INFJ-INFJ Relationships: What You Need to Know
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ส.ค. 2024
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If only I could remove the part of myself that wanted a relationship with another person, maybe if I didn't have that burden I'd be a better human being instead of the dysfunctional guy I am..
I'll bet its wonderful to not be a human, heh.. at least there's death
I dated another INFJ for 7 months and it felt like I found my soulmate. He was able to understand me so well without me having to utter a word about what was wrong with me.
what happened in the end?
Guess we never fucking knew@@numbynumb
im an Infj and my boyfriend is an infj aswell, i think we are the most loyal couples ever, we love eachother so much and we understand eachother very well.
Infj relationship = easiest healthiest relationship I've ever had. You both have to be healed enough to like easy.
💯🙌 Great advice for all INFJs regardless of the type of your significant other. Verbal communication is critical and should be done early on. In review of every failed relationship of mine it was my lack of verbal expression of my needs that led to resentment that they weren’t perceptive enough to see that I was giving more than I was receiving in return🙄. I was fearful of hurting them, yet healthy INFJs can be so eloquent and comforting with their words that an expression of needs probably won’t come off as hurtful at all. Still working on remembering that. I’ve never been in a relationship with another INFJ, so I’m curious about that dynamic. However, I can easily see your points. INFJ/INFJ: a beautiful connection of souls possibly doomed to fall into a well of codependency that would be difficult to climb out of 😩
Thank you for sharing, Heather :)
My experience was so toxic and bad. Even though it had all the good too. But the bad extinguished all the good parts of it.
I still love INFJs and love having deep conversations with them and each INFJ is different with their own experiences and traumas.
Understanding and communication are the key. Beating around the bush is the worst. They have to be more direct and less cautious. And they have to stop assuming cause they’re not always right.
Sorry to hear your experience was toxic, Nada. I hope you are in a better place now :)
@@RensRoom thank you Renaud, I am :)
I've never experienced transcendental understanding more than when I have been in some sort of 'relationship' with another INFJ. It was like they were an extension of my own body and mind. The intensity alone is enough to be staggering, but the emotional connection is something I'd not soon forget. There aren't many words to describe it. Something similar can occur with an INTJ, but it is a bit different because there is a sense that there will always be this veil between knowing and being; esoteric wonderment if you will (not to say that this isn't the perfect thing for an intense and satisying relationship- it very well can be). This veil cannot be crossed with them, and adds a layer of mystery that will never fully have an answer. With INFJ-INFJ the answer is clear, and there is an ease in its discovery.
I think the codependency is somewhat contingent on that otherworldly feeling, for fear that it will be lost or fragmented. In a way, it is similar to a lyric of the type nine enneagram song of my favorite artist, _"It looks like empathy to understand all sides, but I'm just trying to find myself in someone else's eyes"_ . I can recognize at least some aspects of this in me, though I would say that I don't particularly long for someone to spend every waking hour with. Nor, would the other have to shape my own identity. I'd honestly get sick of it. I'd want to have time to myself to have my own interests and needs apart from them. Of course, I'd want this for them as well. I think it is quite nice to be needed. Further, for that to be equally balanced between each in the relationship, where neither is left wanting. It makes sense that you'd not want this to pass any lines where self-forgetting is occurring.
I guess this is why I try very hard to focus on a sense of expectancy instead of expectation; in that they are okay to be their own person and meet me where I am when they can. In turn, I would hope they'd feel similarly and not guilt me for pursuing something apart from them. I try to state this early on in any relationship/friendship to set the tone for it.
Yes, frequent conversations are a must. Not only to continue the building of that connection, but to allow for an open discourse of ideas and feelings, even if those things are critical. I honestly want an 'anything goes' sort of relationship, where no one has to worry what the other is thinking/feeling. Simply because it will be shared openly and honestly; with the notion that after all is said and done they will continue to choose me and I them. At least, this is ideal.
Thank you for the video, Ren.
Ps: Humphrey is giving side eye. >.> He must have been aware that he'd be gathering dust soon... ^.^'. lol. ;p
Sorry for the long comment. I got carried away. Lmao.
Wow! So honest. I am an infj and I went through a relationship with an i n t j and this happened. We used our Ni function for the magic.
But like you said...I became co- dependent...misused my empathic nature , betrayed myself and my marriage dissolved.
I don’t know any male INFJs. I have INFJ female friends, and while it’s nice to feel understood, I’m not sure I would enter a relationship with another INFJ. I feel like there wouldn’t be enough friction to keep it interesting. I think I do well with ENTPs. There’s still a sense of understanding, both being intuitive dominants, but the opposite attitude makes it interesting. Plus they’re probably the only type that can evade my pattern recognition.
