Me too, but I'm sure in the future our new way of life of prioritizing ourselves will eventually attract people who like us and our own values as well 🩷
All good, but try not to be mean with them in the process. Take it gradually because you might end up pushing them away permanently. Remember it was you who started off like this, not them! All the best 👍 💯🌟
It will only fill you with resentment if your spouse does not reciprocate. But if you have a loving spouse that reciprocates your sacrifices, it creates a far deeper relationship than what you described.
So important! My therapist told me (and this was mindblowing to me) that « objectivity » in relationships includes your own needs and perspectives. Both people need to communicate their needs, not only try to fulfill their partner’s!
I’ve communicated my needs and got an immediate shutdown and discard from them. Stonewalled and ghosted by them. I didn’t beg or plead just told them how I felt in a non combative way. I’m distancing myself from this person as they truly never loved me as a person - just as a source of external validation.
@@mobywk w moim przypadku zakomunikowanie potrzeb było totalnym błędem, ponieważ zdobył informacje czym najbardziej mnie skrzywdzi, co będzie najboleśniej odczuwane przeze mnie, i konsekwentnie mnie ranił, grając przy tym rolę ofiary... Sam komunikował potrzebę akceptacji - czyli moje przyzwolenie na prześladowanie, nękanie i krzywdy jakie mi wyrządzał. Postawienie granicy równało się z obwinianiem o brak akceptacji jego osoby. Wtedy doszłam do wniosku, że to psychopata.
I did this in one relationship and he took my generosity and understanding as weakness and cheated on me, somehow blamed me for it, and then when I immediately left, never owned up to his betrayal. Selfish and Narcissistic people love people like us.
Very well expressed. I fully agree and can relate to what you have experienced. Having succeeded in leaving that person shows how strong and courageous you are. I wish I had that much strength right now but depression is eating up my energy.
@@thomasvarecka2969 Hope you find the mindset and strength to decide what is best for yourself❤ Believe in and be kind to yourself, try to find internal validation and then choose accordingly and accept whatever will and has happened. You are stronger than you may think!😊
@@thomasvarecka2969 Step1: awareness Step2: Grief . . You might be grieving now which is very normal (& necessary, I think) to process things ... The time for coming up with a plan & acting will come Believe it! Because it will come!
Used to do this for my parents. It ended with me being in depression for 8 years. My self-confidence was crushed to pieces. Now I'm trying to change. So I'm mean, rude, selfish, and cause high blood pressure to others. It hurts when people say these things, but I believe if every person around me deserves respect, happiness, and love. Then I do, too. I'm not willing to compromise anymore.
same ere for te last 10 years____i understand its wron but unable to take stand & always feel if i am tikin wron OR a sin___i am all confused, stuck. tank you so muc for sarin your experience od Bless you
Cool video, your channel is really an inspiration. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
This is a very difficult thing to get past sometimes. To get people to understand that communication is so much better than shoving things under the rug.
gaw tell me about it. I’m a gen xer dating a boomer, and communication is like pulling teeth some days! Takes patience (mine). Like they say, with the right one you can’t do the wrong thing, so I am trying my best to relax and just be authentic. ❤
Keeping peace creates distance. Communication is essential. The more I do this the more avoidant I become. Such a good video about avoiding conflicts and yes it does get hard to be assertive once you have developed this pattern and yes i have resentments as a result.❤❤❤ And suddenly the conversation stops and no one is talking again.
