What Are The Biggest Mistakes Your Parents Made Raising You?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ย. 2024
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Lmao, my dad would intentionally crush every dream I ever had by telling me I either wasn’t good enough at said things, or that it would leave me poor and unhappy in the end. All because he wanted me to go to college and do what he does. Now he wonders why I don’t tell him about my life.
Stop using "physically shame" instead of "molest". It's inaccurate and diminishes the reality that the victims go through.
I thought those were two seperate concepts. Doesn't "physically shame" refer to insulting someone's physical appearance/state and "molest" refer to physically touching someone?
I had no idea what physical shaming was. I thought it might be molest, but it seems way less severe calling it that.
I believe the uploader uses that because the word molest would get the video demonetized/rated adult. But I get what you’re saying, it’s a weird choice.
A lot of reddit subs don't allow that word
Grade 6, across the school board IQ testing. Everyone in my school got their test results except my family.
I overheard my parents talking about it.
Dad-Well we don't have any kids to be ashamed of
Mom-true
Dad-what do we do about Denny's score? (Me)
Mom-we don't tell anyone!
Evesdroppers never hear any good of themselves, well I thought i was mentally handicapped and gave up on trying at school.
When I was 36 I was in an accident, I was sent to see a bastard Dr.
I demanded to be sent to a psychiatrist if my pain was in my head, sent for EQ testing, well to make a long story short I wasn't mentally handicapped.
Thanks parents!
Do you know your score?
Then it was IQ score and no I don't. To make a long story short, I had an accident, hurt my back had problems with the specialist. Told my doc. That if the pain was in my head as the nasty doc said then I had to see a shrink. I was sent the shrink did a percentile test on me, my score was 96% that's out of 100% as he put it "only 4% of the WORLDS population was smarter than me and i was not faking the pain" he told me I could do or be anything I wanted! Repeat of what I said, just boggles my mind how my parents could destroy my life like that
My parents are in dire need of a divorce and blame me for their fighting. I take the heat of their tempers away from my younger siblings so they dont grow up depressed and suicidal like I have.
DONT BLAME YOUR KIDS FOR YOUR PROBLEMS!!!
This is why I ain't ever having kids or having a relationship
Also treat your kids with the respect you want them to give to you. No point screaming at them to show you respect if you've never shown them that respect. Same with house rules, follow the rules you set to ensure your kids know that your not being a hypocrite.
Privacy needs to be valued for everyone. If you value your chikds privacy, they'll value yours. (This only really applies to older kids)
Also keep your opinions away from your child. They will have those opinions then for the majority of their life whether they like it or not. Let them choose their own opinions on topics and you can discuss it with them when they are heading into their mid to late teens as they are mature enough to have their own opinions. This goes on stuff such as homophobia, politics, the opinions on their other parent if you're divorced or separated, or just keeping the kids out of arguments between you and your s/o
I have rambled on enough so you get my points
Blessed is the older child who takes the physical and emotional crap to protect the younglings. I did that because of an abusive older brother. It made me fast with the insult to draw him away, able to take physical danger, and fearless against bullies. My younger siblings thanked me by letting me dance on that b*stard's grave first.
Man for real.
Also, single parents that have a kid, get a gf or bf, And Get their kids to know.
I’d say, your child doesn’t have to know. Until it gets serious and you’re thinking about marriage. Then the kid should know.
Who asked r/rant
Staying in a toxic relationship and making excuses for the toxic partner. Nuff said.
My dad was *way* overly supportive of my singing, to the point where it looped right back around to oppressive. Because I didn’t sound awful, he’d make me sing all the time to everyone at any place bc “you never know who knows someone”. In line at the grocery store? Sing for the cashier! Playing with friends? Sing for their parents! At a distant cousin’s FUNERAL? I’m sure her grieving mother would feel so much better if she just heard you sing Amazing Grace!
The only times I ever *wanted* to sing was at karaoke, and he ruined that too when he called little 10-12-ish year old me “a selfish bitch” for finally refusing to sing some stupid duet with him that I’d always hated and found creepy (it was a love song. with my *father*. what the fuck made him think I’d find that fun?)
Years later, I finally tried going to karaoke with him again and he stood in the middle of the dance floor while I was singing and went “louder!”
