She doesn’t feel safe because he didn’t buy her five dollar cup of coffee? He’s one lucky man to find out so quickly what kind of person she is. At least she could admit the truth that it hurts her feelings or makes her feel bad instead of calling him unsafe or a creep or something.
Interesting, now gender equality disappears in Lori's eyes, wow. But when she is applying for a job, wants voting rights- there you go, gender equality kicks in for her! Well, if you want same rights as men, you need to take all non beneficial things too.
I am a man that prefers to pay for the full first date but I look for women to offer to split. What I've found is that a lot of women want a man to signal he can provide and a lot of men want a woman to signal she won't abuse that man's generosity.
It's bollocks. She wants men to play their traditional roles, yet there is no corresponding obligation for women to play their traditional roles. And I am disappointed that he didn't raise the point.
Exactly, I was so hoping Steven would raise it, but he allowed her to have a free pass and say what women want to hear. I meet this double standard in real life all the time. In fact, it appears women think men should take whatever they can get from women without questioning. I say this because in my conversations, when women state the expectations this guest stated here and I make a similar statement involving men expecting a traditional female role, the response is always like how there you expect that. Smh.
@@ALTheFreeManpersonally I’d pay for myself, but traditional women? You would have to define that. Women generally still have quite traditional roles and give a lot in relationships if you look at the statistics.
@@thisweekinternational7702 Right, they’re basically saying men should be okay with whatever scraps we’re thrown. Women can have expectations of height, salary, etc, but if a man has expectations regarding weight, everyone loses their minds!
I paid on every date I had with my ex girlfriend. We had a great time together. I really tried to impress her and focused on doing everything perfectly. After a couple of months of our relationship she dumped me. She said she wants to be with someone who is more manly than me On the first date I had with (now) my wife she suggested to split the bills, even though I didn't talk about money at all. We have been happily married for quite some time now
Now imagine doing what you did with your ex-girlfriends to many other women draining you of your financial value and you'll begin to realize the utter foolishness of this. Men should be wise with their finances when it comes to relationships because their wealth is to ensure the man is able to provide not only for his wife but also for their children.
I don't think that she meant you are not manly because you paid her meals. Women usually like status. But i don't think we expect you to pay everytime. Nevertheless very kind of you
@@Nina-ur3ld You shouldn't expect men to pay at all. You say that women like status but they only like status because it translates to power and resourcefulness.
@@kojo2773 I am a very generous person and also have paid meals for men (boyfriend and male friends) as well. It doesn't leave a good impression on me personally if he doesn't. I know some women think different about it but I feel valued when a men pays on the first date e.g.
exactly if such therapists give these kinds of advice then she and the society is the problem. I have said it before nations which embrace western culture tend to have less population/marriages than nations which have their own culture. Culture is the biggest factor for relationships, marriages, divorces and populations.
Absolutely. Begins by explaining how she does something she knows is irrational, hides behind this bullshit argument that switches directly to "person" when she means man. This woman is deeply unprofessional and needs to check herself. How about the "person" who sees that dating and relationships are equal partnerships and doesn't want to reap the benefits of a old societal norms?
@@anti-skub2164which benefit? To eat free dinner 😂 i think the problem is with you if you think a person would go for a date with you only to get free food or drink ;) and there is a chance you will bump into one but if you are not blind, you will understand this pretty fast .. if not, take it as a learning money to be smarter but still with elegance at least. And i am saying for your benefit this, not for a women’s who behaves like this..
@@irsaa7834 The problem is people like you who believe that men should pay for women. Not paying for your own stuff and expecting the man to pay literally translates to free food and drinks.
@@irsaa7834 women going out with men only for the meal is actually such a common thing we have a term for it "foodie call" and based on research (by the Azuza Pacific university & university of California) 22 to 33 percent of women have admitted to doing, this is likely a more western phenomenon though.
Why is she using neutral language like "person" and "people" when she is directly and only talking about men? Its not the "person" she says should pay for admittedly no logical reason - its the man. The man must adhere to the traditional norms (that, if examined, she admits will be found irrational) while the woman is free to have her meals paid for and be given thanks for just being present on the date. Own up to the misandry.
As a man I don’t mind paying more in dates. But for all my dating life, my date would pay for the bar or coffee after diner/lunch or pay the next date etc. So without splitting the bill per say, we naturally have some kind of equilibrium
“Feels like an insult if he doesn’t pay” / “even he’s not interested, it’s just a nice gesture” What is this BS from women like this. So where’s the nice gesture towards men? That’s so entitled to think you deserve to be treated like you’re superior, just because you’re a woman. I like to pay on dates, but if the woman doesn’t at least offer, she won’t get a second date.
For me, this's social conditioning. I'm a male psychotherapist, and this just screams expectation and tradition, not equality and feministic. When she said "This's about generosity". My rebuttal is: Is it about generosity when it is an expected tradition, or obligation? Should money really really be the deciding factor of how generosity when both gender's broadly have equal pay now?
I see your point. I would never let the man pay every time. I would say" if you insist in paying this time, next time it is gonna be my turn." This is how we do it among friends also and it is indeed both generous and fair. You take care of me this time, I will take care of you next time.
Expecting a man to pay is completely unfair but i can live with it as long as a woman thinks there will be a second date. If a woman knows she doesnt want a second date she better pay half. Its about the principal of it and not the money
I’m that guy who pays for the table (date or otherwise) with no hesitation! But surely in the context of feminism, equal pay, equal rights and… it is simply out of fashion for a female therapist to voice such comments. Generosity should not be a masculine trait, and generosity does not equal obligation.
I'm old school and I'm of the view no matter who ask whom out as a man I'll always pay. But at the same time I won't give into the demands if my date ask for $100 or $200 date, though I can easily afford it. It means she's only in for the dining experience and has zero interest in me. So it'll be over a couple of drinks and a movie.
Exactly, if your date truly is going on a date with you for the right reasons, 9 times out of 10 she’ll be more than happy with your suggestion of where to eat etc
Dating stops being expensive when you #1 know what you want, and #2 meet the right person who understands relationship value is not found in a dollar bill.
Value is found on a dollar bill. You can’t form a family while struggling to be financially independent. However, finding a woman who love you because of your soul is hard to find today. A lot of external factors tend to have a role when attracting a mate.
Women want traditional men but men only want traditional women if it benefits them. They never want to pay bills but will complain about difficult women after placing the women in a masculine place.
Bill Burr had a good take on that, but I don’t remember the name of the video. Women only want the good parts and cherry pick what they want of equality. Lord knows they don’t want to become garbagemen or bricklayers. 😂
You guys are so small minded it's truly pathetic. 1. If a guy doesn't pay he's not seriously interested in a long-term relationship. Women have to be more wary of this because men have been the noncommittal ones in the dynamic since the beginning of time. 2. Most women still have traditional expectations for themselves. (They're going to have babies and therefore be home more in addition to the fact that they still have lower income in the working class than men do, and they're fine with that.) Men paying signals that they're serious about you and that they're providers, not moochers.
And If by "women preach equality" you mean as in opening my own bank account, voting, and having the economic freedom to support myself, then yes, I'll fight for my rights because having the option to be independent is crucial so that I don't have to get stuck in a bad marriage with a bad man that doesn't care or love me.