I know right, words out of my mouth aagain...I know what advice I would give to my well. ...myself but to any woman....don't let them say that ...don't let them do that ..stand up for yourself ..you deserve the same love you put out. ...Again..I'm not there yet..I always say,"talk to me anytime,no questions asked,just hello and great to here from ya,love ya bunches. .yeah funny we all laughed when I said " yeah I'm a good cleaner eh, thankgoodness,...sweeping everything under the carpet" But I will always choose to Love My Family. Idk if any of that made any sense but bless you all
Any kind of human connection cannot sustain for too long without clarity, honest communication, assertiveness, authenticity. Half-truths complicate things even more than lies. Healing their attachment style is also important for both people. Whatever we get in this life, whether people, memories, things; we're meant to lose everything here itself. Expectations, enititlement cannot control anything or anyone else; just our mood. Hoping and staying prepared for the future is better because uncertainty can only bother you as long as you expect from it or depend on it emotionally. If you realise uncertainty will always remain then you're able to let go. A quote: 'Always keep your exit doors open. Don't try to cage anyone because their autonomy is as valuable as yours.' Not expecting won't make us a doormat if we know how to say no and communicate our boundaries. One sided relationships/friendships are meant to end. Having unspoken expectations also creates problems. If you expect then be vocal about them from the beginning and always remember that Expectations = risks. I think everyone should read about parenting styles also. Just a perspective.
When you are young you go to football to please him. But when you are honest you dis like football..And when he doesn't like youre ballet show he say that. So you do that to, love youre self.
I wish humans were born understanding boundaries, though. I never push my needs or wants on anyone, to a huge fault ( I'm fearful avoidant), but everyone always heavily oversteps my boundries with their crap. Like, go away with that. Just respect me, like I respect you.
This is exactly what my parents did to me, and my "partner" was my brother. They let him be abusive towards me - against my protests - because it was easier than dealing with his bad behavior. They betrayed me on so many levels.
So sorry this happened to you not at all fair or right what parents did as should have been protecting you & making sure your Brother never did this ever to you. Hope you will always be safe & happy for the rest of your life as deserve to be.
So true! Did that in previous relationships 2x12 years - put my partners needs first - only to destroy all I had built up over the years in the end with all my pent up resentment I couldn't hold back any longer!😢 Next time new try 😉
I do this in all relationships.. and am onto it now. This was modelled in the adults that I grew up around. Everybody behaved either aggressively or passive aggressively.. not really simply - asking for what they want. Ask for what you want, was what a pyschologist friend said to me, many years ago. NOw, I am going to stop, pause.. breathe.. then think about what I want, and ask for it. Thank you for reminding me, of this vital, simple behaviour of asking for what you want.
The reason why so many of us struggle with boundaries is because we’ve been set up by our narcissistic parents to expect little and give a lot. Usually children from dysfunctional families give a lot, people please and then are unhappy about being disrespected. We’ve never been taught otherwise and don’t know how to assert ourselves without conflict. 100% true. Not only for romantic relationships but also friendships, work, …
spot on. this is how I discovered my family disfunctionality especially when telling 'no to my dad' and watching his reaction. took me 38 years to discover the pattern and I now work on my boundaries.
@@orianam9835 🩵 it took about as long to find out for me too. In this respect I am quite thankful for social media. Without it I would still be clueless and continue believing there was something wrong with ME.
So so happy you're back, because I've missed you, but much more important is that you're better❤You're amazing! Thank you for making a difference with your advice.
Completely agree, I’ve done this with friendships and ended up getting angry and frustrated at myself for never saying no! It’s okay to say no if it means saying yes to ourselves. ❤
Sohappy to see u healthy n back again...i think ur new book is on relationships❤🎉exactly what i need after goin thrgh grief(u n ur book helped me all single handedly w it Thanku so muchh♥️)
So true, I did this for almost 10 years before the relationship ended, trying to keep the peace, and avoid arguments, bc he was not a communicator, and would accuse me of trying to start a fight if I ever voiced any concerns or wanted to discuss anything involving the relationship issues we had.