There is friction. I’m and infj-t and he is an infj-a. Our communication especially in text was horrible. He would assume i would assume and the texts were drawn out for hours and then finally it took one word to come to a resolve. It exhausted me so much. It made me think like my gosh if he’s like this does this mean I’m the same way. Maybe I’m this bad in Relationships that’s why I’m still single. But when we were in person it was awesome and the attraction was top notch.
Hi! What a coincidence, I just wanted to ask you to make a video on this topic :) Recently, I met an INFJ and the feeling was so nice. That feeling of deep understanding felt soo good. I also liked the depth in their eyes and I felt that we related so well. So soft yet so strong! Now I understood what people mean with these descriptions. I am not sure whether it would be something for a long-term relationship but having experienced that feeling was already a blessing for me :) Ps I got your book! YAAY :) Sorry now I am going to stop stalking your channel but its too good!! Greetings!
Beautiful😂
@@jodiwest1382 ? I dont get it :)
Thank U :-) Want To Purchase Ebook @ Somepoint Soon😁Still Just Learning But Growing Haven't Researched 16 Personality Types But Learning Alot To Learn😂🤗
@@jodiwest1382 Nice your are learning and good luck with the process :))) Hope it gives you much inspiration!
Don't ever worry about stalking my channel! The more comments the better ;) Oh and good luck with that budding romance with your INFJ!
I don't want to have needs. I have a hate-hate relationship with having needs.
I love the camel. Thanks for inching him closer into the screen.
The camel adds light-heartedness into the videos and makes me smile each time 🙃🥰
@@EqualityOnEarth he should sell a camel like that along with the book. Now I want that camel.
hahaha yeah!!! 😁😍 good one!
His name is Humphrey. Lore (another viewer) gave him his name. I miss him already!
@@RensRoom I’ll be buying the book this month when my paycheck comes in on the 19th. Looking forward to it. Before I came across these videos I thought there was something very wrong with me….now I just know it’s how I’m built. I can’t wait to see how you organize/explain our soul structure.
DUDE, This Video came in just in time for me. I've met this wonderful guy and we've been talking a lot and really hitting it off but we're both INFJ-Ts so this really gave some insights on what's about to happen.
Thank u my guy
You’re welcome, Leflip. I hope this works out for you :)
Another interesting video and a lot of resonance concerning the risk of falling into co-dependency. When the INFJ/INFJ relationship is parent and child (or genetic inheritor as we say in the family!), it can be a double jeopardy. Fortunately, my fully fledged sparkle unicorn and I have a wonderful relationship and we have learned how to engage in the difficult conversations.
Thanks for sharing, Catherine.
INFJ - Oversharing ™ 😂
Would love for more of these videos to be made! I’m an INFJ in a relationship with an INFP, curious about learning more about that dynamic!
Thanks for your comment Lydia! I'll give some thought to doing a video on INFJ-INFP relationships :) It certainly would be an interesting one to make.
I'm trying to break away from this rn. I'm as sure as I can be w/o being a professional, that he has a PD as well though. I can imagine if the pd traits weren't there, it could be a good relationship. Sounds like ppl are often happy in them.
Good points. I am still learning about the type I think I am but if this can be said of INFJs I think there are dangers in being gentle and empathetic. People can take advantage of that. Without saying very much, perfect strangers tell me secrets often on the first day I have met them. One such lady identified me as her personal guru and acted basically like other stalkers I’ve had to protect myself from. I had to be increasingly mean in my view to finally to shake her off. I also have drawn the attention of people who are not honest about who they really are until the relationship has reached a much more committed stage.
I’ve asked only half in jest, “Do I have a sign on my back?” So maybe there are pitfalls to a relationship where two people are not assertive enough but maybe it’s not as bad as it could be for an INFJ. I know, INFJ’s are sometimes good at spotting problems in advance but that hasn’t happened for me in this one area. Maybe that’s where codependency to start with blinds me to little red flags I should have spotted.
Thanks for sharing, Heather.
I think Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath might have been an INFJ/INFJ pairing. There was real beauty to it (they each said the other one knew their mind), until it ended in tragedy. Plath is often typed as an INFP, but I’m not sure if that’s correct - I think she had Fe.
This my bigest dream....❤❤❤❤ I know I will found my real soulmate and he will be an INFJ like me! Because i crave and need to be unterstood to uppen up my heart completaly in the love and I crave for deeply and beatiful conection beyond the words, beyond this word....The codepence part we work hardy on terapy!😂 sorry for errors in english, I from Brazil.
Very interesting topic Ren....sometimes It is NOT very easy to express.....What you need exactly.....But on the other hand I DO GUESS that IF MY spous would KNOW my NI SOUL as his OWN... .That would be a gift from heaven......and would fullfill my nerds for 90%.... Gr Hans
I understand this video is more about romantic relationships, but I'd like to add something for familial relationships which I have observed over a long while now.
I have found that infj-infj siblings are not necessarily very 'soulful' relationships. (I have been observing three generations of this, and overall I have noticed a similar pattern throughout).