It’s been a long time since I was single and dating, but I recall meeting a gal online and we chatted for about a week before meeting. She valued her independence, as she stated directly multiple times in our discussions. So when it came time to pay the bill I offered we split it. She was clearly annoyed, and I was confused. I was trying to acknowledge her self-proclaimed independence as she was clearly proud of it. Whatever, didn’t work out and that’s probably good. with my wife I just paid all the time unless she insisted otherwise - seemed to work as we’ve been married 19 years!
If she becomes his wife carrying his child if they are dating still the women will take more of the emotions or physical emotions s-x is not energy healthy to share it with some one who is not a husband
"A lot of women don't feel safe when a man doesn't pay" I call BS, we are living in a gold diggers day and age and you proper women out there should watch out for the competition who uses men for free meals. (Yes, that's a thing)
She believes men should invest in a woman without a woman investing in a man. There has to be an adequate amount before she even considers doing anything that adds value to his life. Red-Flag.
Asked 5 female friends. They all said theu would find it weird if a guy wanted to always pay and would offer to split. This woman has a personal preference for being paid for on the first date and is selling it as a universal truth
Completely agree with you. I’m quite disappointed that this therapist would misrepresent us ladies like this. She doesn’t speak for me, my sisters, my aunts, nor my bestest friends
That’s a really small sample of the female population hardly conclusive evidence of anything. I’m willing to bet 1. They are trying to say “the right thing” to you 2. This couple’s therapist and author has spoken to more than 5 women about this.
@@eldanno5970but she clearly states her own personal preference for men paying, whilst also acknowledging that she has no real idea where that comes from (odd from a psychologist). and if you think my female friends would change their answers to say the right things, you clearly have not met them!!
Honestly, any independent, self respecting woman wouldn’t care about this and in fact, I would always insist on splitting the bill. What’s the big deal??
I think like it or not there’s still a societal expectation for men to provide, protect and be generous with their resources in a relationship and paying on a first date subconsciously is an extension of this.
I went out with this person on three dates. The first date was drinks at a bar, the second was a hike, and the third was a nice evening downtown, starting with dinner at a fancy spot, followed by ice cream and a brewery. Not once did she offer to pay for anything, not even the one beer we each had at the brewery. After the third date, I drove her home, and she asked if I wanted to come in. I replied, “It was nice meeting you. Take care.”. Ladies I'd pay every now and again!
Scares me that she is a therapist and giving people life advices. This thinking is from an era thta we should get rid of. Where it is expected to man pay for the bill and woman to earn less. It is part of an unjust system trying to clunter-balance
I never comment, but I feel compelled to say this woman is setting women’s progress back decades. I’m embarrassed that this is an opinion that is being given airtime, let alone being deemed ‘expert’.
I think this is very interesting. When a man pays, he is signaling his protective and providing qualities. Great. But the protective and providing qualities of men are also being looked down upon generally in society. So if you're a woman who frowns down upon that; pay for your own coffee. I personally like to pay out of the blue sometimes, as an unexpected gift. Paying for my friends or randomly give them presents. But if paying is always expectated, it stops being a gift. If you don't have a choice, the gesture of giving doesn't mean anything. In the example given by the therapist, I don't acctually think the guy had anything against paying 5 dollars for her coffee. He was probably testing her to see whether she would pay for herself or not. She didn't want to, so much so that she didn't want to see him again, even though they had a lot of chemistry.
Her opinion is not everybody’s. It’s her own truth. Her perception is obsolete. To call not paying for your meal as a woman as an insult isn’t kind. One must understand that men also have financial problems. Kindness in dating is something what must be considered and not just traditional rules. Men nowadays are not providers. She is not a good therapist. Sorry. Her opinion is a one way road. Waste of my time.
Although my husband paid for everything from day 1 since we met and I’ve always appreciated his gesture, I think it’s hard for men to pay if they make less than the woman.
why not make it clear that u won’t go on the date if there’s no financial incentive?? i would assume responsible adults show up expecting to pay their at least their share so if u wanted otherwise let it be known
That is shocking to me for both sides. Maybe the guy has a trauma of his ex using him for money so he just wants to see if his date doesn't pressure him for 5$ when they are strangers.
Im old fashion and i always pay. But also i don't confuse generosity with charity, so if she orders lobster and Moët&Chandon, then she is going to pay for it.
Keep it low key at first. That's important. Coffee, a drink or two. But nothing over $30 -$50. Limit the time aswell (2 hours is my limit at first, for the first dozen dates). The best dates are the kind that illicit conversation so you can get a real feel for that person. Not paying isn't an issue for me as a woman, it is their attitude that i notice. If it's too much too soon, or too good to be true or they're inconsistent those are the flags I pay attention to.
It has to do with having a generous spirit, not the money. Women want to be with a man who they feel is going to consider them, protect them. Unfortunately this is missing in modernity. So something that I can do for myself, I can also do alone without the company of someone who has self centered tendencies. I display generous energy, even financially. So I have to be careful of takers.
Fortunately, I'm in an American subculture where men paying is the norm and women behaving like, well, ladies, is also the norm. Were I not, however, my first response to your comment would be this: "And it's not self-centered to expect a free meal and get your nose bent out of shape when you don't get it?"
And men don't want to spend money on a woman unless she is generous with her body in return. The problem is the generosity doesn't always go both ways.
@@RobertLeighJames92 The expectation that the other party should be 'generous' while you are not is exactly the issue. You don't have to like it, but that's how it is. And the silly addition of opening a door? That's not generosity, it's common courtesy. Not the same. No wonder you have such difficulty understanding; I'm comparing apples to apples while you compare apples to fire hydrants. She calls it 'generosity' but it really isn't that; it's investment of resources into her with the expectation that a certain amount must be made before she will do the same with no guarantee it will even happen. It's a terrible ROI that only the one receiving can ever say is right or appropriate. If you want to allow yourself to be used, go for it. You know the saying, "A fool is born every minute."
@@csx6910 you're not worth arguing with m8.. Your comment is tit for tat, I was generous so give me sex.. What a wanker! It's clearly you that doesn't understand generosity. It's not about the other person it never has been. You are either generous or you're not. Whether it's reciprocated or not completely irrelevant, and you can't know that beforehand. Otherwise you're doing it for a reason and again that's not what generosity is! You lost me completely at paragraph 2.
In Germany something like this could happen to you: Man: Can we split the bill? Woman: Of course, why do you ask? Do you expect, that i pay your drinks. Man: No, maybe you would expect that i pay your bill. Woman: What did you think? That i can't pay my drinks? I earn my own money, and i can pay my bill. I am very disappointed in American feminism. This is not feminism but opportunism.
i find that this situation warant the question as to where does the entitlement of women come from that they are offended that a stranger didn't want to pay the bill or that he ought to?
She wants a traditional man ? Okay... well then I hope that she doesn't turn around at the bodycount question and say "how dare men care about a woman's body count...." Why should a man invest his time/money in a 304 ?