So yeah, I don’t sing much anymore
I wish more people would understand that excessively "supporting" your kids is a toxic thing because of a number of reasons. It can embarrass your child, you can seem like you're trying to live vicariously through them, and you can ruin things they love like this. I'm very sorry you went through that.
I’m sure that you are at least a good singer, but your father doing that is purely being a bad parent.
Teaching me at a young age that calling people dumb/stupid was a horrible thing to say to another human thing and you should never ever do it really messed with me later on in life, mostly when all of a sudden it was perfectly ok for friends and family to say it to me
Mine is that no adult can be wrong when u make a valid point “your being disrespectful “
6:25 the most glorious advice I’ve seen about dealing with someone who has an issue (especially a kid)is by first asking whether they want an answer, some help, or just an ear.
My parents always fight, it's unhealthy for everyone and Idk what to do about it. Hopefully this is not as common
Nah same
More common than you think
Anonymous User yea true
Oh, it is
My parents haven't really done stuff with me and my brother. From the ages of 6-8, I can only remember a few times my parents did something with us but I remember the many times my grandma used to do stuff with us. For example we went to the school playground almost every day because there were swings and a sandbox etc. My parents have tried to compensate by spoiling me. I'm almost 16 now and I've trying to do my own stuff for a few years now by myself so I can learn how to do stuff without someone else doing it/most of it for me. It's really hard sometimes but I'm getting there.
I wish they hadn't spoiled me when I was younger. Don't do it to your kids, teach them to earn things. Also please spend time with your children. I'm not really close with my dad anymore because we rarely did stuff together when I was younger.
MemeMaster1757 I have the same problem. I don’t want a video games or expensive make up or expensive clothes. I just want them to hug me and actully show they love me instead of buying parenthood. I’m called the little brat by most of my family. I wish they would stop because they think just Because I get every gift I want when I want and I’m still unhappy must mean to them that I’m I ungrateful. No, I just need affection and love. I don’t want to be screamed at and thrown into my room every day and then bought stuff. It’s shit.
My parents are not "bad" or intentionally hurtful. In fact, my dad is a really great person. But these things my mother did mess me up when I was a kid:
- Constantly put me on a pedestal because I was the eldest child. Constantly talked about the ways I was "spoiled" before my younger siblings were born. This made my younger siblings jealous of me for a while (most envy has faded by now) and I hated the excessive attention I got.
- Constantly compared the kids with our cousins and my parents' friends' kids. My siblings and I were all less physically active were in fewer extracurricular activities than other kids, and this only changed when I started high school. This made me insecure about my physical abilities (particularly relating to exercise and fitness) and now I'm too anxious to get a gym membership.
- My mom kept pushing me to be just as she wanted. This didn't mean in terms of skills and stuff. She wanted my personality and interests to be a certain way. She also wanted me to have a certain major (engineering, which I have no interest in), a specific job (petroleum engineer, which pays well but, again, I am not interested in), getting married at the same age she was...it was stressful. This backfired big-time because now I have SEVERE mommy issues, take after my dad personality-wise (which kind of sucks because my parents fight a lot, so now my mom and I fight a lot).
- I was often tasked with taking care of my siblings while my parents worked during the holidays. This took a toll on my mental well-being and I realized pretty early on that I was the 3rd parent in the house. I also realized that I didn't was kids because taking care of other people at the drop of a hat is _exhausting_, and I would be too emotionally unavailable to care for them properly. Now, my mom is mad at me for not wanting my own children because she wants grandkids.
So, I'm in therapy for all the issues I developed from the above stuff and more that I can't think of right now. Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot.
I will forever wonder what their long-term plan was but if I wanted to do something or go somewhere when I was a teen they'd tell me no because I "was too naive." And then they did nothing to help my naivete.
I’m currently being ignored by my mother, I came out as non-binary. Her first rection was to invalidate me, she has done it everytime ive come out (panromantic asexual non binary). She has invalidate my anxiety and multiple other things. Shames me for picking, I have dermatillomania. If something’s wrong with my younger sister her first reaction is to help her, when something is wrong with me, nothing. All food is portion controlled and I get shamed for wanting to eat more Bc I’m hungry. She basically ignores me until she needs something done and dosent use my name and/or pronoun. She has fricked up my sister and i so bad that both of us are scared of her. My dad freaks out sometimes but nothing bad ever comes out of it and he apologizes after and is willing to help us. My mother didn’t even put down her book when I asked if I could talk to her. Thank you if you’ve gotten this far, you really didn’t have to read this it’s kinda messy. I hope you have/had a good day!
