I just found you by accident a few weeks ago. Oh my goodness, I love how you combine neuroscience, with psychology and mental health, and then end it with Christianity at the end (I'm still watching your earlier videos). with PPT slides too. Very thorough presentations.
I am not a religious follower of any buda christ god or whoever but I recognize great human souls as Tim FLetcher who without any interest , and high understanding spend his time to teach people in how to deal with sever trauma. It helps me so much¡¡ My respects to this beautiful man.
Great Series, Dr. Fletcher. Thank you so much. I was married 35 years to a BPD and when she threatened physical harm in my sleep, I finally had to pull the plug. I lost one son by suicide in the process. I was in therapy for many years. Your videos are so very helpful (wipes eyes as this one hits home).
Over-apologising is often a symptom of 'toxic or false shame' - it's the shame burden we carry as trauma survivors but can learn to recognise and disown the false guilt that is so convenient for others to use to continue to scapegoat us in other ways.
Each moment: life gets easier and easier. I love my life. I will no longer be trapped in a fake prison. I am setting myself free, NOW! It hurt, and that's the past. I now live in the present. I am the phoenix rising from the ashes!
I wish I was loved when it mattered growing up. I don't know how to stop hating my family, so called friends & myself for all the grooming, neglect, gaslighting & abuse recieved.
Once a child learns how to make comparisons thats when the kid starts to see how sick things are in their home. I grew up in a hostile battle firld on a daily basis. My brother and I both came out VERY messed up.with drugs and various other problems that appeared later on. When your role models are not mature enough to work out a compromise, you dont learn problem solving skills. When you jave rotten childhoods, you dont even want to.go around your siblings cuz they always bring up.things you thankfully forgot. Theres nothing worse than bonding over Bad Times.
Exactly what happened in my life, managed to get out after 29 years- love all these insights from Tim. Yoga was the start of clarity of mind and slowly slowly after 7 years reconnecting to my body and increased awareness and reconnecting with people again.
Wow, excellent. His lectures are getting way more sophisticated and nuanced, truly excellent. And I’ve been following Tim for almost 10 years. Ty Tim and team✨
All of this makes so much sense., on an individual level as a trauma survivor and as a professional. I think there is also a collective 'gaslighting' of education professionals (especially in the UK) by parents who don't want to look at their own stuff and a move towards an increasingly more and more narcissistic society.
This is not far off my situation. I am now separated. My kids are all grown up and all suffer complex trauma. I wish id left when they were much younger and spared us all so much hurt
This is my f.o.o. The consequences of severe violent emotional and verbal abuse is devastating. Witnessing this abuse in parents is devastating. I’ve said for decades that secondary abuse (as witness but living in the house like David) has caused enormous suffering for us as the kids and now grandkids. It never stopped. This severe gaslighting and verbal/emotional trauma induces mental illness, I’m sure of it. It never stopped, nothing ever rectified. I’m middle-aged and though I’ve been on a healing journey for 12 years…. The consequences are still so very deep.
I'm living with a narcissist. Always walking on eggshells. I never know what is going to set her off ( sister in law ). She creates trauma all the time. She has never done any self inspection. She can't ever say she's sorry. I'm going to move out of here. Thanks, Tim. This person is the source of all the stress in my life. All I want to do is stay away from her. She finds nasty things to say to me daily. She walks in my room abruptly and even walks in on me when I'm going to the bathroom. It's insane
I'm in the same boat, only it's my mother, whom a sudden and severe disability forced me to move in with. Awareness is half the battle though. Much Love and Many Prayers 🙏🏻💕
Take it minute by minute then hour by hour. Move your body. Walk. Meditate. Pray. Deeply. Write.Sing. One day you realize its been a whole day since you thought about that being. Get there, its glorious. Praise be to the One True Living God.