"Its hard to articulate". No it isn't, its called entitlement. You think you deserve something you haven't earned. Seriously people, if paying for a first date is this much of an issue between either you or other person, then perhaps neither of you should be dating each other. I don't HAVE to pay, they don't HAVE to pay. This shit is so unimportant!! Anybody expecting me to pay isn't getting a second date. But if somebody offers to pay their share, then i may well pay the whole bill. MEN, we need a team mate in love, not an entitled princess!! This is why dating works better once you've gotten to know someone and been friends first, because this is never an issue between people who already know each other. But nope, it's 2024, we are the entitled generation, and we want the perfect relationship and we want it right now.
Maybe you are willing to date an average looking girl that comes to a date dirty and in jogging pants and burps and curses when she speaks. Otherwise, though you have a great time together. I imagine that’s acceptable bc you should just be focused on the inside right? I have a feeling it would be a giant NO for most men. Because men have expectations during courtship and so do women.
I think it's about the person doing the asking. If I ask my Mom out to lunch, she knows I will pay. It's common courtesy. If she asks you out, she should at least try to pay (guys sometimes don't like this, though). That being said, I always pay for myself on the first date so guys don't think I owe them anything. That's more of a safety thing.
@@yuppers1 Again though women rarely ask because there is an entitlement that they can just sit there and wait to be asked. I think there is also your pride as well. Women work nowadays, so from a pride perspective wouldn't you also want to pay? I've had women say I don't need paying for thank you I'm working I'll pay for myself. I have massive respect for that.
This is such BS. Nearly ever date I've been on in the last 10 years has been split. Especially the first date... this is because we both are testing the relation... do we click or not and we accept to share that burden. Also when I have gone to pay on the first date nearly every woman has been upset and demanded we split. And I'm not even that young... so this seems to be a very out of touch view. Or maybe Europe is different than the US.
If I enjoy the date, the energy is being reciprocated and I can tell she has a high interest in me then I’ll happily pay for the date.. it’s in my masculine energy make her feel protected and provided for HOWEVER… anything other than that she can pay and I’ll nip things in the bud. Gratitude is key.
This is terrible! So much time and energy spent on getting respect and equality and autonomy and upping our standards for men and now this! This is what is insulting. Splitting the bill is always the way!
Woman want a provider. It biological we might have children and if the man can't take over even for a year providing for me and my child then why be married. Paying on date is also checking generosity.
And that's what your thinking about on a first date? Future children? You don't even know if fella wants children and you're already drifting away from him the person and off to some fantasy you want.
I think this is also rooted in our biology. Whether we choose to acknowledge this or not, there is a professional ‘tax’ that many women end up paying related to reproduction & care. It’s not irrational to have an indicator to check whether the potential partner can provide material support (not that I’m saying this is the best indicator or time to check this).
If I invite anyone out, not just on dates, but with friends too, then I always offer to pay. But I do that because this is the kind of person I am, not because it is expected of me. And even if I do end up paying, it's nice to see the other person offering at least to split the bill. And when others invite me out, I always offer to split the bill. Maybe if everyone did more of this, it wouldn't create so much strife. But what do I know...
Matter of interest. Do you have problems with relationships, dates, genuine friendships etc. I’d assume you don’t but I’m interested to hear about it from your experience. 👍 I agree with what you are saying, pretty refreshing to see positive advice rather than constant negatives.
I agree. Men should pay but also, as a woman myself, us women should play our feminine part which is cook and clean for a man. .look nice for our man and take care of ourselves, grocery shop, clean the house. And Men should pay for dates bills. Etc.
In the go to equality goals, for me It’s a red flag for having not questioned this old fashioned way. If we want gender equality, it needs to be from the start. And it’s kind of man dominating move to pay on the first date. The 5$ coffee example it’s little different, but in the mean time it’s a good ground for both person to be able to pay is part without having concerns on the financial situation of the other one. I normally don’t comment, but this time I couldn’t hold myself. Gender equality in couple should be set in the first move knowing each other’s.
What do guys get from paying on the first date? Evrrything; preparation and showing up, is almost as equal as it can get for both genders, but when it comes to paying, the equation gets lopsided. A guy initiates, prepares and shows up to signal interest. The girl accepts and prepares, and shows up to signal interest. And then the guy pays, and she's just on the receiving end of the date. What does she do that the guy can/should get in return to balance out the scales after he pays? And should the emulation of marriage be permissible before marriage? Provision from the man to the woman is primarily reserved husband and wife. The question that is asked at the end should go both ways: Whats the role of a man? And whats the role of a woman?
I think the assumption is that the man asked, so he pays. But we shouldn't work off of that assumption anymore since women are asking men out more often. That being said, as a woman I always pay for myself on the first date so the guy doesn't think I owe him anything.
'What do guys get from paying on the first date?' Umm firstly you get the woman's time and energy and probably her attention too (that is *literally more valuable than anything you can think of including your hard earned money* ) this is what you should get as balance and not seek it in a physical plane! When you shift your thinking that way you wouldnt have all that nonsense after that question!
@divinely.guided227 I'd be very careful with that condescending attitude because you seem to be implying that somehow a man's attention isn't valuable (or not as valuable as is money) to a woman. Very shallow image of women, it seems. Do women work on their attention that they give to men and equate it to the hard earned money that men give/have?
@@trans4mat1on"her attention too (that is literally more valuable than anything you can think of including your hard earned money)" My, oh, my! Someone has a really inflated sense of herself! Hint, Divinely - the nanosecond you say something like that, you are instantly and immediately not worth a minute of a guy's time.
Women rightly want equality. So why do most expect the guy to pay? (Which I always do with no issues). Can't believe she thinks it's an 'insult' if the guy doesn't offer to pay.
I always paid, never had an issue with it and never gave it a second thought. Just didn't like the fact she said it's an insult if the guy doesn't 'offer' when we're fighting for equaliy lol
Keep dating simple. No need to complicate things. You don't pee in my sandbox, I won't pee in your sandbox. I share my toys. You share your toys too. We are kind and respectful to each other. If we have great chemistry and really like each other, who cares about who orders "tap water" or who buys the $5 coffee? If you feel like you are being judged or evaluated under a microscope, better to keep moving. Focus on becoming the very best version of yourself and you will attract the right partner.
It’s sad women expect men to pay. It’s a nice gesture for any to pay. Whoever invites can pay the bill. These stereotypes are traps. Women can protect too. Men can be caregivers too. If we realize that a believe we have makes no sense. We should question ourselves and embrace openness. We all have a lot of cultural and situational baggage that does not serve us nor the world.
So what should a woman do to signal interest or show that she cares? I’m old enough to have grown up with the ‘man pays’, but I’ve also thought it is a little anachronistic: the woman is expected to invest time into her appearance (well above the effort a man is expected to make) and the man pays. Every reason she gave for the man paying (except for him paying making the woman feel safe perhaps), could also apply the other way around. It seems a largely socialized and unquestioned norm. Having said that, of course I’d pay.
How about asking controversial questions? The way she says that the man should pay for everything without being confronted is embarrassing. That makes you a terrible interviewer, sorry.
Remember one time women didnt work? Well now they do. So pay up! If a man pays its his pride and sense of controll that are on display (this was tradition.. like old as the hills) and now women have that and need that feeling too. It Swings both ways today guys and gals.