23 years of that and realising I was married to a narcissist Thank you for showing this to lots of people xx Taking hold of your own life a bit at a time Is frightening and empowering Once you’re over the fear that comes from that attachment you feel so much more alive ❤️
Sadly this clips should have been there some 28 years ago… Resentment is a very toxic feeling and it’s hard to overcome it. Found out it’s got to do with attachment issues… So happy to see you back Dr Julie! All the best for you!
i got "why has nobody told me this before" and its literally so good!! it helped so much and its literally like a therapy tool book which is so helpful and makes it so interesting. I am glad to see you back Dr. Julie, thankyou and love and light to you 🙏🏻 💗💗
Internal integrity and alignment with, + loyalty to one's true Self is ABSOLUTELY 🗝️ in any and EVERY healthy dynamic❣️ Thank you for sharing this truth with all whom come across & divinely align with/ receive this wise counsel❣️🥳💐💯🥂
I Learned recently that that’s codependency: forgetting your needs for the needs of the other , whereas a healthy relationship is finding that third option that benefits both you and them , without you having to sacrifice yourself completely to just appease them ❤ I learned the hard way 😢 and had to divorce after 12 yrs of codependency with no change from my partner or willingness to put in the work on his end . In part I blame myself for “doing all the work alone, “
I often blame myself saying I emasculated my partners by always end up doing everything. Burn out is inevitable. I wish I would have stopped this behavior of self harming and allowing that unhealthy toxic dynamic long before burn out. Long before running my body and mind fully aground. Find the little voice inside that has been ignored and shut down and start listening again. Life is too damn short.
It's usually girls/women who do that to their boyfriend/husband. Because they have been taught that a girl is polite, shows kindness, is there to show care and actually please the others. I know stories from girls that when they decided to show their real personality after years of relationship, their partners were disappointed so much when they found out that they had to deal with a woman and not a girl anymore
Absolutely. I wish somebody explained it to me earlier in life. Not just relationships but even in friendships, every act of kindness is misinterpreted as a weakness/ an appeasement. You are taken for granted and it sets as a precedent of what is expected of you in the future. And in course of time, you realise that you have not been appreciated but devalued instead. Some people deliberately do it to retain their control. The workings of the human mind are indeed strange.
I respect you, and love what you said my sister. If you are avoiding difficult conversation(s) you are not being honest with spouse or friend as well as the you that you are creating. I made a choice to live authentically open and honest. I was tired of the pressures from society/friends/family to feel the need to supress myself so I got rid of pride. I accepted all of me..good/bad/ugly. If someone doesnt like what I do or say, great! I probably dont need them in my life anyway. By choosing to live with an open heart I can both give and receive the most beautiful gift that we have, unconditional love! When you love someone unconditionally, there is never a worry because they love you the same way and there is no judgement. I know this is another discussion all together but I love my special someone unconditionally and my love has really helped her heal as hers has also helped me heal as well. The world needs more unconditional love!
I always wonder about things like this. My husband and I constantly sacrifice for each other. We are still very much in love after 30+ years. We didn’t always like the sacrifices we had to make but we make them because we care about each other and we care about each other’s mental health and wellness,and kindness and love and all of that. Our relationship has a lot of joy and laughter. I’m not talking about sacrificing as in letting someone cheat or be violent because those things have never happened and they would be intolerable. I’m talking about sacrifices for the greater sacrifices to help one another. Some things are intolerable lines that should never be crossed and if they’re crossed, yes please everyone leave. But sacrifices have to be made.
Years of appeasement will leave you hollowed out and eventually no one can keep trying to please when your own self becomes less visible and eventually you collapse and yes resentment sets in.😢
Wow! Thank you. I have seen this in a relationship for both sides and it absolutely leads to resentment. Also, if you do not correct behaviors early on, they just get worse.
I learned that the hard way by losing someone I loved for many years. I never was a good communicator, so I just never trusted that he had good intentions. Now in my new relationship I learned how to be vulnerable and express my boundaries.
I'm in a relationship for over a year now, and i only realised that i've been doing this often.. often just trying to do whatever my partner wants, like if he's not in the mood, i'll understand, if he wants to play something, i'll play that with him because i enjoy time with him. I didn't even know this isn't right thing to do, but i understand what you mean. Not doing it too much. But of course if doesn't mean forcing your partner to do something with you that they hate haha!