@@morenitascorp9246 well thought. Good blueprint and nice finish. I like it. And yes ultimately it all ends with GOD, and that is when it truly begins. Life
All I do is navigate my way through the world... Doing my best, moment-to-moment, to endure the least amount of suffering as possible... And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die. There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life. It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery. I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life. I have severe (c)PTSD. My heart is shattered. Rage and grief consume every cell of my being. I pray to heal from, and be released from, the prison of: - poverty - aches and pains - an inflexible mind and body - diabetes - PTSD flashbacks - (c)PTSD - suicidal depression - homicidal rage - grief - guilt - regret - loneliness - heartache/heartbreak - repression/suppression - soul rape - a silenced voice - a lack of boundaries - perpetual aloneness - obesity - trauma - obsession/rumination - the past - spiritual attacks and curses - parasites - heavy metal poisoning - brainwashing 😊
Wow, this is so very interesting! Thank you, I am so impressed! It allows me to look at my life and trauma from another perspective, which helps me to recognize the problem more clearly! As the eldest of four, I was trained to be responsible! Now I realize that I've taken on the resposibilities for others my whole lifetime! Which allows them not to be responsible for themselves!
Dear Mr. Fletcher, Please tell us how to heal from subconscious brain templates. What kind of therapy and treatment works based on hard scientific evidence?
That's exactly how my family is still im 46 and he dominates with silent treatment cause im in the same state as my mom ...its really messed up I get it from every angle cause I don't submit
It's almost like childhood complex trauma that created shame and are manipulative in nature Create this distorted response that you manipulate or you see your authentic needs as manipulative? I can't say it clearly but it's like you can't distinguish between, how are we saying it, "healthy" needs and wants versus unhealthy manipulation and abuse? 😬 And in another direction, There are these topics online, based around "friend groups" i was thinking how the "joking friend" can easily slip into the friend that is a "joke" With this laughing-with turning to laughing-at They won't be valued for the humor or lightness of being even if they go deep but valued as the one everyone can downplay and make fun of. It brings to light these negative patterns ppl try to pretend don't exist or deny that are the undercurrents of bullying and/or authoritarian in nature. Like having a "shared person" or thing you "hate on" how we watched a society "bond in hatred" created by a portrayal telling you how you shld feel or think about it. it filled some need to share,/shed negative emotions or negative responses I mean, we easily saw how easy it was or is to point the finger, identify as bad and collectively control the public opinion? If you had the right clout amongst the ppl. Making it still possible for an era of burning so-called witches or making a scapegoat or this internal or intrinsic need to have a villain and feel this bullshit of superiority and/or disconnect from people who don't get behind a belief system?? Who don't "comply." I def feel this stuff of complex trauma and trauma, addiction, abnormal psychology takes place or, is expressed in the individual or personal on micro levels as well as the collective and the impersonal or marco social or society at large levels. There is also this new age thinking that has you thinking that which you don't like about someone is just a reflection of that which you don't like in yourself -where it always leads back to what you do or don't do but you being responsible for shit that's outside your control. I think general ideas can get misplaced or confused Context is definitely key but it's just, so easy the clouding and mash up, blending of things, that don't blend Which lends to the chaos effect or high stress levels. Thanks Tim for being a voice in the mist of all the stormy weather! You could have covered some of these things in previous discussions you do have a large body of solid work!
It’s a dance you know… I was not aware things could be different. Notice it took Brad years to come out. What do you do to find them out straight away? 😊
@sarahw7616gaslighter here. He didn't. Michael, you've to learn to set boundaries. Ask questions. Over time, they show up. Notice Jessica married him quickly. Because of the love bombing and such, narcissists give you the impression it's all awesome. What you don't realize is they're pinning you down. You've to spend time with a person and see them through different situations. How they behave with other people is where it'll show up. You'll see if they're behaving like an egocentric, attention seeker, little child to have their narcissistic supply fed or if they are a mature human being. It's the "more often than not" that you've to answer and this can only be done through observation which is done in multiple situations and over a long period of time. You've to regulate your limbic brains desire to give in by using your cortex, saying "mm mm mmmmm! Not so fast! My gut is giving me red flags! There's something off with this person!". Speaking about it with healthy friends will often put light on it if you're unsure.
By allowing ourselves to be ourselves, not changing our priorities and commitments to keep the other person happy! By realizing a person who us so clingy and needy, is actually not a healthy partner.