I kind of get what she's saying, and as an old fashioned gentleman I would always offer to pay on a first date. Having said that I would expect to at least get the offer after that to go halves. If women want equality they need to step up and pay their way. Men are not just walking wallets, and any woman that treated me like one would be single again fairly quickly.
I'm OG as well. It says alot about the man also again o'lschool here but says man is confident and protector...having said that. It's expensive!! So my suggestion always is stages. Ask the other person out for coffee first never go dinner first for many reason like date not going well how do I bail ...but dating is an investment so go slow don't go all in till that person is worth investing in...coffee is affordable or meet at a park or walk in public for first meet ups❤ then goes well go for coffee then 3rd date is dinner if person is amazing ❤
Not sure this woman should be a couples therapist! seems gender partisan and anachronistic. When I was dating, if a woman offered to split, I’d usually pay. If she didn’t, I’d pay my half. It’s not about money. I married my wife because we split our first date and every date after. It’s about equality and a relationship based on mutual respect.
Interested to hear her thoughts on gay couples? Who pays then? I wonder if this is addressed on the full episode… and I wonder what men think about a woman’s expectation that he should pay? I’m sure that can send up its own red flags… interesting topic! 🤔
Completely different dynamics and societal expectations at play with gay couples. What do men think about paying, well I’m married but I’d be more than happy to pay if I was dating. It signals a lot to a woman subconsciously eg generosity, I can provide, she’s worth my time and money, the list goes on. Even in a society that makes out things should be completely equal there’s still subconscious expectations, values along with things like needs eg need for safety and security that a generous partner with resources can provide.
I do agree, if a men says to split the bill, it's a way of saying I'll never see u again because there's no chemistry so let's split the bill and go our separate ways
I 💯 agree - I like coffee as a first date and I find it awkward if the guy hangs back from paying - I’d rather pay the $10 myself than bother splitting the coffee but the gesture when a guy steps forward on the first date shows confidence in himself and that he’s not cheap… any other time I happily split …
First date? So the first date I should pay, despite the fact that you could well be sitting across from me knowing you aren't gonna see me again? So basically you want me to invest in you on a first date, even though we might not meet again. Why would I do that? I'll pay for the dates once we are a more solidly dating, and I'm sure that I want to invest.
I dated for years before I got married and NEVER paid for anything until we were in a very secure committed relationship. That took 6 mos. Never pay for anything when "dating". And I had 6 other marriage proposals from other men, before I finally said yes to my husband. Our generation knew that "dating" was "courting" a woman with the intent to marry. If we go dutch, then that is just a friendship. I had lots of friends. If the intent is just friendship, I always paid my own, so there wasnt any misunderstanding.
I like their short conversation about how dates are expensive and you need more money. Add that to the fact that she wants men to pay. I think she’s arguing that women should give up their jobs so that more men can have work in order to pay for dates. Or women could just offer to pay and actually mean it.
It's not rational. Women get all the opportunities but without the accountability now. So no, I'm not paying for your dinner, we see y'all flexing the hustle on IG 7 days a week. You want security? Hire top flight.
This is so ridiculous and old fashion. There are cultures that split their bill half and half on dates. One example is Germany. Eventually everyone is going to do it because we are evolving and getting rid of the social norms. We don’t live in the era when men Used to be the highest earners. Reality is everything is changing. Probably her patient has lost a good guy for $5 bills 😑. How ridiculous is that.
It's an insult if I feel for a moment as ATM. Of course I pay for the first date if I invite. Coffee or a walk is cool. No impressing with money. If you want the privileges of being with someone, show them that it's worth it. It works both ways.
I always pay on the first date. Did it from my first date in the late 1990's . If I want a 2nd date I then say you can get the next one. You can then judge if the person is into you. Maybe it is just because I am bi.
📺 Watch the full episode here
th-cam.com/video/SNuHbJbuUZE/w-d-xo.html
Don't forget to Like, Comment & Sub! 🙌🏽
“It feels like an insult and I don’t feel safe” fuck outtta here bruh
Right?! What a coward.
She doesn’t feel safe because he didn’t buy her five dollar cup of coffee? He’s one lucky man to find out so quickly what kind of person she is. At least she could admit the truth that it hurts her feelings or makes her feel bad instead of calling him unsafe or a creep or something.
Interesting, now gender equality disappears in Lori's eyes, wow. But when she is applying for a job, wants voting rights- there you go, gender equality kicks in for her! Well, if you want same rights as men, you need to take all non beneficial things too.
I am a man that prefers to pay for the full first date but I look for women to offer to split. What I've found is that a lot of women want a man to signal he can provide and a lot of men want a woman to signal she won't abuse that man's generosity.
But they still will
It's bollocks. She wants men to play their traditional roles, yet there is no corresponding obligation for women to play their traditional roles. And I am disappointed that he didn't raise the point.
Bingo! Women want to be traditionally courted without being traditional women, they want to have their cake and eat it too.
Exactly, I was so hoping Steven would raise it, but he allowed her to have a free pass and say what women want to hear.
I meet this double standard in real life all the time. In fact, it appears women think men should take whatever they can get from women without questioning. I say this because in my conversations, when women state the expectations this guest stated here and I make a similar statement involving men expecting a traditional female role, the response is always like how there you expect that. Smh.
@@ALTheFreeManpersonally I’d pay for myself, but traditional women? You would have to define that.
Women generally still have quite traditional roles and give a lot in relationships if you look at the statistics.
@@thisweekinternational7702 Right, they’re basically saying men should be okay with whatever scraps we’re thrown. Women can have expectations of height, salary, etc, but if a man has expectations regarding weight, everyone loses their minds!
@@ALTheFreeMan you’re calling a possible partner “scraps”?
I paid on every date I had with my ex girlfriend. We had a great time together. I really tried to impress her and focused on doing everything perfectly. After a couple of months of our relationship she dumped me. She said she wants to be with someone who is more manly than me
On the first date I had with (now) my wife she suggested to split the bills, even though I didn't talk about money at all. We have been happily married for quite some time now
Now imagine doing what you did with your ex-girlfriends to many other women draining you of your financial value and you'll begin to realize the utter foolishness of this. Men should be wise with their finances when it comes to relationships because their wealth is to ensure the man is able to provide not only for his wife but also for their children.
Nailed it 👏
I don't think that she meant you are not manly because you paid her meals. Women usually like status. But i don't think we expect you to pay everytime. Nevertheless very kind of you
@@Nina-ur3ld
You shouldn't expect men to pay at all.
You say that women like status but they only like status because it translates to power and resourcefulness.
@@kojo2773 I am a very generous person and also have paid meals for men (boyfriend and male friends) as well. It doesn't leave a good impression on me personally if he doesn't. I know some women think different about it but I feel valued when a men pays on the first date e.g.
She’s part of the problem of the disconnect of men and women if she’s coaching this mindset.
Bingo! I am really surprised Steven didn’t question her on female traditional roles as a consequence of her expectations.
exactly if such therapists give these kinds of advice then she and the society is the problem. I have said it before nations which embrace western culture tend to have less population/marriages than nations which have their own culture. Culture is the biggest factor for relationships, marriages, divorces and populations.