Same!!! It looks like I'm the same as you 😅 I too understand this is wrong of me to do but I have all this love to give and when he is busy with his own life I understand. But at the same time I also want him to include himself in my life, is that makes sense. I want him all in my life but I tend to give him space when he has other things to do. This makes me angry sometimes about how I am always available for him 🥺
@@artbyvru i think it's fine if it works for both of you. And i think it's important to communicate.. if you're both aware of this and are okay with it, it should be okay. He knows i'm busy sometimes, so he gives me space, sometimes he's busy, so i give him space. Sure i am there much often than he is, but sometimes it's important to realise that they're their own person, like it's not good to try to change them into how we like, but just love them for who they are. My boyfriend is there for me, he is, but if he's busy and he's away, i understand. I think it's important to love both all the perfections and even imperfections on the person, that's when you know you truly love them, if you love them for who they are. But at the end of the day, they're still normal human beings, getting busy as you are, so it's okay to give them space
She speaks the truth. 40 years later and I am now in the process of establishing some boundaries so I can stand to even stay with him. He is confused and I am exhausted.
Middle way. Be Kind but don’t get disrespected. Try few times and if the others person doesn’t care, there are so many nice people out there who will love you
Made this mistake for 11 years. No more.....Reading your book "why has nobody told me this before? ".....It's life changing...that you so much.....❤❤❤
Thank you so much ❤️
More and more loving myself. Single 37 years, self care 3 years...patience to toxic freedom
I bought your book. Glad to see you back ❤
Interelationship whoa. Matth 11:24
There was a joke this is grandpa urinating whilst grandma watches😊
Already made this mistake with family, husband, friends etc. realized this too late and now I’m starting to change. No one likes it. ❤. Except for me
I 100% support you!! ❤
@@lorenadan9948 Father God loves you so! John 3:16✝️ if you’re feeling tired or overwhelmed read Matthew 11 verse 28
Me too, but I'm sure in the future our new way of life of prioritizing ourselves will eventually attract people who like us and our own values as well 🩷
All good, but try not to be mean with them in the process. Take it gradually because you might end up pushing them away permanently. Remember it was you who started off like this, not them! All the best 👍 💯🌟
I support you. I'm there too. Keep going for yourself. Stay strong!
Oh, one cup is for me?? Why, thank you! 🍵
Yes; it’s so true, 😮😢and thirty year’s later that resentment is a ditch you can’t climb out of
Can I just say that you are very beautiful ❤ God loves you!
She is selling that book and her future
haha. 😊
@@sarisingerman3340awarenes is the first step
An important addendum: this applies to ANY relationship. With your partner, your kids, your boss... _everyone!_
It will only fill you with resentment if your spouse does not reciprocate. But if you have a loving spouse that reciprocates your sacrifices, it creates a far deeper relationship than what you described.
like this
thank you for bringing that to light- in a relationship that’s reciprocal, particularly reciprocally kind, resentment is next to impossible ❤
True and I think, this applies to friendships too.
Yes totally
Applies to all relationships, including work ones…
Absolutely!
Yes, it does apply to friendship.
So important! My therapist told me (and this was mindblowing to me) that « objectivity » in relationships includes your own needs and perspectives. Both people need to communicate their needs, not only try to fulfill their partner’s!
I’ve communicated my needs and got an immediate shutdown and discard from them. Stonewalled and ghosted by them. I didn’t beg or plead just told them how I felt in a non combative way. I’m distancing myself from this person as they truly never loved me as a person - just as a source of external validation.
Yep, got called selfish for communicating my own needs. I feel you
@@mobywk w moim przypadku zakomunikowanie potrzeb było totalnym błędem, ponieważ zdobył informacje czym najbardziej mnie skrzywdzi, co będzie najboleśniej odczuwane przeze mnie, i konsekwentnie mnie ranił, grając przy tym rolę ofiary...
Sam komunikował potrzebę akceptacji - czyli moje przyzwolenie na prześladowanie, nękanie i krzywdy jakie mi wyrządzał. Postawienie granicy równało się z obwinianiem o brak akceptacji jego osoby.