I’m afraid this applies to me. I probably ended up alone at age 68 because I was so often overwhelmed with rage and sadness. I have my daughter (I somehow managed to raise healthy kids), but I can’t lean on her. How can I make it any farther? It seems too late now.
Maybe this or half of the things Tim discusses, happen in 1/6th of families. I'm sure some of the things (minute details; small stuff) happen every once in awhile in most :/
Obviously, you've never experienced this tyoe if relationship! When you have, you can understand how another by actually allowing the unhealthy person to drive and allow the family to crash snd burn!
There's this way that you do conclude that it is you. And if you crack the code or self correct or something! The "resistance" or "rejection" will cease to form, or take place. But it's not true. If you comply with the thght that it's you, you fall into the *lie* And, swim into the belly of the beast. But it is not you. It's a fun house distorted view or mirrored reflection of you That is based on a false representation of self Lodged deeply in the trauma brain from when we were young. So, it is just another form, or left over remnant of "manipulation" -this feeling like we are responsible for how others behave or treat us? That becomes this ingrained pattern of "self sabotage" we experience throughout our life? Falling into the trap that "It's you" or that you are the reason why someone else outside of you is acting whatever way They choose to act. They placed the blame on us and we took it, and still carry it with us and use it to stop a healthy view point from developing. The world is so impersonal the underlying message is, it's rarely anything to do with you. It's you, is the false trauma brain distortion Used by others to get their needs met. Or, a "internal pattern" we respond to from childhood that needs to be cut, broken, severed so we can begin to see things clearly, as they are, not from this distorted lens of "it's my fault" (Shame game) This "taking the blame" is a pattern we are stuck in Which could be seen as something like, "Absorbing someone else's pain." Where our natural childhood sympathy and/or empathy gets hijacked, usurped by someone outside of us and used against us And we are bending, or taking a knee to someones authority or another person, allowing them power over us This "apologetic existence" or "intrinsically apologetic" A big waste of time & space in our being. But it breeds this "do for others" or helping others, the opposite of selfish as our function and what we are intended to do But when it's "healthy" and not someone leaning on you for their own needs. Misusing or abusing or backing you into the corner. Love withdrawal Is real Abandonment is like death unavoidable And like saying no Or not complying Or not going with the group Or breaking away from the silent manipulative tactics of others Puts you in this brutal place Where you have a hard time seeing ppl as healthy and not manipulative ...This is a hard one, even though, on one hand it seems so easy.
how often is it the mother that is the narc, and the (diagnosed) autistic man that is the sole breadwinner, still having to do 50% of the house-work, constantly being attacked when seeking some solitude to came down? Somehow both NTs and NPDs have the *solo* self-regulation part missing? I demand a positive - no pressure - connection, yet when we talk it is always about what I don't do or do wrong, and what change she wants in our life. We moved from DK to warm sunny Southern Spain to fulfill her lifelong "dream" and takes care of our 3 boys (11,15,18), yet the attacks don't stop? She says she just want to be connected, however I it not a positive connection for me, so why does she not change her expectation for life, or leave (though she has no income now!). I get this link in response to your vid. - it is true th-cam.com/video/-DUP-VFw1YA/w-d-xo.html So what is safety and what is positive connection ? For whom ?
I just found you by accident a few weeks ago. Oh my goodness, I love how you combine neuroscience, with psychology and mental health, and then end it with Christianity at the end (I'm still watching your earlier videos). with PPT slides too. Very thorough presentations.
I am not a religious follower of any buda christ god or whoever but I recognize great human souls as Tim FLetcher who without any interest , and high understanding spend his time to teach people in how to deal with sever trauma. It helps me so much¡¡ My respects to this beautiful man.
Great Series, Dr. Fletcher. Thank you so much. I was married 35 years to a BPD and when she threatened physical harm in my sleep, I finally had to pull the plug. I lost one son by suicide in the process. I was in therapy for many years. Your videos are so very helpful (wipes eyes as this one hits home).
Dear God 🙁
I truly pray that better days are ahead for you💖🌱💖
I'm so sorry 😢 🙏💞
OMG. I've always apologized, for everything. I've apologized to my therapist. For being in pain.