Be careful when you choose your therapist.
Absolutely. This one's a HARD pass.
Absolutely. Begins by explaining how she does something she knows is irrational, hides behind this bullshit argument that switches directly to "person" when she means man.
This woman is deeply unprofessional and needs to check herself.
How about the "person" who sees that dating and relationships are equal partnerships and doesn't want to reap the benefits of a old societal norms?
@@anti-skub2164which benefit? To eat free dinner 😂 i think the problem is with you if you think a person would go for a date with you only to get free food or drink ;) and there is a chance you will bump into one but if you are not blind, you will understand this pretty fast .. if not, take it as a learning money to be smarter but still with elegance at least. And i am saying for your benefit this, not for a women’s who behaves like this..
@@irsaa7834
The problem is people like you who believe that men should pay for women.
Not paying for your own stuff and expecting the man to pay literally translates to free food and drinks.
@@irsaa7834 women going out with men only for the meal is actually such a common thing we have a term for it "foodie call" and based on research (by the Azuza Pacific university & university of California) 22 to 33 percent of women have admitted to doing, this is likely a more western phenomenon though.
Its hard to articulate but ehhhh i want equality only when it suits me
Look up bill burrs rant about women wanting equality, it’s on point
Generosity isn’t just for men, it looks gorgeous on women too.
As a man myself..How to tell if the women I date are real generously interested in me & not just the potential I give off?
Finally a woman with real sense
Don't forget your crown, Queen!
Thank you! You get it!
@@KuzzO_Bahn
When she pays half the bills.
She said "if it doesnt work out its a nice gesture" hahaha you mean free meal mate 😂
A nice gesture is something a man learns has no value in life very quickly.
That’s why you’re still in a relationship with your right hand, mate.
@janelleperez2438 haha good one, mate. im 7 years deep in a relationship, and my girl aint a gold digger like yours by the sounds of it
Why is she using neutral language like "person" and "people" when she is directly and only talking about men? Its not the "person" she says should pay for admittedly no logical reason - its the man. The man must adhere to the traditional norms (that, if examined, she admits will be found irrational) while the woman is free to have her meals paid for and be given thanks for just being present on the date.
Own up to the misandry.
One hundred percent this!
As a man I don’t mind paying more in dates. But for all my dating life, my date would pay for the bar or coffee after diner/lunch or pay the next date etc. So without splitting the bill per say, we naturally have some kind of equilibrium
This therapist was buried in a time capsule. She is good for a traditional woman
“Feels like an insult if he doesn’t pay” / “even he’s not interested, it’s just a nice gesture”
What is this BS from women like this. So where’s the nice gesture towards men?
That’s so entitled to think you deserve to be treated like you’re superior, just because you’re a woman.
I like to pay on dates, but if the woman doesn’t at least offer, she won’t get a second date.
For me, this's social conditioning. I'm a male psychotherapist, and this just screams expectation and tradition, not equality and feministic.
When she said "This's about generosity".
My rebuttal is: Is it about generosity when it is an expected tradition, or obligation?
Should money really really be the deciding factor of how generosity when both gender's broadly have equal pay now?
And to add to your point, is it only the man who is supposed to show generosity? How are men supposed to evaluate the women for generosity also?
I see your point. I would never let the man pay every time. I would say" if you insist in paying this time, next time it is gonna be my turn." This is how we do it among friends also and it is indeed both generous and fair. You take care of me this time, I will take care of you next time.
@@bolivar1789sounds fair
Expecting a man to pay is completely unfair but i can live with it as long as a woman thinks there will be a second date. If a woman knows she doesnt want a second date she better pay half. Its about the principal of it and not the money
I’m that guy who pays for the table (date or otherwise) with no hesitation!
But surely in the context of feminism, equal pay, equal rights and… it is simply out of fashion for a female therapist to voice such comments.
Generosity should not be a masculine trait, and generosity does not equal obligation.
I thought generosity along with kindness, agreeable is a feminine trait.
@@Memberberry123it is. But moreso with time and attention. For men, moreso with money.
@@Jennzz10 time and attention seems like a rather expensive commodity than money nowadays.
Not everyone signed up for women's lib. Many of us found it to be nonsense.
Women can be generous to make men feel safe too. It goes both ways
I'm old school and I'm of the view no matter who ask whom out as a man I'll always pay. But at the same time I won't give into the demands if my date ask for $100 or $200 date, though I can easily afford it. It means she's only in for the dining experience and has zero interest in me. So it'll be over a couple of drinks and a movie.
Exactly, if your date truly is going on a date with you for the right reasons, 9 times out of 10 she’ll be more than happy with your suggestion of where to eat etc
That date will munch the 200$ menu like cheap fries and stare constatly into her phone
Dating stops being expensive when you #1 know what you want, and #2 meet the right person who understands relationship value is not found in a dollar bill.
Value is found on a dollar bill. You can’t form a family while struggling to be financially independent. However, finding a woman who love you because of your soul is hard to find today. A lot of external factors tend to have a role when attracting a mate.
@@Domo-sn7ls Expecting a pregnant woman to help you manage your financial situation during pregnancy would be a sign of abuse.
Women preach for equality except when it comes to the bill! Make it MAKE SENSE! 😂
Women don't want 50/50 unless it's in divorce.
Women want traditional men but men only want traditional women if it benefits them. They never want to pay bills but will complain about difficult women after placing the women in a masculine place.
Bill Burr had a good take on that, but I don’t remember the name of the video. Women only want the good parts and cherry pick what they want of equality. Lord knows they don’t want to become garbagemen or bricklayers. 😂
You guys are so small minded it's truly pathetic. 1. If a guy doesn't pay he's not seriously interested in a long-term relationship. Women have to be more wary of this because men have been the noncommittal ones in the dynamic since the beginning of time. 2. Most women still have traditional expectations for themselves. (They're going to have babies and therefore be home more in addition to the fact that they still have lower income in the working class than men do, and they're fine with that.) Men paying signals that they're serious about you and that they're providers, not moochers.
And If by "women preach equality" you mean as in opening my own bank account, voting, and having the economic freedom to support myself, then yes, I'll fight for my rights because having the option to be independent is crucial so that I don't have to get stuck in a bad marriage with a bad man that doesn't care or love me.
You wanted equality... you split the bill.. simple
It’s been a long time since I was single and dating, but I recall meeting a gal online and we chatted for about a week before meeting. She valued her independence, as she stated directly multiple times in our discussions. So when it came time to pay the bill I offered we split it. She was clearly annoyed, and I was confused. I was trying to acknowledge her self-proclaimed independence as she was clearly proud of it. Whatever, didn’t work out and that’s probably good. with my wife I just paid all the time unless she insisted otherwise - seemed to work as we’ve been married 19 years!
If it is about generosity, why is it the guy who must demonstrate it, where does the woman’s generosity come in?
If she becomes his wife carrying his child if they are dating still the women will take more of the emotions or physical emotions s-x is not energy healthy to share it with some one who is not a husband
She suggests putting a price tag on herself from the first date.
"A lot of women don't feel safe when a man doesn't pay"
I call BS, we are living in a gold diggers day and age and you proper women out there should watch out for the competition who uses men for free meals.