Your mom sounds a bit like my mom. I'm really sorry you've gone through that and I hope you can love her at a safe distance eventually. I moved out of the house in 2016 and went back to visit 2-3 times for about a week. Things always started out nice but my mom would open her big mouth and ruin it and I'd feel like shit all over again (I also have an agender partner who uses they/them and my mom constantly gets their pronouns wrong, even though we've been dating for over five goddamn years and I made it very clear we'll eventually marry).
Everytime you came out??? Wtf 😂 😂
My parents had zero spines and a rocky relationship with drugs and alcohol meaning a lot of bad people came into our lives
Trying to raise me......
That was just a bunch of adults refusing to find a solution to their problems, and reverting back to blaming their parents
- getting mad when they don't understand something, instead of trying to understand me
- never allowing me to question anything, i got in trouble at school and work because i never ask questions so i seem disinterested
- not understanding or accepting anything they can't personally relate tho, ''this is not how i experience this, so it can't be how you experience it''
- always having to obey no matter what, i still cant say no to anyone no matter how much i don't want to do something, or if it can hurt me or something
- making us believe they are all knowing and all powerful
- getting mad at me for not looking happy, i'm not happy, i've had depression for as long as i can remember, i don't know what happy even feels like
- saying they support me, i have several physical and mental disabilities, but when any kind of symptom shows they get angry at me for not being normal
- excusing the way they treat us because ''when you have kids you can treat them like this too'' neither me nor my brother even want kids
- screaming at us for doing / not doing something, but when they do the same it's ok because they are parents
- always insulting our weight, half my life i was underweight and was constantly insulted about it, now i am overweight and the same happens, i'm never good enough
- giving impossible tasks like breaking metal with our bare hands or digging out treetrunks with giant roots, and when we ask for help because we just cant do it they say ''not my problem, get it done''
- always telling us to do things we don't know how to, refusing to explain how to do the things, and then getting mad we did it wrong
and there are many many more
i feel like a lot of these aren't actually bad but i just experience them more badly than others would, some of my mental disabilities amplify all negativity i experience, it makes a little bad thing into a huge problem that will hurt me for days
22:28 THIS. I have proven to myself by now that I do indeed have a decent work ethic...at my job...but I wasn’t really exposed to a majority of chores until practically college so I abhor most of them
My mom did her best on her own. But she moved me into a neighborhood that she had fond memories growing up in that was full of kids in her time, but now hardly had any for me to grow up and play with. Didn't help that she thought it best that I spent my summers with my dad who lived in a completely different state.
So, the only friends I ever had were ones I made in school. Never actually socialized outside of that structure.
I think she also has this idea of being thin she doesn't want to admit. We were driving and I mentioned I remembered when I used to weigh like 90 lbs. She said I could weigh that much again. I'm almost 30, I had to remind her I haven't been that light since I was like 14. I'm never gunna be that light ever again.
Parents are divorced (when I was 1yo). My mother could not inspire me intellectually (I do not think it even occurred to her that I could be more until I was in my late teens) and my dad wanted me to be a physical power house so I could help him lift engine blocks and shit in his auto shop. Then my mother pushed me into college promising to help me every step of the way until I graduate only to crap out on me after the first quarter.
I would say I’m grateful for not only how my parents raised me but how my family treats me. They help me when I need and put me into clubs to socialise and if I wanted to continue they let me and if I didn’t they didn’t push me. My mum let me choose my studies at school , college and now I’m going to a drama school and they are supportive of my choice.
( my mum said if I don’t get a career in theatre and end up working in a shop she would still be proud because I tried) 🙂
I think a healthy balance of rules, punishment and encourage helps. Also love but also allowing your kids accept rejection x
Treating me like a therapist...
To me, it was being affectionate. They were abusive parents but them being affectionate made the cruelty much worse.
They never took me in for an autism evaluation. Am now a terribly anxious, perfection seeking, sad, aussie with an anime profile picture.