Over-apologising is often a symptom of 'toxic or false shame' - it's the shame burden we carry as trauma survivors but can learn to recognise and disown the false guilt that is so convenient for others to use to continue to scapegoat us in other ways.
So am I
God bless you, man of compassion🎆
Each moment:
life gets easier and easier.
I love my life.
I will no longer be trapped
in a fake prison.
I am setting myself free, NOW!
It hurt, and that's the past.
I now live in the present.
I am the phoenix
rising from the ashes!
Spot on talk as usual. Thank you very much
I wish I was loved when it mattered growing up. I don't know how to stop hating my family, so called friends & myself for all the grooming, neglect, gaslighting & abuse recieved.
Yes😥
God bless you.🌹
@@robynmarler1951Thanks. God Bless you
I wish I had answers for you, but I hope it's at least comforting to know that you aren't alone.
Much Love from the depths of my soul🙏🏻💕
Informative as always. Thanks!
Thank you so much! 2 horrible marriages with narcissists. Honestly God bless you!!
Once a child learns how to make comparisons thats when the kid starts to see how sick things are in their home. I grew up in a hostile battle firld on a daily basis. My brother and I both came out VERY messed up.with drugs and various other problems that appeared later on. When your role models are not mature enough to work out a compromise, you dont learn problem solving skills. When you jave rotten childhoods, you dont even want to.go around your siblings cuz they always bring up.things you thankfully forgot. Theres nothing worse than bonding over Bad Times.
This is so helpful, thank you!
Exactly what happened in my life, managed to get out after 29 years- love all these insights from Tim. Yoga was the start of clarity of mind and slowly slowly after 7 years reconnecting to my body and increased awareness and reconnecting with people again.
Wow, excellent. His lectures are getting way more sophisticated and nuanced, truly excellent. And I’ve been following Tim for almost 10 years. Ty Tim and team✨
Amazing information as usual
All of this makes so much sense., on an individual level as a trauma survivor and as a professional. I think there is also a collective 'gaslighting' of education professionals (especially in the UK) by parents who don't want to look at their own stuff and a move towards an increasingly more and more narcissistic society.
For everyone that find this.
And your stuck
Bc of an underlying problem
Dont beat yourself up
This is not far off my situation. I am now separated. My kids are all grown up and all suffer complex trauma. I wish id left when they were much younger and spared us all so much hurt
This is my f.o.o. The consequences of severe violent emotional and verbal abuse is devastating. Witnessing this abuse in parents is devastating. I’ve said for decades that secondary abuse (as witness but living in the house like David) has caused enormous suffering for us as the kids and now grandkids. It never stopped. This severe gaslighting and verbal/emotional trauma induces mental illness, I’m sure of it. It never stopped, nothing ever rectified. I’m middle-aged and though I’ve been on a healing journey for 12 years…. The consequences are still so very deep.
God bless you for this wonderful video
I got it!!
I'm living with a narcissist. Always walking on eggshells. I never know what is going to set her off ( sister in law ). She creates trauma all the time. She has never done any self inspection. She can't ever say she's sorry. I'm going to move out of here. Thanks, Tim. This person is the source of all the stress in my life. All I want to do is stay away from her. She finds nasty things to say to me daily. She walks in my room abruptly and even walks in on me when I'm going to the bathroom. It's insane
I'm in the same boat, only it's my mother, whom a sudden and severe disability forced me to move in with. Awareness is half the battle though.
Much Love and Many Prayers 🙏🏻💕
Unbilivibal insights! Thank you very much!
I love and appreciate your presentation.
Muchas gracias Tim ❤
what to do? how to heal from all the rage and grief in me?
Take it minute by minute then hour by hour. Move your body. Walk. Meditate. Pray. Deeply. Write.Sing. One day you realize its been a whole day since you thought about that being. Get there, its glorious. Praise be to the One True Living God.
@@morenitascorp9246 well thought. Good blueprint and nice finish. I like it. And yes ultimately it all ends with GOD, and that is when it truly begins. Life
I just let the anger come out. It is like letting air out of a beach ball. Then it disappears: sometimes…
when it comes....allow it.
Forgive
All I do is navigate my way through the world...
Doing my best, moment-to-moment,
to endure the least amount of suffering as possible...