(Yes, that's a thing)
Women get gold digged for free labor and s3x. Lots of gold diggers on both sides.
I reckon if a woman has said this there’s probably something in it.
She believes men should invest in a woman without a woman investing in a man. There has to be an adequate amount before she even considers doing anything that adds value to his life. Red-Flag.
@@csx6910 no she doesn’t, she didn’t say anything like that. She’s really just pointing out some truths in dating.
Given there’s other women in the comments saying similar maybe she’s onto something.
Asked 5 female friends. They all said theu would find it weird if a guy wanted to always pay and would offer to split.
This woman has a personal preference for being paid for on the first date and is selling it as a universal truth
The biggest issue here for me… selling it as a universal truth
Completely agree with you. I’m quite disappointed that this therapist would misrepresent us ladies like this. She doesn’t speak for me, my sisters, my aunts, nor my bestest friends
That’s a really small sample of the female population hardly conclusive evidence of anything.
I’m willing to bet 1. They are trying to say “the right thing” to you 2. This couple’s therapist and author has spoken to more than 5 women about this.
@@eldanno5970but she clearly states her own personal preference for men paying, whilst also acknowledging that she has no real idea where that comes from (odd from a psychologist).
and if you think my female friends would change their answers to say the right things, you clearly have not met them!!
Maybe it’s an age thing or where people are from? I’d pay for myself and I’m 60.
Honestly, any independent, self respecting woman wouldn’t care about this and in fact, I would always insist on splitting the bill. What’s the big deal??
As a man, I find it disingenuous how women still expect men to pay.
I think like it or not there’s still a societal expectation for men to provide, protect and be generous with their resources in a relationship and paying on a first date subconsciously is an extension of this.
I went out with this person on three dates. The first date was drinks at a bar, the second was a hike, and the third was a nice evening downtown, starting with dinner at a fancy spot, followed by ice cream and a brewery. Not once did she offer to pay for anything, not even the one beer we each had at the brewery. After the third date, I drove her home, and she asked if I wanted to come in. I replied, “It was nice meeting you. Take care.”. Ladies I'd pay every now and again!
Scares me that she is a therapist and giving people life advices.
This thinking is from an era thta we should get rid of. Where it is expected to man pay for the bill and woman to earn less. It is part of an unjust system trying to clunter-balance
I never comment, but I feel compelled to say this woman is setting women’s progress back decades. I’m embarrassed that this is an opinion that is being given airtime, let alone being deemed ‘expert’.
I think this is very interesting. When a man pays, he is signaling his protective and providing qualities. Great. But the protective and providing qualities of men are also being looked down upon generally in society. So if you're a woman who frowns down upon that; pay for your own coffee.
I personally like to pay out of the blue sometimes, as an unexpected gift. Paying for my friends or randomly give them presents. But if paying is always expectated, it stops being a gift. If you don't have a choice, the gesture of giving doesn't mean anything.
In the example given by the therapist, I don't acctually think the guy had anything against paying 5 dollars for her coffee. He was probably testing her to see whether she would pay for herself or not. She didn't want to, so much so that she didn't want to see him again, even though they had a lot of chemistry.
Her opinion is not everybody’s. It’s her own truth. Her perception is obsolete.
To call not paying for your meal as a woman as an insult isn’t kind.
One must understand that men also have financial problems.
Kindness in dating is something what must be considered and not just traditional rules.
Men nowadays are not providers. She is not a good therapist. Sorry. Her opinion is a one way road. Waste of my time.
She needs a therapist.
Guy dodged a bullet by splitting the coffee bill.
I like to pay, then I don’t owe them anything.
Although my husband paid for everything from day 1 since we met and I’ve always appreciated his gesture, I think it’s hard for men to pay if they make less than the woman.
I also take it as an insult. He should have said it before a date "I will not pay for a date" and I would have disqualified him right away.
why not make it clear that u won’t go on the date if there’s no financial incentive??
i would assume responsible adults show up expecting to pay their at least their share so if u wanted otherwise let it be known
Imagine losing the chance to meet your soulmate over a 5 dollar coffee
That is shocking to me for both sides. Maybe the guy has a trauma of his ex using him for money so he just wants to see if his date doesn't pressure him for 5$ when they are strangers.
What meant to be is meant to be
Imagine losing that ho over 5 dollar bill 😊
If a girl has a problem with a coffee then she is not my soulmate. I don't make friends with superficial people
A woman that cannot pay a 5 dollar meal is not a "soulmate"
My fiance preferred me not to pay on our first date because, it put too much pressure on her to have sex.
Congrats on your engagement!
@@yuppers1 Thank you!
Im old fashion and i always pay. But also i don't confuse generosity with charity, so if she orders lobster and Moët&Chandon, then she is going to pay for it.
Keep it low key at first. That's important. Coffee, a drink or two. But nothing over $30 -$50. Limit the time aswell (2 hours is my limit at first, for the first dozen dates). The best dates are the kind that illicit conversation so you can get a real feel for that person. Not paying isn't an issue for me as a woman, it is their attitude that i notice. If it's too much too soon, or too good to be true or they're inconsistent those are the flags I pay attention to.
My first date was $10, 15 years ago.
@@MKL_D yes my lsst one was $12.00. Its about the company, shouldnt cost a lot.
It has to do with having a generous spirit, not the money. Women want to be with a man who they feel is going to consider them, protect them. Unfortunately this is missing in modernity. So something that I can do for myself, I can also do alone without the company of someone who has self centered tendencies. I display generous energy, even financially. So I have to be careful of takers.
Fortunately, I'm in an American subculture where men paying is the norm and women behaving like, well, ladies, is also the norm. Were I not, however, my first response to your comment would be this: "And it's not self-centered to expect a free meal and get your nose bent out of shape when you don't get it?"
Yes it's in the spirit that is very true.
And men don't want to spend money on a woman unless she is generous with her body in return. The problem is the generosity doesn't always go both ways.
@@RobertLeighJames92 The expectation that the other party should be 'generous' while you are not is exactly the issue. You don't have to like it, but that's how it is.
And the silly addition of opening a door? That's not generosity, it's common courtesy. Not the same. No wonder you have such difficulty understanding; I'm comparing apples to apples while you compare apples to fire hydrants.
She calls it 'generosity' but it really isn't that; it's investment of resources into her with the expectation that a certain amount must be made before she will do the same with no guarantee it will even happen. It's a terrible ROI that only the one receiving can ever say is right or appropriate.
If you want to allow yourself to be used, go for it. You know the saying, "A fool is born every minute."
@@csx6910 you're not worth arguing with m8.. Your comment is tit for tat, I was generous so give me sex.. What a wanker! It's clearly you that doesn't understand generosity.
It's not about the other person it never has been. You are either generous or you're not. Whether it's reciprocated or not completely irrelevant, and you can't know that beforehand. Otherwise you're doing it for a reason and again that's not what generosity is! You lost me completely at paragraph 2.
0:52 - 1:04 for those that want the short version of the video.
I grew up knowing it's my duty to provide for my woman
In Germany something like this could happen to you:
Man: Can we split the bill?
Woman: Of course, why do you ask? Do you expect, that i pay your drinks.