I’m a depressed kid with an Eric Cartman profile picture, it sucks.
This wasn’t malicious in any way, and wasn’t really even their fault. I was born two years before my sister, and less than three years after her I had another sister. Around that time I was diagnosed with high functionality autism(it was hilarious to see my moms face as she had flashbacks to all my quirks and complaints). Maybe another three years later my parents divorced, got shared custody, with my brother being born after(my mom was pregnant before the divorce.). My mom has always said her biggest regret raising us is that she didn’t space more time between having us so she could adjust to being a mother, let alone the mother of an autistic child.
1:18 that's a lot like my mom
Same...
I lived with a foster family, and was raised well, however I was coerced (Verbally and emotionally abused) to do things I refused to partake in (usually family activities, or any activity that includes interacting with other people). I was Introverted back then and still am, thus my foster mother, father and daughter, verbally forced me or morally talk me down. I during those traumatic events, I always stood my ground without giving in. Nevertheless, it later led me to be diagnosed with Major Depression (one suicide attempt and thoughts). As of now, I'm living with my biological family, but my traumatic past destroy the center of family value "Always love your family". Therefore I see no value to unconditionally love my family. To be blunt, I value [and love] my friends rather than my family.
You have every right to say that you don't unconditionally love your foster family. They sound awful. You embody the meaning of the quote "Blood of the covenant is thicker that the water of the womb," meaning that the relationships you choose to have are more important than any toxic bio-relationship you have. I hope you are doing better now.
Anyone else wonder what it would be like if your parents liked you
Favoriting my eldest and little siblings
My Pentecostal parents. It explains it all.
These are the same parents that will complain about kids today
Not using a condom
Never got any money as a child. Now i hav a job and am in highschool, but I can't save my money at all bc I'm buying stuff left and right bc I'm not used to having so much
Can’t wait to get a job next year so I don’t have to feel guilty or wait to ask for something.
@@someantisocialkidwithayout8828 exactly how I felt! I never asked for much bc I knew we couldn't afford and I felt guilty but everybody wants something yk.
My grandma once told me as a kid that a child my age had saved a penny everyday and ended up saving a million dollars. Of course, this wasn't true, but she was trying to teach me how to save and whatnot. That's fine and dandy grandma, but I don't even get an allowance. How the hell am I supposed to make a million dollars when my own mother won't even pay me?
@@screamingladybug6006 EXACTLY LMFAO
Grounded me as a standard punishment. One late assignment was two weeks grounded, another in that two weeks would turn it into 4 weeks. Made me just start turning in incomplete homework. Ironically, my grades got ever so slightly better.
Literally not ever telling me no. I’m an only child & was very spoiled growing up. I still have a problem with being told no sometimes (even though now I can accept it) and sometimes I still expect things to fall into my hands. I’m better about this now but when I was younger it was definitely something I had to unlearn.
The 'clearing your plate' thing was the norm in most families in my day (1980's) I can understand not wanting to waste food, or getting your child to eat a balanced diet, but really , if the child is full up, it's cruel to basically force feed them!!! I would just make smaller portions and not let the child eat snacks if they were too full to eat their healthy dinner.
my mom kept calling me skinny mini growing up. now I'm insecure about how I look
she also told the entire family of my suicide attempt (including people I'm not close to at all) and won't tell me who she told because "I don't want you to stress about who knows" which made me stress about who knows. Now I refuse to tell her if I'm ever depressed, suicidal etc.
They helped too much. Was too sheltered and didn’t learn any life skills until I moved out and was very behind
My mom and the multiple unstable father figures I had made my life pretty hard. It was a constant battle since she was so entitled and I was so stubborn.
Here's a great example of how fucked up my mom is:
When I was 4-6, my mom sat me at the table and put a plate of toast with cheese whiz in the middle of the table (one of the only things I ate). She told me that it was for her because she was running late for work, and was VERY adamant that I NOT eat it. Of course, in my little child mind, I thought it'd be funny if I ate it since it felt like she was egging me on to actually do it. So I did and waited patiently for her to get out, expecting to have a funny moment with my mom. She came out, walked over and screamed at me. Lesson learned right? WRONG. About a year ago, I brought it up and she had the GULL to tell me SHE DIDN'T EVEN LIKE CHEESE WHIZ AND SHE DID IT TO MAKE ME EAT IT. So she yelled at me for literally doing what she wanted. Yeah. Try to wrap your head around that one.