Some things I have noticed:
It's like they can sit in each others presence without much communication. It's as if they have little to add with conversations with each other They're like mirror images and very little to say. It's like they cancel each other out and you're left with neutral.
It's not a horrible atmosphere at all, but it's not particularly interesting with conversations as the energy output seems to be deminished quicker, (I am guessing some of that is down to mirroring the others' emotional output). The downside I see here is that they do not learn much about each other, and it's based much more on observation of each other than what the other is thinking/feeling/doing with their lives
I have certainly seen what you mentioned Ren concerning this desire of not asserting ones needs so they do not offend one another, so then you are left with resentment residue. (It's like they will keep things close to their chest and not want to burden others, but then there are situations where they can lash out as it has got too much. Even after this, they do not necessarily work through things). Yes I have certainly seen hurt feelings that then get hidden in niceties.
They are incredibly insightful though. They are very aware of others around them, and only really share that if enticed, but often they don't always do that with each other unless they need to.
I know the health of an individual gets mentioned a lot, but I see that here too. The healthier the individual, the more likely you have an infj who's more interested in sharing, and not simply waiting for someone to notice them. And the unhealthier the individual, the more lost they are in their own minds and feelings, and they struggle to move out of the rut and free themselves from the emotional shackles they have got themselves into. This can put a huge emotional drain on the infj-infj relationship. And it appears as though this repels each other, and then they can appear to go into their shells a little more and niceties take precedence.
just as an extra: I have noticed that they seem to have a much more interesting relationship with their intp siblings. They seem much more richer and in depth in terms of mental and emotional stimulation, than with each other infj-infj.
I feel so understood!
I’m glad to hear it, Simone :)
@@RensRoom :)
K woups love advice for INTP-INFJ relationships! It is sometimes challenging 0_O
Verbalize what you need, don't bottle it in
Birds with the same feathers flocks together
I am right now in a relationship with an infj male. I feel so much connected with him and I'm so much in love with him. But the only problem is my BF is wounded and traumatised by past incidents and he has some bad physical habits which he's trying to quit. Sometimes he's just so much depressed and hopeless which makes me a bit overwhelmed. I feel like I am not able to heal him properly or I just wanna heal him but I can't. Is there any solution of this problem? How can I help him? Feel free to suggest me.
I love the little camel...? Lol cute
Hey Ren, is it common for infjs,more specifically male infjs,to feel detached from their emotions for a long time? It has happened to people like erik thor and that guy from cognitive personality theory. Im also recovering from it(for those who are confused by the contradiction between this name and my comment, it's coz it's my moms ac not mine). So do infjs,Especially when their recovering from depressh,feel like that or what do u think that could happen bcoz of?
Here's a link where they talked bout this a lil bit
th-cam.com/video/oyI3-lI9C-U/w-d-xo.html
Ooh. What are you doing to recover? (If it can be demarcated)
@@brenner5147 idk really. Maybe understanding that there is this lack of balance between your thinking and feeling is the first step. You can also try religious activities. Try to listen to music(i prefer instrumental like classical) that kind of sounds sadistic. But i guess the first point is one of the most impactful reason.
Hi Anisa, I don’t know if it’s common but I have experienced it too. Perhaps a case of repressed Feeling. I’ll check the link, thank you!
@@RensRoom ur welcome Ren!
I'm not a male INFJ, but I have experienced detaching from emotions. I can see why societal obligation for men to uphold an image of strength, and feelings seen as weakness, would perpetuate a state of continually experiencing emotions and casting them off as quickly as possible to disassociate and maintain a masculine persona. It would be difficult to feel things so deeply, and constantly have to suppress those things to deal with them when alone or to build up a façade of being 'a rock of stability', until one day the dam breaks.
To recover, I would suggest finding someone you can be open with, cry with, vent to, lay down your sword with. If no such person can be found, writing in a journal every emotion that comes to you, rereading it to look for patterns, and then try to express something you feel the next time you see someone. If they ask you, _"How are you?"_ , let yourself sit with that question for a moment, analyze how you are really, and then give them a true response whether good or bad. After enough attempts at this with people you trust, you will learn how to let others see you more intimately, and to express your emotions more honestly.
Probably a bad idea...
I’m in such a relationship and it’s by far the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been in :)
Good to know, wish you guys the very best with it.
It's a weird one though, if both partners are lost in their heads.. intuition can sometimes glitch out.. next thing you know, you're speaking beyond each other.. thing snowballs from there.. in a bad scenario
I don't know actually, and who's to say when there's a trillion different ways this could play out ?.
I was in a srs ltr with this girl who I'm pretty certain was an Ne dom, ENTP.. it was the best thing ever, until it wasn't. :/
anyway..
loving the book so far, everything checks out just fine.. and it's pretty easy to see you're a fan of Jung (that style of writing gives it away, bigly)
you trying to be the next Jung or what ? :P