Man: No, maybe you would expect that i pay your bill.
Woman: What did you think? That i can't pay my drinks? I earn my own money, and i can pay my bill.
I am very disappointed in American feminism. This is not feminism but opportunism.
i find that this situation warant the question as to where does the entitlement of women come from that they are offended that a stranger didn't want to pay the bill or that he ought to?
She wants a traditional man ? Okay... well then I hope that she doesn't turn around at the bodycount question and say "how dare men care about a woman's body count...."
Why should a man invest his time/money in a 304 ?
It’s okay, you don’t have to go out with her.
"Its hard to articulate". No it isn't, its called entitlement. You think you deserve something you haven't earned.
Seriously people, if paying for a first date is this much of an issue between either you or other person, then perhaps neither of you should be dating each other. I don't HAVE to pay, they don't HAVE to pay. This shit is so unimportant!! Anybody expecting me to pay isn't getting a second date. But if somebody offers to pay their share, then i may well pay the whole bill. MEN, we need a team mate in love, not an entitled princess!!
This is why dating works better once you've gotten to know someone and been friends first, because this is never an issue between people who already know each other. But nope, it's 2024, we are the entitled generation, and we want the perfect relationship and we want it right now.
Maybe you are willing to date an average looking girl that comes to a date dirty and in jogging pants and burps and curses when she speaks. Otherwise, though you have a great time together. I imagine that’s acceptable bc you should just be focused on the inside right? I have a feeling it would be a giant NO for most men. Because men have expectations during courtship and so do women.
I think it's about the person doing the asking. If I ask my Mom out to lunch, she knows I will pay. It's common courtesy. If she asks you out, she should at least try to pay (guys sometimes don't like this, though). That being said, I always pay for myself on the first date so guys don't think I owe them anything. That's more of a safety thing.
@@yuppers1 Again though women rarely ask because there is an entitlement that they can just sit there and wait to be asked. I think there is also your pride as well. Women work nowadays, so from a pride perspective wouldn't you also want to pay? I've had women say I don't need paying for thank you I'm working I'll pay for myself. I have massive respect for that.
This is such BS. Nearly ever date I've been on in the last 10 years has been split. Especially the first date... this is because we both are testing the relation... do we click or not and we accept to share that burden.
Also when I have gone to pay on the first date nearly every woman has been upset and demanded we split.
And I'm not even that young... so this seems to be a very out of touch view. Or maybe Europe is different than the US.
If I enjoy the date, the energy is being reciprocated and I can tell she has a high interest in me then I’ll happily pay for the date..
it’s in my masculine energy make her feel protected and provided for HOWEVER…
anything other than that she can pay and I’ll nip things in the bud. Gratitude is key.
This is terrible! So much time and energy spent on getting respect and equality and autonomy and upping our standards for men and now this! This is what is insulting. Splitting the bill is always the way!
Woman want a provider. It biological we might have children and if the man can't take over even for a year providing for me and my child then why be married. Paying on date is also checking generosity.
Exactly. I, as a man, agree.
And that's what your thinking about on a first date? Future children? You don't even know if fella wants children and you're already drifting away from him the person and off to some fantasy you want.
OMG lower class bum lol
Get a job !!!
@@AceKite00 Simp lol
Are you working? You have your own money, change perspective on things lol. New age coming
Yet, a lot of women nowadays go out on a date to get a" free meal".
There's an unwritten rule that the one who is asking you on a date (dinner) is the one who should be paying the bill.
There's also an unwritten rule that men always have to ask the women out. I'll do without the rules thank you very much.
I think this is also rooted in our biology. Whether we choose to acknowledge this or not, there is a professional ‘tax’ that many women end up paying related to reproduction & care. It’s not irrational to have an indicator to check whether the potential partner can provide material support (not that I’m saying this is the best indicator or time to check this).
Every woman wants a man to pay
It is what a woman expects you to pay for, that reveals her intent
If I invite anyone out, not just on dates, but with friends too, then I always offer to pay. But I do that because this is the kind of person I am, not because it is expected of me. And even if I do end up paying, it's nice to see the other person offering at least to split the bill. And when others invite me out, I always offer to split the bill. Maybe if everyone did more of this, it wouldn't create so much strife. But what do I know...
Matter of interest. Do you have problems with relationships, dates, genuine friendships etc. I’d assume you don’t but I’m interested to hear about it from your experience. 👍
I agree with what you are saying, pretty refreshing to see positive advice rather than constant negatives.
I agree. Men should pay but also, as a woman myself, us women should play our feminine part which is cook and clean for a man. .look nice for our man and take care of ourselves, grocery shop, clean the house. And Men should pay for dates bills. Etc.
The majority of women expect to do that. And that's a full time (unpayed for) job, btw. So he can pay for a couple of dates.
In the go to equality goals, for me It’s a red flag for having not questioned this old fashioned way. If we want gender equality, it needs to be from the start. And it’s kind of man dominating move to pay on the first date.
The 5$ coffee example it’s little different, but in the mean time it’s a good ground for both person to be able to pay is part without having concerns on the financial situation of the other one.
I normally don’t comment, but this time I couldn’t hold myself.
Gender equality in couple should be set in the first move knowing each other’s.
I thought we were all about equality now-a-days… and she said it herself, there is no rational explanation
What do guys get from paying on the first date?
Evrrything; preparation and showing up, is almost as equal as it can get for both genders, but when it comes to paying, the equation gets lopsided.
A guy initiates, prepares and shows up to signal interest. The girl accepts and prepares, and shows up to signal interest. And then the guy pays, and she's just on the receiving end of the date.
What does she do that the guy can/should get in return to balance out the scales after he pays?
And should the emulation of marriage be permissible before marriage? Provision from the man to the woman is primarily reserved husband and wife.
The question that is asked at the end should go both ways:
Whats the role of a man? And whats the role of a woman?
I think the assumption is that the man asked, so he pays. But we shouldn't work off of that assumption anymore since women are asking men out more often. That being said, as a woman I always pay for myself on the first date so the guy doesn't think I owe him anything.
'What do guys get from paying on the first date?' Umm firstly you get the woman's time and energy and probably her attention too (that is *literally more valuable than anything you can think of including your hard earned money* ) this is what you should get as balance and not seek it in a physical plane! When you shift your thinking that way you wouldnt have all that nonsense after that question!
@divinely.guided227 I'd be very careful with that condescending attitude because you seem to be implying that somehow a man's attention isn't valuable (or not as valuable as is money) to a woman. Very shallow image of women, it seems.
Do women work on their attention that they give to men and equate it to the hard earned money that men give/have?
@@trans4mat1on it works bith ways
@@trans4mat1on"her attention too (that is literally more valuable than anything you can think of including your hard earned money)" My, oh, my! Someone has a really inflated sense of herself! Hint, Divinely - the nanosecond you say something like that, you are instantly and immediately not worth a minute of a guy's time.
As a woman, I always pay for me. That way, it is much easier that way to discard a man.
Women rightly want equality. So why do most expect the guy to pay? (Which I always do with no issues). Can't believe she thinks it's an 'insult' if the guy doesn't offer to pay.
