INFJ Relationship Struggles, Advice for INFJ Relationships, and INFJ & INTP Pair- With Joyce Meng
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ธ.ค. 2021
- #mbti #INFJ #ESTP
Check out this clip from my conversation with @JoyceMeng22 INFJ relationship struggles, the INFJ & INTP relationship, and advice for INFJs in relationships and for people dating an INFJ.
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"Find someone who speaks your language so you don't spend a lifetime trying to translate your soul."
That lil segment was so profound. This is my constant struggle with relationships. It's funny because I often feel like I somehow overwhelm people and there are VERY few people who can "handle" me. Sometimes I wish I could take a vacation from myself lol constantly trying to reign it in for people, "watering other's plants" while not watering my own, it gets exhausting after a while.
I appreciate the advice to just be yourself and not dim your light or "water yourself down." (As an INFJ-A) I really needed to hear that. Thank you.
INTP here. I think my best relationship was with my INFJ and he feels the same way. We could talk for 10 hours straight and it was never dull. What I loved about INFJ was the way they could really understand my language and see me for who I am rather than the idea of me. INFJ also engaged with my self-deprecating sense of humor and playful banter, which really won me over too. I appreciated his quick-witted intellectual side and that he would enjoy diving down deep rabbit holes of research with me. In most of my relationships it has always been hard for me to be comfortable showing my emotional side, but with INFJ I felt safe doing so. Our biggest conflict would occur when he wouldn't communicate something he was going through, but once he learned to trust that I was receptive to his needs as well, he slowly started to feel comfortable sharing the things he would struggle with and he'd immediately feel better after talking about it. The same would go for me. INFJ started to understand the side of me that would shut down emotionally after learning about all my past experiences growing up. His family life was picture perfect growing up and mine was extremely dysfunctional. I think the early childhood trauma for INTPs play a huge role in our fear of dealing with emotions. It's because we feel SO much and don't know how to process it, that the easiest thing to do for survival is to rationalize the emotions and compartmentalize them outside of ourselves because the intensity of emotions can be almost exaggerated to a point of deep pain and anguish. I also think that is where the anxiety manifests. We catastrophize things because of past trauma and I think the reason we seem to have pride in our underdeveloped dysfunction is because we deal with negative things in the form of self-deprecating humor, which helps us not feel so intensely. Deep down we are not proud of it, we are moreso making fun of ourselves, which we also love to do. Nevertheless, I strive to improve my dysfunctional tendencies on my own as I introspect and with relationships so long as I can trust that the other person has good intentions with me and makes me feel safe. With INFJ I am able to talk about my emotions and trust that he will understand me and empathize with me and I can feel safe being vulnerable. INFJ has told me that I am the only person that has ever been interested in who he is and that most people he would encounter couldn't see past themselves. He felt that I made it very easy for him to share himself and loved him for it. In his social life, INFJ would often be the voice of reason for everyone around him and no one would be that for him, until he met me. It took him a while to get comfortable exposing himself, but I think that is the secret key for anyone out there dating an INFJ. I think my best advice would be to show your INFJ that you really take an interest into their ideas, thoughts, morals, and philosophies on life. Show them that their struggles are important too and that you're willing to give them the space to have them. Be there for them without telling them how to fix their problem directly. Show them that it is okay to make mistakes and be vulnerable. And show them that being vulnerable doesn't make them weak. Encourage them to focus on their own needs. Show them that you are willing to engage with their closest friends and pets. Be genuine and appreciate their eccentric side. Here I go again writing essays of my thoughts. 0,0
Sorry you two are not together anymore. Great relationships are hard to come by.
What a beautiful description, thank you! 😊
I fell for my INFJ’s mind. It is superb. :) - intj
Can you elaborate?
I love how you divided our conversation together into all these bite-sized chucks!! Great idea, Kate. Incredible editing magic 🎉 🌟
Oh good I'm glad you like it! I'm testing it out for viewers to get the most out of these convos. More of our convo is going to be posted 😁
Hi Joyce. You interact and behave like an INFP instead of an INFJ.
@@alexturchick240 No she doesn't.
- INFJ
@@t.6071 INFP. Watch "Who Are the INFP" by C.S. Joseph.
@@t.6071 INFPs are mistyped as INFJs a lot of the time, and visa versa.
I got to know my wife over the phone before I ever met her. We talked on the phone for months before we met. I listened to her thoughts and feelings about family, her job, her faith, likes, fears, etc. I still listen to her intently as its about the only way I know how to show affection other than trying to solve her problems or to do things for her.
