I Didn't Know I Had An Anxious Attachment Style
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ส.ค. 2024
- Craig teaches about anxious attachment style and how you may not even realize you have one.
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I'm going back over "The Knowledge" vol. 1 after completeing it, before reading vol 2. In a previous video coach Craig referenced "The Way of the Superior Man." - I'm listening to it. A lot of it makes sense, but some of it is too far out there to make sense concretely. So far the author, David Deida, doesn't mention some of the hard realities of romantic relationships such as attachment trauma and personality disorders than can't be dealt with simply by "being in your masculine." I still prefer "The Knowledge"!
would you recommend the books? I wish there was a preview of its first few pages but its a mystery ...
Sandy Smith Yes I do highly recommend them-as long as you have the motivation to work through them. It will force you to look deep into yourself, your partner(s) and your situation in a way that the videos alone just can’t do. For me it’s been like a personal psychotherapist, but even more effective because it’s specialized for breakups and relationships. I bought volume one and volume two about one year ago, and there’s so much to go through that I still have about %20 left to complete. Definitely got my money’s worth and have no regrets.
@@Dad_Brad I agree, I think Way of the Superior Man is too, well, out there. Maybe the book is good as a supplement right after one gets their ex back or already in a relationship.
Your videos are a lifesaver man, the way I sabotage relationships is so devastating and I never know what’s happening they just all seem to fall apart. your vids are helping me understand what’s going on. Thank you so much!!
Fuck bro. I just realized it's me as well. I am the combination of worst parts of avoidant and anxious and have been unknowingly sabotaging my relationships. If she doesnt give me enough attention or seems pulled away i keep reaching out and trying to please and reconnect. Then after realizing that in the next relationship i avoided intimacy and connection out of fear of smothering her and that ruined the relationship as well. I am so fucking hurt from relationships i just can't take it anymore.
@@NomadUrpagi bruh you and me both like goddamn
As hard as it is for her to move forward, I'm proud of her recognizing and accepting responsibility. Hopefully she'll be in a great place when someone enters her life. I hope she meets a great guy that will compliment her needs
Absolutely!
I feel for this woman. Anxiety obviously has taken over her. "Anxious for Nothing " great book I recommend. Keep watching Craig's videos. They really helped me. Do the work on yourself. Make anything possible. Good luck
James Rounds who’s the author of this book ?
James Rounds is it Max Lucado?
yes who is the author?
Yes. It is Max Lucado
These videos definitely helped me realize my anxiety issues
I find it hard to watch videos at this length, but whenever I watch one of your videos, they go by so quickly because I learn so much!
I was unaware that I had an anxious attachment style. I knew I had a problem but didn't know what it was until I started watching your videos. I will be working with you shortly to sort that out to stop me ruining any more of my relationships and every golden opportunity professionally I've ever been given. Thank you for posting these videos they genuinely make a difference and offer comfort to people who are struggling. I've learnt a lot because of you.
Thanks Gemma :)
God this video is almost what exactly I what I did! My guy didnt contact me for 10 days and so I called him after he returned home to come talk to me and he kept saying he just wanted to chill and I kept pushing to talk till he was just like I am done. After that I contacted him once to try and talk to him again but he said he didnt want to talk about this again. After that I found Craig's videos and immediately went on NC. Its day 26 now. I wasn't aware before I found Craig's videos that I had an anxious attachment style but I can see it so clearly
10 days is a really long time to not contact the person you're in a relationship with. Doesn't matter if you're anxious that person is disrespectful and you had every right to talk about why they didn't contact you for that long.
How did things end up? Did he come back?
This story sort of resembles my previous relationship, even the origin. I didn't know about attachment styles then but now I know he is avoidant and I'm anxious.