Not me, but my Aunt. She has two sons, she is so hard on them. I know she cares deeply for her children, but if they say or do something not exactly how she wants, or how she likes, she gets furious at them. They are super sheltered, the older of the two is ten and has never been in public school. They have no friends as far as I know. I worry about what will happen to them as they get older.
I hid my bulimia for 2 years from my parents cause I was scared I was disappointing my parents but now my mum is helping me get into an autism psychologist to help with my bulimia I’m autistic
My mum was/is a recovering alcoholic. Shes going through a relapse right now and its driving me insane. I'm an only child, she's a single mum and shes been drinking all my life, until she went to rehab when I was 18. But now shes had a relapse and she's the sort if drunk who rambles on about stupid shit, is messy and dirty and of course it's my fault if I snap at her because I long got tired of her bullshit years ago. Then she blames for her stupid drunk assery and makes me feel depressed and worthless. But of course, I'm the one with the problem and I'm a vile terrible person because I've had to put up with her irresponsible neglectful and emotionally abusive bullshit for 20+ years. I'm doing a lot better now, I do martial arts and I'm working towards some GCSEs, but my mum still hurts me as I'm unable to connect to people properly bc I've long suspected I have Avoidant Personality Disorder due to the neglect. Fun.
19:06 I am 15 and my mom hasn't taken me to a chiropractor for my back that was hurt extensively in an accident when I was 8 and now you can see that I have a stunted growth from my neck to my waist
Divorced when I was like 1 year old...
Mom remarried to a pedophile. Dad was largely pushed out of the picture. Mom raised me in a cult. I was the scapegoat. Brother was the golden child. Between my mother and former stepfather, I was abused in every possible way imaginable...
Thinking that any little thing I was exposed to would turn me in to a heathen or a misfit
I was shelter and my bio dad narcissist didn't help
I never really had to do anything I didn’t want to do with regard to chores. Boy was I up for a rude awakening in college.
My parents always told me to hit back if someone hits me. I didn't understand why they were dissapointed when I had to go to detention instead of recess for punching a girl who hit me first.
Some of these are just people being babies and refusing to take charge and responsibility of their own lives.
My mum would always tell me the world was a nice shinny happy place and if I was nice to people they would always be nice to me and If anything bad did happen she would either tell me just to "pretend it didn't happen" or " I must of imagined it".
Can't have friends of the opposite sex without one of your parents thinking you're dating
Taking me to church. I would never subject child to that kind of brain washing.
Simmer well pupper, simmer well
This translated is hilarious
They were never gonna tell me I was autistic.
simmer well,puper simmer well,puper
Nice
What’s Seleb? Did they mean “celeb” like a celebrity crush?
Giving me a pistol for my 18th before seeing if I was still depressed lol
Imagine being you’re mother/father
“Hmm, my child was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and we have not tested him/her after that.”
“Let’s give him/her a life-ending machine that you can purchase ammunition for less than 50£/$/€/¥, that’s a good idea”
Damn this shit is depressing
Some of these things were nowhere near well meaning.
To be honest, people would call my dad homophobic, but in reality, he just says it’s against his beliefs (Christian) and that other people will do it and he said he doesn’t care. As long as they aren’t messing up the world, he’s ok with it. I wish people would let people have their beliefs, as long as said beliefs weren’t demonizing others ( like how if you aren’t a feminist you’re a sexist kind of mentality)
I never got any positive feedback from my parents. They don't express their feelings much. I used to daydream all the time that people would talk positively about me. That they are impressed. My self esteem is really bad and I have anxiety.
Me too. If my parents ever DID say they were proud of me, it has been completely overshadowed by the constant mental and verbal abuse. I was constantly made fun of, belittled, and conned. I still have really bad self esteem, to the point I cry if I even look at myself in pictures, and my anxiety is through the friggin roof. Since I stopped contact, I no longer feel suicidal which is a pretty big achievement.
When I said I hated them for x, I'd get beaten, as if it would make me like them
Potato
Blah blah blah
Creating me