It's like we got to know each other's real self first before we even met or saw a picture of each other. I had a friend who asked me if I thought my girlfriend was beautiful and I said she was without even seeing a picture yet. I said she was beautiful on the inside which is the beauty that really matters.
As an INFJ, I really get along well with INTPs, whether romantically or as friends.
Spot on, Joyce. As a lead Ni type I am constantly misunderstood and dismissed when I express Ni ideas, even ones applicable to concrete, everyday problems.
I’m an INFP who has highly developed the lacking parts of myself and appear a lot like an infj because of that. But I’m absolutely an INFP… my boyfriend is an INFJ and we are an amazing match. Like incredible. I have to be patient and it’s weird that I’m the one who is more spontaneous and pulls him out of his shell…and he grounds me. But the key is that we are both VERY communicative and vulnerable. I had to be very very consistent and patient in order to allow his layers to unfold one by one…. It was almost agonizing for me because as an info I’m all in🤣 But it slowed me down and I really appreciated that. It’s been a wonderful journey and our trust is so strong because of how deep our love, consistency and understanding is. I also periodically ask him if I’m being too emotional or if I can meet his needs better…or if He needs space. Once in awhile he’s burned out from work and thought I HATE not being able to talk to him we always find a compromise and call to say goodnight and we love eachother at the same time every night. But he feels loved when he can recharge and he’s always considerate of me as well. It’s awesome. Not for the weak infp though.
I keep forgetting! Thank you, Kate, for putting that Real recognizes real concept out there. I saw it when I was looking at past thumbnails. I keep forgetting but I appreciated that along with the work out ideas and your ideas of arrogance, even though, I don't it's so rigid with the functions. My basis is the official Meyers and Briggs site where it doesn't have stuff like the critical parent function, but, I think Meyers and Briggs stuff is helpful icebreaker springboard for ideas, and you're helping make this a more wonderful time of the year with those great Christmas seeds to plant in our minds.
Also, thanks for pumping out so many videos! It's something fun to look forward to and gives fun stuff to think about during the week!
Great new avatar. When I saw it yesterday, I was confused, and then saw type in the title, and thought wait a second how did Super Senior Sydney get in my...ohhh Type Match...and then is that the love hand gesture? Being that this is Type Match, or rock on hand gesture? Or maybe it's the Spider-man spider-web hand signal to get with the culture since I heard from people I trusted and held their opinions in high regard that the new Spider-man movie was great...emphasis on the past tense in trusted and held. Anyways, mysteries are good. Like the Tootsie pop commercial.
Also, did Super Senior Syndey ever figure out her type? I remember she moved on to ISTP (Your ISTP Tactical Rebel description titles along with the ESTP The Realistic Alpha on the type match site are the best! Who wouldn't want to be those types with those titles?). She was like Bogdan Yakubets and Psychology Tea where the skits were entertaining but It's Just Kevin and Dear Kristin are more align with my notions and experiences with type...Her ISFP sister was my gauge for ISFPs for awhile along with her ENFJ cousin for ENFJs as well as ENFJ Ian F Jay and her ENTP cousin who served in the military for ENTPs along with ENTP ZombiesRuinEverything.
I'll be back. Wait. Since you did your video on Se, what do you guys think about Se and music? Or any insights on music? What are you guys listening to? I'll download music right away to listen tonight so I'd appreciate any insights but I don't mind just getting music recommendations since I pretty much have been listening to the same songs over and over, and I need energetic music.
Right now, I'm listening to:
In the End by Black Veiled Brides
Immortal by Adema
Sparta by Sabaton
Haunted by Disturbed
Decadence by Disturbed
Declaration Day by Iced Earth
Brothers by Iced Earth
Blow Me Away- Featuring Valora by Breaking Benjamin
Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
Cut the Cord by Shinedown
Adrenaline by Thousand Foot Krutch
Phenomenon by Thousand Foot Krutch
Prince of Egypt Soundtrack
I gotta go! I was trying to come up with a list yesterday when I saw you changed avatars thinking I'd have an opportunity to ask people here and I was looking at my Deezer app right now.
Be back to listen. Kate, you're great!
Well thank you so much! Glad you're appreciating the content. It makes me want to create more. I hadn't heard of this Sydney but idk what her type is. As far as Se and music, maybe you can check out the playlists on the typematch website- they were created by the types themselves where each person got to add max 2 songs. This may give you some insight. For me, music affects me so much that on a regular day I can't listen past 8pm b/c then I won't be able to sleep. I get too hype haha. I love deeply intense music like Flamenco, Fado, and anything with the violin. Mostly I listen to hip hop and I'd say sound is more important for me than lyrics because I love listening to and memorizing songs in languages that I don't even speak because I think it's beautiful.
