorcism too. Narcissists are close to the devil and they know what they are doing so they would you want to contact someone like the devil. When your mind wonders, think about something else. If you remember how evil the person is, you want want to contact them ever again. Call the lady doing this video. Great advice!
Narcs by nature are stalkers. They are looking at your online profiles whether you catch them doing it or not. Blocking them keeps everyone more honest. It denies them access to something they are wanting to access but shouldn’t be.
I love it jess. Right now im still recovering from trauma bond. I keep on listening and reflecting why i always involved with this kind of person in my life. Thanks to u.
Fake it til you make it. This is what my narc ex gf told me when I asked her why she said she was “sad” and “depressed” over her breaking up with me, which of course she wasn’t as she rushed right into a new relationship.
Stop viewing his or her Instagram / Snapchat / TikTok stories . Stop allow him or her to gain supply from you , as in stop wasting your energy on them. Focus ON YOU, YOUR LIFE, YOUR HEALTH, YOUR GOALS.
To me there’s no “hot tips” it’s hard but necessary. You just stop contacting them and never look back. Understand they’ve moved on and never cared about you in the first place. Take the time to fix your codependency otherwise you repeat the pattern. The best revenge is always moving on and living a great life
It isn't this easy or simple for everyone though.
@@bigboi301slg it actually is. People just want to make excuses for calling them, texting them, stalking them then talk about how hard it is. You literally have no choice in the matter, move on, nothing in life is easy
The narc planted the codependency.
@@henrydembski1032 no, you really do not have a choice. Get the hell away for good. Hell is not a happy place.
@@Richard-vq7ud nope was present long before
When I dumped my nex in a fit of rage (I finally snapped) I blocked him & all his flying monkeys everywhere & spent the next 2 days “rage cleaning”. This involved me blaring uplifting girl bands & rock music & channeling all my anger into throwing out everything of his in my house, & everything he ever gave me (although there were a couple of pricey items I just boxed up & put in the far corner of my garage) and scrubbed my house from top to bottom. A few days later I rearranged a lot of my furniture, opened some windows & saged the whole house. It was surprisingly helpful, it felt like I’d cleansed & reclaimed my space. I deactivated all of my social media…ended up off it for about 3 months & felt so much better afterward.
I knew since he & his coterie were blocked, they would definitely turn up at my house at some point. That’s why I installed a security cam doorbell (you can get them fairly cheap online & they’ll transmit images directly to your phone, I highly recommend them for everyone). For me, since I’m a single female living alone (& the nex’s coterie are trailer trash that would’ve been quite comfortable on Jerry Springer) I went further & installed security cameras & motion sensor lights around my property for my own peace of mind. I laughed the first time I saw his mother turn up in my driveway, clock the security camera, & turn around and get back in her car 😂
I spent many months educating myself as much as possible on narcissists (I still watch videos like this to remind myself).
I started reading books again- I’d been a lifelong bookworm before the nex but my nervous system had become so dysregulated I couldn’t concentrate. I remembered how relaxing & enjoyable it was to lose myself in a good book. I also went back to adult colouring books…there’s some great ones with swear words that are especially satisfying to spend time labouring over 😛 It’s been 14 months of no contact now. There’s been a few hoover attempts through him & his coterie making fake accounts & messaging me. Yes they threw me for an hour or so, but I simply deleted the msg & blocked the account. NGL I’m still a work in progress, but trust me when I say that no matter how painful it is at first (and absolutely spend all the time you need crying it out, tears release endorphins & you’ll feel better afterward) the narc free life is SO MUCH BETTER ❤️
Over 2 months... no contact...and I AM NOT lookin back😊👍.. It's tough... but I'm tougher💪
Jess is amazing.
My tip to keep nar away from you is to tell them you have zero thing left to give them whether it’s cash, house, car, sex, emotion…. Zero left. And they will get a new supply faster than what you can believe.
But the problem is, the victim wants answer, hope the narcissist would change, hope the nar will apologize, look for closure.
Hey victims, the moment you tell the narcissist you want them to understand you, you try to make sense of their behaviors, they set up a whole new manipulative game, to mess with you again, and drop you again.