This is very true! My ex-husband's mom left him when he was one. He had his father and grandmother, but he didn't have that bond with his mother. His dad worked a lot too. He has narcissistic tendencies for sure. He was extremely selfish and would leave for many hours without calling me or texting me back. He did this for years. I have an anxious attachment style, so you can see how well that worked out. I knew his issues stemmed from his mother not being there so early on, which is why I tried so hard. But it was never going to work because he didn't want to get help. It was, honestly, a hellish marriage for me. I felt rejected and unloved for our entire marriage--from day one (12 years). No one should ever have to feel that way. At least he says he will never marry again. I think that's a good choice for him. We are still semi-friendly.
I feel for this lady, my situation is almost similar except the drama afterwards..... when he broke up with me I maintained no contact..working on myself and doing the workbooks...
Yes. This is true; the anxious attachment style. I wasn't aware of this until I watched this video.I feel this way often when am rejected.
I’m so anxious that I avoid!
Old video but nice job with the honesty with her. I wonder if she actually did the work or was just trying to present herself to him as repaired. She seems to be triggered 100% of the time. A true sufferer
I had a similar situation with a man that would only reach out once in a blue moon. In the beginning we were both head over heels and spoke for hours every day and I've discovered that things were just moving too fast.. We really didn't know each other.. I truly believe we were living a fantasy.. I think we both suffered attachment traumas as children.. I realize that I have an anxious attachment style and I think his is avoidant ..we're still friends but I realize that this is where we are for the time being.. I plan moving closer to him later this year as this where I grew up and had already planned on the move before we met due my mother's age and just wanting to be closer for her and other family members. I don't know what the future holds but I will continue working on my own healing and live the best life possible...
Hope this video helps :)
Coach Craig Kenneth thanks for your response.. I'm hoping to do a Skype session with you soon.. I did recommend you to my daughter and she was very pleased with your advice and help.. Thank you for all you do and for all this insight.. I listen to you almost every day!!
Oh yes! I remember your daughter! Beautiful girl inside and out! Tell her hello! I'm surprised I haven't heard from her yet!
Isn't it amazing you find someone you can click with so well and talk to for hours and just enjoy and it turns out it was too much too fast and you end up going your own ways? It's like a blur in time, So involved ans preoccupied with each other and in love but projecting these fantasies that it collapses and you are just wondering what happened and where to go and what to do next. Ahh... Life
I am exactly this and now regret everything I have done and ruined but at the same time without the ruin I wouldn't have known the knowledge workbook and start to face this self improvement journey even though it is hard
omg i feel so bad cause i didn't know this and i let my son cry when he was a bby
not lots lots of times but yes for few nights when i was trying him to learn to sleep by his own.
and I know for a fact that my mom would never pick me up or carry me, not even in day time
and now it makes so much sence
sooo much sence why i have so many issues
Im glad that those nights were my only msitake, i always give love to my son, all the time, hus, kisses and he knows that if i am on the apartment or wherever he is, illl be there for him anytime he calls me, or at least i would tell him im on my way.
wow, thsi video is so on time cause im about giving birth again
and even thought my bby¿s daddy just left me i have to focus on my little guy
awesome that you realized this!! :)
Craig your work books are actually therapeutic. I've realized while in no contact, going to the gym & remaining in no contact isn't working on yourself. This is, and am glad I found it. I'm learning a lot about myself. I just wish I did this sooner. I've been in so many relationships. I just want to have a healthy, loving relationship & I know my next one will be so much better. I am currently back in no contact. I would like to restore this relationship, but if it doesn't happen I'll be in such a better place with the next one. I'll see what happens
I wish I knew about this before I made my son. Because I suffer with this problem. Only last night I come to realise what it is. I always knew something is wrong with my behaviour. Am always scared of people walking out of my life, always anxious and can't control my actions when am in this mood.
I want to learn how to fix this so I can hopefully try to stop passing this on to my son.
Thanks for the knowledge
This one Was so touching 😢.. i had to cry.... i felt every word you said about the anxious Style in the first 3 years of life.