Wtedy doszłam do wniosku, że to psychopata.
This is hypnosis, and you fell for it.
I did this in one relationship and he took my generosity and understanding as weakness and cheated on me, somehow blamed me for it, and then when I immediately left, never owned up to his betrayal. Selfish and Narcissistic people love people like us.
Yep being kind to them means being taken advantage of - they take it as a weakness
Very well expressed. I fully agree and can relate to what you have experienced. Having succeeded in leaving that person shows how strong and courageous you are. I wish I had that much strength right now but depression is eating up my energy.
So true!
@@thomasvarecka2969 Hope you find the mindset and strength to decide what is best for yourself❤ Believe in and be kind to yourself, try to find internal validation and then choose accordingly and accept whatever will and has happened. You are stronger than you may think!😊
@@thomasvarecka2969
Step1: awareness
Step2: Grief
.
.
You might be grieving now which is very normal (& necessary, I think) to process things ...
The time for coming up with a plan & acting will come
Believe it!
Because it will come!
Used to do this for my parents. It ended with me being in depression for 8 years. My self-confidence was crushed to pieces. Now I'm trying to change. So I'm mean, rude, selfish, and cause high blood pressure to others. It hurts when people say these things, but I believe if every person around me deserves respect, happiness, and love. Then I do, too. I'm not willing to compromise anymore.
same ere for te last 10 years____i understand its wron but unable to take stand & always feel if i am tikin wron OR a sin___i am all confused, stuck.
tank you so muc for sarin your experience
od Bless you
oh😮
Cool video, your channel is really an inspiration. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
This is a very difficult thing to get past sometimes. To get people to understand that communication is so much better than shoving things under the rug.
So much this ❤
My narcissistic abuser would do this all the time, 😢and he would never want to talk about anything
No communication
No answer
Equal 🟰 frustration
gaw tell me about it. I’m a gen xer dating a boomer, and communication is like pulling teeth some days! Takes patience (mine). Like they say, with the right one you can’t do the wrong thing, so I am trying my best to relax and just be authentic. ❤
Keeping peace creates distance. Communication is essential. The more I do this the more avoidant I become. Such a good video about avoiding conflicts and yes it does get hard to be assertive once you have developed this pattern and yes i have resentments as a result.❤❤❤ And suddenly the conversation stops and no one is talking again.
I know right, words out of my mouth aagain...I know what advice I would give to my well. ...myself but to any woman....don't let them say that
...don't let them do that
..stand up for yourself
..you deserve the same love you put out.
...Again..I'm not there yet..I always say,"talk to me anytime,no questions asked,just hello and great to here from ya,love ya bunches. .yeah funny we all laughed when I said " yeah I'm a good cleaner eh, thankgoodness,...sweeping everything under the carpet"
But I will always choose to Love My Family. Idk if any of that made any sense but bless you all
@@DawnWyman good cleaner, sweep everything under the carpet 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for making me laugh.
Any kind of human connection cannot sustain for too long without clarity, honest communication, assertiveness, authenticity. Half-truths complicate things even more than lies. Healing their attachment style is also important for both people.
Whatever we get in this life, whether people, memories, things; we're meant to lose everything here itself. Expectations, enititlement cannot control anything or anyone else; just our mood. Hoping and staying prepared for the future is better because uncertainty can only bother you as long as you expect from it or depend on it emotionally. If you realise uncertainty will always remain then you're able to let go. A quote: 'Always keep your exit doors open. Don't try to cage anyone because their autonomy is as valuable as yours.' Not expecting won't make us a doormat if we know how to say no and communicate our boundaries. One sided relationships/friendships are meant to end. Having unspoken expectations also creates problems. If you expect then be vocal about them from the beginning and always remember that Expectations = risks. I think everyone should read about parenting styles also. Just a perspective.
When you are young you go to football to please him. But when you are honest you dis like football..And when he doesn't like youre ballet show he say that. So you do that to, love youre self.