My god, this personality disorder is hard to make sense
I stayed off social media for over two years while I focused on my own healing and decisions to permanently improve the situation. It was priceless.
I guess I'm going to start painting my rocks. I just got new paint. My grandson, who is 6, loves painting rocks. I made it 50 days, and I can do it again.
I hear what you're saying about blocking, that it shouldn't be necessary. However, I didn't want to "hear" (literally as in voice mail or as in read ...) her spin on our ending to her own aggrandizement and her invalidation of my thinking. It avoids the alleged "butt dials" in either direction. It seemed too easy to mess up and read part of a text or see the first line of an email before hitting "delete", so it seemed best to vaporize them and avoid accidents or temptation. It seemed like self care and it sent the message that her hold on me was terminated. Some friends said it was "immature" but she can tell her stories to her friends, therapist, and her conscience -- not me.
I get it about social media. I’ve never been able to understand why it’s so important to let the world know how perfect your life is. If you know, that should be enough. ❤
I love it, you give it to us straight with no chaser because it gets us to where we need to be, which is out of the fog and into a healthy reality.
This is gold! Don't go where you got hurt looking for the answer.
I myself came to the conclusion that she's definitely NPD nothing that I could do or help, I had to just wash my hands and walk the fck away and not look back, I didn't block or anything, I just didn't answer and most importantly I moved the fck away and haven't looked back ever since, one thing I learned is you must show up for yourself 👍 Jess thanks for the video 🦋
Thank you 🙏
You said it with “ old ass carnival ride”…
So, so true.
Unbelievably fantastic video, Jess. Thank you so much. I made the mistake of breaking no contact, only to be ignored. It is like a slap in the face knowing he really has moved on with his new supply.
Are you able to do a video on how to stop thinking that they change for their new supply when they wouldn't change for us? I've heard from people who know him that he's doing things he never would have done for me. It looks like he's his best self with her. 😢
It’s hard to come to that understanding but if someone else is truly better for the narc and has a bigger influence to become a better person then we have to be unselfish and accept it. I’ve been in other relationships before and went through the hurt and acceptance process and if I can make it through that then I will make it through this one 👍. In my situation it’s not just the end of this relationship that has become challenging I have more internal issues I’m trying to deal with and so does the other person so I feel I need to step away even if he did purposely trigger me so he had a reason to discard me. When I blew up I saw that look of ah ha I got you. It’s time now to end it so that he no longer has that control over me. 👍👍
BRILLIANT video Jess - thankyou so much!
As far as blocking goes, that is a protective measure for me. Not only has he stalked me on and off for 5 years but he scares me. I contacted the police and they actually think he's enough off of his rocker that getting a restraining order would actually amplify his behavior. I literally had to move and disappear. I blocked him everywhere out of safety so he hopefully doesn't figure out where I am. But also to if he does send something because I didn't have him blocked oh, I know that it would trigger me. I don't want to deal with it. I've moved on in The Last 5 Years but I know how it would make me feel so violated an angry if I heard from him because I left some doors open
Blocking is great. It’s not immature or whatever is being said here. I like this lady’s advice but characterizing blocking as something bad is just weird to do under the circumstances. These features exist for good reason.
Your videos are very helpful and I love how straight forward you are, that's refreshing after being with a liar, cheater and manipulator for 12 years.
Thank you! This spoke to me deeply. Exactly what I needed and how I needed to hear it. You are on my Guardian Angel's team 💗😇💗 Bless you for all that you do to help us survivors.
I love these videos. I have been listening to several I have found very useful. In here I like to hear the harsh truth, because I lost. I lost the game. I had so many opportunities to leave him behind, I even moved to another country. But this guy always hovered me. Last August he came to a visit where I live. And saw him. He did talked to me, and I had the last chance to redeem myself, but I couldn't. He left me there with my confused mind and his hard words. Told me that I was the one looking for him. I wish I could have left a long ago. It's been almost 7 years of this nightmare. Now I can't even forgive me for allowing him to humiliate me all this time. I don't know how I am going to overcome this.
Tfs ❤i 6/9/2024 I went blocking and I never do even though that's what he does ALL the time!!!!