And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die.
There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life.
It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery.
I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life.
I have severe (c)PTSD.
My heart is shattered.
Rage and grief consume every cell of my being.
I pray to heal from,
and be released from,
the prison of:
- poverty
- aches and pains
- an inflexible mind and body
- diabetes
- PTSD flashbacks
- (c)PTSD
- suicidal depression
- homicidal rage
- grief
- guilt
- regret
- loneliness
- heartache/heartbreak
- repression/suppression
- soul rape
- a silenced voice
- a lack of boundaries
- perpetual aloneness
- obesity
- trauma
- obsession/rumination
- the past
- spiritual attacks and curses
- parasites
- heavy metal poisoning
- brainwashing
😊
Wow, this is so very interesting! Thank you, I am so impressed! It allows me to look at my life and trauma from another perspective, which helps me to recognize the problem more clearly!
As the eldest of four, I was trained to be responsible! Now I realize that I've taken on the resposibilities for others my whole lifetime! Which allows them not to be responsible for themselves!
Jesus loves you brother. This is your calling. Best I've ever heard on the subject. ❤
15 years then finally remembering our worth.
Dear Mr. Fletcher, Please tell us how to heal from subconscious brain templates. What kind of therapy and treatment works based on hard scientific evidence?
That's exactly how my family is still im 46 and he dominates with silent treatment cause im in the same state as my mom ...its really messed up I get it from every angle cause I don't submit
Man can you tell a story lol.
Hardcore History: Deepdive Edition
😢 This was painful to hear. However it was insightful of my previous relationship.
Spot on.
🎉 So validating
It's almost like childhood complex trauma that created shame and are manipulative in nature
Create this distorted response that you manipulate or you see your authentic needs as manipulative?
I can't say it clearly but it's like you can't distinguish between,
how are we saying it, "healthy" needs and wants versus unhealthy manipulation and abuse?
😬
And in another direction,
There are these topics online, based around "friend groups"
i was thinking how the "joking friend" can easily slip into the friend that is a "joke"
With this laughing-with turning to laughing-at
They won't be valued for the humor or lightness of being even if they go deep
but valued as the one everyone can downplay and make fun of.
It brings to light these negative patterns ppl try to pretend don't exist or deny that are the undercurrents of bullying and/or authoritarian in nature.
Like having a "shared person" or thing you "hate on"
how we watched a society "bond in hatred" created by a portrayal telling you how you shld feel or think about it.
it filled some need to share,/shed negative emotions or negative responses
I mean, we easily saw how easy it was or is to point the finger, identify as bad and collectively control the public opinion? If you had the right clout amongst the ppl.
Making it still possible for an era of burning so-called witches or making a scapegoat or this internal or intrinsic need to have a villain and feel this bullshit of superiority and/or disconnect from people who don't get behind a belief system?? Who don't "comply."
I def feel this stuff of complex trauma and trauma, addiction, abnormal psychology
takes place or, is expressed in the individual or personal on micro levels
as well as the collective and the impersonal or marco social or society at large levels.
There is also this new age thinking that has you thinking that which you don't like about someone is just a reflection of that which you don't like in yourself -where it always leads back to what you do or don't do
but you being responsible for shit that's outside your control.
I think general ideas can get misplaced or confused
Context is definitely key
but it's just, so easy
the clouding and mash up, blending of things, that don't blend
Which lends to the chaos effect or high stress levels.
Thanks Tim for being a voice in the mist of all the stormy weather!
You could have covered some of these things in previous discussions you do have a large body of solid work!
It’s a dance you know…
I was not aware things could be different.
Notice it took Brad years to come out. What do you do to find them out straight away? 😊
@sarahw7616gaslighter here. He didn't. Michael, you've to learn to set boundaries. Ask questions. Over time, they show up. Notice Jessica married him quickly. Because of the love bombing and such, narcissists give you the impression it's all awesome. What you don't realize is they're pinning you down. You've to spend time with a person and see them through different situations. How they behave with other people is where it'll show up. You'll see if they're behaving like an egocentric, attention seeker, little child to have their narcissistic supply fed or if they are a mature human being. It's the "more often than not" that you've to answer and this can only be done through observation which is done in multiple situations and over a long period of time. You've to regulate your limbic brains desire to give in by using your cortex, saying "mm mm mmmmm! Not so fast! My gut is giving me red flags! There's something off with this person!". Speaking about it with healthy friends will often put light on it if you're unsure.