I wish humans were born understanding boundaries, though. I never push my needs or wants on anyone, to a huge fault ( I'm fearful avoidant), but everyone always heavily oversteps my boundries with their crap. Like, go away with that. Just respect me, like I respect you.
This is exactly what my parents did to me, and my "partner" was my brother. They let him be abusive towards me - against my protests - because it was easier than dealing with his bad behavior. They betrayed me on so many levels.
My goodness God bless you I hope you're safe now
@@DawnWyman I moved to another country...
So sorry this happened to you not at all fair or right what parents did as should have been protecting you & making sure your Brother never did this ever to you. Hope you will always be safe & happy for the rest of your life as deserve to be.
@@jangriffin-fi1yx Thank you ❤
So good to see you back ..looking well and healthy 🙏🏻
So true! Did that in previous relationships 2x12 years - put my partners needs first - only to destroy all I had built up over the years in the end with all my pent up resentment I couldn't hold back any longer!😢
Next time new try 😉
I do this in all relationships.. and am onto it now. This was modelled in the adults that I grew up around. Everybody behaved either aggressively or passive aggressively.. not really simply - asking for what they want. Ask for what you want, was what a pyschologist friend said to me, many years ago. NOw, I am going to stop, pause.. breathe.. then think about what I want, and ask for it. Thank you for reminding me, of this vital, simple behaviour of asking for what you want.
Welcome back, I hope you are feeling better :-)
The reason why so many of us struggle with boundaries is because we’ve been set up by our narcissistic parents to expect little and give a lot. Usually children from dysfunctional families give a lot, people please and then are unhappy about being disrespected. We’ve never been taught otherwise and don’t know how to assert ourselves without conflict. 100% true. Not only for romantic relationships but also friendships, work, …
spot on. this is how I discovered my family disfunctionality especially when telling 'no to my dad' and watching his reaction.
took me 38 years to discover the pattern and I now work on my boundaries.
@@orianam9835 🩵 it took about as long to find out for me too. In this respect I am quite thankful for social media. Without it I would still be clueless and continue believing there was something wrong with ME.
So so happy you're back, because I've missed you, but much more important is that you're better❤You're amazing! Thank you for making a difference with your advice.
She scammed you into believing something, and you don't even know what
Completely agree, I’ve done this with friendships and ended up getting angry and frustrated at myself for never saying no! It’s okay to say no if it means saying yes to ourselves. ❤
Thankyou Dr julie I did this in my marriage all the time. I ended up leaving all together
Then we also abandon ourselves & lose our identity and peace. Thank you for sharing such truth
Tysm for the tea and the positivitea too
So true! Welcome back, we missed you! 🤗
So true...wish i knew this long time ago
One of the most important videos on youtube
So blessed to have you back and we are all feeling so happy with the good news about your treatment! 🙏☀️💕
Welcome back. It is wonderful to hear your voice and gain more knowledge from you. Thank you
😊❤😊
YES!!! So very true!! Thank you for posting this Julie ❤. It’s EXACTLY what I needed to hear today!
Sohappy to see u healthy n back again...i think ur new book is on relationships❤🎉exactly what i need after goin thrgh grief(u n ur book helped me all single handedly w it Thanku so muchh♥️)
Love how you make us (your listeners/viewers) a cuppa as you share advice 😊
Tea time has etiquette!
Thanks a lot Doctor 😇
This needs to be on banners!!!
Thanks dr julie. Yes this is absolutely true.
So good to see your videos again. Can’t wait for your 2nd book to drop 😊
So true, I did this for almost 10 years before the relationship ended, trying to keep the peace, and avoid arguments, bc he was not a communicator, and would accuse me of trying to start a fight if I ever voiced any concerns or wanted to discuss anything involving the relationship issues we had.
Ayyy we got great advice and a cup of tea !✌🏽✌🏽
You are amazing, you always seem to speak on a subject I have been pondering. Your role play is spot on. Thank you ❤
She’s speaking directly to me.