This was the straw that broke the candles back and he LOST
I love Jess and her videos! They had helped me so much when I started my healing journey and learned about codependency. This was a really good one! Been NC over 8 months and I feel great!! I absolutely loved #5! Baby steps “you don’t just get up and run a marathon.” Trust the process! There will be ups and downs! The healing, recovering and breaking trauma bond is not a inclined journey, but one that’s SO well worth it if you stay the path and stay on track. Believe me when I tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a beautiful one at that and that ex narc of yours eventually starts to become but a distant memory and a thing of the past! You can do it just stay the course!
36 months NC. All good points.
Unfortunately when you block the person can still leave a message.
Yeah, happens to me too. That shouldn't be the way phones work.
not on Instagram though. Well that is if the person can remember your IG username.
Hi Jess , this Video has been 1 of the most straight forward best ever. Amazing !!! Thank you
Thank you so much!!!
Great ideas! I need to go buy a notebook!👍
This was a particularly excellent video, the practical ideas, based on reality as experienced by those coming out of these ‘relationships’. Jess is kind, and also realistic about pulling yourself together, in a tangible way, small incremental steps gently forward. Amazing! Thank you.
As always Jess, very practical and great advice. Almost 3 months no talking and nothing is blocked. Moving forward day by day. 🙂
I hope no I pray that I have some kind of break through watching this. Cause I'm alone isolated and heartbroken and can't make myself stop trying to get in touch with her.
Listen to some uplifting music or reading but don’t you dare go contact. You will re-traumatize yourself and it will get harder on your recovery. Go to pet store. Buy a fish tank. Go out to lunch or dinner everyday it helps with the isolation. Subways have daily specials and all you can drink if you sit-in or take it to a park. Get out everyday. Start enjoying your life but stay away of forming a relationship until recovery. You would to be with someone who knows how to love like you. Fake ain’t love and love don’t hurt. The Catholic Church invalids, nulls Or annul these type of marriages because they are fake and painful to victims. They do exorcism too. Narcissists are close to the devil and they know what they are doing so they would you want to contact someone like the devil. When your mind wonders, think about something else. If you remember how evil the person is, you want want to contact them ever again. Call the lady doing this video. Great advice!
Ty for brutal honesty Jess. Like a big sister❤
We can fly higher than an eagle because Jess is the wind beneath our wings 🍗
I just came here for the chicken wings!!
Thanks!
Great video Jess keep up the good videos❤
I watch your vidoes and they have been really helpful💯
Narcs by nature are stalkers. They are looking at your online profiles whether you catch them doing it or not. Blocking them keeps everyone more honest. It denies them access to something they are wanting to access but shouldn’t be.
I love it jess. Right now im still recovering from trauma bond. I keep on listening and reflecting why i always involved with this kind of person in my life. Thanks to u.
+Jess Stanley Praise the LORD absolutely great advice, Jess Stanley. God bless. Agape love❤
I always get excited when you release a new video 😂❤
I needed to hear this, thank you for sharing this video 🥰❤👍
Jess , you are the best ❤
Well thank you so much!!!
I went 100% no contact with my ex narc 11 years before TH-cam existed... 😅
Based and necessary.
Thank you for so much
help you've given me 🙏🏼
🤔Hmmm! Sent a comment but it disappeared! Anyway, great topic, Jess, with wonderful advice! Thanks! 💞
Blessings and Much Respect 🦁💕🌹💕🦁@Jess Standly 🌹🦁
Fake it til you make it. This is what my narc ex gf told me when I asked her why she said she was “sad” and “depressed” over her breaking up with me, which of course she wasn’t as she rushed right into a new relationship.
Hi everyone caught a replay
Hi Cat!
Stop viewing his or her Instagram / Snapchat / TikTok stories .
Stop allow him or her to gain supply from you , as in stop wasting your energy on them.
Focus ON YOU, YOUR LIFE, YOUR HEALTH, YOUR GOALS.
@Jess Stanley
I did good for 2 weeks…then I blew it! 🤦♀️
You can always start again! You can do it and we're all here for you!!