Thank you very much
Really interesting info about caring for young babies and it makes sense. Will def keep it in mind if I have kids :)
Love love love your video! Thank you for breaking some stereotypes!
how do we soothe our ourselves when having that anxiety?
M. V. That’s what I want to know as well. I have been the same as this lady in the past. I don’t want to be there anymore. I need direction on how to self soothe.
What helps ME personally when I’m freaking out about a near & dear one being in danger when they don’t respond to my texts, is *deep breathing / praying* and knowing that the universe keeps them safe. I even sometimes sing on Smule Sing - a karaoke app as a mental distraction.
I suggest finding where your passion and hobbies are and giving your attention to those pursuits that’ll nurture you and over time and practicing it often, you’ll be able to stay calm and acknowledge anxiety without reacting to it.
Meditation, a consistent exercise routine, nature, journaling, green juicing, more social life, etc
Bong hits
@@chrishatcher9239 lol!!!
I wish I knew this before! Thank you for this Craig you're awesome
Another superb video...keep them coming. Thank you again Coach Craig. Cheers, Rob
Fuck bro. I just realized it's me as well. I am the combination of worst parts of avoidant and anxious and have been unknowingly sabotaging my relationships. If she doesnt give me enough attention or seems pulled away i keep reaching out and trying to please and reconnect. Then after realizing that in the next relationship i avoided intimacy and connection out of fear of smothering her and that ruined the relationship as well. I am so fucking hurt from relationships i just can't take it anymore.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with others. This video helped me put things into context
Wish I would have seen this a month ago.
Excellent advice
Coach craig can you do a video on what its like when youre abandoned in your adolescent years.
I hate that I have an anxious attachment style and I hate Facebook. I'm always checking on Facebook to see when my girlfriend is getting on and off. Last night she said she wanted to go to bed and would I mind if I go home. After I got home I noticed she was on Facebook for an hour or so after I left. Am I reading into this too much? If she just wanted me to go home why did she just say so?
Kirk V I check that too it’s not weird
Excellent information. I think we've all acted that way to an extent and learning and recognizing it is a huge step to a better future. I overreacted when I felt abandoned and it did drive my girlfriend to dump me and cut off all contact believing it's not meant to be. Sadly in her world she believes people do not change but how can that be if people do change? Nobody stays the same forever they either get worse or get better so why not reach out and find out? I enjoy the process of working on myself. It comes with a lot of fear and anxiety but spurts of excitement and fun. I think when we leave our comfort zone is when we grow the most.
tbsdrummer87 bell
I'd like you to do the video on disorganized attachment please
Thanks for the advice
Hello Craige,
Thank you so much for this incredible information. Incredibly insightful
Would you be able to talk about the different between reattracting an ex who have different attachment styles?
I’m avoidant ! Tehehe and I love my little stage 5 clinger anxious attachment men !
excellent video. it really lends perspective. Kirk
Yes I thought this video will help a lot of people!
This is so insightful.
Who do you recommend to go to for disorganized information. I took an attachment quiz and while I scored higher in secure, it was closely followed by disorganized. Thanks in advance
Thanks
I need to have a coaching with you!! lol
What if at 2 years old, your parents had a nasty break up and your mom end up dropping you at 2 years old to run and beg your dad to stay. Which he didn't, he ended up leaving and having another family with another woman...that's my ex's back story, until now she still remembers that event. what type of attachment style does she have?
I wonder if having an anxious attachment style increases a persons odds of developing drug addiction problems?
John Williamson; maybe they will self sooth with drugs? I think so, because the drug will numb this feelings!
Great video and the importance to learn your style and your partners. 👍👍
Can we be both anxious and avoidant?
My parents didn't show me unconditional love. As soon as I was born, I had to do work.
Does anyone else see where this guy has issues, too? Why did he allow her to keep chasing him? He could have blocked her but instead he was feeding his ego. 🧐🤔
@6:51 I swear I heard you say, "Dr. Spock said..., EARS ago..." :)
Great video! The attachment theory content is so helpful to me, thanks.