23 years of that and realising I was married to a narcissist
Thank you for showing this to lots of people xx
Taking hold of your own life a bit at a time Is frightening and empowering
Once you’re over the fear that comes from that attachment you feel so much more alive ❤️
missed youu, glad you're back helping us living our lives💕
Sadly this clips should have been there some 28 years ago…
Resentment is a very toxic feeling and it’s hard to overcome it.
Found out it’s got to do with attachment issues…
So happy to see you back Dr Julie! All the best for you!
i got "why has nobody told me this before" and its literally so good!! it helped so much and its literally like a therapy tool book which is so helpful and makes it so interesting. I am glad to see you back Dr. Julie, thankyou and love and light to you 🙏🏻 💗💗
I needed to hear that and that also goes with platonic relationships as well. Thank you.
I'm so glad to see yo❤u and I hope I can read your book.🍀
So glad you back🎉😊
Thank you for the tea! 😂
Internal integrity and alignment with, + loyalty to one's true Self is ABSOLUTELY 🗝️ in any and EVERY healthy dynamic❣️
Thank you for sharing this truth with all whom come across & divinely align with/ receive this wise counsel❣️🥳💐💯🥂
A calming tea and invaluable life lesson. ❤
I Learned recently that that’s codependency: forgetting your needs for the needs of the other , whereas a healthy relationship is finding that third option that benefits both you and them , without you having to sacrifice yourself completely to just appease them ❤ I learned the hard way 😢 and had to divorce after 12 yrs of codependency with no change from my partner or willingness to put in the work on his end . In part I blame myself for “doing all the work alone, “
I often blame myself saying I emasculated my partners by always end up doing everything. Burn out is inevitable. I wish I would have stopped this behavior of self harming and allowing that unhealthy toxic dynamic long before burn out. Long before running my body and mind fully aground. Find the little voice inside that has been ignored and shut down and start listening again. Life is too damn short.
Hi Dr Julie,
Thank you for the advice, and the cup of tea!
Warm regards,
Grace
Here back again to quench on your wisdom 🎉🎉
It's usually girls/women who do that to their boyfriend/husband. Because they have been taught that a girl is polite, shows kindness, is there to show care and actually please the others.
I know stories from girls that when they decided to show their real personality after years of relationship, their partners were disappointed so much when they found out that they had to deal with a woman and not a girl anymore
A woman should submit herself to her husband. A man should lead the family. It's how God biologically designed human being. Don't go against nature.
Read Bible for more info😊
@@ottvlogger😂joke of the year we are living in 21st century where everyone deserves equal respect and value anywhere
@@ottvloggerthe Bible was written by men so ofcourse it was a means of control over women. They are so scared of women's power its fascinating
Thank you Dr Julie. So blessed to listen to your teaching. PS, make sure you're getting enough rest.
Thank you so much
Okay as she's talking... I fell in love with eyes. Thank you for the tea
Thank you - Love your videos!😊
Absolutely. I wish somebody explained it to me earlier in life. Not just relationships but even in friendships, every act of kindness is misinterpreted as a weakness/ an appeasement. You are taken for granted and it sets as a precedent of what is expected of you in the future. And in course of time, you realise that you have not been appreciated but devalued instead. Some people deliberately do it to retain their control. The workings of the human mind are indeed strange.
I respect you, and love what you said my sister. If you are avoiding difficult conversation(s) you are not being honest with spouse or friend as well as the you that you are creating. I made a choice to live authentically open and honest. I was tired of the pressures from society/friends/family to feel the need to supress myself so I got rid of pride. I accepted all of me..good/bad/ugly. If someone doesnt like what I do or say, great! I probably dont need them in my life anyway. By choosing to live with an open heart I can both give and receive the most beautiful gift that we have, unconditional love! When you love someone unconditionally, there is never a worry because they love you the same way and there is no judgement. I know this is another discussion all together but I love my special someone unconditionally and my love has really helped her heal as hers has also helped me heal as well. The world needs more unconditional love!