@@TypeMatch Keep up the great work! It's been so much fun thinking about this stuff!
I looked up lists. It's helpful insight. I realized I relate to ISTPs entertain-wise, so I was excited to see that the music sensibilities line up. I actually was thinking of a particular ISTP when I wrote about him praising the new Spider-man movie.
Thank you for the Flamenco and Fado list. When you say sound when describing the songs in languages you don't understand, you mean the vocals? Is it the authenticity? Does that tie into real recognizing real for you?
I currently interpret type, based on my understanding from the official Meyers and Briggs site, as everyone is the same but we just have different gauges and the choices we make depending on whether we're male or female, our faith, beliefs, intelligence, upbringing, culture, experience, financial situation, and health, we might might struggle with or be more adept at certain functions, so in your real recognizes real video, similar to the work out and arrogance video, I currently think everything you said can apply to everyone, but it was great to think of all those things.
And you putting that real recognizes real concept, I think is one of the most important concepts in type besides you recently talking about making the choice to claw our way out of hell . When I got into looking up type, and found about INFJ being the most rare type, being skeptical of type (I only recently started praising ZombiesRuinEverything's MBTI work because I didn't think he was right on a lot of things, but he along with the SP Spazz were helpful in making me less skeptical of Meyers and Briggs, and recently It's Just Kevin (who I think is an INFJ) made it really click with me), and went through all the INFJ videos I could find, the only INFJ that came across as interesting to me was the INFJ Thinker of Everything (also, Ian F Jay but he changed to thinking he was an ENFJ), and, it had nothing to do with type; I thought it was because she came across as so down to earth decent, but the real description is also good. I don't see a lot of realness in type or on the internet, and in previous comment sections of yours, and in It's Just Kevin's comment section, I tried to show channels of people who I think are real since I think an interest in type would be to try to understand people, so showing who I think are authentic, kind, friendly, funny people of good will would be helpful. I really like them as great company regardless of thinking about type, but it's fun typing people I really like.
Back to music, do you give your own takeaway message/story with the songs?
For an example, if you listened to Celtic Singers or Andrea Bocelli, and didn't understand the lyrics would you come up with a story in your head taking in the deep feeling, and maybe piecing together some words you know for a narrative of your choosing?
I was recently writing with an INTJ about music, and learning about Ni through her, along with your recent Se video helped me be more confident that I'm Se, so I was curious. You could probably make a great video! You know the saying music is the window into your soul? That could be helpful insight to help show the variations in people. Just looking at the playlists on Type Match is showed a variety of music in the different types to show the humanity over cartoon stereotypes.
Violin is my second favorite instrument after vocals because of what you described in that deeply intense, but the only time I listen to music is when I'm outside, and I have to be aware of my surrounding for funny business and cars, so I can't listen to beautiful music because I have to keep my head in the game. Although, I like all the music I posted, and one of the songs In the End by Black Veiled Brides I got from one of the people I posted ENTJ Nick Rekieta, and it gave me a connection to him and his chat because I think they're great authentic, loving people.
I want vocals to feel connected to people and when I listen to music, I think of people or a character that has a fan base so I feel connected to people.
I'm possibly like you where I'm more about sounds than lyrics, if you include vocals with sound. Although, I want to share what I like with others so I've been trying to pay attention to the lyrics, and I think certain lyrics aren't good for my soul.
The songs I put are helpful utility for less engaging routine stuff, which I thought about when you brought up ESTP Joe Rogan in your Se video since in an old podcast he said that listening to music while jogging was cheating, and while I disagree since I think it's about health not winning or cheating, but understand the sentiment since my work out is fun on it's own without anything and I'm more efficient if I don't listen to anything. But jogging, since it's not so engaging, isn't as fun without music , so I was wondering if there was a connection with Se users.
I really appreciated your Se video, and you were a gracious host in this one.
Keep up the great work. And thank you for the fun.
Thanks. Hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas.
I feel like your description of person who is - virtuous in their way, who is constantly looking for self-improvement, who is not stagnating, who wants to be of service to the world, someone who is on a mission, on a purpose, trying to make the world a better place - would also fit ENTJ well (even though any type can grow and can contribute to the world in their own way)
Facts💯
An Infj in relationship , I find it hard at times to communicate my vulnerable emotional needs in a assertive manner as it also due to codependancy , past abusive relationship
What's your current partner's mbti?
Last tip was very important.
I'm infj with an abandonment wound and fe so I'm super inclined to and very good at adjusting on my end. But this is unsustainable and you eventually break up with the person if they can't have those deep conversations.