I got disorganised attachment style... 😔
Can someone with an avoidant attachment style cause someone secure to become anxious ?
Yes, over time that can happen. But their foundational attachment still remains as secure. Any traumatic life event during adulthood can cause a secure person to become somewhat anxious.
That is why you must know your boundaries and tell them how you feel. Be straightforward. But not be a bitch about it...just assertive.
Hi thanks for the video. Iv recently split up with my fiancé. We split up because she said she didn’t feel like I loved her and didn’t show her the affection and love I should have. I agree i didn’t show her enough although I genuinely do love her in every way possible.
I think i possibly got complacent in the relationship I took her for granted and relied on her to much. We had been brought a lot of problems that wasn’t really problems between us they where external problems if that makes sense. But this eventually came between us. Then I lost my father we had a lot of financial stress to. I shut down and didn’t tell her my feelings and how I was struggling. I’m watching the video and I think I could be anxious attachment but also avoidant to. Reason being when she didn’t show me affection I’d take it as there was a problem or a reason she didn’t show that affection then I’d not go in a mood as Such but It definitely would affect me and I’d then go avoidant and be a little quiet and over think reasons why. Also would be a little short but not nasty just short and maybe answer a little to sharp. Making her feel there was something wrong then obviously the usual what’s wrong questions would arise. To be honest because i didn’t realise I was doing it half the time I’d say nothing was wrong. So long story short because of my own stupidity and possible issue I’ve lost the woman that means the world to me. Genuinely I’ve never felt like this about someone in my life before. She also suffers from anxiety and possible depression we have recently found out. We still talk and ye I’ve done absolutely everything I shouldn’t have done to get her back. We have had a couple of times we have reconciled but she is worried and frightened it’s going to be the same. And I won’t show her and give her the love and affection she deserves. Although after nearly 6 months of us being apart on the occasions we have been together she has told me she loves me and she didn’t want to leave. In all honesty yes I’d have my family back in the blink of an eye. But how. Any help would be much appreciated.
update?
Hi all, I think we all should start with the videos on what is attachment style that craig has made and posted before any other video he's made, this video has really made me see why my ex broke it off with me until now I thought it was ok to text as much as I did even if she replied back, I smothered her and never have her any space but I wasn't with her 24 hrs a day, I only saw her 2 twice a week the rest was texting and phone calls, I wish now I could tell her what I now know would help us work out if I could have another chance but now I'm no longer in her life. All I can do is carry on with no contact and hope I've not done to much damage and we can be fixed
Here for workbook 2. There's actually someone that's doing almost the exact same things to me as that lady mentioned in the video. Just over a year ago, I met this girl overseas. We hooked up for the while I spent there which was only about 2 weeks. When I got back to the states, we continued to talk for a little bit. She was super clingy so I started to back off a little. The more I backed off, the more clingy she got. Finally, I mentioned to her that it will never work out between us because of so many variables. She said she understood. Then 2 weeks later, she started sending me a ton of messages again. I just read them and ignored them. She did no contact on me for about 2 months. I got curious and replied back to her last message and asked how everything was with her. We had a very short conversation. She became clingy again. Since then, she still sends me messages. I read them and never respond.
I kid you not, my ex contacted me to tell me that the pet mouse had escaped and he didn't know what to do 😂 i replied saying to put some food out to coax him out of hiding.
Great video!!
what about the 4th year i was in care for a year and ten months. had a bad time. is this affecting my relationships? I feel like it is.
Hi, what about years 4-10?
Amazing 😊
Damn bro. That scolding and hard slap in the face in the end was hard to take. I am afraid this is my case as well. People come here for hope and u just shattered them
If turn the playback speed to 2.0 you start to look and sound like Charlie Sheen.
"She want a klingon..."...wait... what!???
Please add this to the folder 'videos for women'......@Craig @Victoria