By allowing ourselves to be ourselves, not changing our priorities and commitments to keep the other person happy! By realizing a person who us so clingy and needy, is actually not a healthy partner.
@@deb9784 - I don’t know what (other) programming is in my unconscious.
I am 0-4 right now including my mother.
So,,, I hermit.
I’m afraid this applies to me. I probably ended up alone at age 68 because I was so often overwhelmed with rage and sadness. I have my daughter (I somehow managed to raise healthy kids), but I can’t lean on her. How can I make it any farther? It seems too late now.
Never too late to apologize and strive to work though the complex trauma you obviously went through! Healing starts here!
Maybe this or half of the things Tim discusses, happen in 1/6th of families.
I'm sure some of the things (minute details; small stuff) happen every once in awhile in most :/
Obviously, you've never experienced this tyoe if relationship! When you have, you can understand how another by actually allowing the unhealthy person to drive and allow the family to crash snd burn!
There's this way that you do conclude that it is you.
And if you crack the code or self correct or something!
The "resistance" or "rejection" will cease to form, or take place.
But it's not true.
If you comply with the thght that it's you,
you fall into the *lie*
And, swim into the belly of the beast.
But it is not you.
It's a fun house distorted view
or mirrored reflection of you
That is based on a false representation of self
Lodged deeply in the trauma brain
from when we were young.
So, it is just another form, or left over remnant of "manipulation"
-this feeling like we are responsible for how others behave or treat us?
That becomes this ingrained pattern of "self sabotage" we experience throughout our life?
Falling into the trap that
"It's you" or that you are the reason why someone else outside of you is acting whatever way They choose to act.
They placed the blame on us and we took it,
and still carry it with us and use it to stop a healthy view point from developing.
The world is so impersonal
the underlying message is,
it's rarely anything to do with you.
It's you,
is the false trauma brain distortion
Used by others to get their needs met.
Or, a "internal pattern"
we respond to
from childhood
that needs to be cut, broken, severed
so we can begin
to see things clearly,
as they are,
not from this distorted lens of "it's my fault"
(Shame game)
This "taking the blame" is a pattern we are stuck in
Which could be seen as something like, "Absorbing someone else's pain."
Where our natural childhood sympathy and/or empathy gets hijacked, usurped
by
someone outside of us and used against us
And we are bending, or taking a knee to someones authority or another person,
allowing them power over us
This "apologetic existence" or "intrinsically apologetic"
A big waste of time & space in our being.
But it breeds this "do for others" or helping others, the opposite of selfish
as our function
and what we are intended to do
But when it's "healthy"
and
not someone leaning on you for their own needs.
Misusing or abusing or backing you into the corner.
Love withdrawal
Is real
Abandonment is like death unavoidable
And like saying no
Or not complying
Or not going with the group
Or breaking away from the silent manipulative tactics of others
Puts you in this brutal place
Where you have a hard time seeing ppl as healthy
and not manipulative
...This is a hard one,
even though, on one hand it seems so easy.
how often is it the mother that is the narc, and the (diagnosed) autistic man that is the sole breadwinner, still having to do 50% of the house-work, constantly being attacked when seeking some solitude to came down? Somehow both NTs and NPDs have the *solo* self-regulation part missing? I demand a positive - no pressure - connection, yet when we talk it is always about what I don't do or do wrong, and what change she wants in our life. We moved from DK to warm sunny Southern Spain to fulfill her lifelong "dream" and takes care of our 3 boys (11,15,18), yet the attacks don't stop? She says she just want to be connected, however I it not a positive connection for me, so why does she not change her expectation for life, or leave (though she has no income now!). I get this link in response to your vid. - it is true th-cam.com/video/-DUP-VFw1YA/w-d-xo.html So what is safety and what is positive connection ? For whom ?
Get away from the brads
Get away from the brads