I guess you wouldn’t, good luck with dating
You need to go to reading school
@@sallykins3800why are you entitled to my money? If your so big on generosity, then show me your generosity.
Did she ask you out? If she asked you out, then she should pay, agreed.
I always paid, never had an issue with it and never gave it a second thought. Just didn't like the fact she said it's an insult if the guy doesn't 'offer' when we're fighting for equaliy lol
Keep dating simple. No need to complicate things. You don't pee in my sandbox, I won't pee in your sandbox. I share my toys. You share your toys too. We are kind and respectful to each other. If we have great chemistry and really like each other, who cares about who orders "tap water" or who buys the $5 coffee? If you feel like you are being judged or evaluated under a microscope, better to keep moving. Focus on becoming the very best version of yourself and you will attract the right partner.
It’s sad women expect men to pay. It’s a nice gesture for any to pay.
Whoever invites can pay the bill.
These stereotypes are traps. Women can protect too. Men can be caregivers too.
If we realize that a believe we have makes no sense.
We should question ourselves and embrace openness.
We all have a lot of cultural and situational baggage that does not serve us nor the world.
So what should a woman do to signal interest or show that she cares? I’m old enough to have grown up with the ‘man pays’, but I’ve also thought it is a little anachronistic: the woman is expected to invest time into her appearance (well above the effort a man is expected to make) and the man pays.
Every reason she gave for the man paying (except for him paying making the woman feel safe perhaps), could also apply the other way around. It seems a largely socialized and unquestioned norm. Having said that, of course I’d pay.
i disagree showing up & wanting to be treated like a prncess not as 2 independent person
And she is a therapist, people.
Always question authority.
So much for feminism
How about asking controversial questions? The way she says that the man should pay for everything without being confronted is embarrassing. That makes you a terrible interviewer, sorry.
Remember one time women didnt work? Well now they do. So pay up! If a man pays its his pride and sense of controll that are on display (this was tradition.. like old as the hills) and now women have that and need that feeling too. It Swings both ways today guys and gals.
"I get the ick if he doesn't pay for the date" says the feminist. The level of hypocrisy is palpable.
There are only so many times you can get ghosted after picking up the tab and still want to keep doing it
Whoever's idea it is to go on a date should pay
I kind of get what she's saying, and as an old fashioned gentleman I would always offer to pay on a first date. Having said that I would expect to at least get the offer after that to go halves. If women want equality they need to step up and pay their way. Men are not just walking wallets, and any woman that treated me like one would be single again fairly quickly.
Maybe she has plenty of £££ and doesn’t want to attract a guy who wants her for her £££?
@@zerowheelerIrony
Big L. First time i genuinely didnt watch an episode. I get the "ick" from this lady
Haha 😂 you probably wouldn’t buy the coffee
I'm OG as well. It says alot about the man also again o'lschool here but says man is confident and protector...having said that. It's expensive!! So my suggestion always is stages. Ask the other person out for coffee first never go dinner first for many reason like date not going well how do I bail ...but dating is an investment so go slow don't go all in till that person is worth investing in...coffee is affordable or meet at a park or walk in public for first meet ups❤ then goes well go for coffee then 3rd date is dinner if person is amazing ❤
Not sure this woman should be a couples therapist! seems gender partisan and anachronistic. When I was dating, if a woman offered to split, I’d usually pay. If she didn’t, I’d pay my half. It’s not about money. I married my wife because we split our first date and every date after. It’s about equality and a relationship based on mutual respect.
Who pays with two men dating or two women?
She is playing the victim
Interested to hear her thoughts on gay couples? Who pays then? I wonder if this is addressed on the full episode… and I wonder what men think about a woman’s expectation that he should pay? I’m sure that can send up its own red flags… interesting topic! 🤔
Completely different dynamics and societal expectations at play with gay couples.
What do men think about paying, well I’m married but I’d be more than happy to pay if I was dating. It signals a lot to a woman subconsciously eg generosity, I can provide, she’s worth my time and money, the list goes on. Even in a society that makes out things should be completely equal there’s still subconscious expectations, values along with things like needs eg need for safety and security that a generous partner with resources can provide.
I do agree, if a men says to split the bill, it's a way of saying I'll never see u again because there's no chemistry so let's split the bill and go our separate ways
Every time a woman expects to be paid for her time, it means her time is more valuable. Guess what that sounds like!
I 💯 agree - I like coffee as a first date and I find it awkward if the guy hangs back from paying - I’d rather pay the $10 myself than bother splitting the coffee but the gesture when a guy steps forward on the first date shows confidence in himself and that he’s not cheap… any other time I happily split …
First date? So the first date I should pay, despite the fact that you could well be sitting across from me knowing you aren't gonna see me again? So basically you want me to invest in you on a first date, even though we might not meet again. Why would I do that? I'll pay for the dates once we are a more solidly dating, and I'm sure that I want to invest.
@@Phoenix1664so you do expect something if you pay?
@@zerowheeler Short answer. No.
How you pay for your own
Straight away I was turned off
She is a red flag from the first response…. Can’t want equality/tradition in all things, and not expect that same treatment back.
I dated for years before I got married and NEVER paid for anything until we were in a very secure committed relationship. That took 6 mos. Never pay for anything when "dating". And I had 6 other marriage proposals from other men, before I finally said yes to my husband.
Our generation knew that "dating" was "courting" a woman with the intent to marry. If we go dutch, then that is just a friendship. I had lots of friends. If the intent is just friendship, I always paid my own, so there wasnt any misunderstanding.
OMG lower class bum lol
Get a job !!!
I like their short conversation about how dates are expensive and you need more money.
Add that to the fact that she wants men to pay.
I think she’s arguing that women should give up their jobs so that more men can have work in order to pay for dates.
Or women could just offer to pay and actually mean it.
If your partner takes you to this therapist, it's over for you
Going dutch seems like a fair option. The presure should'nt always be on the man.
Finally someone that gets it
If paying the bill is too much pressure then he's not ready to date yet. And that's ok!
This therapist - Lori Gottlieb is a train wreck. She is not qualified to give anyone advice on dating or relationships.
It's not rational. Women get all the opportunities but without the accountability now. So no, I'm not paying for your dinner, we see y'all flexing the hustle on IG 7 days a week. You want security? Hire top flight.
Anybody shocked that these “strong and independent” women still want men to pay for dates?? Not me, lol
This is so ridiculous and old fashion. There are cultures that split their bill half and half on dates. One example is Germany. Eventually everyone is going to do it because we are evolving and getting rid of the social norms. We don’t live in the era when men Used to be the highest earners. Reality is everything is changing.
Probably her patient has lost a good guy for $5 bills 😑. How ridiculous is that.
Simple rule : if you want to see her again then pay. If you're interested then pick up the tab.
It's an insult if I feel for a moment as ATM.
Of course I pay for the first date if I invite. Coffee or a walk is cool. No impressing with money.
If you want the privileges of being with someone, show them that it's worth it. It works both ways.
I always pay on the first date. Did it from my first date in the late 1990's .
If I want a 2nd date I then say you can get the next one. You can then judge if the person is into you.
Maybe it is just because I am bi.
Simp
My theory is the same, if they get funny on the second one, cya 😂
100%