Also, agree that the intps love us most.
Sometimes though, I feel like intps typecast me as just a smart guy. But part of that is my distrust of people's intentions (especially if they show me affection).
I would say that INFJs can be some of the prettiest.
However, guesstimation couple wises, have seen three INFJ-INFP pair, two INFJ-ESTP, and one INFJ-INTJ (in real life).
I had more conversations with ISFJs!
❤I'm the happy member of a golden pair, ladies:) 17 yrs
With an INTP?
@@t.6071 no, I am the intp
Nobody cares you’re spot on young lady we try to connect and it falls on deaf ears most of the time and after almost 60 years of that it takes it’s toll takes one to no one😎✌️
1) as an INFJ guy that's interested in an INTP girl, Great video.
2) about bragging about bad inferior functions: in banter-y contexts, I brag about my good Se moments while also referencing the fact it's my inferior. For example "I have enough Se to text and drive, and only OCCASIONALLY swerve off the road."
[INFJ-6]
I have dated an emotionally expressive INTP. It's the laziness that really irked me.
👍
Yes, there are many factors that go into compatibility beyond personality type. One that is overlooked is intelligence. You may come across somebody who is compatible in theory with you, but if their IQ and yours are 1 or 2 standard deviations apart, may not work out.
How were you able to fit all our struggles in just a 16 minute video? 😂
Hahahaha!
I enjoyed this video also. I am intp.
I read the golden pair is ENTJ for INTP. That it should be your shadow. But I also read some people say the Infj but I don't understand why?
Also what I heard about the golden pair it's not the best relationship in everyway it's the one with the highest highs and lowest low. (Being with the shadow)
The most common happy relationship what i read is the bronze relationship for INTP it's ESFP. It should be less stormy 😅
Relationship with shadow it's worst like infj and estp. It's so fun when being friend but when becoming patners it's worst because have different needs. Golden pair meaning the two mbti have similar experience but have strength and weakness in between. Ex infj have weakness that intp have and also intp have weakness that infj have in social. Infj know people emotion around them but intp can't. It's similar with intj and infp etc
There is a cognitively ideal pair, but they usually feel like strangers so they do not interact because they’re opposites in cognitive functions… but they have the same lifestyle.
To charm a golden partner you need to attract them sexually, social status, wealth, sexual beauty, gifts… etc. (or whatever else charms other than personality)x
A golden pair should have the same temperament (NF, ST, SF, NT) so that they would agree on their world view, and the opposite attitudes (IxxJ-ExxP, IxxP-ExxJ) so that they can cover up for their partners cognitive deficiencies.
Ti needs Te, Ni need Ne, and so on…
Introverts need extroverts, and perceives need judgers.
For an ENFJ like myself, the golden pair is an INFP, for INFJs it’s ENFPs.. for ESTPs it’s ISTJs.
that certainly makes a lot of sense but I don't observe that people are attracted to and choose those pairings very often in real life. Of course, you could argue that they don't choose their most compatible pair and that's why most relationships fail. But I've been studying this specifically and I think that type matters more for initial attraction but as far as long term success it's more about having a secure attachment style. I don't think it lines up so well as every type has their one golden pair. It depends on so many factors. I like how enneagram does their compatibility system for instance- 9s are compatible with like 6 of the 9 types. But type 8s like me are only compatible (according to what I've seen) with one or two of the types. If you look around, this makes more sense that some people are compatible with more different types of personalities than others. So an INFJ may have 5 "golden pairs" while an ENTJ may only have one- just an example, not to be taken literally. Compatibility is highly complex and I think certain people have tried to make it too mathematical and simplistic of A fits with B and that's it. I love math and that view was highly attractive to me until I started looking around and seeing that it doesn't hold water in reality.
@@TypeMatch ENTP -Dark Empath here. I read and feel her like the easiest thing in the world(brutal smart i am sorry - not narc). I understand her and trust her to even"controll"me when im am chaos. She removed the dark from empath. She has the same fear like me - no one understands. I think that we help each other with this A LOT. She is even scared about how i understand her and i am in love how she does it. And here is the problem i am sure that i am ok with all of it - she only thinks that she will kill what she likes in me and will hurt me and i will hurt her in result. She hides REALLY GENIUS IDEAS that are big part of what i love but hide them behind the fear to hurt someone or just to be louigh at..
I really want not just to have relationship i wont her to make me better and ofcourse me to do the same for her. So i am hitting MY WALL not to hurt her but i cant let her be like this she is absolute 100% apple juice but.. unhealthy INFJ as it can get. HELP!
Im also infj-a 😋