Thank you for the tea!😊
I always wonder about things like this. My husband and I constantly sacrifice for each other. We are still very much in love after 30+ years. We didn’t always like the sacrifices we had to make but we make them because we care about each other and we care about each other’s mental health and wellness,and kindness and love and all of that. Our relationship has a lot of joy and laughter. I’m not talking about sacrificing as in letting someone cheat or be violent because those things have never happened and they would be intolerable. I’m talking about sacrifices for the greater sacrifices to help one another. Some things are intolerable lines that should never be crossed and if they’re crossed, yes please everyone leave. But sacrifices have to be made.
Thanks I do this a lot didn't know what it was or how to explain it glad it's not just me
Now that makes sense thank-you for your sharing
Please make a longer video on that topic 🙏
Thank you! 🌻🌻😎🤗
Thank you. I really needed to her this
Welcome back!❤
Thank you for this reminder today. I needed that! ❤
Thank you for your insight Dr. Julie.
We learn much from you. ❤
We are having tea . This made me hear you louder and clearer than usual. I love the approach
❤❤
Years of appeasement will leave you hollowed out and eventually no one can keep trying to please when your own self becomes less visible and eventually you collapse and yes resentment sets in.😢
Thank you so much, also thank you for the ☕
Wow! Thank you. I have seen this in a relationship for both sides and it absolutely leads to resentment. Also, if you do not correct behaviors early on, they just get worse.
I love our chats over the cuppa! 😊❤
Thank you!
Words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Dr. Julie, Great tips and examples as always! Thanks, Sanjay
Thank you. It hits hard.
I learned that the hard way by losing someone I loved for many years. I never was a good communicator, so I just never trusted that he had good intentions. Now in my new relationship I learned how to be vulnerable and express my boundaries.
I'm in a relationship for over a year now, and i only realised that i've been doing this often.. often just trying to do whatever my partner wants, like if he's not in the mood, i'll understand, if he wants to play something, i'll play that with him because i enjoy time with him. I didn't even know this isn't right thing to do, but i understand what you mean. Not doing it too much. But of course if doesn't mean forcing your partner to do something with you that they hate haha!
Same!!! It looks like I'm the same as you 😅 I too understand this is wrong of me to do but I have all this love to give and when he is busy with his own life I understand. But at the same time I also want him to include himself in my life, is that makes sense. I want him all in my life but I tend to give him space when he has other things to do. This makes me angry sometimes about how I am always available for him 🥺
@@artbyvru i think it's fine if it works for both of you. And i think it's important to communicate.. if you're both aware of this and are okay with it, it should be okay. He knows i'm busy sometimes, so he gives me space, sometimes he's busy, so i give him space. Sure i am there much often than he is, but sometimes it's important to realise that they're their own person, like it's not good to try to change them into how we like, but just love them for who they are. My boyfriend is there for me, he is, but if he's busy and he's away, i understand. I think it's important to love both all the perfections and even imperfections on the person, that's when you know you truly love them, if you love them for who they are. But at the end of the day, they're still normal human beings, getting busy as you are, so it's okay to give them space
So True.😢
THANK YOU 🎉😊
Very true!
I had to learn this the hard way...
Yes n thank you for pouring our cup 💋 love that pot btw!!
Yep, my mistake
Full and 100%
Yep!
She speaks the truth. 40 years later and I am now in the process of establishing some boundaries so I can stand to even stay with him. He is confused and I am exhausted.
Excellent Advice , thank you so much . ✌🏻💯
I LOVE how she shares a cup of tea!!!❤❤❤
Love this thank you Dr Julie x
Divorcing after 17 years-
Unlearned Lessons…..
thanks Love‼️🌎💙
So nice she gave us a drink ❤
Agree..thank you ❤
"You can't pour from an empty cup."
Yes I have actually experienced this.
thank u for the tea and advice ❤
Middle way. Be Kind but don’t get disrespected. Try few times and if the others person doesn’t care, there are so many nice people out there who will love you
Truly agreed 💯 💯💯💯💯
I needed this. Thank you